1

Revision Matrix

By: Sam Carpenter

Text from Initial WP Submission A comment of The change what I made How does this change
question I to initially wrote impact my paper?
received (from
whom/where)

Writing Project 1: Although both From Prof. Although both It is a little hard to see
focus on the causes of political Allison Bocchino focus on the causes of the full change I made
polarization, psychology attempts to “the thesis seems political polarization, without reading the
understand the cause of political likes it broken up psychology attempts to full introduction of the
polarization in terms of the human mind between two understand the cause of revised version.
and behavior while history looks at the paragraphs” political polarization in However the change
cause of political polarization through terms of the human mind combines the thesis
specific instances in the past. ……… and behavior. In stark that was split up
…Throughout this essay these different contrast, history looks at between paragraphs,
approaches from psychology and history the cause of political and reorganizes
will be displayed through the differing polarization through information that was
presentation of evidence, jargon and tone, specific instances in the separating them. By
and organizational structure. past. The different goals doing this I was able to
of each article heavily make my paper more
change the way in which coherent, and have a
they are presented. strong and clear thesis.
Throughout this essay, The thesis is such a
these different critical part of the
approaches from paper, and I felt that
psychology and history this change helped
will be seen through the strengthen my thesis.
differences in evidence,
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jargon and tone, and

organizational structure.

Writing Project 1:Although both articles From Prof. The psychology article This change in my
use visual representations, the psychology Allison Bocchino uses these graphs to paper has a huge
article uses scientific studies connected to “What does support their scientific impact on my paper,
the human mind and behavior to support different their studies, while the history meeting the
their claim, while the history article uses different evidence article uses them to expectations of writing
historical timelines to support their claim tell us about the demonstrate the project, to where I am
different historical progression of answering the
disciplines ? why political differences between
do they use polarization.This the academic disciples
different forms of demonstrates the and what this tell us
evidence?” difference in logos for about them.
these disciplines in order
to fit specific
expectations for each
discipline .Overall the
evidence used in each
article is dependent on
the academic discipline
in which the article falls.
It is important that the
evidence used remains
relevant to the academic
discipline of the article to
best back up claims, and
to add coherency.
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Writing Project 1: This revision was Figure 1 Through adding visual

Figure 1 made by myself as representations from
I realized I had both academic articles,
referenced graphs I add coherency and
in both academic balance to my paper.
articles, but only Before when reading
inserted one this section it felt like
graph. something was
missing, and by adding
And figure 2 this second figure I
feel that that is no
longer there.

Writing Project 1:The Article Comments were In the Article Through restructuring
“How Empathetic Concern Drives made from both “How Empathetic my claim, about the
Political Polarization” uses more scientific myself and Prof. Concern Drives Political differences in evidence
and detailed evidence while connecting Allison Bocchino Polarization” there is a I feel that I was able to
political polarization to the human mind, about the lack of use of scientific studies better analyze
and behavior. analysis, and and scenarios as a way to subclaims, and
answering why tailor to the psychology indicate to the reader
there are certain discipline of the paper. exactly what the
conventions about Furthermore, the author's differences in evidence
the academic intention for adding tells about these
disciplines that specific types of academic disciplines.
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exist and what evidence is to

they do. demonstrate logos that
are relevant to the
academic discipline of
the article to effectively
back up their claims.

Writing Project 1:The These revisions How academic I decided to delete my

organizational structure within both of came to fruition articles are structured is
these articles is drastically different with through self heavily dependent on the
one having much more of a scientific reflection and academic discipline in
presentation, and the history article having prof. Allison which they fall under.
a much more typical story structure. Bocchino The specific types of
comments stating structures in both articles
“explain how you help to both carry
reached this continuity throughout the
conclusion it's not article and construct the
clear to the academic discipline
reader”. being used in the articles. different academic
The structure acts as an
indicator to the audience
about academic
discipline being applied
and shapes the scholarly
community of the
academic discipline.
claim as a whole, and
touch on what the
different general
structure does and tells
about the academic
disciplines. This
allowed me to further
discuss specific
aspects about the
structure and about the
disciplines.

Writing Project 1: When going back In addition, the abstract Changing from
The Introduction and conclusion in through my in both articles is very Introduction and
both articles are very important to original writing important to establishing conclusion differences
project this was foundational knowledge to the abstract I was
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establishing foundational knowledge and one of the and tying all the points able to more
tying all the points together. comments I made, together. However, the effectively discuss the
because I felt it conventions of the different conventions
was very not a abstract in each article in these disciplines,
very strong point differ heavily. and how they help
in the paper. shape scholarly
communities. The
introduction and
conclusion although
seemed like good
differences to discuss
when I actually
analyzed there was not
much to talk about.
The abstract on the
other hand had a lot
more.

