1

Morning rain. There is something enchanting about being woken up by the humming sounds of the
rain hitting the roof. I know a lot of people love summer days and blue skies but I am a girl that is in
love with a cloudy day. The smell of rain as it hits the earth and the feeling you get on those dull
gloomy but exquisite days. I don’t know maybe I am just a sucker for punishment. I have always
been drawn to the quiet within. I have always had friends and sometimes I might even be the life of
the party but in a big way I am a loner, I thrive on it.

I open my eyes and stare out the window, just because the weather is asking me to stay in bed does
not mean I must listen, I have to get to school. I am in my first year of university studying towards a
philosophy degree.

I am interested in anything in the humanities field because I have always been more of a dreamer
and I have beliefs that lead me to assume that life is more than about sitting in an office and selling
insurance.

I want to study about things that really matter and hopefully one day make an actual contribution to
humanity but that’s a story for another day.

I settle on a pair of jeans, a hoodie and some wellies. I am ready to start my day. I find my mother
and father downstairs, Dad is reading his newspaper with a permanent frown on his face as usual,
mom Is slaving away on the stove making breakfast I assume, it smells good but I am afraid If I stay I
might miss my first lecture for the morning. She looks preoccupied, too preoccupied to even ask me
why I am rushing out. I say my goodbyes and run over to the bus stop. I sit on the bench and listen to
music from my iPod.

The bus arrives after a few seconds, I sit right at the front because I have this fear of sitting at the
back of the bus it makes me feel like I might miss my stop somehow silly but well it’s true.

The bus has an unspoken hierarchy that works in the following way, at the front are the random
people, mainly old people and really young children and then people like myself, invisible introverts
and in the middle are the high school kids who are loud and obnoxious and always making a racket
lastly right at the back are my peers, the varsity kids.

Our campus is the last stop so I get why they hover at the back but also I think it’s a cool people
thing.

I finally jump off at the bus stop and quickly cross the street into the gates of hell as we like to call it.
I find my friend waiting for me on the benches where most of us pass time in between lectures.

She looks up and smiles when she sees me.

“My friend” She gets up to hug me

“Are we late?” I ask her

“Always” She smiles giving me her sweet smile

My friend Jolene is the best, we have been friends since primary school and she is the best. We get
along because both of us are one in the same person.

What a long day!

“So anyway I think I want to break up…I am not a woman who can be controlled” Jo says fiercely
“Are you sure this time because we have had this conversation before Jo and you guys always make
up” I roll my eyes inwardly

“I’m sure Manda, I have had it with Steven he doesn’t care about me. He only cares about his band
and his stupid friends”

“I could’ve told you that but somehow you guys always find your way back to each other”

“Not this time, I’m so done with him” She insists

“If you say so, I have your back regardless” I take her hand

She hugs me from the side and we air kiss each other.

“Thank you my sweetie, one day you are going to make a man very happy”

“Why is it always about a man with you?” I giggle

“Life is about love Manda whether you choose to acknowledge it or not. If we are not in love we are
dreaming about being in love and I know deep down you are just as romantic as your Jojo”

I smile at the comment. I guess there is some truth in it, maybe I choose to live in a world where I am
not affected about being single.

I am not opposed to dating I just struggle to find someone that I relate to, guys in university only
want one thing, that’s all I’m saying. Steven’s car parks in front of us and Jo springs up and hugs me
once more before she enters the Corsa lite.

I am left alone to wait for the bus home. I start playing candy crush on my phone to pass time. I am
glad it has stopped raining, the sun decided to just make a debut right at the day of the day.

It looks beautiful really, the different shades of amber are blindingly breath taking as the sun sets on
this day. I feel a bit silly with my wellies but rather safe than sorry.

The bus arrives after half an hour and I sit in my usual spot listen to my iPod and shut my eyes
briefly.

When I wake up I am nearly home, I know I have the anxiety of missing my stop but I can always
manage to squeeze in a mini nap on my way home. My circadian watch is in top shape because I
time them impeccably.

My parents aren’t home yet. My father works as a manager at a local postal office. My mother is a
para legal for a non-profitable organization just a few miles from where we live. My older brother
Craig studies abroad thanks to his great results and the bursaries he received after high school, he is
doing his PhD in chemistry and he doesn’t call too often anymore.

The house looks clean my mother is the definition of every woman, she cooks and cleans every
morning before work and sometimes even makes dinner. Today I will cook. I end up preparing a
chicken pasta and a salad. I go up to my room and bath before the parents arrive.

Jolene and Steven have cornered me into coming to a pub in town to watch him perform.

My parents are easy going and they trust me so convincing them wasn’t difficult at all, in fact I think
they are happy to see me out of the house.
The car hoots outside and I make my way out, it seems like they are fighting as usual, being a third
wheel is not fun at all. I have to endure their trivial couple quarrels.

“Hey babe” Jo shouts when I settle on the back seat

“Hi Amanda” Steven waves

“Hey guys” I respond

“I’m so glad you decided to come out babe, we are going to live it up” Jo dances from the front

Coldplay magic comes on and I am glad the couple are not subjecting me to the noise that is their
voices. We get to the pub and it’s already dark outside. Jo and I walk in hand in hand and Steven
disappears into the back to get ready. We sit at the bar and Jo orders us beers and a few shooters.

“Who else is coming tonight?” I ask after downing a tequila shot

“Gabi, you know her she’s cool and her boyfriend Max and they are bringing another friend I don’t
know”

“Is this a couple’s thing because I don’t feel like third wheeling tonight” I whine

“Not at all babe besides you’ve got me girl” We cheers to the night and wait for the rest of their
friends to show up

As we finish our second beer and I spot Gabi walking in. I’m assuming that’s her boyfriend and they
are with someone else, I’ve never seen him around.

“Hey girls” Gabi greets

“Hey” We say in unison

“This is Max my boyfriend, and that’s Lwazi his friend” She points at the tall chocolate statue behind
her

I am feeling a bit shy right now, maybe it’s because this feels a bit like a set up or maybe because this
guy is really good looking. After exchanging the necessary pleasantries I manage to get a good look
at him.

He is damn tall, he has a messy fade which looks great for his course hair. His skin looks like a milky
chocolate color, it is smooth and shiny. His arms seem to be bulging out of his denim jacket and he
has dark brown deep eyes. Don’t get me started on his lips. I gulp down the remainder of my beer
and I order another one.

“Hey we should all get some beers guys” Max shouts

I order us beers and we all find a table right in the corner of the bar and settle down to watch the
performance.

I find myself nestled in between Jo and this chocolate Adonis, he smells great. A manly body wash
with a mix of a subtle cologne I notice. I am doing all I can to avoid eye contact, the band comes on
stage and we all scream for them.

The girls leave me with Max and Lwazi they are dancing and I don’t dance so I sit awkwardly with
these two guys I just met.

“So Amanda right?” Oh shit he is talking to me

I turn around and our eyes meet for the first time, my heart!

“Hello” He says half smiling

“Yes my name is Amanda” I say softly

“Are you into this kind of music?” He asks looking me straight in the eye

“Kind of, why do you ask?”

“Just wondering why you aren’t also on the dance floor” He says as he takes a huge swig from his
beer, that leaves his lips slightly wet, everything is moving in slow motion right now.

“I’m not much of a dancer” I admit

“This isn’t even dancing, it’s just jumping” He says point at the girls and Max who has joined them

I giggle.

“True I just don’t like the spot light, I would rather sit here and watch” I try looking everywhere but
in his gaze

“Well I could teach you how to dance, really dance at a real party”

Is that an invitation, I don’t know what to say so I don’t say anything I just smile.

“You’re a little shy Amanda” Something about the way he says my name, with the undertone of his
Zulu accent

“Only when I don’t know you well”

“I see, fair enough” He nods

The rest of the group join us after the band finishes performing. Jolene and Gabi drag me to the
bathroom to gossip I’m sure.

“Are you enjoying yourself love?” Gabi questions

“I am actually” I smile

“What’s that smile?” Jo stares at me

“What smile?” I feign seriousness

“You know what I’m talking about, does this have to do with Mr. Lwazi?”

I blush and look away.

“Oh my, you like him?” She screeches

“Really that’s your type?” Gabi gives me a foul look

“I didn’t say I like anyone please give it up you guys” I dismiss them

We walk back into the bar, there is something I don’t like about Gabi I can’t put my finger on it but
she’s a bit dodge.
After a few beers and a lot of laughter and chatter we all leave the pub. The guys want to go to
another spot but Gabi complained about being tired so they will drop us off. The truth is I wanted to
hang out some more spend more time around Lwazi but it seems that won’t happen.

We haven’t had a chance to speak one on one since our little conversation. We all exchange hugs
outside and I am anxiously avoiding him, he smiles when I finally look up in his direction and he’s
been looking at me.

He tilts his head to the side and gives me a serious look then extends his arm and pulls me closer to
him, his long and strong arms snake around my petite body and I awkwardly place my arms against
his chest. I close my eyes for that moment until he lets me go.

The breeze instantly makes me miss his warm embrace as we let go. I don’t face him I just quickly
slide into the back of Steven’s car and I watch them walk to his car I am assuming, a fancy BMW I
wonder how old he is and what he does for a living.

I stare out until their car drives off into the darkness. I wonder if I’ll ever cross paths with him again,
oh well.

Saturday I usually like to go down to the beach but it doesn’t seem like that will happen any time
soon because it’s raining again. I am using this time to clean my bedroom and my closet and I realize
I own too many sneakers for a girl.

I only have one pair of heels that I wore to my matric dance and I wear it to any serious formal
event, wedding etc. I make a mental note that I should at least buy more sandals. My mother calls
me down just as I finish.

“Manda you have been cooked up in your room the whole morning come and eat” She says

My mother was a beautiful woman in her times, she is still beautiful just doesn’t put as much effort
in her appearance. Her eyes have bags underneath them, and the sides of her face are staring to
wrinkle. She looks tired I wish she could stay at home but we need the money.

“Where’s Pa?” I ask as I sit and eat last night’s left overs

“He went out to meet his brother at the pub for a few cold ones my love” She says still tidying up

“Ma would you sit, just for a moment” I give her a look she sighs and sits opposite me and smiles

“So have you found a nice boy at university?”

“Mom” I flush

“What, we should be able to talk about these things honey” she is smiling broadly now

“No there is no boy mom, I am concentrating on school, you know this”

“I do but it’s okay to go out you know, meet some nice boys at the beach maybe and have a jol with
your friends”

I am not having this conversation with my mother.

“I’ll be sure to that do that mom and you’ll be the first to know once I’ve met someone” I leave for
the kitchen and wash the dishes in the sink and I spend the rest of the day lounging.
Jolene is calling.

“Hey Jojo” I answer

“Hey babe” there is a lot of noise in the background

“What’s that noise, where are you?” I raise my voice

“Gabi and I went to Max’s house there’s a chill session and the guys are going crazy with the music,
should we fetch you?”

“Who else is there?” Lwazi crosses my mind

Jo laughs loudly in my ear.

“He’s here” She says softly

“Who?” I giggle

“Don’t play innocent with me, we are going to come fetch you get dressed”

She hangs up

I am suddenly excited.

It’s a bit chilly out so I wear a pair of jeans a white top, denim jacket and my black chuck tailors. I
walk back into the living room, mom is watching T.V. She takes off her glasses and scans me from
top to bottom.

“Going somewhere?”

“Yes Jolene just called they want to come fetch me so we can hang out at her boyfriend’s place, play
games watch movies I’ll come back later” I smile

“So is that what you are wearing?”

“Yes mom, what’s wrong with what I’m wearing?” I stand on front of the mirror I look fine

“You could at least wear some make up honey, you look very pale”

She gets up and takes my hand and drags me to her bedroom” Oh gosh

I sit on their bed and she comes back with some powder and does my face. She applies some
mascara afterwards and hands me a light pink lip-gloss. I brush my dark curls into a neat bun and I
look really pretty.

I smile at my reflection in the mirror. Mom comes back with a pair of black knee length boot and
hands them to me.

“Ma” I complain

“Don’t think about it, take off those ridiculous sneakers and try these on”

I follow her instructions and when I see myself in the mirror I don’t believe my eyes. What a
difference shoes can make to an outfit. I look sexy, Amanda looks sexy. I twirl and admire my butt in
these tight jeans and these boots are doing wonders for my legs. I look like a model.
Mom hands me her special occasion perfume and I sprits it on my neck and on my jacket.

I am not sure if I will survive the whole night with these shoes but I will definitely try. I look too good
right now. Ma keeps saying you must suffer for beauty and I am just shaking my head... I have flats in
my bag. I get a text from Jolene they are outside, my heart does a somersault. Amanda you are being
silly, what if he’s not there anymore. He doesn’t even like you, why do you care…you look ridiculous
with these shoes.

I shut out these thoughts and I walk out. Jolene screams as soon as she sees me.

“Manda is that you?” She hops out the car and admires the look

“Yep” I blush

“You look gorgeous, damn!” She says hugging me

We drive off to Max’s house. As soon as we get there I recognize his car from the other night and I
instantly feel like I need to pee. Get yourself right Manda he’s just a boy.

We walk into the house and there are a few people in the lounge including Gabi and Max, he’s not in
here.

“Hi guys” I greet them

“Hey Manda” Gabi says

“Come let’s get you a drink” Jo pulls me to the kitchen

He’s sitting on the kitchen counter on his phone, he is wearing black ripped jeans and a crisp white
tee. His looks up and sees us, his mouth is slightly open as he examines me up and down. Yes that’s
the reaction I needed.

“Hey” I say breathily

“Amanda” that accent

“How are you?” I ask

“I’m great now, how are you?” I blush

“I’m good as well”

“Okay you two, I’m still here” Jo interrupts our moment

“We need a drink, do you want to mix something for us?” Jo nudges his arm

“Sure” he says smiling

We walk back to the lounge and Lwazi sits next to me and hands me my drink.

“Thanks, what is it?”

“It’s gin and lemonade, you look like you have a sweet tooth” He smiles

Jesus, his teeth.

“I do” I take a sip

“So?”
“It’s delicious” I take another sip

“I’m glad” He smiles again

Silence.

“Are you always this uptight?”

Excuse me…?

“You’re talking to me?”

“Yeah I am, you seem nervous all the time and I’m not sure if that’s how you are naturally or it’s just
me”

I turn crimson at the last comment.

“I don’t know what you are talking about”

“You look beautiful Amanda”

Butterflies, everywhere!

“Thank you… I like the way you say my name” I confess

“Do you know what I like?” That look on his face right now

I shake my head.

“You” He touches my face and I feel a wave of electricity run through my body

“Say something” He says after a while

“I don’t know what to say Lwazi” He smiles

“Do you want to get out of here?”

Wait, what?

“Not like that, just ditch this place, this party kinda sucks no offense… I know of another party and I
think you will enjoy it”

I take a moment to think about it, I mean I barely know this guy.

“Max can vouch for me I’m not a rapist or a serial killer. I promise to drive you back home as soon as
you want to leave”

“Okay” I surprise myself

“Great, let’s go” He gets up and towers over me

“Wait I’ll meet you outside I just need to speak to my friend first” He nods and walks out, what am I
doing?

“Jo” She turns to look at me

“What’s wrong love?”

“Nothing I’m okay I just…” Gabi is looking at us listening in with no shame

I clear my throat and she turns the other way, as if she still can’t hear, gosh.

“I am going to leave with Lwazi”

“What do you mean?” She frowns at me

“We are going to go chill at his other friend’s party, he will take me home”

“Are you sure babe?” She looks concerned

“Don’t worry, I’ll be fine”

“Okay babe” She kisses my cheek

“Are you kidding?” Gabi squeals from behind Jo

“Excuse me?” I look at her

“You don’t know this guy from a bar of soap and already you are going home with him, do you even
trust him?”

“He’s your boyfriend’s friend Gabi, what do you mean?”

“I mean he’s you know…” She whispers

“No I don’t, please enlighten me” I am getting annoyed

“He’s black” she shouts

I look at her for a few seconds and I click my tongue and walk out. I don’t have time for small minded
people.

I find him sitting in his car. I open the door and slam it shut and he gives me a look.

“I’m sorry” I look up at him

“What happened in there?”

“Nothing, don’t worry about it. Let’s go” I give him a smile and he reciprocates it then we drive off to
our unknown destination

We get to an unfamiliar neighborhood, the houses are clustered together and small. The street we
are on is quite narrow and there are cars parked on each side.

We squeeze through until we park in front of a house identical to the rest but it looks like there is a
party happening. We park on the street and he opens my door for me. I am a little nervous I won’t
lie, I’ve never been anywhere near a place like this.

I think he senses my uneasiness because he pulls me closer to him and mumbles something in my
ear to reassure me. I didn’t hear what he said, I was still hypnotized by his scent and muscular
embrace. A tall skinny guy walks up to him and they do some long and complicated secret
handshake type thing before he notices me.

He is scanning me up and down, I know this look.

“Lwazi who is the pretty lady?” he asks

“This is Amanda, and Amanda this is Sticks” He smiles at me, that’s a strange name…
“Hi Sticks” I say softly

“Hi Amanda, nice to meet you… guys come on in, everyone is inside”

We follow him inside and when we enter it looks like nothing I’ve ever seen. The music is really loud
and it sounds foreign to me. There are people dancing everywhere, with each other, alone…on top
of tables everyone looks like they are high off some drug…the drug being the music.

The beat of this song is fast addictive I can’t help but feel my body moving as we maneuver the
crowd to the back. Lwazi has his arm wrapped tightly around my waist. We find a corner and he sits
on the table and places me between his legs. It’s too loud to have a conversation here so I just look
around at all the people. Some are staring at us but I guess I expect that, I’m the only white person
here. Sticks comes and hands us some drinks and he has a girl on his arm, she smiles at me.

“Hey” She screams

“Hey” I scream back

“Come let’s go dance” She pulls me by my hand

I look back at Lwazi nervously and he nods and winks at me. I don’t even know how to dance not like
how everyone here is moving anyway.

“Hey, it’s okay I’m Minenhle by the way but you can call me Minx” She smiles

“Nice to meet you Minx, I’m Amanda”

“Come girl let’s dance”

Minx is slightly shorter than me, she has a short afro and her skin is a fudgy caramel color. It’s
flawless and I envy her tan complexion plus she’s a beaut. I feel really pale next to her. She starts
moving her hips from side to side to the beat of the drum on this song and urges me to do the same.
I just move around awkwardly and she laughs at me.

“Girl you are really dancing like a white girl…move to the side once like this and then throw your ass
back, swirl it around and then move to the other side and then repeat…yes baby like that”

I feel ridiculous but I think I’m doing it. I feel someone hold my waist from behind and I turn around
Lwazi is looking down at me.

“Minx what are you teaching my person?”

My person… did I hear correctly?

“She’s a natural Lwazi”

Another song comes on and everyone screams in excitement. I try walking away but Lwazi pulls me
back and dances with me. Damn he can move, it’s not like how Sticks is dancing which is just too
much. Lwazi is just moving but it looks really cool. Suddenly all the ladies move to the ground and
then they come up and everyone claps. By the second time I have the move down and I’m moving
like everyone else. A few hours later, I am drunk and Minx and I have become inseparable. Lwazi
walks up to us and take my hand.

“We have to go, say your goodbyes” He says

We exchange numbers and I walk out to the car and find Lwazi waiting, I’ve never had this much fun
before.

“Had fun?” He says as we enter his car

“Tons, when are we coming back?”

He laughs loudly.

“Someone is hooked” He smiles broadly making my stomach turn.

“I really had a good time thank you” I say

“I told you we would have fun now let me take you home before I get you into trouble. The sun is
going to come out soon” He says starting the engine

I must have fallen asleep because Lwazi is shaking me awake and we are parked outside my house
and the sun is up.

“Amoh” He says brushing my face

I’ve never been called that before, my mom often call me Amy or my friends call me Manda but I
liked how he said it, Amoh…it sounded a little bit French. He is still looking at me smiling, how he
manages to still look so handsome after a night of partying is beyond me.

“Do you want to go get some rest or do you want to sit here and stare at me all day” He smiles

“Shut up” I grab my bag from the back

“Thank you again, I really enjoyed myself sorry I fell asleep” I smile apologetically, I won’t ask how he
knew where I lived I’m too tired.

“Give me your number before you leave Cinderella” He hands me his phone, I store my number
thank him one last time and I hurry inside the house. It’s a good thing I have my own key because I
would hate to have to knock at this time.

The house is still quiet, my parents must still be sleeping. I sneak into my bedroom, and strip off my
clothes. I pass out immediately as my face hits the pillow.

My phone, where is it…I can hear it vibrating but I can’t seem to find it. I find it on the other side of
the bed next to my jeans. I was really drunk when I came in. It’s Jo, I answer;

“Jo” I say huskily

“Manda, are you okay?” She sounds a bit worried

“I’m great”

“Where are you?”

“Home”

“Oh we ended up staying here at Max’s house for the night I thought you would come back or at
least take my calls” She is reprimanding me now

“I’m sorry I didn’t take your calls I was pretty hammered” I admit
“Are you sure you’re okay, Lwazi took you straight home?”

“He took good care of me and yes I am great Jo”

“Okay well we are all going to the beach, do you want to come?”

“I don’t know I need more sleep, I’ll call you when I wake up”

I hang up ignoring her complaints.

I wake up a few hours later, it’s around two in the afternoon and my body feels a bit achy. I make my
bed and I head to the shower. I wear a lose t-shirt and denim shorts, I let my hair down so it can air
dry and I charge my phone. I switch it on and I have missed calls from Jo and another number I don’t
recognize.

I call it back.

“Amoh”

My heart.

“Hi” I smile to myself

“It’s Lwazi” As If I didn’t know

“Hi Lwazi”

“How are you Amanda?”

“I’m rested feeling much better, you?”

“Same here, what are you doing this afternoon?”

“Uhm not sure Jo wanted me to meet them at the beach but I was sleeping when they called, I was
kind of just going to chill in my bedroom and mop around” I’m saying a lot right now…

He chuckles.

“Do you want to have a late lunch, there’s a nice place by the beach that side”

“Hmm I don’t know”

“Come on, don’t you miss me”

He-he this guy is forward.

“We can go have a quick lunch”

“Great I’ll be there in half an hour”

He hangs up.

I am trying to find something cute to wear to the beach but I am struggling. I’m not a big dress
person so most of my dresses are black and they don’t seem to fit the occasion. I think I might need
to raid my mom’s closet. I walk to their room and my dad is home. They are sitting on the bed talking
as I invade their bedroom.

“Manda, you’re so scarce lately what kind of trouble are you getting into?” My dad takes off his
glasses
“No trouble Pa just school and friends” I say

Mom is giving me a smile.

“Ma can I borrow one of your dresses, I’m going to the beach” I say opening her wardrobe

“I’m sure you will find something honey” She says eying me suspiciously

“Since when does Amanda wear dresses” Pa speaks up

“Since she got a new boyfriend” Ma says

“Ma!” I scream

“I’m kidding, she’s a lady and maybe she is starting to embrace her feminine side” Ma says

“I found something and no I don’t have a boyfriend, I’m going to the beach with my friends” I leave
their room

I’m wearing a short navy summer dress with yellow flowers, how my mother wears such a short
dress at her age is a mystery to me. My curls are tied into two buns and I grab some sunglasses, a
jacket, and my body spritz and apply some gloss. Lwazi texts me, he’s outside.

I walk out and he’s is parked out, standing outside his car waiting for me. God he looks good, he is
wearing shorts and a cool shirt and a pair of loafers.

“You look amazing” He says before I get to him, he already has me blushing…

“Thank you, you look nice as well” I respond

“Come here, I want my hug” He pulls me by my hand

He envelops his arms around my waist and hugs me tightly. This smell is going to haunt me when I’m
alone, my body feels light when he lets me go, what is this guy doing to me?

We are seated on the deck on the balcony of this restaurant. I often see couples coming here but
I’ve never been. The place is a bit up market and I wouldn’t afford to come here, even my parents
are used to eating at the local diner just down the street.

I guess he is going all out for this date, if that’s what this is. I’m not sure in fact I don’t know much
about Lwazi, last night we didn’t get a chance to talk much.

“I’m sorry” He looks up from his phone he has been occupied by it since we sat down

“It’s okay” I say kindly

“I’m not usually this rude, just a little family drama I was dealing with”

“You’re close with your family?” I enquire

He laughs before responding

“More than close, too close they are very nosy and a little over bearing” He smiles

“I see”

I take a sip of my orange juice

“What about you?”

“I live with my parents, they are okay…they give me my space. My mom is hardworking so is my dad
but they are both pretty chilled and into their own thing”

“Are you an only child?”

“Nope, I have an older brother but he is in Germany studying so I might as well be”

Our breakfast arrives and it looks delightful. I salivate at the sight but I have to act like a lady and
take small bites like my mother taught me.

“So Amanda tell me about yourself, I don’t know a lot about you?” He says

“I could say the same about you, but I really lead a simple life, I’m studying towards a philosophy
degree and when I’m not at home, I’m at school mostly. My best friend Jolene is kind of my only
friend, we like to go to the beach and hang out or go to the pub and just have a few beers. I am a
little shy as you have noticed and I like my space so I’m often alone”

I take a bite of my hash brown and watch him

“I’m sure there’s a lot more to you than that, but I plan to find out” He says with a mouthful

“What’s your life story?”

“Well, you already know my name, Lwazi Mkhize, Khabazela kama vovo, Gcwabe kay’khlandla,
Ngunesi”

I blush as he recites his clan names, he has a proud look on his face it’s really sexy.

“So anyway I work as a quantity surveyor for Boyabenyathi Construction. I am the middle child, I
have four other siblings... an older brother and sister and two younger sisters. I have two cousins
that were adopted by my parents after my dad’s brother died and so I come from a pretty big family.
My parents are good people but they have their moments. I live alone just outside Portland at Beach
View heights but I am home a lot… I have a lot of friends and Sticks from last night, is one of them”
He chews his food slowly and then licks his lips

Wow… I’m still stuck at four siblings and two cousins.

“Your life sounds quite busy compared to mine”

“Well my life is going to get busier” He drops his fork, folds his arms and stares at me

“Why do you say that?” I clear my throat

“Well because I like you Amanda and I want to spend a lot of my time with you” His eyes are
studying my face, searching…

“What makes you think I want the same?” I stare back

“Maybe the fact that you don’t know me well but here you are having breakfast with me, or maybe
the fact that you fell asleep in my car last night after we spent a wonderful night together or maybe
because you can’t help but blush every time I look at you” I blush immediately

“Okay so maybe I do like you” I smile at him

“Great, so you’re my girlfriend now”

What?
“Excuse me, I said I like you I didn’t agree to anything”

“Well if you aren’t my girlfriend then you’re paying for your own meal” He says with a straight face

I panic thinking about how broke I am, then he bursts out laughing.

“The look on your face, priceless. Don’t worry baby I got you besides it’s only a matter of time until
you are calling me by my clan name and begging me to make love to you”

I choke on my juice, and cough loudly, he hands me a napkin and sips on his coffee. That last part
had an effect on me, I cross my legs.

“Anyway for now we can just get to know more of each other and enjoy each other’s company”

“So how do you know Max? I change the subject

“Max and I have a mutual friend who introduced us and I’m a people’s person so we got along”

“People’s person” I repeat

“Yeah, but you will soon learn this”

The waiter comes back to check on us.

“Would you guys like anything else?” He asks

Lwazi looks over at me.

“Would you like some dessert?” He cocks his head to the side

“Really?” I frown

“Yeah, can we have some ice cream” The waiter smiles and leaves us

“You have a sweet tooth?” I ask him

“I like food and I like indulging different foods. There’s a place just outside the city, they have the
best food I often go there just to try different dishes they make” He says happily

“So you’re a foodie?”

“Exactly” He beams

“I don’t really like trying new dishes, I get scared like what if I don’t like the food…”

“So you’re the type that orders the same thing and goes to the same place all the time?”

“Exactly”

“You suck babe” He laughs

“So tell me what is like to have so many siblings?” I ask starting to become more comfortable with
him

“Hmm, well it’s just a lot of arguing, a lot of talking over each other but it’s awesome, I know they
always have my back and we are all quite close, this morning I was talking to my older sister, her son
was giving her a hard time and I was just consoling her” He says fondly

“Tell me about them”

“Okay where do I start, the eldest is my sister Zodwa she’s 35 and she has two children Khaya, he’s
14 and Sizile her little princess who is 8, she is an attorney, very strict we are all scared of her.
Sakhile my brother after Zodwa is 33 he has a son Thabiso who just turned 10, he is pretty chilled
like me, we get along and he likes to drink and he likes women, always has baby momma drama
though. He is in finance. Then my younger sisters are Mandisa and Asanda, Mandisa is 25 she is a
chef no kids yet, very talkative and has a lot of attitude she gives me a hard time always, she’s the
problem child for my parents I think. Asanda is 17 doing her matric this year, she is a lot like Mandisa
with the attitude but I think it’s mostly because she idolizes her, she’s a good kid, smart probably
smarter than all of us and she’s my dad’s favorite. Then we have my two cousins who are like my
brothers, Mthobisi and Mbuso. When my uncle and aunt died when they were younger my dad took
them in. Mthobisi who is 30 is quiet, he likes to go to the gym he’s pretty buff so the ladies love him
but he doesn’t really pay them much attention. He is an IT technician and he lives with Mbuso who is
28 and well he’s into the ladies and well you will meet him one day and you can judge for yourself”

WOW!

“That’s a lot” I confess

“It is but you will get used to them”

I guess he is already planning on introducing me to his family.

“Maybe, so tell me…how old are you?” I squint my eyes

“How old do I look?” He asks as he digs into his sundae

I don’t know, like 23”

He laughs loudly

“I’m flattered but I’m 27”

“Oh wow” I blurt out

“How old are you my sweet?”

“I’m 19 this year”

“So you are still 18?

I nod.

He looks like he’s thinking for a moment then smiles, I hope my age isn’t a deal breaker. I must say
his age is a little worrying, I mean he is eight years older than me, but he really looks so young I
would have never guessed.

“Listen Amoh, I like you a lot I don’t care how old you are and I hope my age of birth won’t change
how you see me”

The truth is it didn’t, he was older than me yes but I didn’t mind. I also didn’t mind the fact that he
was black and I was white although if things got serious between us I wasn’t sure how my family
would receive him, I pushed the thought to the back of my mind and concentrated on the chatter
box in front of me.
I really had a fun morning with Lwazi, he is a bit goofy and sometimes forward and I guess that works
well with my reserved personality. We spent our time laughing and getting to know each other until
he drove me home. He didn’t try to kiss me, I expected him to try I mean we went out and to me it
was a date.

Lwazi told me that he liked me and he wanted me to be his girlfriend but he still didn’t kiss me, it just
made me want him even more.

My parents are arguing about God knows what at the dinner table but my mind is far away in Lwazi
land.

I keep thinking about him, the way he talks. He is very passionate and animated when he wants to
be. I can’t believe how many siblings he has, I wonder where home is for him… I am assuming the
same neighborhood he took me last night. My thoughts are broken by my dad’s authoritative tone.

“Amanda Botha, are we boring you?” He glares at me

YES.

“Nee Pa”(No Dad)

“So wat is jou probleem?” (So what is your problem?)

Wat is JOU probleem ou men! (What is your problem old man )

“Niks Pa” I try getting up(Nothing dad)

“Jy moet jou kos klaar Manda” (You must finish your food)

I shove the rest of my mash in my mouth and as soon as I’m done I excuse myself and head to the
kitchen and clean up. As soon as I’m done I go up to my room.

I can’t stand my dad when he’s like this even Ma is down tonight, this man sure knows how to suck
the fun out of everything. I shower and wear my nightie, I am texting with Jo back and forth and
apparently she and Steven had a huge fight at the beach.

I receive a text from Lwazi wishing me a goodnight. I would have loved to hear his voice but I guess
not tonight.

I type in his name on Facebook and damn he was right he is definitely a foodie, he posts a lot of
dishes and desserts at different restaurants even food trucks.

There is a girl that he often posts and it doesn’t sit well with me, Bonisile Mkhwanazi. I click on her
profile and stalk her, she posted a picture of him on his birthday which was a few weeks back, her
caption is; 'To the one whose heart beats to the rhythm of my tune, my crazy bestie I swear I
couldn’t love anyone more. Can’t wait to celebrate with you tonight.'

I literally have to take a huge breath after reading that, the one whose beats to the rhythm of my
tune. What the hell does that mean man, I log off Facebook and sleep with a bruised heart. How do
we as girls know just how to look for trouble then dig until we find it and put ourselves in a bad
mood?

Arg man!
It’s back to reality and I am back on campus, I decided to switch my phone off in the morning after I
ignored a call from Lwazi. I know it’s silly but that whole ‘I couldn’t love anyone more’ nonsense
annoyed me, the last thing I want is to catch feelings for someone who is already with someone else.

Anyway I am annoyed with him and I started my period so I’m very temperamental right now.

I managed to avoid Jolene the whole day, I’m just not in the mood for company.

I get very dramatic when it’s that time of the month for me. I get really fatigued firstly, my body has
no energy. I have terrible cramps and my mood is foul, seriously stay away from me.

All I want is food, sleep and to be left alone.

I wear my hoodie as I walk out the gate, I switch my phone on because I need to listen to some
music before the bus gets here. I have three missed calls from Lwazi, who calls that much honestly I
don’t even know him like that.

I ignore the texts I received from Jo and I notice Minx texted I respond to her message and I decide
to listen to Zayne and Sia Dusk till dawn over and over again until the bus arrives.

What the hell, his car is parked just down the road from my house, the bus stop is right at the top so
I have to walk past him I can’t dodge him. I pack my phone and headsets into my bag and I walk
down the street, he gets out and stands right in the middle of the road. i try to walk past him but he
stops me and his face changes to a worried look.

“Ngikwenzeni Amoh?”(What have I done to you)

My Zulu isn’t that good but I know what he just said, the truth is he hasn’t done anything wrong I am
just a little jealous and very hormonal.

I don’t say anything I just look up at him, shame he looks really concerned. What do I even say to
him I can tell him I was stalking him and then I stalked his bestie and I found that declaration of her
love for him? I take a huge sigh before speaking

“You haven’t done anything to me Lwazi” I say in a murmur

“So why are you avoiding me and why do you look like you are about to cry?” He says cupping my
face

For some reason that pushes me over the edge and the tears flow down my cheeks, what the hell
Manda, blame it on the red robot. He pulls me closer to him, I can feel his breath on my face.

“Baby” He whispers

Tingles, all over…

“I’m sorry it’s not you I just feel a bit emotional”

“It’s okay baby but are you sure I haven’t done anything to make you sad?”

He looks so adorable right now.

“No you haven’t” I sniff

“Okay, do you want a milkshake?” He smiles

I nod.
“What else?” He looks at me with such intensity

I feel the butterflies from the top of my head to my legs

I swallow hard and I want to tell him I want him to kiss me but I can’t so I just stare at him instead,
he smiles and hugs me, how does he always smell so heavenly.

So he didn’t kiss me, we are in his car driving back I am slurping on my double chocolate milkshake,
it’s just what I needed. Chocolate really does fix everything.

He is drinking his milkshake and driving at the same time. I keep looking over at him he must think
I’m crazy but maybe I am crazy I just cried for absolutely no reason. He parks in his usual spot and we
finish our milkshakes in a comfortable silence.

“So are you going to tell me what or who upset you?” He says, I am distracted by the chocolate
smudged on his lip

“You have a little something right here” I say pointing on the side of my lip

He slinks his tongue to the side and licks the chocolate off, the sight is arousing.

“Thanks babe, so?”

We are back to that.

“I just, I get emotional when I’m on my period” I blurt out

“Oh sorry you don’t need to explain” He says too quickly

“I’m feeling much better now thanks to you” I raise my empty carton

He smiles.

“I’m glad, do me a favor…”

“Please don’t ignore me when you are going through something, I can understand if you want space
but all you have to do is let me know and I’ll back off” We are back to being serious

“Okay fair enough”

“Now the reason I was calling was because I wanted to ask you out on a real date”

“Really?” I am blushing now

“Yes, how about a movie and dinner tomorrow after your lectures?”

I pretend to think about it.

“That sounds okay to me”

“Great, and if you wake up hating me please at least warn me”

I slap him on his shoulder and he laughs loudly.

“I have to go it’s already getting dark, I don’t want to upset my Pa”

“Okay my beautiful Amoh” he brushes the side of my face

I walk into the house with a big smile on my face. Ma is cooking and I feel bad because I could’ve
cooked if I hadn’t gone out with Lwazi. She smiles;

“My angel, how are you?”

“I’m okay Ma, how are you?”

“Ek is moeg”(I'm tired)

“Let me finish up cooking, go take a bath and a short nap”

“Dankie baie my angel” She kisses my cheek and heads upstairs

I know my mother, she must be really tired if she is allowing me to finish cooking a meal she started.
I finish cooking and pa walks in, he automatically brings his negative energy that he always has.

I don’t know how mom is married to such a draining person.

“Goie naand” (Good Evening)

“Hi Pa”

He walks upstairs without saying anything after that, I dish up and call them down. I eat as quickly as
I can and I excuse myself and clean up the kitchen before retiring to my room. I receive a call form
Lwazi and a smile instantly spreads across my face.

“Hello” I answer

“Amoh, are we feeling any better?” His voice sounds even better over the phone

“I am, I’m a bit tired I had to cook then clean and now I’m too tired to take a bath”

He chuckles

“I am glad you know how to cook because I love my food but baby please go bath, you will sleep
better after”

“No I will, I was just about to go”

“I am excited about our date tomorrow”

“Me too”

“Good, now bath and get some rest”

“Okay, goodnight”

We hang up.

I take a quick shower and I hear my mom screaming and arguing with Pa I’m assuming. I don’t even
stress anymore I have learnt to ignore it, I walk into my room and switch on the radio and block out
the noise. It’s a hot night, I switch on the fan and I fall asleep to the sounds of Gotye

I am standing in front my mirror trying to decide if I am dressed appropriately for this movie date. I
am wearing black leggings and a loose fitting maroon top and my black sneakers. I finish the look
with my black leather jacket, this will have to do.
I am in my parent’s room luckily they had to leave to some friend’s dinner so I have the house to
myself. I apply some light make up and straighten my hair, okay I look hot. I spritz some perfume and
make a mental note to buy some for myself. Lwazi always smells good so smelling like baby cologne
just won’t work anymore.

I head downstairs and Jolene calls me, yikes I haven’t returned her calls from yesterday.

“Jo” I answer

“Don’t Jo me, where have you been?” She whines

“I’m sorry I was just a bit down didn’t feel like talking”

“Okay my lovie listen don’t be mad but I am outside please open the door for me”

I look out and sure enough Steven’s Opel is parked out, Jolene though.

I open the door and she’s standing there in her bum shorts and crop top, Jo is seriously a babe, with
her long silky golden hair. Her face when she sees me.

“Amanda Botha what in the hell has gotten into you, look at you” She walks into the kitchen

“Jo I actually have a date and he’ll be here just now”

“Is it Lwazi?” She says as she sits on the counter

“Yeah” I blush

“Are things getting serious between you two, is he the reason you were AWOL yesterday?” She
questions

“No he wasn’t the reason, and no things are not serious he just asked me to go on a movie date with
him and I agreed that’s it” why am I defending myself right now

“I’m not fighting you Manda I just don’t want you to get hurt”

“Why would I get hurt?”

“We don’t know Lwazi that well and according to Max he is quite the woman magnet, besides your
parents would freak if they found out. All I’m saying is it’s okay to have some fun with this guy I get it
he’s really hot but it can’t be anything serious because you know how your family is, it just wouldn’t
work”

“So you are saying I can’t fall for him because he’s black, wow Jo I didn’t think you were that closed
minded” I shoot back

“You know I’m not racist I have plenty of black friends and I think Lwazi is cool but you both just
come from two very different worlds and a relationship wouldn’t be feasible and you know this
Manda”

I ignore her and I walk upstairs to check my phone, a missed call from him, he must be here already.
I walk down and I notice his car outside. I lock the front door and walk to the back and Jo is standing
outside the kitchen. I lock up and walk past her,

"Manda” She shouts I stop and look back at her.

“I didn’t come here to fight with you, you know I love you friend I just want you to use your head but
anyway you are old enough” She puts her hands up in surrender

“We will talk later okay, we can hang out this weekend, maybe have a sleepover at your house I
need to get out of this house my parents are driving me crazy” I say hugging her

“It’s a date honey, enjoy the date” She winks at me

I settle into the front seat of his car without looking at him, he touches my hand and I turn around
and instantly feel like crying. Damn you Jolene for making me upset before my date now he’s going
to think I’m an over sensitive virgin.

Which is true to some degree.

“Amoh what’s wrong?”

“Nothing I just had an annoying conversation with Jo” I say pointing at their car

He looks at it and then looks at me and breathes out audibly and kisses my hand.

“We are going to have a good time okay, don’t worry too much about what people are going to say
or think about you and about the decisions you make”

I nod and he smiles and plays a song before driving off. I think he played it on purpose it’s meant to
cheer me up and it does.

"Don’t think about it too much, too much too much too muuuuuuch…"

The lyrics resonate and the slow hip hop beat calms me down as we drive off to Beach View Mall.

“I like this song, who is by?” I ask as he parks

“It’s Drake and Sampha baby” He says smiling

“I like it”

“I’ll send it to you, come let’s go”

We hop out the car and head into the mall he takes my hand as soon as we walk in, it’s a bit busy but
most people are leaving the mall. The eyes and the whispers from people are too much to ignore. It
baffles me that in this day and age people still frown upon interracial couples.

The black guys look at Lwazi with pride while the black girls look at him with annoyance and at me
with disgust. An old white couple even point at us and make a comment about ‘what this poor girl is
doing with this hooligan’. Lwazi is holding my hand tightly and isn’t too affected by what’s
happening, he looks down at me and gives me a reassuring smile. It warms my heart and I shake off
the anxiety that creeps in.

“Don’t think about it too much baby” he winks

I laugh and shake my head.

We decided to watch a comedy a James Franco movie, 'Why him?' Is the title. The irony doesn’t miss
me as we settle at the back of the cinema.

The movie was awesome, really funny I needed that. We needed that. We were laughing throughout
and he held my hand the whole time. I have constant butterflies tonight, every touch whether
intentional and unintentional is felt and my body reacts. We are siting opposite each other now
waiting on our dinner, he has a naughty smile on his face and is watching me intently.

“What?” I finally say

“Did I tell you how beautiful you look tonight?”

Those butterflies again.

“No actually you didn’t”

“You look absolutely beautiful Amanda, I like you hair like this what did you do to it?” He touches it

“I straightened it, it’s naturally curly” I answer

“I know, this is a good look although I have a weakness for your curls”

His fingers run through my scalp and it sends quivers down my spine, and he knows it because he
smiles and lets me go. This guy will be the death of me.

Our food arrives, I ordered a burger and fries and he ordered a lamb shank and mashed potatoes.
We eat in silence and he orders us dessert when we are done.

“I am going to get fat if I keep eating like this” he looks up at me with a smirk

“That’s the plan baby”

We indulge in our crème brulee and we have some wine afterwards. By the time we leave I am on
cloud 9. He has his arm around me and we are headed towards the magic fountain. It looks exquisite
at night I’ve only ever seen it during the day. We are alone and he is standing behind me holding me
snugly.

“Do you want to make a wish” His deep voice

caresses the skin on my neck

“No I just want to look at it, it’s beautiful”

He turns me around and we are suddenly facing each other, my breathe hitches and my heart starts
thumping loudly against my chest. I am looking up at his dark brown eyes and his thick luscious lips
and the way he is looking at me is just making me weak in the knees.

“Amanda” He says my mina like he always does

“Lwazi”

“I want you to be mine” He says so tenderly

I nod and before I know it his lips are against mine, I part my lips to allow his access. He sucks my
bottom lip slowly and I feel my eyes close involuntarily.

He kisses me more eagerly and I respond, his hands are running all over my waist and my back and I
am on my toes trying to meet his tall stance. He is also bent down to accommodate my height. His
tongue massages mine and explores the inside of my mouth. I have never been kissed like this and
his lips are just so thick and juicy. He pulls back and we catch our breath, his eyes are smaller and
sexy, he smiles lazily.

“Let me take you home girlfriend” We both laugh and head out
Going to Jolene’s house always brings back childhood memories. I was always here and she was
always at my house. My dad agreed to drop me off but he didn’t speak to me in the car, I wasn’t
complaining. When I arrive Jo’s mom and younger sister are sitting in the living room drinking
lemonade, I greet them and I find Jo outside by their pool. She is wearing a barely there bikini. I
smile when I see her;

“Girl” I say

“What?” She smiles and frowns simultaneously

“That sure is a small bikini” I smirk

“Oh is it, I actually have an identical one for you missy” She says tossing it my way

“This is too small Jojo” I complain

“Come on come let me see”

I am hiding in her closet, I might be petite but my breasts are a full C cup and right now they were
barely covered. I felt naked and uncomfortable.

“Manda come out” She screams

I walk out nervously and she whistles, I run back into the closet giggling.

“You are so silly Manda, do you want me to sing for you like I did back in primary” She squeals

“No” I scream back

'She was afraid to come out of the locker

She was as nervous as she could be…

She was afraid to come out of the locker

She was afraid that somebody would see, 2, 3, 4 tell the people what she wore…'

She stops singing and I walk out at her and join her…

'It was an itsy bitsy teanie weanie yellow polka dot bikini that she wore for the first time today

An itsy bitsy teanie weanie yellow polka dot bikini so in the locker she wanted to stay.'

We spend the rest of the afternoon swimming and lazing by the pool, a tan is definitely needed,
being next to Lwazi makes me feel paler than I normally do. We are officially dating although I
haven’t shared the information with anyone, after our date and kiss he has been coming to see me
after work and we have been making out in his car and having milkshake rendezvous and I listen to
all his crazy family drama.

I miss him but I promised Jolene that this weekend is exclusively for us.

We watch movies until Jo falls asleep in front of the television, I dial Lwazi’s number I miss him
dearly and we have only been texting today. It rings and someone else picks up.

“Hello” the girl’s voice screeches

I panic and hang up.

I am pacing around the room thinking about what I should do, is he with a girl was he lying to me all
along. I sneak off into the kitchen and I pour a glass of Jo’s mom’s wine and I head back to the living
room. My phone rings, it’s him. I let it ring for a while before picking up.

“Hello” I say confidently

“Baby hey” He says

“Yes”

“Please don’t be mad I didn’t pick up, I had to go pee and Boni had my phone”

I nearly say, ‘Oh you mean Bonisile Mkhwanazi your bestie” but I remember he hasn’t actually told
me about her so I don’t say anything.

“Boni is my friend baby, I told you I’ve got many friends, you will meet her one day and love her”

He is rambling I think he’s been drinking

“Okay babe, where are you guys?”

“At my place”

I feel a pang of jealousy at the thought that he hasn’t invited me to his place as yet but I calm myself
down, my emotions are all over the place with this guy.

“Alright I just wanted to say goodnight, we are going to bed now”

“Okay baby I miss you so much my love” He says

“I miss you too, I’ll see you on Monday”

“Monday is too far babe”

He is really drunk he doesn’t sound like himself.

“We will talk tomorrow Lwazi bye”

I hang up before he protests and I switch my phone off, there is something about this Boni girl that
just makes me sick in the pit of my stomach.

Sunday afternoon I am home and I have given up on the Lwazi and his bestie situation. He was
calling and texting the whole weekend but he was always distance and distracted obviously he was
having a good time with his people.

I know I said I didn’t want to see him but I missed him and I was just feeling off about the whole
thing. I decide to work on my assignment that’s due in a few days the whole day until I go to bed. I
leave my phone switched off and doze off after hours of thinking about what Lwazi could be doing.

I spend my Monday morning in the computer lab working on my assignment and skipping my
lectures. I am done by two in the afternoon, I head to the coffee shop and order myself a cappuccino
and head to the bus stop, my brain is fried and I’m done for the day. My phone rings as I settle down
and it’s my so called boyfriend.

“Hello” I pick up
“Amanda, how are you?”

Am I not baby today…?

“Good how are you?”

“I’m okay, how come your phone was off last night?”

“I was sleeping” I answer coldly

He huffs before speaking

“Amanda baby where are you?”

“I’m waiting for the bus outside campus”

“Please don’t get into any bus, I’m coming there now”

I hang up.

After about twenty minutes he is parked in front of me and I ignore the look the security guys give
me when I enter his car.

“Hey” He takes my hand and kisses it

“Hey to you too”

“What’s with the attitude?” He asks

“No attitude” I lie

“I don’t understand why you are mad, you’re the one who asked that I give you space during the
weekend and when I do than you start ignoring me and giving me the cold shoulder. Sometimes I
don’t understand you Amanda”

He says sounding exasperated

I don’t say anything and he doesn’t probe any further he just plays the Drake song loudly and drives
to God knows where. Okay now I feel a bit bad, was I wrong?

We get to Beach View Heights and I remember that he told me he lived here. I guess I am finally
going to see his place. It’s very a nice and quiet complex, we park and he jumps out and walks over
to my side and opens the door for me. Good for him. I walk out awkwardly and follow him up the
stairs and he is on the ground floor number 17A.

The place is really spacious and really stunning, the kitchen has dark cupboards and silver appliances,
it’s an open plan that leads to the lounge area, and Grey L shaped couch and another grey chair on
the side.

A huge plasma TV on the wall and sound system and decoder on the rustic looking stand. There are a
pile of books on the table, there’s a balcony. I sit on the edge of the couch while he opens the fridge
and pours two glasses of juice. He settles next to me;

“Selehlile iconsi MaBotha?”

“I don’t understand what you’re saying”

“Are you still mad at me?”

I shake my head

“Prove it” he says

I place my drink on the table and he does the same, I shift closer to him and pulls his face down to
meet mine and I kiss him shortly. I try pulling back but he scoops me to his lap and starts kissing me
aggressively as I straddle his lap.

Before I know it I am on the couch and he is on top of me with his hand inside my top as he nibbles
my neck and toys with my nipple. I am moaning slightly and he is grunting, I feel him poke my belly
with his manhood and I push him back. He searches my eyes briefly then he gets up and pulls me up
with him.

“Are you hungry?”

“Yeah I am actually” I admit

“I’ll order us some pizza” He gets up and disappears somewhere in the apartment.

I use the time to gather my wits and snap myself out of this sexual energy that was just surging
through my body. I down my juice and switch on the television. He comes back wearing shorts and a
casual top, I guess he came straight from work when he came to fetch me.

He pulls me to him and we cuddle in front of the television.

“So this is my place” he says after some time

“I figured” I smile up at him

“So are you going to tell me why you were upset?”

“I just missed you and when you called you sounded like you were distracted and when that girl
picked up your phone I didn’t know how to feel” I confess

“Okay, I’m sorry” He says looking sad

“It’s okay I mean I get it”

“Boni is my friend Amoh but maybe you will feel better once you meet her, once you meet all my
friends actually and I was distracted because I was around people here, I didn’t have any space to
myself but you are right I should’ve made more of an effort for us to connect, I missed you too by
the way”

I nod.

“Just please don’t switch off your phone when you are mad” He adds

“Sometimes when I am annoyed I just want to be by myself and if I switch off my phone that’s all it
is”

“So if I switch off my phone, you wouldn’t be mad?”

I would.

“I would” I say out loud

“Exactly, think about it…I’m not going to force you to take my calls but just don’t do something that
you wouldn’t like me doing to you as well”
“Are you threatening me?” I tease him

“No but I don’t like your little tantrums and disappearing acts, you need to communicate your
feelings to me I won’t guess that you’re upset”

“Okay I get it Lwazi enough now can we watch” I say pointing at the T.V

“You don’t like being told you are wrong”

I don’t know if that was a question or a statement but I ignore him until our pizza arrives. We eat
and chat and make out on the couch but I cut that shirt before things get too heated. He wasn’t too
happy about that but he complied.

He is driving me home now, it’s a little later than my usual time and I have already gotten a text from
my mom asking where I am, I had to lie and say I went by Jolene’s house.

“Baby” he says as we park

“Yes”

“So I was thinking maybe this weekend you could visit me”

My heart beats faster, I still haven’t told him I’m a virgin and I know exactly what he means by visit
him.

“The whole weekend?”

“Yes baby” he glides his fingers through my hair

“I would fetch you Friday after work then drop you off Sunday night” He continues

“I will have to see if my mom won’t have a problem” I say

“Are you scared of me baby, I promise I won’t bite not unless you like it”

“Lwazi” I huff

“I’m kidding if you are that scared of me you can sleep in the guest room” he laughs

I give him a look of annoyance.

“I’m joking baby but seriously I won’t pressure you into doing anything you’re not ready to do, okay”
He kisses me

As if he will have to pressure me, I am already weak in the knees from his kisses.

I walk in with a box of pizza, Lwazi insisted I buy my parents pizza and he helped me out cause Ma
hasn’t cooked, they are sitting in the lounge, and she has her feet on the table.

“Hi parents” I shout

“Hi baby, arg please make us something to eat honey I’m too tired” Mom says

I smile at her and I dish up for them and serve them.

“Where did you get money for pizza?” Pa questions

“I save my pocket money Pa” I lie

“I don’t know how you manage to save when you are always out and about” he says

I ignore him and I eat a slice of pizza just so they don’t ask me too many questions. I excuse myself
and shower than I chat to Lwazi on whatsapp, he sends me the Drake and Sampha song and I wear
my headsets and listen to it until I fall asleep.

I didn’t think the weekend would come so soon, I am so nervous I don’t even know what to do,
Jolene has covered for me and we lied to my parents and told them we needed to study for school
during the weekend.

I think Ma could tell I was lying but she didn’t protest too much but I am sure she is going to dig until
she gets the information she needs when I get back. I’m already in his apartment in his bedroom to
be more specific and its huge and the bathroom, lord have mercy I am still going to have relations
with that bath tub.

I’ve placed my overnight bag in the closet and changed into a short dress and I am wearing his flip
flops. I left my curls this time but I managed to get a new fragrance with the help of Jolene and I
bought sexy underwear as well.

He is out buying some alcohol for tonight, his friends are coming over to meet me, as if I needed
more stress. I decide to make a green salad from the ingredients available in the fridge. He walks in
with another guy behind him, I would know that face from anywhere, I smile at him.

“Sticks” I shout

“Amy baby” He says hugging me

Lwazi shakes his head and unpacks the meat and liquor.

“So how have you been my sister?” Sticks asks

“I am well man and yourself?”

“Grand man sisters”

“Where is Minx, is she coming?”

“I don’t know she is angry at me, maybe if you talk to her she will come” He smiles showing his
crooked smile

“I will text her Sticks don’t worry” I say

Such an adorable character he is, very charming I can see why Minx loves him. I texted her and she
said she’s definitely coming, I feel slightly relieved at least I’ll have someone in my corner tonight.
The boys are braaing outside and Minx is finally here.

“Hey girl” she screams and hugs me

“Minx I’m so happy you are here”

“Don’t be nervous girl Lwazi loves you and his friends will have to love you too”

I don’t know about the L word.

“Let me go greet my man then I’ll come help you” She leaves me in the kitchen
I am making chakalaka and pap, Lwazi doesn’t believe I can make it, he doesn’t understand that this
is my dad’s favorite meal. Minx is chatting me up drinking instead of actually helping.

“Let’s chill girl, the food is ready” She hands me a drink

We sit on the couch and the boys join us, Lwazi pulls me to his lap and kisses me all over my face.

“Are you good baby wam?”

“Yes baby” I place a wet kiss on his lips

“Hmm baby more” He growls

We are interrupted by a loud knock on the door and chaos from outside.

“The squad is here” He smiles

My stomach turns and I take a huge gulp from my drink. The girl walks in first and she is laughing
loudly and hugs my man tightly, she is followed by two other guys. They walk in and greet us and sit
around us.

“So is this the girl who has been keeping our friend from us” The light shorter one says

“Shut up Jabs” Lwazi shouts

“Baby these are my friends, the lovely lady there is Boni, the loud mouth over there is Jabulani but
we call him Jabs and last but not least that is Thabo with the big head. They all laugh

“Ubukisa ngami phambi kwe cherry yakho mjitha” The Thabo character says

I clear my throat.

“Guys please let’s stick to English tonight” Lwazi says

“What if our English depletes?” The girl comments looking at me

Lwazi sits next to me and drapes his arm around me.

“This is Amanda guys, the one I’ve been telling you about” He smiles down at me

“Ncaaaaaaw” Jabs says and they roar into laughter

“It’s good to see you Sticks, Minx” Boni looks over at Minx with what I think is a little attitude

Minx doesn’t reply she just drinks her cocktail and looks away, this is going to be a long night.

Everyone is chatting loudly in the lounge and the Boni girl is standing over them with a drink in her
hand, why she has to stand is beyond me, maybe her gigantic tits are heavier when she is sitting
down. Lwazi walks to the kitchen and pulls me to him, I can tell he’s having a good time.

“Baby are you okay?”

“Yes babe I am okay, are you ready to eat. I’m thinking of dishing up” He kisses me

“Yes please baby, I’m sure the guys are hungry”

“Okay now leave me alone” I push him back, he smiles and leaves me as I dish up, Minx joins me and
helps me arrange everything on the plates.
Boni gets up and walks over to us;

“Hey ladies are you done I am starving” She says grabbing a chunk of meat from the pot.

“We are done, you can take a plate doll” Minx says

“Thanks doll” She smiles

She takes two plates from the counter and walks away shaking her nonexistence behind. Listen I’m a
white girl but my ass is bigger than hers. I was never prepared for what she does next, she hands
Lwazi a plate and sits next to him and he doesn’t seem to mind just digs into his food. I look at Minx
and she shakes her head;

“She’s a sour bitch don’t let her get to you she wants to push your buttons”

We serve the guys and I have to sit next to Thabo because Boni has taken the spot next to my man, I
make an executive decision that I will not get angry at this petty bitch. Minx is right she is trying to
get a reaction out of me. I can just feel her stinking attitude from I am sitting but she won’t win, the
boy is mine honey. I like Thabo he is chilled and easy going and he has gone out of his way to make
me comfortable, we are chatting and he is telling me some silly story about his ex-girlfriend and how
he ended up single.

“You’re a sweet guy I’m sure you will find someone special soon” I say to him

“Please tell me you have a sister, or a cousin even if it’s a distance one” He smiles and I laugh loudly

“Hey Thabo I know your ass is not that funny” Lwazi shouts

“Don’t hate man we are bonding here” Thabo responds draping his arm around me

“Baby please come back and sit next to me, I miss you” Lwazi says pouting

“Yeah Boni move” Jabs shouts

They laugh and I can tell Boni is a bit annoyed. I settle back in my rightful place next to my man. The
night goes well after that, everyone is chilled and having a good time, although Boni is too touchy
feely with all the guys I try not think too much of it. I guess it’s her thing she’s the girl in their circle
so she’s used to being treated like their girlfriend but that is going to stop now that I am here.

Minx and Sticks leave first, I’m sad to see Minx leave but she promises we will hang out soon.
Eventually Thabo forces Boni and Jabs to leave.

I hug the guys’ goodbye and Boni air kisses me and hugs Lwazi before leaving. Thank God we are
finally alone. We clean up and I take a long shower while he finishes up.

He showers after I’m done and wear my short PJ’s and snuggle inside the covers, he comes out
dripping wet with a towel around his waist and I can’t help but drool at the sight before me. He is
ripped and that six pack, lord! He really does have the best skin.

“Penny for your thoughts” He says

“Your friends are interesting, especially Thabo” I say

“I’m over here half naked and all you can think about is Thabo, really Amoh” He says

I giggle.
“Come here” I say

I hope I don’t regret that. His eyes suddenly change and he crawls over me and smells my hair.

“Your hair always smells so divine” he whispers

“Thank you baby”

“I’m so happy that you are here in my bed right now, do you know how many nights I’ve imagined
you here” He kisses me

He trails his kisses down neck onto my collarbone then slides his tongue in between my cleavage,
before I know my top is on the floor and my breast is in his mouth. I am moaning and there is a fire
in between my legs, I need more…I want his tongue to lick me everywhere. He comes up and kisses
me deeply then he stops and removes my bottoms.

I am not wearing underwear so I am immediately exposed. I am so happy I waxed my nana right

now. He grunts when his eyes land on my womanhood. He opens my legs and I gasp when his finger
moves up and down my already wet slit. “You are so beautiful baby” He murmurs I don’t respond I
just move to the rhythm of his skilled fingers inside me.

He separates the folds of my cleft and his tongue makes contact with my clit and I scream. He sucks
it roughly then slides his tongues all the way to my ass. What the hell… I shift uncomfortably but he
holds me still he sucks, licks and eats me until I feel like my spirit is about to leave my body.

I become undone as he grazes his teeth against my nub and then presses down with his hot tongue.
My legs are wrapped around his face and I jerk uncontrollably as I experience my very first orgasm. I
eventually fall back on the bed my legs feel like jelly as he comes up from in between my legs, he
looks like a different version of Lwazi his eyes are red and small. He sucks my breast and then kisses
me, I taste myself and it makes me even more aroused, you would think after that powerful climax I
would be satiated but nope I wanted more of him. He opens the drawer next to him and comes back
with a condom, my heart starts beating out of my chest. He notices and holds my face;

“Baby I want you but only if you want me as well?”

I want him as well but I don’t know if I should tell him I’m a virgin, what if he doesn’t want to have
sex with a virgin or what if he changes after I have sex with him, I panic.

“Babe look at me” He snaps me out of my thoughts

“Yes” I breathe out

“It’s okay, you haven’t done this before?”

I nod with shame, he looks at me for a while then smiles like he always does and pecks my lips. The
condom is returned to the drawer and I take a sigh of relief.

“You need to talk to me baby, I can’t guess what’s going on in your mind”

He lays next to me;

“Come here”

We hold each other until we fall asleep.

“Today is all about us baby, just me and you” He says as he slaves away in the kitchen preparing
breakfast

I am chilling on the couch in his t-shirt watching him with a smile on my face. This is how I like him
topless and eager to please me.

“Please hurry baby I’m hungry” I complain

“I’m nearly done” he said that thirty minutes ago

Eventually he is done and we are feasting away in the kitchen, he really does like his food. He is even
making weird sounds as he eats. I am proud to say my cooking last night was a hit with everyone
which is a huge relief because it seems the way to his heart is definitely through his stomach.

We are going to have a picnic on the beach so I have prepared mini sandwiches and some lemonade,
Lwazi suggested we just buy something but I told him no, we have more than enough food in this
fridge.

He had leftover turkey that his mom had apparently brought for him so I paced that together with
last night’s chakalaka, some fruits and a bottle of champagne we were ready for our day out.

The beach is practically in his backyard so I made sure we walked down there. I could get used to
waking up to the sounds of the crashing waves each morning. We set up and takes loads of pictures,
I send a few to Minx and Jolene, Minx is the only one that responds. After eating we just lay on the
rug and cuddle.

“Baby” He speaks

“Yes babe”

“Do you think your parents would like me?”

Where is this coming from?

“If they got to know you of course they would” I get up and straddle him, he gets up and lays his
head on my chest

“Your chest is very comfortable”

“I’m sure it is” I laugh

“So tell me. What do you like about me Amoh?” he says

“I don’t know when we met I just thought you were cute and when we spoke I felt all giddy” I blush

“That night we met Max forced me to come hang out with him and I really didn’t want to but when I
saw you I felt like you were the reason I came. You were different from the girls that I usually meet,
there was something really attractive about your self-containment and I was drawn. I wanted to
know more about you I still do”

He is looking up at me now

“I didn’t think you liked me the first night” I admit

“I might be a little better at hiding my feelings from you babe”

“Probably”
“So did you like my friends, I know you liked Thabo but what about Jabs and Boni?”

“Honestly?”

“Always baby” He gets up

“I think Jabs is cool, a little too much for me but I like him, but the Boni girl I’m not so sure about
her”

“What is it with you women, you never get along”

“No Lwazi, I met Minx and we immediately clicked because there were no negative vibes from either
of us but Boni just acted weird to me the whole time”

“No babe I think you are imagining things, she has no reason to dislike you”

“I don’t know what has happened before coming into the picture so you tell me, is there any reason
for her to dislike me?”

“If you are asking if anything has happened between us, the answer is no baby we are just friends
and I would really like for us to all get along”

“I don’t have any problems with her as long as she checks her attitude at the door when I’m around
we will be fine”

“Wow I didn’t know you had a feisty side, I like” He nibbles my neck

I push him and we end up tickling and wrestling each other on the sand until I surrender to him of
course, tickling freaks me out.

Our day was perfect, very relaxing and I managed to get a bit of a tan. Lwazi is still complaining
about getting sun burnt but I think he looks even hotter with a tan.

He insisted that we go out for dinner tonight and boy am I glad I bought a little black number.

I suspect he is taking me to a fancy place judging by his outfit. My man is wearing a shirt tonight and
formal pants, no tie though. My dress has spaghetti straps and sits below the knee, I like how my
breasts look in this dress and I don’t need to wear a bra because it’s quite tight.

My little ass is also making a debut tonight, the look is finished with a bright red lipstick and I am
ready for date night.

The look on his face when I walk out.

“Baby, are you sure this is what you’re wearing?”

“What’s wrong with what I’m wearing?” I assess myself

“You look too sexy baby, I can’t have people seeing you like this”

This fool.

We walk in with hands intertwined into the restaurant and I was right, very upper class. I feel a bit
out of place but I follow my man’s lead and find a table in the center and the waiter takes our
orders. Lwazi is ordering for me because I was taking too long to decide.
We are having champagne as they bring us oysters to start off. This is going to be interesting. I am
simple girl I like my chicken nuggets and my burgers this is definitely out of my league.

“Don’t worry baby you will love them, they are a natural aphrodisiac” He winks at me

I don’t think I will be ordering oysters anytime soon but they weren’t as bad as I thought they would
be. The food was absolutely scrumptious but I am still hungry. I am also feeling very happy blame it
on the bubbly.

We are in an uber back to the apartment and Lwazi can’t keep his hands off me, the driver keeps
stealing glances at us but I am getting used to the extra stares we get from people.

Lwazi slides his hand up my thigh and eventually finds my lace panties and swiftly moves them to the
side. The whole time his eyes never leave mine, I don’t know if it’s the oysters or the liquor but he
looks damn sexy right now. His lips are slight parted and he keeps licking them so they are wet. His
finger finds my little bud of pleasure and I gasp, ‘Shhhh’ he mimes.

