CHARACTERISTICS OF INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION

Let’s examine features that are present in any interaction you might have. The
transactional model of communication reflects the fact that people involved in an
interpersonal interaction participate together in the act of communicating. The model
includes at least two participants, who bring personal qualities to the interaction, as well as
their own thoughts and their impressions of their partner. Together, these participants
create and interpret symbols that represent ideas. The interaction unfolds in a context that
includes everything from physical characteristics of the setting to the cultural environment.
The process of interpersonal communication also unfolds over time. Although we’ve
identified the separate parts of an interaction to help you learn about them, in practice, all
of these components come together to create a holistic and dynamic experience that is
communication. In this section, we consider five characteristics of interpersonal
communication that are implied by this model.

1. Interpersonal communication is a continuous process.

Notice that the model connects the communication partners with a double-headed
arrow. This arrow reflects the continuous exchange of messages that occurs during
interpersonal communication. Even when one partner is speaking, the other is
communicating through body position, eye contact, and facial expressions. This arrow also
represents the channel or the medium through which messages are exchanged between
people. That channel might be a connection that exists when face-to-face partners give
each other their attention, or it could be a cell phone or Internet connection. Sometimes,
people don’t even have a sense of a communication channel, because they are so
thoroughly connected by their mutual engagement in the communication experience. In all
cases, the channel allows partners to jointly participate in the continuous creation and
interpretation of symbols that represent ideas.

2. Interpersonal communication is a dynamic process.

Interpersonal communication is a dynamic process because meanings change and
unfold over time, and previous messages affect how subsequent messages are created and
understood.
Read a transcript from a conversation that was recorded in a research lab. This
transcript was drawn from a study of dating couples. In the study, the researchers asked
one member of the couple to identify a personal trait he or she valued. Then they secretly
instructed that person’s dating partner to challenge that trait. Notice how Alicia’s assertion
that she is hard- working changes as the conversation unfolds.
A HURTFUL CONVERSATION
ALICIA: I wrote down that I was hard-working, because I had to work really hard to get into this
college.
MARCUS: I don’t understand; what was so hard about getting into this college?
ALICIA: Well, I always had this goal, and I worked hard toward it.
MARCUS: Like what? You had to finish high school? How is that hard?
ALICIA: Well, I also worked hard at sports too.
MARCUS: Your sports were softball and basketball; how were those hard?
ALICIA: What do you mean? You had to be like in top physical condition – that makes you hard-
working. I had to run miles.
MARCUS: For softball?
ALICIA: Yes. That makes me hard-working.
MARCUS: I just don’t see that it was all that hard.
ALICIA: What about how hard I work for my classes? How many hours of homework did I do last
semester? Like six hours a night.
MARCUS: Steve’s in the same major and he doesn’t do any work. It’s an easy major. It’s like
playing softball instead of soccer.
ALICIA: I’m sorry that I didn’t play soccer and you think that’s a better sport. We’re not talking
about soccer and we’re not talking about your major. We’re talking about me being
hard-working and I am hard-working.
MARCUS: Are you sure?
ALICIA: Why are you putting me down right now?
MARCUS: I just don’t think you are any more hard-working than anyone else.
ALICIA: What about the fact that I work 5 days a week waitressing? Do you know how hard
waitressing is?
MARCUS: Oh brother, Alicia. Just about everyone we know waits tables.
ALICIA: I guess I don’t care what you think. I think I’m hard-working. You shot down everything
that I’ve said, but I still think I’m hard-working.
 At first, Alicia doesn’t realize that Marcus is criticizing her, and she offers more
evidence to back up her claim. Over time, though, Alicia starts taking Marcus’s comments
more to heart. When Alicia repeats that she is hardworking later in the conversation, her
statement is more forceful and defensive than it was at the beginning. This example
illustrates how messages have different meanings at different times and how meaning
depends on prior messages.

3. Interpersonal communication is consequential.

Interpersonal communication has consequences – in other words, it produces
outcomes. When people actively use interpersonal communication to accomplish a goal,
those consequences are deliberate. For example, you might use interpersonal
communication to persuade a classmate to help you with a paper, to resolve a conflict with
a sibling, or to cheer up a friend. At other times, the consequences are unintentional. For
example, without realizing it, you might put down a co-worker, insult a classmate, or hurt
a romantic partner. The consequences of interpersonal communication, intended or
unintended, can take a variety of forms. Some of the most common consequences of
interpersonal communication include the following:
■ Learning: Interpersonal communication allows you to gather information about
yourself, other people, and past, present, or predicted events, beliefs, and attitudes.
■ Helping: Interpersonal communication allows you to provide information, advice,
emotional support, or assistance that can help the recipient deal with a problem.
■ Influencing: Interpersonal communication allows you to persuade another person
to provide help, give advice, share an activity, change an attitude, change a relationship,
give permission, or fulfill an obligation.
■ Relating: Interpersonal communication allows you to experience closeness or
distance, agreement or disagreement, and equality or inequality with another person.
■ Playing: Interpersonal communication allows you to experience humor,
camaraderie, celebrations, as well as to pass time and coordinate shared activities.

