Consci

ousnessofsel
f/sel
fident
it
yinBet
weenTheWor
ldAndMe

Humansar econsciousanimal swhoseemot i

onalmat uri
tyisindicatedbyt heabi l
it
yt oidenti
fy
andexpr essemot i
onsappr opriat
ely,andtheabi l
i
tyt odemonst r
atear epertoi
reofposi t
ive
copingresponsestost ress.Becauseemot ionalmaturityrequirestheabi l
itytounder standand
ref
lectupononesel f,i
ti scloselyrelat
edtot heparall
eldev elopmentofsel f-
identi
tyandsel f-
esteem.Sel f
-i
dent
ityref
er stothedescr i
pti
vecharacterist
ics,quali
ties,andabiliti
esthatpeopl e
uset odefinethemselves.Sel f
-esteem isaconceptv erysimi l
artosel f-
identi
tybuti ncludesa
val
uej udgmentaboutone' sidentit
y.

Whileself
-esteem isajudgmentmadeaboutonesel f
,itisstronglyinf
luencedbyanumberof
fact
ors,part
icularl
ytheperceiv
edjudgment
sofot herinf
luenti
alpeople.Thephysi
calchanges
ofpuberty
,coupl edwit
hnewl yemergi
ngmentalabi
li
ti
es,causey outhtobecomesel
f-consci
ous
aboutthei
rbodi esandconcernedwithhowot
hersperceiv
et hem.

Sel
f-
esteem alsobeginst oimproveasy outhbegi ntounderst
andthediff
erencebetween
per
for
manceout comesresult
ingfr
om i
nherent,natur
alt
alentandabi
l
ity
;ver
sus,perf
ormance
out
comesr esult
ingfr
om hardworkandper
sev erance.

HereCoat esmouldshi sconsci ousnessasachi ld,

anadolescent,t
eenager,
asal over,
husband
,son, f
ather
,br
other,fr
iend,andal soasaj ournal
istwhoquestionstheclai
msofthesoci ety.Hi
s
developmentofconsci ousnessi sinfl
uencedbyhi schil
dhoodexperiencesatf
amily,schooland
society.Hiscol
legepeergr oupst hei
ratti
tudesandt hepeoplewhom hemetatBal ti
more
,Howar dandNewy orkhelphi m changeandmodi f
yhisconsciousness.Ashegr ew olderhe
becamemor ewisermendi nghi sthoughtsandpat hs.Asachi l
dheobey edandsubscribedfrom
thev al
uesandculturesofhi sparentsandsoci et
y .

Asy outhbegint oponder ,

"Whoam I ?"hebegant ofi
ndhi mselfinmor eabstr
acttermsandthi
s
new abili
tytot hinkabst r
actlyenablest oexpandsel f-defi
nit
ion.Youngerchi ldr
enwhot hi
nk
moreconcr etelywilluseconcr ete,observabl
echaracter i
sti
cst odescr i
bethemselvessuchas
thei
rabili
tytorunf ast,orthecoloroft hei
rhair
.Incontrast,adolescentsnowbegi ntousemore
abstractcharacteri
sti
cstodescr i
bet hemselvessuchast hei
rloyalty,
kindness,andhumor.Thi
s
dist
incti
onisv isibl
einAf roAmer i
cany outhwhost r
uggl einpost coloni
alworldtof i
tint
othe
societybybleachingtheirskinandst r
aighteni
ngthei
rhai rassaidbyCoat es.

Anumberoft heor
ieshavebeenproposedthatdescr
ibetheprocessbywhi
chaself
-conscious
i
sf ormed.We wi llrevi
ew two such t
heori
es and then di
scuss t
he way i
n which self
-
consci
ousnessinf
luencesthedev
elopmentofapersonalval
uesystem.
TheChi ldDev elopmentTheor ypr oposedi sby oneoft hemostwel l-knowndev elopment al
theor istsJeanPi aget .Accor dingt oPi aget ,chi ldren' scogni t
iveabi l
itiesdev el opedi na
sequent i
al,step- wi sef ashi onandt heircogni tivedev elopmentsubsequent lyinf luencedt heir
soci al awar enessandmor al mat urity.Howev er, Piagetconcededt hati nt hel aterst agesof
dev elopmentchi ldr en'ssoci al env ironmentcoul di nf luencet hedev elopment al pr ocess.
Her ei tisCoat esencount erwi thhi sl i
fest ylei nbal ti
mor easaki dt hatf or medhi sbaseoft he
per cept ionoft hewor ld.Anot heri nf l
uent i
al,dev elopment al theor istoft hiser awasEr i
kEr i
kson
whopr oposedhi spsy chosoci al theor yhumandev elopment .UnlikePi agetandKohl berg,
Erikson' stheor yspanst heent irel ifecy cl
eandt her eforeconsi derst hedev elopment alprocesst o
beanongoi ng, l
ife-longpr ocess.Accor dingt oEr ikson' st heor y,peopl emustpasst hrough
sequent i
aldev elopment alstages, or" cri
ses" ,dur i
ngwhi cht heyei therdev elopt henecessar y
skillst obecomesuccessf ul,happymember sofsoci et y;or ,theyf ail tosuccessf ullynav igatethe
crisisandr emai n" stuck"att hatdev elopment al st age. Suchst agescanbeseeni nCoat es
Coat esl i
fe.Hesay st hathei saf rai dandal way shasbeenaf r
aid.Hesawf eari n“ t
he
ext ravagantboy sofmynei ghbor hood”( 14)gr owi ngupi nBal t
imor e.Thei rcl othesand
demeanor sasser tedt heirattempt st opossesst hemsel ves.Hesawt hei rf eari nt hei rcustoms
ofwarandi nt hemusi chehear d.Hesawf eari nwor dsandhar dgazes.Hef elthi sf ather ’
sfear
whenhewasbeat enwi thabel t."Myf atherwassov eryaf r aid.If eltiti nt hest ingofhi sbl ack
l
eat herbel t,whi chheappl i
edwi t
hmor eanxi etyt hananger ,myf at herwhobeatmeasi f
someonemi ghtst eal meaway , becauset hati swhatexact l
yhappeni ngal l aroundus".He
remember showonce, whenhesl ippedawayatapl ay groundandwasf oundbyhi sf ami l
y,his
fathersai ditwoul dbehi mt hatbeathi m ori twoul dbet hepol ice.Chi ldhoodi nBal timor ewas
being“ nakedbef or et heel ement soft hewor ld, bef or eallt heguns, fist s, kni ves, cr ack, rape,and
disease”( 17) .Thel awcoul dnotpr otecthi m.Chi l
dr enwer epower lessagai nstt hewi lloftheir
par ent s.Theynev erquest i
onedt hei rrulesandr egul ationsandobey edt hem .Thi sdeepl y
i
nf luencedt hei rpsy chol ogyandmoul dedt hev essel st heywer etobecomei nf ut ure.Theaut hor
him sel fsay st hati tmi ghthav esav edhi sl i
febuthei snotsur ei fitwasabl et of or m his
per sonal it
yf orhehassomebi ases, prejudicesandat ypical viewaboutt hewor ld.Thest r
uggl e
tof indhi sident i
tyasaper soni nBal timor e.Hef ondi tassomet hi ngt hatcanbewi pedoutata
gunpoi nt.

