Week 04 Exemplification – Revising and Editing

The writer Feedback from

Full name : Erick Agung Yohanes Full name : Eliza Natasya Putri

Student ID : 2004508 Student ID : 2003971

Class : 2A2 Submission date : 25-02-2021

Structure Outline Your paragraph Comments or Suggestions Revised Paragraph

Topic The Growth of Covid- Covid-19 is getting more
sentence 19 in Indonesia. dangerous in Indonesia. It
spreads faster than before and
killing more people in several
provinces.
Example#1 Condition in West For example, we can take a
Java look at the West Java current
condition. The cases are
increasing since 5 November
2020 (4.065 cases) and finally,
reach their peak on 1 February
2021 (10.994). As a result, it
caused 2.068 deaths in West
Java.
The word ‘killing’ is a
little bit off, maybe you
might want to consider
to change the word to
‘kills’
Maybe you can add
some other provinces as
an examples too
Covid-19 is getting more
dangerous in Indonesia. It
spreads faster than before and
kills more people in several
provinces.
For example, we can take a look
at the West Java, East Java, and
DKI Jakarta. Here, the main
concern will be West Java.
According to the survey, the
cases in West Java are
increasing since 5 November
2020 (4.065 cases) and finally,
reach their peak on 1 February
2021 (10.994). As a result, it
caused 2.068 deaths in West
Java.
Example#2 Rules for Covid-19 For example, the authorities
Prevention will give charges for people
who don’t wear a mask and for
people who break the rule that
forbid any market activities at
night.
Example#3 Ways of people that Such as inviting a lot of people
disobeying the rules. to the marriage. As you know,
Covid-19 spreads faster among
the huge density of people.
However, some people don’t
realize and keep gathering
with the other. Moreover,
some people decided to held a
party which could bring even
more commotion
Example#4 Public places that This is reason why the
being disabled. government disables public
places such as mall, school,
office, university, etc.
Concluding In conclusion, the only way to
statement reduce the virus growth is
people being united and
obeying the rules. We don’t
I think the word ‘For Furthermore, the authorities
example’ can be change will give charges for people who
to another transition don’t wear a mask and also
words such as forbid any market activities at
‘furthermore’ or ‘in night.
addition’
Maybe you want to add In addition, the activities such as
a transition word before inviting a lot of people to the
the word ‘Such as’ marriage would not be allowed.
As you know, Covid-19 spreads
faster among the huge density
of people. However, some
people don’t realize and keep
gathering with the other.
Moreover, some people decided
to held a party which could
bring even more commotion
Again you might want to This is why the government
add a transition word, decides to disable several public
and double check the public places such as mall,
grammar school, office, university, etc.
Maybe you can fix the In conclusion, the only way to
grammar in this reduce the virus spread is by
Concluding statement bringing people together to
obey the rules. We don’t know
know when the pandemic will
end. However, a saying says
“when there is a will, there is a
way”. This proverb demands
us to keep believing that one
day this chaos will finally be
over. We must acknowledge
that every person matters to
save the world from this
vicious pandemic.
when the pandemic will end.
Nevertheless, a saying says
“when there is a will, there is a
way”. This proverb demands us
to believe that one day this
chaos will finally be over. We
must acknowledge that every
person matters to save the
world from this vicious
pandemic.