VIDEO: 8simplerules_f021_d02004047_ntsc_df.

mpg

0001 01:00:03:09 01:00:06:01

Psych?
You're taking a Psych class?

0002 01:00:06:03 01:00:08:05

Excuse me. I'm taking it as an elective.

0003 01:00:08:07 01:00:11:00

I thought your electives

usually involved clay.

0004 01:00:12:13 01:00:14:24

Girls. Broccoli or zucchini?

0005 01:00:14:26 01:00:17:27

- For dinner?
- No, she's making a hat.

0006 01:00:21:15 01:00:23:25

- Classic.
- What's that supposed to mean?

0007 01:00:23:27 01:00:25:15

It's called "projection."

0008 01:00:25:17 01:00:29:09

See, Mom, today at school Kerry

took a header down the main stairwell,

0009 01:00:29:11 01:00:32:29

spilling the contents of her backpack,

causing her embarrassment.

0010 01:00:33:01 01:00:34:21

Oh, no. Honey, are you OK?

1
0011 01:00:34:23 01:00:36:05

Yeah, I'm fine.

0012 01:00:36:07 01:00:39:13

What could have been

so embarrassing in your backpack?

0013 01:00:39:15 01:00:43:05

I think if you check her calendar

you'll figure it out.

0014 01:00:46:22 01:00:51:04

So, after all the seniors finished

a game of feminine product hacky sack,

0015 01:00:51:06 01:00:54:05

followed by jump, jump,

0016 01:00:54:07 01:00:56:18

Kerry gathered her belongings

and walked away.

0017 01:00:56:20 01:01:01:02

Instead of directing that anger where

it belongs, she's projecting it on me.

0018 01:01:01:04 01:01:03:03

Hence, "classic projection."

0019 01:01:05:12 01:01:06:28

Is that right, Kerry?

0020 01:01:08:12 01:01:10:27

Bridget took ten dollars

out of your purse.

2
0021 01:01:24:15 01:01:25:29

8 SIMPLE RULES...
FOR DATING MY TEENAGE DAUGHTER

0022 01:01:32:23 01:01:35:18

Mom, guess what happened

at the basketball game!

0023 01:01:35:20 01:01:38:16

- You won, you won!

- No, we lost. Not even close.

0024 01:01:39:28 01:01:42:03

- But you had a great game.

- No, I sucked.

0025 01:01:42:05 01:01:44:11

The ball hit me in the back.

I got welts.

0026 01:01:45:18 01:01:47:01

Paul?

0027 01:01:47:03 01:01:50:11

Rory means we have some big news.

You're not gonna believe this.

0028 01:01:50:13 01:01:52:20

Carter Tibbits,
racecar driver was there.

0029 01:01:52:22 01:01:54:06

He wants Dad to write a book.

0030 01:01:54:08 01:01:56:01

- Rory.
- Paul.

3
0031 01:01:56:03 01:01:58:06

I wanted to tell.

0032 01:01:58:08 01:02:00:23

Sorry. You want to

come in again, start over?

0033 01:02:00:25 01:02:02:09

No, forget it.

0034 01:02:03:20 01:02:06:12

A book? How exciting is that?

0035 01:02:06:14 01:02:09:18

The only thing better than

watching a car drive in a circle

0036 01:02:09:20 01:02:11:20

is reading about it!

0037 01:02:13:24 01:02:16:04

- Classic.
- What's classic?

0038 01:02:16:06 01:02:19:09

Sarcastic remark to any new idea.

0039 01:02:19:11 01:02:22:28

- Angry middle child.

- No, Bridget, you're way off.

0040 01:02:23:00 01:02:26:28

The classic middle child is invisible

and Kerry's anything but...

0041 01:02:27:00 01:02:28:26

4
I'm sorry. I didn't see you.

0042 01:02:28:28 01:02:30:08

- Hey.
- Honey.

0043 01:02:30:10 01:02:32:23

It's OK.
She just needs anger management.

0044 01:02:32:25 01:02:36:13

- Shut up!
- You shut up! I'm doing you a favor.

0045 01:02:36:15 01:02:39:05

Mary-Kate, Ashley, knock it off!

0046 01:02:40:22 01:02:42:14

So, Paul, how'd this come about?

0047 01:02:42:16 01:02:45:08

Carter Tibbits' nephew plays

on the same team as Rory

0048 01:02:45:10 01:02:48:20

and I struck up a conversation with him.

