Octet vertaald libretto

I. Struiken
Er waren struiken
Achter mijn huis
Een hut in de struiken
Achter mijn huis

De hut was mijn koningkrijk

Waar niemand anders kwam
Alleen maar niet bang

De hut was van mij

Geen tijd, geen klusjes en regels
Achter mijn huis

De eekhoorntjes
Lachend en spelend
Vlinders in mijn haar
De zachte basten
Fluisterend zacht
troostend groen

De feeën in mijn bosje

Dansden op de paddestoelen
Drukten kusjes op mijn tenen
En ik trilde van geluk

Dat was vroeger

Achter mijn huis
Een hut in de struiken
Achter mijn huis

Maar nu is het bosje wild en koud

Vol met spinrag en troep
En er is een monster
En ik ben dat monster

Verslaving, obsessie
Insomnia, depressie
En de angst dat ik mijn leven verspil
Met voelloos en doelloos klik-klik
Isolatie, stagnatie
Acceleratie van onzekerheid en frustratie
En de angst dat het monster mij vindt en
verzwelgt en verslindt
mijn hart vertrapt en mijn ziel opslurpt

Het komt nu wel best dichtbij

Het komt nu wel best dichtbij

Maar er waren struiken

Achter mijn huis
Een hut in de struiken
Achter mijn huis
Het ging ooit goed
Het kan nu weer beter gaan
Er is nog een klein beetje hoop
Ik weet wat steunt
En ik weet wat snijdt

In mijn hoofd zie ik papa timmeren

Aan de wanden van mijn hutje
Die te dik zijn voor een monster

2. Refresh
“Verslaving.”
Ja, dat klinkt nog steeds heel heftig.
Dus…
Dus, ik had een beetje een terugval dit weekend.
En ik was nog wel zo goed bezig.
Mijn wachtwoorden verandert,
Instagram verwijdert,
Notificaties uitgezet,
Meldingen uitgezet,
Maar toen -
Het leek zo klein
Ik wilde even kijken
Ik dacht: waarom niet?
Even snel kan geen kwaad.

[ALLEN]
REFRESH

[JESSICA]
Ik had al een paar dagen mijn naam niet meer gegoogeld..

[CHORUS]
REFRESH REFRESH

[JESSICA]
Niet sinds die.. dag

[CHORUS]
REFRESH
REFRESH REFRESH REFRESH

[JESSICA]
Ja ik ben Jessica
Die meid
Dumpert’s sexy circusdier
Pixelporno pop
Leuke kop

Geef maar toe dat jullie het hebben gezien.

[CHORUS]
HEY

[JESSICA]
Dankjewel, dankjewel
[CHORUS]
HEY

[JESSICA]
Misschien wel eerder dan ik?
Negentien berichten
Alleen maar: kijk online
Honderd vreemde mannen in mijn volgers
Bijna allemaal online
De DM’s waren hetzelfde
“Lekker wijf” las ik verdoofd

En toen zag ik het

Mijn hoofd
Is dat mijn hoofd?
Mijn lijf
Is dat mijn lijf?
En ik zat daar:
Klik, swipe, fuck
Klik, swipe, fuck
Klik swipe fuck
Klik swipe fuck

[JESSICA & CHORUS]

Klik klik

[JESSICA]
De eerste uren
De eerste week
Zat ik vast
Aan de gasten
Op mijn scherm
Ik las alles wat schreven
Met zieke acuratesse
Heel die gore commentsectie
Voelde meer als messen

[CHORUS]
REFRESH

[Jessica]
Rukker-123 zegt: goeie kont

[Koor]
REFRESH REFRESH

[Jessica]
En Rukker 4 tot 18 ook

[Koor]
Refresh refresh refresh

[Jessica]
Elke comment lees ik
Elke comment snijdt

Elektriciteit in mijn aderen

Iemand die ik ken: hij zegt “slet”
Ga naar bed
Ga naar bed
Nog ééntje meer
Één stomme kleine zin
Voelde als baksteen bonkend op mijn borst
Ik werd een Dumpert-junk
Groef diep naar alle memes en posts
Om me nog kutter te voelen
Mijn schaamte grandioos

