Sample Lesson

Love Notes:
Making Relationships Work
for young adults and young parents
By: Marline Pearson
Instructor’s Guide with
15 Lesson Plans
***
Engaging Workbook
***
Includes Activity Cards,
PowerPoint CD, DVD Clips
and Colorful Posters
***
Loads of Activities
(drawing, sculpting, skills- Love Notes is a new kind of curriculum for youth at risk for
practice, role-playing, stories, unplanned pregnancy, single parenting and troubled
film, and music) relationships (and those already pregnant or parenting).
*** Rather than only focusing on what to avoid, Love Notes
Scenarios written by diverse appeals to aspirations and builds skills to move towards
youth healthier relationships. It helps youth make better
*** decisions about relationships, sex, pregnancy, partners and
more. The gritty language, realistic scenarios and activities
Trusted Adult Connection
Activities engage males as much as females. Its in-depth focus on
the how-to’s of healthy relationships, as well as its
***
innovative approach to pregnancy prevention (1st or 2nd),
Evidence Based powerfully motivate.

For Ages 16-24

The Dibble Institute
In Spanish! 15 lessons PO Box 7881
Workbook & Berkeley, CA 94707-0881
To order or for more
Resources 800-695-7975
information,
www.BuildingRelationshipSkills.org relationshipskills@dibbleinstitute.org

C
Copyright © 2009 by Marline Pearson . Published by The Dibble Institute. Berkeley, CA 94707. All Rights Reserved.

Love Notes
Making
Relationships Work
Instructor’s Kit
SKU: LN-I
• 15 Lesson Plans
• 1 Participant Workbook
• 1 Personality Sorter
• Posters
• PowerPoint CD
• DVD Clips
• Activity Cards
10 Participant Workbooks
SKU: LN-TW10
2-5 packs - $97.50
6+ packs - $95.00
Primary Colors Personality
Tool (Packs of 10)
SKU: COL-S10
In Spanish!
1 pack - $8.00
Workbook &
2-5 packs - $6.00 Resources
6+ packs - $5.80
The Art of Loving Well
SKU: ALS $24.95
Copyright © 2009 by Marline Pearson . Published by The Dibble Institute. Berkeley, CA 94707. All Rights Reserved.
Love Notes Table of Contents
Lesson 1: Relationships Today
• Relationships Today…
• Vision-Building
• Choosing Reds or Greens?
Lesson 2: Knowing Yourself
• Colors Personality Style
• Examining the Past—Good & Bad
Baggage
• Legacy of Past Hurts
Lesson 3: My Future & My Expectations
• My Past, Present, & Future
• Possible Selves Tree
• Identifying Expectations – What’s
Important?
Lesson 4: Attractions & Starting
Relationships
• Relationship Pyramid
$375 • The Chemistry of Attraction
• Is It Love or Infatuation?
Lesson 5: What is Love?
• Eros and Agape
• Three Sides of Mature Love
Lesson 6: Principles of Smart Love
• Smart or Not-So-Smart?
• Seven Principles of Smart Love
• Compatibility Check
$100
• Seven Questions to Ask
• What Partners Need to Know
Lesson 7: How Healthy is this
Relationship?
• How Can You Tell?
• Sculpting Activity
• Assessing My Relationship
• The Importance of Fun
Lesson 8: Dangerous Love
• Recognizing Red Flags
• Drawing the Line of Respect
• Danger Signs, Leaving Safely, Helping
Friends
Lesson 9: Decide, Don’t Slide
• High-Costs of Sliding
• The Low-Risk Deciding Approach
• How to “Really Know” Someone
• Making Decisions—What Do I
Need?
Lesson 10: Let’s Talk About Sex
• Intimacy—It’s More than Physical
• Are We on the Same Page?
• Redefining “Safe Sex”
• Straight Talk
• The Success Sequence
• Planning
Lesson 11: Foundations for Good
Communication
• The Four Danger Signs
• Relationship Check Up
• Angry Brains
• The Power of Time Outs
• The Speaker/Listener Technique
Lesson 12: Communication Challenges
and More Skills
• Effective Complaining
• Unmet Needs & Hidden Issues
• Problem Solving
• Daily Appreciations
Lesson 13: Through the Eyes of a Child I
• Child Looking for a Family
• Where Do You Stand?
• What about Fathers?
• What the Music Says
Lesson 14: Through the Eyes of a Child II
• Brighter Futures for Children
• Child Speak Activity
• Early Child Development
• Post-Birth Relationship Realities
• Success Planning
Lesson 15: Relationship Issues and
Smarts - Moves for the Future
• Break Up Tips, Taking Breaks,
Moving On
• Next Time—Choosing Partners
Wisely
• Considerations on Living Together
• Prepare for Success
2
 Does it feel Controlling?
● He or she puts me down and shows little interest in my opinions or feelings.
● My partner makes me feel stupid. I walk on eggshells.
● My partner seems super-jealous or checks up on me 24/7. Fights get scary.

