THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES • Place

• Public Settings (autonomy)

PRESENTATION DISCLAIMER • Appropriate Manner for Physical Touch
• Every Family System is Unique • Hug, Back Rub, Hold Hands, Pats etc.
• Every Teenager is Unique • Just because you like it doesn’t mean they do
• Brain Functioning • Example: “I feel like a kitty”
• Genetic Temperament • Physical Touch to Correct
• Some Approaches are Better Suited to Different • A Word to Fathers
Adolescents • Daughters- Physical Dev.; Sons- Boy Code
• Abuse
THE FAMILY SYSTEM: WHAT DOES A
CHILD NEED QUALITY TIME LOVE LANGUAGE #3
• The adolescent belongs to a system • Challenges
• What is going on in that system? • Movement Towards Peers is Normal
• Developmental Changes • Giving Undivided Attention
• Connection - Regulation – Autonomy • Challenges (Time and Focus)
• Connection- emotional bond • Proximity is not Togetherness
• Regulation- rules and structure • Sports
• Autonomy- independence (emotional, spiritual, • Focus on the Teenager
intellectual, relational) • Quality Activities (Plan with Them)
• Focus on Hearing not Saying (next slide)
CONNECTION
• Love languages GUIDELINES FOR QUALITY CONVERSATIONS
• Regulation is related to love • Maintain Eye Contact
• Can you love to much? • Don’t Multitask
• No! Don’t confuse love and control. • Listen for Feelings
• Observe Body Language
LOVE LANGUAGES • Refuse to Interrupt
• Everyone has a Love Tank • Ask Reflective Questions
• We Receive Love Differently • Express Understanding
• There are Five Primary Love Languages • Ask Permission to Share your perspective.
• Words of Affirmation • Rate Differences
• Physical Touch • Average rate of speech
• Quality Time is125 to 175 words per
• Acts of Service minute whereas the brain
• Gifts can process 500 to 1,000
words a minute (challenge
30 SECOND LOVE LANGUAGE TEST to not wander in our
• I feel loved when people express how grateful thoughts)
they are for me, and for the simple things I do ACTS OF
• I feel especially loved when a person gives me
undivided attention and spends time with me
• I feel especially loved by someone who brings
me gifts and other tangible expressions of love
• I feel especially loved when others do things
for me
• I feel especially loved when a person expresses
love through physical contact

WORDS OF AFFIRMATIONLOVE LANGUAGE #1

• During and Unsure Time They Need to be Assured
• Words of Praise (focus on behavior)
• Be Sincere
• Be Specific
• Words of Affection (focus on teenager)
• “I love you”
• When and Where
• “I enjoy you” SERVICELOVE LANGUAGE #4
• “You’ are _____ (great, wonderful, …..” • Service
• Attitude
PHYSICAL TOUCH LOVE LANGUAGE #2 • Daily and Mundane Acts: Duty or Loving Service?
• Manipulation or Behavior Modification
• Time
• I will do _____ if you will ______.
• The anti-touch time
1
• Modeling and Reciprocal Love child.
• Teach Independence • The message is that I don’t trust you to think for
• Guideline: Do acts of service for them that they yourself.
cannot • Low self-esteem, poor motivation, poor decision
do for themselves making
• Family Game and problem solving skills.
• “I really appreciate that…”

GIFTSLOVE LANGUAGE #5
• Gift- a visible, tangible evidence of emotional love
• Greek word for gift (charis)- undeserved gift
GIFTS
• Undeserved, Not a reward, not a manipulation
• Gift Giving and the Ceremony
• Jacob “We love you and want you to have this” LOVE LANGUAGE
• Jesse “We love you and would like to pay for..”
• Counterfeit Gifts- gifts designed to take the place of
true love #5
• You Cannot Buy Love

DISCOVERING THEIR LOVE LANGUAGE

• Parental Flexibility
• Developmental Changes
GIFTS
• Mood Changes Due to Environment
• Steps to Discovery
• Ask Questions LOVE LANGUAGE
• What would make our relationship better?
• Make Observations
• How do they show love? #5
• Experiment
• Treatment= Tx (Tx1 then Tx2 then Tx3 etc…)
• Give them a choice between Tx1

DISCOVERING THEIR LOVE LANGUAGE

• You Possess the Power to Determine a Child’s Love
Language by What You Do or Do Not Do.

LOVE AND ANGER

• The adolescent belongs to a system
• What is going on in that system?
• Developmental Changes
• Connection - Regulation – Autonomy
• Connection- emotional bond
• Regulation- rules and structure
• Autonomy- independence (emotional, spiritual,
intellectual, relational)

REGULATION
• Special Family Forum
• Rules about Rules
• Rules should be as few as
possible
• Rules should be as clear as
possible
• Rules should be as fair as possible
• Rules about Consequences
• Should be determined before a
violation
• Should be administered with love
• Should be administered with
Consistency
AUTONOMY
• Psychological Control
• Controlling the thoughts, beliefs, and emotions of
the