Module 6 Final Reflections

BIS 340: The Aikido Way

Instructor: Bill Erwin
Deborah Balmilero

Prompt #1: In Module 1, you watched "Invictus," a clip from the movie "Gandhi," and a 60
Minute Segment on Mindfulness. The idea was to have you look at attitude and a mental model
about conflict, review the attitudes of two powerful leaders, and consider your own approach to
conflict. Did this Module help set a foundation upon which to develop the rest of the
course? What worked and didn't work?

In this section, I had a front row seat to something powerful at work. I was able to see that
passion gets in the way of helping people at times and the understanding of what people are
really trying to express leads powerful leaders to examine and get at the heart of the matter
without destroying anyone’s dignity. This spoke volumes to me and helped me to see a
little more clearly why and how my boss responds how he does. This module made me
realize that taking a tiny step back to see the whole picture and not just the single incident,
provides me with a better perspective to be a leader that is more effective.

Prompt #2: In Module 2, you were introduced to the martial art, Aikido. The purpose of this
module was to use a martial art that deals with "physical conflict" in a different way, a way that
provided a metaphor for how to deal with conflict in the workplace. What did you take away
from this Module? Did you see a connection between the principles of Aikido and the principles
of dealing professionally with workplace conflict?

Yes, seeing the way to stay centered, accept the energy provided and not push it away, not
feel threatened by it but be able to deflect it with grace and dignity are skills that I am
learning to practice daily. It is easy to dismiss someone for ranting about an issue but by
taking the time to understand their frustration and work with them and not against them
to prove that I am right, is a big step in leading from a better place. I am finding that even
though I see that someone is trying to “best” me, I find that instead of retreating and letting
them pounce forward, I am meeting them at their point, explaining my side with respect
and acknowledging their point of view that may be only a part of the story. When they
circle back to get further clarification, I share and am respectful with what I know and
validate their concerns respectfully. I am finding this works better than I expected with
particular individuals who are bullying types.

Prompt #3: In Module 3, you were introduced to the first conflict transformation skill, "Spitting
Out the Hook." Did you learn the skill? Will it help you deal with conflict? Was this quiz (and
were the quizzes} fair, too hard, or too easy? Did the quizzes help you gain more from the text?

I realized with Spitting out the Hook, that I explained myself a lot! In recognizing this
trait, it helped me to slow down and listen to the other person to gain more insight into
their perspective so that I had a clearer picture of what everyone involved could know.
This has helped in recognizing the areas where my colleagues are explaining themselves too
much and feel intimidated into explaining their positions. I have found that if I turn it
around to seek further clarification I usually can help them get out of biting the hook and
they can act with more confidence in what they know and feel more at ease to admit when
they don’t know so that we can collaborate on finding solutions. I also feel that when
people don’t consider others, they get caught in that web of blaming and denial. It helps to
let them know that they don’t need to defend their position but to help solve a problem.

The quizzes helped somewhat in understanding the process.

Prompt #4: In Module 4, you were introduced to the second conflict transformation skill,
"H.E.A.R." Did you learn the skill? Will it help you deal with conflict? Some of you already
use an active listening skill; was learning H.E.A.R. too redundant or was it valuable to review?

This skill felt similar to Spitting out the Hook but still valuable to review. I think it could
have been combined with the other skills and maybe made more use to understand how to
disarm someone’s defensiveness.

Prompt #5: In Module 5, you were introduced to the third conflict transformation skill, "BURN
CLEAN." Did you learn the skill? Will it help you deal with conflict? Will it help you express
your "wants" without throwing out hooks?

Burn Clean really helps to articulate a way forward. It is a helpful tool in learning how to
start a dialogue to gain consensus. I like that this is an easy format to use so that you can
take it and apply it to any circumstance. This helps me to slow down a bit and consider
both sides of an issue, be respectful of my adversary and to work with them and not only
consider what benefits me. It also has helped me stop myself from feeling put out and
angry with those who are going in circles. I have used this to check myself and go into
meetings without angst, anger or unrealistic expectations but to walk in with a listening
attitude where I can understand the delays and see how I can move the decision forward
without any impatience or anger or frustration. Yes, this section was beneficial to my
every day work life.

Prompt #6: In Module 6, you were introduced to the fourth conflict transformation skill, "SAY
YES." Did you learn the steps in this skill? Will you be able to use it to help you transform
conflict? How confident do you feel about using the SAY YES Model?

I believe that this section was a great refresher for things that I use in my work regularly.
Am I perfect at it? Not in the least but I do recognize the process and feel that I am able to
identify how to get to yes. The main ingredient, in my opinion is the ability to have each
side feel that they are comfortable with their agreements. It takes time to acknowledge
why someone feels the way they do and that time is well spent clarifying and helping them
get your understanding. I feel that by learning the steps to yes, reminds me to be like Mr.
Ury and really try to see below the small boulder to find the real underlying issues. Most of
the time, the issue isn’t what is presented but how the issue makes a person feel. If I am
able to help validate someone’s concern and their feelings, and they feel heard, I feel we are
able to show them the other side.

Prompt #7: Is there something you wish you had learned or some topic we needed to spend
more or less time on? Add any final thoughts you think would be helpful in improving this
course. Overall, was the workload fair and manageable, light or too much?

I did find the workload very manageable but lighter than I expected. This is my first 300
level class and I expected the work to be much more intense. I would have like to flesh out
the ideas of the book a little more since there were quite a few interesting concepts
discussed. I would have liked them tied to the Aikido method a little more so that I learned
how to use the energy provided to shift my focus better while using someone’s energy to
assist in conflict resolution.

Thank you for an interesting course.