2.What is value?

Does it mean expensive branded clothes, expensive phones, or a rich person

with a lot of wealth? My father told me, when he took us to plant trees in that harsh desert
climate, that a person who works hard for other people is a truly rich man.

I wondered why we were sweating in the hot sun, caring for our trees with such dedication,
investing our time and money, when no one told us to. While we could have spent that time on
expensive branded clothes, expensive phones, cars, or other luxurious items, our family did not
choose that path. When I woke up in the morning, my washed hair was filled with sand, and I
even found sand in my mouth, a clear example of how much desertification had taken place in
that region overnight. We woke up early to work before the scorching midday sun. The solution
to stop the terrible desertification and sandstorms was to plant the "zag" tree. Everyone was
assigned a job, and my main responsibility was to collect Zag seeds and build fences to protect
the Zag seedlings from being eaten by cows and goats. I spent hours digging holes for fences
and trees. Since the soil in that region was hard, like cement-like clay, it required significant
physical effort to dig a single hole, which is why I felt pain in my shoulder and hand. The next
task was collecting zag seeds. It may sound easy, but it was one of the most challenging tasks.
However, this job allowed me to look around and organize my thoughts. The size of one zag
seed is equal to half a grain of rice. This work requires sharp eyesight and patience. So, after
spending half a day picking seeds, we would collect an amount equal to half a cup. After all this
work, I realized the value of water, which I had never appreciated before. Having never seen
any animals in my yard other than gobi lizards, I glanced around and noticed a new visitor: a
wild rabbit. It was eating the newly sprouted saplings of the zag tree we had planted. More than
surprised, I became angry because it was ruining the results of our hard work. I rushed to my
father and told him what had happened, and he calmly said, "Didn't you notice something? This
rabbit didn't just come to us. The trees we planted and nurtured are restoring this desert land to
its original state. If it wasn't for that, the rabbit would never have come to us." That's when my
perspective changed drastically.

I understood the value of the work through my father's words. The value we have created is
that we are striving to maintain the balance of the ecosystem by giving life to the local people
and animals in this barren place. Our family is the richest because a person who sincerely
works for others and can be there for others is considered rich. All the time we spent planting
these trees could have been used for expensive branded clothes, expensive phones, or other
self-interested pursuits. However, my family did not choose that path.

1. It shows your perspective and how it has changed

2. It could be better if you focus on your most important value or expand it(how your father
influenced your life etc) bcz i cant really know what kind of person you are from this
essay
3. Uneven paragraphs also a bit confusing, spoiled in the beginning so try to wrok on a less
spoilable and better hook but its a nice draft. The ending was abit ocnfusing
4. Gave the answer of the question in the beginning, which makes it a bit predictable.
Describing the value of your activity so well. Overall, excellent noorog (pov noorog)
5. Pov essay, but doesnt really show your values until the end, very hard to read
5. The first sentence was so interesting which is like strange i thought what would
happened next felt like a movie excellent. But i think you should more focus on your
structure of essay. Overall its kinda interesting
6. Overused structure
7. Too wide spread ideology
 8. I feel like it's a good subject and has an interesting story and opening. I believe this is a
good draft and with a little work it could be an awesome essay
9. HOOK,

10.I see how your family is good family, but not really your aspects, i think you need to show
more of yourself,

11. Really good example of how you known about hard-working but need something more abt
yourself

12. The introduction was kinda interesting. The scene you described showed how consistentyou
are, how you can work hard. But you couldve showed more about maybe your major

13. Өгүүлбэрийн бүтэц is bad tho from last time I read it, improved a lot.