4. Interpersonal communication is irreversible.

You can’t take back messages that you have communicated, and you can’t recreate
communication opportunities that have passed. If you make hurtful comments, for
example, you can apologize, you can explain, you can try to correct a misunderstanding,
but all of your future conversations with that partner will include those comments as part
of your shared history. Just as you can’t “un-say” messages after the fact, you can’t deliver
messages after their moment has passed. Have you ever been teased or insulted, and
thought of a perfect comeback hours after the conversation occurred? As much as you
might want to call the person and deliver your zinger, you’ll never recapture that moment
in the interaction when your response would have been most appropriate.
Interpersonal communication is imperfect. Finally, keep in mind that interpersonal
communication is imperfect. Your thoughts can never be completely communicated to
another person. You have to use symbols to represent those ideas, and you have to rely on
your partner to decipher those symbols. Inevitably, your partner will attach slightly
different meanings to the symbols than you did. Sometimes, our different interpretations
are noticeable, frustrating, or humorous. Even when you don’t notice a misunderstanding,
try to keep in mind that there is always some slippage between the ideas in people’s minds
and the meanings they create through interpersonal communication.
Sometimes, people forget that interpersonal communication is imperfect, and they
place too much faith in what communication can do. The table below corrects some
common misconceptions about interpersonal communication. When you keep the limits of
interpersonal communication in mind, you can begin to improve your interpersonal
communication experiences.

TABLE Correcting misconceptions about interpersonal communication

Interpersonal communication is NOT a natural ability
Although people are born with the ability to learn to communicate, creating and interpreting
messages requires self-knowledge, attention to a communication partner’s perspective,
detailed understanding of how the situation shapes meaning, and an ability to select and
sequence messages to achieve particular goals. These abilities take effort and practice to
develop.

Interpersonal communication does NOT always solve problems

Sometimes, talking through a problem helps people to understand each other, sheds new light
on the situation, and leads to resolution. Sometimes, however, interpersonal communication
produces greater misunderstanding, confusion, and an increase in tension. Effective
communication can sometimes solve problems, but advice to “just talk about it” overlooks the
flaws that are inherent in interpersonal communication.

Interpersonal communication does NOT always build close relationships

Interpersonal communication occurs within personal relationships, and it can help you create a
bond with a relationship partner. But interpersonal communication can also be used to damage
a relationship, decrease closeness, and avoid intimacy.

Interpersonal communication does NOT always advance pro-social goals

By communicating with other people, you can achieve a variety of desirable goals – for
example, you can influence people, resolve conflicts, or provide comfort. But interpersonal
communication also has negative consequences that may be intended or unintended. Through
messages, people manipulate each other, create and escalate conflicts, and inflict pain.
Interpersonal communication can advance positive outcomes, but it doesn’t always do so.

