A Love Based Approach To How We Work - Inspired by AI

A love based approach
to how we work -
inspired by AI
❤️
Table of contents
1. What does love mean?....................................................................................................................................................... 6

1.1. Synonyms of love.........................................................................................................................................................6
1.2. An overview of different types of love.......................................................................................................................... 8
1.3. Companionate love...................................................................................................................................................... 9
1.4. Love for one’s friends................................................................................................................................................. 11
1.5. Unconditional love......................................................................................................................................................14
1.6. Love of beauty........................................................................................................................................................... 16
1.7. Practical love..............................................................................................................................................................18
1.8. Self love..................................................................................................................................................................... 19
2. Why is love at work important?.......................................................................................................................................22
2.1. Better collaboration and teamwork............................................................................................................................ 22
2.2. Higher motivation....................................................................................................................................................... 26
2.3. Faster conflict resolution............................................................................................................................................ 26
2.4. Better mental health...................................................................................................................................................27
2.5. More creativity and innovation................................................................................................................................... 28
2.6. Stronger commitment.................................................................................................................................................29
3. What beliefs weaken love at work?.................................................................................................................................30
3.1. Believing that some people are less worthy than others............................................................................................30
3.2. Believing that people are lazy.................................................................................................................................... 32
3.3. Believing that people are only driven by external motivation or only by internal motivation...................................... 32
3.4. Believing that strong control is very important........................................................................................................... 33
4. What are design obstacles to love at work?.................................................................................................................. 34
4.1. Human beings have commonalities with chimpanzees and with bonobos................................................................ 34
4.2. Some humans wish to use titles................................................................................................................................ 36
4.3. Accepting salaries that are much higher or much lower than people you work with..................................................37
5. What are actions that reduce love at work?...................................................................................................................40
5.1. Judging people...........................................................................................................................................................40
5.2. Avoiding people..........................................................................................................................................................42
5.3. Excluding people........................................................................................................................................................43
5.4. Eliminating people......................................................................................................................................................43
5.5. Not respecting people................................................................................................................................................ 44
5.6. Criticizing people........................................................................................................................................................46
5.7. Blaming people.......................................................................................................................................................... 47
5.8. Discriminating against people.................................................................................................................................... 48
5.9. Passive-aggressive behavior..................................................................................................................................... 49
5.10. Commanding people................................................................................................................................................50
5.11. Power struggles........................................................................................................................................................51
5.12. Letting your ego get out of control........................................................................................................................... 54
6. What beliefs can help strengthen love at work?............................................................................................................56
6.1. Believing that people want to be free.........................................................................................................................56
6.2. Believing that diverse work environments will create better results...........................................................................57
6.3. Believing that giving will make your life better........................................................................................................... 58
6.4. Believing that love is deeper than emotions.............................................................................................................. 59
7. What are ways to design loving work environments?.................................................................................................. 60
7.1. Create transparency.................................................................................................................................................. 60
7.2. Organize in small teams............................................................................................................................................ 62
7.3. Pay people who contribute.........................................................................................................................................64
7.4. Mention love in the annual report...............................................................................................................................66
7.5. Create spaces where people love to be.....................................................................................................................67
7.6. Bring a dog to places where you work....................................................................................................................... 70
8. What actions can strengthen love when other people speak?.................................................................................... 72
8.1. Recognizing contributions..........................................................................................................................................72
8.2. Bowing for people...................................................................................................................................................... 72
8.3. Listening to people.....................................................................................................................................................75
8.4. Trying to understand people...................................................................................................................................... 77
8.5. Not judging people..................................................................................................................................................... 77
8.6. Hugging people..........................................................................................................................................................78
9. How can you strengthen love when you speak?........................................................................................................... 82
9.1. Communicate with kindness...................................................................................................................................... 82
9.2. Be honest...................................................................................................................................................................83
9.3. Ask for feedback........................................................................................................................................................ 84
9.4. Communicate openly................................................................................................................................................. 84
9.5. Address conflicts directly and constructively..............................................................................................................84
9.6. Care for people.......................................................................................................................................................... 85
9.7. Use humor................................................................................................................................................................. 86
9.8. Communicate love..................................................................................................................................................... 87
9.9. Expressing needs you have.......................................................................................................................................88
10. Discover your love languages....................................................................................................................................... 89
10.1. What love languages are there?.............................................................................................................................. 89
10.2. What questions can you ask yourself to discover your love languages?.................................................................90
10.2.1. Questions related to expressing love.............................................................................................................. 90
10.2.2. Questions related to receiving love................................................................................................................. 91
10.3. What are ways to make love languages quantifiable?.............................................................................................92
11. What can you do to express vulnerability?.................................................................................................................. 95
11.1. Love with intensity and honesty............................................................................................................................... 95
11.2. Admit mistakes......................................................................................................................................................... 95
11.3. Apologize..................................................................................................................................................................97
11.4. Express emotions openly....................................................................................................................................... 100
11.5. Cry..........................................................................................................................................................................100
11.6. Speak up about personal problems you have........................................................................................................ 101
11.7. Ask for help............................................................................................................................................................ 102
11.8. Thank people..........................................................................................................................................................102
11.9. Smile to people.......................................................................................................................................................105
12. What can you do to build love in your heart?............................................................................................................ 109
12.1. Write down and share your life stories................................................................................................................... 109
12.2. Discover your values.............................................................................................................................................. 110
12.3. Become conscious of your personality...................................................................................................................117
12.4. Ask yourself how you feel in different situations.....................................................................................................118
12.4.1. Try to name emotions you feel...................................................................................................................... 118
12.4.2. Ask yourself where in your body you feel different kinds of love................................................................... 118
12.5. Be authentic........................................................................................................................................................... 121
12.6. Talk to love within you............................................................................................................................................ 122
12.6.1. Talk to your heart...........................................................................................................................................122
12.6.2. Talk to a tree..................................................................................................................................................122
12.6.3. Treat yourself with love................................................................................................................................. 124
12.7. Reparent yourself...................................................................................................................................................124
12.8. Draw or paint love.................................................................................................................................................. 126
12.9. Put your heart into the way you sing......................................................................................................................127
12.10. Do a loving kindness meditation once in a while................................................................................................. 130
Acknowledgements............................................................................................................................................................ 132
1. What does love mean?
1.1. Synonyms of love
In the corporate world, we steer away from using the word love. We feel more comfortable using
expressions such as employee engagement, customer loyalty, a caring culture, passionate service
or customer satisfaction.1
The words lined up below are some synonyms for love categorized by their common
characteristics and nuances in the following two groups.
Group A: Passionate and romantic

● Adoration.
● Amour.
● Ardor.
● Desire.
● Devotion.
● Intimacy.
1
https://hbr.org/2023/10/the-business-case-for-love
● Passion.
● Romance.
Group A: Affectionate and gentle

● Affection.
● Appreciation.
● Attachment.
● Care.
● Closeness.
● Compassion.
● Concern.
● Fondness.
● Friendship.
● Kindness.
● Liking.
● Respect.
● Tenderness.
● Warmth.2
https://frankcalberg.wordpress.com/2023/09/20/what-are-synonyms-for-love-grouped-by-their-common-characteristics-and-nuance
s/
1.2. An overview of different types of love
This is an overview of different types of love grouped in 3 categories.3
Interpersonal love Love for ideas and non-human Other types of love
animals
Benevolent love. Love of beauty. Love for God.
Companionate love. Love for life. Love for strangers.
Father’s love for his child. Love of nature. Moral love.
Love for one’s friends. Love for non-human animals. Practical love.
Love for one’s neighbors. Love for one’s country. Self love.
Love for one’s siblings. Love of wisdom.
Mother’s love for her child. Universal love.
Parental love.
Passionate love.
Reciprocal love.
Romantic love.
Sexual love.
True love.
Unconditional love.
Unselfish love.
3
https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/09515089.2023.2252464
1.3. Companionate love
Companionate love is a type of love, which is characterized by feelings of intimacy, affection, trust,
and deep emotional connection between two people. Companionate love is also known as
affectionate love or friendship-based love. Companionate love is a deep love that develops over
time. It is often found in long-term relationships, where a strong bond has been established.
Companionate love is a type of love, which is there for us in all situations. It is the love that makes
us feel safe and secure. People in companionate love relationships often enjoy spending time
together. Companionate love is not only important in romantic relationships. It is also important in
close friendships and family relationships. In work situations, companionate love is shown when
colleagues care about each other’s work and well-being, fostering a positive and supportive work
environment. When we have companionate love for someone, we feel close to them, care deeply
about them and want to support them through thick and thin.
While passionate love may fade over time, companionate love has been found to endure and
contribute to long-term relationship satisfaction. Unlike passionate love, which is characterized by
intense physical attraction and strong emotions, companionate love is more stable and rooted in a
sense of friendship, mutual understanding and mutual respect. While passionate love can be more
intense and driven by physical attraction as well as a short lived admiration for someone,
companionate love is a more enduring form of love that develops as a relationship matures. Both
passionate and companionate love can coexist in a healthy, long-term relationship, and they may
evolve and change over time. Companionate love is just as important as passionate love and is
the foundation of strong and lasting relationships.
Key features of companionate love include:
Intimacy
Companionate love involves a strong emotional bond and a deep sense of closeness between two
people. They are comfortable sharing with each other – without fear of being judged by the other –
experiences they have in life, their thoughts as well as emotions they feel.
Affection
In companionate love, there is a genuine care and concern for the well-being of one’s partner. Acts
of kindness, support, and tenderness are common expressions of affection in this type of love.
Trust
Companionate love is built on a foundation of trust. Partners trust each other to be honest, faithful,
and supportive. They rely on each other and feel secure in their relationship.
Commitment
Companionate love is a commitment to support each other and maintain the relationship through
good times as well as through challenging times. Partners are committed to working through
challenges together.
Longevity
Companionate love tends to grow and strengthen over time. It is often associated with long-term
relationships in which the initial passionate feelings may have mellowed, but the emotional
connection has deepened.4
1.4. Love for one’s friends
Doing research about what characterizes friendship, this is what I learned:
Shared interests
Many friendships are built around common interests. Shared experiences help deepen the bond
between friends.
Liking
Friends like each other. They enjoy each other’s company. This emotional bond is at the core of
friendship.
4
https://frankcalberg.wordpress.com/2023/11/01/what-is-companionate-love/
Laughter and fun
A sense of humor and the ability to have fun together are important aspects of many friendships.
Friends find humor in life’s challenges. Laughter can strengthen the bond between friends.
Open communication
Healthy friendships involve open and honest communication. Friends listen with attention to each
other and offer honest feedback – thereby fostering a sense of understanding and connection.
Friends can talk openly about their thoughts, concerns as well as emotions, which they feel,
without fear of judgment.
Acceptance and non-judgment

Friends accept each other for who they are. They do not judge or criticize one another. Friends do
not try to change each other to people that they are not.
Respect
Friends respect each other’s boundaries, values, and opinions. There is no power imbalance in a
friendship.
Trust
Friends trust each other with personal thoughts, feelings and experiences.
Offering help
Friends offer help when it is needed. For example, friends offer a listening ear, understanding, a
shoulder to cry on and/or practical advice. They cheer each other on through difficult times.
Forgiveness
Friends are not immune to conflicts or disagreements, but they are often willing to forgive and
work through issues to maintain the relationship.5
In an HBR IdeaCast on the topic “How work changed love” Moira Weigel explained this:
“I think that the sort of obsessive emphasis on monogamous romantic love that we have as a
culture can be very counterproductive, both in terms of finding a romantic monogamous partner
and in terms of personal well-being and happiness. We all need many kinds of relationships in our
lives. And if you look at history, it’s basically only about a 200-year-old idea, this idea that you
would find one person defines your whole personal life. And I think it’s a lot to ask for. It creates a
lot of expectations that are difficult. So yeah, I think seeking out, maintaining, cultivating loving
friendships with other people, who you’re not necessarily having sex with, is another piece of
5
https://frankcalberg.wordpress.com/2023/09/07/what-characterizes-friendship/
general advice which I think can actually help people have richer romantic lives, too, in all sorts of
ways.”6
1.5. Unconditional love
Studying key characteristics of the kind of love known as Agape, this is what I learned:
Unconditional love
Agape love is not based on the worthiness of the person being loved. It is given freely, regardless
of what the person has done or not done. Agape love does not place any conditions or
requirements on the person receiving the love. Agape love is always there – no matter what. And it
remains constant over time.
Putting the needs of the other person first

