Unleashing Your Natural Charm

Jason Capital: Hello everybody. This is Jason Capital here. And today I’m sitting down for a
discussion with Richard La Ruina, also known as “Gambler”. We’re gonna be
talking about a few different things, including high-end night clubs and how to
meet, attract, pick-up the girls in those night clubs, as well as a topic that may
hit home on a personal level with Richard, which is being charming. Seeing as
how the stereotype of all British Gentleman is that they’re all just so incredibly,
extremely charming. So… Richard, thanks for being here, man.

Richard: Thanks very much. The last thing is funny, because we’ve got a couple of
TV shows in England, like, Booze Britain, where it’s like a following around
the English guys who get piss drunk and act like they’re terrorizing small
Spanish cities and destroying places. But, yeah, and luckily we’ve got that
kind of reputation too. It does help when we travel.

Jason: It’s funny you said that, because I guess there are two very strong
dichotomizing stereotypes going on. There are the big football fans, who get
drunk and push over buses, and stuff like that. And then there’s the dapper
dashing James Bond charming types as well. I assume you consider yourself
a pretty, charming human being, right?

Richard: You know, when I was working on changing who I was - because I definitely
didn’t start out as charming - I did have the goal of, you know, being, yeah,
more like James Bond, and being smooth, and comfortable in all situations,
good at meeting people, having them like me, and stuff like that. So that was
definitely the direction I wanted to go.

Jason: Very cool. And, I mean, if you can share right now, actually, were there …
Were there any specific things that you did internally that you’ve …

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 I don’t know … that you feel like played a big role in you kind of making that
transformation, not just of being a good, you know, a ladies’ man, but to
simply being a charming individual in everyday life?

Richard: Yeah. I’ve definitely changed internally, because what I do now is not
calculated, but it still works. But the changes, I think mostly came from the
external, so very quickly, the most important pieces for me were stuff like
role models - being with people that had skills that I wanted to embody, and
their talents kinda rubbing off of me, and me starting to do what they did,
putting myself into those situations that I was most uncomfortable, and kind
of busting through that, and becoming comfortable - rounding out my skill set
on those areas that I felt weak in.

And overtime, the reaction started to improve. Things started to get better.
And when you’re, when you’re kind of almost there, then the people that
you’re spending time with, and the places that you’re in will help you develop
that, you know, that last, that last inch. So, it was … It was mostly external.
There were some … I did some NLP, and hypnosis, and psychology. And
you know, I’ve read a lot of books, but I think, most of the changes came
from external, taking action types of things..

Jason: Yeah. It’s putting yourself in that kind of environment that forces you to adapt,
and become that person… Obviously, we have the five rule - the five people
you surround yourself with most are the people you become. So you wanna
obviously put yourself in those kind of environments.

One of the things that I always tell my guys is, if there’s a specific social skill
that you want, whether it be charming, or really good at banter, or just a really
good conversationalist, whatever it is. Find someone who is just way fucking
better at that thing than you are, and put yourself around them all the time, and
the changes are gonna come. It doesn’t even have to be real life, listen to an
audio of someone like that all the fucking time. And not only do they happen,
but they come significantly faster that way…just by being around that person,

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 than say, for instance, by you standing in front of a mirror, shouting to yourself,
“I’m charming. I’m charming. I’m charming,” [chuckles] something like that.

Richard: Definitely. They almost can’t fail if you’re surrounded by the right kind of
people. It wasn’t actually that conscious for me. I wasn’t with these people,
thinking, okay, you know, what can I get from them, and like, carrying a
notebook around, trying to … trying to see what they’re doing in different
situations. It was purely from just spending time, and things started to happen,
and then I had to catch myself and say, “Oh. That was in the style of, you
know, that friend, that thing I just did,” but it wasn’t conscious even…

Jason: That’s really important note, because if it is a conscious thing, and you do
have a motive, the other person, especially if they are calibrated individual,
they’re gonna feel that. They’re gonna know that you have an ulterior motive
and if you can feel that…that someone is doing something because they want
something from you, that’s a bright, screaming red flag. And they’re gonna be
like, “Yeah, don’t wanna spend time with you.”

