Marriage Material

     The film “Marriage Material,” is a look inside the

relationship of two people, Andrew and Emily, who because of a
simple gesture of friendship are forced to take a serious look at
their relationship. In this case, it’s the unexpected consequences
that come about when Andrew and Emily offer to babysit their
friends’ seven-month-old son for the day. At first babysitting is
a novelty for both of them, actually more for Emily than for
Andrew. Andrew seems ambivalent about their babysitting
adventure.  Emily is curious about the cost of having and caring
for a baby, and when her friend divulges that “babies don’t cost
that much,” it intrigues her. However, Andrew seems more
interested in just getting through the day and handing the child
back to the parents.  For Emily, it is the time she spends with the
baby that she discovers her maternal, nurturing instinct has been
awakened and feels her biological clock has begun to tick. It is
this new revelation that has her contemplating the idea of
marriage and starting a family—with her boyfriend, Andrew. 
On the other hand, the vibe from Andrew is he sees the child as
nothing more than a distraction to his everyday routine, the
reason that is keeping him away from his computer and his
writing.  Andrew is a man self-absorbed in his work.  He is
happy with the status quo, but Emily is now longing for
something more. It is their different reactions to the experiences
of the day that causes them to question their life together and the
possibility that neither one of them might be “marriage
material.” This short film does a fairly good job of showing
how social devaluation, dominant cultural values and
even self-concept play a role in our daily interactions, as well as
the choices we make. It is these choices and interactions that
affect not only us, but the people around us. It is through the
eyes of Andrew and Emily that we see how these concepts are
played out throughout the film in sometimes verbal and silent
interactions.
     It is apparent that Emily is entranced by this child and the
thought of having her own family.  She delights in all aspects of
mothering from the feeding of the baby; to bath time even to nap
time…unfortunately, it is apparent Andrew does not feel the
same urge to be a father. He is a so absorbed on the computer
with his writing, that the baby and to a certain degree, Emily are
nothing more than an annoyance. A few days after their friends
leave Emily is sent a photo of the baby. When she goes in to
show Andrew a photo of the baby, Andrew is on the computer
and basically ignores her. When Emily inquires if he enjoyed
having a baby in the house, his only reply was, “yeah, it was
good to see them.” She is so desperately trying to find a way to
approach him about her feeling on having a baby, but he just
turns back to the computer; seemingly bored with the topic. 
Again, when Emily is telling Andrew about how little it cost to
have a child, that even someone as poor as she can afford it, she
just wants him to validate her feelings…instead, he says
nothing, puts back on his headphones and turns back to the
computer. I think his behavior is a form of social devaluation. I
think because Andrew does not place the same value on
marriage and family that he tends to look down on those who
feel differently.   
     The scene where Emily and Andrew are in bed, and she has
engaged him into a discussion about marriage is one of the most
powerful scenes of the film.  This is the point where you can
clearly see that their cultural values are not the same.  You can
just feel the tension building between the two of them as the
conversation continues. Emily keeps urging Andrew to talk
about getting married and starting a family until he finally blurts
out that he’s not interested in marriage. I felt that this was the
spot in the film that showed just how divided they were not only
on the social institution of marriage, but their dominant cultural
values as well. The fact that it is important for her to be married
before she gets pregnant, gives an insight to values that were
probably instilled in her as a child. The fact that Andrew sees
the life they have as just fine the way it is and doesn’t want or
need marriage/baby says a lot about how he feels about her.
Andrew and Emily have been in a relationship and living
together for at least four years, yet they are on completely
different pages when it comes to where they want the
relationship to go. A good visual image of just how far apart
these two are is the collage of photos of Andrew and Emily
dangling from ceiling fan. You see photos of Andrew and
photos of Emily, but no photos of them together as a couple.

     In the beginning of the film it seemed as if Emily had a

positive self-concept; however this changed throughout the film.
The first glimpse of this was when she confided to her friend
about the “tug of her uterus.” Emily wants to have a baby, but
she’s afraid to voice her desire to Andrew for fear of rejection.
This is further explored in the scene from the bedroom, where
Emily finally expresses her desire for marriage.  It is during this
tension filled conversation that Andrew, feeling cornered about
expressing his own feelings, snaps at Emily. In a demoralizing
rant, he goes off on how Emily never stops talking, she never
allows him to talk. He continues on further, saying that no one
can talk when she’s around and even though he has publicly
chastised her about this, she still has not stopped. This might
explain why Emily has a poor self-concept. Maybe Andrew
thinks if he can make her mad enough, she’ll drop the subject of
marriage—but she doesn’t.  Andrew’s answer of not wanting to
get married hurts Emily, it is not what she was expecting and is
clearly a blow to her ego. You can just feel her hurt and
rejection as she asks him, why he doesn’t want to marry her. 
She’s got to be feeling that it’s her fault that Andrew doesn’t
want to marry her. The sense of sadness that Emily feels as turns
over to go to sleep is very evident. The next scene cuts to where
Emily is working out on the floor. It poses the question, “is she
working out because she likes to work out?” or “is she working
out because she has body-image issues?” We know she has a
trust issue by the way she says that since Andrew travels all the
time, it would make her feel better if he had a ring on his finger.
However, do these trust issues stem from her childhood or has
Andrew done something to break that trust?
     Marriage Material allowed the viewer to look at the
complexities of a relationship through the lives of two young
people.  We could see how things as dominant cultural
values, social devaluation and a person’s own self-concept
can lead to a breakdown in how we communicate. To me, I
felt the film was like a three-part play with each act allowing us
to look a little deeper into their relationship. Each act connecting
to the other to show how one little event can snowball into a
much larger event.  In the case of Andrew and Emily, it was
something as little as a seven-month old baby that caused Emily
to stop suppressing her desire to have a baby. For Andrew, the
caring of the baby only proved to be a distraction in his writing. 
From watching the interaction and dialog between the two of
them throughout the film, it became apparent they did not place
the same emphasis on society’s institution of marriage.  In the
last few scenes of the film, we see both of them outside doing
yard work. They are still together, but somehow there is a great
divide between them. Something has changed for both of them. 
There is a sense of defeat in Emily, a kind of sadness. She
knows that Andrew is not “marriage material,” so where does
she fit into his life.  Andrew must also re-evaluate his feelings
for Emily. Can he change his values to fit hers, does he even
want to?  Initially, I thought based on the description of the film,
“a couple agrees to watch a friends’ baby,” that it might have
some light-hearted moments…two inexperienced twenty-
something’s trying to care for a baby. Instead it was the
complete opposite. It was a great film to watch from a
sociological standpoint. It was just sad to watch the breakdown
and deterioration of a relationship.