Or, equal and supportive?

● I can share my feelings and opinions and my partner seems to care about them.
● My partner supports me in my goals. We encourage each other to be better people.
● We’re friends. I feel respected by my partner.

Safety Note: If you put an “X” on thee controlling end, or

are afraid in your relationship, talk to someone
omeone you
yo trust.
Check out www.loveisrespect.org, or call the National
Na Teen
E
Dating Abuse Helpline at 1-866-331-9474
31-9474 or the
t National
Domestic Violence Hotline att 1-800-799-SAFE
1-800-799-S (7233).

Does it feel like it is mostly about sex or material

te ial things?
things?
uld
● My hunch is that without the sex there would d not
no be much
m cch
mu h interest.
ati
tion
onsh
onsh
hip because
● I know deep down inside that I am in this relationship au
usee of the money or material things my
Anyone can have doubts about his or her relationship.
ion
nsh
s ip
ip. Is it
it worth it? Should I stay? Ask yourself the three partner gives me.
questions above. mor
oree attractive
● Because I am with him or her, I lookk more a ttrra ive
at ve to
t other
h people, and that’s part of why I’m in it.
The answers to these three questions can an he
help
help
p you
ou
u know.
kno
n They may help you decide if you should end it or
you
identify what needs to changee tto continue. Iff yo
ou are not in a relationship, use them to understand the Or, like the attractions and interests
re are onn many
many levels?
problems of a past relationship
hiip orr to
to know
kkn
now what
w t toto pay attention to when you start a new relationship. oks,
ok s, b
s,
● I know it is more than my looks, body,
o y,
ody oorr mo
m
moneyy that
t my partner likes about me.
hav
a similar
● We talk about lots of stuff andd have imi
m l interests
in
nte
t and values. We genuinely like each other’s
x cat
ate
at
te where
Place an “ ” on the line to indicate whee the relationship is/was.
wh
personality and have fun together.
er.r.
nice
nicce things
● We both want to doo nice th forr eeac
each
aacc other. It does not feel like one person is doing all the giving or
Does it feel Conditional?
ndit al? all the work.
bou
● I worry aboutut no
n
nott bbeing gogood enough. I don’t feel free to be the real me.
k,, or
● I feel I need to act, talk, o look a certain way or have money to get his or her love.
artn
ar t might leave if I don’t do everything he or she wants me to do.
tn
● I’m afraid that my ppartner
S
Or, unconditional?
● My partner admires and appreciates the real me. I don’t have to pretend to be perfect. Describe three BEHAVIORS you would like to see in a relationship and which would place
● I can rely on my partner to be faithful.
● My partner shows that he or she really wants to be with me. it on the happy, healthy and safe side?
(For example: Listen to me, show you care about what I say, be faithful to me)

1.

2.

3.

18 LOVE NOTES | It is illegal to copy or reproduce this material in any way without permission from Marline Pearson. LOVE NOTES | It is illegal to copy or reproduce this material in any way without permission from Marline Pearson. 19
 Lesson Seven Lesson Seven
Introduction Introduction

Is It a Healthy Relationship? Lesson-at-a-Glance

#
Overview
# 7.1 How Can You Tell?
(Time: 30 minutes)
This lesson offers practical guidance on how to tell if a relationship is healthy. By
Activity: Relationship Sculptures
trying to answer three essential relationship questions, the lesson explores what
healthy and unhealthy relationships look like in the real world. A fun sculpting 7.2 Forms of Safety that Define Healthy Relationships
activity aids in fleshing out the negative and positive answers to the relationship (Time: 5 minutes)
questions. Some of the questions upon which the activities are based may also be
7.3 Assessing My Own Relationship—Past or Present
helpful for assessing the health of regular non-romantic relationships.
Activity: How Healthy Is My Relationship?
After exploring the relationship questions through the sculpting activity, the issue of (Time: 15 minutes)
safety is raised. Feeling safe in a relationship is the ultimate test of a healthy 7.4 Having Fun – Its Importance for Relationships
relationship. Participants will consider three dimensions of safety—physical safety, (Time: 10 minutes)
emotional safety, and the safety of trust and commitment. A workbook application Activities: How Much Free Time Do You Have?; Group Brainstorm; &
will help participants apply these frameworks to their own lives in order to build Lots of Fun Bingo
self-awareness about the health and safety of their own relationship—past or present. 7.5 Trusted Adult Connection

