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3 AUDIOBOOK COLLECTIONS

6 BOOK COLLECTIONS
 TABLE OF CONTENTS
Preface ———————————————————————— 3
Chapter 1. Expectations ——6
a. Self Esteem Checklist ——13

Chapter 2. The situation——15

a. The Effect of the Environment——21
b. The Relationship between Self Esteem and learning——23

Chapter 3. What Can I Do?——26

a. Understanding people with low self esteem ——27
b. Roles and responsibilities——32
• The Parent——33
• The Teacher——39
• The Student——43

Chapter 4. How Can I Go On?——49

a. For Parents——50
b. For Teachers——53
c. For Students——54
d. End of Chapter Test——56

Chapter 5: Sharing——60
Resources——70

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 In a country where corruption is common and morality is
questionable we are always searching for the root of these
problems. I have noticed that the problem and solution lies
within the education system as character is developed mainly
during adolescence in which they are influenced greatly at
schools as well as the home. Schools are means for child
socialization to take place. At school, children not only learn
academic curriculum but also social skills, through interaction
with teachers, staff, and other students. For example, learning
the importance of obeying rules, and being respectful towards
teachers and fellow students. At school we must learn to be
quiet, patient and sometimes to even act interested and
enthusiastic when we are actually not. The social circle of a
child is most likely to be mainly composed of friends from
school. A student’s social circle can be a huge influence on the
child because school is where he or she will learn to interact
with people and make decisions to either follow or object when
their friend’s behavior and/or values contradict the norms and
values a child obtains from their family. Through friendships the

3
child forms his or her own values therefore, a child’s character
can be largely dependent on the education he or she receives.
The problem with this is that the education sector of our
country is a concern, public schools are still teaching the way
they used to in the industrial era. How ironic it is to have a
world that has already changed but the current generation in
Indonesia is being nurtured in such an obsolete way. It is true
that this is not happening in every school, if it was I wouldn’t be
writing this, however this is the phenomenon that is happening.
Action needs to be taken to aid the relationship between
student and teacher in order to improve the effectiveness of
teaching and learning. This book’s aim is to inform the reader,
about what is really important at school and the challenges along
with the ways to overcome them during a school year. I hope
that teachers, parents, or even fellow students can find this book
both informative and moving.
Of course none of this would be possible without the
support of many, namely my wonderful parents who were the
inspiration for me to write this book. Thank you so much Mom
and Dad for your honest input, ideas, and guidance that have
helped this book come together despite the tough challenges that
I faced you helped me through it all. I would also like to thank
4
another important person who has helped me a lot, Ms. Neni
Rosmeriana, my Advisor. Thank you for your support and
guidance throughout this project who motivated me to do my
best. This book would not have been made without the help of
all of you.

Maria Monalisa Victorio Handoko

April 2016

5
Chapter 1

6
 “Hello, I am a mother and my
child is in high school. I really
love him and I want him to
succeed so I encourage him to
study and study so that he will
get good grades and become a
successful person in the future.
His A levels exams are coming up soon and I have facilitate him
with the best education I can provide. I enrolled him to tuition
because I know that if my son gets a good grade in high school
he will be admitted to a reputable university later on. Maybe
Harvard, Yale, or MIT, any of those Ivy league universities and
that will definitely secure him of a good job right?”

“Hi my name
is Michael. I
am a secondary
school Math
teacher and I
want my
students to succeed. This success is obtained if they manage to
7
reach the learning objectives which means that they have
achieved passing grades and live up to the expectation of the
school’s curriculum. If a student succeeds it means I succeed as
a teacher and if they fail, I fail too. Academic achievement is a
shared responsibility that we teachers feel. We feel pride when
we see that this student who struggled at first but at the end
recieved an A. It kind of makes our jobs worth it and validates
why we chose to teach. The success is not just theirs, but ours
too.”

“Hi there! I’m

Jamie. A
seventeen year
old teenager. I
go to school
like any
n o r m a l
teenager and is doing my best at it. But you know, sometimes
it’s really hard. The tests and everything. Drama, making
friends, plus getting good grades, seems like an impossible array
8
of tasks to complete perfectly. I want to succeed in school and
apparently it means getting good grades so I am going to work
hard to do it so that I can get a good future and make my parents
happy.”

Above are the three common expectations of the three

roles. Parents are expected to have children who are successful
at school and if they succeed there, they will more likely to
succeed in real life. Education is one of the means to climb up
the social ladder if the higher education you get, the more you
are worth in the society. Of course parents, you want the best for
your children and that is great! You encourage your children to
study hard and be the best in class so they will enroll in a great
university and get reputable jobs.
Teachers, you are a gardener and your students are
seedlings that you nurture until they grow into beautiful plants.
You keep the plants free from weeds, provide water and give
access to sunlight and pretty soon those small seedlings turn into
flourishing plants. You do everything that you can to ensure that
the seeds you plant today will blossom tomorrow. Your job is to