Her emember showonedayhesawagr oupofol derboy syell

ingatay oungerboyhi sownage;
thiswasawarf ortheboy ’sbody .Hesawt heboypul loutagunandr ealizedf orthefir
stt i
me
thathisownbodycoul dbeext i
nguishedinani nstant.Theboyl ookedathi m andmadehi mfeel
hisplace.Heknewt hattherewer eplaceswher eboy sdi dnotfearforthei rlives.Theyt hought
ofbasebal l
cardsandt oyt rucks.Heobsessedov erthespacebet weent hei rwor l
dandhi sown.
Itseemedl i
kea“ cosmi cinjusti
ce,aprofoundcr uelt
y ”(21)
.Theboyst ruggl est oidentit
yhi sli
fe
tothelifeofthoseboy shesawi nt el
evi
sion.Ther ealit
yisfarmov edf r
om t hatdr eam ofan
i
deal Amer i
cawher eev er
yonel i
veshappi l
y.Thisclearlyst
atest hehyperr eal ist
icwor l
dt hat
existsparal
lelt
ot herealwor ld.I
tisinconst antconfli
ctwiththel i
feofpoorpeopl e.Ther i
chare
theonlyonest argetedbyt hesemedi awher easthepoorwhocont r
ibutet ot heei ghty
percentageofwor ldpopul ati
onar eneglected.Soev eryonetri
est ober i
cheachdayand
str
ugglet
oreachtheneverendi
ngdream.Heret
hepr otagonisthadt
oliv
einaplacewher
ebl
ack
peopl
ewerekil
ledandnoonequest i
onstheki
ll
er.Thismadehi m bi
asedandwhenhegrewup
thi
spromotedhimtostr
iveforequal
it
yandjust
iceforblacks.

Later,i
nthemi d-60sJamesMar ci
achi medinwit
hhi
sident
it
ystat
ustheor
y.Mar
ciawas
parti
cul
arl
yint
erestedi
nt hewayadolescent
sdev
elopt
hei
rownindi
vi
duali
dent
it
ywi
thi
nthe
fr
amewor koft
heirfami
li
esandlar
gercult
ure.

Inaddit
iontot heabili
tytoper
form abstr
actment aloperati
ons,teenCoates becomemor e
sci
enti
fi
candl ogi
calinthewayheappr oachpr oblems.
"Hecannow consi derapr oblem,or
si
tuat
ion,andcani denti
fyt
hemanyv ari
ablesthatmayi nf
luenceoraffecttheoutcome.!
Unfor
tunatel
y,thesenewcognit
iveabi
li
ti
esappearatt hesamet i
me Coatesis st
ruggl
ingwith
i
nsecuri
tiesaboutchanginghi
sappearance,changi
ngidentit
y,andchangi
nglif
eexperi
ences.

"Beforehecouldescapet hestr
eets,Coat eshadt osur vi
ve.Heunderstoodt hethr i
l
lsofstr
eet
l
ifeandsawhowt hecr ewswer eloudandr udet
of eelsecureandpower ful.Allt
heywant edto
dowaspr ovethei
rbodieswer einvi
olable.Tonav i
gat ethi
swor l
d,Coatesl earnedthelanguage
andrulesofthest
reet,
usingmuchofhi sbr ai
ntofi
gur eouthowt odot hi
s.Thi smadehi mf eel
robbedofsomethi
ng–t i
meorexper ience, hemuses."SaidbyCoat esstateshi steenagewhere
hetri
estotackl
ehardships.

Emot i
onalDevel
opmental socontri
butestotheformati
onofselfconsciousness. Accordingto
Eri
kEr i
kson,apr ominentdevelopmentaltheori
stoft he1950's,yout
hmustr esol
vetwol ife
"cr
ises"duri
ngadolescence.Unl i
kemanyot herdevel
opmentaltheori
stsofhi ser a,Er
ikson's
psychosoci
altheoryofhumandev el
opmentcov er
st heenti
relif
espan,includingadulthood.
"Beingent
ir
elyhonestwithoneselfisagoodexer ci
se.
”assaidbySi gmundFr eud

