Module 5: Discussion Board 5.

1 - Burn Clean

1
Step 1: Copy-paste the following prompts into your post and write your answer below
each one. Feel free to add any final observations below your answers.

Prompt #1:

Describe your ability to utilize the BURN CLEAN Model (or the difficulty you had using it).

At first, I had to remind myself not to jump in automatically and fall back on how I
normally respond, I had to look at my notes to stay on task with the steps. So I know this
may take some practice, however, it did allow me to give thoughtful responses because
I wasn’t shooting off a response based on emotion, which I’m normally all over the
place.

Following the steps allowed me to stay on task, not ramble and not bring up irrelevant
subjects not pertaining to the event.

**my personal thoughts is I love the fact that it is very concise and specific and allows
us to share our perspective in a healthy manner

Prompt #2:

Describe the difference between using BURN CLEAN and not using BURN CLEAN.

Using burn Burn Clean allows us to address how we feel without attacking and
demeaning the other person. Without using Burn Clean, often issues go buried and
manifest into bigger issues later, by addressing concerns in an open, honest and
thoughtful way, we are able to work together and work out issues in a meaningful way

Prompt #3:

Were you able to identify the EVENT? Were you able to identify your REACTION?
Describe the EVENT and the REACTION.

Step 1: I was able to identify the event: is when I ask my youngest son to clean the
bathroom and he says he will but doesn’t or when I ask him to fold his clothes, promises
to do it but doesn’t. (I see a pattern that causes the event)
Step 2: I decided to use the Burn Clean model to address this with my youngest son. My
reaction initially was “irritation and anger” that what I asked him several times had not
been done. Following the Burn Clean steps, I focused on the steps instead of how I felt,
which helped overall.

I explained to him the event (him not doing what I asked even though he said he would
and my sentiment on how it makes me feel when he doesn’t follow through

Step 3: Affirming the relationship, I said I still love you, I care about you and I don’t want
to nag you, however, we need to come to an understanding.

(this helped him to understand that despite his actions I still love an care for him,
however, things still need to get done instead of him feeling like I was attacking him)

Step 4: I explained to him that going forward I expect when I ask him to do something
that it gets done, especially because I trust him, if he says he is going to do something I
want to trust that, that’s what he’s going to do. A man only has his word to stand on..and
that’s important.

Step 5: Overall this was positive, my son explained to me, that he would like a reminder,
but not a reminder every 5 minutes, and that he knows what he has to do and he would
like for me to trust him and give him a chance. I told him I could do that, but my
expectiation is that everything is done before 2 PM on Sundays, so he has Friday night,
Saturday and ½ of Sunday to complete his items. If they aren’t done by then there will be
a consequence.. my concern is him waiting until Sunday night at 8 when it’s bedtime.

Because we both communicated what we wanted, what our triggers and what our
expectations were we were able to meet each other in the middle..

Prompt #4: Were you able to use "I" messages? Did you Rehearse?

I did use the “I” however, I felt very uncomfortable because it feels like it comes off as
super direct and cocky. I had to remind myself that, it’s not that, using “I” sets the tone of
what is expected and that’s okay.

**I feel we are conditioned to “lessen the blow” of what we say, so I have a tendency to
try and not say “I” because it sounds insinuates greed and un-thoughtfulness.

It was very freeing to be able to say what “I” expected, I just managed my tone so it
didn’t come off in an attacking way. But it was nice to be able to say what I wanted. I feel
that is okay
I will def need to rehearse this and take some time getting used to it!

Prompt #5: Describe how successfully or unsuccessfully your partner used the BURN
CLEAN Model.

My partner needed a little bit of work, but it was nice to stay on task with the model and
how easy the steps were for him to follow. Also this is something he can use wherever
he goes.

The more it’s used the better we will both get at using it

Prompt #6: What connection do you see between "Spitting Out the Hook," H.E.A.R., and
BURN CLEAN?

The one connection I can see by using the 3 of these, is effective “communication”. I love the
fact that all parties can be heard and we can find a common place that is healthy instead of
hiding how we really feel and allowing it to fester into something worse