9
make sure the student grows and this is measured by grades so
your measure for success is their grades.
Unfortunately in reality it is not that easy to succeed.
Academic studies might seem like it is the most important thing
but they are not. Although we cannot deny their importance but
there is something more crucial: self-esteem. Why? Hasn’t it
been proven that if you get good scores you will get into good
schools and then you will get into good jobs? All successful
people are smart and excellent in their studies so why am I
proposing such a ridiculous idea?
An educator once told me that a parent came up to him
and asked,
“Why aren’t you teaching my children the elements in the
periodic table? Back in my school days we memorised all of it
and now my child cannot even name a row!”
He simply replied
“Sir, can you tell me all of the elements in the periodic table
now?”
The parent was flabbergasted because, of course, he could not
recall such information as it was many many years ago. That
conversation shows that at school the things that you learn might
not matter later when you are older. What use is the knowledge
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of chemical bonding if you are going to be a poet later on. The
same goes for the parent, what use is the periodic table at his
age? I can predict that it does not really matter. So what actually
matters? It is the process of how the students learn that sticks
until they grow up.
Imagine you are a student, who always manages to be in
the top 2% of your school, or even your country but you do this
because your parents constantly remind you to study. In high
school, your identity was the “smartest student” and you lived
up to that title. Years later, you got into an ivy league university
but when you get there you are more likely to develop an
inferiority complex which means that you must always be
number one but in reality there is always someone better than
you.
When you realise that you are not the best student like
you always have been back at high school makes you lose your
identity and now what you will do is to be “yourself” again by
getting good grades as before by any means necessary if it
means cheating as you are justified by the results.
That is studying, not learning. We cannot survive the
twenty first century with just merely studying. Students must be
equipped with the proper mental strength to be able to survive
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the competition and truly be successful. This is achieved by
having a good self-esteem.
Defined by the Oxford English Dictionary as confidence
in one's own worth or abilities. Self-esteem is the first step for
success whether it is in academics, work, love life, or anything
else. If you have a good foundation of self-esteem that is already
one step closer to your goal.
Self-esteem, according to Dr. Josephine Kim, a professor
in Harvard Graduate School of Education is the most important
thing because when you have faith in yourself, you are confident
and you believe in yourself no matter what. You can do
anything. Become anyone. On the other hand, if you have low
self-esteem it will block you from achieving your potential.
Automatically you withdraw yourself from others because you
think you are just not good enough. When that withdrawal
begins you block yourself from the opportunities and chances
that you could have taken. And then you end up with nothing,
because you feel like you are nothing.
Now the first step for improvement is admitting your
mistakes, so the following is a self esteem “checklist” by Dr.
Josephine Kim, that can give an idea whether you have low self
esteem or not
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Self Esteem Checklist

1 I feel like I’m unworthy of happiness and when I speak

people don’t listen to me.
You feel like you don’t deserve the things you have. You
don’t take full credit for your hard work because you think
you haven’t earned it, you did it because of something else
and you deny compliments people give you.

2 I have refused an invitation because I disliked the way I

look.
This means you are dissatisfied with your body image and
you think that other people judge you based on that. You
simply don’t want people to say bad things about you
because you know you look bad so the best option is to
stay home.

3 I am influenced by other people’s opinion more than my

own.
Do you believe that other peoples opinions are more
important than yours? When you want to join an
extracurricular activity, badminton for example, but your
friends say that you’re not good at it then you’re going to
end up being absent a lot. Then you automatically believe
them and not join the extracurricular.

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4 I’m generous to others but strict towards myself.
You give wonderful compliments to other people that you
think are successful and you excuse their errors, but the
tiniest mistake you make becomes another excuse to beat
yourself up into a mold of nonexistent perfection.

Take a moment to reflect on how you value yourself.

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Chapter 2

15
Social Media and Peer Pressure

Having a good level of self-esteem is a challenge that

many people face during their teenage years, especially
nowadays. Social media has helped us connect and share and it
is attached to our daily routine, we see it everyday, everywhere.
It becomes our environment, but it also creates another world
for us. A world where we are measured by our likes, followers,
subscribers, re-tweets, and so on. Numbers measure our worth in
the social media world and it makes us forget the real world. To
an extreme extent, a teenager might start to think that academics
don’t matter. Social status is what really matters.
Measuring yourself with number is something that is
insatiable as you will always want more and because there is
always someone who has more followers, more likes, then your
self worth decreases. Social media has arguably made teenagers
all around the world feel the need to fit in more than ever before.
You just have to keep up with the latest trends or else people
will call you lame. Your posts need to be popular and your
followers needs to be plentiful. There are just so many demands
just to be “cool” nowadays.

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“Why do I only have ten likes?”
“Was the selfie that I posted ugly?”
“My nose is too big, may be that’s why.”
“Why can’t I be like her that has a thousand followers?”

Questions like these arise as you start measuring yourself

in the world of social media that lead you to the road of
insecurity, depression, and low self worth. As a teenage girl felt
it too. For a short period of time I was trying to get more likes
on Instagram and lose weight so that people would say I look
good. Then I thought to myself, do I really want to let myself be
defined by my looks, by the amount of hearts on my Instagram
page? As I read books about inspirational people like Kartini,
watched a inspirational speeches on Youtube, and was exposed
to a supportive environment both in my family and my choice of
media, that superficial mindset began to change.
As I watched Lizzie Velasquez’s TED talk on Youtube.
A motivational speaker from Texas who has a rare disease which
makes her unable to gain weight, that might seem like a dream
for many of us but in her case, she is an adult that weighs only
60 pounds. She is also visually impaired and has only one

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functioning eye. As a child, she grew up happily and normally
as her parents raised her very well, they loved her and she
thought that she was normal.
All that changed when she started going to school.
During her first day of school nobody wanted to play with her.
This made her confused as she didn’t see anything wrong in
herself but when other people looked at her, it seems like they
have seen a monster. A video of her was posted on Youtube
titled, ugliest woman in the world. She was devastated but
luckily she had a great support system, her family. They taught
her even though she has that syndrome, she could not let that
define her. She once said in her TED talk that
“Your life is in your hands, you are the person who is in the
front seat of your car. You are the one that decides whether your
car goes on a bad path or a good path. You are the one who
defines you.”
Now let me ask you.
What defines you?
Are you going to let where you come from define you?
What you look like define you? How much money you have
define you?
How much followers you have define you?
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All of the above are insatiable. There is always a sky above the
sky. If you let those things define you, everyday you are going
to wake up in the morning and say to yourself
“ I’m not pretty enough, my legs are too big.”
“ I’m a failure because I only have ten followers on my
Instagram”
And even if you worked on it, more likely this is what’s going to
happen.
“ I’m not pretty enough, I am a normal weight but my legs are
full of fat, I need to get toned.”
“ I’m still a failure even though I have a hundred followers She
has a thousand! How come I only have a hundred?”
Let people see how great you are by being grateful with
what you have and defining who you are based on your actions
instead of your appearance, both in real life or social media.
Instead of saying those things above, say these.
“ My legs are not perfect but at least I’m healthy.
I can enter a 5K race and complete it successfully.
I know not many people can do that”
“ My Instagram only has ten likes but those likes are from
people whom I know of and not just fake accounts.”

