CHAPTER 4

Listening in Interpersonal
Communication

CH 4: Listening in Interpersonal Communication (slide 1)

CH 4: Listening in Interpersonal Communication (slide 2)
 The Importance of Listening
 Listening is one of the most important of all
interpersonal communication skills. Just
think of your own listening behaviour during
an average day.
 The skills of listening will prove crucial to
you in both your professional and
relationship lives.

CH 4: Listening in Interpersonal Communication (slide 3)

 The Importance of Listening Cont.
 Professional benefits
 It’s also interesting to note that the effective
listener is more likely to emerge as a group
leader and is often a more effective
salesperson, a more attentive and effective
healthcare worker, and a more effective
manager ( Johnson & Bechler, 1998; Kramer,
1997; Castleberry & Shepherd, 1993; Lauer,
2003; Stein & Bowen, 2003; Levine, 2004).

CH 4: Listening in Interpersonal Communication (slide 4)

 The Importance of Listening Cont.
 Personal benefits
 There can be little doubt that listening skills play a
crucial role as we develop and maintain a variety
of interpersonal relationships (Brownell, 2006).
When asked what they want in a partner, women
overwhelmingly identify “a partner who listens.”
And most men would agree that they too want a
partner who listens. Among friends, listening skills
consistently rank high; in fact, it would be hard to
think of a person as a friend if that person was not
also a good listener.

CH 4: Listening in Interpersonal Communication (slide 5)

 The Importance of Listening
 Personal benefits
 Within the family, listening is perhaps at its most
crucial. Children need to learn to listen to their
parents and also need their parents to listen to
them. And parents need to learn to listen to their
children.
 Learn
 Relate
 Influence
 Play
 Help
CH 4: Listening in Interpersonal Communication (slide 6)
 The Process of Listening
 Listening is a five stage process; the stages
overlap and are performed simultaneously
 Listening is never perfect
 Listening is a skill that can be improved
 Listening is not the same thing as hearing

CH 4: Listening in Interpersonal Communication (slide 7)

 1. Receiving
Hearing
Attending
2. Understanding
Learning
Deciphering meaning
3. Remembering
A Five-
Recalling
Stage Retaining
Model of 4. Evaluating
Listening Judging
Criticizing
5. Responding
Answering
Giving feedback

CH 4: Listening in Interpersonal Communication (slide 8)

 The Process of Listening (cont.)
Stage 1: Receiving – the physiological, passive
process of hearing vibrations around you.

Ways to improve receiving

1. Focus your attention
2. Avoid distractions
3. Maintain your role as listener

CH 4: Listening in Interpersonal Communication (slide 9)

 The Process of Listening (cont.)
Stage 1: Receiving
Disclaimers – statements you make to listeners so
your message won’t be interpreted negatively
1. Hedging
2. Credentialing
3. Sin licenses
4. Cognitive disclaimers
5. Appeals for suspension of judgment

CH 4: Listening in Interpersonal Communication (slide 10)

 The Process of Listening (cont.)
Hedging helps you to separate yourself from the message so that if
your listeners reject your message, they need not reject you (for
example, “I may be wrong here, but . . .”).
Credentialing helps you establish your special qualifications for saying
what you’re about to say (“Don’t get me wrong, I’m not homophobic”
or “As someone who telecommutes, I . . .”).
Sin licenses ask listeners for permission to deviate in some way from
some normally accepted convention (“I know this may not be the place
to discuss business, but . . .”).
Cognitive disclaimers help you make the case that you’re in full
possession of your faculties (“I know you’ll think I’m crazy, but let me
explain the logic of the case”).
Appeals for the suspension of judgment ask listeners to hear you out
before making a judgment (“Don’t hang up on me until you hear my
side of the story”).
CH 4: Listening in Interpersonal Communication (slide 11)
 The Process of Listening (cont.)
Stage 2: Understanding - you learn what the
speaker’s thoughts and emotions mean

Ways to improve understanding

1. Avoid assuming you understand
2. See the speaker’s messages from the speaker’s
point of view
3. Ask questions for clarification
4. Rephrase or paraphrase

CH 4: Listening in Interpersonal Communication (slide 12)

 The Process of Listening (cont.)
1. Avoid assuming you understand what the speaker is going to
say before he or she actually says it. If you do make assumptions,
these will likely prevent you from accurately listening to what the
speaker wants to say.
2. See the speaker’s messages from the speaker’s point of view.
Avoid judging the message until you fully understand it as the
speaker intended it.
3. Ask questions for clarification, if necessary; ask for additional
details or examples if they’re needed. This shows not only that
you’re listening—which the speaker will appreciate— but also
that you want to learn more. Material that is not clearly
understood is likely to be easily lost.
4. Rephrase (paraphrase) the speaker’s ideas in your own words. This can be done
silently or aloud. If done silently, it will help you rehearse and learn the material; if done
aloud, it also helps you confirm your understanding of
what the speaker is saying.
CH 4: Listening in Interpersonal Communication (slide 13)
 The Process of Listening (cont.)
Stage 3: Remembering

