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FOREVER YOURS by Mdutyana Nonkolo
Chapter 1
My sister wakes me up at 6 to get ready for school; I get off the
bed and quickly make the bed as she prepares our bathing
water. Today is my first day in high school, I am excited.
After bathing I dress in my school uniform, a white t-shirt and a
green short skirt making it a high waist then I put on my white
socks and new school shoes that my brother got for me
yesterday. My old shoes were torn and just not comfortable
anymore. I am a full blown 13 year old, gran said she found me
on the 1st of January and I was just a few minutes old when she
found me at a dump site with nothing but just a plastic bag
covering my body. Every time that I think about the condition
gran found me in my heart breaks, my mother was heartless.
Who gives birth to a child then throws her away like a piece of
garbage? I wipe off my tears then lay my edges, my sister did
cornrows on my hair last night so I looked beautiful but she said
it will come undone in just a week because of my soft hair. Gran
says I am of a mixed race, I am light skinned, no I am yellow
with hair all over my body, my face included (I am hairy) but it
only added to my beauty. I am beautiful and I know it, I have
small sexy eyes, my classmates back in primary school used to
call me China because of them. What if my dad is really
Chinese? Because I do look Blasian. I have dimples which show
when I talk, smile and laugh. My brother calls me dimple face. I
am not your typical shapeless 13 year old, I am curvy with an
ass and hips, I don’t have a completely flat chest, I have small
boobs and they are hella sexy. I am hella sexy myself, drop
dead gorgeous if I must say so myself. I am just built different
from my age group. On the other hand my siblings are dark
skinned, my sister is beautiful, no really beautiful and petite.
And my brother is hella fine, he is a beautiful tall chocolate
man, if he wasn’t my brother and he asked me out I would
definitely go for him. Yes I have dated before, back in primary
school, when my brother found out he almost beat me in to a
pulp, if it wasn’t for gran I think I might have died that day, I
tried to fight him but my brother is strong, he is just built
different. Not that that stopped me because I am still dating,
just hiding it well. I really don’t want another beating.
Anyway once I am done I take my school bag with an old
exercise book in case they give us any exercises today and a
pen, then go to the kitchen. Gran is already up and fixing us soft
porridge, gran spoils us but she still teaches us chores. There is
nothing that I cannot do
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house chores wise.
Me: Sawubona ma
And yes we all call her mom, I heard my siblings refer to her as
mom so I also called her mom. She is a mother to us.
Ma: Hello my baby, this is yours. Aphiwe said his friend will pass
by this side to drop you guys off at school.
Me: Oh I was lazy to walk to school anyway.
Gran laughs as Aphiwe walks in, he has a back room. Gran
decided that we all need our privacy ever since we first went on
puberty 2 years ago. He greets and sits down with us.
Ma: You lazy girl, I wonder who will marry you.
I laugh as well.
Londi: No one ma.
Me: Hey!
They both laugh at me. Gran sits 3 bowls before us and we bow
our heads, she says a short prayer thanking the lord for our
food then we dig in as soon as she says Amen. After eating she
prays again asking the Lord to protect and guide us. As soon as
she says Amen we get up and leave, Phiwe’s friend is already
outside so we get in the taxi. We greet his friend and Aphiwe
looks at me.
Phiwe: What the hell are you wearing Thandolwethu?!
Oh he is mad when he calls me by my actual name.
Me: My school uniform.
Phiwe: That skirt wasn’t that short when I bought it.
Me: Gran made it for me.
Phiwe: I will have a talk with her, she cannot let you go to
school showing off all of you assets. Can you even bend in that
thing?
Londi chuckled next to me saying that she told me that it was
too short. Well I wanted it short, I love it short just like the rest
of my clothes. I always get gran to cut them and mend them for
me if they are too long besides jeans, though I have asked her
before to cut my jeans into short shorts until she started buying
me short shorts. Not that my brother approved, he didn’t. And
he never lets me wear that outside if he is around, I can only
get away with it if he isn’t home. He is such a big brother to us
even though he is younger than Londi.

We finally get to school and climb off the taxi after my brother
gives us R5 each, it’s all he had after getting me my school
uniform yesterday and book covers to cover our books once we
get them. We thank him then walk into the school going our
separate ways, I spot my friends immediately and run off to
them leaving them behind. We scream and share hugs, I have 2
best friends Sne and Mbali. I am the most beautiful and sexy of
all 3 and I got the most attention.

The bell hasn’t even rang and already I had a guy asking to talk
to me, we all know what that means. But he is ugly and I am
not interested so I just ignore him and continue talking to my
friends until the bell goes and we go to the assembly.
After the assembly we are assigned to our classes, separating
me from my 2 best friends. They were in the same class and I
am in another glass with my brother, I huff in annoyance.
Aphiwe is way too overprotective of me, we have been sharing
a class since we were young and boy does he sometimes get on
my nerves especially when he entertains girls but stop boys
from talking to me. Hugging them again we go to our different
glasses, I am not the shy type so I immediately make friends in
my glass too.

The day goes by quite fast, I had boys from all different grades
hitting on me. And not just me but every other grade 8 learner,
vultures. A boy by the name of Sizwe catches my eye, he is in
grade 12 and he is really beautiful but not more than Phiwe
beautiful. Phiwe is beautiful, he really is. When he approaches
me and asks me to be his girlfriend I tell him that I will think
about it. You cannot just agree immediately, gotta give him a
bit of a run around but I already know that he is my new man,
lalela umuntu uvukile! Not that my man is ugly but Sizwe is
more hotter than him.
After school him and his friends walk us home, oh he is a
smooth talker, a real charmer. He licks his lips every time
before talking and I cannot help but notice how sexy and
inviting his lips are. I cannot wait to kiss him.
“Gran is waiting for us to cook at home sis so you better stop
laughing with boys and lift your legs a bit higher.” Londi says
walking past us.
Sizwe: Awukahle mam’Theresa
His friends bust out laughing and I see tears in my sister’s eyes.
Me: Hey not my sister, if you want us to get along then don’t
ever. And I mean it, don’t ever make fun of my sister.
Sizwe: Eish sorry mama.
Me: I am right behind you sis.
She nods and ups her pace. Oh Londi! I continue at my pace.
The boys leave us a house away from my house.
Me: Thank you guys we will see you tomorrow.
Sizwe: I cannot wait.
Chapter 2
We sit at the table in the kitchen to eat. My brother brought a
girl over to introduce her to us, she is ugly and I hate her
already. Gran doesn’t mind Aphiwe dating even though he is
just 14 years old just as long as he doesn’t sleep with the girl.
And this girls looks a bit old my brother can do beater, so much
better than her. Has he seen how he looks? I am his type not
her, wait a second am I jealous that my brother brought a girl
home? Maybe I am and I cannot even hide it. Gosh there goes
my appetite.
Gran: I am pleased to meat you Mandisa my child.
Mandisa: Like wise gogo, Aphiwe only has good things to say
about you.
Gran: He is a very sweet boy.
My brother smiles then looks at me, seeing the distaste on my
face he scowls at me. I fake a smile and he raises his eyebrow, I
roll my eyes. She is ugly! I wanted to say to him and I don’t like
her for you. I like me for you. But I mind my own business, I
look down at my plate and eat while everyone around the
tables chats and laughs. After our evening meal I get up and
clear the table then wash the dishes, which my brother decides
to help in.
Phiwe: And then?
He whispers and I whisper back.
Me: I don’t like her, she is ugly and old for you.
Phiwe: Dimple face!?
He gasps and frowns.
Me: It’s true though. She isn’t your type.
Phiwe: And who is my type according to you?
Me: Me.
He chuckles not noticing my seriousness then we just talk about
school while he wipes the dishes and puts them away.

The following day I wake up early to get ready for school then I
walk to school with my friends. When we are just 2 yards away
from school I see Sizwe waiting, he is smoking weed. I know for
a fact because I know the smell of weed because I smoke it
myself, with my friends. Not like for special occasions only but
it’s like our everyday thing, I cannot go a day without it. I am a
stoner. We approach him and he pulls me in for a kiss before I
can even greet him, yes him and I are dating now. I decided to
put him out of his misery yesterday after school, he was soo
happy. We break the kiss and he smiles at me, I take the dope
from him.
Sizwe: Hi babe
I take a long drag then baby kiss him.
Me: Hi my love
We share another kiss then walk to school hand in hand,
keeping a look out for my brother. Londi shakes her head when
she sees us and I know that she doesn’t approve of him. Oh
well big sis I love the guy so you better deal with it. The bell
rings as soon as we step into the school gates so we go for
morning prayer then school begins, I spend my breaks with my
man just smoking and kissing.

After school he carries my heavy bag for me, we finally got our
stationary today and it was a Friday. He stops 2 houses away
from my house and we share a kiss.
Sizwe: I love you.
Me: I love you too.
Sizwe: Will I be seeing you tomorrow?
Me: Yes you will, I will see you after 1 okay? Right here.
Sizwe: I will see you tomorrow.
We baby kiss then he gives me my bag and I walk home.
As I put my bag down my sister walks into our room.
Londi: Are you and Sizwe like an item now?
I nod.
Londi: He is not good for you Thando, he is a player. He could
be using you right now.
Me: Oh sis Sizwe is not a player. Besides everyone knows that
we are dating.
Londi: Do you think that he cares or all the other girls care?
Sizwe is after one thing and when he gets it, when he finally
gets it he will leave you.
Me: How do you know this?
Londi: He is my classmate, we have been classmates since
grade 8. I know him.
Me: Okay but don’t you think that people change? Maybe he
has changed.
She laughs.
Londi: Not Sizwe.
Me: How can you be so sure?
Londi: I know him. He will treat you good until you give it up to
him, after that he moves on to his next prey.
Me: You are just jealous, yes jealous. That’s what you are. You
are jealous because no body sees you, because everyone
pretends as if you don’t exist. While your younger sister is
getting all the attention.
She laughs.
Londi: Well I tried to warn you, when he shows you his true
colours don’t come crying to me.
Me: I won’t and do you know why, because he will not do that
to me.
She nods and walks out. I change into short shorts and a t-shirt
then go out to greet gran in her room.
Me: How are you mama?
Gran: I am okay my daughter just a bit tired.
Me: Okay mama rest okay?
I kiss her cheek then walk out. I go to the kitchen to make
myself something to eat then sit down to eat, after that I go to
Sne’s house then together we walk to Mbali’s house. We go to
her room where we watch porn, drink her father’s stolen
Hennessy bottle and smoke weed. She stole it from her
brother’s collection, he wasn’t home. He was in varsity, Mbali
comes from a well off family. She is rich compared to us. And
her brother was or still is my boyfriend, we just didn’t hang out
much anymore. Oh no she wasn’t going to tell him about Sizwe
we don’t tell on each other. It’s hoes before dicks with us.

At 5 we are drunk and high as fuck, i don’t know how I was

going to get home in this state. Shit my brother will kill me! Oh
no! We are in the kitchen giggling over nothing and making
ourselves food when Christian walks in. He smiles at me when
he sees me.
Chris: Are you guys drunk?
Me: And high.
We giggle making him smile.
Chris: Hey babe
We share a kiss.
Chris: You lot are lucky because the rents are not coming home
tonight until Sunday.
Mbali: That’s why we stole his bottle.
Chris: No you didn’t.
Mbali: He won’t even notice.
Chris just shrugs his shoulders then pulls me behind him. When
we get to his room he drops his bag then mashes his lips
against mine, lifting me up I wrap myself around him.
Deepening the kiss, he walked towards the bed with me still
wrapped around him, then lays me down. He pulls my pants
and panties off then goes down on me, sucking and eating my
cake wildly, I moan and hold his head pulling him to my cake.
He sucks my now swollen nib and I cannot help the loud moans
that leave my mouth.
Me: Oh fuck! Chris I am going to... ohhhh!
I feel my legs shaking, I am going to come! He stops sucking on
my nib and fucks me with his tongue, I spread my legs wider for
him and arch my ass up giving him all access to my pussy. He
continues fucking me with his tongue until I come undone in his
mouth. He licks me clean then comes up to my face, we share a
sexy kiss. We break it and he smiles down at me.
Chris: Hey
Returning the smile.
Me: Hey
Chris: I have missed you.
Me: Me too.
Chris: Who is this Sizwe guy that I keep hearing about?
My heart stops beating, how did he find out? He gets off me
and undresses, I sit up and look at him. He doesn’t look mad or
anything but he is mad. I know this him.
Me: Uhm nobody, he is just asking me out.
Chris: Is it?
I nod. He looks at me and cocks his head to the side, I get off
the bed and walk towards him. I get down on my knees and pull
his briefs down, his member springs out. I get hold of him and
suck him, making him groan. He holds my head and fucks my
mouth really rough and deep, making me gag. I push his hips
back but he does it again, I feel my vomit coming up my throat
and I push his hips back.
Me: Chris not so deep please.
He nods and let’s me fuck him with my mouth.
Chris: Are you sure that he is a no body?
I nod and he hits the back of my throat again, I push his hips
back. He is mad at me and he is hurting me, he shoved into my
mouth with force again, hitting the back of my throat. He
groans as I push him, tear eyed. I quickly get up and rush to the
bathroom before I throw up in his room. I crotch in front of the
toilet and let it all out. When my tummy is feeling less full I get
up flushing the toilet then rinse my mouth, he walks into the
bathroom and gives me his mouthwash, I thank him and rinse
my mouth. He sits down on the closed toilet seat and looks at
me.
Chris: You know that I love you right?
I nod.
Chris: Is that why you let that stupid boy shove his tongue
down your throat?
I shake my head, he gets ups.
Chris: I saw you dammit so don’t lie to me.
Me: Chris he means nothing, I love you. I swear I love you, he
was just a distraction. That’s all he was.
Chris: Uhm you spending the weekend with me here, I will walk
you home to fetch your clothes for the weekend.
I nod and he walks out, I follow after him to his room. I go down
on my knees again and this time he is gentle, I suck him off until
I feel his come in my mouth, I close my eyes and try not to think
about it as I swallow. He pulls me up and we share a kiss.
Chris: I am not stupid Thandolwethu, you will end things with
that boy.
Me: Yes I will.
Chris: Good.
We both get dressed, I have sobered up a bit after all that
altercation. He walks me back home to fetch my clothes, gran
doesn’t mind when I tell her that I am spending the weekend at
Mbali’s since her parents are not around. Phiwe is not back
from work so I don’t have to worry about him intervening and
giving his 2 cents.
3
I spent the whole weekend at Mbali’s house with Chris who
wasn’t mad at me anymore, we actually had a good time
together. I didn’t see Sizwe and I don’t know what I am going to
tell him, my 2 best friends just said I should lie and make sure
that my lies are good. When I see him approaching us I take a
deep breath.
Sizwe: Hi ladies, Thando
Us: Hi Sizwe.
Sizwe: What happened to you on Saturday?
Me: I- my gran- I was busy with house chores.
Sizwe: Don’t fucking lie to me, I know that you were spending
time with your boyfriend. Mbali’s brother, you are all over his
Facebook.
Me: Oh...I am sorry he found out about us and wouldn’t let me
leave his house.
Sizwe: Why didn’t you tell me about him?
I shrug, he didn’t ask and if I am all over his Facebook why did
he ask me out?
Sizwe: So what happens to us now?
Me: Can we just let this go? I mean I cannot date you and him
at the same time.
Sizwe: No, no, no I knew about you guys when I asked you out.
Who doesn’t know about you guys? But as I said I love you and
want to be with you. We can hide our relationship from him.
Me: I don’t know Sizwe, I don’t know if I can do that to Chris. To
you.
Sizwe: I am asking you to use me and you don’t want to?
I chuckle.
Sizwe: All I want is your time that’s it.
I nod and he hugs me.
Sizwe: So are you guys sleeping together?
I shake my head and break the hug.
Sizwe: Oh
Me: Yes I want to wait until I am older.
No I don’t want to wait until I am older, I want Phiwe to be my
first. I am weird neh? Who fancies her own brother? He nods
and we go to the assembly when the siren goes.
Days went by and I was managing my relationships really well, I
only saw Sizwe in school and Chris on weekends. My
relationships were running smooth, Sizwe didn’t even put
pressure or talk about us sleeping together like my sister said
he would and when I told her she was surprised. She said it was
unlike him, seems like she knows him that well huh? What if
they once dated? No my sister is too serious and nerdy to date,
maybe he dated a friend of hers? Anyway I was just glad that I
have both men that I love in my life and everything was
smooth, not that I really love them, they are just a distraction. I
think I am in love with my brother, Phiwe.

The day is a Sunday, granny wakes us up to go to church with

her. Londi agrees and gets up to go with her but I don’t. I got
home too drunk last night and all I wanted to do is sleep in
today, Londi helped me to sneak in to our room. Said that it
was the last time that she helps me with all of my shit, said that
she will tell our brother the next time that I am drunk. See
Londi and I are different, too different. She is this innocent
angel and I am the rebellious one, only my family doesn’t know
half of what Londi knows about me.

After my gran and Londi leave I get up and prepare my weed

then roll it, I find a matches in the kitchen and light it then take
a long drag. Oh that hit soo well, I pour myself a glass of water
then put on some music, brother bought us a radio when he
started working. He just has to get us a tv now. Anyway I sit
down on the couch with my feet up, I am in my thong only, I am
home alone so I don’t have to worry about my brother walking
in. He must be out hustling. I close my eyes and lean back on
the couch as I take another pull. I blow out the smoke using my
nostrils, I have mastered smoking.
“Why the fuck are you naked?!” My brother shouts over the
music, I jump up and cover my breasts. I can’t believe I didn’t
hear the door open or his foot steps, he is standing right in
front of me. Fuck my brother is sexy
he is in his boxers only and he is really appetising right now. Is it
weird that I want to ride my brother so bad? Yes we aren’t of
blood but he is still my brother.
Phiwe: And what the fuck are you smoking?!
Me: What are you doing here?
Phiwe: I am not working today, is quite at the rank today. Why
are you naked and smoking?
Me: I thought I was home alone.
Phiwe: And the smoking? How long have you been smoking?
Me: I- please don’t tell gran.
Phiwe: When did you start smoking?
Me: Last year.
He groans and points me to my room.
Phiwe: Go get dressed.
He turns to go to the kitchen, was it me or did I see a bulge in
his boxers? I go to my room and throw a t-shirt over my head
then take the last pull before putting it off and hiding it under
the bed for later when he decides to leave. I wear flops then go
to the kitchen, he is drinking ice cold water, I can’t help but
chuckle. Chris does that every time he is horny, super horny
and I can’t blow him off, when his parents are around.
Me: Hungry?
He looks at me and nods so I make us something to eat. He is
still standing in the kitchen and every time that I reach for
something in the top cupboard I hear him groan, he is watching
me? Good because I want him to and I want him so bad, my
thong is already soaking wet. What the hell is wrong with me?
Why do I want him so bad today out of all days, maybe because
he is standing right behind me half naked? It takes everything in
me not to jump him right now, gosh! I bent down and this time
I don’t even try to be decent about it, I take out plates so that I
can dish up. I feel air hit my ass and I know that the t-shirt is no
more covering it, fuck I am so wet and horny. I get back up and I
don’t even pull it down, I let it ride on my ass, it’s not that huge
but I have ass. I hear him groan and he shifts on his feet, next
thing you know he is pulling it down.
Phiwe: You have to wear something decent Dimple face, you
cannot walk around in just this.
His voice is deep and hoarse, so full of lust. But he is holding
himself back, I know he wants me too but he is holding back.
Maybe because he sees me as his younger and that’s it, nothing
more than that. I dish up for the both of us then pour us juice
and take my plate to the lounge. He follows after me with his
plate, I sit down and put my legs up on the couch. I am sitting
across him.
Phiwe: Sit properly Dimple face please.
I open my legs a bit for him to see that I want him, he groans
and eats his food. I open them a bit wider than before and he
looks at me, one place in particular. I cannot believe that I am
seducing my brother like this but come on I have never really
seen him as a brother. He was always my crush ever since I was
young. I wish I wasn’t wearing any panties so that he could see
my wet pussy right now, I smile and open them wider. I am
facing his direction because I want him to see and accept my
invitation.
Phiwe: I don’t know why you are doing what you are doing but
you gotta stop, please.
I can see his member standing so I put my legs on the arm rests
on either side. He chokes on his food and coughs.
Phiwe: I am warning you Thandolwethu, stop it.
He says before sipping his juice. I close my legs and he sits up
swallowing spit. I get up and pull my thong down then sit back
down, opening my legs a bit for him. I grab my plate and start
eating, tempted to open my legs a bit wider. I put my left leg on
the arm rest and he groans then curses. He puts his plate down
on the coffee table then gets up, I put my plate down because
he is walking towards my direction. He picks up my thong then
scoops me up, I immediately wrap my legs around his waist and
he carries me to my room. He lays me down on the bed then
throws my thong at me.
Phiwe: Stop it.
Me: But you want me too.
Phiwe: I will not repeat myself. I said stop it.
Me: I know you don’t want me to stop.
Phiwe: You are my younger sister Dimple face.
Me: Not by blood I am not.
Phiwe: But you are still young Dimple face.
Me: Is that why you don’t want me? Because I am young?
Phiwe: Just stop it Thandolwethu please.
Me: I am not even that young! You and I are almost the same
age.
Phiwe: I am still older than you Thando and this has better not
happen again.
I nod and sit up then get off the bed. He turns on his heels and
walks out, I follow after him to the lounge. I take my plate and
finish my food then wash the dishes and clean the whole house
feeling so broken and embarrassed. Once I am done I warm up
water to bath.
Phiwe: Tell me Dimple face have you been intimate with a boy
before?
I shake my head.
Phiwe: Keep it that way, at least until you are older.
I nod and he walks out with his own water to bath. I pour my
water in the bath dish then go bath in my room.
4
It’s been a week since my brother turned me down and was
sort of avoiding me even though it was hard with us being in
the same class, not that I wanted to talk to him either. I was too
embarrassed to, he rejected me after I behaved like a slut for
him. I am sure he must think that I am a whore, yes I am. I
made moves on my brother, who does that?!
We are sitting under the shade at school and smoking weed. He
walks past us and looks at me for a while before walking off
with his friends. The girls turn their attention back to me.
Sne: Any updates on Aphiwe? Have you guys finally spoken?
Me: Nope he still hasn’t spoken to me.
Mbali: I don’t get you friend, you have 2 boys who are crazy
about you and you still want Aphiwe who won’t even talk to
you right now?
Me: I love Aphiwe, I have always loved him.
Sne: I feel you girl, phela Aphiwe is hot as fuck!
Mbali: He is.
Me: He is but that’s not why, he is sweet and he treats me like a
princess. Well used to until I ruined it.
Sne: Well babe you still have 2 men who are crazy about you.
Mbali: Oh it doesn’t look like he is crazy about you anymore.
I turn around and see Sizwe humping a girl who was standing in
the corner of a classroom with her one leg on his waist.
Something breaks in me at their sight, my sister was right.
Sne: Isn’t that your sister?
I squint my eyes to get a better view of the girl, when she pulls
back from his kiss I gasp. No, no, no not my sister. Are they like
having sex, her lips are parted? They are having sex! In school,
in front of me!
Mbali: I think they are doing it.
Sne: Wow Londi! Who would have thought? In school?
I get up but Mbali pulls me down.
Mbali: Babe don’t, just dump him.
Me: They taking me for a fool Mbali.
Tears fall out of my eyes and this is the first time that I have
ever cried for a boy, no I wasn’t crying for him but the betrayal
of my sister. How could she?
Mbali: Myeke oe she is the bigger fool.
Sne: I am sorry friend.
They comfort me until I stop crying. When the siren goes we go
back to class, my mood has changed. I am no longer the loud
girl anymore, the chatty one. Definitely not pulling jokes and
making my class mates laugh anymore.

The rest of the day goes by really slowly, maybe it’s because of
my mood. During the second break we change our spot
because I don’t want him to come find me if he was going to
come find me. Why couldn’t my sister tell me that she is dating
him? I wouldn’t have dated him, she could have been honest
with me not go and fuck him behind my back. Makes me
wonder how many times they have done it, fucked behind my
back. Maybe she wasn’t even going for study groups at night,
maybe she went to him. I have been played for a fool. My
friends try to cheer me up but fail. I am not even angry at him
but at my sister, she was supposed to be my sister. She could
have told me not watch me date her man, that’s what hurt me
the most that my sister was making a fool out of me. Did she
hate me that much? Why does she even hate me? I have never
treated her badly or been bitchy towards her. Why was she
doing this to me?
The last siren of the day goes and I pack my bag then get up
and walk out of my classroom. Someone, no not someone
Sizwe wraps his arm around my shoulder, I know his perfume
so well to miss it.
Sizwe: Hey babe
Me: Sizwe
Sizwe: I looked for you during lunch, you were not in your usual
spot.
Me: Uhm
Sizwe: Is there something wrong?
Me: I just have a huge headache.
Sizwe: Sorry love, want me to carry your bag?
Me: It’s my head that is aching not my body but thank you.
I remove his arm from my shoulder and walk to the gate but he
follows after me still trying to talk to me. I wait for my friends,
as soon as they get to us we start walking. Sizwe doesn’t go
with us because I am not talking to him.
Mbali: So did you ask him?
Me: No I want to talk to my sister first.
Sne: I wonder what her excuse will be.
Me: Argh I don’t think I want to face her. She is soo evil! She
has been pretending all this while mina ngicabanga ukuthi we
are sisters.
Mbali: I am sorry friend.
Me: It’s fine.
We get to my house and we hug then they continue to their
houses, I greet gogo who is lying down on the couch.
Me: Are you okay ma?
Gran: Yes my baby, I am just a bit tired from all that standing.
Me: Why don’t you go rest in your room, I will bring you tea.
She smiles and gets up then goes to her room. I go to our room
to put my bag down then go back to the kitchen to make gran
tea. Londi walks in just as I am about to take the tea to gran’s
room.
Londi: Hey sis, you home early today.
Me: Uhm
I take the tea to gran’s room.
Gran: Thank you my child.
I smile and she pats the bed, I sit down next to her.
Gran: What’s going on my child, you look rather reserved
today?
I suddenly feel so alone, my brother isn’t talking to me and my
sister isn’t who I thought she was. I suddenly thought of the
woman who gave birth to me and threw me away like some
trash, why did she throw me away? Why didn’t she abort me
rather than do this to me? Here I was surrounded by lairs, well
only one lair. She was supposed to be my sister, she was
supposed to look out for me not go behind my back, not lie to
my face. A tear trickles down my cheek and I quickly wipe it off.
I miss Phiwe too, I can’t believe that I drove him away just
because I was horny. Because of my stupid crush on him.
Me: Everything is a mess mama.
Gran: Talk to me my daughter.
Me: I want my mommy, the woman who gave birth to me. I
wish I knew her and my father, I want to know why she didn’t
abort me instead.
Gran: Am I that bad to you?
I shake my head and more tears fall from my eyes.
Gran: Then what’s wrong my child?
Me: I just have a few questions ma, questions that I need
answers to. Do you think that our paths will ever cross?
Gran: What are the odds?
I sigh.
Me: You should drink your tea mama, I have to change.
She smiles at me, I get up and walk out of her room. I feel so
betrayed
she was supposed to protect and love me. But did I even
deserve love? My own mother couldn’t even love me, she
threw me away. Maybe I was worth being treated like trash,
being rejected. That should be my second name now.
I go to change into a short floral dress then take my t-shirt and
socks outside to wash. When I am done I hang them on the line
then go back inside, I go to my room and get on the bed then
close my eyes.

Londi wakes me up for dinner, I sit up and rub my eyes.

Londi: Are you okay? You have been sleeping for hours.
Me: Yes, I just had a headache.
She feels my temperature, before she can even read or feel it I
yank her hand off.
Me: Don’t touch me.
I get off the bed then go to the kitchen to get my food, Phiwe
walks in just then. He takes his food then joins gran around the
table, he cannot even talk to me or look at me. I go to the
lounge, I sit there and eat.
Gran: Thando my daughter come join us.
Me: No gran I don’t feel too well.
She doesn’t say anything. After eating I take my plate to the
kitchen, Phiwe is washing the dishes today so I go outside. I roll
myself a blunt then take a long pull, I breathe out after a few
seconds.

I am on my second joint when someone sits next to me, I look

to see Aphiwe. He takes the joint out of my hand and throws it
on the ground then steps on it.
Me: What did you do that for?
Phiwe: Smoking is bad for you Thandolwethu.
Me: You are still mad at me I see.
Phiwe: No, I can never be mad at you.
Me: You called me Thandolwethu.
Phiwe looks at me then smiles.
Phiwe: Dimple face.
Me: I thought you will never talk to me ever again.
Phiwe: I just felt bad for rejecting you, the pain that I saw in
your eyes that day. I don’t ever want to hurt you Dimple face,
you mean the world to me. You are my sister.
That’s all I am to him? That I will ever be to him?
Me: Well you are doing it again, you are rejecting me again.
Phiwe: I cannot Dimple face, it’s just so wrong. You are my little
sister.
Me: Is that all? You will never see me as anything else besides
your little sister?
I look at him and he looks down, shaking his head.
Me: Phiwe? We are almost the same age.
Phiwe: You are my sister.
I reach out for his chin and turn him to my direction then close
in the gap between us. Our lips touch but he quickly pulls
away.
Phiwe: You should go back inside.
I close in the gap between us again and kiss him, he freezes. He
doesn’t pull back but he doesn’t kiss me back either, I feel like
such a tit right now. I am about to pull back when he opens his
mouth to kiss me, he groans and deepens the kiss, making me
moan into his mouth. He pulls me on to his lap, straddling him I
wrap my arms around his neck. He gets up with me and holds
me tight as he carries me to his room. Finally I am in his arms
and he is kissing me. He lays me on his bed then gets between
my legs and we continue kissing, we are both moaning and
groaning. Gosh I want to rip his clothes off him and have him
claim me right now, I want him so badly. I get hold of the hem
of his t-shirt then pull it off his head. He grabs my thigh and
groans as he rubs his dick against my pussy, I hold him tight and
moan into his mouth, Gosh that felt so great but I wanted to
feel him without his jeans.
Me: Take off your pants.
He nods and kisses me again as he takes off his pants. I step on
them and push them down helping him to take them off. He
takes off his vest and lowers himself on me again, we share a
kiss and his hand traces down from my neck to my breasts, he
squeezes them then it continues south. I open my legs a bit
more wider for him, his lips leave my mouth and kisses my
neck, playing with my ear.
Me: Oh Phiwe...
I moan in his ear and his mouth covers mine again, he baby
kisses me them goes down on me, taking off my thong he
brushes my wet pussy. He opens my pussy lips and rubs on my
swollen nub, I hold on to his sheets as he kisses then eats me as
though he has been starving for me for days. I cover my mouth
to tone down my moans. Tears fill my eyes as I feel myself
getting closer and closer.
Me: Oh fuck Aphiwe!
Phiwe: Shhh
He puts my legs over his shoulders and pulls my labia with his
mouth. I hold his head and he fucks me with his tongue, oh
my... fuck his tongue game is on point.
Me: Yho Aphii...
His hand covers my mouth as he pumps me with his tongue, I
cannot hold it anymore, I come on his tongue shaking from my
orgasm. I have never had an orgasm this hot and intense. He
kisses my inner thigh then comes back up my face. He smiles
down at me.
Phiwe: You are beautiful.
Me: Thank you.
We share a kiss, he breaks it after some time.
Phiwe: You should go back inside, I am sure mom is looking for
you now.
Me: I don’t want to go.
Phiwe: I don’t want you to leave either but you have to.
He kisses me again, as soon as we break it he gets off me I get
off his bed and wear my sandals. He kisses me once more then
walks me out.
Phiwe: Goodnight dimple face.
Me: Goodnight Phiwe.
We baby kiss then I walk out, I take my t-shirt and socks from
the line then go back inside smiling from ear to ear. I could still
feel tingles down there from what he did to me.

I get to my room, Londi is busy with her homework on the bed.

When I walk in she sits up and packs her books. I go to my
closet and look for my pyjama shorts, I put them on then take
off my dress. I wear a matching top then get in bed.
Londi: Where are you coming from?
Me: It’s none of your business Londiwe.
Londi: You have been off with me since we got back from
school, is everything okay between us?
Me: I am in such a good mood right now Londi, can we not ruin
it please?
She nods and lets it go. I pull my blanket over my head then
close my eyes only to think about Aphiwe and the way that he
kissed me to the way that he caressed my body and finally to
his tongue game, I feel myself getting wet just from the
thoughts.I cannot wait to tell Sne and Mbali, they will be soo
happy for me.
5
I wake up early to get ready for school then take my bag and go
out to the kitchen, I greet granny then sit down to have
porridge. Once I am done I get up to wash my bowl then take
my bag, gran prays first then I leave for school. I meet with my
friends on our usual spot then walk to school.
Mbali: Someone looks happy today.
Me: Well Phiwe and I finally spoke last night.
Sne: And?
Me: Okay so he found me smoking outside...
I tell them what happened last night and they scream before I
even finish talking.
Mbali: You are such a bitch, so did you guys do it?
Me: No but he ate me and I must say he is the freaking best,
yho his tongue game!
Mbali: Between him and my brother who is really good?
Me: Chris is good but Phiwe is the best. I cannot explain it but
there is something that he does with his tongue, uhm....
Sne: Why are you always getting eaten and we just get fucked?
I chuckle. Both of my friends are not virgins anymore, Sne lost
her virginity in grade 7 and Mbali just recently lost her virginity.
Mbali: So what does this mean for the both of you?
Me: We haven’t really spoken about it, I didn’t see him this
morning he didn’t come in to have breakfast. Maybe we will
talk at school or something.
Mbali: Let's hope it’s good news, you deserve to be happy. And
I know being with your long time crush will make you really
happy.
Me: Thanks friend, I really hope that it works out.
Sne: And if it doesn’t you still have Chris.
Mbali nods but I don’t want Chris, I want Aphiwe. But I don’t
say it out loud because of Mbali. Anyway we get to school and
school begins, I spend the whole day avoiding and ignoring
Sizwe. I can’t believe that he thinks that I didn’t see them. That
he could get away with dating two sisters. Aphiwe and I haven’t
really spoken about us, just about school work since we are in
the same class.

I am in the kitchen washing dishes when Phiwe walks in.

Phiwe: Hey Dimple face
Me: Hey Phiwe, your food is in the microwave.
Phiwe: Thank you.
He opens the microwave.
Phiwe: Who cooked?
Me: Me, why?
Phiwe: Well because you cooked my favourite.
I smile, ofcos I did. He sits down and eats while asking me about
my day and telling me about his day. When he finishes I wash
his plate.
Phiwe: Can you come to my room when you are done?
I nod and he smiles then walks out. Gran and Londi are in their
rooms so I sneak out to his room when I am done. Not
forgetting to take him bathing water, I am sure he had a long
day. He works himself very hard for us.

I knock on the door then walk in, he was undressing.

Me: I brought you bathing water.
Phiwe: Oh thank you.
I put the kettle down and sit on the bed. He sits down next to
me and takes my hand, he is in his boxers only.
Phiwe: Dimple face...
Me: You are going to reject me won’t you?
Phiwe: Look you are young, very young. We both are and if
mom finds out...
Me: She won’t Aphiwe please don’t do this to us. Don’t say no
to me when you also want and love me, don’t....
Phiwe: Mom will be mad when word goes out.
Me: We can’t even hide it? No one will find out. It will be just
between us.
Phiwe: Dimple face...
Me: Please Phiwe.
Phiwe: Dimple face...
I get up and stand between his legs then pull him in for a kiss,
he doesn’t push me away in fact he kisses me back. We break
the kiss after sometime and he looks at me.
Phiwe: We cannot do this Dimple face, not now at least. You
are too young and precious to me, maybe when you are older?
I just want to protect you, even from myself. I am no good
Thando.
I know of his behaviour, I know that he is a player.
Me: Seeing you and not being able to do anything with you will
kill me. I am already dying here.
Phiwe: You won’t give up will you?
Me: No because I love you, I have always loved you. Remember
when I asked you to marry me and you laughed at me?
He laughs at the memory.
Phiwe: You were 8 years old and I was 9.
Me: I want to be yours Phiwe, I have always wanted to be
yours.
Phiwe: Okay, okay no one must find out about this, about us.
Me: You have my word.
Phiwe: And you have to end things with Chris, I know you two
are still dating. He has you all over his Facebook account.
He doesn’t make it obvious that we are dating when he posts,
it’s more like I am his little sister on Facebook. He was not
stupid to be so bold about our relationship.
Me: I promise to.
He nods and kisses me. I wrap my arms around him and kiss
him back just as equally passionate.
Me: Will you also end things with Mandisa?
Phiwe: I will, I promise.
I nod and kiss him again, harder this time. His hands find my ass
and he scoops me up putting me on his lap then deepens the
kiss. Now I am straddling him and our sexes are rubbing against
each other, I love the friction that I am getting so I dry hump
him. He groans and deepens the kiss making me moan in his
mouth. I am soaking wet and moaning as our sexes grind
against each other. He gets hold of the hem of my t-shirt and
pulls it over my head then kisses my neck sending tingles to my
sex, I moan out his name. He stands up with me and lays me on
the bed then pulls my panties short together with my panties
down. He undresses as well and I gasp at his member, he is so
huge, is he supposed to be this huge at his age? He gets on the
bed and between my legs
my heart pounds so fast in my chest. He kisses my lips as his
hand explores my body until I relax again and lust consumes me
again. His hand finds my sex and he starts rubbing on it making
me moan into his mouth, he stops and positions his erection
with my slit. He breaks the kiss and looks at me.
Phiwe: Do you want to go all the way?
I nod.
Me: Yes.
He kisses me again while pushing in, I get hold of his arms and
hold them tightly as I feel a pinch of pain between my legs. He
pushes in again, gently until his tip is in. I move my lips away
from his and cover my mouth, I am in so much pain. I feel like I
am being cut up by a sharp blade, I hold his arms tightly and try
so hard not to cry, not to scream. He continues to push in until
half of him is in, he doesn’t push any further. He stills and kisses
my forehead then my eyes.
Phiwe: Would you like me to stop?
I shake my head, I don’t want him to think that I am a kid and
cannot handle him. I am in pain but I don’t want us to stop, this
is what I have been longing for, for him to claim me. For him to
make love to me, we can’t stop now.
Me: But please don’t move yet.
He nods and kisses my lips, we share a kiss then he pulls out
slowly until I feel empty again. We break the kiss and he gets
off me then off the bed. He takes his towel then comes back to
the bed, he opens my legs then wipes me. After wiping me he
wipes his penis as well then puts his towel on the chair. He
comes back to me and gets on the bed, I am still horny but I am
also in so much pain. I didn’t know that it would hurt this much,
I thought it would feel nice like when he ate me last night. He
pulls me into his arms and kisses my forehead.
Phiwe: Mama might be looking for you.
Me: I don’t want to go back inside.
Phiwe: I know but you cannot spend the night here. She will
suspect something.
I look up at him and kiss his lips, he kisses me back almost
immediately.
Me: Make love to me Aphiwe.
He nods and kisses me hard then gets between my legs. I open
them wide for him ignoring the pain between my legs, I want
him to make me his. And for him to be mine. He positions him
self and starts pushing in again, slowly, gently until half of him
is in again.
Phiwe: Is it really painful?
I nod and he slams into me going deeper making me scream,
tears fell out of my eyes. He doesn’t move, he cups my face and
kisses me all over my face.
Phiwe: I am sorry.
I nod slowly and he wipes my tears.
Phiwe: Do you want me to move?
Me: Don’t move yet please.
He nods and kisses my lips, I feel so full, I can feel him all the
way up in my bellybutton. I loosen my legs on his waist and
open them wide for him, I think he takes the hint because he
starts moving slowly. Fuck this shit hurts! I hold his waist.
Phiwe: It gets better Dimple face.
Me: It just hurts so bad.
Phiwe: I will be gentle.
I let go of his waist and he starts moving again, in and out, side
to side stretching my pussy for him. He groans and kisses my
lips then his pace picks up making me moan out of pain, he
holds my ass lifting it a bit up and closer to him and fucks me so
hard. I hold on to his arms tightly and moan out loud as a bit of
pleasure starts kicking in, now it’s a mixture of both pain and
pleasure. I cup his face and kiss him, he is groaning and I am
moaning fuck this feels so good and I am going to come. He hits
on my soft spot again and again bringing me closer and closer
to my orgasm until I cannot hold it in me anymore. I wrap my
legs around his waist and cry out as I come undone around him.
He thrusts in and out of me groaning really loud, he holds me
really tight.
Phiwe: Fuck! Hold me babe.
I hold him.
Phiwe: Tighter babe please...
I hold him tighter and he groans out loud. I think he is also
coming. He rests his head on the corner of my neck, huffing.
When he is calm he looks at me, tears falling out of his eyes.
Me: Hey, why are you crying?
Phiwe: That was great.
Me: Then why are you crying?
Phiwe: You don’t understand honey, that feeling... I have never
felt an orgasm this intense in my life. I love you and thank you,
thank you for giving yourself to me.
Me: How many girls have you been with Phiwe?
Phiwe: Just 2 making you the 3rd one.
I smile and wipe his cheeks then kiss him. We share a long kiss,
breaking it after sometime. He gets off me, pulling out of me.
He lies next to me and holds me tight in his arms.
6
I am woken up by someone kissing me, I open my eyes to see
Phiwe smiling down at me. Did we fall asleep here last night?
Oh my God what will I tell gran? Oh whatever I was in my man’s
arms, I will cross that bridge when I get there.
Me: Hi
Phiwe: My Dimple face, did you sleep well?
Me: I slept so well. And you?
Phiwe: I slept well too.
Me: What time is it?
Phiwe: It’s still early, I have to warm up bathing water.
I nod and he gets out of bed to warm up water then comes
back to bed. He gets on top of me and kisses my lips, I kiss him
back wholeheartedly. One thing leads to another and we make
love again, as much as I feel pain it’s different from last night. I
feel more pleasure than pain and he makes me try the doggy
style, yho this boy will be the end of me. The way that he
moves his waist, the deep and hard strokes hmmm I find myself
moaning out loud as we both come. He kisses my shoulder then
pulls out of me, he flips me over and we share a kiss.
Phiwe: I have to bath and get ready.
Me: Go on, I have to go back in as well.
Phiwe: I will wait for you so that we can walk to school
together.
Me: I would love that.
We share a kiss then I leave him to bath. I knock on our
bedroom window and Londi opens for me.
Londi: Where are you coming from?
Me: Not from Sizwe if that’s what you are worried about.
Londi: Then where are you coming from?
Me: Did mom notice?
Londi: No.
Me: That’s good.
I get in bed and close my eyes. I am exhausted, I am really
exhausted from last night and this morning. I just want to sleep
for a bit even though I should be getting ready for school.
Londi: Why are you so mad at me?
Me: I saw you and Sizwe at school.
Londi: What?
Me: I saw you guys having sex at school.
Londi: Oh.. Uhm...
Me: Is that all you can say? Why did you lie to me? Why didn’t
you tell me the truth about you two?
Londi: The thing with Sizwe, him and I are not dating.
Me: But you are having sex, why?
Londi: We used to date, he was my first. It’s just easy because I
still love him.
Me: Then why didn’t you tell me? I thought I was your sister,
you were supposed to look out for me, be honest with me. You
were supposed to protect me.
Londi: I am sorry Thando.
Me: You hurt me Londiwe and I don’t know if I can trust you
again.
Londi: I am really sorry Thando I didn’t know how to tell you,
you are supposed to look up to me. How was I going to tell my
sister that I got my virginity broken behind a classroom, in
school? And I lost it to the boy that she likes.
Me: You had sex for the first time in school?
Londi: I am not proud Thando which is why I tried to warn you
about him.
Me: You could have told me Londiwe.
Londi: So that you can see how much of a whore I am? Who
sleeps with a boy at school? We got caught and mama was
called in to school, she begged me not to show you my true
colours, she didn’t want me to expose you to such.
Me: But you could have told me about your past with him, you
didn’t have to go into detail. You are my sister, I thought you
were.
Londi: I am, trust me Thando I am. I never wanted to hurt you,
please forgive me.
Me: Promise me that you will never lie to me again.
Londi: I promise, I promise I will never lie to you again.
I nod and she hugs me.
Londi: Thank you.
Me: You are welcome.
We break the hug and she smiles at me.
Londi: So who is this guy? You haven’t slept with him have you?
I shake my head. I cannot tell her about Phiwe.
Me: It’s Chris, no we haven’t slept together.
Londi: Good, you should wait sis. Wait until you are older. I fell
pregnant on my first time with Sizwe, I had to abort.
Me: Why?
Londi: We were not ready and mama would have been soo
hurt. Sizwe gave me money to go to the clinic.
Me: Did he go with you? Is that why you broke up? He didn’t
support you?
Londi: Yes he went with me. After the pregnancy scare we had
a huge fall out and here we are today.
Me: Still having sex.
Londi: Still having sex.
Me: Do you still love him?
Londi: I never stopped.
Me: I am sorry that I dated him.
Londi: You didn’t know so it’s not your fault.
I nod.
Londi: We better get up and get ready.
Me: Wake me up when you done bathing please.
She nods and gets off the bed.

Londi wakes me up from my deep sleep.

Me: Can you just let me sleep for a bit please.
Londi: No get up!
I stretch and yawn then get off bed. I make the bed then go to
the kitchen to get my bathing water, I feel my panties getting
wet. Is this normal after sex? I go back to our room to bath then
I get dressed in my school uniform then take my bag to the
kitchen. Gran gives my my bowl of soft porridge then she prays.

By the time I leave for school Phiwe is already waiting for me

outside. I thought he left because he finished eating first. I
smile to myself.
Me: Hey
He smiles and takes my bag.
Phiwe: Hey babe
where is Londi?
Me: She left a few minutes ago.
He nods and we start walking slowly just talking and laughing
until we get to school. He spots his friends outside the gate and
gives me my back.
Phiwe: I will see you in class.
Me: I will see you then.
I walk towards the gate with but Phiwe calls me back to him. I
turn on my heels and go back to him. He smiles at me and I
cannot help but return the smile, okay maybe I am blushing.
Phiwe: I love you.
I smile at him, it takes everything in me not to pull him in for a
kiss.
Me: I love you more.
Phiwe: Sit at the back with me during classes.
I smile and nod at him. He kisses his finger then puts it on my
forehead.
Me: Aphiwe!
He chuckles as I turn red, he goes to his friends. I turn on my
heals and walk into school.

“Hey babe”, Sizwe says sitting next to me on the stairs. I am still

waiting for my 2 best friends, they are always late.
Me: Sizwe
Sizwe: Are you mad at me or something?
Me: Tell me Sizwe do you love my sister? Or did you ever love
her?
Sizwe: Manje uLondi ungenaphi la?
Me: You tell me.
I look at him.
Sizwe: Yes, I did once but she broke my heart.
Me: Yet you still have sex with her?
He sighs.
Sizwe: Your sister dumped me after we aborted our child.
Me: And mina, did you love me or you just dated me to spite
her?
Sizwe: I like you, you remind me so much of Londi when we first
met. A breath of fresh air not this old woman that she is
pretending to be and I bet this has everything to do with our
past.
Me: So all of this was because of her?
Sizwe: I am sorry.
Me: If you still love her then why mess it up? Why not talk to
her, get back together?
Sizwe: It’s not that simple, she doesn’t want to get back with
me.
Me: But she loves you.
Sizwe: Maybe she does, maybe she doesn’t. You will never
know with Londi, she is just pretending a lot. She is pretending
to be this saint just because half the school knows about our
past, she is hiding her beautiful body. She is no more this bold
and bubbly person like you, she is pretending to be this
reserved person. She doesn’t do the fun stuff that we used to
do anymore.
Me: Well Londi was sort of forced to change because of me,
after mom found out about what you guys did she had to
change for me. To lead as a good example for me.
Sizwe: But look at you, Londi is this saint now and you are just
like the previous her. Care free, bubbly, a risk taker, go getter,
confident and the list goes on and on.
Me: Don’t be so hard on her, talk to her.
Sizwe: Ah she will bite my head off.
Me: Then I will talk to her for you.
He smiles.
Sizwe: I must admit you handled this situation way different
from how she would have handled it, you are more calmer than
her.
Me: Maybe because I don’t love you that much.
Sizwe: Ouch that hurts.
We both laugh.
Sizwe: Thank you for understanding.
Me: It’s okay just go get your girl.
He smiles and gets up when he sees Sne and Mbali.
Sizwe: I will see you around.
I nod at him and he leaves.
Sne: And then? What was his excuse?
They sit down.
Me: Hi ladies, well turns out they dated before and had a fall
out due to some personal issues.
Mbali: Then why did he ask you out and why didn’t she say
anything about that?
Me: The guy still loves my sister, he never loved me. Anyway to
cut the long story short I am rooting for them, I mean they still
crazy in love with each other.
Mbali: Your good heart will get you no where.
Sne: If I was you I would have fried his balls right now.
We laugh.
Me: Good thing you are not me.
The siren goes and we stand up and go to the assembly then
school begins. I sit next to Aphiwe in all the classes and during
break, well I spend my breaks with my friends.

After school I meet up with my friends outside the school gate

then we walk home. Because Aphiwe has to go hustle.
Me: Babe is your brother home?
Mbali: Uhm last time I checked he doesn’t have afternoon
classes on a Friday. Why?
Me: Well him and I need to talk.
Mbali: Oh someone is getting dumped.
Sne: You let Aphiwe hit it didn’t you?
Me: Well him and I are dating now and he wants me to end
things with Chris.
Mbali: Oh shit, angizingeni like I told you guys before when you
first started all of this.
Sne: Don’t leave me hanging, did you let him hit it?
I nod with a smile on my face.
Mbali: And?
Me: Yho guys uguy is blessed down there and boy can he use it.
Remember when you guys said you didn’t get an orgasm on
your first?
They scream.
Mbali: You lucky bitch! He made you orgasm?
Sne: I still haven’t got my orgasm till day and I have been
fucking the longest.
Mbali: Me either unless it’s oral sex.
Me: Well you guys are missing out because it’s way better than
your oral orgasm. Sne: Can I test him?
Me: Bitch no!
She laughs so we join in.
Sne: I am just joking babe, I am happy for you. You finally got
the man that you wanted.
Me: I am lucky ain’t I?
Mbali: Fuck off, you are so modest.
I laugh. We continue talking until we get home.
Me: I will see you ladies in a sec.
Mbali: See you just now babe.
I smile and walk in at home as they continue to their homes.
7
Me: Hi mama
I greet my gran as I walk in, she is busy cooking in the kitchen.
Gran: Hello my child.
Me: Someone decided to treat us.
Gran: You deserve some rest my child.
Me: Thanks ma. Let me change and then go to Mbali’s house.
Mom nods so I continue to my room, it’s strange that she isn’t
back yet. Maybe she is with her man, I put my bag down then
change into a short skirt and crop top. I wear my sandals then
go to Mbali’s house.

Mbali: He is in his room, good luck.

Me: Thanks.
I walk to his room. I take a deep breath before walking in, I find
him smoking weed and playing music on his laptop. He smiles
when he sees me.
Chris: Hey babe
Me: Hey
Chris: Are you okay?
He turns his music off and sits up. I sit down on the bed and he
hands me the joint, I take a long pull then give it back to him.
Chris: Talk to me, what’s wrong?
Me: Uhm Chris please don’t be mad at me.
Chris: Don’t tell me that you fucked some other guy.
Me: No, no I didn’t.
Chris: Then why would I be mad at you?
Me: Because I came here to end things with you.
He chuckles.
Chris: I thought you said you want to break up with me, wait
you are breaking up with me. On what grounds, you don’t love
me anymore? You found someone better than me? Which one
is it?
Me: I love you but it’s not enough.
Chris: For you or for me?
Me: Chris...
Chris: Don’t Chris me ngiphendule!
He slams his laptop and I jump off the bed.
Chris: It’s not enough for you or for me?!
Me: Please don’t shout Chris.
Chris: Don’t tell me not to shout! You are breaking up with me
on what grounds, don’t fucking tell me about love because we
both know that we love each other.
Me: It’s not enough for me.
He nods and points at his door.
Me: I am sorry.
Chris: Just leave.
I turn on my heels and I am about to walk out when he grabs
me by my arm and he twists it, I scream out of pain.
Me: Chris please, you are hurting me!
Chris: I am hurting you? I am hurting you?! Didn’t you hurt me?
Or you think that I don’t hurt?
Me: Chris please..
He twists my arm harder and I scream. The door opens and
Mbali walks in, when she sees what is going on she threes to
loosen his crop on me.
Mbali: Chris please bro you will break her arm.
Chris: She broke my heart, an eye for an eye sis.
Mbali: No Chris you will regret this when you are in your right
senses, please stop.
He lets go of my arm and I rub it then wipe my tears.
Mbali: You can go babe, I will come see you later.
I nod and walk out without even looking at Chris, he almost
broke my arm. Chris has never been violent towards me, not in
that manner anyway. I must have really hurt him if he decided
to get physical with me. I rush out of their house then walk
back home. I get home and go straight to my room, I get on the
bed and cry silently. What have I done to him?

