Contents

Introduction
Chapter 1
What is Premature Ejaculation
A Clinical View
A Lover’s Point of View
Why it’s Important to Seek Help
Disclaimer
Chapter 2
What Causes Premature Ejaculation?
Be Realistic About Results
Understanding Blood Flow and Erections
Nervous System Issues
The Role of Dopamine
Chapter 3
Understanding Arousal
The Science of a Boner
Keeping Arousal in Check
Focusing On What You Feel
What Should You Think About?
Sensation—Not Sex
The Role of Relaxation
Deeper Concentration
The Effect of Pornography and Fantasizing
 The Porn Challenge
Chapter 4
Developing Greater Mental Control
How Emotions and Thoughts Work
The Novelty of Sex
Fear and Performance Anxiety
The Serotonin Factor
Learn How to Meditate
Your Mental Defense
Chapter 5
The Secret to Breathing
Your Heart Rate
A Proper Way to Breathe
A List of Breathing Techniques
Remembering to Breath
Experimenting with Different Breaths
Chapter 6
Working the Perineal and PC Muscles
Where is It?
Training Your Muscles Through Flexing
A Custom Training Program for You
Safety
Using PM Flexes for Strengthening Erections
Chapter 7
Masturbation and Real Sex—The Final Test
 Differences Between Masturbation and Sex
Stamina Training Toys
Tips on Masturbation Training
What is a Calm Erection?
Two Masturbation Techniques
Focusing On a Partner
Getting Her Ready for Orgasm
Sex Tips
10 Step Summary
Conclusion
Introduction

Premature ejaculation may be funny when you see it depicted in movies or when
someone is questioning someone else’s manhood on that trashy daytime TV
show. However, when the problem happens to you—and you realize you have
problems making your lover happy—it’s suddenly very serious business.

Premature ejaculation can affect your confidence, your sexual enjoyment and
perhaps even strain your relationship or dating life. Seeking help for the
problem is the right idea and choosing our guide as a “permanent solution” is a
step in the right direction.
You have probably seen all sorts of supplements, drugs and toys advertised out
there that promise quick relief. Many of you have tried these products and they
are either inconvenient, don’t work or are only short-term solutions—not
permanent fixes.

I want you to know that I have experienced PE in the past, and have found it
embarrassing, uncomfortable and soul destroying. I know how you feel.
Sometimes you just want to avoid sex altogether because of how it makes you
feel afterwards.
Well, I am happy to say that I, being an average guy, have overcome PE and feel
happy, confident and complete. And yes, just in case you’re wondering my lady
has no complaints either.
In this book, I am going to teach you the techniques that helped me to overcome
it. This is not going to be a long process but a short and to the point discussion
on the stuff that really works. By the end of this abbreviated training course,
YOU too will get on with living your life and will feel happy, confident and
content.
The only way to permanently rid yourself of premature ejaculation is to study
the problem, discover the science behind it, and then train your body to resist
and to overcome the challenge. This book will discuss ways to control
ejaculation by the way of mental control, visualization and masturbation
techniques.

It’s not easy, but if you really want to learn how to overcome this common
problem it will take a diligent effort. The first few chapters cover how to
become familiar with your body’s responses and then what to do to gain the
advantage mentally and physically. Learning how to tolerate and react to sexual
sensations is the key. You will learn what to do and how to automatically train
your body to respond.

Before we begin, I want to stress that consistency is another important factor.

You can’t cure this problem overnight. This is a one to eight week training
course that’s going to spare your body from the instability of Viagra and all those
erection health supplements that could be a health risk.

It’s time for you to be a man and gain power over your own body! Let’s
begin…

Chapter 1

What is Premature Ejaculation

Before we discuss all that man hardware let’s first talk about the importance of
having a positive outlook. This is required no matter what type of problem
you’re solving; whether it’s changing a tire, getting a job promotion, stopping
yourself from swearing out in public...or controlling your ejaculation.

The fear and anxiety you feel, and the negative thoughts that soak into your
mind, are only going to make more problems for you. So instead of thinking of
PE as a serious problem, let’s start viewing it in a more positive light from this
chapter and onward.

It’s not a problem…it’s an opportunity that you have to better yourself as a man,
as a lover, and as an intelligent, discerning mind. You’re no longer going to let
fear or negativity control you.

Becoming a longer-lasting lover is your new goal and you’re taking this new
goal seriously, just as you would take a job search very seriously. Any goal
requires personal determination, discipline and consistency for days, weeks and
months on end.
You must be confident and committed. So at the very least, read through to the
end of this book. Then read it again, this time taking notes. The extra effort you
put into this learning mission you will get back in results.
For starters, let’s discuss what premature ejaculation really means.

A Clinical View

Premature ejaculation is not so cut and dry a term to define. After all, there is no
official time and score in sex like there is in basketball. Most scientific
authorities describe premature ejaculation as “Ejaculation during the early stages
of sexual excitement.”

However, who decides how early is too early? What one man thinks of as
amazing staying power might seem to another man to be weak. What one
woman thinks of as a long session in bed, another woman might consider much
too short.

The agreed upon definition is “coming too quickly”, orgasming and ejaculating
before you or your lover are ready to stop. For many men, this “point of no
return” happens shortly after the penis is put it into the vagina.

It is believed that anywhere from twenty to forty percent of the male population
suffer from PE at some stage in their lives, and you have to believe that an even
higher percentage lies about their sexual stamina or lack thereof.

PE is not a habit you want to keep…but at the same time, it shouldn’t be your
secret shame, or something that you want to hide. While some men do go to the
doctor for this issue, the chance that something is medically wrong with you is
pretty low. This is usually a learned behavior, and it’s something that a lot of
guys probably suffer from…and yet very few admit to it.

So at least you have the honesty to say, “Okay…I have this problem. Tell me
how to overcome it.” With this attitude, you WILL overcome PE and you will
instantly be a better and smarter lover than the many guys who just jump into
bed without a clue.

A Lover’s Point of View

While some people try to say PE is not being able to last five minutes or less
than 500 strokes, there is no standards that measure this. PE is simply you being
unable to satisfy a specific woman. After all, if your lover has no complaints
then is there really a problem? Of course, on average, women do tend to take
longer than five or even ten minutes to orgasm. Some women take 15 minutes,
some women could take an hour!
The first step is figuring out how long your lover wants to go, how long she
wants penetration, and what you can do to please her. Of course you also have
to realize that many (if not most women) will not orgasm on vaginal penetration
alone. So it’s not simply a matter of doing 1,000 strokes and demanding your
girl orgasm already! You have to learn her wants and needs, how she likes
foreplay and direct pressure, and then figure out a way to lasts just as long as she
wants.

PE is largely based on perception, your choice of lover, and your choice of

night. (Yes, contrary to what you’ve heard, anyone can have a bad night…sex is
not mechanical in the slightest)

Why it’s Important to Seek Help

And no, PE is not a life-threatening condition, so though it may affect your

ability to prolong your lifeblood, assuming you have to keep a lover interested in
you in order to procreate!

One major problem is that guys avoid seeking help for PE out of
embarrassment. They either don’t know they have a problem or are too prideful
to look up remedies. This quickly earns them the reputation of being a bad or
weak lover, with their girlfriend(s). The guy is too sensitive to take criticism and
ends up breaking up the relationship out of spite. The more often a guy does
this, the less likely he is to actually learn how to be a better lover.

If you never admit there is a problem, you will never seek help. And the longer
you go having sex or masturbating without learning how to control yourself, the
more difficult the problem will be to fix later on. Indeed, there are forty-year-
olds that are forced to see a sex therapist to help them overcome severe cases of
PE. When it comes to sex, the sooner the better…can’t we all agree on that?
So, it is suggested that you try the remedies recommended in this book before
you try eating health supplements, taking Viagra or seeing a sex therapist. It is
always smart to try to safest option first, and all of the ideas presented in this
book are natural, do not hurt and are perfectly safe.

If you do not notice a change within two months or so, then you may want to
consider seeking other solutions, including a doctor’s visit just in case the
problem could be physical dysfunction.

However, I believe that you will notice a significant improvement just by

following the directions I provide. After our disclaimer, proceed to Chapter
Two, and let’s discuss some of the easiest solutions to premature ejaculation, as
well as the science of what is happening down there.

Disclaimer

Remember, this book is not intended as medical device. This is general

information, and not intended to diagnose or cure any individual. For the best
results, and for your own livelihood, see a doctor on a regular basis to rule out
any serious medical conditions.

