citypaper

Volume 1 • Issue 15
The Whipping Post Tours
with Burns Out Bright &
Ben Walker Radio p. 15
Columbia’s Only Locally Owned Alt Weekly March 16- March 30

Pay To Pray: Todd The “Free Speech Zone”

Morehead Investigates Case And The Media
Televangelists p. 4 Making Of A Martyr p. 7
2 citypaper March 16, 2006
3 3 David Axe In Iraq
15
citypaper
columbia
803.446.3458
www.columbiacitypaper.com
Publisher Paul F. Blake
General Sales Manager
Todd Morehead
Editor Aidan Carter
Music Editor Sean Rayford
Graphic Design Sarah Maddocks
Contributors Alice Addertongue,
Polly Baker, Andy Brack, Max
Cannon, Corey Hutchins, Matt
Jones, Deric Kempsell,
Aaron McGruder, Will Moredock,
Todd Morehead, Ted Rall, Caelia
Shortface, Gov. Mark Sanford,
Dan Savage
Advertising Account Executives
Sue Anderson, Mary Beth Brennan
Advertisers in Columbia City Paper assume
responsibility for the entire content of their
advertisements. The first copy of Columbia
City Paper is free. Additional copies are $1
each. Views expressed do not necessarily
represent the opinions of Columbia City Pa-
per or its publisher. (C)2006 Columbia City
Paper, LLC.
I N S I
5 Pay If You Want To Pray
8 The Media Making Of A Martyr
10 SCE&G Abuses Power
12 Mr. Meaner’s Crime Watch
14 Soundboard: St. Patty’s Day Schedule
15 The Whipping Post On Tour With
Burns Out Bright & Ben Walker Radio
20 Error on USC Diploma Makes
College 200,000-Years-Old
22 su|do|ku Puzzles & Savage Love
Letters to the Reader
Dear Tanning Beds,
We realize you’ll never advertise with
us after Chris McCarter’s investigative
report last issue, but we forgot to
mention the cover photo was taken by
Imaging © DSI in Greenville, S.C. They
do great work and they were really nice
about not giving us cancer.
Columbia City Paper
Dear Blue Tooth Hands-Free Cell
Phone Users,
Using those high-tech ear clips
when you’re driving around in the car
is cool but do everyone a favor and
leave it at that. No one wants to see
some Star Trek looking freak inside
the bar, especially after a handful of
mushrooms. It makes you look like an
D E
8
Free Speech Patriot or Media Whore?
air traffic controller. So unless you just
got a job as the Terminator II looking
meter maid on Greene Street and want
something to go with those bugged
out Aviator glasses, leave your robot-
cockroach earpiece in the glove box.
Columbia City Paper
Dear Food Lion,
When we asked one of your cashiers
exactly how many of those “Larry The
Cable Guy” trucker hats you’ve actually
sold in the past two months, she said
“uh...none.” Why do you think that
is? Because if Columbia wants to be
a progressive town we have to start
small. And starting small means no
more Larry the f#!king Cable Guy, Git-
R-Done f#!king trucker hats.
Columbia City Paper
Dear USC,
You recently sent us this response
to a Freedom of Information request
we filed: “Since you specified a limit
of $30 and the cost is very likely to be
hundreds of dollars, it is not possible to
respond to your request.”
Is the university actually concerned
about wasting hundreds of dollars?
We’ll be in touch again real soon!
Columbia City Paper
Letters
5
P.S. Happy Sunshine Week!
Dear Cadidates,
Play nice! Two challengers
have made claims they have been
intentionally shut out of forums. Kelly
Coleman running for Council at large
called us, and mayoral candidate Joe
Azar shot off this fiesty e-mail; “There
are more “candidates’ forums” going
on in the black community that only the
incumbents are attending. Meaning,
only the incumbents are invited. The
audience is being told that those in
attendance are the ones that care
about you, the ones that did not take
time to come out, do not. I have been
through a number of campaigns and
seen a number of dirty tricks, but this
beats all. “
Columbia City Paper
Dear Parrott Heads,
We hope you get that Jimmy
Buffett license plates bill passed.
Columbia Police Department thanks
you in advance for any way of helping
them make it easier to reach their DUI
quotas.
Columbia City Paper
Write us @
letters@columbiacitypaper.com
 Iraq
The Soft Approach
U.S. Troops Play Nice To Win Over Iraqis
Balad, Iraq -- There’s a sniper
lurking in the Sunni town of Ad
Duluyah on the far bank of the Tigris
River. On a February afternoon, when
U.S. Army 1st Lt. Derek Austin and
the soldiers from Echo Company roll
up to a small riverside neighborhood
on the outskirts of this Shi’ite city
50 miles northwest of Baghdad, the
sniper greets them with five rounds
fired several minutes apart. The rifle’s
reports echo over the slow river; the
bullets strike unseen somewhere in
the wide expanse of mud and swaying
reeds. Standing tall, gazing across the
river’s steep banks at the shooter’s
refuge, 500 yards away, the soldiers
are unimpressed. Even if the sniper
were a good shot -- which he’s not -
- at this range his rounds would lack
the energy to penetrate the soldier’s
armored vests and Kevlar helmets.
They raise their own rifles to peer
through telescopic sights, searching
in vain for the man who has harassed
Story & Photos By David Axe
them for weeks.
“It’d be great to know where he’s
shooting from,” Austin mutters. The
26-year-old Texan play-acts calling in
an air strike on the shooter’s position.
“Drop a 500-pound bomb right here.”
Turning away from their invisible
enemy, Austin and his patrol make
the rounds of the large Shi’ite families
eking a living on the riverfront. Moving
from house to house, greeting weary,
wary parents and bouncing children
in halting Arabic and with the aid
of a sleepy-eyed Iraqi interpreter,
Austin inquires about everyone’s
health, asks how the kids are doing
at school, dispenses candy and has
his medic Pvt. Kyle Elsea, 20, hand
out Ibuprofen and basic medical
advice. Politely declining offers of
tea and cigarettes, Austin ends each
conversation the same way: “Has
anyone shot at you?”
Some shake their heads or shrug.
There’s a lot of shooting around here,
after all, and it’s not always clear who
the target is. But others say yes and
point across the river.
“Do you know who it is?” Austin
asks. But no one does, and the
lieutenant thanks them anyways and
orders his soldiers on.
“We’re trying to befriend a lot
of them so they can tell us about
movement on the river,” Austin says.
“We give a lot of stuff to the people
here.” He says his unit -- from 1st
Battalion of the 8th Infantry Regiment
out of Fort Carson, Colorado -- is like
the Salvation Army, but with guns.
Austin’s strategy reflects a gradual
shift in the U.S. military’s approach to
the pacification of Iraq. Increasingly,
the Army and Marines are asking
Iraqis to take responsibility for their
own security. In Balad, as elsewhere
in Iraq, the military has cut its troop
strength in half in favor of standing
up more Iraqi Army battalions. And
more than ever, U.S. troops rely on
citypaper March 16, 2006 3
a sometime ambivalent populace to
provide the information they need
even to support Iraqi forces.
Austin says the softer approach to
the occupation is working. He points
out the invisible border between
his company’s quarter of Balad and
that of a sister company he says is
less gentle. The other company’s
area is pocked with craters from
the Improvised Explosive Devices
that routinely kill American and Iraqi
troops, but Echo’s area is relatively
undisturbed.
“It’s been suggested that the
reason we don’t get hit as much
is because we’re nicer to people,”
Austin says. Other units shoot up the
countryside to test their weapons --
and as a show of force. But not Echo.
“We don’t do test fires. You don’t
know where that round’s going to go.”
He says the unit that Echo replaced
accidentally shot an Iraqi woman
during a test fire.
4 Columbia citypaper March 16, 2006
“The most important
thing is understanding
the culture. Lasting
reform might take
centuries”
While Echo has fired warning
shots at cars that get too close to
their convoys, they’ve done so as a
last resort -- and only twice in two
months. Austin says one of the key
tenets of Echo’s strategy for winning
the support of everyday Iraqis is that
“we just don’t shoot at them.”
At Logistics Support Area
Anaconda, the sprawling U.S. base
near Balad, the intelligence officer
for 3rd Battalion of the 29th Field
Artillery Regiment -- 1-8 Infantry’s
sister unit -- rattles off a long list of
high-tech tools at his disposal: smart
aerial drones with infrared cameras,
high-fidelity tower-mounted sensors,
a battlefield wireless network that
lets him swap encrypted messages
with soldiers on patrol. “It’s incredibly
cool,” 36-year-old Capt. Pete
Simpson says.
Even with all the gadgets,
Simpson says he still relies on the
troops on the ground to gather the
bulk of the information he needs to
propose operations. And the troops
on the ground rely on local informants.
“It’s the basis for almost any
operation. Without informants, the
location of bad guys and [weapons]
caches is almost impossible to find
-- they hide so well.”
On one February patrol, Austin
hats his vehicles on a tree-shaded
road bisecting expansive fields and
groves. This is what Cusick calls “the
bread basket of Iraq”, and it makes
for a pleasing exception to Iraq’s
predominantly barren landscape.
But its lushness offers ample
cover for bad guys, and somebody’s
“It’s been suggested that the
reason we don’t get hit as
much is because we’re nicer
to people”
Iraq
been firing mortars
at a U.S. base from
these fields. Austin
points to a distant
grove where,
he says, a paid
informant led Echo
Company on a “wild
goose chase” for
the mortar position.
He wonders aloud
if the informant
weren’t deliberately
misleading them,
whether for money
or for some more
sinister reason.
“But he’s generally
reliable, and he might Pvt. Kyle Elsea, Echo’s medic, administers a shot to a sick child near Balad
come back with
something useful,” Austin says, must convince disenfranchised they’re watching. They dropped in
surrendering to the ambiguity that, Sunnis and survivalist Shi’ites that on a Shi’ite boys’ school, where an
in this culture of distrust, makes these functions belong to them jointly exasperated teacher explained that
everyone’s motives suspect. -- and that they’re not just extensions he had no textbooks and Austin
Down the road from Anaconda, of the American occupation. promised to do what he could to
at a tiny U.S. base called Paliwoda, Cusick grimaces. “It’s a large help. They hooked up with an Iraqi
Maj. Conor Cusick, planning officer scope of work. Obviously, the most Army patrol and supervised as the
for 1-8 Infantry, uses a laser pointer important thing is understanding the Iraqis manned a road checkpoint.
to parse a map of the area that’s culture.” Lasting reform might take They waded through crowds of
tacked to the wall. centuries, Cusick adds. grabby children, handing out candy.
“It’s an interesting dynamic,” In the meantime, U.S. forces They made their usual rounds of the
he says. “The city is Shi’ite, but the will settle for winning over Balad’s riverside homes, pressing the flesh,
suburbs are Sunni. They’re former Shi’ites, using them as informants hearing complaints, trying to pinpoint
regime, the haves. Now they don’t in the fight against Sunni insurgents the Ad Duluyah sniper. And they went
have much. The big challenge is in Ad Duluyah and other disaffected looking for one of their new allies in
making … [all of] them realize they’ve towns. the area, a tribal sheik whose son
got to get along.” A 4-year-old boy named Rafat was killed in an insurgent attack.
Cusick says that means building is screaming in pain. Last month, he Amid the area’s complicated
up the kinds of basic civic functions had a hurt knee. This month he has politics and divided loyalties, the
that Westerners take for granted: pneumonia. Rafat’s mother injects sheik’s allegiance at least is clear. He
local government, garbage collection, the boy’s medicine while Elsea, the has promised to shoot any bad guys
schools. Meanwhile, U.S. forces medic, presides. Austin and his he sees crossing the river.
interpreter confer with Rafat’s father That, to Austin, is progress.
while two Echo Company soldiers
stand guard under a tree, watching
Ad Duluyah across the river.
It’s been a long day and the
Americans are tired. In six hours,
they’ve put into practice all of their David Axe is a freelance journalist
commanders’ theories on how to
win this war. They conducted what
who lives in Columbia, S.C.
Austin calls “presence patrols,” letters@columbiacitypaper.com
cruising up and down Balad’s streets
to show Iraqis that they’re there,
 Cover Story
Pay If You Want To Pray
BY TODD MOREHEAD
Many of the e-mails and voice
messages City Paper receives suggest
a lack of spirituality in the lives of the
staff. I’m not one to disappoint our loyal
readership, so I decided to grab a quick
dose of the Lord on the Inspiration
Channel one day during my lunch break.
And if things weren’t hopping there, I
knew it was just a few clicks of the remote
past QVC and celebrity fat-camp shows
to Trinity Broadcast Network (TBN) on
cable Channel 51. Being a fan of bad
comedy, it wasn’t long until I had fallen
into an unhealthy love/hate relationship
with televangelism. I was instantly
drawn to Jan Crouch, the weird mascot
of TBN, with her pink cotton candy hair
and running mascara, like some kind of
killer clown; then there’s “Bibleman,”
a superhero who fights against sin in
his Full Armor of God; and Jack Van
Impe with his crackpot prophecies. I
found these oddballs endearing… until
I started to research them.
TBN provided my most alarming
revelation: in general, a more insipid
form of businessman has replaced the
innocuous snake-handler types behind
the pulpit. What was once a harmless
freak-show has now turned into a
billion dollar industry. Scarier still, if
you want to know what the Christian