I did a profile on him

0049 01:02:48:22 01:02:52:03

at the Brooklyn Speedway

a number of years ago. Remember?

0050 01:02:52:05 01:02:55:26

No? It was quite a feather in my cap...

Never mind. he remembered me.

0051 01:02:55:28 01:02:59:12

5
Yeah. He said Dad was one of
the best sports writers he'd ever met.

0052 01:02:59:14 01:03:01:28

Ever. I've gotta go call

all my friends.

0053 01:03:02:21 01:03:05:16

- This is just great, Paul.

- It's not a done deal.

0054 01:03:05:18 01:03:09:17

And I'm out of sports.

Gave it up to be with you and the kids.

0055 01:03:09:19 01:03:12:19

- No regrets.
- Except during March Madness.

0056 01:03:12:21 01:03:14:12

Yeah. And, you know, now.

0057 01:03:17:04 01:03:20:11

Are you insane? You have always dreamed

of writing a book.

0058 01:03:20:13 01:03:22:15

So, I should throw my hat

into the ring?

0059 01:03:22:17 01:03:24:01

- Absolutely.
- Good. I did.

0060 01:03:24:03 01:03:26:25

I wanted to run it by you

'cause we're husband and wife.

6
0061 01:03:26:27 01:03:28:29

- Gee, thanks.
- Hey, we're married.

0062 01:03:29:01 01:03:33:14

Anyway, Carter, he invited

the whole family to dinner

0063 01:03:33:16 01:03:35:20

this Friday night at his mansion.

0064 01:03:35:22 01:03:38:24

- The whole family?

- Yeah. He's big on family.

0065 01:03:38:26 01:03:43:20

He loves kids. So, we all need

to make a really good impression.

0066 01:03:43:22 01:03:46:13

- Let go of me!
- I'm re-birthing you.

0067 01:03:46:15 01:03:48:11

- It's a wedgie!
- Yeah, I know.

0068 01:03:51:17 01:03:53:07

Can you rent kids?

0069 01:03:56:09 01:03:59:03

- Wow.
- Thank you so much.

0070 01:04:01:18 01:04:04:02

- First mansion?

7
- How did you know?

0071 01:04:04:04 01:04:05:23

I'm psychic.

0072 01:04:08:03 01:04:09:23

- What room is this?

- The foyer.

0073 01:04:09:25 01:04:13:02

This is where guests wait

before they enter the formal part.

0074 01:04:13:04 01:04:15:08

- How come we don't have one?

- We do.

0075 01:04:15:10 01:04:17:08

We just call it the driveway.

0076 01:04:17:10 01:04:19:26

Oh, my God.
You're Cody Grant.

0077 01:04:19:28 01:04:22:23

Carter's crew chief for years.

You're a legend.

0078 01:04:22:25 01:04:25:01

I was until my heart attack.

0079 01:04:25:03 01:04:27:18

Now I just supervise dusting.

0080 01:04:28:28 01:04:32:17

I can still change a tire

in under 30 seconds. You want to see?

8
0081 01:04:32:19 01:04:34:24

Are you kidding?

It would be my honor, sir.

0082 01:04:34:26 01:04:37:28

Paul, maybe we should wait

till after dinner.

0083 01:04:38:00 01:04:41:24

Well, suit yourself.

I'll tell His Majesty you're here.

0084 01:04:44:03 01:04:46:10

This place is something.

0085 01:04:47:03 01:04:49:19

You know, I think

I went to college here.

0086 01:04:50:21 01:04:52:27

- It's a castle.
- Hey, everybody.

0087 01:04:52:29 01:04:55:25

Twenty bucks
to whoever steals the best thing.

0088 01:04:58:06 01:04:59:26

We don't say stuff like that.

0089 01:04:59:28 01:05:02:25

Did you see the size of the pickup

parked out front?

0090 01:05:02:27 01:05:07:04

Yeah, it's nice to see the new

9
2003 SUV "Compensations" are out.

0091 01:05:07:06 01:05:09:29

- The what?
- They say, "Big truck, little..."

0092 01:05:10:01 01:05:12:05

- Stop that.
- Bridget!

0093 01:05:13:01 01:05:15:06

That's what it says in your textbook?

0094 01:05:16:23 01:05:17:29

Yeah.

0095 01:05:18:01 01:05:21:18

Hey, listen, I really want

to impress this guy. All right?