If you are taking any medications, or have a health condition or disease, check
with your doctor before changing your diet or exercise routines. Misapplying
the information here or failing to consult a doctor before a major life change
could result in an injury. Do not try any exercise that you do not fully
understand.

A doctor can help you determine if you’re healthy enough for sex and an
increase in excitement. In most cases you are; because sex is a completely
natural and safe exercise!

Let’s move onto Chapter 2 and discuss the causes of PE, which will help you
uncover the best way to overcome it.


Chapter 2

What Causes Premature Ejaculation?

The question you’re probably wondering is why? Why, oh why, does this
happen? (And at the worst possible time!) Interestingly, various studies have
been done on PE, and what the results actually revealed was that many men
could be labeled as premature ejaculators, considering that most men finish up
within a time span of 2-6 minutes of vaginal entry, usually far less time desired
by a woman in order to reach orgasm. (However don’t fret too much…many
other mammals, besides men, actually ejaculate within 15 seconds!) The
Evolutionary Theory Evolutionary theory suggests that premature ejaculation
may well be related to procreation. Fast ejaculation, much as we see with lower
animal life forms, serves to make sure that the male seed is planted and that
reproduction can take place quickly and efficiently. Without such efficient
fertilization, the species could slowly reduce in population, as females resist the
male sex act—or so the theory suggests.

In essence, some researchers believe that PE may simple be “wired” into our
brains as the result of millions of years of survival of the fittest evolution. Now
jump forward to the late 1800s when mainstream feminism began. With these
changes, and increased emphasis on women having the right to choose male sex
partners, rather than succumb to a dominant man’s marital wishes, came the
exploration of sexual pleasure.
The female orgasm has always existed, and ancient women throughout history
may or may not have known about the capability. However, as far as
documentation, only within the last two centuries have women been socially
allowed to explore their orgasmic potential through the use of books, scientific
studies and even premarital sexual experience.

Not surprisingly, in these modern times we live in, women now demand sexual
satisfaction, just as a man would, and perhaps even as a prerequisite to getting
serious about a relationship. And from man to man, I can say this. If you want
to be taken seriously as a real man, then you are expected to at least make the
effort to please your wife or girlfriend. If you don’t even try, or ignore the need,
your relationship will be strained.

In any event, all these feminist-orgasm ideas are certainly contrary to what men
have been taught for thousands of years. In fact, both men and women, for the
longest time, were taught that sex was purely for procreation or love, and that
sexual exploration (particularly female exploration) was something vulgar or
sinful.

So, what we have now is several generations of men struggling to adapt to a new
viewpoint and an entire lifestyle change that is contrary to their “programming.”

The Psychological View There is another view of premature ejaculation and its
root cause, and this one is rooted is psychology, not evolutionary history.
Naturally, when a boy is young and experimenting with masturbation for the first
time, he finishes quickly, usually to avoid getting caught or perhaps because of
overexcitement. Because of the stigma of masturbation being a dirty behavior,
he certainly does not seek the advice of male or female mentors.
Instead, he trains himself to masturbate, orgasm and ejaculate all within a very
short timeframe. He trains his body and his ejaculatory reflex to be easily
responsive and now he must un-learn everything he associates with
masturbation, sex and emotional and physical response.
Physiological Response Last but not least, there are some that believe premature
ejaculation is solely a physical issue. Every man has a different body and hence
a different nervous system. A man who ejaculates early on has a highly
responsive nervous system, whether due to genetics or learned experiences.
Furthermore, as men age, their nervous systems undergo change and become less
efficient; hence, they can’t last as long as they used to. Similarly, some men may
experience PE as a symptom of a more serious medical condition, which is why
a doctor’s visit is recommended in some cases, and to rule out the possibility of a
prostate health problem. Relax though…in most cases, the problem is
psychological in nature and can be fixed with proper training.
Chemical Causes and Health Another possibility to consider is that PE could be
indirectly or directly related to chemical production happening within the male
body. A lack of serotonin may cause the loss of ejaculation control. Serotonin is
known to be an inhibitor of orgasm, as it helps ejaculatory response and the
nervous system to stay calm and to become less responsive.

It should come as no surprise, therefore, that many men who take certain
medications that increase serotonin levels do report better control over
ejaculation. Likewise, men with physical problems or poor dieting or health,
who have affected levels of serotonin do report more problems with PE.

One thing is for sure: you are not the only man suffering from this condition.

Be Realistic About Results

Now let me be straight with you - You really do have to balance the idea of
pleasing a woman (and lasting as long as she wants you to) with the unrealistic
standard created by alpha male bragging, Hollywood sex scenes and the bizarre
world of pornography.

Schoolyard bragging among competitive men (as in I lasted a full hour!) is just
not realistic. In addition, the perfect choreography of Hollywood sex scenes just
isn’t likely to happen when you engage in real life sexual penetration, which is
oftentimes awkward and very often imperfect.

On the flip side, you have pornography which is carefully choreographed, reshot
for multiple angles and takes for editing purposes, and of course, which contains
a few freaks of nature, not to mention plenty of plastic people who are not really
fair to compare yourself to. The bottom line is that the vast majority of non-
performing men probably can’t last an hour during intense penetration, just as an
average man probably couldn’t wrestle a 60 hour “iron man” match without
some rehearsal.

So stop thinking of overcoming PE as “lasting as long as Tom, Dick or Harry

did,” or “Buck Naked” whom you saw in a porno film. You can still have great
and long-lasting sex, but this end result will require a practical and realistic
perspective—not a wild fantasy.

Your goal is to learn how to satisfy a woman and this will require adapting to her
needs, not just thrusting away and winning some Olympic gold medal. And
here’s a clue a few chapters early on: the secret to lasting longer is to slowly
build up to a peak. It has nothing to do with training yourself to make violent
love like a Viking. Think slow, think patient. Think about what a woman wants.

Understanding Blood Flow and Erections

Before we proceed with techniques and strategies, let’s first consider how an
erection is built in the first place. A brief biology lesson may help you to figure
out some of the basics.

There are two types of erections: first is direct physical stimulation, which does
not require much mental processing at all, and this is believed to be controlled
by the parasympathetic nervous system. Whenever physical stimulation occurs,
the arteries dilate and this supplies the erectile tissue with blood.

The other type of erection is caused by mental stimulation, by way of the

cerebral cortex. This is the largest area of the brain and it plays a significant role
in governing human thinking and logic. This is the area of the brain responsible
for the perception of information, and for instructing other parts of the body how
to react. Whenever you see something sexually arousing, your brain is preparing
your body for a sexual encounter.

Here’s the point: The average guy has no idea about the two different types of
erections, and is usually not focusing on his erection. He is simply using both
erection types for maximum—and very fast relief. So when he has sex, he is not
only experiencing the physical type of stimulation, but is also being
overwhelmed with mental stimulation. Both of these processes are telling him to
feel aroused, and with no PE training, evolution (or psychology, whatever you
believe) is going to win the battle.
Therefore, the first secret to control ejaculation is to control the level of mental
stimulation and physical stimulation, rather than letting them both go
unrestrained. Just think for a moment about situations in which you’re not
mentally aroused. Doesn’t it take longer to stimulate your body’s response and
to build an erection?

Here’s a curious fact: Did you know that your penis can actually maintain an
erection without mental stimulation? The parasympathetic system that we
previously discussed handles this process just fine. Knowing of these two
erection types is, in a way, half the battle. But brace yourself, because we still
have a lot of information to discuss!

Two Phases of Ejaculation Another scientific point to consider: There are

actually phases to ejaculation.
The Emission Phase: The first phase is controlled by the sympathetic nervous
system, not the parasympathetic; this emission phase is triggered mentally. The
phase begins as the moment called the “point of no return.”
This moment may be hard to define but it’s easy to identify. It’s that moment
where your head starts tingling, you feel the spasms and the charging current of
energy, and you feel the imminence of ejaculation that cannot be stopped. What
is actually happening is that your sperm is passing from the testes to the
ejaculatory ducks (and is mixing with prostate fluids and seminal vesicles) to
create semen. This stage ends with semen exiting the prostate and then
accumulating in the urethra bulb.
The Ejaculation Phase: This is the next phase and the physical result of
reaching the point of no return. At this point in time, enough semen has
accumulated in the bulb of the urethra that it has pushed out into the penis by
way of contractions originating in the perineal muscles. These contractions also
help in producing orgasm. The pudendal nerve of the lower spine and perineum
are involved in this phase and it is physically triggered, making it a different
phase than the one we previously discussed.

