ASSERTIVENESS

Objectives:
By the end of the module, the participant will gian understanding on what Assertiveness is, their
level of assertiveness and learn how to communicate assertive .
Materials:
Paper, pen, skettles, Assertiveness questionnaire, and powerpoint presentation.
Partcipant: High School Students
Total number of participant: 20
Total hours of training: 14 hours

Activity
Topic Methodology Duration
Number

Day 1

Activity 1 Candy Confession Ice breaker 30 mins

Activity 2 Introduction to assertiveness Discussion, Lecture 40 mins

Activity 3 Benifits of Assertiveness Lecture 30 mins

Tea Break 15 mins

Activity 4 First things First Discussion, Lecture 40 mins

Activity 5 Know why you dont communicate Exercise, Discussion 20 mins

Lunch Break 45 mins

Assesment,
Activity 6 Assertiveness assessment 20 mins
Discussion

Activity 7 Assertive crique Discussion, Lecture 60 mins

Break for the day

Day 2

Activity 8 Mystry box Activity, Discussion 20 mins

 Activity 9 Emotions Lecture 60 mins

Tea Break 15 mins

Activity 10 Assertiveness is simple but Hard Lecture, Discussion 20 mins

4 steps of assertive
Activity 11 Lecture, Discussion 40 mins
Communication

Activity 12 Assertiveness training Lecture, Discussion 30 mins

Lunch Break 45 mins

Activity 13 Assertiveness training tips Lecture, Discussion 10 mins

Strategies and Techniques to

Activity 14 Exercise, Discussion 60 mins
manage conflict.

Break for the Day

Day 3

Activity 15 Assertive Communication skills Discussion 30 mins

Activity 16 Assertive tgraining tips Lecture, Discussion 30 mins

Activities of group Assertive

Activity 17 Lecture, Discussion 60 mins
training

Tea Break 15 mins

Educating students and youth

Activity 18 Exercise, Discussion 30 mins
about assertiveness

Overview, Q&A and

Activity 19 Conclusion of Training 45 mins
Feedback

DAY 1
Activity 1 : Candy Confessions (Ice breaker)
1.1 Introduction
Firstly the facilitator introduce himself\herself, their credentials, topic and purpose of the
training, the trainers will provide required skills to employees for doing their job effectively,
skillfully and qualitatively, and the overall structure of the programme. This will give a brief
orientation about the programme and it will help the participants to set the level of expectations.
1.2 : Candy Confessions
Step 1 : Inform the participants that the session will begin with an icebreaker activity.
Step 2 : Provide the participant a bunch of skittles in hand .
Step 3 : Facilitate the participant to share personality characteristics about themself according to
the colour that they have chosen.
Step 4 : Provide instructions from facilitator’s note 1(A).

Facilitator’s note 1(A):

Purchase bright candies, such as Skittles, and let each person take a handful. Then let them
know that they must disclose a unique information about themselves for each colour. For each
yellow Skittle, for instance, kids have to list a favourite dish.
Source: Rutledge, K. (2023, April 25). 30 Icebreaker Activities for High School and Middle
School Students. Signupgenius. https://www.signupgenius.com/school/icebreaker-activities-
middle-school-high-school.cfm

Step 5 : continue until every participant complete their chances.

Step 6: Explain to the group that the aim of the activity was for the group of participants to get to
know one another and build rapport.
Step 7: Inform the participants that the session will next look into assertiveness and its
importance, before going in-depth about the contents of the training programme.
Activity 2: Introduction to Assertiveness
2.1 what is Assertiveness?
Discussion: what do you think Assertiveness is?
Step 1 : Summarize the answers provided by the group and explain to the group about
assertiveness. (Refer Facilitator’s note 2(A)).

Facilitator’s note 2(A)

 An aggressive individual approaches others with assurance and candour. A positive sense of
respect for oneself and others is the foundation of assertive communications, which promote
fairness and equality in interpersonal interactions. It is the straightforward expression of one's
needs, desires, and ideas without criticising, threatening, or demeaning another person.
Being assertive is having the courage to speak up for one's legal rights without infringing on
the rights of others or acting out of excessive fear. Assertive behaviour is a talent that can be
taught; hence, different forms of assertive behaviour can be utilised in various contexts.
Self-affirmation, positive and negative emotion expression, and self-expression are all
components of assertive behaviour. Every one will be looked at in this course.
What is Self-Confidence?
A person who has self-confidence believes in themselves, their skills, or their judgement. It is
uncertainty-free. You are considerably more likely to succeed if you think you can alter the
course of events or make a positive difference in a circumstance.
You walk with a spring in your step when you're self-assured. You have the power to influence
others and regulate your thoughts and emotions. You are better equipped to overcome
difficulties in daily life and bounce back from failures. All of this results in a higher level of
optimism and life happiness.
Source: https://humanskillsdevelopment.ca/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/Assertiveness-and-
Self-Confidence-Student-Training-Manual-PDF-Download.pdf

1.1 the Four Styles of Assertive Behaviour

Communication can take four different forms: passive, aggressive, passive-aggressive, and
assertive.
The Passive Individual
Avoiding expressing one's thoughts or emotions, upholding one's rights, and recognising and
attending to one's needs are all examples of passive behaviour. People that are passive have weak
eye contact, slouched posture, and a soft or apologetic speaking style. People who are passive
make statements that imply:
● "I'm unable to stand up for my rights."
● "I don't know what my legal rights are."
● “I constantly get stepped on”
 ● "I can't take care of myself because I'm weak."
● "People never take my feelings into account."