Richard: Definitely, yes. It kind of freaks people out.

Jason: It’s incredibly uncomfortable when you feel that someone wants something
from you and they only see you as a means to an end. And for everyone
listening , just imagine how that must feel for a girl who doesn’t even know
you, when a guy goes up to talk to her, and in 30 seconds, she can feel that
all he sees her as is a shot of validation. And maybe a hole to slide up in for
a second. Think about that..

Richard: Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Jason: Myself and our mutually friend, Greg Greenway, we always talk about that,
like, the ultimate formula just to have everyone wanna be around you is just,
step one, be fucking awesome, and step two, want nothing from everybody.

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Richard: That’s great.

Jason: Yeah, and I think, it’s a really good place to start, because it’s kind of my
current definition, but I’m curious, in your mind, how would you define what
charm is, or what being charming is?

Richard: In the shortest possible way.. … A charming person is someone who people
immediately feel comfortable with, and enjoy spending time around.

Jason: Yeah. And to you, when someone meets someone else, what is it about that
idea of, “I feel comfortable when I’m with this person. This person makes me
feel comfortable to be around them.” Why is that so important? Why is that
powerful?

Richard: I think when we meet new people, generally, it’s either a forgettable
experience, or a negative experience, and in quite a large percentage of the
cases it’s very rare that we meet someone new, and they end up, coming into
our lives, and being someone that we wanna spend time with. Most of our
friends are from way back in most cases. So, for someone to come in and do
things right, you’re looking for them to embody the same qualities as, and give
you the same feelings, and emotions, that you get when you’re around your
best friends.

If someone meets me, and right away, I’m smiling, laughing, and comfortable,
you know.. you couldn’t ask for more, and it’s so rare that it should standout,
you know, for the other person. And they should wanna spend more time, and
see that person again. Whether it’s guys and guys, guys and girls, girls and
girls, whatever it is, I think it’s…. you know, there are other things, a few other
things in the there but that’s the real basis.

Jason: For everyone listening, what would you say to them so when they meet
someone, and they meet a new guy, or a girl, or business, co-worker,
whatever it is, to evoke those same kind of feelings that those people get with

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 people they’ve known for ten years? What are the basic fundamentals
of making that happen?

Richard: There’s some variation, you know, depending if you’re talking about meeting a
client, approaching a woman, or if you’re at a cocktail party, or at someone’s
birthday, so it’s quite situational, but the common thread would be that they
very quickly, they’re not pummeling any other person with questions. They are
genuinely interested, and when they’re speaking, they’re not just talking about
themselves. They’re saying something funny, and light.

Often, humor is something that happens, you know, very early on in an

interaction. And also being sensitive to the other person’s mood and state,
you know. If someone looks bored, and is kind of standing in the corner, you
don’t approach and say, you know, “Why are you looking bored,” or “What’s
wrong? Cheer up,” you know.

Jason: Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Richard: It’s being sensitive, and having the right thing to say in every situation, you
know. So, in that situation, it would be better to kind of match that person’s
mood and say, “Yeah. I’d rather not be here, too,” or “Yeah. This … You know,
this is pretty boring, huh?” Saying something like that would much better
match the state.

Jason: Cuz it implies that you are … you’re aware that not only they’re a real person,
but you … you’re aware of what they’re feeling in that moment.

Richard: It’s kind of empathy, isn’t it? And it’s happening it very quickly - our friends
know how we feel by just looking at us, and they kind of do the right things
we hope in those situations, you know, to match our mood and our feelings.
And if a stranger can do that very quickly, it’s quite impressive. It is kinda fine-
tuned social awareness, and social intelligence.

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Jason: And it instantly communicates to the other person that you …you’re not
seeing them for you want them to be, or what you hope them to be, or
anything like that, but you’re just seeing them for exactly who they are in that
moment, and that’s OK. You’re totally non-judgmental, you’re open, you’re
present and it’s like you’re communicating, “I see where you’re at right now,
and I’m right here with you.”