Nervous System Issues

While it’s not clear why exactly PE originated, it is safe to conclude that the
nervous system does play a very important role in regulating the process. A
responsive nervous system is directly tied in with the loss of ejaculatory control.
Now, just as we discussed two erections and two ejaculation phases, let’s discuss
two subsystems of the nervous system: the central and peripheral.

The central nervous system is made up of two major parts, the brain and spinal
cord. The peripheral nervous system ties into that center but actually reaches out
to all sorts of other organs and parts. The nervous system’s use is to interpret
information from the environment and then to send signals instructing the body
how to react. The two systems communicate via electrical impulses.
The peripheral system can also be divided again, this time into somatic and
autonomic nervous systems, and then once more into parasympathetic and
sympathetic nervous systems, which I previously discussed.
I do feel as if the parasympathetic and sympathetic nervous systems are the
important systems to discuss, and these are directly related to a man’s erection
and arousal stage.
The parasympathetic system can definitely be felt when you are threatened. The
adrenaline rushes and you will either run away or fight back in self-defense—
perhaps even with above average strength. This fight or flight response comes at
the order of the parasympathetic system and is in response to stress.

What the system does is prepare us for action by getting us excited. Well here’s
a little known fact: the fight or flight system is not just in response to negative
stress. It can also send orders based on something positive…like the thrill you
get when you receive a new present…or of course, the orgasm you feel during
sex!
Let’s review some of the differences between the sympathetic and
parasympathetic nervous system.

The sympathetic nervous system:

Increases your heart rate Increases your lung capacity Speeds up

natural breathing Prepares your body for action by pumping extra

blood to your muscles Tenses your muscles up Increases how alert
you are Dilates your pupils Constricts some blood vessels
Triggers the “emission phase” we discussed The sympathetic nervous
system must be activated, and it’s not like an on-off switch—it has four
levels of progression. The levels are decided by the amount of stress
you’re under. For negative stress, the peak comes when your life is
threatened. For positive action, it peaks during ejaculation and orgasm.
Now consider the parasympathetic nervous system.
The parasympathetic nervous system: Decreases your heart rate Slows
down your breathing Relaxes your body and brain Allows you to sleep
Helps digest food Dilates some blood vessels Triggers an erection Here’s
a good analogy; the sympathetic system uses energy, while the parasympathetic
system conserves energy. These two systems are opposites. In fact, the
parasympathetic seems to activate best when your mind is relaxed and calm and
there isn’t any stress. Think of a deep meditative state as the parasympathetic
system in action.

Usually the sympathetic and parasympathetic systems are working against each
other. One is on while the other is off. What happens during sex is truly a
phenomenon. The two systems work together for the processes of erection,
arousal and ejaculation.

Now I want you to consider, step-by-step, how a physical erection happens.

Step 1

The parasympathetic system starts early on. It relaxes the arteries in the pelvic
area and this makes it easy for erections to form.
Step 2

The stimulation the penis is receiving triggers nerves in the pelvis which sends
signals to the brain, telling it what is happening.

Step 3

Your brain is now interpreting the stimulation as sexual, and this causes
chemical reaction to take place, making your sexual arousal increase. This
activates the sympathetic system.

Step 4

Now, the parasympathetic system starts to fade away, meanwhile your heart rate
and breathing increase.
Step 5

The stimulation builds until a peak; think of this as the “tipping point”. This is
when your brain signals to the sympathetic system that orgasm is imminent and
that the body is ready for ejaculation. The sympathetic system takes over and
increases heart rate and breathing and basically smothers all of the relaxing
factors of the parasympathetic system.
Step 6

The sympathetic system goes full charge and makes ejaculation happen.

Now the preceding steps were referring to physical arousal, as in a woman

touching your penis in the dark. It’s a physical reaction that you really can’t
help. Now, keep in mind that the mind (remember, the cerebral cortex) can also
cause erections to start. The mind can also decide the level of intensity of the
arousal and the erection strength. The mind actually has the ability to go much
faster than the physical erection process and can “fast forward” a few steps to
make for very short and intense orgasms.

And so we uncover yet another lesson from the nervous system: The longer you
stay in the parasympathetic mode (the relaxed mode) the longer you can last
during sex. However, once you reach that point of no return and cross over into
the sympathetic mode (where you are overstimulated), the faster you will
ejaculate.

Therefore, in the next few chapters, I’m going to explain how you can stay in
that parasympathetic mode as long as you want, by building up your mental and
physical control.

However, there is one more point to cover.

The Role of Dopamine

You may already know about endorphins which are hormones secreted within
the brain and nervous system, which help you (and your lady friend for that
matter) feel less pain and feel a natural “high” after exercise and sex. However,
this is about dopamine, another natural phenomenon. Dopamine is a chemical
released which actually helps control behavior, and motivates us to pursue
happiness.
Dopamine rewards the body when you accomplish something, which some
scientists claim is a form of ensuring survival. Dopamine is released when you
accomplish goals, but also when you eat, have sex (a great ego boost!) or other
positive actions. So you do get a little “high” when you do the things you really
enjoy.

However, there is another side to dopamine, a bit of a dark side, if you don’t
mind me sounding too melodramatic. Dopamine can also slow a person down.
Just like an external “drug” you can become addicted to the dopamine rush and
this can in turn affect your sexual behavior and endurance. Allow me to explain.

Dopamine is not released voluntarily. In fact, if it were there is a good chance

we would all become dopamine addicts and possibly do nothing at all but sit
around and get high all the time. Actually, scientists studied this effect with lab
mice just to prove this conclusively. The mice were hooked up to a device with
a lever and whenever they touched the lever, they would a quick shot of
dopamine.

The mice, like any other creature, enjoyed the dopamine high. So much so, that
they just sat there touching the lever repeatedly to get the dopamine shot. They
did not show any signs of being hungrier, more sexual or even more sociable.
Dopamine release is involuntary and so if you want that feeling you have to
“earn it”. It is the reward your body gives you for prolonging your survival, or
improving yourself.

So what does dopamine have to do with sex? Sex is an act related to survival,
and so whenever you have sex or experience sexual arousal you get a “shot” of
dopamine encouraging you to follow your instincts of procreation. And
wouldn’t you know, the more aroused you become the MORE dopamine your
body gets!

Yes, the human mind and body both crave dopamine, this natural high and that’s
with or without ejaculation. (Gee, no wonder men are so horny, right?) Now
here’s the problem. A man can easily become a “dopamine chaser” and be so
addicted to the high, that he loses control over himself. It is just like any
addiction, such as a drug addiction or a gambling addiction. It’s quite possible
that many rich people are “dopamine chasers” since they crave that feeling that
makes them feel good, rewarded and so on.

So what do you think happens when a guy is subconsciously addicted to the

dopamine rush? He wants to think and feel sexual pleasure constantly! That
means he wants to masturbate constantly, view porn all the time, hit on any girl
that looks at him, and orgasm and ejaculate as soon as possible!

Maybe that doesn’t sound exactly like you, but if you catch yourself “losing
control” often during sex because you feel a strong urge ejaculate, then it’s
possible you’ve built up a lifetime of dopamine rushes. Your body is merely
responding to the training you’ve given it.

You could even speculate that people who get divorced or fall out of love simply
fail to get that dopamine high that they once experienced in early dating. And
isn’t it true that you can last longer with a woman you’ve known for a long time
rather than a stranger? This could be because the dopamine high is not as strong,
and so arousal is reduced.

All that said, (and your mind may be spinning right now!) don’t think that
dopamine is a bad thing. It’s just something that you need to get control over, if
you want to manipulate your body to do what you want it to do—rather than
letting your body control your happiness.
You have too low a dopamine rush if you experience any of the following
negative behaviors: No motivation No ambition Depression
Addiction to foods, drugs, things No remorse for what you do Problems
with affection or feeling love Social anxiety or dislike of others And as you
might have guessed by now, an overactive sex drive and premature ejaculation
could definitely be related to excessive dopamine levels, brought on by a
addictive behavior.

In the end, it’s important to keep all things in balance. Life isn’t just about fast
pleasures, nor is it all about work. Life should be about planning for the
future…but also about living in the moment, and appreciating what you have.
As you begin to balance your life, and repair your dopamine intake, you find
your life to feel more complete and your self-control strengthening.