The Aggressive Individual

An aggressive person communicates in a way that infringes on other people's rights. Therefore,
aggressive communicators abuse others physically, verbally, or both. Low self-esteem, which is
frequently brought on by past physical or emotional abuse, unhealed emotional scars, and
feelings of helplessness, is the root of aggressive communication.
A low threshold for frustration, frequent interruptions, use of humiliation, and the use of blame
or criticism as weapons are all characteristics of aggressive people. They don't listen well and
make piercing eye contact. Aggressive persons make claims that:
● The other person is inferior, mistaken, and unworthy of everything
● The other person is to blame for the issue;
● They are superior and correct;
● They will get their way regardless of the results; and
● They believe that they are entitled and that the other person "owes" them something.
The Passively Aggressive Individual
The person who communicates in a passive-aggressive manner presents themselves as non-
aggressive on the surface, but is actually carrying out their anger in a covert, deceptive, or covert
manner.People who are passive aggressive typically feel helpless, stuck, and resentful. They feel
isolated from others and unable to confront the source of their resentments head-on. Instead, they
quietly undermine the actual or imagined target of their resentments in order to convey their fury.
Instead of approaching someone, they often grumble to themselves. They frequently smile at you
while they are furious, engage in subliminal sabotage, or use ironic language.People who engage
in passive aggression use language that suggests:
● "I'm weak and resentful, so I sabotage, frustrate, and disrupt."
● "Because I lack the strength to confront you head-on, I must engage in guerilla warfare."
● "I will appear to be cooperative, but I'm not."
The Assertive Individual
An assertive person expresses their thoughts and sentiments in a style that is obvious and direct,
and they tenaciously fight for their demands and rights without infringing on those of others.
High self-esteem is the mother of assertive communication. People who are assertive respect
their time, themselves, and their needs—emotional, spiritual, and physical. They are fierce
defenders of their own interests while also showing great regard for the rights of others.
People that are assertive sense a connection to others. They express their wants and feelings in a
courteous, appropriate, and straightforward manner. They keep good eye contact, speak in a
clear, calm voice, and are good listeners when they feel in control. They do not allow people to
take advantage of them or manipulate them, and they foster an environment of respect for others.
A person who is assertive will say things such,
● "I am confident in who I am."
● "I can control myself, but I can't control others."
● "I communicate clearly, honestly, and concisely. I am aware of my options and weigh
them." I am entirely in charge of my own pleasure.
● "We all have the right to communicate with one another in a respectful manner."
Activity 3: Benefits of being Assertive
1. Better Communication
Both sides benefit from your assertive behaviour. You may obtain what you want out of any
interaction and leave the other person satisfied if you communicate well.

2. Less stress
Let's face it: both passive and aggressive communication can be difficult because one of the
parties usually feels threatened or degraded as a result. You can come to regret prioritising your
need to be heard over the other person's right to speak if you are on the "strong" side. However,
when you use assertive communication, you openly share your own opinions while also taking
into account the other person's feelings and goals in order to get the greatest outcome possible.
There is very minimal stress associated with this communication approach.
3. More faith
In both personal and professional relationships, trust is crucial, and being forceful naturally
moves you in that direction. While aggressive activity frequently results in sentiments of
animosity, passive communication frequently results in people not taking you seriously.
Being reliable in your communication helps to establish connections.
4. More Confidence
You are either decreasing your self-esteem or establishing it on the incorrect foundation when
you suppress your emotions or engage with others without considering their thoughts or feelings.
Conversely, assertive behaviour demonstrates that you have the courage to stand up for your
rights and that you have control over what you say (and, more importantly, how you say it).You
strike a balance between being upfront about your demands and allowing the other person the
opportunity to be clear and feel equal.
3.1 : the three C’s of Assertivness Communication style
Confidence : You have confidence in your capacity to manage a situation.
Clear: Your message is concise and simple to comprehend.
Controlled : You convey information in a calm and in controllable way.
Activity 4: First things First
Step 1: What is the one big thing in order to be assertive
Step 2: Instead of accepting anything letting them you cand do sometimes is also good (Refer
Facilitator note 4(A)).