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With this outlook, you won’t be disappointed every single day
when you wake up. This will ultimately make you more positive
and help you channel your energy to things that really matters;
like your achievements in life. Getting a diploma, achieving
your New Year’s resolution. Let what you have define you
instead of what you don’t have.

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The Effect of the Environment

Our environment affects us greatly and it is not only

social media but also our family and friends. People you
communicate with daily affects your behavior and mindset. If
they always talk about positive things, you will be positive as
well. On the other hand, if they frequently say negative things,
you will more likely be negative as well.
From a survey (refer to…) I conducted with a hundred
and twenty eight students most of them answered that their
personality at school is ordinary. This shows that students don’t
really know who they are and they are just going with the flow
which could be bad as it means that they don’t have a clue about
their identity so they are easily influenced. The danger is if the
influence is negative they cannot filter it and will tend to follow
that influence. The top two nastiest social experiences are being
avoided by friends, and being bullied. These are both degraders
of self esteem. The survey shows that this problem is common
between students and so it is something important that we
should address and help.

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 Low self esteem is a challenge that many students
experience in their life at school as they are surrounded by so
many different personalities and pressured by so many standards
imposed by the school, or the family that occasionally cause
them to crack.
This is when the child’s environment comes to the
rescue. The support system that they have is what will stop the
cracks from widening and eventually heal those cracks. A child’s
self esteem is developed from a really young age. Research
shows that we are not born with self esteem but it is developed
through the interaction between our caregivers. From the
moment we are born, according to Dr. Josephine Kim, children
see their parents as a mirror. Children only know one thing
about themselves and it is whatever that is reflected to them. If
your parents look at you and say
“Hello! We are so happy that you are here, we love you so much
you are just the perfect baby and you bring joy in our lives.”
You would look at that reflection and define that as who you are.
If they are happy you will think that you are the one that make
other people happy which makes you feel content. If that
reflection is what you see in the mirror all the time you will
learn to internalise it and then it will become a part of your
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identity as a child. This identity is what you carry throughout
your life and it is embedded from when you were born.

The Relationship between Self Esteem and

Learning

So with all that said, how can self esteem be applied to

enhance your child/ student/ and your own learning capabilities?
Let me tell you my story. During my primary and middle school
years I hated Physics. To me it was one of the hardest lesson,
during my national exams I could not answer Physics question
about the charges, AC, DC currents, I just thought it was the
hardest between chemistry and biology.
All that changed as I started tenth grade Physics, my
expectation before the class commenced was merely to survive
physics lesson and hopefully get good scores. The lesson started
and it surprised me. All of a sudden, Physics seem interesting.
Our new (not really but new to me) teacher began the class with
stories about Einstein, videos on cosmology and what science is
really all about. He showed us the cool stuff physics has to offer

23
on day one. I asked a many questions to him and he answered
enthusiastically and was making eye contact to me as he was
explaining. I felt like my questions were appreciated and a bit
more confident because he acknowledged me. Slowly I began to
search more and more about the subject and this was because I
felt confident from the first moment, I could do this physics
problem and I am actually good at it. I began to know more
about the branches of physics that I think are cool like
theoretical physics and cosmology. This lesson that I despised
grew to be my favorite and all just because of that one teacher
who made me feel confident about physics.
The drive of a student will increase when have
confidence. When you feel like you are confident you will face
all of your problems head on with determination to succeed: Just
because you can. This mentality is what makes a student really
do his or her best and automatically increases their performance.
This drive and motivation will automatically carry you to
become one of the smartest in your class on that subject. Not
because you are forced to study every night but because you
want to be the best. You can be the best, so why waste that by
not studying? Knowledge is an automatic response of good self

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esteem that results from motivation. When directed to the right
thing it can prove amazing results.
Most of the problems with on learning can be traced to
the lack of self esteem. For example, cheating is an action that is
a result of insecurity of your own answers and desperation to
make it to the top but you know that you cannot do it so you just
cheat. Laziness is also derived from low self esteem. A student
can be demotivated because they feel as if they repeatedly fail in
that subject and this “failure” could be because of discouraging
words from the teacher which makes the student feel incapable.
At home, when your child is lazy to do chores it is maybe
because every time they do it they are never appreciated and it is
taken for granted, it makes no difference if the child sweeps the
floor or not so the child just prefers not to. Bullying also occurs
because of low self esteem, bullies desire to prove their worth to
everyone and so they do so by degrading others.
Finally, self-esteem is more than just feeling good about
yourself. It is feeling GREAT about yourself. Feeling positive
that you can overcome those challenges and so with excellent
self esteem all problems at school can be solved.

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Chapter 3

26
Understanding people with low self esteem

To deeply understand what is inside the mind of

someone with low self esteem, I would like to show you, below,
a series of experiences from experienceproject.com, a site where
people anonymously share their experiences and form a support
community with other people of the same experience. From
those experiences we can see the challenges that students face in
their life that affects their self esteem.

A submission to the experienceproject.com from

UnanonimouslyAnonymous

I Have Low Self Esteem

I Honestly Have No One To Talk To So... Hi, I'm a girl in

my early teens but I suffer from very low self-esteem. I always
feel pangs of sadness and always feel lonely. Every time I'm just
staring at my wall at midnight and breaking down, I hate myself
so much.

I'm ugly, fat, unathletic and talentless. I've suffered from

a load of verbal bullying from my peers because of my

27
appearance. That's why I'm very unsatisfied with my body
image. I feel that I weigh a lot more than the average weight of
girls my age and that I'm way too unfit. I hate taking pictures
because I know that I'll look ugly no matter what. Even if I try
to dress nice and fix my hair in hopes of looking pretty, I still
feel ugly.

