we're a shot in the darkest dark (oh no i'm unarmed)

Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at http://archiveofourown.org/works/52778065.

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply
Category: F/M
Fandom: Outer Banks (TV)
Relationship: Kiara "Kie" Carrera/JJ Maybank
Characters: Kiara "Kie" Carrera, JJ Maybank
Additional Tags: Recreational Drug Use, First Kiss
Language: English
Series: Part 8 of prompts
Stats: Published: 2024-01-03 Words: 1,320 Chapters: 1/1
 we're a shot in the darkest dark (oh no i'm unarmed)
by cosmicwritings

Summary

"Is she supposed to just leave it? She wants to say that she’d undo it all if she could turn back
time, but she knows what kissing him tastes like now. She’s not sure she could confidently
trade anything for that anymore. The thought of it now still makes her insides feel like they're
on fire.

It’s the most rotten kind of satisfaction."

or, kie & jj kiss and they're both scared it could ruin everything.

Notes

this was for the prompt "rotten satisfaction" lol it could be canon compliant, it could not be .
who knows!

title from say don't go by tswizzle xx

Drinking beer off the side of the HMW Pogue, eyes only on the swell of the water and not on
each other. Never each other.

“This is fucking stupid,” breaks the silence. Kie’s arms are folded across her chest and JJ now
really can't be looking.

Beside her, Sarah grimaces. “I’m going to, like. Go.” She doesn’t wait for either of them to
respond, just kicks off her shorts and jumps off the side. Kie watches her friend swim towards
John B and Pope further into the lake. For a second, she can blame Sarah’s golden hair
glittering in the water for something mesmerising and needing her undivided attention.

JJ, forced nonchalance in his every move. He throws the empty can in his hand to the corner
and ignores her glare. Picks up a new can and cracks it open. “Hm?”

“You know what I mean.” Kie leans forward and snatches his beer out of his hand, taking a
pull. Pointedly, she puts her own empty one in the bin she’s created out of a tote bag.

For a second, he looks like he’s going to grab his can back - he would, in normal
circumstances.

These are not normal circumstances.

She takes another long sip as he fiddles with the rings on his hand. When she can’t stand the
silence again, she says, “We can talk about this, right? We’re grown.”

“Sure.”

“You haven’t looked at me in the eye since.”

“If you want me to pay attention to you so bad, I’m going to need to see a little more skin,”
he leers.

“Stop,” she says, aiming to sound unimpressed, and failing to hide her grin. His hands go up
in mock-defence. “I’m serious.”

JJ makes a noise, breathes heavily out of his nose. It could almost be a sigh. He sounds
defeated. “What do you want me to say? Sorry?”

She’s always felt braver when it’s just the two of them. She says, “If you mean it. I’m not
sorry.”

She almost takes it back when she realises he’s still not taking it seriously, letting out a low
whistle and holding a fist to his heart. “Well, thank God for that.”

Another jagged pause.

Kie takes the opportunity to chug more of the can before wiping her mouth on the back of her
hand angrily. “Why can’t you be serious for once, dude?”
His hands are thrown in the air.

“No, really, what do you want me to say, Kie?” he says, one corner of his mouth lifted in
amusement. It’s the kind of half-laugh that makes her want to hug him. It’s the same look in
his eyes that’s asking to be pitied. "That I only kissed you because I was high and drunk and
out of my mind that night? Because I can tell you that. I can tell you how I haven't been in
love with you since we were fourteen and how not kissing you felt like the only thing that
made sense in that moment. Is that what you need to hear? Or I can remind you that you've
spent years brushing me off, and I know when to cut my losses when I see it, but I forgot for
a moment. I can be sorry for that, if you want. What do you want me to say, Kie?"

“I always thought you were joking,” she says, voice small. “When you always hit on me.”

“Yeah. Well. It was a bit of both.”

She’s done it again - she always does. Kiara Carrera can never leave damn well alone, as her
parents like to despair, and she’s done it again. Isn’t this what she wanted? Weren’t they fine
in their purgatory, dancing around each other? The kiss was no one’s fault, but they had made
an unspoken peace treaty to leave it. Sit next to their other friends instead of each other. Flit
away from eye contact.

And, like most things in her life, she always has to say something - do something - when she
couldn’t stand it.

This is what she pushed for, isn’t it? Had made him come to this confession, spit out a bloody
admittance on deck in front of them. She knew it had meant something.

But she’s also never seen him like this - eyes blinking rapidly, fists clenched. He’s bigger
than her, but it’s like he’s curled into himself. Half-turned away, like he doesn’t want to be
saying any of this at all.

They had kissed and nothing made sense, so she had twisted his arm into untangling it, only
at what cost? She thought everything might sort itself out if it was all out in the open. Except
the cards are on the table and they still can’t look at each other properly.

Is she supposed to just leave it? She wants to say that she’d undo it all if she could turn back
time, but she knows what kissing him tastes like now. She’s not sure she could confidently
trade anything for that anymore. The thought of it now still makes her insides feel like they're
on fire.

It’s the most rotten kind of satisfaction.

“I did it because I wanted to, as well,” she offers. The best concession she has.

JJ closes his eyes for a moment, seems to go very still. When he opens them, she can see steel
in the blue hue. “Look, we both got caught up for a moment. Hormones flying around or
whatever. We’re not ruining the Pogues over this.”

We’re not ruining us over this, he means. It gets lost in his throat.
All of Kie’s bravado has tapped out - she doesn’t want to be on opposite sides with him
anymore. She wants to go back to kicking her feet up on him and laughing over takeout.

“I love Pope, y’know? And John B.” He scrubs a hand over his face. “And we’ve all been in
love with you at some point. It’s. Yeah. It’s fine. We’re all fine.”

"We're all fine," she echoes. Wants to love him properly and doesn't know how to tell him
that.

She knows inexplicably now that he won't let her.

Instead, she tried for a half-smile and offers his nearly finished can back. He shakes his head
so she drains it and says, trying for a joke and ending somewhat short, "Guess we got to stop
saying no Pogue-on-Pogue macking. I've got you all crossed off now."

"Sarah?"

"Before all of you," she snorts. "Kook year."

JJ waggles his eyebrows. "You going to rank us?"

It reminds her of something more familiar, so she manages a laugh and moves to shove him.
His broad shoulders seem to relax. "You wish."

They lapse into silence again, but she feels it's less breakable than before. Sarah, John B and
Pope are having some sort of water fight in the distance, and Kie's tempted to say that they
should join them now, until JJ speaks again.

“I need a joint.”

Abrupt. Kie’s surprised he’s held out this long, when his fingers have been fidgeting non-stop
since he saw her.

He procures his weed out of his shorts pockets and sets himself on expertly rolling it, no time
wasted. When he sticks his tongue out to lick and seal the paper, she has to look away.
Focuses on looking for her lighter and tosses it to him.

Stupidly, she almost says no when he offers her the joint after he's lit it. If she thinks about
his mouth again, she might just explode - falls back into the thought of not knowing if it's
better to have known what kissing him feels like, or to know now and not have it again.
Rotten satisfaction.

But it's weed, so Kie does end up taking the joint. It makes her feel better too - maybe he's
right. Maybe it's all fine.

When he looks over at her this time, she holds his gaze.
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