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Delaney Stouder

Dr. Bonnie Whitener

English 102-012

March 8, 2020

Do Parents Really Control Their Children’s Future?

Every day children are born into families that could be broken or that are struggling with day

to day life. The family that you are born into is not a choice, it’s more a luck of the draw.

Something that you can control, however, is your attitude of the situation and what you make of

it. Are you going to let your situation tear you down and hold you back from your dreams or are

you going to stand up and do something about your situation? Although this is not always the

easiest thing to do and things can stand in your way, making you feel as though you are running

in place in the race of life, as long as the positive attitude is there and they want to change your

current situation then an opportunity will most likely come around. The behavior of parents or

other influential people in the home does not reflect how your life will turn out. Children are not

defined by their parents' behaviors or actions that they make throughout life, they can choose to

stand up and not go through that path, they can make the most of the situation, and they can even

seek help professionally if the need or want for help is something that they want to do.

Children are not defined by the situation they grow up in or the parents that they are given. In

the article, “Parents matter but they don’t make a difference”, Doctor Robert Plomin talks about

how although the environment has a large influence on children’s lives today, it might not be as

big of a factor that everyone thought (Plomin). Through studies of children born in the home and

adoptees, they have seen that they turn out almost the exact same in terms of how the impact has

affected them. He later goes on to talk about how in terms of how children differ from others
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there ultimately is not that much of a difference based on the environment set up by parents, and

that most of what happens in a child’s life are random experiences that parents have no control

over (Plomin). This just reiterates the fact that people have the ability to control their attitudes

and choices that can result in a better outcome or even worse outcome, depending on how they

react to the situations that they are presented within their lives. In the article, he makes a great

point by saying, “We can try to force our dreams on our children…. But we are unlikely to be

successful unless we go with the genetic flow.” (Plomin). This brings the point that although the

influences impact the children, in the end, they will make their own decisions whether that be to

learn from mistakes and move on or to fall down that bad path that they have seen or

encountered.

Children that grow up in broken homes could tend to be more motivated to reach their

potential that they have deep inside themselves. Growing up in a broken home, although rough,

can be a good thing for the future of the children if the children’s attitude about the situation is

positive, and they have a will to make the situation better in the end for themselves and those

around them. While growing up they see those bad influences and see what not to do as they get

older and can learn from the parental figure’s mistakes. In the article, “Surprising Benefits for

Those Who Had Tough Childhoods,” the author discusses how growing up in a stressful

environment allows for the child to have “a greater willingness to leave something undone…

allowing them to do what is necessary without dwelling on what could have been” (Hustad). The

effects of growing up in a stressful or broken environment do not always have to be a negative

one for the future of the children’s lives. Chiraag Mittal a researcher at Texas A&M, began

looking into the effects of memory that is brought on by childhood experiences (Hustad). He

found that people who grew up in unpredictable environments tend to have better working
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memory and the updating of memory; they can forget information that is no longer relevant to

the situation and gain new information quicker (Hustad). This is most likely a direct result of

growing up in a tough situation and having to focus not on the problems inside the household but

rather the important things, such as, eating, schoolwork, taking care of siblings, etc.

All of these things in life can really tug at an individual’s mental health. Mental health is

something that, although is really important, can sometimes tend to be looked over. This could

strictly be because we as humans get so caught up in our everyday lives that we seem to lose

track of what we need to stay healthy and which in turn changes the way that we react towards

others that we encounter. It could also be looked over because of the millions of things that seem

to run through our minds or our innate behavior to help others with their problems, not realizing

that we have our own problems. Sometimes if the child that is facing these problems want to or

feels as though they can trust someone, a child will find someone that they can confide in,

someone who has always been there for them or that they know without a doubt cares about

them and wants what is best for them. Finding that person is not always the easiest thing to do

especially when it seems everyone that has been in your life is dragging you down. Sometimes

that person is someone that has been in a similar situation as you, whoever the person having

someone to talk to is a great tool for making the most of that negative experience. It is proven

that having someone to talk to helps the individual come out of this situation and make a better

life for themselves and their future children. As stated in the article, “Why role models are

important,” positive role models influence us and strive to motivate us to uncover our true

potentials. The author states “having them pushes us to make the most of our life.” This is

exactly what I am talking about. Although children are growing up with those bad living
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situations, having someone else there to talk to and motivate them can make all the difference in

what they make of themselves and how they ultimately feel coming out of that situation.

One of my favorite quotes by Charles R. Swindoll, that one of my teachers told my class

almost every day of class as I was growing up was “Life is 10% of what happens to you and 90%

how you react to it.” This quote really just shows how the attitude contributes greatly to the

situation and can make those hard situations a little better. Children that grow up in those tough

and challenging situations have the opportunity to turn their situations around and do what’s best

for them to succeed. They can use the resources around them such as, role models, jobs, and

other opportunities that might come their way. Just because you are dealt that bad set of cards or

feel as though everyone is against you does not mean that you cannot turn your situation around

for you and those around you.

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Works Cited

Fayyaz, Naveed. “Why Role Models Are Important.” DAWN.COM, 29 Sept. 2018,

www.dawn.com/news/1435581.

Hustad, Megan. “Surprising Benefits for Those Who Had Tough Childhoods.” Psychology Today,

Sussex Publishers, 7 Mar. 2017, www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/201703/surprising-

benefits-those-who-had-tough-childhoods.

Plomin, Robert. “Parents Matter but They Don't Make a Difference.” Psychology Today, Sussex

Publishers, 27 Sept. 2018, www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/blueprint/201809/parents-matter-

they-don-t-make-difference.