Professional Documents
Culture Documents
Sex Clubs
Recreational Sex, Fantasies and Cultures of Desire
Chris Haywood
Media, Culture and Heritage
Newcastle University
Newcastle-upon-Tyne, UK
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“The first rule of sex club is…”
For Vicky and Sophia Lelah Sandra Haywood.
Acknowledgements
As always, thank you to Mairtin Mac an Ghaill, who in the space of a few
words, can make you see differently. Always an inspiration—his criticality
continues to prompt me to reflect and remind me of how much I don’t
know. A big thank you to Jonathan Allan, Andrea Waling and Frank
Karioris for their support and advice. Also, for their patience as I tried to
navigate being joint editor of the Journal of Bodies, Sexualities and
Masculinities and this book. Thank you to Serena Petrella and Ryan Scoats
for your thoughtful and honest feedback. Thank you to my Swedish
friends Thomas Johansson and Jesper Andreasson for also being patient!
As always, Michael Kehler has been there to tell me when he was never
going to see me. Thank you to Professor Tewkesbury, who took time out
to spend an afternoon with me in Kentucky—hearing your commitment
and your pursuit of knowledge was a motivation! Gareth Longstaff has
been brilliant, sharing his thoughts and excellent insights. Thank you to
Nicola Gibson, Karen Robb, Rachel Clarke and my PhD students past and
present for your patience and understanding. A special thank you to the
School of Arts and Cultures research fund, and the Humanities and Social
Sciences bid preparation fund at Newcastle University that helped to sup-
port this work.
To Jade, Dave and Poppy, who have been understanding to the nth
degree—I love you so much. To Nicky and Ian for their help and support
and their special wine drinking and singing skills. A special thanks to Lelah
and Tony for making this book possible. Also, thanks to the lads at
Northumberland Recycling for keeping me grounded on sexual matters.
And to Elycia, always thought about and loved. During the writing of this
ix
x ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
1 Welcome
to the Erotic Oasis 1
Introduction 1
Welcome to the Club 2
Seeking Erotic Encounters: What Is This Book About? 5
Inside the Erotic Oasis: Looking Through the Book 10
Visiting the Playrooms: Moments of (P)leisure 12
Towards the End of the Night 16
Bibliography 19
xi
xii Contents
3 Cultures
of Desire: Erotic Hierarchies and Affective
Atmospheres 57
Introduction 57
Sex Clubs and Public Intimacy 58
The Playrooms 63
Complicating Hedonism: Erotic Hierarchies 68
Affective Atmospheres: Feeling the Place 72
Conclusion: Cultures of Desire 78
Bibliography 79
4 ‘Greedy
Girls’: Women and the Insatiable Abject 83
Preface 83
Introduction 85
Greedy Girl: ‘I Want It How I Want It’ 88
The Desirable Abject: The Pleasure of Fucking with Men 92
Black Women and Radical Passivity 97
Women Desiring Pleasure: Beyond Feminism and Post-feminism 101
Conclusion 104
Bibliography 105
5 Sex
Clubs, Dark Rooms and Post-Masculinity Erotics109
Introduction 109
Beyond Respectable Masculinities 111
Masculinity Rules, Consent and Same-Sex Practices 115
‘Leaving Behind Men as Studs’ 118
New Erotic Configurations and Post-Masculinity 123
Conclusion 130
Bibliography 130
6 ‘You
Lot Are So Hot’: Race, Black Men and Commodity
Fantasies135
Introduction 135
Black Bulls: ‘I Want a Black Man Who Knows What He Is Doing’ 139
The Desire for a Black Masculinity 141
Folding in Masculinities: Cuckolds, Hotwifing and Wittoling 148
Conclusion: Black Men’s Pleasure 154
Bibliography 156
Contents xiii
7 Erotic
Outlaws: Tactile Looks, Women Desiring Women
and Transgender Bodies159
Introduction 159
Collapsing Heteronormativity: Towards a Conjoining of Bodies 163
Sex Beyond the Heteronormative: Female on Female 168
Violent Transgression 174
Conclusion 180
Bibliography 181
8 Conclusion185
Introduction 185
Conclusion: Leaving with the Lights on 188
Bibliography 191
Index193
List of Tables
xv
CHAPTER 1
Introduction
I wasn’t sure whether it was the incessant fucking on the bed or the sheer
desperation of men to be involved in the fucking that first grabbed my
attention. I knew that what hit me second was the dank smell of sweat and
sex that I breathed in as I moved in closer to the bed to get a better look
at what was happening. The woman thrusting herself onto the man kneel-
ing behind her and the two men on either side reaching out for her breasts
brought my senses back to me. Here I was in a northern English civil par-
ish, in a building that had once been a thriving pub in a coal mining com-
munity, watching a woman losing her balance trying to switch between
putting one man into her mouth and then another. I had walked up from
the bus terminal no more than 90 minutes before, passing a young couple
pushing a pushchair with their fish and chips in a white bag hanging from
the handle. No less than three hours ago, I had been talking to my mum
about how to get her heating, with a boiler over 25 years old, working.