En ik bleef maar

klik swipe fuck

klik swipe fuck
Klik swipe fuck
Klik swipe fuck
klik klik

Mijn hoofd
Is dat mijn hoofd
Mijn lijf
Is dat mijn lijf

[JESSICA]
OH GOD
OH GOD

Ik zag mezelf muteren naar een godin

van hoererij en haat

Dus ik liep maar weg

Naar een diep bos
Geen verbinding
Geen refresh

En mijn hoofd werd schoon

Beekje
Blaadjes
Mos
Zon
Lucht
Zuiver
Kleine vogel
Simpel
Stenen
Stilte
Het bos was eindeloos

Refresh
Refresh refresh
Refresh refresh refresh

Maar je moet wel een keer naar huis

Dus ik kwam thuis

Er waren vierhonderd berichten

Mijn baas had me gebeld
Geen nuance
Herrie
Vier mails: hij wilde met me praten
Waarom stond dit online
Een slet staat online

Terwijl niemand mij ook maar één ding vraagt

Terwijl niemand facking weet waar dit over gaat
Maar ik schreeuw tegen vreemden
Tegen avatars
Tegen Rukker-123
Oh, kom dan, kom dan, kom dan

Trap me
krab me
neem me
claim me
haat me
laat me
kus me
sus me
haat me
vergeef me
krenk me
vergeet me

Het is over
Geen rechtzaak
Geen recht

Ik heb al mijn accounts maar opgezegd

Kom niet veel buiten
Mijn baas werd dronken op de borrel
Pakte mijn kont

[CHORUS]
REFRESH
REFRESH REFRESH

[JESSICA]
This all happened so fast
Too fast for our fledgling empathy

The tech got away from us

And we weren’t ready
I don't think we’re wired to handle this

[CHORUS]
REFRESH
REFRESH
REFRESH

III. Candy

ALL THE GAMES I LIKE HAVE CANDY IN THEM

ALL THE GAMES I LIKE FROM LAP TO PAD
SWEDISH FISH AND RED HOTS
SOUR BEARS AND CHOC-CHOCS
ALL THE CANDY NEVER STOPS
DAYGLO GO-GO UNDERGROUND
NO ONE ELSE AROUND
NO ONE THERE TO HURT ME

[HENRY & TOBY]

ALL THE GAMES I LIKE HAVE CANDY IN THEM
ALL THE GAMES I LIKE FROM LAP TO PAD
SWEDISH FISH AND RED HOTS
SOUR BEARS AND CHOC-CHOCS
ALL THE CANDY NEVER STOPS
DAYGLO GO-GO UNDERGROUND
NO ONE ELSE AROUND
NO ONE THERE TO HURT ME

[HENRY]
I PLAY MY CANDY
ANYWHERE AND ANYHOW
[ALL]
NO ONE AROUND CAN STOP ME

[HENRY]
WHEN I’M WITH CANDY
I DON’T HAVE TO THINK ABOUT

[ALL]
ALL OF THE SOUND ABOUT ME

[HENRY]
I PLAY IN MY BED
FROM THE MINUTE
THAT MY HEAD
CYCLES ON
ON THE JOHN
TAKE MY MEDS
IN THE BATH
DRY MY HAND OFF
IF IT’S WET
IN THE KITCHEN
ON MY EMAIL
SOMEONE’S BITCHIN’
BUT I DON’T CARE
I JUST STARE
AT THE GLARE
ON THE STREET
LOOKIN’ DOWN
AT MY FEET
IN THE RAIN
ON THE TRAIN
IN THE CROWD
IN THE

[ALL]
LOUD LOUD LOUD LOUD
CANDY CANDY
NO ONE’S GONNA BUG ME

[HENRY]
AT WORK I DO IT SNEAKY

[HENRY & WOMEN]

CANDY TIME
ALL THE TIME

[HENRY]
I SMILE, PRETEND TO LISTEN
BUT MY MIND IS ON A MISSION

[ALL]
WATCH THE NUMBERS GO UP
WATCH THE NUMBERS GO UP
WATCH THE NUMBERS GO UP, UP, UP

[HENRY & ED]

FIVE IN A ROW AND A GOLDEN GRANDMA
SWAP MY GUN FOR A STOLEN CHAINSAW
STEALTH MY BUILD, KILL THAT BEAST
FILL THE MAP, DRAGONS IN THE EAST
[ALL]
PUZZLE PUZZLE RANDOM RANDOM
SHINY SURPRISE
I DID IT!

