Professional Documents
Culture Documents
BIKES
California Cowboy
Stacy McCleary's Panhead .............................................................................. 22
Sex Panther
Gerald Casey Turns A TR120 Into A Full Custom ..................................... 40
Psychedelic Death
Kendall Keer's 70's Triumph Chopper ........................................................ 70
FEATURES
78th Black Hills Classic
A Week In Motorcycle Mecca ...........................................................................10
First Ride
Ken Gets A Ride On The 2019 FXDR ................................................................ 30
Biker Belles
Missy Spends Some Time With The Ladies Of Sturgis ....................... 36
EDITORIAL STAFF
Christopher Callen - Editor In Chief - cyclesource69@comcast.net
Heather Callen - Managing Editor - cyclesourcemain@comcast.net
Will Ramsey - Tech Editor - will@faithforgotten.com
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Roadside Marty - South East Editor - roadsidemd@bellsouth.net
Keith “Bandit” Ball - News Editor - bandit@bikernet.com
J. Ken Conte - Test Ride Editor - kenconte@gmail.com
STAFF WRITERS
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Will Ramsey, Xavier Muriel, Charlie Weisel, Mitch Bodine, Mark
Velazquez, Amelia Rose, Daniel Donley, Joshua Elzey, Jimmy
22 Frizzell, Roadside Marty, Scotty Kerekes, Heather Callen, Rebecca
Cunningham, Dan Venditto, George The Painter, Tyler Porter
STAFF PHOTOGRAPHERS
Chris Callen, Heather Callen, Mad Stork Ken, Mark Velazquez,
Carsten Fritzen,Twila Knight, Rebecca Cunningham, Dan Venditto,
Melissa Shoemaker, George The Painter
CONTRIBUTORS
Patrick Garvin, Craig Harriman, Cory Barnum
STAFF ARTISTS
Jimmy Frizzell, Chris Callen, George The Painter
ADVERTISING
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GRAPHIC ARTISTS
40 94 Chris Callen, Heather Callen, Amelia Rose
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The World Report Powered by BikerNet.com ......................................... 100 The Cycle Source Magazine® (ISSN 1935-0287) is published 12 times
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DEPARTMENTS
ions expressed are those of the author and not of The Cycle Source
Magazine®. Nothing printed in The Cycle Source Magazine® August be
re-printed in whole or part without the express written consent of the
publishers. Copyright ® 2018. The Cycle Source Magazine®, A Grass
Roots Motorcycle PublicationSM, Scooter Tramp ™ Wild Man™ Low Down
& Dirty Rotten™ Grease & Gears Garage™are registered trade marks.
Western Pennsylvania,
being around some very better than any of the rest of us, it was
the steel mills, then owned his own two- motorcycles would lead us both to ride How can anyone forget mantras like “Let
street bikes and even back to the dirt
and love of the machines is something wager that no-one from the younger
we share to this day, even though he
lives nearly a thousand miles away and to become motorcyclists because of
One such man was my next-door we are both quickly becoming senior
is convinced that by making a women’s
only outreach or a millennial riding
since he was ten years older than me and we manage to get together, we are both
vastly became my hero in everything he stream, that this is what it will take to
heavy rock music, whatever Kevin did solution that by doing what you love,
I wanted to do too because he was the and the young men of his generation as
and showing younger generations that
what we do is real and cool on the basic
than me to love the culture around two
we would sit for hours in his bedroom Pandering to any subset in a time where
another, but not one that can be taken the industry and the culture need both
It’s a bond that isn’t created, it can be street to dig motorcycles then call him
over one night and show him how to twist
We rode our dirt bikes everywhere and a wrench on yours, invite him into this
most of our extended moto family of Grease & Gears Garage and
converges on what has become good beer? Well, there are dozens of
the mecca of motorcycling over
they’ve nurtured our growing
it may be the only time we see one hole in the wall to the Legendary
another, and it may be another the way for those who want
364 days until we see each other can hold tens of thousands and
Now we’re
for the AMCA, the talking…some
Perewitz Paint of the best
Show and even our roads, tourist
own Cycle Source attractions
and national
Now, if beer, monuments in
bands, and babes the country are
aren’t quite your
thing, never fear,
thanks to wild
donkey or a
T
historic event began at 8 am at the
o commerorate our 20th Lodge at Deadwood, we wouldn’t
anniversary, as many of you who have given so much to loose like
well know, we built a bike with
T
their
Drivetrain have taken over the
Sturgis Dragway for a night
fun, with
All-In
including a motorized big wheel,
didn’t think
going to take
along with a few hundred of our
friends get on our trusty steads and
next year!
