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Erron Jones

Dr. Brown

END 0240: The Short Story

28 September 2023

I Stand Here Ironing by Tillie Olsen: The Seal of Parenthood and Nature of Relationships

The relationship between the narrator and Emily, the narrator’s eldest child and daughter,

is shown to be less of a mother-daughter relationship, and rather a more parental, or co-parent

relationship. The narrator shows expressive love and care towards Emily at the beginning,

though she rarely got to see her as much as a mother would normally be able to see her child. As

the story continues, it becomes apparent that the love that the narrator feels for her daughter

Emily is not a normal kind of love or emotion a parent would typically show towards her child.

This is most readily caused by the way Emily grew up, and how the narrator, though trying as

best as she could, did not have enough parental resources in order to take care of Emily, as the

father had walked out on the family. Tillie Olsen shapes the story into a first person point of view

in which we see the mother talking to someone, most presumably Emily’s father, about the way

she had grown up, and how she will continue to grow. By using the narrator’s point of view,

Olsen is showing a different side of motherhood than what has previously been romanticized in

past history and culture prior to the 1960s. Through interactions between the mother and Emily,

the reader can conclude that Emily had to eventually take up that second role as parent and earn

her seal of parenthood, not because she desired it or was taught and trained to do that, but rather

she had to.

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In the first part of the story, it can be easily concluded that the relationship between the

narrator and her child Emily, who was a baby at the time, would not grow into the typical

mother-child relationship that is heavily depicted in many stories from a similar era. In both

paragraphs 5 and 8 on page 749, we see the narrator describe the looks and beauty of Emily

when she was a baby, but strangely we only get depictions of her outfits, hair, looks, and physical

representations. The father leaves when Emily is 8 months old, and because of this event, the

narrator has no other choice but to leave Emily with a woman who does not see Emily with the

same beauty or love that the narrator does. The narrator could only describe the beauty of her

baby because she did not really know her child in any other way. She loved Emily, but she also

had to provide. This idea of being a nurturer and bread-winner is an extremely laborious task,

and providing food, and other things that would fall on the larger bases of the hierarchy of needs

was more important than providing love and care for her child Emily. In this way, she did not

know her child as anything but pretty and beautiful. The narrator mentions at the beginning of

both paragraphs that Emily was beautiful, in the same format. From this, we get the feeling that

the narrator almost runs out of descriptions that she can talk about with her daughter. In

describing Emily through the narrator’s point of view, the reader can more clearly see the

mother’s thoughts about her own child, and it gives the reader a choice of whether to agree or

disagree with the narrator’s own thoughts, as well as choosing between taking these thoughts at

face value, or pondering the deeper intent behind the narrator’s words. Using a first person point

of view in the context of their relationship on the mother’s side provides the reader insight into

what a single mother who claims is trying her best feels like and thinks like, aiding to the big

idea of motherhood and just how hard it can be, contrary to what many other people think.
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When Emily contracts measles at seven years old, the narrator is forced to send her to an

asylum in order for her to get better. We see how Emily reacts to situation in the asylum, and

how her love towards her mother in paragraphs 6 and 7 on page 751 is not as apparent as you

would expect a young child to have who is forced to be away from their parents. Emily even

shares with the narrator that the asylum “doesn’t want anyone loving anyone” there. The asylum

does this in a way to deal with and circumvent grief, but from the narrator’s point of view, the

foreshadowing of this moment speaks to the nature of Emily and her mother’s relationship,

though the narrator at the time of this event showed no knowledge of this foreshadowing. This

same idea is magnified when the narrator talks about the letters she receives from Emily, and

how void they are of much affection, when the narrator sums it up to a seven year old writing a

letter as a seven year old would. Through the point of view, the reader gets a sense that the

narrator is not saying all that she wants to, or even that she understands why Emily is like that,

even though she tried her best. In this way, the point of view is showing the agonizing apathy

that the mother feels. The narrator’s nonchalant, or even ignorant feelings towards these almost

obvious signs of lacking affection from her daughter shows that she probably know why Emily

feels the way she does, but the narrator does not or cannot feel guilt. Referring to the beginning

of the story, the narrator tried as best she could. Is it her fault that Emily does not share that same

love and affection back? By using the narrator’s first person point of view, it seems that they do

not.