Facilitator note 4(A)

You must let go of the need to satisfy others and do actions in accordance with their
expectations if you want to act assertively. When you do this, you frequently feel let down and
lose strength the next time you want to attempt asking for anything.The key to assertive
communication is knowing when to say what you want and how to say it without offending the
other person.This could entail rejecting items that you ultimately determine are not a good fit
for you while also clearly stating your reasons for doing so. The word "because" can
completely alter the dynamics of a conversation. No one will be offended if you respond
negatively to them if you state your case clearly and firmly.
Watch your tone : Here is where we need to exercise the self-control we spoke of previously.
You need to sound (and feel) calm, and your voice should be relaxed. Like learning a new
skill, this may take some time. If you accidentally raise your voice or rush a conversation out
 of irritation, remain patient and don't become irritated. Being assertive also involves speaking
without hesitation or harshness. Be cordial and relaxed. It usually suffices to speak slowly and
in a softer voice to restore harmony to the discourse.
Be prepared to continue talking until you discover a solution.
Being forceful entails persevering through the conflict in a composed and respectful manner. It
can necessitate raising more queries, paying more attention to what others are saying, or using
more imagination and options.
Whatever it is, it's worthwhile because nobody gets injured and everyone feels happy at the
end.
Pay attention to the verbal and nonverbal cues : Nonverbal communication includes gestures,
posture, eye contact, body language, and reactions. All of them should be carried out without
any hint of hostility or passivity. The first option (aggression) will make the other person
defend themselves, whilst the second option (passivity) will make them feel neglected.
Maintaining eye contact aids in concentration. Additionally, it's a simple method to
demonstrate to the other person your interest in and concern for what they have to say.
According to experts, how you look at someone and how long you maintain eye contact might
be just as crucial as what you say.
Be present : Last but not least, being aware of what the other person is attempting to
communicate precisely is the key to good communication and building stronger connections.
Avoid bringing up old grudges or becoming sidetracked; doing so is disrespectful and might
make you lose concentration, which will prevent you from responding intelligently or
assertively.Being mindful is paying attention to your surroundings and putting other people out
of your mind. Put the outside world aside, focus on the person you are speaking with at the
time, and pay close attention to everything they are saying.
Source: https://www.nswnma.asn.au/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/Be-assertive_communicate-
better_stress-less.pdf

Activity 5 : Know why you dont communicate

Step 1: How do you think you communicate?
Step 2: help the participant to communicate in better ways, and allow them to realize their way of
communication (refer Facilitator note (5A).

Facilitator note (5A).

The Following are the few examples of how do we communicate
● We think we have already had the conversation.
● Don’t have time lack of preparation.
● Not sure how to approach.
● Too focused on “winning” the conversation.
● No point –nothing will change.
● It’s not my problem.
● It might ruin the relationship (further)
● It’s too confrontational. Avoiding the conversation.
● It’s against our natural response –fight or flight reaction
These are the many possible reasons for not communicating.

Activity 6: Assertiveness Assessment

Step 1: Inform the participants that they will now take a self-assessment on assertivenes
Step 2: Distribute the assessment sheets.
Step 3: Administer the assessment by giving instructions from Facilitator’s note 6(A).

Facilitator’s note 6(A)

This assessment contains 30 items/statements related to your attitude towards conflict. Each
item has 3 alternative responses where 0=Yes, 1=Sometimes, 2=NO a Read each item
carefully and choose the option which suits you the best by encircling the option. Remember
that there are no right or wrong answers. So kindly give your honest responses that are truly
representative of your experiences. There is no time limit but do not ponder over any item for
too long. It usually takes 15-20 minutes to complete the test. Do not skip/omit any item. Feel
free to ask me if you have any doubts or difficulty understanding any item.

Step 4: Give the participants time to complete responding to the (questionnaire/assessment)

Step 5: Give the participants instructions regarding scoring their responses and the level of
attitudes that different categories of scores correspond to (Refer to Facilitator’s note 6(B)).

Refer to Facilitator’s note 6(B)

For knowing your total score, you have to add up the scores on all the 30 items. For e.g., if you
have encircled option 3 for item no.1, the score for that item is 1. Likewise, add the scores on
all the 8 items to obtain your total score and vise versa for negetive items. There are both
negative and positive rewarded items are present. A score of 60, the highest possible, indicates
a highly assertive. Low in assertiveness indicated by a minimum score of 0. If you have any
doubts regarding scoring, feel free to ask me.

Step 6: Give the participants time to finish scoring.

Step 7: Explain the results (Refer to Facilitator’s note 6(C)).

Facilitator’s note 6(C)

If you have obtained a score between a maximum obtainable score of 50 indicates high in
assertiveness.

Step 8: Explain why the participants were asked to take the assessment (Refer to Facilitator’s
note 6(D)).

Facilitator’s note 6(D)

This self-assessmet is to help you gain personal insight into your level ofassertiveness. Take a
moment to review your responses and keep the results in mind during the workshop as it can
help in adopting the ideas presented during the workshop and appropriate strategies to manage
your Assertiveness

Activity 7:Assertive critique

Discussion: how can we tell critiques in an assertive way?
Step 1: Facilitate the discussion.
Step 2: Summarize the responses and brief the participants about the causes of conflict and ask
them to simultaneously note down from the list, the causes they think they might experience
(Refer to Facilitator’s note 7(A)).