Earlier still, I had been staring up at the sandwich board in the local café,
wondering whether the sweetcorn and chicken or the bacon and tomato
had more calories. Somewhere in the past 12 hours, I had moved from the
banality of the everyday to the exuberant and rapacious twisting and
searching of hands, clits, teeth, cocks, nipples, arses and lips. It was at that
moment in the sex club, where desire appeared to be exceeding itself,
when the underpinning argument for this book began to emerge. The sex
club, a place outside of the everyday order yet fundamentally a part of it,
is a cultural space that both disrupts and reinforces contemporary sexual
norms and values, and in doing so ‘…provides analytical openings for con-
sidering sexuality as degrees of variation, experimentation and transforma-
tion’ (Paasonen 2018, p. 5).
passing through and a place of disclosure. In the club, patrons can bathe
in relative anonymity, as questions of identity tend to be off-limits. But not
here. Not in the bright lights of the reception, not in front of the club PC
where names, house numbers, email addresses and phone numbers are
collected. Not where identity documents are checked against faces and
utility bills photocopied. Access to the club and, importantly, the right to
enter the club is established at this point. This is a moment of disclosure.
Visitors often wait to sign in with nervous smiles or over-eager laughs. The
reception becomes a place of awkward unspoken mutual awareness of an
overt and non-negotiable desiring of sexual subjectivity. Perry writes: ‘It
seems to me that we heterosexuals have very little understanding of sexu-
ality. We never have to think about it!’ (Perry 2000, p. 81). Yet here, in the
non-place of the reception, heterosexuals have to declare their desire for
sex outside the contours of monogamous, reproductive-focused sex, not
only to themselves but to others around them. At this moment, at the
reception, heterosexuality becomes sexual; heterosexuals have become
desiring sexual subjects that are no longer swathed in the safe desexualized
space of heteronormativity.
The cashier first takes the money. This is a place where sexual value can
be measured by its pricing structure, with men paying around £30, cou-
ples £20 and single women £15 for entry. Those who are most valued by
the club pay less. On different nights, depending on the nature of the
event, the pricing structure changes. On receipt of a small deposit, you are
issued with a locker key and a towel (that is never quite big enough to fit
around the waist). The cashier asks loudly, ‘Have you been to a club
before?’ I deliberately answer ‘No’. ‘Don’t worry, love, Dave will be here
in a minute to tell you what’s what and show you around. We’re all here
to have a good time. Do you want to pass your bottles through?’ I pass my
carrier bag through the hatch and the cashier momentarily disappears
around the corner. Sex clubs often operate without an alcohol licence, and
the bar area is where ‘bring your own’ drinks can be stored and poured.
Bottles with sticky white labels with locker numbers written in felt-tip are
lined up behind the bar. As I hang around in reception waiting for Dave,
a couple comes through the door. I stand at the side, by the coffee table
and an A4 sign that details the club’s policies as pop music pumps out
from above. ‘Be presentable, Smile, Be confident, Don’t bring domestics,
Talk to people, Don’t be a dick, Play, Don’t be jealous, Have fun, Cum
again’. I look closely at number one: ‘Cum again. Every night is different.
Some chilled and sensual, some filthy and rammed. The more you visit us
1 WELCOME TO THE EROTIC OASIS 5
the more experiences you’ll have’. The list of rules provides an example of
how clubs appear to market themselves as a space of unlimited pleasure
and a realization of fantasies.
