Catalyst: (from

whom/where? If it was The change(s) I made

Text from my initial
a comment, what was to what I initially How this change impacts
WP submission:
said? From a lecture or wrote: my paper:
(Note which WP)
reading, what was the
quote or general idea?)

WP1: The work I

Added 1st Sentence: The
translated was a
popularity of Tolkien’s
portion of chapter 5 of
works has had a lasting
J.R.R. Tolkien’s The
influence on the genre of
Hobbit, which I Feedback (Julia): Need
fantasy as a whole, Makes intro less jarring
translated into an Hook
spanning different forms
artificial chatlog of
of media from games
two people playing
such as DND to other
Dungeons and
fantasy novels.
Dragons (DND).

Feedback(Julia): Need Added last sentence Adds to the presence of

WP1:
stronger thesis paragraph one: the thesis

Added chapter title in 1st Allows sentence to be

WP1: Self
sentence paragraph 2. broken up for better flow
 Small tense changes
WP1: Self Makes it easier to read
throughout 3rd paragraph

Addition to 3rd
WP1: Self Adds cohesion with thesis
paragraph, last sentence

Addition to the 4th Sentence’s message is

WP1: Self
paragraph 1st sentence more clear

Moved several sentences

to 4th paragraph
WP1: Self Better flow of ideas
“Unlike…some
phrasing.”

Added quote from

Feedback (Julia): Need
WP1: translation in 5th Strengthens the argument
more evidence
paragraph
 Added last sentence to Emphasize key theme of
WP1: Self
5th paragraph paper

Feedback(Julia): Added citation of the

WP1: Credits the original author
Forgotten Citation Hobbit

Feedback(Julia): Need Added example in 6th

WP1: More evidence
more evidence paragraph

Feedback(Julia): Need Added quotes from the

WP1: More evidence
more evidence Hobbit in 7th paragraph

Added sentence in 7th Helps flow and connection

WP1: Self
paragraph to the argument
 Removed segment from
WP1: Self conclusion (9th Better phrasing
paragraph)

Added new segment to

WP1: Self sentence with removed Better phrasing
segment above

WP2: Anthropology Added minor changes to

which in a broad sentence: Anthropology
sense the study of which, in a broad sense,
Self Makes more sense
humanity is is the study of humanity
represented within the is represented within the
article, … article, …

WP2: I argue that…I Feedback (Julia): Need Removed sentence from Removed old idea to a line
argue that while both stronger thesis 1st paragraph with new ones
disciplines and papers
differ in their
discussion on the
topic of
environmental
pollution, they are
both offer necessary
and complementary
perspectives on how
to address and solve
the issues that arise
from itI argue that
while both disciplines
and papers differ in
their discussion on the
topic of
environmental
pollution, they are
both offer necessary
and complementary
perspectives on how
to address and solve
the issues that arise
from

Added several sentences

Feedback (Julia): Need
to 1st paragraph. Inro better reflects topic of
WP2: more road mapping and
“I explore… their the paper
stronger thesis
discipline.”

WP2: The
Word changes in 1st
Anthropology paper,
sentence, 2nd paragraph:
like many of its kind,
The Anthropology paper,
tends to tends to avoid
like many of its kind,
having the author
tends to avoids having
taking an active
the author taking an
presence within the Self More concise
active presence within
writing and they are
the writing and they are
relegated to are
relegated to merely
relegated to merely
stateing the facts that
statinging the facts
have been found, or
that have been found,
studied, or compiled.
or or studied.

WP2: Self
WP2: “that is false or
otherwise purely
Self
otherwise purely
subjective.”
WP2: “Another
reason for this Self
distance..”
WP2: Self
WP2: Many papers Self
also surround the
findings of specific
studies and having the
author present their
own opinions on it on
it usually is is
Removed the well from
“any writing will be well
divorced.” Less unnecessary words
nd nd
2 sentence, 2
paragraph
Removed “otherwise
purely” 3rd sentence, 2nd Less unnecessary words
paragraph
Removed sentence from
Long and awkward
2nd paragraph
Replaced removed
sentence with another, Shorter and easier to read
“The collaborative…”
Minor changes to Last Better phrasing
sentence 2nd paragraph”
Many papers also
surround the findings of
specific studies and
having the author present
their own opinions on it
 is usually is unneeded
unneeded and harmful
and harmful to overall
to overall discussion.
discussion.

Feedback(Julia): Need Provides evidence of ideas

WP2: Added 3rd paragraph
more evidence in previous paragraph

Added footnotes for 3rd

WP2: Self Citations
paragraph

Reworked 4th
WP2:Within writing
paragraph’s 1st sentence:
that surrounds the
The role of the author in
theory and application Feedback(Julia): More
writing on the theory and Better phrasing
of Law, the role of the transitions
application of Law is
author is a bit less
less nebulous than in
nebulous.
Anthropology.
Removed word and
changed phrasing for 2nd
sentence 4th paragraph:
WP2:While official While official Official
legal documents… legal documents, like Allowed for the sentence
individual who has Self anthropology, must to be broken up and flow
specifically written… remain separate from the better
are..many. authorindividual who
has specifically written it
and areis often dictated
by the voices of many.,
 Added new sentence
from broken off one
WP2: Self above: Those that Better flow and ideas
surround theory…then
take a stronger stance.

Wording changes in
WP2: Self paragraph 5 and some Better flow and cohesion
removed segments.

Works better with new

WP2: Self Replaced 6th paragraph
ideas

Word changes in 7th

WP2: Self Less unnecessary words
paragraph

Reworking of 8th
WP2: Self Better phrasing
paragraph
 9th paragraph small
WP2: Self phrasing changes and Better flow and phrasing
additions

10th paragraph removed

Self and Feedback: need footnote, small phrasing Makes more sense with
WP2:
more evidence changes/reworks, and new ideas
added last sentence

Changed portions of
Makes more sense with
WP2: Self several sentences in 11th
new ideas
paragraph.

Feedback(Julia): Works Changed Bibliography

WP2 Correction
Cited/Bibliography into Works Cited