Facilitator’s note 7(A)

Is it simple to be critical without offending? How can we encourage the modification of
challenging behaviours while avoiding harm and ensuring that our criticism is useful?
Getting others to change can be difficult for us at times, depending on the caller, who may not
agree with the change we want to see. Because of this, we occasionally feel compelled to
criticise. When interacting with people, it's important to keep in mind that we're not dealing
with logical beings, but rather emotional beings that are motivated by ego and vanity, as well
as prejudice and anxieties. Therefore, in order to avoid hurting them and to encourage them to
identify with our goals, we must treat them with respect, be courteous to them, and express
ourselves appropriately.
How can you offer a firm criticism? –
1. Compliment your partner on anything positive.
2. “But….”
3. Particular concern: "I think, I noticed..."
4. Clearly state your emotions by saying, "I'm feeling..."
5. Future advice or counsel: "I suggest you should..." arrogance and conceit. Therefore, in
order to avoid hurting them and to encourage them to identify with our goals, we must treat
them with respect, be courteous to them, and express ourselves appropriately.
Example: “You are very Smart but sometimes you treat very bad your friends. I think that you
should change your attitude because I am feeling offended with your actitude, so I suggest you
try to be more polite and handsome with the people”. Tips: Do not generalize: “You always do
this”. Be specific and personal: “I think”, “I feel”, “I suggest”
Source: file:///C:/Users/User/Downloads/Assertive-training-booklet.pdf

‘7.1Conclusion
Ask the participants to share their learnings for the day and if any clarifications are required.
Break for the day
Day 2
Activity 8: Mystery box
Step 1: students are asked to identify the purpose of the box
Step 2:there were few mysterious items in the box the students were asked to identify
Step 3:Wait until everyone complete the mystery box. (Refer Facilitator note (8A))

Facilitator note (8A)

This enjoyable game is an easy approach to instill self-assurance in the players and their
educated estimates. Students can try to identify what's inside a bag that has a few mysterious
items in it. They must express their opinions before elaborating on why they believe it to be a
particular thing. align yourself with our goals.
Source: Lange, K. (2023). Top 20 Assertive Communication Activities - Teaching Expertise.
Teaching Expertise. https://www.teachingexpertise.com/classroom-ideas/assertive-
communication-activity/

Step 4: Discuss their experience and how they feel about the exercise.
Activity 9: Emotions
9.1: How About Emotions?
Step one : Now, we will play a game. Let’s make two groups.
Game explanation:
Step 1. Explain the game Facilitator make two groups and each group has to make a circle. In the
circle, each student has to look into the eyes of another student of the circle and count until ten
seconds.
Step 2. Discussion After everyone look at each other ask them these questions: - How did you
feel? - How was for you? - Tell me a feeling that you had while he or she was looking at you.
(Refer Facilitator Note 9(A)).

Facilitator Note 9(A)

Write a list of feelings Students must write in a paper many feelings as possible, give them 2-3
minutes to write them. After 2 minutes, facilitator will realize that students are only capable to
write a maximum of 10-15 feelings. Write more feelings Ask them again to write more
 feelings. Would they be able to write more even if you give them half an hour? (Students will
be able just to write 2 or 3 more feelings, and they will tell you that there are not more)
Facilitator explains students that there is an average of fifty emotions and later show them the
list of emotions. List of emotions: Irritated Furious Outraged Anxious Panicked Overwhelmed
Afraid Blissful Delighted Merry Content Proud Brave Fierce Capable 6 Bold Daring Powerful
Zealous Blue Withdrawn Wistful Vulnerable Desolated Weak Helpless Ashamed Useless
Grrateful Chill Satisfied Blessed Hopefull Hopeless Peaceful Calm Frustrated Devaluated
Appreciated Angry Sad Joy Depressed Disturbed Shoked Melancholy Rattled Uncomfortable
Optimistic Pesimistic

