Foundation of Family

The term ‘family’ comes from the Latin word familia which means
‘household’. It could be defined as the group of people related by blood or marriage,
adoption and sharing residence. The family is a universal institution, it is generally
acceptable all over the world. Biblically, God instituted family when he brought Eve
to Adam in the Garden of Eden (Genesis 1:26). All that the Lord made were in twos,
thus, God realized the need for Adam to have a companion in the Garden of Eden
(Gen. 2:18).

Nuclear Family: This may be described as a family unit consisting of a child or

children living with two married parents under the same roof. The importance of a
nuclear family cannot be overemphasized.

Extended Family: This is a family unit that extends beyond nuclear family to include
other relatives such as aunts, uncles, cousins, nephews, nieces and grandparents. The
factors involved in the arrangement include:

 Health: Unlike what is obtainable in many developed countries where nursing

homes are provided for the older persons in the family with health challenges,
individuals may prefer to bring home their older parents or relatives who have
health issues for proper care-giving.
 Financial Status: Family members who have issues with their finances may
prefer to move in with other members of the family who are financially stable.
 Housing Issues: Extended family members who have accommodation
problems may be allowed to move in with their relatives especially as an
immediate respite to their accommodation problems and also for emotional
stability of the individual.

Marriage
Marriage can be described as a legally or formally recognized union between a man
and a woman. Marriage as a social institution constitutes the fundamental and basic
community of humanity.

Purpose of Marriage

1. Marriage is for Companionship

After the creation of Adam, God said it is not good for man to be alone, God
therefore created Eve to be Adam’s companion. Then the LORD God said, “It is not
good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him” (Genesis
2:18). God said in (Gen. 2:18b). “I will make her an helpmeet for him”. God saw that
there is need for someone to help Adam to meet his social, physical, mental and
spiritual needs. This is evidence of God’s interest in the union between a man and a
woman.
2. Marriage is for Intimacy
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and
hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh”
(Genesis 2:24).

The verse above could mean a lot of things (e.g. spiritual union, emotional
union, etc.), but primarily and fundamentally, it’s talking about sex).

3. Marriage is for Procreation

“And God blessed them. And God said to them. “Be fruitful
and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have
dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the
heavens and over every living things that moves on the earth”
(Genesis 1:28).

4. Marriage is for Human/Family Security

A husband is to protect his wife by laying down his life for her. (See Ephesians
5:25). A wife is to protect the interests of her home (See Titus 2:4-5). Parents are to
protect their children to raise a Godly seed.

5. To Reflect Christ and His Church

“Therefore a man shall leave his fathers and mother and hold
fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This
mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ
and the church” (Ephesians 5:31-32).

Processes/Stages of Marriage
Marriage involves some processes/stages which may differ according to
cultures. These are:
1. Casual friend
2. Dating
3. Intimate friendship
4. Courtship
5. Engagement
6. Introduction
7. Marriage ceremony
8. Married life.

 Casual Friendship: It is a stage of trying to move close to an individual one

develops interest in, through sending cards, writing of love letters etc.
 Dating: It is a social meeting arrangement at certain places, just to socialize
together and study one another. This may involve going to watch films,
football matches or attending other social gatherings together.

 Intimate Friendship: At this stage, the absence of one partner becomes a

concern for the other person. The individuals may begin to share intimate talks
that may help solidify their trust in one another. It should however be noted
that, the stage of intimate partnership does not imply a stage of sexual
intercourse as most young people view or understand it.

 Courtship: It is a period of further studying and understanding of one another.

At this stage, the individuals are already aiming at starting a life-long
relationship with one another.

 Engagement: This is the stage of making public to families, friends and

associates the intention of getting married. This can take many forms. Couple
may decide to hold a party where all concerned are invited or they may just
give a token like a ring which the woman wears around as a sign of her
engagement. At this stage, family involvement is crucial especially in
determining the time the actual wedding would take place. The period between
engagement and actual wedding varies but it is recommended that this should
not be more than 6 months, to enable both families prepare. An engagement
longer than one year may no longer be regarded as a true engagement.

 Marriage Ceremony: Is the public declaration of the relationship between a

man and a woman when the two will be joined together as husband and wife.
There are three major types of marriage ceremonies acceptable in Nigeria –
Court or legal, Traditional and Religious.