Once in the club, patrons are sometimes met with a social set-up remi-
niscent of a working-class social club, with some clubs providing finger
buffets, holding raffles or having pool tables or karaoke. Some clubs have
pole dancing stages that lead to men and women attempting to demon-
strate their flair, some more successfully than others. There is usually a bar
area where those ‘bring your own’ drinks (depending on the premise
licence) are stored and poured. Those working the bar often ask for locker
key numbers from casually dressed men, and women are often ‘dressed
down’ in more revealing clothing. However, in the warmth of the dimmed
lights, comfy chairs and over-familiar pop music, the sociability contains a
cold functionality. The agenda here is quite clear. Amongst the cliques and
patrons that have met each other numerous times (almost weekly), and
close-knit friends sit together in ways that make it difficult for others to
join them, men and women stand-by alone. Amid, men and women, care-
fully avoiding being seen, survey the room, watching and waiting for the
evening to progress; couples, sitting apart from each other, awkwardly
talking to one another across tables that are too large. Along with single
people standing with plastic cups held at face height, peering through to
people-watch. This is the place where teasing sex happens. For some, the
club is a meeting place for pre-arranged play; for others, the temptation
and the promise of fantastic sex, exciting encounters and lived-out fanta-
sies have drawn them to this place. Early in the evening, very little hap-
pens. Men tend to walk around and check in on the rest of the club,
looking for action. Everyone knows that sexual encounters will take place
soon and they wait and watch for the first couple or the first single woman
to seek out the playrooms. There is a waiting, an anticipation that some-
thing is going to happen. And something will happen.
Thus, sex clubs are part of a new circuitry of desire that has developed
connecting sites of pleasure that have previously been incongruous and
mutually exclusive. As such, we are beginning to witness affectivities criss-
crossing an increasingly porous private and public divide. Whilst much of
this can be seen online, sex clubs have emerged as a physical space where
the contours and the spatial dimensions of heteronormativity are being
challenged. Or, as Risman (2019, p. 124) puts it, ‘What is controversial
now is that sex is being liberated from relationships altogether’.
Sex clubs sell fantasies. Perhaps more accurately, sex clubs sell the prom-
ise of the fulfilment of a fantasy. They are not unique in this, as sex and
consumption have been increasingly imbricated (Brents and Hausbeck
2007; Martin 2016; Crewe and Martin 2017). Embedded in discussions
of recreational sex is its relationship to the commodification of sexual prac-
tices and desire. As the research for this book progressed, it became
increasingly clear that the sexual was imbricated with commodification.
Constable (2009, p. 50) clarifies how we can understand the relationship
between commodification and sex.
and Pöschl 2018; Fahs and Swank 2013). Alongside this, suggesting that
sexual practices are configured in ways that are closely linked to consump-
tion, recreational sex also points to sex having a different relationship to
the self. Attwood and Smith (2013) argue that sex has now become a key
part of how we make ourselves, suggesting that the meanings of sex and
how and why we do sex have changed. Sex has become embedded with
consumption that involves: ‘having the time to give to exercise one’s inter-
ests in sex [and] to engage in sex as a form of relaxation, entertainment,
self-realization, self-gratification and gratification of others, and personal
development’ (Attwood and Smith 2013, p. 330). It is suggested here
that the emergence of recreational sex results from and produces an
expanded relationship between the individual and the self. Sex, in this way,
becomes a lens of subjectivity where the relationship between the indi-
vidual and the self can be viewed, renewed and changed.
However, our understanding of our own subjectivity is a refraction
through the staging of desire, and the formation of fantasies. Sex clubs
provide the framing and erotic templates for how those fantasies are expe-
rienced and it is through the cultures of desire within the club that sexual
themes take shape and are lived out. Parker (1991, p. 79) describe sexual
culture as ‘systems of meaning, of knowledge, beliefs and practices, that
structure sexuality in different social contexts’. Sexual cultures have been
useful for making sense of a wide range of sexual practices, including BDSM
(Bennett 2018), Pup Play (Wignall 2018) and Chemsex (Mowlabocus
et al. 2016). However, this book focuses on cultures of desire rather than
sexual cultures. One of the reasons for this is that sexual cultures often refer
to something that is more stable and enduring. Instead, cultures of desire
make an appeal to the ‘here and now’, sometimes momentary encounters,
where people temporarily (dis)connect and then move on. It points to
encounters in the club as less about sexualities and more about the different
ways erotic pleasure becomes practiced. For example, sexual identities may
be publicly stated in one moment and then cast aside. At another moment,
the ‘sexual’ may become ambiguous, with encounters more aligned to the
erotic or the non-genitally focussed. In addition, cultures of desire are used
to capture the ways that erotic hierarchies and sexual capital become con-
figured through affective atmospheres. However, Parker’s later work
(1999) on cultures of desire aims to achieve something similar by suggest-
ing that gay identities within Brazil are not imported subjectivities that are
projected onto same-sex desire. Rather that cultures of desire are
inter-related with identities and collective cultures from a range of places.