Step 3. Express yourself Facilitator ask students: Trainer: why don’t you know how to express
yourself? o Students: ….. Trainer: do you feel weak if you express your feelings? o Students: …
Trainer: don’t you trust yourself enough to express your feelings? Are you confident enough to
do this? Explanation about why people do not express their feelings. Stereotypes prejudice
education feelings weak not strong rejection looser Put yourself in someone else shoes .Write
this two sentence in the whiteboard and explain in detail what it means. Trainer: nowadays, we
live in a world were people do not express their feelings, because they have been risen that way.
This is due to Stereotypes prejudice education, which it means your family, your friends, your
school, the media have taught you not to express yourself, because if you express yourself
crying, it means you are weak. You are not strong. People will reject you and you will become a
looser. THIS IS NOT TRUE! That why we are here, we are here to teach you that expressing
your feelings is the most normal thing to do, and as human beings we need to be happy, to smile,
to cry, to be worried, to be scared. It is also very important to put yourself in someone else shoe.
If some is crying, do not laugh at him, just try to be next to him and support him. Being empathy
is the best thing to do.
Step 4: students understand
Step 5: it’s the end of the session. What have you learnt?
Step 6 : students rise their hand and tell the facilitator what they have learn. - The significance of
being self-confident - The importance about the limits, personal space and empathy. - The value
of create our own personal strong (brick) bubble. - Put yourselves in someone else
shoeEMPATHY Trainer: thank you so much. See you next week.
9.2 How to say yes or no
Today we can find young people who are able to say NO, or those who are not capable and
recognize it, or the risk group, those who believe they are capable but when the time comes they
are not. Teach them the proper way to say NO (assertiveness): Reasons for people not to say
NO: fear of hurting the feelings of others, be abandoned or rejected, make other angry, take a
punishment, feeling shame, being considered a bad person.
Assertiveness: Training in everyday situations: "when you did / said ... I felt ...; I would like that
from now on ... ".Saying NO it means: you are protecting your boundries, you may save other
person’s time, you are saving your time (Refer Facilitator note 9(B)).

Facilitator note 9(B)

Games. The game consists of putting on awareness and seeing different ways of "saying no":
not saying no, saying not attacking others or saying it assertively without harming anyone. It is
very important that children know how to say no and do not let themselves be influenced. That
they are able to defend their ideas and not do something they do not agree with. We will
analyze different situations in which "we want to say no" and we will see how each of the three
sutudents would act. For this we will complete the following table for each of the situations.
Situations: 13 A classmate asks you to tell him the answers to an exam, while you are doing it.
Your best friend, has asked you a favor for this afternoon, but you can not because you have to
study for an exam tomorrow. Your brother borrows your new shirt, you do not want to leave it
because you have not released it yet. Your friends want to go to a party, to go you have to lie
at home, you do not want to do it because they punish you. The other classmates, they mess
with a child, they ask you to do it too, but you do not want to do it because you have nothing
against the child. We can include and change situations, depending on age, problems,
dynamics time, etc
Source: file:///C:/Users/User/Downloads/Assertive-training-booklet.pdf

Activity 10: Assertiveness is simple but Hard

Step 1: Assertiveness makes communication better and form a mutual relation to the conclusion
of a statement or a problem
Step 2: what are all the difficulties you face without having to communicate assertive?
Step 3: Allow them to answer in as much detail as possible. (refer Facilitator note 10(A)).
 Facilitator note 10(A)
NonAssertive (Passive)
H onest
A ppropriate
R espectful
D irect
Assertive (Tactful)
H onest
A ppropriate
R espectful
D irect
Aggressive (Rude)
H onest
A ppropriate
R espectful
D irect
Assertiveness involves respecting your rights and the rights of others.

10.1 : Important Facts About Assertiveness

● Use “I” or “me” statements such as “When you do , I feel .”
● Voice tone, eye contact, and body posture are important parts of assertive
communication. ______ _____
● Use a steady and calm voice, stand or sit up straight, look the other person in the eyes
without glaring.
● Feelings are usually only one word (e.g. angry, anxious, happy, sad, hurt, frustrated,
joyful)
● Remember, assertiveness doesn’t guarantee that you will get what you want or that the
other person will understand your concerns or be happy with what you said. It does
improve the chances that the other person will understand what you want or how you feel
and thus improve your chances of communicating effectively.
10.2 : Four Essential Steps to Assertive Communication
1. Tell the person what you think about their behavior without accusing them.
2. Tell them how you feel when they behave a certain way.
3. Tell them how their behavior affects you and your relationship with them.
4. Tell them what you would prefer them to do instead.
Source : https://www.mirecc.va.gov/cih-visn2/Documents/Patient_Education_Handouts/
Assertive_Communication_Version_3.pdf

Activity 11: 4 steps of assertive Communication

The basic assertiveness formula has four steps: (1) the situation, (2) the feeling, (3) the
explanation, and (4) the request. Another way of stating the formula is (1) here’s what
happened, (2) here’s how I feel about it, (3) here’s why I feel that way, so (4) here’s what I want.

1. THE SITUATION

The situation is the antecedent. When you refer to the precipitating event, think of it as verbally
holding up a mirror to the other person so he or she can see his or her reflection. In order to do
this, you need to be specific. If it is something the other person has done, you need to describe
the behavior exactly. If it is something the other person has said, you need to quote it as
precisely as possible.If she came up to you and, using the index finger of her right hand, tapped
you three times on the forearm of your left arm, that is what you need to say. Having heard this
description, the listener will know exactly to what you are referring.You must avoid what I call
conclusion words. Conclusion words are those such as rude, obnoxious, or inconsiderate. Who
would automatically agree he or she was being rude, obnoxious, or inconsiderate? Most certainly
it was not the intention of the other person to be any of those things. Again, you are trying to
hold up a mirror, not incite.

