INTERMEDIATE WRITING

I KOMANG EVAN ADIJAYA

2201541134

ASSIGNMENT
1. Check the above outline for organization, support, and topic development!
- Organization

Overall, the organization of the outline above is good, but there are several flaws. First, the
second and third main points should be swapped to fit the timeline. Then the second
supporting point of the first main idea should be swapped with the fourth supporting point to
fit the timeline. Other than that, the order of the main idea, supporting point, and details is
correct.

-Support

The support of the outline above has several flaws. First, the fifth supporting point of the first
main point should not be there because it’s not relevant to the main idea. Then the first
supporting point of the third main point is also not relevant to the main idea and should not be
there. Other than that, the overall support for the outline is good.

-Topic Development

The topic has been well developed. But there is one flaw in the fourth supporting point of the
second main point. For me, the supporting details need a detail that further explains what
seems to be the problem.

2. What the writer should add, subtract, or change in the outline? Give your opinion as well as the
reasons for that!

First, the writer should add a detail for the supporting point in the fourth supporting point of
the second main point. The reason for that is because I can’t understand what seems to be the
problem. Then the writer should subtract the fifth supporting point from the first main idea
because the essay should only talk about San Francisco. The writer should also subtract the
first supporting point from the third main point because I think the computer industry is
related to the gold rush. Last, the writer should change the order of the second supporting
point with the fourth supporting point of the first main point and the order of the second and
third main points. The reason for that is that the essay will be clearer when you place the
timeline correctly.
EXERCISE
T: Thesis Statement, M: Main idea, S: Supporting idea, C: Conclusion
a. Develops clear thinking (S)
b. Physical benefits (M)
c. Improves concentration (S)
d. Reduces fear, anger, and worry (S)
e. Mental benefits (M)
f. Improves blood circulation (S)
E. Improves blood circulation (S)
G. Improves digestion (S)
h. Helps you feel calm and peaceful (S)
i. Develops self-confidence (S)
j. Doing yoga regularly can be good for your mind, your body and your emotions (T)
k. Makes you strong and flexible (S)
l. Therefore, to build mental. physical and emotional health Consider doing yoga (C)
m. Emotional benefits (M)