Coaching Skills Used All The Time in Coaching

THE LIFE PURPOSE INSTITUTE
SPIRITUAL COACHING METHOD™
SKILLS USED ALL THE TIME IN

COACHING
© Fern Gorin and The Life Purpose Institute 1994-2022 (ver 06.22) Skills Used All The Time F - 1
Learning Objectives
In this chapter, you will learn the following skills:
Creating a Sacred Space
Establishing the Coaching Agreement
Listening Actively: Reflective Listening, Listening Without an Agenda
Powerful Questioning
Managing the Fixer
Designing Actions
Establishing Accountability
Acknowledgment
Flow of a Practice Coaching Session - One Issue
Flow of a Complete Coaching Session
2 - F Skills Used All The Time © Fern Gorin and The Life Purpose Institute 1994-2022 (ver 06.22)
How to Work With the Coaching Skills
The chart below indicates which of the Coaching Skills you might use, depending on what
the client needs.
TECHNIQUE DESCRIPTION
Coaching Skills
1. Creating a Sacred Getting present for your session and creating a safe
Space and Spiritual space for your client
Determining the focus of the session by asking for the

2. Establishing the
topic, determining the outcome, and having a clear
Coaching Agreement
measurement of success
Letting go of your agenda, fully hearing what the
3. Listening Actively client has said or not said and, at appropriate times,
reflecting back on what the client has said, listening
for a fuller understanding of the client
Using open-ended questions to explore and clarify

4. Powerful Questioning
the issue, create awareness, and clarify action steps
Empowering the client to come up with their own
5. Managing the Fixer ideas by avoiding giving advice or solutions or leading
the session
Helping the client come up with clear, effective, and

6. Designing Actions
doable action steps
Asking the client how they will hold themselves
7. Establishing accountable and checking back on action steps the
Accountability client committed to
Acknowledging the client in various ways, giving
8. Acknowledgment feedback about what they do, who they are, and
what they feel
COACHING SKILLS USED IN EVERY SESSION
The ideal coach uses all the skills in this chapter to effectively coach a client on an
issue that they present.
While it is the coach’s job to follow where the client leads, the skills are presented in
the sequence in which they commonly occur in coaching.
1. Creating a Sacred Space
Coaching is a very personal relationship, and it’s important to create an environment
– whether you’re meeting in person, by phone, or digital connections – that cultivates
safety and trust, so that the client feels safe to open to you.
There are 2 things to consider in creating a sacred space: a) Getting yourself

grounded, present, and spiritually connected and b) Creating a safe space.
a. Getting yourself grounded, present, and spiritually connected includes:

Letting go of whatever happened earlier that day. You might wish to write down
what’s on your mind or put it on your calendar to be handled later.
Getting yourself grounded and present by breathing, centering, praying or
meditating.
Preparing the environment. Making sure there are no distractions that would
interfere with your session: turning off your phone and letting the people in your
household know you are in a client session.
Getting ready for the session by reviewing client notes, getting yourself water,
paper, etc., and being there on time when the client shows up or calls.
b. Creating a safe space for your client includes:

Creating a "spiritual sacred space" by having your heart open and maintaining
your spiritual connection throughout the session. You are holding that " spiritual
space" throughout the coaching engagement.
Maintaining client confidentiality.
Providing the space of acceptance, non-judgment, safety, and understanding.
Making sure the client has limited their distractions during their coaching session.
Having a professional presentation. If you’re meeting online, you need to dress
professionally (at least from the waist up!), with a neat background or nice image
behind you. If you’re meeting in person, you need to meet in an environment that
is both professional and comfortable, without distractions.
Assisting the client to become fully present and centered by breathing, centering,
or beginning with a prayer or meditation. If the client comes in with something on
their mind, you can give them a few minutes to “clear” before you begin
coaching.
Sacred Space Centering Prayer