here is that is not enough for tire Please take time to familiarize
nd
gear and then
h
ola, Amigos! Once again, the country. Every style of bike was shit immediately. She has logged more
I hope that all is well with represented, bobbers, traditional miles on a Harley than most people I
each and every one of you. choppers, long bikes, imports on know combined. Gloria is one of the
My Father used to say that down to the smallest of cycles (which I sweetest beings I’ve ever met and as
“There’s no better pay off thought was one of the coolest). There we were talking she said to me “if they
than a job well done. After was a ton of comradery at the Flying hadn’t made me stop riding at 90, I
working harder than I ever have Pistons Builders Breakfast and it held would still be doing it!” Talk about an
to meet the deadline for Grace to be all the way through to exhibit tear inspiration! As if not having her there
picked up and brought to Sturgis for down. I’m not sure if this happens in was enough I turn around, and its
Lichter’s ‘’Passion Build” exhibit, I any other industry but I’m so grateful SugarBear, the king of Springer front,
stood back and as the sun was rising to be a part of one where it does. It ends standing in front of me extending
over the Texas hill country and Grace makes the whole process so much his hand to wish me a Happy Birthday.
was being hoisted onto the transport more enjoyable and reinforces why I Talk about Chopper Royalty in the
truck I thought for a split second “Well love it so much. house, it doesn’t get much better than
Dad, we did it.” You see, even though I I was lucky enough to meet and that. What a night!
lost my Father in 2012 to cancer, there hang with some of the OG’s, the After that, I didn’t think I could top
isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t Chopfathers of the bike world. Let me that evening, but man, I was privileged
think of him. This was true especially tell you when Arlin Fatland gives you enough to take the Callen’s “War
during those times in Grace’s build the thumbs up on your build and asks Pony” down the Sturgis drag strip
where I was at the end of my rope due you questions you feel like a lil’ kid after a subtle nudging from Bert Baker
to having one problem after the other. talking to your idol. Now, I’ve met a lot himself. Now, I’m not one for speed
But pushing through all the crap and of rock stars in my time, but there’s anymore. I left those days behind in
meeting your commitment is all that nothing like being around these guys my younger years. But when the king
matters in the end. I owe that mentality and hearing the real stories from of transmission’s calls you out, you
and perseverance to him. So, for all back in the day. It’s like watching a either shit or get off the pot. So, with
that and planting the motorcycle bug documentary play out right in front Chris’s blessing and a nudge as well,
in me, I say Thank You, I Love You and of you. I was blessed enough to have I straddled that monster’s Zipper’s
let’s see what we do next! a surprise 50th birthday thrown for motor, grabbed my balls and let her
If you didn’t make it to Sturgis myself and Brother Jack Schit at the rip! HOLY SHIT, 114mph down the
this year and see the “Passion Built” Iron Horse Saloon. The highlight of the straightaway I went.... what a rush!
exhibit, man you missed out. It evening was having author, and living Now I get it, it’s better than any rush
was a display of some outstanding legend, Gloria Struck in attendance. If I’ve ever experienced, and I’ll gladly do
creations by builders from all across you don’t know Gloria, GOOGLE that it again given the chance. So, to the
28 November ‘18 - CYCLE SOURCE MAGAZINE
Callens, a very heartfelt Thank You
for adding to what was already a great
time in Sturgis.