Finally, the importance of fun in healthy relationships will be explored. An activity

that draws on the collective brainpower of the group will generate a list of fun Materials Checklist
activities.
Resources:
Goals # 7a. Is It Healthy? Cards - Class Set (Locate colored cards in back of manual. Cut
six cards and laminate. Duplicate master on CD)
• To gain familiarity about what healthy and unhealthy relationships look like in 7b. Healthy and Unhealthy Relationships Handout (Duplicate, one per person)
the real world. 7c. Free Time Chart (Duplicate, one per person)
• To explore three dimensions of safety in relationships—physical, emotional, and 7d. Lots of Fun Bingo (Duplicate, one per person)
trust/commitment safety.
• To acquire the ability to use a three-question guide in assessing the health of a
relationship.
• To gain an appreciation of the importance of fun to happiness and satisfaction in
relationships.
• To foster conversation with a trusted adult on healthy relationships.
Copyright © 2009 Marline E. Pearson
!"!# Copyright © 2009 Marline E. Pearson
!"$#
 Lesson Seven Lesson Seven
Introduction 7.1
Material Checklist
Materials:
Flipchart/Board
• CD: PowerPoint Presentation and Duplicate Masters Sculpting Materials
• Poster: How Healthy Is This Relationship?
Music
7a. Is It Healthy? Cards
7.1 How Can
You Tell?
• Sculpting Materials
Poster: How Healthy
o Play Dough – six containers
30 Minutes
o Pipe cleaners
o Popsicle/craft sticks
o Miniature marshmallows or sugar spice drop candy This section offers participants a clear three-question guide for determining the
o Toothpicks health of a relationship. It involves a sculpting activity to explore what healthy
• Camera to take pictures of sculptures (optional) relationships are and what they aren’t. The sculpting activity helps make the
• Flipchart/Board concepts more concrete and applicable to participant’s lives and encourages a deeper
• Music discussion. It’s also fun and engaging.

Workbook Applications: Begin this section with these points:

• Is it a Healthy Relationship?
" In the last session we learned about principles for “smart relationships.” Today we’re
Preparation going to explore more deeply the signs of healthy and unhealthy relationships.

! Read through the lesson to gain familiarity with the three-question guide utilized
for gauging the health of relationships, as well as the three dimensions of safety.
! Preview optional Lesson Seven PowerPoint Presentation—especially to see the
pictures and descriptions of sculptures constructed by past groups.
! Locate colored Is It Healthy? Cards (Resource 7a) in back of manual; cut out six
cards and laminate.
! Gather sculpting materials. These materials can be reused many times.
! Review the workbook application, Is it a Healthy Relationship?
! Duplicate Free Time Chart, Lots of Fun Bingo, and Healthy and Unhealthy
Relationships (for Trusted Adult Connection), one each per participant.
! Either use the time pie charts PowerPoints or make transparencies or color hard
copy from those PowerPoints to display in section 7.4.
! Put up How Healthy Is This Relationship? poster.
" Sometimes the differences between healthy and unhealthy relationships may not be
immediately clear. Maybe we haven’t seen many good models of healthy relationships
to be able to compare with the relationships we have had.
" Sometimes it’s hard to know if your partner is a good person for you. While not being
able to put a finger on it, things may just not seem right.
" So, how can one tell if it’s worth it? Or, if it’s a healthy relationship?
Announce that you are going to present three essential questions that any person can
ask to find out if his or her relationship is healthy. Some of these questions pertain
to regular friendships as well.
" There are ways to tell if a relationship is healthy or worth it. There are three simple
but important questions one can ask. When a person answers these questions
honestly, she or he will gain a good sense of how healthy or unhealthy the relationship
is.

Copyright © 2009 Marline E. Pearson

!"%# Copyright © 2009 Marline E. Pearson
!""#
 Lesson Seven Lesson Seven
7.1 7.1

Direct attention to the How Healthy Is This Relationship? poster. Alternately use the
PowerPoint slides or write the following on a flipchart/board:
HOW DOES IT FEEL? THREE QUESTIONS TO ASK
One member of each group is to read the description on the card aloud to the rest of
the group and then they are to discuss among themselves what that kind of
relationship would be like. Instruct them to consider the following:
? Have you seen any relationships like this in real life?