 Married Life: Involved living together of husband and wife where they are
expected to live together in harmony. Meeting each other’s need, socially,
sexually, emotionally and spiritually.

Factors to consider during courtship and in preparation for marriage

A number of factors must be put into consideration by individuals

contemplating marriage. These factors include:
1. Physical Compatibility: This deals with age, stature and beauty of the
individuals.
2. Physiological Compatibility: This is compatibility in the genetic makeup of
two people. It is recommended that individuals contemplating marriage should
know their genotypes before entering into a marriage relationship. Below are
possible genotypic combination that may result.

AA + AS AS + AS

or but not or

AA + AA SS + SS

AA AS AS AS

AA AS AS SS

3. Emotional Compatibility/Readiness: This involves the temperament, habits,

personality disposition of the individual.
i. Be able to endure and accept positive criticism.
ii. Be able to accept others as they are.

4. Economic Readiness: This involves the:

i. Academic achievement
ii. Learning of skills
iii. Having a steady job.

5. Spiritual Compatibility: The Bible admonishes in the following text 2 Cor.

6:14, 17, 18 that a believer should not get into relationship with an unbeliever.
Beware of someone with Godly appearance but are not totally submitted to
God (Mark 10:21).

6. Domestic Readiness: Everybody who is contemplating to marry must have a

good knowledge of what practical domestic life is like. This may include:
i. Cleanliness of the home
ii. Planning and cooking of balanced menu/meal for the family

Practices to be avoided During Courtship

Courtship is a more serious relationship where a man and a woman reserves
their special attention for each other. There are some practices to be avoided by both
parties which include the following:
1. Avoid Purposeless Visits: Both parties should avoid sudden, unscheduled visit
and most especially any visitation that does not have any purpose because
unnecessary visitation by both parties may lead to temptation. They should
give no place to the devil (Eph. 4:27).

2. Avoid being Together Alone in the Dark: Staying alone in the dark may aid
falling into sin. Darkness and the prince of darkness are always producing
fruits of darkness.

3. Avoid being Together Alone in a Room behind Closed Doors and

Windows: Don’t give people around to make insinuations. Nothing of
uncleanliness should be associated with you. Maintain a testimony of
cleanliness. (I Pet. 5:8) says the Devil is like a roaring lion, looking for whom
to devour (Matt. 5:14-16), you are the light of the world.

4. Avoid Kissing, Pecking and Caressing: Flee youthful lusts (2 Tim. 2:22).
What you will eat for life, why rushing over it? Patience and self-control are
fruits of the Holy Spirit (Gal. 5:22).

5. Avoid Fornication: (Heb. 13:4). Marriage is honourable, the bed undefiled.

Marriage is an institution. Don’t blind it on the foundation of sin (Psalm 2), if
the foundation be destroyed, what can the righteous do? Pre-marital sex can
expose you to various risks such as unwanted pregnancy, contracting a
sexually transmitted infection (STI/STD), physical injury, and psychological
injury.

Quality to Look for in a Prospective Wife

1. One who loves and fears God.
2. The individual must be a good home keeper, who will not only be concerned
with herself but also with the welfare of other members of the family.
3. One who is not extravagant but will help to manage resources in the home
well.
4. One who has the interest of the husband’s family as well as her family at heart
all the time.
5. Someone who will not use you to gratify her own pleasure.
6. The woman must be physically attractive to you both in ‘Face and Form’.
7. A woman that will bring happiness to your home.

Qualities to Look for in a Prospective Husband

1. A man who expresses love and is of a noble character.
2. One who loves and fears God. Genuine love for God will radiate to other
members of the family.
3. One who will preserve your individuality and not enslave and control your
judgment and conscience.
4. One who will allow the wife to honour God by preserving her body pure and
holy before marriage.
5. Someone who cherishes his parents and recognizes his obligation to his
parents because if he respects and honours his parents, he will also respect and
honour his wife.
6. Someone who will be patient when mistakes are made.
7. Someone who exhibits true affection for the woman.
8. One who is diligent and honest.
9. One who is hardworking and not lazy.
10. The man must be physically attractive to you both in ‘Face and Form’.

Types of Marriages
1. Monogamy: It is a form of marriage in which one man marries one woman. It
is the most common and acceptable form of marriage.