0096 01:05:21:20 01:05:25:05

So at least try to pretend

that you're human beings

0097 01:05:25:07 01:05:28:27

and you're not animals, all right?

Now, behave yourselves, damn it,

0098 01:05:28:29 01:05:30:23

- or I swear to God I will...

- Paul?

0099 01:05:30:25 01:05:32:20

Oh, Carter! Look, kids.

0100 01:05:32:22 01:05:36:16

- It's Carter. These are the kids.

10
- This hot dog's gonna write my book.

0101 01:05:36:18 01:05:38:11

Maybe.
Boo-yah.

0102 01:05:38:13 01:05:41:29

I'd like you to meet Cate, my wife

and daughters Bridget and Kerry.

0103 01:05:42:01 01:05:44:19

- You know Rory.

- What a good-looking family.

0104 01:05:44:21 01:05:46:22

And what lovely young ladies.

0105 01:05:48:05 01:05:50:13

Say "thank you" and be ladylike.

0106 01:05:50:15 01:05:51:23

- Thank you.
- Thank you.

0107 01:05:51:25 01:05:53:07

- You're hot.
- Yeah.

0108 01:05:55:11 01:05:58:04

It's easy to see where

your daughters get their beauty.

0109 01:05:58:06 01:06:01:15

Oh, thank you.

Please excuse my daughters.

0110 01:06:01:17 01:06:03:03

11
I don't really know what's...

0111 01:06:04:25 01:06:06:18

I really like cars.

0112 01:06:07:18 01:06:09:20

Why don't we adjourn to the dining room?

0113 01:06:09:22 01:06:11:14

OK.

0114 01:06:11:16 01:06:12:23

Girls?

0115 01:06:12:25 01:06:14:19

- Yeah, right.
- Put your arm down.

0116 01:06:14:21 01:06:17:04

Take them.
Come here. Take the arm!

0117 01:06:20:07 01:06:22:22

Why don't we take our coffee

in the living room?

0118 01:06:22:24 01:06:25:01

It was a wonderful dinner, Carter.

0119 01:06:25:03 01:06:27:06

Hey, did anyone else get two forks?

0120 01:06:27:08 01:06:30:02

No, no, Rory.

The small fork is for the salad.

0121 01:06:30:04 01:06:32:20

12
The big fork is for the steak.
You know that.

0122 01:06:32:22 01:06:35:14

I thought you got two

in case you dropped one.

0123 01:06:36:05 01:06:39:01

- I'm just kidding. Boo-yah.

- He was kidding.

0124 01:06:39:17 01:06:43:09

I'm all about humor, Paul.

I want that to show up in the book.

0125 01:06:43:11 01:06:45:16

Well, you're obviously a funny guy.

0126 01:06:45:18 01:06:49:24

I saw that stuffed deer with

the wacky sunglasses on my way in here.

0127 01:06:49:26 01:06:51:26

Yeah, that was all me.

0128 01:06:51:28 01:06:56:16

And I would also like to write about

your foundation for at-risk kids.

0129 01:06:56:18 01:06:58:12

I do love those kids.

0130 01:06:58:14 01:07:01:04

I want to take them off

the dangerous streets

0131 01:07:01:06 01:07:03:29

13
and put them
in high-performance racecars.

0132 01:07:05:03 01:07:08:15

I've got them building cars

instead of stealing them.

0133 01:07:08:17 01:07:12:05

I feel the same way.

Kids need a strong parental figure.

0134 01:07:12:07 01:07:15:04

I think his eyes

are almost turquoise, like mine.

0135 01:07:15:06 01:07:17:13

- After you put them in.

- You little...!

0136 01:07:17:15 01:07:21:10

- Girls, please.
- May I use one of your restrooms?

0137 01:07:21:12 01:07:24:14

Absolutely. Just down the hallway,

past the bowling alley,

0138 01:07:24:16 01:07:27:13

- second door on the right.

- Bowling alley?

0139 01:07:27:15 01:07:28:18

Wow. Thank you, sir.

0140 01:07:29:26 01:07:33:20

"Mister", "Sir." That's quite

a polite boy you got there, Paul.

14
0141 01:07:33:22 01:07:36:27

- Did you girls enjoy your steaks?

- I don't eat red meat.

0142 01:07:36:29 01:07:38:29

Of course you do, honey.

0143 01:07:39:01 01:07:42:14

- With the big fork.

- That's it, Dad.

