6 Ways to Deal With Anxiety

To be clear: This is a lifelong journey. But I want to encourage you to do six

important things today to start changing your relationship with anxiety.
1. Stop using anxiety as an identity.
Anxiety is not a medical disease or a genetic disorder or a way of being.
It's not an excuse or a death sentence. You are not your anxiety. Millions of
people “with anxiety” are walking around believing they’ve got a disease.
They wear it like a cape that covers them and drags them down and
impacts everything they do.
But anxiety is a learned and adapted physical and mental response to a
world that’s full of threats and disconnection—perceived or real. It’s a fear
of the future and a fear of things you cannot control. Anxiety is your body’s
way of trying to take care of you. And since you learned it, it can be
unlearned.  
Anxiety is not who you are: It’s a way you experience the world. It’s the
warning signal that you’re disconnected from your loved ones and that the
world you’ve been placed in (or that you created for yourself) is on fire.
2. Honor the alarms.
We’re still in the middle of a pandemic, a recession, massive civil injustice
and community unrest—and all this with no clear leadership anywhere. In
moments like these, your alarms should be going off. This is exactly what
they are for. Honor and respect them and look for what they’re signaling.
What are your alarms trying to tell you?
Learn to pay attention to when and why the alarms go off for you
personally. Maybe it’s running into a certain coworker in the hall, or being
ignored by someone you care about. Or maybe it’s when you arrive home
after a long, exhausting day and feel afraid to step inside because
there’s only loneliness waiting to greet you. Maybe it's the weight of a past
tragedy.
Yes, the alarms are loud. Your heart rate takes over. Ugly, damning and
intrusive thoughts become missiles through your mind. Your thoughts spin
out of control. But the longer you ignore the alarms, the longer you’re
cutting yourself off from taking control of your thoughts, changing your
environment, and getting what you need. Pay attention to your anxiety
instead of silencing it.
When sad things happen to you, you should feel sad. When tragedy strikes,
you should be heartbroken. When someone around you dies, you should be
angry and grieve deeply. Feeling hurt is the price of admission for love.
Having uncomfortable feelings or painful experiences doesn’t mean you’re
broken. It means you’re a human, and pain’s part of the deal.

We cannot talk about anxiety without talking about anxiety medication. I

want to be clear: As a society, we are way overmedicated. We’re addicted
to quick fixes. We avoid every uncomfortable feeling. We’re playing whack-
a-mole with our brain chemistry. This is dangerous and highly unsettling.  
It’s no surprise that one of the common attempts to “insta-fix” someone
struggling with anxiety is to throw a bunch of pills at the problem. These
medicines fall into categories like SSRIs, benzodiazepines or off-label
antihistamines like hydroxyzine. Yeah, those are a lot of big words. But the
point is that each medication you take triggers a highly complex and
interactive process in your brain. And I’m oversimplifying here, but the end
result is that medication dials down or “turns off” the alarms. And silencing
the alarm won’t put out the fires. In almost every situation, medication is not
a long-term solution.  
In the short term, medication can be helpful if your alarms are constantly
ringing. I took anxiety medications for a while during a time of life when the
alarms were overwhelming. It helped me take my hands off my ears and
connect with my community, mentors and a counselor. 
But before taking medications, I recommend that you work with a counselor
and a doctor to examine your diet and sleep, connection and relationships,
and trauma and family histories. If you do end up taking medicine for a
season, it can be a remarkable support as you heal and change your
thoughts and actions. Just remember that it doesn’t have to be—and almost
never should be—a part of your story forever.  
3. Take an inventory of your life. 
“Putting out the fires” in your world can be a long and intentional process.
But you must take stock of where you are now so you can paint a picture of
where you want to be later.
Pause and examine your past, your current life, and your intentions and
values for the future. Below are some questions to help you begin to take
stock of your life. I encourage you to write down your answers to these
questions. See what you learn—and what needs to change.

 Am I safe and valued in my current environment?

 Have I dealt with past traumas and painful relationships?
 Do I have a space where I’m connected and vulnerable with others?
 Do I find purpose and meaning in my work?
  Am I prioritizing my health by eating well, exercising and getting
seven to nine hours of sleep every night?
 What forms of distraction or comfort am I addicted to?

