Have you ever noticed that you usually think and act in certain ways in your

relationships? Maybe you never thought to analyze your behavior before, but
you might have noticed some repeating patterns in your love life. Do you
usually feel secured in your relationship or are you often anxiously worried that
your partner will stop loving you? Maybe you want to be in love with someone,
but when they tried to get closer to you, you suddenly grow cold and back off?
One possible explanation for these relationship patterns is the attachment theory.
Founded by the psychoanalyst John Bowlby, the attachment theory explains how
a child’s relationship with their caregivers can shape the way they build
relationships as an adult. According to the attachment theory, there are three
styles of attachment in adult relationships.
The first attachment style is secure attachment. People who are securedly
attached have good self-esteem and can easily form stable relationships with
others. They can openly expressing their thoughts and feelings. They are also
comfortable depending on their partners and let their partners rely on them. As a
child, people with secure attachment style often feel heard, understood and
valued by their parents, and can comfortably asking for love and reassurance. As
a result, people with this attachment style tend to navigate relationships well by
imitating behaviours from their parents.
The second attachment style is anxious attachment. People with this type of
attachment have insecurities and often think they’re unworthy of love. They also
have a deep-seated fear of abandonment. This fear can make them intensely
jealous and suspicious of their partner, or become too clingy in their
relationship. They are also often afraid or even incapable of being alone.
Anxious attachment might be the result of inconsistent attention from
caregivers. The parents might be loving and nurturing in one minute and become
cold and insentitive the next, causing the child to be confused and distrustful of
their relationship. They often worry that the love they are receiving will
suddenly be taken away , making them constantly need reassurance from their
partner.
The last attachment style is avoidant attachment. As a child, people with this
attachment style might be discouraged from displaying their emotions and not
having their needs met by their caregivers. This cause the child to learn to
repress their wants, needs or sensations in order to maintain relationship with
their parents. An adult with an avoidant attachment might be uncomfortable
being close to other people and allow others to get close to them. They might
have a hard time trusting and allowing themselves to depend on other people.
They may also find it difficult to express their true feelings and get emotionally
close to their partner.
In conclusion, although attachment styles can be formed in the early stages of
our lives, they’re not definite and can be changed. By understanding out types of
attachment, we can gain a deeper insights into our own behaviour and feelings in
relationships. Therefore, we can prevent unhealthy patterns from repeating and
form fulfilling relationship with others.
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