Personal Change Final Report

Overview

I have finished my 6-week journal for my personal change project and have learned a lot
from the experience. My aim for this project was to adopt several strategies to enhance my focus
and improve my ability to listen attentively to others' requests. I believe that I made a good
change in my ability to listen to other people’s requests, but I still need to work on bettering my
listening skills as this did not come with a few trials and errors along the way. I also plan to
revisit my personal change proposal to find more tactics to make me more attentive to others.

Unwanted Communication Pattern

The unwanted habit that I currently deal with is failing to fully focus on what someone
asks of me and either not completing or forgetting to do what they requested. This unwanted
habit of mine causes a lot of problems, most importantly, it ruins the trust I have with that
person. This type of thing usually happens at home when my parents need me to do something
for them and rely on me to get it done. Rather than focusing on my attention to them, I try to
multitask and do more than one thing and hope I remember what they have said to me.

Here are two examples of this habit:

 One day at work, I was told by another worker that I had to remember to empty the trash
cans because I forgot to empty them last time. I told her that I would get it done,
unfortunately I forgot to do it that day as well. When I came in to work the next day, she
was a little stressed that I had forgotten to empty the trash two times, especially when I
had told her that I would get it done. I apologized and told her that I would not forget, yet
again, I forgot and left the warehouse without second thought. After I had gotten home
that evening, I remembered that I had forgotten to throw away the trash and become mad
at myself for forgetting a third time which was very bad on my part. Needless to say, I
drove back to my workplace during the night and threw away all the trash and put new
 trash bags in the bins. It wouldn’t seem like a bad idea to drive back to work and fix my
mistake, but my work is a 20 – 30-minute drive from my house. I learned my lesson and
now I make sure I empty the trash cans every time before I lock up the warehouse and
leave.
 This time, I was at home with my parents and siblings. My Mom and Dad wanted to go
out on a date and asked me to watch over my siblings; Furthermore, she wanted me to
make them dinner and get them ready for bed if they were out longer than expected. I
said that it was fine, and they left for their date. I did watch my siblings and watched
movies with them, but I completely blanked out and forgot to make them dinner and
didn’t get them in their pajamas. When our parents got back home, they were very upset
at me because I didn’t take great care of my siblings at all, and they had to get them fed
and put into their pajamas. At that point, asking them if I could do anything to help was
out of the question, they didn’t trust me to give me something to do just to see it possibly
not get done. I really felt bad about not getting it done, if I had listened properly, I could
have written myself a note or set an alarm to remind myself to make my siblings dinner.

These two examples are both negative outcomes from my ineffective listening skills. If I had
listened to my colleague at work, I wouldn’t have had to drive back to work during the night;
Also, I wouldn’t have wasted resources like gas to finish a simple task if I had listened properly
the first time. If I had focused on my parents’ requests and watched my siblings better, they
wouldn’t need to worry about getting them fed and ready for bed once they got home from their
date. I lost their trust and made it hard for them to ask me to do tasks for them without them
second guessing if I would get it done.

Strategies

After experiencing the negative effects of my habits, it was time I did something to learn
from my mistakes. I found a few strategies that I could implement to begin growth into a better
listener. The first strategy I implemented was a three-part process listening skill called, “Stop,
Look, & Listen” (Beebe, Beebe, & Redmond, p. 126-128). Here is a definition to each step:
 1. Stop (Beebe, Beebe, & Redmond, p. 126): If someone is talking to you, you shouldn’t
attend to self-talk (Beebe, Beebe, & Redmond, p. 126), this means not talking to yourself
or thinking of something else in your mind. You have to basically shut up your inner
thoughts so you can focus on the individual in front of you.
2. Look (Beebe, Beebe, & Redmond, p. 127): Once you have stopped all internal
distractions, you must look at the individual in front of you to show them your attention
is directed their way. Staring at something else makes them feel like what they are going
to tell you is not going to get through to you.
3. Listen (Beebe, Beebe, & Redmond, p. 128): This last step is self-explanatory, but you
must listen to the individual, this means that you shouldn’t interrupt them, respond back
to them with appropriate verbal and nonverbal feedback to let them know you
understand, and that your attention is still on them. Lastly, contribute yourself to the
conservation appropriately.

The reason I believe this will help me with my listening skills is because I have ADHD. I
always have a million voices playing in my head especially when I am in a conversation with
someone. If I can shut off any or all of my internal thoughts before listening to someone, I might
have a better chance to remember what they had told me and keep my word to any task that
anybody gives me.