ALL THE GAMES I LIKE HAVE CANDY IN THEM

ALL THE GAMES I LIKE FROM LAP TO PAD
SWEDISH FISH AND RED HOTS
SOUR BEARS AND CHOC-CHOCS
ALL THE CANDY NEVER STOPS
DAYGLO GO-GO UNDERGROUND
NO ONE ELSE AROUND
NO ONE THERE TO HURT ME

[HENRY, KARLY & PAULA]

I AM A PART OF THE SMALL AND RABID
ONLINE COMMUNITIES FOR EACH GAME I PLAY

[HENRY & WOMEN]

SOME OF THEM ARE WIZARDS AT MATHEMATICS
DID YOU KNOW HOW MUCH MATHEMATICS
YOU CAN GET INVOLVED IN IN THE GAMES I PLAY?

[HENRY & MARVIN]

SO MUCH CALCULATION
DONE IN ISOLATION

[HENRY & PAULA]

ON A DARK NICKNAMED SPREADSHEET
SAVED IN A HIDDEN FOLDER

[ALL]
WE SHARE TIPS AND TRICKS
ON HOW TO MAKE THE CANDY SWEETER
SOME USE JAVASCRIPTS
BUT I THINK THAT THEY ARE CHEATERS
MY CANDY IS PURE
AND I’M SO INSECURE
BUT THEY’LL NEVER EVER KNOW
HOW DARK IT GETS

[HENRY]
LIKE WHEN I GET A FEW DAYS OFF
SOMETIMES I JUST DON’T BATHE
I BARELY LEAVE MY BED
I MISBEHAVE
I DON’T BRUSH MY TEETH

[ALL]
EATIN’ NOTHING BUT CHIPS AND POP
FOR THREE WHOLE DAYS

ALL THE GAMES I LIKE HAVE CANDY IN THEM

ALL THE GAMES I LIKE FROM LAP TO PAD
SWEDISH FISH AND RED HOTS
SOUR BEARS AND CHOC-CHOCS
ALL THE CANDY NEVER STOPS
DAYGLO GO-GO UNDERGROUND
NO ONE ELSE AROUND
NO ONE THERE TO HURT ME
[HENRY]
I KNOW THAT CANDY ROTS MY TEETH
I THOUGHT IT WAS A PHASE
BUT NOW IT SEEMS THAT I’VE GONE CRAZY
AND I KNOW THAT IT’S TOO LATE
TOO TOO TOOTH DECAY
MY MIND DECAY
AND THEY NEVER GROW BACK
NO THEY NEVER GROW BACK

I AM MERELY COASTING THROUGH THE WORLD

IT’S JUST ANOTHER WINDOW
IDLING IN THE BACKGROUND
THERE’S A BRAND NEW LEVEL EVERY DAY
THIS I CAN ACCOMPLISH
THIS JACKS MY FIX RIGHT NOW

[CHORUS]
AH…

[HENRY]
I SUSPECT DEEP DOWN
I DON’T CARE IF I DIE
HOW ELSE COULD I
BE WASTING SO MUCH TIME
ON THIS SWEET FLUORESCENT SMILING BRAINROT
STUPID AND DRYEYE POISON