Agape is a selfless love. It seeks to serve and benefit others – without regard for personal gain. It
is sensitive to needs as well as emotions of others and actively seeks the wellbeing of others, for
example by doing concrete actions that contribute to their welfare.
6
https://hbr.org/podcast/2016/08/how-work-changed-love
Universal and inclusive love
Agape love is not limited to family, friends, or romantic partners. It does not discriminate or show
favoritism. Agape is a love that embraces everyone, regardless of their background, beliefs,
actions or relationship to the person experiencing the love.
Kindness
Agape love is kind and compassionate. It seeks to do good to the other person, even when it is not
reciprocated. Agape love wants to give and does not expect anything in return. It seeks to build up
and strengthen people and communities.
Patience
Agape love does not give up easily, even when the other person is difficult or unlovable. It is
enduring and persistent and is willing to wait through difficulties and challenges.
Forgiving
Agape love is willing to forgive the other person’s mistakes. It keeps no record of wrongs and does
not feel anger easily. Agape love is willing to restore relationships.
Hopeful
Agape love believes in the inherent goodness of other people, even when he or she has let one
down in the past. Agape love never gives up on her or him. It believes in the potential of other
people.7
1.6. Love of beauty
These are examples of how people express their love of beauty:
Appreciating beauty of simple things in life

People can express their love of beauty by taking time to appreciate the beauty of, for example, a
sunrise, a flower, or the sound of a bird singing. They can also find beauty in simple things such as
the smell and taste of a cup of coffee. People can also express their love of beauty by
complimenting others. For example, they may tell people how much they enjoy spending time with
them because of their inner beauty. In addition, people may support businesses that create
beautiful products.
Using digital media to make beautiful creations

Many people express their love of beauty through digital media including blogs and other websites
as well as through the production of videos. In this work, aesthetics play an important role in
creating engaging content. The use of functionalities on various digital platforms such as
7
https://frankcalberg.wordpress.com/2023/09/06/what-are-key-characteristics-of-agape/
Instagram and TikTok can help people express their love of beauty. People create art in many
different forms – including taking photos, writing, drawing and/or making music.
Decorating their homes

People use their homes to express their personal style and create a space that is beautiful and
inviting. They may decorate their homes with comfortable and beautiful furniture and use decor
that are visually pleasing and harmonious. People may also like to paint their walls in colors that
they find appealing.
Appreciating nature
Nature is full of beauty. People express their love of nature by, for example, walking / jogging
and/or swimming in nature. They also appreciate the beauty of nature by bringing nature indoors,
for example by having plants and flowers in their homes and/or on their balconies.
Clothing and self care work

Many people express their love of beauty through their clothing. Fashion choices can be means of
showcasing an individual’s sense of aesthetics. People choose clothes that flatter their figure and
make them feel confident. They may also spend time on their hair, makeup, and accessories.
Self-care work including personal fitness work and skincare can be a form of self-expression and
self-love. Some people like to invest time and effort into looking and feeling their best.8
8
https://frankcalberg.wordpress.com/2023/09/21/what-are-specific-examples-of-how-people-express-their-love-of-beauty/
1.7. Practical love
Pragma is a practical love. People, who prefer this love style, look for partners with whom they can
share common goals and a desire to make things work. These are five examples of Pragma:
● Respecting differences.
● Understanding.
● Making compromises.
● Showing patience.
● Showing tolerance.9
9
https://www.calameo.com/read/00350737916f96ddc8455
1.8. Self love
There is healthy self love and unhealthy self love. These are the most important differences
between the two:
Healthy self love

● Feeling loved from within yourself and not feeling dependent on external factors such as
achievements, appearance, or the approval of others. Healthy self love is based on self-worth
and includes accepting everything about yourself. It includes feeling comfortable with your
strengths as well as your weaknesses.
● Being kind to yourself and understanding yourself, especially when you make mistakes.
● Knowing that you are worthy of love and happiness.
● Being aware of and respecting needs you have.
● Setting boundaries in relationships and saying no to things you do not want to do.
● Respecting the needs and boundaries of other people.
● Making choices that are in accordance with values you have. Making these choices even if
they require effort, sacrifice and/or if they are not what other people want you to do.
● Taking care of your physical health by eating healthy, exercising, and getting enough sleep.
● Giving yourself time for relaxation and enjoyment.
● Encouraging personal growth and self-improvement – including embracing challenges and
setbacks as opportunities for learning and development.
Unhealthy self love
● Thinking that you are above everyone else and deserve special treatment or attention.
● Relying on external validation to feel good about yourself. Unhealthy self love is driven by the
need for constant approval from others and is often conditional.
● Having difficulty understanding or caring about feelings and needs that other people have.
● Manipulating or exploiting other people to fulfill your own needs or desires, often without
regard for the consequences of harm they cause.
● Comparing yourself to others and judging yourself for not being good enough.
● Having a fragile self-esteem. Paradoxically, narcissists can become highly defensive or
aggressive when their self-image is threatened or criticized.
● Having shallow and transactional relationships, as people may primarily seek admiration and
validation rather than genuine connection.
● Continuously neglecting your needs and putting the needs of others before your own.
● Being critical of yourself and putting yourself down.
● Dwelling on your mistakes and feeling guilty or ashamed.10
In her book Love 2.0 Barbara L. Frederickson explained that self love is the foundation for all
other forms of love. She went on to say that self love means that a) you believe that you are
10
https://frankcalberg.wordpress.com/2023/09/05/what-are-the-most-important-differences-between-1-healthy-self-love-and-2-unhealt
hy-self-love/
worthy of love and b) you believe that you are not more special than others. Following up on this
Frederikson explains that a human being is neither below nor above others. Self-diminishment as
well as self-aggrandizement deny that. All people are fundamentally the same when it comes to
their ability to think, feel and yearn for love. Everyone deserves acceptance, respect and love -
even with our many imperfections.11
11
https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/5725192576 pages 112-114.
2. Why is love at work important?
2.1. Better collaboration and teamwork
According to Nobel prize winner Betrand Russell, love is an escape from loneliness we feel. Our
fear of the cold, cruel world tempts us to build hard shells to protect and isolate ourselves. The
delight, intimacy and warmth of love helps us overcome our fear of the world, escape our lonely
shells and engage more abundantly in life.12
A poll that Sanae Tabnaoui Gassmann shared via LinkedIn showed that positive relationships are
the workplace element that impacts people’s performance the most.13
12
https://youtu.be/yJSiUm6jvI0
13
https://www.linkedin.com/feed/update/urn:li:activity:7080071752793387008
In her book “Winning from within” Erica Ariel Fox explained that the lover in us values
relationships and connects us with other people. A sign of the inner lover is the drive to care, for
example for other people and/or for the environment. As you would imagine from the name, the
lover is expressed in many roles that we play in life. Some examples: Friend, parent, coach,
mentor, advisor, volunteer, caregiver, teacher, sister, brother, son, daughter.
If your lover leads your inner team, you might devote your life to helping other people. The lover's
power source is emotion, and his strongest muscle is compassion. The balanced lover provides
connection and specializes in the skills you need for a relationship. The lover's sweet spot enables
you to
1. connect with emotions,
2. collaborate with others, as well as
3. build and maintain trust.
The lover's inner resources include openness, generosity, empathy, and acceptance.14
14
https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/963181477 page 165.
Sources:
https://twitter.com/simonsinek/status/1686830732352593921
https://twitter.com/AmyCEdmondson/status/1686925575103905797
2.2. Higher motivation
Feeling loved and appreciated at work can have a significant impact on an individual's motivation.
When people know that they are valued and cared for by their colleagues, it creates a sense of
belonging and purpose. This emotional support helps individuals stay engaged, motivated, and
committed to their work - even during challenging times.15
2.3. Faster conflict resolution
No workplace is immune to conflicts or disagreements. However, when there is a foundation of