I guess I cried myself to sleep because I was woken up by Londi,

it was time for dinner. I sit up and rub my eyes then go to the
kitchen. I take my plate and go to the lounge, just as I am about
to sit down Londi asks me what wrong with my arm. I look at it
and it’s blue black, it still hurts but not that much anymore.
Phiwe: What’s wrong with her arm?
Londi: Didn’t you see it?
Phiwe: Thandolwethu come here.
I put my plate on the coffee table then go back to the kitchen.
Gran: What happened?
Me: Mama it’s nothing.
Phiwe: That is not nothing Thando! What happened?
Me: Don’t shout at me.
Phiwe: If you lie again then I will shout at you!
Me: Mama...
Gran: Aphiwe, what happened?
Me: It’s Chri...
Aphiwe gets up before I can finish and walks out, he is fuming
and talking to himself. What will he do? It takes us a minute to
figure out what is going on with him and where he is going.
Chris is older than him, bigger too he will squash him.
Gran: Go stop him Londi!
Londi nods and shoots out of the door and I run after her. By
the time that we get there they are already fighting, Aphiwe is
on top of Chris and punching him. This is not what I expected.
Chris’s father is trying to pull Aphiwe off his son but he is
failing. Aphiwe cannot be that strong or is he? He is giving him
punches after punches, oh no! What has gotten into him?
Me: Aphiwe please stop you will kill him! Aphiwe!
I rush over to them and push Mbali’s father off Aphiwe then
Londi and I try to pull him off Chris. Aphiwe has a temper and
he tends to lose it at times, I have seen him lose it with me so
many times. But I didn’t think that he would go after someone
older than him and beat him into a pulp.
Me: Phiwe please stop, please..
He stops punching the now bloody Chris and let’s us pull him
off him.
Aphiwe: Next time tell your son to pick on someone his own
size, Thandolwethu is off limits!
Mbali’s dad: What happened son?
Mbali’s mom: Does it matter what happened! Look at my son,
look at him. You will pay for this! The police are on their way
here.
Me: No, no, no please you cannot get him arrested ma please!
I beg her.
Phiwe: Stop it Dimple face. If they get me arrested then he will
also get arrested.
Chris gets up and spits out blood then looks at me then at
Aphiwe.
Mbali’s dad: What happened?!
Aphiwe: He laid his hands on my sister!!
Mbali’s dad: Why? Why would he hit your sister?
Mbali’s mom: He is lying!
Me: No he isn’t, Chris and I were dating. I broke up with him
today and he twisted my arm.
I show them the huge bruise on my arm.
Mbali’s dad: Is this true? You dated a minor and laid your hands
on her?
Chris looks down and his father slaps him so hard that I feel
sorry for him.
Me: Please don’t baba, please don’t hit Chris.
All of this is my fault.
Mbali’s dad: Go home, take your brother and go. I will talk to
the police officers when they get here.
I nod and Aphiwe pulls me and Londi then we leave.
Me: What were you thinking?!
Phiwe: Hey, hey watch your tone before I slap you.
I yank my arm off out of his and up my pace.

I get home first and gran looks at me.

Gran: Where is Aphiwe, Londi?
Me: They are on their way back ma.
Gran: What happened?
Aphiwe and Londi walk in and it’s only now that I see the cut on
top of his eye and his eye is red.
Aphiwe: I beat that boy up.
Gran: Aphiwe! Not everything gets resolved by fists.
Aphiwe: He had no right to hit her.
He points at me.
Aphiwe: I will do it all over again mama, no one will hurt her
and get away with it. No one mama. No one will hurt my family
and get away with it.
Gran: Aphiwe... prepare some water to clean his cut.
Phiwe: Who ever that will do it must come to my room.
He looks at me and I know that he wasn’t us to talk in private.
Me: I will do it since all of this is my fault.
Gran: Do you see what you have done now Aphiwe? The poor
child feels guilty now.
Phiwe: I am sorry ma.
He walks out.
Londi: You don’t have to do it
I will.
Me: No I will.
She nods so I put water in a small bowl, I add dettol then take
cotton wool and go out to Aphiwe’s room.

He sits down on the bed when he sees me walk in, tossing his
phone on the bed. I walk towards him and stand between his
legs.
Me: Please hold this for me.
He holds the bowl and I dip the cotton wool in the water then
clean his cut, it is not big but it’s bleeding heavily.
Me: You will have a black eye tomorrow.
Phiwe: This is nothing compared to what I did to him.
Me: About that Phiwe you cannot go around punching people.
Phiwe: For you dimple face I will do anything.
I smile and kiss him.
Me: Thank you.
Phiwe: It’s okay. How is your arm?
Me: It’s better than it was earlier on.
He nods.
Phiwe: I am sorry for shouting at you.
Me: No I am the one that should be apologising.
Phiwe: I will forgive you in one condition.
Me: And what is your condition?
Phiwe: Stop blaming yourself for what happened today.
Me: But it is my fault, if I didn’t break up with him he wouldn’t
have done this and you wouldn’t be like this.
Phiwe: Hey. (He puts the bowl down) Look at me, he hit you
because he is a fucking prick. It’s not because of you, promise
me that you will not blame yourself please.
Me: I promise.
Phiwe: Good
He cups my face and kisses my lips, I wrap my arms around him
and kiss him back. He slips his tongue in my mouth and strokes
mine, I stroke his tongue as well and next thing they are
dancing to the sound of love. I pull away before I get carried
away, he gets up and lifts me up then lays me on the bed.
Phiwe: Are you feeling any pain at all?
Pain? He rubs my vagina and I nod.
Phiwe: I am sorry.
Me; It’s okay.
He stops touching me.
Me: Don’t stop.
He chuckles and takes off my underwear then goes down on
me. He licks my pussy from my slit going up to my sensitive nub
and I cannot help but moan. He pushes my legs further apart
and continues his beautiful assault on my vagina making me
moan at the top of my voice.
Phiwe: Shhh babe not so loud.
He comes back up and we share a kiss as he tries to undo his
pants. He finally undoes them and let them drop to his knees
then he fills me up slowly, making me moan at the sudden
fullness.
Phiwe: Fuck, babe you are so tight and....
He groans and shoved it all in until i can feel him in my
bellybutton. Me: Oh my go...fuck!
He bends down to kiss me then fucks me faster and hard
making me moan out his name, oh my word it feels so good.
Better than being high or drunk, he just keeps taking me higher
and higher with every thrust. My opens I open wide for him and
he is dicking me really hard, taking what belongs to him. I wrap
my legs around his waist and use them to lock him in, he shoves
it all in, hitting my soft spot over and over again.
Me: Oh my, oh my g... babe I am going to...fuck fuck fuck!
I hold his chest and push him away but he doesn’t back away,
he keeps hitting on my magic spot making me come over and
over again.
Me: Yho babe, ha.a Aphiwe this is too much.
He chuckles and pulls all the way out then thrusts in again,
hitting my soft spot. I hold my vibrating vagina, fuck what is he
doing to me? He pulls out off me and I curl into a ball, vibrating
out of control as I come. He lies down next to me and holds me.
Phiwe: It’s okay, it’s okay.. you are fine.
When my orgasm dies down I curse under my breath because I
want him again. He lifts my leg up and fills me up from behind
and I fell my muscles stretch to accommodate him and at the
same time relax. He puts his hand over my swollen nub and
humps me so fast. Phiwe: Babe, babe, babe
He pushes me on to my stomach and pulls me towards him, I
push my ass out for him and he fucks me really hard and faster,
his strokes are deep and fuck! I feel myself coming again, I hear
him curse as he slams on my magic spot and we both come
undone. He collapses on top of me and breathes out loudly
trying to catch his breath. Phiwe: I love you.
He says when he is calm.
Me: I love you more.
He pulls out of me then gets off me. I turn on my back and we
share a kiss. I am so exhausted, all I want to do is sleep. We
break the kiss and he gets off the bed to get dressed then he
dresses me too.
Me: Please just let me sleep here please.
Phiwe: I am sure mom is still waiting up for you, you will sleep
over tomorrow. Or sneak out when mom is sleeping.
I nod and get off the bed, he helps me to balance because my
legs feel so weak and wobbly. What did he do to me because I
can still feel him inside me and every time that I think of my
orgasms I feel like I am getting electrified, butterflies fill my
tummy. And I want him again.
The following day I don’t even know how I will face my friend,
what will I say to her? I feel so guilty about Chris, I want to
check up on him but I don’t want to upset him either. I don’t
want to be all up in his face after dumping him and then being
the reason that he got beaten into a pulp. Phiwe needs to learn
to control his temper.
I decide to spend the whole weekend in doors, I just cannot
face my friends. I will wait until Monday.
The weekend goes by quickly and next thing you know it’s
Monday. It’s time to face Mbali after getting her brother
beaten into a pulp. Mbali being Mbali she doesn’t get upset at
me, in fact she apologises for his brother’s behaviour.
Mbali: I had no idea that he could get so violent. Has he ever hit
you before?
Me: No, he was heartbroken and it was all my fault.
Mbali: That’s not true, it was his choice. If I was Aphiwe I would
fuck up the guy who laid a hand on my girl too.
Me: Two wrongs don’t make a right.
Mbali: Exactly, just because you broke his heart he didn’t have
to hurt you too.
Me: Well... I thought you would be mad at me.
Mbali: It’s whores before dicks babe that will never change, you
are my best friend.
Me: Thank you.
We share a hug.
8
Days fly by really fast everything is still going well between me
and my man, and our sex life is on fire, we are having sex every
single day. No one has caught on to us, we were so careful.
Anyway I am in my room getting ready, Aphiwe and I are going
on our first date together. To mom and Londi we are joining our
friends for a day out. The day is a Saturday and he isn’t working,
I am on Easter break as well so why not? Londi walks in as I am
getting dressed in blue high waist jeans and a white shirt, I tuck
in the left side then weal my nude sandals. She sits on the bed
and looks at me.
Londi: You look hot. Where are you going?
Me: To watch a movie and thank you.
Londi: Uhm lucky you.
Me: Yep. Can you tie my hair?
Londi: I cannot believe that you still cannot tie your hair. Don’t
tie it, you have very beautiful hair.
Me: Are you sure?
Londi: Why are you so worried it’s not like you are going on a
date with a special someone.
Me: You are right.
I comb my tick eyebrows and shape them then put on eyeliner.
I put on Londi’s red lipstick then spray my curly hair then let it
loose, I have a very healthy and beautiful soft Afro, it’s long, like
super long. Down to my ass long. I take my sling bag and put
the eyeliner and lipstick.
Londi: Someone will be turning heads.
Me: Thank you sis.
I leave the room and Londi follows after me. Grand and Phiwe
are sitting in the lounge talking, when I walk out they both look
at me. Phiwe stands on his feet and struggles to close his
mouth.
Gran: Oh you look so beautiful. I can’t believe that you are this
old now.
Me: Oh mama stop it.
Phiwe: She is right you do look beautiful, I mean beautiful is an
understatement you look drop dead gorgeous.
I smile.
Me: Thanks Phiwe.
Phiwe: Shall we?
I nod and he leads the way, I say bye to mom and Londi then
follow after Aphiwe who is dressed in a white t-shirt, black
jeans and white Nike sneakers. Gran said he should treat
himself so he just recently bought them. Once it’s just me and
him he looks at me and swallows spite.
Phiwe: You look good, really good.
Me: Stop it before I turn red. You look great yourself.
Phiwe: Well I try.
We finally get a taxi to town and we get in. Because the driver
knows him we don’t pay for the taxi fare.
Driver: Where are you guys going?
Me: For a movie, she passed her first term and I promised to
take her out.
Driver: Ey your sister really turned out well, can I maybe get her
number.
Phiwe tenses immediately, his fists his hands then loosens
them, then fists them again. Please don’t lose your cool, please
don’t lose your cool. I take his hand that is balled into a fist and
rub it, he looks down at me and relaxes.
Driver: I am joking ntwana yam.
Phiwe: Say that again and I will shove my fist right down your
throat.
Besides I don’t have a phone.
Driver: Ey wena ntwana with your sisters.
Phiwe: I don’t like jokes about my sisters.
Driver: I know ntwana that’s why I am teasing you.

We finally get to town and we get off then take another taxi to
Suncoast Casino, he takes my hand and we go book our movie
tickets then go get something to eat. We get steers and sit
down to eat before our movie.
When it’s time for our movie we get up and walk there, we get
popcorn and drinks then walk into the cinema. It’s a bit empty
so we sit right at the top by the corner, he takes my feet and
puts them on his lap, kissing me then we turn to the screen. We
decided on a romcom. Not that we were even watching the
movie because we were just kissing in between scenes. His
hand slides down to my thigh then up to the hem of my jeans.
He undoes the button of my jeans followed by my zipper then
slides his hand into my jeans. I open my legs a bit for him and
he rubs on my pussy making me so wet then inserts his finger in
me. I gasp and cover my mouth with my hand as he continues
to finger fuck me. I hold his arm tightly as I feel my orgasm
getting closer and closer. He covers my mouth with his then
inserts another finger in me, I moan in his mouth. His fingers
move quicker and I explode around then. He pulls his fingers
out of my vagina and zips my pants up, we break the kiss and
watch the movie.

After the movie we get ice cream then take a walk around the
beach
taking pictures with his phone.
Phiwe: I love this picture.
Me: Its so ugly.
Phiwe: It’s perfect, look at it. Look at you.
I was smiling like a 5 year old who just got candy.
Phiwe: You look beautiful.
I thank him and we continue walking around the beach, just
talking, kissing and laughing.

At 4h00 he gets kfc for gran then we go take a taxi to our rank
then another one home.
Me: I had fun thank you.
Phiwe: I had fun too, thank you.
I smile at him because I cannot kiss him since we are in a taxi.
We get home and get off then walk in, gran and Londi are in the
lounge talking. Gran is doing Londi’s hair.
Phiwe: I hope you didn’t cook because I brought you
something.
Londi: Well I was about to but thanks baby bro. Did you guys
have fun?
Me: So much fun!
Phiwe chuckles and puts the plastic bags on the table then
walks out to his room.
Gran: Before you continue can you dish up, some of us are
hungry.
Me: Yes mama.
I go to the kitchen to dish up while telling Londi about my day,
leaving some bits out. I serve them then sit down to eat as well,
after eating I wash the dishes then go to my room to bath and
change into pyjamas. Then go back to the lounge, I wanted
Londi to do my hair now that gran was done with her hair.
Londi: So what are we doing?
Me: Maybe just braid my hair, make sure that they are not too
small.
She nods and starts doing my hair.
Me: So you and Sizwe, are you finally good?
Londi: Ahh sis it’s much more complicated than I thought. He
wants the old me back.
Me: Tell me sis is this the real you though?
She shakes her head at the same time as Phiwe walks in.
Phiwe: You guys are still awake?
Londi: This girl wants her hair done.
Phiwe: Uhm
He warms up his food then joins us in the lounge.
Phiwe: What were you gossiping about?
Me: Nothing but can I ask you a question?
Phiwe: Go on Dimple face.
Me: Would you pretend to be someone else to please your
parents?
Phiwe: Are we talking about anyone in particular la?
Londi: Just answer the question Phiwe please.
Phiwe: No, I would stand my ground like someone here.
He eyes me.
Phiwe: There is nothing that hurts like living a double life, like
suppressing the real you to please someone else. Be you and be
unapologetic about being you, be who makes you happy to be
you. If you get what I am saying. So who are we talking about?
Me: Londi, she made some sacrifices for me and mama but now
they not paying off.
He chuckles.
Londi: Don’t laugh.
Phiwe: Sorry sis but did you really think that she would turn out
to be a granny like you?
Londi: Mama thought she would.
He laughs even harder and I want to punch him.
Phiwe: Come on Dimple face will never try to act like a saint, I
am not saying that she is not a saint but she is unapologetic
about who she is and the way that she chooses to live her life.
How many times have I fought with her about her life choices?
Londi: A lot of times.
Phiwe: But did she change or stand her ground? I am not happy
about some of her choices but if it makes her happy then why
should she stop living her life the way that she sees fit? Just to
make me happy? To make mom happy? What about your
happiness? You should always put yourself first. I was
wondering why you stopped being yourself, shame you had it
hard neh?
Londi: How could I be myself when I had her looking up to me?
I made one bad choice, one mistake and I had to change for her
to grow up and do things differently.
Phiwe: Londi it is not about her, it’s about you. Look at her, did
she pick up all this I am a saint act? No! In fact she adopted the
other side of you, the free spirited and care free side of you. Be
you sis.
He gets up and goes to wash his plate then come back to us.
Phiwe: I will call it a night.
Londi: Where is Mandisa, we haven’t seen her in a while?
He looks at me.
Phiwe: Didn’t work out.
Londi: When did you end things? I thought you guys were so in
love, you even introduced her to us.
Phiwe: It’s been what, almost a month now? It was never that
serious.
Yep that’s how long we have been together and we are only
getting stronger. I smile to myself.
Londi: Shame sorry bro.
He chuckles.
Phiwe: FYI I didn’t get dumped, I never get dumped. I do the
dumping.
Londi laughs.
Londi: Oh please wena you have this thing of thinking that you
are old and his hot guy.
Phiwe: Have you seen all of this? I am hot phela guys.
Londi and I burst out laughing and he joins in.
Phiwe: Goodnight guys.
Us: Goodnight brother.
I feel my hair and she is almost done so I can join my man in a
few minutes. He looks at me before walking out and I know
that he wasn’t me to join him.

Londi finally finishes doing my hair and I must say I look

beautiful. I get up and thank her then I go to our room to get a
jersey then go back to the lounge.
Londi: Where are you going?
Me: I will be back in a bit.
Londi: I will leave the window open for you.
Me: Thanks sis.
Londi: Who is this guy?
Me: Some new guy in the area, you won’t know him.
Londi: And you are not sleeping with him?
Me: No trust me.
Londi: Okay keep it that way.
If only you knew sis, if only you know. I nod and walk out then
go to Phiwe’s room. I turn the handle and open then walk in, he
is still busy on his phone when I walk in. I lock the door then
take off the jersey and get in bed next to him. He puts his
phone away and we share a kiss then he cuddles me.
Phiwe: Goodnight babe
Me: Goodnight my love.
9
We were watching tv in the lounge when Phiwe fell asleep on
my lap, gran finally bought us a tv. We were so happy to finally
have a tv yho, we have been wanting it and Phiwe got us a dstv
with all his saving, finally I can join in and comment when my
friends discuss tv shows. I look down at my beautiful man, I
don’t know what’s wrong with him but he has been sleeping a
lot these past few weeks and he is always tired. I look at him
then feel his temperature, he is normal. Then why is he always
tired, not that he is the only one who is always tired and
sleeping but he does it more than I do.
Londi: Ay this guy is always sleeping, he didn’t even finish the
movie and he is the one that wanted us to watch it.
Me: I thought I was the only one who noticed, do you think he
is sick or something?
Gran: He probably got someone pregnant.
Gran says walking into the lounge, my heart skips a beat and I
feel so hot. Gran sits down on the couch. There is no way that
can be true.
Me: Ma!
She laughs.
Gran: That’s what our parents used to say and it always turned
out to be true, maybe he will be a father soon.
I swallow spit but it’s not enough to tone my heat down, to
quench my thirst. I need water. Londi laughs on the other side
of me. How can mom say it like this casual thing?
Londi: Come on mama Phiwe has been working so hard lately.
Gran: It could be that or he impregnated someone, I know my
son. No matter how hard he works he never sleeps this much,
he is not lazy.
I look down at Aphiwe then shake him. I need to get out of here
before gran notices my behaviour.
Me: Phiwe wake up.
His eyes fly open and he sits up yawning.
Phiwe: What did Jeniffer do?
Londi laughs, he throws a pillow at her then looks at me.
Phiwe: You good Dimple face?
I get up and go to the kitchen to drink water. While I am in the
kitchen I hear mom asking Phiwe if he got someone pregnant
and he chokes out of his saliva.
Gran: Aphiwe? Londi, Lwethu please leave us. I need to talk to
your brother alone.
Londi leaves the room, I go to the bathroom to pee first then I
follow after Londi. I have been peeing quite frequently lately,
weather I drink water or not my womb is somehow always full,
strange.
Londi: Let’s take a walk, I have to see Sizwe anyway.
Her and Sizwe are back together and they seem happy, after
that talk with Aphiwe Londi decided to go back to the old Londi
that I never knew. She wasn’t mother Theresa anymore, not
that granny she made herself look like and she actually looked
young than she did now. I shake my head.
Me: You go ahead without me, I want to listen into the
conversation.
Londi: Do you think that it might be true? Aphiwe might be
expecting?
I shrug, I hope not. I cannot have a child now, I am a child
myself. We are children, we are both so young. Oh no! I think I
am going to be sick, I try to swallow it but it just keeps rising.
Londi: Are you okay?
I shake my head and run to the back of the house, I throw up
everything in my stomach. Londi hands me a jug of water when
I am done.
Me: Thank you.
I rinse my mouth. She scoops up soil and pours it over my puke.
Londi: Are you okay?
Me: I am, maybe it’s something that I ate.
Londi: Maybe you should lie down sis, you will wake up feeling
better.
Me: I will.
I thank her once again and get up then go back inside. Gran and
Phiwe are still talking in the lounge. I want to hear what they
are saying but at the same time I don’t want to, this topic is
making me sick.
Aphiwe: I promise you mom I am not having sex at the
moment, Mandisa and I broke up and we always used
protection.
I put the jug in the kitchen then go to my room, I cannot hear
what they are saying but I can hear them talking until sleep
consumes me.

Someone wakes me up from my deep sleep, I sit up and yawn

then get off the bed.
Londi: Feeling better?
Me: I Feel worse.
Honestly I feel soo sick and tired. She feels my temperature.
Londi: You are not heating up or anything.
Me: I think I might have a stomach bug or something
Advertisement
I need to pee.
I wear my shoes then go to pee, my womb feels so full. After
that I go to the kitchen to get my food, I sit down and eat.
Aphiwe walks in yawning.
Phiwe: I am soo hungry I could eat a horse!
Londi: Your food is in the microwave.
Phiwe: Thanks sis.
I take another spoonful as he sits down, I feel my bile coming
up. I get up to get a glass of water, I down it then decide to put
my food away. I will eat later when I am feeling less nauseous. I
decide to go to the lounge to watch tv.

Londi wakes me up the following morning to get ready for

school, I feel a bit woozy as I get off the bed but I feel better in
no time. I take a deep breath then make the bed, after that I go
get my bathing water.
I walk into the school gate and I am already so pressed, I need
to use the toilet. I rush there to relieve myself, I am about to
leave the toilets someone pulls me roughly making me scream.
It’s some boy that has been asking me out, oh my God it’s too
early for this. I spot Phiwe walking out of the boy’s toilet before
this guy says anything. He looks over his shoulder and I think he
sees us because he turns on his heels and walks over to us.
Phiwe: And then?
Ntokozo: I am chatting up this lady? What’s your problem?
Phiwe: My problem is that you have your hands on my girl.
Ntokozo looks between us then laughs which I think irritates
Phiwe because he punches him on his face and a fight break
out. Why does Aphiwe have to be like this?! I try to break the
fight up, I think Ntokozo accidentally hits me as I try to get
between them because that makes Aphiwe even more crazy,
he punches Ntokozo on his jaw making him fall back now
everyone is looking at us and screaming on the top of their
lungs; “Fight! Fight!” Aphiwe turns to me.
Phiwe: Are you okay?
Me: Why did you do that for?!
Phiwe: Why?! He had his hands on you or did you like that?
Londi rushes to us and starts shouting at Aphiwe who is still
angry, I don’t even know why he just switches up like that.
Aphiwe looks at me then walks away, I wipe off my tears and
look at Ntokozo who finally gets up then gets escorted to the
office. Argh Aphiwe!!

Me: How is Chris?

I bite on my sandwich. We are sitting under the shade since it’s
hot.
Mbali: Well he has completely healed now, no more bruises
and he is just going about life as normal even though he still
asks about you.
Me: I am sure that he will get over me in no time.
Mbali: He will.
Sne: Okay so ladies I got me a new man.
Me: Ohhh tell us more.
She tells us about her new man, he work for Transnet and he is
monied. They met at the pub on Saturday, she was out with
her older sisters.
Mbali: Let me guess you slept with him already?
Sne: Why not, it’s not like I am a virgin anymore so?
Me: Oh my God you are such a bitch.
Sne: Child please!
We laugh at the same time as a siren goes and it’s time to go
back to class again.

The day drags off really slowly, I am tired to a point where I

even fall asleep in class. It’s the last period anyway so I snooze
off. A friend of mine from class wakes me up when it’s time to
go home.

When I walk out of the school gate I see Aphiwe waiting

outside, after that fight he left school and didn’t come back, I
haven’t really spoken to him since mom brought up the
pregnancy thing and the fight this morning ruined everything. I
cannot be pregnant, I just had my period last month. And what
does him being tired have to do with me being pregnant? I am
not pregnant, unless he impregnated someone else. I walk
towards him.
Me: What are you doing here?
He gives me a brown paper bag. I look at him confused.
Me: What is this?
He takes my bag then pulls me so we start walking.
Phiwe: A home pregnancy test.
Me: For what?
Phiwe: You have to get tested Thando.
Me: Wow all because of mom’s superstitions? You have got to
be kidding me, I just had my period a month ago.
Phiwe: I know my love but ngiyakucela Thembalam, please just
put our minds at ease.
Me: I am not pregnant, I can’t be.
Phiwe: I know, I know you are not but just too be sure.
Me: When will I do it?
Phiwe: Right now, we will quickly go to my room. You will do it
and then I can go back to work.
Me: And if I am pregnant?
Phiwe: Stop thinking the worst babe.
Me: The worst? So having a child with me would be the worst
thing that has ever happened to you?
Phiwe: No babe that’s not what I mean by it. You are still in
school, you are still young. And having a child right now would
be a huge set back for you.
Me: I know. How do I even do it?
Phiwe: That lady said you pee on it, if it’s 2 lines then it’s
positive and if it’s one line then it’s negative.
I nod, that’s easy. When we get home we sneak into his room
and he brings me a bucket then opens the test for me. I squat
and pee on it as per the instructions on the paper. I give it to
him and he puts it on the bed. I pull up my underwear then look
at the test as well, 1 line pops up and we both breathe out of
relief. He pulls me to him and wraps his arms around me.
Phiwe: We have to be careful now.
Me: What do you mean careful?
Phiwe: We have to start use condoms.
I just nod.
Me: What happened back at school?
Phiwe: Please let it go Dimple face.
He let’s go of me and kisses my lips then takes the test and puts
it back in the box then we walk out of his room. He goes back to
work and I go inside, greeting gran in the lounge watching
gospel music and reading her Bible. She greets me back and I go
straight to my room, I put my bag down and get on the bed to
sleep, I am soo exhausted. I feel like I just ran a mile.
10
Days go by and I just feel like I am getting more tired by the day
and there are some foods and smells that I just cannot tolerate.
I cannot keep anything down, I feel so sick, I actually feel like I
am dying. I even get dizzy from time to time.

The day is a Friday and we are sitting outside in the sun, I felt
cold so my friends decided to join me in the sun no matter how
hot it was.
Sne: Are you sure that you are okay?
I nod and rub my arms.
Mbali: It’s hot babe and you are feeling cold, are you sure that
you don’t want to go home?
Sne: Really babe you are not looking too good.
Mbali: You have been throwing up for the past 10 minutes.
Me: I just have a stomach bug that’s all, I will be fine.
Sne gets up and leave then comes back after a few minutes
with my sister and her boyfriend, Londi takes just one look at
me and she freaks out.
Sizwe: Oh she doesn’t look too good.
Londi: What happened to her? Sis are you okay?
I nod.
Londi: Thandolwethu don’t lie to me, you look sick.
Me: I am fine.
I hiccup and I feel sick once again. I get on my knees and bend
down then let it all out.
Londi: That’s it I am going to get them to call Aphiwe to fetch
you.
Sizwe: Get her water, I will go to the office.
Mbali: Here...
She hands me a water bottle as my sister rubs my back. And
Sne is behind me holding my skirt down. The siren goes and I
rinse my mouth.
Me: You guys go to class.
“Sizwe bring her to the office, what is your mother’s cell phone
number?” The principal says.
Mr Mbatha: Go back to class kids, Londi and Sizwe come to the
office with her.
Sizwe scoops me up and carries me to the office, Londi follows
after us with my bag. Londi explains that mom doesn’t have a
phone.
Mr Mbatha: What did she eat?
Londi; I don’t know sir she has been complaining about an
upset stomach, mom told her not to come to school today but
she still insisted.
Mr Mbatha: Don’t worry my child you will be okay.

After about 20 minutes my brother walks into the office, he

rushes over to us.
Phiwe: Hey Dimple face what’s going on?
Londi: She isn’t okay bro.
Phiwe: It’s okay I am here now, I will take you to the hospital
okay? I will take it for here Mr Mbatha, Londi go back to class.
Londi: What will you do you are just a child?
Phiwe: I know but please trust me with her, I won’t let anything
happen to her.
He takes out his phone and calls someone then he scoops me
up from the chair. I wrap my arms around his neck and lean
into him. He kisses the top of my head then takes my bag and
water bottle that Mbali gave to me. He thanks the principal
once again and carries me outside then towards the gate.
Me: Where are we going?
Phiwe: I have asked the rank manager if there is a taxi that just
came to the hood and he said yes so we will wait for it.
I nod. We finally get the taxi, he puts me in the taxi then gets in
next to me and thanks the driver.
Phiwe: Whats going on Dimple face?
Me: Please take me home to rest please.
We get home and gran rushes to us.
Gran: Is she okay?
Phiwe: Her stomach got worse at school so I offered to come
back with her mama.
Gran: Take her to her room to rest, if she doesn’t feel better
later we will have to take her to the hospital.
Phiwe: Yes ma.
He takes me to my room, he lays me on the bed and takes off
my shoes then pulls a blanket over me.
Phiwe: You will be okay.
He kisses my forehead.
Phiwe: I have to go back to school, mom will look after you
okay?
I nod and he walks out after kissing my forehead again. In no
time mom walks in with soup, she orders me to sit up and feeds
me soup. Unlike other foods it actually staying down in my
stomach. Once it’s finished she tells me to rest then leaves the
room.

Londi: How is she feeling now? Is she awake?

Mom: She is in your room, go see her.
Londi: Yes mom.
Londi walks into our room and puts her bag down then comes
to sit on the bed putting my head on her lap.
Londi: Are you feeling any better?
Me: I am, mom fed me soup.
Londi: Oh it always helps.
Me: I know.
She smiles at me.
Londi: You will be okay sis, I won’t let anything happen to you.
Me: Nothing will happen to me.
She kissed my forehead then brushes my hair back.
Later during the day Sne and Mbali come see me bearing gifts,
they got me a snack basket. It is packed with different fruits
yogurts, chocolates, chips, 2 litre fruit juice, a get well soon
card, and a pink and white lilies bouquet. Oh I have the best
friends ever, I thank them.
Me: When did you get all of this?
Mbali: We took a taxi to town after school.
Me: Thank you guys, I love you guys so much.
Them: We love you too babe.
We share a group hug.

Phiwe finally comes back home, with him he has a plastic from
Checkers with fruits, soups, yogurt and juice. He gives me the
plastic bag and I cannot help the smile that comes on my face.
Phiwe: How are you feeling now?
Me: Better, thank you for these.
Phiwe: I figured since you cannot keep any food down and
mom said you could stomach soup I should get you all of these.
Me: Thank you Phiwe.
Phiwe: Anything for my Dimple face.
He plays with my cheek making me blush. I hold his hand and
remove it from my cheek. He chuckles and gets up.
Gran makes me her delicious soup and I eat it as they eat their
food, after eating the soup I eat a banana and peach. Because I
feel like I will burst I get up and go to the bathroom to pee, I
just peed a minute ago but here I am once again.

Just when I think that I am starting to feel better it starts all

over again and this time I cannot even stomach the soup, I feel
soo drained. I haven’t been to school for the whole of last
week, gran and Phiwe wanted to take me to the clinic but I
didn’t want to, I insisted that I will be fine.
The day is a Monday and I get up to prepare for school no
matter how sick I feel, I really don’t know what’s going on with
me. But I just cannot take it anymore, the bed was only making
me feel weaker and weaker, I grew more tired by the day. And
funny thing my breasts and nipples hurt like crazy.
Londi: Are you sure that you are up for it?
I nod and go out to the kitchen to eat soft porridge, I eat it plain
white without any sugar and butter. Butter makes me sick to
my stomach, after eating I wait for a few seconds then rush to
the bathroom to throw up. Why can’t I stomach anything? After
throwing up I get up and flush then brush my teeth again. I
have exams in a week and I cannot just sit here and expect to
pass miraculously, I have to catch up and prepare for them.
After brushing my teeth I take my bag and I walk to school with
Aphiwe and Londi.

When I get to school Sizwe comes to us and greets us.

Sizwe: How are you feeling?
Me: Better than yesterday.
Sizwe: That is the spirit.
They sit with me until my friends arrive, they are so happy to
see me. When the siren goes we go to assembly, as we are
standing in the line listening to the principal talk I start feeling
woozy, I hear him from far until I cannot hear him anymore or
see him.
11
When I wake up I am surrounded by my siblings and teachers.
Phiwe caresses my face then smiles a small smile when he sees
my eyes open.
Mr Mbatha: Please give her some air.
They move from on top of me and only Londi and Phiwe stay
with me.
Phiwe: What’s going on with you Thando?
Me: What happened? Why are we here?
Phiwe: You fainted Thando, We are here because you fainted.
Mr Mbatha: Maybe we should take her to the hospital.
Me: No, no I am o-o-
I hiccup and Londi rushes for the bin, Phiwe pushes me to my
side and I throw up in the bin. I throw up until my stomach
hurts, even when there is nothing for me to throw up anymore
I just keep gagging. Londi gives me a bottle of water.
Phiwe: No dimple face you are not okay, you are not okay. I am
taking you to the clinic right now.
I nod, I cannot fight this anymore. I don’t want to die. After
drinking the water he scoops me up and carries me to the
principal’s car, some students are now looking at us. Londi
brings my school bag to the car, Aphiwe gets in with me and
the principal drives me to a clinic in town saying the local clinic
would be too full right now.

We get to the clinic and the principal goes out to make a card
for me then we wait in line.
Mr Mbatha: Do you want me to go in with you?
Phiwe: No sir, I think it’s fine if you leave. Thank you so much
for bringing us here.
He nods and gives us taxi fare that Aphiwe refuses.
Mr Mbatha: Your pride my son won’t help you, just take the
money.
Phiwe: Sir we are not charity cases, I do work after school so I
will use my money.
Mr Mbatha: You work?
Aphiwe nods.
Phiwe: I have to for my family, mom is too old to work and the
grant money isn’t enough I would hate to beg on the streets.
Mr Mbatha: Very well son, I am proud of the man that you are
becoming.
Phiwe: Thank you sir.
Mr Mbatha: But please promise me that you will focus on your
school work, you will never let your grades fall.
Phiwe: I won’t sir.
Mr Mbatha nods then takes his leave.

After waiting for about an hour or so they finally call us in.

Nurse: Are you the child’s relative?
Phiwe nods.
Phiwe: I am her boyfriend.
Nurse: Okay do you have any elders here with you?
Phiwe: My girlfriend isn’t feeling well, this doesn’t need elders
but you to help us.
Nurse: What is wrong with her?
Phiwe explains everything that is happening to me and she tells
me to get on the bed.
Nurse: When was the last time nikhiphisa inyongo?
Phiwe: About 4 months back.
She nods and checks my bp and temperature, and they are
both high.
Nurse: Are the both of you sexually active?
I look at Phiwe then at the nurse.
Phiwe: What’s wrong with her?
Nurse: Have you gotten your period yet mama?
I nod.
Nurse: And when was the last time that you got it?
Me: About 2 months back?
I am not even sure, what does that have to do with anything?
Nurse: I will ask you again are you sexually active?
I close my eyes and nod.
Nurse: Okay this is what you are going to do, take this cup and
go to the bathroom. Pee in it and come back to me.
I nod and get off the bed, I go to the bathroom to pee in the
cup then take it back to the nurse. I walk into them talking, they
go silent when I walk in. What were they talking about? I give
the nurse the cup full of pee
she explains what she is doing.
Me: We already did a home test and it came our negative.
Nurse: How long ago was that?
She puts the strip on the table then dips another one and puts
it on the table as well.
Nurse: Would you like to do an HIV test as we wait for your
results?
I look at Phiwe and he nods.
Phiwe: I will do it with you.
The nurse nods and first counsels us then takes samples of our
blood and dips them on the testing sticks. She drips some liquid
thing in our sticks then looks at the paper strips in front of her.
Nurse: These tests both show that they are positive which
means that you are in deed pregnant.
My throat goes dry, I can’t be. I tested and it came back
negative and that was about 3 weeks back. She continues to
talk but I cannot hear a think coming out of her mouth, I just
hear one ttttt sound in my ears. This cannot be happening to
me, not now, not with Phiwe. What will we tell mom? She will
be so disappointed in me, in us. Where do we begin telling her
about this? No she cannot know.
“.... negative.” That’s all I hear when I snap out of my thoughts.
I look at Aphiwe and he is just staring at the nurse blankly, tears
fall out of my eyes and he snaps out of his thoughts then pulls
me to him comforting me.
Nurse: This is not the end of the world my child, you have so
many choices to choose from. You can keep the baby to term,
you can abort if you want to or you can give the baby up for
adoption. Good thing you are not HIV positive, you can still turn
your life around, you can go back to school and complete your
studies.
I hold on to Phiwe and cry my eyes out.
Phiwe: Shhhh.. hush now Dimple face we will face this together
okay?
Nurse: And your boyfriend also supports you.
Phiwe: Can you tell how far along she is?
Nurse: Judging from what she told me I would say she is about
10/11 weeks but I can confirm this on a scan.
Phiwe: Can we do it here?
Nurse: I will need you to come with me please.
Phiwe: Come on dimple face.
He pushes me back gently then gets up, he takes my hands and
pulls me up too then we follow after the nurse. She knocks on
the door or another consultation room then opens and walks in
with my card, she comes out after a few seconds and calls us in.
Thank God she isn’t shouting about my results, I don’t think
that I can go through this embarrassment and humiliation of
my results being told to the whole world. The male nurse tells
me what to do so I unzip my skirt then pull out my t-shirt, I get
on the bed and he pulls my skirt and panties down a bit then
squirts the gel on my belly. He takes the scan and runs it on the
wet area of my tummy.
Nurse: It looks like you are in deed 11 weeks pregnant and you
are staring to show a bit.
I just thought that I was gaining weight, I didn’t think anything
of it. Kanti I am pregnant and this is my pregnancy belly.
Phiwe: She has a tinny bump.
Nurse: Look this is your baby, he or she is still tiny but you can
see the head, the hands and the heartbeat. And that is a very
strong heartbeat.
Phiwe: Can we hear it?
The nurse nods and turns on the sound, a beautiful sound fills
the room and melts my heart. Is that really my baby? I have a
life growing inside me? I really created this life? Tears fell out of
my eyes and Phiwe sips them off and kisses my forehead.
Phiwe: That’s the heart beat of our child.
He whispers only to me
Me: It’s beautiful.
Phiwe: It is, we are in this together okay?
I nod and he kisses my forehead again then gets up as the
doctor turns off the sound. He prints a scan for me and
attaches it to my maternity card. He gives up a second picture
to take home and a card for my next appointment date. I get
off the bed and wipe the gel off me then get dressed, I still
cannot believe that I am carrying a life in me. That I was trusted
with this tinny soul, I rub my belly. What will I do now? What
will Aphiwe do now?
12
We get home from the clinic, on our way back we spoke and
decided to keep it to us while he thinks of a way to tell our
mother about my pregnancy and our relationship. I won’t lie to
you and say I am not freaking out right now because I am, I am
shitting my pants scared. But knowing that I have him and his
support I feel a bit brave to carry this baby to term and when
he or she gets here I will raise him or her with love. I will not do
to my child what my mother did to me, no I will love my child. I
might know nothing about parenting but I will try to be a good
mother to him or her. I take my plastic bags to the kitchen, we
went past the shops and he got me a fruit salad, juice and
yogurt to share with mom.
Mom: Why are you back early?
Phiwe: She fainted at school mama and...
Mom: Did you take her to see doctors?
Phiwe nods.
Phiwe: The principal drove us there. Bathi inyongo mama.
Mom: I thought so. Go rest my child, buy her laxatives on your
way back from work so that she can take them first thing
tomorrow morning.
Oh boy we were warned against laxatives what will I do? I go to
my room and lie down, Phiwe comes in to put my bag down. He
yawns then kisses my forehead then walks out, it’s been a long
day indeed.

Phiwe later on comes back with pills, he tells me what I will do

tomorrow morning before going to bed. I miss my man, it’s
been days since I was last in his arms or we did anything due to
me being always sick. I wait for mom to go to bed then I take a
jacket and walk out telling Londi that I will be back shortly, she
just tells me that she will keep the window open for me. I knock
on the door and he opens after some time, he is surprised to
see me on the other side of the door.
Phiwe: What are you doing here? You are not well Dimple face.
He steps out of the way so I walk in, I feel woozy the minute
that I walk in. He holds my arm.
Phiwe: Ay Thando uyahlupha kodwa.
Me: I just missed you.
Phiwe: I miss you too babe but you aren’t well and we both
know why so I am not complaining.
He locks the door then scoops me up and carries me to his bed.
Me: I have been knocking on your door?
Phiwe: I fell asleep babe I am tired, no tired is an
understatement. I am exhausted.
Me: I know right.
He lays me down then gets on the bed and kisses my lips.
Me: After tomorrow I will still be sick, you heard what the nurse
said. This will still go on for at least another 3 weeks if I am
lucky or until I am six months pregnant. What will I do then?
Phiwe: You just have to pretend to be strong my love until I
figure out something.
Me: That’s going to be hard because I don’t control it Phiwe,
Phiwe: I know my love, I know. It’s going to be hard but it’s
nothing that we cannot overcome, we will over come this. We
will bring this baby into the world and raise him or her with
love. Not what our parents did to us.
Me: But Phiwe we do not have much, how will we raise this
child?
Phiwe: Don’t worry about that Thando I will make sure that my
child and you don’t starve or get cold. I will look after you guys,
I will work twice as harder okay?
He touches my tinny bump and I smile at him, he kisses my lips.
I wrap my arm around his neck and kiss him back whole
heartedly. Our relationship is not perfect and the situation we
are facing right now is weighing down on me but I feel blessed
that he is willing to carry the load with me. This can get him
into so much trouble, he can probably get arrested but he is not
asking me to abort to save him, he is not running away from
me. He is willing to stand with me, face it with me. I appreciate
that
I appreciate the risk that he is taking for me. He gets on top of
me then between my legs, we slowly undress each other. Once
we are both butt naked he fills me up slowly, stretching my wet
pussy to best accommodate him. I wrap my legs around him
and moan softly, his stroke are slow and gentle but still deep
and oh soo satisfying. We go on for some time, moaning and
groaning until we both come undone.
Phiwe: I love you, today, tomorrow, forever.
Me: I love you too.
We share a kiss then he gets off me and cuddles me.

Aphiwe wakes me up in the morning, he is in his boxers only

and he smells fresh.
Phiwe: You should get dressed and go back inside.
Me: Can’t you let me sleep for a little while longer?
Phiwe: Babe you have to get up, I hate waking you up but you
have to. We have school in an hour so you have to go in my
love.
I sigh then sit up. He gives me my clothes then helps me with
my shoes once I am done dressing.
Phiwe: Let’s go.
We share a kiss then leave his room, I go back inside using the
window and he goes back inside. Londi looks at me when I
climb in through the window.
Londi: You still good?
I nod then undress and get in bed.
Me: Thanks sis.
Londi: Anytime sis.
I snuggle into my pillow and fall asleep immediately as she gets
up and goes to get ready.

When gran wakes me up to take the laxatives the sun is already

out. I sit up and take the tablets from her and the glass of
water. I put the pills in my mouth then put them under my
tongue and drink the water.
Gran: Come eat.
She walks out of my room, I quickly spit the pills out and rub my
tongue. I get off bed and go to brush my teeth then go to the
kitchen, gran cooked soft porridge so I eat it then drink tea for
the laxatives that I “took”. After that I go to my room to study
for my first exam.

I guess I fell asleep because I was woken up by this urgency to

pee, I get up and go to the bathroom to pee then go back to the
kitchen to prepare myself bathing water. As I wait I look in the
fridge and pull out the yogurt tub. I take a spoon then dig in, I
try to swallow down the bile rising in my throat but it’s
impossible. I run to the bathroom and throw up, what will help
me if I cannot eat anything? Hiding this pregnancy is going to be
harder than I thought. I get up and rinse my mouth then go get
my bathing water, I put away the yogurt tub then take the
water to my room where I have a bath then get dressed. After
that I take the water out. Gran walks out of her room.
Gran: How are the laxatives treating you?
Me: Iyaphuma ma.
Gran: That’s good.
I fake a smile then go to the kitchen, I grab a banana then go
back to my room to study.
When Londi comes back she finds me sleeping again, I am just
so exhausted which the nurse said it’s normal. Anyway I sit up
and yawn.
Londi: Your friends are outside.
Me: Oh?
I get up and go out to them, we share a hug.
Mbali: How are you feeling?
Me: I will be fine friend, thanks.
Sne: We brought you notes babe.
Me: Oh thank you so much. But you didn’t have to Aphiwe
brings me notes everyday but thank you.
Mbali: You can use them to revise for our English exam on
Monday, you will be there right?
Me: I will be in tomorrow.
Sne: What did the doctors say is wrong with you?
Me: Uhm inyongo so I took laxatives.
I cannot tell them now, not until Aphiwe has figured out a way
to tell mom about us and the pregnancy first.
Mbali: Oh that’s good so we will definitely see you tomorrow.
Me: Yes you will and I will be feeling better.
Because I have been standing for too long I start feeling light
headed, oh God when will this stop?
Me: I need to sit down.
Sne: Do you need help? I are you feeling okay?
I shake my head and reach for her hand, she balances me then
we walk back inside. She leaves me in the lounge then walks
out saying bye to mom and Londi.
13
The following day I wake up to go to school no matter how sick
I feel, no matter how much I want to just sleep in. Aphiwe waits
for me and we take a taxi to school together, saying that we will
take a taxi back home when he goes to town. I honestly
wouldn’t make it to school and from school with my light head
so I am grateful. I try not to fall sick at school but it’s
impossible, frequent visits to the bathroom, being moody,
feeling hot, nauseous and lightheaded everything was in me
and it made me want to cry. But having Aphiwe there for
support throughout the day made it a bit easy for me. I might
have broken down once or twice though and he comforted me
and I last the whole day in school. I am glad when it’s time to go
back home, we take a taxi to town. I get off at home and he
continues to hustle.
The next few days are all the same, at home I just get worse
because of all the different smells from cooking. I still cannot
stomach anything, I can’t even eat my favourite foods which
worries my mother. I was trying in front of her but it was
impossible, I failed every time.
The rest of the week goes on as every other day. And I am tired
of feeling sick all the time, I was tired of being tired. Anyway
the following Monday we commerce with our exams and I
manage to finish each and every exam without numerous visits
to the toilet either from being nauseous every time I sniffed an
awful smell or had to pee.
The rest of the month goes on and everything with me is still
the same. I am both glad and not glad when school holidays
start because that means I can sleep in more often. I am not
glad because mom is always on my case, wondering why I am
not getting better.
The school holidays come to an end and I hate that I have to go
back to school again, I dread going to that place. I don’t like the
loud noise from those kids, the endless questions from my
friends. I just hate my life so much right now but at least I am
away from my mother who I suspect was catching up on my
pregnancy. July also flies by really fast and my tummy is already
huger than it was 11 weeks ago. It’s the second week of July
and I am officially 20 weeks pregnant now and it’s almost
impossible to hide my tummy, thank God for winter I can wear
baggy clothes and not worry about mom asking me a lot of
questions. I was still sick but nothing like my first few weeks, I
still have trouble stomaching some foods and I just stopped
trying them.

Anyway the day is a Saturday and mom is inside, she said she is
washing blankets today as it’s a bit sunny. Londi and I had just
finished hanging our clothes on the line, God my back is aching
from all that bending and standing.
“Thandolwethu come here this second!” Mom shouts from
inside the house and she sounds furious, my heart starts
beating out of control, the blood drains from my face and I start
feeling light headed.
Londi: She sounds furious, what did you do?
I shrug and go in, she is in the lounge sitting down and
something on the table. As I get closer I see all my scans from
the clinic on the coffee table, oh no no no! I forgot to remove
them from under the blankets in the wardrobe. Oh no!
Gran: Than...!
Me: Mama you called for me.
I try to act cool, like I don’t know what’s going on. I sit down on
the couch and look down, tears burning my eyes. When I look
up tears fall out of my eyes, Aphiwe was planning to tell her
some time next week. The minute that she sees the tears in my
eyes she sighs in defeat then wails as if someone has just died.
Londi rushes in asking what happened, the minute that she
sees the scans on the table she gasps.
Londi: Oh no... Thando? Why didn’t you tell me?
She comes to my side and comforts me, not mom but me. I
wrap my arms around her and cry so hard in her arms.
Londi: It’s going to be okay sis.
Me: No it’s not, I am pregnant at this young age Londi.
Londi: Hey hey it’s going to be okay, look at me. It is going to be
okay, we will get through it together.
She wipes my tears then get up and goes to mom to comfort
her as well.
Gran: UThando Londi...hayi, not her Londiwe, not her! She is a
baby, my baby.
Londi: I know mama, I know.

Me: I am sorry mama.