TYPES OF MESSAGES
As you learned previously, interpersonal communication involves creating shared
meaning with people. In this section, we describe the two general kinds of meanings
created through interpersonal communication: content messages and relational messages.
Content messages are the literal or typical meanings of the symbols used to
communicate. Consider the question “Are you using your car this afternoon?” You can
attach a dictionary or literal meaning to those words and easily decipher the content
meaning – the speaker wants to know if you will be doing something that involves your
car. You can probably also recognize the conventional or typical meaning: this question
often means that the speaker would like to borrow your car. As this example shows, content
messages can be the direct or literal meaning of the words, or they can be the indirect
meanings of the symbols that are used.
Relational messages are the meanings that symbols have for the relationship between
communicators. Let’s continue the previous example. What kind of relationship do you
think exists between communication partners if one asks the other, “Are you using your
car this afternoon?” Notice that you aren’t focused on the meanings of the words
themselves, but what those words imply about the relationship. The communicators
probably aren’t strangers or enemies, because we don’t usually ask strangers or enemies
about their cars or their afternoon plans. The speaker’s choice of words also suggests that
the partners aren’t really, really close – if they were, the speaker might just say, “Hey, I
need your car.” The symbols used to communicate shed some light on the relationship that
exists between communication partners. In this case, you might conclude that the
communicators have a familiar, but not intimate, relationship.
The relational messages present in an interpersonal interaction might reflect one
person’s attempt to change the relationship – perhaps by making it more or less close. An
acquaintance who asks how you are handling the demands of your new job is showing
interest in your life that might suggest a closer bond. On the other hand, a friend from your
hometown who doesn’t want to hear about your experiences in college may also be telling
you that you aren’t as close as you used to be. Research shows that people in interpersonal
relationships often avoid discussing their relationship explicitly, especially if they aren’t
sure about whether their relationship is romantic or just friends. How do people negotiate
intimacy when they don’t talk about it directly? They pay attention to the relational
messages that show up when other topics are discussed.
Sometimes, relational messages are easily seen in the words or behaviors used to
communicate, as in the case of phrases like “I’m so glad that we’re friends,” or “I want a
divorce.” Often, though, relational messages have to be inferred from a communicator’s
choice of symbols. As we make sense of relational messages, we use the three sources of
information summarized in Table 1.2. The symbols themselves are one source of
information about a relationship, especially if relationship information is expressed
explicitly. Your previous relationship with a communication partner also helps you
interpret that person’s symbols. Third, the situation offers important clues to the meaning
of relational messages. Although relational messages can be hard to decipher, they are an
important part of interpersonal communication
 CONTEXTS
Interpersonal communication can unfold between strangers, acquaintances, close
friends, or family members. Most often, your communication partners will be people with
whom you have a personal relationship. The shared history you have with your friends,
family members, or romantic partner makes it easy to form a personal connection when
you communicate. Communication is also essential to developing and maintaining
closeness in personal relationships. In this section, we remind you of some of the other
contexts in which you experience interpersonal communication.
Organizations. The workplace is a venue in which people have many interpersonal
interactions. What happens within organizations depends a lot on the characteristics of the
particular setting – whether it is formal or casual, whether there is a clear power hierarchy,
or whether the industry traditionally employs men, or women, or both men and women.
Within the organizational structure, people’s experiences are also shaped by their
interpersonal interactions. When you and a co- worker chat about your personal lives, when
you pitch an idea to your boss, when you influence the decisions made by your team, and
when you address a conflict about work schedules, you use interpersonal communication
to connect with people. Moreover, interpersonal interactions with co-workers provide
important, emotionally fulfilling experiences, and they allow us to express and work
through our own personal issues. Thus, interpersonal communication is an integral part of
organizations.
Health settings. Interpersonal communication also occurs in contexts related to your
health and well-being. Communication researchers have shown that giving and receiving
affectionate messages decreases physical symptoms of stress and improves people’s ability
to recover from stressful experiences. In addition, the people in our lives might use
interpersonal communication to persuade us to adopt a healthier lifestyle or maybe to
engage in behaviors that pose a health risk. Our interactions with medical professionals
also affect whether we get the care we need to maintain or regain our health. The study
described in the “Inside Communication Research” box shows how interpersonal
communication can have important consequences for our immediate and long-term well-
being.
Computer-mediated communication. Many interpersonal communication
experiences involve computers and technology such as email, instant messaging, text
messaging, chat rooms, discussion boards, online social networks (e.g., Facebook), and
virtual worlds. Using technology, we are able to create a personal connection with others
that transcends the separations imposed by time or space. Computer-mediated
communication refers generally to the variety of ways in which computer technology
allows people to exchange messages with each other. Computer-mediated communication
offers a less threatening communication venue for people who get anxious about talking to
new acquaintances. In fact, Jen knows two men who prefer to address conflicts about their
shared apartment using instant messaging, which they rely on even while they are sitting
at computers in the same room! Given the volume of messages that we create and share via
technology, our understanding of interpersonal communication necessarily embraces
computer-mediated interactions.
TIPS
You can learn to communicate more effectively if you appreciate the nuances of this
rich and dynamic process.

Recognize the fallibility of symbols. One of the first steps toward developing your
interpersonal communication skills is recognizing that communication is inherently
flawed. The symbols you use will always have a different meaning to your interaction
partner than they do to you, and you will never get your point across exactly as you
intended. If you recognize that interpersonal communication is fallible, you can take steps
to reduce miscommunication.

■ As you communicate, pay attention to your partner’s responses to see if he or she

seems to be getting the right idea. Notice whether your partner asks relevant questions,
laughs when you meant to be funny, or looks concerned when you express disappointment.
Your partner’s messages can tell you whether your meanings are coming across.
■ If the messages you receive seem out of line, don’t assume that your partner
disagrees with you. Instead, double-check how well your meaning was understood. Phrases
like “Did you understand that I meant . . .?” or “I’m not sure I was clear – what do you
think I’m trying to say?” can help you to discover misunderstanding.
■ Keep in mind that you have more than one opportunity to express your ideas, then
restate, clarify, or elaborate your messages if you need to.

By double-checking your partner’s interpretations and addressing points of

confusion, you can improve the understanding that you achieve through interpersonal
communication.
Pay attention to relational messages. Relational messages are always part of our
interpersonal communication experiences, so you’ll communicate more effectively if you
pay attention to the relational messages that you receive and send to others.