love and respect among colleagues, resolving conflicts becomes easier. Strong relationships built
on love enable people to approach conflicts with empathy, open-mindedness, and a genuine
desire to find mutually beneficial solutions. This can prevent conflicts from escalating and
damaging work relationships.16
15
https://chat.openai.com/share/5f81e7f2-1ca0-4e26-9b6e-ffdd71524e5a
16
2.4. Better mental health
In her book Rising Strong, Brené Brown explained that the absence of love, belonging and
connection always leads to suffering.17
Workplaces that prioritize love and emotional well-being contribute to better mental health for
employees. Genuine connections and supportive relationships at work create a sense of emotional
safety, reducing stress and promoting overall well-being. People who feel loved and supported are
more likely to experience job satisfaction and are less prone to burnout.18
When marching, with other Auschwitz concentration camp prisoners, to a work site in icy wind -
while guards kept shouting at them, calling them pigs, driving them with the butts of their rifles and
whipping them when they stumbled - Viktor Frankl was thinking of his wife. Although Viktor Frankl
did not know if his loved one was still alive, he saw her smile, her frank and encouraging look. He
experienced the look of his wife as being more luminous than the sun which was beginning to rise.
In his mind, he asked her questions, and she answered. Then, she asked him questions in return,
and he answered. In this situation, Viktor Frankl grasped that the salvation of man is through love
and in love. He learned that love goes far beyond the physical person of the beloved.19
17
https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/1879833009 location 3350.
18
19
2.5. More creativity and innovation
Love and positive relationships among colleagues foster an atmosphere of psychological safety,
where individuals feel comfortable expressing their ideas and taking risks. When people are not
afraid of judgment or rejection, they are more likely to contribute their unique perspectives, leading
to enhanced creativity and innovation within the team.20
In his book writes, for example, about creative thinking methods you can do with other people. On
page 66 of his book “Lateral thinking for every day”, Paul Sloane, who was once a part of the
music group “The fat cats”, wrote, for example, about the 6 thinking hats method. With this
method, people think together using 6 different hats that denote 6 different ways of thinking.
Everyone wears the same hat at the same time.21
20
21
https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/5757105781
2.6. Stronger commitment
Strong relationships built on love and care can increase retention and foster loyalty to
organizations that people work for. When individuals feel connected and supported by people, with
whom they work, they are more likely to remain committed to their team and the organization as a
whole. This reduces turnover rates and contributes to the stability and long-term success of the
workplace.22
22
3. What beliefs weaken love at work?
3.1. Believing that some people are less worthy than others
The opposite of love is often considered to be indifference.23
An exhibition at the Swiss national museum in Zürich displayed Italianità - including concrete
experiences that Italians had in Switzerland. Rosanna from Zürich mentioned that Italian workers
could not bring their families to Switzerland. It was indecent and inhuman, she said. Nunzio from
Biel explained that because Italian workers could not bring their families to Switzerland, he could
not go to school, when he was a child growing up in Switzerland. When it was discovered that
Nunzio, as a child, was living with his parents, who worked in Switzerland, the entire family had to
leave the country within 2 weeks.24
23
https://chat.openai.com/share/4adaf6e3-6289-40da-b6f4-3594d598edde
24
https://frankcalberg.wordpress.com/2023/08/28/experiences-of-italians-in-switzerland/
3.2. Believing that people are lazy
At the foundation of command and control is a belief that people are inherently lazy.25 The
assumption that people are lazy, unmotivated and will do anything to avoid work is also at the core
of McGregor’s theory X.26
3.3. Believing that people are only driven by external motivation or only by internal
motivation
A belief, which is central in the command and control approach, is that external motivation is
extremely important for people.27 McGregor’s theory X states that people are only interested in
money and extrinsic rewards.28
25
https://frankcalberg.wordpress.com/2023/08/30/why-do-1-command-and-control-and-2-love-represent-contrasting-approaches/
26
https://g.co/bard/share/0fa065943432
27
28
3.4. Believing that strong control is very important
Additional beliefs, which are at the core of command and control, are the strong needs for
structure, efficiency, productivity, close monitoring and control.29 Autocratic and controlling
leadership styles are central in McGregor’s X because the belief is that people are lazy and
unmotivated.30
29
30
4. What are design obstacles to love at work?
4.1. Human beings have commonalities with chimpanzees and with bonobos
The question of whether humans have more in common with chimpanzees or with bonobos is a
complex one, which does not have a simple answer. There are many factors to consider -
including genetics and behavior.
Differences in genetics
Humans share a common ancestor with both chimpanzees and bonobos. Both humans and
chimpanzees belong to the Hominidae family. More than 98% of the DNA of human beings is
identical to that of chimpanzees as well as to that of bonobos. Bonobos and humans diverged
from their common ancestor more recently than chimpanzees and humans did.
Differences in behavior
While chimpanzees and bonobos are two closely related species of great apes and share many
similarities in social behavior, they also exhibit some significant differences. Some examples:
● Social hierarchy: In comparison with bonobos, chimpanzees have a more rigid and more
male-dominated social hierarchy. Males typically hold dominant positions and can be quite
aggressive in maintaining their status. Bonobos have a more egalitarian social structure, with
female bonobos playing a more prominent role in decision-making and social interactions.
Female-female bonds are stronger in bonobos compared to chimpanzees.
● Use of tools: Both chimpanzees and bonobos are known for their use of tools, but
chimpanzees are considered more proficient tool users. They often use tools for hunting and
extracting food. Bonobos use tools less frequently and are less likely to engage in hunting.
● Methods to solve conflicts: Compared with bonobos, chimpanzees use more aggression
when solving conflicts. They form coalitions to establish dominance and control within their
groups and may engage in physical fights. Bonobos are much more peaceful than
chimpanzees. They tend to use non-violent methods to resolve conflicts. To solve conflicts,
bonobos frequently engage in sexual behavior.
● Sexual behavior: In comparison with that of bonobos, the sexual behavior of chimpanzees is
less frequent and tends to be more focused on reproduction. Bonobos have a more relaxed
attitude toward sexual behavior, using it as a form of social bonding as well as to reduce
tension and solve conflicts.
The differences in social behavior are thought to be due to different ecological factors. Bonobos
live in the rainforest, where food is abundant and resources are easily accessible. And
chimpanzees live in the savannah, where food is scarce and resources are more contested.
Chimpanzees may have evolved their aggressive behavior as a way to compete for resources.
And bonobos are thought to be more peaceful because they have less need to compete for
resources.31
4.2. Some humans wish to use titles
During a conversation following a MeetUp in July 2023 at Markthalle in Basel, a space located
close to the Basel train station, Sanae Tabnaoui Gassmann explained that for her, titles imply
something relatively static - something that is not about transforming, growing and changing.
Asking ChatGPT about contrasts between using a title and wanting to strengthen love among
people who work with each other, the AI machine mentioned, for example, that in a work setting,
titles often denote hierarchy and authority. Using titles at work helps establish roles,
responsibilities, and reporting structures. On the other hand, when trying to strengthen love
between people who work together, the focus is on fostering a sense of equality, respect, and
collaboration. It involves creating a supportive and inclusive environment where everyone's
contributions are valued, regardless of their title or position.32
31
https://frankcalberg.wordpress.com/2023/09/11/do-human-beings-have-more-in-common-with-bonobos-or-with-chimpanzees/
32
https://chat.openai.com/share/920db6d6-b38a-4de9-955c-c8f7c63026b2
Esther Perel explained that in relationships, which work well, there is a place for belonging and a
place for becoming. In other words, in well functioning relationships, partners feel that they have a
base and also feel that they have the freedom to develop as humans.33
4.3. Accepting salaries that are much higher or much lower than people you work with
I was curious to learn about what effect money, which people choose to accept for contributions
they make, has on the love that people feel for each other. Studying this, I learned, for example,
that when leaders choose to accept very large salaries and bonuses, while other contributors have
difficulty making ends meet, it can create dissatisfaction in the minds and hearts of people.34 A
natural question in this regard would be to ask what needs to be done to channel the large amount
of negative energy generated among people, because they are dissatisfied with large differences
in incomes, into more positive energy?
Wage levels have a significant impact on health. In his book “Dying for a paycheck”, Jeffrey Pfeffer
wrote that some of the most problematic stress-causing aspects of work environments include low
wages, shift work and the absence of job control. Low wages predict obesity, anxiety and
33
https://vm.tiktok.com/ZGJ4wPt3x/
34
https://chat.openai.com/share/c7acf536-f882-4353-80d6-4bcab771fd62
depression, low birth weights and hypertension.35 Strong differences in incomes combined with
increasing health care premiums bring people into unhealthy situations.
To find out more about this, I asked the GenAI system Bard this question: “To strengthen love
among people, who work with each other, should differences in incomes between people be very
large or very small?” Bard responded that fair compensation is important. Elaborating on this, the
GenAI system noted that large differences in incomes can lead to conflict and distrust, which can
make it difficult to build strong relationships. Large income differences can create a sense of
hierarchy, which can make it difficult for people to feel equal and respected.36 More concretely,
Bard mentioned that Amazon and Walmart are leading the list of companies with the largest
differences in wages between CEOs and employees. Amazon has a CEO-to-worker pay ratio of
2,286-to-1 and Walmart a CEO-to-worker pay ratio of 1,235-to-1.
Like every other human being, CEO of Amazon, Jeff Bezos, has a heart. For example, Mr. Bezos,
whose father left him and his mother when Jeff was 18 months old, and who was later adopted by
Cuban immigrant Miguel Bezos37, spreads love by investing USD 1 billion per year in space
exploration through his company Blue Origin - thereby helping people earn incomes.38
35
36
https://g.co/bard/share/7026ca136e73
37
https://www.scmp.com/magazines/style/celebrity/article/3188951/meet-jeff-bezos-billionaire-parents-jacklyn-and-miguel
38
https://g.co/bard/share/2f764ba2ff4a
In his book “Sapiens”, Yuval Noah Harari wrote that for most of our existence, most human
cooperation networks have been geared towards oppression and exploitation and were neither
voluntary nor egalitarian. For example, the Roman amphitheaters were built by slaves, so the
wealthy Romans could watch other slaves fight against each other.39
In 1864, Jourdan Anderson and his wife Mandy escaped a life of slavery when Union Army
soldiers freed them from the plantation, on which they had been working. In a response to a letter
from Patrick Henry Anderson, his former slave master, who had asked him to return to work for
him at the plantation, Jourdan Anderson wrote this: "I served you faithfully for 32 years, and
Mandy 20 years. At 25 dollars a month for me and 2 dollars a week for Mandy, our earnings would
amount to 11,680 dollars."40
Three questions for you:

1. What salary does the highest paid person, who is hired by a company you work for, receive
every month?
2. How high is that person’s salary in comparison with the salary of the lowest paid person, who
is hired by a company you work for?
3. How does that make you feel?
39
40
Shaun Uster: Letters of note, page 57. https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/2063270483
5. What are actions that reduce love at work?
5.1. Judging people
In his book “Positive Intelligence”, Shirzad Chamine explained that for the judge, a saboteur we
all have in our minds and developed in early childhood in order to survive, love is conditional. We
have to do something to be loved by the judge in us. The judge finds faults with us as well as with
other people. The judge thinks that if it does not find faults with us and punish us for making these
faults, we will become lazy. The judge thinks that if it does not judge us for what is wrong with us
and makes us feel bad, we will not learn from our mistakes. The judge thinks it is better to punish
us than to empathize with us.41
Why do people judge each other? Doing research about the question, I found out that people
judge each other for a variety of reasons. Some examples:
To determine if a person is a threat and to protect ourselves

Throughout human history, making quick judgments about others helped our ancestors find out if
someone posed a threat or if she or he could be trusted. If we see someone who is behaving in a
41
https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/3727205299 pages 16, 34, 55, 62, 73 and 84.
way that we perceive as dangerous or threatening, we may judge the person in order to avoid
them or to take steps to protect ourselves. Modern society is less dangerous in many ways.
However, this instinctual behavior is still deep within many of us. Many people continue to judge
others in order to protect themselves emotionally, mentally, or physically. This can involve avoiding
those people or animals, who are perceived as potentially harmful or distancing oneself from those
who hold different views. Judging others can help people navigate social interactions and
relationships. It allows people to make choices about who to become friends with and who to
avoid.
To compare ourselves to others

Judging other people based on their appearance, behavior, or other observable traits is a quick
way to categorize and understand people, even if these judgments are sometimes inaccurate or
unfair. By comparing ourselves to others, we can measure our own abilities, status, and worth.
Establishing a social hierarchy is a fundamental aspect of human society. Comparing ourselves
with others can sometimes lead to feelings of superiority or inferiority.
To try to keep order and feel in control

Judgments are often influenced by cultural norms and personal values. In many cultures, there are
certain expectations about how people should behave. People may judge others based on how
well they conform to these norms and values. Stereotyping people and having preconceived
notions about who people are can accentuate this, and these biases can lead people to make
quick judgments based on limited information. In order to try to maintain social order, some people
may judge others, who do not conform to their expectations. If we can decide who is good and
who is bad, we feel like we have some power over the world around us. The underlying belief here
is lack of acceptance of people being different and imperfect. This belief fuels lack of
understanding and lack of tolerance.
To turn attention away from our own imperfections