I wipe my tears and look at her.
Me: I am sorry for bringing this shame to you
for being a burden.
Gran: Who is responsible for this?
Me: I am sorry.
Gran: Thandolwethu!?
I still say nothing, I cannot say anything when he is not here to
face this with me. She gets up and goes to the kitchen then
comes back with a broom, Londi jumps in front of me in my
defence.
Londi: She is pregnant mother!
Gran: Get out of my way Londiwe, Thandolwethu needs to start
talking and she had better start talking right now. Who is
responsible for this?! Who slept with you, I hope for your case
it was rape because you are too young to be having sex. Did
you put her up to this?! Did you?! This is all your fault Londiwe,
Thandolwethu is just a child!
Londi doesn’t say anything so mom starts whipping her with
the broom, she doesn’t deny it, she doesn’t say anything. She
takes my punishment until the broom breaks, I finally get up as
mom picks up the broken piece and pull Londi out of the way.
But she pushes me.
Londi: You are pregnant Thando I cannot let her hit you, and
you are my baby sister I have to...
She spins me around so that the piece of wood lands on her
back.
Me: Mama stop it please you are hurting her. She didn’t do
anything, this has nothing to do with her. In fact she...
Londi: Thando! No mother I talked her into it, I talked her into it
because I know that she is your favourite and...
Me: She is lying, Londi stop lying!
Gran: Londiwe I expected better from you, I expected you to
guide your sister not lead her astray!
Me: Mother are you not hearing me?
Gran: Thula wena! If you...
Me: Mother!
Londi: Thando! I will take whatever punishment mama.
Mom huffs and leaves us in the lounge saying she cannot deal
with us now. I turn to Londi.
Me: Why did you do that?!
Londi: Why didn’t you tell me? How far along are you? Who is
the father? It’s Aphiwe isn’t it?
Me: How did you know?
Londi: Let’s go outside.
She takes the scans from the table and we go outside, she looks
at the pictures and her eyes become wet.
Londi: You didn’t abort?
Me: I couldn’t, I couldn’t even entertain that idea.
Londi: I am glad that you didn’t... I see the way that you are
towards each other, the look in your eyes, the love and
affection. He even speaks highly of you, drives you to and from
school, always brings you something when he comes back. He
cared more when you were super sick, even now. He is always
resting on you lap, something that he never does with me or
mom. When mom asked him about impregnating someone you
freaked out more than he did, because you are that someone.
Why did you hide it from me?
Me: I was afraid that you would call me a whore or a freak for
dating my brother.
Londi: You are not related by blood so technically he isn’t your
brother. And why would I judge you?
Me: Because we are both young.
Londi: Oh sis! What will you do now? Is that why Aphiwe is over
working himself?
I nod, he has been over working himself throughout the
holidays. If he wasn’t washing taxis and cars in town he was
cleaning gardens in the suburban areas. And saving all that
money, he has managed to save a lot of money for when the
baby comes.
Londi: You guys were careless Thandolwethu! How could you
not use condoms? Especially him because it’s not like it was his
first time.
I shrug my shoulders.
Me: It was half my fault sis.
Londi: No he was careless and selfish.
Me: It’s also half my fault, I didn’t ask him to wear one.
Londi: It was your first time, how were you to know? And you
are younger, he has experience. Wait was he your first?
I nod.
Me: But it’s not his fault sis.
Londi: I know but he knew better.
Me: I don’t even know how mom will take it.
Londi: Mom has to know sis.
Me: She won’t take it well, we are young.
Londi: But there is no other way now unless you lie and say
someone else is the father.
I shake my head no, I cannot do that to him, to our baby. He is
the only guy I have ever been with.
Me: Do you think that she will be okay with it?
Londi: To her we are of the same blood so no sis she won’t be
okay with it.
I huff and she rubs my back.
Londi: I can’t believe you have a little human growing inside
you and I didn’t even notice.
Me: How could you not notice when I share the same bed as
you?
Londi: Lately you haven’t been sharing the bed with me, but
now I know why you are alway covering up.
Me: Oh sis it was getting so hard to hide it from you.
I lift up the hoodie, Aphiwe’s hoodie and she gasps at how huge
my tummy really is.
Me: I will not be able to hide it at school anymore.
Londi: You don’t owe anyone any explanation.
I sigh and pull down the hoodie and for the first time I feel my
baby kick. It is soft but a very powerful kick follows after that
and it is right next to my bladder.
Me: I need to pee.
She smiles as I get up and go inside to pee, when I am done I go
back outside. I find her looking at my scans and crying, oh
Londi. I rush to her and comfort her.
Me: Do you regret it?
Londi: Sometimes I wonder what he or she would have looked
like. If it was going to be a boy or a girl.
Me: Why did you do that for me though?
Londi: Because it is my fault that you are pregnant, I should
have guided you when I suspected that you are sleeping with
someone.
Me: I denied it.
Londi: Another thing in mom’s eyes I will already be the rotten
apple and you her golden apple that she wants to protect more
and not expose to what I was exposed to at your age. I figured
that it would make her less angry at you if she had someone
else to blame it on either than you.
Me: Thank you but you are not a rotten apple Londi, you have
the most beautiful heart ever.
She smiles and hugs me.
14
Mom has been in her room all day praying and reading her
bible, I guess. The mood in the house is just sour, Londi and I
are even whispering and walking around softly and quietly. I
hate that I don’t have a phone or I would have called Phiwe a
long time ago to let him know about the situation at home, so
that he comes home prepared.
When the food is ready Londi dishes up then goes to mom’s
room, she comes back followed by mom. She takes her food
and goes to serve mom in the lounge, I grab my plate as well
and sit down around the table in the kitchen.
Mom: I cannot wait for your brother to get home so that he can
deal with the both of you, you 2 are busy going around opening
your legs. Giving away the only precious thing that you will ever
hold in your life, at your age Thandolwethu you are already
carrying a child? You are a child yourself but you are being
another child into this life? What do you know about being a
mother? A woman? Who will marry you when you are used
goods? Do you know what a child does to you, to your body?
Londi: Mom!
Mom: And the father of that child will probably leave you now
because you were stupid enough to give him something that
only belongs to your husband, and on top of that a child! A
child Thandolwethu, how will you feed that child?! Cloth the
child? Children get sick and where will you get money to take
that child to a good doctor? You are bringing a child into this
mess! This mess?! Is this the life that you want for that child?
What values and morals will you teach that child because
Thandolwethu you have no values. You don’t even value your
self. Your own body! Which man will respect you after this?
I wipe off my tears.
Mom: No man will respect you after this, to make matters
worse your future ends right here with that child. What future
do you think you will give that child because you also have no
future? That child right there is your dead end.
The door opens and Aphiwe walks in, it takes everything in me
not to get up and run to him for protection from mom’s harsh
words. I have a future and I will give this child a future, he or
she is not a dead end. I cannot believe that she would say all of
those things to me, yes I was stupid but that doesn’t mean that
I will not have a future, that I will never get respect again, that I
don’t have any values or morals, that I am used goods. Londi
gets up to get me water.
Phiwe: Good afternoon.
Mom: There is nothing good about this afternoon.
Phiwe: Uhm what’s going on?
Mom: Tell your brother what you did.
Phiwe: Who did what?
He looks at us in the kitchen then at mom, he looks back at us,
at me. I try to sniff back my tears but I can’t, not with him
standing there. I feel so weak, I just want to be in his arms. He
walks into the kitchen and comes to me, he pulls me up.
Phiwe: Why are you crying Dimple face?
I open my mouth to talk but my cries only get louder.
Phiwe: Hey hey don’t cry.
He wraps his arms around me and I cry harder.
Phiwe: It’s okay.
I shake my head.
Mom: Nothing is going to be okay when that whore of a child....
Phiwe: Whoa whoa whoa mother!
Mom: You would call her that too if you knew the things that
she has been up to. Your little sister there decided that she is all
grown up now and she is a woman.
He looks at me and holds me tighter as my cries only get
louder.
Mom: Thandolwethu is pregnant, she is hidi...
Phiwe: I know mother.
He stops her mid sentence.
Phiwe: I know that she is pregnant.
Mom: How do you, and you hid it from me?!
Phiwe: Mother...
Mom: If you know that she is pregnant then you must know
who did this to her.
Phiwe: I do.
Mom: And you are still standing there holding her? When did
you find out Aphiwe? So all this time that she has been saying
inyongo, all this time that we spent worrying about her kanti
we don’t know that she is sick because she couldn’t be a child
and close her legs!
Phiwe: Tell me mother what must I do? Go beat up that boy?
Mom doesn’t say anything, he wipes my tears then turns to
mother. I hold his t-shirt from behind, I don’t know what’s
going to happen when he tells her the truth but I want him to
shield me from it all.
Phiwe: Where do I start beating up that boy? How do I beat up
myself because mother I am the one responsible for her
pregnancy, I am the one that got her pregnant. I am not proud
of it but I am the one responsible for this growing baby inside
her.
His voice is shaking, tears are falling out of his eyes. He wipes
them with the back of his hand.
I have never seen my mother so defeated, she falls back on the
couch with her mouth open and I think that she might have
fainted. Aphiwe rushes to her and I am stuck in one place, I
killed my mother.
Phiwe: Get her water Londi! Ma, mama?
Londi gives him water and he sprinkles it on her face.
Phiwe: Mama here please drink this.
He helps her to drink water. Thank God! I wipe off my tears and
go to the lounge as well.
Mom: What did you say Aphiwe?
Phiwe puts the glass down on the couch then sits on the other
couch.
Phiwe: I am responsible mama, I am responsible for this
damage done on her.
Mom: How? You didn’t sleep with your sister did you? She is a
baby Aphiwe. You are a baby yourself, you promised me that
you won’t be having sex if I accepted your relationships.
Phiwe: I am sorry mama.
Mom: Why her Aphiwe?! You have Mandisa.
Phiwe: I love her mama, her and I....
Mom: What do you know about love huh?! Tell me what do you
know about it?! You are a baby Aphiwe.
Phiwe: Today I am a baby because I am not allowed to have sex,
because I am not allowed to love, because I got her pregnant?!
What about when I bring in money? Put food on the table?
When I defend every one of you here?! Am I not a baby to be
doing that? Mother I am a man when you want to benefit, mina
ngithwaliswe nina emhlombe ami! I was forced to grow up fast
and look after this house, after you! Am I not a baby then? But I
am a baby when I have to love someone, when I have to love
her? Thandolwethu and I are in love mother.
Mom: Shut up! Shut up! She is your sister for crying out loud,
how do you sleep with your sister?
Phiwe: We are dating mother.
Mom: She is a baby! You are a baby... you are my babies.
Phiwe: We are in love.
Mom: Oh no
where have I gone wrong? She is your blood.
Phiwe: No mother she is not.
Mom: Didn’t I raise you to be children of the same womb? The
same blood? Isn’t she your little sister?
Phiwe: Mother I am sorry but she is not my sister. Yes you
raised us, you adopted us but we are not blood related mom.
We are not, we were forced to be siblings, we didn’t ask for it.
And we cannot ignore how we feel just because we are
adoptive siblings, we didn’t ask for this either.
Mom: Are you listening to yourself? You are kids! She is your
sister!
Phiwe: If our parents hadn’t done what they did to us then we
wouldn’t be sitting here like this being told that I cannot date
the girl that I love because we are siblings.
Mom: Are you hearing yourself Aphiwe? You are kids!
Phiwe: I know mother and I am sorry that we, that I
disrespected you. It wasn’t our intention, it just happened mom
and it’s something that we couldn’t control. I tried mom,
believe me I tried.
Mom: Aphiwe I don’t want to hear it, whatever you two started
ends here right now. I forbid you from continuing with this
abomination, you might not be of blood but you are still
siblings. You are are my kids, mine what will people say?
Aphiwe shakes his head.
Phiwe: I don’t really care what people say mom I love
Thandolwethu and I am not going to let go of her just because
we are committing some sort of sin in their eyes or your eyes.
Yes we are young but we are willing to do what our parents
failed to do which is to love and provide for the baby growing in
her womb right now.
Mom: Tell me what is your plan? She is pregnant now, you love
her now. It’s exciting to you for now, what happens in two
years or 5 years time? Thandolwethu this fire, this excitement
will die down and he will leave you.
Phiwe: Did you really raise me to be that sort of man mother?
Mom: Aphiwe if you are going to go ahead and do this, this will
be the reason that I go to an early grave. You are my children
can you not see how wrong it is?
Phiwe: I love her.
Mom: Will that love feed and clothe this baby that you have on
the way? We are already just surviving and you two are adding
another mouth to feed. You will want to go back to school after
giving birth, who will look after that child? Me? Or will you ask
Thando to drop out of school? Or you will drop out of school?
Raising a child is no child’s play! Can you not see how you have
ruined your lives?
Aphiwe looks down
Mom: And then you claim to love her, you love her right? How
when you are ruining her life? What happened to being
children and enjoying being just that? You are robbing
yourselves off your childhood.
Phiwe: You call this a childhood? I never had one so and I won’t
start missing it when I have a baby.
Mom: Kumnandi because niyalalana? Nijahhe ukubadala
forgetting to be children, forgetting to have fun with your age
group, gone are those days ke sisi because now you are are
mother. A grown up and you will soon have a child to look after
and that will look up to you. What will you each that child? That
sibling love is allowed? That you can have a child at a tender
age? If you think that this is love and I will allow it to continue
then you clearly don’t know your mother.
Phiwe: If you think that I will turn my back on her and our child,
that I will stop loving her just because you do not believe in our
love. And just because you think that me loving her is wrong
then mother you clearly do not know the type of man that you
raised me to be. And you do not know your daughter.
Mom: If you are going to continue doing this then I want the
both of you out of my house.
I close my eyes.
Me: Where will we go if we leave mama?
Mom: I don’t know and I don’t care, if you want to play
husband and wife then not here in my house. You will not bring
shame to my house. If you stay then you will end this and
behave like siblings. Ngeke ngisupporthe amanyala la.
Phiwe: Just because things are not going your way mama you
will turn your back on us? We are your children, where will we
go?
Mom: You are not kids, you stopped being kids the day that you
started doing this. You can make a baby right? Then you can
take care of yourselves, you are not kids.
Aphiwe nods.
Aphiwe: Okay we will go if that’s what you want.
Mom: So you will choose that? You are very selfish Aphiwe,
very selfish towards that child.
Phiwe: What do you suggest that we do? You don’t want us in
your house mama.
Mom: Thandolwethu?
I look at Aphiwe, where will we go? How will we survive? We
are both minors.
Me: Phiwe please think about this.
Phiwe: What are you saying Thandolwethu? So you want to end
things with me?
I shake my head.
Phiwe: Then trust me, I will come up with a plan.
Mom: What plan will you come up with? Thandolwethu?
Me: As soon as comes up with a plan then yes mama I will
move out, I will go with him.
Mom: Very well then you will move out first thing tomorrow
morning.
Me: And where will we go mama?
Phiwe: Please please do not do this to her, she is pregnant. We
don’t know where we will go.
Mom: Tomorrow morning or you will end this abomination.
She gets up and goes to her room, I want to follow after her but
my pride doesn’t let me. Aphiwe scratches his head and I can
see that it’s frustrating him. I feel bad because we are here
because of me, I seduced him and begged him to be in a
relationship with me. Had I not done that I wouldn’t be
pregnant and he wouldn’t be getting kicked out today.
Me: This is all my fault, I am sorry.
He gets up.
Phiwe: Don’t do that, just don’t do that. I will be back, start
packing so long.
Londi: Where will you go?
Phiwe: I will figure something out, please help her pack.
Londi: Aphiwe please do not do this if you don’t know how the
both of you will survive, where you will go. Stop being so
stubborn.
Phiwe: I said I will make a plan Londiwe just help Dimple face
pack okay?
Londiwe nods then he walks out.
Londi: Let me help you.
I nod and we go to our room then start packing my clothes into
plastic bags then my books into my school bag.
Me: Do you think he will come back?
Londi: I am sure he will.
Me: What if we are making a wrong choice, what if we
shouldn’t be doing this?
Londi: Only you know that sis, the answer lies in you.
I sigh, what plan can he make when we have absolutely nothing
to our name? What does this mean for me, education wise?
Will I continue with school or will he make me stop going to
school? I don’t know anything right now, all I know is that I am
moving out of the place that I called home for 13 years and I
don’t know where I am going, how I will survive. What if he
starts changing behind those walls? What if he starts hating me
and blaming me for loosing everything?
15
A kick in my full bladder wakes me up from my sleep. I get off
the bed and go to the bathroom bumping into mom.
Me: Good morning mama
She doesn’t respond back to me she just continues to her
bedroom, okay mother! Okay! I get in the bathroom and pee. I
wonder if Aphiwe came back and if he did then what was his
plan, where were we going? I wipe off the pee and flush then
pull my pyjama shorts back up. I wash my hand then to out to
check if he came back last night. I go to his room, I get there to
find him packing with the help of Londi. I didn’t even notice
that she wasn’t there this morning. Does this mean we are
really moving out?
Me: When did you get back?
They look at me.
Phiwe: You gave me a fright, last night.
Me: And did you find something?
Phiwe: Yes I did, a friend of mine has a backyard room that they
don’t use. We spoke to his parents, begged them and we can
move in this morning. Him and his dad will be here to pick us
up, Londi please get her clothes.
Londi walks out leaving us alone.
Me: Are you sure about this? And where is this? Will I have to
drop out from school?
Phiwe: No no you won’t have to drop out of school, tomorrow I
will go to talk to Mr Mbatha about our situation.
Me: Who is this friend Phiwe?
Phiwe: You know Bongani right?
I nod and he nods as well.
Me: Doesn’t he live far?
Phiwe: It’s not that far my love, we can still walk to school.
I nod. He checks his phone.
Phiwe: Go get your food they are almost here for us.
He kisses my lips then gets busy again. I go back inside the main
house, I get a plastic bag then start packing all of the food and
treats that he has been bringing me every night from work. I
take everything then go give them to Aphiwe. His friend’s dad
finally gets here and we load everything in the car then he takes
my hand and we go back inside then to mom’s room. Phiwe
knocks then walks in, she is sitting on the bed. She wipes her
face when she sees that it’s us.
Phiwe: Mama we came to say goodbye, we apologise for
disappointing you and bringing shame into your house. And we
want to thank you for taking us in when our parents abandoned
us, you have been really good at us mama.
She looks away.
Me: Thank you mama and we are sorry.
Phiwe: Come on babe.
He wraps his arm around me and we walk out of mom’s room
with tears in my eyes. I was hoping that she would change her
mind but she doesn’t.
“Thandolwethu, Aphiwe.. good luck.” She says and we nod then
walk out. Saying bye to Londi is the hardest, she promises to
visit us when we have settled in. We break the hug and she
wipes my tears.
Londi: I will see you at school tomorrow, stop crying this much
sis.
I nod.
Londi: Take care of each other especially you Phiwe, please take
care of her.
Phiwe: I will, take care of your self sis, take care of mama as
well. We will see you at school.
They share a hug too then Aphiwe opens the door for me, I get
in and close then he goes around to this side. He gets in and
Bongani’s dad looks at us.
Bongani’s dad: Can we leave now or you still have something to
do inside?
Aphiwe nods his head so he starts driving.

When we get to our destination he parks then gets off, their

house is fancy and big.
Bongani’s dad: This way son.
We take all our bags and follow after our saviour, he shows us
to a cottage that a woman is busy working in.
Bongani’s dad: Nkosikazi, these are the kids. Bongani’s friends.
She turns to look at us and smiles.
Bongani’s mother: Hi, you are welcome. I am almost done with
setting up your room.
We nod and wait until she is done then she tells us to settle in.
Bongani’s mother: When you are done please come in so that
we can talk.
Me: Yes ma.
They leave us to settle in. We don’t have much yet but Aphiwe
promises to get me everything that I need when he has saved
enough for the baby, they gave us a small fridge, stove and
cupboard. 2 bathing dishes, a dish washing basin and a
mattress, 2 pillows and blankets. It’s not much but it’s home,
after unpacking and packing our clothes we look at our new
home, he pulls me to him and kisses me.
Him: I promise to get us out of here someday.
Me: It’s okay this will do.
He shakes his head.
Him: You deserve the best Thando and I will give you that, I
promise.
Me: I need to bath.
I warm up water with a kettle, he always had his own kettle in
his room and a radio so at least the house is not going to be
quiet. He puts on music then lies down as I bath.
Me: I forgot to tell you, our baby kicked for the first time
yesterday.
Phiwe: And I missed it? How did it feel?
Me: I remember him or her kicking me right in my bladder so I
had to run to the toilet. I didn’t get to enjoy much of his kicks.
This morning too, it was the same story.
Phiwe smiles at me.
Phiwe: Is he moving?
Me: You can see him?
Phiwe: Yep maybe because mommy is talking about him.
Me: Or her.
Phiwe: Or her.
I smile, he gets off our “bed” and crawls to where I am bathing.
He touches my stomach and kisses it.
Phiwe: I promise to take care of you and mommy, I promise to
always try my best to give you everything that you want and
need. But most importantly I promise to love and support the
both of you.
He kisses my tummy again and our baby starts kicking making
daddy chuckle.
Phiwe: Look at that, she can hear daddy’s voice. On my God this
is so beautiful, we really made a life together.
He touches every part that our child is kicking against.
Phiwe: Those are very tinny feet, thank you so much babe.
I smile down at him and rub his head, he lays his head on my
stomach.
Me: I have to finish bathing my love.
Phiwe: I know, I just cannot get over your baby bump, it’s
beautiful.
He gets up and kisses my lips.
Phiwe: And you are beautiful.
I am glowing, my skin feels softer and fresher, there is no sign
of a pimple on my face, my skin feels and looks soo beautiful,
the nurses think that it’s a girl, they are not able to tell us the
sex yet because every time that they check he or she is facing
away from us, definitely hiding his sex from us. We share a kiss
then he lets me finish bathing while he makes us fruit salad and
yogurt. I wrap a towel around my body then eat. After eating I
lotion my body then get dressed in shorts and his blue shirt. He
takes out my water then comes back to bath since I prepared
him water. After getting dressed he takes my hand and we go
knock on the main door. Bongani opens the door and they
smile at each other then at me.
Bongani: No wonder you didn’t want anyone next to her.
Phiwe: Fuck off man.
They chuckle then he lets us in. We sit in the lounge and wait
for his parents, they finally join us.
Bongani’s mother: How far along are you?
Me: 20 weeks?
She nods.
Bongani’s dad: My wife is a social worker, she can help you with
the baby and getting him or her signed for adoption if you
want.
Bongani: Dad that’s not an option, they were both adopted.
Phiwe: And we don’t want our child to face the same challenges
that we are facing, we want to keep the baby and raise him or
her.
Bongani’s mother: How will you raise a child when you are both
in school? Think about the child’s future, what future can you
give him or her? You are still kids.
Phiwe: I am currently working, hustling and we have managed
to save about R2000.00 already for when the baby arrives.
They nod.
Bongani’s mother: We won’t force you, you can keep the baby
and raise him or her. And I can help here and there.
Me: Thank you ma.
She nods.
Bongani’s mother: You can come in to eat with us.
Phiwe: No ma you have already helped us a lot, you took us in
and gave us a place to live. We cannot ask you to feed us as
well.
Bongani’s dad: Nonsense you are like a son to me now, you and
Bongani grew up together. If it makes you feel better then we
can give you groceries every month and you will have to do my
garden and wash my taxis.
Phiwe: We can do that baba.
Bongani’s dad smiles.
Bongani’s dad: I wonder when my son will be like you but your
pride my son, it’s not good for you.
Phiwe: It has got me this far baba
I work hard for what I want. The world owes you nothing and
nothing comes for free, you always have to give something in
return.
They all nod and we continue talking. They really seem like a
nice family, the mother calls me to the kitchen and packs some
groceries for us. I call Phiwe to take them to our room which he
does then him and Bongani go to start washing the taxis. I
remain inside with Bongani’s mother who is teaching me how
to bake.
Bongani’s mom: I have always wanted a daughter, this is nice.
I smile at her. When the muffins are ready we dish up.
Bongani’s mom: Go serve the boys.
Me: Yes ma.
I take the plate outside to where they are sitting under a tree.
Me: Bongani’s mom said I should give you these.
Phiwe: Thank you, we should go get some groceries and an iron
when we are done.
I nod and go back inside, I eat quickly then do the dishes in the
sink. Aphiwe and Bongani walk in just as I finish.
Bongani: I will wipe them you go on.
Phiwe: Thank you, let’s go babe.
He takes my hand and pulls me out with him. We first go to our
room to take his wallet then he locks the door and we go to the
stop to catch a taxi to town. We finally get a taxi to town. We
do our grocery shopping at checkers, he gets us everything that
we will need, a bucket, an iron and ironing board then we walk
to the rank to catch a taxi back home. To our new home.

I sit on the steps at school waiting for Londi and my friends.

Phiwe is sitting next to me and rubbing my back. My back is
aching, I guess it’s from sleeping on the mattress, not that I am
complaining the poor guy is trying and Bongani’s parents
helped us. Anyway Londi arrives before my 2 best friends, I get
up and we share a hug.
Londi: How are you baby sis, bro?
Me: I am good, I cannot complain.
Phiwe: I will see you in class okay? I am good sis.
He gets up and leaves me with Londi.
Londi: And living with your man?
Me: Well I miss home, I miss you and I miss mom but living with
Aphiwe and having our own space is really great even though
we have Bongani’s parents wanting us to join them every now
and then. We don’t have to sneak around and worry about
getting caught. We can kiss when we want to, and also we can
make love whenever we want to and I don’t have to sneak back
in using a window.
Londi chuckles.
Londi: I am glad that you are enjoying yourselves. How is
Aphiwe really?
Aphiwe isn’t much of a talker, you will never hear him complain
about anything. The time he told gran that he carries a heavy
load on his shoulders was the first time ever that he has ever
complained. He doesn’t complain shame, even now he won’t
complain no matter how hard it is for him. And this time he
caries a heavier load, me. And he is just a school kid as well.
Me: He is okay sis, thanks for asking. How is mom?
Londi: Pretending as if she doesn’t miss you guys but she does.
She spent the whole of yesterday in her room.
Me: We miss her too but she threw us out of her house.
Londi: I know sis.
Sne and Mbali finally arrive, we share a hug. Londi gets up.
Londi: Don’t leave without seeing me please.
I nod and she leaves.
Sne: And then? Where are you going?
Me: Mom knows about me and Phiwe.
Mbali: And how did she take it?
Me: Well we are living together now, he found us a new home.
Sne: No she didn’t!
Me: We had to choose between our relationship or our home,
we choose our relationship and she told us to leave the
following morning.
Mbali: Babe I am so sorry, where do you leave now?
Me: With Bongani’s parents, they have a back room there and
they okay with us taking it. What gets to her the most is this.
I take their hands and put them on my belly, they gasp.
Mbali: I told you that she is pregnant.
Me: You guys are gossiping about me?
Sne: No we were just concerned, you always in your trackpants
and this huge hoodie now which you never take off. You are
always tired and sick, you are slow and you seem so reserved
now. You covering up.
Mbali: How far along are you?
Me: 20 weeks, 4 months.
Mbali: And you are only telling us now? We are your best
friends!
Me: I know babe and I am really sorry, I wanted to tell my
family first but she found a scan and that damn thing has my
name on it.
Sne: Oh no
Me: Yep story of my life. Not that it would have made things
any better because the minute Aphiwe said he is the father she
freaked even more, said that this is not love, it’s abomination.
The fire will die out and he will leave me.
Mbali: He wouldn’t leave you would he?
Me: I would like to believe that he wouldn’t leave me or change
but nothing is guaranteed Mbali, nothing but he promised me
not to. But I am scared that he will start blaming me and hating
me. He is here because of me, if I didn’t seduce him he
wouldn’t have got me pregnant.
Sne: Don’t blame yourself babe, if he didn’t want this or you he
would have stood his ground. He would have used protection
with you, I mean he knew the consequences.
The siren goes and we go for assembly. Aphiwe and Bongani
stand next to me, I love that they are supporting me but come
on they cannot stop living their lives just because of me.

I am in the maths class when the school secretary walks in to

call me to the principal’s office, I get up and follow after her. I
get to the office and find him there with Aphiwe.
Mr Mbatha: You can sit down Thandolwethu.
I sit down next to Aphiwe and look down.
Mr Mbatha: Your brother tells me that you are 4 months
pregnant? And he is the father, you are not blood related?
Me: Yes sir.
Mr Mbatha: Oh child what have you gotten yourselves into?
And you want to continue with your studies here?
Me: Yes sir.
Aphiwe nods as well.
Mr Mbatha: Will you manage with the baby on the way?
Me: Yes sir.
Mr Mbatha: That is all that I want to hear. In this school we
don’t turn away children who want to learn, who want to be
educated no matter what the situation. Now you will face
challenges, do not break. Stand your ground and focus on your
studies. You are the first student in our school to fall pregnant
and not want to drop out because you are scared of what other
learners will say. And Aphiwe you are a good young man, thank
you for trusting me with this.
Me: Thank you sir.
Mr Mbatha: You can go back to class my children and oh
remember, chin up.
Me: Yes sir.
Mr Mbatha: Thank you Mr Ndlovu for coming in to let me
know, I am proud of the man that you are blossoming into. Do
you still work?
Phiwe: I am still hustling sir, I have been saving some money to
get a learners then a license when I am 17 years old so that
maybe I can get a driving job, but due to some unforeseen
circumstances I have to put that aside and focus on this.
I look at him feeling gutted for him, this is all my fault. Tears fall
out of eyes and I wipe them, why didn’t he tell me that he is
saving for that and now he has to use that money for me, for
this baby? He looks at me.
Phiwe: But that’s nothing, our baby is more important.
He takes my hand and rubs it.
Mr Mbatha: I admire you young man and I am sure all will work
out well. But please don’t ever drop out, don’t drop out. The
both of you have to stay in school and get this matric
certificate, you don’t know what might happen. With good
marks you might get a bursary and study further.
Phiwe: Thank you Mr Mbatha we won’t drop out.
I nod as well then say our goodbyes. We both get up and leave
the principal’s office.
Me: You didn’t tell me that you were saving for your license and
learners.
Phiwe: Well not anymore.
Me: How can you take from your savings?
Phiwe: You know know why Dimple face, we need the money.
Me: But...
Phiwe: Don’t stress yourself about all of this Thando please, let
me handle everything.
Me: But that’s not being fair on you Phiwe, we are both
learners.
Phiwe: Hey, me asking for your help would be unfair. You are
already doing so much.
Me: I am not doing anything Aphiwe, I am just a burden to you.
Phiwe: Are you fucking kidding me? You will never be a burden
to me. And you are carrying my child, our first born that is you
doing a lot my love.
Me: But still I hate that you have to use your hard earned
money on this.
I point at my stomach.
Phiwe: Don’t... What you call this is our baby and I will do
anything and everything for him or her so please don’t ever
refer to our baby or relationship as this as if it means absolutely
nothing.
Me: I am sorry.
Phiwe: Let’s go back to class. I love you.
Me: I love you.
He kisses his fingers then puts them on my forehead.
Phiwe: Let’s go.
I nod and we continue to class.
16
After school I meet up with Londi by the gate then we go catch
a taxi with Bongani and Aphiwe.
Londi: Hey brother.
Phiwe: Hey sis... Dimple face.
I smile at him. We get a taxi to town, Londi gets off at home
then the taxi continues to Bongani’s house, we both get off and
Aphiwe continues to town.
Bongani: Want to watch tv with me? I can make us a snack.
Me: I will pass, I am too tired anyway.
He nods and goes in through the main door and I continue to
the back yard. I unlock the door and walk in then sigh, honestly
I miss home. I miss my mother, yesterday I had Aphiwe here
the whole day to keep me company and today I am all by
myself. I put my bag down then boil myself bathing water, as it
boils I turn on the radio and put on music then open the fridge.
I take out the yogurt tub and sit down then dig in with tears
falling out of my eye, I miss home so bad. I put the tub down
and get up to undress then bath, after bathing I feel fresh and
warm. I wear pyjama pants and a hoodie then take the water
out. I go back in after that and make myself something then
start on the pots as I eat.
The food is ready in no time, finally I can do my homework. I
pull my bag and sit down to do my homework.

A knock comes through the door waking me up from my sleep, I

look at the time on my phone and it’s already half 6. Aphiwe
gave it to me earlier, it’s nothing fancy just a phone to receive
and text him. I get up and go open the door, Aphiwe walks in
and kisses my lips.
Phiwe: Were you sleeping?
Me: I think I fell asleep while doing my homework, this baby
makes me so sleepy.
Phiwe: They say enjoy it while you still can because it all stops
when he or she is born.
Me: Tell me about it.
I boil water for him then dish up so that he can eat as soon as
he is done bathing.
Me: How was work today?
Phiwe: Busy and very tiring, I have my regulars who wait for me
to get to town and today I had about 5 cars and 5 taxis to go
through. But I am not complaining because I made lots of
money today, I can get you a few new clothes and you can get
your hair done.
Me: Phiwe you don’t have to.
Phiwe: I want to besides your tummy is only getting bigger and
you don’t have anything proper to wear.
Me: Thank you babe.
I kiss him and he smiles at me.
Phiwe: I am glad to put a smile on your face.
Me: You still have homework to do so have a bath.
Phiwe: I love you.
He kisses my forehead then takes water to bath.

He dresses in sweat pants then takes the water out. He comes

back after few seconds and I serve him.
Phiwe: Thanks babe
I sit down next to him and we eat. After eating he does the
dishes as I finish doing my homework. When I am done I give
him my book and he copies everything correcting me where I
am wrong. When he is done I take my books back and fix the
mistakes.
He lies down next to me and puts his hand on my tummy and
brushes it.
Phiwe: How are you doing in there?
Me: I am sure she is doing good, she has been kicking all day
and making me run to the toilet every second.
Phiwe: I know shame. Don’t bother mommy, treat her well
please.
I smile at him then pack my books away. I get up to take off the
hoodie and wear a vest. I get in next to him and we share a kiss.
Phiwe: You shouldn’t have worn this to bed.
He says pulling my pants and I laugh. He takes them off then
undresses as well and he fills me up making me moan...

The next couple of days are all the same, we repeat the same
routine everyday. I am used to it now and enjoy having my own
space with my man but I love it more when he is at work
because I get to do all the things that I cannot do when he is
home, like sleep, eat and eat some more. You might think that
because Aphiwe works the whole day he might be tired or have
a very low sex drive but nope, it’s like his sex drive just got
bigger, he is always horny. I don’t know whether its the big
belly or what but he adores my body and he always wants to be
deep inside me. And that alone makes the already tired me
extremely exhausted. The kids at school only got to know of my
pregnancy in August, I looked so huge already and I couldn’t
hide it that well anymore. That’s when all the bullying, the
name calling, the whispers and the laughing started. I dreaded
going to school enough though I had a good support system at
school, that being my boyfriend, Bongani, my sister, Sizwe and
my 2 best friends. There is no corner that I turned and didn’t
get talked about, “she thought she was the it thing, look where
that got her? Oh she couldn’t keep her legs closed, she is such a
bitch! Apparently she is sleeping with her brother, they have
been dating he even hit Ntokozo for her. Crazy family! I heard
they live together now, their mother threw them out. She is a
crazy bitch!” And the list just goes on and on. It took everything
in me to get up and go to school, not that Aphiwe would let me
miss school. He just won’t give up on me or allow me to give up
and give them the satisfaction. So every morning he wakes me
up and we walk to school then we take a taxi back home after
school. Funny thing its not only the learners that gave me hell
but the teachers too, they always pick on me, calling me the
mother of the class
the whore, the cheap skirt. Aphiwe and Bongani are always
standing up for me to the teachers. Every time I yawned the
teacher took it upon them to tease me making the whole class
laugh at me. But I didn’t stop pushing and giving them clap
backs with my results, I did less talking and more studying,
focusing on my school work. Aphiwe said that I should use their
nasty words to fuel me up, I aced all my tests and exams. I was
on the ball.
It’s been exactly 5 months since I last saw mother, I miss her
very day but at the same time I am used to not having her
around, not talking to her. Not worrying about her, Londi says
she doesn’t talk about us, she also doesn’t want our names to
be mentioned meaning she doesn’t care to know how we are
doing. How I am doing and how the pregnancy was going,
speaking about that we still don’t know the sex of our baby and
we resolved to buying neutral colours, everything was ready for
the baby’s arrival. We have 2 large boxes of new born baby
nappies already stacked, milk, clothes, blankets, bathing basin
and feeding bottles. We are just waiting for the arrival of the
baby now which should be any time now, I am huge and I am
tired. I am on my last week of the pregnancy and I am just a
huge mess, I am always crying, my breasts are heavy and sore,
my feet are sore and I feel like a pig. By the way Aphiwe went
to fetch our report because I was too lazy and we both passed
coming first in all the grade 8 classes making both me and
Aphiwe so proud. We were tying together.
Anyway the day is a Monday and I am lying down on the bed
and reading a book when Aphiwe walks in carrying the ice
cream that I called him crying for but now that he is here I don’t
want it anymore. Yes he finally got us a bed after months of
sleeping on the floor. And then everything else that he made
went towards the baby and a bit of me. He didn’t do much for
himself anymore, everything was just about me and the baby.
Phiwe: I brought you your ice cream.
Me: Please put it in the fridge I will eat it later when I feel like it.
Phiwe: Seriously Thando? You really going to ask me to put it
away when I have already travelled across town to get you this?
Do you know how many shops I went to for you to say oh just
put it in the fridge?
Tears form in my eyes and fall on my cheeks.
Phiwe: Oh my God.
He puts it away and comes to to sit next to me on the bed.
Phiwe: Can you give birth already?
I just cry louder and he pulls me to him then hugs me.
Phiwe: I am sorry don’t give birth, just keep the baby in there.
I cry even louder.
Phiwe: Oh no.. I am sorry babe, I am so sorry don’t cry please.
Please stop crying my love.
Me: I want to but I can’t.
He bursts out in laughter which irritates me, I push him away
and lie on my side looking away from him.
Phiwe: Come on babe it’s simple, just wipe off your tears and
close your mouth.
He jumps over me and lies on the other side looking at me, he
smiles and wipes off my tears.
Phiwe: I love you.
I smile and lean in for a kiss, he kisses me back wholeheartedly.
One thing leads to another and next thing you know the whole
room is filled with moans and groans. He just keeps taking me
higher and higher until I cannot take it anymore, I spill around
him. He groans and slams into me and he fires out after me. He
slowly pulls out of me and kisses the back of my shoulder then
cuddles me.
Me: What time are you going back to work?
Phiwe: I don’t know Thando I am so exhausted.
Me: Maybe rest a bit.
Phiwe: I will go back after an hour.
I nod and turn on my side to face him.
Me: Thank you.
Phiwe: For?
Me: Your selflessness, you have been amazing to me through
out this pregnancy. You have made this a very enjoyable and
less stressful journey.
Phiwe: You are my woman and you are carrying my baby in
here, my first born. Our first born.
Me: Are you really happy?
Phiwe: More than words can explain. And you, are you happy?
Me: More than anything.
He kisses my lips.
Phiwe: About next year
Me: I don’t know how we will do it Aphiwe.
Phiwe: Londi has offered to look after the baby while we go
back to school.
Me: And what about her? She has to find a job Phiwe.
Phiwe: She offered Thando, she is doing this for us to be able to
go back to school and we both know that we have to go back to
school so that we can give her a bright future.
Me: So everything works out?
Phiwe: Everything works out, I can pay Londi a bit of money just
to help and the rest we will save for the baby.
Aphiwe gets paid R100 for washing private cars, well his loyalty
customers give him that amount of money just for one car. So if
he washes 5 cars a day he makes R500 and then washing a taxi
is R60 so if he washes 5 a day as well then that’s R300. Making
his daily earnings R800 and he washes the cars 3 times a week
and taxis everyday and those are different customers. So he is
making a lot of money.
Me: And what about you?
Phiwe: If my family is well fed, clothed and happy then I am
happy. Don’t worry about me my love, I am a man.
I nod.
Me: But I am your woman, I have to worry about you.
Phiwe: That’s what I love about you, your pure heart. But
honestly my love do not worry about me, my smile and
happiness are in your smile and happiness.
I kiss him feeling so grateful for having a man like him in my life,
who has nothing but good intentions for me. We break the kiss
after sometime and we just continue talking until it’s time for
him to go back to work.
17
A knock on the door wakes me up from my sleep, I get off the
bed and wear a gown.
Me: Who is it?
“Just open the door sis.” Londi says from the other side of the
door, what is she doing here? I get the door.
“Surprise!” They shout waving grey, white and yellow balloons.
It’s Londi and my 2 best friends, my eyes water immediately.
Me: What are you guys doing here?
Mbali: What do you mean what are we doing here? It’s your
baby shower.
Me: I am in no mood or dressed for it.
Sne: Don’t worry about that it’s just us girls. Wont you let us in?
I move out of the way so that they can come in then I close the
door.
Londi: It sure does smell like sex in here.
I laugh.
Me: Phiwe left about 30 minutes ago.
Londi: Oh my God spare us the details, I don’t want to know
how my siblings are doing it.
She puts the balloons down and then goes to open the other
window, oh well!
Sne: We got presents, snacks, a cake.
Me: You guys are the best do you know that? I am lucky to have
you all in my life.
Mbali: We know, let’s comb your hair and tie it up so that we
can get this party started.
Me: I will need to change?
Londi: No sis you are fine like that, sit down.
She pulls a chair then pushes me to it, I sit down and she does
my hair while Sne and Mbali set up the table. When she is done
she gives me a mirror, oh man I look beautiful. I really love my
pregnancy face, my doctor said that I am lucky to have such a
beautiful face during pregnancy and she bet it’s a girl. Even
Bongani’s mother thinks it’s a girl, oh what a wonderful woman
in fact the whole family is so amazing to me and Aphiwe.
Anyway when they are done setting up the table we sit down
around it.
Londi: What do they talk about in baby showers?
Sne: Sex?
We all laugh at her.
Me: You love sex.
Sne: Says you.
I chuckle.
Mbali: So which style got you pregnant?
Me: How am I supposed to know that? Maybe it was the
doggy? Or missionary?
Londi: I am avoiding those styles from now on.
We share a laugh.
Sne: And your favourite style during pregnancy?
Me: Definitely the doggy.
Mbali: You can never go wrong with that one.
Londi: Still avoiding that style I don’t want a child any time
soon, I already have one on the way.
Mbali: We all do.
Me: Ahhhh thank you guys.
Londi: Okay off the sex topic. What do you know about
parenting?
I sigh and shake my head.
Me: Nothing.
I wish I had someone to help me, mom! But I have Aphiwe and
Bongani’s mom seems really keen as well.
Me: But I know one thing I will love this child, I will not leave
her in the dumps.
They all nod.
Sne: I am sure you will figure it out along the way babe just like
you did with pregnancy.
Me: I will and Phiwe so far has been so hands on with
everything.
Londi: I am amazed at how much Aphiwe has really grown you
know, I know that he has never been a kid or get to enjoy any
of that stuff but ever since you got pregnant he has really
matured. More than he was ever.
Okay here is the story about Aphiwe, he started working at the
age of 10 because he was the “man” of the house and has to
take care of us. After mom got sick and couldn’t work anymore,
things got tough and he got up and went to look for something.
He started washing taxis and cars then, Bongani led him to that
path. Bongani doesn’t work, he just asked his father’s taxi
drivers if his friend could wash cars for them and they paid him
R30 back then for each taxi. It wasn’t much but it helped.
Me: I know and I feel bad, I just feel like one day he will break
down. He is young Londi and he is carrying this whole world on
his shoulders.
Londi: Aphiwe is strong sis, trust him.
I nod but I cannot stop worrying about him.
Mbali: And you got one of the rare good man left in this cruel
world.
Me: I am blessed.
Londi: In deed and I am happy for you sis.
Me: Thanks sis, when are we eating that cake?
Sne: Well you can have it now before you start crying.
I smile and they give me a knife, I get up and cut the cake.
Mbali who has been takeout pictures of me since we sat down
continues to take pictures of me. I serve them then got to the
fridge to get that ice cream from earlier, a magnum salted
caramel. I dish up for myself.
Mbali: Ohhh can I have some too?
Me: No this tub is too small.
Mbali: So much for sharing.
Sne: Please just stop I cannot deal with her cries.
I put it away and sit down to eat, they all laugh.
Mbali: I will sure remind you of how stingy you were.
Me: Whatevs. So what did you guys get me?
Sne: I will go first.
She gives me a huge gift bag.
Me: What’s in here?
Sne: Not food!
Me: Haha very funny.
I open the bag to find a clothes not for the baby but for me.
Me: Sne?
I smile at her.
Sne: During this time everyone worries about the baby a lot and
forget about the mother, you also need new clothes for when
you get back to shape.
Me: Thank you friend.
Sne: You welcome.
Mbali: I will go second.
She gives me 2 bags, I look in them. In the other bag is a set of
pyjamas and sleepers.
Mbali: That’s for when she or he is finally here and you are
leaving the hospital.
Me: Thanks babe.
In the other bag are baby clothes, socks and hats. I thank her
once again then turn to Londi.
Londi: This is yours, it’s not much but....
She gives me a gift bag, in it I find a picture frame. When I flip it
over it’s a picture of the 3D scan that Aphiwe paid so much for
me to go through it to try and see the sex of the baby but as
always he or she was hiding the sex.
Me: Oh Londi this is beautiful.
Londi: Is it?
Me: Yes it is, I love it. Thank you.
She smiles. I pull out another gift and it’s a white and lime cute
diary, on the front it’s written letters to my unborn child. And it
just melts my heart, I have so much to share with my baby.
Me: I have so much to tell him or her, thank you sis.
I wipe off my tears and we share a hug.
Me: Thank you.
Londi: My pleasure.
We break the hug and we play a game of guessing the different
baby foods while blindfolded, some are nice and some are
disgusting, I am so not feeding my baby some of these baby
foods. After the game we just sit and chat over snacks. They
only leave when Aphiwe gets back home, well he walks them
back to their houses. I use this time to start sharing some news
with my baby, I sit on the bed and start writing in the diary that
Londi gave me.
“Dear Baby.....” and I just continue telling him/her about the
day that I found out that I was pregnant with him/her. How
scared and happy at the same time to be his/her chosen
mother and Aphiwe the father
our reactions when we heard the first heartbeat... I just write
my heart out to her. I don’t even hear Aphiwe walk in but I can
feel his presence, he is standing next to me and reading what I
am writing, I didn’t even realise when we started crying, yes
Aphiwe cries a lot with me especially if it’s something that
concerns our baby. He bends down to kiss the top of my head.
Phiwe: I didn’t cry though.
Me: Says someone who is crying right now.
“P.S dad is crying right now let me attend to him. Mom and dad
love you.” I close the diary then look at him, he wipes my
cheeks.
Phiwe: Don’t tell my son that I am crying.
Me: But it’s true, I sure he will appreciate our honesty.
He bends down to kiss my lips.
Phiwe: I love you.
Me: And I love you.
We share a kiss, breaking it after a few seconds. He takes the
diary out of my hands and goes to put it on the table, well it’s
my studying and writing table. He made it for me, it’s really
beautiful and it was thoughtful of him. He uses it too but my
back aches and me being uncomfortable were the main reasons
he made it for me with the help of Bongani’s dad.
Me: Let me make you something to eat.
Phiwe: Thank you babe.
I get up and boil him water then make us both something to
eat, once he is done bathing we sit down to eat. After eating I
boil water then take a bath as well, these days I feel so hot and
irritated by clothes so I walk around naked half the time and my
boyfriend happens to love that. I get on the bed and lie down,
he takes my feet and puts them on his lap then starts rubbing
them. I don’t know how but these gentle rubs somehow go
straight to my vagina and I feel tingles there.
Phiwe: How are you today?
Me: Tired, hot and horny.
He laughs and I laugh too.
Phiwe: Not that I don’t like the sound of that but babe I am sure
that you are lying.
Me: You wanna bet?
He laughs and locks our pinkie fingers.
Phiwe: If you are horny I am making love to you and if you are
not horny, I am still making love to you.
Me: Babe!
I laugh at him and he smiles.
Me: Why is everything working in your favour?
Phiwe: If you horny then it works out in your favour but if not
then it works in my favour.
Me: Hmm well...
Phiwe: Show me.
I pull my legs out of him and open them for him, he smiles a
devilish smile and caresses my inner thigh going all the way up
to the centre of my legs. He rubs on my vagina earning a moan
from me.
Phiwe: You are soo wet Dimple face.
Me: For you.
He smiles and gets up, pulls his boxer briefs down then gets
between my legs. He opens them wider and fills me up slowly,
gently until all of him is buried inside me, groaning as he pulls
out then back in. I close my eyes and enjoy the gentle and deep
strokes that he is giving to me.
Me: Oh babe... oh my....
Phiwe groans in response then tells me that he loves me and
how great I am. His pace picks up and he slams hard against me
making my legs shake as my orgasm gets closer and closer.
Phiwe: Oh fuck babe you are soo great, damn!
He pulls out of me and tells me to turn around, I do as he says
and kneel then bring my ass up for him. He thrusts into me
groaning, yes! Fuck! Right there, I fist the sheet and meet his
thrusts halfway. He holds my waist and his movements quicken
behind me.
Me: Oh babe! Yes yes yes babe Ohhhhhhhh....
I feel my muscles tense, gripping his meaty length as I come. He
groans and slams into me, burying himself deeper in me as he
comes right after me. He pulls out of me and throws himself
right next to me.
Phiwe: Come here.
He pulls me on to his chest then kisses my forehead. I close my
eyes and listen to his heart beat.
Phiwe: You know when you seduced me it took everything in
me to turn you down.
Me: Oh my God..
I hide my face with my hand and he laughs.
Phiwe: I didn’t want us to just have sex but make love when we
finally get together. I have always loved you Thandolwethu,
more than I should have as a brother. At first I didn’t
understand it, I always thought its brotherly love and that I was
over protective because you are my sister. And then I found out
about you and that boy, God I wanted to kill him. And you, but
you didn’t stop seeing him. And that boy actually enjoyed
taunting me with your pictures on Facebook. That’s when I
knew that no this is love, this jealousy and overprotectiveness
is love.
Me: But you were never bold enough to ask me out even
though you loved me?
Phiwe: I knew that it would get us into trouble with mom, and I
was trying to avoid this.
He rubs my tummy.
Me: I am sorry.
Phiwe: Don’t be my love, I am not. I got to be your first which is
something that I wanted the most, to be your first and last.
Though I didn’t want to be your first at 13, I wanted to be your
first at 18 or at 21. But yho Thando the life that you lived, I
knew that if I didn’t ignore all my good intentions of waiting
then someone else was going to do all of this, and that would
have killed me. You are my precious little diamond and I could
never bear loosing you. So I had to ignore all of that and go
after my future, you are my future Thandolwethu. You and my
present and future, you are my all. There is no me without you.
Me: And no me without you. I love you so much and I would
have waited, I was waiting because I wanted you to be my first
and I want you to be my last. That’s why I didn’t think twice
before giving myself to you, before giving it all up.
Phiwe: I love you, I love you very very much.
I look up at him at the same time that he looks down at me and
we share a passionate kiss, through it alone I knew that he
meant what he said, that he loves me and that I am his future.
Oh I love this man so much, I cannot imagine my life without
him.
18
Babe, Thando! Babe!” He shakes me again and I yank his arm
off me.
Phiwe: Thando did you pee yourself?
Did I what?! My eyes fly open and I feel the bed, it’s wet. I peed
myself? Did I?
Phiwe: See babe I told you to go pee before you fell asleep,
manje solalaphi?
I remove the duvet off me and get off the bed and a rush of
water leaves my vagina, Aphiwe and I both look down at my
feet.
Phiwe: That is not pee is it?
He feels the wet space on the bed then smells it.
Phiwe: That is not pee, this isn’t pee either?
Us: The baby is on the way!
We say at the same time and he screams the baby is on the way
while pacing up and down the room.
Me: Aphiwe! Stop it! Snap out of it, we need to get the...
He snaps out of it immediately.
Phiwe: The bag, your bags.
I smile and nod. He quickly goes to our wardrobe and pulls out
the 2 already packed bags, he pulls out my night dress too then
helps me to wear it. He gets dressed as well then gets a
blanket, he grabs the keys and phone then calls Bongani.
Phiwe: Sorry to worry you bro but Thando is in labour, I will be
a father anytime now.
Bongani: Congratulations bro I will wake up mom and dad.
Phiwe: Thank you.
He drops the call then he wipes my feet and gives me my
sleepers, finally he takes my hand and we slowly leave the
house. The doctor did say that it would take time for me to
start feeling contractions if my water broke, she was right
because I still felt no pain. Bongani and his parents are already
outside and the car is running.
Bongani’s mother: How are you? Are you in any pain at all?
I shake my head.
Bongani’s mom: Good, I will come with you.
Phiwe: It’s okay mama, you don’t have to come and dad can
just drop us off and come back.
Bongani’s mother: Aphiwe...
Phiwe: It’s okay ma we can do this, we will do this. We don’t
want to burden you.
Bongani’s mother: I insist.
Phiwe: Please mama.
She nods and wishes us luck then she goes back inside.
Bongani’s dad: Hurry kids get in.
Bongani: I am coming with you, I am not going to take no for an
answer.
He gets in the front seat, Aphiwe shakes his head then helps me
to get in the car then puts the bags inside.
Phiwe: I will get you to the hospital as soon as possible my love.
I nod. He gives me a blanket then gets in the car as well and
Bongani’s father drives off in full speed. Luckily my contractions
don’t start until we get to the hospital, the minute the car parks
I feel a big kick right up by my chest which knocks my breath
off. I hold my chest and gasp for air.
Phiwe: Babe what’s going on? Babe, babe, babe!
He jumps out of the car and comes to my side. Bongani and his
father get off as well then run in to get help.
Phiwe: Try to breathe babe please.
He scoops me up, another kick comes and I feel like I am dying.
It’s not contractions, it’s wild kicks that I don’t know where they
are coming from. He runs in with me, a nurse runs to us
immediately as we walk in.
Phiwe: She cannot breathe and she is in labour! Please help
her.
The nurse gets a wheelchair and Aphiwe puts me down even
though he doesn’t want to and the nurse wheels me to the
emergency room. I don’t know where Aphiwe is, I don’t know
where he went to but he left me with these people that I don’t
know. She puts a mask over my nose and mouth saying that it
will help me breathe. I look at the door, come on Aphiwe! He
finally walks in and I let out a breath that I didn’t even know
that I was holding, he looks around.
Nurse: Who are you with?
Me: Thandolwethu! She is in labour and she cannot breathe.
Nurse: Right there.
She points him to me and he rushes to my side. I get up when
he gets to me and he wraps his arms around me then kisses my
forehead.
Phiwe: You will be okay Dimple face.
Nurse: Is he the father?
Aphiwe nods and I hear the nurse saying kids, I almost roll my
eyes.
Phiwe: What’s wrong with her and the baby?
Nurse: We need to take her for a scan, you can come with us
but you will have to wait outside as men are not allowed in to
the labour ward.
Phiwe nods and let’s go of me, I sit back down and he wheels
me behind the nurse. Once we get there the nurse takes over, I
don’t want him to wait outside. He bends down so that we are
the same height.
Phiwe: I will wait right here okay? I am here.
Me: I am scared Aphiwe.
Phiwe: I know but please try to be brave, do it for the baby
okay? It will be over soon.
He kisses my forehead then the nurse wheels me in, I look back
at him to see him wiping off his tears. Bongani’s father holds his
shoulder and says something then Aphiwe nods. Lord I am so
scared, I don’t want to do this alone. Tears just continue falling
out of my eyes, the nurse helps me to get on the bed and a
doctor attends to me.
Doc: How old is she and where is the father?
Nurse: 13 and the father is outside.
Doc: It’s going to be okay sweetheart okay? Can I check on your
baby?
I nod and she lifts my nightdress up. She squirts the gel on my
belly then checks on my baby using the scan, I look at the
screen as she runs the scan around my tummy.
Doc: Does she have a mother here with her?
Nurse: Just the father doc.
Doc: There is nothing wrong with the baby, everything seems
normal. I think she just panicked and that is normal for persons
her age. Can you let her wait with her lover outside, maybe it
will calm her down and that will calm the baby down as well.
We will get you through this sweetheart okay?
I nod and she wipes my tummy then helps me off the bed. The
nurse wheels me out to Aphiwe, he rushes to me when he sees
that it’s me being pushed out of the door.
Phiwe: Is she going to be okay?
Nurse: Everything is okay with her and the baby, she just
panicked...
She explains what the doctor said then leaves us.
Phiwe: You need to be brave Dimple face please.
I nod and remove the oxygen mask as this intense pain falls to
my abdomen.
Phiwe: Are you okay? Do you need me to get a doctor?
I shake my head and get off the chair, he puts our bags down
then holds me as my contractions come back. I scream and hold
on to his arms.
Phiwe: Breathe babe please
Me: It hurts Aphiwe, it really hurts.
Phiwe: We are almost there, we will finally get to meet our
little angel.
The pain comes back doubled which makes me cry out, the
small of my back is burning hot and this nightdress is burning
me, and the stupid contractions. As if he knows he rubs the
small of my back and hums for me, trying to calm me down.
Me: Why isn’t he or she coming now?
Bongani’s father: My wife was in labour for close to 10 hours
with him.
10 hours?! My head is against Aphiwe’s chest and he has his
arms wrapped around my waist balancing me and rubbing my
back gently.
Phiwe: Good things come to those who wait honey.
He kisses my forehead and hums again. A nurse comes to check
on us.
Nurse: How is she doing?
Phiwe: She is in pain, can’t you give her something for that?
Nurse: Let me get a doctor to check on her and give her
something to ease the pain.
Phiwe nods and let’s go of me
the nurse takes my hand and leads me to the labour ward
which scares me. I see old woman crying, some screaming out
of pain making me a lot more scared. I cannot do this without
Aphiwe.
Me: I want Aphiwe, please take me to Aphiwe.
Nurse: No one will hurt you, we are just going to check how far
along your contractions are and we also need to check on the
baby.
I nod and she hands me over to a doctor who checks my
contractions.
Doc: It’s going to be a long night for her because the baby is not
even close.
I start cramping again and I want Aphiwe.
Doc: Get her something for the pain sister.
She listens to the baby and nods.
Doc: Still sounds good, you will be okay sweetheart.
The nurse comes back and injects me. She waits for my
contractions to die down before taking me back outside to
Aphiwe, he is on the phone when I walk out.
Phiwe: She is here, Londi wants to talk to you.
He puts her on loud speaker then holds me close to him.
Londi: How are you doing sis?
Me: I am not okay, can’t you and mom come here? They won’t
let Aphiwe in and I am scared, I don’t want to...
I hold my tummy as the contractions come back heavier than
before. I bend down and Aphiwe holds me tightly.
Phiwe: Breathe Thando
I shake my head.
Me: It hurts Phiwe
The pain doesn’t die down, it only grows bigger and heavier. I
feel like my insides are being cut up into tiny pieces.
Phiwe: I think there is something wrong Londi, Thando...Thando
please don’t do this please babe.
He drops his phone trying to hold me.
Bongani: Dad is supposed to be here with mom already!
Me: There is... oh my God it hurts so bad!
I feel fluid leaving my vagina and it’s warm. He pulls me up and
tries to hold me but I am crying are hysterical, the pain won’t
die down and I cannot understand what is going on.
Bongani: Oh no you have to take her inside, I will wait here with
your bags.
Phiwe: Fuck! Can someone help us please!
He finally scoops me up calling out for help but no one comes
to us. He budges into the labour ward and the doctor who was
helping me comes to us.
Doc: You are not all...
Phiwe: Fuck that bullshit! I don’t know what you gave to her
but the pain is not going away and she is bleeding now! If
anything happens to Thando, if anything happens to my baby...
Doc: Please bring her in and put her on this bed, nurse! Nurse I
need assistance here!
Phiwe puts me on the bed and I hold on to his t-shirt begging
him not to leave me with them, he cannot leave me alone.
Me: Don’t leave me please!
Phiwe: I am here Thando, I am here. I am not leaving you.
What’s wrong with her?
He wipes his face.
Doc: Sir you have...
Phiwe: No! Tell me what is wrong with my girlfriend!!
The nurse who injected me comes over.
Doc: What did you give her? Which injection did you inject her
with?
Nurse: The injection that was on the... oh no, oh no. I think I
might have given her the wrong injection.
Doc: Which one did you give to her?
Nurse: The injection that was meant for the first patient.
Doc: You gave her the cleaning injection?!
Phiwe: What do you mean the cleaning injection?!
Doc: Sir you have to step outside please, I need to attend to
her.
Phiwe: No doctor I will stand right here and monitor you, you
clearly don’t know what you are doing.
Doc: We need to give her an antidote or she might lose this
baby.
No, no, no not my baby.
Doc: The first patient had a miscarriage and that injection was
to help flush out the baby.
Aphiwe puts his hands on his head and let’s the doctor do her
job, she hooks me on a drip which runs out in no time, she puts
another one on me. She calls in another doctor and they close
the curtains around us, Aphiwe is still standing next to me with
his hands on his head and I am holding on to his t-shirt for dear
life. The pain is still there but not as much as before, the 2
doctors run tests on me, they check on the baby then connect
me to another drip then inject me explaining all the types of
medication that they are giving to me. They call in another
doctor and he checks on me and the baby, doing a 4D scan.
Male doc: The baby is close, I will need you to push as soon as I
tell you to okay? Get her another drip this one is running out.
The other doctor runs out and comes back with the drip that
they quickly hook on to me.
Male doc: You are doing really well, you are a very brave young
girl.
Aphiwe finally snaps out of it and holds my hand that’s holding
on to his t-shirt.
Male doc: Who is he?
Doc: The father he is refusing to leave, she won’t let go of him.
Male doc: We don’t want to upset the patients anymore than
we already have or we will lose this baby. Okay your boyfriend
can stay okay?
I nod.
Male doc: This is the time that we have been waiting for, you
are going to take a deep breath then push as hard as you can
okay? Don’t stop unless I tell you to okay?
I nod and take a deep breath then push when he tells me to. It’s
hard, it’s impossible and it hurts so bad.
Phiwe: Don’t stop okay, you have to keep pushing Thando.
Please just push okay, please.
I take another deep breath and push as hard as I can.
Male doc: You are doing so well, I can see the head! Take a
break then deep breath and push, give me a very hard push
okay?
I nod and do as he says, he keeps encouraging me, telling me
that I am brave and I keep pushing taking breaks here and
there.
Male doc: Good job, the baby is here.
Phiwe: Why isn’t the baby crying? They are supposed to cry
aren’t they? Why isn’t that baby crying?
I try to sit up but I can’t.
Me: I want my baby, give me my baby please...
The doctor shakes the baby again ignoring us, he hits the baby’s
ass then feet.
Male doc: I am not getting a pulse..
Me: No Aphiwe my baby, Aphiwe please wake my baby up,
please! Please don’t just stand there! Please!
He wraps his arms around me and tries to calm me down, to
comfort me. The three doctors are surrounding the baby, I
cannot see what they are doing but whatever it is it’s not
working. I bury my face into Aphiwe’s chest and cry even
harder begging him to get my baby. He is a mess too and trying
to comfort me.
“I am sorry, we have tried all that we could...”
I lose my mind, Aphiwe hold me tighter crying too.
19
“Would you like to see her before we take her to the morgue?”
The male doctor asks and Aphiwe lets go of me.
Phiwe: It’s a her?
The doctor nods and Aphiwe reaches for our lifeless daughter.
Me: She cannot be gone Phiwe...
Aphiwe takes her and starts shaking as he cries, I want to hold
him but I can’t get off this damn bed! The doctors watch us as
we just mourn the passing of our daughter.
Phiwe: Can- you- give- us- a-second-please
The doctors nod and leave us.
Phiwe: She is beautiful Thando, she looks just like...
Me: You?
He nods.
Phiwe: But she has your lips and ears, she is perfect like you.
Me: Can I see her?
He turns around to took at me then brings her over to me, she
is soo beautiful, she looks just like Aphiwe, her father. I take her
from him and unwrap the blanket, she looks blue. She is really
gone, I touch her tiny feet, her hands.
Me: She is perfect.
Phiwe: She is.
He takes off his t-shirt.
Me: What are you doing?
Phiwe: I don’t know but just give her to me, shift a bit on your
bed.
I shift a bit and he lies down next to me then takes her and puts
her on his chest.
Phiwe: I always imagined holding you like this when you are
born, I imagined you smiling and snuggling yourself into me
seaking for my love, my affection and protection from this
harsh world not knowing that you would come into my arms
still, lifeless. This is something that I never prepared myself for,
losing you so soon. Oh God we have everything ready for you at
home, why can’t you wake up? Way to go God, this is the worst
joke that you can ever pull on us. Making us love her, want her
then take her from us immediately when she comes to earth.
I wrap my arm around them not knowing what to say, I kiss my
daughter’s head and close my eyes. Aphiwe kisses my forehead
then puts his head on mine.
Something shakes from under my arm, I swear I can hear a
baby grunting from near me then a loud cry follows after that.
My eyes fly open and I look at the baby in Aphiwe’s arms, she is
the one that’s crying. I look at Aphiwe and he has the same
puzzled look, the 3 doctors rush into the room and are as
surprised when they see the baby that was once still and dead
crying now. I remove my arm off her and Aphiwe gets up with
her, she is still crying and I notice her gaining colour, she turns
from blue to pink.
Phiwe: Hey baby, hey, don’t cry daddy has got you. She is
awake babe, she is not dead!
He fails to contain his happiness, he comes to kiss my lips.
Phiwe: She is awake.
I smile and wrap my arms around his neck and we both laugh.
Me: She is alive.
Phiwe: She is, oh thank you so much Thando for this precious
gift.
We share another kiss then he gets back up and gives the baby
to the doctor, he quickly checks her.
Doc: Sir if you would please wait outside now.
Aphiwe nods and walks out, the doctors check me and take a
blood sample to get tested then they put another drip on me
saying that it would help flush out that injection completely.
Doc: The young man that was here?
Me: He is the father.
Doc: He didn’t give up on her, it’s a miracle.
Me: He is a good man, thank you.
They nod then the other 2 doctors leave, leaving me with the
male doctor who sees to our every need then organises for us
to be moved to a ward for all new mothers and Aphiwe is not
allowed in to come see us as it’s not visiting hours. They just
bring us in our bags. I look down at our now sleeping daughter
and I feel so blessed
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oh she is perfect. I still cannot believe that she choose me to be
her mother, I don’t deserve such beauty and love. Oh I am so in
love with my baby, with my daughter. I decide to name her
Nqobile because she just conquered a very huge storm right
after her birth, for some one as tinny as her she really is strong.
I kiss her forehead then close my eyes to thank God.
A tiny cry next to me wakes me up from my deep sleep, I smile
as I look down at her.
Me: Good morning my angel.
I bring her up and kiss her lips.
Me: Hey baby Nqobile, it’s mommy. I don’t know anything
about being a parent because I am a baby myself, mom will
make mistakes but she will never make a mistake of not loving
you and trying to be the best mother to you.
I kiss her again, a nurse comes in to help me to bath the baby
then dress her. I leave her on the bed as I go for my shower as
well, I am in so much pain and I feel so faint.. I shake my head
but darkness consumes me.