I am trying my hardest not to make a sound but it’s becoming more and more difficult as he slides
one finger inside my moist honeypot, his thumb is flicking my clit and my lips are pressed together to
suppress my moans.

The driver turns up the radio and Lwazi immediately pulls me closer with his free hand and quickens
the pace, I close my eyes as I feel my orgasm approaching. I have lost all senses at this point. He
bites my lower lip and I open my eyes; ‘Keep them open baby’ he grunts. ‘You look so hot right now’
he says and I fall apart into a mind blowing orgasm.

He doesn’t stop playing with my flower and my head is buried in his neck, I am trying to catch my
breath but it’s a little difficult when he still has his finger moving in and out of me. ‘Baby stop” I
whisper, ‘Uh huh’ he shakes his head.

He tortures me until we get to the gate of his complex, he removes his hand from under my dress
leaving me flushed. He practically drags out of the cab. I walk in front of him and he is holding me by
my waist which I appreciate because these heels are killing me.

I am still recovering from that cab episode but as soon as we enter he picks me up and pins me
against the wall and kisses the living daylights out of me.

My legs are wrapped around him and my dress is hiked up to my belly and I’m thinking Manda 'if you
don’t lose your virginity tonight you will never lose it'.

He literally tosses me on top of the bed, Lwazi looks like a man possessed right now, there is a little
fear but it just arouses me even more. He stand at the end of the bed and removes his clothes with
his eyes still on mine. I am laying there awkwardly thinking what do I do, I wish I could call Jo and ask
her but I decide just wait for him he seems to enjoy taking lead anyway. He crawls on top of me
slowly and intently, he says something in Zulu and licks his lips before groping my breasts.

“Baby” he whispers

“Yes babe” I whisper back

His head is once again buried in between my thighs and I am back to panting and grunting while he
slurps away at my orifice. He stops suddenly and kisses me gently, I don’t care anymore I want him
to make me a woman I want him to make love to me.
“I need a cold shower” He says getting up and leaves me reeling from the excitement.

I am getting emotional thinking about the time we spent together this weekend. I might be falling
for this guy. He is driving me home and I can’t help but already miss him. I missed my mom but I
can’t say the same for my dad. He parks right at my gate and lowers the radio then gives me a look
of sadness.

“Baby are you sure you have to go now, how about you come back tomorrow after campus baby
please”

He is pouting and I want to give in but I can’t, that would be pushing my luck.

“Lwazi I can’t if I could we would still be watching T.V in bed” I brush his face

“I miss you already” He says

“I miss you more”

We kiss and we get lost in the moment for a while until someone knocks on my window. Mr. Van
Rooyen my neighbor is looking at us with utter disgust, what the hell… Lwazi rolls down my window

“Can we help you?” He asks him

Mr. Van Rooyen doesn’t answer him instead he looks at me and speaks;

“Amanda are you okay?”

“Yes I’m okay”

Ground open up and swallow me right now.

“Does your dad know that you are kissing strange men on the street?” He says with his stout
Afrikaans accent

I look at Lwazi and he looks annoyed and I can’t blame him. I open the door grab my bag and wave
as I practically run inside the house. I am fucked, I am certain Mr. nosey neighbor is going to share
this information with Pa.

I didn’t even get to say goodbye properly. My parents don’t seem to be downstairs they must in
their bedroom, I walk up and I hear screaming from their bedroom. I freeze as the spontaneous
recovery shocks my body. I walk up with wobbly knees and stand outside their room, I can hear him
cursing her and the sound of her cries pulls my whole body to the ground and I weep with her.

Each cry tears a piece of my heart and I feel utterly helpless like I’ve always been. When my dad gets
angry really angry there is no telling what he can do and right now I can hear the rage from his voice,
I want to run in and stop him, I want to punch him in the face and spit in his face but my body fails
me I am too scared to even move. I move to my bedroom and I wear my headsets and I raise the
volume to block out her screams.

I know all too well what happens when you go into that bedroom to stop him so I cry myself to sleep
instead.

I wake up form a strange dream in the middle of the night. I am still wearing my clothes from
yesterday. I take my clothes off and head to the bathroom, I wash my face with cold water and I
check my reflection in the mirror. My eyes are red and swollen so is my nose, I look like hell but I feel
worse. I brush my teeth and change into my nightie and check my phone, Lwazi tried calling me. He
is probably mad at me for not picking up but let me try calling him back. It rings once and he
answers;

“Amanda” He says curtly

I instantly feel the tears sting my eyes, I let out an involuntary sniff.

“Baby are you crying, what happened…do your parents know?

“…Amanda talk to me”

I can’t speak I just sob uncontrollably and he listens, after a while I calm down.

“Amanda”

“Yes” I manage

“What’s wrong?” He asks nervously

“I don’t want to talk about it right now, can you accept that?”

“Is it about your neighbor seeing us today?”

“No just some family things” I croak

“Okay baby can I come over?”

Is he mad…I check the time it’s just after 2am.

“At this time Lwazi?”

“Yes! I just want to make sure you’re okay baby”

He pleads

“Lwazi if you come now my dad will kill both of us, is that what you want?”

“No but hearing you cry is breaking my heart, how am I supposed to sleep now?”

“Hearing your voice in enough for now, please just talk to me…tell me something, anything” I pull
the covers over my head

“I love you” He says

Silence.

“Hello” He speaks

“I’m here”

“I love you Amanda Botha and whatever is going on I will fix it, from now on it’s my duty to fix all
your problems so please baby don’t cry anymore okay”

A tear escapes from the side of my eye.

“I won’t cry anymore” I sniff

“Promise”
“I promise”

“Okay now let’s get some sleep, what time is your first lecture tomorrow?”

“8.45”

“I will fetch you and take you”

“But then you will be late for work”

“I will come early so I’m not late, can you be ready by 6.45?”

“Yes I can”

“Okay baby be ready okay”

“Okay”

“And Amanda…”

“Yes”

“Love you, mean it”

I can’t help but smile, after that I fall into a dreamless sleep.

By 6.30 I am dressed and ready, I leave my room reluctantly and I find mom in the kitchen. She is still
dressed in her night wear and she looks like she is making teas, she turns and smiles weakly.

“Hi baby, I didn’t hear you come in last night”

There are no bruises on her face, he never touches her face. He hits her where people won’t be able
to see the marks.

“Morning Ma”

“Why are you up so early anyway?”

“I want to get to campus early so I can study”

“I see, that’s good baby, would you like some tea?”

“Yes please”

We drink tea and we catch up on gossip, I can tell she’s in pain but she hides it well. I think she is
aware that I know of what goes on but we never talk about it, ever.

“So who is this boy in your life?” She smiles sweetly

“What boy Ma? I exclaim

“I wasn’t born yesterday Manda, I see the change in behavior and besides I saw Jolene and Steven at
the mall on Saturday and you were nowhere in sight”

Shit!

“Don’t look so worried, I won’t tell your pa but if you are sleeping with this boy please use a condom
Manda”

“Ma!”
“I am serious”

“I am not having sex with him”

“Good!”

I receive a message from him just then, he is outside…

“I have to go Ma” I kiss her on the cheek and walk out

Lwazi is parked two houses from my house, as soon as I get into the car he pulls me to him and holds
me tight. His cologne fills my nostrils and I take a huge sigh of relief and hold back the tears.

We finally separate and he cradles my face with his hands and places a long wet kiss on my lips.

“Good morning” he finally speaks

“Morning” a smile spreads across my face

“How are you this morning?”

“Better” I say

“I’m happy to hear that, come let’s go so we can avoid traffic”

I have gotten used to hearing interesting music from that I didn’t know existed, he has introduced
me to deep house as well as hip hop.

This morning the song that caught my attention is a classic house song he says, it tugs my heart and
takes me to nowhereville, you know that song that just travels you to a place a familiar place you
have no memory of and you end up missing people you don’t even know exist…well that’s what it
does.

We are listening to it for the third time in a row at my request of course and now Lwazi is singing
along it;

"Whisper to me baby, hold me tight…tonight…ai ai

Put your arms around me till the morning ai ai ai…"

I get to campus in a much better mood and I sit outside and listen to music and drift to LwaziLand.

My lectures are done for the day but I am waiting for Jolene outside her lecture room. I spot her
amongst the group of people walking out the small room, she smiles brightly when she sees me.

“Girlfriend” She hugs me

“My Jojo I missed you terribly”

“Don’t lie bitch you were too preoccupied by Lwazi” She winks at me

“Whatever”

“So how was your weekend, did you?” She nudges my shoulder

“No we didn’t have sex, we are going to wait…he wants to make it special for me” I beam
“You’re falling for this boy Manda” She says with a serious face

“Is it so bad if I do?”

“You are only going to get hurt, you know your family would never support that”

“I don’t want to talk about it Jolene”

“Well you can’t pretend to be color blind for long, at some point you have to face the truth”

“I will be with whoever I want to be with and I expect you to support me as my best friend” I stand
up

“I will support you but I just want you to be aware of what you are starting, your dad will freak out
Manda”

“Well I don’t care, I’m leaving I’ll see you tomorrow” I walk away

When I get home my parents aren’t home as yet so I cook as quickly as I can and I set the dinner
table and shower when I’m done. I am in my PJs when they arrive together.

“Something smells heavenly” Ma says

“I cooked” I say

“Thank you honey”

Dad doesn’t say anything he just walks up the stairs to their room, good riddance. I enjoy having
dinner with my mom but she looks a bit distracted bit that I blame her.

“So tell me baby, what is this boy’s name?”

Crap.

“Uhm mom I’m not going to tell you his name, I will tell you anything else about him but not his
name”

“Arg you suck, okay what does he do?”

“He is in construction, he works as a quantity surveyor”

“Hmm interesting, so he must be doing well for himself then”

“He is Ma”

“Where does he live?”

“He lives in Beach View Heights”

“Oh I know that place, it’s very beautiful… oh wow good for you baby”

“Mom please”

“So when are we meeting him?”

“Okay that’s my cue to leave” I get up

“Don’t worry about the dishes honey I’ll get them” She shouts as I walk into the kitchen

“Goodnight Ma”
“Are you not going to watch television with me?” She almost looks sad so I agree

We sit and watch all her favorite sopies until after nine, I am chatting with Lwazi in the meantime, he
is telling me about his day and his peculiar colleagues. Mom is snoring lightly next to me, I wake her
up and we both retired to our rooms.

A spend a few hours studying for a test I’m writing later this week and after a lengthy phone call with
Lwazi I hit the sheets.

It’s Friday, thank God. I have written two tests this week and I am more than exhausted all I want is
to go home and sleep. Lwazi is fetching me today and I am excited to see him, we haven’t gotten
time to bond over this week because of my workload. His car is already parked by the gate when I
walk out. He is standing next to the passenger side and has his arms folded, he looks so good in his
uniform.

“Baby” He pulls me in for a long hug

“Baby” I kiss him

He opens the door for me and we drive off.

“How was the test today?” He asks

“It was okay, I’m just tired” I yawn

“I can see babe, I was hoping we could have an early dinner baby”

“I don’t know Lwazi”

“Come on it’s Friday baby okay I have a better idea” He says excitedly

“I’m scared to ask”

“How about I take you home, and my baby sleeps because she is tired but just for a few hours and
then I fetch you and bring you back tomorrow”

“I don’t know if a few hours is enough… I hardly slept last night plus I don’t think my dad will be
happy about me going out again”

“Baby please, come on”

“I need sleep Lwazi”

“We will go grab dinner and after dinner you can sleep at mines”

“What’s the point then?”

“The point is, you will be next to me” He brushes my thigh

“I will have to hear what my parents say, I can’t promise you anything”

“Don’t tell them when you are coming home baby, just tell them you will be back later and I will
bring you back early in the morning then fetch you again later” he sticks his tongue out at him

I can’t help but laugh at him, he is being silly. I wish I was an energetic as him.
I get home and I set my alarm and sleep. I wake up just after eight and I walk downstairs to get some
juice, the parents are still wide awake watching T.V. I pour the juice and walk into the lounge, they
turn and look at me;

“Do you have something to say?” Pa requests

“Uhm I just wanted to know if it was okay if I go out with my friends, there is a party at…”

“Nee” Pa says without even looking at me

“But Pa…”

“No Amanda this is my house and I say no, you think you can just go as you please in my
house…never!”

Ma shrugs her shoulders apologetically and I storm off to my room, I am in tears. I call Lwazi;

“Baby are you awake”

"Yah” I respond

“What’s wrong?”

“Pa said no”

“What, come on?”

“I know, he just flat out turned me down baby”

“Fuck!”

“I know right, I’m so upset”

“Can I at least bring you dinner?”

“I don’t know baby”

“I’m coming no harm in bringing my girlfriend food is there now?”

“Okay baby”

“I can’t wait to see you, I think I’ll kidnap you”

“You are being silly” I giggle

I must figure out how to go out without alarming my dad so I am pacing up and down in the kitchen.
I can see Lwazi’s car parked down the road. I pretend to be busy in the kitchen then I get an idea, I
grab the garbage bag from inside the bin and scream to them; ‘I’m taking out the trash’

I run leave the plastic bag outside and run to his car. I am attacked with kisses as soon as I get in.

“Baby I can’t stay long” I pull back

“I am taking you with me baby, your dad can kiss my ass” He smiles his naughty grin

“Don’t say that” I kiss him

“What am I supposed to do the whole night without you” He complains

“Sleep”
“I’ll sleep when I’m dead”

“Where is my food?”

“You will get your food baby chill” I am practically on his lap with my tongue down his throat when I
hear my dad’s voice from outside screaming my name. I open my eyes and he is standing in front of
the car looking at us with a look of shock. Holy shit!

“Is this your dad?”

“Yes” I whisper

“It’s okay baby let me talk to him” He says calmly

“Are you crazy, do you want to die, Lwazi listen to me I am going to jump out and run into the house
please drive off and don’t look back”

“You do realize he is standing in front of the car, I think he wants me to come out baby”

My dad walks to the driver’s side and knocks on the window. Lwazi rolls it down.

“Amanda get back to the house, you come out of this car” He points at Lwazi

I try to stop Lwazi but he ignores me and opens the door, he doesn’t even get out before my dad
attacks him with punches to the face, everything moves in slow motion. I scream my lungs out and
run to them and try to pull them apart, he slaps me once and I fall hard on the tar road. My dad is
strangling him, I scream and I see my mother and Mr. Van Rooyen run towards us and pull my dad
off him, he falls on the ground. I run over to him and his nose and mouth is bleeding, I am crying
hysterically.

I take off my cardigan and wipe the blood off his face and he winces. I can hear my dad screaming
behind me but I don’t care I hate him and I don’t care what he thinks.

“Lwazi”

“Baby” He mutters

“I’m so sorry”

“Move Amoh, let me go before he really kills me”

I move aside and he gets in the car and drives off. That’s it he is never coming back to me again, I
wail. My mother comes to me and pulls me to the house, we walk upstairs to my bedroom and she
shuts the door behind her.

“Explain” She snaps

“What am I explaining exactly?” I snap back

“Is that the boy you told me about?”

“Jah”

“Amanda” She cries

“Ma don’t tell me I can’t be with him because he is a little darker than I am”
“I would say he is a lot darker than you are Manda and you know this, look what you’ve done now”
she screams

“Your husband nearly killed my boyfriend”

“Don’t say that, don’t call him that”

“What, my boyfriend that’s what he is”

“You are insane, you’ve lost your mind. I can’t even look at you right now, I am so disappointed in
you”

“Maybe you should look in the mirror and see if you like what you see” I clap back

She stands and stares at me for a while.

“You don’t talk to me like that and you call that boy right now and tell him it’s over. I mean it
Manda”

She walks out.

I sob on my pillow until I have hiccups, I want to call him but I don’t know what I would say to him. I
decide fuck it I am calling him, he doesn’t pick up, great.

I can’t stay here anymore I have been sitting in my room for over an hour waiting for him to call me
and I am going crazy. I order and uber and pack an overnight bag, I might as well I’m already in shit.
The house is quiet, they are sleeping. I can hear my dad’s snoring all the way from my room. I walk
downstairs with my backpack behind me and open the kitchen door as gently as I can manage, I lock
the door and run to the car.

10

Twenty minutes later I am outside Beach View Heights. I dial his number on the intercom and he
picks up, he really was ignoring me.

“Yes”

“Please open up for me”

“Amanda what are you doing here?”

“Please” I huff

He opens the gate and I walk in towards his apartment, he is standing by the door when I make it to
his door. He looks badly bruised, his left eye is nearly shut. My heart breaks at the sight of him.

“I’m sorry”

He opens his arms out to me and I crash into his embrace.

“Does your father know you are here Amanda?”

I shake my head and he sighs and pulls me inside.

“Are you alone?” I look around

“Yeah” he says
Lwazi isn’t talking to me, well not really he answers whatever I ask and keeps quiet I don’t know
what to do or say anymore. We are sitting on the couch in silence, he is chatting on his phone and
has an ice pack on his lower abdomen. My dad did a number on him for real. He gets up and walks
towards the bedroom, he turns around;

“I am going to bed, are you coming?”

I get up and follow him, we slide inside the covers in an awkward silence and he turns the other way
and sleeps, why did I even come here…I feel worse than I did before, it’s not my fault my dad is a
racist asshole. I swallow the lump on my throat and I get up and grab my bag and walk out to the
lounge, I take my phone off the charger and I the tear falls on the screen. I go the uber app once
again to request an uber home but Lwazi takes the phone off my hands, he is standing behind me,
the cons of being short.

“I’m sorry for taking out my anger on you baby, thank you for coming I appreciate it but I don’t think
you should’ve done than, your dad scares me”

“I don’t care I just wanted to make sure you were okay”

He kisses my wet lips.

“Come to bed baby”

This time we lay facing each other and he has his arm around me, I touch his bruised face.

“I can’t believe he did this to you, I nearly died watching him do that” I whisper

“I get he was angry but he took it too far, if my family found out they would freak” He says

“I’m sorry, you can open a case against him if you want I will understand”

“No it’s okay I’ll be fine baby. I am just pissed off at the fact that he slapped you in the process, I
wanted to kill him at that moment but he was too strong for me and I failed to protect you”

“No baby he was an animal, no one could’ve stopped him”

“Does he hit you?” his face changes

I nod.

“That night when you called me crying, did he

hit you then?”

“No, it was my mom…he hits her all the time” I start crying again

“I’m sorry baby” He kisses me and I return the kiss

“When I was young he used to lock me in the closet when I was naughty and I would sit in there for
hours in the dark closet until my mom came home from work. One time I was sick just not feeling
well and he locked me in there. I banged on that door begging him to let me go but he didn’t open, I
soiled my pants because I had a runny tummy and when my mom found me she bathed me, put me
to sleep and we never spoke about it ever again.”

Lwazi looks sad and angry at the same time, he gets up and walks out for a while. I sit on the bed and
wait for him to come back.
After a while he is back and he smells like cigarettes, I didn’t realize he smoked. As soon as he gets
into the cover he attacks me with a kiss, I kiss him back desperately. This is what I needed just to
forget about everything and be in his arms. I taste the nicotine on his lips as he climbs on top of me.

By the time we pull apart I am all hot and bothered, he kisses my forehead and pulls me to him and
we fall asleep to the sound of each other’s heartbeats.

“Baby wake up” He is standing over me when I open my eyes

“Hi baby” he leans down and kisses me

“What time is it?” I yawn

“After nine baby”

“Shit why didn’t you wake me?” I jump up

“You were tired baby and you looked like you were in a deep peaceful sleep”

“I am dead”

“They didn’t see you leave last night right?” He raises his brow

“No”

“Okay then just send your mom a message now and tell her you woke up and decided to go to the
beach”

“Will that work?” I frown

“Only one way to find out”

I text my mother and she texts me back immediately.

“She bought it” I say

“Of course she did, I’m a genius” He winks

We have the food we were supposed to have for supper last night for breakfast. Hot subs that are
stuffed with different meats and lots of peppers. I am going to gain weight if I keep eating like Lwazi.
They were so good he promised to take me there soon, we showered together and he was hard the
whole time but he behaved, well mostly.

I am in his t-shirt and we are lounging while he is on his laptop busy with something. There is a knock
on the door, he looks annoyed by that;

“baby can you please get that” he gets back to typing.

I open the door and big tits flat ass what’s her name is standing there, her face when she sees me,
priceless.

“Oh Hi” she says

“Hi” I say back, she walks in without saying anything else

“Bestie” She screams

Lwazi doesn’t look too surprised, they hug and I stand behind the kitchen counter and watch them
“Boni, what’s good?”

“Oh my God dude, what the hell happened to your face?”

“Ahhh nothing to fuss about my friend, don’t worry” He says to her

“This isn’t nothing Lwazi, tell me what happened before I call your mother” I roll my eyes and

Lwazi gives me a brief look before narrating the whole story to her, I am not staying for this. I leave
them and lie on the bed and chat to Minx, I am updating her on the Boni chronicles, she seems more
pissed than I am.

He walks in after a while;

“Is she gone?”

“Don’t be like that Amoh”

“Like what, I don’t understand why you had to tell her what happened she already hates me”

“She doesn’t hate you and she is my friend I can’t lie to her”

“It’s none of her business”

“Baby please I don’t want to fight with you, it’s not a big deal and yes she is gone” he snakes his
arms around my waist

“Thank God”

“I like that you’re jealous baby but you don’t need to be in this case Boni is like one of my sisters”

“I know baby, I just don’t like her that’s all” I smile

He shakes his head and chuckles.

We lounge the whole day binging on junk and series but when the time for me to go home I start
crying.

“Why are you crying baby?” He looks at me with a concerned expression

“I don’t want to leave, I don’t want to go back there” I sniff

“Ahhh Baby wami” He cradles me until I stop crying

“What do you want us to do, I would love for you to stay here forever but I know you have your dad
to answer to” He says

“I know let’s go, I need to face him eventually” He wipes my tears and kisses me

“Okay baby I won’t stay too long outside your father’s house so I suggest you kiss me now”

He says as we join the street I live on

I kiss him while he drives and he drops me off and drives off quickly, shame my man is traumatized. I
walk in and my dad is in the kitchen, here we go. He turns and looks at me like he always does, with
disgust.

“I hope you were not with that piece of shit because I find that you are still running around with him
I will kill him myself” He says before walking out, I get chills down my body.
Things between Lwazi and I have been a little tricky, we are hiding so we are mostly at his place.
Things back at home are worse, Pa isn’t talking to anyone and Mom isn’t really talking to me either.

I mostly just feel alone. Today I bunked classes and I am spending the day with Lwazi at his place. I
am baking him vanilla muffins while he plays video games. The sounds he makes when he tastes the
muffins, mission accomplished.

“Baby” He says playing with my curls

“Yes baby”

“I told my mother about you and she wants to meet you”

What?

“What?”

“I want you to come to dinner and meet my family Amanda”

“Is that necessary?” I ask

“Yes, listen Amoh I love you and although you haven’t said it to me yet I know that you love me as
well and I know that it’s not as easy for you to express your feelings and I am prepared to wait but
we have been together for three months now and you are a big part of my life, I want my family to
know you and I want you to know them as well”

I take a huge sigh.

“Do they know?”

“Know what baby?” He acts confused

“That I’m white”

He looks away.

“It doesn’t matter, they will know when they meet you”

“Lwazi, I don’t know if I can handle it. Your family is so big and I’m not used to that”

“I will be holding your hand the whole time baby I promise, please?” how can I resist those puppy
eyes

“Okay”

“YES!” he kisses me all over my face

I look up at him and his face has changed, I know that look. He kisses me sensually and I kiss him
back, he is such a good kisser I can’t get enough of his kisses.

“Do you want to go to the bedroom?” His voice has changed its deeper

“Yes”

He picks me up and lays me on the bed as he gently strips off my clothes, today seems different, he
isn’t holding back. In no time he’s between my legs eating me out but just as I am about to come he
stops and looks me in the eye.
“Do you love me?” He asks

I nod.

“Tell me”

I feel the tears well up in my eyes, why is it so difficult for me to tell him I love him because I do.

“Make love to me Lwazi”

“Not until I know that you love me” He says with glossy eyes

We stare at each other for the longest time

before I swallow hard and speak;

“I love you Lwazi” I stifle a sob

“I love you more” He says

We kiss again, slowly at first and then more aggressively, am I really doing this… my head is buzzing
from all the thoughts, will I be able to please him, am I disappointing my parents because there is no
going back from here. He senses my discomfort and he tilts my head with his head and we stare at
each other.

“Don’t think about it too much” He smiles and I smile

The pain is almost excruciating and I am sobbing, I am not sure if it’s it the physical or emotional of
breaking my virginity. It’s weird because as painful as it is I don’t want him to stop, if feels good, the
way he touches me, kisses me and the sounds he is making are making me fall deeper for him.

I am staring at the ceiling with Lwazi fast asleep comfortably on my chest. I can’t fall asleep not when
I feel so happy. I never thought I would fall in love with someone. I have always been stubborn too
to even let any guy close to me and now here I am lying in bed with a man that makes me feel things
I didn’t think I could ever feel.

I guess all along I was waiting for my crazy chocolate man, although I suspect the chocolate part is
about to turn my life upside down, he shifts and I think he is going to move but he doesn’t instead
and holds me tighter and in his sleep tells me he loves me, I’m in trouble.

11 (Short)

“Baby please play that song from the other day”

We are driving back to my house.

“No baby I want us to be romantic right now, wait I have the perfect song” He says scrolling through
his phone

“What’s this?”

“Shhhh lalela baby” He is dancing in his seat

“You said something romantic Lwazi, this is house”

“Ahhh Manda please listen to the lyrics”

“Manda huh” I smirk

“Listen” He shushes me

“So tell me how do you do, finally I meet you…you don’t know what I’ve been through, waiting and
wondering about you…” He sings to me

As usual I don’t know the song but I love it, I wait for him to finish performing for me.

“What’s the name of the song, I want to download it?”

“Kings of tomorrow, finally”

“I’m downloading it now, I want to listen to it properly when I get home with no interruptions” I eye
him

“Why don’t you just download me instead, that’s all you ever do when we are together,
downloading”

I frown at him.

“You are starting” I point at him

“I’m joking wena baby, you can download all you want, in fact here take my phone it’s yours”

He hands me his phone and I take it giggling, I love it when he is being his silly self.

“Here baby take my jacket as well” He removes his jacket, I am laughing loudly by now. I’m sure the
people parked next to us at the robot think we are drunk

“Lwazi stop it people are looking”

“No baby, take it all… here take my shades”

“Actually I think I’ll take the jacket and wear it tomorrow” I smile

“Okay baby but that’s my favorite one so don’t get too comfortable” He pinches my cheek

We sing all the way home and he parks a little further down my house lately. He turns down the
noise of the radio and pulls me to him.

“Baby you know I love you right?”

“You do?” I pout

“I do baby, so much” We kiss

“Are you okay, you don’t want to just go back to my place and never come back home?” He smiles

I slap him lightly.

“Stop it, I’m going to miss your crazy ass” I stare into his eyes

“I’m going to miss you too my vanilla muffin”

“Same here baby”

“Okay I’ll call you when I get home, I love you”

I kiss him once more and I walk into my yard, feeling like a different person, I am a woman now.
I can’t wipe the smile on my face as I walk into the kitchen, I am wearing his jacket and it smells like
him, my mood will not be ruined I want to sleep feeling this happy.

As I walk into the living room my dad is standing in the middle of the room looking at me with that
look, I greet him and I try to walk away but I feel an unexpected slap on the back of my head, I turn
around and I am met by a full on hot klap across the face, it sends me straight to the floor.

“Pa!” I scream but he doesn’t say anything he just keeps slapping me, I get up and try running but he
uses his leg to trip me back to the ground and my face hits the hard tiles.

I open my eyes and I see blood on the floor, I feel him pull me to my feet but I fail to stand on my
own, where is my mother…I scream but he punches me in my eye and it’s lights out.

Headache!

I try to move but my body feels as heavy as cement, my face feels ten times bigger than it should
feel, I try to open my eyes but I only manage to open my one eye halfway. I look around and I am on
the living room floor, I remember my dad beating me, I must have blacked out. I drag my sore body
from the floor until I am kneeling with my arms on the seat of the couch.

I look up and it’s going to nine at night, I arrived just after six from Lwazi’s place, I was sleeping all
along. My head hurts like hell and I feel a tear squeeze through my one half open eye. I look around
and my bag is on the floor I get up slowly and pick it up, my hands are shaking, I feel weak and I feel
like I want to throw up. I open it as quickly as I can, the more the memory of him hitting me
resurfaces the more I know I need to get out of here.

I find my phone and I have ten missed calls from Lwazi and countless messages, my mouth feels too
swollen to speak but I dial his number anyway, I just want to hear his voice. I am seated on the floor,
the house is dark and Lwazi’s number rings unanswered. I sit for a moment and contemplate my
next move, I call my mom, no answer. I guess when dark forces are working against you, you don’t
stand a chance. I lie on the cold tiles as I try gather my strength, how did the best day of my life end
up as my worst day ever. I am startled by my ringing phone, Lwazi. I press the answer button and I
try to speak but my voice doesn’t come out instead I feel myself crying with no tears coming out.

“Amanda, can you hear me” He is shouting in frustration now

“Lwazi” the words barely escape my lips

“Baby, I can’t hear you, what’s wrong with your phone?”

“Help”

“What?”

“Help me”

He hangs up.

I close my eyes and I give up, where is my mother when I need her.

I am alarmed by the loud banging at the kitchen door, I hear voices and I hear Lwazi. He’s here…

I try to get up but I am too slow the door breaks open, and Lwazi runs in followed by two other guys
I don’t know, my vision is blurry but I smell him as he gently picks me up into his arms, I hear the
distance sounds of my father as Lwazi runs out and places me in the backseat of an SUV, this isn’t his
car. I hear the door slam shut and I feel him jump into the driver’s seat and speed off, what about
the other people…

12

I am in a hospital bed when I wake up. I can still see with my one eye but the one I still can’t open. I
look around and I see Lwazi standing there with another figure, I don’t know this person. He runs to
me when he sees I’m awake.

“Baby, it’s okay I’m here” He says kissing my hand

“Water” I manage

I gulp down the water down my parched throat. I finish it and signal for another glass. I touch his
face, he’s really here.

“You are really here” I say huskily

“Yes baby and I’m never leaving your side, I promise…I’m so sorry baby I should’ve known something
was wrong”

“You talk too much” I speak

He smiles reluctantly.

“The doctor says he wants to keep you overnight, you broke some ribs baby” He says clenching his
jaw

“My Ma” I whisper

“She wasn’t home baby but I called her and told her she said she’ll be here in the morning, I think
she was also scared of him”

“Where is he?”

“My brothers say they left him at your house, I wanted to kill him but I was advised against it.” He
looks livid and sad at the same time

“I am sore” I whine

“I know baby if I could take the pain on your behalf I would” He kisses my swollen lip and I flinch

“Askies baby”

I don’t like the way he is looking at me, he can’t hold his gaze for long, and he keeps looking down,
typing on his phone checking his watch.

“Are you supposed to be somewhere?” I murmur slowly

“I’m sorry Amanda I just, seeing you like this is too much for me…I don’t know what to do, tell me
what I should do to make it better baby” He stands and paces the room

“Lwazi” he turns to look at me

“Come here”

He walks back.
“Just be here with me, hold my hand that’s all I need right now”

He squeezes next to me and I lay my head on his chest and allow the medication to take me away to
a deep sleep.

The next day I wake up and Lwazi is on the phone, I see better today, he sounds like he is shouting at
someone.

“I don’t give a fuck Sakhile he can’t get away with this, no, yes, okay I’ll call you back”

He clicks his tongue and kicks the bin to the other side of the room. His face softens when he sees
I’m awake.

“Baby sorry to wake you”

“I was already awake”

“How did you sleep?” He looks tired

“Okay, did you sleep Lwazi?” He nods

“The doctor is coming to see you just now baby” I nod lazily

My mother walks in with Jolene a few minutes later, as soon as the see me they start crying.

“My poor baby, I’m so sorry Manda” My mom is hugging me too tight

“Ma, I’m sore”

“Jammer baby” She lightly brushes my face

“What happened my friend? Jolene sniffs

My mother then turns and looks at Lwazi.

“What are you doing here, please leave us…she’s okay we don’t need you anymore don’t come back
here”

“Ma don’t”

“Listen to your mother Manda”

“Don’t tell me what to do Jo, I am not a child” I hiss

“It’s okay baby I’ll be right outside, just call if you need me” Lwazi says looking at me

“Okay baby”

My mother laughs sarcastically.

“Baby? Really Manda what is your problem, what do you see in this boy?”

I am in disbelief right now so I keep quiet and allow her to vent.

“This is not the life you want for yourself Amanda, look what you pushed your father to do, look
where you are baby, don’t you see what this fling of yours is doing to our family. Is it worth it?”

“Your husband nearly killed me last night, and all you can say to me is this nonsense you telling me?”

“Moenie so met my praat nie!” She screams (Don’t talk to me like that)
“Manda Jou Ma is reg, this all happened because of your relationship with Lwazi” Jolene comments

“Lwazi” I shout

He is in the room in a millisecond.

“Baby wami, are you okay?”

“Yes I just need you here with me”

He doesn’t need any more encouragement, he

just walks over to me and sits in the chair next to me and takes my hand. I can see my mother
looking at our hands in utter repulsion.

“I am not going to sit here and be in the same room as this person Manda”

“Then leave” I say

“Wat?”

“You weren’t there Ma, you were never there and now instead of apologizing to me for putting me
in this situation you insult me and my boyfriend. If you want him to kill you, then that’s fine but I
won’t be killed by that evil man and I am no longer going to sit in that house and be miserable and
listen to him abuse you daily, no more.” I am too calm

“Jolene lets go, she has made her choice I just hope you don’t regret it when this hooligan shows you
his true colors”

I don’t even know what the next step for me is, I can’t go back to that horrible place but I have
nowhere else to go, I can’t expect to live with Lwazi, my head aches.

“Don’t do it baby” He says

“What?”

“Don’t overthink, I know what you are thinking and I want you to leave everything to me, I will fix
this okay. The doctor will probably discharge you and I will take you home and by home I mean I am
taking you to the Mkhize residence, I want you to heal baby and then after you are fully healed we
can have this conversation that you are currently having alone in your head”

I don’t say anything I just stare at him at first.

“Verskoon my? I screech (Excuse me)

“What skoon? No baby don’t worry we will use a condom” He says

What the hell.

“I don’t know what the hell you are talking about but I can’t go to your parents’ house, Is jy mal?

“Listen baby can we stick to English firstly, secondly you have two options either we go back to my
apartment where I will take care of you or we go to my parents’ home where you will have a
professional take care of you and I know you are safe”

“Just take me back home, I will be fine”

“Forget it” He sits back in the chair, he looks pissed

I start crying.

“Amanda your tears are not going to help, I am not allowing you back in a house where that man can
hurt you. I don’t want anything to happen to you don’t you get it Amanda he nearly killed you.”

He gets up and picks up a mirror next to the sink and hands it me. I gasp when I see myself, my face
is red, black and blue, my eye is swollen shut and my lip is torn on the side. I quickly look away.

“I don’t want you to get hurt anymore, I love you Amanda can we heal first before we fight?”

I nod.

“Don’t be sad, I will take care of you baby”

Two guys walk in with food and flowers, the one kind of looks like him but just a little older and
lighter… the other one is what they call a yellow bone and he has a naughty smile that looks
permanent on his face.

“Hello Amanda” the older one speaks

“Hi” I croak

“Please don’t talk to her, she needs to rest”

Lwazi says with a frown

“Sorry my sister, your man has no manners, I am Mbuso his little cousin” The naughty yellow bone
smiles and shakes my hand

I smile back, or at least try to. Talk about first impressions.

“Shut up wena, baby this is Mbuso and that is my older brother Sakhile” He smiles at me

“Nice to meet you pretty lady” Sakhile says

This guy is clearly polite because right now I look like Chucky’s bride but I smile and try to remain
graceful. The small one is very chatty, the doctor walks in and saves me from the inquisitive
expedition led by the yellow fella.

“Morning everyone, Miss Botha” The doctor speaks looking at the guys weirdly

Lwazi clears his throat and she snaps back to reality.

“Listen you incurred a concussion, you have a few broken ribs but otherwise you will be fine, now I
have pain medication for you because you will be in pain for the next few weeks but the most
important thing is you get enough rest and take it easy. I want you to come back in a few days for a
follow up consultation but otherwise I am discharging you today”

She smiles at me

“Thank you doctor”

“Is anyone coming to fetch you, do you need any assistance?” She says looking at the guys

Not this again.

“I am fine doc thanks” I force another smile

“Okay you take it easy now” She walks out

“So does she think we kidnapped you or something” Mbuso comments

“Mbuso shut up” Sakhile gives him a look

“We need to get going, we just wanted to bring you guys some grub and officially meet uMam”
Sakhile says winking at Lwazi, Lwazi just looks annoyed and shakes his head.

“I appreciate it man, thanks I’ll call you”

They say their goodbyes and leave us in a weird silence.

“What?” I ask him

“I’m just wondering if people will always treat us like this”

“Don’t overthink” I smirk at him

“Okay I won’t. Do you feel comfortable with going to my parents’ house today?”

I shake my head vigorously and I give myself whiplash. I shut my eyes momentarily.

“Take it easy my love” He holds my face as I gather myself

“I don’t want to face anyone I just want to bath and sleep baby”

“Okay we will go back to my place, but my I told my mom about you and she is very worried so we
eventually need to go visit her”

I nod and he kisses my forehead.

I have been in this apartment for nearly a full week and I am bored. My body is nearly healed
although I still have a few bruises and marks here and there. Lwazi took the first few days off but he
had to go back to work today. I am also tired of wearing his clothes, I actually need to go home and
get some clothes. I think about it for a while, my parents should be at work and I know where they
keep the key.

I wear his sweat suit, I look ridiculous but this will have to do. I tie my curls into a ponytail and I
request a cab. A few minutes later I am outside my house, a place I used to call home but it doesn’t
feel like home anymore. I ask the driver to wait for as I walk in. I find the key inside an old can in the
garage and I make my way inside.

My body shivers at the memory, I need to get out of here as soon as I can. The house smells like my
mom’s favorite all-purpose cleaner, she must’ve cleaned before going to work. I walk up the stairs
quickly, the house gives me the creeps I seriously don’t know how I will come back here or what I am
going to do.

I get into my room, I think this is the only thing I miss about this house my sanctuary. I pull out my
suitcase and I pack most of my clothes and shoes inside, I grab my toiletries and all the essentials
including my favorite teddy bear and pillow, silly I know don’t judge me. I head to my parents’
bedroom and I grab my mom’s knee length boots and a pair of her black heels, she deserves it
besides she doesn’t even go out. I roll the suit case down the stairs and when I am downstairs I look
around the house and I get a sick feeling at the bottom of my stomach. I turn around lock up, place
the key where I found it and head into the cab.
I decide to leave all my things inside the suitcase because right now I still need to make a plan on a
place to stay I can’t stay here forever. I am going to have to find a part time job and find a place to
stay and just stand on my own two feet. Lwazi isn’t going to be happy to hear that in fact I know we
are going to have a problem when he finds out I went home without letting him know but I can’t
involve him in every little decision I make.

13

I am cooking for us, I haven’t been doing anything since I came back from the hospital but I figured I
would bribe him with food since he loves it so much. I make pulled brisket pies in cups and I make a
trifle for dessert. When I’m done I decide to take a hot bath, I haven’t been busy for days and my
body can feel it.

I am wearing my nightie sitting in bed when I hear him come in, I get anxious but I decide not to
allow myself to be intimidated. I am an adult and I can make my own decisions. He walks in looking
tired and he gives me a lazy smile, gosh he is handsome.

“The house smells great, did you cook?” He collapses on the bed

“I did baby, you look so tired shame” I kiss his forehead

“I am too tired, thank God it’s Friday damn” He says with his eyes shut

He opens then and sees the suitcase and looks at me and notices my attire and his expression
changes.

“Did you go back to that house?” He asks calmly

“Yes I had to fetch my things baby and I knew they weren’t home”

“Why didn’t you let me know, what if something happened to you?” He is not smiling now

“I didn’t think…”

“Exactly you didn’t think” He cuts me off

I try to speak but he dismisses me by saying something I don’t understand, I need to learn Zulu fast,
can’t have him cursing me without knowing. After showering he wears his sweat pants and goes to
the lounge and I warm up the food and serve him, he thanks me and starts eating. We are eating in
silence but I can tell he is enjoying it he keeps digging inside the cup and looking at me. I don’t know
if he expects to find the recipe right in there but I am glad he likes it even though he doesn’t say
anything.

“Thank you for food it was delicious” He says when he is done

“You are welcome Lwazi and I love you even though you are cross at me. I did what I thought was
right at the time please don’t hate me for that” I say, he is looking down the whole time

“I only want to protect you, not to control you Amoh, I am not that guy” He looks at me

“I know and I should’ve told you, I’m sorry baby” I move closer to him

“Okay baby, damn you are a good cook love” He says looking inside his empty cup

“I made extra pies baby, you want one?”

His face lights up and he eats three of the pies before we go to bed.
“Baby I feel like I am cramping your style” I say grazing my fingers up and down his torso

“Why would you say that now?”

“I mean it’s Friday night and here we are, eating pies and lying in bed” I climb on top of him

“But baby that’s what happiness is, you and food” He kisses me

“Hmm really babe?”

“Really my love, I am having the best time relaxing. I actually just realized I never took time off to
rest, I would always go out and drink or hang out with my friends or visit my family but I never
chilled like this and just relax…. Thank you baby this is everything” He says

“The sweetness of doing nothing” I say

“Sweet indeed” he brushes his index finger down the bridge of my nose

“So baby, I was thinking?” I say

“Did it hurt?” He teases

I punch him on his chest.

“Ouch Amoh that hurt” He cries

“Anyway, I am going to look for a part time job so I can afford to at least get a place of my own, I
can’t go back to that house” I say

“I don’t understand what you are saying” He says sounding annoyed

I give him the ‘really’ look.

“Lwazi you know what I mean, I love you and I appreciate you so much but I can’t stay with you
forever”

“Why not?” He says with a genuine look of confusion

“Lwazi that would be too much pressure on our relationship, I am not that girl that depends on her
man for everything, I couldn’t it’s just not in my DNA.”

“You can’t go to school and work baby you will burn out” He says almost pleading

“I can and lots of people do it”

“You can live with my parents or my sister Zodwa, she is the best she will take care of you”

“Lwazi”

“Amanda”

“You can’t” He begs

“Please understand”

He looks at me for a while without anything, he’s thinking…He releases a long breath and nods
lightly.

“Thank you so much for supporting me baby” I say kissing him

The kiss intensifies and instead of climbing on top of me like he usually does he pulls me to the top in
a cowgirl position. I know what this means I just don’t know if I can actually pull it off. I feel his full
length attempt to enter me but I pull back and flinch in pain. This is painful, I don’t think it’s going to
work, “Baby it hurts” I say I am under him without warning, “Next time baby” he winks at me before
sending me to the gates of sexual heaven.

I am so glad I have my clothes back, I am rocking my bum short and a sports bra in the kitchen while
I make breakfast. My boyfriend is fat asleep still not that I blame him last night we made love till the
early hours of the morning. The only reason I’m up is because I can’t sleep for too long. I’ve made
blueberry pancakes, sausages, bacon and eggs. I make a quick fruit salad as well and he walks into
the kitchen with his sexy lazy look.

“Baby” he snakes his arms around me

“Hi boo” We kiss and I take the minty mouth wash

“You showered already and made breakfast, no I must pay Lobola for you ASAP” He says taking
picking a strawberry from the salad bowl

“Do you want to shower before we eat or eat first?”

“I’ll shower first baby, so we can take a picture for the gram” He chuckles

“Are we doing it for the gram this morning” I grin

“Yes my blueberry pancake” He kisses my cheeks

“Okay go shower, I am starving already” He dashes off

I make the bed and tidy the bedroom before he comes out. He is dripping wet when he comes and I
quickly excuse myself before he tries to pounce on me.

“Breakfast was delicious MaBotha ngyabonga” He says with a look of appreciation on his face

“Don’t mention it baby” I smile

“Okay so listen babe I spoke to my mom last night and they have a family braai and I would like you
to come with me”

Oh no…

“Lwazi…”

“Before you protest, think about how understanding I was with your living arrangement and getting
a part time job” He pouts

“That’s not fair”

“It is baby, it’s not the end of the world I don’t know why you are making such a big deal out of this”
He says getting irritated

I don’t say anything, I just stare into space. I feel his hand tilt my chin and face him, he’s giving me
that look I can't resist.

“Please baby” He says softly

“Okay” I give in
He picks me up and spins me around.

“Okay now baby get ready because we are supposed to be the in the next hour.

“And you only told me now Lwazi?”

He doesn’t respond he is dancing in the living room, to some house track or at least I think its house
although this is much quicker and louder sort of like Trans music. I am already getting a headache,
my man is dancing like there’s no tomorrow, I will admit he’s pretty good and it’s making me want to
learn how to dance as well. I head over to him and join him, I am doing the moves Minx taught me
that night. Lwazi is trying not to laugh and I stop, he falls apart in laughter…mcm let me go get ready.

What do you wear when you are meeting your boyfriend’s family? I know that with the cultural
differences there are certain things I need to be respectful of and be cognizance of like dressing
appropriately although Lwazi assured me his family is pretty modern. I end up wearing a long floral
dress and sandals I think this is appropriate. My curls are down and I look really pretty or at least I
think so, I find Lwazi in the kitchen he is wearing denim shorts and grey t-shirt with flip flops, he
always manages to look so good without even trying.

“Baby are you going to stop eating any time soon?” I question him, he is stuffing himself of leftover
pancakes

“They are so good baby and I’m hungry”

“We just ate Lwazi and we are going to eat just now”

Lwazi isn’t even paying attention to me, he keeps opening the fridge checking for what else he can
eat, why do I even bother?

I am sick to my stomach from being nervous, I have never been a situation like this before. We are
driving out of town and I think about where his family could live, when I met him and he took me to
that neighborhood and I met Sticks and Minx I was sure that is where he was from but now from the
conversation I can tell he is from a wealthy background he just isn’t one to brag. We drive into a
gated community and the houses are something like straight from a movie, this doesn’t help my
nerves. The road is small and it’s high fences and sprinklers all round. Most of the homes are double
or triple storey houses. I spot a few black ladies sitting on the grass chatting happily and eating their
lunch, they are all wearing uniforms and their hair tied back in matching head wraps. The more we
go up the road the less houses we see and the bigger the houses get, Lwazi is avoiding eye contact
and singing along to the song playing in the background. We drive up to a big black steel gate and
the security guard smiles and greets and he opens for us. I am confused is this another community
or are we driving into his home. We drive for about five minutes into a small driveway surrounded
by trees and I spot the house, my heart beats faster, who are these people?

The home looks like it’s been there for the past sixty years, the architecture is very vintage but it
looks like a palace. It screams elegance and money, these people are monied. We drive past a
beautiful fountain and park next to a Rolls Royce, I rub my eyes and double check, and yep it’s real. I
look over at Lwazi and smiles and gives me a quick peck on the lips before jumping out. He takes my
hand in his and we walk up to the huge door, he pushes it open and I can’t help but look up, down
around. The high ceilings, the double staircase and the chandelier, wow.

We walk into the living room and literally everything here is grand, from the rugs to the ornaments
and the couches don’t even get me started on the number of chairs in this humongous living room, if
that’s what it’s even called. Everything is beige and gold and other warm shades of brown. We walk
out of the living space into another lounge and there are about fifteen people in this room chatting
laughing and drinking, I swallow my nonexistence saliva and remind myself to breathe.

“Hey everyone” Lwazi screams and they all turn around and all speak together at once

14

They hug him and I am left standing in the corner observing them, it’s like they don’t see me. I know
I’m short but damn.

I am attacked with a hug from the notorious yellow bone Mbuso.

“Hey Amanda” He says draping his arm around my shoulders

“Hi Mbuso” I smile up at him, he is a little taller than me but not really

Sakhile also comes and shakes my hand, Mbuso keeps me to his side and introduces me to the first
person;

“Hi I’m Mthobisi, his older brother” He says pointing at Mbuso, I figured they look very similar. He is
also light skinned

“Good to meet you Mthobisi, I am Amanda” I smile at him

“Okay come let’s meet the next person” Mbuso drags me to a mature looking lady who has a little
girl sitting on her lap.

“This is Zodwa Lwazi’s older sister and that is her daughter Sizile” He says

“Hi there” Zodwa says blankly

Okay she has this thing about her, I am scared of her already, I smile and greet and we move to the
next people, I feel silly.

“This is Asanda and Mandisa the other sisters” Mbuso says

These ones are scanning me from up to bottom, I don’t blame them I feel small in comparison to
them. They look so put together, long silky weaves, long lashes, nails everything. Asanda looks a bit
younger than I am and Mandisa looks older than me. I think Asanda is less intimidating, I can tell she
wants to smile at me but she holds back, Mandisa is just cold and bitchy I can already tell.

“Nice to meet you” I break the ice

“What’s your name?” The Mandisa chick

speaks

“Amanda” I say shyly

“Amanda who?” Her face is hard and her big eyes are piercing

“Amanda Botha” I try to not sound too Afrikaans

“So you are Afrikaans?” Asanda chirps

“Yes I am” I respond

“I see” Mandisa says eying my shoes or is it my feet I can’t tell, I feel like throwing up
I feel Lwazi pull me to me him and I am instantly relieved of some of the weight off my shoulders. I
look up at him and he smiles.

“Relax baby, come meet my parents” He kisses my cheek

“Mom and Dad, this is the love of my life Amanda Botha, Manda this is my mom

Mantombi Mkhize and her husband Solomon Mkhize” He says

“Good to meet you Amanda” His father speaks

The room is quiet and I can feel all eyes on us, his father is smiling at me and I feel better I think I’m
going to like him but the mother looks at me exactly like her daughter Mandisa, bitter. One thing I
won’t take away from her is her beauty, the woman is beautiful but then again everyone in this
house looks exceptional it’s not only the money but the good genes. I see a little bit of Lwazi, it’s her
eyes and lips, there is a striking resemblance.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mr. and Mrs. Mkhize” I say as confidently as I can

This is awkward Mrs. Mkhize doesn’t even acknowledge me after having a look at me she starts
shouting something to her girls and they walk off into God knows where, I am ready to leave but I
can’t I have to endure this torture.

I am sitting in the corner next to Lwazi, squeezing the life out of his hand while he chats to everyone,
I thought this was a braai, why are we inside, anyway that’s none of my business. I look around at all
of them, I feel like an outsider, Zodwa gives me a little smile from across the room and I smile back. I
feel better.

“Guys, let’s go start on the meat” Sakhile shouts

Really, I guess we are going to be here the whole day. Lwazi kisses me

“Baby we are going outside with the guys, will you be okay?” he brushes my face

“Can I come with you?” I give him my most adorable pout

“Baby, it’s kind of a guy thing, stay here and get to know my sisters I swear they aren’t as bad as they
seem”

“Lwazi don’t leave me here” I whisper but he ignores me and leaves me there all alone well all the
ladies are in the room

I look up at them and they are all looking at me, this is uncomfortable.

“So Amanda how old are you? Zodwa asks

“I am 19” I say clearing my throat

“I thought you looked a little young” She smiles

“Too young perhaps” The mother finally speaks, her voice is very commanding

I don’t know how to respond to that so I just sip on my juice and bite my lip nervously.

Zodwa whispers something in her daughter’s ear and she runs to me, settles next to me and takes
me hand.

“Hi Aunty my name is Sizile” She says smiling brightly with a missing tooth
“Hi Sizile I’m Amanda” I smile back

“I like your hair” She says brushing it with her tiny fingers

“Thank you, I like yours too” I touch her small afro

“Yours is soft aunty”

“Yes but yours can stand up and you can plait it, mine is too soft baby” She smiles and shows me her
iPad and all her games

I am grateful for my new little friend, she is keeping me occupied while the ladies are engaged in
conversation. I am looking down at Sizile’s iPad while listening on the conversation.

“I don’t know why Mandla is acting like this mommy, I mean I have everything he needs what more
does he want” Mandisa saying flipping her weave behind her shoulders

“Maybe he is tired of your stinking attitude” Zodwa says with a straight face and Asanda giggles

“Don’t listen to her honey, he will come crawling back but in the meantime have fun take pictures so
he can see how fabulous your life is” The mother says

“Mommy have you seen who he is with now?” Asanda asks

“No she hasn’t shown me, is she pretty?” The mother asks

Asanda and Zodwa laugh briefly, Mandisa looks annoyed.

“It’s some basic looking plain Jane, she doesn’t even wear make-up” Mandisa says

I look up and catch her staring at me, whatever bitch, I think.

“Why are you worried then he will get bored and come back to you, it must be the sex. You know
how men are sometimes, they think with their genitals” Mrs. Mkhize reassures her

“No mom stop selling her dreams, you lost Mandla because you think you are too good for him and
guess what I met the girl he’s with now and she’s lovely” Zodwa says getting up

“Hater” Mandisa screams and starts taking selfies, I want to laugh really but I decide to conceal the
laugh and keep my mouth shut.

“Amanda do you want to come help me get the snacks” Zodwa says

I get up and follow her to the kitchen, it looks like the size of my entire house. I sit on the kitchen
stool while Zodwa gets the snacks from the pantry. She appears with plastic bags full of goodies.

“Don’t mind the evil twins” She says

“The evil twins?” I repeat

“Mandisa and her mother” She says

“Oh those two” I smile

“They like to size people up but it’s only to cover up their own insecurities so don’t take it
personally”

“Thank you, I won’t” I breathe

“Now relax, Lwazi cares for you and he told me about what happened with your family” She says

I suddenly feel sick remembering my situation back home.

“I hope you don’t mind, he was just confiding in me, I didn’t tell anyone else”

“No it’s not that I am just still dealing with that night” I admit

“Listen I don’t know what you guys are going through because my husband is black” She smiles and I
laugh

“…but I do know how it feels to be judged for who you fall in love with, my mom still doesn’t get
along with Sabelo my husband but you know what I love him and he loves me and that’s all that
matters, we make it work…you make it work when it’s real love Amanda”

“Can I ask why your mother doesn’t like your husband?” I search her face, it’s hard to read her I
notice

“He wasn’t up to her standards of wealth and social standing” She says simply

“Wow” I say

“Yep, so we had to constantly fight to be together. I love my family and all of this but the love I have
at home is enough for me, so remember that when things get tough”

“I will thanks Zodwa” I smile

“You are welcome and listen I know you want to be independent and self-reliant but you are
welcome to come stay with me and Sabelo until Lwazi does right by you” She says genuinely

“Thank you really, but Lwazi and I are still in the early stages of our relationship the last thing I want
is to center my life around him and add that additional pressure on the relationship” I explain

“I really care for Lwazi but right now I am figuring out a lot of things including who I am and until I
can be sure of myself and sort out my personal issues I can’t allow him to do everything for me”

“I understand and I respect you for that” She says smiling

“I think I like you, come let’s go serve the others” She leads the way back to the other ladies

I am so happy when Lwazi and the rest of the men come back, he smiles and jumps next to me. He
smells like smoke but still smells heavenly. We are staring at each other when his dad’s voice
interrupts us;

“Aybo Lwazi leave the poor girl alone” He roars

“Sorry Baba I just can’t stop staring at her” Lwazi says still looking at me, I look away

“She is very beautiful” Mr. Mkhize adds

“Certainly” Mbuso winks at me

“Mtho, please speak to your little brother before I punch him” Lwazi says

“What has he done now?” Mthobisi chuckles

“He is winking at my girlfriend” Lwazi responds

They all laugh, excluding the evil twins.

“So Amanda, tell us about yourself, where are you from?” Mr. Mkhize looks at me

“Uhm well…”

“She is from Portland baba” Lwazi answers for me

“Can she not speak for herself?” Evil twin senior speaks

“I can” I reply

“Where about in Portland are you from?” She asks

“Portland East suburbs” I answer

“Oh I see” She says eying Mandisa

“I like that area, before it was called Portland it used to be called Makhumbane and when I was a
young man like Lwazi I worked around that area and I used to take the train back home to the
township but later they changed the name to Portland, I guess it sounds better” Mr. Mkhize narrates
with a nostalgic tone and a smile at the corner of his lips

“My dad told me about it being changed to Portland, they have lived in the area for over thirty
years” I speak

“So they were probably living there around the time I was working in the area then”

“Probably” I smile

“I must have walked past their house not knowing that one day their daughter would be my
daughter in law” He says then laughs

We are already in laws?

I smile, he is a charming and warm man, and he reminds me of Lwazi.

“So has Lwazi met your parents?” Lwazi chokes on his beer and Mbuso laughs loudly

This idiot.

“Not officially” I say

“I see, well we are happy to meet you and you are welcome here at the Mkhize Residence, anytime
you want to visit us or you get tired of the beach you are always welcome to come visit us” He
smiles, for an old ma those are pretty good teeth.

“Thank you Mr. Mkhize”

“Oh please call me Sol” He says

The guys laugh.

“Since when do you let people call you by your first name dad” Asanda shouts from the other side of
the room

“I am trying to make Amanda comfortable and everyone I work with calls me Sol” He sips his
whiskey
“Does Amanda remind you of your colleague’s dad?” Sakhile looks amused

“As a matter of fact she does” Mr. Mkhize

chuckles

“Don’t be offended Amanda, I just work with a lot of Caucasian people, most our neighbors are
white as well so that’s all I mean”

I smile and shake my head.

“Well I’m glad the elephant in the room has been addressed” Mandisa says

Is she calling me an elephant?

“Yes guys my girlfriend is white” Lwazi says

I am blushing but they are all laughing even the evil twins, whatever is in their glasses is starting to
soften them up.

“When you walked in I was shocked I won’t lie” Asanda says

“Me too, Lwazi said his girlfriend Amanda is coming and I expected maybe Amanda Khuzwayo but it
turns out its Amanda Botha”

His father says giggling

He likes laughing, like his son.

“Okay enough settle down everyone” Lwazi stands and gets me a beer

“So Amanda how do you like dipping into the chocolate cookie car?” Mbuso smirks

“I quite like it” I blush

“I’m sure you do” Mthobisi says and they laugh

They are drunk I decide.

The rest of the day actually goes by swiftly, we are outside by the pool, and their yard is endless. The
pool is big like everything else in this house, but I am more impressed by the trampoline at the far
side of the backyard. Lwazi sees me eyeing it and nudges me;

“Do you want to go play muffin?”

“Yes” I can’t contain my excitement, I had one growing up but it wasn’t this big

He takes my hand and we run barefoot on the grass towards it. There is a net around it, I am
guessing for safety precautions. Lwazi opens up for me and I fall in.

We are jumping around like children, I am giggling and bouncing up and down. He falls on top of me
and kisses me, I push him back to catch my breath and after a beat he is kissing me again, I feel his
manhood react as the kiss heats up.

“Stop baby, your parents are right there”

“They can’t see us” He kisses me

“Well I can see them, let’s go back”

He groans and gets off me and we head back to the family.

“Are the love birds back?” Sakhile shouts

“Yes” I answer

“She has a voice after all” Mandisa comments

“What’s your issue Mandisa, we are trying to have a good time?” Mbuso defends me

“I just don’t like girls that date guys just to move from location A to location B, if you

know what I mean” She says bitterly

“You don’t know anything about Amanda so don’t judge her Mandisa” Zodwa gets in on the

heat

“I know people” She sips from her cup

“Mandisa” Lwazi snaps

She looks at him and he stares at her coldly until she looks down shamefully, what was that.

Lwazi clicks his tongue and walks into the house.

“What just happened?” I ask Asanda, who is now braiding my hair

“You just witnessed your man show you a different side to him, he is like our dad… super sweet but
if you push him he is the scariest person here” She says

“I would hate to get on his bad side then” I admit

“I’m sure you won’t, he never shouts at me because I’m his favorite so I think you are safe” She
winks at me

15

I like her, she is sweet when she’s not next to Mandisa. As if she can read my mind she looks up at
us;

“Asanda please come here” She says

“I’m busy Mandisa” Asanda complains

“I want to show you a picture of those shoes we want” Mandisa smiles at her

Asanda jumps up and runs to her side and I am left with Sizile, I am cradling her as she plays with her
iPad. Lwazi walks back out with his Dad they are laughing, I am glad he is in a much better mood. He
looks up at me and winks. Mrs. Mkhize peeps out and shouts;

“The food is ready”

“Finally” Sakhile shrieks

We all head to the dining area and sit side by side, Lwazi is on my right and Sizile on my left. The
food looks delicious, there are countless salads, pap and rolls and plenty of meat on the table.
My mouth waters, and Lwazi lets go of my hand and starts dishing up, for the both of us. His mother
is looking at us;

“Lwazi why don’t you let Amanda dish up, it’s her role as your woman” She sips her wine

“I am spoiling her mom, just this once” He looks back and smiles

“You are whipped” Mthobisi says opposite us

The guys laugh.

What an eventful day. The food was absolutely delicious everyone was surprised I ate the pap and
went for seconds. Lwazi’s dad is the best, they were cracking jokes during dinner.

It is dark when we leave and the drive back to Portland is exciting as usual. I love Lwazi’s energy, he
is always happy and car rides with him are always an adventure. It’s funny how something so simple
could be so exciting with the right person.

He is driving and dancing at the same time and I am watching him in admiration.

“Baby why are you looking at me like that?” He says pinching my cheek

I stick my tongue at him and giggle.

“Do you want to download me?” He says bumping his fists on the steering wheel

“Don’t be silly” I push him

“I will teach you how to dance baby don’t worry, you have potential”

“Stuff you” I say and he laughs loudly

“Do you want us to go get ice cream?” He asks brightly

“Yes” I reciprocate

“Off we go”

We drive to the ice cream parlor a few minutes away from his place and it’s right opposite the
beach, we sit on the bench and enjoy our ice cream and roast each other on the breezy cool night.

We drive home after some time.

“So….?” He says after we shower

“I had a good time, it was difficult at first but I enjoyed myself surprisingly” I declare

“I told you and don’t worry about my mom and my sister, they are like this with everyone who
doesn’t look like them or like the same things but they will grow on you”

“I noticed”

“Everything will be okay baby” He says holding me against him

“Will it?”

“Yes I promise, I love you and I am going to take care of you” He kisses me

“So how come you didn’t tell me you were this rich? I eye him
“It didn’t come up in conversation besides I have been taking you out on dates every week and
feeding you, of course I’m rich”

Lwazi can never be serious.

“What does your dad do, how did you all become so rich?” I can tell he doesn’t want to entertain
this subject but he gives in

“My dad started working in the mines when he was younger and he didn’t have much at the time
but he managed to start his own business and he was in construction with his friend Mr. Ndlovu
somewhere along the line he bought shares at Itshelihle Mining and now he is the majority
shareholder, he owns shares for other several successful companies, he’s managed to build an
empire for us. We all have shares at the company as well” He says

“Wow, so did you not get a position at one of your dad’s businesses and you chose to work for his
friend?”

“I wanted to do my own thing, my dad is rich very rich in fact I could sit in the house all day and I
wouldn’t be in want for anything but I like working and I love my job baby, Mr. Ndlovu offered me a
job and I took it, working makes me feel like a man like I can take care of myself.”

“I see baby, I love you” I say surprising him

“I love you more my future wife” He kisses me

“So next week I am going back to campus” I say

“I figured” He says

His cellphone starts ringing and he puts in on speaker.

“Hello”

“Sure sure my G” The other person says

“Sure Khathaza” Lwazi says

“What’s up where fuck are you, I get back in town to find you are whipped and shacking up”

He says

Lwazi takes the phone off speaker and speaks to this character, I don’t like him already.

“Who was that?” I ask when he’s done

“It’s my friend Khathaza, you haven’t met him but they want to hang out but I told them we are
staying in tonight”

“Do you want to join them?” I ask

He hesitates before answering.

“We had a long day baby, I know you need to rest” He replies

“I am asking you, do you feel like going?”

“Do you mind baby, I kind of feel like going out” He says
I am a bit disappointed but I release the feeling.

“I don’t mind babe”

“Please come with me” He says

“I don’t know” I say

“Please baby, you can meet Khathaza and see what we get up to on the weekends” He pleads

“Okay” I say

The truth is I don’t want to go with him I don’t trust that bitch Boni and I don’t want his friends to
think I am hogging him from them or that I am boring. The issue now is I don’t have anything to
wear, I can’t keep up with Lwazi, he is wearing a grey denim ripped jean with a white shirt and white
sneakers, he looks really good and I am still in my underwear in his closet deciding what to wear.

“Baby where did you say we were going?” I walk back into the room

“To a club but we will go to Khathaza’s place first, baby wear anything you will be fine” He says
without looking at me

Lwazi doesn’t get it but I don’t expect him to, all these girls around him are always on point including
big tits flat ass Boni. I need some advice, Jolene crosses my mind but I dismiss the thought at the
memory of our last conversation. Minx springs up to mind and I dial her number.

“Girl” She screams

“Hey Minx” I say

“What’s wrong babe?”

“Nothing I just don’t have anything to wear and Lwazi wants us to go clubbing with his friend
Khathaza or something” I whine

“Oh shit and knowing Khathaza they will be going somewhere fancy” She says

“Thanks I feel much better”

She laughs.

“Relax listen, when are you guys leaving?”

“I am not sure”

“Stall your man, we just finished watching a movie at Beach View Mall, there is a boutique that
opens till late here, what size do you wear sister?”

“No Minx you don’t have to” I say

“Nonsense, don’t worry Sticks will pay for it, size sister time is ticking” She insists

“30”

“Lucky bitch, okay do your makeup in the meantime or do your hair and I’ll be there in the next half
an hour okay”

“Okay babe”
“Relax I got you” She says before hanging up

I take a sigh of relief and I tie my hair into a neat bun and apply some eye liner and mascara and lip-
gloss, that’s all the makeup I have. I hear voices from the living room and Minx appears in the
bedroom, she is wearing a tight short dress and matching jacket and sky high heels. She starts
laughing at me when she sees me.

“You are such a mess friend” She says hugging me

“I know right”

“Listen I found this amazing jumpsuit I hope you like it, go try it on and we are going shopping soon,
me you and our men”

“The guys?”

“Who else is going to pay” She laughs

I shake my head and wear the jumpsuit.

Minx is practically pushing me to the living room.