Judging others can help us feel a sense of control over our own lives. People, who feel
inadequate, insecure or have unresolved personal issues may judge others as a way to move
attention away from their own shortcomings, weaknesses, flaws, imperfections, negative traits,
fears and/or vulnerabilities. This is known as projection and can help us to feel better about
ourselves.42
5.2. Avoiding people
When people experience the opposite of love, they may choose to distance themselves from each
other and avoid interacting. They might isolate themselves or limit communication to the bare
minimum required for work-related tasks.43
42
https://frankcalberg.wordpress.com/2023/09/08/why-do-people-judge-each-other/
43
5.3. Excluding people
In her book “Time to think”, Nancy Kline mentioned that as more and more women have moved
into positions of leadership, they have been encouraged to be like men. Nancy Kline noted that
men actually do not like backstabbing, competitive, patronizing, exclusive, and interruptive
environments. Also, research shows that if they do not get out of these environments in time, or
change them, many will die from them.44
5.4. Eliminating people
Despite the presence of empathy, humans also possess the capacity for cruelty and violence.
Throughout history, there have been instances of wars, conflicts, and acts of aggression driven by
human beings’ darker impulses. This capacity for cruelty can be rooted in factors such as
prejudice, intolerance, and a lack of empathy - leading to acts of discrimination, oppression, and
harm towards others.45
44
45
https://frankcalberg.wordpress.com/2023/07/11/what-are-the-best-arguments-that-humans-are-a-good-and-b-evil/
In his book “Sapiens” Yuval Noah Harari wrote that after Christopher Columbus in 1492 and
about 10 years later the Italian sailor Amerigo Vespucci had discovered America, people from
Spain sailed to America. Over a period of about 20 years, the Spanish colonists killed all natives
and began importing African slaves. The Spaniards established gold and silver mines as well as
sugar and tobacco plantations.46
5.5. Not respecting people
Asking ChatGPT what it means to not respect people, ChatGPT mentioned, for example,
● dismissing or belittling someone's thoughts, ideas, or viewpoints without giving them proper
consideration.
● behaving in ways that hurt or offend others and showing a lack of empathy for their emotions
or experiences.
● disregarding personal space, privacy, or emotional boundaries of others, causing discomfort
or distress.
● not allowing others to express themselves and cutting them off during conversations.
● making fun of someone, their beliefs, appearance, or any aspect of their identity in a hurtful
manner.
46
https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/2407692503 pages 291 and 317.
In a conversation with Whitney Johnson, Alan Mulally shared an experience from a business
plan review meeting. During the meeting, one of the leaders would once in a while go after one of
the other members. The way the leader was asking questions was not conducive to creating
psychological safety, Alan Mulally explained. After the meeting, Mr. Mulally followed the leader
back to the leader’s office. As Alan Mulally asked the leader what he thought about the meeting,
the leader said that he knew that he was not as respectful and he needed to be. Also, the leader
shared a personal belief of his about not knowing if he can change. He mentioned that it would be
great for him if he could continue with his command and control style of management as well as
his intimidating behavior.47
Alan Mulally suggested that the leader goes home and talks to people, whom he loves and who
love him. Also, he encouraged the leader to think and to come back the day after and
communicate what he decided. Alan Mulally said to the leader that if he wants to learn, he can get
a coach. If you do not want to do it, Alan Mulally said, then let me know, and we will wish you the
very best. Alan Mulally also said to the leader, “We still love you. You are a human being.” The
next day, the manager came back and said that he could not do it. Many years later, the person
told Alan Mulally that he wished he would have done that.48
47
https://open.spotify.com/episode/6hWBRmCWTxYmfVaULvQaOv?si=2bd4f286964a4fd7&nd=1 from minute 24.
48
5.6. Criticizing people
Brené Brown mentioned that criticism is poisonous to love.49 Chloé Valdary explained that if you
do criticize, “criticize to uplift and empower - never to tear down and destroy.” Ms. Valdary
explained that this is the second of three founding principles of the Theory of Enchantment, an
anti-racism organization she created in 2018.50
12 year-old Thurga mentioned that a teacher spends quite a lot of time criticizing students who do
not perform well. She added that no students find the teacher's criticism helpful to learn better. To
the question whether any students have given the teacher feedback, Thurga said no. Elaborating
on this, she explained that students feel fear of giving the teacher feedback. I understood from the
story, which Thurga told, that there is a need for every teacher to have a coach, so teachers can
do every day what is best for students.
49
https://www.tiktok.com/@womennsoul/video/7261908940881988866
50
https://youtu.be/VA5U8GTPTTA
5.7. Blaming people
During a McKinsey Strategy & Corporate Finance webinar on August 9, 2023 about building
technological resilience, Jim Boehm talked about success factors to establish and grow a more
resilient technology environment. He highlighted “blame-free culture” and emphasized the
importance of separating person from problem as well as focusing on fixing the problem.51
Asking ChatGPT about what the opposite of a blame-free culture is, the GenAI system responded:
“The opposite of a blame-free culture is a culture of blame or a blame-oriented culture. In a
blame-oriented culture, individuals or teams are more focused on assigning fault and pointing
fingers when things go wrong, rather than seeking solutions, learning from mistakes, and fostering
an environment of collaboration and growth. In such a culture, mistakes are often punished or
used to criticize individuals, which can lead to fear of taking risks, lack of transparency, and
hindered innovation.”52
51
https://www.instagram.com/p/CvumwPpIvai/
52
https://chat.openai.com/share/f0e51fae-f472-4588-bbbd-a8fc3a85b7d4
5.8. Discriminating against people
Many years ago, Sharon Bättig married a Swiss man, whom she met in Sri Lanka. At the start of
the 1970s, she traveled from her native country Sri Lanka to Lausanne in Switzerland to live with
him. In Lausanne, Sharon only saw one other person, besides herself, who had a dark skin color.
In a conversation I had with Sharon, she mentioned that when she was discriminated against, she
usually reacted by ignoring what she heard. One time, however, Sharon decided to face the
person who discriminated against her. That happened at Limmatplatz in Zürich. In that particular
situation, Sharon was wearing a headscarf because she had cancer. As a person used
discriminating words against her, Sharon decided to react. She told the person that it was because
of cancer that she was wearing a headscarf - not because of any religious beliefs. From what
Sharon mentioned about the highly problematic situation, I understood that the person, who
discriminated against Sharon, immediately apologized for the discriminating behavior. In the
coming months, Sharon fought through the cancer, which she had, and recovered from the illness.
However, she did not forget how the discriminating behavior made her feel.
5.9. Passive-aggressive behavior
Some people, who experience the opposite of love, may display passive-aggressive behavior by
expressing their frustration or anger indirectly. This could include sarcasm, subtle insults, or
intentionally withholding information or support.53
Asking Google Bard why passive aggressive behavior reduces love, the GenAI systems
mentioned these reasons:
● It creates a sense of mistrust. When someone is passive-aggressive, they are not being
direct about their feelings. This can make the other person feel like they can't trust them, and
it can lead to resentment and anger.
● It's disrespectful. Passive-aggressive behavior is often seen as a way of avoiding conflict or
getting what you want without having to ask for it. This can be seen as disrespectful to the
other person, and it can make them feel like their feelings don't matter.
● It's manipulative. Passive-aggressive people often use their behavior to get what they want,
even if it means hurting the other person. This can be seen as manipulative and controlling,
and it can erode trust and intimacy in a relationship.
53
● It's exhausting. Dealing with passive-aggressive behavior can be emotionally draining. It can
be hard to know how to react, and it can be difficult to have a productive conversation with
someone who is being passive-aggressive.54
5.10. Commanding people
Many companies are organized through a hierarchical structure. In hierarchical structures, some
people are chosen to be authority figures. Authority figures create and/or make sure that rules,
procedures and standards are made and implemented. They also make decisions. In addition,
authority figures tell people, who are positioned further down in the hierarchy, to do things. They
give orders, which must be followed by subordinates. Controlling of people and processes are also
central to things that authority figures are hired and paid to do. They maintain discipline and
provide pressure to make sure that the predetermined procedures, standards and rules are
followed.55
54
https://g.co/bard/share/8e83e5764697
55
5.11. Power struggles
In a contribution via YouTube by Swiss parliament member Andri Silberschmidt. Mr. Silberschmidt
explained that during the COVID-19 health crisis. he experienced that members of the Swiss
parliament verbally attacked each other.56 And in an article in the newspaper NZZ Swiss Federal
Council Ignazio Cassis expressed this: "Instead of listening to each other, people shout out loud.
Instead of approaching each other, we seek confrontation."57
When people experience the opposite of love, they may engage in arguments, conflicts, power
struggles and not cooperate with each other.58 There are 4 reasons why power struggles can
reduce love among people, who work with each other:
● Power struggles create a climate of competition and distrust. When people are constantly
vying for control, it can be difficult to build trust and cooperation. This can lead to a negative
work environment where people are constantly looking out for their own interests, rather than
the interests of the team or company.
● Power struggles can lead to resentment and anger. When one person feels as if she or he is
being dominated or controlled, the person may feel resentment and anger. This can damage
relationships and make it difficult to work together effectively.
56
https://youtu.be/cCtThtplLjQ?si=W6S5rp52orUykmdr
57
https://www.nzz.ch/das-persoenliche-corona-tagebuch-von-ignazio-cassis-tun-wir-das-richtige-ld.1609775
58
● Power struggles can make it difficult to resolve conflict. When people are in a power struggle,
they are often more focused on winning than on finding a solution that works for everyone.
This can make it difficult to resolve conflict in a healthy way.
● Power struggles can lead to burnout because they can be exhausting and demoralizing.
Burnouts, which result from power struggles, can further damage relationships and make it
difficult for people to work together.59
59
https://g.co/bard/share/68d5294cb78e
Source: https://pixabay.com/photos/animal-nature-mammal-wildlife-cat-3351684/
5.12. Letting your ego get out of control
Welsh actor, director and producer Anthony Hopkins shared this personal experience about ego: “The
ego is the most dangerous part of us. The ego is the enemy. You have to have a little bit of it to keep
moving. But if you let it get out of control, you have the power freak. You see them in the papers every
day. The corruptness of corporations. The power. The belief that they are gods.”60
Scottish economist Adam Smith, one of the founders of capitalism, believed that pursuing
self-interest could lead to positive outcomes for society. While self-interest plays a significant role
in Smith's economic theories, it is not the only factor that the competent economist, who died at
the age of 67 and never married, considered important. Love, or more broadly, moral sentiments
and ethical considerations, also held a crucial place in his philosophical framework.61
60
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/vz7_0qixiIM
61
https://chat.openai.com/share/c1966828-2449-4d71-8dc4-c04305c61279
Source: https://unsplash.com/photos/OHIp0nv8HvM
6. What beliefs can help strengthen love at work?
6.1. Believing that people want to be free
During a conversation that Michele Zanini and Gary Hamel had with nurse and founder of
Buurtzorg Jos de Blok, de Blok reminded us all that we are born free.62
The love-based approach is based on the belief that people are motivated by intrinsic factors such
as autonomy, mastery, and purpose. In this highly participative, engaging and proactive way of
working, people have freedom to take ownership of work they do and make decisions themselves.
Leaders, who adopt a love-based approach, view their roles as facilitators and coaches. In a
love-based approach, people, who are chosen by their co-workers to take the roles as leaders,
believe that people are better at making the right decisions than leaders are, for example because
people work closely with users / customers and know what users / customers need. Leaders work
on providing whatever people need in order to grow and develop their skills.63
62
https://www.youtube.com/clip/Ugkxsq_FS09d11erkLWxJbOS8-GSkymGmWkJ
63
6.2. Believing that diverse work environments will create better results
Embrace diversity and create an inclusive work environment where everyone feels valued and
respected. Encourage team members to learn about each other's cultures, traditions, and
backgrounds.64
The story of the ugly duckling, a fairy tale by Hans Christian Andersen, highlights the significance
of kindness and empathy in interactions we have with others. The ugly duckling experiences
rejection and mistreatment from being different from those around it.65 The story demonstrates that
true beauty lies within us, and that it is important to appreciate who we are, embrace our
uniqueness and not compare ourselves to others. The story of the ugly duckling encourages us to
cultivate a more inclusive and accepting society.66
64
https://chat.openai.com/share/1d2081d1-be3c-4129-af72-707c7183992b
65
https://chat.openai.com/share/4c00aec0-2eaa-4481-99bb-6c0e5182517f
66
https://frankcalberg.wordpress.com/2023/06/24/do-you-agree-that-true-beauty-lies-within-us/
6.3. Believing that giving will make your life better
In his book “The Art of Loving”, Erich Fromm explained that love is primarily giving. When a person
gives, he or she experiences his or her strengths. This experience fills the person with joy.67
In his book “Give and Take”, Adam Grant wrote that givers prefer to give more than they get. They
are focused on others more than on themselves. Givers pay attention to what other people need
from them. They help without expecting anything in return. Givers strive to be generous, for
example by sharing their time, energy, knowledge, skills, ideas, and connections with other people
who can benefit from them. Givers act in the interests of others, for example by helping others,
sharing credit, and/or making connections for others.68
67
68
6.4. Believing that love is deeper than emotions
In her book “The language of emotions”, Karla McLaren explained that love is deeper than
emotions and unaffected by any emotion. Emotions come and go, whereas love is stable and
endures all emotions.69
Paul Ekman explained that the time frame for emotions and love are radically different. Emotions
sometimes last just a few seconds and rarely more than an hour. Love, on the other hand, lasts
much longer. For example, both parental love and romantic love involve long-term commitments
and intense attachments to another person. Neither is itself an emotion. In parental love and
romantic love, people are exposed to a variety of emotions.While romantic love can endure
throughout a lifetime, it often does not. Parental love, more typically, is a lifelong commitment -
although there are exceptions.70
69
70
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/face-it/201702/rethinking-love
7. What are ways to design loving work environments?
7.1. Create transparency
Transparency is the act of being open and honest with someone, while love is a feeling of deep
affection and care for another person. These two concepts are closely related in the following
ways:
Trust and vulnerability