Once again Billy Lane brought his
Sons of Speed Vintage Board Track
Racing to the Pappy Hoel Campground
at the Full Throttle Saloon. Based on
the cheers, ohhhhs, and ahhhhhs
of the fans in the stands it seems to
be really taking off and it is an event
that people are coming to know and
look forward to. The track was a little
less than impressive but true to the
passion of each racer the show must
go on. And on it went. Moonshiner
saw imagery of the new FXDR before it was of the 1920’s. It stands all on its own, stout and
announced to the world (it was a top-secret drag mean. As I began to get familiar with the FXDR, it
racing inspired Softail) but I held my tongue
and I’m glad I wrist the 114-inch
did. There seems motor would
to be a trend of propel me forward,
riders wanting to violently. With a
provide feedback claimed 119 foot-
on a product they pounds of torque,
have never used, I learned that in
based purely on town throttle had to
images or what be used judiciously,
the current trend but the power was
is. I have been there if needed.
guilty of this The seating
numerous times position has the
and I know now traditional forward
that my initial controls with a
impression of moderate scoop
something can in the solo seat
be wrong. That to keep the rider
isn’t to say that from sliding back,
I am wrong to proving useful as
have an opinion we opened up the
but just that I throttle, weaving
should keep it to through Milwaukee
myself until I can
actually test it. 115th anniversary.
H a r l e y - As I threw the 240
Davidson has rear tire (yes you
a long history read that right
in drag racing, 240), I noticed there
going back to the was little chance of
1920’s when they scraping due to the
set several speed over 32° extreme
trial records lean angle available
on Daytona on either side. The
Beach. They’ve hand tuneable rear
continued that shock, standard
through the on all Softail
modern era with models, provided
NHRA races all ample cushion and
over the country, performance in the
even producing pothole-riddled
a purpose-built streets of Brew
drag strip only V-Rod Destroyer. The FXDR is Town. The 240 rear tire gives pause to riders who were
not a derivative of the now extinct V-Rod nor does around for the big tire craze when everyone slapped
it pay homage to the record-setting Daytona racers a big tire on the back and called it good. Those days
compression stroke on each cylinder After removing the cam cover, the cam
prior to removing the corresponding chain tensioner, cam sprocket, and
rocker bolts. This is essential to Bearings should NEVER be installed
relieve pressure on the valve train dry. Assembly lube is a must for any
to avoid damaging the threads that component installs in a motor.
secure the rocker arms.
With the Cams timed, they can be slid Prior to installing the upgraded ***Before installing the rocker
into the support plate using plenty of tappets, I pump them full of oil. assemblies, I make sure to clean all
assembly lube. Much like the use of assembly lube, the oil out of all 6 threaded holes in
running any components dry can the top of the head. If this is not done
cause wear on initial startup. you run the risk of hydro locking the
bolt and destroying the head during
the torque procedure.
If identifying marks are visible on the With the new cams installed and the
After installing new cams always pushrods, the exhaust pushrod is bike properly tuned it’s time to hit
always a little longer than the intake. the road for a test ride and feel the
wheel sprocket are in alignment to This is due to the angle of the valve difference!
each other. This alignment can be train.
1.Missing Fuel Line. 2. Extra Top Engine Mount. 3. Missing Flames On Left Frame Tube.
4. Larger Shift Knob. 5. Extra Head Bolt On Front Cylinder. 6. Longer Passenger Foot Peg.
7. Missing Graphic On Oil Tank. 8. Larger Front Primary Pulley Bolt. 9. Different Color
Clutch Springs. 10. Upside Down Graphic On Lower Frame Rail.
