Claro, Gemayma M.

BSE English 3
Exercise 4
Your online store received a complaint about a sewing machine it sold. An assistant jotted down the following draft as a
response. However, you can easily see that the letter doesn’t meet the five C’s of letter writing. Identify the writing errors, then
mark any grammatical errors you find. Rewrite the letter, keeping in mind customer service, attitude, unity, coherence, and style,
as well as the five C’s.

Mr. Kimmel, [ Salutation is needed]

[Add some courtesy and express gratitude and concern in bringing the issue] At this time I have no reason to believe it is
damaged or defective. You mean you think the Shuttle Hook and Bobbin assembly is out of synchronization
with the Motor, which is impossible[restating the problem needs conciseness and still courtesy to show that customer’s
concern has been heard]. It seems to me that the problem is not with the machine but rather with the operator [do
not directly blame the customer or who assemble the machine, instead, offer solutions if possible] . There can be no doubt
about it that if you thread it right it will work without bunching up the thread like that [after offering alternative
solutions, encourage the custome to reassemble the parts or just check the threads and positions of the parts]. Or if you need to
adjust the tension. I make the assumption that you have already gone ahead and read the instructions as anyone
should do when they get a new piece of equipment like this [completeness of thought shows through reminding the
customer to review the manual to acccompany him in checking the parts and threads] . If not than do so immediately [this
should be more polite saying ‘as soon as possible’ ] . You may have to look under troubleshooting [this is redundancy
already because the thought was stated in the two sentence bfore this] . This happens a lot [ instead of telling that the case is a
frequently issue, tell the customer to message again if there will be another problem] .

Enclosed please find copies of the warranty [the word “enclosed’ could be omitted since it is not that necessary, in
requesting to find the copies, better to suggest rechecking the warranty copy] , which you may perhaps should of also read
before final completion of the sale. You’ll notice it doesn’t cover this type of problem [even if the warranty
statements does not cover the issue raised by the customer, clarity and courtesy should still be observe] .

Yours truly,[this considered as most formal, use the formal or less informal way instead]

Alex Cleaver
Alex Cleaver CS Rep

Dear Mr. Kimmel,

Thank you for reaching us, as well as for bringing this to our attention. We are sad to hear
what you experienced. If you encounter a problem in assembling the Shuttle Hook and the
Bobbin you may check again the manual or maybe there have been tangled threads underneath
the cloth. We suggest to check the parts and properly cut the tangled thread if there are any. To
maintain the synchronization with the motor, observe the tension, threading, and proper positions
of the parts before and during sewing to prevent the case.
We are sorry to say that the case is not included in our warranty policies. Still, we hope
that the suggestions can help your concern. For further comments, concerns, and suggestions,
please feel free to message us. We would love to make things right and hear your concerns.
Sincerely yours,
Alex Clever
Alex Cleaver CS Rep
Claro, Gemayma M. BSE English 3