Open and honest communication is essential for resolving conflicts, expressing needs,
understanding each other’s perspectives as well as building and maintaining trust in any
relationship. When you are transparent with someone, you are sharing your thoughts, feelings,
experiences and insecurities with her or him in a genuine and honest way. When you are
transparent about your emotions and concerns, it also allows your loved one to understand you
better and provide support when needed. When you are vulnerable, you are opening yourself up
to the possibility of being hurt or rejected. However, doing this is also the way to truly connect with
someone on a deep level. Being vulnerable shows that you trust the person. Trust is essential for
love to thrive. It is a fundamental component of love, as it allows people to be vulnerable with each
other and rely on one another. When you trust your partner, you believe that she or he will be
honest with you, even when it is difficult. You also believe that they will be there for you, no matter
what. Transparency can help to build trust by showing your partner that you are willing to be
honest with her or him, even about things that you may be afraid to share.
Authenticity
Love is often rooted in an authentic connection between individuals. Before you can be honest
with your partner, you need to be honest with yourself about your thoughts, feelings, and
experiences. Being transparent means being true to oneself and sharing one’s genuine thoughts
and feelings. When people are authentic with each other, it deepens the bond of love because it’s
based on a real connection rather than pretense or deception.
Emotional intimacy
Intimacy is another essential ingredient for love. Intimacy is the feeling of closeness and
connection that you feel with someone. It is often associated with physical touch, but it can also be
emotional intimacy, such as sharing your thoughts and feelings with someone. Open
communication allows another person to get to know you on a deeper level, which can help her or
him to feel closer and more connected to you. Transparency can help to build intimacy by creating
a safe space where you feel comfortable sharing yourself with your partner. Love involves a deep
emotional connection, and transparency is a pathway to achieving emotional intimacy. When
partners are transparent about their emotions, desires, and fears, it allows them to connect on a
deeper level and create a more meaningful and loving relationship.
Problem solving
Transparency is crucial when it comes to addressing issues and solving problems in a relationship.
When both parties are open about their concerns and willing to work together to find solutions, it
enhances the strength of their love and their ability to overcome challenges. When colleagues and
leaders are transparent with each other, it creates an environment of openness and accountability.
Transparent communication about goals, expectations, and decision-making processes can help
prevent misunderstandings, promote teamwork, and enhance productivity.
Forgiveness and acceptance

Love often involves accepting someone for who they are. Transparency helps both parties to
understand and accept each other’s imperfections and mistakes. When there is transparency,
forgiveness can be easier to attain, promoting a more loving and forgiving atmosphere.71
7.2. Organize in small teams
The loving company designs its work around small teams, since humans thrive only when they are
paid attention to frequently by their team leader and team members.72
71
https://frankcalberg.wordpress.com/2023/09/12/what-is-the-relationship-between-transparency-and-love/
72
https://hbr.org/2023/10/the-business-case-for-love
During a conversation with Michele Zanini and Gary Hamel, Jos de Blok explained that there are
no layers of management in the Buurtzorg network of health professionals. The foundation of
Buurtzorg are small self management teams of health professionals.
Source: https://www.youtube.com/clip/UgkxOyMuWrLIMOSOyus-0fyRl6aYAacT06p9
7.3. Pay people who contribute
Household work is primarily unpaid. What are some reasons for that?
In many societies, there is a norm that people do household work without receiving payment for
the work they do. A reason for this is that household work has been excluded from economic
systems, as economic systems have traditionally focused on paid work being done outside the
home. In other words, household work has, in the past, been undervalued as well as invisible, for
example because it was done behind the scenes and not in the formal market.
Traditionally, household work has also been seen as being less important than other kinds of work.
This is a misconception. Why? Because household work is essential for the functioning of
economies. For example, caring for people in a variety of ways at home provides a foundation for
other kinds of work, as it allows people to be productive in the workplace.
Because many societies have not formally recognized or valued the contributions of household
work, there is a lack of legal and economic mechanisms for financially compensating people, who
do different kinds of household work. This lack of recognition and support can make it difficult for
people, who do various kinds of household work, to have their needs met. Household work is often
considered difficult to measure in terms of their economic value. For example, it is challenging to
put a price on work related to, for example, conversations during a day and/or other kinds of
caregiving work.73
Taylor Swift’s Era’s Tour has become one of the biggest live spectacles of 2023, lauded for her
historical performances, gorgeous set designs, dazzling costumes, cutting-edge lighting effects,
and more. The singer-songwriter’s sold-out shows have garnered more than 70,000 fans each
night. Ms. Swift gave bonuses totaling more than USD 55 million to each person working on her
show.74
73
https://frankcalberg.wordpress.com/2023/09/22/what-are-reasons-that-household-work-is-mostly-unpaid/
74
https://www.rollingstone.com/music/music-news/taylor-swift-55-million-bonuses-eras-tour-1234799207/
7.4. Mention love in the annual report
In the Novartis 2022 annual report, the word “love” is not mentioned. In the Roche 2022 annual
report, the word “love” is mentioned nine times. An example:
“As committed as Hiro is to his work, he does

have interests outside of the lab. He is an
award-winning magician and performs for children
in hospital pediatric units. He also raises standard
poodles and shows them in competition. Add to
that a love of Disney and a talent for baking, and
Hiro looks to be the very definition of a
well-rounded individual with a passion-filled life.”75
75
https://www.roche.com/investors/annualreport22/ page 44.
Asking ChatGPT the question “When love is not mentioned in the annual report of a company,
what are reasons for that?”, the GenAI system responded in the following way: The absence of
mentions related to "love" or similar emotional aspects in a company's annual report is primarily
due to the formal and professional nature of such reports. Annual reports are intended to provide a
comprehensive overview of a company's financial performance, strategic direction, and
operational activities. They are mainly focused on presenting factual information, data-driven
analysis, and future plans in a manner that is relevant to shareholders, investors, regulators, and
other stakeholders.76
7.5. Create spaces where people love to be
Hygge is a unique Danish and Norwegian term that does not have a direct translation in other
languages. It is about ways to live well. Hygge has gained international popularity, especially in
cultures that value well-being and self-care. Hygge can be enjoyed throughout the entire year.
However, in Scandinavia, where winters can be long, cold and dark, hygge is a particularly useful
strategy to counter the effects of the Nordic Winter weather.
76
https://chat.openai.com/share/b7131fd3-daa1-4ae8-93a1-bba240c2a4d5
Danes and other people, who like hygge, find hygge important for several reasons. Some
examples:
Creating cozy indoor spaces

Creating cozy indoor spaces is an important initiative to help strengthen hygge. Creating cozy
spaces can be done in several ways. I experienced that many Danes create cozy indoor spaces
using candle light and other beautiful lighting solutions. Also, for many Danes comfortable furniture
is important to strengthen a feeling of hygge.
Finding joy
Hygge emphasizes the importance of finding joy in simple everyday moments. Danes and other
people, who like hygge, believe that by creating a warm, cozy, relaxed inviting atmosphere, both
physically and emotionally, people can experience a sense of joy and warmth in our hearts. Doing
things, which bring comfort and joy, can help combat negative emotions such as sadness, which
people may feel during Nordic Winters or in other periods.
Reducing stress
Hygge is important because it can have a positive impact on our well-being. By focusing on
comfort and well-being, individuals can reduce stress and anxiety. Thereby, we will feel more
connected to ourselves and others. Hygge can also boost our mood and improve our sleep quality.
Simplicity
Hygge emphasizes the beauty of simplicity. It encourages people to appreciate the little things in
life and find joy in small pleasures such as reading a book on a sofa with a blanket.
Self care
Hygge promotes self-care and self-compassion. It encourages people to prioritize their well-being.
Hygge is about being true to yourself and your own definition of joy. It doesn’t matter what other
people think, hygge is about what makes you feel good.
Appreciating the moment

Hygge encourages people to be present, i.e. engage in the moment. It is about appreciating the
small pleasures in life, for example enjoying a cup of coffee or walking through a park.
Connecting with people

Hygge often involves spending quality time with people we love, in a relaxed and comfortable
setting. Hygge implies strengthening relationships with other people, for example through
conversations over a meal.77
77
https://frankcalberg.wordpress.com/2023/08/09/what-does-the-word-hygge-mean-and-why-is-it-important/
7.6. Bring a dog to places where you work
Bringing a dog to places where you work can have positive effects on strengthening love and
friendship among people. Dogs can create a shared bond, boost morale, and provide a common
topic of conversation, fostering a more relaxed and friendly environment among coworkers.78
During a conversation over zoom in August, 2023, Stefanie Zechner explained that she is looking
forward to living with a German dog. From what Stefanie explained, I understood that living with a
dog is sometimes easier than living with another human being. Following up on this, she explained
that she recently broke up with a partner she was sharing her life with. Communicating reasons for
the increase in breakup / divorces over the past decades, Stefanie pointed, as I understood it, to
the increase in possibilities of living life today as well as the need many people have to focus on
satisfying their own personal needs.
Asking the GenAI system Google Bard why it is easier to live with a dog than with another human
being, Bard responded that some people might find it easier to live with a dog than with another
person because dogs are less demanding, more predictable, more forgiving, more loyal, more fun
and because they love to be around people and give unconditional love and support.79
78
https://chat.openai.com/share/5ca00978-88f6-4a0f-b844-8f6212e0de80
79
https://g.co/bard/share/ca5949309be2
Source: https://pixabay.com/photos/dwarf-poodle-black-dog-female-dog-3294512/
8. What actions can strengthen love when other people speak?
8.1. Recognizing contributions
Recognizing a person’s contributions can show that you have a real interest in the other person’s
growth and success.80
8.2. Bowing for people
Namaste is a greeting that can be translated as "I bow to the divine in you." The greeting shows
respect and love for the other person's inner essence.81 Visiting the Southern part of India at the
start of 2020, I experienced several times that the Namaste greeting is, indeed, used by several
people, who serve others.
The Namaste greeting embodies a sense of connection and unity that is fundamental to the
concept of love in many philosophical and spiritual traditions. Love is often understood as a force
80
https://chat.openai.com/share/2af78ee7-1bb9-41a4-ad10-c5536b09c377
81
https://chat.openai.com/share/68ffce8c-71b5-431c-bdf4-5edff6c15170
that connects individuals, transcending differences and recognizing the inherent value in each
person. The Namaste greeting similarly emphasizes the recognition of the divine or sacred
essence within each individual, irrespective of their background or identity. Both love and the
Namaste greeting share the idea of seeing the intrinsic worth and interconnectedness of all
people. They encourage a perspective of empathy, compassion, and recognizing the common
humanity that binds us all together. Therefore, the link between love and the Namaste greeting lies
in their shared emphasis on acknowledging and honoring the inherent value and unity present in
each individual.82
82
https://chat.openai.com/share/482380d5-bfa9-4bfb-83f3-7a64d1db450d
Source: https://unsplash.com/photos/5-LXErSHL3M
8.3. Listening to people
Listening to others when they share their thoughts and feelings is part of showing vulnerability.
Truly listening includes showing empathy and avoiding judgment. By being present and attentive,
you create a safe space for vulnerability in conversations.83 Encourage people, with whom you
work, to practice empathy and actively listen to each other. Help them understand each other's
perspectives and experiences, which can lead to stronger bonds.84
In 1961 the Kennedy administration decided to invade Cuba. Dissenting voices as well as outside
opinions were ignored, and obstacles were underestimated. President Kennedy learned from the
mistake. In 1962, he invited outside experts to share their viewpoints. He encouraged people to
voice opinions, ask questions and challenge assumptions.85
83
https://chat.openai.com/share/ab0347fb-6233-4b95-80e9-cc83b03a252e
84
85
Source: https://pixabay.com/photos/conversation-talk-bird-blue-tit-3513843/
8.4. Trying to understand people
Contrary to beliefs of the command and control approach, the love-based approach puts emphasis
on understanding, empathy, compassion and collaboration. The love-based approach focuses on
fostering connections and building positive relationships. Attention is on creating a sense of
belonging and on strengthening psychological safety. In addition, building physical and digital work
environments that promote creativity, collaboration, and innovation is of high importance.86
8.5. Not judging people
During a conversation that Michele Zanini and Gary Hamel had with nurse and Buurtzorg founder
Jos de Blok, de Blok shared experiences emphasizing the importance of avoiding judging people
as well as recognizing diversity and making it possible for everyone to contribute. In this regard, de
Blok underlined the values of tolerance and compassion.87
In her book Emotional Agility, Susan David explained that when parents let children know that
they do not judge them, they signal that they accept emotions that the children feel. Thereby,
parents also help children to calm down and feel neither fear, shame or guilt. Instead of trying to fix
86
87
https://www.youtube.com/clip/Ugkxe2S19rWL0S4CztUG33e_Zgp4V6SVA2bO
things quickly, parents are better off simply pausing and listening. When a child feels fully seen
and acknowledged by those around him or her, he / she will feel loved and secure. When a child
feels loved and secure - and not rejected, punished or shamed for feeling what he / she feels - he /
she will feel free to live with any emotions. For example, when a child feels shame, he / she will
feel free to live with that emotion, understand where it comes from and why it is there.88
8.6. Hugging people
In Welch, the word “Cwtch” is a warm, affectionate hug or cuddle, often used to describe a safe
and comforting place or feeling.89
During a conversation over zoom on July 27, 2023, Sanae Tabnaoui Gassmann mentioned that
when she plays football with the Novartis team and someone scores a goal, players hug each
other. Sanae emphasized that there is trust between players, and that the trust makes it normal to
hug each other.
88
89
https://chat.openai.com/share/68ffce8c-71b5-431c-bdf4-5edff6c15170
Source: https://pixabay.com/photos/girls-females-young-players-soccer-4929292/
Asking ChatGPT what the most important reasons are that people, who work with each other, also
hug each other, this is the response that the generative AI machine provided:
Celebration and achievement