These questions are just a start. No doubt they can be hard. Silencing the
alarms begins with finding out what’s on fire in your heart, mind and
environment, then locating where the smoke’s coming from.

4. Make a habit of identifying your thoughts and emotions.

Anxiety often feels like your brain is filled with smoke and flying rubber
bouncy balls. Writing your thoughts and feelings on paper makes them
visible and manageable. Then, you can sort through the truth and the lies
that are swirling around in your brain.
It’s easy to jump from a reasonable, healthy thought to an intrusive, worst-
case scenario death spiral. I’ve been there. Let’s say you’re on the dating
scene and you see someone attractive at a party. You take a risk by
walking across the room and striking up a conversation. After a few minutes
of pleasant chatting, they excuse themselves to go get a drink or to talk to
another friend, then they don’t make an effort to see you again the rest of
the night. Of course, you’re disappointed. You were courageous and
vulnerable, and things didn’t go the way you hoped.
A thought like, It sucks that [insert person of interest’s name] didn’t want to
hang out more. This is a reasonable response. But within a split second, we
jump from mild disappointment to something like, There’s something wrong
with me. No one ever wants to hang out with me. I must not be attractive
enough. It always ends up like this. I’ll always be alone. I’ll never have a
family.  
That feels over the top when you read it, doesn’t it? But it doesn’t feel that
way in our heads, which is why we need to get our thoughts out of our
heads and onto paper. We often talk to ourselves in ways that we
would never tolerate someone talking to one of our friends. So don’t talk to
yourself that way. Challenge the critical voice inside your head. Don’t be a
victim of your own thoughts or feelings.
5. Learn to control your thoughts and actions.
You can only control two things in the world: your thoughts and your
actions. That’s it. Make a choice to spend your energy growing in strength
and character and learning to take ownership of your thoughts and actions
—and the choices you make as a result.
In order to take control, first you need to identify what’s within your control
and what’s outside of your control. Let’s say you’re overwhelmed and burnt
out at work. You can’t control the decisions your boss and coworkers make,
but you can decide how you will act at work—how you show up early, work
with integrity and excellence, and respect others. You can also choose to
set boundaries, or maybe even look for a different job. You can choose joy.
Learning to control and direct your thoughts, your emotions and your
actions is a hard but holy adventure. It can take a lifetime. But no matter
how challenging, your thoughts and actions can be tamed. It just takes
strength and practice, like working out a muscle.
6. Connect with real people in real ways.
You cannot get through your life alone. You must be in relationship with
other people. This is not just a cute quote or a cliché Instagram-ism. This is
science. This is truth. This is biblical.
True relationships and connection are the emergency fund for your life. It’s
not a question of if challenging times will occur . . . it’s when. You can count
on it. Relationships and community cushion your crash and encourage true
healing.
Don’t turn to a screen before or after your alarms start to sound. Don’t text.
Don’t tweet. See someone face to face. Hear a real voice. Our bodies are
designed to regulate themselves and calm down by interacting with other
people—in person. We can’t pull ourselves up by our own bootstraps.
Believe me: I’m an introvert from Texas, and I’ve tried.  
I want you to connect with people you love or who you can be vulnerable
with. Today. Right now. This might mean calling a professional therapist, a
trusted doctor, a pastor or your neighbor. It might mean calling old college
friends or getting back in touch with your work friends or church small
group. You can’t put out your fires alone.

Practical Tips for Anxiety Relief

The next time the alarms start to sound, pause. Remember that things are
out of whack, but you have tools to deal with anxiety. Reach out to
someone you can trust. Breathe deeply and intentionally. Hang in there.
There’s a better tomorrow waiting for you if you want it. It will take some
work to create it, but you can do it.
I know this because I’ve been bent low by anxiety, intrusive thoughts and
the runaway train of fear and compulsion. I had to put aside my arrogance
and deal with my loneliness. I connected deeply with a community, and I
got professional support. I worked to take full ownership of my thoughts and
actions, and I now experience peace and rest . . . on most days. My story
can be your story too.