2. Polyandry: It is the marriage of one woman with more than one man. It is less
common than Polygamy.

3. Polygamy: It is a form of marriage in which one man marries more than one
woman at a given time. It is of two types – Sororal polygamy and non-sororal
polygamy.
 Sororal Polygamy: It is a type of marriage in which the wives are
invariably sisters. It is often called sororate.
 Non-sororal Polygamy: It is a type of marriage in which the wives are
not related as sisters.

4. Same-sex Marriages: This usually occurs between a man and a another man or
between a woman and another woman. Same-sex couples are allowed to marry
in Belgium, Canada, Spain, South Africa, the Netherlands, and South Africa.
In the U.S., they can marry in the District of Columbia and six states.

Types of Wedding Ceremonies

 Court or Legal Marriage Ceremony: is a marriage ceremony that is

conducted in the court by the court officials in charge of marriage ceremonies.

 Traditional Marriage Ceremony: is the marriage ceremony that is celebrated

according to the acceptable order of a community which usually differs from
one community to the other.
 Religious Marriage Ceremony: It is a marriage ceremony that takes place
either in the church or mosque. It is usually referred to as white wedding.

Establishing a New Home

In establishing a new home, couple should consider the following:

1. The moral and religious influences in the location of the home.

2. The family health, purity and simplicity of life. AH 132, E.G. White says,
“Find rest of spirit in the beauty and quietness and peace of nature”.
3. The first home i.e. Eden as a model:
a. Such home must be beautified by the hand of God Himself by plants.
b. Create a simple, healthful home rather than a glorious palace. E. G.
White says, “True happiness is found not in the indulgence of pride”.
c. Consider the effect of the environment on the character of the coming
children. Adventist Home, pp. 131-148.
d. If possible live in a country home, because country home:
i. Allows you unlimited contact with nature.
ii. Offers availability of land for comfortable home and gardening.
iii. Contributes to the economic security of the family.
iv. Provide spiritual lessons through nature.
v. Provides God’s expression of love and wisdom to both parents
and child.

BUILDING AND FURNISHING THE HOME

In building or furnishing the home:
1. Live in a well-ventilated house to allow thorough ventilation, fresh air and
sunlight and make adequate drainage to avoid stagnant waters.
2. Home appliances must be:
 Durable
 Simple

Importance of Honeymoon

1. For Relaxation: It is important for the couple to relax from all the stress of
running round in preparation for the wedding ceremony and the ceremony
itself. The couple may not have sex during the first night after wedding that is
the reason why they need more than a day for honeymoon.

2. For Reflection and Planning: The honeymoon gives a couple time to reflect
on the new reality of marriage and begin to plan for the new family, what they
hope to achieve together, number of children, discuss financial issues (how
 they will handle their finances: separate or joint account), when and where they
will build their personal house etc.

3. For Adjustment to Sexual Relation: This is the time to adjust to sexual

relation when they will know each other.

BRIDE PRICE
Bride price also known as bride wealth or bride token is an amount of money
or property or wealth paid by the groom or his family to the parents of a woman upon
the marriage of their daughter to the groom. The agreed bride price may or may not be
intended to reflect the perceived value of the girl or young woman.

Differences between Dowry and Bride Price

Dowry is a gift of money or valuables given by the bride’s family to the
groom’s at the time of their marriage. A “dowry” is the transfer of parental property to
a daughter as her inheritance at her marriage (i.e. inter vivo) rather than at the owner’s
death (mortis causa). A dowry establishes a type of conjugal fund, the nature of which
may vary widely.

IMPORTANCE OF BRIDE PRICE IN AFRICA

 The bride price is a way of thanking the bride’s family for taking care of the
bride and compensating them for taking her away from them.
 It is also a symbol of commitment and assurance that the man has the ability to
cater for the lady and that both of them will live together forever.
 The bride price also signifies the generosity of the man.
 It is a symbol of marriage contract i.e. to cement the marriage.

INTER-ETHNIC AND INTER-RACIAL MARRAIGES

Inter-ethnic marriage can be described as the marriage between a man and a

woman who are from different ethnic while Inter-racial marriage occurs when two
people of differing racial groups marry.

Problems of Cultural Differences

i. Communication: The indigenous language is most times put aside for a rather
neutral national language or worse still, a foreign language or the official
language (English) in many homes in Nigeria. Although, it is important to
 mention here that it is not peculiar to multi-ethnic homes yet it is
understandable why it is so.

