Interpersonal Communication 3rd Edition Ebook PDF Version

Interpersonal Communication 3rd
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B R I E F C O N T E N T S vii
brief contents
PART 1 FUNDAMENTALS OF INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION
Chapter 1 About Communication 2
Chapter 2 Culture and Gender 34
Chapter 3 Communication and the Self 70
Chapter 4 Interpersonal Perception 106
PART 2 INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION SKILLS IN ACTION

Chapter 5 Language 140
Chapter 6 Nonverbal Communication 176
Chapter 7 Listening 214
Chapter 8 Emotion 244
PART 3 DYNAMICS OF INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS

Chapter 9 Forming and Maintaining Personal Relationships 274
Chapter 10 Interpersonal Communication in Close Relationships 308
Chapter 11 Interpersonal Conflict 342
Chapter 12 Deceptive Communication 372
Glossary G-1 | Endnotes N-1 | Index I-1

viii C O N T E N T S
contents
Preface xiv
PART 1 FUNDAMENTALS OF INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION

About How Culture Affects Communication 43
1 Communication 2
Individualism and Collectivism 43
Low- and High-Context Cultures 44
Low- and High-Power-Distance Cultures 45
Masculine and Feminine Cultures 46
Why We Communicate 3 Monochronic and Polychronic Cultures 46
Communication Meets Physical Needs 4
Uncertainty Avoidance 47
Communication Meets Relational Needs 5
Cultural Communication Codes 47
Communication Fills Identity Needs 5
Communication Meets Spiritual Needs 6 Learn It Apply It Reflect on It 49
Communication Serves Instrumental Needs 7 Understanding Gender and Communication 49
Learn It Apply It Reflect on It 8 Gender Roles and Communication 52
Biological Sex and Communication 54
The Nature of Communication 8 Sexual Orientation and Communication 55
Three Models of Human Communication 8
Some Explanations for Gendered Communication 57
Six Characteristics of Communication 12
Dispelling Some Communication Myths 17 Learn It Apply It Reflect on It 58
Learn It Apply It Reflect on It 20 How Gender Affects Communication 59
Gender and Verbal Communication 59
How We Communicate Interpersonally 20 Gender and Nonverbal Communication 64
Characteristics of Interpersonal Communication 21
Why Interpersonal Communication Matters 23 Learn It Apply It Reflect on It 68
Learn It Apply It Reflect on It 25 Master the Chapter 68
Building Your Communication Competence 25
What Communicating Competently Involves 25
3 Communication
Characteristics of Competent Communicators 26
Competent Online Communication 30
Learn It Apply It Reflect on It 32 and the Self 70
Master the Chapter 32
Understanding the Self: Self-Concept 71
What Is a Self-Concept? 71
2 Culture and How a Self-Concept Develops 76

Awareness and Management of the
Gender 34 Self-Concept 78
Learn It Apply It Reflect on It 81
Understanding Culture and Communication 35
Defining Culture 35
The Components of Culture 38
Cultures and Co-Cultures 39
Social Media as a Co-Culture 41 “With SmartBook, I remember
Communicating with Cultural Awareness 42
more of what I read.”
C O N T E N T S ix
Valuing the Self: Self-Esteem 81 Fundamental Forces in Interpersonal

Benefits and Drawbacks of Self-Esteem 82 Perception 114
Culture, Sex, and Self-Esteem 85 Stereotyping Relies on Generalizations 115
The Self and Interpersonal Needs 86 The Primacy Effect Governs First Impressions 116
Learn It Apply It Reflect on It 87 The Recency Effect Influences Impressions 117
Our Perceptual Set Limits What We Perceive 118
Presenting the Self: Image Management 87 Egocentrism Narrows Our Perspective 120
Principles of Image Management 88 Positivity and Negativity Biases Affect
Managing Face Needs 91 Perception 120
Learn It Apply It Reflect on It 94 Learn It Apply It Reflect on It 122
Communicating the Self: Self-Disclosure 94 Explaining What We Perceive 123
Principles of Self-Disclosure 94 Explaining Behavior through Attributions 123
Benefits of Self-Disclosure 99 Recognizing Common Attribution Errors 125
Risks of Self-Disclosure 101
Challenges and Risks of Disclosing Online 101 Learn It Apply It Reflect on It 130
Learn It Apply It Reflect on It 103 Improving Your Perceptual Abilities 130

Being Mindful of Your Perceptions 131
Master the Chapter 103 Checking Your Perceptions 133
Interpersonal Master the Chapter 139

4 Perception 106
The Process of Perception 107
Interpersonal Perception Defined 107 “I like applying what I’ve read
Three Stages of the Perception Process 108
Influences on Perceptual Accuracy 111 by answering the questions
Forming Perceptions Online 113 in SmartBook.”
PART 2 INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION SKILLS IN ACTION
5 Language 140 We Use Words to Persuade 151

Credibility Empowers Us 154
Language Expresses Affection and Intimacy 156
Words Provide Comfort and Healing 157
The Nature of Language 141
Language Is Symbolic 142 Learn It Apply It Reflect on It 159
Language Is Arbitrary (Mostly) 143
The Use and Abuse of Language 160
Language Is Governed by Rules 143
Humor: What’s so Funny? 160
Language Has Layers of Meaning 144
Euphemisms: Soft Talk 161
Language Varies in Clarity 146
Slang: The Language of Co-Cultures 162
Language Is Bound by Context and Culture 147
Defamation: Harmful Words 163
Learn It Apply It Reflect on It 148 Profanity: Offensive Language 163
Hate Speech: Profanity with a Hurtful Purpose 164
Appreciating the Power of Words 149
Naming Defines and Differentiates Us 149 Learn It Apply It Reflect on It 165
x C O N T E N T S
Creating a Positive Communication

Climate 165
Use Confirming Messages and Minimize
Disconfirming Messages 166
7 Listening 214
Avoid Making Others Defensive 167

Provide Effective Feedback 169 The Nature of Listening 215
Own Your Thoughts and Feelings 170 What Is Listening? 215
Separate Opinions from Factual Claims 171 The Importance of Listening Effectively 217
Create Positive Climates in Electronically Mediated Some Misconceptions about Listening 219
Communication 173 Culture and Sex Affect Listening Behavior 221
Master the Chapter 174 Ways of Listening 222
Stages of Effective Listening 222
Types of Listening 224
6 Nonverbal
Effective Listening Online 227
Communication 176
Common Barriers to Effective Listening 229
Noise 230
The Nature of Nonverbal Communication 177 Pseudolistening and Selective Attention 230
What Is Nonverbal Communication? 177 Information Overload 231
Five Characteristics of Nonverbal Communication 178 Glazing Over 233
Functions of Nonverbal Communication 183 Rebuttal Tendency 233
Learn It Apply It Reflect on It 188 Closed-Mindedness 234
Competitive Interrupting 235
Ten Channels of Nonverbal
Communication 189 Learn It Apply It Reflect on It 236
Facial Displays 189 Becoming a Better Listener 236
Eye Behaviors 191 Becoming a Better Informational Listener 236
Movement and Gestures 192 Becoming a Better Critical Listener 238
Touch Behaviors 193 Becoming a Better Empathic Listener 240
Vocal Behaviors 197
The Use of Smell 198 Learn It Apply It Reflect on It 242
The Use of Space 199 Master the Chapter 243
Physical Appearance 200
The Use of Time 200
The Use of Artifacts 201
Culture, Sex, and Nonverbal Communication 202
8 Emotion 244
Culture Influences Nonverbal Communication 202

Sex Influences Nonverbal Communication 204 Emotion in Interpersonal Communication 245
Learn It Apply It Reflect on It 206 What Is an Emotion? 245
Joyful/Affectionate Emotions: Happiness, Love,
Improving Your Nonverbal Communication Passion, and Liking 246
Skills 206 Hostile Emotions: Anger, Contempt, Disgust, Jealousy,
Interpreting Nonverbal Communication 206 and Envy 248
Expressing Nonverbal Messages 209
Managing Nonverbal Behavior in Electronically
Mediated Communication 209 “SmartBook lets me know I am
Learn It Apply It Reflect on It 212 retaining the information.”
C O N T E N T S xi
Sad/Anxious Emotions: Sadness, Depression, Grief, Emotional Intelligence 267

Fear, and Social Anxiety 251
Learn It Apply It Reflect on It 253 Sharpening Your Emotional Communication
The Nature of Emotion 253 Skills 268
Emotions Are Multidimensional 253 Identifying Emotions 268
Emotions Vary in Valence and Intensity 256 Reappraising Negative Emotions 269
Emotions Come in Primary and Secondary Forms 257 Accepting Responsibility for Emotions 271
Sometimes Emotions Are Meta-Emotions 259 Separating Emotions from Actions 271
Influences on Emotional Experience and Master the Chapter 272
Expression 260
Culture 260
Display Rules 261
Technology and Computer-Mediated “SmartBook helps me identify
Communication 262
Emotional Contagion 263
what we are going to be
Sex and Gender 264 covering in class.”
Personality 265
PART 3 DYNAMICS OF INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS
Forming and Understanding Relationship Maintenance 296

Maintaining
9 Personal
Stages of Relationship Development
Getting In: Relationship Formation 298
298
Getting Out: Relationship Dissolution 300

Relationships 274 Individual and Cultural Variations in Relationship
Development 302
Why Relationships Matter 275 Relationship Development and Maintenance via Online
We Form Relationships Because We Need to Belong 276 Social Networking 302
Relationships Bring Rewards 277 Learn It Apply It Reflect on It 305
Relationships Carry Costs as Well as Rewards 279
The Nature of Personal Relationships 279 Interpersonal
Close Relationships Require Commitment 280
Communication
Close Relationships Foster Interdependence 280
Close Relationships Require Continuous Investment 282
Close Relationships Spark Dialectical Tensions 282
10 in Close
Managing Dialectical Tensions 283 Relationships 308
Communicating in Friendships 309
Forming and Maintaining Social Bonds 285
Friendships Are Voluntary 309
Attraction Theory 285
Friends Are Usually Peers 310
Uncertainty Reduction Theory 289
Friendships Are Governed by Rules 311
Predicted Outcome Value Theory 289
Friendships Differ by Sex 312
Understanding Relationship Formation 290
Friendships Have a Life Span 314
Theories about Costs and Benefits 291
Relational Maintenance Behaviors 294 Learn It Apply It Reflect on It 316
xii C O N T E N T S
Communicating in Romantic Relationships 316

Characteristics of Romantic Relationships 316
Differing Relational Types among Romantic Couples 321
“SmartBook helps me feel more
Interpersonal Communication in Romantic prepared for class.”
Relationships 322
Communicating in Families 327
Deceptive
12
What Makes a Family? 327
Types of Families 329
Communication Issues in Families 329 Communication 372
The Nature of Interpersonal Deception 373
Communicating in the Workplace 332
Defining Deception 375
Relationships with Co-workers 332
The Elements of Deception 376
Relationships between Superiors and Subordinates 335
Interpersonal Deception Is a Common
Relationships with Clients 337
Component of Politeness 378
Online Communication in Workplace Relationships 338
Deception is Common When
Learn It Apply It Reflect on It 340 Communicating Online 378
Master the Chapter 340 Learn It Apply It Reflect on It 380
The Diversity of Deceptive Acts 380
Some Reasons Why People Deceive 380
Interpersonal
11 Conflict 342
Some Lies Falsify or Exaggerate 381
Some Lies Omit or Distort Information 382
The Nature of Interpersonal Conflict 343 Communication Behaviors and Deception 384
Defining Interpersonal Conflict 343 Detecting Deception Is Difficult 385
Thinking about Interpersonal Conflict 345 Some Behaviors Are Common during Acts
of Deception 386
Conflict in Personal Relationships 346
Characteristics of Interpersonal Conflict 347 Detecting Lies in Different Contexts 391
The Most Common Sources of Conflict 350 Familiarity Affects Our Ability to Detect
How Sex and Gender Affect Conflict 351 Deception 391
How Culture Affects Conflict 353 Expressive People Are Better Liars 392
Managing Computer-Mediated Conflict 355 Culture Matters, but Only Sometimes 393
Motivation Affects Our Ability to Deceive 393
Learn It Apply It Reflect on It 356 Suspicion May Not Improve Deception
Power and Conflict 357 Detection 394
Characteristics of Power 357 Context Affects Our Ability to Spot Lies 395
Forms of Power 360 Learn It Apply It Reflect on It 396
Sex, Gender, and Power 362
Culture and Power 364 Master the Chapter 397
Glossary G-1
Managing Interpersonal Conflict 365
Problematic Behaviors during Conflict 365 Endnotes N-1
Strategies for Managing Conflict Successfully 367 Index I-1
B O X E S xiii
boxes
ASSES S YOUR SKILLS When Making Perceptions, More Information Is
Are You a High Self-Monitor? 27 Always Better 137
How Culturally Sensitive Are You? 50 Texting Reduces the Ability to Use Language
Google Yourself: Managing Your Online Image 74 Properly 145
Being Altercentric 121 In the Eye of Which Beholder? Cultures Vary Widely in
How Well Can You Spot a Confirming Message? 167 Perceptions of Beauty 191
Sharpening Your Videoconferencing Skills 211 Communication Technology Can Impair Listening
People, Action, Content, Time: What’s Your Listening Ability 231
Style? 216 Women Are More Emotional than Men 266
How Emotionally Intelligent Are You? 267 When Forming Relationships, Opposites Attract 288
How Much Positivity Do You Communicate? 295 Half of All Marriages End in Divorce 321
Identifying Sexual Harassment in the Workplace 336 If You Try Hard Enough, You Can Resolve Any
Avoid Online Disinhibition 356 Conflict 351
Knowing the Truth about Lying 391 Most People Can’t Look You in the Eye While Lying 388
COMMUNI CATION: LIGHT GOT SKILLS?