I wake up to a continuous beeping sound, my baby? Where is

my baby? I try to open my eyes until they finally open, I can see
Aphiwe sitting down by my bed. I look around and see Londi
holding the baby and singing for her, I smile.
Me: Can I hold her?
They both look at me and smile.
Phiwe: You are awake, thank God!
Londi: Sure
She brings Nqobile to me, Aphiwe helps me to sit up then Londi
gives me the baby, I cannot get over her sight, she is beautiful
and she is mine.
Me: Did mom come?
They both shake their heads and I nod.
Me: Did they tell you what’s wrong with me?
Phiwe: No babe but they are still running tests.
I nod and look at Phiwe, he is still in last night’s clothes.
Me: Why don’t you go home to change?
Phiwe: Not until they tell me what’s wrong with you.
Londi: Do you want me to help you bath?
I nod and Aphiwe takes the baby then Londi helps me off the
bed. Then we go to the bathroom, I take off the night dress and
I take a quick shower. Once I am done I lotion then get dressed
in the pyjama set that Mbali bought for me then Londi takes me
back to my room. I get on the bed and take Nqobile from
Aphiwe, I breast feed her as Londi combs and ties my hair up
into a neat bun.

A doctor walked in as Aphiwe feeds me the food that Londi

brought me.
Doc: It’s good to see that you are awake.
Phiwe: What’s wrong with her?
Doc: She is all clear, the injection was flushed out.
Phiwe: She fainted?
Doc: Which is common for kids her age, her body couldn’t
handle all of that pain from last night and this morning so it
went into shock. I have ran numerous tests to make sure that
she is all clear.
Phiwe: Can I take them home?
Doc: Ofcos you can. But before you do you need to decide on
her name so that I can give you this form to take to home
affairs and her clinical card.
Me: Nqobile
Phiwe: Gugulethu, Nqobile can be her first name. The surname
is Ndlovu.
I smile and the doctor fills everything in then gives them to us.
Doc: You can take your daughter home.
Phiwe: And my daughter? She is 100% fine to go home?
Doc: She is a very strong and healthy baby, she is fine to go
home.
Phiwe: Thank you.
Doc: I will have a nurse bring in a wheelchair for you.
We nod and he walks out, a nurse comes in with a wheelchair.
Phiwe helps me off the chair then wheels me out of the room.
Bongani and his parents get up when they see us and rush to
us.
Bongani’s mom: Are they okay?
Phiwe: Yes mama they are, we are going home now.
They are still in pyjamas and gowns, what did I do to deserve
this type of love and support from these people? They all nod
and we leave the hospital.

We get home and Aphiwe carries me to our room, he puts me

down and removes the sheet and under blanket then puts
clean blankets and sheets. He helps me on to the bed then sits
down next to me as Bongani’s mother and Londi walk in with
our daughter and bags. She puts Nqobile in my extended arms,
I want to hold her.
Londi: Do you need anything else before I leave?
I shake my head, she has done enough.
Londi: I will see you guys tomorrow, I love you.
Me: I love you too sis and thank you.
She smiles.
Phiwe: Let me walk her home quickly, I will be back just now.
Bongani’s mother: Nonsense I will drive her back home, you
need to sleep. You have been awake since last night.
Aphiwe nods and they leave, I sigh and look at my baby. She is
beautiful and she is perfect.
Phiwe: Do you need anything babe?
I shake my head. And he nods.
Phiwe: She is beautiful.
Me: She is.
I put her down next to me and I lie down then look at her. I still
cannot believe that I am a mother, a whole mother to this little
angel.
20
A tiny muffled cry wakes us up from our deep sleep, Aphiwe
hushes her but she doesn’t calm down. Oh my God what does
she want now? He feels her nappy that we just changed a few
minutes back, we haven’t really slept since 12 midnight. I don’t
know what it is but somehow she just hates sleeping or letting
us sleep, whichever between the two.
Phiwe: Maybe she is hungry?
Me: But I fed her about 30 minutes ago.
Phiwe: Please just feed her again.
I lie on my side and put my breast against her mouth and she
sucks on for dear life.
Phiwe: See?
Me: She will get fat.
Phiwe: She is already fat.
Me: Hey don’t call my baby fat!
He chuckles and kisses our daughter’s head then closes his
eyes. As soon as she pushes my breast out of her mouth I put
her on the bed then close my eyes.
The time is 8 o’clock when Aphiwe wakes me up to eat, Nqobile
has been sleeping since the last time I fed her and that was 5
hours ago. She only moaned every once in a while but didn’t
wake up or cry, thank God I could get a bit of sleep. I sit up and
take the bowl.
Me: Thank you
Phiwe: Eat up, I boiled bathing water for you.
Me: Thank you so much.
Phiwe: Anything for my woman.
He kisses my lips then prepares water for Nqobile. Then he
baths her as I eat which makes me laugh because he is sweating
and so scared to drop her. I had the same problem yesterday
but it was much easier for me because the nurse showed me
how to hold her and bath her. By the time he is done with her
she is crying her lungs out and he looks so frustrated, shame.
He wraps her in a towel then gives her to me.
Phiwe: Sengaze akhale ngathi uyabulawa.
I laugh and kiss her forehead.
Me: Hey baby, what is daddy doing to you?
Phiwe: Keeping her clean that’s what I am doing but seems like
she hates the water.
I put my breast in her mouth and she sucks on.
Me: Or your hands.
He laughs.
Phiwe: She is slippery like an eel.
Me: I know, that was me yesterday.
Phiwe: But we will get a hang of it.
Me: We have no other choice.
As soon as she is full I give her to her dad so that he can
continue to lotion her body and dress her up. He manages to
finish without making her cry, he wraps her up then puts her
down to sleep.
Phiwe: She is beautiful. I was thinking that I stay with you guys
until you heal, I can help you with her.
Me: Thank you babe.
He kisses my lips then takes pictures of his daughter as I bath
and get dressed as well, once I am done I wash her clothes and
Aphiwe takes them out to hang on the line. I ignore the pain
between my legs and clean the whole house.
When he comes back inside he baths then he cuddles me while
checking on Nqobile every after 2 minutes, I cannot believe that
we are parents and she is here. We both can’t believe it, she
sleeps throughout the day. She only woke when we changed
her nappy and I fed her then.

The next few days are all the same, we sleep through the day
and we spend the whole night awake because our princess here
doesn’t want to sleep at night. I am slowly healing and she is
slowly growing. Londi has been to our house twice since I gave
birth to check on us, not that I am complaining because we live
far from each other. It’s 2 days before Christmas and Aphiwe is
out doing Christmas shopping
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he is still not back to work, he wants me to heal properly before
he leaves me alone with Nqobile who is just soo beautiful. She
is 2 weeks old now and I enjoy having her around though she
seems to enjoy Aphiwe’s touch more than mine, he has this
thing that calms her down as soon as he lays her on his chest
when they are both naked. My baby sure loves the skin to skin
touch, it’s the one thing that brought her back to us when the
doctors had given up on her. This will be our first Christmas
with her and away from home, the first Christmas that we will
spend as just us and without mom and Londi.
I had just finished bathing and dressing up Nqobile when the
door opened and her father walks in with plastic bags.
Phiwe: How are my two favourite girls doing?
Me: We just finished bathing and now we will eat. Did you get
everything?
Phiwe: Yep even though it was packed.
Me: I am glad you got everything.
I sit down on the bed and breastfeed Nqobile, he comes to kiss
us then unpacks the groceries.
Me: Do you think mom might want to see us? Or the baby?
Phiwe: I am not betting on it.
Me: How doesn’t she miss us? We are her children?
Phiwe: I am sure that she misses us but you know our mother,
she will not accept this. She will not accept us back unless we
break up.
Me: I miss her, I miss home.
Phiwe: But this is our home now Dimple face, for now. I
promise to get us out of here, I promise to give you your dream
house, and your dream car.
Me: I know you will.
I take my breast out of Nqobile’s mouth then put her down to
sleep. I get up and go to Aphiwe, I wrap my arms around his
waist then look up at him.
Me: I love that you want to give me everything but please do
not put so much pressure on yourself.
He kisses my lips then forehead.
Phiwe: If I want a proper and good life for you and our kids then
I have to. I love that you worry about me but you don’t have to
my love I promise you.
Me: You don’t even treat yourself anymore.
Phiwe: My treats are in your smiles.
Me: I just don’t want to feel like a burden that you had to take
because of Nqobile.
Phiwe: Where is this coming from?
I shrug.
Me: I just think about it sometimes, I don’t want it to be like
that. You are working yourself too hard and you are not doing it
for you, I want you to do it for you too.
Phiwe: When you are a man and you have a family to look after
you forget about yourself. You think and you put your woman
and kid first.
He rubs my shoulders.
Phiwe: Besides, my joy is in seeing the two of you healthy,
clothed and happy. But I promise to treat myself too if it will
make you happy.
Me: It will.
He smiles and kisses my lips.
Phiwe: I love you.
Me: And I love you.
We share a kiss, breaking it up we smile at each other.
Me: Let me bath.
Phiwe: Bongani and his parents would like to see our princess.
Me: You can call them in as soon as I am done.
He baby kisses me then let’s go of me. I boil myself water then
make him food on the side, I serve him then take a bath.
21
Today is Christmas Day, I wake up early to change Nqobile’s
nappy and feed her then put her next to her sleeping father
once she is full. I chuck her nappy away then pour myself water
to brush my teeth. After brushing my teeth I decide to make
Aphiwe breakfast, it’s the least that I can do for him. Just to
thank him for all the wonderful things that he has been doing
for us, me and Nqobile.
I dish up for him when the food is ready then I wake him up, he
stretches and yawns then looks at me.
Me: Good morning, I made you breakfast.
Phiwe: Thank you.
I smile then go get his food, he sits up and takes the plate.
Phiwe: This looks mouth watering but do you know what looks
more delicious?
Me: Uhmmm
Phiwe: You, give me a kiss.
I blush and kiss him.
Phiwe: I love you.
Me: And I love you.
I kiss him again then go take my plate, I sit down to eat. After
eating I do the dishes then clean the whole room, also mopping
the floor.

After all the cleaning I prepare water to bath Nqobile which

Aphiwe gladly does. I take out an outfit for her today then he
dresses her up. Once he is done I wash the clothes that she was
wearing yesterday.
Phiwe: Do you need help with anything?
Me: Taking these out to dry.
He nods and takes them out giving me Nqobile. I sit down to
breast feed her, when she is full I put her down to sleep then
start cooking our Christmas lunch. I don’t cook a very huge
portion of food but I cook enough for today, night and
tomorrow. Because I don’t feel like cooking anymore. Once I
finish cooking I have a bath as well then wear a long summer
dress, well a maternity dress and dish up for the both of us.
After eating he does the dishes then takes his phone.
Phiwe: I am going out for a few minutes, I am going with
Bongani.
Me: Oh... okay.
Phiwe: Why don’t we go together?
Me: She is sleeping, you go out and we will just sleep.
Phiwe: Are you sure?
No! But I don’t want to be selfish so I nod and try to smile. He
kisses my lips then his daughter and walks out. I go lock the
door then get on the bed and stare at Nqobile, she looks
peaceful but her sight right now doesn’t bring me any peace. I
want to go out
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I want to go home, I want to see Londi, I want to hang out with
my friends but I cannot because I have a baby! I wipe off my
tears and call Londi but she doesn’t pick up. She is probably
having the best time of her life, I call my friends as well but they
don’t pick up. I put my phone down and try to sleep but I can’t.
A knock comes through the door, I call the person in. Bongani’s
mother walks in with a bowl.
Bongani’s mother: The boys just went out so I thought why not
come see you two.
Me: Oh thank you mama.
She gives me the bowl telling me that it’s dessert. I dish up for
the both of us then serve her.
Bongani’s mother: She is growing really fast.
Me: I know right?
I sit down with my bowl and we chat and eat. t least I don’t
have to send the rest of Christmas alone.

I might have eventually fallen asleep when Bongani’s mother

left. because I am woken up by a knock on the door, it’s already
dark in the room. I must have been really tired to have slept
until late. Anyway I get off the bed and turn on the lights then
open the door. Aphiwe stands on the other side of the door and
he reeks of alcohol. I have never seen Phiwe drunk before, this
is a first.
Phiwe: Hey my babe
Me: Hey come in.
I move out of the way and he stumbles in.
Phiwe: I better not fall.
I close the door and turn to look at him, he turns around to look
at me.
Phiwe: Do you know how much I love you?
Me: I have an idea.
Phiwe: And you do you love me? Truthfully speaking?
Me: Yes I do, do you want food or do you want to sleep?
He shakes his head.
Phiwe: You are the only food that I want right now.
Me: Aphiwe... I haven’t healed properly.
Phiwe: A man can only dream. Where is Pumpkin?
Me: Sleeping, let’s get you to bed as well.
Phiwe: Will you be joining me?
Me: I will be joining you.
Phiwe: Naked?
I chuckle.
Me: If you want me to be.
He smiles and pulls me to him and we share a kiss. Breaking it
he kisses my forehead.
Me: Let’s get you to bed.
He nods and I help him to bed. I undress him then he carefully
gets in bed next to his daughter, kissing her forehead.
Phiwe: Daddy loves you.
I smile at him and change Nqobile’s nappy then feed her. After
feeding her I undress and get in bed.
Phiwe: Sleep next to me.
I put Nqobile by the wall, sleeping in the middle. He kisses my
shoulder then pulls me closer to him. I close my eyes and say a
short prayer for my little family. It’s not perfect but to me it is.
“Lord bless this man holding me right now, may you bless him
with all his heart desires. May everything that he touches with
his hands turn into gold and he achieves his dreams. Bless and
protect him, our relationship and our daughter. Amen.” I pull
Nqobile to me and kiss her. Then close my eyes again.

I spend the rest of the holidays indoors with my daughter,

Aphiwe is now back to work since I have completely healed and
got the hang of motherhood. I haven’t seen much of Londi
lately but we speak on the phone every now and again. Oh my
friends are too busy living a wild life to care at the moment
especially since I have a baby and cannot live the house to go
partying. Mom hasn’t been to here to see her granddaughter
yet and that really hurt, Aphiwe told me not to worry but it’s
was impossible not to. She is my mother and this is her first
grandchild how can she not care?
22
I wake up early to bath, dress and feed Nqobile who is now a
month and 5 days. Oh my daughter is beautiful, Aphiwe and I
really made a mean baby. She has my small eyes, my pouty full
lips, my tiny ears and my complexion, she does look like me but
she also looks more like Aphiwe, the shape of her face, his
cheeks, his forehead, his eyebrows. She is just a mixture of both
Aphiwe and I. And then pitch black curly, soft hair. She doesn’t
have the same hair as a lot of kids have, she has hair all over
her head and it’s healthy.
After feeding her I put her on the bed and get ready for school,
today is my first day of school in the new year and since I gave
birth and I am dreading going there. I don’t want to leave my
daughter behind, God I don’t want to go back to school. After
giving birth and since I am breast feeding I eat a lot so I am still
battling with my weight especially around my tummy so that
just adds onto my list of why I don’t want to go back to school.
I am officially 14 years old now, we growing right? On my
birthday Aphiwe took me out for lunch and a walk at the beach,
Nqobile was almost a month old anyway so Aphiwe thought
why not? We had a really good time together, we took
numerous pictures using his phone. I cannot wait to have a
smart phone so that I can take pictures of me and my daughter
as well.
By the time I am done getting ready it’s half past 7, I sit down
and take my daughter to kiss her. Lord I don’t want to leave her
behind even if it’s for a few hours. The door opens and Aphiwe
walks in followed by Londi, tears immediately burn my eyes.
Londi greets me and I just nod at her.
Londi: Someone is sour this morning?
Phiwe: Maybe because she doesn’t want to go to school.
Londi: Shame you don’t really have a choice sis.
Phiwe: You will be back in no time babe.
I sigh and tears fall out of my eyes.
Phiwe: Yho hayike Thando I thought you were looking forward
to going back to school and proving everyone wrong.
Me: I just want to be with my baby.
Phiwe: It’s not like you will be gone the whole day.
I roll my eyes.
Phiwe: I will wait for you outside, when you are ready but that
should be soon.
I sigh as he kisses my forehead then Nqobile’s forehead as well.
He takes my bag and walks out.
Londi: Come on sis you will be back soon, just go to school.
I nod and get up.
Me: I have made her bottle, it’s in that jug. Please don’t give it
to her when it’s hot and don’t give her the whole bottle all at
once. It shouldn’t be cold either so don’t make a lot of it,
maybe just half. She doesn’t wake during the day so she will not
bother you, even if she is awake she doesn’t cry much. It’s only
when she wants her bottle and her nappy is really wet. Change
it every after 4 hours or and when she has pooped, she poops a
lot so good luck on that. I have bathed her already so you don’t
have to bath her again, but please just her clothes out to dry.
Once they dry please bring them in. And also read the
instructions on that paper on how to make her bottle, it
shouldn’t be too strong or too weak.
Londi: Got it, I will take her now.
I look down at my daughter then kiss her all over her face. I give
her to Londi then walks out without looking back, I don’t want
to because my heart will break. Because I will cry more than I
already am right now. Londi shouts after me, “good luck and
enjoy your day sis!” I thank her then close the door. I walk
down the gate where Aphiwe and Bongani are waiting. They
both look at me and Aphiwe laughs at me. I pout and fold my
arms in front of my chest.
Phiwe: Oh you will get used to it like I did. And tomorrow we
have to take her for her first shot before we forget again.
Me: I don’t want to go to school.
Phiwe: So you want our daughter to have an uneducated
mother?
Me: No.
Phiwe: So chin up my love and stop sulking.
He wraps his arm around me then wipes my tears.
Phiwe: I know that it’s hard leaving her behind but this is
something that we have to do to ensure that she has a bright
future, a comfortable life. We have to sacrifice this time away
from her to give her a better life okay?
I nod. He kisses my forehead then pulls me in for a hug.

We finally get to school and he tells me that he loves me.

Me: I love you more.
He kisses his fingers then puts them on my forehead, I smile at
him then turn on my heels and walk into the gate while he goes
another direction. The learners look at me as I walk in and I can
hear whispers behind me. The siren goes as soon as I am inside
the gate and I walk to the assembly.
The assembly drags and drags, the principal goes on and on and
on. The sun is shining and I am already tired of all of this, my
mind is not here, my mind is at home with my baby. When the
principal finishes off his speech he releases us so we walk to
our classrooms.
“Hey babe!” Mbali says hugging me from behind.
Me: Hey babe
Mbali: How is the little one doing? She must be a big girl now?
Me: She is, she is doing well babe thanks for asking.
Mbali: Ncooh I have to see her soon.
They haven’t seen her yet, they were too busy partying in
December.
Me: You are more than welcome to come see her. Where is
Sne?
Mbali: Not in today, she went to see some guy she met last
night.
Me: Oh okay. I will see you after class?
Mbali: Usual spot?
Me: Yep!
Mbali: You look beautiful by the way.
Me: I look fat!
Mbali: it looks good on you hun.
I laugh and walk to my old class where we get moved to
another class, grade 9. Our teacher walks in and marks the
register, when she gets to me and I say present she looks up at
me and smiles.
Mrs Dlomo: I am glad you came back.
I smile and nod. She was always sweet to me during my
pregnancy, she was nothing like the other teachers. Her and Mr
Mbatha were routing for me. After marking the register she
gives it to me to go put it in the staff room, when I come back
she calls me to her desk.
Mrs Dlomo: Grab your chair and sit next to me.
I go get my chair then sit down next to her.
Mrs Dlomo: When did you give birth?
Me: On the 8th of December to a beautiful baby girl.
Mrs Dlomo: Ncooh so she is a month old?
Me: Yes ma’am.
Mrs Dlomo: Must have been hard leaving her today?
Me: I didn’t want to but Aphiwe forced me to come here.
Mrs Dlomo: I know that feeling, my son is a year old now and
it’s still hard when I have to leave. You lucky because your
daughter hasn’t started crying for you.
Me: Don’t they stay young forever?
She laughs at me so I join in.
Me: How did you lose your belly fat ma’am?
Mrs Dlomo: It takes time to get back into shape when you are
lazy. I used to tie mine until my husband got me a tummy belt, I
will ask my husband to get one for you and drop it off when he
drops off my lunch. It really helped me
I put it on everyday, only took it off to bath and sleep. Also
exercising helps to tighten your muscles, you should try it.
Me: I will ma’am thank you.
Mrs D: Is the father around?
Me: Yes ma’am and he supports us.
Mrs D: That’s good to know because a woman needs her
partner’s support during this time.
Me: Yes ma’am.
We continue talking until the siren goes, it’s break time so I get
up and leave the class. I got out to meet with Mbali then we
walk to our usual spot. She takes out weed and crushes it then
rolls a blunt, I get up and give her space to smoke. Ever since I
started dating Aphiwe I quit on smoking, he talked me into it.
Mbali: Still don’t smoke?
Me: No babe.
Mbali: You are missing out.
Me: I know but I will still pass. So how were the holidays? You
found someone new?
Mbali: I did but he left after the holidays. Babe you missed out,
we had so much fun.
Me: Oh babe I am a mother now, I know no fun.
Mbali: I am sure that it also has its days and fun times being a
mother.
Me: It does, just seeing the life you created and brought into
the world warms your heart. It brings you so much joy.
We just continue talking until the siren goes and we go back to
our classes.

The rest of the day goes really slowly, I am looking forward to

seeing my daughter even my breasts are complaining. They feel
so heavy and they are sore. When the siren goes I say bye to
Mrs Dlomo who gave me a belt and flat stomach tea then pull
Aphiwe who laughs at me.
Phiwe: Dimple face hold on, where are you rushing off to?
Me: Don’t play with me or I will leave you behind.
He gasps and laughs even harder but let’s me pull him along.we
finally get a taxi and get in the taxi then the taxi starts moving. I
huff in frustration as the taxi isn’t moving fast enough. Aphiwe
isn’t paying attention as he is just talking to the driver.
Phiwe: What’s that?
Me: He isn’t driving fast enough Phiwe.
Driver: I am not trying to get myself killed or arrested.
Aphiwe looks at me and smiles then gets to the driver. I sigh
again and Aphiwe laughs.
Phiwe: What did you get?
Me: Oh God.... it’s tea and belt to help me loose my belly fat.
He nods then we talk about random staff until we get home.

We both get off then walk into the yard then to the back yard.
Londi had just finished changing Nqobile’s nappy.
Me: Hi sis
Londi: Hey, I have seen enough poop to last me the whole
year.
We laugh at her, I wipe my hands then take off my t-shirt and
jersey. I wipe my nipples then take my daughter and feed her,
she sucks on for dear life.
Me: Did she have her milk?
Londi: Mission, she didn’t want the bottle.
Phiwe: She is probably used to her mother. Hey princess.
He kisses her forehead.
Phiwe: Ready to go?
Londi: Yes I am, how was school?
Me: Not bad, no one teased me but they were whispering
amongst themselves.
Londi: Ah they will get over it.
Me: Oh sis you don’t have to come in tomorrow, we are taking
her for her first shot.
Londi: I guess I will see her Friday then. Bye sis, bye baby.
Phiwe: I will see you guys later, I love you.
Me: We love you too.
We share a kiss then they leave. I look down at my daughter
and smile.
Me: Hey mama
She opens her eyes and looks at my face, oh my baby! I bend
down to kiss her forehead.
Me: I love you so much mama.
After feeding her I put her down to sleep then change into a
short and t-shirt then start with the pots. As soon as I am done I
boil myself water then have a bath.

We walk into the clinic, eyes turn to me us if I am the first

children to have a baby, maybe we are the first youngest
couple to have a baby and even stay together to raise the baby.
Aphiwe takes the card to the reception desk while I hold the
line. He comes back to me and we move to the children’s line,
we get her weight measured.
Nurse: What are you feeding her?
Me: Just milk.
Nurse: Oh she is a very healthy baby.
I smile and remove her from the scale, I don’t put her on the
baby carrier anymore only to remove her again. She tells me to
put her on the height measuring mat, I put her there and she
takes her measurement, she is a normal baby’s height so I don’t
have to worry about that. We move back to the line when we
are done and as we move closer and closer to the consultation
room my heart starts beating faster, I am scared for her. I hope
she doesn’t cry yho. It’s finally our turn, Aphiwe waits outside
and I walk in with her. The nurse takes her temperature then
tells me to take off her romper then shows me how to hold her.
She rubs her left thigh then injects her, Nqobile’s eyes fly open
but she doesn’t cry. She gets her second shot then third on the
arm now that makes her cry. My heart breaks for her.
Nurse: Uyaxolisa ugogo, make sure not to touch her on her
injections okay?
I nod and wipe my tears with the back of my hand.
Nurse: I will give you a second to dress her up.
I get up and put her on the bed then dress her up, she is still
crying her lungs out and it hurts seeing her like this. The minute
that I walk out her father takes her, giving me her bag. He sings
for her while rocking her, she soon comes down in her father’s
arms. We move on to another side of the clinic, I also have to
get my first prevention injection. Aphiwe and I spoke and
decided that I have to prevent to avoid getting more of
Nqobiles. We wait in line until it is my turn, they wait outside
while I go in for the consultation. I do a pregnancy test first
which comes back negative ofcos then I get my first injection,
she says that it will last me 3 months. She gives me a date to
come back on and I leave. I take Nqobile’s bag and we walk out.
Aphiwe gives me an umbrella and I open it then we walk back
home.
We get home and he puts our daughter to sleep while I make
us food. When I am done we eat then we go sit outside just
talking and taking pictures. Kissing here and there, God I love
this man and enjoy his company so much. Even after a year of
being together I just cannot get enough of him, I can never
grow tired of him, I still love him just as much as I did before.

“Hey kids!” Bongani’s mother greets as she walks to the line.

Mama: I thought you would be at school? I have someone for
you and little Nqobile.
Me: She had her first injection today mama.
Aphiwe: We still have everything that she needs.
Mama: I knew you would say that and I am not taking no for an
answer. Come with me son.
Aphiwe huffs and gets up to follow after Bongani’s mom. He
comes back with grocery bags and a plastic from Woolworths, I
get up to help him. I unpack the groceries that they got us then
check what’s in the plastic.
Phiwe: I don’t like that they treating us like charity cases, I can
take care of my family.
Me: Aphiwe your pride won’t get you anywhere, sometimes we
should accept help from other people. Oh and babe you are
ready paying them for all of this.
Phiwe: They didn’t have to get her clothes.
Me: It’s a gift babe.
Phiwe: Argh...
He throws himself on the bed, shame my poor boyfriend.
23
The next couple of days I am busy with school, looking after my
daughter and her father. God it was getting a bit too much for
me, it was exhausting but it had to be done and I couldn’t
complain. This is the life that I choose, I honestly had no time
for myself anymore or my friends, I have no time for fun. I am a
mother and a girlfriend. I cannot complain, Aphiwe doesn’t. He
never does and he works from 3 in the afternoon to half 6 at
night after spending 8 to half 2 in school behind the desk, he
doesn’t complain. And when he comes back he has to be a
father, a supportive boyfriend and then study too. It’s all
weighing down on the both of us but we just don’t complain,
this is the life that we choose. It’s been 4 months since I gave
birth, our daughter is now 4 months and boy is she growing,
she is learning to sit up now, she recognises us and our voices,
and her favourite seems to be her father because she giggles
and throws her arms around when she sees him until he picks
her up. It always warms my heart to see her so happy, even
after 4 months I still cannot believe that she is mine, that I am a
mother no matter how much she looks like me.
Anyway the day is a Monday, the first day after our Easter
break. An update on my weight, I am back to shape, one can
never tell that I was once pregnant or that I have a kid. The belt
and flat stomach tea really helped. Now I was back to my
confident self, I could even walk around naked in front of
Aphiwe who we haven’t had sex with since I gave birth to our
daughter. We just didn’t have much time for our relationship
with the baby and our studies, not that we didn’t love each
other because we did but we just didn’t have time to have sex.
After bathing and dressing my daughter I get ready for school
as well. When I am done getting dressed I comb and tie my hair
up into a neat bunny. Aphiwe and Londi walk in just as I pack
my school bag. Londi passed and she was corresponding
through Unisa, it seemed like a cheaper option and she got a
bursary.
Londi: Hey sis
Me: Hey sis and bye sis, her bottle is already made when she
wakes up please feed her.
Londi: I will, have a good day sis.
I kiss my daughter then take my bag.
Aphiwe: Look at you walking out of here no hassles.
Me: Stop it let’s go.
He takes my hand and we walk out to catch a taxi to school
with Bongani.
Aphiwe: You look beautiful.
Me: Thank you.

We go our separate ways after he gives me lunch money then I

go to our usual spot to wait for my friends.
“Hi, can I sit with you?” A deep voice asks.
Me: It’s a free country.
I say without even looking at this guy, honestly I am in no mood
to be courted. He sits down next to me.
Guy: My name is Muzi, can I know yours?
Me: Thandolwethu.
Muzi: That’s a beautiful name, I am happy to meet you Thando.
Me: You must be new here because no one around here
bothers me.
Because of my crazy boyfriend, ever since he beat Ntokozo to a
pulp everyone stayed away from me. He chuckles.
Muzi: I am, I am doing grade 11. And I have been watching you
for a while now.
Me: Oh?
Muzi: I know that you have a kid, that’s all people talk about
when I ask them about you.
Me: Okay?
Muzi: And a crazy boyfriend
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apparently he is your brother.
Me: I see you have done your research and you still approached
me?
He chuckles.
Muzi: But that doesn’t make me like you any less.
Me: Oh?
Muzi: If I haven’t been watching you then I would say you are
not much of a talker but I have and I know that you cannot be
short for words.
I laugh and finally look at this guy. And oh my he is beautiful,
my man is beautiful but this Muzi guy is beautiful. He looks like
someone that I know or maybe I have met him before?
Me: You trying to say I run my mouth that much?
Muzi: Like I said, I have been watching you. You are beautiful
Thandolwethu and I want you to be my girl.
Me: Just because of my beauty?
Muzi: No not just because of that, I would like to get to know
you better.
Me: Well I have a man already.
Muzi: The crazy guy?
My man is not crazy.
Me: Yes and we happen to be in love, so in love.
Muzi: Oh? But you don’t have a male bestie do you?
Me: No I don’t.
Muzi: Then if I cannot be your man, can I be your friend?
I nod my head and he smiles, I know that smile! I have seen it
somewhere. But from where?
Me: As long as you promise not to cross this friendship line.
Muzi: I promise.
Me: Then we can be friends.
We just sit there and get to know each other better until my
friends arrive. They greet and sit down, I introduce them to
Muzi and they like him instantly. Maybe because he is cute or
because he is talkative. Either way they like him. When the
siren goes we go for assembly.
After assembly we go to our different classes and school starts.
During the break we all spend time together just talking and
laughing. After school he runs to me as I walk to the gate,
Aphiwe didn’t attend the last class and I am so mad at him, he
cannot just not pitch up, Muzi puts his arm around my
shoulder.
Me: Hey
Muzi: Hey, my mother is picking me up and I would like you to
meet her.
Me: Oh my boyfriend is standing over there and I have to rush
home to my...
Muzi: Kid?
Me: Yes.
Muzi: It won’t take more than 5 seconds and then you can also
introduce me to your crazy man.
I chuckle and nod.
Me: But I introduce you to my man first.
When I turn towards where he was sitting he isn’t there
anymore. Aphiwe is already walking towards us, he looks mad.
Very mad, like when he beat up Ntokozo mad. When he gets to
us he removes Muzi’s arm off me and punches him before I can
say anything, I gasp and push him back.
Me: Phiwe?!
Phiwe: Shut up Thando.
Wait what was that for? I look at Muzi who is wiping his lips
and smiling, I look at Aphiwe. Does he think that I am dating
this guy? I laugh.
Me: Phiwe this is my friend Muzi, and Muzi this is my man and
baby daddy.
Muzi’s smile grows wider.
Muzi: I hear you got my girl pregnant.
Aphiwe punches him again and I push him again.
Me: Aphiwe!?
Muzi: Fuck I was only joking man.
Phiwe: I am not your friend to joke with and she, she is off
limits to you or any other guy.
He is about to punch him again and I hold him back.
Me: He is just a friend Phiwe.
Phiwe: He called you his girl and he had his arm wrapped
around you.
Me: He was joking babe.
Muzi: I was you didn’t have to punch me that hard.
Phiwe: Well sorry man but you deserved it.
Muzi: Now that I have met your crazy man, you should meet my
mother.
Phiwe: Did you tell him that I am crazy?
Me: No! Muzi!
I slap his shoulder and he chuckles. He looks up at Aphiwe and
wipes his bloody lip. Aphiwe is taller than Muzi but looks very
young even in his built and strong body. I look at Phiwe and
smile, I don’t want him to say no. He takes my bag.
Phiwe: 5 seconds.
Me: Thank you.
Phiwe: And don’t touch her.
Muzi chuckles and we walk to his mother’s car with Aphiwe
watching us.
Muzi: Mom this is my friend Thando, Thando this is my mother.
Muzi’s mother: The girl that you have been telling me about?
Muzi: Yes mom.
Muzi’s mother: It’s a pleasure to meet you Thando.
Me: It’s a pleasure to meet you too.
Muzi’s mother: You should bring her over for lunch this
Saturday, it’s his fathers birthday and he doesn’t have a date.
Muzi: Mother?
Muzi’s mother: It will be fine, what do you say honey?
Muzi: She has a boyfriend mom.
Muzi’s mother: That’s even better, bring him along as well. The
more the merrier.
Me: I will talk to Aphiwe.
Muzi’s mother: And tell him that I am not taking no for an
answer.
Me: Yes ma’am.
Muzi: Bye Thando, I will see you tomorrow.
Muzi’s mother: I will see you on Saturday honey.
Me: Bye.
I smile and walk back to Aphiwe, she is quite a nice woman. I
hook my arm on Aphiwe’s arm and smile up at him. He pecks
my lips.
Phiwe: What do you want dimple face?
I smile and tell him that we have been invited at a party this
Saturday and we couldn’t say no.
Phiwe: Then that means we will just have to take Nqobile with
us.
Me: Thank you, I will tell Muzi to tell his mother.
Phiwe: I don’t like that boy.
I laugh.
Me: You didn’t have to punch him.
Phiwe: He was all over you.
Me: Babe? He was so not.
Phiwe: Because you were too busy smiling at him too.
Me: I wasn’t Phiwe.
Phiwe: Yes you were, when did you become friends with this
guy?
Me: Today.
Phiwe: Ay uphaphile man.
I laugh.
Me: He is a good guy.
Phiwe: Old too?
Me: Are you jealous?
Phiwe: What if I am?
Me: I am not into old boys anymore and besides that I have a
man, a man that I love so much. And he loves me just as much.
Phiwe smiles and takes my hand then kisses it.
Phiwe: I love you.
Me: I love you more. But no more punching people, if you don’t
trust them at least trust me as your woman please.
Phiwe: I promise my love.
I smile at him. We finally get a taxi and it takes us home.
24
The next couple of days I am busy with school, looking after my
daughter and her father. God it was getting a bit too much for
me, it was exhausting but it had to be done and I couldn’t
complain. This is the life that I choose, I honestly had no time
for myself anymore or my friends, I have no time for fun. I am a
mother and a girlfriend. I cannot complain, Aphiwe doesn’t. He
never does and he works from 3 in the afternoon to half 6 at
night after spending 8 to half 2 in school behind the desk, he
doesn’t complain. And when he comes back he has to be a
father, a supportive boyfriend and then study too. It’s all
weighing down on the both of us but we just don’t complain,
this is the life that we choose. It’s been 4 months since I gave
birth, our daughter is now 4 months and boy is she growing,
she is learning to sit up now, she recognises us and our voices,
and her favourite seems to be her father because she giggles
and throws her arms around when she sees him until he picks
her up. It always warms my heart to see her so happy, even
after 4 months I still cannot believe that she is mine, that I am a
mother no matter how much she looks like me.
Anyway the day is a Monday, the first day after our Easter
break. An update on my weight, I am back to shape, one can
never tell that I was once pregnant or that I have a kid. The belt
and flat stomach tea really helped. Now I was back to my
confident self, I could even walk around naked in front of
Aphiwe who we haven’t had sex with since I gave birth to our
daughter. We just didn’t have much time for our relationship
with the baby and our studies, not that we didn’t love each
other because we did but we just didn’t have time to have sex.
After bathing and dressing my daughter I get ready for school
as well. When I am done getting dressed I comb and tie my hair
up into a neat bunny. Aphiwe and Londi walk in just as I pack
my school bag. Londi passed and she was corresponding
through Unisa, it seemed like a cheaper option and she got a
bursary.
Londi: Hey sis
Me: Hey sis and bye sis, her bottle is already made when she
wakes up please feed her.
Londi: I will, have a good day sis.
I kiss my daughter then take my bag.
Aphiwe: Look at you walking out of here no hassles.
Me: Stop it let’s go.
He takes my hand and we walk out to catch a taxi to school
with Bongani.
Aphiwe: You look beautiful.
Me: Thank you.

We go our separate ways after he gives me lunch money then I

go to our usual spot to wait for my friends.
“Hi, can I sit with you?” A deep voice asks.
Me: It’s a free country.
I say without even looking at this guy, honestly I am in no mood
to be courted. He sits down next to me.
Guy: My name is Muzi, can I know yours?
Me: Thandolwethu.
Muzi: That’s a beautiful name, I am happy to meet you Thando.
Me: You must be new here because no one around here
bothers me.
Because of my crazy boyfriend, ever since he beat Ntokozo to a
pulp everyone stayed away from me. He chuckles.
Muzi: I am, I am doing grade 11. And I have been watching you
for a while now.
Me: Oh?
Muzi: I know that you have a kid, that’s all people talk about
when I ask them about you.
Me: Okay?
Muzi: And a crazy boyfriend
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apparently he is your brother.
Me: I see you have done your research and you still approached
me?
He chuckles.
Muzi: But that doesn’t make me like you any less.
Me: Oh?
Muzi: If I haven’t been watching you then I would say you are
not much of a talker but I have and I know that you cannot be
short for words.
I laugh and finally look at this guy. And oh my he is beautiful,
my man is beautiful but this Muzi guy is beautiful. He looks like
someone that I know or maybe I have met him before?
Me: You trying to say I run my mouth that much?
Muzi: Like I said, I have been watching you. You are beautiful
Thandolwethu and I want you to be my girl.
Me: Just because of my beauty?
Muzi: No not just because of that, I would like to get to know
you better.
Me: Well I have a man already.
Muzi: The crazy guy?
My man is not crazy.
Me: Yes and we happen to be in love, so in love.
Muzi: Oh? But you don’t have a male bestie do you?
Me: No I don’t.
Muzi: Then if I cannot be your man, can I be your friend?
I nod my head and he smiles, I know that smile! I have seen it
somewhere. But from where?
Me: As long as you promise not to cross this friendship line.
Muzi: I promise.
Me: Then we can be friends.
We just sit there and get to know each other better until my
friends arrive. They greet and sit down, I introduce them to
Muzi and they like him instantly. Maybe because he is cute or
because he is talkative. Either way they like him. When the
siren goes we go for assembly.
After assembly we go to our different classes and school starts.
During the break we all spend time together just talking and
laughing. After school he runs to me as I walk to the gate,
Aphiwe didn’t attend the last class and I am so mad at him, he
cannot just not pitch up, Muzi puts his arm around my
shoulder.
Me: Hey
Muzi: Hey, my mother is picking me up and I would like you to
meet her.
Me: Oh my boyfriend is standing over there and I have to rush
home to my...
Muzi: Kid?
Me: Yes.
Muzi: It won’t take more than 5 seconds and then you can also
introduce me to your crazy man.
I chuckle and nod.
Me: But I introduce you to my man first.
When I turn towards where he was sitting he isn’t there
anymore. Aphiwe is already walking towards us, he looks mad.
Very mad, like when he beat up Ntokozo mad. When he gets to
us he removes Muzi’s arm off me and punches him before I can
say anything, I gasp and push him back.
Me: Phiwe?!
Phiwe: Shut up Thando.
Wait what was that for? I look at Muzi who is wiping his lips
and smiling, I look at Aphiwe. Does he think that I am dating
this guy? I laugh.
Me: Phiwe this is my friend Muzi, and Muzi this is my man and
baby daddy.
Muzi’s smile grows wider.
Muzi: I hear you got my girl pregnant.
Aphiwe punches him again and I push him again.
Me: Aphiwe!?
Muzi: Fuck I was only joking man.
Phiwe: I am not your friend to joke with and she, she is off
limits to you or any other guy.
He is about to punch him again and I hold him back.
Me: He is just a friend Phiwe.
Phiwe: He called you his girl and he had his arm wrapped
around you.
Me: He was joking babe.
Muzi: I was you didn’t have to punch me that hard.
Phiwe: Well sorry man but you deserved it.
Muzi: Now that I have met your crazy man, you should meet my
mother.
Phiwe: Did you tell him that I am crazy?
Me: No! Muzi!
I slap his shoulder and he chuckles. He looks up at Aphiwe and
wipes his bloody lip. Aphiwe is taller than Muzi but looks very
young even in his built and strong body. I look at Phiwe and
smile, I don’t want him to say no. He takes my bag.
Phiwe: 5 seconds.
Me: Thank you.
Phiwe: And don’t touch her.
Muzi chuckles and we walk to his mother’s car with Aphiwe
watching us.
Muzi: Mom this is my friend Thando, Thando this is my mother.
Muzi’s mother: The girl that you have been telling me about?
Muzi: Yes mom.
Muzi’s mother: It’s a pleasure to meet you Thando.
Me: It’s a pleasure to meet you too.
Muzi’s mother: You should bring her over for lunch this
Saturday, it’s his fathers birthday and he doesn’t have a date.
Muzi: Mother?
Muzi’s mother: It will be fine, what do you say honey?
Muzi: She has a boyfriend mom.
Muzi’s mother: That’s even better, bring him along as well. The
more the merrier.
Me: I will talk to Aphiwe.
Muzi’s mother: And tell him that I am not taking no for an
answer.
Me: Yes ma’am.
Muzi: Bye Thando, I will see you tomorrow.
Muzi’s mother: I will see you on Saturday honey.
Me: Bye.
I smile and walk back to Aphiwe, she is quite a nice woman. I
hook my arm on Aphiwe’s arm and smile up at him. He pecks
my lips.
Phiwe: What do you want dimple face?
I smile and tell him that we have been invited at a party this
Saturday and we couldn’t say no.
Phiwe: Then that means we will just have to take Nqobile with
us.
Me: Thank you, I will tell Muzi to tell his mother.
Phiwe: I don’t like that boy.
I laugh.
Me: You didn’t have to punch him.
Phiwe: He was all over you.
Me: Babe? He was so not.
Phiwe: Because you were too busy smiling at him too.
Me: I wasn’t Phiwe.
Phiwe: Yes you were, when did you become friends with this
guy?
Me: Today.
Phiwe: Ay uphaphile man.
I laugh.
Me: He is a good guy.
Phiwe: Old too?
Me: Are you jealous?
Phiwe: What if I am?
Me: I am not into old boys anymore and besides that I have a
man, a man that I love so much. And he loves me just as much.
Phiwe smiles and takes my hand then kisses it.
Phiwe: I love you.
Me: I love you more. But no more punching people, if you don’t
trust them at least trust me as your woman please.
Phiwe: I promise my love.
I smile at him. We finally get a taxi and it takes us home.
24
Days went by quite fast and well, before we know it the day is a
Saturday. I wake up first to do the usual things that I do on
weekends which is to clean and wash our clothes, mine and
Aphiwe’s clothes. I wash Nqobile’s clothes everyday after
bathing her so I don’t have to wash her clothes with our
clothes. At 6 the clothes are out drying in the line, thank God
for my mother I was used to chores and getting them done
early in the morning. I go back inside to warm up water for
Nqobile then I cook soft porridge for me and Aphiwe, Nqobile
hasn’t started eating yet, she is only going to start having solid
foods at 6 months. Once the soft porridge is ready I wake up
Aphiwe then dish up and serve him. I take my bowl and join
him too, Nqobile is still sleeping which is strange, she is an riser.
When I am done he washes the dishes while I wake up Nqobile
who just stretches.
Me: Someone is getting lazy.
Phiwe: She has always been lazy loyo.
Me: Hey! Don’t!
He laughs at me. She finally wakes up so I bath her first then
feed her.
Phiwe: What time is this lunch?
Me: At 12 my love.
Phiwe: Oh it’s still early, I can still sleep.
Me: She takes after you.
He laughs and throws himself on the bed.
Phiwe: She is welcome to join daddy.
I finish feeding her then put her next to Aphiwe, she giggles and
touches his face.
Phiwe: Hey angel.
She kisses her hand then they play, making so much noise. Oh
my babies! I prepare water then have a bath as well, when I am
done I lotion my body. I didn’t even hear Aphiwe get off the
bed or walk towards me, he stands behind me and wraps his
arms around my waist hugging me from behind. He kisses my
neck.
Me: Hey
Phiwe: Hey my love, I miss you.
Me: I am standing right here next to you babe.
Phiwe: I mean I miss you.
His hands slowly slide down to my vagina and I gasp, oh he
misses me!
Me: Aphiwe...
Phiwe: She is sleeping don’t worry.
He turns me around and kisses my lips hungrily, I kiss him back
just as hungry for him as he is for me. He lifts me up and puts
me on our study table then pulls his boxers down, he kisses my
neck then trails kisses down to my vagina. He kisses then eats
my vagina as though he has been hungry for me for days, well
he has been hungry for me and this proved it, the way that he is
muffing me, eating my cake so well and making me moan out of
pleasure. I open my legs wider for him and he teases and fucks
me with his tongue. He kisses the side of my thigh then comes
back up, his eyes full of lust. He kisses my lips then takes my
legs and wraps them around his waist then thrusts into me
slowly. I shut my eyes as pain takes over my body.
Me: Ohhh babe...
Phiwe: I am sorry.
He slams into me making me moan out loud, fuck! Damn that
hurt. Did he suddenly get bigger?
Phiwe: I am sorry babe.
He pulls out then in again slowly, repeating the same process
over and over again until I start moaning out of pleasure. His
pace picks up, his strokes deeper, faster and harder. I wrap my
arms around his neck, holding on tight to him as I enjoy his
strokes. He lifts me off the table then sits down on the chair
with me, straddling him I ride him making him groan and moan
out my name. I kiss him then ride him faster as I feel my climax
building up, getting closer and closer with every stroke.
Me: Babe... oh fuck babe! Oh Aphiwe!
I sit down on him and come all over him. He gets up and holds
my weight up then fucks me ready hard and faster, the both of
us moaning. He slams into my magic spot again and I come all
over him again with his name on my lips. He slams into me and
fires out calling out my name. He sits back down and holds me
tight in his arms, I hold him tighter too knowing that’s what he
enjoys the most after his climax. We sit in that position for a
while, not talking, not doing anything besides holding each
other.