Hugging can be a way to express joy, celebrate successes, or acknowledge achievements in the
workplace. It's a form of physical connection that conveys warmth, support, and shared happiness.
Emotional support
The workplace is not just about tasks and responsibilities; it's also a social environment where
people build relationships. Hugging can provide emotional support during challenging times, such
as after a difficult meeting, during personal struggles, or when someone needs comfort.
Building rapport and trust

Hugging can help foster a sense of camaraderie and trust among colleagues. Physical touch has
been shown to increase feelings of trust and bonding, which can enhance teamwork and
collaboration.
Cultural and regional norms

Hugging may be a customary greeting or farewell gesture in certain cultures or regions. It can be a
way to demonstrate warmth, friendliness, and respect. In such cases, hugging is often seen as a
social norm rather than an expression of deep personal connection.
Personal relationships
In some cases, colleagues develop close personal friendships over time. Hugging may be a
natural expression of their relationship, similar to how friends outside of work might greet each
other.90
90
https://chat.openai.com/share/c85ba6cb-1365-4a1d-aca4-5ec3db07b516
9. How can you strengthen love when you speak?
9.1. Communicate with kindness
Asked about when the best time was for him to be in New York, the city’s longest serving
doorman, Manny Teixiera, did not hesitate to respond. His answer: The 1960s. Explaining why, he
said, for example, that what made it more kind in the 1960s was that people treated each other
like humans.91
Kindness is a value. In their book Humanocracy, Gary Hamel and Michele Zanini wrote that love is
patient, kind and hopeful.92 Values are deeply ingrained principles that guide a person’s choices,
actions and interactions with other people. Values are criteria we use to judge what is good and
bad, right and wrong. Values are often based on emotions, we feel. They are closely tied to a
person’s sense of identity and emotional well-being.93
91
https://www.tiktok.com/@doorman_stories/video/7228978433764740398
92
93
https://frankcalberg.wordpress.com/2023/08/30/what-are-some-differences-between-beliefs-and-values/
9.2. Be honest
Love joyfully celebrates honesty.94
94
The Bible. 1 Corinthians 13.
9.3. Ask for feedback
Asking people for feedback on a particular situation or issue is part of showing vulnerability. When
a person shows that she or he values people’s input and is open to their perspectives, she or he
demonstrates vulnerability and a willingness to collaborate.95
9.4. Communicate openly
Communicate openly and honestly and encourage people, with whom you work, to also do that.
Create a culture where everyone feels comfortable expressing their thoughts, ideas, and
concerns.96
9.5. Address conflicts directly and constructively
Conflicts and disagreements are bound to arise in any workplace. Encourage employees to address
95
96
conflicts directly and constructively. Provide conflict resolution training or mediations to help resolve
issues and maintain positive working relationships.97
9.6. Care for people
When people genuinely care for each other, it fosters a positive and supportive work environment.
Stronger bonds of love promote collaboration, communication, and trust among team members.
This, in turn, enhances the overall effectiveness of teamwork and boosts productivity.98 This
message corresponds well with the extract from page 35 of the book “ACT made simple” by Russ
Harris, which Sonja Robinson shared via WhatsApp on August 3, 2023: In the passage the
importance of being motivated by the values caring, connection and contribution when you work is
emphasized.
Learning about examples showing that care is an essential part of love, these are 7 examples I
came across:
1. Write a note to a person that warms the person’s heart.
2. Invite the person to a meal you cooked.
97
98
3. Listen to the person to find out what thoughts she / he has, and what emotions the person
feels.
4. Encourage the person to work towards her or his dreams and goals.
5. Help the person do what she / he wants to do.
6. Celebrate successes with the person.
7. Forgive mistakes that the person makes.99
9.7. Use humor
Former Swiss Air Lines flight attendant Karin Meier explained via WhatsApp in August, 2023 that it
was always very important for her to meet people as equals and treat other people with mutual
respect. She added that humor is very important and mentioned that it is important to not always
take everything so seriously as well as to laugh about situations that don't go smoothly.
99
https://frankcalberg.wordpress.com/2023/07/17/examples-showing-that-care-is-an-essential-part-of-love/
9.8. Communicate love
In his book “Lateral thinking for every day”, Paul Sloane explained that when you want to influence
people, you can benefit from using the three geeks 1) Ethos, 2) Pathos and 3) Logos.
1. Ethos refers to authority, credibility and values. It is about results you achieved in life and
experiences you had.
2. Pathos refers to emotions. It is about creating a vision that helps people to feel well.
3. Logos refers to logic, reason and analysis. It is about using facts, arguments and statistics to
persuade others.100
According to Google Bard, there is a close relationship between Pathos and love.The use of
pathos can be very effective in communicating love, Bard mentions. For example, a song that
describes the beauty of love can evoke feelings of love in the listener. A story about a selfless act
of love can inspire the reader to be more loving themselves.101
100
101
https://g.co/bard/share/7664ec96ca9f
9.9. Expressing needs you have
In a conversation over zoom on July 27, 2023, Sanae Tabnaoui Gassmann mentioned that every
person wants to satisfy his or her needs but sometimes does not express well what his or her
needs are. For example, Sanae mentioned that her 5 year old expresses the need to go to the
toilet by being less calm and concentrated.
10. Discover your love languages
People have different ways of a) feeling love and b) expressing love. Understanding love
languages that you a) like to listen to in order to feel love and b) like to speak to express love can
help you improve communication and connection.
10.1. What love languages are there?
There are five love languages.
Love language Examples
Words of affirmation You did a fine job working on that task.

You look great in that jacket.
Acts of service Asking questions to a person.

Listening to a person who is talking.
Gifts A note with a greeting.

A homemade chocolate cake.
Love language Examples
Quality time Going for a walk with a person.

Sharing a cup of coffee with a person.
Physical touch Shaking hands with a person.

Putting your hand on a person’s arm.
10.2. What questions can you ask yourself to discover your love languages?
10.2.1. Questions related to expressing love
● Can you describe, please, a time you did something, which made you feel that you were
expressing love?
● How do you show appreciation to people you love?
● What do you do when you want to make someone feel loved and cared for?
● Which of all the love languages do you use most often to show your love for others: 1. Give
compliments? 2. Spend quality time with people? 3. Give gifts? 4. Provide acts of service? 5.
Touch?
● How often do you give compliments to people?
● How often, when and where do you spend time with people you love?
● How often do you give gifts to people you love?
● How frequently do you do acts of services for people you love?
● How often do you touch people you love?
● How did you express love in previous relationships?
10.2.2. Questions related to receiving love
● In an ideal scenario, what would a person do that would make you feel loved and secure: 1.
Give you compliments? 2. Spend quality time with you? 3. Give you gifts? 4. Provide acts of
service? 5. Touch you?
● What actions or behavior from your partner hurt you the most: When she / he 1) criticizes
you, 2) spends little time with you, 3) gives you few gifts, 4) does few things for you, or 5)
rarely touches you?
● What do you value the most in a relationship?
● To feel loved, what do you need the most from your partner?
● What do you ask most often for: 1. Compliments? 2. Quality time? 3. Gifts? 4. Acts of
service? 5. Touch?
● Can you describe, please, what happened in a situation when you felt really loved?
● What words / phrases / compliments make you feel appreciated and loved?
● To feel loved, how important is it that a person spends time with you?
● To what extent do you feel loved by a person, who gives you a gift?
● To what extent do you feel loved by a person, who does something for you?
● To what extent do physical touches such as hugs make you feel loved?
● When you feel loved, how do you respond emotionally?
● When you do not feel loved, how do you respond emotionally?
● How did you receive love in previous relationships?102
10.3. What are ways to make love languages quantifiable?
Examples of ways to make love languages quantifiable:
# 1: Counting. Examples:
– Count the number of kind words you a) say and b) hear.
– Count acts of service that a) you do for others and b) people do for you.
– Count the number of hugs that a) you give and b) you receive.
102
https://frankcalberg.wordpress.com/2023/09/12/what-are-the-best-questions-a-person-can-ask-to-discover-her-or-his-love-language
s/
# 2: Communication and feedback
Share what you observed and counted and talk about specific actions that made you feel loved.
Doing that, use a scale from 1 to 10. Example: When you hugged me Wednesday evening, 7 was
the extent to which I felt loved.
# 3: Set a challenge for yourself

As you reflect on the communication and feedback, set a challenge for yourself for next week.
Example: Next week I will try to praise more and criticize less.103
103
https://frankcalberg.wordpress.com/2023/09/20/what-are-ways-to-make-love-languages-quantifiable/
Daniela Sorg explained via WhatsApp in September, 2023 that for her, part of-self love is giving
herself flowers such as these:
11. What can you do to express vulnerability?
11.1. Love with intensity and honesty
In the book The Four Loves, C. S. Lewis explains that to love means to be vulnerable.104 This point
by C. S. Lewis relates well to what Brené Brown wrote at the start of her book “Rising Strong”
about vulnerability being the birthplace of love, trust, joy and creativity.105 Later in her book, Brené
Brown followed up on this by mentioning that to love with any level of intensity and honesty is to
become vulnerable.106
11.2. Admit mistakes
In this book “Permission to feel” Marc Brackett wrote that in 1915, the President of the American
Psychological Association, John B. Watson, warned that too much love and comforting was
104
105
106
dangerous for children, and that their lives would be spoiled by cuddling. Author Marc Brackett
notes that today, nothing could sound more misguided or damaging.107
Shirzad Chamine explained in his book “Positive Intelligence” that to weaken saboteurs in our
minds, which we created in early childhood to survive, it is important to learn to love ourselves and
be kind to ourselves. To empathize with ourselves, Chamine suggests that we visualize ourselves
as children doing something that makes our eyes light up. This image is a reminder that we are
worthy of unconditional caring when we are feeling beaten by the judges in us.108 Chamine also
suggests when we make mistakes, we should say to ourselves that we are still wonderful human
beings, and that every mistake can be turned into an opportunity.109
When we acknowledge our imperfections and admit when we make mistakes, we show humility
and vulnerability. Doing this demonstrates that we are willing to learn and grow from your
shortcomings.110
107
108
109
110
11.3. Apologize
In a conversation with Whitney Johnson, Alan Mulally said that humans are not perfect. You may
be really excited about something, go after someone and not be respectful. Just stop and say “I
am sorry.” Then start again in a positive way.111
Wishing to learn why it is difficult for some people to say “I am sorry” I turned to GenAI. This is
what I learned from the knowledge search:
In some cultures apologizing is seen as weakness