[CHORUS]
YEAH

[PAULA]
WE LIE IN BED
MY HUSBAND AND I
BREATHING SIDE BY SIDE
IN THE DARK

HE BREATHES OUT
AND I BREATHE IN
I BREATHE HIM IN
WHATEVER HE’S PUTTING OUT
I BREATHE IN

WE LIE IN BED
HE LEANS ON HIS SIDE
OFFERS ME HIS BACK
BROAD AND STRANGE

AND HIS THUMB SCROLLS THROUGH HIS PHONE

I FEEL IT RIPPLE IN MY BONES
HIS GESTURES ECHO THROUGH ME
LIKE A SOULQUAKE
AND I HEAR HIM SIGH

AND THE MOON IS GONE

THE ONLY LIGHT IN THIS SONG

IS A STALE PALE GLOW

LIGHTING UP THE SHEETS
A STALE PALE GLOW
FROM A SCREEN OF SICKLY SWEETS
WE DON’T SLEEP WELL
MY HUSBAND AND I
OUR CIRCADIAN RHYTHMS CORRUPTED
BY THE SALLOW BLUE GLOW OF A SCREEN
SUCKING OUR SOULS AND MELATONIN
ALL OF MY DREAMS HAVE BEEN STOLEN

THERE’S A GLASS OF DUSTY WATER ON HIS NIGHTSTAND

IT HAS STOOD THERE FOR FIVE DAYS
HE HASN’T TOUCHED IT
HE DOESN’T TAKE CARE OF HIMSELF
HE IS PARALYZED

BY A STALE PALE GLOW

LIGHTING UP THE SHEETS
A STALE PALE GLOW
FLATTENING OUR HEARTBEATS

GOD I WISH HE WOULD SCREAM

I WISH HE WOULD BREAK DOWN ON THE BED
I WISH WE WOULD FIGHT
TEAR AT OUR HAIR
LET THE BITS AND BYTES
DISSOLVE IN THE NIGHT
IT WOULD BE ALL RIGHT

WHAT IF YOU JUST MISSED SOMETHING?

WHAT IF YOU LET SOMETHING GO?
JUST FOR THE NIGHT
WOULD THAT BE ALL RIGHT?
OH I SWEAR IT’D BE THE SAME
THEY ARE ALL JUST MOTES OF DUST
WE ARE ALL MOTES OF DUST

NOTHING IS AS VITAL AS IT SEEMS

TRAGEDIES, CATASTROPHES
NIGHTMARES, HORRORS, HEARTBREAKS, EXTREMES
ALL THESE SUFFERING SOULS
THAT YOU CANNOT CONTROL
AND YOU INVITE THEM ALL
IN OUR BED?

WELL WHAT IF I’M NOT BIG ENOUGH

TO TAKE IN SO MUCH PAIN?
IT BEATS ON MY BRAIN
I AM GOING INSANE
RIGHT HERE, IN THIS BED, NEXT TO YOU
YOU’D SEE IT IF YOU WEREN’T SO LOST
IN THE STALE PALE GLOW
THE STALE PALE GLOW

IT’D BE FUN IF WE WERE KIDS

WITH FLASHLIGHTS
TELLING EACH OTHER OUR SECRETS
IN OUR LINEN CAVE

OH BABE, WHERE DID YOU GO?

OH BABE, WHERE DID YOU GO?
OH BABE, WHERE DID YOU GO?
Hi, my name is Carly. I’m an addict, or whatever. So, I saw my mom this weekend. She made a funny metaphor. Anyway. She was going
on about my love life again. “All those men, on those apps! Oh, they are so awful! Why don’t you go on some (…) activities? Your father
and I met at cards night!” Yeah, and that worked out mom. She is right about the apps though. These fucking guys.

Hi, I’m Ed.

Hey
Hey
How are you?
You cute
DTF?
Let's just cut this bullshit and meet for a drink
Loved that photo of you in Paris
What was your favorite restaurant while you were there?
I am the most miserable man that you can imagine

I don't normally contact people on this

But I find you very intriguing
Something about your eyes

I have no friends

Dick pic, dick pic

I have no family
Nobody loves me

Pineapple on pizza is good, fuck you!

I'm just another awkward, introverted, isolated waste of space

Such a failure

Are you a zero percent APR loan?