FIND TEN DIFFERENT THINGS ON GOLD DUST WOMAN
H
arley-Davidson 2019 and Infotainment system for select Harley- bikes with the 117-inch Milwaukee
Beyond By J. Ken Conte Davidson Touring and Trike models. Eight and you can read about those in
There’s been a lot of It offers a better touch screen, higher upcoming issues. If you are thinking
speculation as to why Harley resolution display, Apple Carplay, about a bagger with all the bells and
Davidson announced several and hands-free voice recognition. whistles, these are the ones for you!
new models at once, ranging The second piece of technology is the The real surprise for Harley came
from a line of Electric Vehicle Daymaker Adaptive LED that allows on June 30th when the company
(EV) to Adventure Bikes. It was a bold the headlight to adapt depending announced bikes that won’t be put
move that shows a shift in into production for several
thinking and strategy at years. This is contrary to
the motor company. The what they have done in
the past, typically leaving
Harley response from Matt future models as more of a
Levatich, Harley president surprise. They introduced a
line of EV bikes ranging from
is “We expect this plan E-bikes and scooters to the
will result in an engaged,
expanded Harley-Davidson They also announced a
community with a more production timeline for the
diverse rider base, along Livewire. This is going to
with industry-leading give non-core Harley riders
a chance to experience a
also supports their “More Harley bike and because of
Roads to Harley-Davidson” the twist and go experience
initiative through 2022. the EV bikes offer it will
Here are a few highlights of give them an entry point to
what you can expect from motorcycles in general.
the motor company over the Harley also announced
next few years. several models based on
Starting with the 2019 the Revolution 60° modular
models you’ll see one stand water-cooled V-twin in new
out, the FXDR 114. You can displacements, the 1250cc
read the entire write-up in and 975cc. This is the
this issue about how we put same type of motor that
it through the paces. The the Street 750 and 500
other new model for 2019 use. The Pan America is
is the much-anticipated an adventure touring bike
Livewire. It won’t be released with the 1250cc Revolution
until August, but we did motor and is projected to
get to see a pre-production be one of the stars in the
version and it looks very new middleweight category.
impressive. There are still It’s ample clearance and
a lot of questions that need engine guards hearken
to be answered regarding back to the Buell Ulysses
power, weight, range, and
price. We hope to get our hands on on the lean angle of the bike. The knobbys, an adjustable windscreen
one of these in early in 2019 and will automotive industry has been using and handguards. The 1250cc Custom
be sure to give you the rundown. this for years and it’s great to see the offers a Revolution motor based
Other news for 2019 is the release of technology adapt to motorcycles. We custom platform that would rival the
a new and improved Boom Box GTS did get to ride the range of new CVO Scout and any other middleweight
I
ndian Motorcycles had a very
good 2018. They had a winning
season on the racetrack, sales
are up, and their dealer network
remains strong. In the midst of
all that, they have been busy at
headquarters redesigning and
reimagining several of their models
and virtually all are getting some
improvements.
w
hen you’re driven by an uncontrollable urge to
challenge yourself, success is measured in the wheeled works of art.
Honored, humbled, and completely caught off guard
Clinton Wallace wasn’t planning on
taking on such a fantastic project, but when accepting Lichter’s invitation was that he would waste
opportunity knocks sometimes you have no no time getting started. His shop is no more than an
other choice. November was Clinton’s chance to open that enclosed carport attached to his house with the essential
door. While at the Lone Star Rally in Galveston, Texas he tools to get the job done. And, canceling all his plans and
was approached by photographer Michael Lichter and religiously answering to a strict schedule, he knew if this
was asked to build a bike for Lichter’s Motorcycle as Art build was to come down to the wire by no means would
show at the Buffalo Chip during the Sturgis Rally. This it be for lack of trying. Realizing with past builds that a
year’s show was titled “Passion Built”, catering to those proper front end takes time to build he made a call based
that don’t earn their way by building motorcycles but on a friend’s recommendation to Mick’s Chop Shop in
T
his year there was so
much going on in Sturgis
that it was hard to pick
what you wanted to do each
day. One event I wasn’t
missing for its second year
was the Sportster Showdown at
the Buffalo Chip. Led Sled and
Metzeler teamed up to give four
cam gear jammers a special day
in the motorcycle mecca and
k
endall Keer out of Point Pleasant Beach, NJ to pick up his score, then Kendall continue on to
was working on building a Sportster and Vermont. It was completely worth it!