SIDE/DARK SIDE Relational Dimension of Communication 15
Empathy 27
Dark Side
Cultural Norms 40
Smartphones vs. Face-to-Face Communication 19
Powerful Language 63
Cultural Stereotyping in Stressful Times 37
Self-Fulfilling Prophecy 80
Risks of Disclosing HIV-Positive Status 90
Facework 92
Crossing the Line: When Commitment Becomes
Self-Serving Bias 128
Obsession 281
Direct Perception Checking 136
Alcohol and Conflict: A Risky Combination 350
Appealing to Ethos 153
Lying to the Ones We Love: Deception Can Cause Pain
I-Statements 172
and Ruin Trust 374
Communicating Emotion Nonverbally 185
Light Side Adapting to Sex Differences 205
Seeing the World Differently: Lovers and Their Rose- Generating Interpretations for Nonverbal Behaviors 208
Colored Glasses 127 Paraphrasing 225
Celebrating Life: Facebook Tribute Pages 158 Listening Empathically during Grief 242
Battling Affection Deprivation at Cuddle Parties 195 Expressing Anger Constructively 249
Need Someone to Listen? Just Click 228 Reframing 270
Happy People Live Longer: The Life Benefits of Joy 254 Giving Assurances 296
Facebook Friends: 302 Is the Magic Number 310 Expressing Affection Online 304
Responding to Negative Emotional Expressions 326
FACT OR FI CTION? Practicing Upward, Downward, and Lateral
The Internet Makes Us Happier 24 Communication 339
Same-Sex Relationships Are Less Stable than One-Across Messages 359
Heterosexual Relationships 56 Compromising 369
Women Are More Talkative than Men 62 Identifying Deceptive Forms 384
Let It Out: Disclosure Does a Body Good 100 Detecting Deception 390
xiv M C G R A W - H I L L C O N N E C T: A N O V E R V I E W
McGraw-Hill Connect: An Overview

McGraw-Hill Connect offers full-semester access to comprehensive, reliable
content and learning resources for the Interpersonal Communication course.
Connect’s deep integration with most Learning Management Systems (LMS),
including Blackboard and Desire2Learn (D2L), offers single sign-on and
deep gradebook synchronization. Data from Assignment Results reports
synchronize directly with many LMS, allowing scores to flow automatically
from Connect into school-specific grade books, if required.
The following tools and services are available as part of Connect for the
Interpersonal Communication course:
Tool Instructional Context Description
SmartBook • SmartBook is an engaging and • SmartBook is an adaptive reading

interactive reading experience experience designed to change the
for mastering fundamental way learners read and learn. It creates
Interpersonal Communication a personalized reading experience by
content. highlighting the most impactful concepts
• The metacognitive component a student needs to learn at that moment
confirms learners’ understanding in time.
of the material. • SmartBook creates personalized
• Instructors can actively connect learning plans based on student
SmartBook assignments and responses to content question probes
results to higher-order classroom and confidence scales, identifying the
work and one-on-one student topics a learner is struggling with and
conferences. providing learning resources to create
• Learners can track their own personalized learning moments.
understanding and mastery of • SmartBook includes a variety of
course concepts, and identify learning resources tied directly to key
gaps in their knowledge. content areas to provide students with
additional instruction and context.
This includes video and media clips,
interactive slide content, and mini-
lectures and image analyses.
• SmartBook Reports provide instructors
with data to quantify success and
identify problem areas that require
addressing in and out of the classroom.
• Learners can access their own progress
and concept mastery reports.
(Continued )
M C G R A W - H I L L C O N N E C T: A N O V E R V I E W xv
Connect • Connect Insight for Instructors • Connect Insight for Instructors offers
Insight for is an analytics resource that a series of visual data displays that
Instructors
produces quick feedback provide analysis on five key insights:
related to learner performance • How are my students doing?
and learner engagement. • How is this one student doing?
• Designed as a dashboard • How is my section doing?
for both quick check-ins and • How is this assignment doing?
detailed performance and • How are my assignments doing?
engagement views.
Connect • Connect Insight for Students • Connect Insight for Students offers
Insight for is a powerful data analytics the learner details on each Connect
Students
tool that provides at-a- assignment. When possible, it offers
glance visualizations to help suggestions for the learner on how he or
a learner understand his or she can improve scores. These data can
her performance on Connect help guide the learner to behaviors that
assignments. will lead to better scores in the future.
Instructor • Instructor Reports provide data • Connect generates a number of powerful

Reports that may be useful for assessing reports and charts that allow instructors
programs or courses as part of to quickly review the performance of a
the accreditation process. given learner or an entire section.
• Instructors can run reports that span
multiple sections and instructors,
making it an ideal solution for individual
professors, course coordinators, and
department chairs.
Student • Student Reports allow learners • Learners can keep track of their
Reports to review their performance for performance and identify areas they
specific assignments or for the are struggling with.
course.
Simple LMS • Seamlessly integrates with • Learners have automatic single sign-on.
Integration every learning management • Connect assignment results sync to the
system. LMS’s gradebook.
Pre- and • Instructors can generate their • Instructors have access to two sets
Post-Tests own pre- and post-tests from of pre- and post-tests (at two levels).
the Test Bank. Instructors can use these tests to create
• Pre- and post-tests demonstrate a diagnostic and post-diagnostic exam
what learners already know via Connect.
before class begins and what
they have learned by the end.
(Continued )
xvi M C G R A W - H I L L C O N N E C T: A N O V E R V I E W
Tegrity • Tegrity allows instructors to • Instructors can keep track of which

capture course material or learners have watched the videos they
lectures on video. post.
• Students can watch videos • Learners can watch and review lectures
recorded by their instructor and by their instructor.
learn course material at their • Learners can search each lecture for
own pace. specific bites of information.
Speech • Speech Capture provides • The Speech Capture tool allows

Capture instructors with a comprehen- instructors to easily and efficiently set up
sive and efficient way of manag- speech assignments for their course that
ing in-class and online speech can easily be shared and repurposed,
assignments, including student as needed, throughout their use of
self-reviews, peer reviews, and Connect.
instructor grading. • Customizable rubrics and settings can
be saved and shared, saving time and
streamlining the speech assignment
process from creation to assessment.
• Speech Capture allows users, both
students and instructors, to view
videos during the assessment
process. Feedback can be left within a
customized rubric or as time-stamped
comments within the video-playback
itself.
Speech • Speech Preparation Tools • Speech Preparation Tools provide

Preparation provide learners with additional learners with additional resources to
Tools
support, such as Topic Helper, help with the preparation and outlining
Outline Tool, and access of speeches, as well as with audience-
to third-party Internet sites analysis surveys.
like EasyBib (for formatting • Instructors have the ability to make
citations) and SurveyMonkey tools either available or unavailable to
(to create audience-analysis learners.
questionnaires and surveys).
I N S T R U C T O R ’ S G U I D E T O C O N N E C T F O R I N T E R P E R S O N A L C O M M U N I C AT I O N xvii
Instructor’s Guide to Connect for

Interpersonal Communication
W hen you assign Connect, you can be confident—and have data to demonstrate—that
the learners in your courses, however diverse, are acquiring the skills, principles, and
critical processes that constitute effective communication. This leaves you to focus on your
highest course expectations.
Tailored to you.
Connect offers on-demand, single sign-on access to learners—wherever they are and
whenever they have time. With a single, one-time registration, learners receive access
to McGraw-Hill’s trusted content. Learners also have a courtesy trial period during
registration.
Easy to use.
Connect seamlessly supports all major learning management systems with content,
assignments, performance data, and SmartBook, the leading adaptive learning system. With
these tools, you can quickly make assignments, produce reports, focus discussions, intervene
on problem topics, and help at-risk learners—as needed and when needed.
Interpersonal Communication SmartBook

A personalized and adaptive learning
experience with SmartBook.
Boost learner success with McGraw-Hill’s adaptive reading and study
experience. The Interpersonal Communication SmartBook highlights the most
impactful interpersonal communication concepts the learner needs to study
at that moment in time. The learning path continuously adapts based on what
the individual learner knows and does not know and provides focused help
through targeted question probes and learning resources.
Enhanced for the new edition!

With a suite of new Learning Resources and question probes, as well as
highlights of key chapter concepts, SmartBook’s intuitive technology optimizes
learner study time by creating a personalized learning path for improved course
performance and overall learner success.
xviii I N S T R U C T O R ’ S G U I D E T O C O N N E C T F O R I N T E R P E R S O N A L C O M M U N I C AT I O N
SmartBook highlights the key concepts of every chapter, offering learners a high-impact learning experience.
Here, highlighted text and an illustration together explain a communication model. Highlights change color
(right) when a learner has demonstrated his or her understanding of the concept.
Over 100 interactive

Learning Resources.
Presented in a range of
interactive styles, the Learning
Resources in Interpersonal
Communication support learners
who may be struggling to master,
or simply wish to review, the
most important communication
concepts. Designed to reinforce
essential theories and skills—from
competent online self-disclosure and nonverbal communication channels
to detecting deceptive communication and managing relationships—every
Learning Resource is presented at the precise moment of need. Whether a
video, audio clip, or interactive mini-lesson, each Learning Resource is new
and is designed to give learners a lifelong foundation in strong interpersonal
communication skills.
I N S T R U C T O R ’ S G U I D E T O C O N N E C T F O R I N T E R P E R S O N A L C O M M U N I C AT I O N xix
More than 1,000

targeted question
probes.
Class-tested at colleges and
universities nationwide, a treasury
of engaging question probes—
new and revised—assess learners
at every stage of the learning
process, helping them to thrive
in the course. Designed to gauge
learners’ comprehension of the most
important concepts in Interpersonal
Communication, and presented
in a variety of interactive styles
to facilitate learner engagement, targeted question probes give learners
immediate feedback on their understanding of the content, identifying a
learner’s familiarity with the instruction and pointing him or her to areas
where additional review is needed.
bridges theory and practice
New! Over 70 percent new scholarly references.
A thorough update of the entire text, including new theories and research on
electronically mediated communication, immerses learners and instructors alike in
the latest and best knowledge about interpersonal communication available today.
Seamless integration of scholarship,

theory, and skills.
By combining the latest research with the everyday scenarios learners face,
author Kory Floyd presents a systematic and modern approach to the study of
interpersonal communication that helps learners build vital interpersonal skills
and make sound choices—academically, personally, and professionally.
Emphasis on critical thinking and self-reflection.