Because I'm having trouble understanding your terms
And you aren't showing any interest
Yeah, that's kinda good

So many men in my pocket

I roll through my infinite scroll
Never grows old
Yes no no yes yes
Left right left left right left
It's like candy
It's like catnip
It's like crack
I dose
I doze
I daydream
A stairwell
A rooftop
A sunbeam

I could be so good at love

I could be so good at love
Last night
I was at the drug store
Having trouble with the self-service checkout
And a woman touched my back
Tried to help me
It felt like sparklers and strawberries
Do other people get to feel this all the time?
Whoa

I feel my body stretch between two cliffs

One side is fantasy
The other reality
I feel my fingers start to lose their grip
And can't hold on (I can't hold on!)
Mama was a gambler
Mama played the slots
Watching the reels go round and round
When will I get lucky?
When will I get my shot?
When will those three cherries line up?
When will those three cherries line up?
When will those three cherries line up?
When will those three cherries line up? (When will those-)
When will those three cherries line up? (Three cherries line up?)
When will those three cherries line up? (When will those three cherries line up?)
When will those three cherries line up? (When will those three cherries line up?)

The arousal of uncertainty

The irresistible pull of variable schedule rewards
Wading through the fuckboy, thot seeker, incel catfish creepers
And stumbling sophomore poetry magazine rejects
I get so lonely after swiping
And of course when I actually do have sex with someone
It's usually like...
Wow, you watch a lot of porn

So then porn...
There is a drug
Inside my head
I just have to turn it on
Fall into the screen and I'm gone
And no one talks about this at all
Oh, people laugh
Oh, the hilarious scenarios
The pizza man, the pool guy
We laugh it away
But that's what's so insidious
This monster hides subliminally corroding our lives
And I know it's complicated
I've read all the articles
I'm not some prude religious conservative
I support sex workers
And sex positivity
Let me take just a moment to signal my virtue
By telling you all my pornography preferences

You know I actually used to like porn?

I loved the ones with a story
The female directed stuff
Lesbian, step-sibling, massage
Perfect European villas
Good lighting and lingerie
Oh I love it when they make love
And you're like, oh, that- that
That- that- that is the sex that I want
It can be so beautiful
When two performers lock eyes
And you can see
The joy and communion
The ancient divine union of sex
We all know that's what sex is, right?
It's fucking God
But porn is solitaire scentless and safe
We have sucked the sacrament out of sex

Sex should be a rite of passage

But our kids are watching fisting, pissing, hitting, pounding
And I don't wanna shame anyone's kink
It's fine if it's consensual (don't wanna shame-)
But there's a level of psychological complexity there (no one's kink!)
That I certainly didn't understand at 13 (psychological complexity)
Much less 11, or 9
It's catastrophic (It's catastrophic)
There is an erectile dysfunction epidemic (Erectile dysfunction!)
That nobody talks about!
At least drug addicts and alcoholics are kind of cool
Musicians and artists
Their redemption stories are honored
Or if someone has an AA chip, good on you bro!
But porn? No way man!
No one fucking honors that!

And the porn dudes are always the ones that become such shits
The petty whiplash cruelty of a man-child scorned

Yeah I wouldn't have fucked you anyway

You're about a five, ugly and fat with shit hair
A repressed and unfeminine lump
Unfuckable cunt
You need to be gagged
You need to be gagged!
But then it's like...
If I say something, am I pushing him somewhere darker?
Radicalizing him?
Like...
Is this guy the next fucking manifesto mass murderer?
And so I take on that weight too
There's no fucking equivalency here

There're these guys online

And they say that the world
Is an all-encompassing black pill
That you have to constantly shove
Into the back corner of your mind
There're these guys online
And they- they say that we don't fuck
'Cause we're low status
Introvert, ugly, awkward, outcasts
And the Chads and Stacys will never let us in
The Chads and Stacys just laugh at us
There're these guys online and they say
It's us against them
Make your mark!
And I feel the pull of that

I feel my body stretch between two cliffs

One side is fantasy
The other reality
I feel my fingers start to lose their grip
And I can't hold on (I can't hold on)

I could be so good at love (I feel my body stretched between two cliffs)

I could be so good at love (one side is fantasy, the other reality)
I could be so good at love (I feel my fingers start to lose their grip)
I could be so good at love (And I can't hold on)

I ask my mom, why do you keep going back there?

Every day working the slots, she's lost so much
And then I keep doing things I know aren't good for me
But where am I supposed to meet people?
Church?
Fuck!