Richard: Yeah, exactly. And you’re immediately on the same page, and that would start
it off on the right foot because you’re not just trying to get something from
them. Rich guys are always getting pitched business ideas. People who can
get access to places are getting bothered about that. Pretty women, they’re
getting bothered for their number, and dates, and sex. And to not fall into
those categories is immediately gonna put you in the right direction.

Jason: I fully agree. Cool. And now I’m kinda curious, because you did mention
that there was a time where at the beginning you didn’t feel like you were
a charming individual, or that was something you didn’t have, and it was
something that you set in your mind that you wanted to have. Was there a
specific moment that stands out where you remember doing something, or
saying something, and it went really well, and then after you said to yourself,
you’re like, “Damn. Like, I was really just charming just now,” or like, “I’ve
never been that before. That was pretty cool”.

Richard: Yeah. Back in the day, I’d be talking to people, and I’d see them kinda looking
around the room, or you know, they would … people would ask me if I’m
okay, coz I’m just, you know, sitting there, and not saying anything. So, I had
a whole history of those negative moments, build up, and really no positive
ones. I think, my first success was kind of lucky, but I was talking to three girls
in a coffee shop, and they were tourists. And I just went on a little monologue,
telling them some nice things that they could do and they … their eyes
widened, and they look really interested and engaged, and that was really
the first time in my life that I’d ever had that happened, but it was tourists, so
probably maybe they were wide-eyed, because they can’t understand my

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 English. Maybe they were genuinely interested in this too.

But that was kind of a cheap one maybe. But over the years, I’ve done …
I’ve had very cool things happen where, maybe in sales where I’ve sold
something, and then I’ve been like, “Wow. That was … that was pretty damn
cool, the way I did that.” Well, with girls where they’ve told me, they feel
very connected after a very short amount of time, and they tell me that I’m,
you know, I standout in some way, um, “You’re fascinating,” or “I feel like
I’ve known you all my life,” you know, things like that. And I’ve, many times,
moved to a new city, and not known anyone. And always within two weeks,
I’ve made good friends, and all of them until this day, you know, are my
friends. So those have been times that stood out.

Jason: That’s awesome, man. The three girls thing, it’s funny, because I can
remember something very similar, um, when I was in college, just where
there’s a situation with the group of girls, and I was kind of entertaining all
of them, and it was more like they were just enamored with … It seemed
like every word that was coming out of my mouth and every little joke I was
making, they were just enthralled with.

Richard: Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Jason: You walk away from situations like that, a changed person. Things were
never the same after really cool big things happen like that.

Richard: Definitely. Once you did something, and it works, and you know you can do
it, that’s really what makes the change.

Jason: Yeah, and you know that feeling, and you can just check that, into that
feeling whenever you need to. One of the big things I teach in terms of being
really charming is that a charming person tends to keep things very light in
conversation. Nothings really too serious, nothing ever gets too heavy. They
kind of are the anchor or the mood of the conversation. And they understand

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 that everyone around them enjoys a more playful, lighter vibe. That’s just
generally what people prefer. That’s the kind of guy people wanna be around.

Richard: Definitely, yeah.

Jason: And I notice just, you know, we only just met 20 minutes ago, but you … the
way that you communicate is just, it has a very nice lightness to it. Is that
something that you think about or that you taught yourself?

Richard: I probably got some of it from a friend of mine who I’ve been out with him
thousands of times, usually, to night clubs, and his things was that everyone
would like him within, you know, a minute. And it wouldn’t matter if it was
an aristocratic old couple, or some young, uh, less … I don’t know. Most
superficial girls, let’s say …

Jason: [chuckles]

Richard: … that, you know … Whatever the situation was, he was able to make people
like him, and it was keeping the conversation positive, and light, and making
them laugh, and that really did it every time.

Jason: And just you being around him, watching him, noticing him, it rubbed off on
you?