Younger women these days have to contend with sisters and mothers in-law
over their style of dressing she may find quite comfortable but to the in-laws, it
may not reflect the symbol of “married woman”. It could be interpreted to
mean non-submission or being uncultured if she does not cover her head all the
times especially outside the house. It could be the issue of short dresses,
trousers or make-ups. To the wife, she might not see it in this light. Yet this
could be brought about by not just the culture but the religious doctrines and
traditional beliefs of the ethnic group her husband comes from or even her own
though the men usually do not encounter problems with their dressing or
appearance.

In this case though, each person’s attitude towards the other’s cultural
differences is what makes the difference; for the purpose of knowing more or
well enough of the family or ethnic group you are to be joined with, do not
rush into marriage.

ii. Mutual Respect: is a very unique aspect which must be appreciated in inter-
ethnic marriage.

iii. Gender Roles: Some ethnic groups have it that women should work very hard,
if not harder than the men to be able to cater for the needs of the family.

iv. Sexual Relationship: It is something out of place for the topic “sex” to be
mentioned or even discussed among some races. It is considered a taboo.

v. Child Upbringing/Parenting: Certain ethnic groups believe that children

upbringing is a principal responsibility of the woman.

vi. Polygamy: Women generally dread polygamous marriage apart from those
who are bound to accept it as a religious obligation.

vii. Money: This has a very important role to play in the lives of individuals as
well as family and the couple.

Advantages of Inter Ethnic/Interracial Marriages

Advantages of interethnic/interracial marriage include the following:
1. It enables the couple to learn about new cultures.
2. It enables the couple to learn about new religion.
3. It exposes couples to new ways of thinking.
4. Incorporating aspects of the culture/race/religion into each other’s daily lives.
5. Possibility of learning a new language.
6. It exposes couples to another country.
7. It affords the couple the opportunity of teaching others around them that
interethnic/interracial marriage is like any other marriage with challenges but
worth it.
8. Inter-ethnic marriage allows people of a culture to get familiar with the norms,
values and taboos of another culture.
9. Having an incredible experience with someone you love and respect.

Disadvantages of Inter-ethnic/Interracial Marriage

1. Gender roles will cause problems when each individual holds different beliefs
about how the other person should behave. In western societies, women are
given more liberties and freedoms, but in non-western societies the female is
heavily expected to serve the man.
2. Disapproving in-laws are an issue in the majority of interracial marriages.
3. The strategies for raising children born to interracial couples may become a
challenge.
4. Food and drink also become a problem in some interracial marriages. People
from different races usually prefer different types of foods, how the meal is
prepared, what time the meal is served, where the meal is eaten, and how it is
eaten. The husband too might be very down to earth or home-boy type who
would always prefer local delicacies and soups from his village.
5. Couples from the same racial group sometimes have different value systems.
6. Linguistic considerations.

MARITAL ADJUSTMENT: SEXUAL BEHAVIOUR

Marital adjustment implies the ability to adapt or adjust to changes that often
come up during the couple’s interactive relationship in marriage.

 Talk about Sex: Face the reality of oneness in marriage and desist from the act
of not talking about sex which many (especially from the developing world)
grew up with.

 Add Act of Purity: Handle sex as God created it to be. Couples should avoid
pornographic practices in the bedroom.

 Obey Marital Sex Law 1: Couples must keep sexual relationship between just
the two of them only and no third person involvement.
MARITAL ADJUSTMENT: FINANCIAL MANAGEMENT IN MARRIAGE
Issues of finance in marriage is an important aspect of marital relationship.

1. Have a Budget
The responsibility to manage family finances should be shared between
husband and wife with an attitude of trust and openness. Wise financial
management can provide security and promote family well-being.

2. Openness among Couples

Keeping financial secrets from each other may be detrimental to the smooth
running of the home. It is advisable that couples disclose their incomes to one another
ever before a budget is done.

3. Spending within your Budget

Couples must learn to live within their income limit especially within their set
budgetary goals. They must avoid unnecessary and unwholesome competition.

4. Set Aside Some Savings

This is important so that unexpected emergency needs can be met without
having to go and borrow.

