Emotional

Intelligence
Did you ever know anyone who…

• Just didn’t get it?

• Said the wrong thing?

• Did the wrong thing?

• Couldn’t get along with anyone? Or everyone?

• Missed cues at meetings/parties?

• Had a high IQ but was awkward while interacting with others?

• Had no common sense?

• You just couldn’t be around?

• Drove you crazy!

PEOPLE SKILLS MATTER!
 Emotions FUEL performance

$40B Training & Development

1998 Harvard Business Review’s most popular

publication of all time!

EI is 58% of a leader’s performance

EI Facts
90% of top high performers have high EI

EI: needed at all work levels, in all industries and in

all aspects of life: personal & professional
 • Being smart
Emotional • IQ

Intelligence • Controlling others’ emotions

is NOT…… • Manipulating others

• Extroversion/Introversion
What is Emotional Intelligence

•Recognizing, understanding, expressing and

managing your emotions and the emotions of others.
• Examples of high EI:
• Understanding your own emotions
• Picking up on others’ cues
• Managing your responses/reactions to others
• Being appropriate in social situations
• Developing relationships
• Treating others well
• Helping others manage their emotions
“Anyone can become angry - that is easy, but to be angry with the right person at the
right time, and for the right purpose and in the right way - that is not within
everyone’s power and that is not easy”

- Aristotle, Ancient Greek Philosopher

Definition
It is the ability to perceive and express emotion,
assimilate emotion in thought, understand and
reason with emotion, and regulate emotion in self
and others…
(Mayer, Salovey and Caruso)
Emotions, Moods, Feelings

• What is an emotion?

• Why is it valuable to understand what you are feeling?

• Why is it important?

• How do feelings affect your mood?

Our emotions and moods are contagious

Primary and Secondary Emotions

Primary emotions happen in the moment/real time; they move us Secondary emotions are complicated and built up; they hinder us
to action. • Disapproval
• Joy • Disdain
• Hatred
• Happiness • Coldness
• Fulfillment • Hostility
• Contentment • Persecution complex
• Peace • Paranoia
• Fear • Distrust
• Shame • Worry
• Sadness • Anxiety
• Hurt • Insecurity
• • Low self-esteem
Guilt
• Self-hatred
• Frustration • Depression
• Dissatisfaction • Anger/Rage
• Disappointment • Jealousy
Next…

We know how we feel…

What does it mean?

Keep a journal of your emotions and your behaviors…

• When I am angry, I yell

• When I am sad, I cry
• When I am hurt, I shut down
• When I am overwhelmed, I make mistakes
Understanding Emotions

• Learn how to be the best listener

• Watch others’ body language

o What are they are really feeling?
o What emotion is their tone conveying?
o Do their tones and their emotions match?
• Become more comfortable sharing your emotions
Understanding the Brain

Thalamus
• Relay center between our conscious and subconscious
• Helps us to react appropriately
Cortex
• Thinking center
• Helps us make sense & sends messages
Amygdala
• Regulates emotional responses

Here is our chance to change behavior

How does Emotional Intelligence really work?
Our Response to Triggers

• Traffic
• Awakened by a scary noise
• Yelling at work
• Worrying email/phone call
• Impending deadline
• Bad news

TRIGGER
• Activation of “lower” brain regions
• Irrational, kneejerk reaction , entirely emotional
• “Scream and Yell”
• Activation of “higher” brain regions
• Calm response, combination of emotion and logic
• “Work to fix it”
The Key Ingredient: Empathy

• Ask questions to understand how others are feeling

• How do your words/actions affect others?

• Anticipate how others are feeling

Changing your Emotions

• How does a lucky rabbit foot make you feel?

• Has music ever changed your mood?

• A picture of your family?

• The smell of coffee?

• Listening to a story about someone who did something amazing?

Reprogram or rewire your brain: What works for you?

Controlling your Emotions

Identify how you feel and then…

• Pause
• Walk away
• Take a deep breath
• Do a crossword puzzle, Sudoku, etc.
• Laugh
• Relax
• Paint, draw, cook
The Benefits of Emotional Intelligence at
Work

On the job, people with higher emotional intelligence excel at:

• Staying calm under pressure
• Resolving conflict effectively
• Behaving with empathy
• Leading by example
• Those with high levels of Emotional Intelligence delegate more effectively and more emphatically
• Increasing our Emotional Intelligence makes us better employees, leaders, colleagues and teammates
Emotionally Intelligent People
are…

• Empathetic…care how others feel

• Willing to change…and open to it

• Positive people, that others want to be around

• Focused on achieving goals while motivating others

• More productive
Activity

Think about an interaction or situation at home or at work that caused an emotional response in you, that didn’t go well.
• Who was involved?
• What triggered your response?
• What was the outcome?
• Based on what you learned today, what could you have done differently?
Emotional Intelligence - AKA
• Executive Competencies
• Interpersonal Communication
• Relationship Management
• Social Intelligence
• Leadership Development
IQ vs EQ
IQ EQ
Cognitive, intellectual, logical, Emotional, social,
analytical, and rational communicative, and
abilities relational abilities

Personal information bank- Grasping own as well as

memory, vocabulary, etc. others’ wants and needs

Gauges how well one acquires Gauges how well one copes
and organizes new knowledge with environmental demands
and pressures
Four EQ Attributes
PERSONAL SOCIAL
COMPETENCE COMPETENCE

Recognition
Self Awareness Social Awareness
What I See

Regulation Self Relationship

What I Do Management Management

Model: The Emotional Intelligence Competencies of High Achievers – Daniel Goleman

Personal Competence
• Self Awareness

• What I See

Ability to recognize your emotions as they happen

and understand your general tendencies for
responding to different people and situations
Personal Competence
• Self Management

• What I Do

Using awareness of your emotions

to choose what you say and do in
order to positively direct your
behavior
Social Competence
• Social Awareness

• What I See

Understanding where the other person is coming

from, whether you agree or not
Social Competence
• Relationship Management

• What I do

Using awareness of others emotions

to choose what you say and do in order
to positively direct behavior
 PERSONAL COMPETENCE SOCIAL COMPETENCE

Self Awareness Social Awareness

Emotional Awareness Understanding Other/Empathy
Recognition
Accurate Self-assessment Developing Others
Self-confidence Service Orientation
Leveraging Diversity
Organizational Awareness

Relationship Management
Self Management
Communication
Self-Control
Conflict Management
Trustworthiness
Change Catalyst
Conscientiousness
Regulation Building Bonds
Adaptability.
Collaboration and Co-operation
Innovation
Team Capabilities
Influence
Leadership
Impacts and Success
Helps individuals in their strive
for success in living, working,
learning, and social interactions
with self and others.
Exercising EI
• Enhance better communication
• Improve personal relations
• Coach others
• Manage change
• Deal with conflict
• Improve productivity
• Build teams
• Promote better work environment
• Retain employees
The Bar-On model
(associated with the EQ-i
assessment)
NOT Exercising EI
• Lack of leadership
• Conflict situations
• No team work
• Decreased personal
productivity
• Unsatisfied workforce
• Higher labor turnover
• Unsatisfied customers
Practical Applications

• Hiring
• Performance
management
• Career movement
• Overall business
needs
Developing EI
• Listen to your self and your
emotions
• Identify and classify emotions
• Note difference between having and
acting on emotions
• Learn to distract
• Take the time to note your impact
on others
• Set goals – internally or written
Slow Down, Think, Act
As we look ahead…leaders will be
those who empower others.
- Bill Gates