Learners have numerous opportunities to make connections between the
text and their own lives as well as consider how their communication choices
influence the outcomes they experience.
• Learn It/Apply It/Reflect on It. This section-ending feature encourages learners
to assess their comprehension, practice theory in their own lives, and reflect
on their experiences to improve self-awareness.
• Fact or Fiction? This feature allows learners to challenge their assumptions
about interpersonal communication.
xx I N S T R U C T O R ’ S G U I D E T O C O N N E C T F O R I N T E R P E R S O N A L C O M M U N I C AT I O N
Examples with real-world relevance relate

content to real life.
New chapter-opening vignettes, refreshed examples in every chapter, and
First pages
a current photo program enliven the content and allow learners to study
interpersonal communication in an engaging way that directly relates to them.
CHAPTER 1 A b o u T C o m m u n I C AT I o n
ess was turned

n the 2010 movie
emphasizes critical contexts:
hich featured
fecting one
eams.
technology, gender, culture, and

relationships
New! Online and electronically mediated
communication integrated in every chapter.
Every chapter includes comprehensive coverage of technology and digital
devices’ influence on interpersonal communication. Covering everything from
online deception and relational maintenance via texts
Competent Online Communication to improving listening and emotional expression when
These days, much of our interpersonal communication takes place in electronically
mediated contexts. These include e-mail, instant messaging, and text messaging; social
online, these sections provide learners with the latest
networking (such as on Facebook and LinkedIn); tweeting; image sharing (such as on research on electronically mediated communication,
YouTube and Flickr); and videoconferencing (such as on Skype and Facetime), among
others. As you’ll see in this section, communicating competently in these venues including practical skills they can immediately use in
requires paying attention to their unique capabilities and pitfalls.
their own lives.
BEWARE OF THE POTENTIAL FOR MISUNDERSTANDING. Face-to-face conver-
sations allow you to pay attention to behaviors that help to clarify the meaning of a
speaker’s words. People’s facial expressions, gestures, and tone of voice, for example, Culture, gender, and diversity are
generally provide clues about what they are trying to say. Are they speaking seriously
or sarcastically? Are they upset or calm, tentative or self-assured? We can usually tell a
lot about people’s meaning by considering not only what they say but how they say it.
integrated throughout the text.
We saw earlier that some channel-lean forms of communication—such as tweeting In addition to a full chapter on culture and gender,
and instant messaging—rely heavily on text, restricting our access to facial expres-
sions and other clues. As a result, these forms of communication increase the potential every chapter includes essential information about
for misunderstanding. Many of us have had the experience of teasing or joking with
someone in a text message, for instance, only to discover that the person took our words how culture, gender, and sexual identity affect
seriously and felt offended or hurt.
To communicate competently when using channel-lean media, follow these guidelines: communication. Discussions include the priorities and
• Review your message before you share it. Although the meaning of your words is clear challenges of socially marginalized groups such as
to you, think about the ways in which it may be unclear to your recipient. In particular,
identify words or phrases in your message that could have more than one meaning. the elderly, immigrants, sexual minorities, people with
• Clarify your meaning wherever possible. Whenphysical
you find parts disabilities,
of your message that people with psychological disorders, and economically
could be misinterpreted, consider whether using a different word or phrase would
be clearer. disadvantaged individuals.
New organization for relationship chapters.
For many learners, coverage of close relationships is the heart of the interpersonal
communication course. To promote a more straightforward approach to teaching
2-033.indd 30 and learning this material, these chapters have a new structure:
08/14/15 09:33 AM
• Chapter 9 focuses on the theories and processes of relationship attraction,

formation, maintenance, and dissolution.
• Chapter 10 focuses on communication in friendships, romantic relationships,
families, and workplace relationships.
I N S T R U C T O R ’ S G U I D E T O C O N N E C T F O R I N T E R P E R S O N A L C O M M U N I C AT I O N xxi
promotes competence
Whether online or face-to-face, learners will understand how to be an effective
communicator and learn the skills needed to make competent choices in their
own lives.
Skills self-assessment.
The Assess Your Skills feature in the text and the Skills Assessment feature in
Connect ask learners to evaluate their tendencies and competence in specific
interpersonal skills.
Communication dark side/light side.

These boxes examine the common positive and negative communication
issues that people face. In this practical feature, learners gain insight into how
to best navigate these challenges and choices.
Got Skills? activities.

These innovative boxes tell learners why a specific interpersonal skill matters,
while instructing them on how to practice the skill and reflect on the practice for
a holistic understanding of the skill.
Data Analytics
Connect Insight provides at-a-glance analysis on five key insights, available
at a moment’s notice from your tablet device. You can see, in real time, how
individual learners or sections are doing (or how well your assignments have
been received) so you can take action early and keep struggling learners from
falling behind.
Instructors can see,

at a glance, individual
learner performance:
analytics showing
learner investment in
assignments, and success
at completing them, help
instructors identify, and
aid, those who are at risk.
xxii I N S T R U C T O R ’ S G U I D E T O C O N N E C T F O R I N T E R P E R S O N A L C O M M U N I C AT I O N
Instructors can see how

many learners have
completed an assignment,
how long they spent on
the task, and how they
scored.
Connect Reports
Instructor Reports allow instructors to quickly monitor learner activity, making
it easy to identify which learners are struggling and to provide immediate
help to ensure those learners stay enrolled in the course and improve their
performance. The Instructor Reports also highlight the concepts and learning
objectives that the class as a whole is having difficulty grasping. This essential
information lets you know exactly which areas to target for review during your
limited class time.
Some key reports include:

Progress Overview report—View learner progress for all modules, including
how long learners have spent working in the module, which modules they have
used outside of any that were assigned, and individual learner progress.
Missed Questions report—Identify specific probes, organized by chapter, that
are problematic for learners.
Most Challenging Learning Objectives
report—Identify the specific topic areas
that are challenging for your learners;
these reports are organized by chapter
and include specific page references.
Use this information to tailor your
lecture time and assignments to
cover areas that require additional
remediation and practice.
Metacognitive Skills report—View
statistics showing how knowledgeable
your learners are about their own
comprehension and learning.
I N S T R U C T O R ’ S G U I D E T O C O N N E C T F O R I N T E R P E R S O N A L C O M M U N I C AT I O N xxiii
Speech Capture
Designed for use in face-to-face, real-time classrooms, as well
as online courses, Speech Capture allows you to evaluate your
learners’ speeches using fully customizable rubrics. You can
also create and manage peer review assignments and upload
videos on behalf of learners for optimal flexibility.
Learners can access rubrics and leave comments when
preparing self-reviews and peer reviews. They can easily
upload a video of their speech from their hard drive or use
Connect’s built-in video recorder. Learners can even attach and
upload additional files or documents, such as a works-cited
page or a PowerPoint presentation.
PEER REVIEW
Peer review assignments are easier than ever. Create and manage peer review
assignments and customize privacy settings.
SPEECH ASSESSMENT
Connect Speech Capture lets you customize the assignments, including self-reviews
and peer reviews. It also saves your frequently used comments, simplifying your
efforts to provide feedback.
SELF-REFLECTION
The self-review feature allows learners to revisit their own presentations and
compare their progress over time.
Classroom Preparation Tools

Whether before, during, or after class, there is a suite of products designed
to help instructors plan their lessons and keep learners building upon the
foundations of the course.
ANNOTATED INSTRUCTOR’S EDITION

The Annotated Instructor’s Edition features a plethora of marginal notes to
help instructors make use of the full range of the coverage, activities, and
resources in the text and online.
INSTRUCTOR’S MANUAL
The IM provides outlines, discussion questions, key terms and their definitions,
a research library, and examples of in-class and out-of-class assignments for
every chapter.
xxiv I N S T R U C T O R ’ S G U I D E T O C O N N E C T F O R I N T E R P E R S O N A L C O M M U N I C AT I O N
TEST BANK
Test Bank offers multiple-choice questions, true/false questions, short-answer
questions, and essay questions for each chapter.
POWERPOINT SLIDES
The PowerPoint presentations provide chapter highlights that help instructors
create focused yet individualized lesson plans.
Support to Ensure Success

• Digital Success Academy—The Digital Success Academy on Connect offers
a wealth of training and course creation guidance for instructors and learners
alike. Instructor support is presented in easy-to-navigate, easy-to-complete
sections. It includes the popular Connect how-to videos, step-by-step Click-
through Guides, and First Day of Class materials that explain how to use
both the Connect platform and its course-specific tools and features. http://
createwp.customer.mheducation.com/wordpress-mu/success-academy/
• Digital Success Team—The Digital Success Team is a
group of specialists dedicated to working online with
instructors—one-on-one—to demonstrate how the
Connect platform works and to help incorporate Connect
into a customer’s specific course design and syllabus.
Contact your digital learning consultant to learn more.
• Digital Learning Consultants—Digital Learning
Consultants are local resources who work closely with
your McGraw-Hill learning technology consultants. They
can provide face-to-face faculty support and training.
http://shop.mheducation.com/store/paris/user/findltr.html
• Digital Faculty Consultants—Digital Faculty Consultants
are experienced instructors who use Connect in their
classroom. These instructors are available to offer
suggestions, advice, and training about how best to
use Connect in your class. To request a Digital Faculty
Consultant to speak with, please e-mail your McGraw-
Hill learning technology consultant. http://connect.
customer.mheducation.com/dfc/
• National Training Webinars—McGraw-Hill offers an ongoing series of
webinars for instructors to learn and master the Connect platform, as well as
its course-specific tools and features. We hope you will refer to our online
schedule of national training webinars and sign up to learn more about
Connect! http://webinars.mhhe.com/
CONTACT OUR CUSTOMER SUPPORT TEAM

McGraw-Hill is dedicated to supporting instructors and learners. To contact our customer
support team, please call us at 800-331-5094 or visit us online at http://mpss.mhhe.com/
contact.php
I N S T R U C T O R ’ S G U I D E T O C O N N E C T F O R I N T E R P E R S O N A L C O M M U N I C AT I O N xxv
Changes for the Third Edition

Chapter-by-Chapter Changes
CHAPTER 1: ABOUT COMMUNICATION
• New opening vignette on Portlandia’s Carrie Brownstein and Fred Armisen.
• New “Communication: Dark Side” feature discusses the challenges of
managing face-to-face communication when distracted by smartphones.
• New “Got Skills?” box on empathic communication.
• New “Assess Your Skills” box: “Are You a High Self-Monitor?”
• New section “Competent Online Communication” explores electronically
mediated communication (EMC).
• Updated “Fact or Fiction?” box on same-sex relationships with new research.
• New “Got Skills?” box on using powerful language, specifically for EMC.
CHAPTER 2: CULTURE AND GENDER

• New opening vignette about cross-cultural friendships in diverse
neighborhoods.
• New “Communication: Dark Side” box discusses cultural stereotyping during
times of stress.
• New section “Social Media as a Co-Culture” explores the emerging culture of
online communities across different social media platforms.
• Expanded discussion of similarity assumption and the role it plays in EMC.
CHAPTER 3: COMMUNICATION AND THE SELF

• New opening vignette on managing multiple identities on the TV show
Black-ish.
• New discussions on expressions of self-esteem and identity in social media.
• New section “Challenges and Risks of Disclosing Online” provides advice on
managing self needs when using social media.
CHAPTER 4: INTERPERSONAL PERCEPTION

• Updated discussion of challenges facing female professionals, including Sheryl
Sandberg’s Lean In.
• New section “Forming Perceptions Online” explores the way avatars and
photos influence perception in EMC.
• Revised discussion of recency effect including comparisons between face-to-
face and online impressions.
• New discussion of egocentrism and online communication.
• Revised “Fact or Fiction?” box on making accurate perceptions.
CHAPTER 5: LANGUAGE
• New “Fact or Fiction?” box explores the impact of texting on our ability to use
language.
• Updated discussion of loaded language examines language choices by
proponents and critics of the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act.
• New section on criticism of the Sapir-Whorf hypothesis.
xxvi I N S T R U C T O R ’ S G U I D E T O C O N N E C T F O R I N T E R P E R S O N A L C O M M U N I C AT I O N
• New “Got Skills?” box on using ethical appeals to persuade others.