Right/Conservative Republican PR
machine is really up to, just watch TBN.
These guys make even Fox News look
credible. And, as Christians make up 76
percent of the American voting public,
TV preachers can have a tangible effect
on public policy in America (see the
section on Rod Parsley below). For
three months, I immersed myself in the
world of televised Pentecostal religion,
checked out the major players, called
a prayer line or two, and have since
compiled a list of the freakiest of the
freaky for the loyal readers of our paper.
Dig in!
God Told Me to Tell You to Send Me
Your Social Security Check:
Trinity Broadcasting Network (TBN)
Founded in a tiny studio in
Orange County, California in the 70s by
Paul Crouch and his wife, Jan, TBN has
slowly mutated into the largest gospel
network in the country if not the world. It
dwarfs even the 700 Club. Their success
is built on what many in the televangelism
racket call the “Prosperity Gospel,” a
doctrine rooted in the notion that God
wants Christians to prosper financially
and He will pay back their donations
to the collection plate tenfold. In other
words, if your grandma cuts a check to
TBN for $2,000, Crouch promises that
she will receive tens of thousands of
dollars in return: maybe she’ll win the
lottery or make a killing in real estate. If
not, she’s a sinner and should donate
more money to the church.
TBN’s “Praise-a-thon” fundraising
drives – coupled with the cut they
receive from ministers who contract
for airspace on the network – have
turned into a lucrative cash cow for
the Crouch’s ministry. They’ve set up
satellite stations in at least a dozen
other countries to spread their gospel
and, oh yeah, according to the nonprofit
watchdog publication, The Chronicle of
Philanthropy, the Crouch’s combined
yearly income hovers around $765,000,
not to mention a variety of perks which
include over 20 homes in various parts
of the country and a private jet. And that
is just what’s on the books.
Responding to a Los Angeles
Times expose, TBN Legal Advisor John
Casoria told a reporter for the Business
Wire in 2004 that “the various real
properties mentioned, all are owned
by TBN, not Dr. and Mrs. Crouch, and
they are used for multiple purposes,
including program settings, and
temporary housing for network guests,
contractors and agents.”
TBN officials also used the Business
Wire article to counter allegations that
the network intentionally targets a
rural, low-income demographic. They
provided statistics furnished by Barna,
a private Christian “research group.”
Barna proudly states its research policy
on the company Web site: “To provide
leadership and unique, strategic
information and resources that help
facilitate spiritual transformation
in America.” According to Barna’s
“unique, strategic information,” TBN’s
main audience consists of middle-class
moderate Democrats, between 37 and
55-years-old.
When pressed to comment on
Paul Crouch’s alleged homosexual
relationship with a former TBN
employee, Casoria called the accuser
a “convicted child molester and drug
user”—seemingly unaware of his
admission that a child molester had
once been on TBN’s payroll. “[Those]
false accusations were manufactured
by a convicted child molester and drug
user as part of a wrongful termination
claim,” he said. “The claim remains
false, no matter how often the story is
repeated.”
Crouch and his alleged ex-lover,
Enoch Lonnie Ford, quietly settled
the dispute out
of court in 1998
and Crouch paid
Ford $475,000
in hush money.
However, when
Ford submitted
to a televised
polygraph test on
NBC Universal-
PAX Channel’s
show, Lie Detector
last year, TBN
attorneys slapped
the show’s
producers with
a court order restraining Ford from
discussing the case. The episode
scheduled to have aired on March 15th,
2005 was cancelled.
Scandals aside, from the frequent
cameos by Mr. T, to the prison ministry
show, Pro Claim: Liberty To the Captives,
hosted by Mike Barber, former tight end
for the Los Angeles Rams and his wife,
DeAnne (picture a Dillard’s sales clerk
trying to talk football with former pimps
and crack dealers) to the outlandish
Praise-a-thon specials with the whole
TBN clan sitting on stage like the Legion
of Doom, while Jan Crouch weeps and
sings, TBN never fails to entertain.
If You Plan To Watch: TBN Highlights
FAITHVILLE (Saturdays at 9:00 a.m.)
Set in the 40s in the small town
of Faithville, this show uses comedy
– I use that term loosely – to spread
the Word to children worldwide. Don’t
devote too many brain cells to this
one. I recommend it as background
fare while you enjoy your first cup of
coffee. Imagine porn actors trying to
do slapstick routines to cheap sound
effects and vaudeville jazz.
Faithville quote of the month: “You
know children, this phonebook is a lot
like the body of Christ.
BIBLE MAN (Saturdays at 10:00 a.m.)
Willie Aames (best know for playing
the goofy neighbor, Buddy, in the 80s
sitcom Charles in Charge), created,
produced, and starred in Bibleman from
the show’s inception until 2004. Shortly
after retiring from the show, Aames
resurfaced, grizzled and tattooed, on
Celebrity Fit Club 2, where he lost nine
pounds before going on a rampage and
attacking one of his training coaches.
On Bibleman, Aames played the mild-
mannered Miles Peterson who, after
reading Philippians 4:13 one day, was
suddenly transformed into Bibleman.
citypaper March 16, 2006 5
Blessed with super human strength,
a suit of magic armor and matching
motorcycle, he uses the word of God
to fight Satan’s minions (all played by
the same actor). Villains include: The
Fibbler, who shoots a ray gun at innocent
civilians, forcing them to tell lies; Gossip
Queen; and Wacky Protestor, among
others. Bibleman usually outwits his
opponents, but when he must fight, he
uses what appears to be a light saber.
The show recently introduced
two sidekicks: Cypher and Biblegirl.
Shortly before Aames retired from
the show, Miles Peterson passed on
Bibleman’s responsibilities to equally
mild mannered, Josh Carpenter, played
by Robert Schlipp. New episodes
are slated for 2006 and we can only
assume that they will be as cheesy as
the previous season. In the meantime,
Schlipp is available for children’s parties,
according to the official website. Please
book three months in advance.
ROD PARSLEY (7:00 a.m. & 1:30 p.m.,
Monday - Friday)
“Why do you think they call it
Pente-cost? Because it’s gonna cost
you something!”
Rod Parsley is one of the most
charismatic televangelists to come
along in decades. In fact, I’d say
he’s the quintessential televangelist.
He marches across the stage at his
12,000-seat World Harvest Church
near Columbus, Ohio, grimacing and
screeching out Pentecostal diatribes
through a spray of sweat and spittle.
At times even I’ve fought an urge to
send the guy money. His relatively
mild “Breakthrough” television series
is shown daily on TBN. But, his special
crusade shows are quickly becoming
the stuff of legend. I happened upon
a rerun of his “Raise the Standard”
crusade right as a group of men and
women were speaking in tongues and
 6 citypaper March 16, 2006
rolling around in small piles of cash
that had spilled out of overflowing tithe
buckets, presumably gathered from the
10,000 spectators on hand. Parsley
thundered across the stage, working the
crowd into a hedonistic frenzy.
The rotten wood under Parsley’s
facade began to show during a series
of scandals in the early 90s. In 1992,
the Columbus Dispatch reported that
Parsley’s father, head of the real estate
“Why do you think they call it Pente-
cost? Because it’s gonna cost you
something!”
and construction arm of World Harvest
Church, sexually harassed Naomil
Endicott, a church employee and in-law
to Parsley. In the same year, another civil
suit was filed, charging that Parsley and
his father roughed up a housepainter in
a dispute over some painting work he’d
done in Parsley’s home. Both cases
were settled out of court.
Lately, Parsley has used his ministry
to enter the political arena, a move
that has drawn criticism from political
activists and clergymen alike. He’s
recently been traveling the country on
the “Silent No More” tour in an attempt
to garner support – and money – for
his Center for Moral Clarity, a nonprofit
organization he formed in 2004. He has
used this organization to work closely
with the Ohio Restoration Project, a
group whose sole mission is to organize
1,000 conservative Ohio pastors who
will use their pulpits to sway “values
voters” at the polls.
As a testament to Parsley’s rising
stature in national politics, President
Bush invited him to attend the signing of
a law banning partial birth abortions in
2003. In 2004, Parsley publicly criticized
the IRS law that prohibits clergy from
endorsing candidates, before he
promptly donated $2,000 to the Bush/
Cheney campaign. And, during the 2004
election, Parsley played a prominent roll
in the push to pass an amendment to
ban gay marriage in Ohio, a move that,
arguably, won Bush the presidency.
These days Parsley has drawn fire
from his fellow clergymen, who claim
that World Harvest Church should
lose its tax-exempt status for being so
closely aligned with Ohio Republican
gubernatorial candidate, Ken Blackwell,
the former state co-chair of the Bush/
Cheney reelection effort in 2004. Parsley
claims to have no political affiliation and
simply calls himself a “Christocrat”.
BACK ON COURSE (Thursdays
12:00 p.m.)
Hosted by Gavin Macleod, formerly
Captain Stubing of Love Boat, and his
wife, the two interview other millionaires
from deck chairs on the bow of their
yacht while the rich and famous scuttle
by in the background on boats that
cost more than my entire block. What
message does this send to the working
poor? What would Isaac the Bartender
say? Shame!
Putting the “Camp” back in Camp
Meeting:
Inspiration Channel (INSP)
My first introduction to INSP came
during a “Camp Meeting” telethon
last year. Cameras panned back and
forth between the buzzing phone
bank and the blonde female host. The
delivery consisted of part chanting, part
commanding, and part begging. The
host could’ve been attractive yet, having
covered all of her youthful features
with a post-menopausal haircut and a
pastel pants suit, she looked more like
a jaded insurance agent than a popular
cable television
p e r s o n a l i t y.
Throughout her
time onscreen,
slogans constantly
scrolled across
the bottom of the
television, next to
the toll free phone
number. It’s the
same “prosperity
gospel” con
game: “Your act of
obedience gives
God the reason
to bless your life.”
“Sow the best seed
possible to activate your miracle right
now.” “Sow your seed of $111 and enter
into what God has already prepared
for you!” “Activate your miracle by
going to the phone... major credit cards
accepted.” “It’s time to transition into
God’s favor.”
INSP’s regular programming mainly
consists of the usual suspects: Rod
Parsley, John Hagee, Ted Shuttlesworth,
and Benny Hinn. Unlike TBN, this
network doesn’t foster a penchant for
outrageous behavior; with INSP, it’s a
middle-of-the-road, youth pastor type
of creepiness. This station loves to
rerun the John Tesh concert from Red
Rocks, for example. It’s a great gateway
channel for beginners, until you’re ready
for the heavier fix on TBN. And locals,
take note: the Inspiration Network plans
to build a new World Missions Outreach
Center, called the “City of Light,” along
with a Corporate Headquarters building
in Lancaster County, South Carolina.
If You Plan to Watch:
INSP Highlights
JACK VAN IMPE (Sunday at 10:00 p.m.
/ Friday at 12:30 a.m. on Fox)
“Jesus is about to return. We need
to warn America.”
Jack Van Impe is probably my
favorite televangelist, hands down.
Resembling a demented Judge Wapner,
with his shellacked helmet of white hair,
he sits behind a fake news desk, shaking
with pent up energy while his wife, Rexella,
reads the latest newspaper headlines.
Once she finishes with a headline Jack
rapidly fires off apocalyptic Bible verses,
which supposedly prophesy the news
event in question. There’s always a
different Antichrist: he once thought
it was Saddam Hussein. Then it was
Bin Laden. Now, according to his most
recent shows, the Bible has prophesied
that the Antichrist will come from the
European Union, what he considers the
“new Roman Empire.”
One night, when Van Impe stated
that the Book of Revelations prophesied
tiny electronic tracking devices that are
to be inserted under the skin. I took
notes. He claimed Revelations mentions
these microchips and promptly rattled
off a few chapter and verse numbers
(13: 15-18, 15:2; 16:2, and 20:4). When I
checked behind him, I expected to find
completely unrelated text. But he had
covered his tracks on that occasion at
least with the often-quoted “number of
the beast” passages.
As crazy as the Van Impes are, they
don’t seem to mean much harm. The
show is so low-fi that I imagine it’s truly
a bizarre labor of love for the couple and
not a million dollar enterprise. And I can
only hope that my grudging respect for
the Van Impes will garner this article a
spot on his news show, as prophesied
over two thousand years ago. Seriously,
I plan to submit it to the show, so tune
in.
The Worst for Last: Fox TV and
BET
700 CLUB (Check local listings)
I would be remiss if I didn’t mention
the 700 Club. Pat Robertson’s running
commentary is definitely the highlight
of the show, and I often find myself on
the edge of my seat, anticipating his
next headline-making asinine comment.
Robertson has always been a political
pariah. With the same blank, toe-headed
expression on his face, his has blurted
out infamously obscene verbal attacks
against victims of 9/11, women’s rights
activists, and the US Supreme Court.
Even Republicans, many of whom are in
office thanks to the Christian Coalition,