Thef ir
stcr isistypical
lyoccursdur ingear l
yt omi ddl eadolescence,andi scal ledthecr isisof
i
dent i
tyv ersusident i
tyconfusion.Thi scrisi
sr epresent sthest rugglet of indabal ancebet ween
dev elopingauni que, i
ndivi
dualidentit
ywhi l
est i
l
lbei ngaccept edand" fitt
ingi n..Howev er
, when
yout hfail tonav i
gatethiscrisi
ssuccessf ully,t
heyar euncer t
ainaboutwhot heyar e.Lacki
ngt his
under standi ng,theycanbecomesoci all
ydi sconnect edandcut -
offf rom ot hers;orconv ersely,
theycandev el
opanexagger atedsenseoft heirowni mpor tanceandmayadoptext remi st
posi ti
ons. s.Coateswr it
eshow heal sohadt olearnaboutt heschool s.Her esent edschool s
mor et hant hestreetsbecauset heirruleswer ev agueandpur posel ess.How di dwhatt hey
l
ear nedhav eanyr elevance?Theadmi nistr
ationwasonl yconcer nedwi thcompl i
ance.School
waspr esent ednotasapl aceofl earningandsel f-
di scovery,butasanescapef r
om deat hand
prison.Ther ewasnot ruthinthesepl aces; i
fkidswer ekickedoutorl efttheysawt hatthewor ld
stay edt hesameout sideandt heywer edoomedt ot hesamecy cles.Pol iticalpowerr uledt he
streetsandschool sdi r
ectl
yandi ndirectly.Peopl ewi thphy si
calst rengt handaut horitative
strengt hr uled.Noonedar edquest i
ont hem.Rai set heirvoicescostt heirlife.

Thesecondcr
isi
s,occurr
ingbet
weenlat
eadol
escenceandearlyadul
thood,iscal
ledthecri
sis
ofi
nti
macyversusisol
ati
on.Thi
scri
sisr
epr
esent
sthestruggl
etoresolvethereci
procalnat
ure
ofint i
macy ; i
.e.,toachi ev eamut ual balancebet weengi vi
nglov eandsuppor t
,andr eceiv
inglove
andsuppor t.Yout hwi ll experi
mentwi thdifferentsoci alskil
lsandsoci alstrategies.Yout hwill
alsoobser vet heirpeer s, andadul t
st heyadmi re,todev elopandi mpr ov etheirsoci alskil
ls.
Dur i
ngt hispr ocessy out hwi l
lexperiencebot hsuccessesandf ai
l
ur esalongt hewayast hey
exper i
mentwi thdifferentappr oachesdur i
ngt heirinteract i
onswi thot hers.Ultimat ely,
this
social suppor tnet wor kenabl esy outht ocreat eemot ional i
ntimacywi thaf ewsel ectpeopl e,and
tof i
ndsat isfact i
onwi thi ntheser el
ationships.Coat esf elthecoul dnotgetout .Hewassmar tbut
afraid;hewonder edwhatwas“ behindt hesmokescr eenofst reetsandschool s”(28).Hewas
anat heistandcoul dnotbel i
eveindogmasf orexpl anat ions.Hewascur iousbecausehi s
grandmot herr aisedhi mt obeso.Her emember edhowshewoul dmakehi m wr i
tedown
explanat i
onsf orhisbadbehav i
orinschool -nott omakehi m betterbehav ed, butt oprobehi s
ownconsci ousnessandl earntointerrogatehi msel f
.Her eCoat esr evealsthest r
onghol dof
reli
gionupont hepeopl eandhowt heot herar etreatedasout cast .Themi norr el
igionssuffer
undert het hreshol doft hedomi nantones.

Hebegant or eadhi sgrandf ather’

smanybooksandst udyhisf at
her ’
sBlackPant hermat eri
als.
Her esent edt heannual school tr
ibutetot heCi vi
lRi
ghtsMov ement, wonderingwhy“ wereour
onlyher oesnonv i
olent
?Ispeaknotoft hemor ali
tyofnonv i
olence,butoft hesenset hatblacks
areinespeci al needofthi smor ali
ty”(32).Thewhol ewor ldwassav age,sowhyshoul dhe
val
or i
zepeopl ewhosev aluessoci et
yscor ned?Theaut horfeel
st hatthediscour seslikemedi a
humi l
iatedt hem andev enschool swhi char esaidtopromot emor alit
ysuppor tthisracialviews.
Wecant husseet heaut hor'sfami l
yprohi bit
ingwhitetoysandmov i
esinthei rhomeasi twoul d
onlybr eakthebl ackspirituali
tyandconf i
dence.Thesupr emacyofwhi t
esi nal l
spher esof
societyisv i
si blethroughhi swor k.Blacksst r
uggletocomeoutoft heimper i
al i
sm i mposedl ong
agobyt hewhi tes.Nowt hatithast akennewf ormsandshapesev enmor eef f
icientt ocarry
outthanbef or e.

JamesMar ciaOnI denti

tyCrisissay st hat amat ur eunder st
andingofonesel fandone' s
emotionsi
mpl ici
tl
yincludessomeunder standingofone' svalues.Thus,asyouths'self
-i
denti
ti
es
evol
ve,av aluesy st
em emer ges.Howev er,someadol escentsdonotseekt oact i
velyexpl
ore
thei
rown i ndi
v i
dualv al
uesy st em;instead,t heysimpl yacceptt hev al
uesoft hei
rfamily,
communi t
y,andcul t
ure.Wheny outhexperimentwi ththeirval
uesy st
em itcantakemanyf orms.
Asyouthexper i
mentwi thdif
ferentv al
uesandbel i
efs,
theircir
cleoffri
endsmaychangeaswel l
.

Somet imesexper i
ment ationgoesast epf urt
herbytest
ingtheli
mi tsandboundar i
essetbyt hei
r
parents,teacher s,
andot herauthorit
ies.Theymayopposeandr esistrestr
icti
onsofanysor t
,
andmayi ntentionall
ybr eaklong-standingr ul
esaboutcurfews,homewor k,chor es,andot her
responsibil
iti
es.Dur i
ngt imessuchast hese,iti
shelpf
ultorecognizethatrulesandl awsar e
i
nextri
cabl yattachedt ov alues.Thus, whent eensi
ntenti
onall
ychallengerulesorl aws,theyare
ult
imat el
ychal l
engingt hev aluestheser ulesandlawsrepresent.I
nasense, thesey out
har e
conduct i
ngt heirown" ex peri
ment "toseewhathappensi ntheabsenceoft hesev al
ues.
Unfort
unat
ely
,manyoft hese"experi
ment s"canhav edir
econsequenceswheny outh
experi
mentwithsex ,
tobacco,alcohol,andotherdrugs.
Coateswasadmi tt
edtoHowar dbut
“f
ormedandshapedbyt heMecca”( 40).Theformerisaninsti
tuti
on,
thelat
teraforcethatget
s
i
tspowerfrom theinsti
tuti
onandcont ai
nstheenergyofallAfri
canpeopl
es.Hesawt hepower
outontheYardwi t
hal l
ofthediv er
sest udent
s,sawi ti
nthehistor
yofHowar di
tsel
f.Theblack
worldwasopeningupf orhim anditwasnotj ustaphot onegat
iveofthewhit
ewor l
d.Black
peopleal
sohaveawor l
d,butonechosenf orthem bythefencesandlawsofwhi t
epeopl e.