• New “Communication: Light Side” box on Facebook tribute pages.
• Revised coverage of communication climates (previously in Chapter 10) moved
to a new section on the influence of language in relationships.
• New section “Create Positive Climates in Electronically Mediated
Communication.”
• New “Got Skills?” box on how to spot confirming messages.
CHAPTER 6: NONVERBAL COMMUNICATION

• New opening vignette discusses John Travolta’s embrace of Scarlett
Johansson at 2015 Oscars.
• New “Got Skills?” box on communicating emotion nonverbally.
• New “Communication: Light Side” box on affection at cuddling parties.
• New figure of Hall’s Four Spatial Zones.
• New section “Managing Nonverbal Behavior in Electronically Mediated
Communication” includes tips for videoconferencing and texting.
CHAPTER 7: LISTENING
• New opening vignette about veterans with PTSD.
• New “Assess Your Skills” box on identifying listening styles.
• Revised section on the effect of culture and sex on listening.
• New section “Effective Listening Online.”
• New “Communication: Light Side” box on online listening groups.
• New “Fact or Fiction?” box on whether technology impairs listening abilities.
• New section on managing information overload during EMC.
CHAPTER 8: EMOTION
• New opening vignette examines emotions and communication on TV’s The
Walking Dead.
• New “Got Skills?” box on expressing anger constructively.
• New “Communication: Light Side” box about the life benefits of
experiencing joy.
• New section explores relationship between emotion and EMC.
• Revised discussion of emotional contagion now covers online communication.
CHAPTER 9: FORMING AND MAINTAINING PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS

• New opening vignette discusses the relationship types in the film This is
Where I Leave You.
• New chapter structure focuses on relational theory—how personal
relationships form and develop.
• New section “Relationship Development and Maintenance via Online Social
Networking” examines the ways in which EMC affects and is affected by
relationships.
• New “Fact or Fiction?” box on how opposites attract.
• New “Assess Your Skills” box about how to communicate positivity.
• New “Got Skills?” box on expressing affection online.
I N S T R U C T O R ’ S G U I D E T O C O N N E C T F O R I N T E R P E R S O N A L C O M M U N I C AT I O N xxvii
CHAPTER 10: INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION IN CLOSE RELATIONSHIPS

• New opening vignette details relationship of two real-life friends and
co-workers.
• New chapter structure examines different types of relationships in detail—
romantic, friendships, family, and workplace.
• New section “Online Communication in Workplace Relationships” examines
the challenges of EMC in the workplace.
• New “Fact or Fiction?” box about the percent of marriages that end
in divorce.
• New “Got Skills?” box on using upward, downward, and lateral
communication.
CHAPTER 11: INTERPERSONAL CONFLICT

• New opening vignette highlights restorative justice programs used to manage
conflict.
• New sections on cultural dimensions and conflict and cross-cultural conflict.
• New section “Managing Computer-Mediated Conflict”.
• Revised section on how power influences communication.
• New “Communication: Dark Side” box on alcohol and conflict.
CHAPTER 12: DECEPTIVE COMMUNICATION

• New opening vignette explores the deception between a married couple in
the film Gone Girl.
• Revised section “Defining Deception” including high-stakes, low-stakes, and
middle-stakes lies.
• New section on how deception is common when communicating online.
• New Communication: Dark Side” box on lying to loved ones.
xxviii C O N T R I B U T O R S
Contributors
I am most grateful to have had exceptional, astute groups Rise Lara, Austin Community College
of instructors across the country who served as reviewers Lee Lavery, Ivy Tech Community College of Indiana
and offered insights and suggestions that improved Inter- Sheryl Lidzy, Emporia State University
personal Communication, Third Edition, immeasurably: Kim Long, Valencia College, East Campus
Ron Mace, Somerset Community College
Shae Adkins, Lone Star College Sujanet Mason, Luzerne County Community College
Julie Allee, Ivy Tech Community College of Indiana Julie Mayberry, North Carolina State University;
Courtney Allen, University of Florida Meredith College
Jacob Arndt, Kalamazoo Valley Community College Katherine Maynard, Community College of Vermont
Cameron Basquiat, College of Southern Nevada Nathan Miczo, Western Illinois University
Isabelle Bauman, Missouri State University Kristi Mingus, North Dakota State University
Carol Benton, University of Central Missouri Mark Morman, Baylor University
Angela Blais, University of Minnesota Simone Mullinax, Jamestown Community College
Gary Edward Brown, Ivy Tech Community College of Jan Muto, Norco College
Indiana Sorin Nastasia, Southern Illinois University
Leah Bryant, Lead Subject Matter Expert, DePaul University Laura Nunn, South Texas College
Stefne Broz, Wittenberg University Steve Ott, Kalamazoo Valley Community College
Paul Cero, Inver Hills Community College Melanie Parrish, Luzerne County Community College
Thomas Chester, Ivy Tech East Central Fiona Patin, Ivy Tech Community College of Indiana
Michelle Coleman, Clark State Community College Carol Paulnock, Saint Paul College
Janet Colvin, Utah Valley University Kaitlin Phillips, University of Nebraska
Angela Cordova, Oregon State University Leighann Rechtin, Ivy Tech Community College
Karen Coyle, Pikes Peak Community College of Indiana
Tasha Davis, Austin Community College Amber Reinhart, University of Missouri
Douglas Deiss, Glendale Community College Loretta Rivers, New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary
Melanie Finney, DePauw University Stephanie Rolain-Jacobs, University of Wisconsin
Edie Gaythwaite, Valencia College Sudeshna Roy, Stephen F. Austin State University
Michelle Givertz, California State University Kelly Schutz, Ivy Tech Community College of Indiana
Donna Goodwin, Tulsa Community College Toni Shields, Ivy Tech Community College of Indiana
Maya Greene, Columbia Greene Community College Julie Simanski, Des Moines Area Community College
Trey Guinn, University of the Incarnate Word Carolyn Sledge, Delta State University
Karen Hamburg, Camden County College Lynn Stewart, Cochise College
Annette Hamel, Western Michigan University Kelly Stockstad, Austin Community College
Heidi Hamilton, Emporia State University Charee Thompson, Ohio University
April Hebert, College of Southern Nevada Mary Tripp, Wisconsin Indianhead Technical College
Cheryl Hebert, Estrella Mountain Community College Stephanie Van Stee, University of Missouri
Colin Hesse, Oregon State University Shawn Wahl, Missouri State University
Dawn Hines, Clark State Community College Julie Williams, San Jacinto College
Gary Iman, Missouri State University Stacie Williams, Clark College
Jacob Isaacs, Ivy Tech Community College of Indiana Lori Wisdom-Whitley, Everett Community College
Deborah Johnson, Metropolitan State University Joansandy Wong, Austin Community College
Melissa Hernandez Katz, The University of Texas at Dallas Alesia Woszidlo, University of Kansas
Cynthia King, California State University Christina Yoshimura, The University of Montana
David Kosloski, Clark College Kent Zimmerman, Sinclair Community College
A C K N O W L E D G M E N T S 1
Acknowledgments
One of my favorite parts about writing books is that so many people play key roles in
helping a new book come together. This one was no exception, and it’s my pleasure to
thank those whose contributions and support are responsible for the book you are now
reading.
First and foremost, my sincere gratitude goes to everyone at McGraw-Hill Higher
Education. They are a true joy to work with and to know. David Patterson, Lisa Pinto,
Nancy Huebner, Sally Constable, Laura Kennedy, Kim Taylo, Noel Hohnstine, and
Linda Su have been a constant source of inspiration, energy, humor, and warmth, and
I value immensely my relationship with each of them. Special thanks also to project
managers Lisa Bruflodt and Sam Donisi-Hamm and the design team led by Matt Dia-
mond, as well as to lead digital product analyst Janet Byrne Smith.
Ann Kirby-Payne was a truly excellent development editor. She has devoted countless
hours to making this book as fresh and interesting as possible, and she has done so
with an extraordinary measure of grace. Every page of this book is better because of
her involvement, and I cannot thank her enough.
I also want to express enthusiastic thanks to the entire sales team at McGraw-Hill
Higher Education. These are the professionals who visit your campus and make sure
students and instructors have everything they need to succeed in the classroom. It’s
a demanding and sometimes thankless job, but the McGraw-Hill representatives are
truly dedicated to your success, and I appreciate all they do.
Finally, I will always be grateful for the support of my family and friends. The more
I learn about interpersonal communication, the more appreciative I become of the
people who accept, value, challenge, and love me. You know who you are, and
I thank you.
About Communication
1
CHAPTER
© Minneapolis Star Tribune/ZUMA Press, Inc/Alamy
FROM FANS TO FRIENDS

chapter preview
TO COLLABORATORS
Fred Armisen and Carrie Brownstein have been friends for more than 1 Why We
a decade. The pair met at a Saturday Night Live after-party in 2003, Communicate
and quickly bonded over their shared love of comedy (Armisen was a
cast member) and indie rock (Brownstein was touring with her band, 2 The Nature of
Communication
Sleater-Kinney). Despite living on opposite coasts, the two became fast
friends, and eventually decided that they needed to work on something
3 How We
together, because as Brownstein explains, when two people are not Communicate
romantically involved, “it begins to seem kind of weird if you’re flying Interpersonally
around the country” to spend time together.
4 Building Your
This friendship yielded hilarious results: Their sketch comedy show, Communication
Portlandia, became a hit, first on the Internet and eventually as a regu- Competence
lar series on IFC. Playing a rotating series of characters, the two get to
explore different sorts of relationships and communication styles: “I get to play at connecting with people,”
Brownstein says, “because in every scene we’re in a different relationship.”1 Their real relationship is more
consistent: They text each other each night before bed, and look forward to working together each day.
W h y W e C o m m u n icat e 3
I
t is nearly impossible to overestimate the importance of close relationships.
Our families can make us laugh, keep us sane, and pick us up when we’re
feeling down. Our romantic partners can make us feel as though we’re the
only person in the world who matters. And, on occasion, we meet people who
become close working partners as well as valuable friends.
At the same time, relationships can be profoundly challenging. Even our
closest friends can get under our skin. Sometimes our romantic partners aren’t
completely honest with us. And from time to time, we don’t quite know how to
support those who need our help. It’s pretty remarkable that human relation-
ships can be the source of such joy and such heartache. What makes the differ-
ence between a relationship that’s going well and one that’s going poorly? One
of the biggest factors is how we communicate. To understand why that’s true,
let’s look first at the critical role of communication in our lives.
1 Why We Communicate
Asking why we communicate may seem about as useful as asking why we breathe.
After all, could you imagine your life without communication? We all have times,
of course, when we prefer to be alone. Nevertheless, most of us would find it nearly
impossible—and very unsatisfying—
to go through life without the chance
to interact with others. Perhaps that’s
TA B LE 1
why we spend so much of our time
communicating, whether face-to-face Life Online: Communicating in Cyberspace
or electronically (see Table 1). 23 Number of hours per week the average
You might think that communicat- American spends on the Internet
ing as much as we do would make us 81 Percentage of American teenagers who sleep
all communication experts. In truth, with, or next to, their cell phone
however, we often don’t recognize how
678 Number of text messages the average
many communication challenges we
American sends per month
face. Learning to overcome those chal-
143,199 Number of messages received daily on
lenges starts with appreciating why
Snapchat
we communicate in the first place. As
we’ll discover in this section, com- 400,000,000 Number of active blogs online
munication touches many aspects of 196,400,000,000 Average number of e-mail messages sent
our lives, from our physical and other per day
everyday needs to our experiences Sources: The Mobile Youth Report; Business News Daily; Computerworld; B usiness
with relationships, spirituality, and Insider; Nielsen; Radicati Group. Statistics are from 2011–2015.
identity.
4 C H A P T E R 1 A b o u t C o m m u n icati o n
Communication Meets
Physical Needs
Communication keeps us healthy. Human beings are
such inherently social beings that when we are denied
the opportunity for interaction, our mental and physi-
cal health can suffer. That is a major reason why soli-
tary confinement is such a harsh punishment. Several
studies have shown that when people are cut off from
others for an extended period, their health can quickly
deteriorate.2 A recent study even showed that feel-
ing rejected reduces the rate at which a person’s heart
beats.3 Similarly, individuals who feel socially isolated
because of poverty, homelessness, mental illness, or
obesity can also suffer from a lack of quality interac-
tion with others.4
It may sound like an exaggeration to say that we
can’t survive without human contact, but that state-
ment isn’t far from the truth, as a bizarre experiment in
the thirteenth century helps to show. German emperor
The need for social contact has fueled debates in cities such
as New York over the use of solitary confinement for juvenile
Frederick II wanted to know what language humans
offenders. © Tinnapong/Getty Images, RF would speak naturally if they weren’t taught any par-
ticular language. To find out, he placed 50 newborns
in the care of nurses who were instructed only to feed and bathe them but not to speak
to or hold them. The emperor never discovered the answer to his question because all
the infants died.5 That experiment was clearly unethical, meaning that it did not follow
established principles that guide people in judging whether something is morally right
or wrong. Such an experiment fortunately wouldn’t be repeated today. But as touch
expert Tiffany Field reports, more recent studies conducted in orphanages and adoption
centers have convincingly shown that human interaction, especially touch, is critical for
infants’ survival and healthy development.6
Social interaction keeps adults healthy too. Research shows that people without
strong social ties, such as close friendships and family relationships, are more likely
to suffer from major ailments, including heart disease and high blood pressure, and to
die prematurely than people who have close, satisfying relationships.7 They are also
more likely to suffer from lesser ailments, such as colds, and they often take longer to
recover from illnesses or injuries.8 Communication researchers Chris Segrin and Stacey
Passalacqua have even found that loneliness is related to sleep disturbances and stress.9
The importance of social interaction is often particularly evident to people who are
stigma A characteristic stigmatized. A stigma is a characteristic that discredits a person, causing him or her to
that discredits a person, be seen as abnormal or undesirable.10 It isn’t the attribute itself that stigmatizes a per-
making him or her be seen son, however, but the way that attribute is viewed by others in that person’s society. In
as abnormal or undesirable. the United States, for instance, being HIV-positive has been widely stigmatized because
of its association with two marginalized populations—gay men and intravenous drug
users—even though many individuals with HIV do not belong to either group.11 U.S.
Americans don’t tend to stigmatize people with asthma or diabetes or even cancer to
the same extent as they do people with HIV, even though those other illnesses can also
be serious and even life-threatening.
Stigmatized people might frequently feel like outsiders who “don’t fit in” with oth-
ers. As a result, they may be more likely to suffer the negative physical effects of lim-
ited social interaction. Going further, the less social interaction they have, the more
W h y W e C o m m u n icat e 5
they are likely to continue feeling stigma-