0144 01:07:42:16 01:07:46:08

Minimize what's important to Kerry.

That's why she has low self-esteem.

0145 01:07:46:10 01:07:49:19

- I wish I had that big fork right now.

- You know, Kerry,

0146 01:07:49:21 01:07:53:00

maybe your heart wouldn't feel like

songbirds being suffocated

0147 01:07:53:02 01:07:56:15

- if you let go of that anger!

- You read my poetry? That was private.

0148 01:07:56:17 01:08:00:11

You know, Carter, Kerry was a

candy striper at a hospital last summer.

0149 01:08:00:13 01:08:02:21

- I hate you.
- Had her own little book cart.

0150 01:08:02:23 01:08:07:05

15
Now, where were we? We were talking
about... Rory, the nice polite boy.

0151 01:08:12:16 01:08:14:01

Yes!

0152 01:08:14:03 01:08:18:02

- Oh, dear God, I'm sorry, Carter.

- No, no, it's OK.

0153 01:08:18:04 01:08:20:15

It's family. It's music to my ears.

0154 01:08:20:17 01:08:23:16

So, where's your family tonight, Carter?

0155 01:08:23:18 01:08:26:05

Wife number one is in Aspen

with my girls,

0156 01:08:26:07 01:08:29:05

wife number two went back to Italy

with my boys,

0157 01:08:29:07 01:08:31:08

and wife number four, my current wife,

0158 01:08:31:10 01:08:34:13

she's vacationing with her mother

on Martha's Vineyard.

0159 01:08:34:15 01:08:38:17

- What about wife number three?

- We don't ever talk about number three.

0160 01:08:40:05 01:08:42:02

But I love wife number four.

16
0161 01:08:42:24 01:08:45:00

Aren't you young

to have all those wives?

0162 01:08:45:02 01:08:47:14

It sounds to me
that you had mother issues.

0163 01:08:47:16 01:08:50:14

- Bridget!
- No, no.

0164 01:08:52:23 01:08:54:16

She might be onto something.

0165 01:08:55:11 01:08:59:23

You know, when you grow up

the eighth of nine children,

0166 01:09:00:22 01:09:03:25

sometimes you can

get lost in the shuffle.

0167 01:09:05:01 01:09:06:27

Oh, Mama.

0168 01:09:07:24 01:09:09:18

Why didn't you love me?

0169 01:09:16:13 01:09:17:13

Boo-yah!

0170 01:09:17:15 01:09:20:07

I told you I was funny.

0171 01:09:21:08 01:09:22:23

17
- Put that in the book.
- OK.

0172 01:09:22:25 01:09:26:25

No, really, the truth is, when I was

younger I ran with a lot of women.

0173 01:09:26:27 01:09:29:21

Most of them,
I never even learned their names.

0174 01:09:29:23 01:09:34:03

But that changed with wife number four.

She totally turned my life around.

0175 01:09:35:05 01:09:38:04

Paul, I'm gonna call you next week

with my final answer,

0176 01:09:38:06 01:09:40:05

but I got a good feeling about this.

0177 01:09:40:07 01:09:42:27

I got a good, good feeling about this.

0178 01:09:42:29 01:09:44:04

Boo-yah!

0179 01:09:44:06 01:09:46:03

Boo-yah's my word, Paul.

0180 01:09:46:05 01:09:47:27

Sorry.

0181 01:09:47:29 01:09:49:12

It's his word.

18
0182 01:09:56:23 01:09:59:05

"Boo-yah?" Idiot, idiot!

0183 01:10:00:13 01:10:02:23

Paul, Paul.

0184 01:10:02:25 01:10:05:07

Well, yeah.

0185 01:10:06:02 01:10:08:27

Aside from that,

you made a really good impression.

0186 01:10:08:29 01:10:12:20

I did, didn't I? He said

he had a good feeling about this.

0187 01:10:12:22 01:10:14:06

"A good, good feeling."

0188 01:10:14:08 01:10:16:06

Dad, check it out.

0189 01:10:16:08 01:10:20:16

The picture of Carter Tibbits

and Paul Newman?

0190 01:10:20:18 01:10:24:28

That's right. Twenty bucks to whoever

steals the best thing, remember?

0191 01:10:25:19 01:10:28:02

- Pay up.
- What?

0192 01:10:33:28 01:10:36:02

19
You stole this from his house?

0193 01:10:36:04 01:10:38:11

- It was your idea.

- No, it was...