We get off outside Muzi’s stop and check the number again
before we walk towards the gate, I am in tight white high waist
jeans and a powder blue cute blouse then sandals on my feet.
Aphiwe is in blue jeans and a powder blue shirt then white
sneakers, he looks hot as fuck! He is carrying our daughter who
is in white tights and blue dress, her hair is tired into blocks and
she looks really beautiful. We walk to the door and knock, Muzi
opens the door after sometime and he smiles. He pulls me into
a hug which makes Aphiwe groan next to me.
Muzi: He is mad isn’t he?
Me: He is.
Muzi: I am glad he...mmm you came.
Me: Thank you for inviting us.
We break the hug and he looks at Aphiwe and Nqobile.
Me: This is Nqobile and Aphiwe.
Muzi: Oh she is so beautiful, she looks exactly like the both of
you but more like you. Come in.
Aphiwe just rolls his eyes. We walk in as he moves out of the
way. Their home is big and beautiful, one can tell that they are
monied. Muzi’s mom comes to the lounge and freezes when
she sees Aphiwe and I. And it hits me Aphiwe he looks like her
and Muzi, that’s how I know Muzi’s familiar face because of
Aphiwe! He looks like Aphiwe! Why didn’t I see it earlier? Is it
possible that they could be related? That Aphiwe has found his
family? His mother?
Me: Mrs Hadebe this is my boyfriend Aphiwe and our daughter,
Nqobile. Babe this is Muzi’s mom, mam’Hadebe.
Aphiwe: Pleased to meet you.
Muzi’s mother opens her mouth to say something but words
fail her, she closes her mouth then shakes her head tears
threatening her eyes. Am I the only one who can see it? The
questions, the guilt in her eyes? I look at Aphiwe and he cannot
see it, his eyes are focused on his daughter who is now falling
asleep in his arms.
Muzi’s mom: You have a child? One can never tell.
Me: I do and this is her.
Muzi’s mom: How old are you?
Her eyes are still on Aphiwe.
Me: 14 years old ma.
Muzi’s mom: And your partner?
Me: He is 15, well he is turning 15 on the 2nd of June.
She gasps and holds her chest.
Muzi: Mom are you okay?
She nods and turns to go to the kitchen. Muzi turns to us and
smiles then tells us to follow him, he takes us to his room
where we put Nqobile down to sleep. Aphiwe looks around
Muzi’s room, his pictures are hung around on the wall. Pictures
of him as a baby and now.
Aphiwe: This boy loves himself.
I chuckle because Muzi is older than him. He looks at me then
at the photos again. Can’t he see it? His resemblance?
Me: He does.
He walks closer to the pictures, one picture in specific. A picture
of a younger Muzi and he looks exactly like Aphiwe in that
picture.
Aphiwe: Who are these people?
I shrug my shoulders.
Me: Why?
Aphiwe: No nothing.
He turns to face me and forces a smile.
Phiwe: Where did that boy say he is going?
Me: To get us drinks.
He nods then looks at the pictures again.
Phiwe: Babe is it me or ...
“We look alike?” Muzi asks as he walks in with a 2 glasses of
juice.
Phiwe: I didn’t say that we look alike.
Muzi: So we don’t look alike? I have been watching the both of
you and my mom’s reaction towards you was all the
confirmation that I needed, you are my younger brother who
mom claims he was stolen from hospital almost 15 years back.
Me: What?! So she didn’t throw him away?
Muzi: No! Mom and dad have been looking for him since I could
remember. This is a picture of him, I have been looking for my
brother ever since mom and dad told me about him.
He goes to his dresser, where Aphiwe is and picks up a picture
of the boy that I thought was a younger him. Aphiwe shakes his
head.
Phiwe: My mother left me in the dumps.
Muzi: No! No that is not true, someone stole you from my
parents and they have been looking for you ever since you
were stolen.
Phiwe: That’s not what mom told me, told us.
He looks at me and I nod.
Muzi: Mom? Who ever that is; she lied to you, she stole you
from my mother, our mother. We celebrate your birthday every
year, you have a room right opposite mine. When I saw you I
knew that you were my brother, the brother that we have been
looking for for years. I didn’t know how to approach you so I
used her! You are always together after school, when I first saw
you I knew that you are my mother’s son. My parents’ son! You
should have seen the smile on my face when she introduced
me to you, even after you punched me. You are my brother, my
younger brother.
Muzi’s parents burst into the room.
Muzi’s dad: It’s him, it’s really him.
Muzi’s mom wipes her tears.
Muzi’s dad: I always wondered who you would grow up to look
like, your mother that’s who you look like. We have been
looking for you for almost 15 years son and then you show up
here, at our doorstep on my birthday? This is a dream come
true for me, for your mother, for your brother.
I look at Aphiwe who has tears in his eyes. I take his hand and
he looks at me.
Phiwe: Babe get Nqobile we are leaving. I don’t know who you
think I am but I am not your son, I am not your lost son. It could
be that I look like them but trust me I am not.
Muzi’s mother: You have a birthmark right under your left arm
it looks like an African map.
Aphiwe looks at me and I look at him, he is who she thinks he
is.
Phiwe: How do I know that what you are saying is true and you
didn’t throw me away?
Muzi’s father gives him a document, I look over his shoulders as
he reads it. It’s a statement, a case file that they filed on the 3rd
of June and pictures of a woman walking out with a baby the
previous night, the face of the woman wasn’t clear but she was
seen taking that baby from the sleeping Muzi’s mother.
Phiwe: Get Nqobile we are leaving.
Me: Phiwe?
Phiwe: Please babe, please.
I nod and get the sleeping Nqobile.
Phiwe: I need time to digest this, it’s all too overwhelming. I
know where to find you.
Muzi’s mother: Please come back to us son, please. All those
years without you, it’s been too long son. I have longed to hold
my baby in my arms.
Muzi: Please brother, please.
Phiwe: Are you ready babe?
Me: Yes, please carry her bag for me.
He takes the bag and walks out.
Me: I am sorry.
Muzi’s mother: Please help me get my son back, I have been
praying for this day ever since he was taken from us.
Me: Aphiwe is his own man mama but I will try.
Muzi’s mother: Thank you, that’s all I ask for.
I nod and leave them. I find him outside the gate, he sits down
on a manhole. I look at him then join him and we just sit there
in silence, he doesn’t move or say anything and I am scared to
say anything. I don’t know what he is thinking.
Phiwe: What if she stole you too? What if she separated you
from your mother too?! Who does that?! And then lie?!
Me: Aphiwe...
Phiwe: I need to confront this woman, who is she and why does
she hide behind the bible. What if all of our parents are looking
for us, what if they didn’t throw us away and we are living with
this hate and resentment? We think we are not good enough
because of her! That no one wants us, we are not worth it?
That we are some dirt that no one wants around? Do you know
the pain of living with the sore of not being wanted by your
own parent?
Me: Honey I know, I still live with that pain but at least you
don’t have to live with it anymore. At least you have found your
parents and you know the truth, they love you, they didn’t
throw you away like some piece of dirt? They never gave up on
you, they were looking for you all those years. Sthandwa sam
you are lucky, don’t throw this chance away please. Don’t walk
out of here like this, have lunch with them. Talk to them.
Phiwe: Tha...
Me: We can face her later, don’t allow her to take this moment
from you again.
Phiwe: Dimple face I can’t.
Me: It is not their fault, you were taken from them just like
them they were taken from you.
Phiwe: So you want me to stay here and smile?
Me: I want you to do what you want to do my love.
He looks at me then at their house.
Phiwe: Will you be by my side?
Me: Yes my love.
He nods then gets up, I get up too. He takes Nqobile from me
and we walk back to the house. I knock on the door and the
father opens.
Muzi’s father: Thank God you came back.
Phiwe smiles and walks in when his father moves out of the
way, I walk in after him. His mother gets up as soon as he sees
us then wipes her tears. Aphiwe goes to her and allows her to
wrap her arms around him. I smile and wipe off my tears, I am
happy for him. I really am glad for him, he has always wanted
this. To be reunited with his parents and now he is. I go take
Nqobile from him then sit down as he hugs his father then
brother, Muzi who cries in his brother’s arms. Now I get why he
smiled at Aphiwe’s sight, even after Aphiwe punched him he
still smiled.
Muzi’s mother: Thank you Thandolwethu.
I smile at her.
Phiwe: She named me Aphiwe, Aphiwe Ndlovu. This is
Thandolwethu, Thandolwethu Ndlovu... we grew up together,
she was my sister. Maybe she was also stolen, we don’t know.
And this is our daughter, she is 4 months old.
Muzi’s father: You fell in love living under the same roof? As
brother and sister?
Phiwe: Don’t judge us.
Muzi’s father: I am not judging you son trust me. Do you still
live with her?
Me: No, when she found out she kicked us out.
They both gasp.
Phiwe: So we found us a home, our own little home. We
haven’t seen or spoken to her since then, since she kicked us
out and that was 9 months ago?
I nod, 9 months ago and she hasn’t even called us.
Muzi’s mother: Who is this woman? And how can she kick out
minors?
We shrug.
Me: You can’t report her, I need answers.
Phiwe: We both do.
His parents nod.
Muzi’s mother: We all do. So where do you get money to rent
and raise this child?
Phiwe: I wash taxis and cars after school, I have loyal customers
and they are willing to pay me lots of money since they know
that I am still in school and I have a child to support.
Muzi’s father: A hustler, reminds me of myself during my days.
But I was older than you by 6 years, oh your mother used to
warn me against putting so much pressure on myself but look
where we are today, hard work pays off son.
Phiwe: Sounds like someone I know, she is alway telling me not
to put pressure on myself.
He looks at me and smiles.
Phiwe: But I cannot rest until I give her the life that she
deserves.
Muzi’s mother: Oh you are your father’s son. How did she treat
you, did she treat you well?
Phiwe: She did, she made sure that we were fed, clothed and
we go to school.
Muzi’s mother: Thank God.
Phiwe: But thinks changed when she found out about us and
Nqobile.
Phiwe’s mother: I am sorry. Where do you live now?
Phiwe: At a friend’s house, his parents took us in. We live in a
back room, I was his father’s taxis to pay him off for allowing us
to live there in his home.
His parents sigh looking sad for us.
Muzi’s father: Come home son and be a child again, I don’t like
this idea of you breaking your back at such a young age. I don’t
want you to work until you are older, for now I want you to
focus on school and your books.
Phiwe: I cannot, I have responsibilities.
Muzi’s father: Responsibilities that we can take care of on your
behalf.
Phiwe: I am sorry but that’s not how I was raised, my
responsibilities are mine not another man’s responsibility.
Muzi’s father: Son...
Phiwe: You look after my daughter and what happens to my
girlfriend, what happens to Dimple face?
Muzi’s father: You give her a chance to be a child as well, you
can come live with us. And she can go back to make amends
with her mother.
Phiwe chuckles.
Phiwe: So you will be separating us? I am sorry but if becoming
your son comes with being separated from my family then I
don’t want it.
Muzi’s mother: No, no, no! No one will separate you two. Baba
we just met our son, please do not bombard him with all of
this. The both of you can come live with us, in separate rooms.
Phiwe: I will think about it, can I do that?
They both nod.
Muzi’s father: Enough about this now, I have a granddaughter?
I never thought that the day that I meet my son again he will be
so grown and have a child of his own. Can I see her?
Phiwe nods and takes her out of my hands and gives her to her
father, who smiles and talks to the sleeping Nqobile. His
mother and brother go over to their father to look at Nqobile as
well. They gush over how beautiful she is and what not, Aphiwe
takes my hand and kisses it.
Phiwe: We will find your parents too.
Me: Don’t hold you breath.
25
After a wonderful day with Aphiwe’s family we finally go home,
home where our mother is, where we grew up. We get off and
go inside, we don’t knock we just walk in. We find her sitting in
the couch and watching tv, she snaps her head when she hears
the door open and close.
Mom: What are you doing here? And where are your manners?
Phiwe: I need answers mom, is this you?
He throws the photo of her carrying him out of the hospital on
the table. She flinches then looks at the photo.
Mom: No this is not me.
Phiwe: Are you sure because if you are lying mother, if you are
lying then I will call the police right now and report you for
theft? You stole me from this woman on the 2nd of June, you
stole me be from my parents then told me that they threw me
away. You found me at a dump site right? That’s where you
found all of us right?! Dammit mother answer me! Did you steal
Thando as well?! Where are her parents, where are they?!
Mom: I didn’t steal any of you!
Phiwe: Mother!!
Mom: Don’t you dare shout at me, who do you think you are
talking to?!
Phiwe: The woman that stole all of us! A cruel woman! A lair, a
witch that hides behind the bible!
Me: Mother please please just tell us the truth, who did you
steal me from?
Mom: I couldn’t have kids, my womb was damaged. My
husband left me for another woman who could bare him kids, I
wanted a child so bad. After he left I was alone, I was lonely. I
needed someone, something to fill that void in heart.
Phiwe: So you stole me?
Mom: I knew that you wouldn’t leave me when the going gets
tough, a child never leaves his mother. I was a midwife, I had
just helped your mother give birth to you. I took you when she
was still sleeping, I walked out and never looked back.
Phiwe: And Thando?
Mom: I found Thando at a dump site, I promise you.
My heart breaks all over again, my parents didn’t want me.
Phiwe: How do I know that you are not lying to us right now?
Mom: The morning that I found her I was walking Londi to a
friend’s house and we heard a baby’s cry, she convinced me
that it was coming from the dump site. I was with Londi when I
found Thando and I took her in.
I call out for Londi and she confirms the story. I look down and
tears fall out of my eyes, why? Why doesn’t she want me?
What did I do to her?
Mom: I am sorry, I am sorry that I separated you from your
parents.
Phiwe: And Londiwe?
Mom: She is my sister’s daughter, she passed away due to HIV.
I took her in as mine. Aphiwe is the only one that I wronged and
for that son I apologise.
Phiwe: Why? How could you be so cruel? How could you
separate me from them? And then lie?!
Mom: I am sorry son, I was selfish. I am sorry, I just wanted a
child so badly. I know that’s not an excuse but only you could
heal the sore in my heart, a child. I never meant you any harm
that’s why I treated you like mine.
Phiwe: But I was never yours mother!
Mom: Maybe not by blood but you were always mine. Blood
didn’t mean anything to me, it doesn’t mean anything to me.
Phiwe: But you were so quick to throw us out because we are
not of your blood.
Mom: So I should have kept the two of you, supported this
nonsense that you are doing?
Phiwe: Says the woman who stole me from my parents! Had
you not have stolen me from my parents....
Mom: You wouldn’t have met! She wouldn’t have gotten
pregnant!
She is right we wouldn’t have met, I wouldn’t have known him.
I look at him, if she didn’t steal him and my mother didn’t
throw me away we wouldn’t have met. Everything happens for
a reason, maybe this had to be done for us to meet but it didn’t
make it hurt any less. I wipe off my tears.
Phiwe: You know mom I used to look up to you, the way that
you raised us but now...
Mom: I am sorry, I am soo sorry.
Phiwe: That’s all that we wanted to know, we will leave now.
For Londi’s sake I will ask my parents not to hand you in, I will
ask them to let it slide.
Mom: Thank you. How is the baby?
Phiwe: Goodbye mother.
He gets up and takes my hand then we leave without giving her
an answer. We get in the taxi and it drops us off at his parent’s
house for our daughter then they drive us back to our house.
Me: I am happy for you, at least one of us found their parents
and knows the truth.
Phiwe looks at me.
Phiwe: I am sorry babe but you have to have faith, one day your
paths will cross.
Me: Even if they do Phiwe, she didn’t want me. They didn’t
want me so nothing will ever change, I am still the piece of
trash that no one wants.
Phiwe; Hey don’t ever call yourself that, to me you are worth
more than gold. You are precious to me..
Me: We no longer have the same background Phiwe, you are
not some trash that your parents threw away. Things have
changed, things will change between us.
Phiwe: No babe, nothing will change. My love for you hasn’t
changed, it will never change.
Me: I am sure they have your life planned out for you, maybe
they will take you to some model c school to get better
education. And then you will go into university, you will be out
of my league. You won’t want me, you will meet a beautiful girl.
One that doesn’t even have a child or a whore that will seduce
you.
Phiwe: Do you really think that low of me? Do you think I will
turn my back on you? What we have built? Don’t you believe in
our love?
Me: Phiwe you will be going to varsity, living in some res.
Driving a fancy car. You will meet someone your age, someone
in the same class as you and you will not want me around you
anymore.
Phiwe: Thandolwethu where is all of this coming from? My love
for you will never change.
Me: That’s what you are saying now. Things will be different in
the next few months
years you will find someone who is no more a huge burden to
you and your language will change.
Phiwe: Bullshit! You are not a burden to me and you will never
be, Thandolwethu I love you and I want you in my life. This isn’t
a temporary arrangement but a permanent one, you are my
life. My future wife, I want a forever with you Thando.
Me: You do?
Phiwe: I do, you, me and Nqobile are a family. Besides I have
not accepted their offer.
Me: You have to Phiwe, it’s your dream to have a family.
Phiwe: Not when it makes you feel like shit.
Me: You cannot give up on your dream because of me Aphiwe, I
will be fine.
Phiwe: But they said we could move in with them.
Me: Not after they told me to go back home, to them I am not
good for you. Their son.
Phiwe: I will talk to them about continuing living here with you.
Me: You will do that for me?
Phiwe: Anything for you my love.
I kiss him and he kisses me back immediately, one things leads
to another and next thing you know we are making love on the
chair like earlier, we couldn’t do it on the bed because of
Nqobile.

We spend the next couple of days studying for our exams and
getting to know his family well, we have been spending a lot of
time with them. And they really seem like nice people besides
the father who just doesn’t look like he likes me, they want me
to live with them and offering to hire a nanny for Nqobile
meaning Londi doesn’t have to look after Nqobile anymore. I
didn’t mind that but they also wanted to separate me and
Aphiwe, they send him to a boarding school, which means I will
not be seeing him that often anymore. Maybe they were trying
to separate us because they feel that I can not good enough for
their son, I don’t know. I really don’t know.
We have made peace with MaNdlovu, Aphiwe forgave her. And
she finally accepted our relationship and our daughter, we
haven’t seen much of her but we talk over the phone every
now and again.
Anyway we are in the kitchen, I am helping Aphiwe’s mother
and aunts to cook. Today they are celebrating the return of
their son and it’s also his renaming ceremony. They are in the
process of changing his surname and giving him a second name,
the name that they always wanted to give to their son. I am
happy for him but at the same time I am sad, I envy him. I wish
this was my ceremony, I wish that this was my family accepting
me, welcoming me to their family but I know that this will
never be possible for me. My mother hates me, and my father?
Well I don’t know but maybe they both made the choice to
chuck me away. I wipe off my tears, it really hurts but I have to
sit here and be happy for my man. I am fucking jealous man!
It’s busy in the kitchen, we have to serve drinks, umqombhothi
and what not to the elders outside.
The men are outside, so is Aphiwe. Muzi who is now my best
friend and still Aphiwe’s worst nightmare walks in to call us all
out as they are done introducing him to the ancestors, now it is
time for him to be introduced to the whole family. We wipe our
hands then go outside, I stand right by the door and see him
smiling. He is happy, he is really happy and I am happy for him
but at the same time I am jealous. His father starts a long
speech about the reunion with his long lost son and we all
listen attentively, Aphiwe smiling from ear to ear. A sight that I
can never get tired of seeing but not today, today I am tired.
Aphiwe’s father: Finally I introduce to you my second son,
Aphiwe Zwelibanzi Habede, son welcome home. I hope you are
as happy as I am to have you home. Now I can die a happy man,
I have both of my sons right here by my side. Zwelibanzi do you
have anything to add on?
Aphiwe: Uhm I don’t know what to say. I am a man of very few
words but I would like to thank you for this warm welcome. I
honestly wasn’t expecting such a warm welcome, thank you to
my brother Bhekumuzi who did everything in his power to get
closer to me and also bring me back home. And mom and dad,
thank you for not giving up on me, thank you for having faith in
us meeting again. And to my girlfriend, the mother of my child,
my Dimple face.. Thank you Thandolwethu for holding my hand
through it all, for always pushing me towards them especially
when I felt overwhelmed by all of their love and this attention
that I am getting. For your great advices, thank you my love.
I smile and nod at him.
Aphiwe: Thank you.
He nods to everyone then moves from his father’s side, he hugs
Muzi then walks towards me. He cups my face and wipes off
the tears.
Phiwe: Why are you crying?
Me: I am happy for you.
He smiles and kisses my forehead.
Phiwe: It’s okay my love, one day you will get the answers that
you are looking for.
How does he know? Fuck can he really read my mind that well?
Me: Oh Phiwe...
He wraps me in his arms and let’s me cry in them. His mother
walks by and asks what’s wrong, he doesn’t say anything so she
takes the hint.
His mother: Maybe take her upstairs, she can lie down for a bit.
Phiwe: Thanks ma.
We go upstairs to his room, where Nqobile is sleeping. I get on
the bed and cuddle her and he cuddles me.
Me: I am sorry for ruining your day.
Phiwe: Nonsense you didn’t ruin anything, you have been great
Thando. Thank you so much, it’s normal for you to be a little
sad.
Me: Thank you.
He kisses my neck.
Phiwe: They want us to move in today after the ceremony.
Me: Good thing we packed.
Phiwe: Yes but babe are you sure?
Me: Yes I am, it will makes things easier for you guys when you
are here.
Phiwe: Thank you.
He kisses me again and I close my eyes.
26
Aphiwe’s mother: I have prepared separate rooms for you
upstairs.
Phiwe: But ...
Aphiwe’s father: You will not be living as husband and wife
under our roof son forget it. Besides you two are still young,
give each other space to be children and enjoy your childhood.
Me: It’s okay, thank you Mr and Mrs Hadebe.
Aphiwe’s mother: Don’t Mrs Hadebe me, you can call me mom
like the boys.
Me: Yes ma’am.
Phiwe: I will take the bags upstairs, Muzi can you help carry the
other bags please.
Muzi nods then takes the bags upstairs so I am left downstairs
with his parents.
Aphiwe’s father: Zwelibanzi has to move in to his room
tomorrow, the boarding school accepted him. He is starting on
his lessons Next week Monday.
What?! I thought that he didn’t agree to this, that he was only
going to another school, well Muzi was also changing schools
and they were going to the same school. I didn’t know that they
were going to a boarding school. And soo soon? What am I to
do without him? I am only going back to school in a week and 3
days, what do I do without him? With just his parents who hate
me? I nod to what his father just said, I thought Aphiwe hadn’t
agreed to any of this boarding story.
Aphiwe’s mother: And the nanny will start on Monday, this
Monday so that Nqobile can get used to her with you around.
Me: Thank you ma.
Aphiwe’s mother: My pleasure.
Me: I will go bath Nqobile and put her to bed.
They nod so I get up and go upstairs bumping into Muzi, he
shows me to my room.
Me: Thanks
Muzi: Are you okay?
Me: Did you know that Aphiwe is leaving tomorrow?
Muzi: No, I thought he hadn’t agreed. I am the only one leaving
tomorrow.
Me: That’s what I thought too but seems like he has but kept
me in the dark. Anyway I have to bath Nqobile, can you watch
her for a second? I just need to get her water.
He nods and I get her bathing dish then go get water. I come
back and undress her then bath her. Once I am done I dress her
in her warm sleeping clothes then sit down to feed her, she is
officially 6 months and has started on her solid food but the
nurse said that she is to eat cooked food only, food that I have
cooked. Aphiwe walks in right as I take the bottle out of her
mouth, I don’t breastfeed her anymore. When she turned 6
months Aphiwe suggested that I stop and she sticks to tinned
milk only. She is old enough now.

Phiwe: Is she sleeping?

Me: Yes she is.
I put her down on the bed then pull the blanket over her.
Me: You are leaving tomorrow?
Phiwe: Says who? I haven’t agreed to it yet.
Me: Well you are and your parents told me.
Phiwe: They did what?! I haven’t agreed! They cannot just
make decisions for me!
Me: I thought you knew and just haven’t told me yet.
Phiwe: Why would I take a decision without letting you know
first? I will talk to them.
He walks out of the room, right after 10 seconds I hear
commotion downstairs. I cannot hear them clearly by I can hear
how pissed Aphiwe is so I run out before he loses it completely
with them.
“She isn’t good for you son!” I hear his father say and I stop on
my tracks. “What I am trying to say is she is young, you both are
and you don’t have to carry her on your shoulders anymore.
We can take care of her and Nqobile until she turns 18 and can
move out. But you don’t have be with her anymore, you can
find someone that is your level.”
“Did you hear me complaining about them?! She will never be a
burden to me!”
“You don’t see it now but everything that you are doing, you
are doing for her and not you. What about what you want?
Don’t you want to be free? To be young and act your age? How
do you know that she doesn’t want the same thing? Maybe you
are a burden to her, she cannot turn her back on you because
who will take care of her and your daughter?”
“Not only are you meddling into my business but you are
insulting my girlfriend as well! You know dad if I had known
that this was going to happen, that this is what you thought of
her I wouldn’t have brought her here. I wouldn’t have taken
your help, I wouldn’t have let her talk me into it!”
“Son...”
“No I don’t want your help, I was fine without you. I will still do
well without you!”
“Zwelibanzi...”
“No dad! You don’t like my girlfriend and you think that I will
leave her here with you? What type of man do you think I am?!
One that turns his back on his woman? His family? Nqobile and
Thandolwethu are my family, they will never be a burden to
me. How can you just assume that? When she got pregnant and
I didn’t ask her to abort I knew exactly what I was doing, I
wanted a family with her, something that I can call mine! I am a
burden to her not the other way around, I trapped her not the
other way around. I will break my back for her, for them! And
do you know what take your stupid money because we do not
need it. Your help, I don’t need your help. Thando, Nqobile and
I will leave tomorrow.”
“Son please I wronged you, I was wrong to think the worst of
your girlfriend.”
“You didn’t wrong me, you wronged Thando. And if she doesn’t
forgive you then you do not deserve my forgiveness as well.
And oh tell your wife that I will be sleeping with my family
because that’s the only family I know, I created and trust.” I
heard him coming up the stairs but I couldn’t move, what have I
done to deserve such hate? They don’t even know me yet they
hate me? Aphiwe freezes when he sees me, I wipe off my tears
but it’s too late. We walks towards me and scoops me up then
carries me to my room. He lays me on the bed then gets behind
me.
Phiwe: We will leave tomorrow, I will talk to Bongani’s parents.
Me: Aphiwe...
Phiwe: I will figure it out.
Me: Let me go back to MaNdlovu, she was always a mother to
me. She will take me back, she is the only one that will accept
me.
Phiwe: Don’t say that Thando.
Me: But it’s true, your parents hate me and I haven’t done
anything to them. But then again my own mother couldn’t
accept and give me love, how can I expect another to love me?
Phiwe: Thando please stop saying that, please.
I turn around to face him, he wipes my tears.
Phiwe: I accept you, I have always accepted you. I love you, I
always have and always will.
Me: If you love me then please let me go back to mom’s house.
I cannot take the one thing that you have always wanted, your
family, your parents.
Phiwe: You are the only family that I have, that I know not
them.
Me: You know that’s not true Phiwe, you will hate me as time
goes. You will hate me for separating you from them.
Phiwe: I will never hate you dimple face.
Me: But please do this for me
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go to boarding school. Study and also build a relationship with
your parents please. I will leave with Nqobile and you will stay
here and build a relationship with them okay?
He shakes his head.
Phiwe: If if means letting go of you then I don’t want a
relationship with them.
Me: Phiwe we will make it work, please.
He nods.
Phiwe: But please let me go with you to mom’s place, let me
talk to her.
I nod and he leans in for a kiss. He kisses my lips then my
forehead.

I wake up early to bath and dress Nqobile then I give her her
milk. When she is full I put her next to Aphiwe then I go for a
bath and wear my clothes. I pack everything back to our bags
then I wake up Aphiwe.
Him: Hey babe
Me: I am ready to go.
He sits up and looks at the time, it’s still 7 o’clock.
Him: Babe it’s still early.
Me: I don’t want them to wake up and still find me here
Aphiwe.
He nods and gets off the bed. He goes out to the bathroom to
brush and wash his face then comes back to get dressed. Once
he is dressed he takes our bags while I take Nqobile then we go
out to catch a taxi to maNdlovu’s house.

We get off at the stop then walk there quietly. We get to the
door and knock, Londi opens the door.
Londi: Hey sis, what are you guys doing back here?
Me: It’s time to come home sis.
She nods and moves out of the door.
Londi: Did you break up with her?
Phiwe: No, never!
Londi: I am just making sure.
She takes Nqobile to our room then goes to get mother. She
joins us in the lounge, the minute she sees my bags she comes
to give me a hug and I just let it all out.
Mama: It’s okay my daughter, it is okay. You are home and
mama is here.
Phiwe: It won’t be for long, I just need to get this sorted out
and then I will come back for them. I will come back and do
things the right way.
Mama: What happened Aphiwe?
Phiwe: I don’t know where to start mama.
Mama: It’s to do with your parents?
Aphiwe nods and tells her what happened.
Mama: I am glad that you are going to a good school to get
better education. And you are welcome to come see them
whenever you are on holidays.
Phiwe: Thank you ma.
Mama: You have made a right choice, not just for you but for
them as well. Go out there son, get the right education. Study
further, get that dream job of yours and come back to get your
family.
Phiwe: I promise ma, I will come back.
Mama: I will leave you to say your goodbyes.
She lets go of me then gets up and goes to our room. Aphiwe
looks at me then gets up and comes to sit next to me.
Phiwe: I will come see you whenever I am back.
I nod.
Me: Do you think they will want to see her?
Phiwe: You don’t want them to build a relationship with her?
Me: That’s not what I want for her.
Phiwe: Only when I am around. If they want to see her then I
will come back to pick her up and she will be back that very
same day in the afternoon.
Me: Thank you.
Phiwe: I love you Thandolwethu.
Me: I love you more.
He kisses my forehead then wraps me in his arms. We break
the embrace and he pecks my lips.
Phiwe: They got me a phone, I want you to have it so that we
can talk on WhatsApp, we can also video call.
He takes out his iPhone 6 and shows me how to work it. Then
gives it to me
Me: I cannot take your phone.
Phiwe: I want you to have it, take it Thando please.
I nod and take it.
Phiwe: Can I say bye to Nqobile as well?
Me: Yes.
We get up and go to my room, my old room. Mom is playing
with Nqobile who is just staring at her, when she sees us she
wiggles and giggles.
Mama: Oh she knows her parents.
We chuckle.
Phiwe: Hey angel.
He picks her up and kisses her all over her face making her
giggle even harder.
Phiwe: Daddy has to go to school, treat mommy well okay? I
will see you as soon as I can. (He kisses her) I love you, I love
you and mommy so much.
Me: I am sure she loves you too.
Phiwe: I will miss you.
Me: We will miss you too.
He kisses her once again then kisses my forehead.
Phiwe: Take care of our daughter, I will send you money for her
things and if you need anything please do not hesitate to call
me.
I nod.
Phiwe: I will look for a job that side.
Me: Don’t overwork yourself Aphiwe.
Phiwe: I am a man Thando and I have responsibilities. If I don’t
look about my family who will?
I shrug.
Phiwe: You see? I will be seeing you guys next week, as soon as
I have settled in I will come see you.
He is going to a boarding school in uMhlanga, it’s not far but it’s
super strict and it’s a good school.
Me: Will you go straight there now?
Phiwe: Yes my love, come with me.
Me: What?
Phiwe: Yes come see the room with me. Mom and Londi can
look after Nqobile, right mom?
Mom: You are pushing it right now but yes, yes you can go.
Londi will have to look after her because she doesn’t want me.
Phiwe: Oh she will get used to you mom.
Mama smiles.
Me: Okay let m change then.
He nods and leaves the room.
Mama: I hope you are preventing Thandolwethu.
Me: I am mama.
Mama: God because I want to see you go far in life.
I thank her then change into jeans, a vest, then a jacket and
sneakers on my feet. I tie my hair up into a neat bunny then go
out to my man after kissing Nqobile.
Phiwe: Why don’t you get an overnight bag?
Me: Phiwe I cannot sleep in your boarding school.
Phiwe: A man can only dream. Let’s go.
He gets up and goes to say bye to mom and Londi then we
leave. We catch a taxi back to his house to get his bags, his
mother offers to drive us. His father couldn’t even look at me.
Anyway we load the bags in to his mother’s car then get in and
she drives us to their new school, she parks in front of heir
residence then we get off. I help him with his bags, a security
guard shows us to their different rooms. A single room.
Phiwe: You can leave mother, I will accompany her to the rank.
His mother nods but doesn’t move.
His mother: I wanted to apologise Thando, it’s not that we
don’t want you...
Me: It’s okay I understand you don’t have to like me just
because I am with your son or I am the mother of your
grandchild.
His mother: Thandolwethu it’s not like that, we just want the
best for our son.
Me: And I am not that? It’s okay.
His mother: We just want him to focus on his...
Phiwe: Stop it! Stop it mother and please just leave.
His mother: No son let me explain, we want the two of you to
be kids again and enjoy your youthful years.
Phiwe: Mother we choose this life that we are living right now,
we were not forced to choose this life what can you not
understand in that? Like I said last night I trapped her not the
other way around, all that I am doing is for my family as a man.
He trapped me? He got me pregnant on purpose? He knew
what he was doing?
Phiwe: And dad said the shit that he said?
His mother: He wronged you and I apologise on his behalf.
I nod.
Phiwe: Your husband mother has a mouth, the same mouth
that he used to insult Thando he must use it to apologise. Now
please leave and oh please stay out of my personal affairs, you
and your husband.
His mother: I am sorry son, we are just trying.
Phiwe: Please try without disrespecting my relationship and my
girlfriend mother.
His mother: Yes son. Again I apologise.
Phiwe: Do you know the damage that you have done? Thando
is fragile right now and I will not expose her to your hatred, her
and my daughter.
His mother: It’s not that we hate her son, we don’t.
Phiwe: That’s not what it looks like where we are standing. And
please mother Thando is my responsibility, she is my woman I
didn’t ask for you help when it comes to her or Nqobile. You
offered only to insult her, I am doing this for her. I am here
because she begged me. Otherwise I would be back in my old
life, washing cars to get by. You should be thanking her instead
of insulting and trying to separate us. Thank you.
He goes to open his door for his mother, she apologises one
last time then walks out. He closes the door and smiles at me.
Me: Thank you.
Phiwe: I mean it Thandolwethu, you are off limits. I mean it my
love.
Me: You did this on purpose? You got me pregnant on purpose?
He nods.
Me: Why Phiwe?
Phiwe: Because Thandolwethu I love you and I want a forever
with you. I don’t want you to turn around one day and leave
me, Nqobile holds us together forever.
Me: I love our daughter but Phiwe you didn’t have to get me
pregnant to keep me, I am not going anywhere.
Phiwe: I know you aren’t because I won’t let you. I love you.
Me: I love you more.
He bends down to kiss me, we share a kiss breaking it after a
few seconds and I help him to unpack and sort out his room. By
the time we are done my stomach is growling so he quickly
goes for a shower then he takes me out for lunch. We sit
outside Debonairs and eat our pizza in between talks.
27
7 years and 6months later
“And graduating with bachelor degree summa cum laude in
Civil engineering Aphiwe Zwelibanzi Hadebe!” I stand on my
feet and scream so loud, clapping my hands as he walks onto
the stage to be presented with his degree! Aphiwe has passed
with distinctions in all his modules, I couldn’t be more prouder
of him. His 7 year old daughter cheers next to me as well, the
minute that he gets off the stage she runs to him screaming
“daddy daddy!”. Aphiwe bends to pick her up, taking off his
graduation hat he puts it on his daughter’s head. Gran pulls my
hand and smiles.
Mama: He did it.
Me: Yes mama he did.
Mama: Now I can die a happy woman.
Me: Don’t say that mama you are as healthy as an ox.
She smiles at me and points behind me, I turn around to find
Aphiwe kneeling down with a small red box. He whispers
something to Nqobile, now the attention is on us, pictures of us
getting taken and I am crying. What is he doing? He opens the
box and a beautiful ring stares at me, oh it’s really beautiful.
Me: What’s this Phiwe? Get up please.
Nqobile smiles at her dad and nods.
Nqobile: Mommy please marry daddy?
What?!
Phiwe: Thandolwethu Ndlovu I don’t promise you the world’s
riches but what is in my heart, what has kept us together
throughout those years. I promise you love, please be my
dimple face forever, marry me.
I nod and bend down to hug him.
Me: I will marry you, I will marry you!
He wraps his arms around me laughing, I can hear Gran
ululating behind me. We break the hug and he slips the ring on
my finger, he kisses my finger followed by my now huge baby
bump then he gets up and kisses my lips. I am 6 months
pregnant and already tired of being pregnant, and unlike my
first pregnancy this one was planned. We both agreed that it
was time for Nqobile to have a little brother or sister, and the
doctor told us that we are having a baby boy, we cannot wait to
meet him. We started trying for the baby on his third year, I
found out that we were expecting on my birthday. And since
Aphiwe had already started working he asked me to stop
working (I worked for kfc) and focus on the pregnancy while he
builds me my dream home. Yes Aphiwe is working already, he
was lucky to be offered a position in the company that he was
doing inservice training for on his 4th year of his degree and he
was getting a huge cheque. We break the kiss and he wipes off
my tears.
Phiwe: Look at you ruining your make up.
I smile through my tears.
Phiwe: I love you.
Me: And I love you.
He kisses my lips once again.
Phiwe: I will see you after the ceremony.
I nod and wipe the lipstick off his lips. He kisses Nqobile then
takes his hat and goes back to join his graduation class. I look at
the ring on my finger, it’s beautiful. Mom holds my hand.
Mama: Congratulations baby.
Me: Thank you mama.
Nqobile pulls my dress and I look down at her.
Nqobile: Can I go to daddy?
Me: After the ceremony baby.
She nods.
Nqobile: When is after the ceremony?
Me: When it ends my love.
Nqobile: When is the end mommy?
Me: Nqobile?!
Good knows that I have no patience for her, tears fall out of my
eyes and I quickly wipe them. I am an emotional rack and it gets
to me sometimes. Sometimes it works in my favour.

The ceremony finally comes to an end, I get up and take

Nqobile’s hand.
Me: Now is after the ceremony.
She cheers and looks around for her father. I take gran’s hand
and we walk out of the hall to wait for Aphiwe outside, Bongani
walked over to use and congratulates me. Him and Aphiwe are
still friends ofcos and he flew down from Capetown to witness
his friend graduating. I thank him and he goes to chat with
some guys who he knows. Londi runs to me and hugs me.
Londi: Congratulations sis.
Me: Thank you sis.
I show her my ring.
Londi: It’s beautiful sis, that’s a real rock.
I smile and thank her. A set of hands wrap around me from
behind and Nqobile screams daddy, Aphiwe laughs and
unwraps his arms from around me.
Phiwe: Oh you always ruin it baby!
She giggles as he lifts her up.
Nqobile: Sorry daddy.
She squeezes his cheeks then kisses him, oh she is such a
daddy’s girl. A camera man asks to take a picture of us so we
nod and pose
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he takes a picture of us three then with gran and Londi. Just as
he walks away Aphiwe’s dad, Muzi and his pregnant girlfriend
walk over to us.
Aphiwe’s dad: Congratulations son though I think it’s still too
so...
Phiwe: Not now dad.
This man will never like me will he?
Gran: I still await the lobolos and I will be a happy woman.
Phiwe laughs.
Phiwe: Soon mother.
Mom nods. They congratulate us, his mother who was busy all
this time finally walks over to us to congratulate us. We thank
them then Aphiwe takes my hand.
Phiwe: If you will excuse us, me and my family have dinner to
get to.
His boss invited us over to his house for dinner after
graduation.
Aphiwe’s mom: I thought we were celebrating your summa
cum laude pass?
Phiwe: Not tonight mother. Bro please drop off Londi and my
mother at home.
Muzi: No problem bro.
He thanks him, we bid our family farewell then go get in our
car, a black Porsche Cayenne Coupe. He opens the door for me
and I get in, he closes then opens Nqobile’s door. He buckles
her up then gets in his side and starts the engine. He puts on
music, Casper’s Mama I made it blasts in his speakers. Yes he
has! Yes he has and I am so happy for him. Through out those
years Aphiwe has been nothing but amazing to me, he made
sure to see me every time he could. He didn’t change, our love
was only growing stronger and stronger.
We park outside his boss’s house then get off, Samuel
welcomes us to his home. Then leads us to the dinning area.
Samuel: Your woman looks more beautiful every time that I see
her.
I blush and rub my swollen belly.
Phiwe: You mean fiancée.
Samuel: You finally put a ring on it?
I show Samuel my ring and he congratulates us. His wife Linda
walks into the dinner area, she smiles when she sees us.
Linda: I thought I heard voices.
She walks towards us and greets us, she bends down so that
she is Nqobile’s height.
Linda: Hi beautiful Nqobile, Would you like to eat with Julia and
Peter?
Nqobile: Yes mama.
Julia and Peter are twins, they are 8 years old and they all go to
the same primary school and they actually best friends. She
takes her to the kitchen then comes back, she pours the men
who are already discussing business drinks then she offers me
juice.
Linda: Dinner will be ready in a new minutes.
Me: Do you need help with anything?
Linda: Don’t worry about it sweetheart, how is the pregnancy
treating you?
Me: I have my worst days.
Linda: Oh that’s why I am not planning on having kids anytime
soon.
Me: I think this is our last one.
I want more kids, I want to be surrounded by lots of love but I
also want to go to university since Aphiwe offered to met my
bursary half way. They didn’t offer me a full bursary, getting
into university for me was very hard even though I passed with
4 distinctions. I didn’t have the funds to pay for my tuition fees
so I resorted to working to save for everything though I
couldn’t really save enough for medical studies.
Linda: Oh yes you are going to medical school next year.
Me: Yes I am.
Linda: At least you are still young and have a fresh brain, I don’t
think I can cope. Dinner is ready, sit around the table.
She goes to the kitchen to get all the pots and dishes that she
made, Aphiwe pulls out a chair for me and we sit down. Linda
serves us and we start eating in between talks and laughs.
Samuel: You must be wondering why I called you here, well I
had a talk with my father and I he agrees with me on this one. I
want you to head all of our projects, congratulations you have
been promoted to Senior supervisor. And this comes with a
couple of more zeros.
Phiwe: You are not pulling my leg are you?
Samuel: I am not that cruel, I wouldn’t play a joke like that. This
is your new job description and contract, go over it and sign it.
Phiwe: Oh thank you so much Samuel, now I can finish that
house that I am building my wife.
He smiles at me.
Me: Congratulations honey.
Phiwe: Thank you babe, it’s all coming together babe.
Me: Yes babe it is and I am so proud of you.
He kisses my hand then we continue eating and talking.
28
Aphiwe wakes me up with breakfast in bed then we get ready
to go to his parents’ house for his graduation party. He dresses
in a navy suit, while I am in a white cocktail dress. Nqobile is in
a white cocktail dress as well which looks just like mine. I put on
a pink coat on top as it’s a bit chilly outside then wear my nude
pencil hills. Aphiwe dressed Nqobile in nude ankle boots and a
coat. He combs and ties her hair into a neat bun, like me
Nqobile has healthy hair. Aphiwe is such a hands on dad, he
goes out of his way for his daughter and me but mostly his
daughter. He has learnt how to style her hair, sometimes lets
her paint his nails and he goes to work like that. Ever since he
got a permanent position at his company we have been living
with him at his apartment. He started renting an apartment in
Feb and we have been living together since then.
He walks up behind me in the mirror and wraps his arms
around me, kissing my neck.
Me: If you keep kissing me like that we will be late.
He chuckles and let’s go of me. I put on my second earring then
turn around to face him.
Phiwe: You look beautiful.
Me: Thank you.
Phiwe: I love you.
Me: I love you.
We share a kiss, breaking it after a few seconds.
Phiwe: Let’s go my love.
I nod and take my bag then we walk out to our car in the
parking lot.

We park outside his parents’ house then get off and go in. The
are cars parked outside already and when we walk into the
house it is packed, his friends and family are here to celebrate
with him. He takes my hand and leads me to the kitchen, his
aunt holds my hand.
Aunt: Will you help with the cooking please?
Aphiwe turns to her.
Phiwe: She isn’t cooking today aunt. Come babe.
He pulls me along with him.
Me: Babe I have to help.
Phiwe: You are my date and you are pregnant so no heavy
chores.
He greets his friends from varsity, they smile and
congratulation us on our engagement. We stand with them and
talk until the celebration ceremony starts, they are all
graduates so they go in to wear their gowns, everyone settles
down outside in the tent. A song starts playing and the
graduates walk in as Muzi announces their arrival, everyone
stands up to clap and our parents ululate. Mbali walks in right
behind them then comes to sit next to me and Nqobile.
Mbali: Hey babe
Me: Hey babe.
Mbali: I saw on social media, congratulations.
Me: Thanks babe.
We share a hug.
Mbali: Sne would be so happy that one of us is finally settling
down.
We lost Sne to HIV 2 years back, my friend lived a fast life till
the very end of her life. Unfortunately it was short lived, she
started getting sick in grade 9 when we went to the clinic she
was diagnosed then. She didn’t take her medication, she just
continued living her wild life which took a toll on her, she was
bed sick for 5 months before meeting her timeless death.
Before passing on she asked me and Mbali to turn our lives
around, focus on our dreams, less partying and sex with
numerous partners. Which Mbali listened too and today she
lives a straight life, no boy friend. I was already living a straight
so I didn’t have to change that much. Her death was a lesson to
many because she didn’t hide that she was HIV positive and
how she got it. Anyway we break the hug and smile at each
other. The ceremony starts, it’s mainly just speeches after
speeches, his parents, our mother, his friends and it was finally
my turn. I get up, Mbali takes the sleeping Nqobile.
Me: I don’t know where to start or what to say. But I will start
by congratulating all of you on your graduation and then a very
special congratulations to my partner; Aphiwe Hadebe. I don’t
know what to say, I have learnt so much from this man. The
first and the most important is don’t give up
just keep pushing no matter how hard it gets just keep pushing
don’t give up on yourself or your dreams. He is the reason
when I continued with school after becoming pregnant with our
first child, the reason why I got distinctions, he is the reason I
am where I am today. If it wasn’t for him I would have lost my
life to drugs and and and....he didn’t give up on me. Today I
celebrate you. Congratulations my love, I am proud of you. You
said you would do it and you did it. I wish you all the best in
your future endeavours, a present awaits you later.
He winks at me making me blush. Then he gets up to take the
mic.
Phiwe: I hope it’s one of my favourite exercises.
I gasp and he laughs.
Phiwe: Thank you, thank you to everyone for coming here to
celebrate us, to celebrate me. Thank you for all the well wishes.
To my mother, MaNdlovu thank you for not raising a quitter, to
my parents the Hadebes, thank you for coming into my life at
the right time. And to my woman, thank you for always pushing
me, for not giving up on my dream. I am where I am today
because of you. Thank you my love and to my present later.
He raises his glass at me and I smile.
Phiwe: To my colleagues, I celebrate each and every one of you.
Goodluck to everyone of you.
He gives the mic to Muzi then sits down.
Muzi: And that brings us to the end of the boring part of the
ceremony. (Everyone laughs) I hope everyone is hungry
because I know that I am. Just sit exactly where you are and
you will be served. DJ can I have some music please.
The DJ puts on music, Aphiwe gets up and comes to me taking
off his gown.
Phiwe: Do you want me to take her in?
Me: Yes please.
He gives me his gown then takes Nqobile from Mbali.
Phiwe: How are you doing Mbali?
Mbali: Well and you?
Phiwe: I am awesome.
Me: I will be back friend.
I follow after Phiwe to the house, he puts Nqobile to bed in his
old room. I put his gown down then we walk out to join his
friends. We take pictures outside the tent then we go back
inside to eat. After eating I get up to help in serving drinks while
some people leave.
Muzi’s mom: Nqobile is awake and looking for you.
She whispers in my ear.
Me: Thanks mama.
I get up, I have to change these shoes anyway. I go back inside,
Nqobile runs to me immediately and I pick her up, she might be
7 but she is still my baby. I spoil her rotten. Phiwe’s aunt walks
over to us.
Aunt: You have a very clever and talkative child here, here is
her food.
Me: Thanks aunt, she takes after me.
She smiles, I go upstairs to Aphiwe’s room. I put Nqobile on the
bed then sit down to take off my shoes. After that I feed her.
Nqobile: I am full now mama.
Me: Don’t you want your meat?
She takes the meat and eats it. I wear sandals then we go back
downstairs, I am tired already and my back is aching from all of
that sitting up. Nqobile runs off to play with her cousins and I
go to the kitchen to help with the dishes. Aphiwe’s mother
comes to me to give me a letter to take home to my mother.
Aphiwe’s mom: Why don’t you sit down? There are enough
people her to do all of this.
Me: Thanks mama.
She gives me a warm water bottle for my back then takes over
from where I stopped. I go upstairs to Aphiwe’s room and take
off the coat then get on the bed to lie down a bit.

The party outside goes on for hours, Aphiwe comes in to bring

Nqobile to sleep and he is drunk out of his mind. We have been
together for what almost 8 years now and I have only seen him
drunk twice, making this the second time. He isn’t much of a
drinker but when he drinks he makes sure. He sits down on the
bed and kisses me.
Phiwe: Why don’t you come join us outside?
Me: I am tired babe.
Phiwe: Please my love I miss you, I am the only one who is
kissing a bottle down there while everyone else...
I laugh at him.
Me: Sorry babe just come to bed.
Phiwe: And miss out on the fun? Come with me please.
I nod and get out of bed then wear my coat and sandals. After
that we go downstairs to join the party, the music is pumping
and everyone is dancing to it. He gives me a glass of juice and
we dance and party until 3am, my feet just wouldn’t allow me
anymore. We left them to party while we went to bed, he took
Nqobile to his parents’ room so that we can have time to
ourselves.... and you can only guess what happened there.
29
We are woken up by Nqobile throwing herself on us, Aphiwe
groans.
Phiwe: No baby you will hurt mommy and your baby brother.
Nqobile: Sorry mommy.
She kisses my cheek then tries to get between me and her
father. Aphiwe chuckles and pushes her to my side, maybe
because he is horny and doesn’t want to scare his daughter. I
pull her to my side and cuddle her.
Nqobile: Daddy is pushing me mommy.
Me: Sorry baby daddy isn’t dressed.
Nqobile: Daddy is nasty!
Phiwe and I laugh.
Phiwe: Who taught you that?
Me: Don’t sound so innocent, you always call her nasty when
she isn’t dressed.
Phiwe: Mommy is such a sell out.
Nqobile: No mommy is not a sell out. She...
She mumbles which makes her father laugh.
Phiwe: Can you give mommy and daddy a second please baby,
daddy has to get dressed.
Nqobile: Yes daddy.
She gets off the bed and walks out of the room, closing the
door behind her. Aphiwe turns me around to face him and we
share a kiss.
Phiwe: I thought she would never leave. Give me your back
babe.
I turn around giving him my back, he lifts my leg up and teases
me with his penis until I get wet and start moaning out softly.
He fills me up slowly then slowly makes love to me moaning
and groaning until we are both satisfied. He pulls out of me, I
turn around and we share a sexy kiss, breaking it when we hear
the door knocking.
Nqobile: Mommy I am hungry.
Me: I am up baby.
I get out of bed and Aphiwe sighs.
Nqobile: The joys of having a kid!
Me: Yet we still want more.
I look in his closet then pull out his shorts and t-shit. I get
dressed in them then take Nqobile’s hand.
Me: Let’s go make you food.
I close the door then go downstairs, then to the kitchen.
Aphiwe’s mother is already up and making breakfast, Thandi
(Muzi’s girlfriend) is in there helping her. She is 3 months
pregnant and not even showing yet.
Me: Good morning.
Them: Morning.
Mom: What time did you go to bed?
Me: Around 3, my feet were killing me.
Mom: You are pregnant Thando you cannot be on your feet
until 3am.
Me: Try telling your son that.
Mom: I will talk to him.
Me: It was just a once of mother otherwise he lets me go to
bed early.
Mom: That’s not what I heard last night.
I blush and cook soft porridge for Nqobile.
Mom: If you were not heavily pregnant I would think you two
are trying out for a baby.
Me: Oh my God mother please stop.
It’s embarrassing, I am already red as a tomato. They bought
laugh at me.
Thandi: Sis everyone knows that you doing it, look at yourself.
Me: But it’s embarrassing talking about it with my future
mother in law.
They laugh even harder.
Mom: Sorry baby.
Nqobile: What is mommy doing?
Oh here we go again, Nqobile is so nosy. My daughter just
wants to know everything, comment on everything.
Mom: Cooking you soft porridge.
Nqobile: Hmmm my favourite!
Mom laughs and plays with her cheek. She takes the food to
the dinning hall.
Thandi: Sukhulisile Sisi.
I look at my daughter and smile.
Me: And she is a handful.
Thandi: Oh she is an angel, she gives so much love.
Me: But naughty too, you cannot write that out.
A sound of glass breaking disturbs us.
Nqobile: Ohoh
Her voice is so low and soft, I cannot shout at her even if I want
to. Mom walks in and lifts her up.
Mom: Don’t shout at her.
Me: She is not hurt is she?
Mom: No she isn’t.
Nqobile: I am sorry glanny.
Mom: It’s okay honey, glanny will buy another glass.
I take a broom and sweep off the glass then throw it in the bin
as Nqobile and her glanny console each other. When the soft
porridge is ready I dish up for her while she goes to get her dad,
he walks into the kitchen looking like hell. I pour him coke then
take Nqobile, I put her on the counter and feed her. Aphiwe
downs the coke then thanks me, kissing my cheek he joins his
family in the dining hall. I hear his dad asking about me so I join
them.
Dad: Please don’t forget to give your mother the letter, we will
be coming to see your family on Saturday.
Me: This Saturday?
Dad: Zwelibanzi wants it to be done soon.
Me: Oh okay I will give it to her.
Muzi: Someone cannot wait to make you his wife.
Phiwe: Technically she is my wife, we just making everything
official.
Muzi: Why you always gotta clap back?
Phiwe: Because uyaphapha wena.
Muzi laughs.
Muzi: I love you too little bro. You have this tendency of
thinking that you are older than me wena kanti you are a kid.
Phiwe: Yeah yeah, babe after breakfast please get ready we will
be leaving soon. Mom and dad thank you for yesterday.
Dad: No thank you son for passing with distinctions.
Phiwe: No problem dad.
He downs another glass of coke then gets up.
Phiwe: Let me go shower quickly, babe thanks for that coke I
feel better.
He kisses my cheeks then leaves the room.
Thandi: Just how low have you guys been together?
Me: Almost 8 years now.
Thandi: Yet it’s like you just started dating.
Mom: When something is meant to be yours it feels and looks
new everyday no matter how old it is.
Thandi: You guys are actually goals, Muzi told me your story.
Me: Oh we have come a long way.
Dad: I have never seen such young people compromise and
sacrifice for each other, at some stage it pissed me off. But now
I see what my son sees in you, thank you for loving and not
giving up on him. For supporting his dreams.
Me: It’s my pleasure dad.
Dad: But don’t you think...
Muzi: Here we go again, no wonder Aphiwe doesn’t like being
here. You are always trying to meddle into his business.
Dad: I just think that they are young, they are still babies.
Mom: Oh leave the kids, they have been together for years to
know what they want. This is what your son wants, she is what
your son wants.
He smiles and gets up, oh well. I finish feeding Nqobile then eat
too, after that I take her upstairs to bath and dress her then I
get ready as well.
After saying bye to his family we get in the car and drive off,
passing by gran’s house to give her the letter then we drive to
our apartment. We spend the rest of the day just cuddling and
discussing our wedding day.