tized. Although not everyone needs the same
degree of interaction to stay healthy, com-
munication plays an important role in main-
taining human health and well-being.
Communication Meets
Relational Needs
Besides our physical needs, we have several
relational needs, such as needs for compan-
ionship and affection, relaxation and escape.12
We don’t necessarily have the same needs in
all our relationships—you probably value your
friends for somewhat different reasons than
you value your co-workers, for instance. The
bottom line, though, is that we need relation- Imagine how challenging it would be to communicate if you couldn’t speak the
ships, and communication is a large part of language everyone else was using. That is a common experience for many
how we build and keep those relationships.13 immigrants. © Erik Freeland/Corbis saba/Corbis News/Corbis
Think about how many structures in our
lives are designed to promote social interaction. Neighborhoods, schools, workplaces,
malls, theaters, and restaurants are all social settings in which we interact with people.
In addition, the Internet offers innumerable ways of connecting with others, and many
people have made new friends—or even met romantic partners—online.14 Imagine
how challenging it would be to form and maintain strong social relationships if you
lacked the ability to communicate with people. This is a common experience for many
immigrants, who often struggle to learn the cultural values, as well as the language, of
their new environments and may feel lonely or ignored by others in the process.15
Some scholars believe our need for relationships is so fundamental that we can hardly get
by without them.16 For example, research has shown that having a rich social life is one of the
most powerful predictors of a person’s overall happiness.17 Mere interaction isn’t enough,
though: Studies show that having meaningful conversations leads to happiness, whereas
“small talk” can be associated with reduced well-being.18 Casual conversation online
can spark a new relationship, but deeper, more meaningful conversation helps it grow.
Studies have shown that the most important predictor of happiness in life—by far—
is marital happiness.19 Being happily married is more important than income, job sta-
tus, education, leisure time, or anything else in accounting for how content people are.
On the negative side, people in distressed marriages are much more likely to suffer
from major depression, and they report being in worse physical health than their hap-
pily married counterparts.20
The cause-and-effect relationship between marriage and happiness isn’t a simple
one. It may be that strong marriages promote happiness and well-being, or it may be
that happy, healthy people are more likely than others to be married. Whatever the
association, personal relationships clearly play an important role in our lives, and com-
munication helps us form and maintain them.
Communication Fills Identity Needs

Are you energetic? Trustworthy? Intelligent? Withdrawn? Each of us can probably come
up with a long list of adjectives to describe ourselves, but here’s the critical question:
How do you know you are these things? In other words, how do you form an identity?
6 C H A P T E R 1 A b o u t C o m m u n icati o n
How we communicate with others, and how others communicate with us, play a big role in shaping how we see ourselves—whether
it’s as intelligent, as popular, or as altruistic. © Digital Vision/Getty Images, RF, © McGraw-Hill Education, Lars A. Niki photographer, © McGraw-Hill
Education, Christopher Kerrigan photographer
The ways we communicate with others—and the ways others communicate with us—
play a major role in shaping how we see ourselves.21 As you’ll learn in the Communica-
tion and the Self chapter, people form their identities partly by comparing themselves
with others. If you consider yourself intelligent, for instance, what that really means is
that you see yourself as more intelligent than most other people. If you think you’re shy,
you see most other people as more outgoing than you are. If you think of yourself as
attractive, that translates into viewing yourself as better looking than most others.
One way we learn how we compare with others is through our communication with
those around us. If people treat you as intelligent, shy, or attractive, you may begin to
believe you have those characteristics. In other words, those qualities will become part
of how you view yourself. Communication plays a critical role in driving that process,
and good communicators have the ability to emphasize different aspects of their identi-
ties in different situations. During a job interview it might be most important for you to
portray your organized, efficient side; when you’re hanging out with friends, you might
emphasize your fun-loving nature and sense of humor.
Besides expressing personal identity, communication also helps us express our cultural
identity. As you’ll discover in the Culture and Gender chapter, culture includes the sym-
bols, beliefs, practices, and languages that distinguish groups of people. The ways you
speak, dress, gesture, and entertain yourself all reflect the cultural values you hold dear.
Communication Meets Spiritual Needs

An important aspect of identity for many people in many cultures is their spirituality.
Spirituality includes the principles valued in life (“I value loyalty” or “I value equal
treatment for all people”). It also encompasses people’s morals, or their notions about
right and wrong (“It’s never okay to steal, regardless of the circumstances” or “I would
lie to save a life, because life is more important than honesty”). Finally, spirituality
involves people’s beliefs about the meaning of life, which often include personal philos-
ophies, an awe of nature, a belief in a higher purpose, and religious faith and practices
(“I believe in God” or “I believe I will reap what I sow in life”).
A 2010 survey of more than 112,000 U.S. college students found that many students
consider some form of spirituality to be an important part of their identity.22 Almost
half of those surveyed said they consider integrating spirituality into their lives to be
very important or essential. For those in the study, spirituality didn’t necessarily include
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DANCE ON STILTS AT THE GIRLS’ UNYAGO, NIUCHI
Newala, too, suffers from the distance of its water-supply—at least

the Newala of to-day does; there was once another Newala in a lovely
valley at the foot of the plateau. I visited it and found scarcely a trace
of houses, only a Christian cemetery, with the graves of several
missionaries and their converts, remaining as a monument of its
former glories. But the surroundings are wonderfully beautiful. A
thick grove of splendid mango-trees closes in the weather-worn
crosses and headstones; behind them, combining the useful and the
agreeable, is a whole plantation of lemon-trees covered with ripe
fruit; not the small African kind, but a much larger and also juicier
imported variety, which drops into the hands of the passing traveller,
without calling for any exertion on his part. Old Newala is now under
the jurisdiction of the native pastor, Daudi, at Chingulungulu, who,
as I am on very friendly terms with him, allows me, as a matter of
course, the use of this lemon-grove during my stay at Newala.
FEET MUTILATED BY THE RAVAGES OF THE “JIGGER”
(Sarcopsylla penetrans)
The water-supply of New Newala is in the bottom of the valley,