“Amanda stop it” She scowls

“I feel so exposed Minenhle”

“You look fucking amazing” She says

We walk out and the boys are outside smoking, I guess Lwazi smokes socially. They haven’t seen me,
let me tell you about this jumpsuit. It is so tight I can’t breathe properly this naughty girl bought me
a size smaller than what I usually wear. It is white and a halter neck leaving my back bare. The thin
straps around my neck don’t make it any easy for me to hide. My boobs are sticking and out and I
am not even wearing a bra. I am wearing my one pair of heels and Minx made me put on a purple
lipstick she gave me, this girly life isn’t my strongest suit.

“Pour us some wine girl” She says

I pour us a generous amount of wine and clink our glasses and I am starting to like wine more and
more. I am more of a beer girl but since meeting Lwazi I have been drinking wine more than beer.

“So tell me why aren’t you coming?” I ask Minx as she tosses herself on the couch

“It’s date night for us, so we want to just get some quality time together you know” She says

I nod and drink my wine. The boys walk in laughing in high spirits and the look on Lwazi’s face when
he sees me.

“Jooooooh ntwana uyashisa man” Sticks says and I blush

Lwazi doesn’t say anything he is just stealing looks and acting like an idiot. I laugh and shake my head
inwardly.

We walk out together and we say our goodbyes to Sticks and Minx, I promise to have lunch with her
on Friday and she promises to find me a job where she works, which is a call center. Lwazi drives off
silently and he looks over and winks at me.

“Why so quiet muffin? I brush his face

“Minx chose that outfit?”

“Yes baby, she was helping me find something to wear in my closet” I lie

“You look fucking sexy baby, I just don’t know if I want you this sexy around my friends” He says

“But they are your friend’s babe”

“I know but guys are different from you girls, we are visual people and right now baby you are a
sight for sore eyes, I mean you always are but baby damn tonight you are fire personified” He says
licking his lips

“You could always take me home and get me out of it” He gives me that look

“Oh I plan to but I want you nice and drunk so I can take full advantage of you” He smirks

We get to the estate, and all the houses are white and it’s right on the beach. This is a really nice
place...

16

This is a really nice place. The friend’s house is right at the corner on the second block of houses. We
walk in hand in hand and Lwazi knocks twice and opens the door. Jabs, Thabo and Boni are in the
kitchen drinking and smoking.

There is another girl I don’t know in the living room, she is skinny and has a weave as long as
Mandisa’s but the quality isn’t as good.

“Lwazi” they all scream, okay they are happy

“Guys, what’s good?” Lwazi bumps shoulders with the guys and kisses Boni on the cheek, she
blushes before looking at me, I roll my eyes and Thabo must’ve seen me because he laughs before
hugging me.

“How are you beautiful?” He says

“Hi Thabo” I look up his tall self

“You look breath taking” He says

“Thank you, you too” He laughs

I greet the others as well, Boni decides to hug me for whatever reason and I can tell she is
performing, for whom I don’t know.

A drop dead gorgeous tall figure comes into the kitchen, he is distracted by whoever he is on the
phone with and is frowning but damn. If I wasn’t with Lwazi I would definitely consider giving him
the key to my Garden of Eden.

He finally hangs up and smiles and shoulder bumps Lwazi, hmm even his smile is perfect. After some
time he spots me and looks at me up and down a little bit arrogantly.

“Who is this?” He says with a sparkle in his eye

“This is Amanda my person” Lwazi says kissing the side of my face

“Nice to meet you” I say

He doesn’t respond just nods and starts a conversation with Boni, what exactly is it with Lwazi’s
people and being rude.

The girl in the living room is Khathaza’s fling for the night I’ve picked up from conversation. She is
mostly preoccupied with her phone but we make small talk here and there. I decide to drink my
wine and mind my business in the corner,

Thabo joins me after a while.

“Are you okay?” He asks

“I am okay”

“Are you shy or is it because you are around your man’s friends?” He asks

“I am shy in general” I confess

He nods.

“Well loosen up girl and have some fun”

“I am trying, but your friend Khathaza he’s a bit stand offish right?”

He laughs.

“He does that don’t worry about him just pretend like he doesn’t exist, he is used to people kissing
his ass”

“Why would people kiss his ass” I ask

“Well he is Khathaza Dlamini, his family is loaded much like your Lwazi but Khathaza is a well-known
playboy, girls throw themselves at him and guys kiss his ass because he is always at all the hottest
spots”

“And do you kiss his ass?” I ask bravely

“Nah I’ve known him since we were kids, myself Khathaza and Lwazi all went to the same primary
and high school and then we met Boni and Jabs in varsity so to me he is a normal guy, but the
attention gets to his head and he treats everyone like they are his groupies take my advice just
ignore him blatantly and you will see” He smiles

We eventually leave for the club and I am already tipsy, we take an uber bus and head to the club.
Lwazi takes my hand and the bouncers push everyone to the side when they spot Khathaza, some
girls are even screaming his name, no wonder he is so full of himself.

They greet the bouncers and we are escorted to VIP area where they evacuate everyone there for
us. The girls are wearing next to nothing, I did well by coming with Lwazi not that he notices. He
doesn’t seem to be affected by any of them.

We sit comfortably on the couch and Khathaza’s fling who has introduced herself as Sposh, I am not
sure what kind of name that is but we seem to be getting along better as the drinks are flowing. We
are drinking champagne and the guys are drinking whiskey and vodka.

The table is full of a variety of different expensive bottles of liquor. Their turn up is certainly different
to my turn up, when we go to drink we drink beer and sometimes brandy and coke. Boni is in a
heated conversation with Khathaza in the corner and he seems to be saying something that is
upsetting her, she looks like she is crying when she storms off in the direction of the bathroom. I
wonder what is going on there, Khathaza doesn’t seem to care that much he just sits next to us and
pulls Sposh into his lap, I drink my bubbly and mind my own business. Lwazi joins me;

“Baby” he kisses me

“Hey baby” we kiss

“I love you” He mumbles nibbling my neck

Okay we are officially drunk and canoodling in the corner. Boni comes back and her eyes are swollen,
she was definitely crying. What did Khathaza say to her that could make her cry in the club, pity we
are not friends if we were I would comfort her.

Jab’s also seems to have found a playmate and they are making out, Boni looks miserable and Lwazi
leaves my side and goes over to her, Arg this is what she wanted.

“Do you want to go to the bathroom girl?” Sposh asks me

“Yes please” We hold hands and push through the crowd and head to the bathroom.

We relieve ourselves and stand in front of the mirror and fix our lipstick.

“Hey white girl” Sposh says

I look at her.

“Do you want some” She shows me a packet of what looks like cocaine in her purse

“No thanks” I say

She smiles and wipes her nose and we walk out. I am a bit shocked I have never seen anyone with
cocaine before. We walk back and Boni and Lwazi are nowhere to be seen. I am annoyed instantly.

I pour another drink and Sposh forces me to join her on the dance floor. She is dancing like a person
on drugs or is it because I know she is high? She is even on her knees dancing or is she crawling and I
know it’s no longer her that is driving her body but the cocaine she snorted up her nose. I leave her
there and head back to our section, they are still not back. I fish my phone from my purse and call
him but he doesn’t pick up.

I am officially pissed. After what seems like eternity they walk back into the club smiling and
laughing, I can’t even hide the anger from my face. In this moment I wish I wasn’t going back to his
place and this is exactly why I refuse to shack up with him. He sits next to me and drapes his arm
over my shoulder and kisses my forehead, I feel sickened by him right now. He notices and cups my
face but I look away.

“Baby what’s wrong?” He asks me

“I want to leave right now” I snap

“Did something happen while we were out?” He asks with concern written all over his face

“If something had happened you wouldn’t have known now would you?” I say, the champagne is
heightening my emotions and I am unsure if I am making sense right now

“Baby you are not making sense” He says

“Take me home now” I walk away from him

“What’s wrong?” Thabo tries to stop me

“I just want to leave Thabo please tell your friend to take me home” I feel the tears fall from my face

“Hey don’t cry Amanda it’s okay” He hugs me briefly

“What’s going on here Thabo?” Lwazi asks looking slightly annoyed

“Your girlfriend wants to go home man” He says walking away

“Baby talk to me” He says

“I told you I want to go home” I say

“I have ordered us a cab baby, it’s on the way”

“Are you leaving Bestie?” Boni walks up to us and addresses Lwazi like I am not even there

“Please excuse yourself I am having a conversation with my boyfriend” I snap

“I was just asking”

“Well I’m telling you to leave us, we are having a private conversation in case you didn’t notice”

She stares at me for a while then turns around, flat ass bitch. I stare back at Lwazi who still looks
confused.

“Amanda”

“Don’t Amanda me” I snap

“But baby what have I done?”

“Nothing Lwazi absolutely nothing”

He shakes his head and gives up talking to me, we don’t say goodbye we just walk out of the club
and get into the cab. I face the other way and stare at the sky, he is also mad now I can sense him.
We get to the apartment and I wonder what is going to happen to his car but that is the least of my
worries. I walk into his bedroom and remove my clothes and make-up and collapse on the bed. He
shakes me lightly, I open my eyes and he is standing over me;

“Do you want to tell me why you just dragged me from the club like that?” He asks

“Not really” I respond and shut my eyes

I must have fallen asleep right after he tried

confronting me because I wake up and we are both sleeping on opposite ends of the bed. Arg I feel
hung over already I didn’t even drink any water before sleeping. I drag myself out of bed and I walk
to the kitchen, my body feels heavy and my head is pounding. I drink some water and I take a
painkiller. I check the time and it’s just after eight in the morning, I am still seriously tired but I feel
sticky it’s a hot morning and I can’t sleep for too long. I take a long shower and I wear a pair of my
sweat pants and plain t-shirt and Lwazi’s flip flops.

I head back to the living room and I decide to watch a movie, the house is clean and I am too lazy to
make breakfast so I lie on the couch and watch a romantic comedy. Lwazi wakes up a while later. He
looks at me and mumbles a good morning I don’t respond. He will greet me properly or not at all. He
walks back;

“I said Good Morning” He says

“Oh you did?” I look up at him

He clicks his tongue and walks back to his room. I go back to my movie and after some time he walks
out showered and dressed, he doesn’t say anything this time he just walks out and slams the door
shut. I cry as the credits go up the screen. Why isn’t life like a movie, why does it have to be so
complicated and why is mine so messed up right now.

I feel light cramps on my lower abdomen and I head to the bathroom, great I started my periods no
wonder I am feeling so emotional, I feel sorry for Lwazi I am a nightmare to deal with on my periods
at least the first three days. I go to the bedroom and make the bed, this guy didn’t even have the
decency to make the bed, lazy slob.

I grab the fleece blanket and I close my eyes and cuddle my teddy.

“Baby wake up”

I open my eyes and he is standing over me.

“You have been sleeping for hours” He says

“What’s the time?” I stretch and yawn

“It’s nearly three o’clock, come and eat I ordered us breakfast earlier”

I walk up and he takes my hand and drags me to the kitchen. I sit on the kitchen stool and he dishes
up for me. I eat in silence and he watches me with his arms folded.

I finish and wash the plate.

“Don’t I’ll get it” He says

“It’s okay Lwazi it’s just a plate” I snap

I turn around and he is watching me, he is obviously frustrated, I grab another pill.

“Are you sick?” He asks

I nod once.

“Well no wonder you slept, those pills will knock you out cold” he says

I put them back in the drawer and drink some water and walk back to the bedroom.

I get back inside the blanket and he walks in and stand over me.

“Amanda” He says firmly

I look at him and he is pissed.

“Wake up” He shouts

“Lwazi please”
“Wake up right now and come to the living room so we can talk, I will not ask you twice Amanda”
that Zulu accent

I get up and follow him to the living area. I sit on the carpet and look up at him, I already feel the
tears welling up inside my eyes.

“Talk to me Amanda” he says, his expression a

little softer

I fiddle with my hands and my tears fall, I can’t speak. I don’t know how to talk about things that
upset me. He gets up and sits in front of me and takes my hands. I look up at him and he wipes the
tears off with his thumb but they keep falling.

“Baby you are breaking my heart please tell me, show me where it hurts baby” He says softly

I point at my chest and he pulls me into his lap and holds me as I cry. I am not sure what I am crying
for right now, yes I was angry at him for what he did last night but also I just miss my mother and I
miss Jolene and my brother Craig.

I sniff and he kisses my wet lips. We sit like that for a while until I stop crying.

“Feeling better?” He asks

I nod.

“Okay baby, I love you okay” He says with glistering eyes

I close my eyes and he lifts me off the carpet and carries me to the bedroom. He places me on the
bed and sleeps behind me pulling me close to him, I close my eyes and fall asleep.

I haven’t been in campus for so long I am dreading the work that awaits me. I walk into the lecture
room a few minutes before it starts, I’ve been on campus for a while. Lwazi had to bring me early
since he was in a hurry to go to work.

Things between us are awkward and I feel like it’s my fault, if I just told him how I felt we would be
past this awkward stage. I hate seeing him down because I know it’s not in his DNA to be so down,
even his music choice was somber this morning. I also can’t help the way I am, I am not used to
speaking about my feelings especially with him because I feel so strongly for him, and it just makes
me feel uncomfortable.

I spot Jolene walk in with Gabi and settle at opposite end of the lecture venue. I look at her and she
stares back, I hate this. The lecturers walks in and we learn about Sigmund Freud’s theory on the ID,
the Ego and The Superego, I try to establish what my true feelings and issues are right now in my life,
not just consciously but subconsciously as well. According to Freud your relationship you have with
your father as a young girl has a direction correlation to the kind of relationship she has with future
sexual partners. I don’t want my relationship with Lwazi to be anything like my relationship with my
Dad.

I finish my lectures and head to the library and try to catch up with my school work while I wait for
Lwazi to fetch me.

My mind keeps drifting off to my inability of expressing myself, I think about how at home we never
spoke about anything that took place especially when it was something traumatic. I got used to
shutting out my feelings and I am comfortable harboring my anxiety.
I know I have to try more with Lwazi because I don’t want my history and pain to the reason any of
my relationships fail. I get a message that he is outside. I walk to the gate and he is standing outside
his car leaning against it. I have a weakness for him in his uniform.

17

“Hi” I say softly

“Hey baby” He opens the door for me and I settle in the front

We drive off in silence, I have to find a way to break the silence.

“I’m hungry” I say

He looks over at me and smiles.

“Me too” He says

“I am craving those subs you got that day” I say

“Say no more baby” He smiles

I smile as well.

“I love you baby” He says

“I love you more” I look at him

“I love you most” He clenches his jaw

I smile at him and we head to the food truck and he orders four subs. I guess I won’t be cooking
tonight and I’ll have lunch tomorrow. We get home and we eat happily and wash it down with beers.
Lwazi burps loudly and I do the same and we laugh. He is sitting on the couch and I am on the floor.

“Come here” He says

I get up and sit on his lap, we kiss briefly and he takes like BBQ and onions.

“You taste delicious” I say

“So do you, I missed you muffin” He says

“I am sorry for shutting you out”

“What happened?”

“On Saturday at the club, you disappeared with Boni and I didn’t like it, it pissed me off” I say

He is looking at me and his eyes are popped out, I guess he didn’t have the slightest clue what was
wrong.

“Baby Boni was crying in the club and I went over to her to find out what was wrong, she wanted us
to go outside and talk and we did. I was just listening to a friend who needed a shoulder to cry on”
He says

“And you didn’t think to let me know you were stepping out you just left and when I called you
didn’t pick up”
“Amanda I was drunk, I wasn’t in my right senses I am sorry I really didn’t think you would be hurt by
that” He says

“I don’t like your little friend Boni, she isn’t nice to me and she blatantly disrespects me. I get that
you guys are close and you like to hug and kiss each other but I am here now and so things need to
change” I feel my voice shake a little but I continue

“I have been very accommodating to all your people, your sister and mother who treated me like
shit and even your douche bag friend Khathaza all because I care about you. All I ask in return is a
little respect and consideration so before you disappear with another girl in the club consider
speaking to me about it first or consider not doing it” I feel a huge weight being lifted off my
shoulder

“Okay I get it Amanda calm down” he says

“Do you get it Lwazi really?”

“Yes I will be more considerate to your feelings and I will talk to you before disappearing in the club
with another woman or consider not doing it at all” He says

“Great” I say and walk to the bathroom

Sometimes you need to just need to demand the respect you need, he walks into the shower and
joins me. His manhood is already standing and he looks a bit pissed but I carry on with my business. I
finish and attempt walking out but he pulls me back to him and pushes me against the wall and his
lips smash into mine. He kisses me hungrily and I feel my nub throb and he squeezes my breasts. His
lips leave mine and he goes down to my breast and pops my nipple into his mouth. “Ahhhh” I moan
his one hand goes down to me center and he rubs my clit, I remember I am on my period. “Lwazi” I
whimper, “Hmm” He is still nursing my breast with his hot mouth. “I am on my periods” I manage.
He comes up his eyes have changed, he looks like a man possessed. “I need you now baby” He says.
He doesn’t give me a chance to respond, he slams into me, hard and I scream in both pleasure and
pain. My legs are dangling in the air and Lwazi is fucking the shit out of me. I feel my orgasm
approaching, “Oh baby that feel so good I’m gonna cum” I let out. He readjusts himself and moves in
and out slowly hitting the right spot and I fall apart and my vagina clenches on his manhood that
pushes him over the edge too and we hold on to each other and try to catch our breath. We wash up
and walk into the bedroom as soon as we walk in he tosses me on the bed and goes for another
round, what have I done to Lwazi that has awakened this insatiable sexual appetite, not that I am
complaining.

It’s Friday and I took a taxi to the apartment, I couldn’t wait for Lwazi to come back from work and
fetch me. I am excited to be meeting Minx at the Mall, I freshen up and head to the mall. I find her
waiting for me at a steakhouse, these people and food. My clothes are already getting a little tight
for me.

“Babe” I hug her

“How are you love?” She says

“I’m okay, you look a little down what’s up?”

“Sticks” She says shaking her head

“What did he do?”

“He just disappeared on me for two days now and I can’t get ahold of him” She looks like she has
been crying

“What, did you go to his place?”

“I did and nothing all his friends don’t know where he is, nor do his family members”

“That is strange, do you think something happened to him?” I ask

“It’s not the first time he does this, he will come back with some lame excuse and I will fall for it”

“Do you think he’s cheating” She laughs

“When does he not cheat that’s the question, I know for a fact he is I just can’t prove it and I can’t
bring myself to leave him” She removes her sunglasses

“Minx you look terrible, have you been sleeping?”

“No I can’t even sleep”

“Who do you live with again?”

“I have a roommate but to be honest I can’t afford the flat I live in I don’t earn enough but Sticks
pays for my rent” She says

“Where is home Minx?”

“I am originally from Elangeni which is a rural area, I was born and raised there. My mother passed
away when I was still doing Grade 8 and my dad left us after that. I was left with two of my younger
siblings and I had to clean people’s houses just we get food to eat. I managed to finish my matric
with the help of a neighbor who took us under her wing but after matric I left and came here to look
for a job. I started working for this other white family in Portland South and the husband started
being inappropriate towards me and one thing lead to another and I started having sex with him for
extra money. The issue started when one night he brought his friends to come sleep with me, I asked
to go to the bathroom and ran away and never looked back. I lived on the streets for a few weeks
Amanda and it was torture. I met this girl her name was Debra and she took me in and I started
working with her at the local strip club. I became a stripper and I was happy I was finally able to send
money home. I was making a lot of money from the tips I got sometimes I think about going back,
but anyway I stripped and although it wasn’t the job I saw myself doing but I was bringing food
home and my siblings were well taken care of.”

“Anyway this was about three years ago, one night the big bosses booked us to go to a private
bachelor party and that night I met Sticks, he was so funny and he didn’t judge me. We spoke the
whole night and he promised me that he would come and rescue me as soon as he could, at the time
I just thought he was just saying that but three months later he came to the club and we left and we
never looked back. From that day he took care of me in every way, I got a job earlier this year
because I was just tired of sitting in his house not doing anything. The point is I have been through a
lot with him and he is not perfect but when I think about what he has done for me, I cannot imagine
a life without him”

I am shocked and in tears by the time she finishes, Minx always looks so happy you would never
guess she has been through so much.

“Minx I’m sorry” I say

“It’s okay, anyway that bitch Boni found out somehow that I used to be a stripper and told everyone
and that’s why I don’t like her”

“I knew there was a reason I didn’t like her either” I add

I narrate the club incident to her.

“Don’t let her get between you and Lwazi Amanda that’s what she does, the reason she was crying is
because she used to fuck Khathaza and well Khathaza is Khathaza” she sips on her drink

“I don’t know if I like him either”

“You will like him, he is the best once you get to know him but for now just ignore him”

I guess Thabo was right.

“Anyway the reason why I don’t associate with the squad too much is because of Boni and Jabs they
always find a way to remind me that I am not in their league so I stay away, to be honest I am happy
alone, I’m used to it”

“I’m the same” I smile at her

“I hope he calls soon” she says

“Do you think you will ever leave him?”

“Nah, he is just as fucked up as I am I don’t know if I can let anyone else in to all my demons or learn
about someone new” She says

We finish eating and walk around the mall, Lwazi calls me to ask where I am and I tell him.

We are window shopping when Lwazi walks up to us with a tired looking Sticks. I watch Minx’s face
go from relieved to angry in a beat. They walk off the side and Lwazi pulls me to him.

“What’s wrong with him, how could he do that to her?” I ask Lwazi

“Baby, do yourself a favor when it comes to Minx and Sticks don’t get emotionally invested you will
get tired, it’s how they are”

“So do you see anything you like?” He asks me

“I do” I say

“Well daddy is here, get everything you want baby my treat” He says biting my ear

“I think I might” I smile at him

“I was expecting a fight” He says

“Nah I deserve it”

He chuckles.

When we get back home my back aches from the shopping, Minx made me buy nearly everything
my heart desired. I feel sorry for Lwazi but he didn’t seem to mind.

“Baby I am so tired” I say to him

“Sticks and Minx want to go out” He says

“I know but I really want to sleep”

He laughs.

“If you want to rest then we can rest baby” He says

“How do you feel?”

“I think I am also tired, I want to eat and sleep”

“Maybe we could do something with them tomorrow and rest for now, it’s been a long week for me”

“Me too baby, come lets go shower” He kisses me

“No funny business” I warn him

“I can’t promise you anything” he sneers

It’s Saturday night and we are going to dinner with Minx and Sticks. I am wearing a below the knee
white dress with long sleeves and shoulder pads and a plunging neckline. My hair is straighten and I
have a full face of makeup on. Lwazi is wearing all black jeans and a white hoodie and sneakers. We
head out and drive to the restaurant. We find the couple already seated, Minx is wearing a sexy red
number. I notice it’s quite short and I think about her stripping background that’s probably how she
got the confidence of showing off her body so much and it’s a beautiful body might I add.

“You look fabulous” she says standing to hug me

“Thank you as do you”

“Oh stop” She winks

We enjoy our dinner over a light conversation and laughter. I am analyzing Sticks I am not sure what
he does for a living and no one has told me but he does look and act a little dodge. I am just being
judgmental I reprimand myself internally. He is a little cute when you look closely at him or it could
be that he is so likable and charming I can’t be sure.

“So I spoke to my manager and she wants you to come in for an interview, they are taking people in”
Minx says

Lwazi drops his fork and takes a huge gulp from his beer.

“Thank you Minx, I will have to call her and arrange the interview” I say

“I don’t understand you ladies, why do you need to work when we can take care of you” Sticks says

“It’s called independence Sticks, we can’t always be begging you for money” Minx answers him

“Whatever you want to call in, I call it being stubborn” He says

Lwazi has stopped eating and is staring into space.

“So where are we going after this, where is the party?” Minx asks

“Thabo says they are at Club One” Sticks says

“So Lwazi what do you say, are you and the Mrs. coming out tonight?” Minx asks

I look over at him and he looks back at me.

“What do you say?” He asks me

“I don’t mind whatever you want to do” I say

“But I’m asking you what you want to do” He is annoyed

“I don’t care either way” I say

He laughs but it’s not a real laugh, he seems in his feelings and I know it’s the working issue.

“Amanda do you want to go out tonight or not?” He asks and he is not laughing now

“I don’t mind if we do” I say

“Yesses Amanda just say yes or no” Sticks intervenes

Lwazi is staring at me and I keep looking away.

“Amanda I am asking you for the last time, do you want to go out or not…yes or no?”

“No” I say

“Thank you” He says and signals for the waiter for the bill.

“It’s okay my man, dinner is on us” Sticks says with his arm around Minx

“Okay if you guys would excuse us” Lwazi gets up

I hug them goodbye and I follow him to the car, he is walking too fast and I am wearing heels I can’t
keep up. I eventually catch up to him in and he is already in the car, I hop in and he drives off
immediately. We get home in half the time we usually do thanks to this speeding rage. I walk inside
and remove my shoes immediately. He takes out a beer from the fridge and sits in front of the T.V
and watches soccer. I make some tea and I change into my PJ’s and join him. Lwazi is angry but I
don’t understand what the issue is.

“If you wanted to go out, you should’ve gone out” I say

“Maybe I will actually” He walks into the bedroom

He comes back in a different outfit, I guess he really is leaving me here alone and going out.

“I am going to the gang for a few beers, I won’t be out too long I just need to unwind and relax with
the boys” He says

“Okay” I say

He walks over to me and leans down to my face and searches my eyes, I smile and he kisses me
momentarily.

“I promise I’ll be back before midnight okay” He says

“Alright go, I’ll be fine”

He walks out and I lock the door behind him. I watch a movie and paint my toe nails. I shove our
clothes in the washing machine and I go to bed after ten. I wake up in the middle of the night and I
feel a set of arms around me, he’s snoring lightly in my ear. I check the time and it’s just after
midnight. I drift off to sleep again.
18

Today is the day of my interview and I am a little nervous. I walk into the building and the lady at
reception walks me to a boardroom where I find a bunch of other candidates sitting around the large
table.

After two hours of assessments and a short interview, I am happy to announce that I have a part
time job. I will work half days from Monday to Thursday and a full day on Saturday. I didn’t discuss
the interview with Lwazi, we don’t speak about me finding a job and moving out. I get home and
bath then prepare a salad and steak for supper.

I think about my mother, I miss her and I wish things between us were different. It makes me sad to
think she is all alone with that man in that house, I decide to call Craig but I don’t get a response, I
remember the time difference. I go online and search for places to live, everything is so expensive it
seems the only thing I can afford is a backroom in Langa Township, it makes sense on paper the only
issue is a white girl living in the township alone, I don’t know how I would be received. I am
frustrated, what do I do…

“Baby” Lwazi is gently shaking me

I must have fallen asleep on the couch, I rub my eyes and stretch my arms out and he hugs me.

“Hi” I whisper

“You okay?” He asks

“I am now that you are here” I say

“Oh wow what did I do to deserve that?” He asks as he kisses me nose

“Nothing” I get up

“Did you cook it smells good” He says

“Yes I made a steak salad” I say getting up

“Sit baby I will dish up” He says

“So baby I got that job” I say as we dig into the salad

He looks up at me with his eyes popping out and stares at me.

“I start next week, I was looking at places in a Langa there is a backroom…”

“Whoa whoa whoa… stop rewind what?” He places his fork on the counter

“I was saying I need to move out soon, and my budget allows me to find a back room in Langa”

“I heard you the first time Amanda, you are not moving into some backroom in Langa, and you can’t
be serious. I don’t want to hear about this anymore, if you want to work and make your own money
I respect that but you will stay here and contribute to rent if that makes you feel better but you are
not moving to Langa, are you out of your mind” He leaves me there and walks off, well that went
well.

I go to the bedroom and wait for him to finishing showering. He comes out of the water already dry
and clothed. Wow we are that angry…
“Baby” I say and he gives me the stare of death

“Listen you have to understand where I’m coming from…us living together so soon after getting
together scares me” I say

He walks over and sits next to me.

“What scares you?”

“What if it’s too much pressure, it’s too early in

our relationship for this it might ruin us. Soon you will start getting annoyed by me, seeing me all the
time everyday”

“But I won’t, we have been living together for a month now and I love it, don’t you?” He looks sad
now

“I love it baby, but living together has challenges and a relationship has challenges. I think we need
to build a more solid bond before adding on the baggage of living together”

“Okay I hear you but baby you can’t move to Langa that’s out of the question” He states

“Lwazi that is all I can afford with the money I’ll be earning and I don’t want you to pay for my rent
that is not negotiable”

“We need to find another solution then” He says

“Well I was chatting to Minx just now and she suggested that I could squat with her for a while”

“No” He says getting up

“What do you mean no?”

“I have a better idea” He says

“I’m listening” I say

“My sister lives a few complexes from me and she lives in a two bedroom apartment that my dad
bought for her, she lives alone and if you decided to agree to live with her you would buy your own
groceries and chip in for electricity and you would have your own space”

“Who is this sister?” I ask

“Mandisa” He says softly

“No ways” I walk out

“Baby come on work with me here, Mandisa is my sister and yes she’s a bitch but she is harmless.
She won’t hurt you and I will be happy knowing that you are safe”

“Why would she even agree to live with me, she clearly doesn’t like me?”

“My sister loves me and I am her older brother she will do anything to make me happy” He says

“I don’t know I still feel like a charity case”

“Baby listen that is normal but right now you are going through a rough patch in your life. A patch
that I am partly responsible for. It’s okay to get help from the people that love you. Think about this,
you will have your own space weekends you can come here. You will hardly see her”

“I will think about it”

“That’s all I ask, I love you” He kisses me

“I have the option of going to live with my mom’s sister and my cousin” I say

“But?”

“There is also a bit of family drama that side, so I’m not sure if she would take me in but I can try”

“Explore your options baby but just know that your chocolate muffin is here and you don’t ever have
to worry about anyone else bothering you” He nuzzles my neck

“Can we eat now, I’m hungry”

“Sure baby”

Being on campus and seeing Jo but not being able to speak to her is killing me. To make matters
worse Gabi is always all over her like a bad rash and I just don’t like that girl.

The lecture room roars as the lecture ends and I decide to bite the bullet and face Jolene once and
for all. I walk down the stairs and wait for her outside by the door. They stop talking when they see
me and Gabi has a bitter look on her face.

“Hey Jo” I say

“Hey Manda”

“Can I talk to you, in private” I say eyeing Gabi

She rolls her eyes and mumbles something before walking away, one day I will set her straight man.

“So how have you been?” Jo breaks my train of thought

“I am doing better en jy?

“I am okay but I have been missing you and worrying about you” She says smiling

“I missed you too friend” we hug and I feel slightly emotional

“Arg let’s not fight again, I hate tension” She says as we break the hug

“I know”

“So update me, where are you living your parents are worried, they even came to my house to look
for you it’s a big story everyone knows about it” She says with her eyes popped out

“My parents have my number all they need to do is call me and find out how I am doing, they don’t
care”

“Don’t say that Manda they are just looking out for you”
“By telling me what to do, no Jo and if you want us to remain friends you will also respect my
decision to be with Lwazi and not impose your beliefs on me. You have met Lwazi you know he’s a
decent guy and a genuine person you have no reason to worry”

“Do we know for sure that he’s a good person besides the fact that he looks good and drives an
expensive car?”

“Well maybe you don’t know him but I do, just trust me and respect me Jo, I love him” I take a deep
breath

You love him for real Manda?” Her face softens

“Yes”

“Wow I didn’t think you could love anyone Manda, what’s so special about him?” She smiles

“I don’t know maybe if you spend some time with him you will find out yourself”

“I’m sorry for being judgmental I just never considered that it was a possibility to you know date
someone out of our race, I mean I know other people do it but I never thought it would happen to
us”

“I know what you mean and I get it but please I need you, you’re my best friend”

“You have me babe, I promise from now on I will be here and I’m not going anywhere”

“So are you officially shacking up with him?” She asks

“That’s the thing, I found a part time job so I can at least have a small income but I still can’t afford
any decent place that is feasible for me to live in”

“What about your cousin Antoinette?”

“You know her mother and my mother are like”

“Yeah true, you know I would offer babe but your parents will speak to my parents and they will
fetch you”

“I know it’s okay, Lwazi wants me to live with him but I refused he offered for me to stay with his
sister”

“That sounds better but for how long babe?”

“I don’t know, I don’t even know if my parents will continue to pay for my fees when I am out of
their sight, they are barely affording as it is…and to make matters worse Lwazi’s sister is an uptight
bitch and she doesn’t like me at all”

“Maybe swallow your pride and stay with her for the rest of the year and next year try get funding or
bursaries or even a better paying job. Listen if push comes to shove you can always just come to my
house”

“Yeah for now I think I will accept the offer to stay with the evil twin and see how it works out while I
try sort out my issues back home, I will have to speak to my mom eventually”

“Evil twin?” She enquires

“That’s a story for another day, listen Lwazi is here I have to go but will you come visit us this
weekend, I’ll have to speak to him first but are you game?” I give her my cutest pout

“Okay babe…text me and I love you”

“I love you too”

We part ways.

19 (I love you all Happy New year.Next insert sometime next year😂)

I am excited for Jolene to come over and see how I have been living. I love Lwazi and all but I do
need my best friend to be a part of whatever new changes that have occurred these last few
months. Lwazi says he spoke to Mandisa and I will be moving in with her Sunday, it’s Friday and I am
dying with anxiety. Lwazi insists she doesn’t have an issue with me but I know it’s not true, I have a
feeling she is only doing this because Lwazi forced her but I feel better living with her than shacking
up with Lwazi. I need to not worry too much about this right now, Jo, Max, Steven and Gabi are
coming over for drinks so I am cleaning up. Lwazi has a lady that come once in a while to clean but I
don’t feel comfortable sitting back and waiting for her, I am already living here rent free and not
contributing whatsoever.

Lwazi went out to buy liquor for everyone his friends will be joining us as well, I do hope there is no
drama. I get a call from Minx;

“Hey girl” She shouts

“Hi love” I reply

“We are at the shops, what should I get for us?”

“Lwazi is buying liquor so that’s sorted, maybe you can get snacks” I say

“Okay what do white people snack with, I will get some biltong what else”

I crack up in laughter.

“Minx don’t be silly man but I would love some biltong hey”

“See I know these things, I want your friends to be comfortable mos”

“It’s okay don’t sweat it Minx but I am nervous hey”

“Even me friend”

“Too many personalities, Boni annoys me and Khathaza is unpredictable so I hope none of your
friends have drama”

“I hope so too Minx…please get me some gum love”

“Done see you just now”

We hang up.

I wear a pair of high waist jeans and a white lacy crop top that Minx made me buy. I just wear flip
flops we will be indoors anyway. Lwazi comes in humming, I walk over to the kitchen and he places
all the plastic bags on the counter and walks over to me.
“Baby” He kisses me

“Babe, I missed you”

“Really, imagine how much you will miss me when you are living with Mandisa. Are you sure you
want to move out Amoh” He holds me tighter

“I am baby”

He grunts.

“I will visit you whenever I can”

“You mean every weekend, we will have date night every Friday and I will come see you after work
every day”

“Baby I will be working and studying I won’t a lot of spare time”

His faces changes to a worried look.

“Promise me something” He says

“Anything”

“Promise we won’t grow apart when you are rich and making your own money”

“Arg fok” I punch him and he laughs loudly

Minx and Sticks are the first to arrive as per norm and Jo has texted me that they are here.

“Relax babe, why are you so nervous” Minx says

“Have a drink baby” Lwazi hands me a beer

“So do your friends know how to speak any Zulu, phela we can’t speak English the whole night”
Sticks comments

“Shut up Sticks” Lwazi shuts him up

Jo and Steven walk in first and Max and Gabi follow closely.

“Hello guys” they all greet and settle next to us

“So this is where you’ve been hiding Manda” Jo says smiling

“To think it’s all because I dragged Lwazi to come to the pub with me that night” Max says fist
bumping Lwazi

“I owe you one Max” Lwazi says

“I thought it was weird when you insisted on hanging out with us again, since you never hang with
us” Steven says

“So are you going to introduce us to your other friends” Gabi interrupts

You can always count in her to bring the sourness.

“Arg where are my manners, Guys this is Sticks and Minx… Sticks, Minx that is Jo my best friend
that’s Steven her boyfriend and that is Gabi and Max” I say
“I have met Max before but nice to meet the rest of you” Sticks says

“Yeah so Gabi, how long have you and Max been dating” Minx asks

“Since High school, he is my first everything” She says before kissing him

“Sweet listen guys let me get you some drinks, beer okay we also have wine and vodka for later”
Lwazi says standing up

“Yes please” Steven raises his arm

The guys are all chilling outside and laughing loudly over beers and Jo, Gabi, Minx and I are inside
chatting as well, Gabi is behaving thank God. A knock on the door interrupts us and I walk up and
open, Jabs and Boni join us, at least she brought food. The first half of the night goes by with no
hitches and we all decide to take the party elsewhere, the apartment is too small for this party. We
all uber to Khathaza’s house and there we find him with Thabo. I am happy to see Thabo as usual as
I’ve grown fond of him, I don’t pay Khathaza too much attention since he insists on being a dick most
of his life.

“I think we should roll some blunts and get this party shifted to another dimension” Max says

“I second that boet” Steven comments

“Have you got grass?” Thabo asks

“Is the sky blue?” Steven chuckles

“Then roll it up my bru” Lwazi shouts

Boni and Gabi seem to be getting along for some reason but I guess I shouldn’t be surprised I guess
they have a lot in common, being a cold bitch is a full time job and I guess they need to consult from
time to time. All the guys are sitting together except for Khathaza who is in deep conversation with
Jolene, what’s that about.

“Let’s play a party game” I think Gabi is drunker than everyone here

“A game?” Sticks has a confused look on his face, okay we are all pretty buzzed

“Yeah like ping pong” Jo screams from the kitchen

“I’m down for a game but maybe something else” Lwazi adds

“Like spin the bottle?” Sticks asks

“AHHH Sticks” The guys all say before laughing and cursing him

“Let’s play never have I ever” I say

“Never have I what?” that’s Minx

“So Jo and Khathaza grab the tequila it’s about to get lit” I say

“Go Manda” Steven and Max scream, they are so cute

It’s funny because I start to notice the cultural differences spending time with both sides. There are
those few culture clashes.
“So the game works this way, I will go first and say never have I ever… and then finish the sentence
and then anyone who has done whatever I’ve said must take a shot”

“What?” Jabs exclaims

“For example, never have I ever had tequila… I obviously have had tequila and anyone else who’s
had it must take a shot… but you would generally say something you haven’t done unless you want
to take a shot each time it’s you turn” I narrate

I explain a few times for the one’s who have never played until everyone is on the same page. Then
the game begins, Jolene opens up the game.

“Never have I ever had sex in a public place”

Everyone takes a shot except for me, Lwazi kisses my cheek and I push him back rolling my eyes.

“My turn” Steven says

“Never have I ever had anal sex”

Everyone laughs when Khathaza and Thabo take a shot, I shake my head and Thabo with a
disapproving look on my face and he shrugs apologetically.

“Thabo you are not the person I thought you were” I shout at him and they all laugh

“Okay okay my turn” He says

“Never have I ever had a threesome”

This one surprises me, Khathaza takes a shot, no surprise there, Thabo takes one, Minx and Sticks
both do and Max. Gabi looks like she just swallowed poison.

“My turn” She says

“Never have I ever had sex with a black guy” She says

She had to go there, I shake my head as I take a shot all the ladies except for her and Jo drink up.
Khathaza gives Jo a look and she blushes, what is up with these two.

The rest of the night is a blur but we all decide to spend the night because the gang won’t be able to
drive home. Khathaza’s place is a four bedroom house so we all manage to find a place to sleep.
Steven and Max pass out on the couch, Gabi and Boni decide to have a bedroom for themselves.
While Jo, Minx and I all squeeze into one bed. I am not sure where everyone else sleeps.

I think I am the first to wake up in this house, I don’t want to wake them up. For whatever reason I
have no hangover just super thirsty. I use the mouthwash and I wash my face before heading to the
kitchen. I am surprised to find Khathaza already up making a smoothie, this won’t be awkward at all.

“Good morning” I mumble

“Morning” He says curtly

This guy though, why is he like this.

I drink a few glasses of water and he is watching me intently.

“What?” I ask him

“Would you like some coffee or juice?” He asks, his face doesn’t look too interested

“Coffee please” I say

He makes me a cup of coffee and places it in front of me when he is done.

“Thank you”

He nods and sits in front of me and stares at me, really man…

“So Khathaza…interesting name what does it mean? I make small talk

“It means to tire out…”

“I’m not sure I get it”

“I’m sure you don’t, it means I exhaust”

“But who are you exhausting?”

“The enemy, anything really… even you if you want”

“You are a special kind of case aren’t you?”

“You have no idea” he smiles

Okay I get the fascination, he has something that draws you to him, but he wouldn’t be my type I
decide, too much admin.

“So” He says

“Do you think you will ever go back?” he is smirking

“Go back where?”

“Once you go black you never go back” He smiles a full glossy smile and I smile back

“Good one”

20

Khathaza winks at me and walks away, he is a character this one but I feel like he won’t so much of a
dick anymore.

After a big breakfast we all go our separate ways. I wish Jo could’ve stayed longer but unfortunately
Steven wanted her to go watch him perform at some club.

I am sitting in the lounge with Lwazi, Sakhile and Mandisa in the room, the tension is high.

“Mandisa this is my girlfriend I love and care for her, she will be paying for her own food and
electricity and I expect you to treat her with respect this isn’t ideal for both of you and I get it but
right now Amanda needs us to support her”

Mandisa has zero emotions, she keeps typing on her phone and stealing glances at me. I can’t
believe I am going to live with this evil bitch. I have made peace with it however because I really
don’t want to have to find myself living like a madam in this man’s place. Sakhile is here to mediate I
guess.

“Mandisa did you hear that, your brother talking to you?” Sakhile says with authority
“Yes” She mumbles

“Excuse me I didn’t get that?” Lwazi adds

“Yes I hear you brother, I am cool with it as long as she stays out of my way” She says still on her
phone

“No one is asking you guys to be best friends but you will respect her because if you don’t, you have
me to deal with, are we clear Mandisa?” Sakhile says

“Yes we are”

“Alright baby would you like to add anything?” Lwazi looks at me

I shake my head.

“Alright let’s go then” Sakhile gets up

We get to the complex and Lwazi was right it’s super close to his and that makes me feel much
better. The place is really beautiful, I must hand it to her she has style. The décor is white and pink,
pink vases and pink flowers everywhere. Lwazi drags my suitcase to where my room will be, Sakhile
is also carrying some of my things. My room is spacious and the linen is white, I’m scared to even sit
on the bed.

“Baby” Lwazi says

“Yes love” I feel a bit emotional

“”Don’t be sad, this is what you wanted” He says

“No Lwazi this is not what I wanted, I want to be home with my parents and not feel like my dad
hates me or like my mom is unhappy all the time” I start crying

He cradles me and shushes me until I calm down.

“Amanda I know you are not where you want to be but right now all we want is for you to be safe
and loved. I will do my best to love you baby and I promise I will fix this trust me okay…everything is
going to be okay, I promise” He kisses me

I am finally alone in this apartment, Lwazi and Sakhile left a while back and shortly after Mandisa
also left. I use the time to walk around and check the space out. I smell the flowers on the kitchen
counter. They look fresh still, I open the fridge and there is hardly any food here, green stuff and a
lot of bottled water, I sigh. I have some money but I don’t know if it will be enough including
transport, lord take over.

I walk into the living room, there are pillows and candles everywhere and the place smells really girly
and pretty. I open the sliding door which leads to a wide balcony and I look out onto the busy street,
I miss the sea view at Lwazi’s I wonder what he is doing. I walk back in and decide to sneak upstairs
and check this one’s room out. I think Mandisa is a neat freak, her room is spotless and the bed
immaculately made. She must have a PhD in bed making.

Her closet, my bottom jaw is on the ground. The rails of clothing are endless and color coded, the
shoes holy shit does this girl own a pair of flat shoes. The place looks like a department store, I shake
my head and walk out before she catches me snooping. I need to figure out this whole grocery story
plus I start work tomorrow. I unpack and after I’m done I hear from the kitchen knock on the door,
do I open or not…

I open the door and no one is there, strange…

“Waaaaah” A scream startles me

“Lwazi man” I shout at him and he is laughing loudly

“Baby you are such a baby” He says

“What are you even doing here?”

“I’ve got groceries for my girls” He says

Sakhile walks in with a few plastic bags of groceries;

“Lwazi go down there’s more stuff in the car

man” Sakhile complains

“Lwazi” I whisper

“Yes baby” he pulls me to the side

“You didn’t have to buy me groceries” I look up at him

“It’s not me, Sakhile bought it for you and Mandisa” He says smiling

“You are lying” I smile back

“I’m not baby ask him, and tell him you don’t

want it” He frowns

“Whatever man” I push him

He laughs and kisses me.

“Thank you” I say to him

“My pleasure baby”

I made dinner and we are eating in Mandisa’s lounge, she is still AWOL but we are not complaining.

“Baby, what’s your schedule for tomorrow?” Lwazi asks nibbling his chicken, my man loves food guys

“Well I have campus till three then I start my shift from five to one in the morning” I say

He takes a huge sigh and places the chicken bone in his plate, I know he is upset because he likes to
chew his bones.

“Are you done with that chicken bone baby?” I ask him

“No baby you know I’m not done, don’t change the subject” He says with a serious face

“I need this job boo”

“No you don’t, you need to concentrate on school and maybe when we are ready we will go back
home together and speak to your parents” He says
“I don’t know about us going there together Lwazi”

“You are definitely not going back alone, I’m sorry” He says

“We will cross that bridge when we get to it” I sigh

“You are not going to cope with this job and school love and if you start failing I’m going to be very
angry”

I can’t take Lwazi seriously sometimes and right now I want to laugh at him.

“You will be angry baby?” I ask smiling

“Yes very very angry” He says slowly, he’s also smiling now

“How angry?”

“As angry as I am at this chicken bone” He says picking it up, I am laughing loudly

“Do your thing baby” I watch him

“I’m scared Amanda” he has a straight face and I am red from laughing

“What are you scared of?” I am out of breathe

“The things I am about to do to it, it doesn’t even know what’s coming baby” He breaks the bone
and closes his eyes as he chews on it slowly

“How do you feel?”

“I feel like a man who just got the juice, the chicken bone juice” He kisses me

Mandisa walks in with countless shopping bags, really as if she needs anymore clothes.

“Evening” she says

We greet back and I walk Lwazi to his car.

“Baby I will drive you to campus as usual and then I will order you an uber to work and I will fetch
you later but we need to make a plan I can’t fetch you at odds time of the nigh all the time baby”

“No it’s cool, Minx offered to bring me back

baby”

“I don’t know about that let me think about it”

“You don’t need to think, it’s my decision” I say

“I won’t argue with you because I am full and happy so I will just give you a kiss and tell you I love
you and goodnight”

And that’s what he does.

I get to the building twenty minutes before five, I am tired already and the guy standing in front of us
is telling us about the company and what our training entails. By the time I knock off I am dead tired
and sleepy, Minx has adjusted to the schedule I guess.

“Don’t worry you get used to the shifts” She says turning up the radio
Lwazi texts me to find out where I am, I promise to call him as soon as I get to the apartment.

Minx drops me off and I walk in, I shower and throw myself in bed.

I am woken up by my ringing phone, who is calling me, arg!

I pick up.

“Hello”

“Don’t tell me you’re still sleeping Amanda I’m outside, you have campus” He says

Oh hell no.

“No Lwazi I’m tired, please leave I need to sleep”

“Amanda” He says firmly

“Please baby, I need to sleep”

“Sleep, we will talk after work” He says before hanging up

I wake up after twelve damn I was tired, this isn’t going to work for me I don’t know how I will cope.
I make the bed, I am not used to this bedroom as yet it’s too big and I miss my man’s room. After
bathing I walk into the kitchen and find Mandisa sitting on the kitchen stools, this is going to be
awkward.

“Good morning” I croak

She looks at her wrist watch before answering.

“Good Day”

Arg whatever bitch.

I clear my throat and I make a bowl of cereal and walk back to my room, doesn’t she work or
something. I scroll down my call log and look at my mom’s number, I call her.

“Hello” She says

“Ma”

“Yes Manda” She says sounding annoyed

“I miss you Ma”

“Come home then”

“I can’t Ma, not while Pa is still the same”

“Are you seriously choosing this boy over your flesh and blood?”

“I am not choosing him Ma, I just don’t want to come home if Pa still there Ma you have to leave
him”

“Amanda Botha your dad is not a bad person you just need to stop pushing his buttons, what did you
expect him to do welcome a black man into his daughters life. I wouldn’t have allowed it even if he
did” She shouts
“My dad is not a bad person, Ma he beats you all the time how long are you going to stay in a
marriage that has no love?” I am crying now

“What do you know about love Manda, you think shacking up with that boy for a few weeks means
you know what relationships are like…don’t make the mistake of judging me when you haven’t
walked a mile in my shoes”

“I am not judging you Ma but at some point you need to make a decision before he kills you”

There is a brief moment of silence.

“Ma ek is lief vir jou” (I love you)

“Ook ek” (Me too)

“I am not shacking up with him, I’m living with a friend”

“What friend, Jo is the only friend you have Manda”

“I’m living with his sister”

“Amanda honey please don’t do this, you are living with these people now?”

“These people?”

“You know what I mean”

“Ma I just wanted to check up on you, I have to go”

She doesn’t say anything so I hang up. I never thought my relationship with my mom would come to
this. I send Craig an email and I go back to bed and cry my eyes out.

There’s a knock on the door, I walk to the bathroom and wash my face and the person is still
knocking. I am assuming it’s Mandisa because Lwazi wouldn’t knock like this. I open the door and
she is standing in there in her sky high heels, she is so extra.

“Yes” I say

“Uhm Lwazi wanted me to check up on you, I told him you have been crying for hours” She says
typing on her phone

“I am okay you don’t need to report everything back to him” I respond

She chews on her gum slowly and finally stops staring down at her phone and her big eyes find mine,
she really is gorgeous pity her personality stinks.

“You look ugly out on some eye liner or something, my brother is coming” She walks away

I realize my phone was on silence the whole day and I didn’t bother checking to see if he has called. I
hope he isn’t mad but I don’t have the energy to care.

I hear his voice from the lounge, I push my hair behind my ear and I cuddle the pillow. He walks in
and I can immediately sense that he is pissed.

21
There’s a knock on the door. I walk to the bathroom and wash my face and the person is still
knocking. I am assuming it’s Mandisa because Lwazi wouldn’t knock like this. I open the door and
she is standing in there in her sky high heels, she is so extra.

“Yes” I say

“Uhm Lwazi wanted me to check up on you, I told him you have been crying for hours” She says
typing on her phone

“I am okay you don’t need to report everything back to him” I respond

She chews on her gum slowly and finally stops staring down at her phone and her big eyes find mine,
she really is gorgeous pity her personality stinks.

“You look ugly put on some eye liner or something, my brother is coming” She walks away

I realize my phone was on silence the whole day and I didn’t bother checking to see if he has called. I
hope he isn’t mad but I don’t have the energy to care.

I hear his voice from the lounge, I push my hair behind my ear and I cuddle the pillow. He walks in
and I can immediately sense that he is pissed.

“The whole night and the whole day?” the look he is giving me, I don’t know this version of my Lwazi

“I spoke to my mom and I was…”

“Ey stop, listen here Miss Botha I know you are going through some things and I understand that but
please don’t take it out on me. I am here Amanda trying to be as supportive as I can and all I ask is
for you to meet me halfway. Is it too much to ask that you return my calls timeously?”

I don’t say anything, what do I say to that?

“Answer me when I ask you a question” he says firmly

“No it’s not but Lwazi you need to understand that I don’t always want to talk. I’m not like you I
don’t like talking all the time” I snap

“So now I talk too much?”

“That’s not what I said, I just…”

“No actually don’t explain, leave it…are you going to work tonight?”

“I don’t know my body is sore, I think I’m coming down with something” I start crying

“Okay” he turns around and heads for the door

“Baby” I sniff

He looks back at me with annoyance.

“Where are you going?”

“I am not going to entertain that performance of yours, besides I talk too much so I’ll leave you in
peace, shap”

He walks out and shuts the door behind him. I walk to the window and I see him speed off.
I feel like shit, I woke up around six in the morning feeling like a truck hit me. I had to call in sick on
my second day at work. Minx called me a hot mess but I really am not feeling well. My throat is
painful, my body aches and I feel weak. I won’t even start with the sneezing and runny nose. I am
alone today and I haven’t eaten the whole morning, Lwazi hasn’t contacted me since last night. I
need him right now and he is giving me the cold shoulder. I am not used to answering to someone
and when I am emotional I just want to shut out the world Lwazi doesn’t seem to understand that. I
find painkillers on one of the kitchen cabinets, I take two and go back to bed.

It’s the second day without Lwazi and physically I feel worse. I am dressed and going to the mall to
see a doctor. There aren’t any taxis in the area so I have to walk to the mall. It isn’t too far but I am
don’t really have the energy. I want to text Lwazi and tell him I’m still sick but my pride won’t let me.

The sun is scorching hot so that doesn’t help, the walk to the gate alone has exhausted me. I walk
slowly until I get to the mall, luckily the doctor’s rooms aren’t too full. I get an injection and some
medication and I go to the supermarket and buy some oranges and ginger tea.

I walk back and I make it in one piece.

I can’t believe Lwazi has been ignoring me for three days, now I am just pissed. He left me with his
rude sister and he doesn’t even check up on me. I am very angry at him. The injection must have
helped because I feel better although I am still home, I can’t go to school or work in his condition. I
miss my mom.

Mandisa is in the lounge with some guy, wait he looks familiar.

“Thabo” I say

He turns around and smiles.

“Amanda, wait you look sick” he walks towards me and hugs me

“I’ve got the flu” I say

“Aw man, look at you don’t you look cute with you red nose”

I giggle

“Thabo are you here for me or for the cry baby?” Mandisa says

Thabo laughs and sits next her, they are sitting very close to each other and are whispering and
giggling. I wonder what the story is there. I eat my sandwich in my room and stalk Lwazi on
whatsapp, he is online who is he even talking to. I call Minx, I need a pick me up.

“Stranger” She shouts

“My girl, what’s happening?”

“Are you still sick?”

“Yeah”

“Askies baby, you sound so sad”

“Lwazi is not talking to me and I kinda miss him”

“Why isn’t he talking to you, that’s unlike him?”

“Well we just had a bit of a tiff and I might have insinuated that he talks a lot”

Minx laughs loudly.

“Amanda man poor Lwazi, he does love to speak” She laughs

“Anyway I am feeling down and I wanted to cheer up, how about ice cream?”

“Ice cream Manda aren’t you sick, anyway I wish I could babe but I can’t Sticks is sulking here as well
and I don’t want to upset him even more, he is complaining I go out too much”

“You do go out a lot friend”

“Whatever he knew who I was before dating me”

“True”

“Listen feel better this weekend we can watch a movie and have dinner on me”

“Okay thanks, send my greetings to Sticks”

We hang up.

I text Jo back and forth, she emails me some readings for psychology that I need to go through
before the lecture tomorrow. I get an email from Craig, he will call me when he can, hopefully
sometime this year. A knock on the door, gosh what does she want now? I open the door…

“Mandisa” I say

“Thabo and I are going to dinner he wants to know if you would like to join us” She says this while
she types on her phone, one day if we ever get along I will ask her who she is always texting

“No thanks I’m okay”

“Great” She walks away

I shake my head and I go back to catching up with school. I might need to consider going back home
because I don’t see myself going back to work, Lwazi was right I won’t cope. I work on my
assignments until the early hours of the night and when I go to whatsapp Lwazi is online. I check the
time and it’s past three.

That’s it…I’m calling him

He answers on the first ring.

“Amoh”

Amoh my foot.

“Why aren’t you sleeping?” I ask him

“I can’t sleep, what’s wrong are you okay?” He asks

“No I’m not, I’m sick please come and fetch me” I say

“I’m coming” He says and hangs up

Well that was easy.

‘I’m outside’ a text from Lwazi

I pack a bag and make my way to his car, he is playing that house song I like. I missed him so much.

“Hi” I say as I enter the car

“Hey”

We stare at each other for a while then he takes my hand and kisses it.

“I’m sorry Lwazi, I shouldn’t have shut you out”

“I accept your apology and I also apologize for disappearing but I trust you got the message”

He looks serious

“I did, now please stop frowning I don’t like angry Lwazi”

He smiles.

“Come here baby” I get tingles

We kiss until we are out of breathe.

“I missed you so much” He says pulling back

“I missed you more”

“I missed you most” He says and places a long wet kiss on my lips, Lwazi’s lips are so big and soft.

“Let’s get out of here” I say

When we get to his apartment Lwazi has his hands all over me and I’m not complaining, he picks me
up and places me on top of the kitchen counter. He removes my jacket and starts kissing my neck,
my head is thrown back and I am breathing heavily. Before I know it my jeans and panties are on the
floor and his head is buried between my thighs and he is driving me crazy right now. He springs back
up and clenches his jaw and I lose my shit, he gives my breasts some attention before turning me
around and ramming me from the back. “Lwazi” I scream in ecstasy, my face is on the marble
counter and ass is up in the air and Lwazi is fucking me, I think I like it better rough. Holy shit that
was awesome.

I have been living with Mandisa for a few weeks now and although she is a cold bitch, we have been
able to coexist. I never went back to work, Lwazi still gives me a hard time about it till this day but
not in a bad way more in a ‘I told you so’ way. I have accepted that for now I am a kept woman and
he loves it. There has been some interaction with my mom but she asked that I don’t call her
because Pa doesn’t want anything to do with me. Craig ended up calling me and we spoke for hours,
I told him everything that went down between Pa and Lwazi and he supports my decision to leave,
he even started sending me money because he doesn’t want me to be a burden to Lwazi.

I think it’s sweet of him but Lwazi refuses to take the money so I use it to buy groceries since I refuse
to take money from Lwazi. So I attend on campus Lwazi fetches me most days and drops me off at
Mandisa’s then weekends I am at his place. My friendship with Jolene isn’t the same anymore I try
my best and so does she I think but there is still a disconnect maybe I am too consumed with Lwazi
and his life.
It’s Friday and Lwazi has a boy’s night with Sakhile, Mthobisi and Mbuso. Minx is AWOL so I am stuck
home with the ice queen. Hopefully she leaves soon, we are both sitting in the lounge. I am reading
one of her magazines and she is on her phone, I have to ask;

“Mandisa” I speak

She looks up at me with her big round eyes.

“Yes” she says with a frown

“Why are you always on your phone, like don’t you get tired?”

“I’m a social butterfly so I have a lot of people that want to talk to me” She says twisting her weave
with her long manicured nails

“Do you ever just sit and think without constantly checking your phone?”

“Why would I do that that sounds depressing…?”

I give up.

“Never mind” I say

She looks down then looks up at me again.

“So where is your man, why are you here asking me silly questions on a Friday night?”

“He has a night out with the brothers, I will see him tomorrow” I say

“Yeah right, he will be here after he gets sloshed and of course you will be here like the good girl you
are waiting for him” She raises her perfectly orchestrated eye brow

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“It means I get it, your family sucks and they don’t like him but where are your friends and why
aren’t you out with them, guys don’t like it when we make them the center of their lives, you need
to keep him on his toes” She stares at me

“Keep him on his toes?”

“Yes Miranda, maybe start by investing more time on your appearance and going out without him
more” She says

“My name is Amanda”

“Whatever, do you plan on sitting here reading the whole night while he is living it up wherever he
is?”

“Well yes I don’t have plans tonight”

She looks at me for a while, like she is having a mental conversation with herself;

“There is a private party at Club 1 tonight and I am friends with the owner, you can tag along if you
promise not to annoy me the whole night” She says

“No thanks” I say

“Are you sure, the lineup is epic” She says pouting

I think about it, maybe I should go and bond with her I know she’s a bitch but I kind of like her,
besides she’s my boyfriend’s sister.

“Okay I’ll come” I smile

“Great well go make yourself look pretty, I’m already made up just need to change” She says in her
monotone voice

I stare at her smiling, she really is something else. I think I have a girl crush on her.

“Earth to Miranda, go hurry I don’t like waiting” She says

I laugh and head to my room.

“Is that what you are wearing?” She eyes me as I walk out

“Yes, what’s wrong with what I’m wearing” I look at myself

“Nothing but if you are going to be seen with me then you need to level up, you don’t want to be the
DUFF now do you?”

“DUFF?”

“Designated ugly fat friend” She says sipping her glass of red wine

“I’m not fat or ugly” I frown

“You don’t have to be, it’s a metaphor anyway come show me what’s in your little closet, we must
find something else”

Mandisa is just annoying me now, Minx helped me choose this dress and I think it’s cute she is just
being extra and making me regret agreeing to this.

“Here” She says

“The dress I wore before was fine Mandisa” I say

“If you want to look like Minx then yes” She says pouting

“What does is that supposed to mean?”

“It means if you were going for the look of a retired hooker turned call center assistance than you
nailed it” She sips her wine and smiles

“Leave I want to change”

She rolls her eyes and leaves me to change into these denim shorts and this loose peach top, judging
from that last comment Mandisa doesn’t like Minx too much. I wear these nude heels I’ve never
worn. I hope I will last the whole night with these. I apply some make-up and I text Lwazi to let him
know, he immediately calls me back;

“Baby” I answer

“Where are you off to now?” He’s been drinking

“Mandisa is taking me to Club 1”

“I am glad you guys are getting along but please take care of yourself baby but Mandisa is a lady you
should be fine. Will you be drinking?” He asks

“I think so”

“Okay, you guys must take an uber please and have fun baby, I will check up on you ladies later”

“Okay baby, have fun”

“Love you baby” He says

“I love you too, bye”

A message comes through a few minutes after we speak on the phone, he sent me money, R5000 to
be exact. I am not going to complain not today. I know he only does it because he cares for me and
wants to make sure I am okay, I don’t particularly enjoy it but I am not going to complain about
getting money either. Mandisa is wearing a skin tight olive jumpsuit which looks amazing against her
skin complexion and I could’ve sworn her hair was darker and shorter, oh well…I’m ready.

22

The club is not packed and I can tell it’s a private party. The crowd is very upper class and there are a
few celebrities as well. The bouncer hugs Mandisa and I see what she meant about being a social
butterfly, everyone knows her which is awkward because she is stopping to hug and greet everyone
while I stand behind her. We are escorted to the VVIP section upstairs and her crew screams as we
approach.

“Guys this is Miranda” She says

“Amanda” I correct her

“Oh yes Amanda”

“Nice to meet you” They scream

I settle down and the drinks start flowing, I am listening in on the conversation and it’s safe to say I
have no valuable contribution to this discussion. I am clueless on current trends and gossip and I
don’t know any of the people they speak of but apparently they are well known. I have become
better acquainted with some of Mandisa’s friends and they are a fun group, they keep asking me
what it’s like to be with a black guy.

“But you caught a big fish, Lwazi is hot and he’s one of the good ones” the gay guy comments

Yes, he told me he was gay so I know for a fact he is.

“I consider myself lucky he’s great” I blush

“Whooo shame, you are in love girl” the other girl says

“Leave the poor girl alone” Mandisa says

“Hey guys” a voice behind me screams

Thabo.

“Thabo” I smile

He hugs us and before I can get a word in

Mandisa pulls him to the side, there is definitely something happening between them. I can’t hide
the annoyance when I spot Boni walking towards us, her tits are practically hanging out of her top.

“Hi Amanda” she says

“Hi Boni” I smile back

“Fancy seeing you here, I didn’t think this was your kind of vibe” She says looking up and down at me

I decide not to even answer I settle down next to Thabo and Mandisa who are now sitting hand in
hand. Boni joins us unfortunately. We are drinking dancing and having fun, it’s always fun hanging
out with Thabo, he is forcing me to dance and the liquor has sunk in so I am complying.

Lwazi texts me and asks me if we are still here and I respond.

“So Amanda are you comfortable with Lwazi going out without you?” Boni asks looking at me

“Why wouldn’t I be?” I say bitterly

“Well knowing Lwazi, old habits die hard” She says

“And what’s that supposed to mean Boni?” I ask her

“I just mean Lwazi likes girls and with alcohol involved well you know how guys are”

“Boni stop it, you’re embarrassing yourself” Mandisa snaps

“By telling the truth, we all know that he cheated on his last partner and he gets very flirtatious
when he is drunk, even with me” She smiles

“Boni listen I don’t know what you are trying to do but it’s not going to work, Lwazi is only your
friend he has never desired to be anything more trust me I know you aren’t his type so do us a favor
and shut the hell up before I step on your face with this Giuseppe heel” Mandisa says firmly

I am shook. I want to speak but I don’t find the words, Boni is miserable and her attempts to come
between Lwazi and I are not going to work. How cool was it of Mandisa to take my side, I knew she
liked me deep down. Thabo is smiling while sipping on his drink but he doesn’t say anything, Boni
leaves with her tail between her legs.

“Don’t worry about her Miranda, she is fucking Khathaza but still manages to think Lwazi will fall in
love with her, even if she had a chance with my brother of which she never had, she

blew it when she fucked his best friend”

Mandisa is mad

Before I can comment, Lwazi walks in with his brothers, everyone greets them and Lwazi comes
straight to me and picks me up into his embrace. I cling on to him tighter than I normally would, if
Boni thinks she will scare me away from this she is out of her damn mind.

“I missed you so much” He says before kissing me

I push him away when the kiss heats up.

“Are you having fun?” he sits down and I sit on his lap

“I am but now more than before” I admit

“I know baby I can’t seem to have fun without you, don’t get me wrong I had a great time but I kept
on thinking about my baby” He nuzzles my neck

“I love you” I kiss his nose

“I love you more baby” He kisses me

“Oh Lwazi you’re here” Boni just doesn’t give up

“What’s up homie?” Lwazi says holding me tighter and I see Boni squirm

“Not even a hug?” She says

“Come on Boni the love of my life is in my arms right now, chill” He says

This girl has taken too many hits in one night but it seems I spoke to soon because Jabs and Khathaza
walk in with two girls on their arms, Boni’s face. I don’t get her who does she like? and what is her
plan in life.

Lwazi’s hands are brushing my thighs sensually and it’s taken me somewhere else, my head is buried
in his neck and my eyes are closed.