Many spiritual coaches spend time helping their client get present, centered, and
spiritually connected.
Here is an example of what you might do.
At the beginning of the session ask your client what their intention is for the session.
Close your eyes and take a few nice deep breaths. See light going from head to toe,
releasing any tension or distraction. You might have had a busy day and for right now
let that go and give yourself the gift of the present moment. Allow yourself to
continue to relax continuing to breathe deeply.
Allow yourself now to feel the presence of (God or their name) all around you,
encircling you and supporting you. Dear (God or their name), we ask that (your
client’s name) you bless this session and (the client’s intention).
We know that you are with (the client’s name) and are there to guide, and support
(him, her, them).
Thank you dear (their name for God) for (the client’s intention). We release this and
let this go knowing the highest and best is occurring now. And so it is. Amen
2. Establishing the Coaching Agreement
It is your responsibility to determine what the client wants to accomplish during the
coaching session and keep them on track and on purpose.
The client may wish to be coached on:
One or more of their SMART Goals.
A remaining topic that came up in the Discovery Session that hasn’t been
addressed yet. Refer to the List of Topics to be Coached On.
A new issue in their life that came up since the last session.
f the client isn’t sure what to work on, you might feedback what you heard them say
I previously in your coaching sessions (on the List of Topics to Be Coached On) and
then ask:
Would you like to be coached on one of these issues or something else today?
Example: I heard you previously mention (in a past session) that you want to lose 10
pounds. You also mentioned improving communication with your husband, as well as
reducing the stress at your job. Would you like to be coached on one of these issues
or something else today?
Get background information on the issue.
Ask general questions such as:
What would you like to share about __________?
What else can you share about this issue?
What else? (Ask 3 times: the “Magic 3”)
Anything else you would like to share?
What’s been difficult or challenging about this issue?
What's making it difficult to make this change?
Apply TOM
T = Ask the client to pick a topic and get background information

Ask the client which of the topics they would like to be coached on. Ask:
What would you like to be coached on today?
What would you like to focus on today?
Using the information the client gave you, ask specific questions like:
How long have you been married?
How long have you been at that weight?
What type of work do you do now?
O = Establish the Desired Outcome for the issue during the session
Help the client determine their Desired Outcome for the topic. The outcome is
something that they can achieve during that specific session.
You may have heard a number of issues the client said. Feedback all the issues you
heard the client say, and then ask one or more of the following questions:
What specifically would you like to achieve by the end of the session?
What specifically would you like to leave here with today?
Where would you like to be with ________ by the end of the session?
M = Get the Measure of Success

Make sure that the Desired Outcome has a clear Measure of Success. Ask:
How will we know you’ve achieved that?
How will you know you’ve made progress with this issue today?
Outcomes can be one of the following four things:
A Plan
A Decision
A Number
Moving up or down a scale (Use only for intangible outcomes)
Examples of those are:
A Plan: I will leave with a plan for keeping my life in balance this week.
A Decision: I will decide whether to stay in my current job or start looking for
another one.
A Number: I will leave with 3 steps I can take for organizing my house.
Move up or down the scale: I will raise my confidence about trying out for the
local theatre production from a 3 to a 7. I will feel less stressed by the end of the
session from an 8 to a 2.
Note: Use a scale only if the issue is intangible and there is no other way to measure
it. In the example just above, you might coach this client on preparing for their
audition or have a plan for managing their stressors.
In a full coaching session, you’ll repeat TOM for each topic the client wants to be
coached on.
Verify the Desired Outcome and Measure of Success (these may be the same).
What I heard you say is that by the end of today, you will ...
Ask your first question using a word from the coaching outcome.
Example: When you say a plan, what comes to mind? What thoughts have you had
about this decision? When you say you want to raise your spiritual connection to an 8,
what would an 8 look like?

In “real life,” you would then go on to coach the client toward their Desired Outcome.
For today, we’re just practicing TOM. If you have additional time, continue reversing
roles and practicing on different topics until time runs out.
Practice Session for TOM

Pick a coach and a client.
T – Topic
What would you like to be coached on today? Or...
Get background information.
Ask general questions:

What can you share about this issue?
What else? (Ask 3 times: the “Magic 3”)
Anything else you'd like to share?
What’s been difficult or challenging about this?
Using the information the client gave you, ask specific questions to get additional
background information.
O – Get the Desired Outcome

Feedback all the issues you heard. Pick one or two of these questions:
What specifically would you like to achieve by the end of the session?
Where would you like to be with _____ by the end of the session?
What would you like to leave here with?
M – Get the Measure of Success