2. THE FEELING

Next, you will want to say how you feel in reaction to the situation. This is the most important
 part of the formula. This is the part that will encourage the listener to hear what you are
saying.A simple demonstration is to start a sentence with “You.” If you say, “You . . .” it really
does not matter what you say after that. The other person will be building a defense and not
listening.However, if you start with “I feel,” most likely the other person will be curious enough
to listen. Note that saying, “I feel that you,” still is a you statement.When it comes to expressing
what you are feeling, you have only six choices. You can be happy, sad, angry, scared, hurt, or
ashamed. Anything else is a combination of feelings or a combination of thoughts and feelings.
In order to be clear, it is best to choose one of the six. Otherwise, it becomes confusing for the
listener. Although you may have more than one feeling, choose the one that is most important to
you.If you stop there, the reaction might be something like, “Huh?” The reason for your feeling
will not be clear.For instance, if you said, “When you tapped me three times with the index
finger of your right hand on the forearm of my left arm, I felt sad,” it is likely the listener would
be confused how the behavior led to sadness.

3. THE EXPLANATION

That is why the third part of the formula is necessary. It is the bridge or connection between the
event and your feeling. It always is the thought process that led to the feeling. What was your
thought that led to feeling sad about being tapped on the arm?If you thought being tapped on the
arm was rude, that would not explain being sad. If you remember your mother telling you that if
someone treats you rudely, that person is not a real friend and you conclude that the person who
tapped you on the arm must not be a real friend, that would explain why you felt sad.By way of
explanation, it is necessary to divulge the whole truth of your thought process and not just a
portion of it. Part three is the part most people find difficult because they do not make the entire
explanation.

4. THE REQUEST

At this point, the listener understands what you are feeling and why. However, the reaction is
something along the lines of “So?” You need to give the listener something to which he or she can
respond. You need to make a request. Do you want an apology? Do you want the listener to explain
his or her behavior? Do you want a hug? By the time you make your request, it is clear what is
behind your request. You need to make the request in the affirmative. Say what it is you want rather
than what you do not want.This is the step that distinguishes assertiveness from aggression and non-
assertiveness. The difference is one of choices. Aggression is taking all the choices for yourself and
not giving the other person a choice. Non-assertiveness is not taking a choice, but neither giving the
other person a choice. Assertiveness is taking a choice for yourself and giving the other person a
choice as well.

5. THE CONSEQUENCE

When speaking with an adult, you most likely will not use the fifth element. It is used more often by
a parent speaking with a child. “If you do that one more time, you will have to leave,” is an example
of a consequence a parent might give to a child. It is not necessary to say that the consequence of
complying with your request would be that it would make you happy or that it would enhance the
relationship.Initially, the formula may seem awkward. You will find that you will amend the formula
when speaking with a business associate or addressing someone in the queue at the supermarket
checkout. Note that the assertiveness formula is the first part in the negotiation process.

Source : Assertiveness in 4 Steps – Find a Psychologist. (n.d.).

https://www.findapsychologist.org/assertiveness-in-4-steps-by-dr-lorraine-m-dorfman/#:~:text=The
%20basic%20assertiveness%20formula%20has,4)%20here's%20what%20I%20want.

Activity 12 : Assertiveness training

Assertiveness is associated with behavior that reflects our best interests, “including standing up for
oneself without significant anxiety, expressing one’s feelings comfortably, or exercising one’s own
rights without denying the rights of others”. When we lack assertiveness, we find it difficult to stand
up for ourselves and assert what we want, need, and feel. And it can manifest in several ways,
including excessive agreeableness as well as hostility

Types of assertiveness training

In the past, assertiveness training has typically been split into two specialties :

Behavioral skills training addresses the skills we lack, exposing us to the stressor to reduce
anxiety.
Cognitive restructuring training targets the anxious thoughts that potentially lead to
avoidance behavior.

Assertiveness training currently receives limited research attention, yet a search online and the
popularity of assertiveness books suggest its importance to the general population.

A lack of assertiveness is recognized as an essential element of “anxiety, depression, and

alcohol/substance abuse disorders”

While seemingly less prevalent than it used to be, assertiveness training is often found embedded
in other larger treatments and potentially labeled differently

Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) for borderline personality disorder strengthens

interpersonal effectiveness. This helps people maximize the chance of meeting their
objectives or goals without damaging relationships or self-respect.

Indeed, DBT for depression encourages clients to “behave in ways that will get them what they
need and want”

Acceptance and community therapy (ACT) promotes committed, value-based actions

consistent with the client’s goals despite the risk of failure. ACT encourages change
through acceptance of failures and mistakes and a commitment to a suitable chain of
actions.
Cognitive Behavioral Analysis System of Psychotherapy (CBASP) identifies patients with
 chronic depression as having little awareness of their impact on others, the perception of
a lack of control, and feelings of helplessness and hopelessness.

CBASP uses behavioral skills training to help patients notice the “actual (not feared)
interpersonal consequences of one’s behavior and increased ability to obtain desired outcomes
through assertive action”

However, there are important considerations regarding the embodiment of assertiveness training
in other treatments.