Coatescontrastswhathebegant ounderst
andwithwhatheknewbef or
e.All
heroeswer ewhit
e,
seri
oushistorywaswhi t
e,seriouswrit
erswerewhite.Herememberedaquotefrom SaulBel
low
aski
ngwhom t heTolst
oyoft heZuluswas;blackpeoplewereout
sideci
vi
li
zati
on,outsi
de
cul
ture.Theirhist
orywasinferior
.

CoateshadMal col
m X,though,andhisot herreadi
ngs.Hewantedtocr eateanewl anguagefor
hi
mself.Hewant edanewst oryandanewhi storyandtheDream ofthe“blackrace.
”Her ead
Chancell
orWi l
l
iams’sDestr
ucti
onofBl ackCi v
ili
zat
ionwhenhegott oHowar dandlearnedhow
QueenNzi ngaresi
stedt
hePor tuguese.Whenshewasr efusedaseatbyt heEuropeans,shehad
anadvisermakeaseatwi thhisbodyf orher.

Her eadmor eandmor e,goi

ngt othel i
braryandchecki
ngoutal lthebookshecoul dfrom the
authorshehear dabouti nclassandi ntheYar d.Hedev ouredev eryt
hingandt houghthi s
i
nv est
igat
ionswoul dreveal“hi
storyt o beauni fi
ed narr
ati
ve,freeofdebat e,which,once
uncovered,wouldsimplyver
if
yev er
y t
hingIhadal wayssuspected”(47).Unfort
unately
,though,
hequicklysawhisheroesdebate,createfacti
ons,
andf i
ghtamongstt hemselves.Hi
sancest ors
foughtanddisagreedj
ustasof t
enast heyagreed,i
fnotmore.

Whi lesomev aluesexpl or ati

onmaybequi tepai nfulfory out hs'fami l
iest owi tnessor
exper i
ence, otherv aluesexpl orat ioncanbeasour ceofgr eatpr i
def ort heirf ami l
ies.
Adol escencei sapr imet imef ory out htoexpl oretheircult uralher i
tageandi dent it
y.Theymay
wantt ol earnaboutt hei rfamily '
sor iginsandmayaskt obet oldst oriesaboutt heirancest ors'
history.Likewi se,theymayquest ionwhati tmeanst obepar toft heircul turei ncont empor ary
societyandmayquest i
ont hechoi cesmadebyear l
iergener ati
ons.Fori nstance, firstgener ati
on
i
mmi grantsandsur vivor sofsl av eryof t
enconceal edt heirowncul tural symbol sandi nst ead
soughtt obl endi ntot hedomi nantcul ture,ev enconcedi ngpassi veaccept anceofbi got r
y .Later
gener ati
onsr ecl ai
medt heircult ural heritageandact ivelyr esistedintol eranceofcul tur al
diversit
yi nanyf orm.Today '
sy out hmayal sochooset obecomeext remel yact ivewi thint heir
culturebyeducat i
ngot hersaboutt heircultur e,part
ici
pat ingi ncul t
ural act iv
itiesandsoci al
groups, andr esur rectingabandonedcul t
ur al symbolsanddr ess.Thet r
ut hsCoat eshear df r
om
otherpoet swer e“ smal l hardthi ngs”( 52)liker elat
ionships, fami ly,smoki ng, thest oop.They
wer enotj ustr evoluti
onandAf ricanhi story.Thedi scor dandpanopl yofexper iencest artedt o
makehi mf eel power ful .
Heal sost artedt of eeldiscomf it
edbyhi seducat i
onandst ar tedt ot hi
nk
aboutt hewor ldout sideHowar d.Heknewofapl aceinWashi ngt onD. C. ,PrinceGeor geCount y
,
wher ev eryrichbl ackpeopl eliv ed.Thi sremi ndedhi mt obewar ynotj ustoft heDr eam, butof
hi
sownnat
ion’
sdr
eams.

PeerRel ationshi
psef fectsthesoci alandemot ionalmat uri
tywhich areintert
wined.Ascoat es
grew uphi semot ionalmat uri
tyincreasedhi srelat
ionshipswi t
h peerschangeashebecome
morev ulnerableandemot ional
lyi nti
mat ewithhi s peer s.Thisincreasedv ulner
abil
i
tyand
i
ntimacyr equir
esgr eatertr
ustamongpeer s.Thus, dur
ingthoseadolescenty ears,peergroups
becomei ncreasingl yimportantashecoul dexperiencemor eclosenessint hesefri
endshi
psand
moregr atif
yingr elati
onshipswi tht hei
rpeer sasar esult
.Thushei snow abl etoturntoone
another,insteadoft heirf
ami li
es,ast heirfi
rstli
neofsuppor tduri
ngtimesofwor r
yorupset.
Thisi ncreased r eli
ance on f ri
endshi ps isy etanot herway t o demonst rate hi
s growing
i
ndependence.

Becauseacceptancebyapeergr oupbecomessoi mpor t

ant,manyoft hosewhol i
vearound
him andunknowingl
yheal soadaptedtheirspeech,dress,behav
ior,choices,andacti
vi
ti
esin
ordertobecomemor esimil
artohispeers.Thisincreasedsimilar
ityprovidesthem asense
securi
tyandaff
irmsthei
raccept
anceint
ot hei
rchosenpeergr oup.