1 WELCOME TO THE EROTIC OASIS 9
absence through presence through repetition, ‘In the course of such rep-
etition, norms may become articulated as more coherent and solid than
they otherwise appear’. In many ways, just as sexual norms often become
solidified through their reiteration, queerness itself is too often invested
with a fixity. It is therefore important to emphasize that ‘[Queer] does not
designate a class of already objectified pathologies or perversions; rather it
describes a horizon of possibility whose precise extent and heterogeneous
scope cannot in principle be delimited in advance’ (ibid., p. 3). What
emerges so clearly from Paasonen’s work is how sexual scenarios, particu-
larly through the concept of play, produce new ways of being sexual that
may not be contained in existing categories or through the emergence of
new categories. Rather, desires should be understood as ‘fields of varia-
tions’ that offer potential capacity. Thus, whilst cultures of desire may
operate through a shared understanding of the (un)acceptable, which, in
turn, designates an erotic hierarchy, this is not mutually exclusive from the
potentiality of experiences standing outside of that hierarchy. More spe-
cifically, as Curtis (2004, p. 110) points out, ‘The link between imagina-
tion, consumption, and sexual subjectivity is about the creation of new
possibilities—some are acted on, others not’.
the clits, the cocks, etc. Apart from this being the register that tends to be
used during encounters in clubs, I want to capture the visceralness, the
physicality, the doing of the encounter. My anxiety about this style of writ-
ing is also connected to the danger of becoming ethnopornographic,
where ‘ethnopornographic’ refers to ‘a cluster of concerns about the
meanings of pornographic representation, the plurality of sexualities, the
legacies of colonial representation’ (Sigal et al. 2019, p. 9). It is argued
that much of the nineteenth- and early twentieth-century anthropological
work objectified those who were being observed. This objectification pri-
marily operated through racial stereotypes designed to reinforce racial
hierarchies. In essence, the eroticized power of the ethnographer became
simultaneously embedded as the object of the analysis and the research
method. In effect, the gaze of the ethnographer deploys an epistemology
of voyeurism to produce racialized sexualities that simultaneously justify
and reinforce existing colonially driven inequalities. The male gaze, often
firmly located on the sexualized bodies of Indigenous women, became a
means to separate the savage and the civilized, the hypersexual and the
pure. More succinctly, as Nurka (2019, p. 102) points out, ‘in other
words, the sexualizing gaze could hide its immoral desires behind the
veneer of legitimate scientific enquiry’.
In response, the research ensures that its discussion of the various
encounters, interviews with club patrons and review of the quantitative
data are done in a caring, sensitive and ethically appropriate manner. At
various moments throughout this book, I declare my anxiety as a middle-
aged white man watching white women playing with black men, reporting
on women fucking women, men using women for sex and women humili-
ating men for their pleasure. Quite simply, these are my ethnographic
readings, and whereas others may have a different insight, approach and
experience, this book is simply one limited perspective.
