Attending a live performance (for example, a play, concert, or

sporting event) is more enjoyable than watching the same event on

television. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
I partly agree that being viewers of a live performance is less interesting
than being its audiences. From my point of view, an event watched on
television or attended has its own attractiveness.
On the one hand, attending a live performance provides people with
unforgettable experiences. Firstly, (1) so exciting is the atmosphere
brought by the crowd that whoever attends the event undoubtedly enjoys
it. It is no There is nothing more fantastic than sharing the same
interests with new friends on such a special occasion. For example, there
is a big high possibility that the audiences of a concert will celebrate in
style, which brings strangers closer together. Secondly, the audiences of
the event stand valuable chances of interacting directly with the
performers. The chances are that the fans will watch their idols perform
lively, and those admirers might have opportunities to ask the superstars
for a selfie or an autograph. Therefore, (2) not only does being audiences
of an event give people the chance to be in a new relationship, but it also
is also an effective way for them to free their energy.
On the other hand, it is an indisputable fact that watching the same
performance on television makes people comfortable. Firstly, viewers
can save a lot of money thanks to enjoying the performance by
broadcast on television. (3) Only by watching an event through the
screen of that electronic device, can people avoid spending their money
on tickets. Moreover, the live programme broadcast recorded to be
shown on television definitely gives provides viewers performance with
better quality owing to the image and sound processing. Secondly,
unintentional accidents seem might to be avoided when people decide
not to attend the occasion. For instance, if the spectators who are the
fans of two rival football teams become extreme aggressive, there may
be conflicts, or even scuffles. Moreover, criminals such as pickpockets
and thieves might take advantage of noise and crowds to disable security
measures.
In conclusion, being audiences of a live performance is as exciting as
being its viewers. People can have better interaction with the strange and
the famous by attending the event, but watching it on television seems to
be the more economically efficient and safer way of the two.

Word count: 390

Band 7.0
Strong points:
- You avoid overgenaralization by using Modal Verbs very
effectively.
- Good conclusion
- Wide range of grammr with flexible use of inversion (1) (2) (3) , if
clauses, relative clauses! This is great!
Weak points:
- Shoud be more focused on elaborating your ideas. Remember the
format:
Big idea 1:
– explanation 1 – example 1
– explanation 2 – example 2
Big idea 2:
 – explanation 1 – example 1
– explanation 2 – example 2
The explanation and examples are included to support the big ideas.
They must be all relevant!!!!!
- There are some grammatical mistakes that you should also work
on.