Peerpr essureisof t
enassoci atedwi t
hnegat i
veout comessuchasski ppi
ngschool,wear ing
distastef ulclot
hing,oralcoholandot herdr uguse.Coat esinhi sbooksay st
hattheboy sint he
streetsandt hepeoplewhoar eaddictedt odr ugsi nhisl ocal
it
yjoinssuchgr oupsandt hey
cont i
nuet ol ur
epeopl ewhol osthope. Theybul l
yot hers.Howev er,manypar entsdonot
recogni zet hatpeerpressurecanal soexer taposi ti
veinfl
uence.Becauseofadv ancedcogni ti
ve
andemot i
onalmat uri
ty,teenscannow encour ageeachot hertomakewi sedecisions,and
discourageeachot herfrom maki nghar mf ulchoices.Coateschangeofper ceptionatHowar d
wasbecauseofhi sfr
iendsandt hei
ridenticalviewsonr acism.Itgav ehim asor tofstrength
andsuppor ttocarryon.Theyr emainedf r
iendsev enaf t
ertheircol
lege.

Relati
onshi
pWi t
hPar entsDuringearl
yandmi ddleadol
escenty ears,t
hereisusuall
ymor e
frequentconf
li
ctbetweent eensandt heirpar
ents.Anot
herr easony out
hmayr ef
rai
nf r
om
discussi
ngcert
ainthi
ngswiththeirpar
entsistoprovetot
hemsel ves,andtothei
rpar
ents,t
hat
theycanhandlel
ife'
stoughsit
uati
onsont hei
rown.

Whatmayseem l ikeasi ll
yandi nsigni fi
cantproblem t oanadul twit
hmanyy earsofexper i
ence
canbeamonument alproblem forat eenexper iencingapar ticularsituati
onf orthef i
rstti
me..
Coat essay sthatchildrenwer epower l
essagai nstt hewi lloft heirparents.Theywer ebeat nup
withbel tsandcanesf orevendoi ngt hesl i
ghtestmi stake.Theynev erquest ionedt heirrulesand
regulationsandobey edthem . Thi sdeepl yi nfluencedt heirpsy chologyandmoul dedthe
vessel stheywer et obecomei nfuture.Theaut horhi m sel fsay sthatitmi ghthav esav edhisli
fe
buthei snotsur eifitwasabl etof or m hisper sonal i
tyf orhehassomebi ases,pr ej
udicesand
at ypicalv i
ew aboutt hewor ld.Butlat erinhisl if
ewhenhi sf ri
end,whowasshotbyapol i
ce
offi
cer ,PrinceJonessy mbolizedallofCoat es’sf ears–" ifitcouldhappent oPr i
nce,whynot
him?Thepl underwasnotj ustofPr ince,butofev erythingpour edi ntohi m.Al loft heti
me,
l
essons,l ov e,andhopewer eshat tered.Now Pr i
nce’ sdaught erwoul dj oint her anksoft he
f
ather
less.

Atni
ght,
Coateshel
dhissoni
nfear
."Hereali
zedwhyhisownfatherbeathi
m andhis
gr
andmotherwassoanxi
ous.Bl
ackpeopl
e’schil
drenwer
eal
ltheyhadandt heycoul
dbet
aken
awayatanymoment."

Youthmayf ormromanticat tachment sthataresomewhatshal lowandt empor aryforthesake

ofhav ingf unandcompani onship,orbecausei ti
sexpect edbythei rpeergr oup.Thesey outhare
noty etr eadytocreatemat ure,emot ionall
yint
imater el
ationshi
ps.Thi smaybecauset heyaren't
ready ,
wi ll
ing,orabletomaket hecommi tmentrequiredofsuchr elationshi ps.Coatessay sthat
thewomenhemetatHowar dtaughthi m howtolov e,howt oreallybet heref orpeople,howt o
openone’ smi ndandhear ttonewexper iencesandnewway sofl ov i
ngpeopl e.Thiswashi sfir
st
ti
mel i
vingal oneandtakingcar eofhi msel f
.Hebegant odate.Hisf irstlov ewasadr eamygi rl
from Cal if
or ni
a.Shebeguiledhi m becauseshewaswor ldlyandhel dt hati nherbody .Het hen
fell
foranot hergir
lwhoset olerantbackgr oundandsexual opennesst aughthi m agreatdeal.He
recogni zedhi sowncapaci tyforplunderinhowhet reatedhomosex uals; hef el
t“myt ri
bewas
shatteringandr ef
ormingar oundme”( 60).Helearnedt olovedifferent l
y,sof tl
y..
Hiswife
Keny attat aughthimtheway soflov eandandaboutt hewhol enewwor ldawai ti
nghi m outside
hiscocoon.

Ther elati
onshi pswi thfriendsandf ami lyar enott heonl yrel
ationshi psthat
change. Relationshi pswi thot heradul tssuchast eacher s,coaches, andbosses, changei nbot h
quali
tyandquant i
ty..Thi shel pst hem shoul dermor eresponsi bil
it
yt omaket heser elationships
work, andt heynol ongerr elyont heirpar ent sorot hercar egivers,forassistancewi th
problemat icrelationshi pi ssues, orcommuni cat i
ondi ffi
culti
es.Fur thermor e,i nteractionwi tha
greaternumberofadul tsout si det heirimmedi atef amily.Coat esdescr i
best hesmal lplacet hey
hadinBr ooklynandt hepov er t
yt heyexper ienced.Hemaynothav ehadr eli
gi on, heexpl ains,but
healway shadhi speopl e.Hi sf riendsandf ami l
ylenthi m moneyandsust ainedhi mt hrough
hardt i
mes.Hi smeet i
ngwi thMabl ej ohns, princej ohnsmot heraboutwhom hesay s"shewas
whatpeopl eoncer efer
redt oas" al ady ",andi nthatsenser emi ndedmeofmygr andmot her,
whowassi nglemot herint hepr oj ectsbutal way sspokeast houghshehadni cet hi
ngs" .".And
bythosel i
ghts,ther ewasnot hi ngsur prisingi nhersuccess, becauseMabl eJohnswasal way s
pedal tothef loor,notov erorar ound, butt hrough, andi fshewasgoi ngt odoi t,
i
tmustbedone
todeat h.Herdi sposi ti
ont owar dl if
ewast hatofanel i
teathletewhoknowst heopponenti s
dir
tyandt her efsar eont het ake, butal soknowst hechampi onshi pisonegameaway .""I
remembert akingasur veycl assf ocusi ngoncent ralAfrica.Mypr ofessor,LindaHey wood, was
sli
ghtandbespect acled, spokewi thahi ghTr ini
dadi anlil
tthatsheempl oyedl ikeahammer
againsty oungst udent sl i
kemewhoar econf usedagi tpropwi thhar dstudy .Thei rwasnot hing
romant icaboutherAf r
ica, orr ather ,ther ewasnot hingromant icinthesenset hatIconcei vedit.
"