It is perhaps as we move further into the club that the concept of the
erotic oasis becomes most productive. Beyond the bar and the social area,
there are playrooms, such as a cinema room, the dark room, the couples’
room, the sauna, the private room, the dungeon, the glory hole room, the
sauna, the grope room, the orgy room, the school room and the mirror
room. In some clubs, they have cars that provide the dogging experience,
and in one club, there is a truck cab. In another club, there is a tent with a
light that projects the shadows of its users onto the wall next to it. These
rooms often mimic classic pornscapes, with highly theatrical and grandiose
interior designs that tend to consist of black-painted MDF boards and red
and purple velour drapes in rooms with walls that sometimes don’t always
reach to the ceiling. Clubs are ‘edgy sex’ or places that enable ‘sexual behav-
iours and activities that might be considered to be at the borders or the
edges of the permissible, desirable or conceivable’ (Phoenix and Oerton
2013, p. 163). Such behaviours might include but are not exclusive to
anonymous sex, group sex, partner swapping, bukkake, same-sex practices,
cuckolding, threesomes, ‘bareback sex’, gang bangs, BDSM, and interracial
and intergenerational sex. Despite claims that sex clubs in the UK attract
500,000 to 1.5 million visitors each year, contributing to a multi-million-
pound sector of the sex industry, we know very little about them. There is
something about the affective charge involved in looking, revealing and
uncovering what happens in sex clubs that up until previously we hadn’t,
couldn’t or weren’t allowed to see too much of.
On the outside, and often in sex club promotional material, sex club
experience is often framed as a hedonistic or sybaritic free-for-all. To be
clear, it is not. Yes, there may be encounters and moments when the pur-
suit of various forms of pleasure and ecstasy emerges. However, sex clubs
are often characterized by an erotic hierarchy that prioritizes and autho-
rizes who is desirable and what is acceptable within particular club spaces.
In Chap. 3, these erotic hierarchies and how they configure and shape
acceptable practices are explored further. It is argued in this book that
clubs promote cultures of desire that are connected to erotic hierarchies.
Thus, gender, age, ethnicity and sexuality are configured in ways that
14 C. HAYWOOD
promote particular ways of being sexual that are inclusive of the configur-
ing of bodies. One of the reasons for this is that cultures of desire are
underpinned by ‘hegemonic systems of judgment’ that form the basis for
structures of desire (Green 2011). More specifically, Green argues that
structures of desire are embedded sexual encounters that are operational-
ized through ‘representations of who is desirable, in the first instance, and
past and present patterns of sexual sociality, in the second instance’ (ibid.,
p. 245). As such, desire in clubs is structured hegemonically. Importantly,
hegemony is not fixed; it is won through consent, and across various
spaces and in a variety of clubs, the judgement of desirability is often chal-
lenged and reconfigured. It is through the structures of erotic hierarchies
and the affective atmospheres that cultures of desire emerge.
Sex club encounters not only contain traditional gender and sexual
judgements they also disrupt conventional understandings of sexual iden-
tities. It is argued that the sex club has become a space for the emergence
of non-normative intimacies that go beyond traditional understandings of
partner-swapping. More specifically, the book explores an economy of
desire that circulates through cultural practices that rupture conventional
understandings of gender, sexuality and ethnicity whilst at the same time
having the potential to simultaneously instantiate them. For example,
Chap. 4, Greedy Girls, explores the ways in which sex clubs promote a
night where women attend to have sexual encounters with as many men
and women as they want to, either at the same time or one after another.
On the one hand, this can be seen as reinforcing hetero-patriarchy by
positioning women as objects of sexual consumption or through their
own sexual subjectification that being objectified or adopting a sexual sub-
jectivity that ultimately reinforces. On the other hand, the sex club can
transform women’s (and men’s) sexual experiences, offering new ways of
being and subjectivities.
In Chap. 5 there is an exploration of how masculinity articulates itself
and uses the ‘Dark Room’ to explore this. As we shall see, sex clubs pro-
mote, both formally and informally, a masculinity that is premised on a
notion of respect and the importance of establishing sexual consent. It’s a
way of being a man that carries a signification associated with #MeToo and
involves not only clubs promoting and prioritizing women’s safety and
consent but also men being part of that process. This itself connects with
hegemonic judgements and what is seen to be acceptable for men (and
women) to be doing. At the same time, there is a space in the club where
the sexual order is upturned and contested. As can be seen in various
1 WELCOME TO THE EROTIC OASIS 15
encounters in the club but in Chap. 5, not only is the existing order of the
club challenged, but it also provides a space where masculinity becomes
‘un-done’. Both Chaps. 4 and 5 provide an insight into the different ways
sexual encounters within clubs take place.
