Complete guide to assertive living

Unit 6

The three approaches of interpersonal

relations
Consider oneself only
Always put others first
Place yourself first but take others
into account
What it means to be assertive:

Analyzing the definition

point by point
Assertive behavior
1. Promotes equality in human relationships
2. Enables us to act in our own best interest,
3. Helps us to stand up for ourselves without
undue anxiety,
4. Helps us express feelings honestly and
comfortably ,
5. Helps us exercise personal rights
6. without denying the rights of others.

1] Promotes equality in human

relationships

Restores the balance of power, puts

both parties on an equal footing.. by
giving power to the underdog to
make it possible for everyone to
gain and no one to lose.

2] Act in our own best interest

Be able to make decisions about

your career, relationships, lifestyle,
time schedule, to take initiative in
starting a conversation, using your
own judgment, setting goals, asking
for help, participating socially.

3 To stand up for ourselves

Saying no, setting limits on time
and energy, responding to
putdowns, criticism or anger,
expressing, supporting or defending
an opinion.
4 Express feelings honestly and
comfortably
Ability to disagree, show anger,
affection or friendship, admit fear or
anxiety, express agreement or
support, be spontaneous all
without painful anxiety.

5 To exercise personal rights

Relates to competency as a citizen,
consumer, member of an organization, or
school or work group, as a participant in
public events to express opinions, to
work for change, to respond to violations
of ones rights and those of others.
Alllll this.. but
6 Without denying the rights of others.
This means to accomplish all of the above
personal expressions, without unfair
criticism of others, without hurtful
behavior, without name calling,
intimidation, taunts, manipulation or
controlling others.

How does such self expressions

help?
Improved

self esteem
Reduced anxiety
Overcome depression
Gain respect from others
Accomplish more goals
Increased self understanding
Improved capacity to communicate
with others

Behavior can be
non assertive, aggressive, assertive, or
even passive aggressive:

Non Assertive Sender

Self- denying
Inhibited
Hurt
Anxious
Allows others to choose for him
Does not achieve desired goal

 Aggressive

Sender
Self enhancing at the expense of others
Expressive
Chooses for others
Achieves desired goals by hurting
others
Assertive

Sender
Self enhancing
Expressive
Feels good about self
Chooses for self
May achieve desired goals

Non Assertive receiver

Guilty or angry
Depreciates sender
Achieves desired goals at senders expense
Aggressive receiver
Self denying
Hurt
Defensive
Humiliated
Does not achieve desired goals
Assertive receiver
Self enhancing
Expressive
May achieve desired goals

Some people add a fourth category

Indirect aggression
Aggressive behavior sometimes
takes the form of passive , non
confrontive action, sneaky, sly,
double entendre.
Apparently friendly, smiling but
backstabbing ,undermining, action.
What is considered assertive
depends upon the persons involved
and the circumstances of the
situation.

 Cultural

differences
Do you think there are any?
????.. Elder.. Eye contact..
Social

consequences of assertion
Are there any risks?
What we must Remember
While you have the prefect right to
advocate a viewpoint , everyone else
has the same right.. And your views
may conflict.

Ten key points about assertive behavior

Assertive behavior is:
Self expressive
Respectful of the rights of others
Honest
Direct and firm
Equalizing, benefiting both parties in a relationship
Verbal: the content of the message, feelings, rights,
facts, opinions, request, limits.
Non verbal: including the style of the message , eye
contact, tone of voice, posture, facial expression,
gestures, timing, fluency, listening.
Appropriate for the person and the situation. Not
universal.
Should be Socially responsible
Is Learned not inborn.
End of unit
6