Leading with Resilience

Sharon Saia, MSW, LISW-S

Director, Ohio State Employee Assistance Program

1
 Agenda
• What is Resilience?
• What can you do TODAY to be more Resilient?
• Basic skills for increasing your Resilience and
Fostering
Resilience
• Resources
Resilience is a Response

The capacity to recover quickly from difficulties:

Toughness

The ability of a substance or object to spring back

into shape: Elasticity

Adaptability
Building Resilience
 The Good News!

• Positive Reframing of Situations

• Stress Management
• Gratitude
• Attitude of Curiosity/Wonder
• Socializing
• Mindfulness
 10 WAYS TO BUILD
RESILIENCY
1. Make connections
2. Avoid seeing crisis as insurmountable problems
3. Accept that change is part of living
4. Move toward your goals
5. Take decisive actions
6. Look for opportunities for self-discovery
7. Nurture a positive view of self
8. Keep things in perspective
Lean In to Find
9. Maintain a hopeful outlook Your Resilience
10. Take care of yourself Tip sheet with ideas
for each strategy
Source: American Psychological Association
 What resilience skills do I need?
Learning resiliency helps us to utilize the small amounts of
recovery time appropriately and effectively.

4 skills all resilient people have

• Believe in yourself
• Realistic optimism (see what can be but also what is)
• Have control over your impulses and feelings
• You aim high, reach out
 REFLECTION

Increased awareness of your own resilience:

• Think of an accomplishment you are proud of.

• How did it make you feel about you?
• What did you learn about yourself?
• Now write this part of you on the front of the card
Call on your
resilient self
**
Give yourself permission and
accept that…
Some things are out of my control
• Life happens…
• It’s not all or nothing
• We are not meant to be perfect and no one is

Change requires commitment

I can choose how I want to respond

Be Aware
A lot of difficult conversations
is about managing yourself
1. Your emotions and reactions
You can choose how you respond to what you are feeling
• Control your impulse to react defensively
• Check to see if you are taking things personally

2. Your presence
How are you coming across to others?
• People will react to your presence

Maintaining a healthy stress level outside of the conversation

can help you better manage difficult conversations once in
them
Body language and voice tone
are key!

Maintain positive non-verbal language:

Open
Relaxed
Calm
Assertive
 In the Moment
4:4:4
 Diffuse intense emotions
Accept responsibility:
“I accept partial responsibility for…”
Offer to help:
“What can I do to help?”
Paraphrase:
“I am sorry you feel (that way)…”
“I am sorry that you think (the charges are so high)…”
Agree:
“I agree this needs to be solved…”
Time out:
“I can tell you’re very upset. That’s understandable. I can’t
listen to you when you’re (using that tone of voice). Why don’t
we come back to this when we can both be cool about things.”
I Feel Statements
I feel _____(Feeling Word)________

When _____(What happened-Specific facts)_______

Because _______(How did it affect you)__________

Would you mind______(Request for change)______

(OR…What do you think?)
 
***Plus a Positive*** (Compliment Sandwich)
 When Listening…
1. Focus on what they are saying: Really try to understand his/her
point of view without thinking about what you want to say
2. Be aware of body language and non-verbals: Eye contact,
tone of voice, facial expressions, posture.
3. Repeat: Mirror back some of what was said.
4. Paraphrase: This shows the speaker if you have correctly
understood the message
5. Validate and Empathize (Listen for feelings)
I understand how you would feel…(Feeling word)
I see you are __________
That sounds ___________
Great Empathetic Statements
• Oh, I feel you.
• I know that feeling and it sucks.
• Me too.
• You’re not alone.
• I’ve been in a similar place and it’s really hard.
• I think a lot of us experience that. Either we’re all normal
or we’re all weird. Either way, it’s not just you.
• I understand what that’s like.
- Dare to Lead, Brené Brown p.160
Difficult Conversations
Avoid ‘You statements’:
“You always wait until the last minute to turn these reports in !!
&#!?” (yell, slam door, curse)

I statement:
“I feel frustrated when you do not complete a report on time
because then I have to rush to finish my work by the deadline.
Would you mind trying to get it to me a little sooner? I do notice
that they are always very thorough and concise. I appreciate
that.”
Braving Inventory
Boundaries: You respect my boundaries, and when you’re not clear about what’s
okay and not okay, you ask. You’re willing to say no.
Reliability: You do what you say you’ll do. At work, this means staying aware of
your competencies and limitations so you don’t overpromise and are able to deliver on
commitments and balance competing priorities.
Accountability: You own your mistakes, apologize, and make amends.
Vault: You don’t share information or experiences that are not yours to share. I need
to know that my confidences are kept, and that you’re not sharing with me any
information about other people that should be confidential.
Integrity: You choose courage over comfort. You choose what is right over what is
fun, fast, or easy. And you choose to practice your values rather than simply
professing them.
Nonjudgement: I can ask for what I need, and you an ask for what you need. We can
talk about how we feel without judgement.
Generosity: You extend the most generous interpretation possible to the intentions,
words and actions of others.
 Exercise
BRAVING
Inventory

Boundaries
Reliability
Accountability
Integrity
Nonjudgment
Generosity
TRUST
“When it comes to work, we’re afraid of being judged for a lack
of knowledge or lack of understanding.  We hate asking for
help.  But that’s where is gets wild.  We asked thousands of
leaders…what do your team members do that earns your trust? 
The most common answer: asking for help.  When it comes to
people who do not habitually ask for help, the leaders we polled
explained that they would not delegate important work to them
because the leaders did not trust that they would raise their
hands and ask for help.  Mind. Blown.”
- Brené Brown
Dare to Lead: Brave Work. Tough Conversations. Whole Hearts.  Random
House, NY, July 2018, pg. 228 22
 Resiliency Goals

Identify one thing

you would like to
work on to build
your resilience

Write it down. Be
specific

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/ma
rymorrissey/the-power-of-writing-d
own_b_12002348.html
 Resources
Employee Assistance Program
Resources, consultation, training and critical incidents
Email us at EAP@osumc.edu

Gateway to Learning resources

Build Resiliency
Difficult Conversations
Manage Stress and Support Wellness

Emotional Intelligence online course in BuckeyeLearn