Interpersonal Attraction: Love and Intimate

Relationship
 Conceptualizations of love
• TRIANGULAR THEORY OF LOVE
• STYLES OF LOVING
• ROMANTIC LOVE AND COMPANIONATE LOVE
 TRIANGULAR THEORY OF LOVE
• Psychologist Robert Sternberg (1998)
views love as a triangle consisting of
three components:
•Passion
•Intimacy
•Commitment
 TRIANGULAR THEORY OF LOVE
• Intimacy
Includes:
- Feelings of warmth
- Understanding
- Trust
- Support
- Sharing
 TRIANGULAR THEORY OF LOVE
• Passion
Includes:
- Physical Arousal
- Desire
- Excitement
- Need
 TRIANGULAR THEORY OF LOVE
• Commitment
Includes:
- Feelings of permanence
- Stability
- Decision to devote
oneself to a relationship
- Working to maintain
relationship
 Eight types of relationship according to the triangular
theory of love (Rosenberg, 1986):

• Nonlove - absence of intimacy, passion, and

commitment that we find in acquaintances.

• Liking - occurs when only intimacy is high as we see

in friendship.

• Infatuation - passion in the absence of intimacy and

commitment;

• Empty love - there is commitment but no intimacy

or passion;
 Eight types of relationship according to the triangular
theory of love (Rosenberg, 1986):
• Passion and intimacy but little commitment you
have romantic love

• Fatuous love, passion and commitment together.

• Intimacy and commitment but lacking passion is

companionate love;

• Best of all is CONSUMMATE LOVE in which all

three --- passion, intimacy, and commitment ---
are present.
 TRIANGULAR THEORY OF LOVE
8 TYPES OF COMMITMEN
INTIMACY PASSION
RELATIONSHIP T
NONLOVE - - -
LIKING / - -
ROMANTIC LOVE / / -
COMPANIONATE / - /
LOVE
EMPTY LOVE - - /
INFATUATED LOVE - / -
FATUOUS LOVE - / /
CONSUMMATE / / /
LOVE
 Styles of loving
• Lee (1988) postulates a typology of six love styles
that reflect different ways of loving.
1. Eros – or erotic love is intense and
values physical appearance.
2. Storge – love characterized by affection
as in a deep friendship.
3. Ludus – love is a game to be played; no
promises and commitment.
4. Mania – demanding and possessive
toward the beloved.
 Styles of loving
5. Pragma – or pragmatic love, practical and
use reason to find their perfect match.
- such is found in arranged
marriages in some Asian societies

6. Agape – or selfless, altruistic love springs

from a strong sense of duty to love and
care for the beloved.
What kind of lover are you?
Romantic love & companionate love
ROMANTIC OR PASSIONATE LOVE

– Emotional, exciting, intense longing

– Elaine Hatfield (1998) defined it as “a state of

intense longing for union with another”
Romantic love & companionate love
COMPANIONATE LOVE
• Deep, affectionate attachment.
• “When two people are first together, their
hearts are on fire and their passion is very
great. After a while, the fire cools and that’s
how it stays. They continue to love each other,
but it’s in a different way ---- warm and
dependable” (Shostak, 1981)
Meaning of love and sex for the filipino
youth
MEANING OF SEX AND LOVE FOR THE
FILIPINO YOUTH

• Influence of technology and media on love

• The concept of love for most young people

has become superficial.

• Based on a study, ideas of romantic love

were found to be strong among Filipino
adolescents.
MEANING OF SEX AND LOVE FOR THE
FILIPINO YOUTH
• For Filipino adolescents. Love is shown
through:
– Giving gifts
– Writing letters
– Making phone calls
– Taking the person home
– Spending time together
– Saying “I love you”
– Showing concern for one another
MEANING OF SEX AND LOVE FOR THE FILIPINO
YOUTH

• Filipino metaphor of “falling of the inner self”

emphasizes emotional closeness and mutual
understanding.

• It is also common nowadays for the youth to

define love as sex.

• the main issue of the youth is “to be loved.”

MEANING OF SEX AND LOVE FOR THE FILIPINO
YOUTH

• It is not surprising then to discover that the

problem of being “unloved” contributes to
substance abuse and suicide among the
youth.
MEANING OF SEX AND LOVE FOR THE FILIPINO
YOUTH

• Majority still prize VIRGINITY

• Young people continue to LOOK POSITIVELY on

MARRIAGE
 The meaning of sex
• Admitting to want sex = considered bastos in
Filipino culture
• Tan and colleagues (2001) conclude that sex in
the Philippines is described as both sacred
(sagrado) and profane (bastos).
• Sex discussed outside of marriage = profane
• Sex in the context of marriage = sacred by love
Making relationships work
 What enables close relationship?
ATTACHMENT
• We are social creatures, destined to
bond with others.
 What enables close relationship?
ATTACHMENT
• Psychiatrist John Bowlby (1980, p. 442)
reflected, “ Intimate attachments to other
human beings are the hub around which a
person’s life revolves… From these intimate
attachments [people draw] strength and
enjoyment of life.”
 What enables close relationship?
ATTACHMENT
Elements common to all loving attachments
(between parents and children, friends, spouses
or lovers) :
- Mutual understanding
- Giving and receiving support
- Valuing and enjoying being with the loved
one.
 Two of the most widely studied
predictors of relationship stability and
satisafction:

• Self-disclosure

• Equity
 Self-disclosure
• Revealing intimate aspects of oneself to
others.
• A relationship where trust displaces
anxiety and where we are free to open
ourselves without fear of losing the
other’s affection.
 equity
• A condition in which the outcomes
people receive from a relationship
are proportional to what they
contribute to it.
 Equity and satisfaction
• Those in an equitable relationship are
typically content.
• When both partners freely give and
receive, and make decisions together, the
odds of sustained, satisfying love are
good.