Benefits of Budgeting
1. It helps to set priorities right by having a clearer understanding of the family
expenditure and maximizing their money’s potential.
2. It allows for re-organization, if things have not been properly done in the past.
3. It shed new light on neglected areas on a daily basis.
4. It reduces stress. When couples have full control over their expenditure it
transforms their stress into a feeling of empowerment and fulfillment.
5. It promotes long term planning especially for retirement.

FAMILY ROLES AND RESPONSIBILITIES

The Role of the Father

 The father is the major decision maker of the family
 The father is the breadwinner and chief provider of the family
 He takes part in caring for the children
 He is the family Priest
 He gives physical, emotional and financial security to the family
 He is a teacher
 He is a companion to the wife and children
 He is the problem solver

To support the roles and responsibilities of the parents, the Adventist Home,
pg. 21 stated ‘The home is an institution of God. God designed that the family circle,
father, mother, and children, should exist in this world as a firm.
The work of building a happy home does not rest upon the mother alone.
Fathers have an important part to act. The husband is the house-band of the home
treasures, binding by his strong, earnest, devoted affection the members of the
household, mother and children, together in the strongest bonds of union
His name, “house-band”, is the true definition of husband… I saw that but few
fathers realize their responsibility.

The Head of the Family Firm: The husband and father is the head of the household
The wife looks up to him for love and sympathy and for aid in the training of the
children; and this is right. The children are his as well as hers, and he is equally
interested in their welfare. The children look up to the father for support and
guidance; he needs to have a right conception of life and of the influences and
associations that should surround his family; above all, he should be controlled by the
love and fear of God and by the teaching of His word, that he may guide the feet of
his children in the right way…
The father should do his part towards making a happy home. Whatever his
cares and business perplexities are, they should not be permitted to overshadow his
family.

The Role of the Mother

 The mother is the manager in charge of the resources in the home.
 She takes care of the children
 She plans and prepares the family meals
 She also takes part in the family discipline
 She assists the father in his finances by also earning an income
 She is responsible for a child’s habits including cleanliness, order,
conversation, eating, sleeping, manners, and general propriety of behavior.

The Role of the Children

1. Children have the duty of honoring and respecting their Parents
This is, clearly stated in the fifth commandment, showing man’s duty to his
fellow man. Children are to show this honor and be respectful in their attitude toward
their parents, even in the face of provocation. They owe their parents the
responsibility of being polite and speaking respectfully, listening and taking advice
from them. Children are not expected to speak disrespectful to their parents in the
public.

2. Children should take wise counsel from their Parents

No matter how old a child is, he/she may not be wiser than the parents, thus
need to seek Godly counsel from parents in all areas of life which may include:
education, career guidance, marriage, finance, and spiritual resources. “My son, hear
the instructions of thy father, and forsake not the law of thy mother” (Proverbs 1:8).

3. Children should love their parents and express gratitude to them. Every child
has a duty to love the parents and be thankful to them whenever they provide
them with what they want and even when the immediate needs are not met.

4. Submission to parental discipline: Children must bear the parents’ rebukes

with humility.
5. Children are to assist in family chores when they get to certain ages.

Advantages of Having A Large Family

While many people will argue that children are at a disadvantage in a large
family, and some will even venture to say there is a level of neglect there.

1. Unlike most children today, they are genuinely needed at home. Through their
chores and their handling of responsibilities around the house, they contribute
to the family’s welfare. Consequently, they grow in self-knowledge (their
strengths and limitations) and realistic self-confidence.

2. Related to this, they understand the real meaning of responsibility, that is, if we
don’t do our duty, someone else will suffer. So their moral development,
moving from “self” to “others” – takes root more deeply. They grow to be
givers, not takers.

3. Surrounded by siblings’ conversation and playful interaction, they enjoy

constant intellectual stimulation. This strengthens and sharpens their judgment.

4. They’re surrounded by laughter. By and large, even with its ups and down, the
home of a large family is a happy place, a place of healthy fun. All their lives,
children from a large family remember the fun they had together, the sheer
delight of being alive surrounded by love.

5. Even their normal squabbles and spats, when referred by parents, teach them
lessons of fairness, sharing, splitting differences, letting others off the hook,
forgiving and forgetting.
Disadvantages of a Large Family
There are several disadvantages of having a large family which are listed
below:

1. First of all, there is hardly any privacy. In a large family, you may have to
share bedrooms with your sisters or brothers. It is hard to have any time alone
because there are so many people living in one house;

2. A large family often has more expenses than a small family. A large family has
to budget their money so that everyone can have enough food and clothes to
live. Sometimes, children or parents cannot buy what they want because they
have to save for others in the family.