 You remember not what was said, but what

you remember was said
 Memory is reconstructive, not reproductive
 Short term memory
 Long term memory

CH 4: Listening in Interpersonal Communication (slide 14)

 The Process of Listening (cont.)
Stage 3: Remembering

Ways to improve remembering

1. Focus your attention on central ideas
2. Organize material into categories or chunks
3. Relate new information to information you
already know
4. Repeat key names or concepts to yourself

CH 4: Listening in Interpersonal Communication (slide 15)

 The Process of Listening (cont.)
1. Focus your attention on the central ideas. Even in the most
casual of conversations, there are central ideas. Fix these in
your mind. Repeat these ideas to yourself as you continue
to listen. Avoid focusing on minor details that often lead to
detours in listening and in conversation.
2. Organize what you hear; summarize the message in a more
easily retained form, but take care not to ignore crucial
details or qualifications. If you chunk the material into
categories, you’ll be able to remember more information.
For example, if you want to remember 15 or 20 items to
buy in the supermarket, you’ll remember more if you group
them into chunks—produce, canned goods, and meats.

CH 4: Listening in Interpersonal Communication (slide 16)

 The Process of Listening (cont.)
3. Unite the new with the old; relate new information to what
you already know. Avoid treating new information as totally
apart from all else you know. There’s probably some
relationship and if you identify it, you’re more like to
remember the new material.
4. Repeat names and key concepts to yourself or, if
appropriate, aloud. By repeating the names or key concepts,
you in effect rehearse these names and concepts, and as a
result they’ll be easier to learn and remember. If you’re
introduced to Alice, you’ll stand a better chance of
remembering her name if you say, “Hi, Alice” than if you say
just “Hi.” Be especially careful that you don’t rehearse your
own anticipated responses; if you do, you’re sure to lose
track of what the speaker is saying.
CH 4: Listening in Interpersonal Communication (slide 17)
 The Process of Listening (cont.)
Stage 4: Evaluating – consciously or
unconsciously judging the message

Ways to make better critical judgments

1. Resist evaluating until you fully understand the
speaker’s point of view
2. Separate facts from the speaker’s opinion or
viewpoint
3. Identify speaker’s bias, slant or self-interest
4. Recognize fallacies in reasoning

CH 4: Listening in Interpersonal Communication (slide 18)

 The Process of Listening (cont.)
1. Resist evaluation until you fully understand the speaker’s point of view.
This is not always easy, but it’s almost always essential. If you put a label
on what the speaker is saying (ultraconservative, bleeding-heart liberal),
you’ll hear the remainder of the messages through these labels.
2. Distinguish facts from opinions and personal interpretations by the
speaker. And, most important, fix these labels in mind with the
information; for example, try to remember that Jesse thinks Pat did XYZ,
not just that Pat did XYZ.
3. Identify any biases, self-interests, or prejudices that may lead the speaker
to slant unfairly what is said. It’s often wise to ask if the material is being
presented fairly or if this person is slanting it in some way.
4. Recognize fallacious forms of “reasoning” speakers may employ, such as:
 Name calling
 Testimonial
 Bandwagon

CH 4: Listening in Interpersonal Communication (slide 19)

 The Process of Listening (cont.)
Stage 5: Responding – giving immediate or
delayed feedback to the speaker on what you
think and how you feel about the message
Ways to improve responding
1. Support the speaker with listening cues
2. Take responsibility for what you say
3. Resist responding to the speaker’s feelings by trying to
solve their problems
4. Focus on the other person
5. Avoid being a “thought-completer” listener
CH 4: Listening in Interpersonal Communication (slide 20)
 The Process of Listening (cont.)
1. Support the speaker throughout the speaker’s conversation
by using and varying your listening cues, such as head nods
and minimal responses such as “I see” or “mmhmm.” Using
the “like” icon, poking back on Facebook, and commenting
on another’s photos or posts on social-networking sites will
also prove supportive.
2. Own your responses. Take responsibility for what you say.
Instead of saying, “Nobody will want to do that” say
something like “I don’t think I’ll do that.” Use the anonymity
that the most social networks allow with discretion.
3. Resist “responding to another’s feelings” with “solving the
person’s problems” (as men are often accused of doing)
unless, of course, you’re asked for advice (Tannen, 1990).
CH 4: Listening in Interpersonal Communication (slide 21)
 The Process of Listening (cont.)
4. Focus on the other person. Avoid multitasking when you’re
listening. Show the speaker that he or she is your primary
focus. Take off headphones; shut down the iPhone and the
television; turn away from the computer screen. And,
instead of looking around the room, look at the speaker; the
speaker’s eyes should be your main focus.
5. Avoid being a thought-completing listener who listens a little
and then finishes the speaker’s thought. Instead, express
respect by allowing the speaker to complete his or her
thoughts. Completing someone’s thoughts often
communicates the message that nothing important is going
to be said (“I already know it”).