The only thing I'm good at is academics, and I feel that

I'm not doing too good even in that field. I never get C's or
anything below 80, except for P.E. My mom even refused to
sign my report card when she saw my 74% in P.E. I know a lot
of people say that my parents want me to do good because they
have high expectations for me but I honestly think they just
expect me to be a straight A student like my sister (who is better
than me at everything and a lot more prettier). My mom's always
yelling at me when I make the tiniest mistakes and blaming me
for everything that goes wrong. Something goes missing around
the house and she automatically blames me for it. I feel like she
doesn't even love me because she's never really expressed it
before, even before we had this big fight two years ago. I'm
rarely ever told that I'm loved.

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 I have only a few friends that I can trust and talk to about
my problems but I always feel that if I told them they'd judge
me. It's like whenever I try to go out and exercise more, I always
back out because I feel that if people saw me jogging, they'd
judge me for being so unfit.
I've learned to pretend to smile and laugh, even just agree and
pretend not to care when someone insults me even though it
actually hurts a lot. Sometimes I'm very rude to people because
I'm afraid that if I don't do that to push them away, they'll just
hurt me in the end. But I don't want to keep bottling it all up
inside.
I want to learn how to cope. I want to learn how to love
myself. I just wanted to vent all of that out, even if no one
replies. There are people out there whose problems are probably
worse than mine.

Thank you.

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 A submission to the experienceproject.com from
browniie111

Lower Self Worth Every Day

I should be happy with who I am. I'm a straight A student

in all advanced classes , I was voted most aesthetically pleasing
in my school, I am in practically every student group in the
school, friends with almost everyone, I am athletic, extremely
musically and artistically talented, have written a novel, have
had a job since I was fifteen...etc. But I constantly feel like I am
not good enough. If I am not the best, I am nothing in my mind.
It would be easy to blame it on my dad, who I have
often seen as the cause of these self-esteem and self worth issues
since childhood, on whom I blamed my years of anorexia, but
my problems can't all be attributed to him. I have to take
responsibility.
I haven't talked to my friends about this because I feel
like this is trivial compared to other problems people go
through. But I am finally realizing that lately, I've been quite
down in the dumps. By lately, I mean for the past six years, and
by down in the dumps I mean, I might be depressed. I don't
know where else to turn, or what else to do. So I'm writing this

30
on here in the hopes that someone on here may have some
advice. Should I seek professional help, or is this too trivial a
problem? I don't know what to do.

From the two stories above these are the challenges that they
both have in common

1. Unsupportive background
a. Family

In the first story, the author reveals that her parents were
very demanding in terms of her academic achievement even
though she scored a seventy, her mom did not want to sign the
report card. Her parents were also blaming her for the slightest
mistakes and comparing her to her sister. Which just makes her
feel worse. Her parents also rarely show sign of affection. “I
love you” is a rare word for her to hear, even from her parents.
This makes her feel unloved and a foundation for a crippling
self esteem.
In the second story, the author hints that her father
contributed to her lack of self esteem as he caused her to be
anorexic (although she did not elaborate how) from childhood.

2. No social support

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 The first story began with “I honestly have no one to talk
to” and later on she says that she does have friends but she feels
that if she told them about her problems, they would judge her.

3. The desire for perfection

The author in the second story reveals her insatiable

thirst for being the best. This might be weird because it is
normal for someone who is the worst to feel bad about
themselves but what about someone on the top, the champion
feeling bad about themselves? It seems illogical yet it is
happening. She strives for perfection as she says “If I am not the
best, I am nothing in my mind.”

Roles and Responsibilities

So, after all the things that I said earlier about how self
esteem is vital for learning plus the stories from students about
their experience, you must be beginning to wonder how to
develop this self esteem attitude to love yourself. The first step
is knowing our roles for successful learning to take place as this
needs cooperation between three parties which are the student,
parents, and teachers.

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 THE PARENT

As parents, your role is arguably the most important one

as the child’s self esteem is developed so early. To help your
child, you must first understand them. A table below from the
book Raising a Good Child by Dr. Thomas Lickona a
developmental Psychologist and Professor of Education at the
State University of New York at Cortland shows that a child
goes through a series of stages that develop their moral
reasoning. Understanding their stages is crucial for
understanding them, children are not short adults and they think
differently from adults. Factors that affect this development
includes the child’s general intelligence and amount and variety
of social interactions. During the early stages of moral reasoning
development, you cannot be sure of a child’s moral stage just by
seeing his or her age as the higher the moral stage, the more
variation there is in when children reach it. Many teens are for
example are still stuck in Stage 2 which explains egoistic
albehavior like not willing to do chores. Examine the table
below as you are a big part of your child’s moral development.

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 STAGES OF MORAL DEVELOPMENT
DR. THOMAS LICKONA

STAGE 0: EGOCENTRIC What's Right: I should get my own way.

REASONING
(preschool years -
around age 4) Reason to be To get rewards and avoid
good: punishments.

STAGE 1: What's Right: I should do what I'm told.

UNQUESTIONED
OBEDIENCE Reason to be To stay out of trouble.
(around kindergarten good:
age)

STAGE 2: WHAT'S-IN- What's Right: I should look out for myself

IT- but be fair to those who are fair
FOR ME FAIRNESS to me.
(early elementary
grades) Reason to be Self-interest: What's in it for
good: me?

STAGE 3: I should be a nice person and

INTERPERSONAL What's Right: live up to the expectations of
CONFORMITY people I know and care about.
(middle-to-upper
elementary grades and Reason to be So others will think well of me
early-to-mid teens) good: (social approval) and I can
think well of myself (self-
esteem)

STAGE 4: What's Right: I should fulfill my

RESPONSIBILITY TO responsibilities to the social or
"THE SYSTEM" value system I feel part of.
(high-school years or
late teens) Reason to be To keep the system from falling
good: apart and to maintain self-
respect as somebody who
meets my obligations.

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STAGE 5: PRINCIPLED What's Right: I should show the greatest
CONSCIENCE possible respect for the rights
(young adulthood) and dignity of every individual
person and should support a
system that protects human
rights.

Reason to be The obligation of conscience to

good: act in accordance with the
principle of respect for all
human beings.