Make sure that the Desired Outcome has a clear Measure of Success.
How will you know you’ve achieved that?
How will you know you’ve made progress with this issue today?
Outcomes and measurements can be:
A Plan
A Decision
A Number
Moving up or down the scale (use only for an intangible outcome)
3. Listening Actively
Listening is such a simple act. It requires us to be present, and that takes practice,
but we don't have to do anything else. We don't have to advise, or coach, or sound
wise. We just have to be willing to sit there and listen. - Margaret J. Wheatley
Listening Actively is about being present and fully listening without an agenda,
You are there for your client as they share their fears, hopes, and obstacles that are
in their way. Listening Actively creates a safe space for your client. Often, just being
listening to and having the client's feelings reflected or repeated back to them will
bring comfort and insight.
According to ICF, Listening Actively is a broad term that includes:
Feeding back what the client has said (Reflective Listening)
Listening Without an Agenda
Listening for what the client says and what they’re not saying
Listening for a deeper understanding of the client, including who they are, their
values and beliefs, the context of their experiences, and how they’re responding
physically and emotionally during the coaching conversation
We discussed and practiced Listening Actively earlier in the training. When you
feedback what the client has said, we will from this point forward refer to that as
Reflective Listening. Reflective Listening is a skill used frequently in coaching.
There are 3 ways to use Reflective Listening:

a. To summarize or restate accurately what your client has said.
It’s useful, at significant points during coaching, to “playback” what the client said,
using their words. You can preface your statement with, “What I hear you saying is …”
Then, feedback on the important highlights. For example:
“What I heard you saying is that the work you once loved has become a chore for
you and no longer fun.”
“I’m hearing that you’re giving too much to other people and you need time for
yourself.”
The value of this is to help you and/or the client be clear on what the client said.
Clients often say a lot, then forget what they said. It’s helpful to playback the key
points so that they can integrate them.
Note: this is great for providing relationship coaching for individuals or

couples.
b. To mirror or paraphrase back your client’s feelings

You can reflect back either a feeling you’ve observed or restate something they’ve
said. Use phrases like:
“It sounds like you’re feeling frustrated.” (You don’t want to say, “You’re feeling
frustrated, aren’t you.” If they’re not, it won’t land well.)
“I hear your disappointment.”
Mirroring the client’s feelings validates them, allows them to feel heard, and gives
them an opportunity to explore those feelings more deeply and see where there may
be a block that needs to be addressed.
c. To empathize with the client

Empathizing with what the client is feeling and/or their situation is very meaningful
to clients. For example:
“I can understand why you’re feeling so stressed out.”
“I can see why you’re feeling so lost, given that you’ve been a mom for 25 years
and now you’re an empty nester.”
“I get how difficult this is for you.”
Note: This is not a time to share your story, if you’ve had a similar experience.
Stay focused on the client.
To summarize, the benefits of using Reflective Listening include:

Building rapport and trust by making the client feel heard and understood
Making sure you’ve heard the client correctly
Restating the client’s thoughts or feelings so they can hear them clearly
When an issue is complex, repeating back the key points so the client can
integrate it more completely
At the end, summarizing the complete session and what was discussed from
beginning to end, including any new insights. (Alternatively, you can have the
client do the summary.)
Listening Actively also includes Listening Without An Agenda.
Being fully present requires that you:

Let go of your own agenda and not put your feelings, judgments, values or opinions
on your client.
Understand that the client will make progress and accomplish goals at their own
pace and in the way that feels right to them.
Do not encourage the client to move forward towards a goal that they are not
congruent with.
You also need to be careful that your personal biases don’t taint the coaching
relationship. We all have judgments about people who are different from us. As coaches,
we need to be able to put those aside and treat every client with respect and openness.
For more on this, see Ethics in Section K.
4. Powerful Questioning
What are two of your favorite questions that you, your coach or your instructor asked?
To facilitate the coaching conversation, you’ll ask questions that will help your client
arrive at their own answers. You do this by using open-ended “w” questions –
”what,” “how,” “when,” “who” and “where” – that stimulate discussion and help
the client to think more deeply about their issues.
Avoid questions that can be answered with a simple “yes” or “no,” unless you’re
just gathering specific information.
If possible, avoid the question “why?” since it often puts someone in a