Now let’s proceed onward and discuss what arousal is and how we can control it.
Chapter 3

Understanding Arousal
The first step to curing yourself of any addiction or problem is to develop deep
inner strength. This is true of any subject, and although personal responsibility
is lacking today, people who are honest with themselves always know the root of
the problem.

They have stumbled onto a difficult place in life and now must break the cycle if
they ever hope to break the addiction. Well, for the purposes of this book let’s
try to think of overstimulation as a bad habit that you want to break. You’ve
already taken responsibility and admitted the problem and now it’s time to
reprogram your mind to more productive habits.

The problem with PE always starts with a lack of control over your arousal
level. Controlling arousal with your mind rather than your body is the key to
lasting longer—or as long as you want. Now this doesn’t mean that you’re
going to take away all the joys of sex. It’s not even worth having sex if you
can’t enjoy yourself or if you’re just doing a chore for partner (who can sense if
you’re really into her).

So the answer is NOT in avoiding arousal. As in, “imagine someone ugly!” or

“think about non sexy things.” It doesn’t work that way.

The Science of a Boner

Let’s first continue our discussion of what happens down there when you get a
“boner”, or in scientific terms, when you develop an erection. Arousal is best
understood in four stages. I discussed some of this in the nervous system section
in the last chapter, but I’m adding a few more details this time to emphasize a
point.
Stage 1
A physical OR mental spark triggers arousal. The penis becomes erect when it is
engorged with blood.
Stage 2

The erection strengthens and arousal levels increase as more stimulation is

provided. At this stage you are not actually feeling weak or struggling to hold
anything in. You feel relaxed and totally in control. Your heart rate is slow and
even your scrotum is loose. As we stated, the parasympathetic system is at work
right now.
Stage 3

By this stage arousal is becoming more intense and your entire genital area
begins to feel warm. More blood is sent, and more energy is created. Physically
speaking, this is when the penis head increases in size and sensitivity and when
the scrotum and testicles snug up towards the penis. As orgasm and ejaculation
approach, the heart rate increases and breathing becomes rapid. Now, the
sympathetic system is taking over and whatever calming effects the
parasympathetic system has are fading out.

Stage 4

By the time stage four comes around, it’s almost impossible to resist orgasm and
ejaculation. Arousal levels are high and the energy is building in your pelvis,
preparing the nervous system for ejaculation. You will even feel (if you can
concentrate while all this is happening) your perineal muscles (located internally
in the between your scrotum and anus) contracting. As you orgasm and
ejaculate, arousal levels and erection power are reduced.
So the adage of “it gets better with age” is true. Young men do not usually pay
attention to arousal levels, and don’t really try to control them. However, as you
have sex more often and learn more about reactions and sensations, you do tend
to identify these stages.
The opening stages are not specifically timed and can go on for moments or
hours on end, if you pace yourself. However, a lot of men (even ones training
for PE) forget that you can go “0-60 mph”, so to speak, that is from stage 0 to
stage 3 without any sexual stimulation.

This is what is happening with men who suffer from PE. They hardly stand a
chance of controlling themselves since they are already in stage 3 to start with!

A Porno-rific Example Let’s talk about porn! That got your attention, right?
Here’s an illustration for you. Let’s say you watch a porno film for about a half
hour without touching yourself once. Needless to say you will be mega-horny
by the time the flick is over.

However, even if you resist masturbating for a half an hour, when you DO start
touching yourself you will not have gained any self-control points. You will still
be in Stage 3 and just a few strokes away from orgasm and ejaculation.
This is another misconception in PE training—the idea that if you slow arousal
down, you are lasting longer. It’s not the same thing. (Although extended
foreplay is a great thing…we’ll discuss this later) The lesson here is that you
must control your mental arousal level and not just your physical arousal.

Keeping Arousal in Check

The secret to controlling arousal is to become more self-aware of how your body
is reacting. Once you learn these reactions and how they feel, you can identify
them—just like a recovering addict learns to identify triggers that lead to drug
use. Obviously, PE and addiction are not the same things…but as we discussed
in the previous chapter dopamine chasing is a very real condition and may
actually be affecting your sex life.

You identify “triggers”, the things that make you overstimulated, and then resist
them, allowing your body to stay in the parasympathetic state for as long as you
wish. So, if it helps simplify things, try to imagine your arousal level this way:
 Stage 1: Arousal Stage 2: Relaxation Stage 3: Point of No Return

Stage 4: Orgasm and Ejaculation Technically, you could divide these four stages
into 10 levels because of the complexity. However, you want to imagine it, four
stages, four phases, or even a scale of 1-10, it’s important that you try to stay in
the second “plateau” of excitement—the relaxed phase, not the highly aroused
state you’re used to.
Because once you do fall over into stage 3 or 8 or 9 on the ten scale, it is very,
very difficult to stop that overstimulated process from finishing its course.
So how do you stop yourself if you sense that you are falling over into the
dangerous stage? You can do any of the following, whatever it takes to
withdraw into the other system: Slow down your action Relax Clear
your mind Stop completely Even if you have to stop for 30 seconds or more,
you must do this. You must get that strong urge to subside. Focus on Stage 2,
on a medium level of arousal, and make sure that you feel relaxed at all times.

Focusing On What You Feel

This entire process involves becoming familiar with your body. How you
respond to various forms of stimuli, both physical and emotional. Remember
that arousal doesn’t start when you feel an erection building. Arousal can
actually start minutes before, at the very beginning of your sexual encounter—or
even before. (Like if you’re anticipating the encounter all day long) You cannot
wait until the last second to start controlling arousal. You must control yourself
for every stage, every step of the way.

What Should You Think About?

You’re probably thinking, “So what am I supposed to think about while just
sitting there masturbating?” There is no correct answer. You simply choose
thoughts and visuals that help you relax.

They don’t have to be ugly or repulsive; however, you don’t want to think of
anything too intense, or else you may inadvertently send yourself to Stage 3 and
the point of no return.
You might:

Think about pleasant and relaxing scenes Focus all your attention

on how your lover looks Think about nothing Focus on feelings

Focus on numbers or shapes Meditate on visuals or relaxing thoughts
The point is, whatever you think about should help keep you calm and in
a parasympathetic mode.

Sensation—Not Sex

My approach to arousal control can be summed up in the sensation, not sex line
of thought. Sensuality is the “condition of pleasing or fulfilling to the senses.”
This is not the same thing as sexuality, which is closely related to biological
response and ejaculation.

To be sensual in bed is to focus on giving, receiving and paying close attention

to your own body or your partner’s body. It’s not about the goal of ejaculating
and calling it a score. It’s not about erotic stories or dirty thoughts, and it’s not
even about orgasm.

There is a practice known as “sensate focus” in sex therapy (derived from the
more complicated study of Tantra) which focuses the experience entirely on
sensation, feelings and prolonging those pleasurable sensations without the goal
of orgasm and “finishing up.”
Being sensual but not sexual requires that you focus on the sensations you feel.
That means your whole body, not just your genitals. If you focus on the
sensations of touch, of breath, of emotion then you will not feel the intense urge
to come.
Think about the last time you got a good massage. The sensations were pleasant,
right? You felt relaxed, physically (not sexually) stimulated and very at peace.
The same can be said of sensuality in the bedroom. If you focus on what feels
good at the moment, rather than what you “want” (which is to finish) you can
give yourself a whole new level of pleasure you never thought possible.

You need to find that balance between enjoying the physical stimulation and the
mental arousal of being with a partner you like, but refraining from entering the
Stage 3 dopamine-driven heart-pounding urge of wanting to “get off” and reach
orgasm.

Not only will paying closer to physical sensations help you resist the urge to
come, but you will also be building a tolerance to these physical sensations at the
same time, and this is an important point to remember. The body must be
trained to resist exciting physical sensations.

It’s actually what the porn stars do, in between editing and camera tricks. The
actors desensitize their bodies to various sexual acts that would make non-
professional men ejaculate within minutes.

So by the same logic, you want to train your body to mentally and physically
handle prolonged stimulation. Men who avoid these calming and subtle
moments are only training themselves to ejaculate too quickly. They’re not
training themselves at all to experience sensation. So embrace sensation over
goal-oriented sex.