UNHEALTHY HEALTHY ? What is it like to be around people in that kind of relationship?

? Most importantly, if you were in that type of relationship how would it feel?
Conditional? OR Unconditional?
Instruct the groups, after they have had a brief discussion, to work together to create

Controlling? OR Equal, Respectful, and a sculpture that represents that kind of relationship, or the qualities or feelings

Supportive? described on that card. Encourage them to be creative. Ask them to think of symbols
Disrespectful?
or images that would represent that kind of relationship and how it feels. The
sculptures can be funny or serious. Please emphasize to them that this activity is not
Mostly Sexual/Material? OR Attraction on Many about great “art” or about making things look real. Encourage them to have fun
Levels? with the sculpting. Play music while they work. Before they start to work, describe
(verbally) an example or two to get the groups started. Here are two examples:

" Here is a description of what one group did. For the card
# Activity – Relationship Sculptures
“Controlling/Disrespectful” the group sculpted a dog out of play dough, then made a
collar and leash out of pipe cleaners connected to a remote control (also out of play
Divide participants into six groups and distribute an Is It Healthy? card (Resource 7a) dough) held by a large pipe cleaner stick figure.
to each group. There are six contrasting cards with qualities of healthy and
" For the Equal & Supportive card, one group made a bridge. Two pipe cleaner people
unhealthy relationships relating to each of the three questions above. Have were on it. The different colored planks in the bridge represented the unique things
sculpting supplies in a central area for the group to use as needed. If you have a each one brought to the relationship. They were used to construct a safe structure for
very small group, three groups will need to do two sculptures—one for each of the them to walk together on. It symbolized a healthy mix of individualism and
contrasting answers. togetherness, and support for each other.

Instructor’s Note: Experience has shown that participants really enjoy this activity.
Announce that each group has received a card that describes a particular kind of
We have provided sample pictures of sculptures in the PowerPoint slides done by
relationship. There are three healthy relationship descriptions and three unhealthy
past groups to give the leader a better feel for the power of this activity. However,
ones. Each group has a card that says one of the following: Conditional,
we suggest that you only verbally describe one or two examples to participants.
Unconditional, Controlling/Disrespectful, Equal and Respectful, Mostly
Usually, one description is all they will need to get their creative juices flowing.
Sexual/Material or Attraction on Many Levels.
Allow 10 minutes or so for the groups to discuss the card and sculpt.

Copyright © 2009 Marline E. Pearson

!"&# Copyright © 2009 Marline E. Pearson
!"'#
 Lesson Seven
7.1
Processing the activity:
When finished, the entire group should get up from their seats and travel from
sculpture to sculpture. Ask each group to first identify the kind of relationship they
have and to read their card aloud to everyone gathered around their sculpture (or
the instructor can read the card). Then, they interpret their sculpture and describe
how its features represent that kind of relationship. Another possibility is to ask the
entire group first how they interpret the sculpture before that group explains.
Use the descriptions of their sculptures as a springboard for discussion. Take a
photograph of each sculpture for later use and/or display. Below are some points to
aid your discussion.
" Controlling relationships can evolve into abusive ones. Everyone should be on the
look out for danger signs, or “red flags,” if a relationship feels at all controlling or
disrespectful.
" It is not okay for a boyfriend or girlfriend to make you feel bad, call you names, put
you down, or disrespect you. A healthy relationship means the other person makes
you feel good about who you are.
" In the next session we’ll look more closely at early warning signs of abuse.
Optional Activity – Poster Making
Have volunteers or groups make three posters for a public education display with
the color photographs (enlarged) of the contrasting sculptures. Next to the photo of
each sculpture include a description or interpretation of it. Make a heading “Healthy
or Unhealthy Relationships.” Embellish with colored symbols or with copies of the Is
It Healthy? descriptive cards for each one.
Copyright © 2009 Marline E. Pearson
!"(#
Lesson Seven
7.2
7.2 Forms of Safety that
Define Healthy Relationships
This section continues the exploration of healthy relationships. It raises the issue of
feeling safe as a defining framework for healthy relationships. A clear, but brief
presentation on three dimensions of safety—physical, emotional, and trust and
commitment safety are presented.1 This, along with the above sculpting activity, will
prepare participants to apply the concepts in assessing their own relationships.
Present using the following points:
" Feeling safe in relationships is the ultimate test of a healthy relationship.
" I am going to describe three kinds of safety that are very much in sync with the three
relationship questions you explored through your sculptures. They are:
1. PHYSICAL SAFETY: When we think safety, probably the first thing that
comes to mind is physical safety. Indeed this is the “bottom-line” for safety. If
a person is worried about being hurt or threatened, it is not healthy, period.
Males are bigger and stronger, on average, so it is important for males to
manage their hot emotions and frustrations and not cross that line. It is really
important to make sure you are not with someone who you think might hurt
you or your child. To be with someone who feels a need to control you and who
has a hard time controlling him or herself is dangerous.
2. EMOTIONAL SAFETY: This kind of safety comes from feeling accepted and
free to be yourself. With emotional safety you feel safe to say what’s in your
mind and in your heart. The ability to be honest, talk openly and to come to
really know one other brings a sense of emotional connection and safety. It’s
probably what most of us want most in relationships.
Copyright © 2009 Marline E. Pearson
!")#
 Lesson Seven Lesson Seven
7.2 7.3
Material Checklist
3. TRUST & COMMITMENT SAFETY: This kind of safety allows you to
Workbook:
truly trust your partner to be there, to come through, and to be reliable.
Commitment safety means knowing your partner will be there for you (and
• Is it a Healthy
Relationship? 7.3 Assessing My Own
your child if you have one) tomorrow, next week, and years from now. It’s 15 Minutes
Relationship – Past or
about knowing you have a future together, and not worrying about him or her
stepping out on you and your child. Without commitment safety, it can be Present
hard to trust someone and to work at a relationship.