defensive, self-critical and analytical state. Find a way to rephrase it in a gentler
way. Instead of, “Why didn’t you complete your homework?”, ask “What stopped
you from completing your homework this week?” You could also say, “I noticed
you didn’t complete your homework. What prevented you from finishing it?
Some of the most commonly used questions include:
What would you like to work on today?
What else would you like to share about _________? (this issue, your concerns)
What else? Anything else would you like to share about this issue?
Use the Magic 3 – ask “What else?” a minimum of 3 times to go deeper, get more
background information and let the client empty out their thoughts and feelings
about this issue.
What’s making this goal (or change) difficult or challenging for you?
What’s overwhelming, difficult or scary for you?
What exactly do you need support with?
I’d like to brainstorm various options with you. There’s no right or wrong. What are
all the options that come to mind? What else? Anything else?
Note the use of the “Magic 3.”
How might you _______?
What steps would you like to take before our next session?
Is there anything else you need to say to feel complete?
I have a suggestion for you. Are you open to hearing it? [If yes, make your
suggestion.] How does that sound to you?
I might recommend … Does that resonate for you
I have an intuition about that. Are you open to hearing it? … Does that fit for you?
Based on my experience in this area, I would recommend … Is that something
you’d like to do?
Here are some additional sample questions. Make up your own as needed by
clients.
What would you like to say about _____________? (ex: your family, your
relationships, your job situation, your health, etc.)
What else would you like to share about your current situation?
How would you describe that?
What would be an example of that?
Anything else about your background?
What: The most common word used in questions
What bothers you about that?
What’s your concern about that?
This can be useful in a business situation, where you might be less likely to
discuss feelings.
What’s confusing about that?
What do you think about that?
What are you willing to do this week?
What might get in the way of your achieving that goal?
What might happen if you pursued ________?
What’s missing? (ex: in your job or relationship)
What about that do you enjoy?
What stopped you from ______? (ex: calling your friend)
What can you do about that?
What are your choices?
What are you feeling afraid of?
What is your heart saying right now?
What is your gut feeling (or intuition) about that?
I noticed __________. What do you think about that?
What would you have to shift inside of you to ____________?
What intention would you like to set about __________?
What else can you say about that?
What makes that important to you?
What have you learned (about yourself) today?
What is your biggest takeaway?
How:
How does that affect you?
How might you go about __________? (ex: researching that career, finding a
new hobby, meeting eligible partners)
If you ____________, how will that work for you? (ex: have to work long hours
for this job)
If you make that choice, how will you feel about it?
On a scale from 1 to 10, how do you rate that?

When:
When will you _________ ? (ex: call for your informational interview)
When will you be able to __________?
When will you have time to __________?
When is the best time to __________?
When would you like to __________?
Who:
Who might you talk to about this issue?
Who would be a good role model for you?
Who can you ask for help?
Where:
Where could you research to get more information about this issue?
Where can you _______? (ex: find a quiet place to work, go running to get
exercise)
EXAMPLES OF SPIRITUAL COACHING QUESTIONS