Understanding their moral development stage can help

you improve your child as you see their priorities and their
mindset. The next step after understanding is to set expectations,
the proper ones. You can do so by using yourself as the example.
Since children are mirrors to their parent, as said earlier on the
second chapter under the section of the Effect of the
Environment, it is your responsibility to become a good mirror
for them. Becoming a good mirror means that you are
demonstrating what is it like to become a good person. If you
expect your child to be a happy child, you must be happy and
have good self esteem first. A saying goes that ‘action speaks
louder than words’, and this is exactly the power of the parent’s
influence: their actions.

35
 Because being a good mirror starts within, these are the
tips from Dr. Josephine Kim on how to become a good role
model.

1. Be Positive
Being positive, according to the Oxford English
Dictionary, means being constructive, optimistic, or confident.
Positivity can be expressed by your body language and the way
you speak. One of the ways of expressing positivity is by using
compliments. Praising your child makes them feel happy and
valued, it increases their self esteem as it assures them that what
they are doing is good, creating a positive atmosphere in the
house. Most Asian parents tend to focus on the negatives instead
of the positives and forget to appreciate the improvements that
their child has made.
However, to make a proper compliment is not that
simple. You need to give specific compliments so that the child
understands their progress exactly. For example, your child has
successfully tidied up his or her desk without being reminded to
do so. This might seem like a small thing but it is improvement
right so it must be appreciated. You can do so by saying this

36
“Wow! You are getting more responsible. Your desk is so tidy
and I didn’t even have to ask you to tidy up. Good job!”
In that compliment you show exactly where the child has
improved and how good they have become by doing so.
Showing affection is also a sign for positivity as you
spread the love. I know it is difficult for parents sometimes to
express their love in such a direct way as most Asian parents
tend to show their love through their actions. The hard work you
do for your children is your way of saying “I love you” and you
expect your children to see it implicitly. However due to media
development communication is getting more direct. When
children watch TV and they see a father figure, there is a
common western stereotype that they hug and kiss their
children, say “I love you” and such. This creates an expectation
for behavior to parents as when your child sees that and then
you behave the other way they would most likely think “ What
did I do that I am so unlovable?”. It is a sad thought and it could
be avoided by expressing your love explicitly to your children
so that they really know that you really love them.

2. Forgive Yourself

37
Don’t feel so guilty about the things that we should be doing
rather than what we are doing. For example, as a working Mom/
Dad there must be times when you wished that you could have
spent more time with your child but think of it like this. Your
child is going to see an independent and empowered person that
is able to take care of themselves and is useful to society on a lot
of levels. In a way that is beneficial for your child because that
way they are able to say
“ Whoa if my parents can do it, then I certainly can do it.”
It instills pride in your child when they see what you are doing.
Seeing their parents loving their jobs and being good at them is
a good example to portray.

I would like to place an emphasis on how children model

their self esteem to their parents. However do not
overcompensate or be excessive when complimenting your child
because too much of a good thing cand be a bad thing. Over
praising can result to narcissism and an over inflated sense of
who you are. It might seem okay at home because everyone is
happy with your child but later as your child goes outside, a
place where people don’t praise them that much, they may
attempt to do things that prove their worth so that people would

38
recognise them. This is one of the causes of bullying as when
children seek to be recognised they do so by lowering others.
Being an overly lenient parent, which means that you don’t ever
get angry or set expectations, will result to overindulgence. This
means that you are not setting limits and boundaries and you are
giving up your authority as a parent.
Successful learning cannot be done without the most
fundamental support system which is the home.

THE TEACHER

Sir Ken Robinson said that the role of teachers is to

facilitate learning. That’s it. It is not as easy as it sounds though
as sometimes, according to him, teachers get engaged in the
activity of teaching but are not really achieving it. For example
Mrs. Rita is teaching in room 6 but if students there are dozing
off and feeling miserable, nobody is actually learning. Hence
she may be engaged in the task of teaching but not actually
fulfilling it. How do you make children learn? Well, let me tell
you a story about Rita F. Pierson, a professional educator since
1972 who has taught elementary school, junior high and special

39
education. She was a counselor, a testing coordinator and an
assistant principal. Her passion was helping financially lacking
children in America. One of her colleagues once came up to her
and said.
“They don't pay me to like the kids. They pay me to teach a
lesson.The kids should learn it. I should teach it, they should
learn it, Case closed.”
And she said to her,
“You know, kids don't learn from people they don't like.”
Sometimes in teaching we miss the most fundamental thing
which is the value and importance of human connection.
relationships. Building a good relationship with your students is
the key point for helping them. It is very important for educators
to pay attention to their interactions with their students. Teachers
must portray appropriate attitudes and treat their students
equally. It is hard as sometimes you will not like all of your
students. But the trick is, they can never know. Rita Pierson said
“educators become great actors and actresses, and we come to
work when we don't feel like it, and we're listening to policy that
doesn't make sense, and we teach anyway. We teach anyway,
because that's what we do.” Teachers need to make the student
feel like they are somebody and are appreciated so that a good
40
relationship can be established. Every child deserves a
champion, an adult who will never give up on them because
when someone really takes the time to teach with all their heart,
the student will feel it and they will successfully learn.
An example of a good relationship between students and
teacher is can be seen from an experience from Dr. Josephine
Kim during her first years living in the United States. As an
immigrant from Korea, she did not speak a bit of english and
had troubles at her school. Nobody wanted to be friends with a
strange Asian kid. All this changed during fourth grade when her
English teacher, named Mrs. Janet, acknowledge her. She wasn’t
invisible to her and was not just an Asian kid. Mrs. Janet really
saw her as a person, just like any other student in her class and
that she had the right to learn. Every recess Mrs. Janet and
young Dr. Josephine Kim would spend a one on one session
where she would send the kids out and even coordinated with
the other teachers to supervise her next class for a while when
she was tutoring her. After 6 months, she transformed from the
weird Asian kid into an outgoing child.
Mrs. Janet built a positive relationship through sincerity
and acknowledging the student. A trick that Rita Pierson used to
one of her toughest classes, with the toughest students, was to
41
raise their self esteem by making them feel proud of themselves
first. She told her class to say the following words out loud
“I am somebody. I was somebody when I came. I'll be a better
somebody when I leave. I am powerful, and I am strong. I
deserve the education that I get here. I have things to do, people
to impress, and places to go.”
And they said,
“Yeah!”
You say it long enough, it starts to be a part of you.
Make your students feel appreciated and valued, use
constructive criticism and acknowledge their improvements. The
reason for demotivation is repeated failure, how to make a
failure feel less like a failure, Rita Pierson did this by
highlighting the positive thing out of the failure.
She gave out a 20 question quiz and a student managed
to answer two correct out of twenty. Instead of putting a -18
mark she put a +2 and a smiley face. The student said to her
“Ms. Pierson, is this an F?”
She said “Yes”
“Then why did you put a smiley face there?”
She said,