are distancing themselves from him.
His recent call for the assassination of
Venezuelan president Hugo Chavez,
during the August 22 episode of the 700
Club, led to rumors that the 70-year-
old televangelist might be extradited to
Venezuela to face international terrorism
charges (an image which filled yours
truly with glee).
In February of this year, Robertson
hopped right back into the hot seat
when he said God “smote” Israeli Prime
Minister Ariel Sharon for backpedaling
on the Israeli advance into Palestinian
territory, shortly after Sharon suffered a
massive stroke.
Robertson is known for running his
business ventures with the same careless
abandon he runs his mouth. The most
glaring example, reported by the Virginia
Pilot in 1997, uncovered the truth about
his “Operation Blessing” fund drive,
which was supposed to funnel money
donated by 700 Club viewers to Rwandan
refugees. In actuality, according to the
report, the relief planes, painted with
Operation Blessing logos, only flew in
one humanitarian flight. The rest of the
flights were used to haul supplies for
African Development Corporation, a
diamond mining operation owned by
Robertson. According to investigative
reporter, Bill Sizemore, Robertson not
only knew about the diversion of the
 Cover Story
There’s more profit in exploiting a
person’s faith than nurturing it. They
are peddling the gospel.
planes, but, according to pilot logs, he
actually flew along on one plane that was
used to ferry equipment to the mines.
BET
PETER POPOFF (Sunday, 12:00 a.m.)
Over the years, Peter Popoff
has used a variety of slick mail schemes
– from small felt squares of prayer cloth
to “handwritten” personal letters (printed
by inkjet onto pieces of notebook paper)
– in an attempt to filch money out of the
pockets of misguided dupes. Lately he
has been touting small sealed packets
of miracle spring water he claims will
heal illness and eliminate credit card
debt. His rhetoric seems particularly
dangerous. He shuns medicine and calls
sickness merely “The Devil”. At his stage
shows he is known to have commanded
the sick and the elderly to “break free of
the Devil” by throwing their prescription
medication up onto the stage.
Popoff declared bankruptcy in the
late 1980s after it was discovered that
during his faith healing services he used
radio transmission equipment to target
members of his congregation. It wasn’t
God speaking to him after all; it was
his wife Elizabeth and their right-hand
man, Reeford Shirrell. James Randi
and Alec Jason, who had experience in
surveillance work, set up a computerized
scanning system which isolated the
frequency in Popoff’s onstage earpiece.
The transcripts the two men released,
document Elizabeth Popoff reading to
her husband from pre-show “prayer
cards” that had been issued to the
audience. Below is a segment of the
transcript, as reprinted in the journal
Science and the Paranormal:
Elizabeth Popoff (backstage):
“Reeford’s got a hot one!” (Laughter.)
“Reeford’s so excited! He came running
in back here and scared us half to death!
You ready for a hot one? Okay! Want a
hot one? Hot one! Hot off the press!
Ruby Lee Harris. Ruby Lee. She is
standing in the far back where there’s no
chairs. [Long pause] “...Ruby Lee Harris.
She’s against the back wall. She’s got
lumps in her breast. You might want to
whisper it. ... Have her run up there.”
[Pause, while Peter Popoff calls Ruby
Lee Harris to the stage.] “Oh! Look at
her run!” [Loud laughter] “And, she’s got
knots in her breast!”
citypaper March 16, 2006 7
James Randi later recruited
volunteers in different cities to adopt
false identities and fake diseases to
attend Popoff’s healing crusade shows.
One of the decoys, Don Henvick, was
“healed” of alcohol addiction in San
Francisco, and was later healed in
Anaheim, using a different disguise,
of arthritis. Henvick later dressed as
a woman and Popoff healed him yet
again... this time of uterine cancer, a
true miracle indeed. Randi broke the
story on the Tonight Show with Johnny
Carson.
Popoff’s new ministry seems
to steer clear of his old techniques and
focuses more on TBN style fundraising.
However on his website I could not find
any contact information for Popoff or his
staff, only an ad for miracle spring water
and a field for my personal information
and credit card number. When I called
the toll free number provided by his
show, there was no response.
Awash in the Blood of God’s
Forgiveness
Vote Azar for Mayor
If there is a God, and He wanted
to heal somebody, why would He need
to use a TV preacher as a middleman? April 4th
Worse, why would He ask you to pay for
it? And, if Pat Robertson can foresee
that a woman in Tallahassee has the
gout, why can’t he provide specifics
like a name and address? The answer:
because it’s a sham. There’s more
profit in exploiting a person’s faith
than nurturing it. They are peddling the
gospel.
So, do these shitbags have any
redeeming qualities? It depends on
whom you ask. No one forces the
hundreds of thousands of people
worldwide to donate their money to
television preachers or to attend their
services. It is, after all, a matter of faith.
For someone who changes their life for
the positive, maybe the end justifies the
means... as long as they realize it is the
“faith” and not the “healer” that matters
“I would like to build a city that leads,
most.
People have been giving their money
not follows!”
to snake oil salesmen for thousands of
years and doubtless it will continue for a
thousand more. In the meantime all the
rest of us can do is sit back, tune in to
TBN and enjoy the show.
voteazar.com
letters@columbiacitypaper.com
8 citypaper March 16, 2006
The Media Making Of A Martyr
Is Brett Bursey the free
speech hero the media
says he is?
Ask anyone in Columbia about free
speech freedom fighters and they are
likely to mention Brett Bursey.
He is a sound-byte monger’s media
darling. From National Public Radio
(NPR) to The State to various alternative
weeklies across South Carolina, Bursey
is the go-to guy whenever the press is
in need of a quote from a “progressive”
figure.
Last month Bursey held a news
conference soliciting $1 a piece from
community members to help pay the
$500 fine he incurred for breaking a
federal law designed to protect the
president. For any who haven’t heard,
Bursey was arrested for failing to retreat
to a “free speech zone” at Columbia
Metropolitan Airport, when President
Bush’s plane was scheduled to arrive
there in October 2002. That day, Bursey
carried the ubiquitous sign anyone with
a TV or newspaper subscription has
seen: “No War for Oil.”
The South Carolina Progressive
Network (SCPN) claims to have raised
over $1,000 to pay his federal fine and
legal expenses that day. Bursey is the
director of that organization.
But how much money did Bursey
really make with his recent fundraiser?
The Associated Press reported
$503; Free Times reported $1,200 and
the SCPN Web site posted $2,000.
Three days later, however, SCPN
curiously dropped it down to only
$1,000. The conflicting amounts may be
nothing more than donations trickling
in via mail or amounts being estimated,
but the point has been raised about
how much accountability there is in
tracking donations to Bursey’s non-
profit organization.
“It was the content of my sign that
was the problem,” Bursey told CBS
news and other media about why he
was arrested that day at the airport,
suggesting pro-Bush protesters and
ticket-holders to the event were allowed
to stay in the same area from which he
was ejected and later arrested.
According to the court judgment
and evidence given during the trial,
what Bursey says is not true. Prosecutor
John Barton had a hard time believing a
highly trained Secret Service agent told
Bursey it was the content of his sign.
by Paul Blake
“The secret service doesn’t care
what your sign says,” Barton told this
publication.
“The evidence also showed that,
once the president had arrived, the
area where the president would be
approaching the hangar was cleared
even of ticket-holders waiting to get
into the building. This evidence clearly
establishes beyond a reasonable doubt
that the area around the hangar was a
restricted area under the statute,” read
written records obtained by Columbia
City Paper in the Jan. 6, 2004 verdict.
Were Bursey’s free speech rights
violated? Or was the Secret Service
just doing their job in protecting the
president?
According to the United States
District Court, Bursey was initially in a
grassy area near the sidewalk located
directly next to the hangar and right
next to the area where the president’s
motorcade would pull up for the
president to exit his car to enter the
hangar.
Bursey was told twice that he
could not remain in the location he was
standing and must leave the area. He
refused to do so.
The court ruled that the boundaries
of the restricted area were not “vague”
and that he should have known where
the boundaries of the restricted area
were. Thus, officials say Bursey was
arrested for refusing to leave the
area immediately adjacent to where
the president would be arriving and
departing in his vehicle, not because
of the content of the sign he was
carrying.
The court upheld the basic
principles of protecting a U.S. president,
“Aside from the defense of this country
by military, there is no greater obligation
for the federal government than the
protection of the president,” the court
said.
Bursey argued that the protesters
were required to go to a designated
“free speech zone” half a mile up the
road, however, the court ruled, “Nor are
protestors required to go to designated
demonstration areas, as long as they
do not otherwise remain in a properly
restricted area.”
The fact that no other protesters
were arrested that day didn’t help
Bursey’s case.
The court determined there were
many people at the airport, some of
who may have had signs supporting the
president who were there to attend the
rally inside the hangar. These people
either went through the screening and
into the hangar for the rally or were
cleared from the area prior to the
president’s arrival at the hangar.
These facts, and Bursey’s previous
history of trespassing and arrests for
such charges as assault and battery
on a police officer didn’t stop him from
grandstanding stunts during his most
recent trial. In the 2002 incident, Bursey
attempted to subpoena U.S. Attorney
General John Ashcroft and Bush’s
Political Adviser Karl Rove to testify at
the trial. The court found Bursey guilty
and fined him $500. Instead of being
grateful for not receiving the maximum
six-month jail sentence and a $5,000
fine, Bursey again used the situation to
thumb his nose at authority and make a
display at the courthouse knowing the Brett Bursey at a speaking engagement
mainstream media would take the bait. at the Athens Human Rights Festival
Arrested Development
Bursey’s rap sheet shows a
total of nine arrests with at least five
convictions including an embarrassing
open container ticket at the age of 45.
Or was he 48?
SLED documents show three
different birth dates for Brett Bursey.
“I lied when I was a kid so I could
drink beer, and it stayed with me,”
Bursey told City Paper in a March 14,
2006 interview.
However, Bursey’s statement fails
to explain how this innocuous lie would
appear on official government records.
Perhaps this is only the most minor
infraction in Bursey’s willingness to
commit fraud.
In the early 70s, Bursey was jailed
for nearly two years for perhaps his most
serious offense, breaking in and painting
graffiti at a Columbia draft office. He also
was arrested for trespassing in 1969 as
he demonstrated against Richard Nixon
at the same Columbia airport he was
arrested at in 2002.
Bursey plead guilty and paid the
fine in the 1969 case, according to
prosecutor John Barton. He was not
part of the appeal, and records show
the two other protesters were the ones
who fought the charges all the way to
the Supreme Court. Barton suggests
Bursey went back to the Columbia
airport in October of 2002 to finally take
his stand.
Cover Story
The continued publicity of Bursey’s
numerous arrests has landed him 137
articles in The State alone since 1987.
Will Moredock, a former State employee
and associate of Bursey’s, believes the
local folk hero’s lust for the limelight is
only a means to encourage donations
from unsuspecting do-gooders.
“America is a Free Speech Zone”
tee shirts offered for $15 (more than
three times the cost to print), paid
speaking engagements, and constant
fundraising stunts don’t help dismiss
Moredock’s claims.
Moredock goes one step further,
saying there is a cover up by The State
involving Bursey, which can be viewed
at www.thestatecoverup.com.
Three allegations Moredock makes
on the site are:
1. Brett Bursey had faked a bankruptcy.
He had told a number of people,
including at least one state official, that
his print shop, Harbinger Publications,
Inc., went into bankruptcy in December
1991. In fact, there is no record in
Federal Bankruptcy Court of a filing for
Harbinger Publications.
2. During 1991 and 1992, Brett
Bursey solicited money for a “Point
Foundation,” which he claimed to
operate. In fact, there has never been
a Point Foundation. When the S.C.
Secretary of State’s Office learned
of the solicitations, it ordered him to
desist.
3. Brett Bursey ran a tax-exempt
501(c)(3) organization called the Natural
Guard Fund (NGF), which was registered
with the S.C. Secretary of State’s Office.
For a number of years he appointed a
“dummy” board for this organization: In
1993, the treasurer of the board of the
NGF was a convicted drug distributor
and in 1994 the board was composed
of only four people, two of them being
Bursey’s employees/tenants.
According to Moredock, Bursey
 Cover Story citypaper March 16, 2006 9