The Role of Relaxation

Let’s discuss the role of relaxation, as obviously this is a very important part of
PE treatment. There are actually two types of relaxation sensations.
Deep Relaxation: Meditation, prayer, massage, music…all of these things
require full concentration and so help your mind and body to retreat into a very
deep state. It’s actually comparable to falling asleep.
Neutral Relaxation: This type of relaxation is much less enjoyable or involved
as deep relaxation. You only experience part of the full benefit of relaxation.
This type of relaxation happens every day and usually without your conscious
intent. For example, you neutrally relax when you read a book, watch TV, or
perform any routine that relieves you of stress.

So which do you need during sex? Both, actually. If you learn how to neutrally
relax during sex you will last longer. However, your goal should be to progress
from neutral relaxation to deeper relaxation, using your newfound powers of
self-control. You start the process by becoming more focused and aware of
bodily sensation. You move on into deeper relaxation. Of course, deeper
relaxation has the potential to become deep arousal and Stage 3 danger. So
learning the secrets to deep meditation during sex is crucial to overcoming the
PE problem.

Deeper Concentration

Whether you like thinking in stages or in a top ten scale of excitement, the point
is the same: you must climb that range through masturbation (or partner play,
which we’ll discuss shortly) so that you can become aware of your body’s
reactions and learn the best ways to keep arousal in check.

Deeper concentration will allow you to focus on parts of your body and your
overall arousal state. Meditating on how your body feels can also help you to:
Take note of physical actions that test your self-control Rid yourself of

thoughts that overstimulate your arousal state Resist emotions or other

volatile feelings Stop obsessing about sexual thoughts or performance
anxiety Realize what tolerances your body has, and what might need work
Shift your attention elsewhere if arousal becomes too great Realize that

you need to retrain your body’s responses to stimuli You are not just learning
this…you are practicing it! Masturbate with a purpose. Feel yourself travel the
scale or the stages and try your best to stay in the medium stage where you only
feel relaxing sensual feelings, see relaxing images, and think calming thoughts.
The more you do this practice, the more you will train your tolerance level for
physical stimulation. Eventually, this self-control will become part of your
subconscious, which is what you want.

The Effect of Pornography and Fantasizing

Just so you know, pornography is made for the purpose of helping men to
orgasm and ejaculate quickly and intensely. By all logic, it is counterproductive
to increasing stamina. Pornography is made to increase arousal for men who are
alone (or for couples to “get off” together). So since my entire point is to control
arousal and not send it to the stars, I can safely say pornography is not going to
help you.

Now some men do find pornography useful in testing themselves, to see how
they can “climb the scale” of arousal and start-stop when they want. However,
porn would only work as a test, not as a training tool. You’re not really focusing
on sensation when you watch such accelerated, and exaggerated, sexual
escapades.

What about fantasizing? Avoiding anything and everything arousing in your

mind might actually be counterproductive. If you don’t allow yourself to see,
hear or feeling sensual thoughts you might eventually lose your erection. So it’s
okay to fantasize just a little bit while masturbating, but only to “walk the scale”
and help you stay in the middle stage.

In other words, don’t over-visualize to the point where the fantasy defeats you.
You want just enough sensation, but must cut off the sensation if it reaches a
peak. Fantasizing is better than viewing porn, at least in the training stages,
since you have total power over your fantasy, but are actually fed someone else’s
fantasy during porn.

The Porn Challenge

That said, you porn-lovers out there are in for a treat. As a reward for trying the
“scale” experiment and masturbating from 1-10 (or stage 1-3) in arousal level,
you can take the porn challenge so as to test your ability to regulate arousal.
(Don’t try this too early on; it’s for the “advanced” lover) In five steps: Load
a porn film, preferably one 30 minutes or longer.

Do NOT touch yourself. (This is mind only, not body) Remain

calm and relaxed.

Don’t move in any way that will help make you hard.

Watch and perceive the video, feeding your visual input.

If you keep this up, you will eventually not get hard. Most men can’t resist
becoming hard at some point, because the mind loses focus and the cerebral
cortex takes over, telling the body to prepare for sex. This is a form of neutral
relaxation. Rather than becoming “addicted to porn” and worsening PE, use
porn for your own purposes—use it to control and regulate your levels of
arousal.

This chapter has been primarily about training yourself to stay hard physically
and to resist the urge to let the mental arousal process take over. In the next
chapter, I’m going to discuss some key areas of developing stronger mental
control—even with a partner, which is the most challenging test of all!

Chapter 4

Developing Greater Mental Control

It’s relatively easy to train your body. However, how can you possibly control
your thoughts and the arousal you feel when a beautiful woman is making love
to you? This does require more in-depth training, and a bit of the “deeper
relaxation” technique we alluded to.

It’s important to control your arousal level at all costs, and understanding how
images emotions and thoughts are all connected is the secret.

How Emotions and Thoughts Work

Understand that what usually pushes guys over the edge is a “trigger”, a visual,
thought or emotion that boosts him to Stage 3 or 8/9 on the ten scale. Much of
your response to sexual excitement really depends on your personality, your
upbringing, environment and so on. All of these things are part of the way you
perceive sex. And this directly affects the way you orgasm and ejaculate.

So step one is in identifying the individual emotions, feelings, and thoughts that
cause you to reach the point of no return.

The Novelty of Sex

The novelty of sex is a force to be reckoned with. It’s difficult for a man to
control himself for the first time, and not only because he has a new lover, but
possibly because he doesn’t get to have sex that often. This “novelty”
perspective is a problem and can cause PE very easily. What will help in this
regard is stop glorifying sex as such a monumental achievement and instead to
think of it as a daily habit. Masturbate more often but with a view towards
stamina training, and if you only have sex once a year…then maybe it’s time to
date a little more often and add to your experience. (But that’s a whole other
book, right?)

Fear and Performance Anxiety

Performance anxiety is an even bigger PE threat than novelty sex. Performance

anxiety is the nervousness you feel with a partner, usually because you’re afraid
that you will come too soon and ruin your chances of a good date/relationship.
To some extent, good sex is all about attitude. The way you feel at the beginning
is the way you and your partner will feel by the end. Your reality is the
consequence of what happens in your mind. So…

If you go in thinking you’re not going to get hard, or will come too

quickly, you probably will.

If you keep worrying that you won’t satisfy your partner enough, you

won’t.

If you approach sex as the sensual, sexual pleasure that it is, you and

your partner will be happy.

If you feel worry and negative emotions, you are preparing your body

for negative consequences—like PE

Your thoughts will affect your life. You must enter into the sexual encounter
with a clear and calm mind. Erase your fears; don’t give any thought to negative
expectations. Be confident that the experience will be enjoyable. Instead of
beating yourself up about PE incidents, think of them as learning experiences.
Fear is the opposite of an aphrodisiac.
So yes, getting rid of performance anxiety is essential, because it causes the
sympathetic system to be more active. You’re just daring yourself to ejaculate
every minute of the encounter!
The Serotonin Factor

We’ve discussed dopamine and endorphins, so now let’s discuss another

substance important to overcoming PE: Serotonin. Studies have shown that
Serotonin has an inhibitory effect on ejaculation, meaning it helps delay
ejaculation and thus increase your threshold for stimulation. While there are
supplements and drugs that can artificially increase serotonin production, I
believe in the natural approach to keeping your reflexes well trained. This calm-
happy chemical (sort of the opposite of dopamine) can be released during sex if
you focus on staying relaxed and aware of sensation. That means you must
release your worries, your expectations, even your goals, and just enjoy the
moment.

Serotonin levels increase when couples are emotionally involved. The calm and
acceptance they feel for each other allows greater serotonin levels, and these
allow peaceable emotions that help you to stay in Stage 2. It is therefore
important to stay relaxed so that you can benefit from that natural shot of
serotonin. Try to: Avoid stress, especially during sex.

Keep a positive outlook in life.

Avoid negativity, including negative partners that bring you down.

Exercise on a regular basis.

Improve your diet.

Balance protein and carbs. Excessive protein (from heavy meat diets)

as well as too many carbs can result in a reduction of serotonin.

Learn How to Meditate

Controlling your body’s volatile and sometimes contradicting chemicals is all a

matter of keeping positivity in your mind and body. If you’re a naturally
negative thinker it may help to invest some time in personal meditation, allowing
your mind to think and feel only happy and encouraging thoughts for long
periods of time. Some people find great contentment in calmly meditating for
hours, without any thoughts or emotions at all! The goal of deep, intensive
meditation is not to focus on feelings but to get rid of all distractions. To simply
BE. This helps a great deal in reaching that parasympathetic state, which you
can really use in PE training.
You have the potential to train your mind to be, to meditate just as intently as
any spiritual guru. It does take practice, but more importantly it takes
discipline. Here is a seven-step introduction to preparing yourself for a
meditative, deep relaxation experience.
Set a time for ten minutes. Start with 10 but gradually increase the

increments.