42
“Because you're on a roll. You got two right. You didn't miss
them all.”
She added a positive expectation where she said
“And when we review this, won't you do better?”
He said,
“Yes, ma'am, I can do better.”
You see, -18 sucks all the life out of you. +2 said, “I ain't all
bad.”
Because you believe in them, students will automatically
believe in themselves as a result. This power of self esteem will
result to confidence and self respect. With these two, students
can go a long way and achieve things they couldn’t have
possibly imagined.

THE STUDENT

As a teenager we must not rely on the foster and care

from our parents 100% as we are no longer infants. We cannot
control the environment that is brought to us since birth, where
we live, who our parents are, what our skin color is, and so on.
What we can control are our choices. We have a choice, in a bad
environment or a good one to be the best we can be. Simply
43
because we are born into an unsupportive environment doesn’t
mean that we will grow up to be like the people there.
Our power is the choices that we make. Whether to get
carried away by the tide or have your own current. To establish
your own current, you must first have enough power, this power
comes from within. The confidence of your own voice is what
you need for you to make the right choices. So how do you grow
that confidence inside you? Here are a few tips quoted from Dr.
D'Arcy Lyness, a behavioral Health Editor on Kids Health,
Child and Adolescent Psychologist that I feel is very beneficial
for all teens out there, struggling to build your self esteem.

1. Manage your inner critic. Notice the critical things you say
to yourself. Would you talk to a best friend like that? A harsh
inner voice just tears us down. If you're in the habit of thinking
self-critically, re-train yourself by rewording these negative
unkind thoughts into more helpful feedback.

2. Focus on what goes well for you. Are you so used to

focusing on your problems that they are all you see? Next time
you catch yourself dwelling on problems or complaints about
yourself or your day, find something positive to counter it. Each
day, try writing down or anything to remind yourself about the

44
three good things about yourself, and/or three things that went
well that day because of your action or effort.

3. Aim for effort rather than perfection. Some people get held
back by their own pressure to be perfect. They lose out because
they don't try. If you think, "I won't audition for the play because
I probably won't get the lead," it's guaranteed that role will go to
someone else.

4. View mistakes as learning opportunities. Accept that you

will make mistakes. Everyone does. They're part of learning.
Instead of thinking, "I always mess up" remind yourself that it's
not about always, just this specific situation. What can you do
differently next time?

5. Edit thoughts that get you feeling inferior. Do you often

compare yourself with others and come up feeling less
accomplished or less talented? Notice what you're thinking.
Something like: "She's so much better than I am. I'm no good at
basketball. I should just stop playing" leads to feeling inferior,
not to feeling good about yourself.

6. Remind yourself that everyone excels at different things.

Focus on what you do well, and cheer on others for their

45
success. Thinking more like this: "She's a great basketball player
— but the truth is, I'm a better musician than athlete. Still, I'll
keep playing because I enjoy it.”, helps you accept yourself and
make the best of the situation.

7. Try new things, and give yourself credit. Experiment with

different activities to help you get in touch with your talents.
Then take pride in your new skills. Think about the good results.
For example: I signed up for track and found out I'm pretty fast!
These positive thoughts become good opinions of yourself, and
add to self-esteem.

8. Recognize what you can change and what you can't. If you
realize that you're unhappy with something about yourself that
you can change (like getting to a healthy weight), start today. If
it's something you can't change (like your height), work on
accepting it. Obsessing about our "flaws" can really skew your
opinion of yourself and bring down your self-esteem. Most of
the time, other people don't even notice these things!

9. Set goals. Think about what you'd like to accomplish. Then

make a plan for how to do it. Stick with your plan, and keep
track of your progress. Train your inner voice to remind you of
what you are trying to accomplish. For example: "I've been

46
following my plan to exercise every day for 45 minutes. I feel
good that I've kept my promise to myself. I know I can keep it
up."

10. Take pride in your opinions and ideas. Don't be afraid to

voice them. If someone disagrees, it's not a reflection on your
worth or your intelligence. That person just sees things
differently from you.

11. Accept compliments. When self-esteem is low, it's easy to

overlook the good things people say about us. We don't believe
it when someone says a nice thing. Instead, we think, "…yeah,
but I'm not all that great…" and we brush off the compliment.
Instead, let yourself absorb a compliment, appreciate it, and take
it seriously. Give sincere compliments, too.

12. Make a contribution. Tutor a classmate who's having

trouble, help clean up your neighborhood, participate in a
walkathon for a good cause, or volunteer your time in some
other way. When you can see that what you do makes a
difference, it builds your positive opinion of yourself, and makes
you feel good. That's self-esteem.

47
13. Relax and have fun. Do you ever think things like "I'd have
more friends if I were more attractive"? Thoughts like these can
set you on a path to low self-esteem because they focus on
what's not perfect instead of making the best of what is. Spend
time with the people you care about, do the things you love, and
focus on what's good. That helps you feel good about yourself,
just as you are.

With the right choices that we make, we lead ourselves

to a better path for our future. Make your actions count by
making the right choices!