Assertiveness training may not be recognized as a crucial standalone intervention and, because of
differing terminology, may not be picked up in literature searches

12.1: 5 Outcomes of assertiveness training

The assertiveness skills acquired in assertiveness training are valuable for both our personal and
professional lives, enabling us to find ways to :

● Become our own master and avoid being trampled on.

● Get what we want without being aggressive.
● Reduce stress and gain clarity in interactions by knowing what to accept and when to say
‘no.’
● Improve self-esteam and self-confidence by being more assertive.
● Base decisions on facts by keeping emotions in check.

Activity 13: Assertiveness Training exercise and worksheets

Becoming more assertive can be helped by understanding yourself better and building the skills
you need. The following tools and activities will help you or your client turn assertiveness into a
habit.

Assertiveness Self-Evaluation Exercise

Self-evaluation is a great place to start when understanding and building assertiveness.Reflect on

each of the questions in the assertiveness self evaluation to understand better how assertive you
are.

Knowing When to Speak Up

Confidence often begins with knowing when to stand up or speak up for yourself .The Knowing
when to speak up worksheet asks a series of questions to help you decide whether this is the
right time to speak up about something or not.

Finding Your Assertiveness Balance

Respecting yourself and others and finding balance are key to finding your assertiveness sweet
spot .Exploring and reflecting upon past behavior can help you develop your assertiveness for
the future.The Finding your assertiveness balance worksheet asks you to think about an earlier
event and consider how a passive, assertive, and aggressive response would look. Then you
consider how you reacted, before asking yourself how you want to handle such a situation in the
future.

How to Get What You Deserve in Life

There is no point in being assertive if you don’t know what you want. Before you ask for
something, consider why you want it .The How to Get What you deserve in life worksheet asks
a series of questions to help you understand and obtain what you want out of life .Respect works
in both directions. By preparing to ask for something you deserve, you can handle a request more
sensitively.

Self-Assessment for Assertiveness Self-Discovery

Knowing yourself better can help build your assertiveness.The Self assessment for self-
discovery worksheet asks a series of questions to get to know yourself and your assertiveness
better.Use the answers to these questions to recognize all that is good (including people) in your
life and how you can improve your assertiveness.

Replace Unhelpful Thoughts for Assertiveness

We often say ‘yes’ to prove our worth. The reasons we agree to something that we want to refuse
can result from thoughts and beliefs we learn as we grow up.The Replace unhelpful thought for
assertiveness worksheet identifies unhelpful thoughts and considers replacing them with ones
more conducive to assertiveness.Putting in place beliefs and thoughts that support assertiveness
can make saying ‘no’ more manageable.

Activity 14: Role play

Step 1 : The students were paired into groups and were given a scenario of a situation to enact or
model

Step 2: enough time was given to prepare (Refer Facilitator note 14(A)).

Facilitator note 14(A)

Role Play is one of the best ways to teach assertive communication. You can assign roles to
different students and talk them through how to best assert themselves when communicating
with the other person. It is also a good way to teach

Day 3

Activity 15: Assertive communication skills

Assertive communication has two crucial and overlapping skills: verbal and nonverbal

Nonverbal skills (including body language) are a valuable way to showcase your assertiveness,

especially when you may not get to talk much, or at all. Helpful approaches include .(Refer

Facilitator note 15(A)).

Facilitator note 15(A)

1. Stand straight and hold your head high.

2. Sit in such a way that you direct your attention to the speaker and make your

movements minimal and purposeful.

3. Establish your personal space.

4. Walk with purpose, showing you know where you are going and how to get there.

5. Hand gestures should be chosen, controlled, and reinforce the point you are making.

Body language is typically not enough on its own. Assertiveness must be present in what you

have to say (Refer Facilitator note 15(B)).

Facilitator note 15(B)

1. Be direct without being rude. Say what you mean as clearly as possible.

2. Be clear. Say ‘no’ when you are not happy to do something rather than being subtle in

your refusal.

3. Calm persistence can be powerful. Repeat the point in a non-confrontational way.

 4. Use “I” statements. Rather than appearing aggressive, say, “I feel,” “I think,” etc.

5. Be grateful, appreciative, and apologize when appropriate. Being assertive does not

mean you are always right

Activity 16: Assertive training tips

While it is helpful to discuss assertiveness in general, tools and assertiveness training techniques
must work in the real world. Use the following tips to discuss how to handle typical situations
that we face and identify how to be more assertive

Saying ‘no’ is never easy, but there are assertiveness training techniques that can help.The
following tips help to put the ‘no’ out there and make the other person believe they will not be
able to change your mind (Refer Facilitator note 16(A))

Facilitator note 16(A)

1. Give yourself permission.

Remember that it’s okay to say ‘no.’
2. Say ‘no’ positively.
Turn down the request in a positive tone. For example, “I would love to help, but I have
already made other commitments.”
3. Be honest.
Don’t search for or invent an excuse. If you can, say why you are refusing; if not,
simply say ‘no.’
4. Refuse the request, not the person.
Be specific about what it is you are saying ‘no’ to.
 5. Be timely.
Do not hesitate; be quick, direct, and succinct.
6. Find a suitable medium.
Saying ‘no’ in person is usually preferable, but occasionally, the best option is by
phone, email, or text message.
7. Explain why.
When people refuse to accept your ‘no’ or keep pushing, explain why you are saying
‘no.’ The reason may have little value to the other person, so remember that it is
important to you.
8. Commit to ‘no.’
If the other person is overly persistent, clarify that you are committed to your refusal.
For example, “I have already decided that I can’t do that. Trying to push me will not
change my decision.”