0194 01:10:38:13 01:10:40:12

It was a joke, Rory.

0195 01:10:41:12 01:10:45:08

- You know, you just cost me the book.

- I think "boo-yah" sealed that deal.

0196 01:10:45:10 01:10:47:03

You know... Hey, hey!

0197 01:10:47:05 01:10:50:00

Now, look, Paul, Paul,

you are the adult here.

0198 01:10:50:02 01:10:52:02

Why don't you call Carter and explain?

0199 01:10:52:04 01:10:53:21

That's a great idea, Cate.

0200 01:10:53:23 01:10:56:26

"Carter, here's the picture my son stole

from your house.

0201 01:10:56:28 01:10:59:03

When do we start the book?"

0202 01:11:01:12 01:11:03:19

I know Carter's probably busy now,

20
0203 01:11:03:21 01:11:06:04

I thought I'd drop off

some writing samples.

0204 01:11:06:06 01:11:09:09

- OK, I'll tell him.

- And I'll see myself to the door.

0205 01:11:09:11 01:11:11:19

Yeah, like I give a damn.

0206 01:11:15:16 01:11:18:15

Comin' round the mountain

when she comes

0207 01:11:19:07 01:11:22:12

Comin' round the mountain

when she comes

0208 01:11:22:14 01:11:25:05

She'll be comin' round the mountain

0209 01:11:25:07 01:11:27:06

She's comin' round the mountain

0210 01:11:27:08 01:11:30:19

She is coming round that mountain

when she comes

0211 01:11:31:16 01:11:35:02

She is ridin' six white ponies

when she comes

0212 01:11:35:22 01:11:39:04

She is ridin' them six white ponies

when she comes

21
0213 01:11:39:06 01:11:40:16

BACK DOOR 500

1ST PLACE CARTER TIBBITS

0214 01:11:40:18 01:11:45:16

Gonna ride them six white ponies

Ride them six white ponies

0215 01:11:45:18 01:11:49:19

Ride them six white ponies

when she comes

0216 01:12:29:02 01:12:33:06

You're never gonna believe this.

I just took a quiz on self-esteem.

0217 01:12:33:08 01:12:35:06

And I'm off the charts!

0218 01:12:35:08 01:12:37:17

Mom, I want my own house.

0219 01:12:38:04 01:12:39:23

Hello, everybody.

0220 01:12:39:25 01:12:42:07

Carter Tibbits called.

He's on his way over.

0221 01:12:42:09 01:12:45:07

Oh, my God, that was fast. Wait.

0222 01:12:45:09 01:12:47:07

He's coming here to the house?

0223 01:12:47:09 01:12:50:05

22
This could be it, Cate.
How did he sound?

0224 01:12:50:07 01:12:52:28

Like he was masking a childhood of pain.

0225 01:12:53:00 01:12:56:04

For the love of... Come on, tidy up.

Get this place together.

0226 01:12:56:06 01:12:58:18

Cate, why don't you

run a brush through that?

0227 01:12:58:20 01:13:00:10

- Paul!
- You don't have to.

0228 01:13:00:12 01:13:02:03

I mean, it looks fine.

0229 01:13:02:05 01:13:04:13

But would it kill you

to just top that part?

0230 01:13:04:15 01:13:07:04

I'm sorry. I'm a little...

I'm a little nervous.

0231 01:13:07:06 01:13:10:02

Why? He said he was coming over.

That's a good thing.

0232 01:13:10:04 01:13:12:05

Yes. He's here. He's here. OK.

0233 01:13:12:07 01:13:14:12

23
Everybody, just act normal like me.

0234 01:13:14:14 01:13:17:08

Well, I don't know

if I can sweat at will.

0235 01:13:19:06 01:13:22:19

- You're not Carter.

- No, Carter's the white guy.

0236 01:13:25:20 01:13:28:24

Mr. Tibbits will be passing

on your services.

0237 01:13:30:05 01:13:31:22

Paul, I'm so sorry.

0238 01:13:33:13 01:13:35:19

So, Dad, you're not getting the book?

0239 01:13:36:05 01:13:38:22

Does it sound like

he's getting the book?

0240 01:13:38:24 01:13:40:15

Did Carter say why?

0241 01:13:40:17 01:13:42:15

You might want to take a look at this.

0242 01:13:42:17 01:13:47:04

We have evidence of a crime

at the Tibbits estate.

0243 01:13:47:06 01:13:49:07

A crime!

