Intimate relationship

• Relationship between two people that often

involves a deep knowledge about each other

• It is caring, interdependent, mutual, trusting &

committed (Brehm, et. al. 2002).
 Qualities: Intimate Partners
• Know each other very well

• Share personal information with each other

• Care about each other

• Need, influence and affect each other

 Qualities: Intimate Partners
• See themselves as a couple or an “us” and
“we”

• Trust each other

• Committed to make relationship last

 REMINDER!!!

• Though not all intimate relationships may

contain all of these qualities, these are expected
for an intimate relationship to be meaningful
and satisfying.

(Fletcher, Simpson, & Thomas, 2000)

Why Engage in
intimate
relationships?
• Our desire to be part of an intimate
relationship is part of our Human nature

• Developing stable and affectionate

interpersonal relationships was an
evolutionary adaptation

(Baumeister & Leary, 1995)

• Although not all adolescents will
experience intimate relationships, the
adolescence stage appears to be the
beginning for the search of intimacy.

• Ujano-Batangan (2006) characterizes ages 13 to

17 as the beginning of romantic interest
for the opposite-sex for heterosexual
adolescents and same-sex attraction for
lesbian, gay, and bisexual adolescents.

• Shift occurs from mere crush/friendships

to dating & courtship.
 BF/GF Dating
• Dating
– It is a social experience rather than a prelude
to marriage (Ujano-Batangan, 2006).

– Recreation
– Companionship
– Status-seeking
– Personal growth
– Sexual experimentation
– Mate selection
– Desire for intimacy
 BF/GF Dating
• The 1994 YAFS-II adolescent sexuality surve)
– Crush
• Most Females - having crush at age 14
• Most Males - developing crushes at age 15
– Admiration
• Occurs at age 15 for opposite sex
– Dating
• At age 16 – first group date
• At age 17 & 18 – single date
– Kissing - 36%
– Petting – 12%
– Sex in first date – 3% (De Guzman & Diaz, 1999)
 BF/GF Dating
• The 1994 YAFS-II survey
– 3 out of 5 youth aged 15 to 16
• experienced going out on a date (opposite sex)
– Survey did not ask about same-sex dating
– Common Activity for a Date:
• Watching Movie and Dinner in Restaurant
• Going to Park or Shopping Mall
– Dating Partners:
• 46% Boyfriend/Girlfriend
• 28% Friend
• 16% Crush or Admirer
• 10 % Acquaintance
 BF/GF Dating
• Traditional Courtship – no longer norm in the
Philippines

• Date only with their GF/BF; dating partner

became their BF/GF within a few months

• Young couples see each other frequently,

majority seeing each other at least twice a week
 BF/GF Dating
• Males
– Initiate the first move

– “Carry” or “Bring” the relationships – pagdadala

– proper diskarte (approach)

• Writing letter, texting, calling, emailing and showing signs of affection

– Seek sexual experimentation or satisfying sexual desires

– Love & Sex - more knowledge and experience

– Premarital Sex – 31%

 BF/GF Dating
• Females
– Waited to be courted; not to be called “cheap” or not “decente”
(decent)

– Value emotional intimacy or to know the person in deeper way

– Premarital sex – 16 %
– ** sex on first date happened but that it occurred without consent

(Tan et al., 2001)

 Mutual Understanding (M.U.)
• Process of coming together until couple
agrees that they are now
girlfriends/boyfriends

• Natural process in the development of an

intimate relationship

• Mahuhulog ang loob (falling of your inner

self for the other)

• Involves pakikiramdam (sensing and feeling

each other)
 Mutual Understanding (M.U.)
• Females
– Caring
– Sweet
– Faithful
– Loyal

• Males
– Respect (Galang)
– Responsibility (Pananagutan)
 Same-sex Romance
• Some adolescents enter same-sex relationship
– Development phase or Sexual Orientation Affirmation

• Most gay, lesbian and bisexual adolescents

denied dating & intimacy

• Seek to have intimate relationship

(Savin-Williams, 1996)
 Same-sex Romance
• In qualitative study on Filipino adolescents’
identity, sexuality, and health
– Filipino Gay Male Adolescents
• Realize they were different from heterosexual peers at a
young age
• Felt no models or scripts to follow on how to meet potential
partner and develop intimate same sex relationship
• Same sex relationship - no options for gay adolescents
– Filipino Female Homosexual
• Same-sex attractions – Puberty Stage
• Fear; Abnormal or Wrong feelings
• Same-sex Romance – Adolescence Stage
 Principles of Attraction
• Proximity

• Familiarity

• Physical Attractiveness

• Reciprocity

• Similarity or Compatibility
Proximity

• physical proximity or closeness determines

who will be our friends or lovers

• When someone is CLOSER to us physically,

the more we are likely to like the person

• What does this say about LDR?

Familiarity

• We like people who are familiar to us

• More exposure leads to liking

• But over exposure may lead to boredom

(Bornstein, 1989).

• At best, familiarity enhances feelings of

attraction to bring people together.
 Physical Attractiveness
 Bothmales and females are attracted to
physically attractive people (Brehm et al., 2002)

 Looks do matter, whether we like it or not!!!

 Filipino males
find looks important whereas
females put more emphasis on emotional
maturity.
 reciprocity
• People tend to pair off with partners that closely
match them with their physical attractiveness

• This is a phenomenon called MATCHING

• DESIRABILITY = PHYSICAL x PROBABILITY

ATTRACTIVENESS OF
ACCEPTANCE

Shanteau and Nagy (1979)

 SIMILARITY OR COMPATIBILITY
 Familiarity & physical attractiveness
may influence our initial attraction, but
it is with COMPATIBILITY that shapes
the development of an intimate
relationship in the long term.

 Opposites attract…..research proves

that it is a NO….still…LIKE ATTRACTS
LIKE!!!
• Compatibility & similarity are believed
by experts as one of the keys to a
successful relationship.

• Commonalities in CRUCIAL PRIORITIES

is a key ingredient in the failure or
success of a relationship (Rubin, 1999).
 14 crucial priorities affecting
relationships
1. Sex 8. Family life
2. Religion 9. Children
3. Ethnicity 10. Romance
4. Money 11. Excitement & peace
5. Pleasurable pursuits
12. Work
6. Time 13. Intellectual activity
7. People 14. Physical activity
 Top 3 compatibility test
(HAMBURG, 2000)
1. PRACTICAL DIMENSIONS
– Money, time, etc.

2. SEXUAL DIMENSIONS
– How important sex is to you…and sexuality

3. WAVELENGTH DIMENSION
– Feeling of you can talk about everything, look
at things in the same way, agree on same
things important in life