Richard: Yes. And then, I think the … You know, you can copy. For example, specific
jokes, or you can kind of spend time with a comedian so long that you start
making jokes, and in their style. So I don’t know if you watch show, ten hours
of Seinfeld. You’re gonna start making Seinfeld type of jokes if you’d speak
to people right after that.

Jason: Yeah. You know, it’s … I actually … I took a … It probably took a full month
this past summer, immersing myself in the humor of Russell Brand, ironically.

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Richard: Ah, cool. Yeah.

Jason: Yeah. And I very quickly found myself, saying new things like, “OK cool,
I’m just gonna be over hanging out with my sexual charisma.”

Both: [laughter]

Richard: Yeah.

Jason: … and all the jokes that he makes. Oh, I just … For a while, I was just
ripping off all of his shit. [chuckles] You just surround yourself with it, and you
immerse yourself, and it begins to happen. [laughs].

Richard: Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Jason: Yeah. I actually have to be pretty careful about stuff like that. Cuz for some
reason, I’ve found that I’m, like, more sensitive to that kind of stuff than
others. So if I watch some TV shows with the character that I don’t wanna be
like, or something like that, I’ll start acting like them if I’m not really careful
about that kind of stuff.

Richard: [chuckles]

Jason: So you mentioned night clubs just now, going out to thousands, thousands
of different nightclubs, and I know you’re a big nightclub person. Correct?

Richard: Uh, it varies. Now, historically, I’ve probably been to nightclubs more than,
you know, hundreds of times, more than the average guy, that’s been my
situation, but there are times when I meet a nice girl, and I’m settling down,
and I’m kinda chilling with her. But you know, when I’m single, or I’ve got
friends in town, or I’m in a new place, I’m quite active. And when I was,
uh, younger, I was crazy with this seven days a week in London.

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Jason: Yeah. I’ve most certainly had that schedule before. You go bed at five in the
morning, wake up at two, eat some food, relax, and hit the club again at night.

Richard: Yep.

Both: [laughter]

Jason: What is it that you like about nightclubs more than other situations, in terms
of meeting girls?

Richard: In London, if you walk in the street for three hours, you might not see a
beautiful girl. Even in central London, the most busy places, but if you’re
in a nightclub, and it’s the right nightclub, on any day of the week, then it’s
guaranteed, you can’t think, “Oh I wonder if there’s gonna be, uh, some good
looking women there.” There will be. It’s guaranteed. So, that’s very quickly
what I like about it. And there’s the dynamics. You know, some guys prefer
how the kind of seduction works in a night time place versus, you know,
walking down the street, or in the shopping mall, so it was just … It fitted
my style.

Jason: I like the night time stuff as well. It’s … I don’t know. I like to work during the
day. I like to do my own stuff during the day, and then in night time …

Richard: Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Jason: … you can turn it up. So..the environment of a nightclub is totally different
than that of the real world. The social dynamics, the social standings and
social statuses in a nightclub are entirely different than that of anywhere in
the world and exist really only in a nightclub, so can you talk about that and
how that kind of differs from the real world.

Richard: Okay. Yeah. I mean, the thing that can happen in the nightclub is you can
have people that are not … You know, if you look at education, and income,

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 and, I don’t know, things like that, as kind of being what shows someone’s
status, you can have, you know, a broke, but beautiful girl, stupid, broke
[laughs], beautiful girl, and she could be the highest status, this female, in
terms of she’s the one that everyone’s wanna get to know, and talk to, and
invite to places, and whatever. And then you can have, as well, you know,
low-paid guys, um, guys that are uneducated, and they can be the high status
guys that get all the girls. So, um, it doesn’t match the real world very well
at all. The people on the lowest rank in the nightclub might have the highest
real world status, coz they could be like a group of guys [laughs] that are
out together with no girls around, and not completely comfortable, and they
look kind of frumpy. Mean time, you’ve got this, you know, club promoter guy,
doesn’t really make any cash, but he’s got 10 girls with him. And you know,
in future, you know, it’s not always what he’s gonna do he’s 40 or 50, but
whatever because right now he’s getting laid every night of the week.