3. Also in a large family, there is more responsibility on the parents to take care
of all their children. It takes a lot of work by parents to make sure that all their
children grow up to be good people.

4. Families with lots of children can mean that the parents do not give equal time
or attention to each child, and many overlook a quieter child as they have
noisier, naughtier children to deal with.

5. It uses up the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual energy of the parents.

6. It paralyses the family health.

7. It slows down the children academics and other life achievements.

8. It restricts missionary service in the family, and

9. It turns God’s blessing of child bearing into burden.

The Four Parenting Styles

Macchoby and Martin’s Four Parenting Styles/Baumrind’s Three Parenting

Styles

Undemanding
Demanding
Indulgent/Permissive
Responsive Authoritative/Propagative

Unresponsive Authoritative/Totalitarian Neglectful

1. Authoritative Parenting
The parent is demanding and responsive. When this style is systematically
developed, it grows to fit the descriptions of propagative parenting and concerted
cultivation.

2. Authoritarian Parenting
Authoritarian parenting is a restrictive, heavy punishment parenting style in
which parents make their children follow their directions with little or no explanation.
Authoritarian parenting involves low parental responsiveness and high parental
demand; the parents tend to demand obedience without explanation and focus on
status.

3. Indulgent/Permissive Parenting
Indulgent parenting, also called permissive, non-directive or lenient, is
characterized as having few behavioral expectations for the child. Indulgent parenting
is a style of parenting in which parents are very involved with their children but few
demands or controls on them.

4. Neglectful Parenting
The parent is neither demanding nor responsive. Neglectful parenting is also
called uninvolved, detached, dismissive or hands-off.

CONFLICT AND CONFLICT RESOLUTION IN MARRIAGE

There is no way to avoid conflict in your marriage, though many people
believe that conflict in marriage is always negative.

Causes of Marital Conflict

1. Sex: The frequency, quantity and quality of sex are common sources of stress
and disharmony in a marriage. The number-one reason people report not
having sex in their marriage is being “Too tired”, followed closely by “Not in
the mood”.

2. Work: Couples need to be able to schedule their work activities in such a way
that it does not tamper with the normal functioning of the home.

3. Parenting/Children: A child is the number one stressor in a marriage and can

heighten differences in beliefs on issues like how to discipline.

4. Chores: Many couples argue over equal distribution of household work.

Domestic readiness is an attribute that is relevant and important for everyone
who intend to get into a serious marriage.
Other Causes include:

6. Poor Communication Skills: Active listening and good communication skills

is of great importance to couples. Couples must learn to communicate in
healthy ways.

DIVORCE: CAUSES, EFFECT AND CONTROL

A divorce is a legal action between married people to terminate their marriage

relationship. It can be referred to as dissolution of marriage and is basically, the legal
action that ends the marriage before the death of either spouse.

Causes of Divorce
1. Getting in for the wrong reasons such as marrying for money which may be
referred to as a ticket to divorce, but what about when you marry because it’s
what you think you should do?

2. Lack of Individual Identity: Allowing your parent to do all the thinking for
you may not be healthy in a relationship.

3. Infidelity: Cheating is a sign that there are serious underlying marriage issues
that need to be addressed.

4. Incompatibility: You must have been compatible at some point to decide to

get married.

5. Lack of Communication: Communication is crucial in marriage and not being

able to communicate effectively quickly leads to resentment and frustration for
both, impacting all aspects of a marriage.

6. Lack of Intimacy: Somewhere in a marriage there is a subtle change in the

intimacy deportment.

7. Finances: It’s not usually the lack of finances that causes the divorce, but the
lack of compatibility in the financial arena.

8. Inability to Resolve Conflicts: Every couple has disagreements.

9. Improper Attitude to Sex: The sex pendulum is swung from one extreme to
the other. We talk as freely of sex as we talk of politics.

10. Abuse: Abuse is whatever form is a cause of divorce.

Effects of Divorce on Families
The primary effect of divorce (and of the parental conflict that precedes the
divorce) is a decline in the relationship between parent and child. Immediately after a
divorce, most parents have two sets of problems: their adjustment to their own
intrapsychic conflicts and to their role as a divorced parent.