A Cautionary Word on Trust and Commitment:
" Some people trust too soon. They trust, and then find out the person was not
trustworthy. Worse, their child may be endangered by an untrustworthy person.
" For now, it’s important to think about how well you know someone—with you, with
others, in contexts such as school, work and family—before putting your trust in him
or her.
" And, while commitment means staying together for a long time, some people get
involved in commitments in an ugly way. Commitment is great if the relationship is
healthy and safe and if it comes from a desire to be together. It can be a bad or a
downright ugly kind of commitment if the relationship is unhealthy or unsafe for you
or your child.
" We’ll continue to explore how and why people can so easily “slide” into unsafe and
unhealthy relationships in Lesson 8. And, we will talk about how to safely leave
dangerous and unhealthy relationships.
Ask participants to locate the Is it a Healthy Relationship? pages in their workbook.
Introduce with these pointers:
" You now have the opportunity to assess your own relationship—past or present. This
framework can assist you in gaining insights about the relationship. It may be that it
helps you to identify what needs to change or improve, or whether the relationship is
even worth it.
" For those who see that their relationship is healthy and safe, it will underscore why.
" For those not in relationships right now, assessing a past relationship using this
framework can help you know what to pay attention to when you are attracted to
someone in the future.
" If you’ve never had a relationship, assess a relationship of someone you know well.
Ask participants to read the first page in their workbook and then go through each
category by marking an “x” at where they feel the relationship falls (or fell). At the
end there are blank lines for them to describe the behaviors they want to have
present in their relationship and which would place the relationship on the healthy
and safe side.

# Note: It’s important to state that when a relationship is not healthy, breaking up may
be the wise course of action. In subsequent lessons (8 & especially 15) there will be
!
more attention to breaking up issues, like how to determine if it’s time, how to do
it—do’s and don’ts, and how to move forward afterwards.