collecting parts when he decided to check Once home, Kendall realized that the frame has
out a swap meet in Pennsylvania. While been untouched since it was last registered in 1975
there, he ran across a Triumph survivor for the state of PA assuming after the custom build.
frame complete with vintage paint, tank, It even has the special construction plate riveted
fender, and seat. After mulling it over, Kendall on the front headlight mount and an inspection
decided to pass it up. Problem was, he couldn’t get sticker plate from 1980 marking its last time on
it out of his mind all week. Eventually his buddy the road. Initially, Keer decided to bring the bike
back to what it may have been before it was stored
the frame. Deciding he needed to grab it meant for all those years. He had seen one very poor
trying to locate it, which with a little investigative quality photo of the bike before it was parked in
work on Craigslist he managed to make it all a shed. Ultimately Kendall decided he would get
happen. Turns out the frame was further away more joy from preserving the frame and building
than the location of the swap and the only day his interpretation of a chopper. He did not need
Kendall could pick it up was the same morning to hurry the build and knew that he could take
he was heading out of town for a different reason. his time to complete the project over the next few
Not to be deterred and with his father in tow, they years.
drove out early in the morning to Doylestown PA One of the most apparent deviations, as
as
motorcycling was a clear step forward
for her.
She remembers at a very young age,
her father’s pure love of motorcycles and
the joy in his eyes when he encountered
and this lifestyle as much as she can.
w
observations of our 55 years of road life. those who come to talk with me of their
full-time road life in 1995, To Billy’s question I had to answer, “Not highway dreams, “If it’s full-time road
as far as I’d known, it was really.” life you seek, there’s probably going to
only Panhead Billy and His response came quickly, “They be a very real learning curve that must
myself who embraced can’t adapt, and won’t give up their
this strange lifestyle conveniences” (his word for modern
fulltime. Recently, however, folks from amenities). Maybe this is true, and they’ll call with an exact problem we’d
all walks are actively seeking extended maybe not. previously discussed that’s plaguing
motorcycle trips or even full-time In our own way, we’d both overcome them. Hopefully, my experience is
motorcycle road life. I know, because I’m road life’s obstacles long ago, but it helpful.
frequently contacted by those who wish didn’t start like that. Most begin with Because of those few, I know who’ve
to discuss such things. In light of this, the same fantasy I did, for that’s where remained out here for years, it seems
I’ve decided to talk of my own struggles any new idea begins. The plan was I’d each has overcome mostly the same
with the highway life, and some of the be riding off to permanent vacation. I’d obstacles in their own way. I can only
vitally necessary adjustments. see the world and live the dream! New speak of my own solutions. Although
The big motorcycle rally in Panama places all the time! Perpetual adventure! my methods will not work for all, many
City Florida was over. In the large and The world awaited! All I need do was have taken at least a few, as have I have
recently deserted grassy lot where 50 reach out and grasp it. from others and used them to their own
vendor tents had stood just yesterday, Unfortunately, the reality was a
Panhead Billy and I sat beside our bit different. For a drifter’s life that to talk of a few major obstacles I’ve
camps under an empty stage/beer tent. continues into consecutive years, the encountered, and the personal methods
In conversation, Billy said, “I’ve been methods I’d used for even a few months used to surmount them. For without
on the road 33 years and have never travel were utterly inadequate. Over good working solutions there’s no way
seen a single guy who’s come to try this the long haul there were new obstacles, I’d have been able to continue.
lifestyle make it work. Have you?” problems, and emotional pains that,
I considered this. Although I’d known had I not been diligent in learning new earn a living. Except to say that I work
a few, only a small number had lasted methods, would, and sometimes almost a few motorcycle rallies (as can be
anything like a year. Most returned did, send me home screaming! To date, followed on Facebook), I’ll simply state
home within a few months, sometimes I’ve watched many be quickly turned that, unless independently wealthy, one
less. These were the combined back by these same demons. So I tell is going to have to keep expenses down.