Getting arrested is the intention for many activists. Just

look at the recommendations below from a major acivist
rights Web site:
Why risk arrest?
From a political perspective, there may be many reasons for risking
arrest as part of a well-planned action.
• Firstly, it can be a clear statement of commitment and the seri-
ousness of the issue that many people will respect;
• Secondly, it enables the arrested activist to engage in dialogue Visit columbiacitypaper.com
with the police and other officials – many activists use this as an op-
portunity to challenge, educate and ‘de-role’ them and undermine their
support for your opponent’s position;
add your e-mail to the mailing
• Thirdly, activists can use court appearances as a political forum
for continuing the protest or presenting issues and information to audi- list to register to win a
ences who may not ordinarily choose to listen;
• Fourthly, court cases may be used to explore ways in which the
law can be used to defend civil liberties, social justice or the environ-
Columbia City Paper
ment;
• Fifthly, overcoming the fear of arrest (as well as trials and impris-
Blue Tile Skate Board
onment) is an important step in reducing the state’s ability to control
us. If activists no longer fear police or fear arrest, they can’t use fear to
control us;
• Finally, arrests can attract a great deal of attention and may pro-
vide the opportunity for activists to present their case via the media.

took out a series of court orders to keep
Moredock from distributing information
about Bursey’s fraudulent business
dealings. When Moredock violated those
court orders, he was first arrested and
ordered to serve 80 hours community
service. When he violated the next court
order, he was fined $1,500 and put on
two years probation.
The State newspaper refused to
report any of these details, though
Moredock wrote numerous letters to
editors and reporters detailing Bursey’s
business and legal activities.
Only The Columbia Star had the
courage to report on Moredock’s plight
to expose the truth about Brett Bursey.
According to documents Moredock
filed with the court, he went into
business with Bursey in 1989, sinking
$42,000 into a Columbia newsweekly
startup called Point. Moredock claims
that Bursey painted a rosy picture of
having prominent local investors lined
up to invest in the venture, and that
Bursey’s investors were only names
in his Rolodex. Furthermore, Bursey
was technically and managerially
incompetent, Moredock said.
According to Moredock’s filing, he
announced in February 1991 that he
was shutting down Point after seven
months of publishing when he realized
there really were no investors in sight.
Shortly after, Bursey hijacked the
publication by changing the locks to its
Bluff Road offices and naming himself
editor and publisher.
Over a period of two to three years,
Bursey and Moredock were engaged in
a kind of cat-and-mouse game. Bursey
accused Moredock of stealing copies of
Point out of his news racks. Moredock
caught Bursey sneaking up to the front
of his apartment at night and hanging a
copy of his paper on the door.
“We did some really sophomoric
shit to each other,” Moredock said.
Moredock said one of the biggest
tragedies in the Bursey/Moredock (803) 376-1880 631 Harden St
business fallout was the loss of a seven-
year friendship.
“We had drunk a lot of beer and had
a lot of good times together when I set
up shop with him in December 1989,”
Moredock said.
On March 14, City Paper attended a
meeting for the SCPN to possibly better
understand the ideals of Brett Bursey
and his organization.
“I was arrested at the 500th
execution,” said longtime friend of
Bursey, Becci Robbins after the meeting,
and admitted it was easier to survive in
activism than in publishing. Robbins is
also the communications director for
SCPN.
Even though free speech doesn’t
really seem to be at risk, Bursey’s plight
does seem to have a grander scope
– even if his activism is more about
attention for Bursey than for the causes
he represents.
Does the government really care
about Bursey protesting? Or are they
merely concerned about a person who’s
been arrested nine times, has destroyed
federal property and who insists on
standing directly where the president
will be exiting his car?
While Bursey repeatedly and
intentionally violates the law, the
questions remains: how far does his
intentional violation of the law extend?
letters@columbiacitypaper.com
10 citypaper March 16, 2006