Jason: Mmm-hmm. And those frumpy guys, who have no status in the club, could be
heart surgeons who save the world everyday, and no one cares there. So the
statuses, and social standings, and stuff like that, which obviously does play
a big role in in attraction, and rapport, and stuff like that…it differs greatly
inside the night club versus outside the night club. So…what are some
general things, because I don’t really want to talk about specific game here
because everyone listening can find that information in a lot of other places,
but what are some things that can be done to overcome or even win the
status game inside the nightclub for a guy?

Richard: OK. Um.. Imagine you’re starting from zero, and then, the guys score goes
up one point with each thing.

The first is, fashion. So, you need to look well-dressed and fashionable. And
it’s difficult to say what that is, you know. Each city is different. But I used
to wear nice, good fitting jeans, nice shoes, and some nice shirt, and suit
jacket. And it was kinda mix in that casual, but smart look, and in London, that
works. Um, so, the way I did that, I went in and out, I was looking around the

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 club in the early days when I wasn’t so well-dressed, and I was seeing what
the coolest guy there, you know, the people will look at as he walks around,
the guy that looks the best, you know, how’s he dressed. And that’s kinda
what I tried to model. And the small things, like, you know, they might roll up
their sleeves, and they might have some, uh, you know, the right number
buttons undone, and stuff like that, you know. Not as much as Russell Brand
[chuckles], but you know, you wanna model what the coolest guy in the
coolest club is wearing and doing. That’s generally a good thing to do,
in terms of fashion.

The next, is the people you’re with. So, if you’re with some, uh, dorky people,
they’re gonna make you look bad. It’s as simple as that. The people you’re
with need to have the right, uh, body language, and be dressed right, as well.
Otherwise, unfortunately, it will bring you down.

Uh, the next thing is you, you know, is it just guys, or a mix group, or is it just
girls. Having girls in your group definitely helps. They need to be dressed well,
and look okay. They don’t need to be the most beautiful, but it’s good to have
some girls in the group. Tf they are a bunch of beautiful girls, it does make
other girls in the place say, “Who’s this guy?” you know, “I need to know him,”.
And likewise, it makes guys wanna get to know you as well. So being with
girls, and generally who you’re with helps.

Your position and your actions within the club are important. If you’re standing
at the bar all night, checking out every girl that goes in, you know, that’s a fail.
You’re gonna be looking like one of the lowest status guys in there. If you’re
walking around, moving, going to dance for a bit, then going somewhere else,
talking to people around, that’s better, even if you don’t have a table. And then
the best thing would obviously be, you’re on a table. That can obviously cost
hundreds of dollars but that’s how it works inside of a nightclub. When you
have that, everyone’s coming up to try and meet you, and everyone notices
you and it means you can probably talk to anyone there.

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Jason: That was good. I appreciate that, and that was really good “club foundation”
right there. I’ll just share something that I’ve found to be highly effective for
me.. One of the things that I discovered, um, because for years, myself, dude,
I was going to clubs, and I had it in my head, like, I’m gonna not buy any girls
drinks, and I’m gonna spend zero dollars, and I’m still gonna leave with the
hottest girl here.

Richard: Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Jason: And I got really good at that. You know, I got, really, really good at that. Um,
but it was, you know, it was … I have mentioned that I got to a point where
I didn’t necessarily need to not spend any money. And the challenge wasn’t
what it used to be. So I figured I could use the club smarter than I had been,
so… what I discovered about a year ago - and I understand not everyone
listening can do this. - but it’s an investment, the way I see it. Basically, I go
with me, and two of my friends, and we bring a few of our girlfriends with us.
These girls were friends, maybe six of the, eight of us total, or whatever. And
you know, you go to a night club, like, in San Diego, or L.A., or wherever that
was, and we buy a couple of bottles between us. Maybe it’s two, or $300
per person you end up spending in the night. But just because of the status
that gets you, it makes a huge difference. Cuz what I would do is, I’d take 20
bucks, and I slip it directly to the security guard or a bouncer who’s assigned
to you, so you know, you charm him up. You get cool with him for a minute,
then you slip him $20, and say, “Now, listen, Man. Every hot girl you see in
this club, bring them over here throughout the night. Like, I wanted a revolving
door of hot girls.”