Copyright © 2009 Marline E. Pearson

!"*# Copyright © 2009 Marline E. Pearson
!&+#
 Lesson Seven
7.4
Material Checklist
7c. Free Time Chart
7d. Lots of Fun Bingo
7.4 Having Fun – Its
15 Minutes
Importance for
Relationships
In this section, participants will learn how important fun is to couple satisfaction,
even as it’s a challenge to keep fun alive over time in a relationship, and especially
2
with children. Ways to get out of ruts, that is, not sliding into spending most free
time in front of a screen, and then how to avoid “contaminating” fun time, will be
explored through activities. The group will brainstorm ideas for fun according to
time and money. Participants will be challenged with prizes to carry out their own
fun agenda. Note: The prizes can be quite modest and just to make it fun.
Introduce the idea of why fun is so important to satisfying and healthy relationships:
" Having fun, believe it or not, is very important to a satisfying and lasting
relationship or marriage. Being together in positive ways helps you feel connected and
to feel good about your partner.
" Also, when we have happy experiences it is easier to cope with stress and tackle
problems that everyday life throws our way.
Explain what often happens to fun in long-term relationships or marriages:
" So, what happens to fun in a long-term relationship or marriage? Most couples start
out with fun as part of the relationship, but as life gets busy making those times for
fun can easily slip away.
" Certainly time can be a barrier. It can be tough to find free time—with work, with
school, and with caring for a child.
" And then sometimes when a couple or family is involved in something fun, it gets
wrecked by conflict or what we’ll call “contamination.”
Copyright © 2009 Marline E. Pearson
!&!#
Lesson Seven
7.4
Continue to explore the concept of free time and what is done with free time:
" It’s useful to think about free time and how much of it you have. One good way to
think about free time is to ask yourself what is NOT free time. For example, time at
work/school, sleep, getting ready for work, cooking, meals, cleaning, getting to and
from school or work, homework, caring for a child, grocery shopping, etc. is not free
time.
Activity – How Much Free Time Do You Have?
Pass out the Free Time Chart (Resource 7c). Ask participants to take a few minutes to
jot down when they have free time and when they don’t. Instruct them to make
boxes around times they don’t HAVE to do something. Show examples from
PowerPoint slide.
When they are done, ask them to total their free time each day. Continue:
" What many people discover is that their free time, that is, time when you don’t have
to be doing something, can be more than they thought. What did you discover in
filling out the chart?
Present some food for thought on what people do during their free time. Use the pie
charts found in the PowerPoints:
" What becomes important is to look at what you do during your “free time.”
" Look at this pie chart on a study of what people do with their free time. See
PowerPoint slide (You may explain that in these studies people wear beepers;
when beeped they are asked to write down what they were doing just then).
" Can you guess what the purple section is? (Pause)
" Yes, it is screen time—TV, DVDs, computers.
" Important to note that not all free time is equal. When those same studies asked people
how happy they were, they reported greater happiness when they are doing things like
hobbies, sports, or spending time with others.
Copyright © 2009 Marline E. Pearson
!&$#
 Lesson Seven Lesson Seven
7.4 7.5

" The point here is that it is easy for most of us to slide into watching a lot of TV shows, Material Checklist
or computer games or netsurfing than deciding how to spend some of that precious 7b. Healthy and Unhealthy 7.5 Trusted Adult
time having fun with our partner, children or friends. This is nothing against TV or Relationships Handout

computer games…it’s just awfully easy to make that the major thing we do. 15 Minutes Connection
" Research on happiness and fun also tells us it is important to do different things from
time to time. Trying out new things is a great idea for keeping fun alive. Distribute the Healthy and Unhealthy Relationships handout (Resource 7b). The topics
of this session are ideal for further conversation with a trusted adult or mentor. Ask
Activity – Group Brainstorm on Fun Ideas participants to explain to their person the three contrasting set of questions that help
define a healthy relationship and the three forms of safety that underlie everything.
If the participants are comfortable, encourage them to discuss the results of the self-
Break into groups of four and see which group can come up with the most ideas for
assessment they did on their current relationship or a past one.
having fun with a partner, friend or child in five minutes. Instruct the group to think
little and big in terms of time and money. Some fun things should take a few
minutes, an hour, a couple or few hours, all evening, all day, a weekend or longer.
Some should be free, low cost, and others costing more. In other words ask them to
think little, medium and big in terms of fun. When the time is up, go around and ask
people to say aloud the ideas they came up with. End with generating a list of fun
activities that are free in the community. Invite participants to jot down as many
things as they think might be fun personally on a list for themselves. Again, that list
should include a variety of fun ideas according to time and money. They’ll use that #
list for the next task.

Activity – Lots of Fun Bingo

Pass out Lots of Fun Bingo (Resource 7d) and ask the participants to fill in each square
with a fun idea that they would like to do. Tell them to mix it up by the time it takes
and cost. Ask them to tape it to their refrigerator. Each time they do an activity, ask
them to jot down the date. Announce that at the end of the program, those who have
filled up their charts will win prizes.

Copyright © 2009 Marline E. Pearson

!&%# Copyright © 2009 Marline E. Pearson
!&"#
 Lesson Seven Lesson Seven
Notes Resources

Notes Resources located on the following pages:

1
7b. Healthy & Unhealthy Relationships Handout
Adapted and used with permission from Within MY Reach, PREP for Individuals,
Inc. 7c. Free Time Chart

7d. Lots of Fun Bingo

2
Adapted and used with permission from Within Our Reach, PREP Inc.

Resources located in the back of the manual:

7a. Is It Healthy? Cards

#

Workbook Applications:

Is it a Healthy Relationship?