Eau Claire Fights The Powers That Be Jones said one SCE&G realtor told her
by Paul Blake
the power company would take her
Eminent Domain is a
hot issue on broadcast home one way or another
news these days. If it’s ened to condemn my neighbor’s house.
a white family from Flor- This was used as a scare tactic on an information to me.”
ida whose house will be older African-American woman. There “The community is trying to work with
jacked and turned into a is AMPLE land 5 blocks away on Farrow you,” Jones told the representatives
condo on the coast, that Road to expand this station. My state- from SCANA, “and you’re kind of like
is. But just this month, ment to you, our leaders, is this; Should ‘we’re SCE&G, we’re the only power
in the residential neigh- a for profit company (SCANA) be able company, if you don’t let us do it then
borhood of Eau Claire to ruin the aesthetics and devalue prop- you wont have any power.’” Jones was
in Columbia, a woman’s erty at best or at worst possibly poison cut off before she could finish.
house was nearly taken residents of a community to save a few “May I please finish, sir?” she asked.
away by SCANA-owned Judith Jones’ home on James Street was re-zoned dollars? Letting these companies keep “This is my personal feeling. You’re here
Power Company SCE&G in 1994 without her knowledge thanks to SCE&G imminent domain (sic) is letting the pro- to tell us what you want to do and where
and almost no one no- verbial fox guard the henhouse.” you want to go and are not interested in
ticed. Five men from SCANA sat in the
Judith Jones was approached and back row and announced that SCE&G
told her house was going to be taken had a presentation to make. SCE&G
and property would be annexed into a public affairs spokesman, Eric Boom-
new power substation and she would hower, took his time explaining to the
have to vacate the place she’s called crowd exactly how it is that substations
home for decades. function.
Ms. Jones’ house, located at 1416 But the Eau Claire community was
James St., off Colonial Drive, sits about not there to hear a presentation about
100 feet from the current power facil- how electricity works.
ity that neighbors say has been a time They were at the meeting that day
bomb for several years. Only three because the community was worried
months ago, neighbors on the oppo- about what was going to happen to Ms.
site side of the site said when a squir- Jones’ home, and also other homes
rel got zapped in the power lines it sent that surround the already existing sub-
an explosive blue flame shooting down station that sits smack in the center of a
the sidewalk and ripping through their residential neighborhood. As of press time a shopping cart still sits with other trash among tall
yard. SCANA, which reported $320 mil- grass weeks after the community expressed concerns about
You can hear the metallic buzz of lion in earnings for 2005, may have had maintenance of SCE&G’s property in the Feb. 28, 2006 meeting.
the square, fenced-in, ceramic, wire its plate full after filing just a day earlier At the council meeting, which start-
and metal substation three houses to merge with South Carolina Pipeline ed at 6:30 p.m. Feb 28 at the Eau Claire our interests.” This feeling has lead to
down, and when the facility explodes, Corporation which reported $10 million Print Building, several members of the Mrs. Jones to look for a lawyer to inves-
“it sounds like someone’s lobbing mor- in earnings the same year. Eau Claire community echoed Anders’ tigate the zoning issue on her behalf.
tars at the back of my house,” says “I am writing to you to offer a per- thoughts. SCANA has since said they would
former Eau Clair Community Council fect example of why Electric Compa- One concerned neighbor said she not take Jones’ home, but still plans
President, Rhett Anders who lives in nies should not have imminent domain believed there was no way something to build an upgraded substation even
one of the houses directly behind like this would ever happen if the neigh- closer to her house which is said to be
the facility. Anders has since borhood in question was, say, Shan- completed by mid to late 2007, Boom-
taken it upon himself to make don. hower said on March 14.
sure the power company jugger- Others said that the facility has The upgrade will bring the one-gen-
naut doesn’t roll over Mrs. Jones’ been overgrown with weeds and littered erator, 8kv substation to a three-gen-
house under the bureaucratic with garbage for years and SCE&G has erator, 23kv substation, leaving Rhet
banner of Eminent Domain. made no effort to keep the substation Anders wondering, “I wonder how big
On Feb. 28, Jones entered aesthetically pleasing. the explosions are going to be then.”
the Eau Claire community council “I mean no disrespect for you fellows,”
meeting with city-approved zon- one neighbor said in regards to Jones’ Corey Hutchins contributed to this article
ing documents from 1993. The home. “But I am offended that SCE&G letters@columbiacitypaper.com
documents show SCANA’s inten- would send a public rela-
tion to take her property and even Eau Claire community watchdog, Rhett tions person with no infor-
more shocking was that the city Anders, stands in front of the current site mation and no experience
approved the rezoning in 1994. niehboors say has been poorly to us.... and act like [this is]
Jones didn’t even know maintained for years. a done deal. I’m shocked
about it until now. and dismayed by how naive
During the council meeting the (sic),” Anders wrote in a Feb. 27 letter to SCE&G appears tonight.”
room was so crowded a council mem- Columbia City Paper. “I’m having a little prob-
ber had to drag extra chairs in from a “This is an issue that faces the Eau lem,” Jones said during the
back room. It was clear the word had Claire Community in Columbia. SCANA meeting. “I’ll be very hon-
traveled fast through Eau Clair about wishes to triple in size its electrical sub- est with you...but I’m hav- The shaded area is “asking to be acquired” in
Ms. Jones’ home and the neighbor- station on Colonial Drive (at James St.). ing a little problem with the this document filed by SCE&G. It was approved
hood was ready to rally. To obtain this goal, SCANA has threat- attitude that you’re bring- by the zoning board in 1994 and included Judith
ing forth in bringing this Jones’ property.
 citypaper March 16, 2006
State Higher Ed Tuition Caps
May Be Misplaced By Andy Brack
A quiet but growing debate at the
Statehouse is over whether the state
should cap tuition increases at the
state’s public colleges and universities.
Proponents like Gov. Mark Sanford
say caps are needed to keep the cost
of college affordable for South Carolina
students. Opponents say caps are no
better than price controls that meddle
in the marketplace.
Today’s tuition rates are about twice
what they were five years ago at most
state public colleges and universities.
For the first two of those years (2001-02
and 2002-03), the state tied tuition hikes
to the national Higher Education Price
Index, which allowed an increase up to
a certain national average plus a few
more dollars. In 2002-03, for example,
rises were permitted to the HEPI level
plus $250. But since then, there have
been no caps.
Even with the semi-cap and then
with no cap, tuition rates have gone
up pretty dramatically. At Clemson,
tuition was $5,090 in 2001. The next
year with a semi-cap, it rose to $5,834
annually, followed by no-cap raises in
the following years to $6,934 (03-04),
$7,840 (04-05) and $8,816 (05-06). At
the University of South Carolina the rise
was similar, but not as dramatic, with
tuition set at $4,260 in 2001-02. That
figure rose by more than $3,000 to
$7,314 in five years.
At teaching colleges, two-year
regional colleges and technical colleges,
the stories were the same - - rises of
66 percent to 145 percent over the five-
year span.
But tuition makes up only about
20 percent of what funds colleges
and universities. Just as tuition has
been rising, state support of public
colleges and universities has dropped
dramatically. Clemson, for example, got
$103.6 million in state support in 1999-
2000, compared to $85 million in 2004-
05; USC suffered a similar 17 percent
drop in state funding.
So what does all of this mean? It
means that as the state took away
money with one hand, colleges and
universities raised tuition with the other
to make up cuts to keep the quality
of education they provided about the
same.
It also suggests the state needs to
take a serious look at how it funds higher
education. But instead of artificially
capping tuition, it might be better to
more fully fund base-level support to
keep tuition rises in check.
Just look at how South Carolina
differs from North Carolina, a state with
a great tradition of big financial support
on the front end to higher education.
According to a recent story in the Rock
Hill Herald, the overall cost to educate a
student at Winthrop University in Rock
Hill is about the same as it is at the
nearby University of North Carolina at
Charlotte - - $12,000 a year. At Winthrop,
tuition is about $8,700 while the state
provides about $3,500 in support per
student. Across the state line, however,
the figures are almost reversed - - state
support at UNC-C is $8,500 annually,
while tuition is $3,500.
In other words, consistent front-
end support of higher education and
a state political commitment to higher
education has allowed North Carolina
to keep tuition very affordable. In North
Carolina, higher education is a priority.
In South Carolina, it’s much lower on
the totem pole.
So Sanford’s populist, TV-sound
bite pleas for tuition caps sound good in
an election year. But when you realize
recent budgets by the governor and
legislature have cut base funding to
state colleges and universities, you’ve
got to scratch your head and wonder
what’s going on.
What’s particularly vexing is the
whole concept of price caps in light of the
holy Republican mantra that generally
guides policies - - that the marketplace,
not the government, should determine
cost. It seems pretty hypocritical
to push for limited involvement of
government just as they’re seeking
to use government’s power to push a
populist measure on tuition.
Another thought - - if recent tuition
hikes were so bad, then one would
expect students to overreact and for
the state’s colleges and universities to
suffer in enrollment. At Clemson, rated
recently as one of the nation’s top 25
values in public colleges, that’s surely
not the case.
Over the next few weeks, state
lawmakers will look at whether to
implement some kind of caps during the
budget process. Stand-alone legislation
on caps appears doomed, according
to various sources. So perhaps they
really ought to focus on the longer term
- - and ways to provide more front-end
support to colleges and universities so
they aren’t forced to jack up tuition to
maintain quality.
Andy Brack, publisher of S.C.
Statehouse Report, can be reached at
brack@statehousereport.com .
Movies 11
Deric Spoils The Movie
By Deric Kempsell Zayas is directed by Richard Donner
and rated PG-13 for violence, intense
16 Blocks (2006)
sequences of action, and some strong
First, take one part New York City; language.
mix in police corruption and a deadline.
Then, add one cop to take on the entire
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system. Beat mercilessly, and then bake Aquamarine X
at 350 degrees until you see gunfire, car
:Are people too young to remember
wrecks, and explosions. When finished Splash with Tom Hanks and Daryl
you should have two to four servings
Hannah?
of...A Bruce Willis movie!
Bruce Willis stars as Jack Mosley,
Big Momma’s House 2 √
an aging NYPD detective with a bum :My nominee for Best Picture.
leg and an alcohol problem. He has
been charged by his lieutenant to
Curious George √
work overtime, transporting Eddie : What are we going to do with that silly
Bunker (Mos Def) 16 blocks to the
monkey?
courthouse at 100 Centre Street where
he is to testify against a slew of corrupt
Date Movie √
officers in New York City. Not realizing :Sneak in some beer and sit in the back
the value of the witness in the back of
of the theater.
his cruiser, Mosley stops after a few
blocks to purchase a bottle of whiskey,
Dave Chappelle’s Block Party √
leaving Bunker for the assassins that :Dave, we forgive you for that trip to
have been following them since the
South Africa. Now please come back
station. After taking out the would-be to your show.
assassins, Mosley and Bunker dart into
a bar and call for backup. Mosley’s
Doogal X
ex-partner of 20+ years arrives with a :There are so many other movies to
welcoming committee ready to dispose
choose from, honestly.
of the witness. After some deliberation
Mosley pulls a shotgun from behind the
Eight Below X
bar and takes out one of the crooked :Coincidence that it’s released the same
cops in the leg. An all out manhunt
time the Iditarod sled race begins? I
begins for Mosley and Bunker through think not!
China Town and the subways of the Big
Apple with New York’s worst hot on the
Final Destination 3 √
their trail. :If you haven’t seen it already, it’s too
The Twist: Mosley has been one of
late for you.
the corrupt cops that Bunker is going
to testify against. He decides to use
Firewall X
Bunker to testify because he has been :Don’t see the movie, just read the
too afraid to stand up to the corruption
news.
for years. Touched by the fact that
Bunker wants to move to Seattle to
The Pink Panther X
open a bakery, Mosley decides to pull :About as cool as that pink polo you tell
a switch using his sister’s ambulance to
yourself looks good despite the advice
get Bunker to the Port Authority to pick of your friends.
up some stashed cash and hop on a
flight to Seattle. He then goes to testify
Running Scared √
in his place. In the process he confronts :Paul Walker, you may have just
his ex-partner, his inner demons, and
redeemed yourself for Eight Below.
stands up to do the right thing.
While you won’t see 16 Blocks up
Tyler Perry’s Madea’s Family Reunion
for any awards this year, it presented a X
satisfying movie experience. The movie
:Is there anything about this movie that
theater was silent throughout the film as makes you think it will be good???
everyone screening it was enthralled in
the story and the action, save for some
Ultraviolet √
appropriately timed chuckles courtesy :I will never give a movie with Milla
of Mos Def. Borrowing elements from
Jovovich anything less than an emphatic
Training Day, Speed, and Die Hard “√”.
with A Vengeance, 16 Blocks is a solid
action flick that warrants a trip to the
Classic Movie Spoiler:
theater this week. The Usual Suspects (1995): Verbal
16 Blocks (2006) starring Bruce
(Kevin Spacey) IS KEYSER SOZE!!!!
Willis, Mos Def, David Morse, and David
12 citypaper March 16, 2006 Crime Watch