Remove all distractions around you.

Sit down, close your eyes and cross your legs. Rest your hands on

your knees.
Relax and focus on relaxing all muscles in your body.

Remove all thoughts in your mind.

Breathe slowly and deeply. (More on this in later chapters)

Continue meditating until the time is up.

I know this might seem silly at first or unrelated to your problem…but trust me.
Once you learn how to meditate for a long period of time you will find it much
easier to control your mind during sex and last a long period of time during
intercourse! Remember what I call the three C’s—three points to beating
premature ejaculation.
Confident Attitude Calm Disposition Clear-Mind

Your Mental Defense

I know what you’re thinking! That’s all well and good but there’s a big
difference between meditating while you’re alone and trying to stay calm while a
sexy woman is all over you. Here’s a “mental defense” mechanism that can
help.

When having sex with a partner, don’t think about it. Instead of thinking,
worrying or emotionally reacting to all the stimuli you see, instead focus on
perceiving the experience.

Perceiving means that you see what is happening, and acknowledge it, but you
view it objectively. When you’re perceiving, you are totally involved in the
moment…you’re not asking questions, worrying or formulating emotional
statements. So instead of letting your mind getting all wrapped up in the
experience, try to keep your mind clear. Perceive what is happening and stop
thinking so much. Train yourself to keep calm in everyday life, and to not
release too much emotion without reason. Strong emotion and vivid thoughts
about what is happening is the direct path to orgasm and ejaculation! Perceive
and clear your mind.

We will talk more about this later. For now, we need to discuss two important
biological points, breathing and your heart rate.

Chapter 5

The Secret to Breathing

The more you learn about sexual stamina, and even Tantric sex, the more you
will realize how important breathing is to your staying power. Breathing is
directly related to your body’s response. I want to talk to you about your heart…
not your “heart” as in your soul or yearning but that thing that pumps you full of
life!

Your Heart Rate

As you become aroused, your heart rate increases. When orgasm occurs, your
heart will be racing—even if your orgasms are not powerful, your heart rate
increases significantly.

The goal of proper breathing is to become conscious about your heart rate and
arousal. Your training in this stage focuses on turning what is now an
involuntary action into a voluntary action. You can control your heart rate, and
in doing so, prevent your arousal from spinning out of control.
This involves recognizing your stages of arousal and avoiding emotions or
physical sensations that push you over the edge.

A Proper Way to Breathe

Breathing controls arousal, just like controlling arousal controls ejaculation.

Breathing is both voluntary and involuntary. You can’t help but breathe…but
you can decide the way you want to breathe. You can actually train your body to
“diaphragm breathe”. By transforming your involuntary breathing into
voluntary conscious breathing, you can learn to regulate your heart rate. Practice
proper breathing during both sex and masturbation.

The customary way to breathe is actually the wrong way. Short, rapid mouth
breaths make your heart pump blood faster and keeps you overexcited—
especially during sex. You release too many hormones and increase your arousal
level immediately.

Your focus should be on maintaining slow and deep breathing. Deepness of

breathe is not as important as how often you breathe in a normal minute. Try to
keep your breathing at a fixed rate (say, 4-6 seconds) and do not let it get any
faster. Your breathing should be slow, consistent and use your diaphragm. This
is the muscle that contracts and allows you to inhale deeply. When you suck in
air through your mouth, your chest lifts. However, when you use your
diaphragm to breathe, you expand your whole upper abdomen.

Shallow breaths take power away from your diaphragm. They also deplete your
energy, and not just in the bedroom, but in all activities throughout the day.
Consider a list of breathing techniques.

A List of Breathing Techniques

Semi Deep Breathing: Do this every 60 seconds. Close your eyes while taking a
very deep breath through your nose. Hold the breath for 5 seconds and then
slowly exhale through your mouth. Do this to keep arousal in check; it works
even if you are getting too excited, since it involves stopping, closing your eyes
and thinking of something else.

Synchronized Breathing: This is a different approach. When you’re having

sex, try to synchronize your breathing with the rhythmic motion of penetration.
When your penis goes in, exhale. When you withdraw, inhale. Don’t exhale
every single time you thrust, since you are actually trying to slow things down.
Aim for every five thrusts. This works because inhaling naturally puts pressure
on the lower abdomen and pelvic muscles, and that puts pressure on the prostate
and perineal muscles. Therefore, do your inhaling when you are less stimulated.

Triangular Breathing: This exercise involves a faster inhale/exhale pattern.

Inhale for three seconds and then hold your breath for three seconds, before
exhaling for three seconds. Repeat. The trick here is that you are breathing in
equal intervals. However, you can always alter this to more seconds for inhale,
hold, exhales. Just make sure it’s comfortable and equal.

Remembering to Breath

When you first try these exercises you will probably have to think with literal
numbers. However, when you practice it regularly, you can make the behavior
automatic and eventually start breathing this way involuntarily. In the early
stages, when you are still struggling to remain calm, numbers really help.

Don’t forget to breathe! That sounds silly but some men are so overzealous they
actually get winded because they are not breathing enough. Not breathing is
related to anxiety, the opposite of what you’re going for. Consistency is what
you want. Nervousness is what ruins the pattern.

Experimenting with Different Breaths

In addition to timing, you can also experiment with breathing through the nose
or the mouth, or perhaps both. Whatever works is what’s important. So while
one of the breathing techniques suggests you breathe through your nose and
mouth, it really helps to vary your breathing just to see how your body reacts.

In the next chapter, I’m going to discuss a little bit more about the PC/perineal
muscles. This is not easy to understand, and a lot of guys misinterpret the
techniques. In order to understand how to strengthen your PC muscles, you
must first understand how they work!
Chapter 6

Working the Perineal and PC Muscles

There is another area to learn in delaying ejaculation, and this is completely
different from the start-stop technique that we’ve been discussing. You can last
longer, even while hard thrusting, if you strengthen your PC/perineal muscles.

Where is It?

Where is this area located? While it is generally considered the area between the
anus and the scrotum, the entire perineum area starts in the upper pelvic region
above the penis and cradles the genitals and anus, ending at the tailbone. There
are actually many muscles within the perineal floor and these help not only with
ejaculation but also with bowel movements and urination.

Within the main perineal muscles are the PC muscle (called pubococcygeus) and
the BC muscles (bulbocavernosus). These muscles are both related to a man’s
stamina. The PC muscle actually surrounds the anus and meets up with the BC
muscles, creating the perineal floor. The BC muscles surround the bulb of the
penis or the urethra and contract to push out bodily fluids.
Confusion results from the fact that all of these muscles are closely related;
within the perineum are the BC muscle(s) and the PC muscle, and yet they all
feel like one muscle when you flex them. This is why some people refer to the
PC muscle when referring to the entire area. A more accurate term would be PM
muscles, as in pelvic muscles.

Training Your Muscles Through Flexing

You can find these muscles by stopping your flow of urine the next time you
pee. Pee and then “hold it” in. This is how you flex the muscle(s). Another
way of doing it is to let yourself become erect and then move your penis up and
down without using your hands. This is also your PM muscles at work.

Now it’s time to try flexing it. You can perform one of two exercises (and both
eventually): Flex the muscle 20 times in succession.

Hold it flexed for 20 seconds.

If you have great difficulty doing this then you might want to spend some time
building strength in these muscles. Flex repeatedly to build strength.

There are actually two ways to flex, even beyond the succession and holding
methods. You can flex the muscles in an upward and inward motion (which is
actually the rear part or the PC) or flex the front part of the muscle which feels
like two muscles being squeezed together, in the area below the testes.
Stronger PM muscles can give you stronger erections, increase control and even
increase the strength of your orgasms, when you are ready to ejaculate. In a
worst-case scenario, this discipline can even help you hold back ejaculation as if
holding back urine.

If doing the last resort flex:

Do it 2-5 seconds before ejaculation is imminent.

Stop all sexual activity and mental arousal.

Flex your abdominal muscles for extra leverage.

Keep it flexed until the urge passes.

Your arousal should be back to medium.

Don’t hold your breath for too long, since this decreases relaxation and

adds pressure on the pelvis muscles.

Don’t start again until your PM area is relaxed.

 You may experience a minor non-ejaculatory orgasm.

