Chapter 7

Relationships
 Intimacy
Types of Intimacy
• Emotional
• Physical
• Intellectual
• Spiritual

• Exclusive or
Nonexclusive
• Long Term or Brief
• Not always sexual
Intimacy
Intimacy
 Healthy relationships
• Each person has a healthy separate identity
• Meaning and nourishment outside the relationship
• Each person can give and receive honest feedback
• Individual responsibility for self and happiness
• Both are willing to work at enhancing the
relationship
• In relationship out of choice and commitment
• Individual responsibility for sexual pleasure
• Equality in the relationship
• Enjoy doing things together
• Each striving toward personal growth
and self actualization
• Effective conflict resolution
 Communication
Barriers
•Silent Rehearsing
•Selective Listening
•Failing to Listen
•Overly concerned with your point
•Defensive
•Interrupting
•Seeking to change other
•Stereotyping
•Overreacting
•Bringing up old baggage
•Making assumptions
•Sarcasm and hostility
•Accusatory statements
•Failing to state needs
Healthy
•Active Listening
•Specific and Concrete Language
•Personal “I” Statements
•Keep it on topic
•One issue at a time
•Absence of critical judgment
•Think before you speak
•Verbal and nonverbal messages
match
•Open about feelings
•Respect Differences
 Keeping the Romance Alive
• Define your own sexual ethics
• Be Comfortable in your own skin
• Take Responsibility for your own
Sexual Pleasure
• Know what pleases you
• Open Communication: Before,
During, and After
• Sexual Assertiveness
• Be open to adventures
• Be in the moment
• Walk In Closets
• Date Night
 Key Predictors of Success

• Shared Power
• Shared Responsibility
• Shared Activities
• Shared Interests/Values
 Recognizing Abuse
• Humiliate and yell at you • Constantly check on you
• Criticize and put you down • Unpredictable temper
• Embarrass you in front of • Hurt you or threaten you
others • Threaten to hurt themselves
• Ignore your opinions • Threaten to take your children
• Dismiss your accomplishments • Threaten to harm your children
• Blame you for their behavior • Force you to have sex
• Treat you like property • Destroy your belongings
• Treat you like a sex object
• Excessive jealousy and
possessiveness
• Control where you go and who
you go with
• Restrict your access to friends
and family
• Limit your access to money, the
phone, or the car
Gaslighting
 Ending a Relationship
• Allow yourself to grieve
• Give yourself time
• Express your anger
• Depersonalize your partner’s
sections
• Take responsibility for your
own part in the relationship
• Find a support network
• Write in your journal
• Make amends
• Get closure
• Love and learn
Ending Toxic Relationships