“Baby” He says

“Hmm” I murmur

“I would like to take you home now and show you just how much I love you” He says, I look up at
him and smile

“I thought you would never ask”

We leave everyone behind and Mandisa is back to her cold self. I am glad my roommate had my
back tonight and now I look forward to going back to my man’s place for some loving, Mandisa will
see me Sunday night shame.

Saturday morning I wake up to Lwazi on the phone and he seems a bit disturbed, he hangs up and
looks over at me with a face I haven’t seen, he is sad and scared.

“Baby what’s wrong?” I rush to his side

“We need to get home, there is an emergency family meeting and I feel like they are hiding
something from me” He says staring at his phone

“Who was on the phone?”

“Dad, and he never calls” He says looking up at me

“Just shower quickly and go baby, I will wait here” I say

“No you are coming with Amoh”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, you probably need your privacy”

“I need you there baby” He says with a shaky voice breaking my heart

“Okay baby come let’s shower” I take his hand

The drive to the Mkhize mansion is full of tension to say the least. Lwazi is distracted and I can tell he
is already thinking of the worst. I wish I knew what to say right now, he always manages to say the
right thing but I am not good at comforting people. I take his hand and squeeze it and he squeezes it
back and gives me a lazy smile.

We park next to the string of cars outside and I spot Mandisa’s Mercedes as well, whatever it is the
whole family was called. Lwazi is walking quickly in front of me, he has long legs and my short legs
can’t keep up. We get to the living room and everyone is seated looking sad, I feel a bit awkward
being here but what else is a girl to do when the man emotionally blackmails her.

Asanda gets up and runs to Lwazi and hugs him tightly. I notice then that Zodwa is crying softly and
Sizile isn’t around but there are two other little girls and a young boy. I sit next to Mbuso who pulls
me in for a side hug. Lwazi is next to Zodwa.

“Yindaba sis wami, ukhalelani?” He says holding her (What’s wrong my sister, why are you crying?)

“Lwazi” She cries harder

“What’s wrong someone tell me why my sister is crying?”

“Son, there was an accident” Mr. Mkhize speaks

Oh no.

“Sabelo was killed in a car accident this morning” He says

“What, no… how?” Lwazi’s voice is shaking

“We don’t know the details as yet but he is gone, Sizile is sleeping she was too upset we had to
medicate her and put her to bed” He says

Zodwa lets out a loud cry and it breaks my heart, Mandisa gets up and walks over to her kneels in
front of her and holds her as she cries with her. All three of them are holding each other crying, I
can’t tell if my man is crying or not but I have to hold back my own tears as I watch them. Asanda is
in Mbuso’s lap and Mr. and Mrs. Mkhize are also holding each other. They stay like that for a while
until Zodwa gets up and walks upstairs with her mother following her.

The two little girls are Aphiwe who is five and Anele who is two both are Mthobisi’s daughters. The
little boy is Thabiso who is ten and is Sakhile’s son. I am outside with the children watching them
play when Mandisa walks out and heads to my direction, I get nervous instantly you never know
with this one.

She sits next to me and doesn’t say anything for a moment than starts speaking;

“Why does life have to be so unfair? Sabelo was a good man. He was broke but he had a good heart
you know, my sister loved him and his daughter…” She breaks down

I don’t know what to do, so I rub her back awkwardly as she cries, she stops after a while and blows
her nose.

“What are you wearing to the funeral?” She suddenly asks me

What?

“Excuse me?” I say

“I mean do you have any outfit in mind, the only good thing about funerals is the fashion I have so
much black shit it’s not even funny”

Is this girl normal, if this wasn’t a serious situation I would laugh.

“Anyway don’t worry black looks good on everyone Miranda you will be fine” She leaves me there
confused as ever, talk about strange

We end up staying the whole day and I have been running after the children most of the time, Lwazi
has been avoiding me. We finally settle down for dinner and everyone is on the long table except for
Zodwa who is upstairs, I haven’t been upstairs and I am anxious to see what it is like. Lwazi sits next
to me but he is still avoiding me, I can tell he is hurt and feeling sad but I don’t know how to comfort
him.

There is a private chef at the Mkhize residence and the food is on another level, I think about my Ma
and Pa and I think about what they are doing, what they are eating tonight as weird as it sounds I
miss them. The family is talking about Sabelo and the kind of person he was and I feel cheated to not
have met him he sounds like a great man. I feel sad for Zodwa she was the nicest to me, she doesn’t
deserve this, no one deserves to lose the love of their lives.

I think about what I would do if I lost Lwazi and I get a sharp pain in my heart. I look at him as he
stuffs his face no matter how sad he gets food is still his first love. I suddenly feel emotional, I love
him so much. I take his hand and he turns and looks at me, I look into his eyes and I stare into the
depths of his soul. He stops eating and stares back at me then he drops his fork and grabs my face
with both hands and places a long wet kiss on my lips.

“Lwazi” His mother reprimands

Everyone giggles, this lightens the mood.

“I apologize” Lwazi says

His dad is looking at us with a smile on his face, he shakes his head before speaking;

“Khabezela” He says (Clan name)

Lwazi is smiling from ear to ear and everyone is suddenly in a better mood, the rest of dinner is
lighter and jokes are thrown here and there.

23

After dinner Lwazi gives me a tour of the mansion.

The house has nine bedrooms and twelve bathrooms, each bedroom has its own bathroom. There is
an indoor pool and Jacuzzi and I am in awe. I cannot believe Lwazi grew up here he is so humble
about his background. He shows me the room that used to be his bedroom, it’s been changed into a
guestroom the size of this room compared to mine is comical. We are on the third and highest floor
and in the theatre room, is this real life guys I actually don’t want to leave this house.

“Do you want to watch a movie?” I ask him

He takes a remote and the room is filled with a 90’s RnB mix and he walks over to me with that face,
the face that says I want to eat you alive. My panties are already damp from the anticipation.

“Baby” He whispers before running his tongue from my neck down to my cleavage
“Hmm Lwazi” I moan

There is something very erotic in this moment, I doubt I will be able to keep my panties on.

He kisses me until my heart is beating out of my chest, Lwazi is such a good kisser and right now he is
doing things to me, I am bewitched by him. He stops and moves a tendril of my curls from my face to
behind my ear.

“Do you know how much I love you Amoh?” the look he is giving me right now is taking my breathe
away

I nod.

“No you don’t” He says

“But I plan on showing you one day soon” He leans down and kisses me again, with more intensity

His hands are under my top in no time and he is humping me and groaning.

“Lwazi wait this is your father’s house, let’s go home” I say

“Uh ha baby I need you right now, no one ever comes here relax” He says biting his lips

Within a flash I am on top of him and we are both naked, I am nervous but horny at the same time.
He pulls something on the side of the chair and it reclines, I feel like I am in charge although I have
no clue what I am actually doing. His fingers are inside me and his thumb plays with my nub, I have
lost all sense of reality and he whispers.

“I want to taste you baby, fuck you look so hot right now” he hisses

I am underneath him in no time and his head is buried between my thighs as he eats me like he is
having his last supper. I scream loudly as I come and he come up with his lips glossy and his eyes
small. He kisses me and I taste myself and I know I want more no I need more. I feel him enter me
and I wince as he fills me up. He is holding me tight and making the same sounds he makes when he
is eating but times ten.

My leg is moved and swung over his shoulder and he fucks me hard just when I feel my orgasm
approach he stops and goes down on me, I scream as I let go of my juices on his face and jerk
uncontrollably. He enters me once more and soon he is also huffing and puffing from his orgasm.

“Amanda” He finally says

“Lwazi” I manage

“I love you baby, I love you very much” He says

‘I love you too Lwazi, thank you for being here for me and protecting me throughout this hard time
in my life, I am so grateful for you. I know I don’t always express to you how I feel but I appreciate
you Lwazi for the person you are and how you make me feel, you have managed to make the worst
time in my life the best time in my life. I love you baby I don’t know how to be here for you right now
but just know that whatever sadness you feel, I feel it with you and I am here for you always”

He takes a breath and closes his eyes, when he opens them there is a tear at the corner of his eye. Is
he crying, my poor baby.

“Thank you baby” He says

“They must be wondering where we are”

“Let them wonder” He says

“Is Zodwa okay, do you think I should go speak to her?” I ask him

“No baby she isn’t okay she doesn’t like to be bombarded you know, let her be and maybe send her
a message than maybe you can speak to her later”

“Okay baby I will do as you say”

“Alright thank you for being here with me babe” He says

“My pleasure my muffin” I kiss him

“Are you ready to go home?” He asks

“I am” I say

“Baby we have been reckless I love you and I want little Amoh’s around everywhere but I want you
to finish school first, we need to go get tested and have you take something so we don’t get
pregnant if you’re not already pregnant”

“What, I’m not pregnant Lwazi I take morning after pills” I pout

“What, from where and how?”

“Jolene told me about it, Lwazi did you seriously think I just chilled and waited for you to tell me how
not to get pregnant. I don’t feel good about the fact that we haven’t tested and you are right we
need to do it but I plan on getting on the injection” I say

“Injection ay baby doesn’t that stay in your system for two years, listen let’s talk about this baby”

“Let’s go home baby” I kiss him

“You are stout baby” he points at me

I stick my tongue at him.

We say our goodbyes and for whatever reason Mandisa hugs me goodbye and I am left shocked, the
other twin doesn’t comply however and his dad gives me warm hug and smile. Mbuso walks us out
and we drive home. We get home, bath and sleep and we spend Sunday in bed talking until he has
to take me back to Mandisa’s place.

The funeral is packed and there are all kinds of different people. The church is double our church
back home and this pastor goes on and on. Lwazi is falling asleep next to me I have to keep pinching
him to wake him up. I am sitting with the Mkhize family and Zodwa and Sizile are seated with
Sabelo’s family. I keep looking at his picture at the front and he looks like he was a good person, I am
sad I didn’t get a chance to meet him. I spot Boni and Jabs together with Khathaza and Thabo as we
make our way to the cemetery.

We are at Zodwa’s home after the burial and Lwazi is consumed by the food on his plate, I shake my
head and poke my chicken, I don’t have much of an appetite funerals make me uneasy. I walk
outside for some fresh air and find Thabo and Khathaza standing and chatting.

“Hey guys” I greet

“Amoh” Thabo smiles

“My future wife” Khathaza winks

I shake my head disapprovingly at him.

“What?” He asks

“Lwazi is going to fuck you up wena” Thabo pushes him playfully

“I’m just putting it out there to the universe, if he fucks up I’m here” He says giving me his usual
sensual look

“Anyway what’s up with Jabs, he is always with Boni” I say as I see them sitting together

Khathaza laughs loudly and Thabo smiles and looks down.

“He likes her but he doesn’t see that Boni only sees him as a friend” Thabo says

“Wow, that sucks for him I guess” I say

“No it’s not he knows her and what she is like but he keeps following her around like a love sick
puppy” Khathaza lights a cigarette

“Well I heard that something went down between you and Boni” I ask him bravely

“Little Amy is getting ballsy I see” He says dragging his cigarette

“Khathaza is a dog, he shouldn’t have slept with her” Thabo comments

“She wanted it, and I gave it to her” He says with no remorse

“So how come she acts like a love sick puppy around Lwazi but still wants the attention from
Khathaza while leading on Jabs” I say

The guys laugh.

“She acts like a love sick puppy you say?” Khathaza asks

“Yeah don’t act like you don’t notice” I say

“Maybe she has a crush on Lwazi because he is sweet” Thabo says

“You are sweet as well Thabo why doesn’t she crush on you?” I look at him

“I don’t know but I don’t want any part of the drama, the only thing I stand by is that Khathaza
shouldn’t have hit, now things are complicated and we are supposed to be family” Thabo speaks

“I don’t have any sisters mina bru and if a lady takes off her clothes and shows me her titties we are
on” Khathaza says

I shake my head.

“One day your whore ways will get you into trouble” Thabo says

“Speaking of trouble, where is your little blonde friend?” Khathaza says looking at me

“Jolene?”

“Yeah that one, now I wouldn’t mind seeing her tits” He says
“Enough Khathaza” Thabo gives him a look

They have a mini conversation in Zulu and all I gather is Thabo asking Khathaza to be more
appropriate around Lwazi’s girlfriend. I decide to leave them and keep my distance from Khathaza
for the rest of the day.

I find Mandisa with some gorgeous short lady in the kitchen, she is wearing a short brown weave I
think and the diamond on her finger is too big to ignore. I walk in and she smiles when she sees me.

“This must be Lwazi’s person” She says

“Yes, Amanda this is Melo Ndlovu she is a good family friend” Mandisa says smiling

You can tell Mandisa is in love with this lady, she is agreeing with everything she says and they are
talking about interior decorating. Melo seems sweet and the little boy in her arms looks identical to
her.

“How old is he?” I ask playing with his cheeks

“He is turning one in two months” She smiles

“He is so adorable and he looks just like you” I say

“Oh everyone says he looks like his dad” She says

A tall sexy man walks into the kitchen and his eyes are fixed on Melo and I immediately can tell it’s
the husband, she was right the child looks more like his father. He kisses her and I blush there is
something about these two, they have a strong chemistry and this man seems to have something
about him even Mandisa is blushing.

“Amanda this is my husband Sfundo” Melo says

He extends his hand and I shake it, oh my!

“Nice to meet you pretty lady” He smiles and I blush

“Baby don’t do that, he is trying to get you to blush” Melo says smiling

“I couldn’t resist” Sfundo says

“Where are SJ and the twins?” Mandisa asks

“They are in Cape Town with Muzi and Charlotte visiting” Mel answers

“I miss them they must visit after they come back” Mandisa and children, I never would have
guessed…

“They will” Mel smiles

“Ladies it was good seeing you all, baby we have to go I have a meeting with TZ later on” Sfundo says

“You and TZ, okay love I’m coming wait for me in the car let me go say good bye to Mr. and Mrs.
Mkhize” Mel says

They kiss again and with that he is off.

Mandisa drags me with her as we walk Melo

out. They are driving a Bentley, Melo promises to take us out to lunch soon and we watch them
speed off.

“Talk about couple goals” Mandisa says

“Right” I say

She smiles and we walk back to the house and we find Zodwa in the living room with Sizile and
Thabiso next to her on the couch. I sit next to them and give her a smile, she smiles back and I feel
much better knowing that she will be okay in time.

I am so glad final exams are done and I can take a break from going to school. It’s been eight months
since I started dating Lwazi and five months since that night I left home and they practically
disowned me. Lwazi’s dad called me last week and asked me to come and see him today and I have
been nervous since then. What could he possibly want to say to me, I know he has been super sweet
to me but I don’t know if those are his true feelings towards the relationship. We drive into the big
yards of the Mkhize residence and Lwazi has been quiet since picking me up from campus and I can
tell he’s also nervous.

Mr. Mkhize is sitting in his study with a glass of what looks like whiskey, if we are in the study this
must be serious business. He smiles when he sees us walk in…

24 ( For Lynn Gasa) 😘😘

WARNING: THIS INSERT MIGHT BE OFFENSIVE TO SENSETIVE READERS.

The events that take place in the story are purely fictional. At times the characters might reveal
prejudices and beliefs that the author does not condone. The views and opinions expressed are
purely for educational and entertainment purposes and do not represent the views of the author
and admin. Viewer discretion is advised.

Please be sensetive with your comments.❤❤❤

Mr. Mkhize is sitting in his study with a glass of what looks like whiskey, if we are in the study this
must be serious business. He smiles when he sees us walk in…

“Khabazela…MaBotha” He says with his rich baritone voice

“Mr. Mkhize hi” I say softly

“Dad” Lwazi says curtly

“I’m sorry for disturbing your afternoon kids but

I had to speak to you all about this issue of Amanda’s living arrangements and the issue with your
parents not being supportive of this relationship”

Silence.

“Now I know Amanda that you have been living with Mandisa and I must say I am proud of you two
for not using this opportunity to cohabitate and although I am happy that Amanda is comfortable
living with Mandisa and she is safe which is our priority I do think that we need to fix the root of the
problem and that is your relationship with your parents.

I don’t mean to intrude MaBotha on your personal issues but at the end of the day I am the adult
here and you are my children, Lwazi is my son and he loves you and we all love you as well here at
the Ngunesi household. With that being said I think that it’s time we all went to the Botha home and
ended this once and for all, now Lwazi I know that Amanda’s father beat you up”

Lwazi looks up at him with shock evident in his expression.

“Sakhile told me, he is your brother and he is trying to do what’s best for you and Amanda. Normally
if someone did that kind of thing to my children I would seek revenge on them however this is a
unique situation. We will all drive down to Portland East to your parents’ house tomorrow morning,
we will go there quite early to make sure we find them. We will not alert them because we don’t
them to avoid us. Amanda my son loves you and he has told me this himself, he has never told me
about any other young lady so I am assuming this is serious. For this reason we need to make sure
that if you are staying with Mandisa your parents are aware of this and your father understands that
his actions against Lwazi or his actions against his own daughter will not be tolerated. He needs to
know that you are safe and that we are a good family and Lwazi has your best interests at heart,
maybe when he meets us his heart will be at ease.”

“But dad you don’t understand, that man is crazy” Lwazi says

“Lwazi that man is still your senior and he is still the father of your future wife you need to respect
him regardless of how he has treated you” His dad roars

“Respect is earned Baba” My man says

“What do I always teach you about people Lwazi?” Mr. Mkhize says staring at Lwazi

“How you treat me is your journey, how I react is mine” Lwazi says looking down

“Exactly remember who you are, you are a Mkhize man, Khabezela kama vovo, Gcwabe kay’hlandla,
gubhela, Ngunesi and that means you treat yourself like a gentleman at all times and are always the
bigger man” He says

“Yes sir” Lwazi says

“Amanda do you have any concerns?” He says looking at me

“Mr. Mkhize I just…”

“Please call me dad” He interrupts me and his face softens

“Dad I have no real obligations with your suggestions but I do have concerns” I say

“Speak MaBotha”

“My father is a very difficult man and he is very racist and stubborn I fear that he might disrespect
you and I don’t want you all to be abused by him” I say

“I understand that MaBotha let me assure you one thing us Mkhize men do not bruise easily so don’t
be scared, I appreciate the concern but this is the right thing to do we will decide what the next step
is after speaking to your parents” He says

“Okay Mr. Mkhize”

He raises his brows.

“Dad”

He smiles and I can’t help but smile back.

“We will be there Dad” Lwazi says

“Okay great now are you two joining us for dinner?”

“No dad we have plans for dinner maybe next time” Lwazi says quickly

“Okay go play with other kids” He says before laughing at his own joke

I laugh with him while Lwazi shakes his head.

It’s a Friday night but we are staying in and there is still the tension from the earlier conversation
from his dad. I can tell Lwazi is anxious and so am I but his quietness is making me more nervous.

“Lwazi” he turns and looks at me

“Yes baby” He says

“I need my Lwazi back, you are too quiet” I say

He smiles lazily.

“I apologize baby I am just thinking here”

“I can tell, you’re even breaking a sweat babe” I smile at him

“Shut up” He laughs

“So what are you thinking about baby” I stare at him

“Come here” He says eyeing me

I walk over to him and sit on his lap.

“What’s up baby?” I kiss his cheek

“You know I love you right?” He says

“Yes baby and I you”

“Promise me something” He says

“Anything”

“No matter what happens tomorrow promise me that our love will not be contaminated, whatever
bullshit goes on with our families my love for you will not change and I want to know that yours will
remain the same as well” I’ve never seen Lwazi so serious

“I promise baby” I say

He pulls me in for a kiss.

“Amanda” He says

“Lwazi” I say

“My family isn’t perfect, I am not perfect but I want you to always trust me and if anyone tries to
break us apart please remember these words, the person you know and love is the person I am
everything else is for show”

The last statement scares me and he notices;

“Don’t be scared baby, I just need you to trust in me and trust in my love the rest will sort itself out”
He says

“I trust you baby” I kiss him

The kiss escalated and we end up naked on his living room floor and Lwazi makes love to me. He
takes me to cloud nine and back and I feel our souls connect as he tenderly brings me to an earth
shattering orgasm, damn I am in love.

We are outside of my house and I feel like I am about to shit myself. Lwazi is in a different galaxy
altogether, he hasn’t said a word since we left. The Rolls Royce parks in front of us and Sakhile’s
Range Rover parks as well. I see Mr. Van Rooyen’s curtain being drawn, some things don’t change.
Lwazi jumps out and opens my door for me. Mr. Mkhize walks towards us, someone else is with him
I am guessing an uncle but I’m too nervous to ask.

Sakhile approaches us as well and Zodwa is with him, I haven’t seen her since the funeral, she is
clothed in all black but I think she is doing better because she smiles when she sees me.

Zodwa takes my hand and we all walk into my father’s yard. Mr. Mkhize knocks a few times and my
mom opens the door, the sharp pain in my heart. She looks sick, she has lost weight and has a blue
eye. Her eyes are sad and tired, she finds my eyes and her mouth is open and I can tell she is
shocked.

She closes the door quickly and everyone looks at each other, now what?

Mr. Mkhize knocks once more and this time Pa opens the door, he looks like he always does
wrinkled and angry.

“What the hell is this?” Pa speaks

“Mr. Botha, I am Solomon Mkhize and this right here is my brother, these are my children and I’m
sure you still remember your daughter. We are here to have a discussion with you on the matter of
your daughter her living arrangements and her relationship with my son” The confidence and
authority in his voice

Pa looks over at us with irritation and he looks at the cars on the street and he opens the doors.

I am seated on the floor next to Zodwa, Mr. Mkhize and his brother are on one couch while Sakhile
and Lwazi are on the other and Pa is sitting in his usual chair starring at them.

“What is it that you people want from us?” Pa starts off on a racist note

“Mr. Botha I am here because I am concerned about the well-being of your daughter as you already
know she has been in a romantic relationship with my son Lwazi who I believe you have met” Pa
looks a bit scared, that’s a first

“Now Amanda tells me she absconded from home after being physically assaulted by you, and she
went to stay with one of my youngest daughters. I am not trying to insult you in your own home
Meneer nor am I trying to tell you how to raise your daughter but I think we can all agree that
beating your girl child to a point where she breaks a rib and busts her lip is wrong”

Silence.

“What we as a family want is to find a solution for this matter, Lwazi and Amanda are kids so they
have not handled the situation well, they ran from it and avoided it but the truth is this is your
daughter and she deserves to be happy, she is a young adult but she is still an adult meaning that
she has the right to choose who she loves. I know that we are older and we carry some baggage in
terms of the racial segregation we were raised under but Mr. Botha violence is certainly not the
answer and it is 2017 we have to let the children make their own choices”

“Listen here mister I don’t know who you think you are coming into my house and telling me what to
do and how to live my life. I don’t know if you think because you drive fancy cars that your money
will buy you my respect. Amanda is disrespectful I told her to stop seeing this boy right here and I
have my reasons sir, I am her father and in my eyes she is still a child and no child of mine will end
up with a bloody kaffir”

The room is silence, you could hear a needle drop. I have a lump in my throat and Lwazi is clenching
his jaw and looking down. Zodwa takes my hand and I squeeze it back.

My mother is nowhere to be found as usual in my darkest hours she fails to be present.

“Meneer with all due respect you are out of line” Mr. Mkhize says looking like he is about to lose his
cool

“This is my house and in this house a spade is called a spade and a kaffir is called a kaffir” Pa says
leaning back into his chair

“So it would be fair to call you a woman basher and a coward then?” Mr. Mkhize speaks

“Verskoon my?” Pa says getting up

Lwazi and Sakhile get up immediately.

“Boys sit down” Lwazi’s dad commands

Sakhile complies but Lwazi remains standing head to head with my dad.

“LWAZI’ his dad screams

He sits down and I can’t find any trace of the man I know and love in his expression right now.

“Mr. Botha your daughter needs you to consider her feelings right now and try to understand how
she feels” Zodwa speaks up

“My daughter can speak for herself, Amanda”

He says startling me

“Yes Pa” my voice shakes

“You will stop this rubbish right this instance I want you to go up to your room right now to your
mother and let tell this boy never to call you again” He says

My heart starts beating fast my throat is dry and my hands are shaking.

“Pa ek…”

“Tell him Manda, tell him to leave right now, tell him you don’t love him”

I look up at Lwazi and he is staring at me with so much need in his eyes, the need for my affirmation.
I look at Pa and he is pissed, I swallow before speaking.

“Lwazi…” His eyes look like they are about to pop

“I love you, I love you so much”

Pa gets up and charges towards me but Lwazi jumps him and they both fall to the ground, he is
strangling him. Everything is a blur because it all happens so quickly…

25

Pa gets up and charges towards me but Lwazi jumps him and they both fall to the ground, he is
strangling him. Everything is a blur because it all happens so quickly. Zodwa pulls me outside and I
am screaming for my mother, I want her out. I manage to untangle myself from Zodwa’s arms and
run back inside I head for the stairs and run into their bedroom and she isn’t there, I run to my
bedroom I find her crying in my bed.

“Ma” I scream

She doesn’t move just cradles the pillow and sobs, I move slowly towards her and I kneel in front of
her and wipe her tears.

“I love you Ma” I say

She cries harder.

“I love you so much”

“Manda I’m sorry” She says

I am crying as well and I crawl into bed and hold her, she holds me back.

“Leave him Ma, you have to leave him”

“Don’t worry about me baby just go, leave go back to Lwazi he cares about you baby”

“He does mommy” I break down

“You have to leave him” I cry harder

“I will leave baby I promise okay, stop crying I love you Amanda. Promise to forgive me”

“I forgive you Ma I love you too”

“Okay now go baby I will find you” She says

“No come with me” I hold her

“Amanda” Zodwa’s speaks from behind I get up and stand, my knees feel weak.

“We have to go now” She says

“Ma” I turn to look at her

“Go my angel I will call you okay” She says

I kiss her on the cheek and I walk out. Zodwa takes my hand and the last thing I remember seeing
before passing out is Lwazi with a gun pointed to my dad.

I am in an unfamiliar room when I wake. I look around and realize I am at the Mkhize residence. I
walk into the bathroom and I wash my face and walk back to the bed. I feel sick and before I finish
the thought a bile of vomit rises to my mouth and I rush back to the bathroom.
I empty out everything into the toilet and I use the mouth wash in the cabinet to clean up. When I
walk out I find Lwazi standing outside looking at me with concern.

“Amoh” He says taking my hand and leading me back to the bed

I lay down, I feel like shit and not just emotionally but physically as well. Is it possible that my dad
makes me physically sick?

“Baby” Lwazi says

“Yes love”

“Are you okay?”

“No” a tear escapes from my eye and travels to the inside of my ear

“I’m sorry baby, I love you so much” He kisses my forehead

“I love you too, what happened? I ask

“You passed out baby” He says

I want to ask him where he got a gun and how

he could even hold it so confidently but I decide to save that for later.

“Pa?”

“We left him there with your mother, she refused to leave with us” He says

I don’t say anything I just stare at him blankly.

“Baby I’m worried about you” He says

“I’ll be fine I just want to sleep baby” I whisper

“You should eat first” He says

“I don’t feel like eating” I make a face

“Okay drink something then, maybe some tea baby?”

“Uh ha baby let me rest please I don’t think I’ll be able to stomach anything just yet” I groan

“Okay we will spend the night here okay, you want to take a bath?” He cradles my face

I shake my head.

“You just want to sleep baby?”

I nod.

“Okay I will join you later baby I have some things to discuss with my dad, I love you… rest” He
places a long kiss on my lips before leaving.

I close my eyes and the bed room feels its spinning, okay I’m not okay.

“Lwazi” I scream

He runs back after a few seconds.

“Baby wami what’s wrong?”

“I’m not okay Lwazi something is wrong”

He stands over me and touches me all over.

“Lwazi stop”

“Where does it hurt baby, show me”

“I am really dizzy even when I close my eyes the room is spinning almost like I had alcohol baby, does
that make sense?”

“Yes baby it does, do you want to go to the hospital baby should I call an ambulance, tell me what to
do” He is panicking

“No baby let’s wait it out but please don’t leave me, stay and hold me”

He removes his shoes and jacket and grabs a throw blanket from a chair next to the bed. He tosses it
over us and removes the sweat off my nose with his thumb. I stare into his eyes and I feel better, at
ease. He pulls me into his chest and holds my face against the loud thumping of his heartbeat. I
eventually fall asleep.

I am alone when I wake up and thankfully I am feeling much better. I check the time, my phone is
here and it’s nearly six in the evening. I am still tired but I am sticky. I get up and walk out to find
Lwazi. The house is really quiet but I head towards his dad’s study and to my luck I find them sitting
there in a heated discussion.

“Just say the word and I will take care of this savage” his dad is saying

“No baba I have Amoh to consider, there has to be another way” Lwazi says

I clear my throat and startle the both of them.

“Baby” Lwazi walks over to me

“You should be resting baby, are you okay, do you need some food?” He is fussing

“I am okay Lwazi” I say softly

“MaBotha go back to your room we will get someone to serve you your dinner” His dad says

I look over at Lwazi, for some reason I am feeling super clingy.

“It’s okay baby, I am coming” he kisses my hand

“Okay good night Mr. Mkhize” He smiles

When I get back to the room I decide to take a hot bath there are plenty of extra towels and robes in
this room. I spend extra time in the water and I close my eyes and lay back, my body feels heavy and
sore, strange. I think about my conversation with my mom I hope she meant it when she told me she
will leave but there a part of me that knows she doesn’t have it in her. I was somewhat relieved
because she asked for forgiveness but thinking about how my father disrespected Lwazi and his
family makes my stomach turn.

“Baby” I open my eyes and he is standing over me in his naked glory with a half erect penis

“Shift” He says
I move forward in the tub and he sits behind me and pulls me into his arms. I close my eyes and
enjoy the moment.

“What a day” He finally says

“I’m sorry about what my dad said, what he called you”

“Don’t be you are not responsible for his behavior. It hurts me to know that we can’t resolve this
him but your safety is my priority and I don’t trust him, if he lays one finger on you I will kill him” He
says

About that…

“Where did you get a gun Lwazi?”

“I own a licensed firearm baby, and I didn’t know how this meeting would turn out so I had to be
safe” He says

“But why would you have one?”

“My dad has always taught us how to shoot, we always go to shooting ranges and he taught us how
to fight from a young age. I have black belt in martial arts but at the same time he has taught us only
to fight when we have to.” His deep voice caresses the back of my neck

“Okay baby, do you know what I want right now?” I ask him

“Yes baby” He shifts and so does his erection

“I just want you to make love to me and I want to fall asleep in your arms” I feel his erection grow on
my back and he is tightening his jaw before licking his lips

He lowers his face and kisses me lazily and sensually, I gladly reciprocate.

We are out of the tub and he carries me to the bed. I am gently placed on the bed and he start
trialing kisses from my foot all the way down on my leg. When he gets to the apex of my thigh he
moves to the other leg, I am huffing and gasping for air. He repeats the taunting process then
spreads my legs and starts indulging in my honeypot. I am a groaning and grinding my hips against
his face and he is tonguing me like a man possessed.

“Lwazi I’m coming” I scream and lock my legs around his head and jerk uncontrollably. Damn!

He comes back up with a look of hunger, we kiss while he uses his hand to play with me down there,
then he enters me and fucks me long and slow until he collapses on top of me after his orgasm.

“I love you Amoh” he kisses me

“I love you too baby” I hold him and we drift off to sleep.

It’s been a week since that dreadful day at my parents’ house and I have been spending most of my
time at Lwazi’s place or back at Mandisa’s apartment. I have been calling my mother with no luck
every day and I am starting to get anxious to make matters worse Lwazi has been acting strange all
week.

When I as him he says he is just worried about me and wants me to speak to someone about my
personal issues. I told him the same I told Zodwa when she suggested I speak to a therapist and that
is I don’t believe in them and I could never share my deep fears and traumas to a total stranger.
The only highlight of my week is that I received a phone call from Craig and he is coming to the
country in the next few days, maybe he can speak some sense to Ma.

I am in my room at Mandisa’s rolling around on the bed when I receive a call from Lwazi, I am not in
the mood for his weirdness but I pick up anyway.

“Lwazi” I answer

“Baby, how are you?”

He has been calling me more than usual just been unusually attentive and I don’t get it.

“I am okay baby just like I was okay ten minutes ago when you called” I say with slight irritation

“Do you want me to come fetch you, I miss you” he says

“I think I just want to rest and be alone babe, I am not feeling well again” I say

Silence.

“Hello?” I check my phone

“I’m here baby, what’s wrong are you still tired?” He is worried I can tell

“Yes babe but I am okay now you don’t need to worry I googled it and they say I must exercise and
stay hydrated”

“Have you eaten?”

Here we go again.

“Yes” I lie

“You’re lying to me baby”

“I’m not hungry babe I had an apple and coffee”

“That’s not food kodwa Amanda, I am coming over with food do you want to tell me what you would
like or do you want me to use my own discretion?”

He is so bossy sometimes.

“I don’t want anything Lwazi, I just want to sleep and you have work tomorrow”

“I won’t stay too long, I’m coming over” He hangs up

Great!

I get up and shower I haven’t showered the whole day, I wasn’t lying when I said I was tired.

My mom would say I was just being a lazy slob. I drag myself to the shower and I make my bed when
I am done and change into my PJ’s. I walk out to the living room and Mandisa is in a yoga position. I
sit on the kitchen counter and watch her.

“You should join me, you are always sleeping or cooked up in your room” She says folding her mat

“No thanks, I am not an exercise kind of girl” I say

“Well maybe you should start, yoga not only works out the body but the mind and soul” She bashes
her long eye lashes

“Whatever Mandisa” I say trying to ignore her

There is a knock on the door.

“Are you expecting anyone?” She gives me a look before modelling to the door

Lwazi kisses her cheek and bounces in, I am glad he is in a better mood.

“I swear you have never been here this much when it was just me” Mandisa complains

“Obviously I’m your brother not your man” Lwazi says poking her ribs making her scream
dramatically. I roll my eyes, Mandisa really is a melodrama queen.

“Baby” Lwazi holds my face and searches for something within my gaze

“Yes my love”

“You don’t look well” He says frowning

“I’m okay Lwazi I promise” that is not entirely the truth

“I brought us food”

My stomach grumbles at the smell of the ribs and wings, okay maybe I am hungry. He dishes up for
us and it looks like Mandisa will be eating with us. I dig in as soon as he places the plate in front of
me.

“For someone who isn’t hungry you sure are attacking those wings” Lwazi says staring at me

“Stop staring at me and eat Khabazela” I smile and he blushes

“I’ve been teaching her some Zulu” Mandisa says

“Didn’t you say you don’t eat meat Mandisa?” I ask her

“Mind your own business Miranda” She says shoving a wing in her mouth

I eat with Lwazi stealing glances at me throughout and he clears up when we are done.

“Baby do you want to go to the bedroom and talk before I leave, I nod and he follows me, I hope he
doesn’t have any funny ideas I am just not in the mood.

I lay on the bed and he lays next to me.

“So baby tell me why don’t you want to spend the night at your future husband’s place?” He pulls
me to him

“I told you I just feel a bit down” I say

“Okay babe, I understand I’m just worried about you, you haven’t been the same since that day”

“I don’t want to talk about it for now Lwazi, I am just worried about my mom” I say

His face immediately changes and he clenches his jaw.

“What’s wrong?” I get up

“Nothing I just remembered I have to go past Khathaza before going back to my place” He says

“Are you sure I didn’t say anything wrong?”

“I am sure baby, come here” I lay on top of him and we kiss

“I love you Lwazi” I say

“I love you too my muffin, I think if you still feel weird tomorrow we should go see a doctor just to
make sure you’re okay” He says

“Okay baby” I brush my finger over his thick brows

“I have to go, I’ll come get you tomorrow after work we can have a late lunch at that Chinese place
we like” He says

“Okay baby”

We hug and he leaves me. I watch a movie until I fall into a peaceful slumber.

26

I am awakened by the light streaming through the blinds and I know it’s time to wake up. I am
feeling much better this morning thank God I think I must have had a bug or something. After
cleaning up I shower and I call my boyfriend.

“Baby wami” he says

“Muffin” I smile

“You sound much better this morning”

“I am doing better, my energy is back and my tummy isn’t upset for now” I say

“I am happy that you are well my love now can you please pack your stuff and come on over to
daddy town” He says

“Don’t be silly Lwazi I will come on Friday babe and I will stay for as long as you want”

“I don’t understand what’s keeping you from coming over today?” He whines

“Because Lwazi you are at work now, enjoy the rest of your day my love”

“You suck, isn’t your brother landing on Friday?” He asks

“He is I am excited I just don’t know how it’s going to work because I can’t go back home”

“Everything will work out baby I promise I’ll be there every step of the way” He says

“Thank you for the support baby I appreciate you”

“Then come visit me tonight and show me how much you appreciate me” He says

“One more night then I’ll be all yours boo” I smile

He groans and tries convincing me to visit until I manage to chase him from the phone.

I find Mandisa having breakfast in the balcony.

“Good morning” I say

“Morning Miranda” She says smiling, I shake my head and sit down and join her

“So tell me Mandisa what’s going on between you and Thabo?”

She blushes.

“Nothing that concerns you nosey Natasha” She smiles

“Does Lwazi know?”

“No and we need to keep it that way, you know how my brother can get” She says with a serious
face now

“Is it serious between you and him, is he the reason you’re smiling so much lately”

She pauses then drops her fork and turns to me.

“I think I’m falling for him Miranda”

I laugh.

“Don’t laugh I’m serious”

“I know you are I just think you two are cute and I’m sure Lwazi would understand if he understood
how you feel about him”

“I am scared to be honest, my last relationship was with Mandla my ex he’s a doctor anyway we
were so good together like wait let me show you pictures” She opens a folder form her gallery

I go through the pictures of them on different locations, vacations and doing different activities, they
certainly looked cute together.

“Do you see how good we looked, anyway we had been together for almost five years and one day
he just told me that he fell in love with this other plain looking doctor he works with I was obviously
distraught for a while…”

She stops and she looks like she is going to cry…

“I know that I’m not the smartest person you know or the funniest girl in the room but I’m always
the prettiest, right Miranda?”

“That you certainly are babe, always”

She gives me a genuine smile.

“And just so you know you are a great cook” I say popping a waffle in my mouth

“Chef Love, I am a chef by profession” She says as she continues taking more selfies

“So what do you say we go to the spa today and just relax get some massages and facials, get our
nails done and have some sundowners after”

“I don’t know” I complain

“I won’t take no for an answer, come go change and let’s go”

“Why must I change?” I eye her

She doesn’t say anything but I already know I have to look for a better outfit. I change into denim
shorts and a black printed top and sneakers. I know she won’t be impressed with my sneakers but I
don’t care. We are driving in her Mercedes with the top down, everyone is looking at us and it
doesn’t help that Mandisa is wearing the biggest sunglasses I have ever seen. I can tell she loves the
attention we are getting right now, she’s an interesting character this one. We get to this beautiful
resort that is just out of town right in the center if this beautiful forest. Apparently missy here has a
gold membership that allows her to bring a guest once every month.

I have never been so relaxed my whole life, so this is how people have been living. We spent half an
hour on guided meditation then we took a mud bath. We got full body massages thereafter and
something called energy cleansing which I must admit worked because I feel lighter. I needed this
after all the stressful events that I have gone through these past few months. After our massages we
got facials, manicures and pedicures, we spent the whole day here and I don’t want to leave.

“I told you this place is heaven” Mandisa says as we head out

“Gosh Mandisa I feel so good” I beam

“But most importantly you look good, did you get the Brazilian wax?” she winks at me

“I sure did” I smile

“Come girl, let’s go to Captain LA Vida’s for some sundowners” she puts on her shades

On our drive to the cocktail bar Mandisa is in a great mood and we are singing along to her favorite
song in the car, I had to text Lwazi and let him know of my whereabouts before he threw a fit and
worried.

We get to this exquisite place that is right on the beach just as the sun sets and I must say I had a
fantastic day with Mandisa who would have ever guessed but I do miss my love bug. We settle down
and order some cocktails. I order a long island and I am texting Minx and Jo and sending them
pictures.

“So did you have a good time with the evil twin?”

I am shocked I didn’t know she knew that name.

“You know about that?” I smile

“I do, nothing gets past me” she sips her cocktail

“I am a bit hungry”

“You eat like your boyfriend wena” She complains

“I’ll have a salad”

“I want a burger” She eyes me

“It’s your life girl”

“So Thabo?” I wink

“Stop prying”

“I like him” I admit

“Yeah yeah he likes you too”

“Are you close with Boni?” I ask her

“No we co-exist because she is my brother’s friend but no she is not my type, why do you ask?”

“She just irks the living day lights out of me” I confess

Mandisa laughs loudly.

“Are you threatened by their relationship?”

“Not threatened I just think she has been hanging around thinking that something more will
manifest from their friendship and I don’t like that”

“Have you told Lwazi how you feel?”

“Not in so many words”

“Word of advice, if something is bothering you with Lwazi you have to be direct because that is how
his mind functions, even when we were younger when he wasn’t happy about something he would
make us sit around the dinner table and listen to his concerns and worries and make us help him
deal with whatever it is he is going through. That means he doesn’t get the mind games and the
riddles and reading between the lines isn’t something he is good at, you need to learn to find ways
to communicate with him otherwise he assumes there isn’t anything to tell.”

“I guess you’re right, he does wear his heart on his sleeve”

“Yep so I’m sure he will get used to how closed off you are but you must also meet him halfway
babe”

“Thank you for the advice”

“My pleasure and with regards to Boni, don’t worry about her if Lwazi had any feelings for her they
would’ve hooked up a long time ago but she does need to stay in her lane and Lwazi is the one who
needs to set those boundaries”

“I just don’t want him to think that I am jealous or insecure”

“All you can do is tell him how you feel that’s all you are responsible for, how he receives or
interprets it is on him and you are not responsible for that but if you are honest and you make your
point clear and you do it with love he can’t argue with that”

“True”

“Yes and another thing Minx and Sticks are cool and whatever but be careful not to pick up any
habits from them, know your story” She says

“What habits?”

“We all have bad habits and she used to be a hooker, once a leopard always a leopard”

“Don’t you mean a leopard never changes its spots?” I enquire

“Same difference”

“Okay I will be sure not to pick up any habits as you say”

“So are you coming to the family vacation?”

“Family vacation?”

“It should be next month, we have two vacations a year, we went to up to the mountains in winter
and I’m sure we will be going to somewhere tropical this time around, my brother is such a guy he
probably doesn’t remember but I am sure he will invite you. You two are joined by the hip” She
pouts

“I don’t know if I am comfortable with family vacations as yet”

“Why not?”

“I mean your mother doesn’t really like me, you didn’t even like me not so long ago”

“Who told you I like you now?”

“Ha Ha”

She laughs

“Don’t worry about mom leave her to me” She winks

It’s dark by the time we get home and Lwazi is already inside the apartment watching soccer when
we arrive.

“Hello brother” Mandisa greets and retires to her room

I walk over to him and sit next to him, he eyes me weirdly.

“What?”

“You’re glowing, I’m starting to think you are pregnant baby”

“I had a facial baby, I am on the injection now so no I am not pregnant”

“Hmm” He says

“Is that how you greet me?”

“I’m sorry my muffin come here”

I inch closer to him and we kiss slowly and I get turned on instantly. I push him back and he
complains.

“I miss you” he says nuzzling my neck

“I miss you too, how was work?”

“Work was work, I have a surprise for you” his eyes sparkle

“A surprise, what?”

“Close your eyes baby”

“Do I have to?”

“Yes come on”

I close my eyes momentarily.

“Okay open them” He says and I comply

He has a beautifully wrapped box with a bow at the top.

“Baby, it’s not my birthday what’s this for?” I ask him

“Just baby, open it?”

I unwrap the perfectly wrapped box and inside is a gold rose, I pick it up and it’s heavy, could it be
real gold?

“Lwazi this is so pretty” I admire it

“Not as pretty as you baby”

I kiss him.

“This is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen”

“I was thinking about the fact that I haven’t even gotten you flowers like other boyfriends do for
their people and then I thought maybe I should get you one rose that will last forever”

“Baby that’s so sweet”

“Turn it around” He says

I turn it and I find it is engraved at the back, ‘I love you Amanda Botha” it reads. The tears
immediately fill my eyes.

“Thank you Lwazi I love you so much baby” I shower him with kisses

“I love you more Amanda” I am a crying mess and he is kissing me non stop

He picks me up and I wrap my legs around him and he walks to my bedroom. When we get inside he
tosses me on the bed and soon we are naked and screaming each other’s names.

Lwazi had to leave in the wee hours of the morning, I couldn’t let him leave without thanking him
properly last night. Mandisa hasn’t surfaced from her room since this morning, I am starting to think
she left last night but that isn’t like her, Thabo usually comes over. I am anxious about my brother
coming home today although I would’ve loved to be there at the airport when he arrives but his
friends are fetching him. My mother’s phone is still off and I am starting to get worried, if I were to
go there Lwazi would flip, but I decide I will wait to Craig to arrive and then I will call him.

27

Craig is here and he is home already, I dial his number.

“Sis” He answers

“Boet howzit?”

“I am good man glad to be home, are you coming to see me?” He asks

“How is everyone there?”

“Ma is okay she seems a bit cagey but I don’t know Manda, Pa is away on business”

“On business, what kind of business is that?” I ask

“I have no clue Manda that’s what Ma is telling me, so that means you can come home at least for a
few days”

“I don’t know but I will come over tonight for dinner I can’t promise to stay overnight”

“This is your home Manda” He says

“We will talk when I get there”

“Okay get here soon can’t wait to see you sis” He says

“Alright sien jou later” (See you later)

I am excited to see Craig but I am anxious about going back to that house, I don’t know about this
whole story of Pa being gone on business sounds a little dodge to me. I am not sure how Lwazi will
feel about me having dinner at home, he is still very angry about the last time I went home so
staying the night is out of the question.

I haven’t asked him about the dinner but Friday he fetches me after work anyway so I figured I
would just ask him when he gets here. I walk over to see his car and place my overnight bag on the
back seat before settling in on the front seat.

“Baby” he takes my hand and kisses it

“Hi baby”

He looks at me.

“What’s wrong?”

“Uhm…I wanted to ask if you could drop me off at home, as you know Craig is home and I want to
have dinner with them, dad isn’t around” I say nervously

“How am I supposed to leave you there and be sure of your safety, I don’t trust your family” he is
giving me a serious look now

“I don’t know baby, Craig is there he is my brother and he loves me, he assured me Pa isn’t around
and if anything happens I will call you”

“So you’ve already made a decision?” He asks annoyed

“It’s my family Lwazi, I haven’t seen my brother in over a year”

“I understand. I will take you if that’s what you want” He says starting the car

I hope nothing happens because I will have to listen to him whine about how he told me not to go,
maybe I shouldn’t go, now I am torn.

He hasn’t said anything since, just driving quietly not even any music in the car. I want to tell him I
am scared, I wish I could bring him over for dinner but now he is acting like a child. We get outside
my house and the anxiety escalates, I try to breathe but I can’t breathe I hold my chest and I try
opening the window but I am panicking and it feels like I am having a heart attack.

“Amanda breathe” Lwazi is screaming

“Baby breathe okay it’s okay I’m here baby, I am not going anywhere okay”
After a few minutes I manage to stabilize my breathing and I am in Lwazi’s arms clinging on to him
for dear life. I feel tired after the attack.

“Amanda are you okay?” He asks

“Yes baby, I just… I’m scared”

“Don’t be I’m coming in with you” He says

We hold hands and walk into the yard, I know a few times on the door. And Craig opens with the
biggest smile when he sees me.

“Sis” he picks me up and engulfs me in a bear hug

“Cragie I missed you so much” I say getting slightly emotional

He puts me down and stares behind me, oh I forgot about him.

“Craig this is Lwazi, my boyfriend…Baby this is my brother Craig” I say

They shake hands.

“Nice to meet you Lwazi” Craig says

“Same here man” Lwazi responds

“Thank you for taking care of my little sister man I appreciate it” Craig says

“Okay you too let’s come inside Lwazi will be joining us for dinner”

We walk in and I find my mother seated on the couch looking lost, I would have thought she would
be doing better with Pa not around.

“Ma” I say

She looks up and smiles weakly and opens up her arms for a hug.

“Baby” She says softly

I hug her frail body and I feel guilty for not being around to take care of her.

“How are you?”

“I am doing better” She says

After that she just cradles the cushion and sits in front of the television and doesn’t say much, I don’t
even know she if she realized Lwazi is around. My mom is eating her dinner in front of the T.V while
we are on the table eating and chatting. Lwazi and Craig are getting along famously, they are talking
about rugby and soccer and other manly things I know nothing of. I admire them quietly and I am
happy that my two favorite men are getting along. My happiness is short lived by the scream of my
mother from the living room, my heart drops and I can’t move, Lwazi and Craig are by her side in a
second. I want to react but I can’t my body won’t allow me. Lwazi walks over to my side and holds
my face;

“It’s okay Amoh she was just scared I think she is a little traumatized, she needs to rest and recover”
He says
Craig walks her up to her my bedroom apparently she refuses to sleep in their room. I say my good
night to Craig and we walk out to the car. I am worried sick to my stomach about my mother a part
of me wanted to stay the night and make sure she was okay but the other part of me wanted to get
the hell out of that house.

“Baby” Lwazi says when we are in the car

“Yes my love”

“I love you and I wish I could make you feel better. This whole drama with your family is starting to
have an impact even on your health and that upsets me” He says

“You do make me feel better Lwazi, don’t you get it before you this was my life without any escape
and now I can’t even last over three hours. You saved me Lwazi and I wish I could save my mom
from the darkness that is surrounding her” I cry

“Don’t cry baby, come here you’re breaking my heart”

“What’s wrong with her baby?”

“I think she needs to see someone Amoh a professional” He says

“Like a shrink?”

“Yes my love”

“Can we come back tomorrow and see her Lwazi?” I search his eyes

“Of course baby, we will come and get her out for some fresh air and maybe get someone to talk to
her” He says

The tears fill my eyes once again and I hug him once more.

“Arg I am so depressed now” I confess

“Do you want to go home and watch movies and eat until our tummies hurt or do you want to go
out with our friends and drink or would you rather we go to my parents’ house everyone is there for
some reason”

I take a moment to think about it.

“I think let’s go to your parents’ house I could use their energy right now” He kisses me

“Done baby, let’s go home” He winks at me

When we get to the mansion all their cars are parked out, I spot Mandisa’s car there as well, I kind of
missed her.

Everyone is sitting in the lounge drinking, people like to drink in this house. Mbuso is the first to
attack me with a hug and offer me something to drink.

Mandisa and her partner in crime AKA evil twin mother are sitting together in an intense
conversation, I know they are gossiping. The men are in their own little corner and I join Zodwa and
Asanda and the children and another lady is there with them

“Amanda this is Nosihle, Mthobisi’s fiancé and mother of Aphiwe and Anele” Zodwa introduces us

“Hi Nosihle” I smile at her

“Hey babe” She smiles back

I like Nosihle she is funny and a little ghetto fabulous but still drop dead gorgeous. She is very
curvaceous but you can tell she is exceedingly confident in her skin. We are drinking but from mugs
and we have to mix the drinks in the kitchen. I don’t understand why we have to hide when the guys
are drinking straight from their bottles but Zodwa says we are respecting Mr. Mkhize.

I guess Mandisa was right about speaking to her mother because she hasn’t made any foul
comments or given me her evil stare, she even gave me a half smile earlier… super awkward.

“It’s bed time for us children” Lwazi’s dad says getting up

They say their good nights and we are finally alone.

“Now the real party begins” Mbuso says switching on the music

Mthobisi and Nosihle are squeezed in on one couch. Asanda is not feeling well so she is going to bed
early. Sakhile looks a bit drunk because he is smiling nonstop at whatever Lwazi is saying to him.
That one has completely forgotten about me or is he giving me space I can’t decide. Zodwa comes
back from putting the kids to bed and Mandisa walks in shortly after with two bottles of Champagne.

“Mandisa pour me a glass babe” Nosihle shouts from Mthobisi’s lap

“Baby are you joining the girls on the bubbly or will you drink cognac with the guys?” Lwazi asks

“I will join the ladies” I respond

Champagne isn’t my favorite drink but Mandisa insists you acquire the taste and so I am exploring.

I am on the couch with Mbuso who keeps showing me funny memes from his phone and is making
me read his chat with one of his girlfriends he says. Lwazi keeps stealing glances at me and I can’t
help but blush. Mandisa hand me a glass of bubbly and I take a sip, this will take some getting used
to. Mbuso gets up and puts on some house song and everyone is moving.

Nosihle gets up from her man’s lap and dances, her ass is bouncing up and down and she does the
infamous move referred to as the vosho. Everyone screams and we are all in a jolly mood. The next
song comes on and Lwazi jumps up and starts moving, Oh my!

I didn’t know my baby could dance like this. I am watching him in awe as he moves swiftly to the
beat of the song, Mandisa is dancing on the couch with a glass in her hand. Lwazi is making me wet
right now, he looks so sexy. He smiles when he catches me looking at him and moves to me in one
dance move and dances in front of me. I am red and everyone is laughing at me, Mbuso joins him on
the dance floor and I guess everyone here can dance except for me. I seriously need to learn how to
dance.

The night is full of laughter and more dancing, I realize tonight that Lwazi was holding off on me on
his dancing skills he is proper dancer in my humble opinion. We get home after midnight and I still
have to confront this one on how sneaky he was with downplaying his dancing skills.

“Baby how come you didn’t tell me you can dance like that?” I complain when we get to his place

“I wanted to impress you like I did tonight baby” He grins

“You are very good, how did you learn to dance like that?” I ask him

“Baby I just went out a lot before us, like a lot” He says
“So am I like cramping your style?”

“No baby you give me a nice balance, phela I used to be a turn up God”

“A turn up God?”

“Yes baby, come tonight I’m going to teach you how to dance” He drags me up

“Lwazi I don’t think dancing is something you can learn” I protest

“I also couldn’t dance at first and Khathaza taught me” He says

“Khathaza can dance?” I question

“Like hell baby, which song do you want?”

“That one you were dancing to babe” I answer

“Baby open it from my phone please, it’s Maradona by Niniola” He says

I take his phone and scroll down his playlist and click play, the sound fills the room and he starts
moving.

“Turn it up baby” He says and I comply

“Okay just move to the beat like this baby” He shows me

I try my best to emulate him.

“Exactly baby, yes just like that baby wait don’t overdo it just relax your waist”

“This is silly” I whine

“No you are getting it, come it’s easy for you girls, come see if you can do this” He dances

I will never get this but I attempt to imitate him and he laughs.

“The aim is not to sweat baby” He says teasing me

“You are making fun of me I’ll never learn”

“Hmm come here sexy” He says pulling me against his body

“Why are you hard baby?” I giggle

“Because your dancing skills are making me horny baby” He sucks on my neck

“Hmm Lwazi” I moan

“Let’s put these dancing skills to the bedroom shall we” He picks me up and I yelp and he runs to the
bedroom.

Everything with Lwazi is always an adventure and that’s why I love him.

28

I am helping my mother get dressed and I have just realized that my mother is actually sick. This
woman sitting in front of me isn’t my mother, she is a ghost of the woman she really is. Lwazi and
Craig are downstairs, we have decided to spend the day together before considering getting her help
form a professional.
“Ma, do you like this dress it’s your favorite” I say to her

“Yes I like it” She replies

She doesn’t look at me but she is just staring into space. I don’t know if I should be more worried
about her, I think she needs to see a psychiatrist. I get her changed and she packs her bag and we
move downstairs.

“Ma how are you feeling?” Craig takes her into his arms

She doesn’t respond in fact she doesn’t look like she heard him, he looks up at me with a look worry
and fear and my heart leaps in agony.

“I don’t think she is doing too well baby, we might need to take her to the psychiatric ward” Lwazi
whispers

“Do you think she has lost her mind?” I whisper back

“No baby she is just traumatized I think she needs to be evaluated and treated properly” He says

“Do you think medical aid covers that?” I ask him

“They should but don’t worry about it I’ll sort it out”

“Thank you baby” I hug him

We drive off with Lwazi sitting at the front and I am at the back with Ma, who is staring out of the
window. I am suspicious about Pa’s whereabouts, Craig says he found his phone in the kitchen
drawer and that makes me nervous; one; why would he leave his phone behind; two; why was in the
kitchen drawer?

When we ask Ma she just gets upset and tells us she doesn’t know, hopefully we will be able to get
her the help she needs, my poor mother.

We are at the park Lwazi and Craig and talking next to the pond, they look like they are in an intense
conversation. Lwazi has never looked more serious and Craig is smiling, I wonder what they are
talking about, me I hope. Ma seems to be doing a little better, she is smiling but she is still not
talking to anyone. I dish up for her and we eat quietly, the guys get back and Lwazi is hungry as
usual.

“One more sandwich for me baby” He says

I shake my head and add two more and he smiles, we all eat over light conversation before driving
back home. Craig and Lwazi decided that we should let Ma rest tonight and tomorrow and Monday
morning Craig will drive her to the hospital.

When we get home I use the time to clean the house, it’s a bit of a mess. I shove everything in the
washing machine and I start cooking for them. I make a chicken and mushroom pot pie with veggies.
When I am done I go to my room and I ran my mom a bath and while she baths. I watch her because
at this point I am not sure if she wouldn’t harm herself. When she is done I help her dry her hair and
she gets into bed and reads a book.

“Are you feeling better Ma?” I ask her

“Yes my angel thank you” She responds

“I cooked should I dish up for you?”

“Not now my love it’s still early, I will eat later” She says

“Okay Ma, you had me worried there for a second” I confess

“I’m just tired baby, let me rest” She says

“Okay I’ll leave you to rest and I will come see you tomorrow, do you want us to go to church

together?”

“Nee Manda, I don’t feel like facing people is it okay if we stay here?”

“It’s okay Ma, but I am just worried and scared what if Pa gets back?”

“He won’t come back baby, he’s never coming back” She says smiling

“What do you mean Ma?”

She doesn’t answer me, she reads her book and slips back to her reticence.

I walk back downstairs and Lwazi sees the look of worry on my face.

“What’s wrong baby?”

“Ma is acting weird, she says Pa is never coming back” I say

“Don’t worry too much about what she says right now Manda, let’s let her rest and see what the
doctors say” Craig interjects

“Your brother is right baby” Lwazi adds

I nod and take my bag say my goodbyes and we leave.

“Baby thank you for today, for being with us and just spending your Saturday nursing my mom and
being with us I know it’s not exactly how you would want to spend your weekend” I say, we are
getting ready for bed

“I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else besides right next to you my love, no matter where we are”
He says as he lotions his body

“So you don’t feel like going out tonight?” I ask him

“No baby we had a long day, we should rest”

“Should we binge watch some series?”

“Yes baby, It’s my choice tonight and don’t fall asleep”

I giggle.

“I won’t”

“That’s what you always say and you always fall asleep in the first episode”

“I mean it this time”

He kisses me.
“I love you baby” I say

“I love you too, more than you know”

Craig took mom to the doctor and I am in Lwazi’s apartment. He has been updating me all along and
they are going to keep her at the psych ward for a week or so. I am happy she will be getting some
rest and she will have the opportunity to speak to a professional but the matter of Pa’s unknown
location still gives me anxiety.

I keep thinking about where he is and why he would just leave so abruptly it’s not like him at all and I
can’t shake the feelings that my mom has something to do with his disappearance.

Sitting in this apartment the whole day is also driving me crazy maybe I should’ve gone back to my
temporary home with my evil sister. I wonder where she is. Minx has been very scarce lately I
wonder what is happening in her and Stick’s world. I get a call from Mandisa and I smile, she must
miss me as well;

“Hello Mandisa” I answer

“Where are you Miranda?” She says and I can feel her smiling

“At your brother’s”

“I’m coming to fetch you”

She hangs up, all these Mkhize kids are bullies.

I walk out and find her applying lip-gloss to her already extra glossy lips, the top of her convertible is
down as usual.

“Miss me?” I say as I settle in the front seat

“Not as much as you missed me” She responds still looking in the rear view mirror

“So what do you want Barbie?” I ask her

She gives me a look before responding.

“Zodwa wants us to meet for a late lunch and discuss the family trip coming up” She says driving off

“A trip that I haven’t been invited to by the way” I comment

“Lwazi is just being a man he probably doesn’t even remember so don’t worry we need to come up
with the itinerary and talk outfits” She says

“Where are we meeting Zodwa?”

“Sohk`u” she responds

“Do they even have decent food there?” I whine

“They have nutritious food Manda, you need to stop eating like a man” She says

I roll my eyes and we find Zodwa already at the restaurant, Asanda is also there and I am happy to
see them both.

“Asanda so do you think you’re going to get any distinctions?” I ask her
“Yes I will and when I do, Dad is getting me a car just like Mandisa’s” She chirps

“No he won’t” Mandisa eyes her

“You all got cars when you finished matric” She complains

“Yes but we didn’t get expensive cars girl, Dad is going to buy you a polo get used to it” Zodwa says
with a small smile on her lips

“We will see about that” Asanda says staring at the menu

“So back to the business at hand” Mandisa says

“The trip” Asanda beams

“Where is this trip anyway?” I ask

“We have a holiday home in the Lagoon islands and it’s right on the beach” Zodwa says

“And it’s secluded from the world we have the whole place to ourselves, it’s so pretty Amoh you’re
going to love it” Asanda says excitedly

“Sounds wonderful” I respond

“It’s the best we have the best time there and the house is huge so we have our own space to go
crazy” Zodwa smiles widely

“Who’s going to be there?” I ask

“Well mom and dad, all of us, you, Nosihle and all the children and I want to invite Thabo but Lwazi
is going to throw a fit about it… so I was wondering” Mandisa says batting her lashes at me

“…what if you convince our brother to invite his friends to the trip” She smiles

“His friends, that would mean Boni and I don’t think I can do that with her” I frown

“I’m sure you can find a way to exclude her from the plans Manda please!” She begs

“I’ll see what I can do” I sigh

She screams and high fives Asanda. We spend the rest of the afternoon going over small details of
the trip and activities they want to do.

We have to drive to Lwazi’s place to get my stuff so she comes up to greet him.

“Brother” She hugs him

“Hey” Lwazi says softly

“What’s up your ass” Mandisa pokes his arm

“Nothing sis I’m just tired” He says looking at me

“Hi baby” I stare back

“Hey, where are you guys coming from?”

“Late lunch with Zodwa and Asanda” I say

“We were discussing the trip which is in like four weeks brother” Mandisa says
“I totally forgot about that” He says laying back on the couch

“Well now you know, Manda get your stuff so we can leave” Mandisa says

Lwazi gives me a look and turns back to the television, I think he might be annoyed.

I signal for Mandisa to leave us and she walks up to me.

“Don’t allow him to bully you remember we have wine and we are supposed to watch movies
tonight” She whispers before disappearing to the bedroom.

I walk to the living room and sit next to my grumpy man, he doesn’t look at me so I touch his face
and turn him to face me. He stares at me blankly

“Baby I missed you, how was work?” I whisper

“It was okay” he shrugs

“Have you eaten?” I ask him

He shakes his head.

“What do you want me to make you baby?” I

brush his mustache

“I don’t know” He is acting like a child but I will let him be

I get up and I make him a Dagwood with chips on the side, I hand it to him and he thanks me and
starts eating. Lwazi is so transparent, he is jealous I am spending time with his sister’s and now he is
mad I didn’t cook for him. I watch him eat and Mandisa keeps asking me when we are leaving the
wine is not going to drink itself.

Is it a bad thing that I want to go with her and hang out instead of staying here with Mr. Grumpy?

“Baby, we are leaving now are you going to kiss me goodbye” I say as he washes his plate

He turns around and pulls me to him and kisses the living daylights out of me. I stumble on my feet
when we pull apart. I am feeling hot and bothered and he looks so sexy right now, he did this on
purpose.

“Goodbye” He whispers to my ear

I pull him towards me and kiss him again, slower this time, I feel his erection pressing on my belly
and his hands are grabbing my ass, he picks me up and I lock my legs around his waist, I am so
turned on right now…

“Ay sies man” Mandisa’s voice interrupts us

“Mandisa why are you still here?” Lwazi holds me tightly around him

“Waiting for my roommate wena Lwazi stopping hogging Amanda, Manda lets go” Mandisa has her
arms folded

Lwazi puts me down and his eyes are still very much full of lust.

“Are you leaving me like this baby?” He pinches me cheeks

“Let me bond with my new friend, I’ll come over tomorrow night” I say kissing him

“And what about him” He says pointing at his erection

I giggle.

“Ay Lwazi stop it man, I’m here don’t disgust me” Mandisa complains

“That should teach you” Lwazi gives her an ugly look

“Baby don’t let her come in between us” He says

“I love you and I will call you before I sleep” I say

“Hmmm” He walks away

I get my things and we drive off, we bath and get into our night wear and we order pizza and

Mandisa pours me some wine. We spend the night watching movies and chatting about everything,
Lwazi still complains over text but I promise to make it up to him.

We fall asleep after watching the movie Clueless for the second time.

29

I am awakened by the smell of coffee and bacon, is Mandisa cooking? I open my eyes and she is
slaving away on the stove, sometimes I forget she is actually a chef. How did she manage to wake up
so early after so much wine last night?

“Have you showered?” I ask her as I walk into the kitchen

“Of course darling, go shower I’m nearly done here” She says

I walk into my bathroom and I shower and change into shorts and a lose top before joining her
outside on the balcony for breakfast.

We feast happily and we spend the rest of the day lazing around listening to music.

“Thabo is here” She says looking up from her phone

“Should I hide in my room and give you some space?” I ask her

“Please” She blushes

“Okay enjoy girl” I walk off

Thabo and Mandisa ended up leaving and I am packing an overnight bag. Lwazi says she is fetching
me and he should be here anytime now. We are going to see my mom before going to his place,
Craig is out with his friends from what I hear and still nothing from Marius Botha AKA ‘Pa’ and for
now I am happy to keep it that way.

We get to the facility and Lwazi has his arm around my shoulders as we find Ma sitting on the
hospital bed watching television, she looks over at us with a blank expression.

“Ma” I hug her

“Manda” She says

“How are you feeling?” I ask her

“Better” She looks behind me

“Mrs. Botha I hope you are doing much better” Lwazi speaks

Ma doesn’t respond just gives him a look of disgust and turns back to me;

“When am I going back home, I hate hospitals” She says to me

“You will be here for a few more days Ma then we will take you home” I reply

“Where is your brother and why are you not with him?” She says eying Lwazi

“Ma please don’t start, Craig had to be somewhere he will come in the morning to see you” I say

“When I come home will you be there?” She asks

I turn to look at Lwazi and he has a cool look on his face and his arms are folded.

