Name: Sam Hong

Topic: Students should not go to school year-round

Outline
A-Introduction:
Background: They do not have much time because they have their own responsible at
work and at university as well.
Hook: Students seem to be very busy.
Thesis statement: Students absolutely should not have to go to school year-round
because they deserve a break, it's risky outside, and a new epidemic is still attacking.
B-Body:
Para 1: First reason is students deserve to have a short break. As you have already
known that students spend a whole semester without break to gain their knowledge as well as to
gain some more benefits from their work place, so they must be tired of those tasks. That is why
they should have a short break to refresh their metal process or brain to work smart as before.
Once they have a short break, they may study better and gain more knowledge. For example,
Ponleu says that” if I have a short break, there will better for me and as well as other students.
Because they are stressful with their job and classes, so once they return school they might want
to learn badly. So, having a short break will make students feel better in other to gain more
knowledge.
Para 2: Second reason is it is dangerous outside. When we come to school, there are lots
people who come from other places and sometimes when we approach school there will be a
dangerous situation because many people drive fast that can cause the accident accidentally. For
instance, when you get out of work in the evening, it is a time that people commute to
somewhere else. Therefore, students should stop going out especially school because they will
have an accident at any time.
Para 3: Third reason is a new epidemic is called Corona Virus is still attacking
people spreading from person to person. There are +54,218 new cases in the world and 4 new
cases in Cambodia recently and there are lots of people that tested positive for Covid-19.
Moreover, government tries its best to call its people not to gather more than 10 people in a place
that is why we, students should not attend classes. For instance, like in Malaysia, there are more
and more people tested positive for a new pandemic, for they do not care about what their
government argued for. The important thing is for old people and those who have a heart disease
are riskier than young people, and we are not sure whether it can be affected to the young people
or not, so to prevent from unexpected case which can be appear on younger people, students
should not go to school for a while. In my conclusion, as I have mentioned above during this
situation, students will affect easily when they go to school.
C-Conclusion:
Wrap up: All in all, as the mentioned information above, students should not go to
school for they deserve a break, it’s risky outside, and a new virus is still attacking.
Future direction/solution/next step: Therefore, students should be patient to go to school and
they can find the way to study at home.

Essay:

Students seem to be very busy. They do not have much time because they have their own
responsible at work and at university as well. Students absolutely should not have to go to school
year-round because they deserve a break, it's risky outside, and a new epidemic is still attacking.

First reason is students deserve to have a short break. As you have already known
that students spend a whole semester without break to gain their knowledge as well as to gain
some more benefits from their work place, so they must be tired of those tasks. That is why they
should have a short break to refresh their metal process or brain to work smart as before. Once
they have a short break, they may study better and gain more knowledge. For example, Ponleu
says that” if I have a short break, there will better for me and as well as other students. Because
they are stressful with their job and classes, so once they return school they might want to learn
badly. So, having a short break will make students feel better in other to gain more knowledge.

Second reason is it is dangerous outside. When we come to school, there are lots
people who come from other places and sometimes when we approach school there will be a
dangerous situation because many people drive fast that can cause the accident accidentally. For
instance, when you get out of work in the evening, it is a time that people commute to
somewhere else. Therefore, students should stop going out especially school because they will
have an accident at any time.

Third reason is a new epidemic is called Corona Virus is still attacking people
spreading from person to person. There are +54,218 new cases in the world and 4 new cases in
Cambodia recently and there are lots of people that tested positive for Covid-19. Moreover,
government tries its best to call its people not to gather more than 10 people in a place that is
why we, students should not attend classes. For instance, like in Malaysia, there are more and
more people tested positive for a new pandemic, for they do not care about what their
government argued for. The important thing is for old people and those who have a heart disease
are riskier than young people, and we are not sure whether it can be affected to the young people
or not, so to prevent from unexpected case which can be appear on younger people, students
should not go to school for a while. In my conclusion, as I have mentioned above during this
situation, students will affect easily when they go to school.

All in all, as the mentioned information above, students should not go to school
for they deserve a break, it’s risky outside, and a new virus is still attacking. Therefore, students
should be patient to go to school and they can find the way to study at home.

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Comment Student 1: Chea Davit

I think you touch on some really nice ideas in this paper, which I'll talk about in a minute, but
first I want to address one general concern I had about your writing. You have a tendency to
spend too much time summarizing the introduction and conclusion paragraph. You should add
more ideas on introduction and conclusion. It is my suggestion. Overall, it’s clear that you
address and present interesting ideas in your writing performance.

Comment Student 2: An Vireak

I have gone through your essay and I love it. The meaning of the content is very well-expressed.
However, I can only spot some small grammatical errors and here they are:

1. the underline should be indirect speech.

2. I understand you use number in statistic but for one point I would suggest writing in letter
rather number.

3. There are only one main verb in a sentence so instead of is called, just called. That's it. Thanks