In contrast to spaces where the potential for alternative masculinities
emerges, one of the themes that underpin sex clubs is the commodifica-
tion of sex and how the promise of the fantasy becomes part of the popu-
larity of the club. Despite the porn star images of the online club
promotional material and the promise of pleasure, sex clubs can some-
times be both sophisticated and ‘gritty’ at the same time. Although sex
clubs make money by selling the promise of pleasure, they never provide
explicit representations of sex. Instead, they metonymically configure the
possibility of pleasure through their advertising and promotional materi-
als. In Chap. 6, the promise of the fantasy, through a night where white
women are encouraged to have sexual encounters with black men, notions
of commodity and fetish are explored in greater depth. In particular, it
examines how racialization becomes a source of erotic pleasure. This chap-
ter highlights the ways in which black men become commodified as objects
for women to consume. It shifts its focus to consider how sex in a club
becomes commodified through the fetish of the black male body.
Chapter 7, Erotic Outlaws, examines how sex clubs can be the space for
tensions between transformations and traditions, where erotic encounters
appear to stand outside of sexual identity categories and become restricted,
pulled back and re-aligned to traditional sexual norms and values. They
also become the place where such traditional categories become frag-
mented, contested and exceeded. In many ways, this chapter reinforces
the need to move away from sexual identities to understand sex clubs and
to think about how the club produces the spaces where alternative sexual
practices to be lived out. A part of this is to think through transgression in
the context of a club context that promotes hetero-erotic experiences as
commodities. To re-iterate, heterosexual practices in the club can exist
outside of the dominant or hegemonic values that circulate through het-
erosexuality (Beasley 2011). Berlant and Warner (1998) provide an impor-
tant commentary in heterosexuality and heteronormativity that seeks to
disentangle the two. On the one hand, there is heteronormativity that
provides a coherency and a privileging of heterosexuality. However, they
also suggest that: ‘Contexts that have little visible relation to sex practice,
as life narrative and generational identity, can be heteronormative in this
sense, while other contexts forms of sex between men and women might
16 C. HAYWOOD
other side of the room; she was clinging with her legs around his waist as
he laid her down. This time, a number of men and women stood around
them, watching this intense writhing of bodies, searching and seeking out
pleasure. It was transgressive in that compared with the fucking that had
previously taken place that evening, this was different. The man buried his
face in her hair, kissing and tasting her neck; she lurched upwards, forcing
herself against the hardness of his cock beneath his shorts. She moaned as
the man switched sides, tasting her again with an urgency and a frenzy. An
older man leaned over, close to her face, and shouted, ‘Are you are enjoy-
ing that?’
The spell was broken.
Perhaps it was the presence of a different kind of sex within this club
night that was most noticeable. The atmosphere and the experience all
interwove into the experience of the evening. Besides the group sex, the
use of huge sex toys, the hard flogging on the St. Andrew’s cross and the
multiplicity of sex between a T-girl and two women, this felt transgressive.
However, more generally, there is something about the erotic energies of
the club, something that was picked up by Pini (2001) in their discussion
of dance clubs and raves. They discuss a way of being erotic that exceeds
the categories of straight, gay and lesbian, which operationalize the sexual.
The result is that what appears, for example, to be heterosexual becomes
more blurred and fragmented. More specifically,
bottle of poppers, trying to get the man to sniff the bottle. The man on
top of the woman didn’t see this, but he flung his head around and
knocked the amyl nitrate all over his face and the face of the woman lying
underneath him. It went into her eyes and hair and over her neck. She
instantly cried out as it stung her. Everything immediately stopped. They
both got up and ran to the bathroom. Amyl nitrate to the eye can cause
irreversible damage and loss of sight. This led to the end of the evening.
The slow-moving, sensation-seeking crowd dwindles into individual
single men quickly checking rooms for swift sexual fixes. The odd couple
remains, but they are either at the bar, getting dressed in a private room or
walking to the changing rooms. A club worker calls out that there is half
an hour left. The cultural politics of the club have shifted; the conventions
of politeness, of women being in charge, of sensual pornscapes, are
replaced by four or five remaining desperate men scuttling back and forth
from room to room, dipping their heads into spaces, eyes darting around
corners, checking for action. Handles of locked doors are tried; some men
knock to be let into private rooms. They stop, listen and knock again.
Sometimes, not even a polite ‘fuck off’ is sufficient. They knock again.