78 November ‘18 - CYCLE SOURCE MAGAZINE
This means few, if any, hotels, pay on. For a few months this is easily a way that was comfortable enough to
campgrounds, fancy restaurants, etc. tolerable but as a long-term way of life? work as a long-term lifestyle. To date
Forget it. I’ve achieved that very well, and so can
new place is always home. When I On occasion, I’d stumble across a anyone who truly wishes. Adaptation,
began riding entire summers in 1991, great camp spot then bask in how persistence, and the willingness to
then left for good in 1995, no cell wonderful it was to wake up in my trade a few luxuries for freedom would
phones or internet existed. Not even my personal forest. I’d enjoy the privacy seem the essential requirements.
mother knew where I was unless I found of stepping out naked to take a leak, Another necessity was that camp must
a booth and called her. Road life was stay as long as I liked without checkout evolve as well. I began to pay attention
a solitary affair, and my unorthodox times or payments, and be nestled to, then improve upon, equipment until
methods were molded around home eventually became a
those times. Nowadays, via wonderfully relaxing place
the net, many follow, contact, to be. This was extremely
and invite those of the road to important. Choice of
their homes. This has proved equipment is, of course, a
to be a great tool. However, personal-preference affair.
although it may be possible, Second concern is staying
I’ve yet to see anyone make clean. Having been dirty for
perpetual couch-hopping or days while walking around
family-visiting work as a long- hoping someone will offer
term lifestyle. I personally like a shower makes me feel
my own home. like a bum. The question of
easily accessible showers
slept in many lousy spots that became an important issue.
were either uncomfortable, Being somewhat of a gym
pounded by wind that wreaks rat anyway, when staying
havoc on camps, or summertime between trees or other obstructions that in a town I’ll hook up with a YMCA,
sunshine that blows a person from offered shade and blocked the wind. rec-center, or gym then use their
their tent by early morning rather This was such a wonderful experience facilities. Many offer a free week trial
than allowing leisure time. Then there that I began allotting far more time and membership, and if staying longer, I’ll
were places such as rest areas and the effort to seek such places and eventually simply buy a month. Joining a national
like where one need vacate early lest gained an eye for them. These spots gym chain did not work because none
folks wander by and wonder what the began to feel like home. For it was are everywhere.
motorcycle freak is doing, or possibly not a life of sleeping on picnic tables I Truck stops offer free showers if you
sought but hoped instead to engineer know how to get them and a video on
bill.
Kerry has lost track of Scott since
he bought the bike and luckily Scott
did a bang-up job. So, if any of you
happen to know Scott, let him know
that his little Brit creation is alive
and well and rollin’ around in North
Dakota. It’s good to know that people
still take pride in their work, even if
they will never see it again. “GTP”
t
a s
his was the second
year for Billy Lane’s Sons
of Speed at the Pappy
Hoel Speedway out at the
Full Throttle Salone. And
usual, the racers put
on a great show with these early
machines. Even though the track
was still a little rough it was a lot
better than last year and the races
have captured the true spirit of
Sturgis with the revival of these
100-year-old machines, chewing
up the banked walls of a dirt
track. It brought joy to see the
familiar faces in the pits of Aaron
Greene, Mondo Porras and Steve
Broyles. It was even better to see
that when needed these industry
icons had no problem lending a
hand to get a bike ready for the
were two classes, early and the track. If you weren’t fortunate
45 class. I must admit, the early enough to catch them in Sturgis
class is my favorite but the 45’s there will be another running in
sure got the crowd going. A few Daytona so be sure to stay tuned
of the crowd favorites were our and check it out, you’ll be glad
own Xavier Muriel, Tom Keefer you did!
from Franklin Church Choppers,
Rhett Rotten and Moonshiner
Josh. It was great to see Josh up
and racing again after the scare
he gave us last spring.