Mr.
That’s what a woman told officers this took off running toward Harden Street,
The people involved in these incidents week when asked how she lost her car. 2500 block Devine Street
are innocent until proven guilty. The No clue whether officers tried to enroll

Meaner’s accounts come directly from police
reports. This is not a court of law.
her into a K-12 education program or if
they just told her “good luck with that,”
5200 block North Main Street
29204
An officer noticed a 19-year-old man
driving down the road and also knew
that the subject had a suspended
driver license. After pulling his car
over, the officer not only busted him for
driving under suspension, but also for
possession of marijuana and possession
of grass within the proximity of a school,
29209
A 49-year-old man called the Veterans
Administration on Garners Ferry Road
and told them he was going to “blow up
a police building.” When contacted, the
man was also arrested for drunkenness.
6400 block Garners Ferry Road
29212
A 35-year-old man told officers that
three black men stole his car and

CRIME
2200 block Waverly Street robbed him with the use of a weapon.
All together he lost $15,000, 2600 block

WATCH
29045
Mad carjackings in Columbia this week.
Keep your doors locked and don’t give
any strangers a ride. Especially if you
see them hanging around pay phones
on Rosewood Drive like this poor sucker
did. I know this sounds like a horoscope,
but… 4000 block Rosewood Drive
29063
A man said someone stole a gray plastic
toolbox from the back of his truck. He
said the box contained several tools. No
word yet on whether Ryan Seacrest is
among the missing, 400 block Harbison
Blvd.
29201
An officer driving around saw a man
standing in an empty car wash bay.
When he went to check it out the man
was gone but the officer found a lap top
bag, several screw drivers, a window
lock and some brushes. God knows
what could have been going on there,
2500 block Main Street
29205 Howell Court
A man came into the BP Gas Station
and told the clerk that he wanted to 29212
return some cookies he’d bought earlier An unknown subject shook a 44-year-
don’t get high at crack houses. Stick to that day. When the store clerk opened old man down for 60 beans, yanking
Martin Luther King, Jr. Park or behind the cash register the man reached over the cash from his pocket. Consider
the ICE machine at the Shell Station. Or and tried to grab the money out of the that a tax for...I don’t know, walking
s#!t, why not just outside the Attorney drawer. The clerk was like nahh, brah, the streets of Columbia, I guess, 1900
General’s house on Senate Street where and called the cops 900 block Bluff Willow Street
some crack head was picked up just Road
last month, 2300 block Read Street 29229
29205 A man was robbed and shot at the Shell
29203 A business on Devine Street told Gas Station this week. And you thought
A 23-year-old woman heard a knock at officers that someone came in with his you had a bad week of midterms, 4900
her door and when she opened it found hand in his pocket like he had a gun. block North Main Street
herself looking down the barrel of a gun. The dude said, “give me all the money.”
The man with the gun told her to let him After getting what he wanted, the man
in and give him all her valuables. He
ended up with $550, but she ended up
with her life, 6800 block Bailey Street
29203
A Blue Ribbon Taxi driver picked up two
jerkoffs from Palmetto Avenue and took
them to Victory Street. Once there, one
of the creeps grabbed the driver around
the neck and demanded all her money.
The woman driver told the guy she had
no money and so he told her to give up
her cell phone and get out of the car,
2800 block Covenant Road

29201
Winter depression? Who knows, but
police did respond to an attempted
suicide by ingestion of too many pills,
700 block Maple Drive
29201
After a report of someone trying to run
people down with a car, police arrived
to the scene to find someone had also
shot into a car’s radiator with a firearm,
1800 block Blanding Street
29201
A 57-year-old man told members of the
police force that he was “getting high
at a crack house when he was followed
outside and hit in the head by a King
Cobra bottle,” by someone he didn’t
know. I guess the moral of this story is
29203
A 21-year-old woman told cops that a
man pointed a handgun at her head and
told her he would kill her for messing
with him. He then jumped in a burgundy
Mazda and took off. She immediately
called 911 like a good girl, 2200 block
Center Street
29203
The parents of a 13-year-old boy told
officers that he had run away from
home and had not returned. Check the
local arcades and strip joints, I guess.
Or just milk cartons for the next nine
years, 1000 block Bailey Street
29203
I picked up a stranger and gave him
a ride and the stranger stole my car!
 Corey Hutchins citypaper March 16, 2006 13

Columbia’s David Axe Columbia City Paper columnist, Will

Moredock, has a new book out! Available
Booted From Iraq at Amazon.com & local bookstores.
By Corey Hutchins Banana Replublic:
David Axe doesn’t plan on going back to Iraq
even if the U.S. Army allowed it
A Year in the Heart of
In February, Columbia resident
David Axe, a correspondent for within the U.S. Army subjects reporters
Myrtle Beach
Columbia City Paper, C-SPAN, and to serious limitations including self-
The Village Voice among others, was censorship. Also, Axe said, the Army
“In contrast to the
detained in Iraq by the U.S. Army and comes “down hard on journalists who family-friendly Myrtle
offend its sensibilities.”
later sent back to the States.
And Axe may have done just that.
Beach promoted by
“I was arrested for 36 hours,” Axe
said while back in Columbia last week. In this publication alone, Axe has their tourism council,
Axe told Editor&Publisher magazine published articles with headlines like Moredock’s Myrtle
“R-E-A-T-R-E-A-T” in which he said
that he was in the middle of an interview Beach is populated by
when a sour-faced U.S.
fist-fighting city council
Army sergeant pulled up in a
Humvee, ordered him to put
“good reporting in Iraq members, quasi-tran-
away his camera and get in
the vehicle. The sergeant later
is...harder than ever.” sient strippers, over-
told Axe he was in “violation of
sexed golfers, profes-
regulations.” “We’re losing the war in Iraq – and War sional body piercers,
Just what those violations were on Terror too.” “Lets get out of Iraq,” live crucifixion re-enac-
remained a mystery for the American he wrote in a September 2005 issue of
correspondent who has covered the Columbia City Paper. “It was a bad idea
tors, and proponents of
on-going war in Iraq and reported from executed badly, and no good can come present day Southern
Baghdad to Kurdistan. Axe said he of it.” secession.”
was not initially told what regulation Axe told Editor&Publisher the
he had violated, but later understood military is “overly sensitive to stories - Savannah Morning
it might have had something to do about technology and tactics and to any News
with publishing sensitive information story depicting the occupation’s human
involving radio jamming technology cost,” both kinds of stories Axe has
used by the U.S. to protect forces from not been afraid to publish in the past,
including one in which he tells of U.S.
Improvised Explosive Devices (IED) or
roadside bombs. troops shooting test rounds into river HUGE ALL YOU CAN EAT LUNCH BUFFET
Axe said the information he reported banks and accidentally killing civilians.
was taken from on-the-record interviews The U.S. Army maintains they Come see why the chef at
and checked with public Web sites. He sent David Axe back to the States
did not believe the information he was strictly because he printed sensitive Mac’s has his own syndicated
information that could have been
publishing was sensitive and neither did
potentially harmful. Whether there are
cooking show. Mac’s lunch is
Army 1 Lt. Derek Austin who provided
st

him with the information. any other reasons behind that decision, southern cooking at its best!
“I’ve been bombed, shot at and Axe is uncertain.
mortared many times, but in the “With the U.S. military lagging in
its understanding of the modern media
protective embrace of Western armies,
I never feared. But this…this was plain environment, good reporting in Iraq is… Chef Fatback’s Famous Dinner Dishes:
scary,” Axe said. harder than ever,” he said.
Axe said the European media has And with that, the U.S. military has
all but left Iraq and that embedding just sent another good reporter home.
letters@columbiacitypaper.com

Discover your spirit!

Books, Tarot Cards, Oils, Candles, Crystals,Herbs, Incense, Metaphysical Tools
Spinach Lasagna, Southern Fried Chicken,
Meat Lasagna, Tomato, Cucumber &
Zucchini & Squash Onion Salad

See the menu and jazz & blues calendar at www.macsjazznblues.com

Hours Monday 11:00 a.m. – 3:00 p.m. Tuesday 11:00 a.m. – 8:00 p.m. Wednesday 11:00 a.m. – midnight
Thursday 11:00 a.m. – midnight Friday 1:00 a.m. – 2:00 a.m. Saturday 5:00 p.m. – midnight
(Closed

MAC’S ON MAIN
Sunday):

1710 MAIN STREET

735 Meeting Street, West Columbia 233-0055 (Columbia, S.C. across from court house) 803-929-0037
Soundboard
14 Arts & Entertainment Columbia citypaper March 16, 2006

Thursday, March 16 5 Points St. Patrick’s Day With All Sincerity

New Brookland Tavern

Green Street Stage
Saliva
The Jonbenet
Friday the 24th
122 State St., West Cola. Monday, March 20
At MACS!
Seven Mary Three
Cities Apart Stretch Arm Strong
The Dirty Guns Hot Lava Monster State Street Pub
Daly’s Gone Wrong 136 State St., West Cola.
Turn your date to butter with
Mulligans Banned Mac’s southern homecooking
Just R Luck Cross Canadian Ragweed