"Theolderpoet
sint
roducedmetoart
ist
swhopulledthei
rener
gyfrom voi
d-BlubberMikey,Ot
is
Reddi
ng,Sam andDave,c.
kWill
i
ams,Carol
ynForhe.Iremembersit
ti
ngwithJoel Di
asporter
,whohadnotgonetoHowar dbutwhom If
oundatTheMecca, rev
iewingever
ylineofRobert
Hay
den'
s"mi
ddl
epassage.
"Hay
denspoemsdi
dnotspeak.Theyconj
ured.

Mor aldevelopmentnat ural

lypr
ogressesasment alandemot i
onalmat ur
ityimproves. some
peopleev entuall
ybasetheirmoraldeci
sionsonasetofet hi
calprinciplesthatsurpassexist
ing
l
aws orr ules .Othersremain pri
maril
yconcerned wi thrules,l aws,and f air
ness.Coat es
developedhi smor alsbasedonhi sexperi
ences.Hehasacl earcuti deaaboutt heatr
ocit
ies
aroundhim .Hehasxnof ai
thingodorr el
igi
on."Reli
giousdoct r
ines…ar ealli
ll
usions,t
heydo
notadmi tofpr oof,
andnoonecanbecompel ledtoconsiderthem ast rueortobelieveinthem.”

SaidbySi gmundFr eudi nTheFut ureofanI ll

usion.Coat esf aithi sv estedi nl ove.Coat essay s
thatt heDr eam mi ghtnotsoundt hatbadont hesur f ace-i tent ailsacomf ortablesubur ban
home,spaci ousl awnsanddr i
veway s,BBQsandpoolpar ti
es,pi eandst rawber ryshor t
cake.
Howev er,itismuchmor ei nsidioust hani tsounds.I twascr eatedbyhi storiansandf ortifi
edby
Holly wood, Coat eswr i
tes.Itisv eryaccessi bl
ef orwhi tesbuti sbui ltont hemar ginalizationand
suffer i
ngofbl acks.I trequiresi gnoranceandbl indnesst ot her ealiti
esoft her acialdivide.Itis
char act eri
zedbyt hepl underofbl ackbodi esandoft heEar th.I tisexcl usionar yandr oot edin
whi tesupr emacy .Coat esconcl udesi tissoper vasiveandconcei vedofi nsuchnobl eandmor al
termst hati tisunl i
kelytheDr eamer swi l
lwakeup.Racei saconst ruct ;i
ti ssomet hi
ngt owhi ch
anabsol utism isat tri
butedbuti nr ealit
yisbl urry.Whi t
epeopl ear enotact ual l
ywhi t
ebutr ather
theyt hinkt heyar ewhi t
ebecausei tgi vest hem t heirpowerandpr ivil
ege.Raci sm i st husso
i
nsi diousbecauset hepeopl et hatt hinkt heyar ewhi teal sodonott hinkt heyar er acists.They
claim di spar i
tiesofweal t
handeducat i
onandt reatmentbyt hepol icear edi fferencest hatjust
exist;t heyar emor el i
kenat uralf orcest hanspeci fi
ci deol ogi es,laws,et c.Raci sm i spr imarily
enfor cedt hrought hepl under i
ngandsubj ugationoft hebl ackbody ..Thr oughoutAmer i
can
history ,blackmenandwomenwer eshackl ed,beat en,tor tured, l
y nched, raped, andspr ayedwi th
high-powerf irehoses.Now,t heyexper i
encepol icebr ut ali
tyandsensel essshoot i
ngs-bei ng
shotf orhol dingat oygun,shotf orl i
steningt ol oudmusi c,puti nachokehol df orsel li
ng
cigaret tes,ar r
est edandr estr
ainedf ortryingt oent ert hei rownhome.I tist hesubt leway sin
whi chabl ackbodymustcompor ti t
selfinpubl ic.ItistheDr eamer -creat ed" killi
ngf ields"oft he
urbanghet toswher eblacksnav igatenei ghbor hoodsbesetbycr imeandpov erty.Violencei sa
const anti nar aciallydivi
dedAmer ica.