24
0244 01:13:49:09 01:13:51:08

- I have homework.
- It can wait.

0245 01:13:52:04 01:13:56:10

Hennessy, do you think a man

who has a four million dollar estate

0246 01:13:57:04 01:14:00:29

- doesn't have a security camera?

- A security camera!

0247 01:14:01:01 01:14:03:04

She's coming round the mountain

0248 01:14:03:06 01:14:06:16

She is coming round that mountain

when she comes

0249 01:14:07:16 01:14:11:04

She is riding six white ponies

when she comes

0250 01:14:11:06 01:14:15:22

She is riding them six white ponies

when she comes

0251 01:14:16:11 01:14:17:21

She is ridin'...

0252 01:14:28:21 01:14:31:05

That's it?
That's all that's on the tape?

0253 01:14:31:07 01:14:34:16

- Yep.
- Oh, Dad.

25
0254 01:14:34:18 01:14:38:12

- You're supposed to be an example.

- Rory! Come here.

0255 01:14:40:01 01:14:44:20

Sir, Hennessy's back.

I warned him you're fully clothed.

0256 01:14:49:02 01:14:53:11

Paul, I thought my crew chief

made everything clear.

0257 01:14:53:13 01:14:57:15

I can't trust a man who sneaks

in my bedroom when I'm showering

0258 01:14:57:17 01:14:59:18

and plays with my stuff.

0259 01:15:00:29 01:15:03:01

I'm afraid you're dead to me now, Paul.

0260 01:15:03:03 01:15:07:04

Just like a certain ex-wife

whose number I will not mention.

0261 01:15:08:05 01:15:10:25

- How you doing?

- I want to set everything straight.

0262 01:15:10:27 01:15:14:24

Then you'll never hear from me again.

I know the book deal is dead.

0263 01:15:15:17 01:15:19:13

Is it? I mean, no, no, right.

26
That's neither here nor there.

0264 01:15:19:15 01:15:23:03

I just want you to know

that I wasn't playing with your stuff.

0265 01:15:31:15 01:15:33:29

My son took something.

I was putting it back.

0266 01:15:35:06 01:15:37:24

Well, isn't that something?

0267 01:15:37:26 01:15:40:21

Blaming it on your own son.

0268 01:15:40:23 01:15:43:24

- Pitiful.
- No, no, wait a second.

0269 01:15:43:26 01:15:46:23

- If you rewound the tape...

- You're not half the man

0270 01:15:46:25 01:15:49:24

that wife number three turned out to...

0271 01:15:55:02 01:15:57:12

I think you know where the door is.

0272 01:16:00:09 01:16:02:01

Mr. Tibbits,

0273 01:16:02:03 01:16:05:09

I stole that picture of you

and movie legend Paul Newman.

27
0274 01:16:06:07 01:16:09:20

My dad was just putting it back.

I took it for a joke.

0275 01:16:09:22 01:16:12:13

There's nothing funny

about stealing, son.

0276 01:16:12:15 01:16:17:04

I know. It's just... my dad's so funny

and I was trying to be funny.

0277 01:16:17:06 01:16:20:20

- Why did you take it so far?

- I wanted to impress you.

0278 01:16:20:22 01:16:24:22

Whoa. Whoa.
Stealing to impress your father?

0279 01:16:26:02 01:16:29:14

Rory, I run a program

for at-risk youths such as yourself.

0280 01:16:29:16 01:16:31:09

He's not at-risk!

0281 01:16:31:11 01:16:35:03

If I had a dime for every parent

who ever said that!

0282 01:16:35:05 01:16:37:24

Rory, what are you talking about?

0283 01:16:37:26 01:16:39:26

I was just trying to make you laugh.

28
0284 01:16:41:23 01:16:45:00

Mr. Tibbits, I made a mistake.

0285 01:16:45:21 01:16:47:27

- I'm sorry.
- I'm proud of you, son.

0286 01:16:47:29 01:16:49:24

I'm always proud of you.

0287 01:16:49:26 01:16:53:24

That took a good size set of plums

to come forward like that, Rory.

0288 01:16:58:24 01:17:01:09

- I'm sorry, Dad.

- No, I'm sorry.

0289 01:17:01:11 01:17:05:20

I'm the one that's at fault here.

I shouldn't have made that stupid joke.

0290 01:17:06:05 01:17:10:21

You know, Rory, you've got something

I look for in all the kids I work with.