What is your word? God, Christ, spirit, etc.?
What is your intuition saying about this?
What is your gut feeling about this?
What is God or your higher-self saying to you about this?
What would God have you do in this situation? What would God have you say in this
situation?
How could you view this from a spiritual perspective?
When have you used spirituality to help you with life challenges in the past?
How did you apply your spirituality?
How can you apply your spirituality in a similar way for this situation?
On a scale of 1 to 10, how spiritually connected do you feel right now? What’s in the
way of a 10? What could you do in this moment to get more spiritually connected?
What in you would have to change to be more open to God’s abundance?
What in you would have to change to be more open to God’s (love, compassion,
peace, forgiveness, etc.)?
Let’s suppose God presented this situation in your life to help you learn and grow.
What do you think God is trying to teach you through this experience?
How could you view this from a physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual
perspective?
What’s being on purpose today?
In what ways can you really feed your soul?
In what ways did you care for your soul in this past year?
In what ways did you neglect your soul?
How might you feed your soul this year?
Is this something you want to do on your own, or are you seeking a spiritual
community?
Imagine that God wants you to heal/understand this issue today. What are you
seeing, feeling, and hearing as you contemplate this?
What is God saying to you to help you move through this challenge?
If you looked at this from a spiritual perspective, how would you view it?
Let’s look at this from a physical, emotional, practical, and spiritual perspective. How
would you view it from each one of these perspectives?
Another form of questioning is the Inquiry question.
The philosophy of coaching is that clients have the answers they need inside them,
but they may not have immediate access to those answers. In that case, you can
have them formulate an Inquiry question that they can work with in the following
ways:
Have the client actively think or write about the question.
Have the client write the question on sticky notes and put them on their mirror, in
their car, or on their computer and look at them throughout the day, letting the
subconscious do the work.
Present your ideas in a way that doesn’t make your client feel obligated to accept
them, try some of these phrases:
I have a suggestion for you. Are you open to hearing it? [If yes, make your
suggestion.] How does that sound to you?
I might recommend… Does that resonate for you
I have an intuition about that. Are you open to hearing it?… Does that fit for you?
Based on my experience in this area, I would recommend… Is that something
you’d like to do?

People often will want you to fix the problem for them and ask for your advice. But
people are most excited and empowered when they come up with their own ideas.
Ask creative open-ended questions to stimulate new ways of thinking within the
client. Help them to brainstorm ideas.
Resist offering any suggestions until the client has emptied out their ideas.
If they’re happy with their ideas, DO NOT impose your opinions on them.
Under no circumstances let the client coerce you into choosing a course of
action for them. This can backfire, as they will then blame you if it doesn’t work
out.
5. Managing the Fixer
“Here’s the deal. The human soul doesn’t want to be advised or fixed or saved. It
simply wants to be witnessed – to be seen, heard and companioned exactly as it is.
When we make that kind of deep bow to the soul of a suffering person, our respect
reinforces the soul’s healing resources, the only resources that can help the sufferer
make it through.” – Parker J. Palmer, “The Gift of Presence, the Perils of Advice”
We all have a lot of wisdom and life experience, and it’s tempting to give our clients
solutions to “fix” their issues. A typical way to “fix” a problem is by giving advice and
telling someone what they should do. Coaching, instead, is about empowering others
to come up with their own answers and discover their own solutions. That way, we
don’t create a dependence, and people are more likely to follow through on their
own ideas.
Here’s an example of how a Fixer and a Coach might approach the same issue:
Fixer: Have you thought about trying yoga?
Do you think joining a gym would be good for you?
What do you think about taking half-hour walks 3 times a week?
Coach: What ways have you thought of to get more exercise?
Which of those do you like best?
What steps would you like to take this week?
Can you see the difference between these two approaches?
When you’re helping someone, it’s natural to try to come up with solutions to the
problem. If you find yourself “in your head” trying to think of solutions to the client’s
issue, shift instead to using open-ended questions to help them find solutions for
themselves. Be willing to not have the answers.
When and How to Share Your Ideas
There are times when it is appropriate to share your ideas or intuitions with your
client. Begin by asking open-ended questions, and allow the client to empty out their
ideas first. Then, if you have a strong intuition or an additional idea that you feel
would benefit the client, say, “I have a suggestion. Are you open to hearing it?”
Note: Do not offer “advice.” A suggestion adds another idea or possibility that the
client can accept or not. The word “advice” sounds like something coming from an
authority figure, something that the person should do.
Recognize that it’s important to see if they’re open to your suggestion before
presenting it. If the client is excited about their own ideas, just make a note of your
idea and see if it might be useful at a later time.
After you’ve made your suggestion, always ask, “How does that sound to you? Does
that resonate for you? Does that fit for you? Is that something you’d like to do?” You
want the client to feel that it’s okay to accept your idea or not. If you force a
suggestion that doesn’t work for them, it can undermine your relationship with the
client.
One technique you can use is “Turning the Question Back on the Client.” If the
client wants you to come up with solutions for them, you might say, “I’m happy to
brainstorm ideas with you, but I don’t know about your situation or the resources you
have available. I want to hear your ideas first.” Ninety-five percent of the time, the
client will not need your input.