The next couple of days go by really fast and well, Aphiwe is

busy with work and I am just a stay at home mother so I am just
busy with looking after our daughter, our son, our home and
him when he is home.

The day is a Saturday, Aphiwe wakes me up early to get ready

then he drops us off at home. Today his family is coming to see
my family to pay for the damages done years ago and to ask for
my hand in marriage. I find mama and Londi already up and
cleaning the whole house.
Mama: And the bride only arrives this morning? Didn’t I tell you
to come back last night?
Me: Aphi..
Mama: I don’t want to hear it Thandolwethu just go inside.
Me: Sorry mama. Who will be here to negotiate on your behalf
mama?
Mama: The pastors from my church.
I nod
I don’t remember her having any relatives so I just had to make
sure. Anyway I go inside with Nqobile and we wait indoors,
mom comes in to dress me up in those makoti attires. Just as
she finishes tying a doek over my head we hear shouting from
the gate, Aphiwe’s family is here! Aphiwe and I have been
together for years and I always knew that we have a future
together but today he is making it official, he has sent his
uncles for me! Happy is an understatement, I am beyond
happy. Today we can finally wipe off smug from people’s
faces.
“Sikhulekile kaNdlovu, Gatsheni, Boyabenyathi! Sithunyiwe la
ekhaya, sizocela isihlobo esihle!” One man shouts, probably his
uncle.
Mbali: It’s finally happening friend.
Me: Yes friend.
Londi: I am so happy for you sis.
Me: Thank you guys.
We hear them talking in the lounge but we can not make out
what they are saying, after about 30 minutes a knock comes
through the door, mama gets up to attend to the door. She
nods then tells us that it’s time to go out to the lounge, we
cover our heads and we go to the lounge then sit down in front
of Aphiwe’s family, Aphiwe is called in to choose his wife. He
chooses correctly on first try obviously he knows me. The other
girls leave and he uncovers my head, he smiles and I cannot
help but smile back. He steps back and my “family” asks me if I
know this family and what they are here for. I nod yes and tell
them what they are here for. They nod and ask me to leave the
room so I go back to my room to wait. After another 30 minutes
they finally call us out to serve them lunch and drinks, the
negations went well. Nqobile runs to her father as soon as she
sees him, at least I can focus on serving my in laws. We first
give them water to wash their hands then we serve them food
followed by drinks. Aphiwe finishes eating then gets up and
pulls me out. We go to his car with Nqobile, we get in and sit
there.
Me: I hope they didn’t give your family trouble.
Phiwe: No they didn’t my love. At least now this is out of the
way, we can now decide on a date.
Me: Can we get married after I give birth to this one?
Phiwe: You want to look stunning babe not that you don’t right
now..
Me: I look like a hippo babe.
Phiwe: You don’t look like a Hippo, you look stunning my love. I
am so glad that you are now officially mine, traditionally.
Me: Me too my love.
Phiwe: And about Nqobile..
Nqobile: Yes daddy?
Phiwe: I wasn’t calling you angel. Now that I have paid the
damages, can we change her surname to Hadebe?
I nod.
Me: Yes you can my love, she is a Hadebe after all.
Phiwe: Thank you my love.
He kisses my lips.
Nqobile: Eeew daddy! You cannot kiss a girl!
Phiwe laughs as she pushes him away.
Phiwe: But mommy is my wife.
Nqobile: But she is a girl.
Phiwe: Yes which is my wife, a man can only kiss his wife.
Nqobile: So you are mommy’s man?
Phiwe: I am mommy’s man and she is my wife.
Nqobile: But daddy....
Phiwe: No buts baby, now can I kiss my wife?
Nqobile: If I get a man, can I kiss him?
Phiwe: What?! No! Absolutely not! Not until you are 35.
Nqobile: But mommy is young.
Phiwe: Mommy is not you, you are not having a man until you
are 35years old is that clear?
She nods.
Phiwe: Good, your daughter will kill me.
I laugh.
Me: So she is my daughter now?
Phiwe: Our daughter.
He kisses my lips then we just sit there chatting till his family
has to leave. He drives closer to the door as it has started
raining a few minutes ago, he gets off and takes Nqobile in. I
get off and go in as well, saying bye to his family.
Mama: Hayi Thandolwethu uyaphoxake kodwa, you couldn’t
even finish serving your in-laws you went to sit in the car with
your man!
Me: Mama Aphi...
Mama: That’s all you know! Aphiwe this, Aphiwe that as if you
have no mind of your own! You cannot think and say oh this is
what Thandolwethu wants! Hayi man Thandolwethu!
She walks to her room.
Me: I am sorry mama.
I go to the kitchen to help wash the dishes feeling so beat up
inside. Aphiwe doesn’t control me! We both do what the other
wants, I don’t always do what he wants.
Londi: Go rest Sisi you are pregnant and that is why Aphiwe
always wants you to rest. He saw you rubbing your back earlier
on.
I didn’t even realise that I was rubbing my back earlier. I nod
and go to my room, I get on the bed next to Nqobile and close
my eyes.

I am woken up by Aphiwe telling me that he is outside for us so

I get off the bed and pack our bags, after that I wake up Nqobile
then go to mom’s room.
Me: Mama we are leaving now, Aphiwe is outside.
Mama: So you cannot even spend the night at your mother’s
place Thandolwethu?
Me: Mama Aphiwe has work on Monday, I have to wash his
clothes when I get home.
Mama: You should visit, I hardly see you now.
Me: Yes mama.
Mama: Hamba kahle ke my child and look after yourself.
Me: Thank you mama, look after yourself too.
We share a hug then I take Nqobile’s hand and we go say bye to
Londi.
Me: Visit me tomorrow please.
Londi: I will sis.
Me: Then I will be seeing you tomorrow.
Londi: I will see you tomorrow princess.
Nqobile: Bye khulu.
Londi smiles: Bye princess.
She calls Londi khulu for mom’khulu. She has always called her
that since a tender age, she couldn’t pronounce it properly but
grew up with it instead just like glanny. Londi walks us out to
the car, she talks to Aphiwe as we get in the car. Once we are in
they say their goodbyes then he reverses out of the yard and
drives us home, to our home.
30
Days turn into weeks and weeks into months, 3 months later...
I am home alone when my water breaks, Aphiwe is at work and
Nqobile is at school. I try not to panic and take my phone then
call Aphiwe, he answers on first ring.
Me: My water just broke
Phiwe: My wife is in labour! I will be a father again, excuse me!
I will be there right away babe.
I hear people congratulating him and then him moving around
fast. I drop the call and he calls me back, I accept the call.
Phiwe: Don’t drop the phone, I am on my way.
I put the phone on loudspeaker then change into a dress and
get our already packed bags. Aphiwe gets home in 20 minutes
and that’s when my contractions start, he rushes me to the car
then drives me to the hospital. We are in hospital in 5 minutes,
we live closer to Netcare in uMhlanga. A Porter takes me away
to the ward that I am assigned in and Aphiwe follows after me
with a doctor.
Doc: How are we doing?
Me: I just want you to get this baby out of me!
The doctor smiles.
Doc: Let’s check how far the baby is and how he is doing in
there.
He checks on the baby and my contractions, he is happy with
the position of the baby.
Doc: I will give you something for the pains as we wait.
Me and Aphiwe: NO!!!!
Doc: Okay...
Aphiwe: Sorry doc we just don’t trust anyone to do it right
considering what happened to our first child, we almost lost
her.
Phiwe gives him the whole story and he nods.
Doc: I understand but I will be doing it personally.
I shake my head no.
Phiwe: No doc.
He nods.
Doc: If you change your minds, labour pains can get really
hectic and unbearable.
Me: They are better than the pain.... ohhh my God!
I scream and hold on to the bed as my pains double.
Doc: Are you sure?
I nod and he walks out after telling us that he will check on us
every minute. Aphiwe gets on the bed behind me and rubs my
belly.
Phiwe: Come now boy, don’t put mommy through this much
pain.
I scream and hold his hand as I feel them again.
Phiwe: Babe we have to let them give you something for the
pain.
Me: No Aphiwe.
He rubs my belly again while singing softly, it’s soothing but our
son just won’t have it.
Phiwe: I can feel him moving.
Me: I know.
We wait for about 2 hours then I feel it, I tell him to get the
doctor. He comes in with a nurse, they check on the baby and
they tell me how to sit and what to do and what not to do. I
follow their instructions and they actually help make the birth
of our son much easier.

Doc: This is the final push, gently, gently and please remember
to breathe.
I nod and do as he says until I hear a loud cry, Aphiwe bends to
kiss my forehead.
Doc: He is finally here. Would you like to cut the placenta?
Aphiwe nods and the doctor tells him when to cut it and where
to cut it. He cuts it off and comes back to kiss me.
Phiwe: Thank you so much babe.
I nod, the doctor puts him on my bare chest and I cannot help
the tears that escape my eyes. He settles down as soon as he
puts him on my chest, unlike Nqobile he is warm.
Me: He is so beautiful Phiwe.
Phiwe: He is.
He kisses him. The nurse helps to clean me up then explains the
injection that they are giving me now and they inject me.
Phiwe: Phiwokuhle.
Me: I love it
Advertisement
siphiwe okuhle impela.
Phiwe: Indeed, do you want to give him a second name?
Me: Shaka.
He smiles.
Phiwe: Phiwokuhle Shaka Hadebe, I love it.
He gives the doctor the names. He gives us some time with our
son before they take him to clean him up and Aphiwe dresses
him. They also help me get cleaned up and dressed into my
pyjamas. After they make sure that we are healthy and
comfortable they leave us to bond with Shaka. Shaka is
beautiful and he happens to look just like me.
Phiwe: You are too strong on these kids.
Me: Daddy is just jealous.
Phiwe: I am I cannot have my son and daughter look just like
you.
I laugh at him.
Me: Sorry babe, what time is it?
He looks at his wrist watch then curses.
Phiwe: I have to pick up Nqobile.
He kisses me then leaves us promising to come back just now. I
look at Shaka and smile.
Me: We did it son.
A nurse walks in to offer me something to eat, I tell her what I
would like and she nods then leaves. She comes back after a
few minutes with my food, oats and orange juice. She takes
baby Shaka and puts him in his cot then helps me to sit up and
eat.

After about 20 minutes the door opens, Aphiwe and Nqobile

walk in.
Nqobile: Where is he mommy?
Me: Not even a hello for mommy?
Nqobile: Sorry mommy.
I sit up. Phiwe puts Nqobile on the bed then takes Shaka from
his cot, he puts him in her arms. Her face lights up and she
smiles, and I just have to make a video of them.
Me: He is beautiful right?
She nods her head then kisses him, oh my baby!
Nqobile: What’s his name mommy?
Me: His name is Phiwokuhle Shaka Hadebe.
Nqobile: Shark?
Phiwe: Not shark angel, Shaka. The Zulu King.
She just shrugs her shoulders then looks at her baby brother.
He moves a bit stretching himself, she pushes him away.
Nqobile: Okay take him daddy.
Aphiwe laughs at her before taking Shaka.
Phiwe: He is beautiful babe.
I nod in agreement then put my phone away.
Me: How was school baby?
She tells me about her day, Nqobile always has stories so we
listen attentively even though we know that she is lying, we
laugh when she cannot pronounce words. And she enjoys it
when we laugh. We spend the rest of the day in there, when
it’s time to leave she doesn’t want to but Aphiwe takes her
home anyway. A nurse comes in to take my order for dinner
then she leaves. I breast feed Shaka while I wait for her.

The following day the doctor comes in to check on us and gives

us a thumps up, meaning we can leave today. As soon as the
doctor walks out a nurse comes in to get my order for breakfast
then she leaves. Another one comes in to help me to the
bathroom to shower and get dressed. When I walk back to my
room Aphiwe is already there with Nqobile looking at Shaka.
Me: Why isn’t she at school?
Phiwe: She wanted to fetch her baby brother.
Me: Oh boy.
Phiwe: How are you feeling?
Me: In pain but I will survive.
He helps me on to the bed then kisses my lips. A nurse comes in
with my breakfast, I eat as Phiwe baths and dresses Shaka. With
Nqobile asking us numerous questions about Shaka’s body.

At 12 the doctor comes in to discharge us, we thank him and

Aphiwe takes the bags and Shaka. Then we leave the room and
go out to our car. He buckles the kids up then helps me get in
the passenger seat. He closes then goes around to his side, he
gets in then drives us home.

Just like my first pregnancy Aphiwe takes leave from work to

help me with the baby, house cleaning and cooking. We get his
mother and mom coming in every now and again to check on
us. When Shaka’s belly button drops Aphiwe goes back to work,
I am used to moving around the house now but mom still
comes in to help.

I spend the next couple of days exercising and trying to get back
into shape because now that he is here we can start planning
our wedding. I need to look fit for my wedding day.
31
The day that we have been waiting and stressing over is finally
here, Shaka is now 2 months old, my tummy is flat and I look
curvy and I have healed completely so why not do this today?
Oh and our home is complete, my husband built us a home in
Hillcrest, a huge home for that matter. I am back at home, in
my mother’s house and she is helping me get ready for my
wedding, Aphiwe is at his parent’s house as well. He only
dropped me off here last night and mom was fuming. Today we
have a traditional wedding, well that’s all I was getting for now.
We will have a white wedding maybe some years later. After
she dresses me I wear a gown then my make up artist does her
job, it’s December, it’s summer and I am getting married. I
cannot wait to be Officially and legally Mrs Aphiwe Hadebe!

After an hour I am ready, I am looking stunning, my kids are

ready, my bridesmaids are ready and oh they look beautiful. I
am in my traditional attire, from head to toe. 2 cars arrive to
fetch us, one for me and my kids and the other one for my
family and brides maid. I have people from mom’s church
accompanying us because we don’t really have family. Before
we got in the car mom told me not to look back no matter what
so I follow her instructions. Initially I am supposed to walk to
the Hadebe household but that might take me at least an hour
and Aphiwe wasn’t about to let me walk all the way there.

We get to the Hadebe household, mom takes Shaka from me

and then we walk towards the gate with my head covered in a
blanket. The pastor announces our arrival and ask that they let
us in. Aphiwe’s uncles, Aphiwe and his family walk towards the
gate singing and dancing. His uncle puts his hand up once they
are by the gate and all singing dies down.
His uncle: Who are you and how can we help you?
Pastor: We come from the Ndlovu family and we have brought
you your wife.
His uncle: Show us the wife lets see her!
Mbali and Londi reveal me and his family ululates. They open
the gate to let us in, Aphiwe ignores me which hurts. He
doesn’t even look at me, yho this guy! But we follow after his
family to where the wedding will be taking place.
His uncle: We are here today to witness the marriage union of
these two young people Zwelibanzi Hadebe and Thandolwethu
Ndlovu. Everything will be done between here and the kraal,
umakoti wethu is the only woman who will be allowed in the
kraal today. She will be called in when it is time, please
everyone sit down and help us in the celebration of these two
people. Ngokomthetho umese lo ophethwe umakoti since she
has children is supposed to look down but because we know
that her husband is the first and only man that she has ever
been with we will ask that she holds it upright. Makoti you are
home but until the ceremony is done you are not fully our in
law yet. The celebration will start now.
We sit down, his family one side and mine one side. He sits
down by his father and I sit down on the mat looking down
right at the other side of him. Mother told me not to talk until I
am asked to by my in laws so I keep quiet and wait to be called
to the kraal. When his uncle finally comes to call me to the
kraal I get up and follow after him, he asks me where I would
like the cow to be slaughtered and I show him then move back
as they slaughter the cow. As soon as it’s down I am given my
next instruction, I take out the money that mom put in the
waistband of my skirt and put it in the cow’s stomach. Then I
hear ululating and singing, a celebration actually. His uncle tells
me to go back to where I was seated so I go back there.
His uncle: Now Thandolwethu is no longer a Ndlovu but a
Hadebe, we welcome you to our family my daughter. To us you
are no longer an in law but you are our child, I will ask that you
follow me to the hut, Zwelibanzi come with me too.
I get up, Aphiwe gets up too with his father and we go to the
hut where they burn incense ngibikwe emadlozini ala ekhaya.
Aphiwe’s father: Bhungane, Bhungane kaNsele, Zikode we have
brought you your daughter in law, we ask that you welcome
her to our family, you look after her and you protect her. We
ask that you bless their marriage and protect it from all the
unknown things that might try to come between them.
Bhungane, Gob’izembe. You are one of us now Thandolwethu.
I nod my head, I am told to go back to where we were so
Aphiwe and I get up and walk out of the room.
Me: You ignored me when we got here, don’t you want to
marry me anymore?
Phiwe: Shhh let’s wait until the ceremony is complete and I will
show you how much I have been longing to make you my wife.
I blush and look down.
Phiwe: I love you Dimple face.
My heart melts at his words. We get back to our places and the
ceremony proceeds. Londi and Mbali get up to help me hand
out gifts to my husband’s family, mainly blankets. Starting from
the elders going down to the youngsters, by the time I am done
with his family I am sweating and my back is aching. This is a
huge family.
Finally it’s time to present my husband his gifts. I make out a
bed for him then take mats and pave his way from where he is
sitting to the bed. He smiles when I take his hand and pull him
up.
Phiwe: You look beautiful babe.
Me: Stop it Phiwe.
He chuckles and let’s me lead him to the bed. He sits down, I
take off his sandals and wash his feet. Once his feet are clean I
promote him to lie on the bed which he does no questions
asked, I take a blanket and lay it over him, covering his body.
My bridesmaids are already waiting with small sticks which they
use to hit him, he gets up quickly and runs. I have to run after
him and hold him. He laughs and kisses my lips, I push him back
no matter how much I want to kiss him. His family is watching,
our elders are watching.
Phiwe: You are my wife now.
Me: So kiss me in front of your family?
Phiwe: Oh I can even make love to you right now.
I laugh and he joins in.
Phiwe: Dad can I kiss my wife now?! I have been waiting!
I hear laughing and his dad shouts yes, oh Aphiwe is so
embarrassing.
Phiwe: You heard the man.
He bends down to kiss me, I hold his arms and we share a
passionate kiss. Breaking it he kisses my forehead.
Phiwe: Thank you for being my wife.
Me: Thank you for making me your wife.
Phiwe: My pleasure babe.
He takes my hand and we go to the tent for the reception. As
our guests settle down Londi tells me that mom is calling me so
I leave the tent. Shaka is crying so I take him from her then go
inside the house to feed him, once he is full I put him down to
sleep.
Mom: You have to change into that dress now.
Me: Yes mom.
Londi and Mbali walk in with my bag, I undress quickly then
change into my long white dress with beads around it. I wear
my white hat and then Mbali does touch ups on my make up.
Once done we go to the tent, I sit down next to my husband.
Phiwe: You look beautiful babe.
Me: Thank you my love.
He kisses me then we look at his dad who is welcoming me to
their family once again. After his speech, both his family and
mine take turns in giving us advises and wish us well for our
new journey. They serve us food and drinks then the
celebration continues.

The celebration goes on until the next morning around 2am our
guests start leaving. Once they have left we clean the mess left
behind. At 4am we are done so we go to bed. I sleep for just 1
hour before his mother wakes me up, fuck!! I have a shower
quickly then his mother comes in to help me dress in my makoti
attire.

I walk into the kitchen and turn on the kettle to make tea for
his family, his mother walks in and helps me to make them
breakfast. Once the elders are awake we serve them tea and
sandwiches. I serve everyone then cook soft porridge for
Nqobile, it’s her favourite. Once she is awake I feed her while
making her father who is still sleeping breakfast. Once his food
is ready I take it upstairs to his room on a tray. Because he is
still sleeping I wake him up, he thanks me and asks that I eat
with him. I sit down and take Shaka to feed him while my
husband feeds me.
A knock comes through the door then his aunt walks in.
His aunt: Makoti the elders are finished eating, Zwelibanzi you
have to get up. We want to talk to you both before we get
ready to leave.
We nod then she walks out. I sigh then give him Shaka and get
off the bed. I take the empty plates then walk out. I collect all
the dishes them from his elders then go to the kitchen to wash
the dishes and put them back to their places. His aunts and I
start on lunch and it’s still early.
At 11 we are done cooking and serving everyone, my husband
is up and he bathe the kids as well. Thank God for that because
I am exhausted. I sit down to eat as well. After eating I get up
and get all the dishes then wash the dishes and clean.
At 13h00 I am done so I join the elders in the lounge. Aphiwe’s
uncle gets up.
His uncle: Zwelibanzi thank you for the wonderful thing that
you did, it shows how matured you are. Ukuzalisa ungashiyi but
marry the girl that you have children with, that’s what being a
man means, not running away from your responsibilities. Being
loyal and committed to your partner, siyabonga kakhulu
ndodana. Makoti siyabonga, you have brought this family so
much joy. These 2 children, you even brought us our son. Thank
you so much. Zwelibanzi look at how beautiful your wife is, she
is beautiful. Now I want you to maintain this beauty, don’t
stress this girl out, don’t make her dress in those clothes, cha!
She must be beautiful, she is still young so she must dress her
age ungamenzi ugogo la. Ugcine suphuma ngaphandle ubheka
other woman because your wife dresses and looks like an old
woman. Makoti uyaphakelwa umyeni, sex can hold a marriage
together or break it. That is the truth! Men are always hungry
so make sure that you dish it. Not forgetting respect
respect your husband, he is your god! Zwelibanzi love your
wife, love her even harder than you do right now.
We both nod. He sits down then his mother gets up.
His mother: I don’t have much to say, my brother has already
said it all. Love and respect each other, I know that you can do
that. You have been doing it since you were kids, support each
other like you have been doing all those years. Take care of my
son for me please.
I nod.
His dad: Wrapping up transparency, communication, honesty,
ukuthobelana those are the words that I say bye to you with.
They say a wise woman builds her home and a foolish woman
destroys it with her very own hands. Son, my daughter I give
you those words. They apply to the both of you. Love each
other, nibambisane and build your home for you and for your
children.
We nod then Aphiwe gets up to thank everyone for everything
that they did for us then tells them that we will be leaving right
now.
Phiwe: ..... wife is tired and needs to rest now she has been up
since yesterday.
They all agree that we can leave so I get up to get the kids
ready to leave. Aphiwe and Muzi pack all our gifts in the cars
then we get in. The cars follow each other to our home, our
house! Finally a house that we can call our own. A home!

We get to our house and get off then I go unlock the door! We
only moved our stuff the whole of Friday so that we wouldn’t
have much to do when we officially move in. Aphiwe walks in
with the kids after me.
Phiwe: Get used to it my love, this is our home.
Me: I love it.
I turn to him and he kisses my lips.
Muzi: Get a room you two!
Phiwe: Get yourself a wife so that you can stop being jealous.
Muzi: I am not tying myself down.
Me: What are you trying to say? You don’t think we did well?
Muzi: For you, you have been tied down since you were kids so
you used to it now. It was a good move for you guys, I am not
about to tie myself down to someone I just met.
Aphiwe chuckles.
Phiwe: Just help me carry the stuff in.
He gives me Shaka then walks out. I take him upstairs to their
room, Nqobile follows after me. I change his nappy then sit
down on the rocking chair to feed him.
Nqobile: Is this really my room mama?
Me: Yes baby, do you like it?
Nqobile: I love it Mommy!
Me: I am glad my love because this will be your room for the
next 4 years.
Nqobile: Yes!!!
“What are we celebrating?”
Nqobile: My room daddy!! It’s nice!
Phiwe: I am glad you love it my angel. How is my son doing?
Me: Always eating, sleeping and pooping.
He chuckles then kisses him.
Phiwe: Ey umfana ofana nonyoko.
Me: Mama’s got the looks so he just had to go with mama.
Phiwe: Have you seen this? Even you couldn’t control yourself,
you just had to seduce me.
I laugh, wow this man will never forget.
Me: I was young.
Phiwe: And had guts, not that you don’t now but back then yey!
Me: I am a mother now, I have to be a good role model to this
little one.
Phiwe: But just don’t lose yourself through it all.
He kisses my forehead.
Phiwe: I love you.
Me: I love you.

After putting the kids to sleep I finally leave their room, I close
their door then go to our room. My husband is on his phone
and smiling deeply at whatever he is looking at.
Phiwe: My wife is goals kodwa.
He says more to himself than me, he looks so deep into his
phone and the pictures that he is looking at to even notice me
in the room with him.
Phiwe: Awu kodwa MaNdlovu you are beautiful, you are
everything I could ever ask for. You complete me, you have
made me a man amongst men. Given your whole life to me, I
don’t know how to thank you.
Me: You know you can say that directly to me right?
He jumps up and drops his phone, he was looking at picture of
me smiling at him. It was taken yesterday at our wedding
ceremony.
Phiwe: The next time you do that my beautiful wife I will punish
you soo harshly.
He bends to pick up his phone as I just laugh at him.
Me: Sorry babe, were you really talking to a picture of me
though?
Phiwe: I got our wedding pictures (he moves towards me and
pulls me towards him as he sits on the bed. I sit on his lap then
look over his phone) I love everything single one of them
especially ones with my beautiful wife.
Me: Oh baby
I kiss his cheek.
Phiwe: You are beautiful kodwa Thando, so beautiful and I still
cannot believe that you are mine even after all those years.
Me: You don’t look bad yourself. I need to run myself a bath.
Phiwe: Is that an invitation? Let’s shower together.
I smile and get off him, he gets up and unzips my dress without
me even asking. I shrug it off me then pick it up, he spanks my
ass as I bend.
Me: Phiwe!
He chuckles and wraps his arm around me.
Phiwe: You have a fine ass, I couldn’t resist.
He kisses my neck.
Me: Hey! I have been sweating all day.
Phiwe: So? You are mine and I can kiss you whenever I like.
I turn around and wrap my arms around his neck then we share
a kiss, his hands go straight to my ass and he squeezes it then
lifts me up. I drop the dress and wrap myself around him, he
breaks the kiss then carries me to the bathroom. He puts me
down to turn the shower on, he undressed so long. As soon as
the steam fills the shower I step into it. I stand under the water
and just let it run on me, Uhm that feels so good.
Phiwe: You really aren’t black because black people and
running water like that don’t mix.
I laugh and turn around to look at him, I cannot believe that we
did it. We tied the knot yesterday, he is my husband now, just
mine. He takes the shower sponge and gel then washes me
from my neck down to my breasts, he washes them slowly then
continues south.
Phiwe: Take off the panties.
I drop them on the floor then he washes me, washing between
my flaps gently with his fingers. I gasp and close my eyes, I hear
him chuckle as he pulls my left leg up. I hold on to his arms for
balance and moan softly as he rubs on my sensitive nub gently.
And I know that I want him in me this instant. He moves on to
insert his finger in me and gently moves it around me making
me cry out of pleasure. He suddenly pulls his finger out and
chuckles.
Me: Oh no you are not going to do me that dirty.
He laughs even louder and puts my leg down. He turns me
around and washes my back down to my ass. He kicks my legs
apart and washes every part of me making me burn even more
from desire. He teases my asshole with his pinky finger and it
actually feels so great. I bend a bit giving him more excess, he
inserts his finger in my vagina again while teasing my butthole.
Then he fucks me with his finger making me cry out.
Phiwe: You like that?
I nod.
Me: Hmuh
Phiwe: But I won’t let you come just yet, wash me.
He moves his hand and fingers out of me, argh is he being
serious?! I honestly feel like punching him but I turn around and
wash him too. Let’s see how you will like this huh? I wash his
long and even bigger penis slowly, he has surely grown over the
years. I go down on my knees and wash off the soup then jerk
his soft length, I feel him growing in my hand. When he looks
angry with veins popping on all over him I take him into my
mouth just sucking off his tip. He groans and thrusts into my
mouth but I don’t let him.
Phiwe: Oh good grief are you paying back?
I shake my head and grab his balls gently then suck at them
making him cry out loud, my eyes pop out and I look up at him.
I have never heard him cry out that loud. Did I hurt him?
Phiwe: Don’t stop, do it again please.
I smile and suck his balls again, this time I am ready for his loud
cry. He curses under this breath, I stop to look up at him. Then
get up.
Phiwe: You are so devious!
I laugh, he turn me around to face the wall then pushes me
against it pinning me against it.
Phiwe: Open up for me.
I bend a little and he fills me up roughly making me cry out of
pleasure.
Me: Hmmm
Phiwe: Damn
He fucks me really hard and deep, making me cry out of
pleasure with everything trust. He puts his thumb against my
asshole and I feel like putty in his arms, his thrusts are fast,
hard and deep as he rubs on my asshole with his thumb. No!
No! No this is so fucking intense. He inserts his pinky in my ass
and I come immediately. He turns the water off then pulls out
of me. He holds me for a while as he waits for me to regain my
balance then he lets go of me to put a towel outside our
shower door, he steps out and pulls me out with him then to
our room. He lifts me up immediately as we walk into it and
drives into my wet vagina, I wrap my arms around his neck for
support then enjoy his slow but deep thrusts.
Me: Oh babe please I need more of you.
His thrusts become faster, oh my!! I cry out as I come again. He
walks towards the bed and sits down. I straddle him and fuck
him really good and fast. He holds my hair and pulls my head
back then kisses my neck.
Phiwe: Fuck babe I am going to make you pregnant again!
Me: No no Phiwe not so soon.
He lifts me off him and off the bed. I kneel between his legs and
take him into my mouth. He groans out loud as he comes in my
mouth. I get up and tip my head back to swallow, I wipe my lips
with the back of my hand. He pulls me to him and his lips cover
mine.

I am woken up by my husband wanting more of my body every

hour until I am sore and spent.

“Babe, please feed our son.” Aphiwe’s says from far, I am tired
and every part of my body hurts. Aphiwe and I have had sex but
not like last night, last night was different. I lie on my side and
he puts him down on my arm. I put my breast into his mouth
and he sucks on until he is full then I put him on the bed. I get
off the bed my legs are wobbly, I hold on to the bed and wait it
out then pull a gown from the closet and wear it then take
Shaka back to his room. Nqobile is still sleeping so I just kiss her
then go back to our room, I take off the gown then get back in
bed. Aphiwe pulls me to him as soon as I get on the bed.
Me: I am tired Phiwe.
Phiwe: I will just put the tip in only, you know these morning
erections are the worst.
I lift my leg a bit up for him and he rests his tip at my entrance. I
put my leg down and close my eyes ready to fall asleep but he
thrusts in slowly making me moan, oh this man!
Phiwe: You don’t have to do anything babe.
He flips me over so that I am on my stomach and him on top of
me, I spread my legs for him and he fills me up.
Me: Ohhh Phiwe...
He just groans in response and makes slow love to me until we
are both fed and satisfied.... he cuddles me and kisses my head.
Phiwe: I love you
Me: I love you
Phiwe: Hmm we have an appointment at court today at 12.
Me: I cannot wait to get married to you legally too.
Phiwe: Me too my heart thief.
I smile and look at the ring boxes on my side table.
32
8 years later...
“Dr Hadebe we need you in the emergency room, Dr Hadebe!”
A voice bursts through the speakers. I quickly close my take
away then get up, taking my coat I run off to the emergency
room. I can never finish my lunch around here but I love it,
saving people’s lives, I love it. It has always been my dream to
be a doctor.
I walk into the emergency room and a nurse gives me a
clipboard, I look at it but there isn’t much on it.
Me: Who is the patient and what happened to him?
Sister Faith: Mr Su Ling, he was involved in a car accident. He
has suffered terrible injuries.
Me: Oh no, let’s see him. What injuries has he suffered?
Sister Faith: Injuries to his shoulder and minor injuries to his
head. So far that is what we have picked up.
Me: Thank you Faith.
I give her the clipboard then put on gloves and examine the
patient, he is bleeding from his head injuries. I touch his
shoulder and he grunts out of pain.
Me: I need an x-ray done, get him to ward 111 immediately.
Sister Faith and a Porter rush him to the ward then I follow
after them. Doctor Francisco helps me with the x-ray.
Me: What are we looking at here doc?
Dr Francisco: No injuries to his skull, no internal bleeding. But
his shoulder is badly damaged, it’s broken and he needs to go
into surgery.
I take the clipboard from Faith and write a report on what I
have picked up and why we sending him to surgery. I ask Dr
Francisco to print the scans from the x-ray then we move him
to the theatre, handing him over to other doctors. I go back to
the emergency ward to attend to other patients from the car
accident. It’s just minor injuries so I prescribe medication for
them then have them released. I take off my gloves and throw
them in the trash can then look at my wrist watch. I have to
pick up my kids from school. I wash my hands then go to the
front desk, I go through the register for all admitted patients. I
sign next to the ones that I attended to then put it back on the
desk.
Me: I am picking up my kids from school, their dad is not
around. I should be back in less than 30 minutes. If I am needed
though just call me.
The nurse nods, I go back to my office to get my bag then I go
out to my car. I get in and drive out then to Mpande’s
preschool, Mpande is my 2 year old son who looks exactly like
his father, Aphiwe. I park and get off then go inside his class, he
gets up and runs to me as soon as he sees me shouting
mommy! I pick him up and kiss him, he giggles and wraps his
arms around my neck. His teacher gives me his bag then I leave.
I buckle him in his seat then get in and start driving, I put on
music, his favourite song before his siblings get in and change
the song. I drive to his sibling’s school which isn’t that far from
his school. I park outside the gate and 8 year old Shaka runs to
the car followed by 7 year old Wedding night baby, Nandi runs
out of the gate. Shaka takes the front seat and Nandi sits at the
back next to Mpande who giggles at the sight of her sister who
also looks just like Aphiwe.
Me: What did I say about running?
Them: No running.
Me: But what did you do?
Them: Sorry mommy.
Me: I thought so, put your seatbelt on baby.
I look at her through the review mirror, she puts it on so I start
driving to 15 year old Nqobile’s school. She gets in next to
Nandi and greets us.
Me: Hi my love. How was school?
Nqobile: Great I guess. But there is this boy bothering me and I
don’t like it.
I huff when did she grow? I wanted to protect her from all the
boys, I was honestly scared that she would turn out like me.
Get pregnant at a young age.
Me: Do you want me to talk to him?
Nqobile: No mom I will just kick him between his legs, dad said I
should do that next time he tries to block my way again and no
one will bother me ever again.
Me: Oh Aphiwe! You cannot do that baby you will get expelled
again.
Nqobile: Well it worked until this new boy got to my school.
I have to talk to Aphiwe about giving her these violent advises.
Our daughter is growing up and ofcos she is attractive, she will
attract boys. She doesn’t have to hit them every time they are
all up in her face.
Nqobile: It works mommy.
I sigh and start the engine, she puts her seat belt on as well
then I start driving. Shaka changes the song to Pharalle’s Happy
song and we all sing along to the song, now this is our jam. I get
them McDonalds on the way back home then I drop them off at
maNdlovu’s house, as much as she is old she is still very strong,
fresh! Besides Nqobile can look after her siblings and help
mom.
Mama: What did I say to you about buying them all these
unhealthy foods Thando?
Me: I love you too mama.
I laugh and roll up my window, hooting once then I drive to the
hospital. I drive a AMG GLE 53 coupe, Aphiwe bought it for me
when I graduated in medical school. It was my present and I
couldn’t stop thanking him.

I park in my parking spot then get off and walk in, I check with
the reception on what’s new and what not then go to put my
bag down in my office. Nurse Faith walks in with my files, I
thank her then wear my gown. We walk out and she updates
me on my earlier on patients, I start with Mr Ling since he is out
of surgery now. I find him sleeping, I check on him, his heart
rate and find that he is stable. I fill in his file then give it to
Nurse Faith and we move on to do the rest of my rounds. After
that I go back to my office asking Faith to let me know when Mr
Ling is awake, I have to check on him.

Mr Ling doesn’t wake up until my shift is over but I go to his

room anyway, I just have to see him and make sure that he is
okay before I leave. He looks at me as I walk in. There is
something about him, about his face... there is just something
about him that draws me to him.
Me: I am glad to see you awake, I am doctor Hadebe.
He doesn’t say anything, he just stares at me so I proceed to
assess him. There is nothing out of the ordinary.
Me: Mr Ling are you okay?
He nods then blinks.
Me: Do you have any family that I can call?
Mr Ling: Son and daughter... Bao and Juan.
He gives me their numbers so I call them to let them know of
their father’s condition. I give them the address of the hospital
then drop the call.
Me: They said they will be here soon sir.
He nods
Mr Ling: Thank you doctor....
Me: Dr Hadebe
He smiles and nods.
Mr Ling: Sit down with me for a second.
I sit down and we just talk and laugh like we have know each
other for ages, I talk about my marriage, my kids
Advertisement
my life. And he tells me about himself as well, he is divorced.
His wife found out about an affair that he had ages ago with
some girl that used to work at his house. He owns an
engineering company, a successful one at that.
Me: So what happened to the girl?
He shrugs.
Mr Ling: And the sad thing about this is that she was pregnant,
now I don’t even know what happened to her and my baby.
Whether it’s a boy or girl but you my child, there is something
about you that reminds me so much of her. Is is possible that
you might be Zanele’s daughter?
I shake my head, I don’t know who my mother is. And what are
the chances that I am this man’s daughter? That he is talking
about me? About my mother that I never knew? I mean there
are are lot of Chinese man that have sex with black woman, or
Chinese woman that have sex with black man. Maybe my
mother is Chinese and my father is black, no he cannot be
talking about me or my estranged mother.
Me: Sir I have to leave now, I am glad you are awake.
Mr Ling is not young nor that old, and he is quite handsome
with his black and grey hair. He nods so I turn on my heels and
walk out. I walk out to my car, I get in and start the engine then
drive home deep in thought, what if he is my father?! No that’s
crazy! What are the chances that I really am of a Chinese and
black? Fuck! Nothing hurts like not knowing who you are.

I park next to my husband’s car then get off, I take my bags

then go inside.
Me: Babe I am home!
The kids run out of the kitchen, I kiss them one by one. Their
father walks out of the kitchen, we share a kiss. Then we go to
the kitchen to take over the pots.
Phiwe: How was work?
I tell him about my day, about Mr Ling. He laughs at how drawn
I am to the man.
Phiwe: Don’t start cheating on me with no Chinese now, my
kids are Chinese enough.
I laugh and hit his arm.
Me: My kids are not Chinese.
Phiwe: Have you seen their eyes, your eyes? Maybe this
attraction to him is because of your ancestors, the blood is
calling you!
Me: Aphiwe it’s not funny okay!
He laughs and I join in.
Me: But do you really think that I might be of a Chinese and
black person?
He chuckles but sees the seriousness on my face and tone of
my voice.
Phiwe: I wouldn’t be surprised, you do look more Chinese than
black and so do our kids.
Me: So do you think he might be talking about me?
Phiwe: He did say that you remind him of her.
I just shrug my shoulders, I don’t know. I really don’t know what
to think or make out of this. We finish cooking and we dish up
then take the plates to the dining hall.
Me: Have they done their homework?
Phiwe: All done, they did everything in their gran’s house. I just
checked it and I must say our kids have got my brains.
I laugh.
Me: Yet I am the doctor in this house.
Phiwe: Says you, I am the engineer here.
Me: A sexy engineer for that matter.
Phiwe: Uhm I know, I turn heads.
I smiled as he wraps his arms around me and kisses me
hungrily. I push him back and laugh at him.
Me: You turn heads yet you can’t keep your hands off me.
He smiles at me.
Phiwe: Because you are sexy as fuck. Kids dinner is ready!!
We share a kiss that we break quickly. We sit down and eat as a
family.

After dinner Aphiwe and Nqobile clear the table then wash the
dishes together while I get Mpande, Nandi and Shaka ready for
bed. After bathing and dressing them I put them to bed, Shaka
shares a room with Mpande. I kiss them.
Me: I love you.
Shaka: I love you too mommy.
Mpande: Lovuw!
I smile at him then walk out. I want another baby! I just have to
have another baby Mpande is all grown up now. I won’t
mention my other two babies, I just have to have a baby again. I
will talk to my husband about that. I got to Nandi and Nqobile’s
room to kiss them goodnight.
Nqobile: Goodnight mommy.
Me: I love you.
Nqobile: I love you.
Nandi is a faster and deep sleeper so she is already passed out.
We baby kiss then I get up and walk out. I go to our bedroom, I
have a quick shower then get out and lotion my body. Phiwe
walks in just then.
Phiwe: The boys are out and so are the girls.
Me: Uhmm
Phiwe: Have you seen how grown Mpande is?
Me: Are you thinking what I am thinking?
Phiwe: You’ve thought of it?
Me: Earlier when I was putting them to bed.
Phiwe: So when is your injection expiring?
I chuckle.
Me: Did you have to say expiring?
He laughs.
Phiwe: Yes because it does run out after sometime.
He takes off his gown and gets in bed.
Me: Tomorrow.
Phiwe: Don’t renew it.
Me: Uhm the boxers have to go.
I get in bed, he smiles and takes them off. I get on top of him
straddling, we share a kiss while I grind on him until I feel
myself getting wet. I pull away from his lips and get hold of his
penis then slowly sit down on it. He groans as he fills me up,
once he is all in I hold his chest then move my hips up and
down on him moaning softly. He groans and holds my waist
then meets my movements halfway, fucking me from
underneath. I moan out loud, fuck that feels so heavenly. It
doesn’t matter how many times we have made love, every time
feels like the first time. I throw my head back and enjoy the
heavenly love that he is giving me...
Phiwe: Oh fuck babe!
My muscles clench around him as he hits my magic spot and I
feel myself shaking above him. He hits on my magic spot again
and I moan out loud as I meet my orgasm, shaking above him.
He flips us over and rams me really hard and fast, I wrap my
legs around his waist as I feel myself getting close again. He
slams into me and spills in me, I come right after him.
Phiwe: I love you, I love so so much.
Me: And I love you.
He pulls away from me just so he can look at me.
Phiwe: I really do.
Me: I know babe.
We share a kiss then he gets off me and cuddles me.
Me: Stop teaching Nqobile violence my love please.
Phiwe: I am not cut out to be a girl dad, I just want to hide my
little girl.
Me: I know exactly how you feel but we have to teach her other
ways to handle it either than your way, violence doesn’t have
to be an answer all the time.
Phiwe: I know but argh.. can we not talk about these boys who
are after our daughter?
I turn around to look at him.
Phiwe: She is still young for crying out loud, I just want to
change her school already.
I chuckle at him, oh he looks frustrated.
Me: For the hundredth time? Some boy will still ask her out.
Nqobile is used to changing schools now because his father
does it every time because of fear.
Phiwe: Oh man...
Me: She is clever enough, let’s trust her and stop trying to
protect her that much. She can protect herself.
Phiwe: Trust? Gosh she is at the age where we had her.
Me: No babe she is past that age, let’s trust our daughter okay?
He just sighs, I wrap my arms around him and smile. He is so
over protective of his kids, more especially the girls.
33
The following day I wake up early to iron our outfits for today
and the kids’ uniform. After that I go wake up the kids and bath
them, this is my everyday routine. After bathing them I lotion
them then go wake up their father, I am his human alarm. If I
don’t wake him up he over sleeps, my dear husband. How will
he survive without me? As soon as he walks into the bathroom I
go back to dress the kids then leave them to brush their teeth.
Me: Make sure that you help your brother please.
Nqo: Yes mommy.
Me: Thank you baby.
I got downstairs to make them egg and cheese sandwiches, I
pour them glasses of milk then wait for them to come
downstairs. While I wait I make Aphiwe breakfast too, they
finally come downstairs. Nqobile and Nandi arguing about
something, Nandi is even crying now. It wouldn’t be morning
without them arguing.
Me: What’s going on?
Nandi: Mommy she pulled my hair!
Me: Nqobile?
Nqo: I only offered to help her with her hair and she didn’t
want.
Me: But did you pull her hair?
Nqo: No mother.
Nandi: Yes you did!
Nqo: I didn’t not!
Nandi: You did!
She punches her sister’s thigh.
Aphiwe: Ha.a Nandi!! I will beat you black and blue if you dare
do that to any of your siblings ever again. Apologise and wipe
off your tears.
She wipes off her tears and apologises to her sister who hugs
her, Nqobile is soo sweet though. Aphiwe kisses me then sits
down to eat with his kids. I pack them lunch boxes then kiss
them. I need to get ready as well.
Me: Make sure that they rinse their mouths...
Phiwe & Nqo: Before they leave, I got it my love.
They both laugh, Nqo laughing at her father because he always
says that every morning too.
Me: Thank you and have a good day.
Phiwe: Hey where is my kiss?
I walk over to him and we share a kiss.
Me: I love you.
Phiwe: I love you.
We baby kiss, I turn on my heels and about to walk away when
he spanks me.
Me: Phiwe!
He chuckles.
Phiwe: Sexy!
I smile, Nqobile slaps her face and shakes her head which
makes me and her father laugh. I walk out of the room and go
upstairs to our bedroom where I get ready for work.

I walk into the hospital and greet the nurses then go through
the register and my assigned section then my day begins. I go
put my bags down and wear my white gown, nurse Faith walks
in with my files and patient’s results. I go through them then I
do my rounds.
I walk into Mr Ling’s ward and stand by the door, a nurse is
busy undressing and redressing the bandage around his head. I
need to see that wound. I wear my gloves then walk further
into the room and greet.
Mr Ling: Hi beautiful doctor.
I smile and check on his wound before letting the nurse redress
him.
Me: This should heal in the next few days. How are you feeling?
Mr Ling: I need to go home.
Me: I understand Mr Ling but you just got out of surgery
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I need to keep you here to observe your health.
Mr Ling: Not that I am complaining doctor, I enjoyed your
company yesterday but I am not used to this much sitting
around.
Me: Well you have to rest that shoulder.
He sighs.
Me: Has his family been here to see him yet?
Just then the door opens, I snap my head to look and I think
this might be his family. A man who might be Phiwe’s age and a
young woman rush in then to his side, they hug him and talk
about the accident. I cannot hear the rest because they speak
Chinese. The nurse walks out and I ask that they give me space
to check on him.
Man: How is my father doing?
Woman: Can he go home any time soon?
Me: Your father broke his shoulder and had to undergo surgery
yesterday. He cannot move much to ensure that he doesn’t
injure himself any further, we have to keep him here until he
heals.
They both look at their father and he nods.
Mr Ling: She is wise and beautiful, it’s a pity she is married.
His son sighs.
Man: Even on your hospital bed dad you still trying to play
match maker?
Mr Ling: I have to try. Are you happy in your marriage Dr
Hadebe?
Me: Very much so sir.
Mr Ling: Aaaah, how long have you been married again?
Me: Almost 8 years but we have been together for 16 years.
Mr Ling: That man sure has eyes.
I smile and his son chuckles.
Woman: Oh dad what will we do with you?
Mr Ling: Isn’t she beautiful Bao?
Bao: She is dad.
Mr Ling: See? I have eyes.
Me: You certainly do.
Bao: Can I buy you coffee doctor?
I nod and walk out with Bao.
Bao: How is my father really doing?
Me: He is a strong man, he will be okay.
He nods.
Bao: So do you have kids?
Me: I have 4 and we trying for number 5.
Bao: Oh that’s nice. I can never see myself tied down.
I laugh because that’s exactly what Muzi said 8 years ago and
today he is happy married, no not with Thandi but with my best
friend, Mbali. They hooked up during my wedding night. Makes
me wonder if they liked each other back in school, hmm?
Bao: Why are you laughing at me?
Me: Because that’s what my brother in law said but today he is
3 years married and he is happy.
We walk into the canteen and he buys me coffee as we just
talk.
Bao: You know there is something about you, you are such a
breath of fresh air. I get why my father likes you and you just
met.
Me: Well thank you Bao, I hope my pronunciation isn’t that off.
Bao: I have heard worst trust me.
I chuckle and sip on my coffee. When I look up he is just smiling
at me.
Me: What?
Bao: Your smile, it’s beautiful.
Me: Thank you.
Just like his father he is not bad on the eye, he is actually hot.
We chat for a bit more before I am called in for an emergency. I
give him my number then get up and and leave.
34
The day is a Friday, tomorrow is my day off so me and my girls
decided to treat our men to a night out. Well we do this every
once a month, meet up as couples for some food, a good chat
and drinks. I am doing touch ups on my make up when Aphiwe
walks in, he had just dropped off the kids at his parents’ house
for the weekend. My phone pings then flashes signalling an in
coming text, he looks at my phone.
Phiwe: If I didn’t know better I would think that you are
cheating on me with this Bao.
I chuckle at his jealousy, that is my husband for you but he will
never admit it. He loves me all to himself, he still gets mad at
Muzi for hugging me even though we are both happily married
to our partners.
Phiwe: Him and that Ling Ling!
Mr Ling and I have been spending so much time together, we
even eat lunch together, oh he is such a fun man to hang out
with. He makes me laugh so hard, I really enjoy hanging out
with him and talking to him. He is wise, very wise! He is like a
father that I never had, I don’t want him to heal quickly and
have to release him. I love having him around, makes me
wonder how things will be between us when he leaves. Will he
call me as much as he does, will we hang out? We have built
this strong bond, he is the first person that I want to greet
when I get to work and the last that I want to see. I look
forward to having lunch with him and sometimes coffee with
Bao, him and I have built this amazing friendship. I hope our
friendship doesn’t end when his father leaves the hospital.
Aphiwe has been trying to convince me to just get our bloods
tested and I will finally have my answers but I am scared. What
if my assumptions are wrong? What if he is not my father? I
don’t want to be heartbroken. And I also cannot do a DNA test
without him knowing, behind his back. That would make me
feel like shit.
Me: Stop it Phiwe.
He laughs.
Phiwe: Put yourself out of this misery and just get tested.
Me: No.
I get up and iron out my dress, it’s a red short satin dress. He
walks towards me and holds my hips.
Phiwe: Babe this dress!
He whistles then kisses my neck.
Me: Oh boy!
He chuckles and pecks my lips.
Phiwe: If he is not your father then you can just move on and...
Me: I will be heart broken Phiwe, I just want to leave it like
this.
Phiwe: What good is it thinking that you have your father right
in front of you, building a relationship with him that only you
know what it’s based on? That has got to hurt more than
finding out that he isn’t your father now than later when you
have build this relationship with him. And you can also find out
now that he is your father and all of this would be so
unnecessary.
Me: I am scared Phiwe.
Phiwe: I am here, I am here for you.
Me: You don’t understand.
Phiwe: You are right I don’t but I can see what it is doing to you,
you cannot go on like this babe. Talk to him, talk to Bao maybe
they might understand.
Me: What do I say? Hey Mr Ling can I have a bit of your blood I
think you might be my dad?
Phiwe: He doesn’t have to know.
I sigh.
Me: Can we just forget about this just for tonight please?
He nods.
Phiwe: So beautiful where are we going tonight?
Me: Now that is up to your brother my love, let’s get going.
He nods then requests an Uber, looks like someone is planning
to get drunk tonight. Once our ride is outside we go out to the
car, we get in and the driver drives us to Umhlanga.

We get off outside Little Havana, our friends are already waiting
for us outside so we walk over to them after paying. We greet
and share hugs, Phiwe pushes Muzi and Sithembiso when they
try to hug me.
Sthe: She is my sister in law, I am dating her sister.
Phiwe: A handshake will do.
Londi and Mbali laugh at him.
Mbali: Gosh your man! Shall we go in? I am starving.
We walk into the restaurant, we get a table for six. A waiter
walks over to us with our menus
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we look through them then place our orders. Then we have
dinner with talks going around the table, laughs here and there.
After dinner we leave for the Gin Bar, we get a table and sit
down. A waiter walks over to us, we order our round of drinks
and shots. He brings them to our table in no time.
Me: Let’s get this party started!
We click our glasses then down the shots, whoooh! It’s going to
be a wild night! Aphiwe wraps his arm around me then moves
to the music while talking to the gents, sipping his drink every
now and then. When my drink finishes I order another drink,
and the drinks just keep coming. I am already buzzing and
dancing next to my man, grinding and wining against him. His
hands are on my hips and he is moving to the rhythm as well.
He kisses my neck then picks up his drink and takes a sip. Mbali
pulls out a blunt then we go outside, as soon as I step outside
to the balcony the fresh air hits my face. I close my eyes and
breathe it in, Mbali lights the joint and starts smoking. I open
my eyes and fuck, I am fucked! She passes me the joint and I
take a long pull then blow out, just for tonight! Just for tonight.
I am about to take another pull when someone pulls it out of
my fingers, my head snaps back and it’s my husband. He puts it
against his lips and pulls but coughs out immediately, Mbali
tells him how to do it. He does it without chocking this time,
shit this guy will be out in no time. He pulls my face against his
and we share a kiss. We break it after sometime and he lets me
smoke then we go back inside to the dance floor and we dance
our night away.