Richard: [chuckles]

Jason: And he literally, he looks at you, and he goes, “All right, man. I got you”. And
obviously, you wanna … If your bouncer appears to be not that social, or like
he kind of worries what other people think, that’s not the guy to do it. Find the
most, like, outgoing, like cool bouncer, slip him the $20, give him a handshake,

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 tell him what’s up. And then literally, for the next 4 hours, I would just be chilling,
laying back, and I would just have hot girls kind of served up to me, like on a
silver fucking platter, literally. And it was literally like 10 minutes, you know, spit
some game, have some fun, create a vibe between you, guys, get the phone
number, exchange phone numbers, tell her you’ll see her later and send her off
on her way. Then the next one comes up. And by the end of the night, I would
have 10 or 12 new girls, um, that I’d be texting with …

Richard: Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Jason: … and then, obviously, the one you like best, the one you go home with that
night. I don’t mean to use marketing terms, or objectify women, but it was like,
okay, now I have like 12 new leads in the funnel, and I don’t even have to go
out for another month if I don’t want to. Like, you know, these girls were cool,
I’ll roll with them for a while. So, that’s me.

If you’re not really into going out to clubs all the time, and you have a little bit
of money, and you can do that, that system to me, works phenomenally well,
and I definitely recommend it to everyone listening.

Richard: Mm-hmm. That’s one way to really do it up.

Jason:
Yeah. Yeah, man. So, all right. That was some really good, kickass
information there from the not evil, not a bastard, Richard La Ruina.
Both: [laughter]

Jason: Is there anything else do you wanted to add in here before we get out of
here?

Richard: Uh, on the club stuff?

Jason: On nightclubs, or being charming. Any last words of wisdom for the guys
listening.

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Richard: Um, yeah, I think, you can … I think, when it comes to night clubs, I could give
you a couple of tips. So, the security guy at the door, are the guy who decides
who comes in or not, is someone that everyone trying to buddy up with. I think
it’s very cool once you’re inside, you know, you come out to make a call. You
may come out to make, you know, if there’s no smoking area, you have to go
outside, whatever reason. Or when you leave, or if you see them in the club
later, it’s very good to just approach them, and say, uh, “Thanks very much.
Man, it was very cool night. What’s your name, by the way?” and just have a
little bit of a conversation, at the point where you don’t need them anymore,
because he’s already let you in.

Likewise, with other people, you know, you wanna do the same thing.
You can, um, you can make friends with the DJ by saying, you know, “It’s
an awesome set. The girls really loved it.” You can make friends with the
manager by saying he’s doing a really cool job with the club. It’s amazing.
Everyone’s talking about it. And just give him that positive energy, and not
asking for anything in return, and you’ll find that he’ll do you stuff. If he sees
you, he will just call the bartender, and say, “Give these guys some shots on
the house.” so, or something like that. And likewise, with the promoters, don’t
just try and take, take, take. Say, “Dude, can I put some girls on your list?”
Yes, he’ll get paid for it. Yes, you’ll make him look good, but it also gives you
an ally. And when you’re going to the same place regularly, it’s good to build
up those allys, and you start to know everyone in the place, you know.

Way over tip the first time is better than giving him, you know, the regular
tip every time. Just way over tipping once, and he always remember you,
he’ll come to you first, and give you extra drinks, give you free stuff, and it
will always payoff. So, think about how to give the people in the place value,
rather than taking it, and you’ll just naturally get things over time.

Jason: Dude that was awesome. Thank you for the insight, and thank you for the
spontaneous interview. Everyone else, I am Jason Capital, and we will see
you guys later.

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