0291 01:17:11:06 01:17:14:26

Character. Character and a bad father.

0292 01:17:16:13 01:17:17:28

Boo-yah.

0293 01:17:19:00 01:17:21:27

- That should be rewarded.

- I kind of agree.

0294 01:17:21:29 01:17:24:09

29
- Rory.
- No, no, he's right.

0295 01:17:24:11 01:17:26:07

You did a brave thing.

0296 01:17:26:09 01:17:28:21

Now what can I do for you?

0297 01:17:28:23 01:17:30:26

Well, can I ask for anything?

0298 01:17:30:28 01:17:32:25

Doesn't hurt to ask.

0299 01:17:35:08 01:17:37:27

- It involves my dad.
- I'm listening.

0300 01:17:38:28 01:17:43:13

If you could...
I mean, if you'd consider...

0301 01:17:44:03 01:17:46:05

Go ahead, son, speak from the heart.

0302 01:17:48:18 01:17:49:24

Go on, Rory.

0303 01:17:49:26 01:17:52:21

You ask for that one thing

and if it's within my power,

0304 01:17:52:23 01:17:55:00

I'll surely give it to you.

30
0305 01:17:55:27 01:18:00:05

Can I have the tape of my dad sneaking

around your bedroom? It's really funny!

0306 01:18:01:18 01:18:04:16

You got it.

It's right over here. Come on.

0307 01:18:11:15 01:18:13:21

Pitiful.

0308 01:18:15:25 01:18:17:23

She is coming round that mountain

0309 01:18:17:25 01:18:20:24

- You watching that tape again?

- Oh, quiet, Paul.

0310 01:18:20:26 01:18:23:04

It's time for the bathrobe scene.

0311 01:18:24:16 01:18:27:29

Look, Dad, when you lift the trophy

you can see your underpants.

0312 01:18:31:26 01:18:35:01

The way you chew.

Sublimating hidden aggression.

0313 01:18:36:27 01:18:39:02

- Mom!
- Kerry!

0314 01:18:39:04 01:18:43:03

Stop psychoanalyzing me!

Two can play at this game, you know.

31
0315 01:18:45:27 01:18:48:22

- Narcissism.
- All right, Kerry, that is enough.

0316 01:18:48:24 01:18:51:23

Now, apologize to your sister,

then clean up this mess,

0317 01:18:51:25 01:18:55:09

and both of you can come in the kitchen

and help me with the dishes.

0318 01:18:56:12 01:18:58:02

Classic.

0319 01:18:59:03 01:19:02:08

- What?
- Housewife directing anger at children

0320 01:19:02:10 01:19:05:23

when what she's really angry about

is her lost youth.

0321 01:19:10:02 01:19:11:27

Go for it.

0322 01:19:16:00 01:19:20:16

"Narcissism, a.k.a.
vanity personality disorder.

0323 01:19:20:18 01:19:23:20

People with this disorder

are self-centered...

0324 01:19:23:22 01:19:25:11

That's not me.

32
0325 01:19:25:13 01:19:29:03

- ...self-obsessed...
- So not me.

0326 01:19:29:05 01:19:31:29

...easily injured
and personalizes everything."

0327 01:19:32:01 01:19:34:22

Stop it, stop it.

Why are you being so mean to me?

0328 01:19:36:26 01:19:39:07

Don't mess with the middle child.

0329 01:19:46:18 01:19:48:05

I know it's hard.

0330 01:19:48:07 01:19:50:28

But in order to accept it

you need to say it out loud.

0331 01:19:51:00 01:19:52:27

That's the first step to recovery.

0332 01:19:52:29 01:19:56:19

Now, repeat after me,

"It's not my fault."

0333 01:19:57:08 01:20:00:00

- Say it.
- I can't.

0334 01:20:00:02 01:20:04:05

Come on, say it.

"It's not my fault."

33
0335 01:20:04:25 01:20:07:28

It's not my fault.

0336 01:20:09:04 01:20:14:18

Wife number three was not my fault.

0337 01:20:16:15 01:20:18:03

Wait a minute.

0338 01:20:18:05 01:20:20:05

I know whose fault it was.

0339 01:20:21:29 01:20:23:22

Mama.

0340 01:20:23:24 01:20:26:03

Why didn't you love me?

0341 01:20:34:17 01:20:38:14

8 SIMPLE RULES...
FOR DATING MY TEENAGE DAUGHTER

34