Professional Documents
Culture Documents
Here’s a list of 25 mistakes I’ve observed people make, which prevent them from connecting with others
—and thus prevents them from cultivating better relationships.
We tend to think that we’re the most interesting person around, but that’s probably not true.
Unless you’re Warren Buffett or Mark Zuckerberg, people don’t want to hear your monologues all day
long.
Asking questions—and paying full attention to the answers—is a good way to show people that you care
about them.
3. Complain
Try and resist the urge to cut someone off, even if you have an extremely golden thought to share.
It might give you a thrill to share your own awesome story, but it will probably make the other person
feel insignificant and embarrassed.
All of us know how terrible it feels when there’s some sort of commotion that interrupts the story we’re
telling and prevents us from getting to the end of it.
It means a lot to someone when you make the effort to remember his or her medical appointment or
wedding anniversary, just to name a couple of examples.
This is one that I know I’m occasionally guilty of. If you’re busy and don’t have the time to write a full
reply, you could write a short note to tell your friend that you’ll write a longer reply later on.
If you wait for a moment before responding, it shows that you’ve put thought into your answer.
Saying “Thank you” or “Goob job” aren’t as good as saying “Thank you for writing such a detailed and
well-structured report” or “Your insightful analysis of the situation made it easier for the team to
accomplish its goals.”
11. Assume that it’s a good time interrupt others
You might want to talk about something urgently, but the other person might be caught up with his or
her own problems. “Is now a good time for you to talk?” is a simple question, but it’s one that
demonstrates care and thoughtfulness.
12. Be late
This is an especially bad mistake if it’s your first meeting the other person.
When you hear someone cough or see someone with dark eye rings, it’s tempting to make a comment.
The better option is keep quiet, because no one wants likes to be reminded of his or her frailty.
Most of the time, people share their problems and feelings because they want a listening ear. We
invalidate others’ feelings when we tell them that they shouldn’t feel sad, angry, disappointed or
frustrated.
This is a mistake unless the other person explicitly asks for your input.
I’ve heard it said: “Opposing everything without proposing anything is irresponsible.” Unless you also
have suggestions for how to improve the idea, it’s better not to say anything at all.
It’s surprising that so many people have strong opinions about subjects they know little about, whether
it’s health, investing, politics or religion. Unless you really know it all—which is pretty unlikely—try not
to talk as if you do.
18. Brag
You might be proud of your own or your children’s achievements, but don’t brag about them
unnecessarily.
You can tell a lot about someone based on how he or she responds to other people’s good news.
Rationalizing why someone’s accomplishment isn’t that big of a deal is a big no-no, even if that’s what
you actually think.
This applies whether or not the person is physically present. If you talk bad about someone who isn’t
there, other people will start to wonder if you gossip about them behind their backs, too.
Being distracted by your phone or computer is a sure way to make the other person feel unimportant
and ignored.
I know that some people just don’t like making eye contact during a conversation, but it really is
essential if you want to convey sincerity and honesty.
Some people are skilled at using every topic of group conversation as a starting point to tell their own
story. This is a skill that, if overused, will cause people to want to avoid having a conversation with you.
When you say things like “You must feel betrayed” or “You must be disappointed” too frequently, it can
make the other person feel like you’re being patronizing.
One of the simplest ways to connect with people is to give them a huge smile when you see them.
Don’t be afraid to show people how happy you are to see them (if you’re actually happy to see them).