“Ma I will come fetch you and I will spend the day with you”

“But will you come back home Manda?”

“Not when you refuse to tell me where Pa went”

Her face changes and she starts coughing. Lwazi pours her a glass of water and hands it to her but
she pushes is aside with aggression and the water spills on Lwazi’s sneakers.

“Manda get me some water” She says coughing

I can tell Lwazi is annoyed, he hands me the empty glass and walks out.

“Ma you can’t do that to him, he hasn’t done anything to you in fact he has been helping us in this
time and he doesn’t deserve how you’re treating him. I am not going to allow you to treat him like
this, I love him” I snap

“No one asked for his help and this nonsense of you shacking up with him needs to end, I need you
home with me I am your mother. Your Pa left and he is never coming back you must believe me”

“Where did he go and why didn’t he take his things?”

“I don’t know where he went but he is never coming back, we don’t need to worry about him
anymore baby you just need to come home and we will sort this out together” She says

“Okay Ma” I give up

She smiles and we chat for over an hour before I leave to find Lwazi. I find him smoking and talking
to some nurse outside, she is giggling and he is saying something to her with a smile on his face, I
can’t hear what they are saying because they are speaking in Zulu. I am annoyed immediately.

I glare at him and he tosses the cigarette to the side and says something to the young nurse who
laughs before walking away, she looks back at him and smiles and shakes his head. I sit quietly in the
car and I decide not to say anything about it, he starts the car and drives off. We don’t speak a word
to each other until we get to his place, when we arrive he watches tennis and I walk off into the
bedroom. I shower and I get into bed and chat with Minx who has resurfaced from the unknown
apparently she broke up with Sticks and she sounds a bit hysterical. I promise to meet up with her
tomorrow for breakfast and moral support.
I walk to the kitchen and Lwazi is still quiet, I don’t know what the issues is because I didn’t ask my
mother to be rude to him. I walk over to him;

“My mother wants me to move back home when she is discharged” I say

He looks at me for the longest time before speaking;

“And are you going back?” He asks

“Yes” I say

“Cool” He says switching off the television

“I am going to meet Sticks he wants to speak to me about something, I’ll be back later” he says
grabbing his phone

“No Lwazi you’re not” I say

He turns and looks at me

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me, did you fetch me from Mandisa’s place just so you could leave me here alone to go
to your buddies?” I stand up

“I will be back just now Manda I…”

“No you are not going anywhere, you said you wanted me to come over right well I’m here” I stand
and glare up at him

We stand there for a few seconds until he tosses his phone to the side and walks into the bedroom. I
follow him

“Lwazi” I shout

“What?” He turns

“Why are you acting like this?” I raise my voice

“Firstly don’t raise your voice when you speak to me. I don’t know why I bother with you Amanda
you don’t respect me as your man” He says

“How have I disrespected you Lwazi?”

“You don’t defend me when your mother treats me like shit, you don’t even ask how I am doing. I
don’t like that woman but she is your mother and so I respect her and I have done so much to help
her yet I am still not good enough that hurts me Amanda. She still looks at me like a piece of shit but
that piece of shit paid for her to get the help she needs” He looks like he is going to cry

“Now you have decided to go back to that house after everything without even talking to me about
it, I am clearly not an important part of your life and now I get it. I will respect your wishes and I
won’t stand in your way do what you need to do Amanda I don’t want to be labelled as controlling
it’s your life”

“What do you expect me to do Lwazi my mother needs me she is not okay, I know what she did back
there was out of hand and I spoke to her about it but that’s all I can do she is my mother Lwazi I
can’t pick a side please don’t ask me to choose. Lwazi I appreciate everything you have done for me
and for my family but what did you expect me to live with your sister forever…I have to go back
there eventually”

“What happens when your crazy father resurfaces from wherever he is, then what he beats you to a
pulp again or kills you? Am I supposed to what come for your rescue and watch you hurt over this
again?”

“Lwazi what should I do then, tell me…Craig is leaving next week and my mother will be alone in that
house, what do I do?”

“I don’t know Amanda all I know is how miserable you were in that house, how depressed you were
and all I want is for you to be happy, that’s it at the end of the day I can’t stop you from making this
decision so do what you must” he walks into the shower

I sit on the bed and wait for him to finish, his phone rings from the living room, I get up and I answer;

“Lwazi’s phone hello”

“Hey can I speak to Lwazi”

I check the caller ID and it’s saved as Khanyi.

“Uhm he’s in the shower I’ll ask him to call you back”

“May I ask who this is?” she asks

“This is Amanda” I answer

“Oh” She says

“Anything else?”

“No please get him to call me back”

She hangs up.

I sit on the bed and try my hardest not to cry and wait for him to finish, he comes out dripping wet.

“I thought I heard my phone ringing” He says

“It was” I say as calmly as I can

“Who was it?” He asks

“Khanyi” I say looking at him

“Really, oh” he looks surprised

“She asked you to call her back” I say

“Baby it’s not like that, I don’t know why she is calling me” he says

“Who is she?” I ask calmly

“Baby Khanyi is my ex, I haven’t spoken to her in over a year I’m just as shocked as you are” He says
tossing his towel to the bed
I try and not stare at his naked body and I scroll through his phone. It’s the first time this Khanyi
character has called but I see Boni is a frequent caller. Just as I am about to get into his whatsapp he
stands in front me and his manhood is parallel to my face.

“Can I have my phone back now?” He says coolly

I hand it back to him and locks it and places it on the side of the bed and stares at me, it’s hard to
concentrate when he is stark naked.

“Amanda look at me” He says

I look up at him and I feel my clit twitch at the sight.

“Can you get dressed already?”

He laughs at least he is over the grumpiness.

“Lwazi can we have a serious talk”

He sits next to me after wearing his sweat pants.

“What is it muffin?”

“Don’t muffin me, we have issues”

“You don’t say”

“Listen I don’t like the fact your ex is calling you it doesn’t sit well with me” I say

“What do you suggest I do?” He smiles

“Don’t smile this is serious” I say annoyed

“I’m sorry baby but listen I was with Khanyi and I know her very well I have no desire to go back
there nor would I ever cheat on my muffin so you need to trust me okay?”

“Okay and what about Boni?”

“What about her?”

“She has a crush on you Lwazi and don’t deny it”

“Maybe so but I don’t reciprocate the feelings obviously” He says brushing my face, I push his hand
away

“So why are you entertaining it?”

“Amanda I have been friends with Boni for a long time and I care about her a lot, this little phase she
is going through is just that a phase. I know she is going through some personal stuff and I am the
closest to her from the group and because I am always there for her and maybe the love I give her as
a friend has given her ideas and she developed some feelings for me I don’t know. I do realize that
she acts like a jealous girlfriend sometimes but I can’t just stop talking to her all together”

“So don’t you think hugging her and kissing her gives her false hope?”

“Listen you are right maybe I shouldn’t kiss her on the cheek like I used to but I only did that because
I see her as my sister and I thought she looked at me as her brother as well but I will definitely draw
a line but until she says something to me about how she feels I can’t really confront her on that
matter”

“Maybe you should ask her why she acts like a bitch towards me but she needs to limit her calls to
you, she calls more than I do”

“You don’t call me at all”

“Don’t lie”

“I’m serious Amanda, the only time you call me is when you want food or you need me to fetch you”

“Don’t lie Lwazi I call man” I smile

“Let’s check when you last called” He grabs his phone

“I guess I don’t call that much but that’s because I text you all the time”

“Whatever you say baby, so are you really going back there?”

“Yes and I need you to support me I can’t do it without you”

“You know I won’t ever forsake you” He says

“Thank you Jesus” We laugh

“You know you call me God when we are purunuking” He says

“When we are what?” I laugh

“Purunuking baby” He smiles

“When have I ever called you God?”

“Oh God you are making me come” He mimics me in a squeaky voice

I punch him on his arms and he laughs loudly.

“I don’t speak like that firstly and I’ve never said that”

“God I love you so much” He imitates me again

I am laughing now.

“Lwazi stop it”

“Oh God I love you so much, you feel so good God… Hallelujaaaaaaaaah” He screams dramatically

I am crying from laughing and I don’t have a comeback.

“I hate you and I am never having sex with you again” I wipe my tears

“Is that a challenge?” He saunters towards me

“No” I blush

“Good because you would be playing yourself, but baby do you know what I’ve just realized” He says
with a serious look

“What baby?”
“Steven actually looks like Jesus”

I laugh because it’s true, with his long blonde hair.

“We don’t know what Jesus looks like baby”

“No baby we know him and he looks exactly like Steven”

“You are being silly, baby I feel like drinking” I say

“I am working tomorrow baby”

“Can you call in sick?”

“I can but not if you are going to drink two glasses of wine then fall asleep on the couch. If I am
skipping work for you we are turning up for real”

“Okay baby, let’s do it” I say excitedly

“Let me call Khathaza” he says

He speaks to him over the phone then hangs up.

“Okay baby get dressed in your girly things, Khathaza is going to fetch us in the next hour”

“So it will be the three of us?” I ask

“Unless you want to invite someone else”

“Mandisa?”

“Nah baby I don’t want to hang out with my sister please”

“Okay okay let me get ready” I say excitedly

30

“Let me call Khathaza” he says

He speaks to him over the phone then hangs up.

“Okay baby get dressed in your girly things, Khathaza is going to fetch us in the next hour”

“So it will be the three of us?” I ask

“Unless you want to invite someone else”

“Mandisa?”

“Nah baby I don’t want to hang out with my sister please”

“Okay okay let me get ready”

I am in jeans, a top and heels. I hope I don’t regret this, Lwazi is dressed in all black and he still looks
fresh from the hair cut he got yesterday, my man looks yummy.

“Baby Khathaza is here” He says already dancing

We walk out and Khathaza is driving a jeep wrangler, he is also wearing black I must have missed the
memo.
“What’s happening lovers?” Khathaza says as we enter

“Sure bitch” Lwazi says and they laugh

“Where are we going?” I ask

“A friend of mine has a party at his spot maybe we can go check it out” Khathaza says

Khathaza’s phone is on Bluetooth and a call comes through;

“Hey” a girl’s voice surrounds the speakers in car

“Hi baby girl” Khathaza says

I check the ID and it’s Boni calling, oh shit.

“Where are you?” She says

“On the road” Khathaza answers while we drive out

“I miss you don’t you want to come fetch me” Lwazi shakes his head

“I’m occupied tonight baby maybe next time” Khathaza says

“Oh okay Khathaza listen I really…”

“Boni listen you’re on speaker and I’m driving I’ll call you back later okay”

“Oh who are you with?” She asks

“Lwazi and Amanda”

Silence, she hangs up.

“What is happening between you two isn’t cool, you need to be frank with her man because clearly
she caught feelings” Lwazi addresses Khathaza

“I have been nothing but frank, she just doesn’t want to listen”

“But she is our friend Khathaza this is going to complicate things be a man about this” Lwazi says

“Lwazi don’t give me that please I didn’t force her to sleep with me and she is an adult she knew
what she was getting herself into”

“Can we change the subject” I say

I am suddenly feeling sorry for Boni, I can’t be easy being in this situation she is in. I think she needs
to do some introspection and stop chasing after Khathaza.

“Let’s get some drinks first, what are we drinking mam?” Khathaza looks at me from the rear view
mirror

“I don’t know beers?” I look at Lwazi

“Maybe for now but later we need something stronger whiskey or cognac?” he looks at me

“Uhm I don’t mind either way”

He winks at me.
We get to this huge house on top of a hill and there a several houses outside, we park inside and
there are girls by the pool, some are topless. I instantly feel self-conscious, so this is what they get
up to at these parties. Lwazi holds me from behind and kisses my cheek as we walk inside the house,
when we enter the guys greet everyone and I am introduced to a bunch of people. We sit on the
couch and Lwazi makes me a drink, I sip my drink and observe my surroundings. People are drinking
and laughing and mostly in Zulu so I keep quiet and sit next to my man.

A few hours later we are tipsy and I have loosened up a bit, Khathaza is on the dance floor and Lwazi
was right he is the better dancer, I can see the girls make a bee line to his direction. Some girls are
even trying to speak to Lwazi in front of me but he includes me in the conversations and that drives
them away. A dark skinned beauty with a black jumpsuit walks up to us and Lwazi’s face changes.

“Khabazela” She says sitting on the table in front of him

“Khanyi” He says

“Long time no see” she gives him a seductive smile

I clear my throat.

Lwazi looks at me and takes my hand into his.

“This is my woman Amanda, baby this is Khanyi the one who called the other day” He says

“Oh so you are Amanda” She says looking at me up and down

“Yep” I say

“So you did get the message and why didn’t you call me back?” She says pushing his arm

“Khanyi we are not friends are we?”

“No but…”

“So what do we have to talk about?” He says with a hard expression

“So I am not allowed to call you now?” She raises her brow

“I don’t see why you should” Lwazi plays with my fingers

“I see well it was good seeing you, can I have Mandisa’s new number?” She says

“Baby please give her Mandisa’s number my battery is dead” He says

I take out my phone and I scroll to Mandisa’s number and I stare at this Khanyi girl.

“No don’t worry doll I’ll get it from Khathaza” She says getting up

She shakes her ass and walks away.

“Are you okay?” He asks me

“I’m fine baby” he kisses me

Khathaza comes back and settles next to us.

“Bru I just saw your ex” He says

“Yeah we saw her” Lwazi says

“She looks good, do you mind if I hit that?” Khathaza asks

“Knock yourself out” Lwazi says

Khathaza laughs.

“You really love this snow flake don’t you” He pinches my cheek

“Yes I do now stop touching my girlfriend” Lwazi says

“Amanda where is Jo?” Khathaza asks with a naughty smile on his face

“Home I think”

“Shall we go visit her?”

I look over at Lwazi and he shrugs.

“Just to say hi”

“We should call her first” I say

“Let’s go then this party is getting old” Khathaza says

We walk out and when we are in the car I call Jo.

“Hey Manda” She answers

“Hi Jo where are you?”

“We are at the pub” She says

“Okay we are coming there now” I say

“We?”

“Lwazi and Khathaza are with me” I say

“Oh really, okay friend call me when you are here it’s a bit full here”

“On a Thursday?”

“There is a battle of the bands competition and Steven’s band is also performing” She says

“Okay we will be there just now” I say

We drive to my old neighborhood and it feels so weird coming back here with Khathaza and Lwazi. I
feel like a visitor in my own home. We get to the pub and I am reminded of the first time I met
Lwazi. Look how far we’ve come, funny how life works out. He looks over at me and places a kiss on
my lips.

“I love you” He whispers and I blush

I call Jo and she was right it’s really full, she walks out and her eyes land on Khathaza, he walks
towards her and picks her up into a big hug. I am shook.

Lwazi is laughing.

Khathaza eventually puts her down and she looks like she is about to cum right there and then, I
have never seen my friend like this.
She manages to greet us finally.

“We don’t get hugs?” Lwazi says smirking

She hugs us and leads us inside the busy pub, Lwazi and Khathaza are the only black people here so
we get a few stares and racist comments are mumbled here and there but the guys just laugh and
keep it moving.

We find Gabi, Max and another girl sitting on a table by the corner. They greet each other and the
girl is introduced as Isabella, we all sit together and Khathaza sits next to Jo who looks visibly
uncomfortable for whatever reason. We order a bottle and I am nestled comfortably in Lwazi’s
embrace.

“So when are we hanging out again Lwazi?” Max asks

“We need to make it soon hey” Lwazi says

“So are you ever going back home Manda?” Gabi asks looking at me

“Why do you want to know?” Khathaza asks her

“I was just asking” She says

Steven’s band comes on and they bring the house down, Jo drags me to the front and we cheer him
on, when they are done we walk back to the guys. Lwazi and Khathaza are laughing about
something. Steven’s band ends up winning the whole completion and they join us for celebratory
drinks. Steven has Jo in his arms and I can tell Khathaza is annoyed, which I find very strange.

“Congratulations Steven” I say high fiving him

“What was the name of that song you performed?” Khathaza asks

“Toothpaste kisses” He says then smooches Jo

“Ncaaaaaaw” we all say with the exception of Lwazi and Khathaza

“I like you hair man, how long did it take to grow it?” Lwazi asks Steven

Steven pulls his hair behind his ear before answering and I see Khathaza stifle a laugh.

“A few months now it grows pretty quickly” Steven answers

“Wamuhle Jesu” Khathaza says

Lwazi shakes his head and looks down holding back the laughter and Steven looks lost.

“He just means your hair is epic” I lie

Lwazi must’ve told Khathaza about the whole Jesus thing but they are misbehaving right now.

I pull them to the side after a moment.

“You guys stop it” I point at them

“What did we do baby?” Lwazi smiles

“You know what you did stop making fun of poor Steven” I whisper

“Invite your friend to come back with us Manda” Khathaza says

“No Khathaza keep your junk in your pants” I hiss

They laugh and we walk back.

“We are going to leave, we have a party we were invited to, do you guys want to join us?” Khathaza
says

“Steven is performing at another gig later so no can do boet” max says

“I think I’m going to call it a night guys I’m not feeling too well” Jo says

“Are you sure baby?” Steven looks at her

“Yeah I’ve got a headache my love” Jo says

“Do you guys mind dropping her off before you leave?” Steven looks at Lwazi

“Of course man, are you ready to leave Jo?” -Lwazi

She nods and kisses Steven and we say our goodbyes and get into the car. Lwazi sits at the back and
Jo hops in the front. Khathaza drives off and off ramps on onto the freeway.

“Khathaza you forgot about Jo, we need to drop her off first” I say in panic

They all laugh loudly, wait did I miss something.

“Jo?”

She turns and smiles at me.

“Don’t worry Manda I’m coming with you guys”

“Don’t you have a headache?”

“I do but Khathaza has painkillers at his place, right Khathaza?” She says looking at him

“I do baby and I have a magic injection” He responds staring at her

“Watch the road Khathaza” Lwazi shouts

“Baby I am lost” I say turning to Lwazi

“I know you are baby don’t worry” He kisses me

We get to Khathaza’s place and I am still shocked by Jo’s behavior but Lwazi says I must stay out of
it. We get to his place and I drag her to the bathroom this is my friend and I need to find out what is
happening.

31

“Manda let go” She snatches her arm from my grip

“Explain” I say

“There’s nothing to explain I just wanted to hang out with you guys can we have fun please?” She
asks

“Fine but you are sleeping at our place” I point at her

She laughs and we leave the bathroom. The guys are in the living room playing music and smoking.
Jo sits next to Khathaza, I give up.

We are having a lot of fun, Khathaza is relaxed for once and Thabo was right he is a lot of fun once
you get to know him. Jo can’t seem to stop staring at Khathaza and he doesn’t seem to mind, Lwazi
keeps brushing my thighs and giving me that look and Jo and Khathaza are too lost in each other’s
gaze to even notice. Lwazi’s pulls me closer to him and kisses me until I am out of breathe. We pull
apart and Jo and Khathaza are nowhere to be seen.

“Baby where are they” I try getting up but he stops me

“Huh ha baby come here” We kiss

“Baby I am worried about Jo, what about Steven?”

“She seems to be very comfortable with what is happening don’t you think?”

I nod.

“So let them be, they are adults don’t be a cock blocker baby”

“I am just worried I don’t want Jo ending up like Boni” I say

“So what do you want to do, stop them?” He cups my face

“I don’t know”

“Let them make their own decisions”

“Are we going to spend the night here?” I ask

“If that makes you feel better about them hooking up” He says

“Let’s go to bed then”

“Are you done worrying baby?”

“Yes baby please continue doing what you were doing before” He smiles and carries me to the guest
bedroom.

Lwazi is still snoring besides me when I wake up. I am not good with sleeping in the morning. I head
to the bathroom and I freshen up and I get dressed and walk into the kitchen. I make some coffee
and just as I finish Khathaza walks in with just sweat pants on.

“You can look but don’t touch” He says

“Thanks but no thanks” I smile

“How are you?” He asks

“I’m okay, you’re an early bird I see” He says

“I am”

He takes my coffee and drinks it, I get up and make another cup.

“Is Jo still sleeping?”

I look at him.
“Yeah she’s out, Lwazi?”

“Same story”

“I’m going for a jog, wanna join me?”

“No thank you think I’ll go wake Lwazi up” I say getting up

“Baby” I shake him

“Hmmmm” He complains

“Please baby” I kiss him all over his face until he smiles

“Baby no why are you up so early?” He opens his eyes

“I brought you some coffee” he gets up and runs to the toilet then comes back in his birthday suit.

“Baby come back to bed” He says

“Have your coffee so we can leave” I say

“Okay my lady”

I make the bed and we get dressed and I find Jo in the kitchen on the phone.

“Yes Ma, I was with Manda, Nee Ma okay” She hangs up and smiles at us

“I need to get home” She says

“Good morning to you too” Lwazi says

“Manda can you request an uber for me, Steven wants to come see me and my mom is complaining”

“Relax Jo you’re going to give yourself a panic attack” Lwazi says

“Don’t you want to eat first?” I ask her

“Nee man I need to go, please Manda”

“Don’t you want to wait for Khathaza?” Lwazi asks

She shakes her head and I request her an uber.

“Relax Jo you will be fine” I try to calm her down

She leaves after a few minutes and Khathaza walks in just a few seconds after that.

“You’re up bru?”

“Yes and you are walking around naked as usual” Lwazi says

He chuckles and looks around.

“Where is Jo?”

“She left already” Lwazi says

“Oh she did?” he has a worried look on his face

“Why are you sad she left?” Lwazi laughs

“Shut up, do you guys want to go and have breakfast at Captain La Vida’s?” Khathaza asks

“Baby?” Lwazi looks at me

“Can we go home and shower first?”

“Okay then wait for me to shower quickly then we will go to your place then to eat” Khathaza says

“Okay then hurry”

He rushes off and is back in twenty minutes looking like a different person, he is even wearing
shades. We drive to Lwazi’s place and we shower together then change and leave for Captain La
Vida’s. I am thankful for this yellow dress, I feel like a girl. We eat and chat merrily and the boys
drink beers while I have a virgin cocktail.

“Manda may I have Jo’s number?” Khathaza says nonchalantly

I hand him my phone and he takes it down.

“Okay so it’s Friday what the fuck are we doing, Thabo just texted me” Khathaza says

“Club One seems like the obvious choice” Lwazi says

“Nah I’m over that place it’s the same old trifling girls, there’s a new spot called Section 80 and it’s
super chilled”

“I’m down, baby are you down?” he looks at me

“Sure as long as Minx joins us I miss her”

“Do you mind if she sits this one out babe, her and Sticks are having problems and I don’t want to
get in the middle of their drama, it gets messy” Lwazi says

“Okay then I’ll invite Mandisa” I say

“That’s fine” He says

“Okay you lovers go back to your nest and do what you need to do I’ll see you later okay” Khathaza
says getting up

We take a cab home and we fall asleep as soon as we get into bed. I feel bad I wasn’t able to go out
with Minx today but I was so tired and Lwazi was sleeping which made me sleepy as well. She says
she understands but I think she is a bit disappointed, she also tried making plans but I made up an
excuse which I hated.

I am wearing a short floral jumpsuit and a silver platform sneaker that Mandisa made me buy, much
better than wearing heels the whole night. I have straightened my hair and I have make-up on with a
red lip. I find Lwazi eating in the kitchen, this guy though.

“Baby really?”

“What I’m hungry” He says

“So what am I going to eat because I thought we would go eat first?”

“We can still eat baby”

I shake my head out. We have dinner and wine and Lwazi eats again.
“One day you are going to shit yourself” I tell him

The comment doesn’t seem too sit well with him because he stops eating or talking to me the rest of
dinner, whatever he needs to know the truth. We get to this Section 80 place and we find Thabo and
Mandisa in deep conversation at the VIP section.

“Hey guys” I greet them

“When did you get here Mandisa?” Lwazi frowns

“Just now” She says avoiding eye contact

Mandisa looks drop dead gorgeous in a coral dress and fluffy heels, she winks at me and smiles.

We order drinks while we wait for Khathaza who clearly wants to make an entrance. After a few
drinks he walks in with Jo in his arm, what the hell?

Jo is wearing her shortest denim shorts and the tiniest crop top with sneakers. Her long golden
blonde hair is cascading over her shoulders, she is bare faced but manages to look effortlessly
exquisite, classic Jolene. I can’t believe her she didn’t even tell me. She comes over to me first;

“I know, I didn’t know he just called me and came over to my place and insisted I come with him
Manda” she says

“And what about Steven?’ I ask

“Manda I am just having fun relax please you like to stress” She says walking over to Khathaza’s side

Jo and Khathaza are all over each other the whole night, Thabo and Mandisa are pretending to be
talking innocently but I know better. Lwazi is dancing and having the best time, I see what he meant
about being a turn up God. I settle next to Mandisa and Thabo;

“So what is happening with Jo and Khathaza guys?” Thabo asks

“They are fornicating” Mandisa says

“I hope she doesn’t get hurt” I say

“Where are Boni and that other guy what’s his name?” –Mandisa

“Jabs man” Thabo laughs

“Yeah not that I miss them” I say

“They are at Club One I think” –Thabo

“And what about the thief and the hooker?” –Mandisa

“What?” I ask

“Baby don’t do that” –Thabo

“Sticks and Minx?”

Thabo nods.

Lwazi drags me to the dance floor and we dance the night away, I had a lot of fun tonight even with
Jo whom I have mixed feelings about. We all drive past McDonalds afterwards and Thabo offers to
drop Mandisa off but Lwazi refuses, shame poor Thabo. We drop her off then go back to his place, Jo
and Khathaza must have gone to his place because we lose them along the way.

Today is the day my mom comes back home and it is also the day I move out of Mandisa’s place and
back home. The mood in gloomy to say the least, I have packed everything and I had to borrow two
of Mandisa’s suitcases thanks to the endless shopping. I have so many clothes and shoes now I feel
like a proper girl. Lwazi is sitting on the edge of the bed looking like he is about to cry and Mandisa is
on the floor on the verge of tears as well.

“Are you sure you have to leave?” She asks

“I do, I appreciate you for letting me stay with you but I can’t stay forever” I speak

“Why not?” She rolls her big eyes

I laugh.

“I am done, Craig says they are on their way home so I guess we should get going” I say

Lwazi gets up and pulls two suitcases out, he is making me feel worse with his mood. I turn and look
around at my room and I sigh before leaving. I stand in front of the kitchen door and Mandisa is
fiddling with her phone pretending to be occupied, she isn’t much of a hugger. I open my arms out
to her and she reluctantly hugs me, we hug for a while and I swear her eyes are glossy when we pull
apart.

“I’m going to miss you so much” I wipe a tear from my face

“Whatever Miranda” She smiles and walks away.

The mood in the car is worse, we drive listening to the radio until we park in front of my house. He
switches off the engine and turns to look at me.

“Baby” I whisper

“Yes my love”

“Thank you for everything, you have no idea how much it means to me” he wipes my tears and
kisses me

I hug him and sob into his chest. I know I am being a baby but I can’t help it the moment is too sad I
even contemplate changing my mind but I know I have to go back home.

“Ay baby stop crying now I am still going to come here as much as I can” He says wiping my nose

“Everyday?” I croak

“Yes baby” we kiss

“Can I help you with your bags or should we call Craig to help you?” He asks

“Let me call him to come out”

I text him.

“Baby what are you going to do after you drop me off?” I ask him

“I am going home to see my parents then ill drive back and cry myself to sleep” He smiles
“You better” We kiss again

“Hey love birds” Craig speaks from outside

We get out and Craig takes my bags in, I hug Lwazi and he drives off, back to square one.

32

All she does is watch television, every morning she baths and puts on her make-up then sits in front
of the T.V. I do all the chores by myself and I hardly have time for my studies let alone any social life.
I have been home for a month now and Craig left three weeks ago, Lwazi picks me up from school
and drops me off sometimes but we haven’t really hung out since the day I left his place. It’s Friday
and I skipped campus because mom wasn’t speaking last night I am worried about her being alone,
Lwazi is angry at me because I don’t want to come to his place tonight but I am just so tired and I
don’t know If I can leave Ma alone in this condition and it’s not like he can come here.

As usual she is in front of the television and I am making her lunch. I hand her the plate and just
stares at it, I guess today she isn’t eating. I let her be and start doing laundry and finish cleaning the
house. When I finish cleaning she is asleep on the couch I cover her with a blanket and I decide to
take a nap. I am awakened by the sound of my ringing phone.

“Hello”

“Baby, I’m outside”

He hangs up.

I walk outside and mom is no longer on the couch so I guess she went up to her room. Lwazi is
parked out and is sitting on the bonnet of his car and music playing loudly. I see Mr. Van Rooyen’s
curtain open.

“Lwazi please turn down the radio” I say

He jumps off and switches it off then comes over to me and starts kissing me aggressively, I push him
back.

“Lwazi are you drunk?”

“Are you coming with me?” He plays with my hair

“I told you I can’t mom isn’t feeling well” I say

He looks at me for the longest time without saying anything, he keeps chewing his gum pulling my
curls.

“Are you still coming to the family vacation next week?”

Shit, I totally forgot about that, I had agreed when he invited me but now I don’t know If I can leave
my mom alone for a week, actually no I can’t. I don’t say anything and he chuckles sarcastically.

“Why are we still together?” He asks and I feel my heart constrict

“What do you mean Lwazi?”

“Clearly you don’t have time for me, If I wasn’t fetching you and driving you home, would I even see
you?”
“Baby please you know how tough things are right now”

“You know a relationship is a two way street right?” He says folding his arms

“I know that Lwazi”

“So what is your contribution to this relationship?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean you don’t call me, you don’t even text me lately you don’t want to hang out with me so
what exactly am I doing here am I wasting my time?”

“Lwazi you know I love you”

“Do you?”

“Of course I do how can you even question that?”

“You know your little friend Jo sees me more than you and she is juggling two guys” He says

What…

“Lwazi I’m sorry I will call you more baby I just didn’t buy airtime this week”

“Don’t tell me you didn’t buy airtime Amanda, I send you money all the time so what’s your
excuse?”

I don’t know what to say.

“I am tired Amanda, I feel like I’m in this alone, when last did you ask me how I was doing. I get you
are going through some things but life doesn’t revolve around you and your problems. Do you know
that your so called friend Minx is missing or do you only care about that woman inside” He says
pointing at my house

“That’s not fair you know she is unwell and she’s my mother” I say

“Okay so answer me one thing, when are you going to have time for me, do you want to check your
diary and tell me when you can squeeze me in?”

I stare at him with pleading eyes, he has to understand.

“Think about that and let me know what you decide” He gets into his car and drives off

I get back into the house and I check on my mom, she is asleep in her room, I go down and draw the
curtains and lock up, I am too sad to eat. I love Lwazi and I miss him so much, he is the only reason I
am still even standing but I don’t know how to handle this anymore, what did I do to deserve this?

Lwazi hasn’t called me the whole week and I feel like I should give him the space and just decide
what to do because I am also overwhelmed. It’s Friday and they are leaving for the vacation today, I
am sad I can’t go but what else can I do. Mandisa calls me, I haven’t heard from her in her while;

“Hey”

“Miranda you slimy bitch”

I smile involuntarily.
“Mandisa”

“Why aren’t you coming to the trip and what have you done to my brother?”

“I can’t Mandisa I can’t leave my mother alone and Lwazi doesn’t understand”

“Listen I am on my way to your house, I am five minutes away and we are going to chat about this
nonsense”

I walk out and Mandisa’s is parked on the street with her famous sunglasses in her convertible.

“You didn’t have to come all the way” I say settling in

“Don’t worry come we are going to have lunch” She says

“Mandisa I need to be home Ma…”

“Ooh now I see what Lwazi means, so you mustn’t have a life now because your mother chose to be
in an abusive relationship and now she is depressed. She subjected you to not only witness her
abuse but to be abused yourself and now you must sit in the house with her every day and have no
life, Manda please”

“So what am I supposed to do Mandisa?”

“You live your life girl, yes she is ill we get it but the doctors said she was okay she just chooses to
stay in the house and be more depressed that’s not your problem, the fact that you moved back
should be enough remember she didn’t bother worrying where you were after your father nearly
killed you”

“She just sits and watches T.V all the time without speaking and I just worry about her” I say

“I get it babe trust me I do but what are you going to do, spend the rest of your life babysitting her?”

We have lunch at Captain La Vida’s.

“So when are you guys leaving?” I ask her

“We are taking the private jet at eight” She says

“I’ve never been on a private jet before” I say

“Well I guess tonight will be your first time” She sings

“Mandisa stop I told you I’m not coming”

“So what should I do with all the bikinis I ordered for you?”

“Mandisa please”

“No please yourself, you are coming even if I have to drag you myself”

“I am not even speaking to Lwazi”

“Who cares, you will sort it out in paradise” She says

“I am scared of leaving my mom for a whole week alone, what if something happens to her?”

She looks like she is thinking then makes a call.

“Zodwa, I am with Manda here and I have half convinced her to come but the problem is that she is
worried about her mother being alone” She says

“Okay” She smiles and hangs up

“What?”

“We have someone who will stay with your mother the whole time you are away” She says

“Mandisa”

“Don’t fight me you will only make me fight you harder, one of the staff is packing their bags as we
speak and Zodwa will drop her off in the next hour” She smiles clearly impressed with herself

“What will Lwazi say you know I haven’t spoken to him since last week?”

“Don’t worry about him we will deal with him at home or on the jeeeeeet” She screams

Okay I am officially excited.

Mandisa insisted on coming in to help me pack for the trip but I think she just doesn’t want me to
change my mind as if I would. I have butterflies in my tummy the way I am so excited and I miss
Lwazi I hope he doesn’t give me a hard time I do think this time I pushed him too far. Well I hope he
doesn’t mind seeing my face for the next week because I am going on vacation baby.

“Ma” I walk into the living room and I switch off the television, she frowns and looks at me.

“What Manda, I am watching my show you know…and what are we having for dinner I’m hungry”

“Ma I wanted to let you know that I am going to be away for a few days”

“Wat?”

“I am going with Lwazi’s family to their holiday home in….”

“No”

“What?”

“Who will I stay with, how will I survive?”

“Ma you can take care of yourself, you’ll be fine but someone is coming over to look after you while
I’m going”

“You can’t leave me Manda, are you choosing these people over your family again?”

“No Ma I am not. I have been here every day taking care of you and you don’t even say thank you
but you can still manage to put on your make-up and shower I think you can handle being alone
besides we are bringing someone over to be with you in case you need anything, she will cook and
clean while I’m away”

“Is this person black?” She spits

I stare at her.

“You know what, stay here alone and see if you this attitude is going to help you” I walk back
upstairs and find Mandisa sitting comfortably on the bed
“Are you ready?” She asks

“Yep let’s get out of here” I drag my suitcase

“Zodwa is here as well”

“Come I need to speak to you two together” I say

We walk past and Mandisa tries saying goodbye to Ma but she doesn’t respond.

We find Zodwa parked outside, she is driving Lwazi’s car.

“I have Sis Doreen here at your service” She says

“Listen guys I appreciate what you have done so much and I’m sorry to inconvenience you…”

“Don’t tell me you’ve changed your mind” She interrupts me

“No I won’t be needing Doreen anymore, I don’t want my mom to abuse her let’s let her be she will
be fine on her own”

“Are you sure?” Mandisa asks

“Yes now please take me away from here” I say

“Lwazi needs to pay Lobola for you so you can move into the Mkhize home officially” Zodwa winks at
me

I shake my head and we follow her back to the Mkhize residence, I am nervous about seeing Lwazi.
My heart is thumping loudly against my chest as we enter.

“Does he know I’m coming?”

“He has no clue, he is sitting there looking miserable” Zodwa says

We walk into the kitchen and we find Mbuso and Sakhile with beers already.

“Amanda” Mbuso screams

“I thought you weren’t coming” He hugs me

“Surprise” I say

“Hey pretty lady” Sakhile hugs me

“Hi Sakhile” I smile at him

“Okay so here is the deal everyone is getting drunk before we leave for the airport” Sakhile says

Laughter.

“Guys I can’t get drunk I don’t want your parents to think I’m a drunk”

“It’s a vacation mom and dad are already drunk themselves” Mandisa says

“For real?” –Sakhile

“Yes mom was having Jagger bombs earlier” Zodwa shakes her head

“Then the party has officially begun” –Sakhile

“Where is Lwazi and Mtho?” -Mandisa

“They are outside with Nosihle” –Mbuso

“Let’s go join them I want to see Lwazi’s face when he sees his muffin” Mandisa says

We walk outside and Lwazi has his back to us, Nosihle and Mthobisi smile at me.

“Manda” Nosihle says

Lwazi turns around sharply and his eyes look like they are about come out of their sockets. He
watches me as I hug Mtho and Nosihle and I stand awkwardly next to him.

“We thought you weren’t coming” Mtho says

“I know Mandisa made me come” I smile

I feel Lwazi staring at me but I’m not ready to face him yet. We sit and chat and everyone is drinking
but I am too anxious to drink, Lwazi leaves with Mbuso to fetch more drinks and I sigh and Mandisa
gives me a reassuring smile. When Lwazi comes back he blatantly ignores me and is drinking with the
guys. I walk over to the children playing in the yard and I greet them and start jumping up and down
with them in the trampoline…

33

When I come out, I spot Khathaza and Thabo standing with Lwazi, I wonder if they are also coming.
Thabo spots me and walks towards me.

“Amanda Amanda” He says

I laugh and he hugs and spins me around, I spot Lwazi staring at us in the corner of my eye.

“It’s been too long man I missed you” Thabo say putting me down

“I actually missed you too”

“You need to give me your number” He says

“I will, so are you guys coming on the trip?”

“Yep, Khathaza had to help out with that one but yeah”

“Does Lwazi still not know about you and Mandisa?”

“No he doesn’t and it’s becoming harder to hide this from him I really love Mandisa and she loves
me we are happy but the hiding is becoming tedious man” He says

“I can imagine well I think eventually you need to have an honest conversation with Lwazi” I say

“Will you be holding my hand?” He smiles

“Well I’m not his favorite person right now so”

“What happened?”

I narrate the whole story about what has been happening in my life and we are sitting on the grass
talking. Thabo is a good listener and I really needed to speak to someone.

Mandisa walks up to us;

“You two need to stop sitting here before my brother punches you in the face” she points at Thabo

“What baby?” He says

“Don’t call me that here firstly secondly Lwazi is pissed you guys have been sitting her for over an
hour and we are about to leave so come Manda” She takes my hand and we walk back

Mandisa was right Lwazi is livid, he gives me a look and clenches is jaw. I ignore him and I follow
Mandisa inside where we find Mr. and Mrs. Mkhize.

“Amanda” Mr. Mkhize shouts

“Hello dad” I say

He laughs loudly.

“Come here and give me a hug” I hug him

The Mrs. doesn’t hug me but she smiles and waves.

“We thought you and Lwazi were fighting” She says

“We were well we are but Mandisa convinced me to come”

“Good for you” She says

“Well it’s going to be a wonderful trip, have they given you something to drink? –Mr. Mkhize

“Yes dad I am okay”

“Well come on you too we don’t want to be late, the drivers are waiting” –Mrs. Mkhize

I walk out and drag my suitcase from Mandisa’s car one of the drivers packs it for me, we are being
driven in blacked out Chevy’s to the airport. I am in the car with Mandisa, Nosihle, Asanda and the
two children Anele and Aphiwe. Lwazi is riding with Khathaza, Thabo, Mbuso and Thabiso (Sakhile’s
son)

Zodwa, Sakhile, Mthobisi and Sizile (Zodwa’s daughter) are in a different car. The last car has the
parents and the two nannies.

We get to the airport and there are two jets waiting for us, I am so excited I’ve even forgotten I am
not speaking to Lwazi. We get there and everyone is arguing about who is getting on which jet.

“No the children must be with their grandparents” Nosihle shouts, she’s already drunk

We eventually find our way inside the jet, there are cream leather chairs and it is huge. The
stewardess has a tray of champagne with a glossy smile plastered across her face. I sit on one of the
single chairs and she hands me a glass of bubbly. So all the ‘party people’ as Nosihle calls it took one
jet and that’s basically all of us excluding the parents, all the children, Zodwa and their nannies.
Lwazi sits in the single seat opposite me and stares at me, gosh can we get over this awkwardness
already. The captain welcomes us and advises that the flight will be two hours and then we should
be landing on The Lagoon Islands. Excitement creeps all over my body as we take off. Lwazi is looking
outside and it’s unlike him to be this quiet and a part of me feels like I shouldn’t have come if I am
going to make his time this miserable.

The party in the jet is too real, Nosihle and Mthobisi are an interesting couple. I think without
alcohol they wouldn’t be together, the love they have for their liquor is mutual and binding. Mandisa
and Thabo keep stealing glimpses at each other while Mbuso is standing and shouting for what I
don’t know. Khathaza seems to be taken by whomever he is chatting with and I wonder if it’s not
Jolene. Sakhile is chatting to Asanda who is next to him and here I am looking at everyone, my eyes
lock with Lwazi’s momentarily then he looks away and closes his eyes. I close mine as well I fall into a
deep sleep.

“Amanda”

Someone is shaking me, wait where am I…then I see him standing over him

“Baby” I say innocently

“We are here wake up” He says

I get up and stretch and we all get into Limos that take us to the most beautiful house on the most
beautiful beach ever.

We drive up on a small road, a tall mountain one side and the ocean on the other. The road is
narrow and meanders uphill on the steep slope. It’s dark but the sky is bright, so bright that you can
see everything plainly. We drive up until we arrive at this enormous beach house and I can’t wait to
see it during the day. The car is parked behind the house and it seems there are people there already
because the lights are on. Mandisa explains there is a house keeper and private chef there already. I
walk out of the car and I pull my suitcase out, I am still a bit sleepy but the air here is crisp I have to
take a deep breath, wow. Everyone is waddling through the sand to the house. As I place one foot in
front of the other my suitcase gets stuck in the sand, I try pulling it and I lose my step and fall face
first on the sand. I feel a set of arms immediately pull me up, Lwazi. I look up at him and he looks
annoyed.

“Amanda are you awake?” His voice still makes the things that cannot be done to happen.

“Amoh” He shouts

“Yes” I say

He doesn’t say anything just grabs my suitcase and leaves me behind. The front is exquisite, we are
literally on the beach. I walk inside and it is white and pale blue interior, beach themed.

“Guys” Zodwa tries getting our attention

“The chef has prepared us dinner we know it’s late but if you want to eat we have food ready. We
don’t have to sit down and make it a big deal. For those visiting for the first time we have nine
bedrooms and I have assigned you guys your rooms in this order; Mom and Dad have the Master
bedroom and I have the second master, Asanda and Mandisa will share a room, Nosihle and
Mthobisi, Lwazi and Amanda, Sakhile will share with Mbuso unfortunately for him”

We laugh.

“Thabo and Khathaza will have their own individual rooms and the children have their own room
upstairs as well they will be bunking together. Our nannies have the cottage outside, those are the
staff quarters. Any complaints?”

We all look around and Lwazi is looking directly at me, if he has an issues he must speak up I don’t
mind sleeping on the couch.
“Okay great everyone knows where their room is, Thabo and Khathaza I’ll show you your rooms the
rest know where to go”

Lwazi walks off with our bags and I follow him upstairs to the third storey and we have the corner
bedroom that has a balcony even. Khathaza and Thabo are on this floor as well. The children the
parents and Zodwa are on the bottom then the couple, the boys and the girls are on the second
storey. Lwazi goes out of the balcony and smokes a cigarette. I unpack my things and hang them in
the closet then I go to the bathroom and shower. I need to break the ice with Lwazi I mean we are
technically still together and I would like to believe that he still loves me. I let the warm water
cascade from my hair down to my face and I suddenly feel like I am not alone. I open my eyes and he
is in the shower with me, the shower is big so we are on opposite ends. He is looking at me with lust
and I am staring at his hard manhood. I decide to leave the shower before something happens
between us and I want us to speak first before jumping into bed together. I dry off and I wear my
night wear and decide to sleep I am too lazy to go downstairs to eat.

“Amanda” I open my eyes and Lwazi is wearing his grey sweat pants in front of me

“Hmm”

“Are you not hungry?” He asks

“I am but I’m tired”

“Should I bring up the food for you?”

I nod and he walks out. At least he still cares about whether I starve or not.

He comes up after a while and places the tray on the bed and my tummy grumbles, he leaves me to
eat alone. Stuffed salmon and a bunch of other weird shit on the plate, all I wanted was a burger and
beer. I place the try on the floor and I text my mother and tell her I travelled safely and I drift off to
sleep. I dream of the ocean and cold cocktails.

I am alone on the bed when I wake up. I walk out to the balcony and I am in love. This place is breath
taking, I snap a few photos from my phone and I admire the light blue and still ocean. This ocean
doesn’t seem to have waves that’s how calm it is and the color is something from your dreams. The
sun is up and there isn’t a cloud in sight but the breeze of the ocean is cooling, it’s going to be a
beautiful day.

When I come out of the shower the bed is made already and I know it has to be the staff because
Lwazi never makes the bed. I didn’t hear him come in last night but I know he slept here because the
sheets smelled like him. I am wearing a short white dress and a flower crown with a little make-up
on as I make my way downstairs to breakfast. I wonder when Lwazi woke up and why he woke up so
early, probably to avoid me.

I find everyone already sitting outside on the long table. I take off my flip flops and I decide to sit
next to Mandisa and let Lwazi be. Everyone is in bright colors and the mood is festive.

“How did you sleep MaBotha?” –Mr. Mkhize

“Like a baby” I smile

“How is your mother doing I hear she isn’t too well these days?” He asks

“She is the same some days are better than others but it’s mostly the same depressive pattern”
“Hmmm well hopefully the doctors can help her” He says

I smile at him and dish up a generous amount of pancakes and syrup, Mandisa is frowning at me and
I assuming that’s because she is eating plain yogurt and fresh fruits and she wants me to do the
same. I pretend not to see her, life is too short. Lwazi seems to be in a better mood today, he is
smiling with his friends and even laughing, that makes my heart smile although I wish I was there
next to him laughing with him. He catches me staring at him and frowns, great he hates me.

After breakfast the family has masseuses coming through for massages. I am sipping on a cocktail
with Asanda, Mandisa, Zodwa and Nosihle.

“I could get used to living like this” –Nosihle

“I know me too” I say under my sun glasses

“We need to come back here just us without the parents” –Mandisa

“I second that” –Zodwa

“But you love hanging out with them Zo” –Nosihle

“They are my parents man someone has to do it, you idiots are always running away from them” –
Zodwa

“Do you miss Sabelo, I miss him so much” -Nosihle

“Of course every day every hour” –Zodwa

“He used to make these family trips so worthwhile, him Mbuso and Lwazi” –Mandisa

“I wish I would’ve met him” I comment

“Me too you would have loved him, he was so much fun but very chaotic used to drive mom up the
wall” –Zodwa

They would always play practical jokes on her” –Nosihle

“I’m sure the guys miss him as well” –Mandisa

I wonder how Lwazi feels about losing a brother in law. I know he was hurt when it happened but we
never really discussed it after the funeral. I have never even made an effort to ask him how he was
doing, maybe he was right I don’t show him I care, I am selfish.

I am feeling more relaxed after the massages but I still feel bad about this whole situation with
Lwazi. I keep thinking about how I never called him or made any efforts to spend time with him after
he helped so much with my mom and just my family drama in general. I vow to make an effort with
him, I love him and he has been nothing but good to me and I can’t lose him.

I am walking around this house trying to find him and I eventually find them by the braai area
drinking and laughing. I feel like I am interrupting a guy moment but I need to start making an effort
and as awkward as this is this is the only way I know how. They stop laughing when they see me walk
towards them I think they sense my nervousness. Lwazi is searching my face trying to find the
answer I walk straight to him and I stand in front of him.

“Hi” I clear my throat

“Hi” He echoes
“Are you hungry?”

What the hell Manda really?

“Uhm not really” he says

Okay what now.

“But I could eat, I can always eat” He says

“Okay” I walk back to the house and I feel all of them staring at me

That wasn’t how I thought this would go but I am just going to make him something to eat and try
my hardest to use this trip to show him that I do care about him. I have made him a chicken and
mayo, bacon and cheese filled roll and sticky wings on the side. The chef helped me so it’s also very
well plated and well presented, I am proud of myself. I get him a cold beer and I walk back to the
guys outside. I hand Lwazi the plate and I can tell he is impressed.

“Did you make this?” He asks biting it

“Yes” I answer

“Where is our food Amanda man?” –Khathaza

“Yeah now I’m also hungry” –Mbuso

“The chef is about to serve you guys lunch” I say

“Is it the same thing?” Thabo is staring at Lwazi’s plate

“No this is especially for Lwazi from me” I say looking at him

He looks back at me with suspicion and goes back to stuffing his place. I leave the boys complaining
and asking Lwazi for a bite. The rest of the day is pretty chilled and relaxed and tomorrow the
activities will begin apparently.

34

I am in Mandisa and Asanda’s room;

“So anyway Lloyd is going to take me to dinner when we come back” –Asanda

“Lloyd is too old for you Asanda” –Mandisa

“Age is just a number” –Asanda

“Tell that to Dad when he finds out” –Mandisa

“Before or after he finds out about you shagging Thabo” –Asanda

“Who is Lloyd?” I ask

“He is one of Sfundo’s friend” Mandisa answers

“Sfundo?”

“Melo’s hot husband” –Asanda

“Aybo this child stop chasing after older men you will get hurt” Mandisa points at her
“Asanda is right Sfundo is hot shame” I say

“Don’t let Lwazi hear you say that, the funny thing is back in the day I made out with Sfundo… it was
before he was with Mel and I was visiting Mrs. N his mother and I was sent to go to his cottage I
can’t remember what it was for but we ended up making out” –Mandisa

“Does Melo know this?” I ask

“Nah, it was a long time ago and it didn’t mean anything” –Mandisa

“So do you plan on sleeping here tonight or are you going to sneak off to Thabo’s room again?
Asanda asks her

“Stop sticking your nose in my business wena” –Mandisa

“Amanda please sleep here with me tonight” Asanda whines

“Don’t do that Amanda, you have a man waiting for you” –Mandisa

“I’ll stay till late Asanda” I reassure her

We stay in the room until midnight playing cards and talking about her high school chronicles,
Mandisa left about an hour ago to Thabo’s room. There is a knock on the door, Asanda goes to open,
Lwazi.

“Lwazi” Asanda says

“Amanda are you coming to bed?” He asks

“I’m coming” I say

He walks away and I wonder if I am forgiven.

When I get to the room he is already in bed and it’s a bit awkward but I change and I slip into bed
making sure not to touch him. My eyes are shut but I am not sleeping and I know he isn’t sleeping
either.

“Amanda” He says and I get Goosebumps

I turn around and face him he looks so sexy right now.

“Lwazi” I say

“Come closer”

I don’t need to be asked twice. He wraps his arms around me and I inhale his scent. He places a wet
kiss on my lips and I shudder.

“Baby” He says hoarsely

My hands are running up and down his back and his one hand is groping my ass.

“I missed you” I say

“You have no idea how much I’ve missed you but I don’t want to talk right now I just want to know
what was inside that sandwich you gave me”

I pinch his back and he laughs.

“It had a secret ingredient” I whisper

“Really, could this secret ingredient be here” He slides his hand inside my pajama bottom and I
moan as his finger brushes over my clit.

“Hmm baby” I grunt

“Do you want me to taste and see if I find it” he licks his lips

I nod frivolously and he disappears under the duvet cover and dives into my pussy with his tongue.

I am sore all over Lwazi fucked me the whole night and I have flashbacks every time I move. I have
the biggest smile on my face this morning and so does he. He holds me from the back and kisses me
cheek. We are outside waiting for the shuttles that are going to take us to some rum distillery. We
are a big group and the parents are joining us today, that’s what Mandisa calls them; the parents. I
sit at the back with Khathaza and Thabo and I think Lwazi wanted me to sit next to him because he is
a bit sour but we drive along the shoreline, and it looks absolutely exquisite. It’s a beautiful day and I
am happy Lwazi and I are back on speaking terms although we haven’t talked things through I am
glad the cold war is over. We arrive at this Tuscany scenery, the place is surrounded by tropical trees
and a stunning nature back drop. The garden at the front as we walk in is just breath taking. We walk
on the mosaic tiled pathway and the bushes on each side are carefully trimmed. The air is cool and
breezy and I definitely don’t miss the polluted city wind. We walk into the distillery and there are old
barrels on display and pictures of the different types of rum as well as random facts plastered
randomly all over the walls. A tall Caucasian man with grey hair and a long grey beard walks towards
us, he doesn’t look old in fact probably in his thirties. He smiles broadly and shakes Mr. Mkhize’s
hand.

“Good morning sir, good morning everyone” He says loudly

“Morning” we all respond

“Welcome to the Montecristo Rum distillery. My name is Rowan and I will be your guide today” He
chirps

“We would like to welcome you and I promise we are going to have a memorable time today, now I
will start by showing you around and take you through and tell you a little bit about the history of
rum and the different kinds of rum” He says quickly

“Now modern rum is usually made using three methods; by either directly fermenting sugar cane
juice or we could create a concentrated syrup from the sugar cane juice and ferment that result or
you process the juice into molasses and ferment that, we use that last option here at Montecristo”
Rowan says as he leads us down a passage of wooden barrels and metals casks.

After walking around and being educated on the fermenting process of rum, we all settle in the bar
area and we start tasting the types of rum.

“Now folks the first method of distilling is called light molasses, the second is called dark treacle or
dark molasses and the third and most popular is called blackstrap molasses” He continues

We are all listening attentively.

“So different types of rum cam be made from the three approaches, however the liquor that is made
from the lower grades of syrup, we usually have to re-distill to remove the pungent flavors” He
voices
“The different climates and soil composition will also affect the final taste of the rum, so usually
people might prefer rum from a specific country or region because ultimately it will each have a
unique and distinct taste.”

“Today you will be tasting the five most common types of rum, the first one is white rum”

A waitron pours a shot of rum in all our glasses.

“The white rum you know from your Mojito, yes ladies…” Mandisa hoots and Rowan laughs

“So white rums are the lightest in flavor and are typically aged three to six months in tropical
climates or up to a year in colder climates. We use the stainless steel casks to distill them and they
offer the most straight forward rum experience”

I take a gulp of it and it burns my throat, we all wince after the first shot.

“As you can taste it’s a little sweet and it has a very subtle and light flavor, it is rarely drunk straight
is often mixed with other ingredients and is quite compatible with many cocktails recipes, the
umbrella drinks for the ladies” He says smiling at Mandisa again, she blushes and I can see Thabo
clenching his jaw.

“Now the next one we are tasting is gold and aged rum which looks very similar to each other, we
will taste these together.”

The lady pours for us once more.

“The aged rum which is aged anywhere from two to ten years will have a golden or amber hue that
are naturally cultivated from the casks it was made in. In terms of taste the aged rum will have more
depth while the gold rum offers a smoother experience. Now the dark rum are mostly a result of a
double distillation and they are very similar to scotch or whiskey. So I advise that you sip this one,
approach it the same way you would a whiskey” He says

We all sip our dark rum, I am actually enjoying this but I think the men are having more fun with the
exception of Thabo who is evidently annoyed by the flirtatious advances from Rowan to Mandisa.

“There is a robust taste initially then you will taste the caramel overtones while experiencing some
tinges of spices on the palette and that strong molasses flavor surrounds your taste buds as it rests
in your mouth” He says walking around the bar

We have tasted so many different rums that we are all officially and royally sloshed. After tasting the
types of rum we went on to taste different brands they have. I am cuddled next to Lwazi and he
keeps making silly jokes, Zodwa, Mbuso and Sakhile are chatting loudly in their own corner.
Khathaza seems to be chatting up the parents, Mthobisi and Nosihle are in their own drunken world
while Asanda, the only sober one smiles down on her phone. I do notice that Thabo and Mandisa are
heavily flirting without guard. I guess the alcohol has really sunk in and no one else takes notice, I am
keeping Lwazi distracted because with liquor in everyone’s system we don’t need any drama.

“Children” Mr. Mkhize raises his voice

We all look in his direction. He has a naughty school boy smile on his lips;

“I am getting the 26 year old bottle for my collection and I will drink that one on my 35th wedding
anniversary with my sugar bear” He kisses his wife on the lips and everyone chants disapproving
comments
“Dad please we don’t need to see such” Zodwa laughs

“I am blessed with a beautiful wife, beautiful children and grandchildren and you know we didn’t
grow up like this so being here is something we never thought would happen but with hard work
and believing in yourself anything is possible” He says with a nostalgic tone

“We love you too daddy” Mandisa screams

“I love you so much my children”

“Are you sure it’s not the rum talking?” –Sakhile

“I’m still your father and I can still beat your ass in the ring” –Mr. Mkhize

“We will see about that when we get home” Mbuso comments

“Challenge accepted but the only thing I need from you boys are more grandchildren” He says
looking at Lwazi

“Dad why are you looking at us?” Lwazi pulls me close to him

“Because that time when you came with MaBotha to the house and she was sick I was sure you
scored and she was pregnant but anyway you are a Mkhize man, very soon she will be carrying your
heir”

I am blushing and looking down and everyone else finds humor in the situation.

“I have to convince her to marry me first” Lwazi says staring at me

“She should be convinced already, you have no game” –Khathaza

“Leave my brother alone” Sakhile defends him

“We are still having fun getting to know each other for now guys” I say

“We can see that you’re having fun, that’s why you can’t keep your hands off each other” Mrs.
Mkhize adds

“So what’s with Thabo and Mandisa, they also look like they are having fun” Mbuso blurts

We all turn and face them and they are sitting very close to each other. Mandisa turns and says
something to Asanda and everyone reconvenes with their conversations.

We leave just as the sun goes down and the sunset just takes you to a different planet altogether,
this place is stunning. We drive back to the house and the party continues till the early hours of the
morning.

Lwazi is carrying me to our room and as soon as he puts me down, I run to the bathroom, and throw
up pugnaciously on the floor. I hear Lwazi curse and make sounds of disgust but I am too drunk to
even care. When I am satisfied I have emptied out everything from my stomach, he removes my
clothes and I stand under the cool shower. I don’t wash I just stand there, half giggling and talking to
myself. Lwazi has cleaned up and I feel a little better after the shower but still quite intoxicated. He
tosses me on the bed and I feel the room spinning, I shut my eyes until I drift off into the realm of
blissful dreams.

35
I am famished when I wake up the next day and it is past eleven in the morning. The room is quiet
and I am alone, wow Lwazi is up already I must have been really fucked up last night. I feel better
than I should but I am still a bit woozy. I might have over indulged last night. Lwazi gets in looking
fresh and clean with a tray of breakfast.

“Good you’re up I thought I would have to fight you to get up” He says

“I am so hungry, food” I open my arms up to him

“Go wash your face and brush your teeth first baby” He frowns

What’s up his ass, I clean up and find him making the bed. It might rain today;

“Why are you so grumpy?” I ask

“I’m not grumpy I just think you took it too far last night and you ended up being really sick…”

“Oh come on Lwazi we are on vacation, yes I took it too far but It’s not like I have a drinking
problem” I give him a look

“Okay I hear you but you don’t listen when you are drunk, I told you to stay away from tequila last
night but you and Khathaza were taking shots and acting crazy”

“So is that what this is about?”

“Yes I tell you to drink water and you agree for your own benefit by the way I go to get you water
and you are taking shots with my friend that wasn’t cool Amoh”

“Are you mad that I drank more than I should or that I was drinking with Khathaza?” I sit next to him

“Both” He looks at me

“I’m sorry, don’t be mad I was drunk it wasn’t my intention to annoy you. Can we move on from this
now I am really hungry?”

“Okay” He says still looking mad

“Can I get a kiss to seal the deal?” I smile

He kisses me reluctantly but I get on top of him and tongue him sloppily until he is laughing.

“Okay I get it damn baby, you are getting heavier Manda” He says

“What, no I’m not” I defend

“Okay never mind let’s eat baby”

I eat and he updates me on the stories I missed from last night.

“I think something is going on between Thabo and my sister” He says and I choke on my juice

“Are you okay baby?”

I nod.

“Yeah anyway last night when we were all drunk, they disappeared and when I looked for them I saw
them walking from the beach into the forest”

“Which sister is this?” I feign confusion

“Mandisa” He says

“Would that be such a bad thing?”

“Not really Thabo is a good guy but if he fucks around with my sister it would be the end of our
friendship, so if something is going on I hope for his sake it ends in marriage otherwise I will fuck him
up” He says looking lost in his thoughts

“So do you see us ending in marriage then?”

He turns and his expression softens.

“Of course baby” He kisses me and licks the jam from finger

“I see” I blush

“So baby I think maybe today we lay off the liquor after yesterday, damn that rum had me talking to
myself at some point” He says

“I know baby and everyone was fucked up I think at some point your mother kissed me, shit your
mother was kissing me and telling me she loves me yesterday at the rum place” I giggle

“It was epic baby but of course she loves you she just likes to act tough but underneath the façade
she is the sweetest”

“It was good to see that side baby, I am glad I decided to come” I say

“So tell me Amanda why didn’t you feel like you had to make an effort to spend time with me? His
face changes

So I guess we are doing this then…

“I don’t know Lwazi”

“You have to know sisi” He says tightening his jaw

“I am scared Lwazi”

“What are you scared of?” He takes my hand

“I really care about you, you mean so much to me but I am scared of expressing that sometimes”

“What is stopping you from showing me just how much you love me?”

“I don’t know sometime I think you are too good to be true, that this is too good to be true and I fear
that the moment I let my guard down and I surrender to my feelings you will change”

The lump in my throat.

“Continue baby” He says smoothly

“If I let myself go and I allow myself to love you completely what happens to me when you decide
you don’t want me anymore Lwazi, what will I feel if I bare my soul and let you into my deepest fears
and insecurities and you walk away I don’t know the thought alone is too much to bear, I love you
that I cant deny but sometimes I don’t know how to be that vulnerable with my feelings it’s not how
I grew up. I have gotten used to hiding my feelings, I’ve mastered the art of suffering alone in my
silence because I know that I will never let myself down. People change Lwazi I’ve seen it happen in
front of my eyes, my father wasn’t always this unhappy my mother wasn’t always this weak my
brother wasn’t always this closed off. There was a time and it was very long ago because the
memories are very vague in my mind. There was a time where when I looked up to my mother I
thought she was the strongest woman I know, where my father smiled at me and played with me,
where he asked me about my day and although he wasn’t vocal about his love for me, I knew he
loved me. There was a time where I could talk to my brother about everything that scares me and
everything I feel without fear of being judged or without being ignored or dismissed. I don’t know
maybe that is the way life works out maybe there is something or someone that snatched away our
happiness. I know what it feels like to be open and to be affectionate but I am scared Lwazi you are
amazing and I love you so much but I am scared to shit that there is a different side to you that will
diminish how I see you that will take our the colorful Lwazi that I know and love. I am scared that if I
love you might stop loving me the way you do”

Lwazi takes a huge sigh and shakes his head, he pulls me to him and kisses me momentarily.

“Listen Amanda I don’t know what it feels like to grow up with parents like yours and maybe we
come from different backgrounds. I know that you are carrying your pain on your shoulders but baby
you have to let go, you have to make peace with what has happened no matter what happens
between me and you, the pain that you have experienced all the shit you have been through doesn’t
define who you are. Baby you have to heal, and there is nothing I tell you that will convince you
unless you believe that I love you and you believe that you deserve to be loved and spoiled and so
much more. I know we are young and we are still figuring out this life thing and baby I don’t have all
the answers but I want to figure it out together. My parents taught me that life is going to be hard
and life is going to be unfair sometimes but those experiences are only there to prepare you for the
greatness that awaits you. Amanda I love you and I am a guy that is very forthcoming with his
feelings I get it, I can be a pain sometimes maybe I might even be clingy and overbearing but it’s only
because I love you so much. I don’t know what is going to happen tomorrow or the next day but I
can only guarantee what I feel now and right now Amanda I am so in love with you. That night when
we met was the best night of my life, I replay it almost every day in my mind. I think about how shit
scared I was to talk to you because I thought this white girl doesn’t want anything to do with my
black ass, and the funny thing is I have never imagined myself with someone outside my race, I have
kissed a few people out of my race but I never thought I could be in love with someone who wasn’t
black. Then I saw you every time I imagine your face that night I try to find what it was that attracted
me to you and to be honest I still don’t know but somehow when I looked at you I thought wow, I
want to talk to her and the rest was history. What I am saying is baby we don’t know what the future
holds but we can’t be so costumed in wondering that it takes away from this moment we have right
now. We might have things that have transpired in the past that hurt us but we can’t live there, at
some point we need to realize that the only moment that is real and exists is now baby. Right now
it’s me and you I am looking into those greenish bluish eyes and I am in love and I wish I could just
stare at you forever. I want to touch you and kiss you and have fun with you and just live, no pulling
back no regrets we only have one shot baby, live with me” He wipes the tears from my face

“I am sorry for not giving you the love you deserve Lwazi, I am sorry for not being in the mom with
you. I promise to try and to let go”

“Listen baby you don’t need to make any promises to me I just need you to forgive your parents,
forgive life and forgive yourself. I know you love me because I feel it but I do think you need to show
it more, talk about your feelings more let’s grow together baby no one is perfect. Can we just make a
pact to communicate better yes we will fight baby but as long as you still love me promise to always
come back to me and I promise the same, the rest we can figure out along the way”
“Okay baby, come here” I say to him

Lwazi pulls me onto his lap and kisses me slowly and tenderly and I reciprocate. My body gets warm
and tingly as his hands run over my back, my arms are wrapped around his neck and my eyes are
closed. ‘Hmmm’ Lwazi moans, I love how expressive he is…I love this man so much. I am pinned
under him very swiftly and he removes my top and he starts sucking my nipple, I am huffing and
puffing and my back is arched. He moves to the other nipple and bites on it making me moan. After
some time he kisses me with more need now but he still paces himself. I guess we are making love
today.