LivinginAmer icaunderthewei ghtoftheDr eam canbeast oni

shi nglydif
ficul
tforbl ackmenand
woment osayt heleast.Oneoft heway stheycanendur eisthrought hesuppor t
,lov e,and
accept ancet hatcomesf rom theirimmediateandext endedbl ackf amil
y.Thiswor kisal ett
er
from af athertohi sson;iti
ssear i
nglypersonal andintimat eandr eveal
showel dersoughtt o
passt heiradv i
ceandexper iencedownt othey outh.Coat esexpl ainshowwhenheandhi swife
wer eli
v i
ngi nNewYor kanddi dnothav ealotofmoney ,hispeopl eal wayshelpedhi m out.
Indeed, Coates'sstoryisfil
l
edwi thaccountsoff r
iends, i
ntell
ectual compat ri
ots,lovers,
grandmot hersandgr andfather
s,andnei ghbors.Heev enspeaksoft heblackwr iterswho
i
nf l
uencedhi mi nawayt hatsuggest sfamily(hecal l
st hem his"ancest ors"andl ovinglybut
bemusedl ydetailsthei
rinfi
ghti
ng) .Famil
yandcommuni tyareintrinsictomai ntainingt he
struggle.
Coates'slearningofhowt hewor ldworksi ni
t i
allytakesplacei nthestreets,especial
lyashe
eschewst heBal ti
mor eschoolsasusel essinr educingthedi stancebet weent hewor l
dand
himself.Whenheat t
endsHowar dhei smor eopent oeducationinaf ormal sense,butalso
embr acest heroleofanaut odi
dact.Hissel f
-learningisremar kableandext ensivetothepoint
thattheclassroom al mostseemsl ikeanext ensi onofhisownr eadingandwor k.Hiseducati
on
alsocomesf rom interacti
onswi thpeoplear oundhi m andf r
om hi simmer sioninthewi der
world.Hel earnsnotj ustthehistoryofblackpeopl einAmer i
ca, butalsohowt othink,howto
l
ov eandf eelindifferentway s,
howt oanswert hatessential
quest ionofwhatexact l
yisbetween
thewor l
dandhi msel f.

Coatesisnotopti
mi sti
corhopef ulaboutthingschanginginAmeri
ca,buthedoesnotcounsel
apathyorambivalence.Het el
lsSamor ithathemustcont i
nuetostr
uggleeveryday.Hemustnot
l
ethisguarddownorbecomecompl acent;hemustf ull
yconfr
onthi
mselfasabl ackmani n
contemporar
yAmer i
caev enifiti
sdiffi
cultandseemi ngl
ysensel
essatti
mes.Thest r
ugglei
s
whatmakesl i
febear abl
e;itkeepsonesaneandgr oundedinawor l
dthati
scapr i
ciousand
cal
loustowardblackpeopl e.Thestrugglecanbemi tigat
edbythestudyofblackintel
lect
ual
sas
wellastheembraceofone' scommuni tyoffell
owblackmenandwomen.

Coat esdoesn' tj ustf ocusont hepr esent;heal sodi psbacki nt ot hehi storyofAmer icat o
discusshowsl av erywast hefirstandmosthor ri
fi
cexampl eofAmer i
cadest royingand
plunder ingbl ackbodi es.Hegi v essweepi ngaccount sofj usthowmanypeopl ewer eensl aved,
butal somakesi tv eryper sonal bydiscussi ngt heindivi
dual swhower eensl aved.Hedoesnot
l
etSamor iorhi sreaderf orgett hateachsl avewasal i
ving,breat hi nghumanbei ngwi thhopes,
desires, fear s, andt hecapaci t
yt ohurtemot i
onal l
yandphy sical l
y .Hewar nsSamor inott o
forgetaboutt hehumani tyoft hesepeopl eort olookatt hem onl yast hepat ht owher ehei s
today .Thesear et hebasi cv i
ewsaboutgoodandbadt hatgui dehi m andset shismor alval
ues.
Heusesst ream ofconsci oust echniquetocompar eandcont rasthi spastandi t
sinf l
uenceup
onhi m. St ream ofconsci ousnessi sanar rat i
vedev icethatat tempt stogiv ethewr it
ten
equiv alentoft hechar acter '
sthoughtpr ocesses, eitherinal oosei nter
iormonol ogue( see
below) , ori nconnect iont ohisorheract i
ons.St r
eam ofconsci ousnesswr it
ingisusual ly
regardedasaspeci alform ofi nteri
ormonol ogueandi schar act er i
zedbyassoci at
iveleapsin
thoughtandl ackofsomeoral lpunctuati
on. [4]Stream ofconsci ousnessandi nteri
or
monol oguear edi stinguishedf rom dramat icmonol ogueandsol il
oquy ,wher et hespeakeri s
addressi nganaudi enceorat hirdperson, whichar echieflyusedi npoet ryordr ama.I nst r
eam
ofconsci ousnesst hespeaker 'sthoughtpr ocessesar emor eof tendepi ctedasov erheardinthe
mi nd( oraddr essedt oonesel f
); i
tispri
mar ilyaf i
ctionaldev i
ce.

“Ideasandopini
onsarenotspontaneousl
y" born"ineachi
ndiv
idualbr
ain:
theyhav
ehada
centreoffor
mation,ori
rr
adi
ation,ofdi
ssemi nati
on,ofper
suasi
on-agroupofmen,orasingle
i
ndi vi
dual
even,whichhasdevelopedthem andpr esent
edthem i
nthepoli
ti
calf
orm ofcurr
ent
reali
ty.
”

―Ant
oni
oGr
amsci
,Sel
ect
ionsf
rom t
hePr
isonNot
ebooks
Powerpl aysavit
alrol
eint heformati
onofonesconsci ousness.Coatespercept
ionwasfor
med
asar esul
tofblackspiri
tuali
ty.Hiscenteroffor
mationwashi sparentsvi
ewsandwhathesaw
i
nsoci et
y.Hegrewupseei ngwhi t
esupremacyi neveryfiel
dwheretheircul
turewasbei
ng
wipedouttoembr acethenewwor l
d.Hecouldnotseet hem asequals.Hedev el
opedhi
s
consciousastodosomet hingfortheupli
ftmentofblacks.