As Emily grows up into her late teens and eventually 19 years old, we get to see how the

relationship between Emily and the narrator has changed according to the narrator. As the

narrator has been affected by the years of war, and since she is still working to support the four

younger children, she still cannot be a parental figure in the home. However, Emily can, and she
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is. The narrator talks about how this is the way that Emily earns her seal (2nd prgh., p. 753).

Emily did not want to help, nor did she feel that she was ready. The narrator instead states that

Emily had to, and that through this, she had to earn her seal of parenthood. Since the narrator

served as the bread-winner, and in the time of this story, as the “father” of the household, Emily

had no other choice but to serve as the mother. Emily did not reject nor protest this role, but

rather grew into it, and as the narrator says, because she had to. It is very important to remember

that this is not from Emily’s point of view, or a third person point of view, but rather the

mother’s. Emily did not have to serve as a parental figure solely for her sake, or main purpose of

serving the nature of the family. The narrator, and more importantly in this example, her mother,

said that she had to serve as a parent. This shows the true relationship between Emily and her

mother, and how it has now shaped into more of a co-parent type of relationship. The mother still

loves Emily, but with the absence of parental affection in Emily’s childhood, and the constant

absence of a parental figure who saw Emily as a “miracle” as was described at the beginning of

the story, Emily and her mother’s relationship just isn’t the same as any relationship we could

observe between the mother and any of her other four children. The reader can tell that the

mother is not particular saddened by this, but she feels empathy for her daughter, as her thoughts

are not filled with grief or sorrow, but rather perplexity. She does not truly know how her

daughter feels, and she decides to just “let her be.”

Through Emily’s growth, the narrator in the end holds no guilt towards the actions of her

raising of Emily. She does present excuses, but those excuses according to her are valid. Sure,

she could not treat Emily the same way she treated the other four children. But the narrator says

that she did the best that she could. Still, the reader can’t shake the feeling that there is something

behind those words. Not of malice, but rather of feelings and thoughts about motherhood.
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Although she knows she could have raised Emily the same way as the others, she also knows that

she could not. In paragraph 6 on page 754, Olsen uses powerful language in order to convey the

narrator’s feelings about not just the nature of her and Emily’s relationship, but also what Emily

represented. The fact that Emily was a child of “anxious love,” almost referring to a wild animal

mother caring for her young amongst predators, which could be the symbols of war and

depression in the time that this story was set. It’s not the mother’s fault; she did the best she

could do for Emily in a time when the “best” that a mother could do was represented and shown

in a much different way. In this way, the relationship between Emily and the narrator did not

develop into a typical mother-daughter relationship. However, instead of feeling regret, or trying

to reconcile those feelings, the narrator decided to let Emily be. She was raised the way she was,

and there is no changing that.

Olsen created one of the most controversial pieces of Realism writing in their era,

showing a mother-daughter relationship that would not be seen as typical. In the time that the

story was written, it is depicted during World War II. During that time, and after the war, women

were seen in popular culture as the housekeeper, and the nurturer. But in this story, in addition to

the actual time it was written in 1961, this was not the case. Some women had to be the ones to

work, and they were doing they’re best. The story shows a sharp contrast between what culture

in the late 1950s perceived a mother doing her best as, and what a large amount of mothers

during that time actually had to go through. She couldn’t care for and show proud love for her

child like the narrator wanted to, but still, as a mother and parental figure, she did the best that

she could do for her first child. Though the narrator and Emily’s relationship is not typical, there

is still love, and a knowing of Emily and her role within the household. By illustrating this story

from the first person perspective specifically from the view of the mother, we as the readers can
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see the other side of motherhood that is not romanticized, but instead is given a sense of validity

and Realistic motherhood during the era of World War II and even current time periods.