Billy and his wife Erin have
done a great job in bringing these
races to Sturgis. I believe they
t
his is a story that comes to you the real story comes to play, the enough to have his craft passed on
from a father through a friend. incredible life and times of Dimitri from father to son.
A story you hope you never Moore! Living the life that most of us
have to tell but a story that I have known this young man, dream of, this father and son team
everyone should hear. known to family and friends as stuck together like glue. Where
Johnny Moore of Fat City Meechy Moe, for 10 plus years. Since there was Johnny there was Dimitri!
Customs based in Middletown, he was a young boy he has been at his From riding on his 15th birthday in
CT has been a personal friend for father’s side for every build that came Sturgis alongside other biker legends
over 10 years. We met through this out of Fat City Customs. Meechy was to chasing ice cream back home in
wonderful world of 2-wheel madness. taught to paint and learned the ticks Middletown on a late summer night,
I have shot several bikes for him over of the trade from the likes of people all on two wheels, they always found a
the years and because of his talent such as Dave Perewitz and Eddie way to be together. Even with Dimitri
some have graced the covers of only Trotta. Both would be quick to tell living with his mom, they always
the best magazines on the stands. you he was a natural, one you don’t found ways to make the weekends
Through this friendship is where see every day. He was also fortunate theirs and to ride … together.
s
omewhere on this great how oppressed our inner feelings
are. Somewhere, at some time
covered annoyance there there was the most vanilla man
has to be some semblance and woman on the planet, and now
of normalcy. But until we strive to be just as dull. We are
that fateful day, when I
f i n d myself miles from the to keep ourselves from exploding
existence of another living soul, long enough to book a vacation
to Disneyland so that corporate
just about anything. America can funnel our savings
It’s days like these where I could into designer Soylent Green. We
snap at the drop of the hat when are all just products of our own
the shiny false bravado emanating making, weak, and disposable.
from the pours of every human We hunt for parts made twenty,
I come in contact with makes
me chew the inside of my mind factory falls short of producing
in disdain. There seems to be a quality that doesn’t have an
proverbial need to announce ones acceptable shelf life. Yet we praise
needs, beliefs, and intentions the company and shower it with
on the cuff of their sleeve as a loyalty that is misguided and
some sort of badge of honor nonrefundable. Thank god for
as to say, “I have arrived, I am small businesses that produce a
strong, don’t offend me, here’s quality product that slowly forces
some bullet points so I won’t them into bankruptcy, forcing us
break.” Maybe if we all just kept to move like locusts from one dying
to ourselves, we wouldn’t be up
to our chins in crap. The world we aren’t here long enough to know
had a thick skin at one time; it any different. We become gypsies of
was called ignorance. All the replacement, purging ourselves of
same, crap was going on; we our disposable incomes on inferior
just have it in our pockets products that are outdated the
now, so we can be upset if moment they leave the shelves.
things get too comfortable. Roads are paved in recycled
Our thick skins have waste leading us to jobs we don’t
been moisturized away want to go to, so we can have
with a hypoallergenic homes we don’t want to have,
pampering in the form
of a media frenzied know because we are never there,
mass cleansing. It’s all
a puppet show where you wonder why we are mostly all
everyone is pulling the miserable, trying to make ourselves
strings, and nothing relevant by placing “coexist”
is moving. stickers on our plastic minivans
We need drugs while behind closed doors you
to make us normal secretly plot the murder of your
enough to grade on neighbors barking pure breed: An
a curve and classify animal who is merely a product of
$UWLFOH$QG3KRWRV%\3DWULFN*DUYLQ
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O
ne day, Mr. Phillard rushed
his pregnant wife over to the
hospital. As the doctors were
prepping his wife, Mr. Phillard’s idiot
brother Bill arrived to watch the
birth. But when Mr. Phillard saw the
Heard A Good One Lately ?
blood and everything else, he fainted.