CH 4: Listening in Interpersonal Communication (slide 22)

 Listening Barriers
1. Physical and mental distractions
2. Biases and prejudices
3. Lack of appropriate focus
 Irrelevant details
 Only what relates to you
 Listen on in order to counter or reply
4. Premature judgment

CH 4: Listening in Interpersonal Communication (slide 23)

 Culture, Gender and Listening
Three cultural differences influence listening

1. Language, meanings, and accents

2. Nonverbal behaviors
Display rules – cultural rules that govern what
nonverbal displays are appropriate
3. Is direct or indirect feedback more
appropriate?

CH 4: Listening in Interpersonal Communication (slide 24)

Culture, Gender and Listening (cont.)
Gender differences influence listening
1. Women listen to build rapport and relationships
(rapport talk); men listen to build respect with
knowledge and expertise (report talk)
2. Listening cues - women give obvious listening
cues, men listen more quietly; women appear to
listen more than men.
3. Amount and purpose  examples

CH 4: Listening in Interpersonal Communication (slide 25)

Culture, Gender and Listening (cont.)
Gender differences influence listening
 Men listen to women less than women listen
to men
 Listening indicates subordinate status
 Men’s questions are argumentative and
competitive, women’s are supportive
 Research is conflicting
 Gender roles are changing

CH 4: Listening in Interpersonal Communication (slide 26)

 Styles of Effective Listening
1. Empathic and objective listening

 Empathic listening – listen to feel the other’s

feelings, fully understand the other’s meaning;
usually the preferred mode of listening

 Objective listening – measure someone’s feelings

against objective reality

CH 4: Listening in Interpersonal Communication (slide 27)

 Styles of Effective Listening (cont.)
Adjusting your empathic and objective
listening

 Punctuate from the speaker’s point of view

 Engage in equal, two-way conversation
 Seek to understand both thought and feeling
 Avoid “offensive” listening
 Strive to be objective

CH 4: Listening in Interpersonal Communication (slide 28)

 Styles of Effective Listening (cont.)
2. Nonjudgmental and critical listening

 Nonjudgmental listening – listen with an open

mind toward understanding

 Critical listening – listening to analyze and

evaluate messages

CH 4: Listening in Interpersonal Communication (slide 29)

 Styles of Effective Listening (cont.)
Adjusting your nonjudgmental and critical
listening:
 Keep an open mind and avoid prejudging
 Avoid filtering out and oversimplifying complex
messages
 Recognize your own biases; watch for
assimilation
 Avoid sharpening
 Recognize the fallacies of language

CH 4: Listening in Interpersonal Communication (slide 30)

 Styles of Effective Listening (cont.)
3. Surface and depth listening

 Surface listening – listening to the literal meaning

of words and sentences

 Depth listening – listening to underlying message

about the person’s feelings and needs

CH 4: Listening in Interpersonal Communication (slide 31)

 Styles of Effective Listening (cont.)
3. Surface and depth listening (cont.)

Regulating your nonjudgmental and critical listening:

 Focus on both verbal and nonverbal messages
 Listen for both content and relational messages
 Make special note of self-referential statements –
statements referring back to speaker
 Don’t disregard surface or literal meaning

CH 4: Listening in Interpersonal Communication (slide 32)

 Styles of Effective Listening (cont.)
4. Polite and impolite listening

 Avoid interrupting the speaker

 Give supportive listening cues
 Show empathy with the speaker
 Maintain eye contact
 Give positive feedback

CH 4: Listening in Interpersonal Communication (slide 33)

 Styles of Effective Listening (cont.)
5. Active listening - sending back to speaker what
you think he or she meant in both content and
feelings
 Check your understanding of what speaker
said and meant
 Let speaker know you acknowledge and
accept their feelings and
 Helps speaker further explore their thoughts
and feelings

CH 4: Listening in Interpersonal Communication (slide 34)

 Styles of Effective Listening (cont.)
Avoid solution messages in active listening

 Ordering messages
 Warning and threatening messages
 Preaching and moralizing messages
 Advising messages

CH 4: Listening in Interpersonal Communication (slide 35)

 Styles of Effective Listening (cont.)
Techniques of active listening

 Paraphrase speaker’s meaning

 Express understanding of speaker’s feelings
 Ask questions

CH 4: Listening in Interpersonal Communication (slide 36)

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

CH 4: Listening in Interpersonal Communication (slide 37)