Cultural and gender norms can influence how people perceive apologies. In some cultures,
apologizing may be seen as a sign of weakness, while in others, it’s a valued social practice.
Similarly, gender stereotypes can affect whether individuals feel comfortable apologizing. For
example, boys / men could have learned that they signal being weak, if they apologize for
something.
Fear of expressing vulnerability

Saying sorry can feel like giving up control of the situation. People, who are used to being in
control, may be reluctant to let go of that control, because apologizing requires a certain level of
111
humility. Apologizing means showing vulnerability, as it involves acknowledging mistakes or
shortcomings.
Shame and guilt

Some people may have difficulty to apologize, because they feel shame and guilt. People, who
feel ashamed, may believe that they are not worthy of forgiveness or that they do not deserve to
be accepted. People who feel guilty may be afraid of feeling worse by admitting their mistake.
These emotions can make it challenging to confront the consequences of their actions.
Stubbornness
Some people are naturally stubborn. This makes it challenging for them to admit faults and
apologize. They may see apologizing as a sign of giving in or losing a battle.
Fear of being rejected

Some people are afraid that if they apologize, the other person will reject them or not forgive them.
This fear can be especially painful, if the person has been rejected in the past.
Ego and pride

Some individuals be strongly self-centered and feel much pride. The need to maintain a positive
self-image can make it difficult for them to admit they were wrong. Apologizing may feel like an
admission of weakness or failure, and they want to avoid this. Saying sorry can feel like admitting
that you are wrong. Wanting to avoid losing face or being seen as weak, they refrain from
apologizing.
Weak communication skills

Having difficulty communicating can hinder a person’s ability to express themselves effectively,
including apologizing. They may not know how to articulate their remorse or may fear that their
apology will be misunderstood.
Lack of awareness and empathy

Empathy plays a crucial role in apologizing because it helps a person understand and
acknowledge the hurt, which they have caused. Some people have difficulty understanding the
impact of their actions on others. In other cases, people may not even be aware that their actions
have hurt or harmed someone, so they may not see the need to apologize. That will make it
difficult for them to apologize genuinely.
Negative experiences with apologizing

Negative experiences with apologizing, such as being met with anger or rejection, can hold people
back from apologizing.112
112
https://frankcalberg.wordpress.com/2023/09/08/why-is-it-difficult-for-some-people-to-say-i-am-sorry/
11.4. Express emotions openly
Expressing your emotions openly and honestly with other people is part of showing vulnerability.
Whether it's happiness, sadness, fear, or frustration, being authentic about your emotions helps
others see your vulnerable side.113
11.5. Cry
In a conversation posted via TikTok, Macy was asked when she had felt her weakest. With tears
running down her face, she explained that the weakest that she felt was when her first heartbreak
happened. She added that the relationship breakup, which she experienced, felt like the most
painful thing she had ever experienced. She added that the best feelings in the world come with
the risk of the worst feelings in the world. She added that she feels fortunate that she is able to cry
about the breakup she experienced, and that crying is among the best things humans can do.114
113
114
https://www.tiktok.com/@hunterprosper/video/7261629515821108523
Research supports what Macy explained about crying. In her book The Language of Emotions,
Karla McLaren explains that if you give yourself over to crying, your sadness will move through
you and cleanse your soul.115
11.6. Speak up about personal problems you have
In a comment on LinkedIn to the posting, Katja Rieger added, for example, opening up about
physical, mental and/or chronic illnesses.116
115
116
https://www.linkedin.com/feed/update/urn:li:activity:7090617847613153280?commentUrn=urn%3Ali%3Acomment%3A%28activity
%3A7090617847613153280%2C7090688951165808641%29&dashCommentUrn=urn%3Ali%3Afsd_comment%3A%28709068895
1165808641%2Curn%3Ali%3Aactivity%3A7090617847613153280%29
11.7. Ask for help
Reaching out to others and asking for help, when you need it, is a vulnerable act that shows you
trust others and value their support.117
Communicating with elderly people, I learned that for some elderly people, asking for help is
difficult. Many learned throughout their lives that being independent and solving problems by
themselves is preferred over asking other people for help. This mental and emotional baggage
makes it difficult, I learned, for some elderly people to reach out and ask other people such as
neighbors for help.
11.8. Thank people
Expressing thankfulness for the kindness, support, and understanding you receive from others is a
sign of vulnerability, which helps to strengthen relationships.118 Small gestures like thank-you
notes, personal messages, or employee recognition programs can go a long way in making
relationships stronger.119
117
118
119
Writing a thank you note is a caring initiative that can warm a person’s heart.120 Over a period of
about 10 years, former CEO of Campbell soup company Douglas Conant sent about 30,000
handwritten thank you notes to people with whom he worked. Mr. Conant let them know that he
was paying attention and celebrating their accomplishments. He explained that in his experience,
hand written notes build goodwill and lead to higher productivity.121
In her book “The fearless organization” Amy Edmondson explained that expressing appreciation
such as “Thank you for bringing that up” is an initiative, which can help strengthen psychological
safety.”122
120
https://frankcalberg.wordpress.com/2023/07/17/examples-showing-that-care-is-an-essential-part-of-love/
121
https://hbr.org/2011/02/secrets-of-positive-feedback
122
Source: https://pixabay.com/illustrations/thank-you-mrc-background-smiley-944631/
11.9. Smile to people
In an August 2023 article, Whitney Johnson shared this personal experience:
“People told me many times during my youth and young adulthood - too many times to count -
”You are so serious; you never smile.” I wanted to smile; I really did. But smiling opens our faces
and exposes us to others more, emotionally. I think it made me feel vulnerable. Over time, I
developed the habit of concealing my insecurity behind a somber expression. According to my
internal narrative, no one would see the real me if I kept my mouth closed. I wanted to hide behind
this mask.”123
Via e-mail I asked this follow-up question to Whitney: What are examples of things that happened
in your life, which helped you to express vulnerability and not hide behind the mask you
described?” Responding to the question, Whitney wrote, for example, that she came to think of
mirror neurons, “If I smile it will help people feel more relaxed and safe.”
12 year-old Thurga explained that she appreciates when teachers smile. It helps her feel better
and learn better, she said. Thurga mentioned, as I heard it, that smiling is a sign of friendliness.
And friendliness helps make the learning climate better.
123
https://thedisruptionadvisors.com/life-is-a-mirror-the-powerful-impact-of-a-smile/
In her book Love 2.0, Barbara L. Frederickson emphasized the importance of micro-moments of
love that we can express to many people every day. Ms. Frederickson mentioned, for example,
that smiling is one of many actions through which we can express love to other people.124
Smile coach Keiko Kawano helps people to learn to smile. The work, which Ms. Kawano does,
draws on yoga and emphasizes strengthening the zygomatic muscles, which pull the corners of
the mouth. She also believes that the muscles just below the eyes are key and that weak ones
create eyebrow-driven smiles, which can make the forehead look wrinkly.125
124
125
https://www.nytimes.com/2023/05/15/world/asia/japan-covid-smiling-lessons.html
Source: https://pixabay.com/photos/volunteer-girl-smile-happy-nation-6800977/
Source: https://pixabay.com/photos/children-siblings-happy-hide-play-1879907/
12. What can you do to build love in your heart?
12.1. Write down and share your life stories
Opening up about experiences from your past that have had a significant impact on you is part of
showing vulnerability. By sharing personal stories, you allow others to see your vulnerabilities and
connect with yourself on a more intimate level.
This can include sharing struggles and challenges, and insecurities you had. By opening up about
your own vulnerabilities, you encourage others to do the same, fostering a sense of trust and
understanding.126
When Christian Casparis wrote down his life stories and shared them with me, I recall, for
example, when he explained about the stiff upper lip of his mother, who was British. She could not
bear to see her children in tears and responded in the following way, when she saw one of her
children cry, “Don’t be a cry baby.” And when one of her children felt sad, he would say, “Don’t look
like a dying duck in a thunderstorm.” By writing down these stories, talking about them and crying
about them, I observed how Mr. Casparis connected with himself on a deeper level.
126
12.2. Discover your values
In a blog posting, Whitney Johnson suggested this, “When asked to introduce yourself, instead of
reciting your credentials, talk about what you love to do, and what you are passionate about. This
is also a great question to ask anyone you meet for the first time.” For most people, it is much
easier to answer the question “What do you love?” than responding to the question “What do you
do?” Role modeling her suggestion, Whitney made this personal introduction of herself, “I grew up
playing music, accompanying great musicians. I like to accompany people, to walk alongside
them. My name is Whitney Johnson, and I’m the CEO of Disruption Advisors, a change and
growth management advisory.”127
Below are additional questions that can help to discover your values
127
https://thedisruptionadvisors.com/speaking-up-without-freaking-out/
Questions related to things and services you value
Question # Questions
1 What thing would you miss the most, if it was taken away from you? Can
you explain why please?
2 What is, for you, the most important service you spend money on? Why do
you spend money on that?
3 To what or to whom do you donate money? Why?
Questions related to what you do
1 What do you love to do? Why do you love to do this?
2 As a child, what did you love to do? Can you explain why please?
3 When you don’t work, what do you spend most of your time on? Why?
4 What videos do you like to watch? Why?
5 What have you been most proud of doing in your life? Can you explain why,
please?
6 In what parts of your life does nobody have to motivate you to do things?
Why are you very focused when you do this?
7 What do you regret the most having done or not having done in your life
until now? Why do you regret this?
8 When were you at your best? Can you explain, please, why you were at
your best in this situation?
Questions related to what you think
1 When you wake up in the night and cannot sleep, what do you mostly worry
about? Why do you worry about this?
2 What are the 2 most important topics you want to learn more about?
3 Whom do you envy? Why do you envy this person?
4 What is your favorite movie? Why do you love this movie?
5 In your life, what is on hold? Why?
6 When you speak with other people, what do you often bring into the
conversation? Why does this topic make you come alive?
7 If you could try any work for a week, what would it be? Why?
8 If you had the opportunity to say something to a large group of people, what
would your question and/or message be? Why?
9 Which word says the most about you? Why does this word say the most
about you?
10 When you don’t live anymore, which 2 words would people use to describe
who you were? Why do you think so?
11 What inspires you so much that it brings you to tears of gratitude?
12 Which person do you spend most time with? Can you explain why, please?
13 What gives you lots of energy? Why does this give you lots of energy?
14 Whom do you admire the most? Why?
15 What part of your personality do you have in common with your father’s
personality?
16 What part of your personality do you have in common with your mother’s
personality?
Questions related to how you feel
1 On a scale from 0 to 100, how alive do you feel in your life?
2 Who is the person you care most about? Why is this person the person you
care most about?
3 What was your last moment of true joy?