48
Chapter 4

49
 The previous chapter had explained the idea for building
self esteem of a student in accordance to our role. But
implementing those ideas in our daily life is another story.
Below is a guideline for each role to successfully implement and
build the student’s self esteem

For Parents

Using the stages of moral reasoning table, to raise your child’s

self-esteem:

1. Locate where your child is on this table by seeing the

age and descriptions of their behavior
2. Link their behavior so far with the one descripted on the
table. Is their bad behavior justified by what each stage
think is the right thing to do?

For example:

a)Stage 0 Problems:
Due to the “I should get my own way” mentality.
● Being selfish: Not willing to share their toys or food
● Rude to other children: Playing too rough
● Temper tantrums: because he/ she did not get what they
originally wanted

50
Focus children on being kind to others, saying “please” and
“thank you,” showing empathy, moving towards team work, and
taking care of things. (parentteachersupport.org)

b)Stage 1 Problems:

Due to the “I should do what I’m told” mentality.

● Pretending not to hear you
● Lying
● Having a Rolling their eyes

Set standards for acceptable behavior and provide reasons why a

behavior is appropriate or inappropriate (inductive method of
discipline). Avoid saying, “Don’t let me catch you doing that
again.” That will translate into becoming sneaky or lying. Teach
that lying is wrong because it breaks trust and, therefore,
weakens relationships. (parentteachersupport.org)

c)Stage 2 Problems

Due to the child looking out for themselves and thinking “what’s
in it for me?”
● Self centered
● Laziness
● Always wants to be the first
Appeal to love instead of fairness as a motivation. Practice kind,
caring actions beyond the family. Exact responsibility for
actions. Using the inductive method of discipline (explaining

51
reason behind rules) promotes empathy, compassion, and
cooperation. (parentteachersupport.org)

d) Stage 3 Problems

Due to the feeling of wanting to fit in.

● Bullying
● Sex, alcohol, drugs
● Harmful dieting
Help your child to establish an individual identity within the
family. Foster positive self-concept. Don’t make comparisons to
others. Strive to decrease parental control and increase child
independence and self-reliance. Strengthen family life and
responsibility to family, and display affection.
(parentteachersupport.org)

e) Stage 4 Problems

Due to the responsibility to the system

● Forget people who really matters to them
● A chance that might be overly attached to the system
(fanatic)
Encourage independent conscience based on self-respect and
social responsibility. Develop a sense of the common good.
Foster initiative and industry with emphasis on service to the
human family. Openly discuss ethical issues, controversial
topics, and moral dilemmas. (parentteachersupport.org)

52
Becoming a good Mirror

Here are a few things to check on yourself throughout the day to

become a good role model for your child
1) Being Positive
a) Have I said one positive thing about myself?
b) Have I said one positive thing about my child?
c) Did I hug my child today?
d) Have I appreciate my child for the improvements
that he/ she has made?
e) Have I said I love you?
f) Have I reprimanded my child in a constructive
way?
g) Have I set expectations for my child and
boundaries that we both agree on?

2) Forgiving yourself
a) Have I fulfilled my duties as a working parent?
b) Have I explained to my children about my work?
c) Do I involve my child in family decisions?

For Teachers

Building a good relationship between your students

require time, effort, and sincerity and it is key for successful

53
learning. To achieve that we must be aware of our actions and
reflect these questions below daily.

1. Have I given compliments to my student that have made

progress today?
2. Am I giving constructive input to my students that need
help?
3. Have I spent time to have an enjoyable conversation
with my students?
4. Did I acknowledge my mistake and apologise to the
class?
5. Do I select positive vocabulary when I speak with my
students?
6. Have I encouraged my students by showing them that
they have potential?
7. Have I dug out the positive strength that every student
posses?
8. Have I challenge my students today?
9. Have I acknowledge every student for who they are
instead of just labelling them?
10. Have I made my students believe in themselves?

For Students

The ideas in Chapter three gave rough guideline to being

a positive person. Here are a few questions you can ask yourself

54
everyday in order for you to reflect on your actions and direct
you to become a positive person.

1. Have I tried new things?

2. Do I acknowledge that I am different from other people

therefore cannot be compared with others?

3. Do I invest in myself by spending “me” time (exercising,

reading books, watching useful videos, eat healthy foods,
etc)

4. Have I said at least three positive things about myself

today?

5. Am I kind towards others?

6. Do I accept the compliments that other people give to

me?

7. Have I helped others today?

8. Have I taken full credit for the actions I took, ideas I

came up with, and opinions?

9. Have I taken full responsibility for my actions?

10. Do I have set goals and targets?

55
END OF CHAPTER TEST

Having good self esteem needs exercise in order to be

implemented subconsciously. Take the exercise below to
measure how much you have learned!

Given circumstances:

1.You just bought new clothes and you put them on for the
first time when going out with your friends. A friend
compliments your outfit.

Your reply would be?

a) “Thank you, I’m glad you noticed.”
b) “Oh no… You look nicer than me.”
c) “This old thing? Oh this is just normal, nothing special.”

2. You’re playing basketball and you were one of the best

players. Suddenly, a new friend comes along and beats you
on a one on one. You felt like you have been defeated.

You bounce back by…

a) Convincing yourself that it is not your fault by making
up a bunch of excuses of why you failed.
b) Comparing yourself to him and acknowledge your
defeat.

56
 c) Acknowledge that everyone has their unique set of skills
and you should not compare yourself to anyone else
because you have your own.

3. You are stuck inside a waiting room and someone sits next
to you, the person is in the same situation with you and
seems bored.

You…
a) Assume that he is busy and pretends to be busy yourself.
b) Greet him and start small talk.
c) Ignore him

4. You are in a meeting and you contribute your idea. Your

friend laughed at it and said it was ridiculous.

You defend yourself by…

a) Stating that you do not like her disrespectful attitude and
ask her politely to appreciate your ideas like you
appreciate hers.
b) Get all worked up and leave the meeting room.
c) Compare her ideas and point out why they are more
ridiculous than yours.