Constraints

I was met with a few holdbacks while trying to stick with the strategies. For example, I
would stay with it for a few days, but as time went on, I began to go back to my old habits and
not listen properly. Since I am training my body to do something that I normally don’t do, the
thought in the back of my mind tries to revert me back to the old ways that I am more familiar of
doing. I didn’t always follow my Personal Change Proposal which slowed my progress and gave
me a harder time to come up with journal entries. Lastly, I am a procrastinator which causes me
to put it off at the last minute or not do it at all, which is what caused most of my communication
strategies to be ineffective.
Implementation

With Downfall, it is your responsibility to climb back up, which is exactly what I did.
Although I had a few constraints holding me back from actually completing my goal, I did my
best to remember my plan and utilize it in every conversation. I set alarms on my phone to
remind me to reread my proposal every Sunday so I would not forget what I am supposed to do
for my personal change project. I made sure to also put down conversation I had in my phones
notes so I could always have a reminder. Here are a few examples that helped me when I was
working on my personal change project:

This particular day was the Mother-Son Dance that my Dad and I agreed to do for my
sibling’s school. It was crucial that I listened to what my dad needed me to do, otherwise, we
might not have everything ready for when the mom’s and sons arrived. Mind you, I had worked
an 8-hour shift before this and had to immediately make my way home, change my outfit, and
head straight to the school where my dad was waiting for me to help him out. I was tired, hungry,
and a little sore because I was lifting some heavy items at work that day; However, I did my best
to do all that I could for the next 2 hours. I ran home and grabbed a few last-minute things that
we had forgotten at the house, I heled my dad with cable maintenance, and I helped transition
some of the songs in our playlist. Everything was going well until we noticed that a lot of the
boys were running around crazy and almost grazing their bodies on the cords to the speakers and
cables. This made my dad a little nervous that one of the boy’s would knock over one of the
expensive speakers and damage it. For the rest of the dance, my dad told me to watch the
speakers and make sure to keep any boy away from the speakers. It was a dumb, simple task that
I may not have enjoyed, but I saw it on my Dad’s face that he was worried that some kid would
trip over the wire or something and cause it to fall and break.

After we had finished DJ’ing the dance, my Dad was happy that I was being very
observant and cautious the rest of the night knowing that it probably wasn’t something that I
enjoyed doing. I definitely would have liked to do something else more fun or engaging with the
equipment, but I felt good knowing I prevented a potential accident that could have costed us
hundreds to fix or replace. The one thing I remember most about that night was when I
implemented the “Look” strategy (Beebe, Beebe, & Redmond, p. 127). If I had disregarded his
expression to the situation, I probably wouldn’t have taken it so seriously as I did.
 There was another time when I utilized a different strategy while I was grocery
shopping for dinner one night. My Mom texted me while I was at work one day, asking if I
wanted to make Dorito Casserole tonight. I said yes immediately because Dorito Casserole is my
favorite. After I got out of work, she asked me to stop by Smith’s for some items that were
missing for the casserole. She sent me a text of all the items we were missing, and I walked
through the isles of Smith’s and collected all of the ingredients. As I was making my way to the
front of the store to pay, I recalled another night that I had gone to the store for my mom and got
all of the items she said we needed for dinner; However, she didn’t fully check everything, and
we were missing a key ingredient for dinner. I stopped and called her, asking if she was
completely sure we had everything we needed. She was confident we had everything, so I made
my way to the front and paid.

Back home, I agreed to cook dinner because I knew how to cook it, but as time went on, I
noticed we didn’t have enough seasoning for the meat. I spoke to my mom about the situation,
and she felt a little ashamed for lying to me earlier. It turned out to be fine in the end since we
found an alternative seasoning we could use and fixed the issue. In this situation, If I had
assumed we had everything rather than asking her, I probably would have felt ashamed as well
for passing up the chance to ask. The strategy I applied to this situation was “Ask Appropriate
Questions” (Beebe, Beebe, & Redmond, p. 135). I asked her an appropriate question to make
sure that both of us knew for sure that we had everything for the casserole.

Results

What I've gleaned from the strategies I put into practice is the impact they've had on my
personal growth through positive communication skills. The examples outlined above have made
me reflect on similar past situations that had negative conclusions. The big thing I've been
curious about is how my actions affect others now that I'm using these new strategies. I like
making people happy, but I used to do it the wrong way, like not keeping promises or being
dishonest. But now, I'm doing things differently—I'm keeping my word and really trying my best
to make people happy in a good way. Although I had a few slip-ups by procrastinating a few
times throughout the whole process, I made sure to stick with it through the best of my abilities.
Recommendations

I definitely still need to work on turning these strategies into a positive habit by applying
them in every conversation. I want to make sure it sticks and becomes second nature to me. I also
want to implement another strategy called “Accurately Paraphrasing.” To ensure I have grasped
someone else's message, I should confirm my understanding by rephrasing what they've said. By
verbally summarizing their points, I can significantly reduce the likelihood of misinterpretation
(Beebe, Beebe, & Redmond, p. 135). I tend to misinterpret what others say all the time like dates
and plans and just hope that what I heard from them is correct. If I were to implement this
strategy, I could avoid misinterpreting what they told me and not give misinformation if I have to
relay it to other people. This will help strengthen my listening skills since my main problem is
listening effectively.

References

Beebe, S. A., Beebe, S. J., & Redmond, M. V. (n.d.). Interpersonal Communication: Relating to
Others, 9/e. Retrieved from
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