Be sure to flex well before the semen gets too far.

You may also ejaculate a little bit without losing your erection. Hold it

tight if this happens enough so that the majority of the semen is

reabsorbed. This is a last resort method, but better than losing all control.

A Custom Training Program for You

Usually, it is counterproductive to flex during sex, since your intent is to relax

the muscles to refrain from ejaculation—not stimulating them to action. So this
is an exercise that should be done in the “downtime” of your love life. These
flexes may seem uncomfortable at first but they do get easier as times goes on.

Make flexing a regular part of your routine. It’s best to perform this flex with a
partial erection, not completely flaccid or erect. The reason I say not fully erect
is because there is a slight risk of injury if you flex too hard while too long.
A traditional exercise routine might include:

Flex and hold for 3 seconds.

Relax for 3 seconds Repeat.

Do a set of 10 “reps”.

Increase your reps and your sets as you develop more strength and it becomes
easier. Focus not just on the PC section but also the BC section. There is a
subtle difference between the two and you will notice it more as you do them.
Remember to breathe properly while doing these, as we discussed earlier.
Proper breathing lets you put more energy into your muscle contractions.
As you continue you can hold the PM longer, perhaps as much as 10 seconds,
while relaxing just half that time, and finishing more reps.
Remember to be self-aware of your entire body, including the contractions that
happen as you approach orgasm. Your goal in sex or masturbation should be
avoiding contractions, or the feeling of “holding it” and instead letting it relax.
Combine this practice with “sensual sex” and you can actually use the PM flex
to decrease arousal and return to a relaxed state.

Safety

Just a word on safety: you can injure yourself with these practices, just like you
can injure yourself overdoing any exercise routine. Don’t strain. Don’t do so
many that your muscles start to ache. Doing too much too soon can actually
damage your equipment and cause more erection problems. Like any other
muscle you have to build it up gradually. Needless to say, penis and perineum
muscles are extra delicate! Take it slow and stop all activity if you experience
pain. Return to them when you are feeling better.

Everyone is different. Practice and experimentation will reveal a custom

training program for you.

Using PM Flexes for Strengthening Erections

Even if you ejaculate, you may be able to continue with an erection. PM flexes
can help in strengthening a weaker erection after partial or even full ejaculation.
Avoid flexing while having a full erection. The reason for doing this is because
tightly flexing your PM actually fills your penis up with more blood, which will
eventually turn into a firmer erection.

You can also try this little number: Press your thumb on the top base of your
penis where it forms with the body. Press it into your body at the intersection.
You can also use your other hand to pull your erection over your thumb. Try
holding it five seconds for an extra blood rush.
We’ve now come to our final chapter—putting it all together! For our final
pages, I’m going to discuss masturbation techniques and sexual maneuvers that
go along perfectly with my advice on start-stop and strengthening PM muscles.
The real test comes when you’re ultra-stimulated…let’s figure out how to make
this work in real situations!

Chapter 7

Masturbation and Real Sex—The Final Test

No man has ever earned the distinction of “sex god” without lots of learning
experience. Whether this experience comes in a black book full of ex-lovers or
plenty of masturbation sessions, this fact is undeniable. Even with textbook
knowledge, you can’t make it work until you apply the principles to your own
body.

Masturbation can help prepare you for real sex. Once you gain mastery over
masturbation (and become a master at it!) you will be better equipped to last
longer during a sexual encounter. Let’s start by considering advanced
masturbation techniques.

Differences Between Masturbation and Sex

Masturbation is a good learning tool. Sex therapists will often advise men with
PE to masturbate alone in a state of calmness and with total awareness of how
the sensations feel. After all, when you masturbate it’s all for learning purposes.
There is no pressure to perform, no anxiety and no particular goal or timing
required. This is the ideal time to practice everything we’ve been talking about.
The most valid criticism I’ve ever heard about masturbation (you know, besides
that it makes you go blind!) is that masturbation strokes feel nothing at all like
actual vaginal or even oral sex. This is true. In fact, some men actually train
themselves too well with masturbation and toughen their penises up so much that
they can’t come the traditional way.
So I would advise you not to keep masturbating with your hand, since this is the
porno-style, cheap and fast masturbation technique that teens do because they
don’t want to get caught. Instead, find a toy that allows you to feel something
closer to real sex—a toy that simulates the feeling of a mouth or vagina.
Real sex feels intense because it provides constant stimulation to the highly
sensitive penis head, not to mention the fact that real sex involves plenty of
artificial or natural lubricant.

In contrast, the width of a hand is usually smaller than the length of a penis. The
vagina, meanwhile is much bigger than a hand, going as deep as 7-9 inches!
Here’s a common problem I hear about: Guys think they’re mastering PE
because they learn to last longer with their own hands. However, when it comes
to penetrative sex, they have no tolerance and they still have the same premature
ejaculation responses.

Stamina Training Toys

This is why I advocate pocket vaginas or male sleeve toys, which attempt to
create a realistic vagina for more intense masturbation—or in this case, more
actual PE training. I don’t want to promote any one company over the other. In
general though, I will say to look for these qualities: Very soft, ultra-real
material (latex and silicone don’t feel real!) A strong solid base that’s easy to
hold and manipulate Natural vacuum action based on your hand movement
and a tightening sleeve NO automatic sucking devices (They’re ineffective
and not safe) The ability to adjust tightness settings and vacuum intensity
Different textures with different sensations If possible, a hands-free stand of
some sort so you can experience different “positions”

At first, you may ejaculate right away or at least have to start-stop several times.
However, this is okay…you are slowly but surely building a tolerance to intense
sexual activity that is more like the real thing.

When real sex happens, you will be better prepared.

Tips on Masturbation Training

Don’t masturbate without lubricant. It’s not only painful—it’s

counterproductive.
 Don’t rush. Your goal is to last longer, so schedule time to go for 20-
60 minutes.
Always masturbate at a time when you feel relaxed and under no
pressure.
Don’t get too aroused before you start. Masturbate while calm and
clear-minded.
Practice breathing and keeping your body in the parasympathetic zone.

Don’t flex, unless you are holding in ejaculation during an emergency.

Do not simply let the toy ride you or straddle. Make thrusts, as if

really having intercourse.

Do not masturbate with a full bladder. (Too much pressure is already

on you) Learn when the point of no return is for you that tingly feeling
when you feel orgasm coming.

Better yet, identify the PRE-point of no return and stop or slow down

earlier.

Try to only obtain a physical erection. Take emotional/mental arousal

out completely…for now. (You can test yourself with sexual arousal later
on) Focus on sensation and on feeling the nerves in the perineal area.
(Give the cerebral cortex a rest)

What is a Calm Erection?

A calm erection will be the result of your relaxed mind and physically stimulated
body. You won’t feel the urge to ejaculate at all; you will simply be enjoying the
sensations. Once you learn how to maintain a calm erection, you will be able to
last longer naturally, even during penetrative sex. Your ejaculatory reflex will be
less primed, and you will have a good “head start”. In contrast to a premature
ejaculator who is already in Stage 3 by the time he begins!
Two Masturbation Techniques

You may already know the “hand stroke” as well as the sex toy thrust and the sex
toy straddle. However, there are two other techniques I want to share, and they
are important in PE training.
Stop & Go: This refers to the technique of masturbating to a medium level of
arousal (without mental stimulation) and then stopping before the point of no
return. However, it’s crucial to stop before you reach the fourth or even the third
stage. Once you hit that PRE point of no return you already trigger ejaculation!
It’s just a matter of time, and you’re literally racing against the clock.

On average, the point of no return starts to “show” about 15 seconds before

ejaculation occurs. So aim for 30 seconds for the stop and go technique, giving
yourself a bigger window to resist the temptation to come too quickly. Wait a
full minute when you reach this pre-point of no return. Then go back to what
you were doing, using fantasies if necessary to restart a strong erection.

