Karlie Bussell

English 2010

3 February 2021

Dr. Haslam

Learning To Love Myself

I downloaded Instagram in fifth grade, I was 11. When I turned 13, that's when

comparison, low self-esteem, insecurity, anxiety, and sadness started. "Social media has been

linked to higher levels of loneliness, envy, anxiety, depression, narcissism, and decreased social

skills." (Huff Post, 2017). I spent all my time scrolling through my feed, seeing beautiful

supermodels who probably didn't know what food was. As a shy girl who hadn't found herself

yet, this sure wasn't helping build up my confidence. Every day I looked at these Instagram posts

and then to myself in the mirror and was ashamed of what I saw staring back at me. I pulled my

skin, felt my stretch marks, tried to suck in, and I cried.

I started exercising every day and downloaded an app to help track my weight and

calories. I wanted a skinny waist, a beautiful smile, and to be muscular like the models I fixated

over every day. I spent the next several years comparing myself to people I saw on the internet.

Trying everything I could to look like them from drinking Apple Cider Vinegar, fasting for

hours, and all sorts of diets. Out of everything I tried, none of it turned me into an Instagram

model that I thought were perfect.

But the truth is that the posts we see every day on social media aren't realistic, I learned

this the hard way. They add filters, make sure to get the best angles, suck in, change the lighting,

and even photoshop themselves to hide their insecurities. Everybody is uniquely different, and

beautiful in our own way. I shouldn't be ashamed that I'm not built like a Victoria Secret
Supermodel. I also shouldn't try to restrict myself from things that I love. I love anything that has

sugar in it, but when I try new diets I have to cut out things that I love and look forward to.

There are thousands of different diets out there, not all of them are bad. But living a too

restrictive lifestyle didn't suddenly make me happy with my body. After I started trying new

diets I found myself being afraid of food and what it'll do to my body. "Teenage dieting can often

lead to eating disorders such as Anorexia or Bulimia" (NCBI, 3). Eating disorders are very

damaging to your body image, self-esteem, and your health. You are restricting yourself of

important nutrients and vitamins. I started forming an eating disorder, I had no energy, my hands

went numb from time to time, and never wanted to go grab treats with my friends. Eating what I

want to eat when I want to eat has improved my confidence. Ever since I accepted that food is

fuel, and not to restrict myself from it, my life turned around.

I remember the day that I decided enough is enough. I looked at myself in the mirror and

told myself that you are beautiful. No more questioning it, you are beautiful. I was sick and tired

of feeling ugly, unimportant, and unlovable. That day is what changed my life forever. My

mindset changed during the quarantine of March 2020. There were more important things to

worry about. I used the extra time to focus on improving my happiness, reading self-help books,

and learning that everyone is beautiful no matter their body, weight, or height. And for that, I'm

forever grateful for the quarantine, and the time it gave me to focus on my happiness.

Work Cited

Dieting in adolescence. (2018, September). Retrieved February 03, 2021, from

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2720870/
Silva, C. (2017, February 22). Social media's impact on self-esteem. Retrieved February
23, 2021, from https://www.huffpost.com/entry/social-medias-impact-on-self-
esteem_b_58ade038e4b0d818c4f0a4e4