some 1,600 feet lower down. The way is not only long and fatiguing,
but the water, when we get it, is thoroughly bad. We are suffering not
only from this, but from the fact that the arrangements at Newala are
nothing short of luxurious. We have a separate kitchen—a hut built
against the boma palisade on the right of the baraza, the interior of
which is not visible from our usual position. Our two cooks were not
long in finding this out, and they consequently do—or rather neglect
to do—what they please. In any case they do not seem to be very
particular about the boiling of our drinking-water—at least I can
attribute to no other cause certain attacks of a dysenteric nature,
from which both Knudsen and I have suffered for some time. If a
man like Omari has to be left unwatched for a moment, he is capable
of anything. Besides this complaint, we are inconvenienced by the
state of our nails, which have become as hard as glass, and crack on
the slightest provocation, and I have the additional infliction of
pimples all over me. As if all this were not enough, we have also, for
the last week been waging war against the jigger, who has found his
Eldorado in the hot sand of the Makonde plateau. Our men are seen
all day long—whenever their chronic colds and the dysentery likewise
raging among them permit—occupied in removing this scourge of
Africa from their feet and trying to prevent the disastrous
consequences of its presence. It is quite common to see natives of
this place with one or two toes missing; many have lost all their toes,
or even the whole front part of the foot, so that a well-formed leg
ends in a shapeless stump. These ravages are caused by the female of
Sarcopsylla penetrans, which bores its way under the skin and there
develops an egg-sac the size of a pea. In all books on the subject, it is
stated that one’s attention is called to the presence of this parasite by
an intolerable itching. This agrees very well with my experience, so
far as the softer parts of the sole, the spaces between and under the
toes, and the side of the foot are concerned, but if the creature
penetrates through the harder parts of the heel or ball of the foot, it
may escape even the most careful search till it has reached maturity.
Then there is no time to be lost, if the horrible ulceration, of which
we see cases by the dozen every day, is to be prevented. It is much
easier, by the way, to discover the insect on the white skin of a
European than on that of a native, on which the dark speck scarcely
shows. The four or five jiggers which, in spite of the fact that I
constantly wore high laced boots, chose my feet to settle in, were
taken out for me by the all-accomplished Knudsen, after which I
thought it advisable to wash out the cavities with corrosive
sublimate. The natives have a different sort of disinfectant—they fill
the hole with scraped roots. In a tiny Makua village on the slope of
the plateau south of Newala, we saw an old woman who had filled all
the spaces under her toe-nails with powdered roots by way of
prophylactic treatment. What will be the result, if any, who can say?
The rest of the many trifling ills which trouble our existence are
really more comic than serious. In the absence of anything else to
smoke, Knudsen and I at last opened a box of cigars procured from
the Indian store-keeper at Lindi, and tried them, with the most
distressing results. Whether they contain opium or some other
narcotic, neither of us can say, but after the tenth puff we were both
“off,” three-quarters stupefied and unspeakably wretched. Slowly we
recovered—and what happened next? Half-an-hour later we were
once more smoking these poisonous concoctions—so insatiable is the
craving for tobacco in the tropics.
Even my present attacks of fever scarcely deserve to be taken
seriously. I have had no less than three here at Newala, all of which
have run their course in an incredibly short time. In the early
afternoon, I am busy with my old natives, asking questions and
making notes. The strong midday coffee has stimulated my spirits to
an extraordinary degree, the brain is active and vigorous, and work
progresses rapidly, while a pleasant warmth pervades the whole
body. Suddenly this gives place to a violent chill, forcing me to put on
my overcoat, though it is only half-past three and the afternoon sun
is at its hottest. Now the brain no longer works with such acuteness
and logical precision; more especially does it fail me in trying to
establish the syntax of the difficult Makua language on which I have
ventured, as if I had not enough to do without it. Under the
circumstances it seems advisable to take my temperature, and I do
so, to save trouble, without leaving my seat, and while going on with
my work. On examination, I find it to be 101·48°. My tutors are
abruptly dismissed and my bed set up in the baraza; a few minutes
later I am in it and treating myself internally with hot water and
lemon-juice.
Three hours later, the thermometer marks nearly 104°, and I make
them carry me back into the tent, bed and all, as I am now perspiring
heavily, and exposure to the cold wind just beginning to blow might
mean a fatal chill. I lie still for a little while, and then find, to my
great relief, that the temperature is not rising, but rather falling. This
is about 7.30 p.m. At 8 p.m. I find, to my unbounded astonishment,
that it has fallen below 98·6°, and I feel perfectly well. I read for an
hour or two, and could very well enjoy a smoke, if I had the
wherewithal—Indian cigars being out of the question.
Having no medical training, I am at a loss to account for this state
of things. It is impossible that these transitory attacks of high fever
should be malarial; it seems more probable that they are due to a
kind of sunstroke. On consulting my note-book, I become more and
more inclined to think this is the case, for these attacks regularly
follow extreme fatigue and long exposure to strong sunshine. They at
least have the advantage of being only short interruptions to my
work, as on the following morning I am always quite fresh and fit.
My treasure of a cook is suffering from an enormous hydrocele which
makes it difficult for him to get up, and Moritz is obliged to keep in
the dark on account of his inflamed eyes. Knudsen’s cook, a raw boy
from somewhere in the bush, knows still less of cooking than Omari;
consequently Nils Knudsen himself has been promoted to the vacant
post. Finding that we had come to the end of our supplies, he began
by sending to Chingulungulu for the four sucking-pigs which we had
bought from Matola and temporarily left in his charge; and when
they came up, neatly packed in a large crate, he callously slaughtered
the biggest of them. The first joint we were thoughtless enough to
entrust for roasting to Knudsen’s mshenzi cook, and it was
consequently uneatable; but we made the rest of the animal into a
jelly which we ate with great relish after weeks of underfeeding,
consuming incredible helpings of it at both midday and evening
meals. The only drawback is a certain want of variety in the tinned
vegetables. Dr. Jäger, to whom the Geographical Commission
entrusted the provisioning of the expeditions—mine as well as his
own—because he had more time on his hands than the rest of us,
seems to have laid in a huge stock of Teltow turnips,[46] an article of
food which is all very well for occasional use, but which quickly palls
when set before one every day; and we seem to have no other tins
left. There is no help for it—we must put up with the turnips; but I
am certain that, once I am home again, I shall not touch them for ten
years to come.
Amid all these minor evils, which, after all, go to make up the
genuine flavour of Africa, there is at least one cheering touch:
Knudsen has, with the dexterity of a skilled mechanic, repaired my 9
× 12 cm. camera, at least so far that I can use it with a little care.
How, in the absence of finger-nails, he was able to accomplish such a
ticklish piece of work, having no tool but a clumsy screw-driver for
taking to pieces and putting together again the complicated
mechanism of the instantaneous shutter, is still a mystery to me; but
he did it successfully. The loss of his finger-nails shows him in a light
contrasting curiously enough with the intelligence evinced by the
above operation; though, after all, it is scarcely surprising after his
ten years’ residence in the bush. One day, at Lindi, he had occasion
to wash a dog, which must have been in need of very thorough
cleansing, for the bottle handed to our friend for the purpose had an
extremely strong smell. Having performed his task in the most
conscientious manner, he perceived with some surprise that the dog
did not appear much the better for it, and was further surprised by
finding his own nails ulcerating away in the course of the next few
days. “How was I to know that carbolic acid has to be diluted?” he
mutters indignantly, from time to time, with a troubled gaze at his
mutilated finger-tips.
Since we came to Newala we have been making excursions in all
directions through the surrounding country, in accordance with old
habit, and also because the akida Sefu did not get together the tribal
elders from whom I wanted information so speedily as he had
promised. There is, however, no harm done, as, even if seen only
from the outside, the country and people are interesting enough.
The Makonde plateau is like a large rectangular table rounded off
at the corners. Measured from the Indian Ocean to Newala, it is
about seventy-five miles long, and between the Rovuma and the
Lukuledi it averages fifty miles in breadth, so that its superficial area
is about two-thirds of that of the kingdom of Saxony. The surface,
however, is not level, but uniformly inclined from its south-western
edge to the ocean. From the upper edge, on which Newala lies, the
eye ranges for many miles east and north-east, without encountering
any obstacle, over the Makonde bush. It is a green sea, from which
here and there thick clouds of smoke rise, to show that it, too, is
inhabited by men who carry on their tillage like so many other
primitive peoples, by cutting down and burning the bush, and
manuring with the ashes. Even in the radiant light of a tropical day
such a fire is a grand sight.
Much less effective is the impression produced just now by the
great western plain as seen from the edge of the plateau. As often as
time permits, I stroll along this edge, sometimes in one direction,
sometimes in another, in the hope of finding the air clear enough to
let me enjoy the view; but I have always been disappointed.
Wherever one looks, clouds of smoke rise from the burning bush,
and the air is full of smoke and vapour. It is a pity, for under more
favourable circumstances the panorama of the whole country up to
the distant Majeje hills must be truly magnificent. It is of little use
taking photographs now, and an outline sketch gives a very poor idea
of the scenery. In one of these excursions I went out of my way to
make a personal attempt on the Makonde bush. The present edge of
the plateau is the result of a far-reaching process of destruction
through erosion and denudation. The Makonde strata are
everywhere cut into by ravines, which, though short, are hundreds of
yards in depth. In consequence of the loose stratification of these
beds, not only are the walls of these ravines nearly vertical, but their
upper end is closed by an equally steep escarpment, so that the
western edge of the Makonde plateau is hemmed in by a series of
deep, basin-like valleys. In order to get from one side of such a ravine
to the other, I cut my way through the bush with a dozen of my men.
It was a very open part, with more grass than scrub, but even so the
short stretch of less than two hundred yards was very hard work; at
the end of it the men’s calicoes were in rags and they themselves
bleeding from hundreds of scratches, while even our strong khaki
suits had not escaped scatheless.
NATIVE PATH THROUGH THE MAKONDE BUSH, NEAR

MAHUTA
I see increasing reason to believe that the view formed some time
back as to the origin of the Makonde bush is the correct one. I have
no doubt that it is not a natural product, but the result of human
occupation. Those parts of the high country where man—as a very
slight amount of practice enables the eye to perceive at once—has not
yet penetrated with axe and hoe, are still occupied by a splendid
timber forest quite able to sustain a comparison with our mixed
forests in Germany. But wherever man has once built his hut or tilled
his field, this horrible bush springs up. Every phase of this process
may be seen in the course of a couple of hours’ walk along the main
road. From the bush to right or left, one hears the sound of the axe—
not from one spot only, but from several directions at once. A few
steps further on, we can see what is taking place. The brush has been
cut down and piled up in heaps to the height of a yard or more,
between which the trunks of the large trees stand up like the last
pillars of a magnificent ruined building. These, too, present a
melancholy spectacle: the destructive Makonde have ringed them—
cut a broad strip of bark all round to ensure their dying off—and also
piled up pyramids of brush round them. Father and son, mother and
son-in-law, are chopping away perseveringly in the background—too
busy, almost, to look round at the white stranger, who usually excites
so much interest. If you pass by the same place a week later, the piles
of brushwood have disappeared and a thick layer of ashes has taken
the place of the green forest. The large trees stretch their
smouldering trunks and branches in dumb accusation to heaven—if
they have not already fallen and been more or less reduced to ashes,
perhaps only showing as a white stripe on the dark ground.
This work of destruction is carried out by the Makonde alike on the
virgin forest and on the bush which has sprung up on sites already
cultivated and deserted. In the second case they are saved the trouble
of burning the large trees, these being entirely absent in the
secondary bush.
After burning this piece of forest ground and loosening it with the
hoe, the native sows his corn and plants his vegetables. All over the
country, he goes in for bed-culture, which requires, and, in fact,
receives, the most careful attention. Weeds are nowhere tolerated in
the south of German East Africa. The crops may fail on the plains,
where droughts are frequent, but never on the plateau with its
abundant rains and heavy dews. Its fortunate inhabitants even have
the satisfaction of seeing the proud Wayao and Wamakua working
for them as labourers, driven by hunger to serve where they were
accustomed to rule.
But the light, sandy soil is soon exhausted, and would yield no
harvest the second year if cultivated twice running. This fact has
been familiar to the native for ages; consequently he provides in
time, and, while his crop is growing, prepares the next plot with axe
and firebrand. Next year he plants this with his various crops and
lets the first piece lie fallow. For a short time it remains waste and
desolate; then nature steps in to repair the destruction wrought by
man; a thousand new growths spring out of the exhausted soil, and
even the old stumps put forth fresh shoots. Next year the new growth
is up to one’s knees, and in a few years more it is that terrible,
impenetrable bush, which maintains its position till the black
occupier of the land has made the round of all the available sites and
come back to his starting point.
The Makonde are, body and soul, so to speak, one with this bush.
According to my Yao informants, indeed, their name means nothing
else but “bush people.” Their own tradition says that they have been
settled up here for a very long time, but to my surprise they laid great
stress on an original immigration. Their old homes were in the
south-east, near Mikindani and the mouth of the Rovuma, whence
their peaceful forefathers were driven by the continual raids of the
Sakalavas from Madagascar and the warlike Shirazis[47] of the coast,
to take refuge on the almost inaccessible plateau. I have studied
African ethnology for twenty years, but the fact that changes of
population in this apparently quiet and peaceable corner of the earth
could have been occasioned by outside enterprises taking place on
the high seas, was completely new to me. It is, no doubt, however,
correct.
The charming tribal legend of the Makonde—besides informing us
of other interesting matters—explains why they have to live in the
thickest of the bush and a long way from the edge of the plateau,
instead of making their permanent homes beside the purling brooks
and springs of the low country.
“The place where the tribe originated is Mahuta, on the southern
side of the plateau towards the Rovuma, where of old time there was
nothing but thick bush. Out of this bush came a man who never
washed himself or shaved his head, and who ate and drank but little.
He went out and made a human figure from the wood of a tree
growing in the open country, which he took home to his abode in the
bush and there set it upright. In the night this image came to life and
was a woman. The man and woman went down together to the
Rovuma to wash themselves. Here the woman gave birth to a still-
born child. They left that place and passed over the high land into the
valley of the Mbemkuru, where the woman had another child, which
was also born dead. Then they returned to the high bush country of
Mahuta, where the third child was born, which lived and grew up. In
course of time, the couple had many more children, and called
themselves Wamatanda. These were the ancestral stock of the
Makonde, also called Wamakonde,[48] i.e., aborigines. Their
forefather, the man from the bush, gave his children the command to
bury their dead upright, in memory of the mother of their race who
was cut out of wood and awoke to life when standing upright. He also
warned them against settling in the valleys and near large streams,
for sickness and death dwelt there. They were to make it a rule to
have their huts at least an hour’s walk from the nearest watering-
place; then their children would thrive and escape illness.”
The explanation of the name Makonde given by my informants is
somewhat different from that contained in the above legend, which I
extract from a little book (small, but packed with information), by
Pater Adams, entitled Lindi und sein Hinterland. Otherwise, my
results agree exactly with the statements of the legend. Washing?
Hapana—there is no such thing. Why should they do so? As it is, the
supply of water scarcely suffices for cooking and drinking; other
people do not wash, so why should the Makonde distinguish himself
by such needless eccentricity? As for shaving the head, the short,
woolly crop scarcely needs it,[49] so the second ancestral precept is
likewise easy enough to follow. Beyond this, however, there is
nothing ridiculous in the ancestor’s advice. I have obtained from
various local artists a fairly large number of figures carved in wood,
ranging from fifteen to twenty-three inches in height, and
representing women belonging to the great group of the Mavia,
Makonde, and Matambwe tribes. The carving is remarkably well
done and renders the female type with great accuracy, especially the
keloid ornamentation, to be described later on. As to the object and
meaning of their works the sculptors either could or (more probably)
would tell me nothing, and I was forced to content myself with the
scanty information vouchsafed by one man, who said that the figures
were merely intended to represent the nembo—the artificial
deformations of pelele, ear-discs, and keloids. The legend recorded
by Pater Adams places these figures in a new light. They must surely
be more than mere dolls; and we may even venture to assume that
they are—though the majority of present-day Makonde are probably
unaware of the fact—representations of the tribal ancestress.
The references in the legend to the descent from Mahuta to the
Rovuma, and to a journey across the highlands into the Mbekuru
valley, undoubtedly indicate the previous history of the tribe, the
travels of the ancestral pair typifying the migrations of their
descendants. The descent to the neighbouring Rovuma valley, with
its extraordinary fertility and great abundance of game, is intelligible
at a glance—but the crossing of the Lukuledi depression, the ascent
to the Rondo Plateau and the descent to the Mbemkuru, also lie
within the bounds of probability, for all these districts have exactly
the same character as the extreme south. Now, however, comes a
point of especial interest for our bacteriological age. The primitive
Makonde did not enjoy their lives in the marshy river-valleys.
Disease raged among them, and many died. It was only after they
had returned to their original home near Mahuta, that the health
conditions of these people improved. We are very apt to think of the
African as a stupid person whose ignorance of nature is only equalled
by his fear of it, and who looks on all mishaps as caused by evil
spirits and malignant natural powers. It is much more correct to
assume in this case that the people very early learnt to distinguish
districts infested with malaria from those where it is absent.
This knowledge is crystallized in the
ancestral warning against settling in the
valleys and near the great waters, the
dwelling-places of disease and death. At the
same time, for security against the hostile
Mavia south of the Rovuma, it was enacted
that every settlement must be not less than a
certain distance from the southern edge of the
plateau. Such in fact is their mode of life at the
present day. It is not such a bad one, and
certainly they are both safer and more
comfortable than the Makua, the recent
intruders from the south, who have made USUAL METHOD OF
good their footing on the western edge of the CLOSING HUT-DOOR
plateau, extending over a fairly wide belt of
country. Neither Makua nor Makonde show in their dwellings
anything of the size and comeliness of the Yao houses in the plain,
especially at Masasi, Chingulungulu and Zuza’s. Jumbe Chauro, a
Makonde hamlet not far from Newala, on the road to Mahuta, is the
most important settlement of the tribe I have yet seen, and has fairly
spacious huts. But how slovenly is their construction compared with
the palatial residences of the elephant-hunters living in the plain.
The roofs are still more untidy than in the general run of huts during
the dry season, the walls show here and there the scanty beginnings
or the lamentable remains of the mud plastering, and the interior is a
veritable dog-kennel; dirt, dust and disorder everywhere. A few huts
only show any attempt at division into rooms, and this consists
merely of very roughly-made bamboo partitions. In one point alone
have I noticed any indication of progress—in the method of fastening
the door. Houses all over the south are secured in a simple but
ingenious manner. The door consists of a set of stout pieces of wood
or bamboo, tied with bark-string to two cross-pieces, and moving in
two grooves round one of the door-posts, so as to open inwards. If
the owner wishes to leave home, he takes two logs as thick as a man’s
upper arm and about a yard long. One of these is placed obliquely
against the middle of the door from the inside, so as to form an angle
of from 60° to 75° with the ground. He then places the second piece
horizontally across the first, pressing it downward with all his might.
It is kept in place by two strong posts planted in the ground a few
inches inside the door. This fastening is absolutely safe, but of course
cannot be applied to both doors at once, otherwise how could the
owner leave or enter his house? I have not yet succeeded in finding
out how the back door is fastened.
MAKONDE LOCK AND KEY AT JUMBE CHAURO