And again. The braided rope that separates the couples’ room from
onlooking singles hangs loose, no longer in place. At the end of the night,
it is the increasing emptiness of the rooms that impels men’s desire. Now,
it is the absence of bodies and a fantasy of limitless jouissance that seems
to drive an erotic desperation. The absence of bodies, the absence of sex
in one room fuels the anticipation that drives them on to the next. It is
now an absence that drives them on to what could be there in the next
room. One last room, one last look, one last knock. Another last room,
another knock. And then nothing.
In some clubs, lights go on and playroom doors become locked. In
others, staff make their way round to say that they are closing. Whilst the
remaining men and couples make their way to their lockers, club workers
begin emptying the bins and washing down the plastic beds. It appears
that sweeping brushes are handy for washing down the walls. Activity
shifts to the changing rooms, sometimes mixed, sometimes single-sex.
People are often dressing in silence, which is sometimes interrupted only
by dropped keys or shuffling coats. There is no locker room talk.
Homosociality is achieved through a lack of talk or banter. The silence is
sometimes broken by familiar faces, previously engaged in sexual acts,
acknowledging each other, ‘Had a good night?’, ‘It’s been slow/great’.
And then conversations simply stop. Even couples, together, get dressed
1 WELCOME TO THE EROTIC OASIS 19
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CHAPTER 2
Introduction
‘The first rule of Fight Club is: you do not talk about Fight Club. The
second rule of Fight Club is: you do not talk about Fight Club!’ The use
of this line for the subtitle of this book alludes to the film Fight Club which
was adapted from the book by Chuck Palahniuk (1997). The film centres
on an underground fight club and forms the basis for one of the main
themes of the novel. In a world where advertising numbs the senses, the
fight club gives the men the opportunity to experience something real,
something that breaks through an otherwise vapid social world. It is not
that the film is the ideal cypher for understanding sex clubs, but it high-
lights both the importance of anonymity that circulates around sex clubs
and the way sex clubs often become ways of escaping a world of mundane
everyday sex. Even where there are moments within the sex club that may
be seen to reinforce heteronormative ethics, sex clubs continue to provide
a counterpoint to what Portolan and McAlister (2022) call the ‘Masterplot
in contemporary culture’, the romance plot. More specifically,
The plot has clear milestones and events: you meet someone, you fall in
love, you marry, you have children, you live happily ever after. These mile-
stones are flexible and might shift in terms of significance and order–for
instance, not all couples marry, have children, or wait until after marriage to
have children–but the cultural primacy of the romance plot, and our almost
universal familiarity with it, cannot be denied. (Ibid., np.)
Portolan and McAlister point out that this romance masterplot has
been weaved into same-sex relationships as well as heterosexual ones.
However, it is argued that the development of sex clubs is implicitly con-
nected to the ways in which the romance masterplot is beginning to falter.
It is argued in this book that the disconnection between traditional forms
of intimacy and the development of new ones, driven by commodification
and consumption as a form of self-making, where alternative sexual affects
and practices begin to intersect. The subsequent problematization of rules
and assumed ruptures in collective notions of sexual acceptability is one of
the reasons why the subtitle of this book was chosen. The subtitle also
prioritizes the importance of secrecy. Secrets are often associated with
stigma, a hiding that in itself becomes an indication of psychological prob-
lems. Rather than be indicative of problems, the secret, as exemplified in
Fight Club, provides a way of living within a world that is emotionally
commodified, waxed in heteronormative trajectories that celebrate the
romance masterplot. The sex club becomes a place where the heteronor-
mative rules and conventions of monogamy and coupledom may be chal-
lenged, reinstated, but also exceeded. That said, if we think of secrecy as
dependent on revelation rather than concealment (Fan and Liu 2021), the
sex club relies on the possibility that the secret world can at any moment
become undone.
The secrecy that surrounds sex clubs was often revealed when I was
asked what this book was about. When I said sex clubs, the majority of
people assumed that I was researching sex clubs for the gay community
and for men who have sex with men. Whilst there is much to learn from
research on Gay and Lesbian sex clubs, they have a very distinct history
that is rooted in the experiences of a sexual minority that have been
socially, economically and legally marginalized from society. In Gay and
Lesbian communities, sex clubs have operated as places of resistance, com-
munity refuge and sexual exploration (Meunier and Escoffier 2021).