We only leave the club at 2h00 in the morning and we are all
drunk out of our minds but Aphiwe still manages to call us all
cabs. When Muzi’s cab arrives they share a hug.
Phiwe: Be safe bro, I love you.
Muzi: Thank God for the alcohol because I think you just
admitted to loving me.
Phiwe chuckles then hugs Mabli briefly. Then they get in their
cab and it drives them home, Londi and Sthe go after Muzi. And
we take the last cab.

We get off outside the gate and Phiwe unlocks, we stumble into
the gate and he locks then we walk towards the door giggling
like two crazy people. He fumbles with the key until he gets the
right key, he unlocks then we walk in locking the door behind
us. I take off my heels and throw them on the floor, Phiwe picks
me up and smashes his lips against mine. I wrap myself around
him and kiss him back just as equally hungry. I don’t know when
he unzipped his pants but I feel him filling me up. I hold on tight
to him and moan out, moving my lips from his. I find his ear and
play with it, teasing him. He groans and walks towards a couch,
he sits down with me so now I am straddling him. He takes off
my dress then his t-shirt, and I ride him like a fucking cowboy
making him moan and groan...drunk sex is always fucking bomb
and doing it with my partner fuck!! It’s the best. We go on for
ages, moaning and groaning until we are both satisfied.

I wake up with a pounding head and dry throat, I feel awful. Yes
last night was great but gosh this morning I am really feeling it. I
get off the bed and go to the bathroom to do my business then
go downstairs to get coke and aspirin, after taking mine I go
upstairs to put some next to my husband for when he wakes
up. I go back downstairs to make us breakfast, bacon, lots of
bacon and chips. I didn’t hear Phiwe walk down the stairs but I
feel him wrapping his arms around my waist.
Phiwe: Morning beautiful.
Me: Morning my love.
He turns me around and we share a kiss.
Phiwe: Thank you.
Me: My pleasure.
I turn back to the stove and remove the pan from the stove.
Phiwe doesn’t move from behind me, instead to touches every
part of my sensitive parts. He loosen my robe then takes it off
me, he kisses the back of my shoulder, biting and tracing kisses
up to my neck. I close my eyes and bend down spreading my
legs for him. He pulls his pants down and fills me up slowly
earning a moan from me. He moves me away from the stove
without pulling out and he gives it to me hard and fast....
35
Today is the day that I have been dreading since I met Mr Ling,
since he became my patient. Why can I not find something to
keep him here for? I just need more time with him but what if I
am wrong? What if he isn’t who I think he is?
“What are you thinking about?”, Bao speaks disturbing me
from my thoughts. I snap out of it and look at him then fake a
smile, he walks in and closes the door. I look at his father’s
latest x-ray and blood test results then at him.
Bao: Why do you look worried?
I shake my head. How do I do this? How do I let him go without
finding out the truth?
Bao: Hey talk to me.
I sigh then look at him.
Me: Can I run a test with your father? A paternity test?
Bao: You also think that he might be your father from his
infidelity?
Me: I don’t know my mother or my father, he says that I...
Bao: Remind him of her?
I nod.
Bao: Then what are you still waiting for? He has been searching
for that woman and his child but it’s like she has vanished.
Me: You don’t mind?
He shakes his head.
Bao: Finding your true identity is all you have been talking
about since we met and if a chance presents itself to you grab
it.
Me: Do you think that he will mind?
Bao: He has been meaning to ask you but he is scared, he
doesn’t want to scare you off. So do it now.
I nod.
Bao: You have all his blood samples so go on. I will go see dad
so long.
Me: Thank you.
He gets up and leaves my office. I get up and go to the
laboratory, I speak to Xander and he draws my blood.

Xander: What am I looking for doc?

Me: If I am related to Mr Ling, if he might be my long lost
father.
He looks at me with questioning eyes but doesn’t say anything,
he nods.
Xander: I can do these urgently for you. Wait here.
I nod and sit down then watch him carefully. After an hour of
just waiting he finally prints out a paper then gives it to me.
Me: Are this accurate?
He nods.
Xander: Good luck.
I look at the paper, the results and get up immediately. I take
out my phone and call my husband, he takes the call after
sometime.

Phiwe: Mrs Hadebe?

Me: He is! I finally found him Phiwe!
Phiwe: Found wh.... he is? He is your dad? Honey!
He sounds so happy for me, he knows more than anyone else
how much I needed this, I needed to know my identity. Find my
parents and now I found my father, I found him! One parent is
better than none at all, my prayers have been answered.
“And?” Bao asks me as I walk into their father’s ward. I look
between him and his dad, Mr Long sits up and looks at me. I
nod slowly and Mr Ling looks up.
Mr Ling: Thank God!
Then he looks at me, he gets off the bed and comes to me. He
wipes my tears away then wraps me in his arms, I sigh out of
relief he loves me. He is my father and he has been looking for
me. Bao walks towards us and wipes my cheeks, he kisses my
forehead and I smile at him. He isn’t mad at me? My Ling finally
breaks off the embrace and kisses me all over my face making
me laugh. I am too old for this, but am I really? It feels so good
to have him, my own blood relative. To be kissed like a baby
right now.
Mr Ling: You are my daughter?
I nod and give him the results.
Mr Ling: You really are mine but I knew this the second I laid my
eyes on you. You remind me of her, Zandile.
Me: How was she?
He pulls me to the bed and tells me all about my then sweet
innocent mother who fell in love with the wrong man. But why
did she throw me away? Wasn’t I worth keeping? Maybe she
had no choice, she didn’t want to be reminded of her mistake. I
was a mistake, I sigh and get up.
Mr Ling: You don’t look too pleased at me.
Me: I was a mistake that’s why she threw me away. She didn’t
want me
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she doesn’t want me.
Mr Ling: Yes you were not planned...
Me: I wasn’t meant to be.
Mr Ling: That’s the ugly truth but it doesn’t mean that I do not
want to build a father and daughter relationship with you.
Me: If that was true then how come you let her go? Lost track
of her? You didn’t want me around, I was going to mess up your
marriage.
He sighs and Bao gets up too.
Me: You regretted making me.
Mr Ling: Yes you being around was going to mess up my
marriage, yes I regretted it but that doesn’t mean that things
have not changed.
Me: When?
Mr Ling: What?
Me: When did things change? When did you start wanting me?
Mr Ling: As years went by, I don’t know!
Me: Don’t shout at me, you have no right. You didn’t want me
that’s why she also threw me away, she couldn’t afford to keep
me.
I couldn’t afford to keep Nqobile too but I still kept her, it’s no
excuse. She hates me!
Mr Ling: But I want you now, I do. Isn’t that all that matters?
Me: It’s not that simple Mr Ling.
Mr Ling: I wanted you 25 years ago, I realised my mistake. You
were innocent in all of this, you didn’t choose to come here, we
made you. It doesn’t matter whether we planned or didn’t plan
you, that has nothing to do with you. We made a choice to
sleep together, we should have faced up to our responsibilities
and the consequences of our actions. You had nothing and still
don’t have anything to do with how you were made. I was a
coward, I was selfish. I didn’t think of you, of what would
happen if I was out of the picture.
Me: Do you know how much I suffered because of you.
Mr Ling: Tell me everything.
Me: It won’t change anything.
Mr Ling: I want to know you, everything about you.
Me: I had a child at 13, my mother, the woman that took me in
when you threw me away threw me out when she found out. I
had to grow up really fast... learn all the things that I learnt all
alone. I had to wait to go into university no matter how badly I
wanted to go into university then, I had to wait for my husband
to get a job and pay for my tuition fees. The resentment that I
felt for myself knowing that my parents didn’t want me...
I wipe my tears.
Mr Ling: I am sorry to hear that, I didn’t know how to find you.
If I had found you at 3 then you wouldn’t have gone through
what you went through.
Me: It’s no use now.
Mr Ling: Can I please get a chance to fix my mistakes? To love
you, to spoil you. Please..
I shrug my shoulders. Is it too late? We are disturbed by the
intercom calling me for an emergency and I report to it.

I dish up and serve my husband first, he takes my hand as I am

about to walk away then gets up and hugs me. I don’t know
how he always knows when I am not okay no matter the smile
on my face.
Me: I am okay honey.
Phiwe: No you are not you cannot lie to me.
I wrap my arms around him and just let it all out. I should be
happy that I found my father and he wants a relationship with
me but I am not, is something wrong with me?
Phiwe: Hey it’s okay honey, everything will be okay. Nqobile
please serve your siblings, I will take mom upstairs.
Nqobile: Yes daddy.
36
I sit down across Mr Ling who has been calling and trying to see
me for days. We are in a restaurant in Kloof.
Mr Ling: I am glad you came.
Me: It’s not like you left me any choice.
He smiles and calls the waiter over, he gives us our menus then
we order drinks.
Me: No seriously this is harassment, you cannot call me every
second. Don’t you have work?
Mr Ling: My company runs itself. I want to have a relationship
with my daughter that’s all.
Me: It’s too late now.
Mr Ling: Is it? Can you look me in the eye and tell me that you
don’t want relationship with your father.
I look at him but I cannot say it.
Mr Ling: I thought so.
A waiter comes over with our drinks then we place an order for
our meals.
Me: How is Bao and Juan? Does she know about me yet?
Mr Ling: Yes and she would like to get to know you better as
well, she is not in South Africa at the moment.
I nod, I haven’t really spoken to Bao. I was sort of ignoring him
too.
Mr Ling: He has nothing to do with this Thando, please take his
calls.
Me: He reported me to you already?
Mr Ling: He is a baby.
I chuckle, I cannot believe I have a younger brother and sister.
Bao is 26 and Juan is 21.
Me: Okay I will call him.
Mr Ling: And please give me a chance as well, I am begging you.
Me: Can we take it one step at a time?
He nods.
Mr Ling: I would love that, thank you.
I smile and sip on my juice then we just continue talking. I can
see the light between the two of us, I think that we are one and
the same thing. We just cannot take it slow and we click, just
like the first day we met we go on for ages just talking and
laughing. It’s like we have known each other for years but it’s
just been 3 weeks. After lunch he settles the bill then we get up
and leave, he walks me to my car. I unlock and he opens the
door for me.
Mr Ling: I had a good day today my daughter, thank you so
much for granting me this opportunity.
Me: No problem dad, I enjoyed myself too. I will see you soon.
He smiles and kisses my cheek then I get in the car. He closes
the door and tells me to drive safely. I thank him and start the
engine, I hoot once then drive off.

I get home and park besides my husband’s car then get off.
They are playing ball outside
there is just so much noise in the yard.
Phiwe: Hey babe
He kicks the ball to Nqobile then jogs to me. We share a kiss.
Phiwe: How was lunch?
Me: There is some progress.
Phiwe: See I told you that it wouldn’t be that bad, you are in a
better mood now.
I smile and wrap my arms around his neck. We share another
kiss before Mpande pulls at my legs.
Mpande: Mama take Pade.
I pull away from his father then scoop him up and kiss him, he
wraps his arms around my neck.
Phiwe: He is such a mommy’s boy.
I smile and kiss him again then take him inside with me.
Shaka: Mommy come play with us! Mom is on my team!
Nqobile: But mom and dad cannot be in different teams, dad
always tricks mommy.
Aphiwe laughs which makes me laugh too.
Me: He doesn’t trick me!
I turn around to look at Nqobile.
Nqo: Yes he does mommy, daddy will always come kiss you and
you forget all about playing ball.
Phiwe: Why are you complaining you in my team anyway.
Nqo: I don’t side with cheaters daddy.
Phiwe: Oh wow!
I laugh at him.
Nqo: And I also don’t side with losers mom.
Now it’s Aphiwe’s turn to laugh at me.
Phiwe: Oh she is really giving it to us today.
Nqo: I will set the rules.
I chuckle.
Me: Okay let’s have it.
She smiles.
Nqo: I will be on mom’s team on one condition, you don’t kiss
daddy until after the game. This kissing kissing has to stop or
you you can be on daddy’s team so it will be 2 against all 3 of us
because your son doesn’t count, he is always running after you
mom.
Me: When did I become mom?
She smiles again.
Nqo: Sorry mommy!
Shaka: Do you want them to wack us because they will?
Mommy is good that’s why dad is always dis... Sis what’s that
word?
Nqo: Distracting?
Shaka: Yes that’s why he is always doing that.
Phiwe: Whoa whoa whoa since when is mommy good?
I look at him.
Me: Face it honey you don’t know how to play ball.
Phiwe: Whatever!
Me: I love you too.
Nqo: So mommy it’s your call.
Me: I will be on dad’s team.
Shaka: Whatever!
Phiwe: Hey don’t say that to your mom.
Shaka: Sorry daddy, mommy.
I smile and go in to put my bag down then change into shorts
and a vest. Then I go out with Mpande.
Me: Okay we have team rents! And team broke besties!
Nandi: Broke? But mommy we not broke, your money is our
money.
Phiwe: Okay?
Me: Your kids.
Phiwe: How come they mine when they gold diggers?
Nqo: Quit talking dad and let’s play some ball.
Phiwe: Wait I need to talk to my teammate first.
Shaka: Oh here we go again!
Aphiwe turns to me and kisses me.
Phiwe: Okay we got them, on 3 the match starts.
I laugh at his seriousness. He counts on three then spanks my
ass making the kids complain and slap their faces lightly.
Aphiwe laughs and we start the match, every goal we get
Aphiwe and I share a kiss. And I get Aphiwe spanking my ass
every freaking time which the kids just shake their heads to and
to be honest it’s turning me on. He spanks my ass again and I
grab him.
Phiwe: Okay kids games over.
We share a kiss then he scoops me up, I giggle and wrap my
legs around his waist. And he carries me in then upstairs to our
room, he locks the door behind us and pins me against it. We
share a hurried kiss as we pull off each other’s t-shirts. He puts
me down to take off my shorts, I pull his down too including his
briefs. He lifts me and I and walks towards my make up section.
He sits down on my chair then sits me down on his dick making
me groan.
Me: Hmmm that feels so good.
Phiwe: You always feel good.
We shake a kiss then I ride him to satisfaction.
A kiss on my forehead wakes me up from my sleep, I stretch
and rub my eyes.
Phiwe: Hey babe
Me: Hey love
We share a kiss.
Phiwe: Come eat I cooked.
Me: Hmm...
He smiles then gets off the bed, he hands me a gown. I get off
the bed too and wear the gown. I go to the bathroom to pee
then go downstairs to join my family for dinner. We say a short
prayer then dig in.
Chapter 37
I wake up at 5 to get ready for work but before I leave I make
sure that their breakfast is ready, I leave daddy a note to just
warm it up then go upstairs to get ready, once I am dressed I
take my bag then kiss my husband then go out to kiss my kids
and leave for work.

After a long day at work I meet with Bao for late lunch. We
meet in Kloof then go to 1904. He pulls out a chair for me and I
sit down then he goes to his side and sits down.
Bao: What did I do to you?
Me: I am sorry bro I just needed time to think about everything
that has happened.
Bao: So how are you taking it?
Me: Mr Lin.. I mean our dad and I had lunch yesterday. We
spoke and we decided to give this us a shot.
A waitress comes over to us and introduces herself then gives
us menus. I just ask for water while Bao gets a glass of beer.
She brings us our drinks then give us time to go through the
menu.
Bao: I am happy for you sis, I cannot believe I have an older
sister.
I chuckle.
Me: I cannot believe that I have a younger brother.
Bao: Who happens to be hot.
I chuckle and call the waitress over, we place our orders then
just talk as we wait for our food. It finally arrives and we eat.
Bao: So when am I meeting the husband and kids?
Me: I don’t know I will have to talk to my husband about that, I
haven’t really told the kids about this side of my family.
He nods.
Bao: I cannot wait to meet them.
I smile.
Me: And when am I meeting your girlfriend?
Bao: You mean boyfriend.
I almost choke on my steak.
Me: What?
Bao: Oh no don’t judge me.
Me: No I am not I just thought that you are...
Bao: Straight? No. I am gay.
Me: Does your father know?
Bao: You mean our father? Not yet. I just cannot bring myself to
telling him.
Me: Oh come on he seems like a nice and understanding guy.
Bao: Maybe to you, if he finds out he will disown me.
Me: So how long will you pretend for?
He shrugs.
Bao: You are the only one that knows.
Me: Okay so when am I meeting the boyfriend?
Bao: When you are free.
I nod.
Me: I will let you know.
My phone rings in my bag so I reach for it. I smile at the caller
ID.
Me: It’s my husband.
I take the call.
Phiwe: You better be not cheating on me there.
I laugh at his jealousy.
Me: I am with my brother.
Phiwe: Brother? Oh that Bao!
Me: Yes honey.
Phiwe: And there better be no men checking you out there.
I laugh.
Me: Well I have 2 or 3 checking me out right now.
Phiwe: Show them your ring.
I laugh.
Me: Stop it man.
He laughs on the other side.
Phiwe: I miss you, when are you coming home?
Me: We are almost done here, I miss you too.
Phiwe: I will run you a bath in the meantime.
Me: You better be joining me.
Phiwe: Oh that can be arranged honey.
I blush.
Me: I am on my way.
He chuckles and tells me that he loves me, I say it back then we
drop the call.
Bao: Oh you are such a spoil spot. Okay you can hurry to your
husband.
I smile at him and take out my wallet. I take out cash and put it
on the table then get up, I kiss his cheek then walk out to my
car.

I park next to his car then grab my bag and keys then go inside,
the kids are watching tv in the lounge so I greet them kissing
them one by one.
Me: Where is daddy?
Shaka: Upstairs mommy.
Me: And Mpande?
Nandi: Sleeping mommy.
I smile and go upstairs. Daddy and I are about to get busy.

I walk into our room and put my bag down, he walks out of the
bathroom with just a gown on. I smile and meet him half way.
Me: Hey babe
Phiwe: Mrs Hadebe
We share a kiss then he pulls me to the bathroom, it smells so
wonderful, like a flower garden. The bath and bubbles are
ready, 2 glasses of wine and cheese on a small table by the
bathtub. Oh my husband is so romantic. He slowly undresses
me until I am butt naked then promotes me to get in the tub.
He plays slow music on his phone then puts it on the table and
joins me in the bathtub, he sits behind me and gives me the
glass of wine. I smile and turn to look at him, we share a short
kiss then I relax against his chest.
Phiwe: Tell me about your day.
I tell him about my day and he listens to me attentively, he
always does.
Me: And how about your day?
Phiwe: Soo busy, your kids are a handful.
Me: I know right.
Phiwe: I have something for you.
He pulls out two flight tickets and hotel tickets from the table, I
didn’t see those.
Me: Where are we going?
Phiwe: Look at the reservation babe.
I put my glass down and take the tickets.
Phiwe: For our honeymoon, I think we deserve one.
I read the tickets and the hotel reservation.
Me: Babe!!
I scream and turn around to hug him.
Me: We are going to the Maldives?!
He chuckles. I heard that it’s soo beautiful there.
Phiwe: In a month so book leave my love
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I already have.
Me: Aphiwe...
Phiwe: You deserve it my love.
I put the tickets on the table before I get them wet.
Me: I don’t deserve you.
Phiwe: I don’t deserve you, you have been soo great to me. A
perfect wife, a perfect friend and a perfect mother. You have
given so much to me without asking for much back.
Me: Phiwe...
I kiss him so hard and long, he holds my waist and responds
back to my kisses. We break the kiss and he wipes my tears.
Me: Thank you
He smiles and kisses my lips, just a baby kiss.
Phiwe: We will be away for 2 weeks oh and it’s time to go
shopping. Make sure that you buy bikinis only because we will
be surrounded by water. I booked us a water villa in Constance
Halaveli, a honeymoon suite.
I scream out of excitement.
Me: And the kids?
Phiwe: We deserve a break from parenting as well, they will live
with Muzi and Mbali while we are away.
I squeal and wrap my arms around his neck again, he laughs
and kisses me.

Mbali: I cannot believe that you are going to the Maldives, I am

soo jealous.
We are in a store and she is helping me shop for my vacation,
my leave was approved a day ago and I cannot wait.
Me: Wait your turn babes.
Mbali: No really I am jealous babe, how come you always get
the best?
She sulks, I wrap my arms around her and she smiles.
Mbali: I am happy for you babe, you deserve it.
Me: Thank you babe.
Mbali: This will look good on you.
She points at a floral thin straps maxi dress.
Me: Hmmm this is beautiful.
Mbali: It will look beautiful on you.
I take it and we move on to another aisle, I pick shorts, lots of
bikinis, wrap around skirts, loose long pants, beach hats,
sunglasses, sandals and many more short and light weight
dresses. We finally go pay for my clothes then we go to another
store, we get more clothes, travel bags and towels.
After all the shopping we go for lunch after lunch we go to our
different cars then I drive back home. Our vacation is not in
another two weeks and I am soo excited.
38
I get home and park then get off, my phone rings as I grab my
shopping bags from the trunk. I grab it and take the call.
Me: Hi bro
Bao: Hi sis, I just picked up Juan from the airport. What time is
dinner again?
Today is our first dinner as a family, my husband will meet my
family for the first time so will our kids. When I told them about
my family they didn’t mind meeting them but we had to wait
for Juan. My relationship with my family has improved a lot, I
haven’t introduced them to gran though. I haven’t told her
about them, only Londi who lives in Johannesburg knows about
them and she was happy for me when I told her. Londi works
with her man, they started a company together and it was
really doing well. And we hired a nanny for gran, she is old but
she is still strong. We just want to make sure that she has
someone there in case anything happens to her.
Me: At 7. Please don’t be late or my kids will be dead hungry
and grumpy by then.
He laughs.
Bao: Okay okay.
Me: I have to start cooking, see you later.
Bao: Bye!!
I drop the call then take my bags in.
The kids and Phiwe look at me when I walk into the lounge.
Phiwe: I think mommy bought the whole store.
Me: Oh stop it you, can you carry these to my room please. I
have to start on dinner.
Phiwe: Help mommy.
Me: There are more in the car.
Phiwe: Oh no I will be bankrupt!
He puts his hands over his head in a dramatic way and I laugh at
him. The kids go out to bring my bags in and Phiwe takes the
ones in my hands.
Phiwe: Did you enjoy spending my money?
Me: Yes I did.
Phiwe gives me a monthly allowance but I still use his card
every once in a while but only when he gives it to me. He smiles
and kisses my lips then takes the bags upstairs. I go to the
kitchen, I wear an apron then start on the pots. Today I am
cooking up a storm, I hope Juan and I get along like dad and
Bao. Her and I haven’t really spoken since I found out the truth
about her father. Not that we spoke before that, only as a
doctor and her patient’s daughter.
After cooking I go upstairs to freshen up and change.
Phiwe: You look nervous.
Me: I haven’t met Juan as a sister yet, I don’t know what she
will say or think of me.
Phiwe: Well there is nothing to dislike about you so she will like
you too.
I sigh and get up. He pulls me to him and hugs me.
Phiwe: You will be okay.
Me: Thank you babe.
We break then embrace and he pecks my lips then we go back
downstairs. Bao calls to say they are outside so I ask Aphiwe to
open the gate as I set up the table like in the movies.

Bao: Hi sis
He kisses my cheek and I see Aphiwe tense next to me, I giggle
at his jealousy. Oh Aphiwe!
Me: This is my husband Aphiwe, babe Bao.
Aphiwe: Hi.
Bao: He doesn’t look too happy, hi.
Phiwe: Maybe because you are too close to my wife.
Bao laughs at him then introduces us to Juan who doesn’t look
too please to meet me.
Mr Ling: Hi baby, so I am not allowed to kiss her as well?
Phiwe: No.
Dad scoffs at him and I laugh then kiss his cheek.
Dad: Silly man. Where are the kids?
Me: Come in.
I introduce them to the kids then Aphiwe offers them drinks.
Juan: I will help you.
Aphiwe nods and she follows after him, I don’t know this girl
and why is she offering to help my man? She hasn’t even said
two words to me and she wants to help my husband? In whose
house? I excuse myself and go to the kitchen, she is talking,
smiling and touching Aphiwe’s arm. Oh no girl! I walk towards
them then between them, I wrap my arms around Aphiwe’s
neck and kiss him. I heard her walk off so I break the kiss,
Aphiwe smiles at me.
Phiwe: Now look who is jealous.
Me: She was touching you and you allowed it.
He laughs.
Phiwe: She wasn’t touching me but wiping my arm because she
spilt water on me by accident.
Me: Some accident huh?
I grab the tray and walk out to serve our guests drinks. Dad and
Bao are already getting to know the kids and Mpande is sitting
on dad’s lap. Juan gets up and walks off somewhere, I turn
around to look at her. She is going to Aphiwe once again, I don’t
like her. But I take a deep breath and sit down and join the
conversation.
Nqobile: So granddad, I can call you that right?
Dad: Yes baby.
Nqo: How come we are only meeting you now?
Me: Because dad didn’t know about me.
Shaka: Aren’t parents supposed to know about their kids? Like
mom she know everything about us.
I hear Aphiwe laughing and don’t like it, she cannot be funny. I
turn to look at them and she is standing way too close to my
husband. What is wrong with this girl?
Bao leans into me to whisper.
Bao: Your man is hot
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soo beautiful.
Me: Well thank you babe and you are not the only one who
happens to see that.
They laugh again and I get up.
Me: Please join us in the dining hall.
They all get up and we go to the dining hall. Aphiwe pulls out a
chair for me and I sit down then he sits at the head of the table.
I get up to dish up for the kids then my husband and the rest of
them serve themselves. I sit down to eat too and I notice that
Juan cannot keep her eyes of Aphiwe, he takes my hand and
kisses it.

After diner I ask Juan to help me clear the table which she does,
we are in the kitchen.
Juan: You have a beautiful house and family.
Me: Thank you MY HUSBAND built it for me.
She laughs at the emphasis of my husband.
Juan: He sounds like a good man, easy on the eye too.
Me: He is and he loves me, only has eyes for me.
Juan: I didn’t say otherwise.
Maybe not you but your actions! I roll my eyes.
Juan: Thank you for dinner it was really great. We should do
this again.
Me: Hmmm we really should.
Juan: You know I thought that you were after dad’s money but
then again you are living the life here, a husband who provides
for you, who took you to university.
I look at her, did Aphiwe tell her that?
Juan: Bao told me.
I breathe out.
Juan: You are all he talks about, he is definitely whipped. He
says you have been together for almost 16 years now.
Me: Yep and married for 7years going on 8.
Juan: Aren’t you like tired of each other?
Me: Oh no darling we not, we can never get tired of loving each
other.
Juan: Hmmm that’s nice, I would like that for myself too. And
he has never cheated on you?
Me: No he would never! Like you said he is in love with me.
Juan: Even crazy in love men or women still cheat on their
partners.
Me: Not Aphiwe or me.
Juan: Don’t be soo sure sis, I can call you that right?
Me: Yes and I am sure. If you will excuse me.
I wipe my hands then join everyone. I sit down next to Aphiwe
and he wraps his arm around me then kisses my cheek.
Bao: Oh you two make me soo jealous.
Dad: That’s why you also have to get married soon.
Bao: Oh not again dad.
I smile and hold Aphiwe tighter, he would never cheat on me.
Never, we are happy together. I make him happy, he looks at
me and kisses my lips, just a soft peck. No he would never, not
after so many years of being loyal to me and him building me. I
rest my head against his chest and we talk for a bit longer
before my family has to leave. We get up to walk them out.
Dad: It was going spending and meeting your family.
Phiwe: It’s good to finally put a face to a name.
Dad smiles and they shake hands, then we share a hug and he
kisses my cheek. I hug Bao too then just smile at Juan who is
quick to hug Aphiwe and not her own sister. Oh well! They say
bye to the kids as well then they get in their car and leave.
Aphiwe kisses my lips.
Phiwe: Your sister is strange.
Me: Right?!
He chuckles as if he was waiting for it.
Me: I think he wants you.
Phiwe: Hah!!! Did you mention that I am taken? Married to the
sexiest and most beautiful woman on earth?
I smile and wrap my arms around his neck.
Me: I think I forgot.
He wraps his arms around my waist.
Phiwe: Uhmm then you better not bitch and moan when she
just grabs me away from you.
Me: Would you let her?
Phiwe: Hell No! I love my woman and only have eyes for her, no
one and I mean no one can take me away from you. I am yours.
Me: And me, yours.
Phiwe: Yes my love besides she has got a big nose and big head.
I laugh and slap his chest. He laughs as well.
Me: That’s still my sister.
Phiwe: I know, I know.
“Mommy Mpande is falling asleep.” Nandi says making Aphiwe
groan.
Phiwe: Back to parenting.
I chuckle and we go back inside, closing and locking the door. I
take Mpande from Shaka.
Me: It’s bed time kids.
Phiwe: Nqobile let’s wash the dishes.
Me: Thank you love.
Phiwe: I got you.
He kisses my lips then I go upstairs with Shaka and Nandi
following after me. I change them into their pyjamas, brush
their teeth then put them to bed, kissing them I leave them to
sleep. I got downstairs to clean the lounge, once I am done I go
to the kitchen.
Me: I will finish up with dad, you can go to bed honey.
Nqo: Thanks mommy.
She kisses Aphiwe’s cheek then mine and goes to bed. I take
over from where she stopped, once it’s clean I we go to bed as
well. He just cuddles me, and we just talk...
39
walk into the restaurant and sit down, I am meeting up with
my brother and today I am meeting his boyfriend. I am soo
excited! Dad still doesn’t know about his sexuality. Anyway I am
in baggy blue jeans and huge white shirt, the sleeves are rolled
up and on my feet I am wearing sneakers.
I order myself a glass of water as I wait for them. They finally
arrive, Uhm that’s not a man though! That’s a woman, Bao is
such a liar! When they get to my table I get up and hug my
brother.
Bao: I hope you were not waiting for long.
Me: Oh I haven’t. Where is your man?
He chuckles and points to the beautiful white girl he is with. Am
I blind or he is messing with me?
Bao: Tom this is my older sister Thando, and sis this is my man.
I chuckle, man?
Me: Did you say man? Anyway grab a sit. I can’t believe your
man is late.
We all sit down.
Tom: But his man is here, I am his man.
I take a closer look at her, from head down to her chest. Oh-
oh!
Me: I am sorry I thought you were a woman, oh my gosh I am
so sorry.
They both laugh, he is in light make up, long blonde healthy hair
and sh-he is curvy! He is beautiful, feminine. He is in a short
denim blue skirt, black ankle boots and a beautiful blouse.
Tom: I get that all the time babe don’t worry.
I smile, I thought I offended him. My waiter comes back and we
place an order for drinks then look through the menu.
Me: So how long have you 2 been together for?
Tom: 3 years now right babe?
Bao looks at him and smiles, I have never seen him smile like
that. He is so in love, I know that look from Aphiwe. He looks at
me with such loving and admiring eyes, his face softens and he
smiles brightly. Now I miss my man! They shake a kiss and I just
smile at them.
Tom: I am sure he doesn’t know that’s why he is bribing me
with a kiss.
Bao: But babe I do.
Tom: No you don’t, how long have we been together?
Bao: For 3 years.
Tom: It’s 4 years honey.
I chuckle.
Bao: But you said 3, anyway I am not really counting because
everyday feels like just yesterday.
Tom smiles at Bao and I just shake my head. Love! Our waiter
comes back to take our orders than leave and we just get to
know each other.
Tom: Bao tells me that you have been with your partner for
almost 16 years now.
Me: Oh he is such a darling and I love him so much, we have
been married for 7 years.
Tom: That’s nice I am such a sucker for love, you should
definitely bring him along next time. I would like to meet him, I
need tips from the both of you.
I nod, I will.
Bao: He is hot.
Tom: Hotter than me?
Bao: Obviously not.
But he winks at me and I cannot help but laugh, my man is hot.
Tall dark and handsome. He is a dream, a beauty God! He is
beautiful, breathtaking. I can never get used to his good looks,
he ages like wine. Only getting finer and finer. He pouts her lips,
I think he knows that he is lying. He is so beautiful, so feminine
and dramatic.
After lunch we just sit there chatting until my phone disturbs
us. And it is my husband, I take the call while packing my bag
getting ready to leave. I take out cash and put it on the table.
Me: I am on my way honey.
Phiwe: I will be waiting.
Me: I love you.
Phiwe: I love you.
I drop the call then get up. Kissing my brother’s cheek then his
man’s cheek to say bye.
Me: It was great meeting you.
Tom: Like wise and we should do this soon.
Bao: My sister and her husband won’t be around for almost 2
weeks.
Me: No honey it’s 2 weeks, we are going on a vacation.
Tom: That’s nice, I guess I will be seeing you then.
I nod then we say our goodbyes and I leave.
I get home to see a car that I don’t know parked in front of our
house, oh we have visitors? I park in the garage then get off
and go inside to find my sister there trying to chat up the now
uncomfortable Phiwe. I know my husband so I know when he is
himself and not himself, he gets up as soon as he sees me
walking in.
Phiwe: Hey honey.
Me: Hey, what is she doing here?
Phiwe: Trying to seduce me.
He whispers back before kissing my lips. Oh hell no, not my
husband and definitely not in my house! I push Aphiwe away
gently and walk towards Juan, she gets up and she is in a very
short dress. How did she know that I am not around? That the
kids are not around? I look at Aphiwe, are these two talking
behind my back?
Juan: Hey si....
I slap the bitchiness out of her, cutting her words short.
Me: Get out of my house and if you dare set foot here or as
little as look at my man again I will kill you.
Juan: Try me, I always get what I want and this time I want him.
And I will get him.
I am about to slap her again but Aphiwe holds my hand.
Phiwe: She isn’t worth it babe.
I yank my hand out of his.
Me: Don’t!! Get out of my house!!!
She takes her bag and walks out. I turn to Aphiwe and hit his
chest.
Me: You brought her into our home when no one is around?!
Phiwe: She said she was here to see you
when I told her that you not here she said she would wait
which is when I called you. I called you as soon as she got here.
I look at him, how do I know that he is telling me the truth?
They could have fucked and called me here only after. But
would he cheat on me?
Me: Sit down.
Phiwe: What are you thinking?
Me: Just sit Phiwe.
He sits down without questioning me. I sit on him straddling
him and he smiles, okay if he had a bath quickly to wash her off
he will still smell of soap, fresh so I sniff him. On his neck and I
cannot get the smell of soap, not a smell of her either. Okay it’s
time for me to go Yvette on him, from the movie Baby Boy. I get
off him and go down on my knees, his smile grows bigger. I
unbuckle his belt then pull out his dick, it doesn’t look like he
has been fucking anyone. I lower my head into him and sniff
him, I should be able to get a pussy smell right? He doesn’t
smell like soap either. He is already hard and looks so fucking
sexy.
Phiwe: What are you doing? Will you give me head or will you
just sniff me?
I smile and take him into my mouth, okay this is my dick, I know
how he tastes. I suck him off, my head going up and down on
him making him groan, I take him out of my mouth and lick the
tip.
Phiwe: Stop teasing babe
I lick his long shaft going down to his balls, he curses under his
breathe. I suck on his balls and he cries out, I smile and stop.
Phiwe: Don’t stop babe please...
I suck his balls again and he groans out.
Phiwe: Fuck babe stop, I want you now.
He pushes me away then up, we share a hungry kiss. I undo the
button of my jeans then let them slide down.
Phiwe: Turn around babe.
I turn around, he pulls my panties down then pulls me down on
him. His dick slides in me making me moan, uhmmmm I moan
out, that feels soo fucking good, heavenly. I hold on to his
knees for balancing then ride him to satisfaction.

Phiwe: I love you

We are now butt naked and cuddling on the couch.
Me: I love you more.
I look up at him and we share a kiss, he gets on top of me
spreading my legs wide he fills me up. I wrap my arms around
his neck and he makes love to me slowly, taking me high up
with every stroke, making me moan. How many times have we
made love? Maybe a thousand but every time feels like our
first, I can never get tired of being intimate with this man. I tell
him that I love him and he says it back, God I love him! We
share a kiss and his pace picks up making me moan out loud, oh
fuck I am going to come! He slams into me and I come undone
around him. He pulls out then in again..
Phiwe: Hold me
I wrap my arms around him and I know that he is close, he
groans and slams into again then tenses as he cries out and I
know that he is coming. We stay in that position for a while
before he pulls out of me and gets off me.
Phiwe: Let’s go shower then pick up the kids.
Me: But I don’t feel like going anywhere.
Phiwe: You know that MaNdlovu cannot look after them for
long, she is old.
Me: I know.
Phiwe: So come on up my love.
I get off the couch and pick up our clothes then follow after
him. We have a quick warm shower then get out to get dressed
and we leave for the kids.

We park outside the house then get off and go in. We find mom
sitting on the couch with Nqobile massaging her feet.
Me: Hi mom
Mom: Hi baby, I don’t see much of you anymore. How are you?
Me: I am okay mama and you?
Mom: I am okay baby. Aphiwe...
Aphiwe might have forgiven her but their relationship was still
on the rocks, it just was never the same again. Aphiwe just
tolerated her because of me and because of the good that she
did in raising him.
Phiwe: Hi mama
We sit down.
Phiwe: We here to pick you up.
He says to Nqobile.
Phiwe: Where are your siblings?
Just then Mpande runs out of the kitchen shouting; “mommy,
mommy!” He throws himself in to my arms. I pick him up and
kiss him all over his face.
Me: Hey baby.
Mom: You are so good with them, you did a way better job
than I did.
Me: Oh you weren’t all bad.
Mom: But I was. I threw you out when you needed me the
most.
Phiwe: Oh mother stop it. Kids please get your bags we have to
go.
Mom: Can’t you stay a bit longer? Nelly is cooking us dinner,
can’t you join me?
I look at Aphiwe and he groans.
Phiwe: I am sure she didn’t cook enough for all of us, we will
come back tomorrow.
Mom nods.
Mom: I would love that. Thank you.
Me: Go get your bags Nqobile.
Nqo: Yes mommy.
She gets up and goes to the room that I used to share with
Londi, she comes back with their bag. I call out for Shaka and
Nandi who also come out of the kitchen. They greet us.
Nandi and Shaka: We are leaving?
Me: Yes we are, say bye to granny.
They all hug her then we get up, Aphiwe takes Mpande from
me and kisses his cheek. I say bye to mom then we leave, I
buckle the kids in their seats then get in the passenger seat.
And Aphiwe drives up home, coming past a restaurant for
dinner. The kids are so happy to eat out yho, as if my cooking is
bad. But then again we hardly eat out with them, we usually get
take away or cook at home.
40
My phone ringing wakes me up from my sleep, I look at the
caller ID. What does dad want this early? I take the call.
Me: You up early?
Dad: What happened between you and your sister.
Me: She is a bitch! She was here in my house trying to seduce
my man, that whore better...
Dad: Whoa whoa! She did what?!
Me: You heard me dad.
Dad: I am sorry to hear that but didn’t maybe your husband get
a wrong idea? Juan wouldn’t do that.
Me: Oh so you are trying to say my husband is a liar?
Dad: Because Juan said he tried to make moves on her and
when you came home he lied to you about what happened.
You slapped her without even hearing her out
I chuckle.
Me: This is unbelievable of you but then again you would
always choose her, she is your love child and I am the child that
you didn’t want.
Dad: Now that is uncalled for.
Me: No dad do you know what that girl said to me before she
left my house? But you wouldn’t believe me so just leave me
alone. I want nothing from you or your daughter so leave me
and mine alone.
I drop the call and block his number. How dare he suggests that
Aphiwe made a move on her? She made moves on him not the
other way around! How dare he even calls me to ask me about
that bitch of a daughter he has? Aphiwe looks at me, he doesn’t
say anything he just wraps his arm around my waist.
Me: Dad called.
Phiwe: I heard.
Me: I blocked his number.
Phiwe: Why would you do that?
Me: He makes me mad Phiwe.
Phiwe: But he is still your father and you have always wanted
this, a relationship with him.
Me: He choose her side and called us liars.
Phiwe: To him she is this innocent little girl.
Me: And I am the bad one? The one that he didn’t want?
Phiwe: Hey that mentality will only hurt you, don’t think like
that.
I sigh and look at him.
Me: You are such a darling.
Phiwe: I know right?
I smile and kiss his lips.
Phiwe: Just a few days left till the Maldives.
Me: I cannot wait, we do deserve a break.
Phiwe: I know. I better get up, some of us are not doing night
shift.
Me: I have to get the kids ready too.
I get out of bed and wear a gown then go out to wake the kids
and help them to get ready. Once I am done with the young
ones I go to the laundry room to iron their uniform then help
them to get ready. After that I go downstairs to cook them soft
porridge and make a separate breakfast for their dad. They
finally come downstairs looking all clean and beautiful in their
uniform.
Me: You guys look beautiful.
Them: Thanks mommy.
I give them their breakfast then make their lunch boxes.
Aphiwe finally joins us in the kitchen, he kisses my lips then sits
down greeting his kids. I serve him his breakfast and coffee
then continue packing the kids’ lunch boxes.
Once they are done eating they all go back upstairs to rinse
their mouths and collect their bags. They come back downstairs
after a few minutes and I give them their lunch boxes.
Phiwe: And mine?
Me: I will bring you lunch.
He smiles.
Phiwe: I am visiting site today from half 7 to 11, be at my office
at 12.
Me: Okay my love.
We share a kiss then I say bye to the kids and they leave for
school and work.
As soon as they leave I sigh then start cleaning the whole
house. Once I am done I got up to my room, I take my phone. I
have 5 missed calls from Bao, oh boy not this again. I get on the
bed and call him back, he answers on first ring.

Bao: Hey sis

Me: Hey, are you calling about dad or Juan?
Bao: Did she really make a move on Aphiwe?
Me: You don’t believe it either?
Bao: Well she is my sister and I know how loose she is.
Me: Oh thank God!
Bao: I have warned her to stay clear of Aphiwe.
Me: But?
Bao: She promised. Anyway I am sending her back to varsity,
overseas.
Me: You don’t have to send her away just because you think
she is a threat to my marriage, I know that she isn’t. My
husband loves me and we are happy.
Bao: She was supposed to go back anyway. But I just want her
to be away from you, I don’t want you two scratching each
other and dad having to be involved in all of this.
Me: Well he involved himself when he choose sides. Anyway I
will not have a relationship with someone that things that my
husband is a terrible man.
Bao: I know but give him a chance please.
Me: No Bao I am done with him and Juan.
Bao: Seems like I can not even change your mind.
Me: Don’t even try to.
He chuckles.
Bao: Okay sis, I love you hey.
Me: I love you too bro.
We say our goodbyes then I go back to sleep.

I walk into my husband’s work place with a bag of food in my

hand, today I am in a short white summer dress with pink
flowers. Then white sandals on my feet. The lady in the
reception looks at me as I walk in then smiles.
June: Hi Mrs Hadebe, here to see your husband?
Me: Yes, is he in?
June: Yes he is but he is in a meeting at the moment, the big
boss is here. But you can wait in his office, they shouldn’t be
long.
Me: Thank you June.
June: Dr Hadebe
Me: Yes?
June: You look beautiful, you always do.
I smile a big smile that touches my eyes, looks like I have a fan.
Me: Thank you June, you look beautiful too.
She smiles.
June: Thank you.
I turn on my heels and walk to my husband’s office with the
staff greeting me.

I open the door and walk in then walk towards his desk
it’s neat but there are bridge models on the other side of his
office. I put the bag down then put my bag down as well and sit
on his chair. Aphiwe works very hard, he has climbed up very
fast in this company, every year he proves himself and they
always open up to promoting him when there is a higher
position available or giving him an increase. I am super proud of
him. He walks into his office and smiles when he sees me sitting
on the other side of his desk.
Phiwe: You look soo sexy right now.
Me: You better watch out because I am coming for your
position.
Phiwe: Oh you can grab that one because it’s vacant now, just
got a promotion.
He waves a bunch of papers in his hand.
Me: You got a promotion? Oh babe! Congratulations!
I get up and hug him.
Phiwe: But the position is not based in Durban.
Me: Oh?
I unwrap my arms from around him.
Phiwe: It’s based in CapeTown my love.
Me: Oh?
He looks at me.
Phiwe: I haven’t accepted it yet.
Me: But you are considering it?
Phiwe: This could be my big break.
Me: So you are thinking about it?
Phiwe: Can’t you maybe get a transfer as well?
Me: Phiwe...
Phiwe: Please my love think about it, think about all the things
that we can get to do to secure the kids’ future.
Me: Even if I apply for a transfer babe it won’t be right now.
Phiwe: Uhm I didn’t think about it that way but can we put this
away for now and eat, I am starving. What did you bring?
I clear my throat, I can’t believe that we will be separated. He
opens the take away bag and takes out the food holders.
Phiwe: These smell divine, won’t you eat?
I turn around to look at him.
Phiwe: Don’t do that please my love.
I try to fake a smile but I can’t instead I break. He puts the
holder down then comes to me. He cups my face into his hands
and wipes my tears.
Phiwe: I won’t take the position if it will make you this sad,
please just stop crying my love.
I shake my head.
Me: You must really hate me.
Phiwe: What no! I can never hate you dimple face.
I try to swallow my tears and nod but only more tears fall out.
Me: I am selfish.
Phiwe: No you are not Thando stop this okay?
I nod and he wipes off my tears.
Phiwe: Come here.
He pulls me over to his sit, he sits down and pulls me on to his
lap. I sit down and he wraps his arms around my waist. His eyes
fall to my exposed thighs then caresses my thigh and smiles.
Phiwe: Were you planning to seduce me again Dr Hadebe?
I smile and he kisses my lips.
Phiwe: I never want to see you in tears because of me or
anyone else for that matter but more especially me.
I throw my arms around his neck and hug him tightly.
Me: We will weigh the pros and cons then take it from there
okay?
Phiwe: Thank you my love.
I pull away and kiss his lips, he kisses me back immediately. He
gasps then pulls away from my kiss.
Phiwe: You really were planning to seduce me Dr Hadebe, you
are not wearing any panties.
I smile.
Me: Is the door locked?
Phiwe: I will lock it.
Me: Sit down and take off your pants, I will lock.
Phiwe: I love you.
Me: I know.
I get up from him and go lock the door. When I turn around he
is standing there in his boxers only, I smile and walk over to
him. I bend down and hold his table for balance, he lifts my
dress up and kicks my legs apartment then slowly fills me in
making me moan.
Phiwe: Oh babe you are amazing.
Me: No you are babe.
He fucks me really hard and fast making me moan out, to a
point where I even forget that we are in his office. I am
reminded by him covering my mouth.
Phiwe: Fuck babe not so loud.
I nod and bite my bottom lip trying to suppress my moans. He
pulls out of me and lifts me up then puts me on his table, I open
my legs wide for him. He fills me up slowly then drills me really
fast until we both come. He wraps his arms around my neck
and we share a kiss. Hmm that was amazing! He pulls out of me
then grabs my bag, he takes out wet wipes and wipes me off.
Once he is done I put my legs down then got off the table, he
gets dressed as well then we sit down to eat after wiping our
hands.
Phiwe: Have you unblocked your dad’s calls?
I shake my head.
Phiwe: You should my love, give him another chance. Give your
relationship another chance.
I shake my head.
Phiwe: He is your father and I am sure you are also hurting,
don’t allow this to drive a riff between you too.
Me: I will think about it.
Phiwe: Stop being stubborn my love, you will regret it later.
I nod.
Me: I will do it later.
Phiwe: That’s my wife.
I smile at him.
Once we are done eating we get up and he walks me out, is it
me or is everyone looking at us? Maybe they heard us, oh boy!
Aphiwe’s hand is on my ass as we walk out, our I know and
everyone knows that this ass belongs to you Phiwe you don’t
have to hold my ass.
I saw bye to June at the reception then he walks me to my car
in the parking lot. He opens the door for me.
Phiwe: Don’t look now but I feel like they followed us out.
I look behind him and his colleagues are peeking out of the
windows. I wave at them and they quickly turn their backs to
us, I laugh and look at Aphiwe who is shaking his head.
Phiwe: Oh Dr Hadebe what will I do with you?
Me: I can think of a few things.
Phiwe: Kiss me and get out of here.
He leans in and I meet him half way, we share a kiss. Breaking it
I get in the car and he closes my door.
Phiwe: I love you so much.
Me: And I love you.
We share another kiss then I start the car and reverse out of my
parking. I hoot once and drive back home.

I get home and cook then get ready for work.

41
After my rounds I go to my office for a quick nap, I am soo
exhausted. I sit behind my desk and relax back on the chair
then close my eyes.
I am just falling into a very nice nap when a knock comes
through the door. I sit up and rub my eyes, I should have been
sleeping earlier on but no I had to go to Aphiwe and have him
exhaust me. I call the person in, the door opens and my father
walks in with take away.
Me: What are you doing here?
Dad: I brought dinner.
He lifts up the take away and I sigh. That smells so divine.
Me: What is it?
Dad: Noddles, chicken and tofu.
He smiles and sits down across me handing me my food holder
and chop sticks.
Me: I am not a chop stick girl.
Dad: You have to learn my daughter, very soon I will ask you to
visit China with me.
Me: Oh... how did you know that I was working night shift?
Dad: After you rejected my calls I decided to drive here during
the day, the nurse in the reception said you would be working
night shift so I came back.
I nod and try to hold the chop sticks but I fail, dad laughs at me
but shows me how to hold them. I battle for a while before I
give up. I those them on the table and sigh.
Dad: Hey hey, never give up. Try, keep trying until you get it
right.
Me: It’s hard dad.
Dad: Just like life but do you stop trying?
I shake my head and he gives me a new set of chop sticks. He
shows me how to hold them until I finally get it and we eat
together, it’s not perfect but at least now I am eating.
Dad: I am sorry that I thought the worst of your husband.
Me: What changed your mind?
Dad: Bao talked some sense into me. I am sending her back
abroad.
Me: You don’t have to dad, Durban is big enough for the both
of us anyway.
Dad: She needs to complete her studies.
Me: I don’t really care what she does or doesn’t do dad, I just
want her really away from my husband or I will kill her.
Dad: You see that is what I don’t want, you to kill her. She is
your sister and you two shouldn’t be at each other’s throats like
this, it’s not healthy.
I chuckle.
Me: Then tell her to stay away from my husband, in fact from
my family.
Dad sighs and just continues to eat.
Dad: I can’t believe having 2 daughters is this hard, dramatic.
How do you do it?
I look at him the man looks stressed. I shrug my shoulders, my
daughters haven’t gotten to that stage where they want the
same man. They want the simple things that I can easily get
them, small fights that I or Aphiwe can easily solve. Dad sighs
deeply and I feel bad for him but it’s not my fault that he raised
a brat that wants what doesn’t belong to her.
After dinner I walk dad out to his car then go back in. Dr Zungu
stops me at the reception, he is my senior.
Me: Yes doctor?
Dr Z: I heard that you going on leave soon?
Me: Yes I am doc.
Dr Z: When you come back I don’t want you to come back to
the Durban hospital, there is a position in Capetown. And that
for you means levering up and a few extra zeros, you are one of
our good doctors and I see you more deserving.
Me: What? Are you being for real?
Dr Z: I can always put in someone else if you don’t want the
position.
Me: Can I think about it? I have a life here, kids who are still in
school.
Dr Z: It’s almost the end of the second term anyway so you can
always apply now and they can start in the 3rd term in different
schools. Think about it and get back to me.
Me: Yes doc, thank you.
I walk away happy
Advertisement
I have to tell my husband. I have run to my office and call him
immediately.

Phiwe: Hey honey, I am just about to put the kids to bed. Their
homework is done already and it is clean in the house.
Oh my poor husband, he thinks I called to check on the kids.
Me: Phiwe listen...
Phiwe: Yes babe?
Me: We can move to Capetown! We can talk to the kids when I
get there.
Phiwe: What did you? Are you being serious?! You are not
pulling my leg are you?
Me: No my dear husband, I wouldn’t think of joking about that.
He laughs really hard, obviously excited! Oh my husband!!
Me: There is an opening in one of our hospitals in Capetown
and the senior doctor gave me first offer.
Phiwe: Oh babe I am soo happy to hear that, you have just
made my night.
Me: I know my love.
The intercom goes off and I have to attend to the call so I say
bye to my husband then rush out. Being a doctor I get to face
everything, every sickness, accidents, blood... blood and more
blood! Today I have to attend so someone who was shot,
through out my 1 year in this hospital I have never seen so
much blood. As much as we try to save lives and not accept
defeat tonight I have to accept defeat but it doesn’t mean that I
won’t try to help my patient.
Me: To the x-ray then straight to the theatre, I think we might
have to operate immediately.
I put on my gloves then rush after the patient.

After a long night I am glad to finally go home, luckily the

patient didn’t pass on but he was just hanging on. I had over to
the morning doctor then grab my keys and bag then drive
home. I am overly exhausted. Some nights are quiet but some
nights are just Chaotic. I sigh and start my car then reverse out
of the parking.