Accor dingt oFr eudt heunconsci ousmi ndhav eagr eatinf luencedupont heconsci ousness. I
n
hist herapyheexami nedhowt hehumanmi ndaffectedt hebody ,parti
cular l
yi nformsofment al
i
llnesses.Thr ought hishesay sthatsel f
hood, t
henat ureofhumanbei ngandt heoper at
ive
principlesofcul tureandci vil
izationar eimpor t
anttohumani ties.The"pl easur epr incipleand
reality"asksi ndi vi
dual stodowhat everf eelsgoodort osubor dinatethatpl easur efor
somet hi nggoodf ormanki nd.Her eCoat esatt hebegi nningofhi slifeatBal ti
mor eandat
Howar duni ver sityconv ertshi sdesi r
eswhi charenotf ul
filledint osomet hingmor epr oductive.
Insteadofi ndul ginginbadact ivi
tiesoft het eenshedeci dedt oconv erthisener gyt or ewr i
te
historyoft hebl acksandt hei rcul t
ure.Freudusest het ermr epr essiont or efertounr esolv ed
conf li
ct s,traumat icpastev ents,andi nadmi tt
eddesi restransf eredintoazoneofmi ndknown
asunconsci ous.Unconsci ousi snotcompl etel
yar ational creat urewhoact sonl yont hebasi s
ofl ogicandi ntelli
gence, buti nsteadi sv ulnerabletoemot ional andot herki ndsofnonr ationalor
i
r r
at i
onal appeal s.YoungCoat esinhi schi l
dhoodhadt of acesev eraltraumassuchasf acet o
facewi thagun, str
eetf ight s,rudepol icemenandi njusticef orpoorbl ackv icti
ms, beltlashes
...etc.Thi ssetat raumaf orhi m whi chhet houghtwasi nescapabl eashedoesn' tknewabout
thewor l
dout sidewhi chseemedt ohiml ikeananot hergal axy .Hishi ddenemot ionsl ikef ear
anxi ety,desiresandwi shescanber eveal edt ousthroughhi swor dsint hisbook. Hiswor ryabout
hissonsl if
eandhi sbl acki dent i
tyandt heneedt opr otecthi sbody .

Lacanputf orwardt hreestagesi nrel

ationtothef ormationofsel f
hood. Theyar eimagi nary
stage,symbol i
cst ageandr eal stage.Her et
hemi rrorstageisr epresentedbyt hetransit
ionfrom
naturetoculture.Coat esashegr ewupwast aughtt ounderstandt hedifferencebet weenhi m
andt hewhitetoy shepl ayedwi th,theboy si
nt heTV l eadingacar efreeli
fewher ehei s
troubli
ngtosur vi
vef rom streetsandschool s.Heunder stoodthatt helaws, language,cultur
al
nor msandpowerwer edomi natedbyt hewhites.Ev enthegov ernmenti sf ormedf orthem and
thosewhof ollowt hiswoul dbeconsi der edasequal sandot hersasi nferi
or .Thesear eall
sy mboli
c.Het henr eali
zedt hatthesear ealli
l
lusionsandt heoppressedwi llconti
nuet osuffer
underTheDr eam .

Womensuf ferf
rom doubl
edi
scri
minati
on.Fir
stbecausetheyareblackandsecondbecause
theyarewomen. Fr
om hiswi
feCoatescometoheart hatt
heirbody'sweresubject
edt o
exploi
tati
onbeyondhisimagi
nati
on.ThusCoatesdev el
opsrespecttowar
dswomenandt hei
r
suffer
ing.Hewit
nesshismother
'sli
fe,
hiswi
fe'
slif
e, pri
nceJohn'smom whogr ewf atherl
ess
yettheyleadagoodl i
febutwasrobbedbythewhitesupremacyt heri
ghttoli
feoftheirl
oved
ones.

Gr
ant
sFanoni
nhi
sThewr
etchedoft
heear
thandBl
ackski
nandwhi
temaskssay
sthatduet
o
thei mposi ti
onoft hewhitev aluesandl anguagesandr el
igi
onov ertheblackskin,
thelatt
eris
enforcedi ntoaschi zophr
eni cidenti
ty.Viol
ence, af
orm ofselfasser ti
on,consti
tut
esoneoft he
toolsoft heanti col
onialr
ev oluti
onary.HereCoat esisafr
aidofbei nginabl ackbodyratherthan
beingpr oud. I
tisbecauset hesoci et
yexpect sthem tobewhi te.Thisisthereasonfortherude
andv iolentbehav i
oroftheboy sinBalti
mor estreet
sandt hei
rl oudsound. soCoatesalsofeels
himsel finsecure.

Inor
ient
ali
sm (1978)byEdwardsai
dhesay sthatcol
oni
ali
sm wasmar kedbyanepist
emology,
wherethepaganEastbecomest heotherofChri
sti
anEurope,
henceorient
ali
sm i
saform of
epi
stemologi
calimperi
ali
sm.HereCoatessaysthatt
hei
rbonesarebrokenforthebet
ter
mentof
whit
es.

Hei snost algi

candi sdi aspor i
c.Het hinkst hathei sinexi lefr
om hi sowncount ryandhe
sufferstobei dent i
cal t
ot hem.Ther het oricheusessev er alti
mesf i
xatesthis-
"bet weent he
wor l
dandme" .Hel ament sint henameofhi sor i
ginalhomel and, mixi
ngmemor yandnost al
gia
abouti tevent houghhehadn' thadachancet ov i
sitthere.Hei senslav edinthatsocietythat
chainshi schancet oexcel .Oldform ofsl averyisabol i
shedandt henewandbet teronear ises
wi t
ht heaidofgov ernmentandaut hori
ties.I tdegradest heev ionment, t
heircul
tur eandal l
.He
hadt osear chf orhisi dentityinar acialenv ir
onment .Hei sconsci ousnesst hathei swriti
ng
from adet ainedwor l
dy ethet ri
esnott ocomeunderi tsinf l
uence.Gr amsci sayst hateach
personi scont rol
ledbyei therthepol iti
cal societyort heci v i
lsocietywher ethesubal ter
nhadt o
subscr i
bet other ulesoft hedomi nantcl ass.Theseal linfluencedCoat esformationofi dentit
y
andconsci ousness.Hi sunconsci ousmi ndt hatkeepst her ecordofsl averyofhisf oref
athers
stil
linfl
uencehi sact ions.Thi sisr evealedt hr oughhi sr eact i
onatt heai r
portsay ingsorryt o
themanwhohi thim-" sor ry,mybad! "andhel ookinghi sf oursi deswhenev erhegoesoutand
hissuspi ci
ont owar dt hosewhi t
eswhot reathi m asequal .