Particularly with the emergence of HIV in the 1980s, cities around the
world and especially in the USA witnessed the systematic shutdown of
venues because they were deemed to facilitate (unsafe) sex (Sides 2006;
Meunier and Escoffier 2021). The history of Gay and Lesbian sex clubs
and bathhouses operates as an affirmation of Gay collective identities
along with their own specific, often politically inflected dynamics. Another
distinction between clubs marketed to heterosexuals and Gay sex clubs is
that the emphasis on the latter may be more focused on particular sexual
practices. Villaamil and Jociles (2011) point out that in the context of
2 SECRET SEX CLUBS 25
clubs in Spain, Gay sex clubs tend to market themselves towards advocates
of a particular kind of scene of sexual encounter: ‘This clientele will define
itself as a minority in relation to what is perceived as a hegemonic gay
model—young, urban, upper class, muscular gay. This has given rise to
what is usually called “scenes” (bear, leather, fetish and so forth)’ (ibid.,
p. 585). In contrast, there is no formal history of sex clubs that market
recreational sex for heterosexuals. It is unclear when and where sex clubs
as a legal, commercial enterprise specifically designed to facilitate on-
premises consensual sexual encounters for men and women began
to emerge.
In a number of instances, there is no doubt that casual sex for men can
be characterized by a self-centred pleasuring that lacks care and a sense of
28 C. HAYWOOD
• Lap dancing
• Pole dancing
• Table dancing
• Strip shows
• Peep shows
• Live sex shows”
The above definition, apart from the inclusion of live sex shows appears
relatively unambiguous. However, it is the following that has resulted in a
number of clubs requiring to be licenced as Sexual Enteratinment Venues:
“2.4 The above list is not exhaustive and, as the understanding of the exact
nature of these descriptions may vary, should only be treated as indicative.
Ultimately, decisions to licence premises as sexual entertainment venues
shall depend on the content of the entertainment provided and not the
name it is given”. (Ibid.)
authorities and local by-laws and subject to the local government priori-
ties. Some planning permissions appear progressive, specifically debunking
speculation about members’ licentiousness and predatory sexual behav-
iours. This can often be the case when trying to promote business and
commerce in a specific location. For example, one club in the south of
England changed its use from being an old pub to offices, then to a private
members’ club. One more famous club has been in use as a club since
2008. However, a retrospective planning application was not made until
2013 when the club was investigated for non-compliance by the local
authority. The case for permission was made on the basis of the club bring-
ing £250,000 per annum into the local area, the employment of 12 staff
and the provision of a community facility. This club used a planning spe-
cialist which is uncommon as most applications are completed by the own-
ers. The club remains open. Other council planning decisions, drawing
upon the Human Rights Act of 1998, refuse permission to open up clubs
if they deem that the club will affect the ‘amenity of the area’. In one case,
a sex club having no shop frontage would lead to a ‘loss of confidence in
the area’. A red PVC entrance canopy, apart from being called ‘dated’,
would be ‘over dominant and incongruous’. Applications are routinely
challenged by MPs, communities or the police and are often labelled as
‘unsuitable and inappropriate for residential areas’, ‘too close to the pri-
mary school’, with a negative ‘impact on house prices’ and ‘possibilities
for illegal or exploitative activities with no checks in place’. In such
instances, small- to medium-sized business incentives and/or lower busi-
ness taxes associated with regeneration regions can contribute to increased
community resentment when sex clubs are proposed in close proximity to
housing conurbations, schools and shopping centres.
At the same time, in their research on community perceptions of sex
establishments in Australia, Prior and Crofts (2012) highlight how the
way a sex club is perceived can often be influenced by a vocal minority.
They suggest more integration of sex clubs within the community as a
form of normalization. In Scotland, a recent local government survey of
where to situate sex venues was rejected by those living in more upmarket
locations. Whilst for some survey respondents, there was a zero-tolerance
of sex venues, a number of respondents were happy for sex venues to be in
their area. Alongside this, Haringey Council in London has attempted to
close down a number of sex clubs, but these are fetish or kink clubs and
not those marketed to heterosexual communities. It appears that in the
UK, moral entrepreneurs routinely challenge ‘unusual and
2 SECRET SEX CLUBS 33
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