No.

Text from my initial WP A comment or The change(s) I How this

submission: (Note which question I made to what I change
WP) received (from initially wrote impacts my
whom/where?) paper:

1. WP1: Thesis My thesis was This essay The thesis

rather weak and investigates the now is more
Animated films embody the wasn't that distinct genre concise and
diverse analytical lenses of informational. conventions of gives enough
computer science and film insight into
computer science
studies by combining the topic of
technological expertise with
and film studies the paper.
artistic narrative. This essay while analyzing
plans to seek the contrasts animated films,
between both disciplines, demonstrating
unravel the difference in how each
approach to the same topic, discipline's
and reveal how they reflect distinct focus—on
the different communities technological
and their conventions by execution versus
deeply analyzing both texts. narrative
This analysis aims to bridge
interpretation—
the gap between the two
disciplines by delving into
contributes to a
two journals - one focused comprehensive
on technical aspects of understanding of
animation, such as different animation's dual
rendering techniques, and role as a
the other, a social culture technological
commentary about marvel and a
discrimination in an medium of
animated movie called cultural
Zootopia, which is focused expression.
on the topic of animated
movies

2. WP1: Allison :seems I split the This makes it

like there's paragraphs down to easy for the
But what bridges the multiple points multiple readers to
theoretical musings of film being made - paragraphs. Each read through
studies and the empirical evidence and addresses different my paper.
rigor of computer lay-out genre conventions.
science?............... While
computer science articles
are similar to lab reports,
stressing scientific rigor and
empirical discoveries,
cinema and media studies
articles take a more narrative
 approach, prioritizing critical
analysis and theoretical
investigation

3. WP1: I removed 2 The paragraphs - This helped

paragraphs from my WP1 as provided no the paper by
they barely provided any insight to the removing
information and didn't help thesis. unnecessary
build up the argument. content.

4. WP1: After splitting She uses several This made

New evidence one paragraph subheadings, such my paper
into several as "How do both more
other values in Zootopia persuasive.
paragraphs, I contradict
realized that I themselves?" and
needed more "What values does
evidence for Zootopia
each genre unconsciously
convention. reveal as the
underlying
meaning?" to
provide readers
with a clear context.

5. WP2: Citations Allison: “What values does This helped

“remember the Zootopia offer as me fix all my
“What values does Zootopia footnote goes the surface in-text
offer as the surface after the 4 citations,
1 punctuation” (A meaning?”, thereby
meaning?”, comment on my making it
WP2) And easier for the
And readers to
“deconstruction",
3 look up the
“deconstruction”,
3 references.

6. WP1: According to my I switched around This made it

The entire paper! peer review, I paragraphs and sound more
reorganized the came up with new cohesive.
paper. topic sentences.

7. WP2: Allison: Using Instagram's This helped

I didn’t write about how I you could have editing capabilities, give context
created my Instagram post, expanded on I crafted a to my actual
so there is no initial text. how you got it to conversation on a genre
actually look like single account, translation.
instagram. Did imitating
 you use a communication
certain between numerous
programming to people by editing
get the format? usernames.
How did you do
it?

8. WP2: Citations Allison: “italicize EduLite: Journal of This helped

the name of the English Education, my footnotes
…… EduLite: Journal of journal” Literature and Culture become more
English Education,...... 4, readable.

9. WP2: Citations Aliison: “for the Muljadi, I was using

shortened “Discrimination in the wrong
Muljadi, “Discrimination in citation, still Zootopia: A Critical format, and
Zootopia: A Critical Reading,” need the page Reading,”, 236. now I am
September 4, 2019 number” following the
correct
format from
the Chicago
Manual of
Style
website.

10. WP2: Allison: The We see Mujaldi These

I didn't make references to reflection is also organize her article references
the assigned readings missing based on different helped
reference to any questions she deepen the
of the assigned wants to answer, analysis of
readings. Which echoing Giles's my paper.
readings were emphasis on
helpful to you as thoughtful
you translated or organization and
analyzed the reflective writing as
gene a tool for
conventions? developing
coherent and
persuasive
arguments.

And

Likewise, Giles
discusses the
reflective writing
process, where the
intentionality behind
word choice and
the consideration of
 audience impact
the effectiveness of
communication,
whether in
academic or digital
contexts.

And

This a strategy that

aligns with Boyd’s
discussion on the
effectiveness of
rhetorical choices in
captivating the
audience.

11. WP2: These The "Discrimination It makes my

sentences in Zootopia: A paper more
The "Discrimination in sounded choppy Critical Reading" concise and
Zootopia: A Critical Reading" and incoherent. paper delves into coherent.
paper delves into how tales how movies impact Also
impact our perspectives on our perspectives on connecting
diversity, encouraging us to diversity. Thereby, the two ideas
engage in a scholarly encouraging us to together.
discussion. It's precise, engage in a
smart, and full of skilled scholarly
terminology. discussion it is
precise, smart, and
full of skilled
terminology.

12. WP2: The sentence The transition from This makes

sounded wordy. thorough research the paper
This transition from rigorous to active social more
study to active social media media conversation readable.
discourse demonstrates how demonstrates how
communication styles communication
influence how we debate styles impact how
and understand things we discuss and
comprehend
issues.

13. WP1: The change in “Through the This helped

I added a transitional paragraphs was exploration of both connect the
sentence before the abrupt computer science paragraphs.
conclusion and film studies,
this essay
demonstrated the
 multidimensional
nature of animated
films, where
technological
prowess and
narrative depth
coalesce to create
compelling stories”

14. WP1: I rephrased the Computer science, The

Computer science, with its sentence to with its love of the conclusion is
love of the nitty-gritty details, make it sound nitty-gritty details, more clear.
guides us through the clearer. walks us through
journey of animation creation the process of
while keeping an eye on the creating animation
latest technology and how it while keeping an
is used. eye on the latest
technology and
how it is applied.

15. WP1: No critical Several This makes

Several mathematical analysis mathematical the essay
equations like “c = − 1/ 2 equations like “c = stronger and
(z(HR) + z(FAR))6” and − 1 2 (z(HR) + more
diagrams support these z(FAR))” and persuasive.
experiments. diagrams support
these experiments
and therefore,
reinforce the
reader's confidence
in the arguments
being made.