He moves down to my honeypot and licks up and down a few times before sucking on my clit. His
tongue twirls around my nub and I scream loudly, I feel a finger enter me as he continues to flick on
my clitoris with his skillful tongue. ‘Lwazi fuck baby I’m gonna cum” I groan. He doesn’t stop he just
flicks harder and lightly grazes over it with his teeth and grind against his face, ‘Yes baby ahhhhh god
yes…yeeeeeeees” I lock my legs around his neck and jerk violently as I climax. ‘Baby that was so hot’
Lwazi whispers when he resurfaces from between my legs. I don’t respond I am still recovering and
his fingers are back inside me moving in and out. ‘Fuck you’re so wet Amanda, do you see how hard I
am for you’ He makes me hold his rigid manhood, I direct it to my center and he enters slowly while
making that beautiful sounds he always makes at the first thrust. ‘Do you know how good you feel
right now Amoh fuck’ he says as he pulls out, ‘baby please I need you’ I find my voice. He slides his
dick up and down my slippery wet slit and I moan loudly then he thrusts himself completely and
starts moving around deliciously. I am mumbling and cursing and Lwazi’s jaw is clenched and his
eyes are full of so much need and enjoyment. He looks at me and gives me a quick wink and smile
before holding me tightly against him and moving around in circular motion inside me. I am
screaming so loud I feel sorry for anyone who walks past our door. I feel my second orgams
approach and Lwazi pulls out and turns me around, he always like having me from the back when he
comes. I balance my elbows on the bed and bury my face on the pillows. My ass is thrown back and
Lwazi grabs my boobs from underneath and slams into me. He fucks me hard and quick and his other
hand travels to my nub of joy and flicks on it rapidly and I feel my body shake as I cum once again, he
follows soon after and we fall onto the bed.

“Fuck baby that was awesome” He says

“I am leaking” I say

“Oh shit” he runs to the bathroom and wipes me and we cuddle in post orgasmic bliss.

“Nothing can beat that baby”

“Baby today is going to get better because we are going to take you inside the forest and we are
going to walk to the most beautiful waterfall you have ever seen” He says

“Really who’s coming?”

“Everyone except the parents they will spend the day at the spa and shopping” He says

“Okay cool when do we leave I am excited”

“In the next hour actually, Mandisa is already painting her face”

“I should shower then”

“Not before I get another round” He gets on top of me

“Ah Lwazi nooo” I run into the bathroom

Zodwa and the other ladies insisted I wear as little clothing as possible on top of my bikini and I must
say they did well. This place is magnificent but it is hot as hell. We are wearing shorts and vests over
our bikinis and this is more of a hike than a walk. I am huffing and puffing through as we make our
way through the tropical forest.

“We are not even halfway there” Mandisa says looking perfect with full make up on

“What, fuck” I stop to catch my breath

The guys are no longer in our sight, they are probably there already. They decided this was a good
time to compete and see who could get there first and now I am struggling at the back of the trail. I
am literally out of breathe and sweaty and everyone is ahead even Nosihle and Asanda. Mandisa is
lagging behind and I suspect she just feels bad for me.

“Look at you Miranda you look like a pig in a sauna, hot sweaty and fat. I told you need to exercise
but you don’t listen… honestly” She says flaring her little nostrils

“Shut the fuck up Mandisa, you are not helping” my chest is burning

“How do you even have sex if you’re this unfit my poor brother must be pulling all the weight” She
says

“I’m going back home” I look up

“Don’t be a fat pig all your life, imagine Lwazi is waiting for you to get to this beautiful waterfall so
you can experience it together and you quit along the way because you couldn’t even walk there
come on”

“If you call me fat one more time I am going to snatch that wig and toss it up that tree”

“Now you are just talking crazy, come lets go” She pulls me by hand

My chest is tight and my head is throbbing by the time we get to our destination. I have to fall on the
ground and recover before admiring the beauty. Once I’ve caught my breath and I recover my sight, I
look around and realize how spectacular this place is.

“Oh my God” I say

“Yep this is a little paradise isn’t it” Nosihle says taking off her vest

The waterfall is exquisite and runs into a huge clear river. The bamboo forest is a leafy paradise, it
looked like we were in this big room made of trees and leafs and in the middle the most exquisite
stream of water. The guys have already jumped in and splashing water everywhere, Zodwa is setting
up the camp chairs and mats for us to sit and have our lunch I assume. Lwazi runs out of the water
and his tiny short clinging to his endowed manhood, luckily I am the only one who cares to notice.
But my man is sexy though.

“Baby are you coming in?” He says touching my face with his wet hands

“I am love I was just catching my breath”

He kisses me and runs back and splashes into the river.

I remove my clothing and I am a little embarrassed to be in this tiny bikini and I remember Jo singing
to me to come out of her closet. I jump into the stream and yelp as I come up from under the water,
the water is deeper than I thought. Lwazi is all over me in no time and he carries me on his back
swims over to under the running waterfall. We are all having the time of our lives splashing around
in the water even Zodwa is swimming.

We all take a break and settle down to have our lunch, I am on Lwazi’s lap and we are feeding each
other, Khathaza looks at us and shakes his head;

“So being in a relationship means you can’t even eat alone in peace?” He glares at us

“Leave us Khathaza” I stick my tongue at him

“He is just mad he couldn’t invite Joleeeeene” Thabo chuckles

“Shut up Thabo before I expose you”

Thabo stops laughing instantly at that last comment.

“Expose him for what?” Lwazi raises his voice

Silence. I see Mandisa panicking

“Baby” I face Lwazi

“Yes my muffin”

“Have you guys ever jumped from up there?” I say pointing at the top of the mountain

They all laugh, at least I was able to change the subject.

“Baby we don’t want to die” Khathaza says

“I am warning you Khathaza stop being forward with my girlfriend, this is the last time I talk to you
about this” Lwazi says firmly

“You need to learn how to relax man, here smoke something” Khathaza tosses a big bag of weed and
Lwazi catches it

“Now you are talking” Sakhile comments

“Do you have rolling paper?” Mbuso asks

“Yep” Khathaza hands it to Mbuso and he starts rolling a blunt

“The nice thing about being here is weed is legal this side” Mthobisi says

“For real?” I squeal

“Yeah so I say let us all get high and have fun” Khathaza says smiling slyly

36

An hour later we are all high and I don’t know what is in this weed but I am in another planet right
now. The forest looks more colorful and everyone is laughing non-stop. Nosihle seems to be more
paranoid than anyone else.

“What was that?” –Nosihle

“Maybe there are wild animals that live here” –Khathaza

“Stop your bullshit Khathaza man, scaring my baby” Mthobisi holds Nosihle from the back

“Fuck I am high” Zodwa says

I’ve never heard Zodwa cursing so she must be really high. Thabo is staring at Mandisa and she is just
stoned and zoned out.

“Thabo why are you staring at my sister like that?” –Lwazi

“I just think that your sister is beautiful bra” –Thabo

The weed has given him bigger balls and Mandisa is blushing like a school girl.

“She is pretty shame but only with make-up on” Lwazi says

Mandisa kicks Lwazi and he laughs loudly.

“Stop it baby” I speak

“Whose side are you on?” He says kissing me

“Guys do you think we should play a game?” I say

“This can’t be good” Mbuso says

“I haven’t even said anything” I complain

“I know white people and their games, someone will end up hurt or missing” He says

“Leave my girlfriend alone wena, baby tell us” Lwazi says

“Let’s play hide and seek” I grin

“You must be really high” Nosihle says

“But actually I think it might be fun” Khathaza defends me

“Yeah let’s see who gets paranoid and gets lost” Thabo says before chuckling

“Whoever is the first to be discovered must jump from there into the water” I point

“Ah I told you guys someone will get lost and someone will get hurt” Mbuso throws his hands in the
air

“I like it lets do it” Lwazi says

“Thank you for the support baby”

“Let’s do it” Mandisa says

I am high and I am alone walking through the forest, we all decided to split ourselves into two
groups; the hiders and the seekers. The girls are hiding and the guys are seeking. I hide behind this
big tree right at the bottom and I am squatting so no one can find me. It only takes a few minutes
before Lwazi startles me from behind.

“Lwazi how did you find me?”

“I was following you baby, you are so slow shame I had to chill for a few seconds to make you think
you actually had a chance” He says sliding his hands under my vest

“Does this mean I must jump?”

“It means we are alone” He kisses me

I return the kiss and my little hands are all over his muscular body. Lwazi keeps laughing and ruining
the moment;

“Lwazi man what’s so funny?” I scold

“Baby you came up with the idea of hide and seek and then you hide behind the first tree you see,
did you want to lose?” He laughs

“You are an idiot” I punch him

“And you love me, don’t you?” HE’s not laughing now

“I do, so much baby and Lwazi I know I was wrong for neglecting you…”

“Shhhh baby not now, kiss me” He doesn’t have to ask twice

I am naked against the tree in a flash and Lwazi is fucking me like a wild animal. The pain from my
bare ass rubbing against the tree trunk is overshadowed by the pleasure I am receiving as Lwazi hits
the right spot. Just as I feel my body getting warm, he grunts and releases his load inside me.

“Baby are you done?”

“I’m sorry my love, I’ll make it up to you later” He kisses me

I roll my eyes at him.

“Baby technically it’s your fault you are just so warm and…”

“Yeah yeah whatever, you owe me”

“Okay my love”

“Actually” I say

“What?”

“Let’s jump baby”

“Ah hah Amoh” He complains

“Please my muffin, it won’t be as scary if we do it together” I beg

“I am so high right now baby, what if we get injured ay baby”

“Please baby do it for me, I’m begging” I cradle his face with my hands

“Fuck, okay” He hisses

“Yes” I yelp in excitement

The view from the top is a once in a lifetime experience, we can see everyone at the bottom but I
don’t think they have noticed we are up here.
“Baby this is fucking pretty I can’t believe we have never come up here to see this” He says

“It is right, so are you nervous?”

“I am but I am a man baby let’s do this” He says

I don’t know if it’s the weed or the sun setting but this moment is magical. The medley of the
different colors, the ambers, the different shades of green, the blues of the sky and ocean. I think
the weed is doing it’s magic, I am high as fuck. My thoughts are broken by Lwazi’s scream. He is
shouting at the gang at the bottom, they look up and shout back. Mbuso is screaming for Lwazi not
to do it.

Lwazi looks at me and I take his hand.

“Okay baby I’ll count us down” I say

“Okay” He lets out a long breathe

“I love you” I giggle nervously

“I love you more baby I knew dating a white girl would end badly”

“Stop it Lwazi” I am also nervous

“Fuck” He says after looking down

“Don’t look down baby”

“Okay shit” He cries

“Okay 3,2,1..”

“Wait baby”

“What Lwazi you’re making me scared now”

“I want to ask you something in case we don’t make it”

“What?”

“Do you think I’m handsome?” He asks

“Lwazi I swear I am going to push you in myself”

“I’m kidding that’s not the question” I turn and look at him and he looks nervous and serious at the
same time

“What’s the question baby?”

“Marry me muffin”

What?

“Lwazi…”

“Let’s get married, if we make it out of this alive, I want you to be my wife. Amanda Mkhize” He says

“Are you serious, I can’t tell if you are joking or not”

“Serious enough to jump off a cliff with you MaBotha, I love you with all my heart and I don’t want
to drive all the way to Portland east just to see your pretty face every day. I want us to start a life
together…I would love to tell you all the romantic details but baby please say yes so we can jump
and get the hell out of this scary fucking cliff”

I laugh.

“If we make it, I will marry you” We kiss briefly

“Okay 3,2,1 JUMP”

Screams.

“That was awesome” Lwazi screams as resurface from under the water

“That was epic baby” We kiss

The others are screaming and cheering us on.

“Are we officially engaged?” I ask him

“Not officially, we have to get through the traditional process baby but we are getting married” He
screams

“Let’s keep it between us for now” I whisper

“No problem” We kiss

It’s our last day on the lagoon islands and we are spending the day on the family Yacht. We spent the
whole morning getting ready, Mandisa applied make-up on me and chose my dress for me. All the
women are in long tropical looking dresses. Mrs. Mkhize is wearing a white linen wrap around dress
and it sits just above the knee. She has the nicest legs and feet, she has on a Cartier scarf on her
head and her weave flows underneath. The husband is matching in all white as well. The rest of us
are in bright printed dresses. My dress is see through and matches my one piece bathing costume
underneath. Asanda has managed to tie my hair into two cornrows on each side. Mandisa has the
most dramatic flower crown made from fresh flowers on her head. The boat is massive, I have to
pinch myself to remind myself that this isn’t a dream. There is a lounging area complete with a bar
and leather couches. Downstairs two bedrooms and a bathroom. We make our way outside to the
top of the yacht where there is a small Jacuzzi. This is not real life.

Soon we are all in our swim wear laying out on the boat and basking in the sun, well Mandisa and I
are, the others are drinking…

37

Soon we are all in our swim wear laying out on the boat and basking in the sun, well Mandisa and I
are the others are drinking.

“Mandisa this has been the best trip ever, I’ve never had so much fun. Thank you for convincing me
to come” I say

“My pleasure love, this place is just heaven, it sucks that we have to leave tomorrow”
“I know right, I wonder how Ma is doing”

“I’m sure she is okay, where is your dad by the way?”

“I have no idea but I am dreading going back home and I do hope that wherever he went he stays
there”

“Well you know I miss you right and I would give anything to have my roommate back”

“I know I miss you too, but my mom doesn’t have anyone else right now”

“I know this sucks Lwazi must miss you as well. Would you consider moving in with him?”

“I think I might have to pretty soon” I say

“What do you mean, are you like pregnant or something?”

“No, promise to keep it to yourself” I stare at her excitedly

“Promise, tell me”

“He asked me to marry him, that day in the forest but he hasn’t spoken to his dad so we decided not
to tell anyone” I whisper

“What…Congratulations Miranda” She jumps me for a hug

“Mandisa” I giggle

“Hey what are you ladies up to here?” Khathaza and Thabo walk towards us

“Nothing we are just happy to be alive” Mandisa says with the biggest smile on her face

“If you are thinking of doing any freaky girl on girl shit, please call me to watch” –Khathaza

“You need prayer” –Thabo

“Amanda I must say you look great with darker skin” –Thabo

“Thank you Thabo, you guys also look nice”

“Don’t lie we look dark as hell” –Khathaza

We all laugh.

“Where is my boyfriend?” I say looking around

“Drinking with his brothers” –Khathaza

“I miss him”

“Oh come on you were just with him five minutes ago” Thabo says

“So we are going on Jet Ski’s who’s with us?” –Khathaza

“Me” I raise my hand

“Me too” Mandisa adds

“I think everyone is doing it” Thabo comments

“I think you should speak to Lwazi about your relationship with Mandisa he already suspects
something is up” I say looking at Thabo

“I will tonight” He answers

“So I am the only one who is still single?” –Khathaza

“You have been spending every day and night with Jolene for like the past two months Khathaza,
you don’t think you guys are an item in her eyes” –Thabo

“We just click and she knows how to have fun but no we are not an item, you know me man I like to
keep my options open, very open” He smiles

“Come on Khathaza be real and at least admit you have feelings for her, you guys are always
together” -Mandisa

“She has a boyfriend and I can’t be her boyfriend” Khathaza says

“Why can’t you be her boyfriend?” I ask him

“I don’t know, I have issues with commitment haven’t you already noticed. I am turned off by love”
He says

“Yoh that’s hectic” I say

“You have no idea” Thabo says

“I am okay man, the arrangement I have with her works for me this way she doesn’t start dropping
the L-word on me and I don’t have to change my number” He says

“So you have never been in-love Khathaza?” I stare at him

“Not really no” He says

“Wow”

“Don’t lie man, he was in-love Amanda with a girl and she broke his heart” Thabo laughs

“I am going to kick your teeth in” Khathaza points at him

“Anyway Amanda wanna ride with me on the Jet Ski?” Khathaza winks at me

“No ways I’m riding with my muffin” I say

“Alright but if you want to walk on the bad side let me know” He says

“Don’t fall for it Amoh it’s all an act there is no bad side here” Thabo points at him

I have never been on a Jet Ski before but it seems exciting. I am sitting behind Lwazi holding on for
dear before the engine roars and he takes off, not before I scream at the top of my voice.

After a few rides I am riding with Mandisa, than Mbuso even Khathaza took me for a ride. The
parents were the funniest because they fell off the Jet Ski and Mrs. M is still shouting at Dad for
getting her hair wet, yeah I call him dad now.

It has been a fantastic day and a fantastic trip and I can’t help but feel sad it has come to an end. Last
night after spending the whole day on the ocean in the yacht we had dinner on the boat before
coming home and enjoying drinks before retiring to bed. Well I went to bed early and I slept with
Mandisa and Asanda, I just didn’t feel like sleeping next to drunk horny Lwazi tonight.

I am packing and Lwazi is passed out on the bed, I knew drinking last night would be a bad idea. I end
up having to pack for him as well. The jet leaves at three, and it’s ten in the morning now but I just
want us packed and showered by twelve so we can enjoy the beach once more before leaving. After
packing I shower and I change into short red dungarees and a white top underneath. My curls
seriously need some TLC but I plan to go to the salon with Mandisa once we get back home. I tie
them up and make my way downstairs and find the parents, Sakhile and Zodwa sitting in the lounge.

“Morning” I greet

“Morning angel” Mr. Mkhize answers

“Morning Amoh” Mrs. M

Sakhile smiles and winks.

“There is breakfast in the dining room but you kids didn’t get up early enough” Mrs. M says

“I have been up since seven but I was packing for us” I say

“Is he still sleeping?” Sakhile asks

“Yes, he is passed out snoring even” I respond

“Like father like son” Mrs. M smiles

“The guys were up until the sun was up this morning no wonder they are still sleeping” Mr. M says

“I couldn’t, the water made me so tired and I knew I would feel like crap this morning if I didn’t get
my rest” I add

“True we need our beauty sleep” Mrs. M smiles at me

“I’m going to get some breakfast” I get up and head to the dining room

After eating I head upstairs to find Mandisa since Lwazi doesn’t look like he will be waking up any
time soon.

“Hey Asanda where is Mandisa?” I find Asanda rolling on the bed on her phone

“She said she went looking for you” She says without looking at me

I walk to Thabo’s room and I knock on the door but there is no answer for some reason I decide it’s a
good idea to open the door and I regret it immediately when I find them on top of each other in a
steamy kiss. I shut the door and run back to my room. This man is still sleeping so I leave and I decide
to chill on the beach and lay out on the hammock but I end up falling asleep because Mandisa is
shaking me and waking me from the deepest sleep.

“Hey wake up I’m bored” She says

“Arg I came to look for you but you and Thabo were dry humping on the bed” I say

“Don’t hate because your man is passed out”

“Is he still sleeping?”

“No he’s up and grumpy as fuck”

“He is probably just hungry let me go check up on him” I say getting up

“No let’s hang out, take a walk on the beach”

“No I didn’t interrupt you when you were busy with your man please man”

“You suck” She shouts and I leave her on the beach

I find Lwazi looking like he is about to curse someone in the lounge.

“Baby” I hold him from the back

“Hey babe”

“Hey what’s wrong?”

“I’m tired baby and I’m hungry and the chef is telling me there isn’t any breakfast anymore and they
are only preparing lunch now, what the fuck am I supposed to eat?” He looks so cute when he’s
angry

“Baby calm down let’s go make you something okay” I say

“Baby please make me something I’ll wait for you in our room I don’t want to talk to anyone”

He walks away. I thought we could make the food together but apparently not.

I make him two wors rolls and I bring him a packet of chips. I watch him eat and his mood gets
lighter, I swear if I didn’t like cooking Lwazi wouldn’t like me. He finishes then walks towards me and
kisses me.

“Thank you baby” He says

“You’re welcome are you okay now?”

He smiles.

“You are scary when you are hungry baby, you need to shower because we are leaving soon”

“Have you packed baby?”

“Yes”

“Thank you”

“I am going to make the bed please shower”

“You don’t need to baby, the staff will do it” He strips naked and winks at me

I make the bed anyway and I take the dishes downstairs. Khathaza, Thabo and the rest of the guys
are drinking beers and playing pool.

“You guys are still drinking?”

“Hair of the dog” Khathaza raises his bottle

“Shame” I say

“Is your man up we are leaving any minute now?” Sakhile asks
“He’s in the shower but we are packed already”

“Thank God you are around, we are always late because of him” Mbuso adds

The limos arrive after a few minutes and we get all our bags downstairs. The ride to the airport is
bitter sweet, it’s been an epic trip but I am sad to leave this gorgeous place. Most of the people are
asleep on the jet including Lwazi who is cuddled next to me snoring. My man loves sleeping shame. I
think about my mom I am not going to let her sour mood get me down. I know she is going through
a lot but I can’t let her bully me anymore. When I get home I will work extra hard to make sure she
doesn’t rub off her negativity on me. On the other news, I can’t believe I am engaged!

The Mkhize’s are so cute they all insisted that I get dropped off first, so all the cars are parked
outside and I am the first person they drop off. Lwazi has been grumpy since he woke up, I know
that he is hung over and tired but I also know that he is just angry that I am going home now. My
man is very clingy when he wants to be not that I am complaining if it were up to me I would also be
next to him all the time. Mandisa gets out and takes my hand as we follow Lwazi who is dragging my
suitcases towards the house. The door is shut and it doesn’t look like it has been opened the whole
day. I slide the key into the keyhole and turn the handle open;

“Noooooo Lwazi, Ma…” I scream

An image I won’t ever be able to remove from my mind, my mother’s body hanging from the ceiling.
I am on the floor and my ears are ringing. I can’t move nor speak I just watch Lwazi jump into the
living room and jump on top of the table and hold her body while he screams for help. Mandisa runs
back in with Khathaza, Thabo followed by Sakhile, Mbuso and Mr. Mkhize. I watch them work
together to save her if she is even still alive, Khathaza is cutting the rope that she hangs from. Sakhile
is performing CPR on her while someone shouts that the ambulance is on its way.

“Baby” Lwazi is shaking me

“She is going to make it okay, we think she only hung herself a few minutes before we arrived baby.
The ambulance is on its way my love” He says

I nod and he pulls me up and holds me tightly.

The ambulance has arrived and they have an oxygen mask on her face as the stretcher is rolled into
the back of the ambulance. I have a headache, a strong throbbing headache and I just want to sleep
for a week. I am tired.

38

We are in Lwazi’s apartment, Mandisa is here I am guessing she is going to spend the night here
because she is in her night wear. I still haven’t said a word and I think they are starting to worry.
Mandisa walks up to me;

“Babe say something we are worried, Lwazi is almost in tears worried about you” She says

“I’m okay” I say in a rasping whisper

“Your mother is okay babe, we will go see her tomorrow we were worried about you but Sakhile and
Zodwa are at the hospital with her” She says touching my hair

“Thank you” I say

“Anything for our future makoti” She smiles and I smile involuntarily
“Take a hot bath my love and please go get some rest and tell your man to calm down” She says

I walk into his bedroom and I find Lwazi on the phone;

“Yes, okay please stay there until you are sure she will be okay” He says before saying something in
Zulu and hanging up

He turns around and sees me and walks over to me. We hold each other and we stay like that for a
while.

“Are you okay?” He has a worried look on face and his brows are burrowed

“Yes, is she going to be okay?” I ask

“Yes the doctors says she is fine but they will keep her for observation, they also think we should
check her into a facilitation that will help her with whatever she is dealing with”

“Okay I just want to bath and sleep” I say

“I ran you a bath already baby, come let’s get you out of those clothes”

He strips me naked and I can tell this is a job he enjoys doing. I keep stealing glances at him and
wondering what I have done to deserve him, after everything my family put him through he is still
here. I don’t believe that Sakhile and Zodwa are with her right now, the same people who were
treated badly by my parents are the same people who by her side. I didn’t have any expectations at
the start of my relationship with Lwazi but there was always that fear that he isn’t who he says he is,
that he is going to change and show me his true colors but the more time I spend with him, the more
I see what a good person he is and how big his heart his. His skin is much darker mine as well thanks
to our tropical excursion, I keep thinking about how my mother could be so selfish to do this when I
went away. Did she want me to come back and find her dead, did she want me to spend the rest of
my life blaming myself for her death? That is exactly what would’ve happened. I am the one who left
her alone and if something happens to her I am responsible for it. At some point I have to call Craig
and let him know but he is miles away, my dad has disappeared off the face of the earth. If it wasn’t
for Lwazi and his family where would I be and what would I be in this time. It’s true that God will
always make a plan, Lwazi came into my life at the right time and I will forever be indebted to him
for that.

I am in bed and I have messaged Craig as well as my mother’s sister and my cousins. I feel Lwazi’s
arms around me and his kisses on my face. I fall asleep after he tells me he loves me.

We get to the hospital and Ma is in the ICU, I look over at Lwazi I thought he said she was okay. He
doesn’t look at me, he is avoiding me. We get to her ward and she is laying unconsciously on the bed
with machines attached to her. My poor mother, the nurse comes over to us and smiles
sympathetically.

“She is just tired, when she woke up she was very upset and confused so we sedated her” She says

“When we found her she wasn’t breathing, is she going to be okay after?” I ask

“We are going to have to do an x-ray to check if she didn’t break her neck and the doctor will
facilitate a CT scan to check that there isn’t any braid damage then we will know if there is any
permanent damage since she did stop breathing for quite some time”

“Alright and how long is she going to be here?”

“The doctor will tell you but this the intensive care unit so she will be here for a while, but there’s no
rush we need to make sure that physically she is okay then we will transfer her to the psychiatric
ward” She looks at Lwazi

“We found a private facility that comes highly recommended for her treatment, it’s very cozy and
the doctors the patients get the care they need but don’t feel like they are in a mental facility” Lwazi
says without looking at me

I don’t know why he is telling this nurse all this information when he should be addressing me. I
don’t know if I want Lwazi to take care of my mom anymore it feels like it is too much now. They are
already paying for the shortfalls incurred that the medical aid couldn’t cover, his family has done too
much I can’t let him pay for her.

“Do you have any government facilities that you could recommend?” I say looking at the nurse

“Oh yes we would keep her at the psychiatric ward obviously and if the psychiatrist feels like she
needs to be admitted into the psychiatric hospital then for the patients whose medical aid does not
cover for psychiatric care we send them to Khayalethu psychiatric hospital”

“Great” I say

The nurse walks away and I can feel Lwazi fuming next to me.

“So what is that about?” He says

“Lwazi thank you for everything that you and your family have done for me but now it’s too much I
am not going to allow you to pay for her to some expensive facility it’s unnecessary” I say

“Amanda this isn’t the time to be stubborn your mother needs the best care she can have and she
can get that, it’s not a stretch for me and I am not allowing you to push me away once again” He
shouts

“I am not pushing you away baby, I love you for wanting to help but I can’t allow it. This is my
problem and she is my mother and I say she will go to Khayalethu hospital”

“You know what I’m not doing this with you Amoh” He walks away

I follow him to the car and he drives us back to his apartment, I want to ask him to take me home
but I am afraid I will make matters worse. I don’t know if it’s appropriate for me to want to go home
but I need to be alone Lwazi is too overbearing right now. We get to the apartment and he changes
into shorts and grabs a beer and sits in front of the television. Craig called me earlier and he wanted
to come home but I told him not to worry, my cousin Antoinette called as well and they promised to
go see Ma at the hospital but I won’t hold my breathe. Jolene says she is coming to see me later on
tonight so I am looking forward to that. The one person I am worried about is Minx, I still can’t get
hold of her and I am starting to get a bad feeling about her Lwazi was right I am a bad friend. I decide
to ask Mr. grumpy about it, calling Sticks myself might be too forward. He is topless drinking beer
concentrating on the soccer match.

“Baby” I say and he looks up

“I still can’t get hold of Minx and I am worried about her” I say

He looks at me blankly and shrugs his shoulders.

“Have you perhaps spoken to Sticks maybe he can tell me why she isn’t answering her phone”
“Sticks hasn’t said anything to me” He says

“Can I call Sticks myself to find out if she’s okay?”

“Nah let me call him” He takes his phone and dials him

“Sho Sticks, We are okay man…listen uBaby is worried about Minx apparently her phone is off and
she wants to know if she is okay”

He keeps nodding and making sounds to whatever Sticks is saying and I get closer to try hear what
he is saying. Lwazi eventually hangs up.

“And?” I say

“Uhm he says he hasn’t spoken to her for a while they fought about something and he also can’t get
ahold of her”

“That’s strange, I have a bad feeling about this baby can we go to her place?” I say

“I am not driving all the way to town, Amanda it’s my last day I have work tomorrow and I need to
relax” He picks up his beer

“It’s twenty minutes away and it’s the middle of the day there is no traffic baby I’m worried about
her” I whine

“If you are that worried than take a cab there, really Amanda we just came back from town why
didn’t you tell me then?” He looks at me extremely annoyed

We stare each other for a beat and I get up and stomp to the bedroom. I am wearing jeans, a t-shirt
and sneakers. I pack a jacket into my backpack and grab my phone and walk out. Lwazi stares at me
as I walk into the kitchen.

“I’m going to see her, I’ll be back later” I say

I decide to take a taxi to town and it takes me longer than it normally would. We keep stopping to
scout for people who are headed to town. When we eventually get to Portland CBD the place is
buzzing. I head to the rank and take another taxi to Laxonville where Minx stays; I hope she is home
imagine all the trouble and I don’t find her. The taxis to Laxonville get full pretty quickly by the looks
of things and we are on way, it’s only a five minute drive from central district. I jump off in front of
the block of flats that she lives in. The security guys smiles and lets me in without question, the
security back at Lwazi’s place is so tight you need a fingerprint or an access pin if you are a visitor
and you don’t get in without your ID or drivers licensed being scanned. This place is seriously dingy.

I know that Minx lives on the seventh floor but the flat number I do not know. When I get to the
foyer, there are a bunch of young teenagers sitting at the bottom of the staircase, one of them says
something in a language I don’t understand and they all laugh. I hope I don’t regret this; why does
Minx live in such a creepy place anyway. I press the button of the elevator and one of the kids
shouts;

“It doesn’t work princess” He say before chuckling

Fuck!

I make my way through them and ignore the sexual remarks they throw in their broken English. I am
winded by the third floor, again I need to start exercising. I make to the seventh floor but not
without sweating profusely and huffing like a fat man. I knock on the first door I see, a tall black guy
answers, topless. His chest is hairy and his jeans hang low, low enough for me to see coils of his
pubic hair. I look up at him and his face his black, he is smoking and it smells like weed.

“What the fuck do you want?” He says

“Uhm sorry to disturb you, I was wondering if you knew my friend Minx, she lives on this floor but I
don’t know which number” I speak shakily

“Short girl with the fat ass?” He pulls his blunt and releases smoke directly to my face

“Yes, where does she stay?” I cough

“Number 63” He says slowly

“Okay thank you so much” I rush off

The next door reads 59, I walk down the passage until I get to the right door. I knock a few times
before a light skinned girl with short blonde hair opens the door, she chews her gum as aggressively
and she opened the door.

“Who are you, sorry we are not interesting in whatever you are selling” She says bitterly

“I’m not selling anything, Hi my name is Amanda” I extend my hand in greeting

She looks at it with annoyance and then back at me again;

“Ufunani we mlungu?” She says

Okay, at least a language I hear.

“I’m looking for Minx” I say

She doesn’t respond just stares at me.

“Gifuna iMinx” I speak

“I understand English I’m just trying to figure out what kind of trouble Minx got into for a white bitch
to come looking for her” She laughs and shows her gold tooth

“Is she here?”

“Yeah, come in I can’t wait to hear this” She opens the door

I walk into the apartment and it’s bigger than I imagined, it looks presentable but there is a weird
smell and it’s dirty. I am a neat freak so I don’t like clutter, and there is a lot of clutter here. I sit on
the edge of the couch and Blondie has disappeared and I am hoping to go fetch Minx. There is an
ashtray on the table with a box of cigarettes next to it, I guess everyone smokes in this flat. I look
around and the furniture looks random, like I am sitting on a black couch and the other couch is a
mustard color. I think about the time I wanted to come stay with Minx, I wouldn’t have survived
here, Lwazi was right but I wonder why he allowed me to come here alone knowing the kind of place
she lives in. After some time Blondie resurfaces, alone.

“Where is she?” I ask her

“She is coming, she had a client my sweet they are finishing up” She smiles the winks

A client?
I have been waiting for nearly half an hour and I am starting to get anxious, maybe I should leave I
don’t feel right, just as I get up I hear footsteps and an old white man surfaces from the dark passage
and Minx follows shortly behind, she is in a robe and her weave is messy. The guy says something to
her and she opens the door for him then walks back.

“Manda I can’t believe you came here alone” She says sitting in front of me

Her face is bare and I realize I have never seen her without make-up, she almost looks like a different
person. Her face is full of blemishes some pimples and her lips looked stained, much darker than I
thought they were. I don’t recognize the girl sitting in front of me, and what is this client coming
from her room?

“So are you not going to hug me or something?” She smiles

I hug her and she feels smaller.

“Minx I am worried about you, what’s happening with you where have you been?”

“I broke my phone, well Sticks smashed it against the wall and I haven’t gotten a chance to get a new
phone, things have been crazy girl but I missed you so much” She says

“What’s happening friend, who was that man and what did that girl mean by he’s a client?” I ask

“Arg Sticks left me for another girl after he found me cheating on him”

“What?”

“Yes it wasn’t anything serious just a one night stand but obviously he is a man and he is Sticks. He
rearranged my face, broke my phone and stopped paying my rent. It was so bad I couldn’t even go to
work, I was in here alone, no phone for days. By the time I was healed I didn’t have a job, you know
how it is at work they fire you for missing one night, so here I am. A girl gotta do what a girl gotta to
do to survive” She moves next to me

“But why didn’t you try contact me Minx, to have sex for money no… no man you could’ve gone
back to dancing at least but prostituting yourself Minx no I refuse!” I shout

“What are you going to do to help me Amanda, nothing! No one can help me. I made a mistake by
depending on a man and now I have to make a plan, don’t pity me I’ve done this before and it’s not
permanent” She says getting up

“Do you mind if I take a quick shower, can I get you something to drink, beer wine?” She says
scratching her weave

“No thanks I’m fine” I say

“Please stay Manda I am going to take a quick shower then you can tell me all about your life” She
walks away

I receive a text from Lwazi asking when I am coming back, I respond and let him know I am still at
Laxonville, he doesn’t say anything after.

Minx comes back looking much better in leggings and a spaghetti vest and some make-up on her
face.

“Girl stop acting like that I know this is a lot for you but please you are depressing me” She says
“I’m sorry I just feel like you can’t live like this Minx” I start crying

“Don’t cry please” She hugs me and I cry into her arms

“Minx come with me” I say

“To where exactly your boyfriends place or your racist parents’ house?” She raises her brows

“I am alone at home Minx, mom is in hospital, long story she is okay though… Pa has run off and it’s
just me please come stay with me we will find you a job that side and everything will be okay” I sniff

“Oh Amanda you are such a beautiful soul, Lwazi better wife you. Listen my love this is my life and I
am used to it I’ve had to hustle all my life. Even though Sticks took care of me I still had a job, I still
had other men who paid for my clothes and whatever I want and need. I am not going to come live
with you because I don’t want to contaminate your life with my bad luck and drama…”

“You won’t…”

“No I will, trust me I always find a way to fuck things up somehow…sometimes I think I like my life
like this. Thank you for caring but I will bounce back soon and when I do, you and I are going out for
lunch and drinks” She holds my hands

“Minx I love you” I hug her

“I love you too angel” She hugs me tightly

I ended up spending the whole afternoon with Minx, talking and laughing I feel better about the
situation. I can’t force her to come with me but at least she knows that when she needs me I will be
here for her. Minx is so sweet she took a taxi with me back to the rank in town just to make sure no
one picked on me. It’s dark when the taxi departs to Beach View. My battery has died so I already
know I am going to find a very angry Lwazi at home. The taxi drops me off at the top of the road and
I have to walk down towards the complex. Oh shit, Lwazi is standing by the gate looking like he is
about to kill someone. As soon as he sees me he turns around and stomps back into the complex...

39

I am walking behind him and I am practically running to keep up with him, he turns around and
attempts to say something but then stops and clicks his tongue and keeps walking. He slams the
door in my face as soon as he goes inside the apartment. I open the door and close it carefully, I am
a little scared of him right now. I sit in the lounge because I don’t want to face him, he is in the
bedroom banging doors and cursing, I want to cry again.

He walks in and looks at me, his eyes are red as if he was crying or sleeping.

“Amanda why do you undermine me at every turn?” He says calmly, too calmly

“I don’t…”

“Why that fuck did you go to that place alone Amanda?”

“Lwazi I told you and you said I must…”

“Can you not think for yourself, why would you take taxis to Laxonville alone Amanda, why couldn’t
you wait for me. Do you think I didn’t want to take you there because of my own selfish reasons? No
Amanda I told you I was tired, you don’t listen to me wena and why would you tell me not to pay for
your mother’s health…what were your words, you and your family have done too much. What the
fuck does that mean Amanda you are supposed to be my fiancé? I am your future husband you need
to decide what that means to you because to me it means your family is my family and mine is
yours. I don’t particularly like your mother but I won’t ever let her suffer not when I can help” He
stops speaking and disappears into the bedroom.

I have been sitting here for significant amount of time waiting for Lwazi to come back but he hasn’t. I
finally get the courage to go the bedroom and he is sitting there reading something from his phone.

“Lwazi Mkhize” I say as confidently as I can

He looks up at me.

“Lwazi I’m sorry about what I said at the hospital, I don’t know where to draw the line when it comes
to you helping me out I don’t want to take advantage of your kindness. You are the most generous
person I know and I appreciate everything you do for me but sometimes I feel that there should be a
line drawn, engaged or not married or not. I don’t want you to get burdened with my responsibilities
and problems”

“Why would your problems ever burden me Amanda, you know that I won’t offer if I can’t manage
it. For me whatever it is that you need you should have it because baby I want to give you the world.
I know you struggle with communicating but baby we need to find a way to express our concerns I
don’t like fighting with you”

“I wanted to check on Minx I didn’t know that place was that bad baby it’s not that I wasn’t thinking
and maybe I was frustrated at the fact that you offered to pay for Ma and I retaliated I didn’t mean
to put myself in any danger”

“Come here” He says

I walk over and sit next to him and look up into his dark brown glossy eyes.

“I love you” He says

“I love you too”

“I want you to be my wife” He places a kiss on my lips

“Can you be less controlling?” I ask

“I am not controlling baby I am looking out for you because sometimes you act on your emotions
without thinking, what if you got mugged and stabbed in Laxonville what do you think my parents
would say, my dad would kill me knowing you were taking taxis to town” He says

“But baby I am used to taking taxis and busses it’s not a big deal” I say

“But taxis in Portland suburbia are not taxis in Portland central and definitely not the same as in
Laxonville. We need to be on the same page, tell me why didn’t you at least take an uber to Minx’s
place?”

“Baby i...” I stop

“Tell me Amoh” He says

I struggle to find my words.

“Butter me I am your bread baby” He says with a smile pinching my cheek

I laugh.

“Lwazi stop I am trying to be serious here”

“Lick me I am your lollipop” He pokes my ribs

We both laugh momentarily and we end up laughing at the top of our voices.

“Baby” I say

“Talk to me baby”

“I didn’t want to ask you to request one for me”

“Why couldn’t you request for yourself?” He looks at me firmly

“I didn’t have cash” I say looking down

“What happened to the money I sent you?” He holds my chin up

“I… I just used it all”

“Amanda Botha tell me the truth, I know you didn’t use that money on yourself so who did you give
it to?” He is not laughing now

“My mom, baby she lost her job because she’s been home all along and my dad is God knows where
we had no income and she asked me to borrow her the money”

“Where did she think you were getting the money because you don’t work?”

Silence.

“Have you been paying all the house bills yourself?” He asks

“I transferred her the money and she paid for the bills from her phone”

“That’s not true” He says simply

“What do you mean?”

“Amanda I have been talking to Craig and he is sending your mother money for the house bills, so
she played you” He says getting up

“I don’t know what to say…”

“Listen I need you to do something for me” Lwazi says towering over me

“Yes baby anything”

“I need you to take everything that belongs to you from that house and move in here permanently, I
will sort everything out after that but I need you and I to be on the same page” He says

“Okay”

“Serious baby?” he kneels down in front of me

“Yes baby there is nothing left for me there”

“Good now can we agree to put your mother in the right facility give her a fair chance at healing and
then I will speak to my father and uncle about sending Lobola. I’m not sure if Craig will be able to fly
back and maybe speak to some of your family members so we can finalize the traditional aspect of
it”

“Baby it’s not really my culture so maybe we can skip it”

“I don’t know about that baby I think I have to do it because you will be taking my name, you have to
be introduced to the ancestor’s baby” He smiles broadly

“Alright baby whatever you say, so I am officially a madam here” I say getting up

“Yes baby I can’t believe you are finally going to be with me every day and every night” He pulls me
to him

“I am happy baby, in all honesty I hated it back there” I brush his nose

“We don’t even have to go there we can send someone to fetch your stuff baby” He says

“No it’s okay I want to make sure I get everything and clean up, I don’t know how long my mom will
be away I will have to check up on the place”

“Hmm I see we will make a plan for that, we can send someone to check on the place once a week
and make sure everything is in place”

“Okay my love, you know I offered Minx to stay there until she gets her life in order”

“What is happening with her?” He asks

“Baby I think she is selling her body and I am so worried about her, can we not help her in any way?”

He looks at me for a while before he answers;

“I think we can help her find a job baby only if she wants to go back to working”

“Really baby, I would be so grateful”

“I know but baby I have to warn you, Minx is addicted to this life and she is unpredictable. One
moment she wants to work and live a clean life, the next moment she is doing coke and selling ass I
know that Sticks isn’t the best influence to her but at least he protected her. We might get her a job
but she might leave the job whenever she feels like it…”

“Wow I don’t know what to say but seeing her in that space broke me, we can at least try to help her
and support her and if she fucks up then so be it”

“Okay baby” He kisses me

My mother has woken up but she refuses to talk to anyone, she is worse than before the incident,
the nurses say she screams and speaks to herself. My heart aches for her but at the same time there
is a huge relief that I am leaving behind all this drama and toxicity. I do wish in the future that I am
able to repair my relationship with my mother but first she needs to heal on her own before we can
attempt to reconcile. They have moved her from ICU to high care so that is good news, Zodwa has
been everything at this time. She comes to visit my mother in the evenings. My mother doesn’t
deserve this kindness from the Mkhize’s but for whatever reason they are showering her with love
and support. Lwazi is at work and made me promise not to go to my house without him so I am
preparing to go back to campus as we open soon.

I get a call from Jolene;

“Hey friend” I pick up

“My friend, are you home?” She asks sounding a bit frantic

“No babe I am at Lwazi’s place”

“Something is happening at your house, we just drove past and there are police cars all over your
yard babe” She says in panic

“What? Please check what’s happening Jo” I stand up

“I am we are driving back now, we don’t even have space to park, I think the news people are here
Manda please get here quick”

I hang up and immediately call Lwazi, his phone rings but he doesn’t pick up not that I blame him he
is working. I dial Zodwa

“Hello Miss Botha” She answers sweetly

“Zodwa I need your help Lwazi isn’t picking up…”

“Breathe Amoh, what’s wrong?”

“My friend Jo just called me she says there are police cars and news people all over my yard and I am
panicking” my voice breaks

“Stay put my love I am coming to get you” she says

“Alright”

I am pacing around the room and I get another call, form my cousin Antoinette now I know for sure
something is seriously wrong.

“Ant” I answer

“Manda waar is jy?”

“Uhm School, what’s wrong?” I lie

“Ma just got a call from your neighbor and apparently the police are there and they are looking for
you guys” She says

“I am on my way there Jo told me”

“Okay well Ma says we are coming as well so I will meet you there”

I hang up and lock up and wait for Zodwa in the parking, as soon as I see her car approaching I run to
the gate.

I am on my way to the house and Zodwa is driving slower than my late grandma or is it just me…

“Calm down Amoh we are nearly there” She says

“Is Lwazi still not picking up?” I look at her

“Not yet babe but Mthobisi and Mbuso are meeting us there, Mandisa is coming as well she was at
the spa when I called her. Don’t worry my love we are here for you” She says
“But what are the police looking for, do you think Pa did something, what if something happened to
him?”

She doesn’t say anything she just increases the volume of the radio and keeps driving.

Jolene wasn’t being dramatic, my house looks like a crime scene. There are police cars crawling
everywhere and reporters taking pictures, what the hell is happening?

I spot Jolene with Khathaza looking gloomy next to Mbuso and Mthobisi, they look like they are in a
heated argument. I jump out and run inside the yard with Zodwa following me;

“Jo” I shout

She hugs me tightly and when I find her face she has tears in her eyes.

“Jo what’s wrong?” I shout

She doesn’t say anything just turns and hugs Khathaza, he can’t even look at me. I turn to Mbuso
and Mthobisi and they also have pity painted all over their faces.

“Mbuso what is happening” I start crying

“Let’s wait for Lwazi to get here” He says

“What, no I want to fucken know what is happening” I shout

“Calm down Manda” Mthobisi says

I turn around and walk towards the police men standing outside my door. Mr. Van Rooyen points at
me when he sees me approaching.

“Mr. Van Rooyen what is happening?” I yell

“Manda where is your Mother?” He asks softly

“She is in hospital” I huff

“Ms. Botha, I am detective Mpanza is this your home?” The one in his casual clothes asks me

“Yes this is my home what is happening?” I feel Zodwa’s presence next to me

“Miss Botha we received an anonymous call from someone who was concerned on your father’s
disappearance this person who called us told us that your father was missing and when we called
the post office where he works they confirmed that he absconded. We got a tip off from the
anonymous caller that your father was murdered and buried here in your back yard” He hands me a
piece of paper

“That is an order sanctioned by a judge for us to check if this information is true, we came here a few
times but we didn’t find anyone so here we are” He says

40

My heart is thumping loudly in my chest but I am doing the breathing exercises Lwazi taught me to
do and I am trying to center myself. I walk to the back and the police men are already digging. I feel
dizzy, I need to sit down. I squat to the ground and I sit and watch them dig deeper, all these
thoughts are racing through my mind. All along I knew there was more to the story my mom was
letting on, did my mother really kill my father and bury her in our backyard. The way she has been
acting, the secretiveness. What has she done?

My attention is brought back to reality when I hear a loud cry from someone, when I look up they
are pulling a body from the ground. My heart drops and the tears are blinding me. The detective is
saying something to me but I don’t hear him, there is a loud buzzing in my ears, Zodwa is pulling me
from the ground and Jo looks like she is crying hysterically.

“Amanda” It’s Mandisa and Thabo, when did they get here, but wait who’s calling me…

“Amanda look at me” I turn and Thabo holds my face

“Breathe my love, it’s okay”

I let out a huge breathe, I didn’t even realize I wasn’t breathing.

“Is that my father?” I ask him

“They need someone to identify the body” He says

As soon as he says that it all clicks and I let out a loud cry and fall to the ground. Someone tries to
touch me but push them away, I don’t want anyone touching me. I am on the grass bawling my eyes
out. I feel his hands on me and I know it’s him, I let him pull me off the ground and into his arms.

“I’m sorry baby, please don’t cry like this” Lwazi says

I shut my eyes in an attempt to shut out this horrible nightmare before me. I am sobbing quietly
now, I don’t even have the energy to hold him back and he is basically carrying me from falling.

“Baby look at me” He says

I refuse to open my eyes.

“Amanda” He says firmly startling me, I open my eyes and find his gaze

“Baby I am here now okay, you don’t have to worry I love you okay, please breathe” He says

“Excuse me but we need Ms. Botha to identify the body” a voice says behind us

“Does she have to, one of us could do it” Lwazi says holding me tighter

“We need a family member to do it” the voice replies

“Fuck” Lwazi curses

“I’ll do it” I croak

“Manda your tanie and Antoinette are here” I hear Jo say

I pull away from Lwazi’s strong embrace and turn to see my aunt her husband and my cousin.

“What is going on here?” My aunt shouts

“Ma look” Antoinette points at the body wrapped in towels on the ground

Aunt Veronica runs to the body and they hold her back.

“Please we need someone to identify the body” The detective says once again
I move and Lwazi tries to hold me back but I give him a look and he lets me go, he follows closely
behind me, he takes my hand and I allow him. I crouch down and I realize it stinks, all along I think I
couldn’t smell or even feel anything. I block my nose with my hand and remove the soiled towel
from his face.

Nothing could ever prepared me for the image I see; his face was almost devoid of skin and eroded
by scrabbling insects. I drop the hand covering my nose and my nostrils are filled with the smell of
rotting meat. I turn around and I feel the vomit rise from my stomach to my mouth, I throw up on
the side until there is nothing more to release. Lwazi pulls me back…

“Are you okay?”

“No, I feel like I’m going to faint” I admit I really feel worse than I should

“Where is the key for the house?”

I fish out the key from my pocket and Lwazi leads me inside and I rush to the bathroom and I throw
up again. He is holding my hair up and brushing my back.

“Baby we need to see a doctor” Lwazi says

I get up and wash my mouth and hands on the sink and Lwazi flushes the toilet. I look up at him and
he looks worried sick.

“I will be fine Lwazi don’t look so worried, I am just in shock” I mutter

“I need you to see a doctor my love, I am worried about you” He says holding my face

“Ma… she did this, she killed Pa” I say weakly

“Listen baby, don’t speak like that in front of the police, we won’t make a statement until our lawyer
is here” He says

“Baby I want to leave, I want to go home” I start crying again

“Don’t worry my wife I am going to take you home and you don’t ever have to come here again” he
cradles me in his arms

We walk out and we are met by Aunt Veronica who seems to be more calm, she looks at me and
then at Lwazi and frowns.

“Manda who is this?” She asks

“This is Lwazi tanie he is my boyfriend” I say

“Oh, can I have a word with you in private please” She says looking at Lwazi

‘Baby I will be outside if you need me okay, if you are not out in five minutes I’m coming to find you”
Lwazi says before kissing my forehead

“Tanie” I say weakly

“My baby I am so sorry, I heard that my sister is in hospital and we were supposed to go tonight but
now this, my poor sister. Who would do such a horrific thing to my poor brother in law, unless of
course she did it herself” –Veronica

“What do you need from me tanie, I’m not feeling well” I say softly
“I guess you will be planning the funeral, I am just wondering who are all these rich friends of yours
that are outside, so you scored yourself a rich black man huh, good for you Manda you were always
ambitious do you think you can hook up Ant with one of the brothers, are those the brothers
outside?”

“Stop it” I shout

She stops talking.

“I don’t need this, I am not feeling well and I just saw my father’s decaying body being pulled from
under my yard, the same yard I used to play in as a little girl, so excuse me I am leaving and I am
locking this house tanie I need to see a doctor” I say walking towards the door

“What do you mean you are leaving, when are you coming back?”

“I don’t know I can’t do this tanie, please leave I need to lock up I don’t feel well”

“Manda you can’t leave we have relatives coming over…”

I drop the keys on the floor and walk out, Zodwa, Mthobisi, Mbuso, Mandisa, Thabo, Jo, Khathaza
and Lwazi are standing in a circle. I walk to their direction, Lwazi turns and I walk up to him;

“I want to leave now” I say

“Okay baby”

“Wait right there Miss. Botha but we need to ask you a few questions before you leave, this is a
murder scene and they are rules to follow” The detective shouts

“She is not feeling well, we are going to the doctor. Our lawyer is coming and we will meet you at
the police station later for now she won’t be making any statements in the absence of her lawyer”
Lwazi says sharply

Silence.

“Come baby let’s go”

We get into the car and drive away I close my eyes and rest my head on the window on the side. We
park somewhere and when I open my eyes we are outside the local doctor’s rooms.

“Come baby” Lwazi says

I walk behind him and I still feel light headed, I have to pause and gather my wits before continuing.
Lwazi looks back;

“Do you need me to carry you in baby?”

“No I am okay”

He pulls under his arm and we walk into the doctor’s room, the medical center is a bit crowded and I
hear Lwazi curse.

“Sit here I’ll be right back” He says

I settle on the chair and hold my stomach, I have some cramps on my lower abdomen and I feel like
there is a sticky substance in my underwear. I get up and ask the lady next to me for the bathroom
and I walk into the toilet stall. When I pull down my panties I am shocked to find a bloody spot in my
underwear. I wipe and I get up and walk out and Lwazi is waiting for me;

“What’s wrong?” He says when he sees me

“I am bleeding” I say

“Bleeding where?”

“Down there baby” I say pointing

“What? Okay we are going to the hospital and I am carrying you out”

I won’t argue with him, the cramps are getting worse and I have a migraine. When I open my eyes
we are outside Portland Private Hospital. Lwazi is on his phone and he looks annoyed, I guess he
didn’t want me to hear his conversation because he is standing outside, he hangs up and walks over
to my side.

“Baby come we are here, everyone is on their way” He says

‘They didn’t have to come baby”

“My mom and dad heard what happened and they want to be with us that’s what family does baby”

We walk inside and I am taken into a small room where the nurse checks my BP and sugar levels. He
looks up at me;

“Your BP is too high pretty lady, there is something wrong” He says and then walks out and calls
someone

He comes back with the doctor;

“Miss Botha how are you feeling?”

“I have a migraine and I feel light headed oh and I’m bleeding but I am on the injection so I don’t
know why I would start my period” I say

“Okay we will have to keep you here until your BP is stable, the nurse will draw some blood and
hopefully we will know what is wrong with you, open up” She says and I open my mouth

She examines me and then leaves me with the nurse who put me gives me a pad and puts me on a
drip. Lwazi walks in after some time.

“Baby what did the doctor say?”

“They said my BP is too high and they need to keep me until it’s stable, they took some blood tests
and they should have the results later on” I say

He sits on the chair next to me and takes a huge sigh and buries his face in his hands.

“Lwazi”

He doesn’t look up.

“Baby look at me”

He still stays in that position until I realize he is crying.

“Baby I am okay” I reassure him

“No you are not baby, you are on a drip” He looks up with tears flowing down his face

“Baby please don’t cry I need you, I promise I will be fine” I say wishing I could hold him

“I want this night mare to end now baby I just want you to be okay” He sniffs

Our moment is interrupted by his parents walking in.

“No no no Khabazela you can’t be the one crying you need to be strong for your woman” Mr. Mkhize
roars

Lwazi gets up and hugs his mother for a while and then his father pulls him in for a warm manly hug
as well.

“You need to be strong for Amanda” Mrs. Mkhize says

“MaBotha” Mr. Mkhize walks up to me

“Yes dad”

“Oh we are so sorry for your loss, but what is wrong now why are you tied up in drips, is it the
stress?” He asks

“I don’t know I just don’t feel well” I say

“They took some blood tests dad but her BP is high” Lwazi says with tears still in his eyes

“Lwazi please calm down MaBotha will be okay” Mr. M says

“Your father is right baby please stop crying” Mrs. M wipes the tears from his face

“Can they move her to a bigger room?” Mr. M asks Lwazi

“They haven’t admitted her as yet dad but do you think we should move her?” –Lwazi

“Please guys let her rest if they admit her then we will get a private room for her but for now please
let the poor girl rest” Mrs. M says

“If you boys don’t mind, I would like to have a word with Amanda” she says

The men leave us in an awkward silence.

“Amanda I am sorry to hear what happened to your father and what is happening to your mother,
no one knows what you are going through but you. I do want to ask that you calm down we can’t
lose you as well my son would go crazy he loves you and because he loves you, I will be here for you
through everything that happens in your life, you are one of us now. I know that I wasn’t welcoming
in the beginning but that’s only because I know these girls that come around my son and I know they
have ill intentions so I am cautious. I have gotten to know you and you are a sweet girl. My children
love you and so does my husband but most importantly Lwazi loves you and he tells us that he wants
to marry you so please my child try to take it easy you will make it out of this darkness in your life
right now. This is not your crucifixion this is your resurrection don’t give up”

I have tears running down my face when she finishes, she hands me a tissue and takes my hand.

“Thank you I won’t give up” I say

“So how are you feeling now?” She asks still holding my hand

“I have cramps and I am bleeding for some reason”

She arches her eyebrow.

“Oh okay let’s hear what the doctor says honey” She smiles

41

I have been in here for a few hours and Mandisa, Asanda, Zodwa and the parents are waiting in
reception. Lwazi is fussing over me and my mind keeps going back to the image of my father’s
corpse. I wonder if tanie has told my mom, even though I have a feeling she already knows what
happened. The doctor walks in with the nurse following her. She is looking over my files, I am
assuming my blood results, she looks up and smiles.

“Amanda, how are you feeling now?”

“Much better, the cramps are gone but I still have a bit of a headache” I respond

“Alright so your blood tests are back and I do have some news for you, it seems that you are four
months pregnant and by the look of your faces, I am guessing you didn’t know” She smiles

What?

“Pregnant as in with a baby?” Lwazi asks

“Yes she is pregnant with a baby, and not only that but she is already in her second trimester. The
pregnancy explains the cramps and spotting but you need to take it easy Amanda, I am going to put
you on some supplements and I’ll give you some pamphlets on the do’s and don’ts in term of food,
drinks and exercise. I am worried about your blood pressure that isn’t a good sign but I don’t want to
put you on medication just yet, I want to monitor you overnight but I do think stress has a lot to do
with this, it’s really important you take care of yourself and the baby” She says

My head is ringing still.

“So we are having a baby, doc is the baby okay?” Lwazi asks

“We have to go do a scan I’ve booked one for you the nurse will take you when she is ready and we
can have a look” She says

Lwazi is looking at me with glossy eyes, I don’t know what to think I am not ready to have a child. I
am still in school…my mother is going to flip.

“Baby” Lwazi snaps me out of my thoughts

“Yes” I answer hoarsely

“Please don’t overthink okay, I know we didn’t plan this but baby please don’t panic okay we will be
fine. I will take care of everything and I love you so much” He kisses me

The doctor is doing a vaginal ultra sound and Lwazi is squeezing the life out of my hand, I frown at
him and he kisses me again.

Suddenly I hear the heartbeat and my heart swells with joy, the tears flow freely down my face,
Lwazi is staring at the little screen.
“That’s your baby” The doctor points at the screen

“I see him, baby do you see?” I nudge Lwazi

“Yes baby” He says without looking at me

We stare at the screen for a while and Lwazi is recording the baby’s heartbeat. The doctor leaves us
alone but everything seems to be okay with the baby, my baby. We are having a baby.

I open my eyes and my poor fiancé is sleeping on the couch next to me. They had me moved to a
private ward so it is pretty big. I need to pee, the cramps are gone thankfully and I am still in shock
as to how firstly I could get pregnant while on the injection. The doctor said she had never came
across someone who managed to get pregnant while on the injection but it happened on very rare
occasions. I wish this didn’t have to happen right now, not when I still have to deal with the murder
of my father, but the one thing I decided to do the moment I heard that heartbeat was to calm
down. My life might be in ruins right now but I am responsible for another life now I can’t just let the
stress rule my life. I trust Lwazi and even though I am still young I know he will make a plan for us
and we will never be in want of anything. I look over at him, he looks so innocent when he is
sleeping, my baby daddy.

I walk into the bathroom and I pee than I walk back Lwazi opens his eyes;

“Baby” He gets up

“Hey babe”

We hug for a while and then he lets go and stares at me.

“How are you feeling this morning my muffin?” He asks

“I feel much better baby”

“Good, I don’t want you to worry about anything, we will wait for the doctor to discharge you
hopefully you won’t have to take medication for your blood pressure and then we are going home. I
told my dad but we haven’t told the rest of the family and they want us to move back home until the
baby comes” He says

“Babe do we have to, I really don’t think it’s a good idea. I love them but I think we can stay for a
week or so we will manage back at your place”

“Okay my love anything you want but mom will need some convincing from you”

“I’ll talk to them baby, what about Pa and my mom does she know?”

“Yes your aunt told her but she is okay don’t worry, we will go see her when you have gotten some
rest for now I need us to take care of you and my little baby” He says rubbing my stomach

“The funeral I need to organize it, I don’t even know where to start”

“Don’t even think about it baby, Zodwa will take care of everything. She will talk to your mother
about the details but there is no way you are planning anything, we are going home baby”

“You do know I have to go home at some point there are people that will come through for the
funeral and I have to be there, oh shit Craig” I start crying
“Amanda no, please don’t cry baby. I spoke to Craig last night he will be here in time for the funeral”
Lwazi brushes my face

“I just don’t know what to even feel, I am torn baby”

“I know you are my love but right now we need to take care of baby okay” He kisses my nose

“Everything is so messed up Lwazi” I sniff

“I know baby but I promise this will pass, let’s get you showered okay”

I am back in Lwazi’s apartment and fortunately the doctor says my blood pressure is now stable
otherwise I need to take care of myself. I am standing in the bathroom naked looking at myself, my
stomach looks bloated it does not look like I am pregnant at all. I just look fat, Mandisa was right I
am a fat pig, I start crying again. This is going to be a long pregnancy.

I am on house arrest Lwazi is out he refuses to tell me any details, and he also refuses I see my
mother at this time. So here I am stuck in the house with nothing but my thoughts to haunt me.
After I was discharged we went to the police station where I had to make a statement, they asked
me a bunch of questions but luckily for me Lwazi’s family lawyer was present and everything went
smoothly. I am hungry again so I decide to just cook, I end up cooking so much food I feel sick. I
made lamb chops and veggies, mashed potatoes and fried rice. I wear Lwazi’s top and I sleep on the
living room floor after cooking.

“Baby” I open my eyes and Lwazi’s worried face is staring at me

“Hmmm” I mumble

“Are you okay?”

“Amanda” he shouts

“What?” I get up

“Why are you sleeping on the floor?”

“I was tired and it’s hot”

“Why didn’t you switch on the air conditioning baby really?” He looks annoyed

“I’m sorry but who cares” I move to the couch

“I do, you might hurt the baby” He looks down at me

I roll my eyes and lay down on the couch.

“Baby” He says

I open my eyes and stare at him expectedly.

“If you want to rest please go to bed Amoh”

“Lwazi I am okay here please let me be”

He looks at me for a while then nods and walks away.

I am woken up by sounds of people talking and laughing. I wake up and Thabo, Khathaza, Jabs and
Boni walk in, I immediately feel sick seeing her. She seems to be in a very good mood but Lwazi looks
uncomfortable.

“Hey Amoh, how are you feeling?” Thabo kisses me on the cheek

“Better” I whisper

He winks at me and smiles.

“Hey Amanda wow you have gained so much weight” Boni comments when she sits opposite me

“Lwazi is taking care of me that’s why” I say

“Hmmm must be nice” She says smiling brightly

Lwazi says something to Jabs and changes the subject, can’t help but feel like I am missing
something. Boni is just too chirpy for my liking and Lwazi is acting strange. They are chatting happily
and I am wondering why they are here right now, this is the last thing I need. I get up and walk off;

“Amy girl are you okay?” Khathaza asks from behind

“I am tired, I’ll see you guys later” I wave

We are in the Mkhize residence today, Lwazi says we will be telling the rest of the family about my
pregnancy and he is excited, running around like a headless chicken. The chef has prepared a special
lunch for everyone and we are all having lunch outside today. I am a bit down and distracted but I
don’t want to ruin this for Lwazi so I am trying my best to put my best foot forward. My aunt and
cousin called this morning asking me to come home but Lwazi flat out said no, I don’t know if I am
betraying my family but right now I don’t want to be dealing with the Botha family drama and
knowing aunt Veronica there will definitely be drama. I am drinking a virgin cocktail as I walk out and
find the guys standing outside;

“Baby” Lwazi says kissing my lips

“Hey babe”

“You good?”

“Yes I am fine love”

“Amanda do you have any idea what this lunch is about because I don’t” Sakhile asks me

“I don’t know let’s wait and see” I smile

Mandisa walks in wearing sneakers and it’s my first time I see her wearing flats besides when she
exercises and when she wakes up. Seeing Mandisa brightens my mood a little bit, she smiles and
hugs me, we hold each other without saying anything for the longest time.

“I love you” She whispers

“I love you too” I start crying

“Oh shit the cry baby Miranda is back” She smiles

“I just…”

“No babe I am kidding please cry and let it all out” She says brushing my face
“I am happy to see you” I sigh

“Me too, what is this special lunch about anyway Thabo and I have a dinner with his colleagues” She
blushes

“You are getting serious hey?”

“Yes and we wanted to speak to your man but he’s in a mood lately, but I know you guys are going
through a lot so I’ll wait”

“Just wait for him to calm down and I’ll be there with you if you want” I say

“Thanks baby listen do you want to start this diet I am going on from tomorrow Amanda you are
getting heavier each time I see you hey” She says scanning me up and down

“Mandisa” I whine

“Seriously babe can we at least exercise together it will boost your energy as well, you have been
under a lot of stress” She says

The waitron comes over with a tray of appetizers. I grab a handful of wings and ribs and stuff my
face happily.

“Miranda babe you must be one of those people who eat when they are stressed so I forgive you but
next week it’s me and you” She says looking at me with disgust

“Whatever Mandisa” I chew

“In fact I need you for 14 days, that’s all I need I’ll tell you what and when to eat and we will get my
trainer to set us up with an intense workout every morning, you are going to be so skinny when I’m
done with you” She smiles

“You think so?” I chew on my wing

“Yes babe, maybe chew like you have a secret” She puts

I stick my tongue out at her and ignore her while taking my seat, when the rest of the family arrives,
Lwazi takes his seat next to me and locks his hand with mine.

“So why are we here?” Mandisa blurts

“We have an important announcement to make and it’s good news” Mr. Mkhize smirks

“Out with it already” Mthobisi shouts

“Well we are going to have another grandchild” He says

“What, who is pregnant?” Zodwa looks at Mandisa

“Well don’t look at me” Mandisa holds her chest

They all look at me and I blush.

“Whaaaaaat?” Mandisa screams dramatically

“MaGcwabe please” Her dad points at her

“Congratulations kids” Zodwa gets up and hugs Lwazi

They hug for a while and she says something to him in Zulu and he nods and looks down. She walks
over to my side and hugs me as well. There are jokes made and we all eat merrily, I feel lighter.

42

It’s the day before the funeral and we are headed to my house, Craig arrived a few hours ago so I
feel better about being home. After some convincing Lwazi agreed I spend the night but Jolene,
Mandisa and Minx are going to there. Jo and Mandisa will spend the night and Minx said she might
leave later. I am in the car with Lwazi and Mandisa and they are bickering about something, their
relationship is so cute. They love each other to death but can’t stay too long in each other’s presence
without something starting.

“You are a bully wena Lwazi, can’t always be listening to your lame playlists” Mandisa says

“It’s my car so my rules” He snaps

“Whatever Amanda you must visit me after the funeral for a few days so I can spoil my niece or
nephew” Mandisa says

“My fiancé is not coming to stay with you, you know where to find her if you need her” Lwazi says
bitterly

“Lwazi calm down baby” I brush his shoulder

“Anyway, Mandisa how was dinner with Thabo’s colleagues?” I smile and turn to face her but her
facial expression reminds me I’ve put my foot in my mouth, Shit!