You don’t always have to resist ejaculating. Allow yourself the release every so
often, once you accomplish a set goal (say, 10 minutes or longer). However,
when you do decide to ejaculate, practice holding it in. (And hopefully by now,
you’ve built up PM muscles) Hold & Start: This sounds similar to the first
technique but has a slight variation. Start by masturbating slowly and practicing
breathing and relaxation techniques. Control thoughts and arousal. Now, work
your way up to a faster pace, but within medium range. Keep the medium pace
up for 20-45 minutes. Stop if you feel the urge to ejaculate. Prepare to hold it in
at the conclusion. Do not induce orgasm by moving faster. Instead, masturbate
at the same pace until orgasm and ejaculation occur. Now, when you do start to
reach orgasm involuntarily, stop all activity 15 seconds before you reach the
point of no return and hold it in with a PM flex. Hold until the urge disappears.
Start again and repeat…but this time do not stop stimulation while PM flexing
and holding it in. Keep stimulation going. By doing this you are building
greater tolerance, as you come closer and closer to the point of no return. This
may actually induce a non-ejaculatory orgasm, which is the male equivalent of
multiple orgasms, since you don’t have to ejaculate to experience this peak. If
you do this right, you can learn to separate your orgasm from ejaculation!

Focusing On a Partner

All of these exercises are preparing you for the real deal: real sex with a partner!
Obviously, if you’re going after a one night stand, mastering longer masturbation
sessions is a requirement since you will feel a bit of pressure and unfamiliar
territory when dating someone new.

One of the best ways to “avoid the issue” is to focus on your partner’s pleasure
instead of going after sexual penetration too soon. You can take one of two
approaches.

Shift Your Focus: Focus on your lover’s reactions rather than allowing yourself
to become too emotional or excited. (“Perceive” them, as we discussed) and
focus on bodily sensation. Focus all your attention on your partner and study
what turns her on and what doesn’t and react. Read her body language and listen
to her voice. Concentrating this deeply may actually distract the emotional
excitement you feel and lessen the building arousal.

Lowering Her Threshold: If you focus on making your woman orgasm before
you, then you can actually lower your lover’s “expectation” of how long you
should last. So, try to think about what you can do to bring her to climax
quicker, rather than worry about thrusting in a frenzy until you pound her into
orgasm. (Actually, many women are unable to come by vaginal penetration
alone) Extend foreplay by:
Focusing longer on sensation, touching and kissing.

Extend foreplay, including her mental arousal, which as we discussed

primes the body for orgasm. (Male or female!) Oral sex Fingering
 Sex toys

Getting Her Ready for Orgasm

The secret to lowering a woman’s threshold for orgasm is “priming her” for
orgasm long before penetration occurs. Effective foreplay is not just a few
minutes of kissing and fondling and then insertion. In fact, such hurried
behavior is only going to make your job all the more difficult.
Women take longer to reach a “stage 3” pre-orgasmic state of mind and body.
What you want to do is get her hot through foreplay, and perhaps even make her
come first, before penetration. By the time you are finished with foreplay, she is
either exhausted from mini-orgasms or just on the verge of orgasm. All it will
take is a few minutes of measured thrusting to send her over the edge.

Of course, female orgasmic response is very different from a man’s usual lock
and load process. Whereas most of men’s processes had two steps, think of a
woman’s response as a four-step process.

Foreplay: A woman is highly sensitive in her erogenous zones, and this means
more full body attention, beyond genital or breast areas. Kissing and caressing
go a long way, and even if she does want more sexual attention, she will want
extended manipulation and a variety of rhythmic techniques; which is why
skilled lovers go for oral and finger manipulation before penetration.
Emotional Connection: One major mistake guys make is assuming that a
woman’s body is a machine. That if they maintain an erection for so and so
amount of minutes, she simply must orgasm. Wrong! A woman must feel
emotionally connected with a man before she feels comfortable enough to
orgasm.

This doesn’t necessarily mean “love”; emotional connection can simply be

attraction and trust, or even an erotic story or fantasy to send her over the edge.
A woman will enjoy the experience more if her emotions are involved. Whereas
too much emotion is devastating to a man’s stamina, it is just the extra spark a
woman needs to get past any mental blocks.
Communication: Communication is key because if your goal is making a
woman orgasm, you had best listen to her on exactly how to do it! Learning
your lover may be necessary. Some women will tell you outright what they like
in bed (whether through FYI facts, romantic coos, or even dirty talk) so if you
have a communicative partner your work is pretty much laid out for you. (Pun
intended) It just takes a little listening.
Of course, some women are more subtle and this will require figuring out what
she wants, based on body language (pulling you in vs. backing away, or noticing
subtle changes in her excited voice). If she’s really quiet, you may have to ask
her if she likes what you’re doing and compare her responses.

Perception: Just as with men, orgasm and arousal are mental processes. How
she perceives the experience will affect her arousal level, as well as the timing
required, and the intensity of her orgasm. So don’t be overly concerned with
yourself—concentrate on how she is perceiving the experience! Remember
what we said about thoughts becoming reality? If you are “affected” in any way,
whether because of performance anxiety or a lack of attraction, or any other
“block”, she will sense it. She will not be able to orgasm if she senses you are
not totally digging it. In fact, her arousal level will drop—as in stopping
completely.

Don’t be in a rush to orgasm and finish! Who knows if this is your “last time?”
Make it last and spend at least 15 minutes “learning” a woman—that is, learning
what she wants, what she expects and what she responds to.

Sex Tips

There’s only so much foreplay and “priming” you can do. At some point, your
lover is going to want to feel you inside and is going to prefer if you can “go the
distance” (as Michael Bolton would sing). This is what all of our training has
been building up to—the raw, real, unrehearsed, two-person sexual experience.
Your training thus far will help you to remain relaxed and in control of your own
body. However, there may come a moment with vigorous or even slow and
steady thrusting is simply too much to bear. Here are some tips if you want to
last longer without stopping completely.

Start with slow, steady strokes and then work your way up to fast and

hard thrusting. Ideally, a woman wants this because just as fast and
furious does it for you, it does it for her. So don’t start off fast…start slow,
go to medium, then fast, then super fast. Progress naturally.

Practice faster thrusting and inching closer to the point of no return in

your masturbation training. Don’t simply practice slow strokes or else you
will have no tolerance for faster thrusting.

Make sure her arousal level never drops; keep foreplay up even if

erection speed changes.

If you are going to ejaculate too soon and can’t hold it in, you can

sense the pre-point of no return and then either (A) change positions, (B)
change rhythm or speed, (C) stop what you’re doing and wait or (D)
exercise another part of your body and try to redistribute some of that
engorging blood. This is obviously not ideal…but a last resort.

Remain consistent in rhythm and do not continually change that

rhythm. A woman will notice and may have to “start over” with her own
orgasm every time you do this. Find a rhythm you are comfortable with
and that you can keep up, as she climbs up her own scale of pleasure. If
you can keep up the pattern for a little while, by the time she’s ready to
orgasm you can increase speed and roughness and not have to test yourself
beyond what you can hold.
That’s a lot of heavy information, isn’t it? Sure…but this is information you
want to take the time to learn. There is no greater ego-boost then having your
girlfriend/wife/date orgasm and declare you as the best lover she ever had!

Believe me, if you practice and master the techniques and disciplines discussed
earlier, that is exactly what will happen. The best-case scenario is that you find a
woman who thinks she cannot have a vaginal orgasm and prove her wonderfully
wrong!

Don’t be afraid…feel silly if you have to…spend the extra 20 minutes a day…it
will be worth it.

Now let’s review what we learned…

10 Step Summary
1. Learn to read your own body, be aware of your level of sexual arousal
at all times.

2. Always try to feel sexual arousal with the parasympathetic system,

which is all about positive sensations and relaxing feelings.
3. Build physical arousal, while avoiding the much stronger emotional
arousal.

4. Learn to neutrally and deeply relax during sexual stimulation. Clear

your mind.
5. Focus on sensation more so than sexual release.

6. Be confident and don’t let performance anxiety defeat you.

7. Find a breathing pattern that helps you control your heart rate.

8. Learn to masturbate for stamina training, increasing your tolerance by

experimentation. Avoid emotional stimulation and go for physical.
9. Learn to identify the point of no return and pre point of no return.
Learn how to hold it in, by practicing PM flexes throughout the day.

10. Find out what your woman wants and “prime” her for orgasm by
focusing attention on her body, her mind and her preferences.

11. One more…practice all of these techniques together!

Conclusion
Thank you for reading “A Permanent Fix for Premature Ejaculation: How to Last
Longer without Drugs, Supplements or Therapy!”

I hope you have learned something and are motivated to practice, practice,
practice. A man’s ability to please a woman is part of his ego. Learning to last
longer is not just about you accomplishing something, nor just about her
pleasure. It’s about your own self-esteem, your own confidence and your own
happiness.

You can overcome PE using the techniques I discussed. I have confidence in

you. Have confidence in yourself and become the man you want to be!