Triggering events,
feelings or images
Being told that they’re gonna
be busy on the night we
specifically planned
Having to cancel/move a
facetime call I was really
looking forward to
Unhelpful thoughts or
images (and their
meaning)
They don’t care about me, I
need to leave them because I’m
just going to keep getting hurt,
it’s always an accident
I did something wrong, I’m
unlovable, I’m not worth
anything, I’m bad, it’s my fault,
I’m difficult, it didn’t get better,
it’s always going to be like this
Feelings (name the
emotion or feeling)
Rejected, unloved, scared, hurt,
upset, alone, abandoned,
uncared for, tired
Abandoned, unloved, insecure,
anxious, scared, alone,
distrusting, disillusioned, taken
for granted, unimportant,
small, like my feelings and
needs are secondary to
everything else
Self-compassionate
alternatives to unhelpful
thoughts & images
They care, it was an accident
Mistakes happen, it won’t
always be like this
There are plenty of times
where I’m happy with them
It wasn’t my fault
I’m not to blame
My emotions don’t make me
difficult
They didn’t communicate
effectively
I’m allowed to not trust them,
they’ve broken my trust a lot
recently
It’s okay for my needs to be my
priority
Outcome: Understanding
and change in feelings,
what I did that helped
I can talk to them about it and
explain how I feel. We wont be
able to change that night but
maybe we’ll be able to change
the pattern for the future.
I’m in charge of what I do and
don’t share. Them regulating
and managing their emotions is
not my responsibility and I
don’t owe them information to
make them feel better.
Likewise they don’t owe me
information just to reassure
me.
I don’t have to do things I don’t
want. I need to communicate if
their reaction is making me feel
guilty, and explore why that
may be.
Doing this worksheet helps me
lay out everything and assess
the situation logically so that I
don’t fly off the handle.