“Why would Mandisa have dinner with Thabo and his colleagues?” Lwazi turns and eyes her
momentarily

Silence.

“Wena Mandisa you are busy fucking my friend and you don’t even have the decency to come clean
about it, and you…” He points at me

“You are hiding shit from me now?” He looks pissed

“Lwazi who I fuck or don’t fuck is actually none of your business” Mandisa snaps

“I am going to slap you so hard you will wish you didn’t speak to me like that, I am still your older
brother don’t fucking test me.”

“But baby”

“I don’t want to hear it Amanda, the both of you just shut it” He speeds off

We park outside and Lwazi gets off and takes out our bags and stomps to the house, my gosh!

“I don’t understand what is up his ass?” I face Mandisa

“He is crazy, he is mad you are coming home he is such a psycho path he wants you next to him all
the time I’m telling you” She says

We walk into the house and we find Aunt Veronica and Lwazi hugging, okay…

“Oh hello Manda how are you feeling?” She walks up to me

“I am okay tanie”
“Great and this must be your friend, hello” She shakes Mandisa’s hand

“You ladies must be thirsty, should I make you something to drink?”

Okay, where is my aunt and who is this woman?

“I’ll have some water tanie” I say

“May I have a cappuccino please, decaf” Mandisa says running her fingers through her bright pink
weave

“Mandisa” Lwazi says sharply

“Water as well” she quickly smiles

Tanie disappears to the kitchen and we sit on the couch, Antoinette is looking at me suspiciously.

“So where is Craig?” Lwazi asks Ant

She lights up and blushes.

“He went out for some things he should be back later on”

“Okay cool”

Aunt Veronica walks back in with a tray water for us and juice for Lwazi, she hands the glass over to
him and he smiles and drinks it.

“Okay Aunt V, I am leaving the girls in your capable hands. I trust everything is in order for
tomorrow?” Lwazi speaks to her

“Yes it is thank you for your support” She winks at him

Oh, he must have given her money.

“No problem, I will see you guys in the morning” He says getting up

He turns to look at me.

“Walk me out?”

I get up and I walk him to his car. He turns and pulls me to him.

“Are you going to be okay?” He brushes my face

“Yes I will”

“Please stay hydrated, eat when you are hungry and don’t lift anything heavy but most importantly
baby don’t stress. If at any point you feel like it’s too much call me I will fetch you” He kisses me

I kiss him back and I get horny. I hold him tighter and bite his lip and he grunts

“Baby stop you are making me hard” He whispers

“I am horny baby” I whisper back

“Hmm Amoh don’t do this” He unwraps my arms from around his neck

“I am craving sticky wings baby from Captain La Vida’s” I whine

“I will order them for you and have them delivered” He places a wet kiss on my lips

“Okay, I am going to miss your grumpy ass” I say

“I’m not grumpy” He defends

“Lately you are, are you okay is there something I need to know muffin?” I question

“No my love only that I love you and I love our baby” he brushes my barely visible belly

“Okay I’ll see you in the morning then” I kiss him once more

When I walk back I find Ant and Mandisa chatting.

“I also want pink hair” Ant says

“You should dye your hair” Mandisa lounges on the couch

“Mandisa I am taking our bags to my bedroom” I say

“Whatever you say Miranda” She gets back to her conversation

I pick up her heavy bag and I walk up and place the bags in my empty closet. I look around, this room
has become so cold and the time I spent here every night and everyday has become a distance
memory. I sprawl on the bed and I receive a call from Minx.

“Babe” I answer

“My love I am on my way what do you need I am at the mall” She asks

“I think I want cake” I smile

“Cake okay girl and what else?”

“Just that and your gorgeous self”

“Okay I’ll be there in a few minutes boo”

We hang up.

I change the linen in my room and clean up before Minx and Jo arrive. Mandisa tanie and Ant are
laughing loudly downstairs. I am glad there is no tension and the mood is light. I change to shorts
and one of Lwazi’s shirts. I need to go shopping my belly and boobs are become too big for my tiny
tops. I toss my linen in the washing machine and I wash the dishes in the kitchen. I spot a white
sports car park in front of our yard. I open the curtain and I notice Mr. Van Rooyen is also looking out
from his window. Minx gets off after a while wearing a long dress and a head wrap and she is
carrying some plastic bags and flowers.

I walk out to meet her;

“Whooo girl you keep gaining weight and you are still ordering cake” She laughs

“Shut up you look great” I hug her

“I feel great”

“Who was that?” I point at the car as it hurries off

“My new beau” She smiles

“Really?”

“Don’t be nosey, let’s go inside so you can have your cake”

I grab some plastic bags from her and we get in and she greets everyone. Minx is too sweet, she
bought some groceries and got me a chocolate cake and flowers. Tanie takes the flowers and puts
them in the vase and places them on the living room table. Minx walks into the kitchen;

“So where are all your relatives, I thought it would be packed?” She frowns

“They will come for the funeral tomorrow” I answer pouring her juice

“Oh wow so are we not going to cook I even brought a knife” She smiles

“I noticed I was about to ask what this big ass knife is for, no babe we will have sandwiches and tea
after the burial here at home and the Ladies at church will cater for us” I say

“Sandwiches and tea wow” She giggles

“So how are you feeling, you look much better”

“I am doing okay babe, I am a hustler don’t even worry about me”

“So what about Sticks no chance of reconciling?”

“It doesn’t look that way he has a new girlfriend and he hasn’t even called me once since he kicked
my ass” She says

“Wow”

“Yep, anyway what are we going to have for supper?” She says opening the fridge

“I don’t know maybe tanie will cook”

“It’s fine I’ll cook us supper babe” She says

Minx prepares steamed bread and a beef stew for us and everyone is enjoying it, even Mandisa who
is pretending not to. I must say I am having a better time than I thought I would, Jolene hasn’t
pitched or called. After eating I wash the dishes and I hear a knock on the kitchen door, I open and
Lwazi is standing there looking yummy in his hoodie. He is carrying a take away from Captain La
Vida’s.

“What are you doing here” I open the door

“I missed you” He kisses me

“Is this my food I thought it would never arrive” I frown at him

“I wanted to bring it myself baby” He hugs me

“Wait tanie will see us”

“Your tanie loves me don’t worry” he bites my ear

“Lwazi stop” I giggle

Minx walks in.

“Lwazi hey, I see you still can’t stay away for too long” Minx says hugging him
“You know me Minx, are you good?”

“Yes I am I’ll see you later” She walks out

“Baby what’s that smell, is that jeqe?” He says licking his lips

I shake my head and I dish up for him. He eats while I brush his head and bother him but he doesn’t
seem to mind.

“Okay my love let me go but why are you washing dishes when Mandisa is here” He frowns and texts
her on his phone

“Baby leave her you know how she is” I say

“No Amoh you are pregnant and I am worried about you”

“Don’t I am not sick” I snap

“Okay calm down woman, walk me out” He gets up

I kiss him and he drives off, just then I spot Khathaza’s jeep park and Jo hops out but not before
exchanging saliva with him. I roll my eyes and walk into the house, she annoys me actually.

I find Mandisa sitting in the kitchen while Ant washes dishes, it’s weird because Ant never washes
anything. Jo walks in shortly after and greets. I don’t respond I just look at her

“Manda sorry I am late I got held up” She says apologetically

“It’s fine” I say

She walks upstairs, after some time we all head to my room and prepare for bed. I go the bathroom
and I bath, Minx walks in suddenly and I cover my boobs. She smiles and sits on the brink of the tub.

“So how far along are you?” She says softly

“How did you know?” I slap her thigh and she laughs

“I’ve been around Manda, spill” She says

“Four months” I smile

“Really why didn’t you tell me all along?”

“I didn’t know I found out a few days ago imagine”

“Wow listen I am happy for you Lwazi is such a gentleman you are going to have a good life, so will
you drop out?”

“I don’t know I don’t want to, I’ll go to school and I’ll make sure it doesn’t derail me too much” I say

“Good for you babe, if I were you I was going to take an early retirement and become a stay at home
mom” She looks up at the ceiling

“No I would go crazy” I say

“I love you friend and I’ll be here for you every step of the way now finish up mommy” She winks
and heads out

43
“I am not sleeping on the floor, I think Manda and I should take the bed and you both should sleep
on the floor” Mandisa says folding her arms

“I don’t mind sleeping on the floor” I say

“There is no such, you sleep on the bed with Madame over there and Jo and I will sleep on the floor”
Minx says

“I don’t mind” Jo says

“Okay”

“So Madame Speaker Mandisa I saw you and Thabo at The Swinton Hotel the other night you looked
very cozy” Minx says smiling

“Where is your hooligan boyfriend?” Mandisa shoots back

“No need to be a bitch I was just asking”

“Guys come on” I say

“Where is Steven Jo?” Minx asks

“Oh he is around” She says staring at her phone

“Are they coming tomorrow?” Minx interrogates

“I think so” She responds

“I see, so how is everyone Manda, how is Khathaza and Jabs and that hoe Boni?” Minx says looking
at me

“They are fine they are coming tomorrow, well Khathaza texted and said he was coming”

“Oh alright you know me and Khathaza used to have a thing back in the day” Minx says

“What?” Jo blurts

“Yeah not really a thing but Sticks and I were broken up and this one night I saw Khathaza at a club
and I went home with him, he can fuck I’ll give him that” She says

“You are such a slut” Mandisa says

“I know right” Minx smiles

Jo looks annoyed and Minx is giggling and humming now.

“Does sticks know this?” I ask her

“Nope but I am guessing he will now, I don’t really care” She says

We go to sleep with awkwardness looming in the room.

My alarm rings at 6.30 am. I yawn and Mandisa is passed out next to me, Jo is sprawled on the floor
and Minx is nowhere in sight. I brush my teeth and head downstairs. There are sounds coming from
the kitchen, Minx and Craig are laughing and staring into each other’s eyes. I clear my throat;

“Oh morning sis” Craig hugs me

“Morning boet, I didn’t hear you come in last night”

“I know jammer man, I had to go check on Ma and I wanted to come home with her for the funeral
but they advised against it” He says

“You seem to be doing okay” He says

“You too” I tell him

“I am okay, I loved Pa but I can’t say I am too sad about his passing” He says bluntly

I look around and notice the house is spotless.

“Did you clean Minx?”

“Yes I did babe and now I am making breakfast, don’t say a word” She points at me

“Lwazi must be taking good care of you Manda you look very chunky” Craig comments

“Shut up you don’t call a girl chunky bru” I push him

I head upstairs and bath, Minx’s orders. I wear my robe and head back downstairs once I am done
and Aunt Veronica is also up eating on the dining room table.

“Morning” I sing

“Morning Manda” She responds

Ant makes it downstairs and joins us and we all eat in a comfortable silence.

Mandisa and Jo eventually come down for breakfast as well, Mandisa still looks pretty even without
make-up, must be all the facial and treatments she does. My brother seems to have taken a liking to
Minx they can’t seems to stop staring at each other. Lwazi texts me that they are on the way. We all
change and the room is too small with four girls trying to all get ready at once.

I am wearing a tight black lace dress and I cover up with a black scarf on top, I am wearing pumps I
will not punish myself with heels. Mandisa looks like she is going to some event. She has on the
biggest hat I have ever seen and is wearing black flowing pants and a lace long sleeved top. Jo looks
angry this morning but she looks gorgeous in a white dress. Minx is wearing a pencil skirt and black
shirt and heels.

We find Aunt Veronica’s husband and his sister in the lounge chatting over tea. My Dad’s older sister
clinks her heels and walk in looking like she is about to kill someone.

“So you are all having tea and laughing when my brother was murdered” She shouts

“Please don’t come here and insult us what are we supposed to do die of thirst because you pathetic
brother was killed” –Veronica

“This is my brother’s house I will kick you out so fast…”

“Tanie no” I shout

“Manda my child come here” She starts crying

I walk over to her and we hug briefly until she lets me go and looks over at Minx and Mandisa.

“Is this the help?” She says

“Excuse me?” –Mandisa

“Who are you sisi?” Auntie Marie shouts

“Tanie please these are my friends” I say to her

“Friends Manda please your dad wouldn’t approve of this”

“Lwazi is here” Craig walks in

“My beautiful boy” Aunt Marie hugs him

“Auntie the cars are here we need to get to the church” Craig says

“Okay honey”

They walk out, Thank God.

“Come ladies let’s go” –Veronica

The cars from the funeral home are parked out and Lwazi is behind them, he is driving a car I don’t
know. He is wearing a grey tailored suit and he looks damn good. I walk up to him and hug him he
lifts me up and places me down swiftly.

“How are my people doing?” He places his hand on my stomach

“No babe not here” I remove it

“I love you” he says licking his lips

“I love you too baby you look so sexy, did you get a haircut?” I ruffle his head

“Yes baby, you look sexy too, you are coming home tonight and you are sitting on my face” He says
biting his lips

“Baby stop”

“You guys are disgusting can we leave?” Mandisa whines

We all ride in Lwazi’s car to the church and I cannot believe my mom won’t be here for this,
apparently she isn’t in the right frame of mind to attend the funeral.

The memorial service and quick and painless, a lot of Pa’s school friends and colleagues attended.
The whole Mkhize family is here including Nosihle, Khathaza, Boni and Jabs are here as well and not
forgetting Gabi, Max and Steven also attended. Jo was sitting next to Steven and you could tell she
was a bit uncomfortable, Khathaza seemed to have kept his distance and was his normal grumpy
self. We are home now and we have just came back from the cemetery. Mr. and Mrs. Mkhize
excused themselves after the burial and the gang is sitting outside while the family and close family
friends are inside drinking teas and having fingers foods. I am in the kitchen with Minx, Mandisa, Jo,
Zodwa and Nosihle when Aunt Veronica walks in.

“Ladies thank you so much for your support today and Mandisa thank you for the tips” She winks at
her

What was that about?

“Amanda do you still need us, I am thinking of leaving now? –Zodwa

“No thank you for everything sis Zodwa I appreciate it so much” I respond

“You are welcome, take it easy baby we will go out for a pamper session soon” She hugs me

“I think we are also going to leave babe” Nosihle adds

“Thank you for coming Sihle” I kiss her cheek

“I will call you Amy girl” She says before leaving

“When is the auntie leaving?” Minx asks

“I am not sure babe” I reply

“So are you spending the night?” Mandisa says sipping her tea

“I don’t know, do I need to?”

“It’s up to you babe but I have to go because I miss my boyfriend” She frowns

“It’s okay Manda I will stay as long as you need me” Minx says

“Thanks guys”

I walk outside and Lwazi signals we go to his car, as soon as I enter the car he smashes his lips
against mine and kisses me passionately. I am out of breathe when we separate.

“Hmm baby I miss you, are you good though?” He asks

“I am I feel better I am glad this is over and done with” I sigh

“Me too baby but the investigation is still on” He says clenching his jaw

“Baby?” I say

“Yes my muffin”

“Do you know anything about Pa’s death?”

He looks at me intensely before answering.

“No baby I don’t”

“Are you sure?”

“Amanda I said no yesses” His face changes

“Okay no need to get defensive”

“When are we leaving baby I want to be inside you so bad” he changes pace

My clit twitches.

“I don’t know babe, do you think I should leave I thought maybe I would spend the night and come
back tomorrow” I say

“Ah ha baby for what now?”

“Lwazi come one”

“I need you home baby come on” He sulks

“We are not married as yet, so for now I will exercise my freedom as much as I can”

“Yeah yeah whatever Amanda”

“Come on baby are you seriously sulking for this, I am coming back tomorrow”

“I just hate being without you but cool, I will go to Khathaza’s place maybe go out and blow off some
steam”

“I hope you are on your best behavior Lwazi”

“Always baby” He kisses my cheek

“Hmm”

“Alright is Mandisa staying with you?” He asks

“No but Minx will be here”

“I see call me if you need anything muffin I am coming to fetch you first thing in the morning please
be ready by ten”

“Twelve” I say

“Okay then missy”

“Alright”

“Give daddy one more kiss before I leave”

We kiss.

“Finally everyone is gone” Minx says collapsing on the couch

“Even Aunt Veronica I felt like she didn’t want to leave” I laugh

“No shame she didn’t hey, but she is cool hey”

“Yeah surprisingly”

“So it’s just me and you, tell me how do you feel” Minx asks with a concerned face

“Honestly?”

She nods.

“I feel relieved, like I can breathe I no longer feel scared” I admit

“Wow, just remember babe it’s okay not to be okay but take care of yourself and little Lwazi in
there” She rubs my belly

“I am glad no one noticed I’m pregnant” I smile

“I know it’s the last thing you need right now” She says

“Yeah so I was thinking, Lwazi can help get you a proper job if you want” I say nervously

She looks at for a moment.

“I would like that” She says

I smile broadly and hug her tightly.

“So wait you had sex with Khathaza?” I slap her arm

“Nope I was just teasing blondie I saw Khathaza drop her off last night and I just think it’s
hypocritical of her to be fucking a black guy after she gave you and Lwazi such a hard time” Minx
says

I laugh loudly.

“You are so naughty she was proper mad hey?”

“Yes she was meaning she has already caught feelings shame”

“But by the looks of things Khathaza seems to like her as well” I say

“Trust me I know Khathaza it will pass and when it does your friend is going to cry, and she will cry
hard she must ask Boni she will tell her”

“Really I was convinced there was something more with them” I say

“That’s how he is, he gets close and when things get real he runs Khathaza has major commitment
issues babe, pity Jojo is in too deep”

“Wow but what can we do, I warned her”

“At least she still had that handsome white guy if she is smart she won’t burn that bridge too
quickly”

“Speaking of handsome white guys, where is your brother?”

“He went to the pub I think, but he took the spare key this time he won’t bother us”

“You guys are not close?”

“No we are not a super close family hey, that’s just the way it has always been” I answer

“Well your brother is handsome do you mind I fuck him?” She asks

“What Minx stop it that’s not funny” I laugh

“I am not joking” She says with a straight face

“Minx” I admonish her

She laughs and sips on her red wine.

“It’s cool I won’t do it but only because I love you” She sticks her tongue out

“Thank you”

“So what is going to happen you are going back to your man’s place and you are leaving this house
for good?”

“Yes, we will take care of the house until mom gets discharged but I obviously won’t be staying here
alone but I suspect we might come back here in the near future for Lobola negotiations” I say

“What did he propose?” She exclaims

I nod and she jumps me for a hug and screams at the top of her voice.

“Minx please” I giggle

“Yes I knew it I’m so happy for you baby”

“Thank you my friend”

“Wow Mrs. Mkhize” She laughs

“Weird right?”

“But beautiful babe, I am going to be your maid of honor right or do I need to fight Mandisa for the
position?”

“I haven’t thought that far, I need to concentrate on this baby being healthy, I am not in a hurry to
get married”

“I’m sure Lwazi is going to buy a house for you, you can’t raise a baby in that apartment we used to
smoke weed in” She says thinking

“We haven’t had time to discuss all of that, The Mkhize’s wanted us to live with them for some time”

“Hmm you can’t stay with them for a little while but you need your own space, your own house, do
you think you like a house in Beach View or do you want to go to Mansfield Park and live by the in
laws with the ministers and billionaires” She says excitedly

“I don’t think we can afford a house at Mansfield firstly, secondly Lwazi likes the simple life so I’m
sure it will be something small and intimate”

“Arg you guys are boring, Lwazi is a trust fund baby he can try to be down to earth all he wants be he
is filthy rich babe”

“We will see Minx I am comfortable where we are for now, I do however need your help getting new
clothes. I am getting bigger by the second” I say

“Yes babe how about tomorrow morning we pack up and uber to Beach View Mall and shop till we
drop” She dances

“Lwazi gave me his card so I think we will” I join her

44

We only slept at 3.30 in the morning, we were talking, gossiping and just having a good time, Minx
was drunk and entertaining me. She even taught me how to twerk and how to ride a guy in bed.
Minx though.

When I wake up it’s nearly ten but Minx is not in bed. I make the bed and I decide to shower quickly
before heading downstairs. When I get there I find Craig and Minx eating and flirting.

“Morning sleepyhead” Minx shouts

“How did you manage to wake up before me when you were the one drinking” I frown

“Listen, what can I say?” She shrugs

“Sis” Craig gets up and hugs me

“Hi boet, when did you get in?”

“Late man you look very beautiful hey, you have a glow” He says

“She does, doesn’t she?” Minx smirks

“If I didn’t know my sister better I would swear you were pregnant” Craig says with a straight face

I stare at him awkwardly and then he bursts out laughing, okay…

“Relax Manda I know, Lwazi told me” He says

Huh?

“I know you are pregnant Amanda Botha, congratulations. I wasn’t happy to hear this at first but
Lwazi is a good guy and he promised to make sure this doesn’t interfere with school” He winks

“I was going to tell you Craig I just…”

“No it’s okay I understand and listen I have to go back tomorrow because I was in the middle of my
practical’s but I am coming back in a few months for someone’s Lobola negotiations and I will be
flying first class” He smiles broadly

I hug him from the back and he laughs.

“I can’t wait”

“Me too and this time I will stay for a while so we can catch up sis” He says

“Okay you two, Manda sit down let me dish up for you” Minx says

I smile and dig into my food, Minx is the best.

“Lwazi is here” Craig says

“Okay we are ready” I respond

Lwazi walks in and greets Craig and then hops over to me and hugs me warmly.

“My future wife and baby momma” He says

“Hey baby”

We kiss briefly.

“Are you ready to go?” He brushes my hair

“Yes baby, Minx is coming with us we want to go to the mall and buy some clothes, I am getting big
love”

“I know muffin that’s a good idea, I also have a few errands to run so I will drop you off and fetch
you later” He says

“Sounds perfect to me” I kiss him

He smiles weirdly.

“What?”

“Nothing baby let me get your bags”

I am feeling a little emotional about saying good bye to Craig, he is whispering something to Minx
and she is giggling, gosh. They hug for too long if you ask me and Craig kisses her on the forehead
and she walks out. He turns to me and opens his arms for me I run to him and hug him and sob
loudly.

“Nie man Manda don’t cry” He brushes my back

“I can’t believe Pa is gone Craig, Ma is in a mental hospital, how did things get so messed up?” I look
up to him

“I don’t know to be honest and I am sorry I left you alone Manda, I feel so guilty that you had to go
through this on your own I am so sorry sis” He says wiping my tears

“No Craig you had to follow your heart, just promise we will try harder to be closer as a family, you
are all I have right now” I sob harder

“Manda you are such a baby don’t cry” He laughs

I eventually leave and as soon as I enter the car Lwazi pulls me to his chest.

“Baby please no more crying”

I nod.

“Don’t worry Lwazi we will have fun at the mall and she will be okay” Minx says from the back

“Okay let’s go guys” I say

~~~

I can’t believe I am seven months pregnant. My belly is huge and round and my face is plump, even
my ass is bigger but overall I look beautiful. I am wearing a long strapless mint chiffon dress. My hair
has been straightened and flows over my shoulders and my makeup looks immaculate on my
bronzed skin. I have become a regular with bronzer because I am tired of looking pale next to Lwazi
in our pictures. Tonight Lwazi is taking me out to dinner, he bought me this dress and even insisted
that I go all out, if he hadn’t already proposed I would think he was proposing but I think he is just
spoiling me as usual. Since finding out we are pregnant I have been treated like a queen here,
random gifts, regular trips to the spa and he has been learning to cook from Mandisa, because lately
I am lazy all the time and all I do is sleep. Lwazi walks in to find me admiring myself in front of the
mirror, he looks breath taking in all white. I look at him up and down and I get a bit teary for some
reason.

“Baby you look so handsome” I whisper

“No baby you look like an angel, my angel” He places a light kiss on my lips

“I am so happy thank you baby, I’ve never thought I would be this happy ever” a tear cascades over
my lip

“Me too, I am so happy baby, thank you for this wonderful gift” He touches my belly

“I can’t wait to meet her” I smile

He smiles, we found out we are having a girl a few weeks after the funeral and Lwazi is so excited
about having a daughter. I can already envision him spoiling her rotten.
“Baby we are going to be late” He says

“Okay are you still not telling me where we are going?” I ask him

“No baby I want you to be surprised” He winks

We get outside this restaurant in Portland North and it’s right on the beach, the air is chilly and salty
and my hair is blown back by the cool summer breeze. Lwazi takes my hand and we walk in and
suddenly;

“Surprise” Everyone screams

“What?” I scream

“It’s our engagement party baby” Lwazi says kissing me

Everyone is here, the whole Mkhize family, Nosihle included, Jo, Steven, Gabi, Max, Antoinette and
Auntie Veronica. Lwazi’s friends are all here including the witch of the west but I won’t give her life
in this situation. I hug everyone and Minx springs in to hug me.

“Minx” I scream

“Yes babe are you surprised?” She tilts her head

“Yes I am, you look gorgeous” I spank her behind

Mandisa is wearing a short mint jumpsuit and silver stiletto as she struts towards me with a glass for
champagne in her hand.

“You look so pretty” She says hugging me

“And you, look at you and your thighs look so firm, I’m so jealous”

“Spinning class baby” She twirls for me

“Your man is checking you out” I point in Thabo’s direction

“Arg things aren’t going so well with us hey” She says

“Really what happened?”

“I will tell you another day but we are taking some time apart right now” She says bleakly

“We will talk okay” I hug her

“Yes baby”

“Excuse me ladies and gentlemen” I turn and Lwazi has the microphone

“Welcome to our engagement party and thank you for coming” He roars

We all clap.

“Now the real party is outside on the beach so let’s get out of here and let the party begin” He says

Mandisa takes my hand and we all walk out to the beach all my breath hitches at the sight. Oh my
word!
The party really is outside, there is a huge stage right on the beach under a marquee with white and
mint décor, white chairs and couches. The lighting ties everything in together and there are fire
performers on the side. I am in awe as I explore, the servers are wearing white bikinis and I grab a
few meatballs from the silver platters. The food is the best part about tonight, you can just tell Lwazi
planned this. I have taken off my shoes because my feet are swollen and everyone is dancing and
laughing, Lwazi is with Khathaza, Jabs and Thabo and they seem to be laughing loudly about
something. I am with the ladies;

“Amanda you really do look good hey” –Nosihle

I wink at her.

“Look at that skank Boni” Minx points at Boni who has joined the guys

“Why does she always have to be around people’s boyfriends though” –Zodwa

“I don’t know but she shouldn’t be wearing that dress, she just looks sad” Mandisa adds

“Shame maybe we should call her to come join us” I say

“Why do we need to call her, she can see we are here mos” Minx says

Jo and Steven walk towards us;

“Hi ladies” Steven greets

“Hey” we all say in unison

“I’m going to join the guys I’ll see you later” He says kissing Jo then walking away

“Manda” she sits next to me

“Hey Jo” I smile at her

“So how are you feeling, this is a beautiful party I am happy for you babe” She says

“I feel great, big but at my happiest”

“That’s good”

“How are things with you and your men” I wink at her

“Ahh I am in trouble, I am falling for Khathaza Manda” She says

“Does he know this?”

“No I can’t tell him, he is just so closed off I wouldn’t even know where to start with him”

“Do you think he feels the same way?”

“I think so I mean he is always calling wanting to hang out, I hope so Manda”

“What about Steven?” I enquire

“I don’t know how to tell him, he has been so great lately maybe he senses something is wrong but
he is doing everything I wanted and needed from him. The only problem is I just don’t love him
anymore Manda” Jo says
“Wow, that is a big statement Jo, I just don’t want to see you hurt make sure you don’t make any
haste decisions and have a conversation with Khathaza about where your relationship is headed
before making things so final with Steven”

“Either way Manda I don’t think I could go back to how things were before not after what I’ve had
with Khathaza” She says sipping her cocktail

“What is it with Khathaza guys like seriously?” Nosihle asks

“I don’t know he just made me feel really good” Jo blushes

“Does he have like a magic penis or something?” –Zodwa

“You could put it like that” Jo blushes

“Well damn!” Mandisa exclaims

“You have my attention” Nosihle says

“Stop it guys” I laugh

“Just don’t leave the white guy before you know for sure K-Dogg is willing to make you wifey, which I
doubt to be honest sweetie” Minx says

“Can we not discuss this” Jo says looking annoyed

“Okay girl” Minx chuckles

The party is on full swing even Mr. M is dancing and everyone is cheering him on and laughing. For
an old man he isn’t so bad and he looks good for his age. Aunt Veronica is taken by him, they have
been chatting and laughing the whole night, I wonder what they could possibly be talking about. My
attention is brought to Boni and Lwazi who are in a heated argument in the corner, Boni seems to be
a little over her limit of alcohol and so is Lwazi and he looks angry. I walk towards them and she
stops talking when she sees me, okay now I am really annoyed.

“What is going on here?” I ask

“Nothing baby, we are done here Boni” Lwazi looks at her

“No baby I want to know what you are fighting about” I try not to sound too angry

“Yes tell her Lwazi” Boni says

“Shut the fuck up Boni I am warning you” Lwazi says pointing at her

“Lwazi stop it, you are causing a scene” I hiss

“I am not scared of you Lwazi” Boni screams

“Boni don’t fucking annoy me” Lwazi says

“No let her speak Lwazi clearly you are not going to tell me what is happening here” I shout

I feel someone pull me back, I turn back and it’s Khathaza.

“Leave me alone Khathaza” I shrug my arm away from him

“Let’s go inside people are looking” He says

“You are not going to tell me what to do”

Lwazi turns back and cradles my face, he is drunk I can tell.

“Baby we will talk about this later, Boni is drunk and acting a fool right now” Lwazi says

“Don’t hide things from me Lwazi because we will have problems” I whisper

“I will tell you everything baby as soon as we get home tonight okay, I love you” He tries to kiss me
but I push him back

We walk away and Boni shouts from behind us;

“Tell her about our kiss” She screeches

Lwazi’s face, he turns back and charges towards her but Khathaza holds him tightly. I walk back to
Boni and I am toe to toe with her;

“Your fiancé and future baby daddy kissed me, what are you going to do about it?” She says smiling

I suddenly feel sad for her, she looks sad right now…

“Boni why are you doing all of this?” I ask softly

“Don’t ask me ask your man why he kissed me, I told you he flirts with me all the time and it was
bound to happen Manda. So now what are you going to do about it?” She touches my shoulder

“Listen I don’t know why you feel the need to hurt me but I’m sorry for whatever I did to you to
make you despise me like this I apologize. What do you want from me, why do you want to see me
hurt? I am sorry Lwazi didn’t choose you, I am sorry I fell in love with him what do you want Boni tell
me…He doesn’t care about you I’m sorry I know it’s hard to accept, all these guys are using you. The
only person who genuinely cares about you is Jabs and you don’t even give him the time of day and
now you are busy trying to break me and Lwazi up how is this going to benefit you, will it make you
happy if I cry and you ruin my engagement party?”

“I am not making this up…”

“I didn’t say you were, I am asking why you are doing this now?”

Silence.

“Boni I think you should leave” Khathaza says walking next to me

“I am not going anywhere until Lwazi tells me to go” She says

“Where is Lwazi?” I turn around and I see him walking towards us with Mandisa, Jo, Steven and
Minx.

“Baby” He says taking my hand

I stare up at him, he did it. The guilt is written all over his face and he cannot even hide it.

“My love let’s go back to the party” He says

I don’t say anything I just stare at him.

“Lwazi” Boni says

“What?” He snaps

“We go way back bestie this isn’t going to ruin our relationship” She says

Lwazi laughs loudly.

“What’s so funny?” I shove him back and he immediately stops laughing

“Amanda baby, please don’t pay attention to her” He says

“I think you should leave Boni” Mandisa shouts

“Oh you are chasing me out, wena Mandisa do you know that Thabo has been hooking up with his
ex” Boni says then laughs

Mandisa turns and stares Thabo, he has an apologetic look on his face.

“Thabo?” Mandisa says

“Mandisa leave him alone I will sort him out” Lwazi says

“Sort him out, didn’t we just find out you kissed Boni and cheated on Amanda?” Khathaza says

“Khathaza I swear to you boy, I am going to fuck you up if you don’t stay out of my business” –Lwazi

“Guys please let’s not fight…let’s take a timeout from all of this” Steven says

“And wena you fool, do you know that Khathaza is fucking your girlfriend?” Boni says bitterly

I can’t even react at this point.

“What the fuck did you just say?” Steven nears Boni

“Ask your girlfriend” Boni spits

Steven turns around and faces Jo and she looks like she is about to cry;

“Is it true Jo, is this the person that has been taking up all your time?” Steven cries

“Baby ek is jammer, I just…”

“Jammer…you have been cheating on me Jo?” He screams

I look over at Khathaza and he doesn’t seem bothered in the slightest in fact he looks bored and his
arms are folded against his chest. Steven faces him and he drops his arms and they face each other,
Thabo tries to get in between them but he is too late, Steven throws a mean punch on Khathaza’s
jaw. Jolene screams.

“Baby are you okay?” She jumps to Khathaza’s side

Wow.

Steven is dumbfounded…

“Really Jo, are you running to his side now, are you choosing this guy over us Jo after everything we
have been through together is this how you do me?” Steven sounds like he is crying now

“I love him” Jo screams

Oh shit!
Khathaza looks at Jo like she just attacked his mother, that’s how angry he is…I guess it’s the first
time he hears this declaration of her love.

“Jolene go back to your man please” Khathaza says

“What do you mean Khathaza, I know you feel the same baby please” Jo begs

“He is a dog don’t even bother with him” Boni says

“Why are you still here wena?” Minx interjects

“Oh look who it is…”

“Think very carefully at what you are about to say sis, I am not Manda or Jolene mina I will wipe the
floor with you flat behind” Minx says

Silence.

“Boni come I am taking you home” Jabs says

Where did he come from?

“I am not going until Lwazi admits to our kiss” She says

I look at Lwazi and he looks scared and angry at the same time.

“Boni don’t fucking test me please” Lwazi hisses

“Did you do it Lwazi?” I ask softly

He looks around then back at me.

“Baby can we please discuss this later please baby” He says

“Lwazi tell me” I snap

“Yes baby but it’s not what you think, I was drunk and we weren’t talking and she kissed me” He says
with pleading eyes

“And he kissed me back” Boni says

“Did you kiss her back?” I feel the tears threaten my eyes

“Only for a few seconds baby then I pushed her back and went home I swear, it was stupid I don’t
know why I did that” He says holding my face

“Tell her how you grabbed my boob Lwazi don’t leave that out” Boni shouts

Lwazi is still staring at me.

“That’s not true baby, it was a mistake and it was for a moment and I realized what I was doing and I
stopped it, I’m sorry” He whispers

I turn around and look over at Boni.

“You win, you can have him” I say

I walk away and Lwazi tries holding me but Thabo pulls him back. The party is oblivious to all the
drama that just unfolded. Mr. M spots me and dances over to me, I can’t help but smile.
“Makoti why do you look so grumpy this is your night, you should be enjoying yourself” He says

“I am okay just tired” I lie

“Oh I’m sorry to hear that Lwazi must take you home to rest then my baby” He says

“It’s okay I’ll just call a cab” I say

“Nonsense, Lwazi” He calls him over

“Yes Baba” Lwazi says

“Take your fiancé home please she is feeling tired, anyway we know she is pregnant so I’m sure
everyone will understand. We will send the driver with your gifts” he says

“Okay dad I will, baby?” He takes my hand

Minx and Mandisa walk up to us and I snatch my hand from his.

“Amanda” He pleads

“I am going to Mandisa’s place tonight Lwazi I need space” I say

“There is no space you are getting here, come lets go”

“No Lwazi give her time what the fuck, she doesn’t want to face you not after you were grabbing
Boni’s tits” Minx says

“Stay out of this wena” He points at her

“Don’t be a dick Lwazi leave us alone, go home and sleep you are drunk man, sies” Mandisa says

“I will take him home guys” Thabo appears

Mandisa shakes her head, Khathaza joins us.

“Let’s take the bachelor home he has had too much to drink, and Amanda don’t let this ruin things
between you and Lwazi, Boni took advantage of him” –Khathaza

“Took advantage of him, is he the victim here?” I snap

“No but you were acting like you didn’t give a fuck about him, he was hurting and he got drunk and
Boni fell on his lap and kissed him, yes he reacted but it was only for a moment and he pushed her to
the ground. Boni is miserable don’t let her ruin your life as well” Khathaza says

“Wena why are you preaching here where is your white girlfriend?” –Minx

“Fuck, she mustn’t stress me out. I don’t need this drama right now… do you wanna come home
with me so we can distress my little Minx” He licks his lips

“Don’t start with me” Minx points at him and he laughs

“So the party is over because of that psycho?” Mandisa asks me

“Where is she, is she still here?”

“No, Jabs took her home” Thabo answers

“I don’t feel like celebrating an engagement with a cheater so I am going to sleep, Minx come with
me?” I say

“We will sleepover then” Minx says

“Baby” he looks at me

“What, you cheated on me Lwazi” I spit

“It wasn’t like that baby, it was barely a kiss I wanted to tell you but you were going through so much
already I didn’t want to add to the stress muffin” He pulls me into his arms

“You have to believe me baby okay, I love you and only you” He says

“I just don’t want to be with you tonight, I am going to your sister’s place, go home and sober up you
are wasted, just try and not stick your tongue down anyone’s throat” I push him back and walk away

45

We are in Mandisa’s apartment and Minx is here with us, I don’t know how these two managed to
ride in one car let alone be under the same roof. Thankfully I had a few clothes left here from the
last time so I have showered and changed. The ladies are in the lounge drinking and I am in the spare
room I used to occupy when I lived here. I think about my mother, I haven’t seen her since before
Pa’s funeral. Lwazi checks up on her, Jo has been to see her as well but since finding out about my
pregnancy I decided staying away was best. I am not ready for my mom to know about my
pregnancy especially because she isn’t in her right mind right now. A huge part of me feels empty
without her, I need her right now this is the kind of stuff a girl talks to her mother about. I am not
angry at Lwazi and that worries me, I don’t know maybe I have gone through worse situations in the
past few months but I also just feel like my daughter is my first priority right now. I love him and if I
am being honest I believe him when he says he made a stupid mistake but this does crack our vase
of trust.

I don’t understand why he would even entertain Boni, I don’t think he was even attracted to her, it’s
too much. I have been through too much and I think that even though Lwazi has been there for me,
he clearly isn’t ready to being married. I know him he is stubborn so he won’t give me the space I
need but I need space away from him and away from all of this. I need to breathe and I need to
decide how I feel about him now and I can’t do that with him smothering me with his apologies and
clingy behavior.

I walk into the lounge very clear what I need to do;

“Hey girls” I say

“Hey Manda” They respond

“How are you feeling?” Mandisa asks

“Good just tired, thank you for letting me stay here” I say

“We are sisters, this is your home Miranda” She smiles

“Okay, I am going to bed” I say

“Okay I’m coming with you, I’ll leave in the morning” Minx says

We say goodnight to Mandisa and head to the bedroom.

“What are you up to?” Minx asks with her short arms folded

“Nothing” I shrug

“Don’t lie to me Manda, tell me what you are planning?”

“I am leaving, I need to get out of here” I say

“And where will you go?” She raises her brow

“I don’t know Minx I just need to get away. I need to feel myself again and just live without him” I
start crying

“The only way I am allowing you to run off is if I come with you” She says

“What?”

“We will run off together, I don’t think this is a good idea by the way and you should probably leave
a note for him cause he will be worried sick but I know a place we can go to” She says

“Okay when do we leave I don’t want Mandisa to know” I say

“Let’s nap now and we will leave just before she wakes up” Minx says

“Wake up” I shake her

She opens her eyes and moves up, making weird ‘nkum nkum’ sounds she always makes when she
wakes up.

“It’s time to go” I say

“How long are we going to disappear for?” She asks

“I don’t know as long as I need” I say

I look back at the complex as the cab drives off to an unknown destination and I breathe a sigh of
relief, I hope I am not making a mistake.

Fuck, headache!

I look around, where am I…oh shit I am in Khathaza’s spare bedroom. All the events from last night
come flooding back. Crap!

I have to call her, I grab my phone from under my pillow and dial her, voicemail, damn!

I get up and head to the bathroom, freshen up and walk into the kitchen I find Thabo and Khathaza
drinking beers.

“Aw izinja madoda” Khathaza says before laughing

“Shut the fuck up” I say

“So how’s the hangover yesses you were drunk last night” Thabo says

“I know, I feel like shit and Amanda’s phone is off” I spit

“What did you expect man, let her cool off she is at Mandisa’s nothing to worry about we will go see
her later” Khathaza says
“No man I have to go there now, I feel sick and I can’t imagine what she’s thinking” I say

“No Lwazi don’t bombard her , she is still angry in fact she might be angrier now give her some time,
let’s have some breakfast have a few beers unwind and then go and see her and explain yourself
man” Thabo says

“Explain yourself to us, why vele?” Khathaza chuckles

“Khathaza please you were there” I say

“I wasn’t, what happened guys why on earth would you kiss Boni really? No offense to you
Khathaza” Thabo says

“None taken man” Khathaza bites his apple

“I don’t know my ego was bruised, Amanda acts like she doesn’t care about me most times, she
doesn’t call me even today we are engaged and pregnant but she doesn’t really act like my previous
girlfriends. Sometimes I really do think she doesn’t care…anyway that night I was wasted and Boni
was all over me like a bad rash, it made me feel good I won’t lie, I felt wanted and I was in my
feelings. The kiss took me by surprise but in a heat of the moment I kissed her back and then I
realized it was Amoh that I wanted to be kissing and I stopped it.”

“Do you want to know what I think?” Khathaza says walking around the kitchen

“No Khathaza but I have a feeling you are going to tell me anyway” I say

“I think that little Amy doesn’t appreciate you”

“Khathaza really, he cheated on her” Thabo

“Wena shut up because we haven’t come to you about your ex stories” Khathaza points at him

“As I was saying before I was rudely interrupted by Mr. Holier than thou here” He says pointing at
Thabo

“Amanda doesn’t appreciate you and all the shit you do for her, yes it was fucked up of you to kiss
big titty mami Boni, I don’t blame you man she has nice lips but it was just a kiss, a meaningless kiss
and she knows it. Lwazi was also hurting and he made a mistake man, come one” He says

“Well still doesn’t change the fact that you cheated doug” Thabo says

“And he got caught” Khathaza laughs loudly

“I’m not the one with a bruised face player” I say to him

“This right here” He says pointing to his jaw

“This is worth it” He screams

“Was it worth it?” I smile

“So worth it, that Jolene chick is a freeeak grrrrr” He says

“You are stupid, the poor girl is probably heartbroken” Thabo says

“She isn’t the first one and she won’t be the last man, she will be fine” Khathaza says
“Put on some clothes first of all, we are not your groupies we don’t want to see all of this” I throw a
dish cloth in his direction

“I am comfortable in my own skin man what do you want from me?” He flexes his muscles

“Can we go eat before I lose my appetite” I get up

“Let’s go mother fuckers” Thabo says

I keep trying to call Amoh but her phone is still off…

“Man leave the poor girl alone, let her breathe yesses your issue is that you are too damn clingy
Lwazi man yeeerr” Khathaza says

“I love her man” I say

“Fuck! are you going to cry, stop this pussy ass behavior no I can’t be around this, she doesn’t
appreciate you because you never give her an opportunity to miss you, she doesn’t call because you
always call all the damn time women don’t like that shit man” Khathaza shouts as we park at Captain
La Vida’s

“Khathaza is right as strange as it is, maybe you need to loosen the grip a little bit, so she can have
an opportunity to miss you, you know distance makes the heart grow fonder type of thing” Thabo
says

“I hear you guys but I think I should go see her, at least take her home then I’ll give her space” I say

“Are you hearing yourself, take her home as in your apartment how is that giving her space” Thabo
laughs

“Fuck” I sigh

“Calm down man, this is why I don’t catch feelings yesses you are a mess, let’s eat and we can have a
boy’s day as gay as that sounds then later you will go and find your princess” Khathaza smirks

“Yeah whatever let’s go in” I groan

“Hi Guys, my name is Sine and I’ll be serving you today” The bubbly waitress smiles brightly

“I like the sound of that, Sine right?” –Khathaza

“Yes” She blushes

“My friend here is going through some women drama and we want to cheer him up, we will start off
with some breakfast and then I want you to make sure that we have ice cold beers on out table
okay” Khathaza is working his charm already

“Okay no problem, what would you like to eat?” She giggles

“Are you on the menu?” Khathaza says licking his lips

Here we go again… the girl turns red

“No unfortunately” She says clearing her throat

“Oh well, I’ll have the egg white omelet and the avocado salad on the side” He winks at her

“I’ll have the chef’s choice breakfast” I say

“Me too” Thabo says

The girl walks away shaking her ass and we all watch her.

“Yes now that’s what I’m talking about” Khathaza says

We both just shake our heads.

“Don’t act like you aren’t looking, pussies” He says

“So Thabo what did Boni mean when she said you are hooking up with your ex?” I stare at him

“It’s not what it sounds like, we have just been talking lately, it’s complicated” He says

“Then uncomplicate it, this is my sister we are talking about” I say firmly

“Xoli wants me back but I love Mandisa of course, you know our history it’s not I could blow her off
over the phone, we are still friends. I met her twice for lunch to talk that’s it” He says

“Manje are you thinking of dumping Mandisa for Xoli?” Khathaza asks him

“No of course not but I had to let her down gently, we were in each other’s lives for a long time, she
was your friend as well” He says looking at the both of us

Xolile was one of us at some point, she was part of the squad and thy dated after a year of us being
friends. When they broke up a few years ago, she stopped hanging out with us and moved out of
town, the last I heard she was engaged so this is news to me.

“Wasn’t she engaged to some lawyer fool? Khathaza interrupts me

“They were and she called off the engagement” Thabo says

“For you?” I raise my brows

“Apparently” He huffs

“Listen be honest with Mandisa, because if you hurt her than we will have problems” I say

He nods.

We spend the day drinking and catching up and also reminiscing on the good old days. My mind
keeps wandering to Amanda and her phone is still off. I decide to call Mandisa as Khathaza drops me
off outside my place.

“Hey” She picks up

“Where is Amoh?”

“No greetings nothing, what do you think this is, lovers r us call center?”

“I don’t have time for your shit Mandisa, give her the phone” I snap

“Well she’s not here I thought she came to you” She says lazily

“What do you mean? I haven’t spoken to her since last night”

“Well maybe she went to Minx’s place or home because the pair of them ran off without a word”
She says
I hang up, damn you Amoh!

I have been trying to call Minx and no luck either, I am outside Amanda’s home and it seems dark,
doesn’t look like anyone is here. I knock on the door for a while and I walk around to the window.
The house looks empty, she isn’t here.

I call Sticks;

“Sho Ntwana” He answers

“Sure my man, I need a favor how far are you from Laxonville?” I ask

“Not far, I am in town buying liquor for my girl” He says

“I need you to go to your exes place and check if my wife isn’t there”

“Ahh Lwazi no ntwana not happening” He says

“Come one Sticks man I need your help”

“Lwazi uyahlupha yazi, fine I’ll go check” He says

“Thank you my man” I hang up

I drive off, their phones are still off so I decide to go to Mandisa’s place because this is the last place I
know for sure she was in. I get there and knock twice and enter, Mandisa is upside down in a yoga
position and I run to the spare bedroom. It smells like her…

The room is clean, the bed is made and there is nothing out of the ordinary. I open the drawer on
the side of the bed and there is a small note scribbled in her handwriting.

Lwazi, I need some space. Minx is with me, I will take care of my baby don’t try to find me I’ll come
back when I’m ready

46

Lwazi, I need some space. Minx is with me, I will take care of my baby don’t try to find me I’ll come
back when I’m ready

“Fuck!” I punch the wall then scream in pain

“What the hell is happening here?” Mandisa walks in

“Nothing she left” I say

“Lwazi you are hurt, come” She drags me to the kitchen

Mandisa returns with the first aid kit and wipes my bloody hand before bandaging it up.

“Thank you sis” I say softly

“Pleasure now tell me what happened?”

“She left a note” I take it out of my pocket and hand it to her

“Damn, I’m sure this was Minx’s idea, so what are we going to do, we can find her just talk to dad
and his people” She says

“No Mandisa maybe I should let her be, I just wish she wasn’t pregnant”
“What do you mean she could be anywhere, are you just going to sit there and allow her and your
daughter to be in danger, do we really trust that Minx girl?” She shouts

“Mandisa I fucking know okay, but I betrayed her trust, she doesn’t want to see me, she left me
maybe I should let her be” I say getting up

“I will talk to dad myself” She says

“Don’t Mandisa if you know what’s good for you, let her be… Amanda is a big girl she can take care
of herself, I only protected her because I thought that’s what she wanted but clearly she doesn’t
need me, I just need to go home and sleep.”

“I’m sorry brother” She hugs me

“I didn’t mean to hurt her Mandisa, I made a mistake can she not understand that, I know I’m not
perfect but to leave like this with my daughter, maybe we are not meant to be together” I say

“You are just upset you don’t mean this, she is angry she will be back in no time, besides where
could they go with no money?”

“I don’t know Mandisa I really don’t, if Amanda wants space then space is exactly what she will get” I
say

```

I am sitting outside overlooking the farm, the sounds of the clucking chickens and mooing of the
cows has become part of my everyday life. It’s peaceful here and I am happy I have a friend like Minx
who would drop everything to get away with me like this. This is Elangeni and the only life there is
here sitting outside and looking at nature and the animals. Minx has been everything this past
month but I must say I expected Lwazi to come flying in with a helicopter on the second day but
nothing and I know he must know I’m here. I don’t know maybe I did this so he could come find me,
or did I really need the space, I ask myself.

“I did this for myself” I say out loud

“Talking to yourself” Minx says sitting next to me

“I was just thinking” I say

“I hope you are ready to go home, I know I grew up here but damn it’s boring. I want alcohol and I
don’t want to travel miles and miles just go get a hot savanna babe no let’s go home now” She says

“I have so much clarity here though” I say

“Well you can’t stay forever you are eight months pregnant, you are supposed to be having a
glamorous baby shower on the backyard of the Mkhize mansion and here we are in the bundus
looking as dusty as ever.”

“I know I just don’t know how I feel about myself and Lwazi”

“No you know exactly how you feel, he’s all you talk about and think about, admit it you miss him
and want to be with him”

“I am happy here Lwazi can jump” I frown

“No babe, you thought that he would come flying in to save you as usual and he didn’t and now you
don’t know what to do because you have never had to be the bigger person in the relationship” She
says

“He cheated not me, he should’ve flown in and begged me for forgiveness” I shout

“Maybe, but you asked him to give you space and that’s what he did”

I keep quiet.

“Do you expect him to do as you ask or do the opposite and have you throw a fit, decide what you
want Amanda and stick to it, the kiss was never a factor let’s be honest not enough to break the
relationship apart anyway. I do think you needed space because you have been through the most
but also you needed to realize what you have and fight for it. Lwazi was wrong but if you love him
and you don’t want to lose him at least give him an opportunity to explain himself and work on it, no
one is perfect Amoh” She says wiping my tears

“Gosh I miss him, I miss my mom, my brother, Mandisa I even miss Khathaza” I laugh

“I know I miss them too… can we agree to go back home tomorrow?” She smiles

“Will you come home with me and stay with me until the baby arrives?” I pout

“Of course what else will I do with my time” She smiles

“Great and I miss my clothes, I mean I appreciate the clothes but they are not really my style” I giggle

“Those used to belong to my mom silly” She slaps my arm

“So do I have to go to his place for my clothes?”

“You will have to my love” Minx says

“Come with me?”

“No babe I have my own people to see and make amends with, you have to do this one on your
own” She says with a side smile

When I go to bed my baby is kicking nonstop and I feel slightly irresponsible for doing this at this
stage of my pregnancy. I attended the local clinic this side and she is fine and healthy but I don’t
know if Lwazi will ever forgive me for this, I might not be around him but I know wherever he is, he is
livid.

“I’m going to miss the countryside” I say as we off ramp onto the freeway

“I wish I could say the same, I miss the city” Minx says switching on her phone

I don’t even want to switch mine on not before I see him, I close my eyes and pray that there is still
hope for us.

It’s dark by the time we get home and I am thankful for our spare key because my main keys are
back at Lwazi’s place with the rest of my stuff. I find the key, Minx is grumpy and sleepy and I open…
the house smells stuffy but that’s to be expected. We walk up to the bedroom and I have to go into
my parent’s room and get some of Ma’s clothes. The room gives me the creeps but I think I feel a lot
better about being here again. The time off must have helped.
I find Minx already sleeping inside the covers but I start off by taking a long hot bath. When I finish I
stare at myself in the mirror. I look like I have lost weight, how is it even possible, my belly is huge
though I am definitely ready to pop. I didn’t have much of an appetite back at the farm and we
pretty much cooked the same thing. We didn’t have a lot of money so we had to use what Minx’s
siblings had in the house. I wear my mom’s sleeping shirt and I miss her terribly. I make a mental
note to go visit her, I will have to deal with how she reacts when I see her, I missed Lwazi’s birthday
and I feel horrible about it. I haven’t seen him in five weeks and it feels painful, that’s the word.
Tomorrow I have to face him, and I pray that it’s not nearly as bad as I imagine it to be.

“Wakey wakey sleepy head” Minx is standing over me with a full face of make-up on

“Minx how?” I get up

“Your mom’s make-up kit is bomb as fuck, I’m sorry I had to” She smiles

I shake my head and I carry my heavy weight to the bathroom to pee. I think I wake up about four
times at night to go pee. I brush my teeth and take a quick shower and when I go back to my room,
the bed is already made. Minx though…

I find her downstairs staring at the fridge.

“We have no food hey” She says

“I know and I’m starving” my stomach grumbles

“Wait let me call someone” She says

I sit on the sofa and we have no television because no one has been paying obviously. I need to get
my life back in order, my brother comes to mind but also I clearly can’t go back to campus this year.
I’ll have to have to go back to school after baby but for now I need to eat before I lose my mind.
Minx comes back with a bowl of steaming porridge.

“Thank you my friend” I say

“No worries but I spoke to a friend of mine he will send me money but I have to go meet with him,
then we can buy groceries” She says without looking at me and I know what that means

“No Minx you don’t have to I’ll ask Lwazi for some money” I say

She laughs loudly and claps dramatically.

“I would give up my left boob to see that, you Amanda “Proud” Botha asking Lwazi for money, Jesus
would come back today” She laughs again

“Whatever” I say blowing my porridge

“Okay I am off missy, my lift is here do you want to us to drop you off at Lwazi’s?” She asks

“No friend I still need to get ready I’ll just hold you back, so I’ll take taxis” I say

“You sure, no listen I’ll ask Fred to request a cab for you, just charge your phone and let me know
when you are ready to leave okay” she says

“Thanks Minenhle” I say

“I got you” she winks

I am wearing a pair of black jeans and a white top, courtesy of my mom’s wardrobe and my hair is
tied up. Thank God for the natural pregnancy glow and a little bronzer and eye shadow. I look cute
although the top might be a tad too tight for me, but it works.

The Fred character ordered me an uber and I see the Mercedes parked outside, okay Uber black. I
am nervous maybe I should’ve gone to see my mother first, it might have been easier. In no time we
are parked outside Beach view Heights, I take a huge breathe before stepping out and the sun hits
my eyes, okay I missed the city and the pulsating sounds of the ocean and cool sea breeze. I knock a
few times on the door, I can hear music coming from the inside and my stomach turns immediately.
My baby is sleeping soundly in my belly, I kinda wish she would wake up and be with me as I face her
father but nope I’m all alone. He opens the door and I feel my heart leap out of my chest to my
throat.

He looks like he just saw a ghost, we stare at each other for a mini lifetime. He looks breath taking,
he cut his hair, from a messy fade to a sleek brush and he looks a little lighter even. I am not the only
one who’s glowing apparently, he is wearing a vest and shorts and the muscles on his arms looks
bigger and more defined. No one has said anything but I guess since I came over to his space I have
to be the one who breaks the ice.

“Hi Lwazi” I say shakily

“Hey” He says

Okay…

“I came to fetch my stuff” I blurt

Shit…no… that’s not what I meant.

“Okay” he says turning back

I walk in and the place looks a bit different, oh yes a new couch. He is standing looking over at me up
and down, his eyes land on my belly and he tightens his jaw.

“Do you need anything?” He asks

“Uhm no I think I’ll be fine, how are you?” I ask him

“I am okay” He says titling his head

“And how are you and the baby?”

Oh great you finally acknowledge that I am carrying your baby…

“We are doing okay” I say

“I’m glad to hear that” He says sitting down

I walk to the bedroom and the bed isn’t made, some things don’t change. My clothes are neatly
folded on my side of the closet, this could take a while. I have been in the bedroom for nearly two
hours packing my bags and Lwazi hasn’t come in to even check in on me. Okay, I’m done!

I drag the first suitcase to the living room and he turns and looks at me briefly then continues to
watch his soccer match. I try to grab all my bags and I stare at him;
“Seriously Lwazi are you going to let me carry all this on my own, I am fucking pregnant with your
child” I shout at him

He gets up and walks towards me looking angry finally…

“Excuse me?” He says

“I said…”

“I heard you, so now you know that you are pregnant, you didn’t realize that when you left to God
knows where without the decency of talking to me face to face?”

“I knew I spoke to you, you wouldn’t let me go” I say

He doesn’t say anything just stares into my soul and the mood changes, there is a sudden sexual
aura that surrounds us. His lips are wet and parted and my breathing has changed. He closes his eyes
and steps back, disappointment rushes over me.

“I’m sorry for shouting at you, I’ll help you with your bags” He says in his deep baritone voice

“So that’s it Lwazi?” I feel the tears well up in my eyes

“What do you want me to say Amoh? You left me I know I fucked up but you left. I gave you what
you wanted and asked for” He says looking at me

“I needed space Lwazi to think and to breathe” I say

“So do you feel a sufficient amount of oxygen in your lungs right now?” He says

“Don’t do that, don’t hurt me” I say

“That’s funny you said that because I have been hurting every day for I don’t know how long but that
didn’t motivate you to pick up the phone and call me” He says

“Lwazi you kissed her, you kissed Boni how did you expect me to feel or to react how would you
have felt if I had kissed some other guy” I cry

“I would’ve killed that guy” He says

“Exactly”

“I’m sorry please don’t cry” He take my hands and the Goosebumps instantly spread through my
body

“You hurt me and I don’t trust you anymore” I cry

“Come here” He holds me and I cry into his chest

“I’m sorry” He wipes my tears and kisses my forehead

“It’s okay” I say

“You look good so maybe you are better off without me” He says teary eyed

“I’m not but you look good as well” I say and we stare at each other

“Did we go too fast, where did we go wrong baby?” He asks

“We were fine before you decided to exchange saliva with Boni your so called sister” I say
“Ouch, I guess I deserve that” He says pulling back

“I’m still not totally over that” I say

“I can see, I’ll give you the time and space you need Amoh” He says

“Are you saying you are happy with us being apart?”

“I am saying I realize I hurt you and I hope that you forgive me because I am truly sorry although I
never go the opportunity to actually apologize. You came in today and you didn’t ask to talk to me
but you said you were fetching your stuff, I can’t always be the one chasing after you Amanda at
some point the childish games must stop. I love you and you know that and there’s nothing I
wouldn’t do for you but I don’t know if we are truly ready for marriage” He says

“Do you think it’s me or it’s you that’s not ready?” I ask

“I think that there is room for improvement for both of us” He says

“Okay, so is this you calling off the engagement?” I ask bitterly

“You see, Amoh we are talking here, don’t close off on me, tell me how you feel don’t just sulk and
run off”

“I am not sulking”

“You are, you should see your face right now you look like you swallowed something bitter” He says

“I don’t know why you are insulting me?”

“I am just saying Amanda talk to me dammit, do something” He shouts

I slap him loudly across his face.

“Good, is that all you have?” He says without flinching

I slap him again harder this time, he doesn’t flinch and that sets me off I hit him all over his body and
until he hold my arms firmly in front of me. I am sobbing mess.

“I trusted you Lwazi” I say crying loudly

“You hurt me, you know I have no one else that I trusted and you were my one person who was
supposed to protect my heart. I have been through so much shit the past year and a half but finding
out that you kissed Boni hurt me more than finding my dad in my back yard. Everything that has
happened with my parents was always a possibility in my head I almost expected it but I trusted you
Lwazi and I was not even angry at you I was just disappointed. I look up to you as my strength and
my rock and you fucked it up and it didn’t feel good.” I am shaking

“I am sorry baby” He says crying as well

“I would never do something like that to you Lwazi, why did you do it?”

“Baby, I know it’s hard to believe but it was a stupid mistake that didn’t even last more than three
seconds, it was barely a kiss. When it happened I was so guilty I wanted to tell you immediately but I
thought about how you would react and I was sure you would freak out. I know it was wrong of me
to lie to you but I didn’t want to hurt us. I wanted you to look at me and not see me as someone who
failed you in the long list of people that have failed you in your life. I don’t deserve you I’m sorry
Amanda from the bottom of my heart, you are the most important person in my life and the thought
of losing you over some drunken mistake was too much to risk, that’s the truth. You and my
daughter are everything to me baby and I don’t want you to ever cry because of me, I’m sorry I have
failed you”

“Lwazi you didn’t fail me, you just disappointed me but I understand that no one is perfect, I am not
perfect but I love you and I need you. We need you, all the things that we have shared will not be
diminished by some lousy kiss, I’m sure you don’t even remember it…”

“I don’t baby I promise” He sniffs

“I missed you so much” I hold him

“Not as much as I missed you, I was even talking to myself. I nearly lost my mind” He holds me too
tight

“Baby, don’t hurt the baby” I say

“Askies muffin” He wipes my nose and then smashes his lips against mine and he takes like mint and
menthol flavored cigarettes. I instantly get soaking wet and I start panting, I’ve been so horny from
just a kiss my whole life. He picks me up and I wrap my legs around his waist and he bites my bottom
lip and I moan loudly. His hands are groping my ass as he walks us to the bedroom. He places me on
the bed and gently gets on top of me and is kissing me sensually; “Lwazi I need you now baby” I
whisper

47

He peels off my top and kisses my belly all over before taking off my pants. I feel a bit insecure I am
wearing the biggest underwear in the history of underpants but I am too horny to give it too much
attention and I don’t think he cares.

“Hmmm baby you are dripping” He says as I spread my legs apart

He is naked in a flash and kisses me again, I gasp when I feel his long fingers open the folds of my
vagina. I am drenched so I don’t need any more lubrication but Lwazi is playing with my clit trying to
drive me insane. “Lwazi” I shout and he chuckles then tightens his jaw.

“How do you want it baby” He says entering me slowly

‘Oh shiiiiiiit” It’s been so long, it feels too good to be legal

“Tell me baby, slow and gentle or hard and fast?” He nuzzles my neck and pulls out

“Slow baby, make love to me” I say

“Open for me baby” He spreads my legs wider

He rides the tip of his manhood up and uses the tip to play with my bud of pleasure briefly, I am
mumbling and incoherent at this point as I feel myself nearing an orgasm.

“Lwazi fuck me, now baby” I shout

He enters me more roughly this time and I lock my legs behind him as he starts moving in and out
and in circular motion inside me. “Ahhhhhhh fuck” I say as a quick orgasm sneaks in. He draws his
manhood and turns me over to the side and spoons me and I scream, his dick stretches my orifice
once more. His one arm is under my arm playing with my nipple while the other rubs my clit
mouthwateringly. I am drooling and panting in a very un-lady like manner, my eyes are shut and my
body feels like it doesn’t belong to me.

“Hmm fuck you feel so warm baby, Shiiiiiiit I don’t think I can’t hold on much longer” He says

“I think I’m gonna cum again baby just keep fucking me like that, oh yes…I love you so much” I say

“I love you too fuck” He accelerates the speed on my clit and he freezes and sends me over the edge
as well and we both cum together.

“Ah fuck that was awesome” I say

“Fucking worth the wait” He says kissing the side of my face

“So are we no longer engaged?” I ask turning to face him, with him still inside me

“No baby, of course we are but we will take things slow and find our sweet spot where we learn to
communicate better” He says

“I think I’ll stay home for now, Minx is with me at least” I say

“I respect that baby but I would like us to move into a proper home once the baby arrives and she
has both of us there for her if that’s okay with you MaBotha” He kisses me

“Okay baby, I appreciate you Lwazi and I want to trust you completely again”

“I’ll prove to you just how much I am dedicated to you and to us” He says

“Okay, you can look forward to lots of phone calls from me, I am not super affectionate by nature
but I am going to try more with you”

“And I will try my best to be less over bearing” He says

“You know what I actually love how affectionate you are baby, it’s the main thing I love about you”

“Great because I really can’t be anything else” He laughs

He pulls out and I wince. He jumps off and returns with a warm towel and wipes me clean and we
cuddle. My stomach grumbles and my baby kicks simultaneously.

“Baby are we hungry, did you eat today?” His face changes

“I had breakfast baby”

“It’s after one now, come let’s go eat” He picks me up

“Lwazi don’t drop me”

“When have I ever dropped you?” He spanks my ass

I gobble down my burger in record time, and wash it down with a large glass of fruit juice. Lwazi
looks frightened.

“Baby, moment of honesty?” He says

“Yes baby?”

“You look like you lost a bit of weight and it hurts me to think that you might have been hungry, or
craved something and you couldn’t get it”
I look down.

“I was okay, I think I just wasn’t used the environment” I lie

“I see well you never have to ever go back there again, no matter what happens between us I need
you to promise me something Amanda and this time for real”

“Yes baby”

“I need you to know that you are my family, my family is your we are officially adopting you and so if
you are mad at me, then please go home or to Mandisa or to Zodwa, Sakhile, Mtho, Mbuso all these
people are here for you as long as you ask.”

“I hear you baby and I feel happy to know this, I love you very much” I say

“Do you want another burger, cause I do” He says rubbing his tummy

“I think I want wings and chips now” I say

“Let’s get dressed and go to Captain La Vida’s” He says

We sit down to eat and I think of Minx;

“Baby can I use your phone to call Minx?”

He hands his phone crunches his chicken bone absent mindedly. I smile and shake my head.

“Hello” She says

“Hey babe, it’s me your favorite white friend” I giggle

“My only white friend even” She responds

“Where are you my love?”