Art Bar
Blossom Street Stage
Tuesday, March 21
and Blues Legend
Tracy Lawrence
1211 Park St., Cola.
Stratocruiser w/ Shame Devine
The South
New Brookland Tavern
Alberta Adams.
Patrick Davis It is bound to be an unforget-
Danielle Howle 122 State St., West Cola.
The Scary Hand Band feat. Von Distress Case table evening.
American Gun
Henmon Joal Rush If Ever I Fall
Steve Fiore
Jammin Java Devine Street Stage
1530 Main Street, Cola. The Movement Headliners
Joanna Martino Villanova 700 Gervais St., Cola.
Josh Roberts and the Hinges Madison Fair
Friday, March 17 Seven Nations Hillside Manor
The Ryan Monroe Pangroid Band Corey Crowder
New Brookland Tavern
122 State St., West Cola. Santee Street Stage Wednesday, March 22
Midnight Train King Hippo
How to Vanish Analog Moon New Brookland Tavern
Georgia The Band 122 State St., West Cola. From her early recordings
Loch Ness Johnny
Monopoli with the famous jazz la-
Maladroit Mafia
Jammin Java Entreat bels Chess and Savoy to her
1530 Main Street, Cola. Kindablu Jammin Java more recent albums, “Born
Dylan Knight 1530 Main Street, Cola.
With The Blues” and “Blues
Sean Moremelo Sandra’s Corner Pocket
Brightford Colonial Center Across America: The Detroit
489 Piney Grove Rd., Cola.
Nickelback Scene” Alberta personifies
D.B. Bryant
Flying Saucer Trapt the old blues adage as an art-
913 Senate St., Cola. ist “born with the blues” who
Jason Marcum Thursday, March 23
has “paid her dues.” A con-
Headliners New Brookland Tavern summate entertainer with a
700 Gervais St., Cola. 122 State St., West Cola. powerful voice and engaging
DJ Icey Classic Case performance style, Adams is
Stimulus Chasing Victory considered one the great di-
DJ Pauly Paul Testing Ground
vas of the blues world.
Ten Missing Days
Saturday, March 18
Art Bar
Friday, March 24
New Brookland Tavern 1211 Park St., Cola.
122 State St., West Cola. United States
New Brookland Tavern
Girl B Fest Juicebox
122 State St., West Cola.
A Decent Animal
Deleveled
Art Bar
Bull Street
1211 Park St., Cola. Headliners
Closer
Cooter Scooters 700 Gervais St., Cola.
Hulsey Will Hodge
Headliners
Troubador X Limebeck
700 Gervais St., Cola.
Headliners Leslie
Flyleaf
700 Gervais St., Cola. D.B. Bryant doing his thing
The Showdown
Physical Graphitti Jammin Java
Boy Hits Car
Sunday, March 19 1530 Main St., Cola.
Decyfer Down
Jammin Java Carey Sims
1530 Main St., Cola. New Brookland Tavern Macs On Main
Matt Terrell 122 State St., West Cola. Hunter Gatherer Brewery
1710 Main Street
Graydon Tomlinson Zombie Gutz 900 Main Street, Cola.
An evening with: Alberta Adams
Glass Bottom Boat 9:00pm $10.00
Columbia citypaper March 16, 2006 Music 15

Chance Wayne and the Hurricanes Thursday, March 30

Wild Wing Café David Adedokun Tuesday, March 28
1150 Bower Pkwy., Cola. The Red Dots New Brookland Tavern
Lixx New Brookland Tavern 122 State St., West Cola.
Headliners 122 State St., West Cola. “Scene-A-Zine”
Jammin Java 700 Gervais St., Cola. Perelandra Havoc Din
1530 Main St., Cola. Hot Lava Anchors For Architects Scooter
Spencer Rush Monster Shiftless When Ideal
John Taglieri Entreat Seven Times on the Sea Headliners
Guitar Show 700 Gervais St., Cola.
Flying Saucer Headliners King Hippo
913 Senate St., Cola. Jammin Java 700 Gervais St., Cola.
Jason Marcum 1530 Main St., Cola. “Reborn Tour” Jammin Java
Spencer Rush Dave Pittenger & Berg Deconstruct 1530 Main St., Cola.
Rachel Hebert Crash Cadillac Elizabeth Foster
Saturday, March 25 The Amplifiers Matt Williams
Jillian’s
New Brookland Tavern 800 Gervais St., Cola. Wednesday, March 29 Art Bar
122 State St., West Cola. Lixx 1211 Park St., Cola.
Burns Out Bright New Brookland Tavern Boxbomb
Paper Champions Sunday, March 26 122 State St., West Cola. Falling Off a Building
Ben Walker Radio Seeking Eternity The Bamboons
MikeNPike Sandra’s Corner Pocket Stoic
489 Piney Grove Rd., Cola. Asystol Garrett’s
Art Bar D.B. Bryant Autumn Day Strangler 715 Harden St., Cola.
1211 Park St., Cola. If We Fail D.B. Bryant
“Americana/Southern Rock Showcase” Monday, March 27
The South Headliners
Josh Roberts & the Hinges Headliners 700 Gervais St., Cola.
Danielle Howle Band 700 Gervais St., Cola. Chasing August
Sunshone Still “Jack Daniels Presents” Better Than Average
Tom Hall & The Plowboys Spoon Just Brandon
The Dave Britt Band The Rosebuds
16 Arts & Entertainment Columbia citypaper March 16, 2006
citypaper March 16, 2006 The Whipping Post 17
The Whipping Post Columbia citypaper March 16, 2006 18
 citypaper March 16, 2006
Knee-Jerk Liars
The Legend of
United Flight 93
NEW YORK--On the first anniversary of
the crash of United Airlines Flight 93,
Homeland Security Director Tom Ridge
delivered a speech at the site of the di-
saster in western Pennsylvania. “Faced
with the most frightening circumstances
one could possibly imagine,” he told
grieving relatives of the passengers and
crewmembers aboard the fourth plane
hijacked on 9/11, “they met the chal-
lenge like citizen soldiers, like Ameri-
cans.” He recited the now-familiar story
of passengers learning by phone about
the attacks on the World Trade Center
and Pentagon, deciding to fight back
and breaking into the cockpit--a heroic
act that led to their own deaths while
sparing countless others in Washington.
“The terrorists were right to fear an up-
rising,” Ridge rhapsodized. “The pas-
sengers and crew did whatever they
humanly could--boil water, phone the
authorities, and ultimately rush the cock-
pit to foil the attack.”
Ridge’s boss repeatedly used
United 93 to close his standard stump
speech. Calling the passenger revolt
“the most vivid and sad symbol of them
all,” George W. Bush said: “People are
flying across the country on an airplane,
at least they thought they were. They
learned the plane was going to be used
as a weapon. They got on their tele-
phones. They were told the true story.
Many of them told their loved ones
goodbye. They said they loved them.
They said a prayer; a prayer was said.
One guy said, ‘Let’s roll.’ They took the
plane into the ground.”
The legend of Flight 93 had ev-
erything a nation caught with its pants
down needed to feel better about itself:
guts, heroism, self-sacrifice. Best of all,
it was marketable--by Hollywood and
by a president willing to surf on a kind
of heroism notably absent from his own
life. (Theatrical release of the second
“United 93” movie is scheduled to open
April 28.) Lisa Beamer, widow of the
passenger credited with the call-to-arms
“let’s roll,” wrote a bestselling book by
the same name, applied for a trademark
on the expression, and is now working
the Christianist lecture circuit.
Actually, the 9/11 Commission
found, the evidence indicates that what
Todd Beamer (or someone else) said
was not “let’s roll,” but “roll it”--possibly
referring to an airplane service cart the
passengers may have wanted to use to
break down the door into the cockpit.
Too bad-. “Roll it” sounds less cinemat-
ic, and more like a book about cinema-
tography.
The first indication that government
officials were covering up the truth about
United 93 came with their refusal to
make public the cockpit voice recording
(CVR). Releasing CVRs after a crash has
long been standard practice; pilots’ last,
usually profane, utterances have be-
come a cliché. Yet the FBI stonewalled
victims’ relatives for months after 9/11.
“While we empathize with the griev-
ing families,” assistant director John
Collingwood wrote one widow, “we do
not believe that the horror captured on
the cockpit voice recording will console
them in any way.” And yet, if the tape
contained inspiring proof of the pas-
senger revolt and its success, it would
have been one hell of a lot more consol-
ing than Tom Ridge’s oratory. Why not
release it?
Finally, after seven months of po-
litical pressure, the FBI allowed United
93 relatives to listen to the CVR. The
feds told the families not to reveal what
they’d heard. “They said the information
on the tapes could be possibly used in
the prosecution of [alleged “20th hijack-
er” Zacarias] Moussaoui, and anything
that we say could affect the case in a
negative way,” said the brother of one of
the victims.
Though they studied the record-
ing, the 9/11 Commission found zero
evidence that the passenger revolt
succeeded, that they made it into the
cockpit and, as Bush claimed, “took the
plane into the ground.” Tom Kean & Co.
offered only conjecture: “The hijackers
remained at the controls but must have
judged that the passengers were only
seconds from overcoming them.”
“Must have.” At a time when war can
be justified by waving around a bottle
of fake anthrax on TV, “must have” is
judged adequate proof.
Another eyebrow-raising portion of
the official account of Flight 93 states
that “the passengers and flight crew
began a series of calls from GTE air-
phones and cellular phones” after the
hijacking. Ever forgotten to turn off your
cellphone during a flight? I have. Try it
yourself: Cellular telephone calls tend
to drop when you’re driving at 60 miles
19
per hour; passenger jets travel up to
by Ted Rall
at the marina. Fleegle said there was
ten times that speed. Moreover, there’s something that looked like a rib bone
zero signal, and thus no ability to place amid pieces of seats, small chunks of
a call, above 8,000 feet. Flight 93, en melted plastic and checks.” Seats and
route from Newark to San Francisco at a bones don’t fly two and a half miles from
cruising altitude of 35,000 feet, dropped a crash. Their location could indicate
700 feet when it was hijacked at 9:28
am. Cell calls? Not likely.
an initial explosion, such as that from a
missile hitting a plane.
The Bush Administration has alter- If the Air Force shot down Flight 93
nately claimed that the White House, to protect the capital, it was the only
then the Capitol, and finally the White time on 9/11, or since, that the Bush
House again was the target of the Flight Administration has done something
93 hijackers. Sure, it’s possible that the to keep America safe. Whether they
same terrorists who didn’t know that were concerned about being second-
New Yorkers don’t start work until nine- guessed or for the financial health of the
-the World Trade Center was struck at airline industry, we’ll never know. We do
8:42--wouldn’t have thought to check know that they’ve become knee-jerk li-
Bush’s schedule to find out whether ars, even covering up the rare occasions
he’d be home that morning. But if the when they do something right. Perhaps
White House was the objective, why they don’t really know what happened
not hit it first? After all, if Bush had up there. If so, they ought to say that
been home when the news from New rather than promote more fairy tales
York first broke, he would have been about Flight 93.
whisked away to Dick Cheney’s secret The passengers did try. The only
undisclosed location. If the government thing that takes away from their hero-
doesn’t know what the target was, they ism is Bush’s lies. So. Now that Zacarias
shouldn’t say that they do. Moussauoi has been convicted, where’s
What happened to United 93? There that tape?
was almost certainly a passenger upris-
ing. Did it succeed? Probably not. (Ted Rall is the editor of “Attitude 3: The
The 9/11 Commission Report says New Subversive Online Cartoonists,” an
that “at some time between 10:10 and anthology of webcartoons which will be
10:15” Dick Cheney ordered the Air published in May.)
Force to shoot down the plane, which
had turned east towards Washington. letters@columbiacitypaper.com
The plane had already crashed at 10:03.
But the regional air traffic control center
in Cleveland asked the FAA whether mil-
itary fighter jets should be dispatched at Lonely Breakfast?
flight at 9:36, giving the Air Force more
than enough time to intercept before the
fatal plunge into the field at Shanksville.
Was United 93 shot down, despite the
official story?
Local media accounts offer some
evidence of that possibility. The Sep-
tember 13, 2001 Pittsburgh Post-Ga-
zette reported, for example: “In a morn-
ing briefing, State Police Major Lyle
Szupinka confirmed that debris from
the plane had turned up in relatively far-
flung sites, including the residential area
of Indian Lake [two and a half miles from Meet The One @
the crash site].”
Flight 93 “headed down...rolled onto postlocal.com
its back,” and crashed, leaving a smol-
dering crater. The Pittsburgh Post-Ga-
zette again: “[Indian Lake marina em-
ployee John] Fleegle said he climbed
Totally
on the roof of an abandoned cabin and Free Personals!
tossed down a burning seat cushion that
had landed there. By Wednesday morn-
ing, crash debris began washing ashore
20 citypaper March 16, 2006 Horoscopes