Resources located on the CD:

Optional Lesson Seven PowerPoint Presentation

Duplicate Masters

Resources located in the pocket of the manual:

Poster: How Healthy Is This Relationship?

Copyright © 2009 Marline E. Pearson

!&&# Copyright © 2009 Marline E. Pearson
!&'#
LESSON SEVEN: Is It a Healthy Relationship? Resource 7a. Is It Healthy? Cards
Is It Healthy or Unhealthy? Cards
CONDITIONAL Relationship
• In this relationship, you feel you have to have a lot of money, or be, act,
talk and look a certain way in order to earn or keep your partner’s
attention or love.
• You sometimes feel like you have to do certain things you might not feel
comfortable doing or you’ll be dumped.
• You worry a lot about not being “good enough.” Your partner often
makes you feel little.
• You are not free to be the real you. You wear a “mask.” You worry if you
will be loved if you reveal or act like the real you.
• One or both of you has a low level of trust; you suspect your boyfriend or
girlfriend may cheat on you.
UNCONDITIONAL Relationship
• You don’t feel as if you have to pretend. You are comfortable being the
real you. There are no games going on.
• You do not have to be perfect. You know you are appreciated for who
you really are (warts and all).
• Neither partner worries that he or she will be dumped if he or she does
something the other person doesn’t like or that makes him or her angry.
• You can tell each other about behaviors in each other that you don’t like.
You support each other in making changes that you each decide to work
on.
• You each show you care about the other.
LESSON SEVEN: Is It a Healthy Relationship? Resource 7a. Is It Healthy? Cards
CONTROLLING & DISRESPECTFUL Relationship
• Your feelings, words, and values are disregarded or put-down by your
partner. Your partner shows little to no interest in what you have to say or
your feelings.
• Your partner needs to appear to be the “boss” especially in front of
others. You have little say in what happens.
• You avoid saying or doing things that are important to you. You worry
about upsetting your partner.
• Your partner seems overly jealous and keeps tabs on you 24/7.
• Your partner thinks he or she is entitled to express frustration and anger
in any way he or she chooses: criticism, put-downs, name-calling, threats,
and/or actual physical aggression seem to happen whenever he/she is
mad.
EQUAL, RESPECTFUL, AND SUPPORTIVE Relationship
• Both partners value talking to and treating each other nicely. Neither
dominates or consistently “gives in.” Both partners feel respected by the
other, as a person, and as a parent.
• Each partner feels his or her thoughts, feelings and needs are important
to the other. Each shows interest in hearing them.
• Both partners know that differences and disagreements happen in all
relationships and do not put each other down when these occur. They
work together for solutions to issues or problems.
• Both partners feel encouraged by the other to develop and better himself
or herself. They feel free to grow and reach personal goals.
• Neither one feels held back from doing things that will help him or her
succeed in school, work, and parenting.
LESSON SEVEN: Is It a Healthy Relationship? Resource 7a. Is It Healthy? Cards

MOSTLY SEXUAL OR MATERIAL Relationship

• This relationship is based almost exclusively on sex. Or, it is about the

material things a person gets out of the relationship.

• A lot of time together is spent sexually. There is not a lot of deeper,

getting-to-know each other time or even going out and doing fun thing
together.

• This couple is very focused on looks, clothes, hairstyle or money and

material things.

• Deep down you worry or suspect that without sexual involvement there
would not be much there. Sometimes you feel the only time you are
treated nicely is when you are about to get physical. Or, when you give
your partner material things or money.

• You are not even sure you really like who your partner is.

ATTRACTION ON MANY LEVELS Relationship

• This couple has chemistry, but they also enjoy talking, getting to know
each other better, sharing feelings, values and goals.

• They usually laugh a lot and have fun doing things together.

• They spend time together, apart, and with friends. If they do not know
each other’s friends, they are excited to introduce them.

• They do things based on shared common interests. And, they are open to
learning about and trying new activities that the other values. Learning
about each other’s interests is mutual and not one-sided.

