The Bologna Times

Reporter: Kaislyn Veteto

Late Thursday evening the famous Man vs. Wild tv show host, Bear Grylls, came across
something shocking. While he was filming his next episode on Penghu Island in Taiwan, he
stumbled across Betty White, Elvis Presley, and a handful of other famous stars who were
supposedly dead. “I couldn’t believe what I was seeing! I didn't know if it was dehydration
making me see things or if they were actually there!” Grylls tells us. Upon this discovery not
only did he find these stars alive, but he also learned that these stars were ingesting a yellow
plant that made them younger again. “They didn’t look a day over thirty” Grylls described.
Taiwan officials have handed all these stars over to US officials sources say, but we don’t know
what lies ahead. Some say they will spend time behind bars, others say they should be able to
walk free. All we know is that the stars we mourned were never actually gone and this new
plant just opened a brand-new door for science.

Will Jay-Z Be a Cheater or Keeper?

Reported by Kylie Ramirez
On February 1, Jay-Z left his girlfriend
Beyoncé and their daughter. He claimed that
he will be on tour for a huge concert for a few
days. It turns out that he had an affair with
Kourtney Kardashian. The answer to the
question of whether or not Beyoncé will go
back with Jay-Z is unknown. Will Jay-Z be a
cheater forever, or will he be a keeper? I will be
back for more updates.
 Reporter: Madison Russell
Reporter: Breanna Wold
Joey Tribbiani is always one to find
Now trending! Two famous Tik Tok stars get into it
various and unique job opportunities.
at a red carpet premiere! Tik Tok star Addison Rae
Leaving his apartment in New York City,
and Another Tik Tok star Charli D'Amelio formally
Tribbiani traveled to Central City, home
friends go head to head on the carpet. This not so
of Barry Allen, also known as The Flash.
friendly fight all started when Addison posted a
“They accepted my application right
picture with Charli's boyfriend at the time, captioned
away, it is like I was made for this job,”
"Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me".
Joey Tribbiani told reporters excitedly,
Charli fired back with a post including Addisons ex
“and I can’t wait to try that pizza place
boyfriend captioned "Better luck next time". The two
across the street.” Barry Allen’s team was
stars were once very close but over time a rivalry has
attending to other incidents, so the
brewed. When the stars arrived at the carpet they
famous Flash needed a replacement to
were walking down back to back. As this would
help him track crime and get where he
normally be fine Charli and Addison were in the same
needed to be. “Yeah, all of our other
designer dress. Charli walked first with Addison
applicants fell through, so Joey Tribbiani
behind making remarks that "the dress was hers first"
it is,” Allen said, not very amused. Joey’s
followed by Addison stating "someone on her team
excitement got the best of him on his
had leaked the dress". This lead the two stars to get
first day at work. “Yeah, he kept touching
into an argument resulting in both stars being
everything. He set off the alarms, kept
escorted apart from one another. In another
trying to fit into my suit, and kept asking
interview Addison said she would be getting a
‘how you doin?’ to everyone who walked
restraining order against Charli as she feels "like she
by,” The Flash described, “when the time
is being stalked". How will Charli respond to this?
came to respond to an emergency, he
just started screaming and running
around in a panic, had to do everything
by myself.” Despite the not-so-organized
job the pair completed together,
Tribbiani was invited back again. “He
grew on me,” told Allen with a laugh. I
guess the most unlikely pair can change
the world, even at lightning speed.
This just in! Ashton Kutcher was spotted leaving the set of Blippi, a beloved children's
show.
Kutcher starring in hit shows, that 70's show, and Two and a Half Men has been
rumored to have auditioned for the new Netflix show, Blippi. Blippi being a children's
web show that is loved and adored by toddlers and parents alike is seeing a new
Netflix adaptation. Much like most children's shows, the main character Blippi,
teaches colors, letters, objects, etc. This is quite the change in scenery for Kutcher as
he does not make the most child-friendly content. Kutcher has been out of the lime
for a while, the last film he was in, The Long Home, came out in 2017, so there could
be a possibility that he is just trying to spark a new type of career. With two toddlers
at home, it would not be too far-fetched to believe that Kutcher would want to move
his career in a different direction. However, a little different genre of film, we believe
Ashton Kutcher would be great has our beloved, Blippi.

Reporter : Jailene Aguirre

BREAKING NEWS! Kim Kardashian was seen at
Disneyland having the time of her life, until her butt
implants decided to explode on a rollercoaster! That's
right folks, Kim Kardashians butt implants exploded.
Although it is unknown what the cause of the eruption
was, Kim Kardashian made a huge scene as she was in
distraught. Could it be that this was all planned to finally
reveal the Kardashians most famous secret? Rumors are
speculating that the implants fell on multiple people at
Disneyland, and maybe could have landed on a
characters head. Could it have been the altitude or a
strategy from momager Kris Jenner? Kim Kardashian was
seen very embarrassed and did not want to come down
the Incredicoaster! We will keep you updated as more
details arrive.
Reporter: Nichole Sammy
Survivor turned Hunger Games? Kim Kardashian becomes castaway on this season of Survivor Celeb
Edition. Rumors about the current Survivor season spreading saying it is deadlier than ever! Daniel
Radcliff (also castaway) found dead on set? Rumors say he found Kim Kardashian deflating into a lizard
and hasn't been found since. Did Kim Kardashian eat Daniel Radcliff? Was Emma Watson (also castaway)
jealous of Daniel Radcliff and Tom Felton's (also castaway) bonding over building a fire? Emma Watson
killed Daniel Radcliff? Eminem (also castaway) also seen fire bonding on other tribe with spy and traitor
Tom Felton! Kim Kardashian has also been seen bonding very closely with Kris Jenner! Is this the secret
reptile up rise we have all been waiting for? Will any celebrities survive this season of Survivor? Kim
Jong-un running this season of Survivor?

Reporter: Shante Martinez

Reporter: Kyndell Peer-Worrell
BREAKING NEWS! A List EXTRA! EXTRA! READ ALL ABOUT IT! Tom Hiddleston AKA
Actor and hunky Witcher: Henry Loki has just announced that he is petitioning to become the new and
Cavill has announced he’s joining improved Thanos! In a recent interview "Loki" stated that Thanos failed
the MCU after DC dropped him as the inevitable and should have taken Thor as well as Iron Man. "Loki"
as the Man of Steel. News broke also stated that Chris Evans is the one and only Steve Rogers AKA
out earlier this week after DC Captain America and no one else should be worthy to wield the shield!
said they’re going a different "Loki" then stated that when he becomes the new and BETTER Thanos,
route and axed Cavill. After the he will take out anybody who thought they were worthy enough for the
announcement, Marvel CEO shield!
Kevin Feige jumped into action
and hired Cavill on the spot. It is
unknown what role Cavill will
take but rumors are speculating
he will play Adam Warlock or
Wolverine. This reporter
personally doesn’t care who he
plays, if he’s in it. Will keep you
updated as soon as my sources
give me more information.

Classifieds
• 1 bed, 1 bath $3500.00 a month. Pets ok. No KIDS
• Lost artichoke. If found DON’T EAT!
• Looking for work- half ventriloquist clown. Lots of cool fire tricks.
• Single male looking for female, looking for mail, who has a pet snail.
• Your Ad Here… except yours Karen.