Error on USC Diploma Makes College 200,000-Years-Old

By Corey Hutchins
In May of 2005, USC graduate Wes
Wolfe received his college diploma.
About a month later he received another
one. There was one glaring difference;
the first diploma had a misprint.
“There was an extra ‘hundred,’”
Wolfe said about a date on his diploma,
making it appear that the university was
founded in the year 200004 – two hun-
dred thousand years in the future.
Other graduates admitted they had
also been the recipients of a second di-
ploma after the typo was discovered.
“There were about 300 diplomas
from our May commencement that con-
tained a misprint,” said Russell McKin-
ney, director of university communica-
tions. He called the typo “a printing
error,” and said it was something the
university “should have caught but did
not.”
The original diploma reads:
“Given in Columbia, South Carolina,
this 6th day of May in the year of Our
Lord two thousand and five in the two
hundred and hundred and fourth year of
the University’s founding.”
Notice the extra “hundred.”
Three hundred-three out of 5,000 lumbia that need a second look. ladder told him, “Because the printer
diplomas split between the School of Wednesday, Marriott employee, f#$*ed them up and they have to be re-
Journalism and Mass Communications, Russell Boggs, said he saw two men printed.”
and the College of Engineering and In- with a ladder taking down the banners USC President Andrew Sorenson
formation Technology, were re-printed. on the lamps of North Main Street near was not reached for comment about
Jostens, a company based out of the Chick-fil-A. how much the misprinted diplomas
Minnesota who printed the diplomas, Boggs said the man on the ladder might be worth on eBay.
was responsible for the error, McKinney asked, “Why do we have to take the
said. banners down?” The man beside the uscnews@columbiacitypaper.com
“I do see two orders that were
re-run,” a Jostens representative
said when asked to bring up re-
cords on the 2005 USC diplomas.
She said there were diplomas that
were re-printed, though she did
not know the cost of re-printing. If
it were an error on Jostens’ behalf,
she said, then Jostens would have
paid for it and not USC.
“It just goes to show everyone
needs an editor,” said USC copy
editing professor Doug Fisher when
told that the journalism graduates
had typos on their diplomas. Fisher,
who was once called one of “USC’s
scariest professors” by the student-
run magazine, Garnet&Black, said,
“everything needs a second look.”
Similarly, the diplomas
might not be the only things in Co-

HOROSCOPES by Governor Mark Sanford*

hate to do hurtful, painful things to her pookie-wookie Keep up those experimental hormone treatments, Libra.
little maaaaannn... SO SHUT UP AND HANG THOSE The braids in your arm hair have never looked so thick and
GODDAMNED CURTAINS!!! full.

Gemini
Take up urban spear fishing to ease workday tension.
Simply sharpen a length of bamboo, tie on a leather
loincloth, head down to the Vista West Riverwalk, and wade
into the river near the Gervais Street Bridge. Don’t worry
about gawking joggers when you squat to devour your raw
catch on the riverbank... they’re just jealous.
Scorpio
You are reading this issue of the Columbia CityPaper in a
port-a-john at MLK Park during the 5 Points St. Patrick’s
Day festival. For a brief moment you will be alarmed by
the absence of toilet tissue, until, to your relief, you see a
pamphlet for the Five Points Association.

Cancer
In honor of the recent passing of Don Knotts you will name
your first-born child Barney. With luck your child won’t be
born female, or else Barney will have a hell of a hard life.
Sagittarius
In these trying times, you will be utterly puzzled and
heartbroken by the bitterness, apathy, and ignorance of
Columbia’s supposed bohemian community. Great hair,
though.

Aries
Financial planning is way overrated, man. This year, blow
your tax refund at South of the Border. As your governor,
I formerly request a giant sombrero and a NASCAR beer
coozie.
Taurus
In a moment of weakness you will shack up with a
mousy brunette schoolteacher who possesses the kind
of laugh that’s usually followed by an axe. She would
Leo
There is absolutely no shame in having a few beers,
cranking up your old Black Flag LPs and forgetting how old
you are for an hour or two.
Virgo
You have a primer-colored customized compact car that
sounds like a weed eater. This Friday night you will rev your
engine at the corner of Greene and Harden as a courtship
display to females and to ward off other competing bulls.
The message you will really send: “I have a small pee pee.”
Libra
Capricorn
You don’t look so good. Lay off the trucker speed for a
couple of days.
Aquarius
Your roommate eats the tuna salad you were about to
have for lunch. Being passive aggressive will get you no
where. Go ahead and rub his toothbrush on your bum.
Pisces
You are in the mood for a Reeses, Pisces!
Cartoons Columbia citypaper March 16, 2006 21

THE BOONDOCKS

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PERSONAL
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POSTLOCAL.
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22 Advice
Savage Love
By Dan Savage
I am a 26-year-old lesbian in a relationship
with a 21-year-old. We’ve been together
for five years. She is a brilliant student with
a bright future. I love her but I feel that we
need to part.
I am worried about how she would get along
financially without me. I make good money
and while I don’t totally support her, she
couldn’t pay rent and bills on her own with-
out being fiscally miserable. She doesn’t
have friends she could move in with, and her
only source of income is a work-study job.
She could just get a regular job like most
college students, but then she’d have to
give up many of the opportunities that she’s
earned by being a hard-working student.
Would it be wrong to want to help support
her if I were to move out? Like I said, I love
her very much, but I want to be on my own
for a while.
Good Friend, Bad Girlfriend?
I’ll get tons of angry e-mails if I don’t make
this point, so let’s get it out of the way: She’s
21, you’re 26, and you’ve been together for
five years? That means she was—oh the
humanity!—16 and you were 21 when you
met. While red-blooded Americans love
Columbia citypaper March 16, 2006
their barely legal lesbian porn, they frown
mightily on barely legal, honest-to-God les-
bian love. For shame, tut-tut, how do you
sleep at night, etc.
Okay, GFBG, if she’s really that brilliant an
undergrad, then your girlfriend can figure
out how to take care of herself. A little fiscal
misery, like a little barely legal lesbian ac-
tion, is a cherished part of the college expe-
rience—and putting your own ass through
college can be every bit as educational
as those other opportunities she’s earned
through her hard work.
So split, GFBG—unless...
You know, something about your letter sticks
in my craw. What 21-year-old college stu-
dent doesn’t “have friends she could move
in with”? If she has college-age friends, then
she surely has friends or friends-of-friends
looking for roommates. I’m concerned that
she may have no friends at all other than
you. If that’s the case, GFBG, then you have
been a very, very bad girlfriend. As the older
and wiser woman in this relationship, it was
your responsibility to encourage your then-
teenage lover to have a well-rounded social
life—in other words, friends in addition to a
girlfriend. If you didn’t do that, GFBG, if you
consciously or subconsciously attempted to
isolate your young girlfriend, if you discour-
aged her from making friends she could rely
on if, say, you ever dumped her, then you
are in large part responsible for her predica-
ment. If that’s the case, then you’re morally
obligated to offer her short-term financial
support once you split. Enough money to
cover rent for six months would give her the
time to find a job, make some friends, and
get on her feet.
mail@savagelove.net
 citypaper March 16, 2006
JONESIN’ CROSSWORDS
Across
1 Small bus. type
4 Like stories narrated by Vincent
Price
11 “Takin’ Care of Business” group,
to fans
14 Broadcast
15 Online store
16 Aptly titled 1980s BMX movie
17 narstar69: omfg u guys / houston-
grco: d00d wtf / narstar69: thatz 1
small step lol
19 “___ luck?”
20 Dope
21 “Cheers” waitress
22 Crib
23 Like some angles
25 Prepares pollock, perhaps
27 ___ 41 (“All Killer No Filler” band)
28 Indian titles
32 Cara of “Fame” fame
33 hancox73: gtg, lets dump these
mofos / notindians50: hurl the cr8s
into the harbor / britzred: wtf??
37 Like Regan, in a 1973 film classic
38 trickyman: y0 im not a cr00k /
uspubl200mil : **cough** bs / tricky-
man: ok i give up
43 Cheri who played Judge Judy on
“SNL”
44 Title on a Portuguese letter
45 Astros, on the scoreboard
47 Campsite collection
50 Techno samples
52 Goddess of discord
53 Genre with spiky hair and huge
eyes, often
57 Eric featured in “Monty Python’s
Personal Best”
58 ___-Man
59 csa4ever: we’ll cc’d from u
/ grantzuni0n: oh its on now /
133zarmy: u h4x0red us, we give
61 ___ standstill
62 Person with no social filter
63 Here, to Hugo
64 Punta ___ Este, Uruguay
65 House paint varieties
66 Ludd who was the first Luddite
Down
1 Female vampires
2 Little den denizen
3 UK politician John in a 1963 sex
scandal
4 Gibson who did an Oscars mes-
sage in Mayan
5 Barely
6 Question opener that gets cor-
rected by grammar nerds
7 Opera redone by Disney
8 Like some loyalty
9 Montagne of NPR’s “Morning Edi-
tion”
10 Rowing machine unit
11 No-___
12 Something to go off on
13 Long, strange trip
18 Wayne’s word
Crossword 23
“C the USA”--if they’d had chatrooms
way back when... by Matt Jones
22 El ___
24 Country that won medals only in
cross-country skiing in Torino
26 Having two feet, not four
29 Chandler’s friend
30 Part of MIT
31 Trusty horse
34 Part of the paper
35 Nickname of hockey great Phil
36 Gp. of professionals
38 Windows text program
39 Go over
40 Diet drug approved by the FDA in
2006
41 Question asked in hypothetical
fight situations
42 Where fictional locales really exist
46 Log-in portion
48 Depeche Mode lead singer Dave
49 It may consist of barium
51 Light on a dashboard
54 SALT treaty subject
55 “8 ___”
56 Knievel with many broken bones
59 Uno plus due
60 They take W-2s
©2006 Jonesin’ Crosswords(editor@j
onesincrosswords.com)
For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-
900-226-2800, 99 cents per minute.
Must be 18+. Or to bill to
your credit card, call: 1-800-655-
6548. Reference puzzle #0249.
 24 citypaper March 16, 2006 WWW.COLUMBIACITYPAPER.COM

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