Then Send It Along To Us At:
When Mr. Phillard woke up he was in
118 Dellenbaugh Rd. Tarentum, PA 15084
Or E-mail To cyclesourcemain@comcast.net a bed with the doctor standing above
him. “Mr. Phillard,” the doctor said,
“you are in the recovery room. Don’t
L
ittle Johnny was sitting in class
A T
doing math problems when his young ventriloquist is touring the his guy just started at his new
teacher picked him to answer a clubs and one night he’s doing a job, working at a porno shop. His
show in a small club in a small boss comes out and tells him that
birds sitting on a fence and you shot town in Arkansas. With his dummy on he has to leave for a while, and “can
one with your gun, how many would be his knee, he’s going through his usual you handle it? “ The new employee
left?” “None,” replied Johnny, “cause the dumb blonde jokes when a blonde is somewhat reluctant, but with the
woman in the fourth row stands on
is four,” said the teacher, “but I like the her chair and starts shouting: “I’ve agrees. So, the guy is there by himself
way you’re thinking.” Little Johnny says, heard enough of your stupid blonde for a little while and a white woman
“I have a question for you. If there were jokes. What makes you think you can comes in. She asks, “How much for
three women eating ice cream cones in stereotype women that way? What the white dildo?” He answers, “$35.”
a shop, one was licking her cone, the does the color of a person’s hair have She: “How much for the black one?”
second was biting her cone and the to do with her worth as a human He: “$35 for the black one, $35 for
third was sucking her cone, which one being? It is guys like you who keep the white one.” She: “I think I’ll take
is married?” “Well,” said the teacher women like me from being respected at the black one. I’ve never had a black
nervously, “I guess the one sucking the work and in the community and from one before. “She pays him, and off she
cone.” “No,” said Little Johnny, “the one reaching our full potential as a person, goes. A little bit later a black woman
because you and your kind continue to comes in and asks “How much for
I like the way you’re thinking.” perpetuate discrimination against, not the black dildo? He: “$35.” She: “How
5DFKHO only blondes, but women in general... much for the white one?” He: “$35
and all in the name of humor!” The for the white one, $35 for the black
A
married Irishman went into the ventriloquist is embarrassed and one.” She: “Hmmm...I think I’ll take
confessional and said to his begins to apologize, when the blonde the white one. I’ve never had a white
priest, “I almost had an affair with yells, “You stay out of this, mister! one before...”She pays him, and off
another woman.” The priest said, “What I’m talking to that little idiot on your she goes. About an hour later a young
do you mean, almost?” The Irishman knee!” blonde woman comes in and asks,
said, “Well, we got undressed and &UDLJ “How much are your dildos?” He: “$35
rubbed together, but then I stopped.” for the white, $35 for the black.” She:
The priest said, “Rubbing together is “Hmmmmm....how much is that plaid
A
the same as putting it in. You’re not woman and her husband go to one on the shelf?” He: “Well, that’s a
to see that woman again. For your the doctor because the woman very special dildo...it’ll cost you $165.”
is complaining of shortness She thinks for a moment and answers,
$50 in the poor box.” The Irishman left “I’ll take the plaid one, I’ve never had
the confessional, said his prayers, and woman comes out into the waiting room a plaid one before....” She pays him,
then walked over to the poor box. He and says, “Apparently, my problem and off she goes. Finally, the guy’s
paused for a moment and then started is that I have a nice cooter.” “Excuse boss returns and asks, “How did you
to leave. The priest, who was watching, me?” says the husband. “That’s what do while I was gone?” To which the
quickly ran over to him saying, “I saw the doctor said. My problem is that I salesman says, “I think I did good, I
that. You didn’t put any money in the have a nice cooter.” The husband is sold one white dildo, one black dildo,
poor box!” The Irishman replied, “Yeah, a bit angry and goes in to talk to the and I sold your thermos for $165!”
but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and doctor. “What’s this about my wife 'DQD
according to you, that’s the same as having a nice cooter? I need a damn
putting it in!” good explanation.” “That’s not what I
3DWULFN said,” replies the doctor. “I said she
114 November ‘18 - CYCLE SOURCE MAGAZINE