In time, assertiveness becomes a habit. Start with the small stuff, and you will be more ready
when bigger challenges are presented

16.1 : Helpful dos of assertive behaviour

Trying to seem assertive is not always the same as being assertive. Without realizing it, you may
be displaying aggression.The following prompts help you reflect on what being assertive means

● Keep an open mind:

Being assertive should not stop you from listening to and respecting different opinions.
● Practice active listening:
Keep an open mind and actively listen to what the other person is saying.
● Continue to grow and learn:
Standing by your thoughts does not mean they are right. Consider the evidence. Do you
need to revise your opinions?
 ● Handle mistakes positively:
Correct and own up to the mistakes you make.
● Express their needs:
Be open, transparent, and direct.
● Don’t feel guilty:
Expressing your feelings without aggression is a positive thing to do.
● Stand up for what they believe:
Others may disagree, but stand up for yourself and others.

Activity 17: Activities of group assertive training

The following activities are especially valuable in group settings where individuals can share and
discuss answers or work together to complete the task

Developing an assertive mindset

In a group setting, discuss how to ready yourself for assertiveness at the beginning of the day.

Ask the group to imagine a new day, then answer the following questions:

What are your fears regarding being assertive today?

What makes standing up for yourself so difficult?
Have there been times in the past when people have reacted poorly to your assertiveness?

Ask the group to discuss how being more assertive in the new day would feel and what they
could achieve.

Create a list of affirmations

Repeating affirmation is a powerful way to retrain your brain and learn to respond in a more
positive way. As a group, create a list of affirmations that may help, such as:
 I am strong and assertive.
My free time is my own.
People will respect me for my assertiveness.
I am responsible for how I behave and how I feel.

Each person then chooses their top three and practices repeating them over the days ahead and in
advance of difficult situations.

Assertiveness role-play

Assertiveness is a skill, and like any other, can benefit from practice.

Arrange the group into pairs. Each person takes a turn refusing or declining the other person’s
request.

Think of realistic situations, either in the past or future, such as:

I was already overloaded when asked to pick up more work.

I was asked to clear up when we should all be working together.

The requests can be framed in different ways (being demanding, persistent, or subtle), and the
other person can practice saying ‘no’ clearly and assertively.

Afterward, discuss as a group what worked well and what was difficult.

Activity 18 : Educating students and youth about assertiveness

From an early age, it is helpful to recognize the importance of setting and working toward goals.

Setting goals
Goals are motivating, encourage us to learn more, and help us develop. Goals guide our decision

making and help us identify when we need to be more assertive

Goals are often more achievable when broken down into smaller steps, with a plan for each one.

Understanding boundaries
Identifying and adhering to boundaries can be difficult at any age, especially when we are young.

Discuss with the young person what their boundaries are in the situations they face.

Physical boundaries:

Personal space and body.

Emotional boundaries:

Being comfortable with and connected to their feelings.

Sexual boundaries:

What is and is not acceptable, and when they want to say ‘no.’

Intellectual boundaries:

Respecting others’ opinions and beliefs, and expecting respect from others.

Dealing with criticism

It is never easy being told we have done something wrong. However, if we can take the feedback

constructively, it can be a positive way to learn and build confidence (Williams, 2020).

Discuss the following guidelines to see how having a positive mindset can help:

Try not to react too quickly, and keep emotions in check.

When there is a misunderstanding, correct it calmly and rationally.

When given feedback, don’t assume everything is wrong. Get down to the single point or

issue.
 Ask if a compromise can be reached. Come up with some of your own.

Don’t take criticism personally. It is about something you have done or not done, rather than

who you are.

Sometimes taking a deep breath and focusing on what is really being said, rather than what you

expect to hear, can be a powerful assertiveness training technique for growth and development.

Activity 19: Conclusion of training

19.1 Quick overview

The summary and a brief of what happened in the training will be given.

19.2 Q&A

Invite the participants to ask any doubts or questions they would like to clarify.

19.3 Feedback

Please refer to Facilitator's Note 19(A) before thanking the attendees and asking them to provide

feedback by answering the questions. In order to get frank feedback, responses are typed on a

little piece of paper and distributed anonymously.

Facilitator’s note 19(A)

• What you liked the most about the program?

• One thing you learnt from the program (your major takeaway)?

• One thing you will definitely use from the program?

• What could have been done better?

Suggestions for improvement: __________________________________