“Beach View Mall babe getting our groceries” She says

“We are at Captain La Vida’s eating do you want to join us?”

“Thanks for the offer babe but I’m still with Fred, he will drop me off later I was worried about you
mommy, I’m glad you guys sorted things out” She says

“Me too, I miss you” I giggle

“Oh please don’t lie, will you come home tonight?”

“I’m not sure, I think so but I’ll keep you posted”

“No baby stay with your man, bond and give that child some loving, I will go out and go home later
and we will see each other tomorrow as long as you are okay” She says

“I am thank you Minx for everything, I love you”

“I love you to, bye now before Lwazi complains” She laughs

I hang up.

“You really care for Minx?” He eyes me

“I do and she cares for me more than Jo who I’ve known forever, she’s just so caring and I want her
to be happy” I say

“Does she still need a job because Khathaza is looking for a personal assistance and I think she can
handle him” Lwazi says

“Yes she is, but would that work or end in disaster?”

“Minx is a big girl if anyone can handle him it’s her”

“What does Khathaza do anyway guys?” I laugh

“A lot, he does endorsements because of his fame, he has multiple businesses and he always being
interviewed here and there and apparently he just got a deal for a reality show” Lwazi chuckles

“A reality show, wow”

“I know”

“I think Minx would be great for him then because that would be great for her C.V as well” I say

“Yes babe” He says

“Speak of the damn devil” I say pointing as Khathaza walks in with the most beautiful girl I’ve ever
seen

“Well look at this, if it isn’t Manda” He says

“Hey Khathaza” I smile

“Get up and greet me properly”

“Ey Khathaza she doesn’t have to do anything, watch how you talk to her” Lwazi scolds him

I get up and hug him then hug the girl he’s with.

“Guys this is Nicole, Nicole this is my friend Lwazi and this is his fiancé Amanda” Khathaza points

“Would you guys like to join us?” I ask

“Would love to but not really” Khathaza says pulling Nicole away

“Is he okay up here?” I point at my head

“No he isn’t, do you want some dessert?”

“No baby I’m stuffed” I stretch

“I wonder where Khathaza finds all these girls” He says

“Me too, so will you drop me and my suitcases off?” I smirk

“Is that what you want?”

“No I want to stay for the night and leave tomorrow” I say

“Great I want you to stay forever but I’ll settle for the night” He leans in for a kiss

I had to go to campus to arrange for my studies to continue after I give birth so for now school is on
pause. I am outside the facility to see my mother and I am fucking nervous. I release a long cleansing
breathe and walk into the reception area. It looks exquisite, very modern and clean, there are fresh
flowers on the front desk and I instantly think of Mandisa, I miss her dearly. I greet the receptionist
and wait for her to direct me to my mom’s suite, apparently she is staying in the presidential suite.
Lwazi has money to waste I swear. I walk in and my mother is sitting back on a huge chair reading a
magazine, she looks beautiful even plump and she looks like my mother. She notices me and her
eyes widen at my sight. I walk in carefully and sit on the chair opposite her and she is staring at my
tummy.

“Ma” I say hoarsely

“Manda baby” She says

“I…Ma I” the tears fall down

“Come here” She stands and we hug fiercely and we both cry in each other’s arms. After a while we
pull back and stare at each other, I am a ball of emotions.

“You look beautiful my baby, oh I can’t believe this” She says touching my pregnant belly

“I wanted to tell you but everything happened so quickly Ma I was under so much stress” I say

“It’s okay baby, I understand. I am so sorry my baby I haven’t been the mother you needed, I lost
myself in my marriage and I neglected my children I hate myself for it” She cries

“It’s okay Ma, it’s over I don’t want to look back anymore I just miss you and I need my mommy
back” I choke

“Ah my baby don’t cry, you know I’m a horrible person Manda. The one thing I have realized being
here is that Lwazi and his family are great people, after the way we treated them. I judged them
baby for me all I saw was their skin color and for whatever reason I didn’t see people like us, I didn’t
think they deserved you. The way they have treated me has embarrassed me, I am ashamed that
someone could care for someone who practically spit on their faces. How can I judge someone
based on the color of their skin Manda what kind of person does that?” Her voice shakes

“They are wonderful people mom and I love them, you will see, don’t cry. At least you acknowledge
your wrongs, Lwazi loves you and he defends you and I know he has already forgiven you Ma” I say

“I have been cracking my brain trying to figure out what it is that made me think the way I do. How
did I come to be so judgmental, is it something that was triggered by your relationship with him or
was I always racist but I just never noticed. I have colleagues that are black and I am cordial with
them some I even consider as friends but somehow when I learnt that a black guy was dating my
daughter it felt like the worst thing that could happen. It felt unnatural and unsafe… I assumed he
was a bad person just because his skin color was different from mine. When I thought about this, I
searched deep inside my soul to find the answer and I realized something, I really have no reason to
feel this way accept it’s just things that I have learnt from my own parents, my husband and my
friends. I have been spending a lot of time with him, Lwazi that is, he visits me often, lately more
often than before and his sister Zodwa and he has never made me feel like I was crazy, or judged me
or held a grudge against me in fact he made me laugh and he told me little things about you that he
loved, he asked me questions about you, about your upbringing and we spoke sometimes for hours.
I haven’t told him this but the love he has given me has somehow healed a big part of me. I was
hurting I’ve been hurting all my life and I wanted to die Manda but I learn the people you think you
love are often the people who don’t appreciate you and the people you push away only want to love
you. I know that he loves you and I know you love him as well. I wish you didn’t get pregnant but I
won’t judge you, I will support you in all you do from today until the day the lord decides to take me,
I am forever indebted to Lwazi and his family and he has taught me the greatest lesson of my life;
love is the way to anyone’s heart and it has the potential to melt the coldest heart” She sniffs

“Dankie ma ek is lief vir jou”

“I love you too my baby, now sit down and tell me all about your new life” She smiles

48

I spent the whole day with my mom catching up, she is doing much better when I asked about Pa
she told me not to worry about it that the police were still investigating. She seems like she is really
healing, even her skin is glowing and of course the facility is five star so they are treating her well.
Lwazi fetched me from Safe Haven Psychiatric Home and we went back to his place to have dinner
and now he is driving me back home.

“Baby did you say Minx was back?” He asks

“Yes baby she is home already, I’m sure she cooked and cleaned and went extra” I say

“I am happy you have someone there with you especially because you are carrying my baby” He
takes my hand and kisses it

“Well I am going to get bored sitting around the whole day at least Minx will keep me busy,
depending on when Khathaza will need her to start. I can’t wait to tell her the news” I beam

“Baby can I fetch you for dinner at home tomorrow everyone misses you so much”

“I would love that I miss them as well, where did you tell them I was?”

“I told them you were visiting relatives but my dad knew something was up after you left your own
engagement party”

“I figured, Arg I miss Mandisa so much”

“Hmm she isn’t very happy with you hey, just a warning”

“Crap!”

“Yep, okay baby… I miss you already” He parks

“I miss you too but I’ll see you tomorrow after work?”

“Yes baby I will come straight here from work” He brushes my belly

“No baby actually I will meet you there, I want to get there early and hang out with them” I say

“Okay baby give me your phone for a sec” He grabs my phone from my hand

After a few minutes of being on my phone he hands it back and smiles at me.

“And then?”

“I linked your uber account to my credit card baby, after the baby we need to consider getting a car
for you and baby” He kisses me

“I don’t like driving baby it scares me” I confess

“What scares you muffin you have a license nje” He says

“I know but I’m scared of changing gears baby, I feel like I’ll do the wrong thing”

“We will get you an automatic baby like this one”

“I don’t know I don’t need a car you can drive me”

“Really so I must drive you around all the time, you will need to drive at some point”

“I always thought my first car would be after I got a job and I bought it myself” I say

“Well you can still buy yourself a car but you will need a car after the baby Amanda, you can’t uber
with my baby”

“Our baby”

“Yes that’s what I meant muffin”

“Whatever big bully goodnight”

“Kiss baby” He pulls me to him

We kiss shortly then I hop out and walk into the yard. I find Minx in the kitchen sitting on top on the
counter reading a book.

“Hey girl” I shout

“Hey” She smiles weakly

“What’s wrong boo, you look a bit sad?” I frown

“Oh no I’m fine, this book I’m reading is just a bit sad that’s all” She giggles

“Oh I didn’t know you liked reading”

“I do I just never get the time, but today I took a long hot bath in the morning and after cleaning and
eating I just sat and read the whole day and it felt so good” She shakes her head

“Well I am happy for you my love but I am afraid your leisure time is about to be cut short, Lwazi
spoke to Khathaza and he needs a personal assistance…”

“For what?” she laughs

“Well you are getting paid so it’s a job and apparently he is going to have some reality T.V show” I
giggle

“Wow maybe I’ll become a celebrity myself” She laughs

“Do you want to order pizza because I already had dinner with Lwazi and he gave me some money in
case I got hungry?”

“No baby I am okay, I made us scones and I just a few with coffee” She says

“Oh I forgot you brought us groceries, Minx thank you so…”

“No don’t mention it, thank you for letting me stay with you I really didn’t feel like going back there
immediately”
“You are never going back, we will fetch your things tomorrow” I fold my arms

She laughs loudly and I stare at her.

“What’s so funny?” I ask

“I fetched my things yesterday honey” She smiles and then we both laugh loudly

There are construction workers all over the yard and the Mkhize residence but I am not sure what it
is they are working on. I walk in and greet the maintenance ladies and I walk to the back to find Mrs.
M sitting with Mandisa by the pool, oh I didn’t know she was here.

“Hello” I greet

“Oh Amanda, what a nice surprise” Mrs. M gets up and kisses my cheek

Mandisa doesn’t look up from her phone, crap she really is mad.

“Hey Mandisa” I speak

She looks up and give me a half smile and a nod.

“You look great, you haven’t gained any weight besides on your belly” Mrs. M says touching my belly

“I am getting tired though I can’t wait to meet her” I say

“Me too, I love girls they are such a pleasure to raise but very cheeky” She says looking at Mandisa

“Where is everyone?” I sit down

“My husband has golf with some friends but he should be getting back anytime” –Mrs. M

“I see”

I end up falling asleep on the chair and I feel someone shaking me lightly.

“Baby wami, wake up” Lwazi is looking down at me

“I fell asleep” I clear my throat

“Yes babe, come dinner is ready”

We walk in and everyone is happy to see me, Mandisa is seriously mad at me. She hasn’t
acknowledged me the whole time she just chews her gum and types on her phone the whole time.
This is the Mandisa I met the first time I came here and I will admit that she scares the shit out of
me. I am happy to leave as soon as we finish, I couldn’t stand a minute more of the cold shoulder I
was receiving from Mandisa. I will give her some space before attempting to talk to her.

Lwazi took the day off so we could go to my gynecologist today and I am laying on the bed for my
sonar scan. The doctor applies the cold gel on my belly and my baby appears on the screen. Lwazi is
smiling like a fool and has even forgotten about me.

“She looks like she is sucking her thumb” Lwazi says to the doctor

“She might be but she is healthy and I am happy with your blood pressure so far however I do need
you to take it easy, we are getting close to the delivery date so make sure you are well rested and try
not to move around too much” The doctor states
“I will make sure she stays put doctor” Lwazi responds

“Okay I do think you should both should be bigger, are you eating well you look smaller than the last
time and that’s not normal” Dr. Vezi frowns at me

“I am doctor” I stare at Lwazi who looks concerned

“Okay as long as you’re getting the right nutrients, staying hydrated, taking your vitamins and
getting enough sleep you should be fine” He says

“Baby” Lwazi kisses my belly

“I can’t wait to meet her” I beam

“Me too baby. So we need to go shopping are you up for it now?” He says

“Sure but we grab something to eat on the way, feeling hungry again” I say

“Of course baby, I am happy when you are feeding my child” He says before kissing me

“Our child” I smile

“Yes baby we are going to be parents, I don’t know anything about children so maybe we should ask
Zodwa sometime this week to go with you and get you all the things you need” He helps me off the
bed

“Okay that’s okay but I think today we should buy a few clothes and some basic essentials for the
hospital bag” I say

“Do you know what it is you need?”

“Yes baby my mom helped me make a list, let’s go eat first”

My feet are swollen after a day of shopping with Lwazi. He was excited at first but the novelty of
picking cute baby clothes soon wore off and he was grumpy and over the whole thing. I on the other
hand was insatiable in my quest for the cutest miniature outfits, I have so many clothes already I fear
I might have gone overboard especially because grew out of their clothes so quickly. We ordered our
Stroller and crib from online and I am still wondering where we will be living when the baby comes
not that I mind staying with Lwazi but this place isn’t really new born baby material.

“Baby I need to ask you something” I find him watching tennis in the lounge

“As long as it’s not another question on baby clothes and strollers baby I am done for the day” He
says

“Don’t be silly Lwazi, I was thinking about our living arrangements when she arrives, I only ask
because now is the time to get a nursery if we are going to even have one” I whine

“Of course we will have one, I will sort it out don’t worry just get everything you need for the
nursery. I have been looking at houses at Beach View Estates baby and it looks pretty comfortable,
here look at this one” He hands me his phone

“Baby this is beautiful and very expensive, will we afford it?”

“It’s not that bad baby I promise and yes we can, I work hard and I have been saving my salary from
the time I started working because I didn’t have any expenses so I used the money I make from my
investments, the dividends I receive from my share at the Mines and baby I still have trust fund
money”

“Baby it says here the house is 3.4 million that sounds like a lot to me” I squeal

“It might sound like a lot but trust me baby, it’s appropriate besides decent shelter is expensive
nowadays baby and this is an investment. The house isn’t that big it’s just three bedrooms baby but
it’s going to be fine for just us three” He brushes my hair

“It looks absolutely perfect and it’s close to Mandisa’s place” I say

“You miss her?”

“So much baby, I tried texting her earlier and she blue ticked me” I huff

“You need to approach the situation from a different angle, she was going through a lot when you
weren’t here she still is…” He says changing the channel

“What do you mean she is going through a lot, what happened?” I frown

“Oh shit baby I forgot to update you on the drama that happened when you were away” He settles
back on the couch

“Spit it out”

“Well Thabo left her for his ex-baby” He says casually

“What?” I scream

“Yeah it was pretty dramatic, I ended up punching him and we haven’t heard from him since” He
says

“When did all this happen?”

“Like a week after you left, Mandisa came to me crying saying that Thabo wasn’t taking her calls and
se we drove to his place and found him with Xoli his ex, and they looked pretty comfortable.
Mandisa confronted him and he admitted to still being in love with Xoli and then I punched him a
few times and we got the fuck out of there, he’s dead to me” He says calmly

“I don’t believe it, Thabo is so sweet and caring this isn’t like him at all” I say

“I don’t care if he was in love with his ex, he shouldn’t have used my sister while he was trying to get
over his feelings for his ex. I don’t want any of my friends ever befriending my siblings now. And if he
calls you or texts you please don’t respond” He says looking a bit more annoyed now

“Poor Mandisa, she must be distraught”

“She was but you know her she doesn’t really like talking about the things that are close to her
heart” He says

“I need to go see her tomorrow baby”

“No baby tomorrow you are resting, we have been up and down the past few days you need to rest
you heard the doctor” He says firmly

“Alright I am a little tired, are you taking me home tonight?”

“No baby you are staying here with me, I took the rest of the week off so I could chill with you” He
pulls me on top of him

We start kissing slowly at first then the kiss hastens with our increasing excitement. He slides his
hands inside my top and pinches my nipples and massages his tongue with mine. I am very
responsive of late and I am already drenched in my own love nectar.

Lwazi’s hand slides my panty to the side and lifts me up and makes me sink into his manhood, I gasp
and moan at the same time. I feel him in my belly but I still haven’t moved, I am waiting for him to
do me but he is staring at me while he rubs my clit.

“Baby” I hiss

“Move my muffin” He says

I move up and down but I don’t seem to be getting the right rhythm, Lwazi holds my hips and moves
underneath me and I start moaning and closing my eyes.

“Amanda move baby, take control” He says with his eyes half closed

I try moving again but it doesn’t feel like I am doing the right thing, Lwazi opens his eyes and smiles.

“Here baby, don’t move your whole body yezwa my love, isolate your hips and try keep the rest of
your body still, like this…yes baby like that shit” He curses

I do as he says and it feels great not only for me but my man looks like he is enjoying it as well. I feel
tired but the look on Lwazi’s face keeps me going, I feel liberated and in control Minx would be so
proud of me. Lwazi gasps a little too loudly when I move in circular movements chasing my own
pleasures. He grabs my breasts and squeezes them, they hurt but I take it. Okay I am ready for him
to take back control, I try getting off but he holds me still.

“Carry on baby it feels so good, fuck”

“I’m tired now baby” I groan

“Don’t be lazy, come on a few more strokes baby…” He mumbles

I lift myself up and turn swiftly and face the opposite direction and I start riding him with more
determination. The sounds he is making, I guess all along I wasn’t making him this happy, he sounds
like he is in cloud nine and so am I. His hand finds my clit and he starts rubbing to the rhythm of my
movements, we are both moaning and groaning and I feel the warmth of my orgasm spread through
my body. My legs feel numb and the muscles of my vagina clench and grab his manhood and that
sends him over the edge.

“Ahhhhhhh yeahhhhh fuck fuck fuck baby that feels so damn good” He screams

“Holy shit I’m numb” I say as we collapse on the couch

“Baby you just fucked the shit out of me” He smooches me

“It’s not as easy as I thought it would be” I say

“You were fantastic baby we just need more practice, and stop being lazy” He smiles

“I’m not baby my back was tired”

“Imagine how my back feels, I’m always the one fendaring” He chuckles
“Fendaring is that what’s it’s called?” I crease my forehead

“Yes baby and you are now officially a fender bender” He laughs and I laugh as well

“Lwazi you are being silly”

“Serious baby in fact I am going to give you a new name from today?”

“What’s that?” I smirk

“Fandelion Bhebhington” He laughs

“Arg get off me you are crazy” I push him off and he laughs loudly

49

Today I am shopping for more baby stuff with Zodwa and Asanda, we are having breakfast before we
start our shopping spree.

“So who are you chatting to Asanda, you have smiling to yourself all morning” I say

“No one” She frowns and becomes evidently uncomfortable

Okay…weird.

“I wish Mandisa was here hey”

“Yeah I know, but give her some time she will come around” Zodwa responds

“I feel really bad I abandoned her when she needed me, I didn’t know Thabo was such a jerk” I spit

“Me neither but she will find her soul mate she just needs to relax her standards as well” Zodwa sips
on her coffee

“I think I will go see her tomorrow” I say

“Bad idea, Thabo just posted a picture of him and his girlfriend, Mandisa is livid she won’t even
answer mom’s calls” Asanda says

“Damn I almost want to call Thabo and give him a piece of my mind” I sigh

“Don’t get involved just try support Mandisa the best way you can” Zodwa adds

“Anyway on a lighter note, Amanda are you going to Mel’s and Sfundo’s anniversary dinner?”
Asanda beams

“I didn’t know about that, I am not friends with her hey” I say

“We are all going, you have to come they are great hosts, great food and an open bar, eish well you
aren’t drinking but it’s good to go out one last time before you are officially locked in before baby
arrives” –Zodwa

“Lwazi won’t like it, he wants me to sleep all day and night” I say

“I’ll talk to him don’t worry, besides I know he wants to go, Khathaza and Sfundo are close as well so
he will be there” –Zodwa

“Okay let me know but I’m so fat like what will I even wear?” I whine
“We can find something for you today” Asanda adds

“Great now I have to try on clothes” I complain

“Don’t be a bore” Asanda sticks her tongue out to me

We ended having to send some of the things we’ve bought to the Mkhize residence. Lwazi’s mom
insisted that I spend the first month living with them at least. So they are turning one of the rooms
into a nursery, don’t ask me why because we will only be there a few weeks but I have learnt not to
question such things too much with them. I am back home and alone because Minx has started
working for Khathaza and they are out of town for the night because he has a club appearance
apparently. Minx is having a lot of fun I think. I can imagine the entertainment, Khathaza always has
drama surrounding him. I am excited about going to the anniversary dinner for Mel and her husband
but I am still anxious about Mandisa, I tried going to see her yesterday and she didn’t respond to my
texts. I know she is stubborn but damn, she is a tough nut to crack. Fingers crossed I will get an
opportunity to speak to her at this party because I know her and Mel are close.

I told Lwazi not to come see me today and surprisingly he agreed. I don’t want him driving up and
down like a lunatic to see me; we are going to this party tomorrow anyway. I spend the whole day
eating all the junk Lwazi bought me and binge watching my favorite series. I decide to sleep early
because I feel sleepy all the time anyway and I don’t want to wake up feeling tired tomorrow. I look
forward to seeing the hot husband and his hot friends tomorrow, just because you’re full doesn’t
mean you can’t look at the menu you know.

Zodwa helped me pick the outfit I am wearing tonight, a long tight maroon dress with a slit on the
side. The dress looks great but I just fear I look like I swallowed a person in it though she assured me
I looked great. I lock up and head to my man’s place, I have the spare key so I decide to get there
early so I can nap before we get ready for tonight. I hop out the cab and I see someone standing in
front of Lwazi’s door, it’s a female. Wait it’s Boni… what the hell is she doing here, the nerve of this
girl.

I walk up to the door and she is looking at me with annoyance or anger I can’t decide.

“Boni…What are you doing here?” I say

“The last time I checked this was Lwazi’s place so I don’t need to explain myself to you” She says
bitterly

I laugh and open the door and I walk in. this girl seriously needs prayer but she won’t get the beast
of me, I take a peek and she is standing outside still. I sit and watch some television for a few
minutes until I decide to go speak to her. I find her crying outside;

“Boni” I say

She looks up at me and clicks her tongue and carries on crying.

“Boni come in, the neighbors are going to complain man” I shout

She gets up and walks in and I follow closely behind. I am watching her while she tries to control her
crying, arg I feel sorry for her now;

“What’s wrong?” I sit next to her

“Everything” She sniffs

“What’s everything Boni?”

“I ruined my friendship with Lwazi and now I don’t have anyone, Jabs doesn’t want anything to do
with me anymore and I feel so alone” She cries dramatically

“Why doesn’t Jabs anything to do with you, the last time I checked he was in love with you?” I frown

“I love him but just as a friend and I might have led him on and now everything is a mess, he hates
me, so does Lwazi and Khathaza” She shrieks

“Don’t be so dramatic man no one hates you, they just don’t want to be your friend and that’s
because of the decisions you made Boni”

“I didn’t mean for things to be like this if I could turn back the hands of time I would Amoh” She
looks up at me

“Why did you do everything you did, why did you say all those things and what did you expect to
happen afterwards honestly?”

“I don’t know, I am going through the most Amoh and I just wanted someone to take notice of that.
Lwazi was my best friend before you came along and I feel like I lost him to you. I suddenly had no
one to talk to anymore he totally forgot about me and I was jealous. I might have had a small crush
on him but it wasn’t serious I convinced myself it was but I just wanted him attention and my friend
back” She says more calmly

“You kissed him knowing very well he was with me you can’t expect me to feel sorry for you now” I
say

“I know, I’m sorry though Amanda you are a nice girl, you didn’t deserve this and Lwazi didn’t
deserve this as well. That night I took advantage of the situation and I kissed him…if I’m being honest
I really love Khathaza but I know now nothing will ever happen between us.”

“Khathaza is a dog you know this and you knew this before sleeping with him Boni” I say

“I know and I will get over it eventually, hopefully… but for now I just want to make things right with
everyone else, right now things at home aren’t good and all I need is a friend and I don’t have that”
She starts crying again

“Don’t be silly Boni Lwazi won’t stop being your friend, he is just angry and of course he doesn’t
want to risk things with me by being close to you and you can’t blame him for that” I say

“I know I know I didn’t meant to fuck things up this much” She says

“What do you mean things aren’t good at home?” I probe

“My parents are getting a divorce and my sister just moved overseas so I just feel alone” She sobs

I hug her and try my best to console her, I know I hate her but I feel bad for her she genuinely looks
sad and I can’t help but comfort her.

“Well if it makes you feel any better my dad used to beat my mother up in front of us and my father
was murdered and buried in our back yard and we still don’t know who did it…my brother left to live
abroad as well”

“I didn’t realize we had so much in common” She says

“We all have our fair share Boni but we keep it moving and it doesn’t mean you need to allow these
guys to walk all over you. If Lwazi wasn’t the person he is, or he wasn’t with me he would’ve slept
with you and then how would you feel. You can’t fill the hole in your heart and life with meaningless
sex it only hurts you more” I say

“Why are you being so nice to me, I have been such a bitch to you” She half smiles

“Because we all deserve a break, I don’t believe you are a bad person but I still don’t trust your ass” I
point at her and she laughs

“Fair enough, I feel like Lwazi isn’t going to forgive me but I do want to apologize to him whether he
is willing to forgive me or not is up to him”

“There is only one way to find out, he can’t be mad forever” I get up

“Would you like something to drink?” I ask her

“Something alcoholic please” She pleads

I hand her a glass of wine and we chat and listen to music, she isn’t that bad I must admit. The look
on Lwazi’s face when he walks in, anger, confusion and fear wrapped in one.

“Baby Boni is here to talk to you” I say walking towards him

“Why is she here and why are you laughing, I am confused baby” He whispers

“We spoke and I get it, she apologized and she wants to apologize to you as well. I don’t
automatically trust her but I trust you baby so listen with an open mind and try to be forgiving but
only if you think her apology is genuine” I kiss him

“Okay baby, where are you going?” He pulls me back

“I am going to take a quick shower so we can get ready baby, if you hurry and get rid of Boni we can
get a little naughty before leaving” I whisper and wink at him

The Ndlovu home is absolutely beautiful, (It’s house goals) but it doesn’t beat the Mkhize residence
of course. What I like about it is the modern décor and the youthfulness of everything inside and
outside the house. We are here earlier than most people but we walk into the luxurious living area
and the house keeper I think her name was Maria leads us to the entertainment area and there a
bunch of people by the bar laughing loudly. I get a little nervous but Lwazi pulls me under his arm
and I am reassured.

“Hey look its Lwazi and Amanda everyone” Mel shouts

“Hey Mel” Lwazi says hugging her

“Amanda wow look at you mommy you are so pregnant” She touches my belly then gives me a
warm hug

“Guys this is Amanda, Lwazi’s fiancé” Mel says

“Hi everyone” I say

Sfundo walks over and pulls me into his arms. Damn he smells good, lord have mercy. He smiles and
my heart rate accelerates.
“Baby this is Muzi, Sfundo’s brother and his wife Charlotte, that is Sizwe and Thando, this is Mthunzi
and Zanele and that in the corner is Charles and Stacy” Lwazi says

“Nice to meet you, you look beautiful” Charlotte says

“Thank you” I blush

“Wow Lwazi so you decided to go and get the land for us” The skinny one says and they all laugh

“Sizwe leave the poor guy alone, you can see why he decided to betray his people the lady is
stunning and innocent looking, I like” The colored guy says

“Fall back Charles” Lwazi says

“Don’t mind them they have no scruples” The other colored lady says

“What I want to know is how did Lwazi convince you to date him?” The chubby girl speaks taking a
sip from her drink

“Yeah I mean we all know Lwazi isishimane” Sfundo says and they break into a contagious laughter

“Okay thank you Sfundo do you want me to tell your wife what you got up to back in the day?” Lwazi
says

“Shut up boy” Sfundo says kissing his wife

“Congratulations on your fifth anniversary” I say

“Thank you babe, I am just wondering what my husband got for me” Mel says looking up at him

“Am I not enough for you baby?” He says staring back down at her

“Enough! When is everyone getting here?” Charles asks

“Mandisa and Zodwa are on their way” Lwazi says

“Khathaza is coming as well, I was just on the phone with him” Sfundo says

50

I am chilling with the ladies watching them chat while we have pre drinks while we wait for everyone
to arrive. Mel’s mother and her cousins have arrived , Sfundo’s parents and sister as well. The sister
speaks with an accent and looks like she lives in a world of her own. Lwazi is with the guys drinking
and chatting. The chubby lady, Thando I think talks a lot, and the other one is a little quiet but sweet
nonetheless I think her name was Zah something.

Mandisa walks in looking all shades of fine, I am in awe myself. She is in a white sequence dress and
has on her simple long and black weave with her signature high stiletto. She struts over and the men
are all gawking at her.

“Hey baby” She kisses Mel

“You look great, who made your dress?” Mel admires

“It’s by Sirha darling but he made it exclusively for me” She flips her weave

“You are such a diva” Mel laughs

“Hey Mandisa” I say walking to her, she turns and gives me a hard look

“Listen I know you are mad and you have every right to be, I should’ve told you and I’m sorry but
now you need to stop ignoring me because I can’t stand it. I miss my friend” I say getting emotional

“You chose Minx over me, why?” She pouts

“I didn’t choose anyone, I wasn’t thinking and I needed to get away. I didn’t think you would be
offended to be honest”

“Well I was, but I do miss you as well” She smiles

“Hug?”

We hug and my baby kicks excitedly.

“You niece is happy, feel this” I grab her hand and hold it again my stomach

“Wow, it’s kind of cute but I am still not getting fat for a baby” She bats her long eye lashes

“So I heard about Thabo, I’m really sorry”

“Don’t worry I’m over it” She says walking away

The parents also made it and I can tell that Mr. Mkhize and Mr. Ndlovu senior get along like a house
on fire. An older lady walks in and lets us know that dinner is ready and we all walk into the dining
room. The room looks exquisite and there are two long tables that sit opposite each other. We all
settle down and Zodwa walks in with Asanda both looking great in black. The chef walks in and
addresses us;

“Ladies and gentlemen tonight we have three course meal prepared for you; the appetizer will be a
pea soup with a shortbread and then followed by the entrée which tonight ladies and gentlemen will
be seared lamb with asparagus and pureed zucchini and the last course will be a pistachio and
almond ice cream cake.

We eat merrily, these people don’t stop talking especially this Charles character whom I’d like to add
is also a delicious piece of vanilla cake. In the middle of dinner Khathaza walks in with Maria and she
looks like she is about to rip his clothes off. He is wearing a knee length jumpsuit and I notice he has
really nice legs, he has a tattoo that almost covers his left leg. I guess tattoos are his thing, wait does
he shave…

“Khathaza late as usual” Mr. Ndlovu senior says and we all laugh

“I’m sorry perfection takes time mkhulu” Khathaza answers sitting next to Asanda, who becomes
very uncomfortable

“Have you ever seen uMkhulu that looks this fresh, I could still take a second wife” He says pinching
his wife’s cheek. I can tell the wife is still smitten by him because she blushes and I haven’t seen a
grown woman blush like that. I have been observing the energy between Asanda and Khathaza, gosh
I hope Khathaza isn’t trying to sleep with this child. He looks like he is trying to say something to her
but she doesn’t seem interested in fact if I’m observing accurately she looks annoyed with him,
that’s a first. Sfundo is very possessive over Mel I’ve noticed as well, even when she gets up he
almost looks like he doesn’t want her to leave, but it’s their night so I guess it’s acceptable. The night
goes by beautifully, we are all relaxing after dinner having drinks and I am sitting contentedly in the
world’s most comfortable chair feeling too relaxed in a stranger’s house. Lwazi walks over to me and
places a fat kiss on my lips.

“Hmm you look like you’re about to fall asleep baby” He says

“I might, this chair is so damn comfortable” I say

“Really, do you like it?” He asks

“So much” I say lazily

“Alright my love let me get you home, you need to rest” He says

“No I don’t want to leave this chair” I giggle

He smiles and looks up and shouts;

“Hey Sfundo” He says

“Sure my man” Sfundo responds

“My future wife likes your chair and doesn’t want to leave it behind” He says

“No that’s now what I said” I say apologetically

“Really it must be a pregnant thing, Mel also couldn’t leave that chair each time she was pregnant”
He laughs

“Amanda, you can have the chair, I know how you feel” Mel says

“Oh no you don’t have to do that, Lwazi is exaggerating” I blush

Mel smiles and Sfundo wraps his arms around her. Khathaza and Asanda are in the corner talking
and it doesn’t look like a pleasant conversation. I have never seen Khathaza look so worried. He
walks away from her and disappears somewhere in the house, I need to talk to Asanda seriously.

“Are you ready to leave?” Lwazi asks

“I know the party is only getting started now, you can stay behind baby and I will go home” I say

“There is no way you are going to be home alone Amoh” He says

“Why don’t you stay son and Amanda can come home with us” His mother says behind him

“Mom I want to go home with her” He says

“Are you sure?” She smiles at him and he looks conflicted

“Baby really I’ll go home with your parents, and roll around that king sized bed and you can join me
in the morning with my things please” I get up hold him

“Okay baby, only if you’re sure” He says

“I am baby besides I get five star treatment whenever I’m there” I smile

“Okay I love you, I’ll be back before the sun rises” We kiss

The one thing I enjoy about being in the Mkhize residence is the privacy, it feels like I have the
mansion to myself. The parents insisted I use the second master bedroom which is ridiculously big, I
need a pedestal just getting into bed, I don’t shower I just remove my make-up and slide into the
Egyptian cotton sheets and fall into a beautiful peaceful sleep. When I wake up Lwazi is holding me,
he reeks of alcohol so I untangle myself from his embrace and walk to the bathroom. The fact that
he managed to still go by his place and fetch my overnight bag and an outfit is the reason I love him
so much. I take a long refreshing shower and change into the long dress he picked out for me and
wander into the dining room where I find the parents, Mandisa and Asanda about to have breakfast.

“Good morning everyone” I sing

“Morning” they all say

“We thought you were still sleeping” Mandisa says

“I couldn’t, Lwazi is snoring and smells like a brewery” I complain

“Men” Mrs. M says

“Sit down Makoti so you can eat I’m sure you are hungry” Dad says

“Starving” I rub my belly

“Did you come back with Lwazi last night?” I ask Mandisa

“Yes babe, I was driving he was drunk shame, he made me drive to his place to fetch your stuff
shame he was going on and on about how much he missed you, I’m sure he woke you up and gave
you some D” Mandisa says

“What is D?” Dad asks

Asanda bursts into laughter.

“Mandisa is just being silly Dad” I say

“Anyway Amanda we were thinking, you are going to give birth any minute now. You and Lwazi
should move in and move out when he has a house ready for the three of you” Mommy Mkhize says

“I think you are right Ma, I am getting nervous now to be honest” I admit

“Don’t be scared baby, I am here and I have given birth five times” She smiles

“I was talking to the doctors at the facility and your mother seems to be making great progress and I
think that we should have her back by the time the baby comes” Dad says

“Really?” I squeal and hold my mouth afterwards

“Yes my baby” Mommy Mkhize beams

I get up and try to hug them both but my stomach is blocking me.

“Thank you for everything you have done for us, I don’t know how I will ever repay you” I say wiping
my tears

“You can take care of our son and our granddaughter baby, that’s all” Dad says

I spend the morning laying by the pool with Mandisa laughing at all her silly stories, we decide to
take a dip and I agree because I haven’t swam in this pool before and it is huge. The weather permits
so we swim for a few hours. We decide to take a break for lunch and cocktails.
“Thank you aunty” Mandisa says to the lady that brings us our chicken burgers

“It’s a special day, Mandisa is having carbs” I say

“Yes bitch keep talking, me and you will talk after you give birth and you realize how fat you are” She
says

“You are so mean though, I am pregnant you are not allowed to be so mean to me” I laugh

“I’m sorry babe you know you are perfect but I do look forward to drinking wine with you and work
out together”

“Me too”

“Really, you sure you don’t want Minx to work out with you” She pouts

“Really Mandisa, she is my friend and you are my future sister in law” I pinch her face

“But I don’t like her” She whines

“Stop it if you gave her a chance you would”

“I don’t think so” She rolls her eyes

“I do”

“Why is she always with Khathaza by the way, are they shagging again?”

“No man they never shagged, she was joking…she is working for him as his personal assistance”

“Oh okay I see” She says

“So tell me about Thabo, how are you feeling now?” I bite my burger

“I don’t know some days I feel like I don’t care what he does like he didn’t break my heart but some
days like today I miss him so much” She says slightly emotional

“I’m sorry baby, have you spoken to him since that night?”

“No, he tries to call and he has been sending messages apologizing and stuff but like I have nothing
to say to him Amanda I thought he loved me and then he left me, why do men always choose the
other girl over me, what’s wrong with me?” She frowns

“Absolutely nothing baby, he just wasn’t the one for you. When you find him he will choose you
every time in fact he won’t have to choose you because he will be yours and yours only. I promise
you will find him and you will be so happy, this whole Thabo mess will be a joke to us”

“You promise?”

“I promise”

“And then when he proposes do you promise to be my surrogate?” She says with a straight face

“You need help” I say and she laughs loudly

“Come let’s finish eating I want us to take pictures so people can see what they are missing, where is
your man by the way I haven’t seen him the whole day” she says

“Me neither, I totally forgot about him” I confess

I walk inside to the house and search for Lwazi, I find him on top of the bed holding his stomach.

“Baby” I say

“Hmm” He grumbles

“What’s wrong baby?” I brush his back

“I am sick, my tummy hurts and I’ve been shitting the whole day, and baby you didn’t even notice”
He cries

“Ah Lwazi I’m sorry I thought you were sleeping, come here” He looks at me

“Give me a kiss” I whisper

“Uh hah leave me to die on my own”

Lwazi is so dramatic, I end spending the rest of my afternoon looking after him and cuddling him in
bed. He is holding on to my belly fast asleep finally, shame my poor baby has been in and out of the
toilet the whole day. I leave him to take a shower before going downstairs for dinner. The parents
and Asanda are sitting on the dining room table.

“Did Mandisa leave?” I ask

“Yes she said you were neglecting her so she was leaving” Dad answers

“Lwazi is such a baby when he’s sick”

For some reason I don’t eat as much I am just feeling offish as well, maybe Lwazi has given me his
bug. I excuse myself after dinner but I notice Asanda was very distracted the whole time, something
is definitely going on there but I decide to let her be for now. I decide to walk around the mansion,
this place is huge. I get to the west wing of the house and there is a room at the end of the passage
and for some I reason I decide to open the door and explore.

Shock. The door opens to a long stairway, without thinking about it I find myself halfway down the
stairs. It seems like this is a basement though I can’t see anything as it is too dark in here. It feels
cold almost like there is air conditioning and I get a chill down my spine. Should I be doing this
because it feels very wrong and I am starting to get really freaked out… my curiosity gets the better
off me and I touch the cold wall and find the switch, I swallow hard before pressing it.

The first thing I notice is how spacious the room is, there is a huge table in the middle and the room
has fitted with silver cabinets from corner to corner. I turn back and check to see if anyone is there
before I walk around. I try opening the first cabinet but its locked shut, the second one well. Okay so
all these are locked. I walk over to the table and it smells like furniture polish someone must’ve been
here to clean and they probably forgot to lock the door I decide. I find a narrow chest of drawers
right beneath the table and to my luck I manage to pull it open. My heart starts racing and I feel like I
am going to throw up; there are more than ten guns in here; different sizes, bullets and other
dangerous looking gadgets or tools I can’t be sure. I need to get out of here. I push the drawer open
and something catches my eye. I open it again and the gold shiny ring sits impeccably in the corner, I
pick it up and that is when I see the initials inside, ‘M Botha’.

I feel a sharp pain in my stomach and I scream from the top of my voice, so much pain! What is
happening? My mind is racing, why is my dad’s ring in here…Do the Mkhize’s have something to do
with his death, why do they own so many guns…who are these people?
Another excruciating pain cuts my lower abdomen and I scream again and start crying. I feel a warm
fluid travel down my legs, oh no my water just broke.

51

I am woken up by a nightmare and when I check the bed next to me Amoh isn’t next to me. I check
the time and it’s after midnight, what the hell…

I get up and check the bathroom and toilet and she isn’t there, I feel my heart sink something is
wrong. I run out the room and star searching for her, I knock on Asanda’s door and she opens
sleepily.

“What?” she complains

“Is Amoh here?” I push her aside

“No she left for bed earlier than I did Lwazi we thought she was asleep” She says

I run out and search around the mansion, which isn’t easy considering how big this place is, I get to
the west wing of the house and from the distance I can tell the door for the basement is open, shit!

I run towards it and I open and run down the stairs, she is on the floor passed out. My head is
buzzing from the panic and my heart feels like it is about to come out of my chest. I shake her and
she opens her eyes lazily then drifts back to unconsciousness. I pick her up and walk cautiously up
the stairs. I walk downstairs and place her on the couch and I press the alarm to wake everyone up, I
know it’s dramatic but I don’t have the time to wake people up. After a few seconds my dad comes
down with a gun in his hand.

“What’s happening Lwazi are you okay?” He asks

“No dad Amanda collapsed, I don’t know what to do” I shout holding my head

“Calm down, she is breathing call the ambulance” He says coolly

I call the ambulance and hold her in my arms while we wait, she opens her eyes and tries speaking
but her voice is hoarse. And then I notice the dampness of her dress.

“Dad I think her water broke” I scream

“Okay son the ambulance is outside, don’t move her…Asanda let them in” He shouts

I am sitting in the back of the ambulance with Amoh on the stretcher in a ventilator. The paramedic
seems to be positive so I have calmed down. My phone is ringing, it’s Khathaza.

“Yes” I croak

“What’s wrong?” He shouts

“It’s Amanda we are on the way to the hospital”

“Which hospital?” He asks calmly

“Mansfield Memorial” I say

“We are coming” He says

“We?”
“Yeah I’m with Minx” he says

I hang up.

When we get to the hospital she is taken away and I sit on the couch with my face buried in my
hands. My parents are sitting opposite me and Asanda is next to me. Mandisa runs in with Mbuso,
Sakhile, Mthobisi and Nosihle.

“How is she?” Mandisa squats in front of me

“I don’t know the doctors took her in Mandisa” I respond

The nurse walks towards us with a smile on her face.

“Hi everyone, Miss Botha is fine but the baby is coming anytime now, we are not sure why she
collapsed but everything seems to be okay and we are preparing her for delivery, I will call you in
when we are ready” She says then walks away

“She is okay” I say

“Where did you find her?” Asanda asks

“What do you mean where did he find her?” –Mandisa

“He came to my room looking for her” –Asanda

“What is happening Khabazela? Dad asks

“I woke up and she wasn’t in bed and it didn’t look like she came in, I found her in the basement on
the floor passed out” I say

“Shit” –Mbuso

“Did she find anything?” –Sakhile

“I don’t know Sakhile, is there anything for her to find?” I look at him

“Son” Dad says firmly and I turn to face him

“Yebo Baba”

“Her father’s wedding ring, I kept it in the drawer” He says

“What?” I scream

“Calm down Lwazi” Mthobisi says

“Can someone explain what the hell is going on, why would you have her father’s wedding ring in
the first place?” Mandisa asks with a stupid look on her face

“She knows” I kick the bin and it flies to the other side of the room

“Do you guys have something to do with her father’s murder, please don’t tell me you killed that
white man” Mandisa says

“We didn’t kill him” –Sakhile

“Then what the hell is going on?” –Mandisa

“Watch you language Mandisa” –Dad

“Daddy did you kill Manda’s father?” –Asanda

“No we didn’t, her mother did and we helped her bury the body” I say

“Why Lwazi, why didn’t you tell me?” Mandisa pushes me

“Shut up wena” I point at her

“Calm down kids I’ll talk to Amanda” –Dad

“Besides we were protecting her mother from handing herself over to the police”

“Why would you bury him in the backyard though?” Khathaza appears from nowhere with Minx
following behind him

“Khathaza” I say

“Why didn’t you dispose of the body properly?” He asks

“I had bugged the house and that night the Botha’s were fighting hard and it sounded serious so I
called Sakhile and we drove there and when we arrived Mrs. Botha had killed him, we couldn’t take
the body bru, we are black and already the neighbor had seen us come in, I know for sure he was
watching us so the only option we had was to bury him in the back because no one could see us.
Mrs. Botha lost her mind, she wasn’t even aware of what was happening we cleaned up the
evidence and left, I took off his ring and forgot it in my pocket. We went home and told Dad and he
took the ring from me and we decided we would exhume his body at the right time but we never got
the right time and the last thing we wanted was to get caught in some white person’s yard with a
dead fucking body. Fuck!” I tighten my jaw

“I knew we should’ve dug up this old bastard’s body sooner” curses Sakhile

“The neighbor was already on to us bru, we couldn’t distract him” I say

“Lwazi is right as crazy as it sounds it’s better this way because already the police have us as
suspects, having the body missing would have eliminated Mrs. Botha as the suspect” Dad says

“What are you saying, that she might go down?” I ask him

“I’m saying that if anyone should go down I would rather it be her than my children, she was the one
who killed him after all” He says

“I don’t understand Dad we have gotten away with worse, why would this situation be any
different?” Khathaza questions

“This situation is different because we have Marius Botha’s sister pressuring the police, we have a
neighbor who claims that you boys killed Marius and that he can testify against you and you know
the country we live in white folks are taken very seriously” Dad hisses

“But dad can’t we get rid of the nosey neighbor?” –Mbuso

“And the sister? So we get rid of them and then what, more white people on our ass and then we
become the only suspect because Mrs. Botha has a solid alibi in that looney bin that my son is paying
for”

“What are you saying Dad?” I ask

“I’m saying this whole thing is becoming more of a mess than I anticipated and I don’t want to be
involved anymore. Lwazi I have been clean for years now and the last thing I need are the authorities
investigating me or even worse have SARS investigate me. I know I don’t deal and smuggle anymore
but I still have millions of dirty money that I cannot account for” He spits

“Fuck!” I curse

“I know you love Amanda son and she is carrying your daughter but we might have to dump the
mother, she is collateral damage” He says

“What do you mean dump her?” I raise my voice

“Watch your tone son, it means that sooner or later she will crack and do you know what happens
when she cracks?”

“She confesses” I say

“Not only that but you, and you and you will all go down as accomplices of murder because trust me,
they will know someone helped her. That woman, that frail petite woman doesn’t have the strength
to pick up a big man like her late husband and bury him under the dirt. Guess who will testify and tell
them that on the night of his death they saw three black men come into that house and only leave
hours lately, exactly”

“So are you saying what I think you are saying, do you want us to kill my fiancés mother?” I hiss

“Yes son I am saying if you want to nip this in the butt, we will make sure she confesses to the
murder and then offs herself. This is for you, your fiancé and your unborn baby the way I see it the
choice is yours, your ass or hers…” He says walking away

FUCK!

52

“So are you saying what I think you are saying, do you want us to kill my fiancés mother?” I hiss

“Yes son I am saying if you want to nip this in the butt, we will make sure she confesses to the
murder and then offs herself. This is for you, your fiancé and your unborn baby” He says walking
away

FUCK!

I can’t believe I have a daughter, I am a mother. She looks so precious and so beautiful maybe I am
biased but she is the most beautiful little girl I have ever seen. Her skin is a smooth light tan color,
she still is very pale. She scrunches her little nose and yawns and my heart is filled with so much joy.
Lwazi is crying, well he is trying his best to hide it but I saw a tear escape his eye, he hasn’t touched
her I think he might be nervous to pick her up. She sits against my chest and we watch her in awe. I
look over at Lwazi and he looks nervous and worried at the same time. I remember the first time I
saw him at the pub he looked so hot that night I still get giddy thinking about it. The way he laughed
and spoke just captured me, I wanted to sit closer to him that’s the clearest memory I have of that
night. He was next me and there was a strong pull for me to be closer to him and when he spoke to
me, wow! The first time I heard him say my name, it sounded a bit funny but now I can’t imagine my
name being called any other way. I was so excited that night, for the first time in my life I felt excited
about being out with my friends, even though I was still my usual shy self I still managed to have the
best time just being around him. In hindsight Lwazi was quiet that night considering how bubbly he
actually is. When it was time for us to leave that night I remember avoiding eye contact with him, I
hoped he would hug me and he did. Somehow our eyes found each other and he tilted his head like
he always does making me weak below my waist and he held me, I don’t think I was able to sleep
that night fantasizing about that hug, replaying it over and over again in my head. Look how far
we’ve come, if anyone would have told me that night that the guy I met at the pub with Max would
be the father of my first child I would’ve laughed them off. After everything we have been through
one thing still remains and that is my love for him in fact I think I love him now more than I did
before finding out he knows something about my father’s death. I really thought that my mother
had something to do with Pa’s death but seeing his ring in the drawer of the Mkhize home has
confused me even more. I can only rely on Lwazi to eventually tell me the truth because God know I
have tried to speak to my mother and she isn’t willing to tell me anything. I do know that whatever it
is she is involved. I don’t think I have the energy to even be angry at Lwazi because I know that won’t
change how I feel and also my child is just my main priority right now anything else can wait.

“She looks so beautiful baby” Lwazi whispers

“I know, she is ours” I whisper back and he looks at me searching for something, reassurance maybe.

“Are you okay baby?” He asks

“I am more than okay, I might be a little tired but I’m happy” I say kissing my baby

“She is the most beautiful baby I have ever seen” He says

“I know me too, she is very light lighter than I anticipated”

“She will get darker baby, but she is mixed so she will be much lighter than I am” he says

“God I am in love, I love her so much” I say

“Me too, I’ve never felt like this before no offense” He smiles

“None taken” I smile back

“Do you still love me Amanda?” He asks teary eyed

“Of course, I love you so much” I croak

He gets up and gives me a mind shattering kiss and I feel my body heat up.

“Hmm baby you are the best thing that’s ever happened to me, thank you for giving me the most
treasurable gift of life” He kisses me again

“Thank you for taking care of me and showing me what love really is” I sniff

“Don’t cry my love, ngiyakthanda Amanda yezwa” I nod and he wipes my tears

“I love you more daddy” He laughs and kisses the baby

“Baby we need to name her” He says

“How about Arabella?” I say and he chuckles

“Baby she is a Mkhize not an Afrikaner” He frowns

“Well she is half Afrikaans Lwazi” I frown back

“Nasisipho Arabella Mkhize” He says proudly

“What does it mean baby”

“Here is the gift” He beams

“That’s pretty, we can call her Sipho for short” I say

“No Amoh she is my princess we can call her Nasi” He touches her face

“Nasi, I love it baby” He looks at me

“You are not angry at me?” He bites his lip

“I found the ring but I don’t want to deal with it, I just want to ask you some questions and I need
you to answer me Lwazi” I say and he nods

“Did you kill Pa?” I give him a stern look

“No Amanda I…”

I raise my hand.

“Yes or No only” I say and he nods

“No” He says

“Did Ma do it?”

“Yes”

“Did you help her?”

“No”

‘Did you bury him in the backyard?”

He clenches his jaw and swallows nervously.

“Yes” He says

My heart sinks and my stomach grumbles.

“How could you hide such from me Lwazi?”

“Listen here Amanda, I didn’t ask for all of this to happen and everything I did and everything I do is
for you, to protect you so please don’t make this any more difficult than it is already, it’s done let’s
move on. This is not going to become an issue, you know I was helping your mother Amanda and
that’s it” He says authoritatively

“Okay” I say

I almost feel like I knew this all along but I just didn’t want to accept it, I knew my mother wasn’t
capable of burying my father alone without any help and I knew that Lwazi would be the involved
somehow. Right now I am too happy to meet my daughter and I would deal with my mother when I
got the time. I actually think Lwazi is the victim in all this, I dragged him into my messy family life and
the fact that he put himself in this situation to help me speaks volumes about how much he does
actually care for me. Pa is gone and he won’t come back no matter how hard we fight about how he
died, my mother must’ve been protecting herself if she killed him and to be honest I don’t feel bad
for him, I do however don’t appreciate the fact that Lwazi and his family had to be subjected to our
madness. We haven’t said anything to each other since our little conversation, the nurse comes in
and takes the baby away to the nursery.

“I need to bath” I shift off the bed

“I’ll help you” He says getting up

“You don’t have to Lwazi I can manage”

“No I want to help Amanda”

I look up at him and I pull him closer to me, he looks slightly confused.

“I love you” I say and I hug him

“I love you so much more my beautiful Amoh and there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do to protect you
okay” He kisses me

“Bathe me please daddy” I smile

“Hmm the pleasure will be all mine baby” He picks me up

It’s been three months since Nasi came home with us and we are still living at home with Lwazi’s
parents. I must say living in this mansion is something I could get used I haven’t raised a finger. Mr.
M hired a full time nanny for us even though it was pointless but Khethiwe has been great and she
has taught me so much. I haven’t been out much but last week Lwazi dragged me to dinner because
he was tired of me being indoors all the time. Mandisa also sort of moved in because she says and I
quote, ‘It is my personal obligation to help you go back to you banging body’ and so that is what she
has done. We exercise twice a day and she has me on a strict no carb no sugar diet. I think I am
skinnier than I was originally actually because my clothes are a bit loose on me. Lwazi thinks I am
obsessed but as much as I hate to admit it Mandisa was right eating well and exercising clears your
mind and boosts your energy. Jolene and Minx have come around to see me and the baby a few
times. Let me tell you the update on Minx, she is doing absolutely fantastic, she is glowing and no
they are not shagging but it’s that new money glow she says. Her weaves are longer and her
confidence is up the roof, I think she has a completely new wardrobe because Khathaza wanted her
to look the part. They are always travelling and they are officially celebrities. Minx even has a fan
club on Facebook now, I haven’t gotten around to watching Khathaza’s reality show but Jo told me
she watched and apparently it’s funny and a hit with everyone. Jolene is single and slowly healing
from the double heartbreak she endured. Apparently Gabi and Max took Steven’s side and
abandoned her and I feel bad for her. I can’t really be supportive right now, I have a baby to take
care of. Thabo and his ex are engaged and he hasn’t resurfaced since his scandal and it’s quite
unfortunate because I really was fond of him. Mandisa wants us to open a restaurant together and I
am seriously considering quitting school and opening the restaurant. The more time I’ve spent away
from school the more time I realize that I am not quite sure if it’s still what I want to do. Becoming a
business woman doesn’t sound like a bad idea…
After feeding Nasi I burp him and she falls asleep, I shower and I find Mandisa reading a magazine in
the theatre room, the theatre room is our hideout spot here to get away from Mrs. M and her
endless boring stories.

“Hey sexy” She says peeping from her magazine

“Hey you, I’m bored out of my mind, should we watch a movie?” I slouch on the couch

“No we need to talk about our business, do you want to do this with me or not?” She frowns

“I want to do it” I say

“Well you don’t seem sure, listen we have the capital and the connections to make this a great
business idea, there is a gap right now for the kind of place we want to have Manda. That old and
wrecked place on the beach is for sale and it’s very reasonable and I want to put in an offer. If we
buy that place and fix it up it will be phenomenal” She says passionately

“Plus it’s right opposite the beach, we could have good food, burgers, wings, ribs, fried chicken and
you could be the head chef” I beam

“Yes but we could also do healthier stuff but something that is still delicious and fun and have a bar
on the inside”

“I’m in but listen I don’t have the money to pay for half of the responsibilities so how would I be
partner if I don’t contribute?”

“This could be your push gift from Lwazi, he must pay”

“No I want this to be my thing that I do on my own you know”

“Okay I get it, what if I pay for everything using my trust fund money and once we start making
profits, you can pay me back?”

“That sounds better”

“Yeah we will have our lawyer draw up the papers and we will sign an agreement, oh my word I am
so excited I can’t wait to come up with the menu” She dances

“Me too, we can do my chicken and bacon pasta as well everyone always loves it as well as my
brisket pies” I screech

“Yes definitely but first things first let me call my accountant so we can put in an offer for this place”

“I can’t believe I am going to be a business woman” I smile brightly

“Me neither, listen we must work our butts off and this will happen for us, it has to this is my trust
fund money and I really want us to succeed”

“Me too babe I promise I’ll work as hard as I can” We high five

***

Lwazi hasn’t come back from work and it’s after his normal home time and he hasn’t been returning
my calls which is strange. My baby is a bit fussy as well this afternoon, my mother crosses my mind
and I miss her. The family suggested I don’t visit her until the baby is at least three months and so I
can’t wait to see her, I’ll probably visit during the weekend. Khethiwe takes Nasi to put her to bed
and I decide to skip dinner for whatever reason I just feel anxious. After my bedtime shower I am
officially worried, Lwazi isn’t home and it’s nearly eight. His phone is now off completely and I am
pacing our room anxiously. I walk out and walk past Asanda’s room and I hear weird sounds from
her room; I push the door and I hear her vomiting sounds from her bathroom, holy crap I hope she
isn’t pregnant.

I decide to let her deal with it for now and I will confront her tomorrow probably. When I get to the
living room I find the parents sitting there quietly watching the news.

“Hey parents” I mimic my new best friend Mandisa

“Hello” They say blankly

“Has anyone heard from Lwazi, he isn’t home and isn’t answering his phone” I say with worry

They both look up at me with what I swear is annoyance and I get a weird feeling in the pit of my
stomach, okay that was weird.

“Lwazi is a man, he doesn’t need to report to you on when he can come and go” Mrs. M says colder
than I have ever seen her

What the hell?

“Oh I was just worried Ma” I say softly

“Don’t be go back upstairs and look after your child he will be home eventually” She says looking
away

Mr. Mkhize looks at me for a while and I get a chill down my spine, he doesn’t even look like the
same person, I suddenly feel the urge to run and never come back.

“Uhm I need to go to the shops, just the garage I’ll go with the driver, I’ll be right back” I say
nervously

“You will do no such thing, get the driver to get whatever it is you need and stop gallivanting around
at night, and that is final” Mrs. Mkhize says

I walk back upstairs feeling light and like my body and my spirit are not one, what is happening? I
need Lwazi he needs to come home in his usual bubbly self, make a joke and kiss me and tell me
everything will be okay. Something is not right and I can feel it in every fiber of my body.

53

I check on my baby and she is finally asleep, her chest rises up then down rhythmically and a small
breeze of peace surrounds me. I get into bed and I try and shut my eyes but I can’t sleep I am
worried about Lwazi but mostly I am worried about what just happened downstairs. I call Minx and
Khathaza picks up her phone;

“Hey Amanda, are you okay?” He asks sounding genuinely concerned

“Yes I am okay, why wouldn’t I be okay?” I question

“Just asking” He says

“Where is the owner of the phone Khathaza?”

“She forgot her phone in the limo with me, I will have her call you back later” He says
“Alright” I sigh

“Amanda” He says

“Yes Khathaza”

“Are you sure you’re okay, if you need anything and I mean anything don’t be afraid to ever call me
okay” He says with a serious tone

“Okay Khathaza, thank you I will do that” I say and hang up

What a weird day, why is everyone being weird. I shut my eyes and toss and turn for a while until I
hear the door opening. I get up and Lwazi walks in wearing a hoodie. He looks at me briefly then
looks away.

“Lwazi” I say

“Yes” He walks over to me

“Are you okay?” I decide to change the approach

“Yeah I am okay baby, I apologize for delaying I had some loose ends to tie up” He says

“Loose ends?” I echo him

“Yeah nothing to worry about my love, let me get a quick shower” He disappears into the bathroom

After some time he resurfaces and gets into bed and turns his back on me and mumbles goodnight
and sleeps. My heart contracts painfully and I decide to let it go and sleep.

“What is that?” I rub my eyes

“Your phone” He says

I check the time. It’s 3.35 am, and pick up the private number.

“Hello” I croak

“Hi, is this Amanda Botha?” The man on the other side says

“Yes this is her” My heart accelerates

“Amanda are you with anyone right now?” The man asks

“Yes, my fiancé what do you want and who is this?” I start to panic

“May I please speak to him” He says

“No you can speak to him, now tell me what the hell is happening sir” I shout

“Miss you are speaking to Dr. Steinhoff from Safe Heavens psychiatric facility, I’m sorry to be the one
who tells you this but your mother has passed away” He says and my ears start to ring

“No, no Ma is okay, she’s not sick, she is doing better you must have me confused with someone
else, not my mother” I shake

“She overdosed on pain killers and we couldn’t save her, she left a suicide note. I’m really sorry Miss
Botha” I drop the phone and wail.
I have been sitting in my room for the whole week since my mother died. I don’t know if I am coming
or going and I don’t speak much. I refuse to see my daughter not when I am dead inside. Lwazi has
been acting strange but I don’t even have the energy to address or unpack his behavior. I just want
to sit here and wallow in my misery. How is it possible for one person to go through so much in one
lifetime, this can’t be really happening I am just waiting to wake from this unending nightmare?

I walk back from the bathroom and I open the television and pull the covers of my duvet and cradle
the pillow as I watch my mother’s favorite sopies.

I have been drinking harder than normal, why is it that I find myself feeling so guilty I mean this was
the plan all along, from the beginning. From the night I met her I was ready to play the role of the
perfect man and become the perfect boyfriend as per my father’s instruction. This isn’t guilt or love I
am feeling for her I shake my head and park the car in front of my dad’s private condo. I walk out
and find him and my brothers by the bar inside drinking.

“Lwazi, the man of the fucking hour” Dad says raising his glass

“Dad” I say softly

“Don’t tell me you are feeling sorry for her, I knew I should’ve made Sakhile or Mthobisi do this, I
thought Mbuso was bad but you are worse” He says bitterly

“She is the mother of my child, we share a bond Dad I can’t just pretend it doesn’t bother me” I say

“I told you the things that her father did to me and my family when we were younger and I told you
this wasn’t going to be an easy plan but you assured me you could do it, getting her pregnant wasn’t
part of the plan but you decided to get pussy whipped and not use a condom. That’s your fault not
mine” He sips his whiskey

“Don’t beat yourself up Lwazi that family deserves everything they got, Amanda was just a pawn in
this game unfortunately but Zodwa or Mandisa can raise your daughter she will be fine”

“Are you sure there isn’t another way Baba?”

“I am tired of pretending and having that white girl in my house, I can’t stand her, fuck!” He roars

“Well you are a great actor” I mumble

“So are you son, look at that performance at the hospital that we put on for your friends, bravo” He
claps and laughs loudly

“So what is the plan now, I only care about my daughter dad she is mine, my blood” I beg

“I know your daughter will be fine, what happens to her mother well the verdict is still out on that
one” He laughs a deep laugh that rises from the core of his belly

“Alright, I’m going home see you all later” I say

“Okay son and remember this was a lesson that had to be taught to someone who once abused and
humiliated me, gosh I can’t believe he didn’t even recognize me at first bloody idiot but the look on
his face when he realized who I was, priceless. His soul will never find peace knowing I will kill every
single person that mattered to him and I had his daughter on my side the whole time” He smiles

“I hear you Dad” I sigh

“Good job Lwazi, I knew I could always count on you” He winks

I walk out and shake away the feelings of guilt that creep in and I remind myself that this was never
real not to me anyway.

***

“Amanda, wake up it’s time to take your medication” The nurse says

“Medication, what medication?” I try getting up but I can’t and then I realize I am bound to the
hospital bed.

“Why am I here, where am I? I panic

“Calm down Amanda, it’s me your nurse Ntokozo. We had to keep you calm last night you had
another episode, do you remember anything from last night?” She asks staring at me

I shake my head.

“Do you remember anything today?” The lines on her forehead crease

“Where is Lwazi?” I scream

“Do I need to sedate you again, please calm down Amanda” She says

“Where is my fiancé and where is my daughter?” I scream

“You don’t have a fiancé or daughter Amanda, you are not well my love, and you are at Sizakala
Psychiatric hospital” She says

“Where is that, is that in Portland?”

“Portland, no darling you are in Protea Park, do I need to tell you the story about how you ended up
here?” She tilts her head sympathetically

I nod.

“You were transferred from a Portland hospital, they found you half dead on the street corner,
confused and delusional they took you in and we later found that your parents and brother all died
tragically and you then had a psychotic breakdown” She says simply

“No that isn’t true, Lwazi has my daughter please call him, I want to call him. Or wait let me call my
friend Jolene she will know what to do”

“Don’t worry we will call her later okay for now please just take your medication then you can tell
me all about your friends from your head, maybe this time you can tell me about more of your
friends and your mystery life” She smiles and place the pills on the palm of my hand

I take them and place them inside my dry mouth and gulp down the glass of water. She finally agrees
to untie me and I walk to the bathroom. My feet feel painful like I haven’t walked in a while. I find a
mirror and look at myself in the mirror. The scar on my forehead shocks me and I scream at the top
of my voice. The nurses rush in and pull me back to bed and I feel a sting on my inner arm and feel
my body relax until I doze off.

My throat is dry when I wake up, I am in a different room from what I last remember in fact I could
be in a different place all together, and it even smells different. A tall petite black lady walks in and
smiles at me.

“Good morning Miss Botha, how are we feeling today?” She asks
“I am okay I guess” I answer

“Good, now you have a therapy session with your psychiatrist later on but for now I just need to ask
you a few questions” She smiles again showing her crooked teeth

“Okay” I answer hoarsely

“Do you remember where you are?”

“Sizakala psychiatric hospital?” I frown

“Hmmm no love, you are at Step by step recovery home, you were moved from Sizakala two years
ago, Amanda do you know what the day is today?” She comes closer

“No, the last date I remember is the 4th of June 2017, a few months after I gave birth to my
daughter Nasi, Nasisiphi Mkhize” I feel the tears sting my eyes

“Okay my love don’t worry yourself too much, you will be okay just take your medication okay?” She
looks at me with a small knowing smile

“No I don’t want to take my fucking medication, I want to go home, take me home to my mother I
want my mother… Lwazi did this, he did this to me he killed her and he killed him this was all him.
You have to stop him he has my daughter please please you must believe me they are evil, they used
me they never loved me I want my brother call Craig right now, why would Lwazi do this to me” I try
getting off the bed

“Guards, she is starting again today is going to be a long day” That is the last thing I remember
before I feel the sting on my arm again and I drift off into a deep slumber.

There is something to be said about rainy mornings, I have always been drawn to them and
somehow they remind me of a different life from the one I live now. A life I don’t remember much of
anymore. I guess it’s the normal process of healing feeling disassociated from myself at times, like
you are not quite yourself. I remember what my psychiatrist always tells me, I am in control of my
mind and my emotions and this is my reality. There are a few things I remember from my life before
coming here, like my parents and I think I had a brother but sometimes I struggle to differentiate
what is real and what is in my mind. I sip my tea and turn to the dark brown eyes of the man sitting
in front of me and I start to panic.

“Don’t panic, I was just here to check up on you” He says

“Who are you?” I raise my voice

“No one important, I just work here. I’m sorry to bother you muffin carry on as you were”

He smiles and a feeling of nostalgia surrounds me, some days are better than others and today I feel
a little more alive, a little more like my true self.

THE END!