This is the general way of closing a house. The Makonde at Jumbe
Chauro, however, have a much more complicated, solid and original
one. Here, too, the door is as already described, except that there is
only one post on the inside, standing by itself about six inches from
one side of the doorway. Opposite this post is a hole in the wall just
large enough to admit a man’s arm. The door is closed inside by a
large wooden bolt passing through a hole in this post and pressing
with its free end against the door. The other end has three holes into
which fit three pegs running in vertical grooves inside the post. The
door is opened with a wooden key about a foot long, somewhat
curved and sloped off at the butt; the other end has three pegs
corresponding to the holes, in the bolt, so that, when it is thrust
through the hole in the wall and inserted into the rectangular
opening in the post, the pegs can be lifted and the bolt drawn out.[50]
MODE OF INSERTING THE KEY
With no small pride first one householder and then a second

showed me on the spot the action of this greatest invention of the
Makonde Highlands. To both with an admiring exclamation of
“Vizuri sana!” (“Very fine!”). I expressed the wish to take back these
marvels with me to Ulaya, to show the Wazungu what clever fellows
the Makonde are. Scarcely five minutes after my return to camp at
Newala, the two men came up sweating under the weight of two
heavy logs which they laid down at my feet, handing over at the same
time the keys of the fallen fortress. Arguing, logically enough, that if
the key was wanted, the lock would be wanted with it, they had taken
their axes and chopped down the posts—as it never occurred to them
to dig them out of the ground and so bring them intact. Thus I have
two badly damaged specimens, and the owners, instead of praise,
come in for a blowing-up.
The Makua huts in the environs of Newala are especially
miserable; their more than slovenly construction reminds one of the
temporary erections of the Makua at Hatia’s, though the people here
have not been concerned in a war. It must therefore be due to
congenital idleness, or else to the absence of a powerful chief. Even
the baraza at Mlipa’s, a short hour’s walk south-east of Newala,
shares in this general neglect. While public buildings in this country
are usually looked after more or less carefully, this is in evident
danger of being blown over by the first strong easterly gale. The only
attractive object in this whole district is the grave of the late chief
Mlipa. I visited it in the morning, while the sun was still trying with
partial success to break through the rolling mists, and the circular
grove of tall euphorbias, which, with a broken pot, is all that marks
the old king’s resting-place, impressed one with a touch of pathos.
Even my very materially-minded carriers seemed to feel something
of the sort, for instead of their usual ribald songs, they chanted
solemnly, as we marched on through the dense green of the Makonde
bush:—
“We shall arrive with the great master; we stand in a row and have
no fear about getting our food and our money from the Serkali (the
Government). We are not afraid; we are going along with the great
master, the lion; we are going down to the coast and back.”
With regard to the characteristic features of the various tribes here
on the western edge of the plateau, I can arrive at no other
conclusion than the one already come to in the plain, viz., that it is
impossible for anyone but a trained anthropologist to assign any
given individual at once to his proper tribe. In fact, I think that even
an anthropological specialist, after the most careful examination,
might find it a difficult task to decide. The whole congeries of peoples
collected in the region bounded on the west by the great Central
African rift, Tanganyika and Nyasa, and on the east by the Indian
Ocean, are closely related to each other—some of their languages are
only distinguished from one another as dialects of the same speech,
and no doubt all the tribes present the same shape of skull and
structure of skeleton. Thus, surely, there can be no very striking
differences in outward appearance.
Even did such exist, I should have no time
to concern myself with them, for day after day,
I have to see or hear, as the case may be—in
any case to grasp and record—an
extraordinary number of ethnographic
phenomena. I am almost disposed to think it
fortunate that some departments of inquiry, at
least, are barred by external circumstances.
Chief among these is the subject of iron-
working. We are apt to think of Africa as a
country where iron ore is everywhere, so to
speak, to be picked up by the roadside, and
where it would be quite surprising if the
inhabitants had not learnt to smelt the
material ready to their hand. In fact, the
knowledge of this art ranges all over the
continent, from the Kabyles in the north to the
Kafirs in the south. Here between the Rovuma
and the Lukuledi the conditions are not so
favourable. According to the statements of the
Makonde, neither ironstone nor any other
form of iron ore is known to them. They have
not therefore advanced to the art of smelting
the metal, but have hitherto bought all their
THE ANCESTRESS OF
THE MAKONDE
iron implements from neighbouring tribes.
Even in the plain the inhabitants are not much
better off. Only one man now living is said to
understand the art of smelting iron. This old fundi lives close to
Huwe, that isolated, steep-sided block of granite which rises out of
the green solitude between Masasi and Chingulungulu, and whose
jagged and splintered top meets the traveller’s eye everywhere. While
still at Masasi I wished to see this man at work, but was told that,
frightened by the rising, he had retired across the Rovuma, though
he would soon return. All subsequent inquiries as to whether the
fundi had come back met with the genuine African answer, “Bado”
(“Not yet”).
BRAZIER
Some consolation was afforded me by a brassfounder, whom I

came across in the bush near Akundonde’s. This man is the favourite
of women, and therefore no doubt of the gods; he welds the glittering
brass rods purchased at the coast into those massive, heavy rings
which, on the wrists and ankles of the local fair ones, continually give
me fresh food for admiration. Like every decent master-craftsman he
had all his tools with him, consisting of a pair of bellows, three
crucibles and a hammer—nothing more, apparently. He was quite
willing to show his skill, and in a twinkling had fixed his bellows on
the ground. They are simply two goat-skins, taken off whole, the four
legs being closed by knots, while the upper opening, intended to
admit the air, is kept stretched by two pieces of wood. At the lower
end of the skin a smaller opening is left into which a wooden tube is
stuck. The fundi has quickly borrowed a heap of wood-embers from
the nearest hut; he then fixes the free ends of the two tubes into an
earthen pipe, and clamps them to the ground by means of a bent
piece of wood. Now he fills one of his small clay crucibles, the dross
on which shows that they have been long in use, with the yellow
material, places it in the midst of the embers, which, at present are
only faintly glimmering, and begins his work. In quick alternation
the smith’s two hands move up and down with the open ends of the
bellows; as he raises his hand he holds the slit wide open, so as to let
the air enter the skin bag unhindered. In pressing it down he closes
the bag, and the air puffs through the bamboo tube and clay pipe into
the fire, which quickly burns up. The smith, however, does not keep
on with this work, but beckons to another man, who relieves him at
the bellows, while he takes some more tools out of a large skin pouch
carried on his back. I look on in wonder as, with a smooth round
stick about the thickness of a finger, he bores a few vertical holes into
the clean sand of the soil. This should not be difficult, yet the man
seems to be taking great pains over it. Then he fastens down to the
ground, with a couple of wooden clamps, a neat little trough made by
splitting a joint of bamboo in half, so that the ends are closed by the
two knots. At last the yellow metal has attained the right consistency,
and the fundi lifts the crucible from the fire by means of two sticks
split at the end to serve as tongs. A short swift turn to the left—a
tilting of the crucible—and the molten brass, hissing and giving forth
clouds of smoke, flows first into the bamboo mould and then into the
holes in the ground.
The technique of this backwoods craftsman may not be very far
advanced, but it cannot be denied that he knows how to obtain an
adequate result by the simplest means. The ladies of highest rank in
this country—that is to say, those who can afford it, wear two kinds
of these massive brass rings, one cylindrical, the other semicircular
in section. The latter are cast in the most ingenious way in the
bamboo mould, the former in the circular hole in the sand. It is quite
a simple matter for the fundi to fit these bars to the limbs of his fair
customers; with a few light strokes of his hammer he bends the
pliable brass round arm or ankle without further inconvenience to
the wearer.
SHAPING THE POT
SMOOTHING WITH MAIZE-COB
CUTTING THE EDGE