Here are some examples:
Client: I’m confused about how to market my business. What do you think I should do?
Coach: How might you market your business? What options come to mind?
Client: I want your advice on how to solve this problem.
Coach: What are some different ways you might solve this problem? What have you
thought of so far?
6. Designing Actions
During the course of a coaching conversation, simple action steps will naturally
emerge. For example, the client may want to go to the gym 3 times this week or join an
online dating service or send resumes for 3 job opportunities.
Remember – you do not “assign” action steps. You work with the client to help them
come up with clear, specific steps that they want to take. If they’re stuck, or if a simple
step doesn’t naturally emerge, you’ll work with the client to design action steps that will
most effectively move them toward their desired goal or outcome.
You may suggest some possible steps based on the conversation you’ve had around
that issue. For example:
You mentioned that you want to get back on track with exercising. What step or
steps could you take to get back on track this week?
You said you wanted to organize your office at home. What would you like to
accomplish by next week’s session?
We spent some time brainstorming how you might ask for a raise. What’s the first
step that you can take this week to move in that direction?
Keep coaching the client until the action steps the client comes up with are specific
e.g., I will take a walk for an hour 4 times this week. I will communicate with my boss
about my advancement in the company by next week.
For many clients, it will be helpful to establish a clear time frame for their action steps.
Have them take out their calendar and block off time to accomplish each step. Without
this, the time can get away from them and the task will not get done, despite good
intentions.
When will you have time to do this?
How much time do you want to allot to this?
Where do you want to put it in your schedule? Would you like to put that in your
calendar right now?
It’s also helpful to determine if the action steps are doable and realistic. You can ask
questions such as:
How doable are these action steps?
Given all you have going on in your life, how realistic are these action steps?
What might get in the way of you achieving this?
Make sure that each action step is not just something that they think they should do, but
something that their heart is into and that they really want to do. Take notice of their
tone, energy and behavioral cues to see is they are truly committed.
7. Establishing Accountability
For many clients, holding themselves accountable for following through with what they
said they would do is what’s most valuable about coaching.
a. At the end of each session:
Review with your client what they’re committed to doing before the next session. In
addition to the questions you asked when Designing Actions with the client, here are
some questions to help the client hold themselves accountable:
How can you hold yourself accountable to accomplish this?
What will help you stay accountable?
Make a note of the steps that the client agreed to take to use in following up with them
at the next session.

b. At your next session:
Feedback what your client committed to and ask them how it went. If they did what
they agreed to do, acknowledge them and what they accomplished. If needed, coach
them further on this issue and set additional action steps for the coming week.
If they didn’t, then gently remind them what their goals are and/or explore any blocks.
Generally, clients don’t follow through because:
They’re busy (often they’ll say this when it’s really one of the following reasons)
They hit fear or other blocks that stopped them
Their priorities changed
They need to schedule the time to do the task and put it in their calendar
They’re confused about the task; they need to break down the project or design
clearer action steps
They weren’t clear on their motivation
They committed to more than they could realistically do
Reassign for homework those action steps the client still wants to complete, or have
them come up with a more realistic step. In some cases, the client may want to put this
issue aside at this time.
Some examples of accountability are:

“You mentioned you were going to exercise 3 times last week. How did that go?”
The client says, “It went fine. I went to the gym 3 times.” You say, “Great! I know
that was a stretch for you, and you made it happen! Good for you!”
“I know you wanted to focus on having balance in your life last week. You said you
would schedule one hour or more a day for yourself. Were you able to do that?” The
client says, “No, the kids had so many activities this week, I couldn’t make the time.”
You say, “Can you tell me more about what happened?”
The client reports a list of activities that took up her time. You sense her resistance
to doing things for herself. You might say, “I hear what a busy week it was for you
and how busy your kids are. I’m just sensing that it’s really hard for you to do things
for yourself, and that the kids’ needs always come first. What do you think about
that?” Open up a discussion to explore this and work on any Blocks. Then, ask her
what she’d like to commit to for the next week.
8. Acknowledgement
In coaching, our focus is very often on helping clients experience personal fulfillment,
feel good about who they are, achieve their goals, and get results in their life.
Acknowledgment is a key skill that helps these things occur.
Acknowledgment is an important human need. When people feel heard, they feel good
about themselves and their achievements. They feel encouraged to take the next steps.
According to author/psychologist Rick Hanson, we need to spend at least 10 to 15
seconds “taking in the good” and focusing on the positive aspect or accomplishment in
order to truly absorb it. When we do so, we actually reprogram the brain for greater
happiness and success.
We acknowledge not just what the person did; we also honor who they are, their
feelings, their happiness or unhappiness. Clients are often so focused on what still
needs to be done, or they’re so used to seeing themselves in a negative light, that they
overlook their successes. We mirror back what we observe to help them see themselves
more clearly and help build their confidence and self-esteem.
There are at least 5 things to acknowledge and honor about your client:
a. What they do – positive steps taken and positive results achieved.
Example: I want to acknowledge you for going to the gym 3 times this week. Well done!
b. Who they are – their positive qualities, what’s unique and special about them.
Example: You seem like a very warm, caring and positive person.
Example: You’ve overcome so many challenges in your life. You have such inner
strength.
c. What they feel – provide validation, support and acknowledgment of their feelings.
Example: It’s understandable that you’re so overwhelmed right now, given all that’s
going on.
d. Insights they have – acknowledge and appreciate their discoveries.
Example: What a powerful insight you had about what’s getting in the way of your
losing weight!
e. Any visual, kinesthetic and auditory cues – how they look, what you hear in their
voice, feelings you’re getting.
Example: I hear such confidence and strength in your voice right now that I’ve never
heard before.
Some of the times during the coaching session that we use acknowledgment are:
At the beginning – acknowledge any steps the client has taken and any
accomplishments they’ve achieved since the last session.
During the session – acknowledge any insights they have, progress they make,
personal qualities that they express, and validate their feelings. If a client shares a
succes s, a strength, a challenge that they’ve overcome or that they're currently

facing, be careful not to get so caught up in asking the next question that you
forget to acknowledge them.
At the end – acknowledge what they’ve accomplished during the session and send
them off with encouragement.
The following pages demonstrate the flow of coaching a client on one issue. This is the
flow that you’ll use when practicing coaching in class.
Establish the Coaching Agreement

What would you like to be coached on today?
Apply TOM:
T: Get background information on the topic: Identify the Issues

What would you like to share about this?
Anything else that would be helpful for me to know?
What’s making this difficult to change?
Ask additional questions about that client’s specific situation.
O: Establish the Desired Outcome for the issue during the session
Feedback what the client said (including multiple issues), then ask:
What specifically would you like to achieve by the end of the coaching session?
Where would you like to be with ___________ by the end of the session?
What would you like to leave here with?
M: Get the Measure of Success

How will you know you’ve achieved that?
How will you know you've made progress with this issue today?
A measurement could be a: plan, decision, number or moving up or down a scale.
Confirm TOM:
What I heard you say is that by the end of today's session
you would like to ______. Is that right?

Coach the Client on Their Issue Using the Appropriate Coaching Skills
Begin by asking a question using a word from the Desired Outcome
that the client stated above. For example:
When you say you want to leave with a plan, what ideas come to mind?
Continue coaching, using whatever coaching skills or tools are necessary.
Midpoint Check: Are You Accomplishing the Outcome?

Your Desired Outcome for today was to ____. How are you doing so far?
If the client has changed focus, ask, Do you want to focus on “A” (the original focus)
or “B” (new focus)? If the focus has changed, establish a new
Desired Outcome and Measure of Success.
Keep Coaching Until You’ve Achieved or Made Progress

Toward the Outcome
Determine Action Steps
Establish Accountability
Clarify commitments and action steps. Ask:
How can you hold yourself accountable to accomplish this?
What will help you stay accountable?
Ask If The Client Achieved Their Desired Outcome
Acknowledge the Client
Flow of a Complete Coaching Session
Greet the Client / Create Sacred Space
Review this week's homework