• This relationship is based on a lot more than looks, status, or material

things. You admire and enjoy each other’s character and personality.
Lesson Seven:  Is it a Healthy Relationship?                                                                        Resource 7b: Healthy and Unhealthy Relationships
Healthy and UnHealthy Relationships
IS IT? CONDITIONAL?
• You worry about not being “good enough.” Your partner
makes you feel little. You feel like you have to have a lot of
money, or be or look a certain way in order to keep his or her
attention or love. You worry a lot about being dumped. You
can’t be the real you. You have to wear a “mask.” You have a
low level of trust and wonder if your partner is cheating.
CONTROLLING? DISRESPECTFUL?
• One partner needs to be the “boss” especially in front of others.
He or she ridicules the words and actions of the other and
shows little interest in his or her feelings. The controlled person
worries about upsetting his or her partner and often avoids
saying or doing things. The controller does not support his or
her partner and in fact, often tries to hold him or her back. One
partner thinks he or she is entitled to express his or her anger in
any way he or she chooses.
MOSTLY SEXUAL OR MATERIAL?
• This relationship is based almost exclusively on sex. Or, it is
about the material things a person can get out of the
relationship. Without those, there would not be much there.
There is not a lot of deeper fun and getting-to-know each
other.
• Deep down one partner suspects that without the sex or
material things there would not be much there. He or she
feels that the only time there is kind treatment is when they
are about to get physical or when one gives material things
or money to the other.
Trusted Adult Wisdom: ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Copyright © 2009 Marline E. Pearson
 
UNCONDITIONAL?
• You both feel appreciated for who you really are. You don’t have to
pretend or play games. You do not have to be perfect. You can tell
each other about behaviors in each other that you don’t like. You
support each other in making changes that you each decide to
work on. You each show you genuinely care about the other.
EQUAL, RESPECTFUL, & SUPPORTIVE?
• Both partners treat each other nicely. Neither dominates or
consistently “gives in.” Both partners feel respected by the other—as
a person and as a parent.
• Each partner feels his or her thoughts, feelings and needs are
important to the other. They know differences and disagreements
are inevitable in any relationship and do not put each other down
when these occur. Both partners feel encouraged by the other to
develop and better themselves.
ATTRACTION ON MANY LEVELS?
• This couple has chemistry, but they also enjoy talking, getting to
know each other, and sharing thoughts. They have fun doing
things together. They do things based on shared common
interests and are open to trying new activities that the other
values. They balance time together, apart, and with friends. This
relationship is based on a lot more than looks, status, or material
things.
157 
Lesson Seven:  Is it a Healthy Relationship?                              Resource 7c: Free Time Chart 

Free Time Chart

 
Time Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday Sunday

6:00-7:00

7:00-8:00

8:00-9:00

9:00-10:00

10:00-11:00

11:00-noon

Noon-1:00

1:00-2:00

2:00-3:00

3:00-4:00

4:00-5:00

5:00-6:00

6:00-7:00

7:00-8:00

8:00-9:00

9:00-10:00

10:00-11:00

11:00-12:00

Total Hours

Adapted and used with permission, © PREP Educational Products, Inc. 2006. 
Copyright © 2009 Marline E. Pearson
158 
 Lesson Seven
7d

Lots of Fun Bingo

Instructions: Fill in each box with one fun idea. Be sure to mix it up according to cost
and time. Put this up on your refrigerator and as you do the activity in the box write
down the date. When you complete the bingo card bring in for a prize.

Adapted and used with permission, © PREP Educational Products, Inc. 2006. 
Copyright © 2009 Marline E. Pearson
157 
 About The Dibble Institute
Founded in 1996, The Dibble Institute is an independent, non-profit
organization that equips young people with the skills and knowledge they need
to develop healthy romantic relationships now and in the future. The Dibble
Institute fulfills its mission by:
• Raising awareness of the needs for and benefits of helping young people
learn the skills needed to navigate their romantic lives;
• Educating opinion leaders and policy makers;
• Training teachers and youth instructors;
• Developing, producing, and disseminating evidence based, best practices,
developmentally appropriate, evaluated, and easy to teach relationship
skills materials; and
• Serving as a clearinghouse to collect and disseminate timely and relevant
research and other evidence of the benefits of youth relationship education.
The Dibble Institute programs are used in all 50 states and around the world in
thousands of schools, youth agencies, and other youth programs impacting tens
of thousands of young people. For more information, please visit
www.DibbleInstitute.org.

The Dibble Institute publishes a free monthly e-newsletter to help keep you current in the
emerging field of youth relationship skills education. Please sign up for this newsletter on our
website or by emailing us at relationshipskills@dibbleinstitute.org. This newsletter is sent to
you when we find something of importance concerning youth relationships or when we have
new resources in which you will be interested. We know you are busy, so we promise to keep it
relevant!
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