I get home and park then get off and walk in, Aphiwe is running
around and the kids are still not dressed.
Me: Morning honey.
I put my bag down and he turns to me.
Phiwe: How do you do it?
I smile and kiss him.
Me: Go get ready I will take over from here.
Phiwe: Thank you my love.
He kisses me again then goes upstairs. I look at the kids.
Me: Okay so why aren’t you guys dressed?
Nqo: Daddy hasn’t ironed our uniform.
Me: Have you eaten?
Shaka: Yes mommy but daddy’s porridge had lumps.
Me: Oh this man will kill my kids.
I nod and go get their uniform then rush to the laundry room to
iron for the kids, when I am done I dress them then take
Aphiwe’s shirt to him. He thanks me so I go back downstairs to
make their lunch boxes. When we are all done I comb Nandi’s
hair.
Nandi: Thank you mommy.
I smile as her then we go downstairs, I am carrying Shaka.
Phiwe: Okay listen up kids before we all go to school and work
mommy and I have something to say to you.
They look at us.
Me: Okay daddy and I were offered positions in Capetown and
you know what that means, more responsibilities, more money.
Nqo: Does that mean we have to move?
Phiwe: Unfortunately baby.
Shaka: But we are in school mommy.
Me: You can change schools, we can find you a good school.
Nqobile nods, she is so understanding. I am blessed to have a
daughter like her, bless this sweet child.
Shaka: And my friends?
Nqo: You can make new friends, mom and dad really need this.
Nandi: And what about our home? Our room?
I look at Aphiwe.
Phiwe: Daddy will find you a new home, a new room.
Nandi: And our home?
Me: We can keep this home to visit every now and again.
Aphiwe nods.
Phiwe: We can find someone to look after our home, I have a
friend. A trusted friend who will take care of our home.
The kids nod besides Shaka.
Shaka: And my friends?
Nqo: Make new friends Shaka.
I smile at her.
Me: Thank you baby. Daddy will take you to school.
Nqo: Have a good day mommy.
Me: Have a good day my love and thank you.
I kiss her forehead, I kiss the rest of them and tell them that I
love them. Once they love I go upstairs to have a bath then get
dressed in my nightdress and get in bed.
42
The day that we have been waiting for is finally here, our bags
are packed and we are getting ready for our flight. Muzi and
Mbali are here to look after the kids while we are away, they
brought Ayanda and Muzi’s 9 year old son. Mbali and Muzi
don’t have a child of their own yet, they have been trying but
they just weren’t lucky yet.
I am in a long blue dress with pink flowers, sandals on my feet. I
am doing my make up now, after doing my make up I tie my
hair into a tight neat bun. My husband walks in to take the
bags, his in caramel shorts and white shirt. Then sneakers on
his feet, he looks so gorgeous, his beard is neatly shaved and so
is his head.
Phiwe: Do you have everything in here?
Me: Yes babe.
He nods then takes the bags downstairs with Muzi’s help, he is
driving us to the airport. I lay my edges then get up and pack
my make up bag away. Then leave the room, I go to my kids’
rooms to kiss them, it’s still 2 o’clock in the morning and they
are still sleeping. I put their letters besides them then walk out
and go downstairs, we are flying to Johannesburg and from
there we will be flying to our destination.
Me: Take care of my kids please.
Mbali nods.
Mbali: I will babe, have fun.
Me: Thank you. Don’t forget to email me through their reports,
I have to get them a school when we are away.
Mbali: I will make sure I do it first thing when they come back
with the reports on Monday.
Me: Thanks babe.
We share a hug then I walk out to the car. I get in at the back
and Muzi starts driving.

We get to the airport and wait almost an hour before we board

our plane. I am so excited to fly for the first time! Aphiwe let’s
me sit by the window so that I can watch the sky and lights, it’s
still dark so I won’t be seeing much today. We buckle our belts
as the plane takes off, I wrap my arm around Aphiwe’s and
smile.
Me: We are flying.
He chuckles and kisses my lips.
Him: Yes we are.
Obviously he is used to it because he flies all the time when
they working in different continents and countries.
The time is 4h20 when we land in Johannesburg, we are in time
to board to collect our luggage then board our next flight.
While Aphiwe goes to collect out clothes I go wait in the line to
get our tickets scanned and what not. He joins me right when I
am at the front and we are told which gate to go to so we go to
that gate.
Phiwe: I have to take pictures!
He pulls out his phone and takes pictures of me, we take a
selfie too then go board our plane. Maldives here we come!!
Like our flight to Johannesburg he lets me take the seat by the
window, a flight attendant comes in to talk to us before we
take off, giving us the instructions and what not then the
captain of the plane comes in to greet us, promising to get us to
our destination safely. We buckle ourselves as before we take
off, when we finally flying smooth in the air we take off our
belts. I look out the window oh the lights are so beautiful from
up here. I yawn, Aphiwe gives me my pillow and I position it
well then close my eyes. It’s going to be a long flight.

I am woken up by Aphiwe when it’s time for us to eat, he

ordered us breakfast. Bacon, egg and cheese sandwich with
coffee. I take a bite of my sandwich then look out the widow, I
am not see clearly because of all the clouds. We finally part
from the clothes and I can see water, lots of water.
Me: We are flying above the sea babe!
Aphiwe chuckles next to me and I see a flash, he is taking
pictures of me. I turn to look at him and he takes a picture of
me, I smile and pull him for a kiss, just a peck then I finish my
breakfast.

After hours of being in the air, we had lunch and dinner in the
plane. It’s dark again outside. The intercom goes off and a flight
attendant speaks telling us that we are about to land in our
resting stop, in the Dubai international airport so we she buckle
ourselves. We do as we are told and we land safely. We are
allowed to leave our plane to stretch our legs and buy whatever
we would like to bye so Aphiwe and I go out to take a walk and
pictures in the Airport. I don’t know how many pictures he
must have taken of me but I am sure it’s about 100 now. We
buy ourselves snacks then sit down, I turn my phone on and call
Mbali on WhatsApp. He picks up after sometime.
Mbali: Hey babe
Me: Hey
how are the kids?
Mbali: They are okay, where are you?
Me: In Dubai, we taking a break.
Mbali: Oh how I envy your life right now!
I smile.
Me: Can you show me the kids please.
She tells me to wait then walks out to their rooms, they are fast
asleep. Oh how I miss them.
Phiwe: Look at my girls, I miss their arguments now.
I smile and promise to call when I get to our destination.
Phiwe: It’s time to go back to our plane now.
I drop the call then we rush back to our plane, we grab our
seats then buckle ourselves. I push my chair a bit back to sleep,
I pull my pillow and fleece then close my eyes. It’s been a long
day.
Phiwe: Goodnight my love.
Me: Goodnight babe.
He kisses my lips then I fall asleep, it’s all I have been doing all
day. Sleeping!

It’s morning when Aphiwe wakes me up.

Phiwe: We are about to land, buckle up.
I sit up and stretch myself before buckling myself. We finally
land in Velana international airport. We spend another hour at
the airport going through security and collecting our luggage
that get transferred to our seaplane. We are shown where to
go and we board our plane.

We finally land in our destination, the plane comes to a stop

and we get off. The staff is already out, they help us with our
bags and show us to the reception. We check in then they show
us to our villa, our it’s really beautiful here. We are surrounded
by beautiful blue-green water but I am soo exhausted from all
of that flying. I just want to nap a bit.
Xaun: We are here, this is your villa for the next 2 weeks.
Me: Thank you.
They put our bags right by the door.
Xaun: Would you like anything at the moment?
Phiwe: Breakfast, can it be brought over to our room?
Xaun: I will arrange sir.
Aphiwe places the order while I go in to call Mbali, she picks up
immediately.
Me: Hi, we were in the Maldives.
Mbali: How beautiful is it?
Me: Just like they say, it’s really beautiful. Where are the kids?
She calls them over and we speak to them, they miss us and
want us home immediately. We miss them too and promise to
be home soon.
Nandi: How soon is soon mommy?
Me: Soon baby.
Mpande: I mish you mama
Me: I miss you too baby.
Phiwe: We have to go boy, we will see you soon okay?
Mpande nods.
Mpande: Okay daddy.
He gives the phone to Nqobile.
Phiwe: Look after your siblings my angel.
Nqobile: I promise daddy.
Phiwe: I love you.
Nqo: I love you too daddy.
Me: Bye baby.
Nqo: Bye mommy.
We drop the call then I toss my phone aside and go freshen up,
I have a long warm bath. By the time I get out our breakfast is
here and a table set up for us right by the swimming pool. I sit
down across my husband and we eat.
Phiwe: It’s peaceful here.
Me: It’s beautiful babe, thank you once again.
Phiwe: Oh you can thank me in your special way.
Me: Phiwe! But that can be arranged.
Phiwe: I am glad to hear that.
After eating Aphiwe gets up to go shower, the attendants come
in to take the dishes away then leave us to it. I change into a
yellow bikini, a thong then put on sun screen. I want to go for a
swim, I can swim, Aphiwe taught me over the years when we
moved to our home. Aphiwe finally walks out of the shower.
Aphiwe: Hmm look at you looking all sexy.
Me: Thank you.
He pulls out his phone and takes pictures of me.
Phiwe: These are sexy but you, you are more than sexy.
He tosses his phone aside and pulls me into his arms. I wrap my
arms around his neck.
Phiwe: I want to make love to you it’s been days since we last
did anything.
I laugh and correct him, what has gotten into this man?
Me: It’s been a day honey.
Phiwe: But it sure feels like days.
I smile and kiss him, I am tired and I thought I was just going to
relax in the pool for now but my husband has other plans for
me. To exhaust me even more. He pulls me towards the bed
and bends me over.
Phiwe: Spread yourself for me.
I do exactly that and he pulls my thong to the side then goes
down on me eating my cake from behind. I push my ass out a
bit more, giving him more access to my vagina and he teases
and eats me out so well making me moan out loud.
Me: Oh babe that feels soo... oh Phiwe!
He stops eating me out and gets back up, with one swift move
he is inside me and making me moan out loud from pleasure.
Phiwe: Kneel on the bed babe.
I get on the bed and knee, he enters me from behind and fucks
me really deep and good making me moan out loud. Fuck me!
He rubs on my vagina edging me closer to my orgasm. He
humps me really fast, removing his hand from my vagina. I feel
my insides tense, he groans out loud.
Me: Oh my... babe I am going to come!
He slams into my magic spot again and I come all over him. He
groans and slams into me again and he holds my waist really
tight as he cries out from his climax. When he is calm he pulls
out of me and throws himself on the bed, I pull my thong bag to
place and climb up the bed then lie down next to him. He wraps
his arm around me and we dose off.
43
I am woken up by Aphiwe kissing me.
Phiwe: Wake up honey, let’s go for a walk on the beach.
Me: Oh babe can’t you let me sleep for a bit longer?
Phiwe: But it’s so beautiful out there and I don’t want to see it
all alone.
I huff then get off the bed, I walk to my bag and pull out a white
cover up. I throw it over my head then put on sandals. Aphiwe
takes my hand and we walk out, he wraps his arm around my
waist and we take a walk on the beach. At the almost far end is
a white small tent, we walk towards it with Aphiwe pulling me.
When we are close a lady walks out of the tent.
Lady: Mr and Mrs Hadebe you are welcome, please join us for
lunch on the beach.
I look at Aphiwe and he smiles. This sneaky man, there are rose
petals on the table and down on the laid out fleece.
Phiwe: Come on.
He pulls me towards the set up under the small tent. We sit
down around on the cushions put down for us.
Lady: My name is Princess and I will be your waitress for today,
your husband had picked out the menu already so we will be
serving you. But he didn’t pick the drinks, what would you like
to drink as we prepare your appetisers?
Phiwe: A cocktail, surprise us.
Princess nods then walks away.
Me: Aphiwe!
Phiwe: My woman needs to eat.
Me: You are soo sweet, I don’t deserve you.
Phiwe: Oh yes you do and I deserve you too.
I kiss him then we dig in, Princess brings us our drinks and boy
do they taste delicious! After the appetisers they bring us the
main meal, by the time they bring us desert I am already full.
Their food was delicious.
Phiwe: Wanna go for a swim? Digest a bit?
I smile and nod then we get up, thanking our waitress for the
amazing service and lunch we walk over to the blue green
waters. We take off our sandals then half run towards the
water, Aphiwe dives in under the water then comes back up
smiling from ear to ear. I shake my head and smile back
because his smile is so contagious.
Phiwe: Come on in babe!
I walk towards him, he pulls me by my arm then wraps his arms
around my waist. I wrap mine around his neck and we share a
kiss, a beautiful sexy kiss.

After our fun filled swim we walk back to our room to shower
then we go for a full body massage that Aphiwe had arranged
for us. Oh this sweet man! They serve us drinks then we change
into gowns and go back in to get our bodies massaged. By the
time they are done on me I feel soo relaxed and happy, I am
smiling from ear to ear. After changing back to our clothes
Aphiwe takes my hand and we walk to the restaurant, the
gentleman who walks over to us showed us to a boat on the
sea. Aphiwe whispers that we will have dinner under the stars, I
smile at him and hook my arm around him. Can he stop already
or by the time we leave this place I will be red as a tomato. He
is just soo amazing to me
I don’t deserve him. He shows me with way too much love, I am
blessed to have him in my life. He is God sent. Aphiwe helps me
onto the boat and it’s just the two of us, we sit down around
the table and we are showered with food and drinks. Okay now
I am getting a little drunk and I love it, after dinner we just keep
talking as the boat floats on the sea as it drives back on shore. A
song starts playing and I get up, the alcohol is already in my
system.
Me: Can I have this dance my husband?
Phiwe: Oh my wife should never ask.
He puts his drink down and takes my hand, I smile and pull him
up then to me and we move slowly to the music. My head is
against his chest and his arms are wrapped around me, I feel
complete, I feel safe, I feel loved.
Phiwe: I love you Thandolwethu, today, tomorrow, forever.
I pull away and look up at him.
Me: I love you more Aphiwe.
We share a kiss.

The following day we wake up and go for a boat ride, we didn’t

get to see much of the island yesterday because it was already
dark. We have breakfast in the boat as they take us around
showing us and telling us the history of this place. We even get
to see dolphins and feed them as the boat halts, oh such
beautiful and friendly creatures. After feeding the dolphins the
boat comes to life again and we drive further into the sea
where we can see small fishes in the water under our boat.
Me: Phiwe they are so beautiful and colourful.
Phiwe: The only one beautiful here is you.
He takes numerous pictures of me smiling, laughing and some
of me dancing got him. He laughs as I twerk for him, he
deserves it after all.

By the time we get back on shore it’s already lunch time which
we choose to have in our villa. After lunch we just cuddle and
watch the beautiful waters while talking and kissing in
between.

The rest of our stay there is beautiful and everyday Aphiwe has
something romantic planned out for us. I cannot get over how
romantic my husband is, we do a lot of intimate stuff together.
Not just sex which we are having almost everyday. And we
managed to get schools for kids in Capetown.
Today is our last day of our vacation and boy did we have fun
together. We went scuba diving, I got to “touch” the most
beautiful fishes, then we went on those water jet skies. And we
also tried the fly board, I don’t know how many times that
flipping thing dumped me in the sea because I couldn’t control
it and my husband just kept on laughing and cheering me on
until I got it. Him on the other hand he looked like a natural.
44
After a wonderful time away and alone time with my husband
we finally fly back home. It is night time when we get home and
the first thing we do is check on our kids and kiss them then we
go to bed.

“Mommy and daddy are home!” Nandi shouts excitedly outside

our room. Welcome back home mommy and daddy!
Shaka: Don’t lie! They not back yet!
Nandi: I saw them last night when they got home, they even
kissed us.
Shaka: You were dreaming.
Mpande: Mommy! I want mommy!!
He cries so hard making my heart ache. I get off the bed and
wear a gown.
Nqobile: Okay you two there is only one way to solve this.
A knock comes through the door and I open it, they kids scream
out of excitement.
Mpande: Mommy!
He throws himself on me and I take him. I kiss him all around
his face then kiss his siblings.
Nqo: Is daddy awake?
Me: Just wake him up if he is still sleeping.
Phiwe: Hey why are you a sell out all of a sudden?
I laugh and the kids run to him shouting daddy! I walk back into
our bedroom and get on the bed as well, Mpande goes to his
dad as well. He kisses him.
Nqo: How was your holiday mommy?
Me: Relaxing, beautiful.
Phiwe: We have pictures and videos.
Shaka: Are you trying to say we are de... what’s the word?
Nqo: Depressing?
Shaka: Yes!
I laugh and kiss him.
Me: No never.
Phiwe: Mommy and daddy just needed some time alone.
Nandi: Away from us?
Phiwe: Oh boy!
I laugh and take Aphiwe’s phone.
Me: Who wants to see some pictures?
They all say me so I show them pictures, some that I didn’t even
realise that he was taking. Of just me, I wasn’t even paying
attention to him but admiring the beauty of the place.
Nandi: You left us?
Phiwe: We left you and I am not going to allow you to make me
feel bad about that.
I laugh at his seriousness, dramatic like his kids.
Me: Maybe we can take the kids to uShaka later on?
Phiwe: If it will help get Nandi and Shaka off our backs.
Me: I am sure it will. So kids we found schools for you in
Capetown and dad will start hunting down for a house that
side.
Phiwe: What I didn’t mention is that my boss offered us his
house while we look so we can start packing and make sure
that you leave nothing behind.
Shaka: But dad I can’t just leave!
Phiwe: And why not?
Shaka: Because my life is here.
Phiwe: Oh I know son so should we do this then? We will leave
and you can stay behind.
Shaka: Alone? I will die here alone!
Phiwe: Then boy you coming with us, I don’t want my son to die
here all by himself. Son you will love it there, you will make new
friends. You still young, you will adapt.
Shaka nods.
Me: Go get ready my love because we are going out.
They all cheer and leave but Mpande stays behind, I cuddle and
kiss him. I missed my baby.
Phiwe: There goes Mpande taking my spot.
Me: Stop being jealous, can you take the kids to uShaka? I am
exhausted.
Phiwe: I am exhausted too and this was your suggestion, you
are not bailing out on me.
I sigh. I am so tired that I want to cry.

We finally get up and get ready for our day then we drive there,
we first have breakfast at a restaurant then we take the kids to
the water park. We just sit at the side and watch them
Advertisement
Aphiwe taking pictures of them while me and Mbali talk about
my vacation.
Mbali: Girl you are even glowing, look at you.
Me: I know right? I had so much fun babe.
Mbali: I am glad you did. When are you guys leaving?
Me: I have no idea babe I am just waiting to get the official
transfer letter and as you know I haven’t been to the hospital
yet.
Mbali: All your things are falling into place babe, I am soo happy
for you. The both of you, you deserve this.
I smile at her.
Me: Thank you babe.
Everything is finally coming together and it makes me happy
and nervous at the same time. Muzi comes back and sits down
next to Mbali.
Muzi: What are you ladies talking about?
Mbali: Oh nothing babe, they are moving soon.
Muzi: Moving?
Me: To Capetown, your brother didn’t tell you?
Phiwe: Didn’t tell you what?
He sits down next to me and kisses my bare shoulder. I look at
him and we share a kiss.
Muzi: Okay we get it you guys cannot keep your hands off each
other.
We smile and break the kiss then he kisses my cheek.
Muzi: Why didn’t you tell me that you are moving brother?
Phiwe: I was going to tell you brother when everything is
confirmed but I see my woman cannot...
I look at him and he smiles.
Phiwe: My woman told you.
I raise my eyebrow at him and he chuckles.
Me: What were you going to say?
Phiwe: Nothing bad my love.
He kisses my lips then looks at his brother.
Phiwe: I was going to tell you bro.
Muzi nods.
Muzi: When are you finalising everything? Will you sell? If you
do can I have the first offer?
Phiwe: We are not selling brother, this is where our lives are.
Where our families are, we will visit every now and again. The
kids love their rooms here and it’s still home. But should we
look into selling in the near future...
Me: No I don’t think we can sell that house, that’s the house
that my husband built for me. So no.
Aphiwe nods at me.
Muzi: It’s okay sis I understand.
I nod at him then look at the kids who are enjoying themselves.
Mpande gets out of the water and runs to us, I pull his towel
and wrap him in it then scoop him up and cuddle him.
Me: Are you hungry my love?
He nods and I give him his burger that he didn’t finish earlier.
Mpande: Thanku mommy.
Mbali: This kid really looks like Aphiwe, like wazizala la.
Phiwe: But he is such a mommy’s boy, this guy doesn’t love me
like he loves his mother.
Me: I carried him for 9 months and gave birth to him, he has to
love me more.
Muzi: I cannot wait to have another child, Ayanda is old now.
Phiwe: It will happen bro.
I look at Mbali and nod, she smiles and nods.
After a long and beautiful day our family we finally go back
home, I bath the kids as soon as we get home then Aphiwe
lotions and dresses them while I go warm up our take away.
Then I dish up and we sit around the table to eat. After dinner
we sit in front of the tv to watch a movie which is child friendly
ofcos.
45
2 years later
The following chapters will be written through Aphiwe’s point
of view.
I wake my wife up with breakfast in bed, she is working today
and it’s a Saturday so why not spoil her? She works so hard, she
takes care of our home, the kids, me and then she takes care of
the whole universe. And she never complains, she just carries
the whole world on her shoulders like it’s no body’s business. I
put the tray on the bed side table then kiss her lips, she stirs
and smiles at me before rubbing her eyes.
Me: Morning sleepy head.
Thando: Morning babe.
I kiss her lips again then tell her that I made her breakfast.
Thando: Thank you, let me brush my teeth first.
She gets off the bed and I had her a gown, she is 5 months
pregnant with our 6th child and she looks hella fine. I want to
take her again this morning, I love her pregnancy body so
much. But I love her body as well, my woman is fine I don’t
know how she does it because she doesn’t even go to gym. But
she is curvy and soo sexy. She walks back into our bedroom and
yawns.
Me: You look tired.
Thando: This is like my second worst pregnancy.
Me: Nqobile was worse.
Thando: Oh that child almost killed me and died on me as well.
Me: I know my love.
I take her hand and pull her onto the bed, she gets on and sits
down.
Thando: Please get Langa for me.
I nod and give her the tray then go out to fetch her 2 sons,
Langa and Mpande. Mpande is still a mommy’s boy, he even
pushes 1year old Langa away from his mom sometimes just
because he wants his spot. I walk into their room to find
Nqobile already changing Langa’s nappy.
Me: Hi baby.
She has grown so much, she is now 17 years old and doing
matric. I couldn’t be more prouder of the product of our teen
love, yes we were young but we did a pretty great job in raising
her.
Nqo: Hi dad.
Me: Thank you for changing your brother’s nappy.
Nqo: It’s okay daddy. I am done.
I thank her once again and pick him up, when I turn on my heels
Mpande is already out of the door.
Me: Mpande you didn’t even greet me!
Nqobile and I share a laugh then I go back to my room with my
wife, Mpande is already there sitting on his mother’s lap and
eating with his mother.
Me: That was meant for your mother.
Thando: We share here daddy.
Mpande nods then peeks his tongue out at me. I laugh and give
Langa to Thando then take Mpande who doesn’t really want
me but his mother.
Thando: Hi baby
She kisses Langa then looks at Mpande who is soo closer to
tears.
Thando: Oh your brother is soo jealous, he can’t even share.
Mpande: Mama take Mpande
Thando: Come baby
I sit him on the bed, he pushes his brother then sits on
Thando’s lap wrapping his arms around her neck. Langa gets
back up without even crying and wraps his arms around her too
making Mpande cry.
Thando: Hey you two can share mommy, Mpande stop it he is
your baby brother.
I remove the tray off the bed then lie down next to them.
Me: Mpande doesn’t get it, his time is up. Mommy will bring
another child to this world in 4 months, I wonder how he will
handle it.
Thando: I also don’t know, I don’t know how he will handle
loosing me if ever had to go.
Me: Babe you cannot talk like that, I cannot bear losing you
either.
Thando: Everyone will die someday honey.
Me: But not any time soon. We still have a long way to go, we
have to raise this little ones, watch them get older and more
independent.
Thando: You mean rich.
Me: Yes rich! And we also have to grow old together.
She looks at me and smiles.
Thando: I love you.
Me: I love you more my love.
I get on my knees and kiss her lips, Mpande pushes me away
quickly.
Mpande: My mommy!
Me: Well she is my wife and I need to have her now so you and
your brother will go to Nqobile.
Mpande: I don’t want her, I want mommy.
Me: Well boy mommy and daddy have to strengthen your baby
brother so we need space please.
Thando chuckles because she knows that I am serious and she
will get it. I get off the bed and take the kids then take them to
Nqobile. I go back to my wife to find her already waiting for me,
I lock the door then quickly undress. I get on the bed then
between her legs, she smiles at me and we share a kiss....

We walk down the stairs to Chaos, the kids are busy shouting
and running around. The lounge is a mess, oh no these kids!
When Mpande sees us he runs to Thando, she lifts him up and
kisses him.
Me: You spoil this child.
Thando: He is my baby.
Me: And you are mine.
I spank her ass then go to the kitchen.
Me: Shaka! Nandi! In the kitchen right now!
They run into the kitchen.
Shaka: Yes daddy?
Me: Why is the kitchen still dirty?
Thando walks in after them and puts Mpande down.
Thando: Let the kids be, go play baby. I will clean.
Me: Thando you spoil these kids.
Thando: They are still young baby and remember we want
them to have a childhood that we never had. Let them play.
I nod and help her with the dishes, Nqobile comes in to take the
kids out for a swim outside in the pool. After making sure that
the house is spotless I go outside to join the kids while Thando
does our laundry. I just sit and watch the kids swim. After an
hour Thando walks out with a washing basket, I get up to help
her. We hang the clothes on the line together just talking and
laughing.

“Come in for lunch kids!” Thando says standing by the back

door. I get up and help them to dry then we go inside for lunch.
We sit down and Thando serves us lunch, kissing my lips she sits
down next to me.
Nqo: Daddy or better yet mommy how did you know that
daddy is the one? You guys have been in love ever since I got to
earth.
I laugh.
Me: Funny story mommy over here seduced me.
Thando hits my arm and we both share a laugh.
Nqo: Mommy!
Thando: I didn’t seduce your dad baby he is just making it up.
Me: Oh didn’t you?!
Thando: Don’t tell the kids that honey.
I chuckle.
Me: But mommy did seduce me.
Nqo: You were young mommy.
Thando looks at me.
Thando: We were young yes but we knew that we love each
other and we want to be together.
Me: That is true, I love your mother every day. I can never get
tired of her, she is my everything.
Nqo: Ncooh that’s so sweet daddy.
Thando: And you my dear daughter you have to find someone
like daddy
a love like this.
Nqo: Ah Mom me and finding love at the moment is a no, I just
want to push my career after matric.
Modelling, she has the body for it so why not? And if she wants
to try it then we are 100% behind her.
Thando: Oh I am so proud of you baby.
I smile, that’s my girl. No boys! No dating, no love just her
parents’ and siblings love.
We finish eating and I get up to do the dishes with Nqobile
while my wife gets ready for work. After doing the dishes I go
upstairs with the kids, I bath them and dress them then put
them to bed. Then I go to my bedroom, I sit in the bed and
watch my wife getting ready.
Thando: Why does it look like you don’t want me to go to work
today?
Me: Maybe because I don’t want you to.
She smiles and turns around to look at me, I smile and get up
then walk towards her. I bend down to kiss her, we share a
passionate kiss.
Thando: I will be back before you know it.
Me: I know. I love you.
Thando: I love you.
I stand next to her and just admire her beauty, my wife is
beautiful. She is breathtakingly beautiful, I can never get used
to her beauty.
Thando: You making me blush.
Me: You are beautiful, every inch of you.
Thando: Stop it honey! You know I still have time right?
I smile and my penis twitches in my boxer briefs, she wants
me.
Me: Do you?
She doesn’t say anything but instead pulls my shorts down then
takes me into her mouth making me groan. Oh she feels so
good, her mouth is warm and wet. She sucks me off and licks
me like a lollipop making me moan out loud until I am close to
my orgasm. Then she take me out of her mouth and gets up. I
pull down her scrubs and bend her over then fill her up, she
moans at the sudden fullness and pleasure. I hold her waist and
make slow love to her, today I want to take it slow, I want to
savour every moment. A tear falls out of my eye, damn she
feels so good, I can never get enough of her. I look at our
reflection in the mirror, we look so good together, perfect
together. She looks back at me and I kiss her lips then give it to
her deep, hard but slow. She bits her lower lip trying to swallow
in her moans but it’s impossible.
Thando: Oh babe!
Me: Yes my love?
Thando: Oh it feels so good!
I smile and ram her so hard and fast making her moan at the
top of her voice, I groan in response and hit at her soft spot
again and she comes all over me. I kiss her neck and slam into
her and my bullets fire out, oh that was beautiful. She is always
beautiful. I pull out of her then run to the bathroom to get her
a towel, I wipe her clean then pull up her underwear and pants.
She turns around and we share an intimate kiss, we break it
after a few and I kiss her forehead then let her finish getting
ready. I got out to check the oils and water in her car then bring
it out of the garage. She finally comes out with her bag, I open
the door for her and she gets in then I close. She rolls down the
window and we share a kiss.
Me: Have a blessed one my love.
Thando: Thank you babe. I love you.
Me: I love you more.
We kiss again.
Thando: See you just now.
I peck her lips then let her drive to work. I go back inside to
start on the pots. I receive a call from Bongani, my best friend
and brother telling me that he is outside so I get Nqobile to
open for him.
Bongani: Hi bro!
Me: Hey bro what are you doing here?
He chuckles.
Bongani: Can’t I visit a brother?
I chuckle and look down at his bag.
Me: You fought with your wife?
Bongani: The wife is crazy, she found out about the side and
threw me out of my house.
I laugh at him.
Me: I warned you bro. But you are welcome to crash her just
for today, I will call my beautiful wife and tell her that you
crashing her for a few days.
Bongani: Oh how can I repay you?
Me: Stop with that bullshit or I will throw you out of my house.
You know where your room is.
He nods and leaves the kitchen. Nqobile walks into the kitchen
and helps me with the pots, just goofing around and laughing.
She is such great help and a big sister to her siblings. Her and
Nandi have stopped their petty fights, Shaka and Nandi are
always on each others’ throats now. I don’t know what it is but
my daughter seems to love and enjoy arguments, if she didn’t
look like me I would think that she wasn’t our daughter, that
she was swapped at birth because neither me or her mother
enjoy drama like her.

When the food is ready we put it away then go watch soccer

with Bongani, the kids just leave us in the lounge. I get up to get
us beers then we sit down and enjoy the match.
A call comes through my phone and I pick up without looking at
the caller ID.
Me: Hello?
Caller: Is this Mr Hadebe? Dr Hadebe’s husband?
Me: Yes?
Caller: Mr Hadebe please rush to the hospital, your wife needs
you.
Me: What do you mean she needs me? Why, what happened to
my wife?!
Bongani looks at me and turns off the tv.
Caller: Your wife was shot during an attempted hijacking.
My whole world stops, shot? Thandolwethu? My Thandolwethu
was shot? My blood runs cold as I try to make sense of what
she just told me. Bongani’s hand on mine brings me back to the
caller.
Me: Is she? Is she okay?
Caller: Please come to the hospital Mr Hadebe.
I drop the call and quickly grab my keys.
Me: Stay with the kids, something happened to Thando and I
need to be with her.
Bongani: Must I tell the kids?
Me: Wait for me.
He nods and I rush out to the garage, I unlock the car and get in
then drive out and to the hospital.
46
I run into the reception and they recognise me immediately and
tell me that she was rushed to theatre. There are police at the
hospital and everyone is just running around. I walk towards
the police as I hear them asking a nurse questions.
Me: I am the husband, what happened? Is my wife okay?
They turn towards me.
Police officer: I am Sergeant Conner and this is my partner.
I don’t care who they are I just what to know what happened to
my wife. If she was going to be okay.
Me: What happened to my wife?
Conner: We just got a call to come to the hospital.
Me: So you cannot tell me anything about my wife and her
condition?
They shake their heads and I walked way from them, I
approached a nurse and he told me that she was still in theatre
and showed me to the waiting room. I wait outside the door,
the door opens after sometime and a nurse walks out pushing
an incubator.
Me: Is my wife okay? How is my wife?
Nurse: I have to rush this child to intensive care sir or we might
loose her.
Me: I don’t care if you lose her or not I want to know what’s
happening with my wife!
Bongani runs towards me and pulls me back, when did he get
here? Where are the kids? The nurse rushes off.
Bongani: Calm down man.
Me: The kids, where are the kids?
Bongani: My wife has them.
I nod.
Bongani: What happened? Is she okay?
I shrug and tears fall out of my eyes for the first time since I
heard about her shooting. No no, don’t cry! Why are you
crying? Thando will be okay! I peak on the small window on the
door and doctors are still busy on top of her, I cannot see here.
She is just surrounded by doctors and nurses.
Me: Come on Thando, come on babe.
Bongani holds my shoulder and every time he does that I just
feel so weak, I just want to break down so I push his hand off
me. And we wait.
After about 30 minutes the door opens and they push out her
bed, he is just lying there with her eyes closed. They rush her to
a room and I start following behind them asking them if she is
okay. A doctor pulls my arm and I stop.
Me: Why won’t they tell me what going on with my wife?
Dr: Sir Dr Hadebe is in a very critical situation, the bullet went
through her chest, it missed her heart by just a few inches. She
lost a lot of blood.
Me: But she will be okay?
Dr: It will take a miracle.
Me: Can I see her?
He nods and shows me to the ICU.

I walk into the room and just stand by the door, this is not
happening. I slap myself and pinch myself but I don’t wake, it’s
not a dream. And she confirms it.
Thando: It’s not a dream honey
She is awake, I walk towards her and take her hand. She smiles
and asks me to sit on the bed, I sit down.
Thando: Did they save our baby?
I nod and tears fall out.
Thando: Phiwe don’t cry, you have to be strong for the kids.
Me: I cannot do it without you Thando
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you are my strength and you know that.
Thando: But you have to learn honey.
Me: I don’t have to learn anything Thando because you will be
right by my side.
She nods slowly.
Thando: I will always be by your side Phiwe, always.
I nod and kiss her hand then her lips.
Thando: Is it a boy or a girl?
Me: I didn’t see, I was too worried about you.
Thando: You have to see him or her honey.
Me: I will Thando but for now I want to by here with you.
Thando: I will be here waiting for you.
I nod and she wipes my cheeks.
Me: Do you promise?
She smiles.
Thando: Honey I am stuck in this bed and in your life forever.
I try to be strong but I tear up. Again she wipes my tears but
they just keep falling.
Thando: Hey stop it Phiwe, I am okay and you can see that.
I nod and she pulls me down to her level.
Thando: You have to be strong, the kids cannot see you like
this. Now go see our child okay?
I nod and wipe my tears then get up.
Thando: I will be here waiting for you.
I nod and bend down to kiss her forehead then walk towards
the door.
Thando: Phiwe
I turn to look at her.
Thando: I love you, today, tomorrow...
Me: Forever.
She nods and smiles.
Thando: I am yours forever.
Me: And I am yours forever.
Thando: Where is my kiss?
I turn back and go kiss her.
Me: I will be right back.
Thando: I will be waiting.
I wipe her falling tears then get up and go see our child. They
take me to the intensive care unit for babies explaining the
whole her condition to me, it’s a girl. Another girl, I hope she
looks like her mother. They lead me to her cube and she is so
tiny and pink, she looks soo fragile.
Me: Is she going to be okay?
Dr: We can only pray, she wasn’t fully developed yet. We had to
operate because your wife insisted that we save the baby first.
Me: But I am glad you could save both of them, she will make it.
She is strong like her mother. Thando woke up, we spoke.
Dr: That is great news sir, I am happy for you.
Me: Thank you let me go see my wife.
He nods so I leave him with the baby to tell Thando the sex of
our baby.

I walk into Thando’s ward but I am pushed out immediately a

nurse telling me to wait outside.
Me: No no no! That is my wife that is in there!
Someone holds my shoulders and I know that it’s Bongani.
Me: What’s going on? What are they doing to my wife?!
Nurse: Sir I will need you to calm down please.
I hear a doctor shout we are loosing her and I push through the
nurse, Bongani tries to hold me and pull me back but I punch
him and run into the ward. I push through the doctors
surrounding her but they pull me back, they try to wake her up
but she doesn’t budge.
Dr: Let’s try this again, 1, 2 clear!
They put those irons on her chest and she arches up but
doesn’t open her eyes. Come on Thando you cannot play me
like this! Come on babe you have to wake up. He listens to her
heart and shakes his head. No don’t shake your head! I try to
pull out of the hands holding me but they are too strong. They
pull the sheet up covering her face and darkness swallows me.
47
I wake up to an unfamiliar room, I rub my eyes then sit up.
Thando! Thando! I get off the bed and rub out of the room.
Bongani gets up from a chair as soon as he sees me.
Me: Where is my wife? Where is my Thando?
Bongani: Aphiwe...
Me: Don’t look at me with those sad eyes man. Where is she?
He shakes his head and I feel the blood drain out of my body.
He wraps his arms around me and falls on his knees with me, I
try to pull him away from me.
Me: I want to see my wife dammit!!
Bongani holds me really tight and says the words that break me
into tiny little pieces.
Bongani: We lost her man.
A sound that neither I can control leaves my mouth. Not my
wife, not Thandolwethu! Not my dimple face! She cannot be
gone, she promised to wait for me, to always be by my side.

When I am calm a doctor walks towards us. I get up and push

Bongani away, I grab the doctor by his neck and smash him
against the wall.
Me: What did you do to my wife?! What did you do to
Thandolwethu!?
Bongani tries to pull me away and my hand off the doctor.
Bongani: It’s not their fault Aphiwe, it’s not their fault.
He pulls me away and I let him.
Me: I just spoke to her, she was awake Bongani! We spoke! She
was fine.
He nods and I feel like I am loosing my mind. His mouth keeps
moving but I cannot hear what he is saying. How can Thando
leave me like this? What am I to do without her? She is my life?
My strength. Who and why wouldn’t anyone shoot at a
woman? My woman? She promised me to wait, that I will find
her waiting for me. Why Thando? How can you leave me? Who
are you leaving me with? How do I tell the kids that they will
never see their mother again? How do I tell my heart that? How
do I tell Mpande that?
“Would you like to see her?” The question draws me back to
the present and I stare at the doctor.
Me: Is she awake? Did you make a mistake?
Dr: I am sorry sir we tried everything we could.
I nod and he leads the way but my feet are stuck to the ground.
Bongani gives me a little push and I finally start moving,
following after the doctor.

We get to the morgue and he talks to the guy there then they
show us to her body, he pulls the sheet down and there she is
lying on the bed with her eyes closed. She looks peaceful, she
looks beautiful. Really beautiful.
Me: Why did you leave me Thando? You promised me, you
promised me a forever, you promised to be there when I come
back. Why did you ask them to save her first? I hate you
Thandolwethu for making me feel the pain that I am feeling
right now. Why didn’t you wait for me? Why didn’t you fight for
me? Did you even love me? Wasn’t I worth fighting for? Why
Thandolwethu? Why did you leave me?! Why?!
Bongani hold my shoulder.
Me: She cannot be gone Bongani, Thandolwethu wouldn’t
leave me like this. She wouldn’t, she would never. Not in a
million years
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there has to be a mistake somehow.
His grip on my arm tightens.
Me: Can you leave me with her? Can I be left alone with my
wife?
They nod and leave me alone with her, I feel all the strength
leave me. I go down on my knees and cry my eyes out. A voice
at the back of my head tell me to be strong, her voice tells me
to be strong.
Me: I can’t do it Thando. Why didn’t I die and you, you stay
alive with the kids? You couldn’t do it, you could be strong but
me, I can’t. I have never been strong Thando and you know
that. Not without you by my side. Can’t you wake up? Just wake
up Thandolwethu and let’s start all over again, we won’t move
to Cape Town this time around, we won’t come to this town. I
will turn down the offer, please wake up my love. Open your
eyes and tell me that all of this was a mistake, you are not
dead. Not like this. Thando? Thando? Wake please! Please just
wake up and I will change all of this, we will go back to Durban.
We will start all over again, I will love and protect you.
Please...please give me another chance please. Is this how you
will really leave me Thando? Is this how you will leave us?

I don’t know how long I have been sitting there beside her
lifeless body but it’s been long enough that Bongani comes
back in. He holds my shoulder.
Bongani: Do you want me to take you home?
I shake my head. I don’t know how I will face the kids, how I will
tell them about their mother. How will I face that house all by
myself? How will I go about life without her? Without her love?
I look down at her.
Me: How will I do it Thando? Tell me where do I begin? Where
do I even start trying to live without you?
Bongani: The kids will worry about you and Thando, it’s
morning and none of you are home.
Me: How do I go home and leave her behind?
Bongani: It’s out of your hands now Aphiwe. You have to try.
Me: It’s easy for you to say because this isn’t your wife.
Bongani: I am sorry.
The doctor comes in and they have to store her body in the
freezer. Bongani pulls me out of the room before they take her
body away, I wipe my face and we walk to the waiting room.
Bongani: Sit down, I will go get you coffee.
He pushes me down the chair.
“Is it true? Is she really gone?” A voice asks next to me and I
look at the person, it’s Bao and his eyes are already red. I look
away.
Bao: Aphiwe?
I get up and walk away but Mr Ling blocks my way. He nods at
me then pulls my head down to his shoulder, I hold him tight
and let everything out. How? Why? I have so many questions
that no one can answer.
48
I walk in at home and the kids run to the door, I ignore them
and go straight upstairs to our room. As soon as I walk in her
scent hits me and I feel dizzy immediately. I close the door and
lock them go to the bed, I throw myself and pull her pillow to
me, it smells like her. The whole room smells of her. I close
myself, maybe I am dreaming. Maybe when I wake up she will
be right next to me, she will tell me that all of this was a
nightmare. But I cannot escape her death even in my dreams, I
cannot begin to imagine the fear in her eyes, in her when that
bullet hit her. Who shoots a woman? Why not just take the car?
Why shoot my wife? I get off the bed and go to the bathroom, I
run myself a bath then undress and get in the bathtub.
I walk down the stairs and Nqobile immediately runs to me with
her wet eyes. She throws herself to me and I wrap my arms
around her holding her tight, she lets it all out in my arms.
Mpande comes to me asking about her mother and I cannot
give him an answer. I let go of Nqobile and pick him up.
Mpande: Where is mommy? I want mommy.
Me: Mommy is not coming back son, mommy is in a better
place. She is an angel now, she is watching over you.
Mpande: An Angel? But I want mommy.
Me: Mommy isn’t here son, she is in heaven. One day she will
come back and fetch you. Mpande: She will?
I nod at him and he smiles through his tears. I kiss him then put
him down. Mr Ling looks at me. Mr Ling: Come eat son.
Me: I am not hungry dad, where is Shaka and Nandi?
Bao: In their rooms, I put them to sleep.
I nod and look at my daughter, she looks soo broken.
Me: We will get through this okay?
Nqo: How dad? I shrug and she comes to hug me, I kiss her
forehead. I still cannot believe it, it’s like she will walk in any
second now and kiss Mpande first before she comes to me. We
will argue and laugh over my pettiness, I look at Mpande and it
seems like he has forgotten for a second.
Bongani walks in followed by Muzi and Mbali who is a mess. I
shake my head and go back upstairs, I cannot do this right now.
I can never do it ever.
I must have been locked up in my room for 2 days now without
seeing anyone, her scent surrounds me and I love it here. I feel
closer to her here, it feels like she hasn’t left me. A knock
comes through the door and it’s Nqobile, I know because she
starts talking.
Nqo: Daddy please eat something, you know mommy wouldn’t
want you to starve yourself?
I get off the bed, I am the parent here. I should be begging
them to eat not the other way around, Thando would kill me
for this. I go to open the door and take the plate.
Nqo: Mommy is in a better place daddy.
Me: Her better place was right here next to me Nqobile.
She fakes a smile then walks away. Me: How are the kids?
Nqo: They just lost both parents dad, you have to get out of
here and come out to them.
I look down, I have let down my kids. I have let down Thando. I
close the door then slide down the door and tears fall out of my
eyes. Come on Aphiwe pull yourself together. I put the plate of
food away and get up, I go to the bathroom to shower then
dress in my clothes. I have lost a pretty decent amount of
weight in such a short period of time. When I am dressed I walk
out of the room, it’s time to be a parent Aphiwe. It’s time to be
strong. When I walk down the stairs everyone turns to look at
me, mom and dad are also here. Juan is also here, her and
Thando were just starting to build a sister bond and now she
isn’t here. Bongani and Muzi get up.
Me: I am okay. They sit back down.
Me: Where is Nqobile? Juan: Outside.
I nod and go looking for her. I sit down next to her, she quickly
wipes away her tears and hides her mother’s picture.
Me: I am sorry for being selfish.
When she hears that it’s me she takes her mother’s picture out
and cries. I wrap my arm around her and kiss her head.
Me: It’s okay to hurt, to cry. We just lost someone that loved us
and we also loved more than anyone on earth.
Nqo: I miss her daddy, I miss her so much.
Me: I know my baby, I know because I miss her too.
Nqo: I am sorry daddy. Me: For what? You didn’t do anything.
Nqo: You and mommy were always together, it must really hurt
you. I wipe my face quickly. Me: I am sorry too.
She nods and wipes her face.
Me: I have to go to the hospital, I have to see your sister and
prepare for mommy’s funeral.
Nqo: I have a sister? Why isn’t she here?
Me: Mommy asked them to save her, she is tiny. She is still
under intensive care, she cannot come home yet.
She nods. Nqo: Can I see her?
Me: When she is stronger baby, when she can come home. Her
skin hasn’t fully formed yet, as soon as it does then I will take
you to her. She nods. Nqo: Will I get to see mommy again?
I nod and she nods.
Me: Be strong okay? And please help your siblings, I will be
back soon. Nqo: Yes daddy.
I kiss the side of her head then get up and go back inside, I take
my keys. Muzi: I will come with you.
Me: No brother, I have to do this alone. Watch the kids for me.
I turn on my heals then walk towards the door.
Dad: The police were here son, they arrested the men that did
this. Me: Will it bring her back? No, I don’t care dad. I lose my
wife, I lose the mother of my kids and then being arrested
won’t bring her back. Mr Ling: At least it is something good son.
Me: Good? Good you say! They don’t deserve to breathe the
same air as us, they deserve to die.
Dad: Will it bring her back?
Me: Then don’t you ever mention those men in my house and if
the police come here, turn them away. I don’t want to hear
about them, I don’t even want to see them.
I walk out and go to my car, I get in and scream! I don’t want to
hear anything about them, why would they tell me about
them? When I am calm I start the engine, wiping my face once
again I drive to the hospital. I arrange for her body to be
transferred to the hospital in Durban, from there she will be
moved to the morgue. After that I go to see my daughter, I
wash my hands and my upper body then lie on the bed. They
take her out of the bed and put her on my chest, she is so tiny
and fragile. They say the body heat helps her.
Me: Hey angel, daddy is not going to be around for the next few
days. Daddy has to go bury mommy and when he comes back
all his attention will be on you and your siblings.
She grunts in response.
Me: Mommy isn’t here to tell you that she loves you but she
does, she loves you soo much. And daddy too.
I kiss the top of her head then then take her back into the
incubator. I get up and get dressed then leave her ward. I go to
the doctor’s office and they take me out to my wife’s car,
apparently she drove herself to the hospital. She was so brave
and strong, no she wasn’t scared during that time. She was
brave. When I see her car, the car that I bought her during her
graduation my heart breaks. She was soo happy when I gave
her the keys, she couldn’t stop thanking me. Oh my babe why
did you have to leave me? There are numerous bullet holes in
the car, I am surprised that they didn’t all hit her. I open the
door and there is soo much blood in the car, I swallow my tears
and pick up her phone and purse. I take off the picture of us
from the rear view mirror then take the rest of her personal
belongings. I unlock her phone and my name pops up, she was
about to call me. I wonder what stopped her. I take everything
to my car then organise for the tow truck to take her car away, I
don’t care what they do with it. I just don’t ever want to see it
again. I get home and take her things upstairs to our room then
go back downstairs. The kids are awake so I kiss them one by
one, I have never seen my kids so broken. And I cannot take it,
it hurts to see them like this. I take Langa from Juan and kiss
him. Mpande asks me about his mother and I just tell him that
she will be back one day. That seems to satisfy him because he
runs off to eat.
Mom: You haven’t eaten anything boy, let me get you
something. Me: No mother I am not hungry. Her body will be
moved to Durban this evening we will also leave tonight.
They all nod and I turn to the kids. I want you go upstairs to
pack okay? We will be leaving tonight, Auntie Juan and Mbali
will help you okay? They all nod then go upstairs. I kiss Langa
again then I take him to our room with me. I put him down then
start packing my clothes, well I throw them into the suitcase.
Once I am done I pack her suitcase, small with her make up, a
dress, shoes and her perfume.
We finally get to our house in Durban, I park in the garage and
get off then wake up the kids. Nqobile takes Langa while I take
Mpande, Shaka and Nandi walk ahead of us to the house.
The next couple of days I am busy with the funeral
arrangements, I never foreseen this day. My heart hurts so
much I don’t think it will ever heal again. On Friday we attend a
memorial service at the hospital that she served under when
she was still alive. After the memorial service I go to the
morgue to bath her and get her dressed. My eyes water
through out that session, I said I would bath and dress her
myself. I didn’t want any help from anyone and they
understood. I only asked Mbali to do her make up because she
knows how she likes it done. When we are done she looks
really beautiful, breathe taking as always.
The day is a Saturday, the day that I have been dreading so
much. I wake up early to bath Langa and Mpande then dress
them in their suits. Once I am done Londi comes in to take
them down to eat while I get ready. I dress in my suit then go
out to check on Shaka, I walk into him crying. I sit down on his
bed and wrap my arm around him.
Me: Hey son Shaka: I cannot do it daddy, I can’t say bye to
mommy. Me: I don’t want to do it either son but we have to
okay? We have to go lay her to her last resting place.
Shaka: She should have been here with us.
Me: Agreed son but mommy’s journey on earth is complete
which is why she had to go.
Shaka: It’s not complete daddy, you are lonely and we are still
kids. We still need her.
I nod and kiss his forehead then get up. I don’t know what to
say to him anymore, I don’t know what to say to make him feel
better. I have been feeling dead throughout this week and
today I felt worse. I walk out to check on the girls and I find
them arguing over hair bands, oh these girls will give me grey
hair! Me: Okay let’s settle this okay? I will do Nandi’s hair.
Nandi nods, I wipe her tears away then do her hair. When I am
done she smiles and thanks me. I take their hands and we leave
their room then go downstairs to where her casket is, the
morgue people are here to show her to us for the last time
before we go to the hall for her service.
Me: Goodnight my love, we will see each other tomorrow.
I bend down to peck her lips then scoop Mpande up to show
him his mother. Mpande: Why are mommy’s eyes shut?
Me: Because she is sleeping son.
Mpande: Wake her up daddy! Mommy! She must take
Mpande. Me: Mommy is too tired son, we will wake her up
tomorrow okay?
He nods, I put him down then take Langa. I show him too then
pull the kids who are just crying. When we are done the rest of
the family comes to see her then she is closed up and taken to
the car outside. We go get in as well and we are driven to
church where her service will take place.
We settle down at the front with her casket in front of us,
pictures of her laughing blown out and hung on the walls. The
service starts and everyone has something good to say about
her, everyone is emotional. It is finally Nqobile and Shaka’s
turn, they get up and go to the podium. I look down and try to
sniff back my tears but I can’t.
Nqo: I never thought that I would stand in front of all of here
today to talk about my mother when she is lying down here.
When she cannot smile at me and laugh when I say something
funny about her. Mom, my light, my love, my best friend, my
angel. You have left me with a very big sore in my heart, one
that will never heal. I have so many whys but no answers, mom
I am mad at you for leaving me, for leaving us. You promised us
in the morning but morning never came....
She passes the mic to Shaka.
Shaka: Mom was sweet, she was the best mother ever. I have
lost so much than just a mother, I have lost a friend, my
confidant. Rest well mama, you will always be loved.
They walk off the stage and Bongani goes up to read a message
from me. Bongani: My Dimple face, Thandolwethu wam. These
past few days without you have been nothing but a struggle, I
struggle to eat, to sleep, to stay awake. I struggle to smile and
not to miss you and see you everywhere and in everything that
I touch and look at. My heart is shattered, how can you leave
me? How can you choose death over me? Wasn’t I worth
fighting for? Why did you have to let go soo soon? Where do I
start living without you? Who will call me Phiwe now? Who will
call me honey? Who will love me and take care of me like you
did? Thandolwethu I have always known you, you have always
been by my side. We were just kids when we fell in love, when
you seduced me. I know you probably rolling your eyes at me
now because you always hated and loved how I used to tease
you about that. Who do I tease now when you are not here?
Thandolwethu you loved me with your all, you gave so much to
me and you didn’t ask for anything in return. You didn’t
complain or leave me when things got tough, you held my hand
and showed me the way. You supported my dreams and
celebrated my victories more than you celebrated yours. I am
blessed to have known the love that I knew through you. The
love that I will hold in my heart dearly until I close my eyes for
the last time and finally get to see you and reunite with you
again. You said I should be strong knowing very well that you
are my strength, without you I cannot stand. I have been
limping throughout this week, I hope you are proud of me
wherever you are. Thank you for the love, support, for the
memories and for our kids. I will look after them and promise to
never make them forget you. I know that forgetting you will be
the hardest thing that I would ever try to do so I am not even
going to try. Goodnight my love, my dimple face until we meet
again tomorrow. I love you, today, tomorrow, forever.
He gets off the podium and comes to sit down next to me. The
service goes on and we finally take her to her final resting
place. Now the kids are a mess, I am a mess. I just feel like I am
loosing my mind, Thando cannot leave us like this!
A week later....
We are back in Capetown, the kids are back in school and I am
still at home taking care of Langa and Thandolwethu who is still
in hospital. My boss has given me all the time that I think I will
need to get past my loss, I don’t think that I will ever get over it.
I will never forgive the people that took her away from me, I
will forever curse that day. I hate it with every fibre in my body.
Everything about it.
Another 2 months go by and Thandolwethu is finally strong
enough to go home with me so I drive there with the kids, they
wanted to be there when I pick their sister up. I still haven’t
gotten back to work and every time just felt harder and harder.
I miss my wife like crazy and I am not ready to face that oh I am
sorry for your loss shit. The kids are so excited to meet their
sister who looks just like their mother. Thandolwethu is just like
Thandolwethu, beautiful! An angel! She might be gone but she
has left me with so many Thandolwethus behind, We have
Shaka, Nqobile, Langa and Thandolwethu. Oh my wife was
really strong on her kids.
Another 2 months go by and I am back to work, I found a nanny
for the kids and they seem to be taking their mother’s death
very well. There are days where they really miss her and talk
about her but on some days it’s like nothing has changed, she is
still around and she is just at work. I take her picture and look
at it.
Me: Hi my love, being without you is so hard. You were a part
of me for so long now I just feel like I am just living for the sake
of the kids because deep down I am dead. I don’t know why
you had to leave me, I will never understand why you had to
go. I miss you so much and I love you so much dimple face. (I
smile and tell her about the kids, about Mpande, Langa and
Thandolwethu) I hope you are proud of me wherever you are.
I kiss her picture then get up when a knock comes through the
door, the boss peaks in and would like to see me in the
boardroom. I have gotten yet another promotion and I cannot
be happier, at least I can save faster for Nqobile’s trip to the
states to follow her dreams. She has more chances of making it
overseas than here in SA.

………………………………………….The End………………………………….

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