5. The teacher asked you a question and you know the

answer to it but nobody else knows

Your response to it would be…

57
 a) Keep it to yourself because you don’t want to seem too
smug.
b) Raise your hand and answer the question.
c) Tell your friends the answer but keep it quiet to your
teacher.

6. It is new year and it is time for a fresh start!

You…
a) Set goals and targets to achieve that goals that are
SMART (Specific, Measureable, Achievable, Realistic,
and Time bound)
b) Don’t make any expectations for this year because you
know you are going to fail anyway.
c) Set goals and targets that are the same as last year’s New
Year resolution.

7. Your friend comments on your body after the holidays and

said that you have gained weight. You feel bad about it but…

a) It shows how much of a loser you are for not being able
to take care of yourself.
b) It shows that you have been enjoying yourself this
holiday.
c) You buy more clothes that make you look slimmer.

8. You see a friend that is struggling with his math

assignment and you are currently enjoying some free time.

58
You…
a) Assist him.
b) Ignore him and carry on with whatever you are doing.
c) Check up on him and was discouraged on helping him
because it was too hard to make him listen.

1 A, 2 C, 3 B, 4 A, 5 B, 6 A, 7 B, 8 C

59
Chapter 5

60
 As you have acquired this new skill, the next and final
step which is equally as important as the rest, is sharing. When
we share, not only we benefit others but we benefit ourselves. It
is one of the accelerators of being better at it as, when we share,
we allow others to benefit from it, challenge it, contrast it, and
reframe it, instead of seeing things from your own point of view.
Sharing widens your perspective of the knowledge that you have
and improves your own competence.
When we share, we are also changing our environment
as we surround others with positivity. When we are surrounded
by positivity, we will subconsciously become positive as well.
To share we need to know our abilities first in order to
find out what is the best method for sharing this knowledge to
other people, as each of us have different personalities. Some
people excel at speaking and can motivate others by their words,
some just simply show it through their actions, and some
expresses it through various media forms, like artwork and
poetry.
A simple things that I think anyone can do to show
others through your actions. They say the best leaders lead by
example and this is exactly what you need to do in order to
empower others. We must send a message that sounds
something like this.
“ I can do it, so you can do it too. It made me a better person,
look where I am now.”
That message is delivered the most effectivly through example.
Another thing you can do is by sharing your stories to others.
Start small, amongst your friends. Listen to their problems and

61
direct them to the right path. Remember to be constructive and
kind when giving advice in order to create a positive
environment.
One of the ways to create a positive environment is to
surround yourself with nice things and kind words. I will help
you with that by sharing a few inspirational posters that can be
cut off the page and used to decorate your space!

62
63
64
65
66
By: Adelina M.G

67
Create your own quote!

68
Good luck in your endeavor for success! I wish I could say that
it is going to be easy but in life, nothing worth having ever
comes easy. Stay strong and believe in yourself, because I
strongly believe that every person reading this book has the
capability to change their life and become the best they can
possibly be. Only if they set their heart to it.

Lots of Love
Monalisa

69
Resources:

"I Have Low Self Esteem" (n.d.). Retrieved April 23, 2016, from
http://www.experienceproject.com/stories/Have-Low-Self-
Esteem/3410767
"I Have Low Selfworth" (n.d.). Retrieved April 23, 2016, from http://
www.experienceproject.com/stories/Have-Low-Selfworth/
2025901
Back to School Prep Guide: 8 Metaphors for a Teacher. (n.d.).
Retrieved April 23, 2016, from http://www.teachhub.com/8-
metaphors-understanding-role-teacher
Barnes, M. (2013). The 5-minute teacher: How do I maximize time for
learning in my classroom? (p. 48). ASCD.
Do Schools Kill Creativity? | Sir Ken Robinson | TED Talks. (n.d.).
Retrieved April 26, 2016, from https://www.youtube.com/
watch?annotation_id=annotation_58586
Failing. (2014). Retrieved April 23, 2016, from https://
stackofmarking.wordpress.com/2014/09/17/failing/
A. (2014). Heart to Heart Ep130- Josephine Kim, professor at
Harvard's Graduate School of Education. Retrieved April 23,
2016, from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jUJc1_CUlbI

70
Lickona, T. (n.d.). Stages of Moral Development. Retrieved April 25,
2016, from http://character-education.info/Articles/
stages_of_moral_development.htm
Lyness, D. (n.d.). How Can I Improve My Self-Esteem? Retrieved
April 27, 2016, from http://kidshealth.org/en/teens/self-
esteem.html
McCormack, P. (n.d.). Formative Parenting- Cultivating Character in
Children. Retrieved April 28, 2016, from http://
parentteachersupport.org/documents/4-TheMORALSelf.pdf
Simple Self-Love: The Top 10 Ways to Be Kind to Yourself Starting
Today. (n.d.). Retrieved April 28, 2016, from http://
www.positivityblog.com/index.php/2015/02/18/self-love-
today/
Starkey, T. (2014). Failing. Retrieved April 23, 2016, from https://
stackofmarking.wordpress.com/2014/09/17/failing/
Agents of Socialization: Family, Schools, Peers and Media - Video &
Lesson Transcript | Study.com. (n.d.). Retrieved January 4,
2016, from http://study.com/academy/lesson/agents-of-
socialization-family-schools-peers-and-media.html
Tattam, A. (1998). Tales from the blackboard: True stories by
Australian teachers (p. 271). Sydney: Pan Macmillan.
Transcript of "Every kid needs a champion" (n.d.). Retrieved April 26,
2016, from https://www.ted.com/talks/
rita_pierson_every_kid_needs_a_champion/transcript?
language=en

71
About The Author

Born in the year of 2000, Monalisa,

or usually called Sasha by her
friends and family, is a student at
Sekolah Victory Plus. Her parents
are both educators who inspired her
to choose her MYP Personal Project
topic. The only girl out of three
children, she is currently living in
Bekasi as a high school student.
Monalisa’s interest includes music
(especially jazz), arts, cooking (as
well as eating), cosmology, and
reading.In the future she is thinking
of following her parent’s footsteps
and become an educator as well.

72
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