Why was this for you a moment of true joy?
4 What makes you really angry? Why does this make you really angry?
As you answer questions mentioned above, please write down the 2 values you mention most frequently.
Ask yourself in which of these four value groups your 2 top values belong.
12.3. Become conscious of your personality
Openness to experience
This personality trait reflects the extent to which a person is open-minded, curious, and receptive to new ideas,
experiences, and ways of thinking. People, who score high on openness, tend to be imaginative, creative, and
willing to explore unfamiliar concepts and activities. People, who score love in openness, are more traditional,
practical, and prefer familiar routines.
Conscientiousness
Conscientiousness refers to how organized, responsible, and reliable a person is. People, who score high in
conscientiousness, are careful, hardworking, detail-oriented, and are good at tasks that require planning and
self-discipline. People, who score low on conscientiousness, may be more spontaneous, disorganized, and less
focused on long-term goals.
Extraversion
Extraversion represents the degree to which a person is outgoing, sociable, and assertive in social situations.
Extraverts tend to be energetic, talkative, and enjoy being around others, while introverts are often quieter,
reserved, and prefer more solitary activities.
Agreeableness
Agreeableness reflects a person's level of compassion, cooperativeness, and empathy. Individuals high in
agreeableness are typically friendly, considerate, and willing to help others. Those low in agreeableness may be
more competitive, assertive, and less concerned with the feelings and needs of others.
Neuroticism (or Emotional Stability): Neuroticism measures emotional stability and the tendency to experience
negative emotions such as anxiety, depression, and anger. People high in neuroticism may be more prone to
stress and mood swings, while those low in neuroticism tend to be emotionally resilient and stable.
12.4. Ask yourself how you feel in different situations
12.4.1. Try to name emotions you feel
Ask yourself now and then how you feel. Use, for example, the feelings wheel.128 Try also asking
yourself about reasons why you feel the way you feel. For example, if you feel angry, ask yourself
why you feel angry.
12.4.2. Ask yourself where in your body you feel different kinds of love
In an experiment, respondents were shown an outline of a single body and asked to paint the
areas where they feel sensations when experiencing a certain type of love. Love was shown to be
128
https://feelingswheel.com/
associated with sensations of lightness across the whole body. The 3 most strongly felt loves are
“passionate love”, “true love” and “love for life”.129
129
https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/09515089.2023.2252464
“Love goes all through you - from head to toe.130”
130
https://www.tiktok.com/@pubity/video/7276278475701423392
12.5. Be authentic
In a conversation with Whitney Johnson, Alan Mulally mentioned that authenticity is the
alignment of a person’s beliefs, values and behaviors. From a life point of view, Mr. Mulally
mentioned that our life includes occupational life, family life, personal life, community life, and
spiritual life. Alan explained that for him, service is important and that service for him is love made
visible.131
Simone de Beauvoir advised people to love authentically. By this she meant that people develop
friendships with people, whom they love, and support each other in discovering themselves,
reaching beyond themselves and enriching their lives as well as the world together.132
In his book “Let your life speak” Parker Palmer wrote that authentic leaders in every setting - from
families to nation-states - aim at liberating the heart, their own and others', so that its powers can
liberate the world.133
131
https://open.spotify.com/episode/6hWBRmCWTxYmfVaULvQaOv?si=eUeYtls0ShCZZBCKVlrJUA&nd=1 minute 41.
132
https://youtu.be/yJSiUm6jvI0
133
12.6. Talk to love within you
12.6.1. Talk to your heart
Author Elizabeth Gilbert explained from around minute 54 of this conversation that she has
dialogues with love. She writes letters to love and receives responses from love.134 In their book
Freedom from your inner critic, Jay Earley and Bonnie Weiss encouraged us to listen to helpers
tell us messages such as: "I accept you just the way you are." "I love you." "I care about you." "I
value you for being you."135
12.6.2. Talk to a tree
In the Auschwitz concentration camps during World War 2, a woman, who knew she was going to
die in the next few days, told Viktor Frankl this, while she was pointing out the window: This tree is
the only friend I have. I often talk to the tree, and the tree replies, "I am here. I am here. I am life,
eternal life."136
134
https://www.facebook.com/TED/videos/3403166343043440/
135
https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/5393569419 page 131-133.
136
Source: https://pixabay.com/photos/avenue-trees-tree-lined-path-trail-2215317/
12.6.3. Treat yourself with love
In the book The Forty Rules of Love, Elif Shafak explains that if you want to change the way
others treat you, you should first change the way you treat yourself. Unless you learn to love
yourself, fully and sincerely, there is no way you can be loved. Once you achieve that stage,
however, be thankful for every thorn that others might throw at you. It is a sign that you will soon
be showered in roses.137
12.7. Reparent yourself
Laura Markham mentioned that if you want to liberate your heart, you have to heal your old
wounds. She explained that we may have gotten the message from one or both of our parents that
we were too angry or too lazy. Our parents were well-intentioned but products of their time, and
most of us didn't get the message that we were wholly loved and that we were imperfect. It is time
to let that go, Ms. Markham said.138
Asking at you.com what it means to reparent yourself, the GenAI engine responded in the
following way: “To reparent yourself means to take on the role of a nurturing and supportive parent
137
138
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/peaceful-parents-happy-kids/201311/ten-steps-unconditional-love-0
to yourself, addressing the areas of your life where you may have felt failed or lacked guidance as
a child. It involves reflecting on your past experiences, identifying the needs that were unmet or
ignored, and actively working towards meeting those needs as an adult. Reparenting yourself is
about self-soothing, self-healing, and giving yourself the knowledge, skills, and opportunities to
heal from past traumas. It is a process of self-discovery, self-care, and personal growth, aimed at
becoming the person you could have been if you had received better parenting or guidance in your
childhood.”139
To reparent yourself, try this exercise that Jay Earley and Bonnie Weiss suggest in their book
“Freedom from your inner critic”: Think of a situation when you were criticized by your parent.
Imagine yourself standing between your parent and you - and telling your parent on behalf of you
as a child that he / she should stop criticizing the child because criticizing the child is not helpful for
the child."140
139
https://you.com/search?q=What+does+it+mean+to+reparent+yourself%3F&cid=c1_50f8760b-e375-478f-9e04-6da2281a96c3&tbm
=youchat
140
12.8. Draw or paint love
Paint my love
You should paint my love
It's the picture of a thousand sunsets
It's the freedom of a thousand doves
Baby, you should paint my love.141
141
https://youtu.be/oNSpgFRWu0o
12.9. Put your heart into the way you sing
In a posting over LinkedIn, Philip Atkinson asked this question: “I was really angry. Nothing had
gone right all morning. And now the road tunnel across the Rhine was blocked and I was
stationary - and couldn't make my next meeting. Anger masks deeper emotions and feelings.
Really, I was overwhelmed, out of control, frustrated, disappointed. And I needed to arrive at the
following meeting somehow ready to do a good job. What to do?”
Natasha Hansjee had this response: I hear you - it’s one of those “not in your control moments”. I
do car karaoke - full volume. Actually, I do car karaoke all the time even as a preventative
measure.142 The initiative by Natasha encouraged me to think about what Sanae Tabnaoui
Gassmann mentioned during a conversation over zoom on July 27, 2023 about well-being
involving work on body, mind as well as purpose. In her book Love 2.0 Barbara Frederickson
explains that singing is, in fact, one of the many initiatives through which we can express love.143
According to ChatGPT singing can have a significant impact on self-love and personal well-being.
For example, singing allows you to express your emotions. This emotional release can help you
142
https://www.linkedin.com/feed/update/urn:li:activity:7087684596812652544?commentUrn=urn%3Ali%3Acomment%3A%28activity
%3A7087684596812652544%2C7087690943880912896%29&dashCommentUrn=urn%3Ali%3Afsd_comment%3A%28708769094
3880912896%2Curn%3Ali%3Aactivity%3A7087684596812652544%29
143
connect with your inner self. Expressing your emotions contributes to a sense of self-love. Also,
singing requires focus and presence in the moment, which can help you reduce stress and bring
you joy.144 Bard added that singing can be a way to express sadness and loss. When we
experience heartbreak, singing can be a way to process our grief and find comfort.145
Have you heard the expression “singing your heart out?” The expression means singing with great
passion, emotion, and enthusiasm. It can also mean to sing with all your might or to the best of
your ability. When someone is singing her or his heart out, they are not just singing the notes of a
song. They are also expressing their emotions and connecting with the music on a deeper level.
They put their whole heart and soul into their singing – often giving it their all and expressing their
emotions deeply through their singing. The expression is often used to describe a powerful or
heartfelt way of singing. When you sing your heart out, it can convey a sense of sincerity and
intensity in the way you are singing. Singing your heart out can help people to release stress,
express emotions they feel, improve their mood as well as connect with other people. It can also
be a lot of fun.146
144
https://chat.openai.com/share/c9184336-72f8-4638-89e6-ba00fcebc120
145
https://g.co/bard/share/b65211fe7b47
146
https://frankcalberg.wordpress.com/2023/09/21/what-does-the-expression-singing-your-heart-out-mean/
Searching for a photo about singing on pixabay, I found this AI generated illustration on pixabay.147
147
https://pixabay.com/illustrations/performer-ai-generated-singing-8161611/
12.10. Do a loving kindness meditation once in a while
Loving kindness meditation by standing up

● Please stand up.
● Please breathe normally through your nose.
● Say “Ohm” as you breathe.
● Please close your eyes or fix your view on a thing.
● Focus on the present moment. With all your senses, become alert to what is happening
around you.
● Bring your awareness to your feet. Spend a few moments in stillness.
● Bring your awareness to the point between your eyebrows. Spend a few moments in
stillness.
● Bring your awareness to your heart. Spend a few moments in stillness.
Loving kindness meditation by sitting down

● Please make yourself comfortable by sitting in any position you like and putting your hands
anywhere you like.
● Please breathe normally through your nose.
● Say “Ohm” as you breathe.
● Please close your eyes or fix your view on a thing.
● Focus on the present moment. With all your senses, become alert to what is happening
around you.
● Bring your attention to a person or animal, whom you love.
● Offer this wish to the person or animal: May you feel safe.
● Offer this wish to the person or animal: May you feel joy.
● Offer this wish to the person or animal: May you feel healthy.
● Offer this wish to the person or animal: May you live with ease.148
148
https://frankcalberg.wordpress.com/2023/09/22/loving-kindness-meditation/
Acknowledgements
Thank you Paul Sloane for thinking creatively about alternative book titles - including your
suggestions “Overcoming obstacles to love in the workplace”, “Why is love so hard to find?”, “How
to find love and how to fight to keep it” and “Collaboration and competition in the marketplace for
love.”
Thank you Christian P. Casparis for passing on articles to me related to the topic as well as for
interesting conversations along the way, during which we shared experiences, knowledge and
ideas.

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A love based approach

1. What does love mean?....................................................................................................................................................... 6

1.1. Synonyms of love

Group A: Passionate and romantic

Group A: Affectionate and gentle

This is an overview of different types of love grouped in 3 categories.3

Key features of companionate love include:

1.4. Love for one’s friends

Doing research about what characterizes friendship, this is what I learned:

Acceptance and non-judgment

1.5. Unconditional love

Putting the needs of the other person first

1.6. Love of beauty

These are examples of how people express their love of beauty:

Appreciating beauty of simple things in life

Using digital media to make beautiful creations

Decorating their homes

Clothing and self care work

Healthy self love

2.1. Better collaboration and teamwork

2.3. Faster conflict resolution

No workplace is immune to conflicts or disagreements. However, when there is a foundation of

The opposite of love is often considered to be indifference.23

4.2. Some humans wish to use titles

Three questions for you:

5.1. Judging people

To determine if a person is a threat and to protect ourselves

To compare ourselves to others

To try to keep order and feel in control

To turn attention away from our own imperfections

5.2. Avoiding people

5.4. Eliminating people

5.5. Not respecting people

5.10. Commanding people

6.1. Believing that people want to be free

7.1. Create transparency

Trust and vulnerability

Forgiveness and acceptance

7.2. Organize in small teams

“As committed as Hiro is to his work, he does

7.5. Create spaces where people love to be

Creating cozy indoor spaces

Appreciating the moment

Connecting with people

8.1. Recognizing contributions

8.2. Bowing for people

8.5. Not judging people

8.6. Hugging people

Celebration and achievement

Building rapport and trust

Cultural and regional norms

9.1. Communicate with kindness

Love joyfully celebrates honesty.94

9.4. Communicate openly

9.5. Address conflicts directly and constructively

9.6. Care for people

9.7. Use humor

10.1. What love languages are there?

There are five love languages.

Love language Examples

Words of affirmation You did a fine job working on that task.

Acts of service Asking questions to a person.