Apply Accountability (page E-21).
If the client has done the action steps, acknowledge them.
If not, explore what got in the way, recommit to the action step or design a new one.
Apply Flow of a Practice Coaching Session - One Issue to the first topic
(see pages E-24 - 25)
Repeat Flow of a Practice Coaching Session - One Issue

for each topic the client wants to work on as time permits … or …
Ask the client if they would like to work on any remaining issues
from the Discovery Session or other previous sessions
Recap or have the client recap new action steps
Handle logistics: scheduling, payments
End with a nice acknowledgment

Coaching Skills Assessment
SKILL AREA USED COMMENTS
REQUIRED SKILLS:
Creating a Sacred Space: Is fully

present and focused; creating a
safe space for your client
APPLYING TOM:
T: Topic
Asks the client pick a topic and
gets background information; asks
what has been making this
change difficult
O: Outcome
Determines what the client
wants to achieve or leave with
by the end of the session
M: Measure of Success
Has a clear measure for the
desired outcome such as a plan,
a decision, a number or a scale
Listening Actively: Listens

without an agenda, hears what
the client is saying and not
saying, summarizes and repeats
back what the client said
Powerful Questioning: Uses

open-ended questions to explore
the issue, create awareness and
clarify action steps
SKILL AREA USED COMMENTS
REQUIRED SKILLS:
Managing the Fixer: Allows the

client to come up with their own
solutions; doesn’t problem-solve
for the client or ask primarily
leading questions
Midpoint Check: At an
appropriate point, checks in with
the client to make sure the
session is moving toward their
desired outcome
Designing Actions: Supports

the client to clarify one or more
clear action steps and timelines
Establishing Accountability:
Establishes how the client will
hold themselves accountable for
the action step(s)
Acknowledgment:
Acknowledges the client in
various ways at least once
during the session

Coaching Skills Used All The Time in Coaching

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Coaching Skills Used All The Time in Coaching

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THE LIFE PURPOSE INSTITUTE

SPIRITUAL COACHING METHOD™

SKILLS USED ALL THE TIME IN

In this chapter, you will learn the following skills:

Creating a Sacred Space

Establishing the Coaching Agreement

Listening Actively: Reflective Listening, Listening Without an Agenda

Managing the Fixer

Flow of a Practice Coaching Session - One Issue

Flow of a Complete Coaching Session

the client needs.

Space and Spiritual space for your client

Determining the focus of the session by asking for the

Letting go of your agenda, fully hearing what the

reflecting back on what the client has said, listening

for a fuller understanding of the client

Using open-ended questions to explore and clarify

Empowering the client to come up with their own

5. Managing the Fixer ideas by avoiding giving advice or solutions or leading

Helping the client come up with clear, effective, and

Asking the client how they will hold themselves

7. Establishing accountable and checking back on action steps the

Accountability client committed to

Acknowledging the client in various ways, giving

what they feel

issue that they present.

the sequence in which they commonly occur in coaching.

1. Creating a Sacred Space

Coaching is a very personal relationship, and it’s important to create an environment

– whether you’re meeting in person, by phone, or digital connections – that cultivates

There are 2 things to consider in creating a sacred space: a) Getting yourself

a. Getting yourself grounded, present, and spiritually connected includes:

what’s on your mind or put it on your calendar to be handled later.

Getting yourself grounded and present by breathing, centering, praying or

household know you are in a client session.

b. Creating a safe space for your client includes:

space" throughout the coaching engagement.

Maintaining client confidentiality.

Providing the space of acceptance, non-judgment, safety, and understanding.

Having a professional presentation. If you’re meeting online, you need to dress

is both professional and comfortable, without distractions.

or beginning with a prayer or meditation. If the client comes in with something on

Sacred Space Centering Prayer

Here is an example of what you might do.

continue to relax continuing to breathe deeply.

(him, her, them).

2. Establishing the Coaching Agreement

coaching session and keep them on track and on purpose.

The client may wish to be coached on:

One or more of their SMART Goals.

addressed yet. Refer to the List of Topics to be Coached On.

or something else today?

Get background information on the issue.

Ask general questions such as:

What would you like to share about __________?

What else can you share about this issue?

What else? (Ask 3 times: the “Magic 3”)

Anything else you would like to share?

What’s been difficult or challenging about this issue?

What's making it difficult to make this change?

T = Ask the client to pick a topic and get background information

What would you like to be coached on today?

What would you like to focus on today?