FINISHING THE BOTTOM
LAST SMOOTHING BEFORE

BURNING
FIRING THE BRUSH-PILE

LIGHTING THE FARTHER SIDE OF
THE PILE
TURNING THE RED-HOT VESSEL
NYASA WOMAN MAKING POTS AT MASASI

Pottery is an art which must always and everywhere excite the
interest of the student, just because it is so intimately connected with
the development of human culture, and because its relics are one of
the principal factors in the reconstruction of our own condition in
prehistoric times. I shall always remember with pleasure the two or
three afternoons at Masasi when Salim Matola’s mother, a slightly-
built, graceful, pleasant-looking woman, explained to me with
touching patience, by means of concrete illustrations, the ceramic art
of her people. The only implements for this primitive process were a
lump of clay in her left hand, and in the right a calabash containing
the following valuables: the fragment of a maize-cob stripped of all
its grains, a smooth, oval pebble, about the size of a pigeon’s egg, a
few chips of gourd-shell, a bamboo splinter about the length of one’s
hand, a small shell, and a bunch of some herb resembling spinach.
Nothing more. The woman scraped with the
shell a round, shallow hole in the soft, fine
sand of the soil, and, when an active young
girl had filled the calabash with water for her,
she began to knead the clay. As if by magic it
gradually assumed the shape of a rough but
already well-shaped vessel, which only wanted
a little touching up with the instruments
before mentioned. I looked out with the
MAKUA WOMAN closest attention for any indication of the use
MAKING A POT. of the potter’s wheel, in however rudimentary
SHOWS THE a form, but no—hapana (there is none). The
BEGINNINGS OF THE embryo pot stood firmly in its little
POTTER’S WHEEL
depression, and the woman walked round it in
a stooping posture, whether she was removing
small stones or similar foreign bodies with the maize-cob, smoothing
the inner or outer surface with the splinter of bamboo, or later, after
letting it dry for a day, pricking in the ornamentation with a pointed
bit of gourd-shell, or working out the bottom, or cutting the edge
with a sharp bamboo knife, or giving the last touches to the finished
vessel. This occupation of the women is infinitely toilsome, but it is
without doubt an accurate reproduction of the process in use among
our ancestors of the Neolithic and Bronze ages.
There is no doubt that the invention of pottery, an item in human
progress whose importance cannot be over-estimated, is due to
women. Rough, coarse and unfeeling, the men of the horde range
over the countryside. When the united cunning of the hunters has
succeeded in killing the game; not one of them thinks of carrying
home the spoil. A bright fire, kindled by a vigorous wielding of the
drill, is crackling beside them; the animal has been cleaned and cut
up secundum artem, and, after a slight singeing, will soon disappear
under their sharp teeth; no one all this time giving a single thought
to wife or child.
To what shifts, on the other hand, the primitive wife, and still more
the primitive mother, was put! Not even prehistoric stomachs could
endure an unvarying diet of raw food. Something or other suggested
the beneficial effect of hot water on the majority of approved but
indigestible dishes. Perhaps a neighbour had tried holding the hard
roots or tubers over the fire in a calabash filled with water—or maybe
an ostrich-egg-shell, or a hastily improvised vessel of bark. They
became much softer and more palatable than they had previously
been; but, unfortunately, the vessel could not stand the fire and got
charred on the outside. That can be remedied, thought our
ancestress, and plastered a layer of wet clay round a similar vessel.
This is an improvement; the cooking utensil remains uninjured, but
the heat of the fire has shrunk it, so that it is loose in its shell. The
next step is to detach it, so, with a firm grip and a jerk, shell and
kernel are separated, and pottery is invented. Perhaps, however, the
discovery which led to an intelligent use of the burnt-clay shell, was
made in a slightly different way. Ostrich-eggs and calabashes are not
to be found in every part of the world, but everywhere mankind has
arrived at the art of making baskets out of pliant materials, such as
bark, bast, strips of palm-leaf, supple twigs, etc. Our inventor has no
water-tight vessel provided by nature. “Never mind, let us line the
basket with clay.” This answers the purpose, but alas! the basket gets
burnt over the blazing fire, the woman watches the process of
cooking with increasing uneasiness, fearing a leak, but no leak
appears. The food, done to a turn, is eaten with peculiar relish; and
the cooking-vessel is examined, half in curiosity, half in satisfaction
at the result. The plastic clay is now hard as stone, and at the same
time looks exceedingly well, for the neat plaiting of the burnt basket
is traced all over it in a pretty pattern. Thus, simultaneously with
pottery, its ornamentation was invented.
Primitive woman has another claim to respect. It was the man,
roving abroad, who invented the art of producing fire at will, but the
woman, unable to imitate him in this, has been a Vestal from the
earliest times. Nothing gives so much trouble as the keeping alight of
the smouldering brand, and, above all, when all the men are absent
from the camp. Heavy rain-clouds gather, already the first large
drops are falling, the first gusts of the storm rage over the plain. The
little flame, a greater anxiety to the woman than her own children,
flickers unsteadily in the blast. What is to be done? A sudden thought
occurs to her, and in an instant she has constructed a primitive hut
out of strips of bark, to protect the flame against rain and wind.
This, or something very like it, was the way in which the principle
of the house was discovered; and even the most hardened misogynist
cannot fairly refuse a woman the credit of it. The protection of the
hearth-fire from the weather is the germ from which the human
dwelling was evolved. Men had little, if any share, in this forward
step, and that only at a late stage. Even at the present day, the
plastering of the housewall with clay and the manufacture of pottery
are exclusively the women’s business. These are two very significant
survivals. Our European kitchen-garden, too, is originally a woman’s
invention, and the hoe, the primitive instrument of agriculture, is,
characteristically enough, still used in this department. But the
noblest achievement which we owe to the other sex is unquestionably
the art of cookery. Roasting alone—the oldest process—is one for
which men took the hint (a very obvious one) from nature. It must
have been suggested by the scorched carcase of some animal
overtaken by the destructive forest-fires. But boiling—the process of
improving organic substances by the help of water heated to boiling-
point—is a much later discovery. It is so recent that it has not even
yet penetrated to all parts of the world. The Polynesians understand
how to steam food, that is, to cook it, neatly wrapped in leaves, in a
hole in the earth between hot stones, the air being excluded, and
(sometimes) a few drops of water sprinkled on the stones; but they
do not understand boiling.
To come back from this digression, we find that the slender Nyasa
woman has, after once more carefully examining the finished pot,
put it aside in the shade to dry. On the following day she sends me
word by her son, Salim Matola, who is always on hand, that she is
going to do the burning, and, on coming out of my house, I find her
already hard at work. She has spread on the ground a layer of very
dry sticks, about as thick as one’s thumb, has laid the pot (now of a
yellowish-grey colour) on them, and is piling brushwood round it.
My faithful Pesa mbili, the mnyampara, who has been standing by,
most obligingly, with a lighted stick, now hands it to her. Both of
them, blowing steadily, light the pile on the lee side, and, when the
flame begins to catch, on the weather side also. Soon the whole is in a
blaze, but the dry fuel is quickly consumed and the fire dies down, so
that we see the red-hot vessel rising from the ashes. The woman
turns it continually with a long stick, sometimes one way and
sometimes another, so that it may be evenly heated all over. In
twenty minutes she rolls it out of the ash-heap, takes up the bundle
of spinach, which has been lying for two days in a jar of water, and
sprinkles the red-hot clay with it. The places where the drops fall are
marked by black spots on the uniform reddish-brown surface. With a
sigh of relief, and with visible satisfaction, the woman rises to an
erect position; she is standing just in a line between me and the fire,
from which a cloud of smoke is just rising: I press the ball of my
camera, the shutter clicks—the apotheosis is achieved! Like a
priestess, representative of her inventive sex, the graceful woman
stands: at her feet the hearth-fire she has given us beside her the
invention she has devised for us, in the background the home she has
built for us.
At Newala, also, I have had the manufacture of pottery carried on
in my presence. Technically the process is better than that already
described, for here we find the beginnings of the potter’s wheel,
which does not seem to exist in the plains; at least I have seen
nothing of the sort. The artist, a frightfully stupid Makua woman, did
not make a depression in the ground to receive the pot she was about
to shape, but used instead a large potsherd. Otherwise, she went to
work in much the same way as Salim’s mother, except that she saved
herself the trouble of walking round and round her work by squatting
at her ease and letting the pot and potsherd rotate round her; this is
surely the first step towards a machine. But it does not follow that
the pot was improved by the process. It is true that it was beautifully
rounded and presented a very creditable appearance when finished,
but the numerous large and small vessels which I have seen, and, in
part, collected, in the “less advanced” districts, are no less so. We
moderns imagine that instruments of precision are necessary to
produce excellent results. Go to the prehistoric collections of our
museums and look at the pots, urns and bowls of our ancestors in the
dim ages of the past, and you will at once perceive your error.
MAKING LONGITUDINAL CUT IN
BARK
DRAWING THE BARK OFF THE LOG
REMOVING THE OUTER BARK

BEATING THE BARK
WORKING THE BARK-CLOTH AFTER BEATING, TO MAKE IT

SOFT
MANUFACTURE OF BARK-CLOTH AT NEWALA

To-day, nearly the whole population of German East Africa is
clothed in imported calico. This was not always the case; even now in
some parts of the north dressed skins are still the prevailing wear,
and in the north-western districts—east and north of Lake
Tanganyika—lies a zone where bark-cloth has not yet been
superseded. Probably not many generations have passed since such
bark fabrics and kilts of skins were the only clothing even in the
south. Even to-day, large quantities of this bright-red or drab
material are still to be found; but if we wish to see it, we must look in
the granaries and on the drying stages inside the native huts, where
it serves less ambitious uses as wrappings for those seeds and fruits
which require to be packed with special care. The salt produced at
Masasi, too, is packed for transport to a distance in large sheets of
bark-cloth. Wherever I found it in any degree possible, I studied the
process of making this cloth. The native requisitioned for the
purpose arrived, carrying a log between two and three yards long and
as thick as his thigh, and nothing else except a curiously-shaped
mallet and the usual long, sharp and pointed knife which all men and
boys wear in a belt at their backs without a sheath—horribile dictu!
[51]
Silently he squats down before me, and with two rapid cuts has
drawn a couple of circles round the log some two yards apart, and
slits the bark lengthwise between them with the point of his knife.
With evident care, he then scrapes off the outer rind all round the
log, so that in a quarter of an hour the inner red layer of the bark
shows up brightly-coloured between the two untouched ends. With
some trouble and much caution, he now loosens the bark at one end,
and opens the cylinder. He then stands up, takes hold of the free
edge with both hands, and turning it inside out, slowly but steadily
pulls it off in one piece. Now comes the troublesome work of
scraping all superfluous particles of outer bark from the outside of
the long, narrow piece of material, while the inner side is carefully
scrutinised for defective spots. At last it is ready for beating. Having
signalled to a friend, who immediately places a bowl of water beside
him, the artificer damps his sheet of bark all over, seizes his mallet,
lays one end of the stuff on the smoothest spot of the log, and
hammers away slowly but continuously. “Very simple!” I think to
myself. “Why, I could do that, too!”—but I am forced to change my
opinions a little later on; for the beating is quite an art, if the fabric is
not to be beaten to pieces. To prevent the breaking of the fibres, the
stuff is several times folded across, so as to interpose several
thicknesses between the mallet and the block. At last the required
state is reached, and the fundi seizes the sheet, still folded, by both
ends, and wrings it out, or calls an assistant to take one end while he
holds the other. The cloth produced in this way is not nearly so fine
and uniform in texture as the famous Uganda bark-cloth, but it is
quite soft, and, above all, cheap.
Now, too, I examine the mallet. My craftsman has been using the
simpler but better form of this implement, a conical block of some
hard wood, its base—the striking surface—being scored across and
across with more or less deeply-cut grooves, and the handle stuck
into a hole in the middle. The other and earlier form of mallet is
shaped in the same way, but the head is fastened by an ingenious
network of bark strips into the split bamboo serving as a handle. The
observation so often made, that ancient customs persist longest in
connection with religious ceremonies and in the life of children, here
finds confirmation. As we shall soon see, bark-cloth is still worn
during the unyago,[52] having been prepared with special solemn
ceremonies; and many a mother, if she has no other garment handy,
will still put her little one into a kilt of bark-cloth, which, after all,
looks better, besides being more in keeping with its African
surroundings, than the ridiculous bit of print from Ulaya.
MAKUA WOMEN

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Edition – Ebook PDF Version

Chapter 2 Culture and Gender 34

Chapter 3 Communication and the Self 70

Chapter 4 Interpersonal Perception 106

PART 2 INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION SKILLS IN ACTION

Chapter 6 Nonverbal Communication 176

Chapter 7 Listening 214

Chapter 8 Emotion 244

PART 3 DYNAMICS OF INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS

Chapter 10 Interpersonal Communication in Close Relationships 308

Chapter 11 Interpersonal Conflict 342

Chapter 12 Deceptive Communication 372

Glossary G-1 | Endnotes N-1 | Index I-1

PART 1 FUNDAMENTALS OF INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION

2 Culture and How a Self-Concept Develops 76

Valuing the Self: Self-Esteem 81 Fundamental Forces in Interpersonal

Learn It Apply It Reflect on It 103 Improving Your Perceptual Abilities 130

Interpersonal Master the Chapter 139

PART 2 INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION SKILLS IN ACTION

5 Language 140 We Use Words to Persuade 151

Creating a Positive Communication

Avoid Making Others Defensive 167

Culture Influences Nonverbal Communication 202

Sad/Anxious Emotions: Sadness, Depression, Grief, Emotional Intelligence 267

PART 3 DYNAMICS OF INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS

Forming and Understanding Relationship Maintenance 296

Getting Out: Relationship Dissolution 300

Communicating in Romantic Relationships 316

COMMUNI CATION: LIGHT GOT SKILLS?

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CHAPTER 6: NONVERBAL COMMUNICATION