Writing Project 1 Prof. Allison Based on Journal Article By making sure the
Footnote 1 and 2 Bochinno stated Note format from the citations are correct,
Simas , Elizabeth N, Scott Clifford , and that this was a Chicago Manual of Style the projects are given
Justin H . Kirkland. “How Empathic bibliography much more credibility.
Concern Fuels Political Polarization.” format not a Elizabeth N Simas, Scott
American Political Science Review 114, footnote format Clifford, and Just H
no. October 31, 2019 : 258–69. Kirkland, “How
https://doi.org/10.1017/S00030554190005 empathetic Concern
34. Fuels Political
Polarization,”American
Abramowitz, Alan I., and Walter J. Stone. Political Science Review
"The Bush effect: polarization, turnout, 114, no. (October 31,
and activism in the 2004 presidential 2019) : 258–69.
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election." Presidential Studies Quarterly

36, no. 2 (June 2006): 141+. Gale In
Context: Biography(accessed January 31,
2024). Alan I, Abramowitz,
https://link.gale.com/apps/doc/A14761530 Walter J Stone, “The
6/BIC?u=ucsantabarbara&sid=bookmark- Bush effect: polarization,
BIC&xid=39b4e7b7. turnout, and activism in
the 2004 presidential
election,"Presidential
Studies Quarterly 36, no.
2 (June 2006): 141+

Writing Project 2: My genre translation Prof. Allison Through taking out the
before had an out of place paragraph at the Bochinno bottom part, I was able
end. commented saying to better adhere to the
“this bottom typical genre
though seems odd conventions of a
and doesn't fit tabloid making my
with what people translation stronger.
expect from
tabloids”

Writing Project 2 This was a self Throughout the Through adding a

The article has a distinct tone and jargon reflection/revision article, there is distinct topic statement , what
often seen in modern political history comment I made jargon and tone, conventions I will be
articles. It focuses on contextualizing the when I noticed my historical references, and discussing was made
Bush Presidency and argues his metacognitive graphs that employ the much more clear and
contribution to political polarization. reflection lacked a academic discipline of coherent.
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strong topic history and convey the

statement for distinct style of this
analyzing the discipline.
conventions of the
academic
discipline.

Writing Project 2: This was another The three pictures Although this was a
However, these three pictures are self on the side entailed the very minimal change I
also references to three of the main reflection/revision genre conventions of thought it was a good
politicians and political scientists comment which I tabloids in which they example of how by
referenced in the academic article. One felt these feature side stories. changing just a few
example is seen with “John Kerry may sentences need However, they were very words, and elaborating
have benefited more than George Bush clarity and more relevant to the contexts the points being made
from increased turnout in 2004 can be elaboration. of the article as they refer can become much
seen in the behavior of first-time voters to three main politicians more clear, and
and previous nonvoters.” which I and political scientists in directed towards the
simplified to become a side story of the the academic article. One prompt.
tabloid. example is that "John
Kerry may have
benefited more than
George Bush from
increased turnout in 2004
can be seen in the
behavior of first-time
voters and previous
nonvoters." I simplified
this to become a side
story of the tabloid,
capturing both the
conventions of the
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academic and
nonacademic articles.

Writing Project 2: This was a In the first bullet point

revision I made to I included the
my translation, historical reference to
after realizing I the year 2004, to
discussed a lot further capture one of
about historical the main focuses of the
references in the academic article into
reflection, but did translation.
not have a lot in
translation.

When choosing my translation to a Prof Allison When choosing Although this was a
nonacademic discipline, I knew I wanted Bochinno my translation for the very minimal change I
to still capture the argumentative tone that commented on non academic discipline, still think it is
was so prevalent in The Bush Effect: this because there I still wanted to capture important to take into
polarization, turnout, and activism in the was not quotes the argumentative tone account these changes,
2004 presidential election. around the article prevalent in "The Bush as they help to create a
title Effect: polarization, more credibility , and a
turnout, and activism in grammatically correct
the 2004 presidential paper.
election"

The revision made just by adding two This was a self These conventions hook I feel that by
sentences discussing the impact of th revised comment, in the average person discussing the impact
translation which I realize I and, in this case, make of the translation, the
need to discuss the them learn more about reader is really able to
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impact of this the discussed topic. The understand the

translation. captivating characteristic intention and choice
of tabloids will aid in behind this specific
increasing awareness non academic
about political discipline.
polarization, an
undermined societal
concept.

Writing Project 1: Professor Allison Although both focus on This is one of many
Although both focus on the causes of Bochino pointed the causes of political examples where I
political polarization, psychology attempts out that this was a polarization, psychology reworded/restructued
to understand the cause of political run on sentence attempts to understand the sentences to add
polarization in terms of the human mind the cause of political more coherency, and
and behavior while history looks at the polarization in terms of make sure that it is
cause of political polarization through the human mind and grammatically correct.
specific instances in the past. behavior. In stark This helps strengthen
contrast, history looks at the message and
the cause of political overall presentation of
polarization through the paper
specific instances in the
past.

Writing Project 1: Prof Allison The history I feel that by adding

The history article consists of a much Bochinno article consists of a much clarity and further
more informative and argumentative tone. employed that it's more informative and explaining my
An example of this is seen in “ In the 2004 not clear to the argumentative tone. I example, my claim is
presidential election, Americans were reader how I reached this conclusion made stronger. It is
closely divided, but they were not reached this due to the various times important that not only
conclusion. these tones were used in I but the reader also
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ambivalent or uncertain about George W.
Bush”
this article, an example is understands the points
seen in the article with “ I am being. This
In the 2004 presidential revision I feel
election, Americans were accomplished this
closely divided, but they
were not ambivalent or
uncertain about George
W. Bush”.It is clear that
not only are the authors
informing the reader of
the political climate
during this time, but
argue about how
Americans felt about
George W Bush.