What is “Self-Esteem”?

Self-esteem is your own evaluation of your worth. It is how we value and perceive
ourselves daily. This stems from our opinions and beliefs about ourselves, which can
sometimes feel difficult to change.

Your self-esteem can affect;

 Your happiness
 Feeling of being good enough and that you matter
 Whether you can move on from past mistakes without blaming yourself unfairly.
 How/if you show kindness to yourself
 Ability to try new or difficult things
 If you recognise your strengths and positives
 Decision making, ability to assert yourself
 Valuing yourself, taking the time you need for yourself.

What can cause low self-esteem?

Individual self-esteem differs in everyone. It can change suddenly, or you may have
noticed a change for a while. There can sometimes be a cause for this; i.e. a change in
circumstances or life experience(s) – it’s often difficult to recognise this and make
changes.

Some examples which may affect self-esteem;

 Stress
 Physical/Mental health problems
 Losing job/being unemployed
 Being bullied or abused
 Relationship issues; separation, divorce, breakdown
 Body image
 Finances
 Hormonal changes
 Pregnancy

This list is not exhaustive, and it may be that you have not experienced any of these things
but your self-esteem has still declined. That’s normal too, it does happen.
How can I improve my self-esteem?

There are ways to improve your self-esteem. It’s important to recognise that this may take
time, particularly if something specific has happened to you which has caused your self-esteem
to diminish.

1. Learn to love yourself

Activity: Reasons to love me.

This activity is aimed at recognising positive things about you; which are sometimes over-
looked, or we do not even sometimes see as positive. Many believe our worth or whether
someone can love us; is based on what others see on the outside. Wrong. Whilst appearance is
a big deal for most of us; we like to look good, we like to make effort, we feel good when we
look good; but there is so much more to us than others see, right?

Are you finding that you are being to harsh on yourself? Or even struggling to think of any
positive things about you? Think about your strengths and qualities; write them below
(Therapist Aid, 2015)

Things I am good at: Compliments I have received:

1. 1.

2. 2.

3. 3.

What I value the most: What I like about my appearance:

1. 1.

2. 2.

3. 3.

Ways in which I have helped others: Challenges I have overcome:

1. 1.

2. 2.

3. 3.

Times I’ve made others happy: What I value most in my life:

1. 1.

2. 2.

3. 3.
Reflection;

How hard was that? Did you find that you struggled to note the positives? If you could not
fill it all out; don’t worry. Don’t pressure yourself. Take time away from it, come back to it
later, you may find it easier the more you look at ways to improve your self-esteem.

Remember; you are human. You are allowed to have emotions, you are allowed to feel sad,
happy, angry and scared. That’s ok. It’s even ok to feel all those at once! What you need to
remember is, you are not responsible for other’s actions. It’s ok to make mistakes, it’s ok to
admit you are struggling slightly.

Here’s another one to try.

Assertive Rights; read the statements below and pick three of these that you feel are most
important, think about how you apply them to your everyday life. Think about reasons why
they are important and write it down. Ask a friend to do the same, compare answers, learn
from each other.

 I have the right to change my mind

 I have the right to have and express my feelings, thoughts and opinions
 I have the right to be myself
 I have the right to make mistakes
 I have the right to say no and not feel guilty
 I have the right to say I don’t understand
 I have the right to ask for help
 I have the right to ask why or why not
 I have the right to do things other people do not approve of
 I have the right to have my needs be as important as the needs of others
 I have the right to feel and express my anger

Reflection;

How did you find that? Were you able to relate to a time you found it super easy to do one
of those, or a time where maybe it was not as easy? Is there any of those that you feel you
could do more of? Challenge yourself. Remember those rights YOU have, every day.
A week of love

Pick a week and start a quick-snap journal, like the one below. Quick-snap reminders of what you have
achieved in a day, lift yourself in recognising your achievements. Celebrate yourself. (Therapist Aid, 2014)

Monday Something I did well today…

Today I had fun when I…

I felt proud when…

Tuesday Today I accomplished…

I had a positive experience with…

Something I did for someone…

Wednesday I felt good about myself today when…

I was proud of someone else when…

Today was interesting because…

Thursday I felt proud today when…

A positive thing I witnessed today…

Today I accomplished…

Friday Something I did well today…

I had a good experience today with…

(place, task, person, thing)

I was proud of someone else today when…

Saturday I felt good today when…

Something I did for someone else…

A reason to smile today…

Sunday Today was interesting because…

Something positive I did today…

Something good I witnessed today…

Reflection:

How was your week? Did you get all the gaps filled in? Don’t worry if not. Keep trying
different weeks, each day is different; not every day is interesting! (especially during
lockdown!)

Additional reminders for Self-Esteem;

 Be kind to yourself
 Challenge those unkind thoughts you have about yourself; would you think
about a friend that way? Distinguish why you are feeling this way about
yourself
 STOP COMPARING YOURSELF TO OTHERS! You are unique. A friendly
reminder that not everything people choose to share about their lives is the
full picture. You cannot compare yourself to something, that perhaps is not
real anyway. You do you.
 Say positive things to yourself; daily; hourly. Look at yourself in the mirror and
tell yourself something good you see (p.s; it might feel a bit strange a first, but
it’ll get more comfortable the more you do it!)
 Celebrate your successes
 Accept compliments – you deserve them.
 Ask those who you value, love, respect, what they think of you
 Build a support network. This works both ways; through professionals (Mind,
Good Samaritans, GP etc.) but equally, your friends and family. Think of each
of your relationships as a tap or drain, and you’re the glass. You need
someone to fill you up with love, humour, energy, passion (tap)… not taking it
all away (drain).
 Don’t take on too much; learn to say no – in both your personal and
professional life.
 Set yourself a challenge