FAMILY

DYNAMICS and
STRUCTURES
CCTAO Formation of
Formators
3 things that you have discovered or
rediscovered about yourself
2 dominant feelings that you
have

1 concrete action/ invitation

from God
 Family Dynamics
Family dynamics are the patterns
of interactions between family
members. These include roles,
hierarchies, and communication
between family members. .
Family Structure?

A family setting that

includes rules, boundaries
and the types of families.
 Some related concepts:
1.The subsystems
2.The family roles
3.Connectedness
and separateness
4.Boundaries
* How is your experience
of being CHOSEN…
…as a child, as a young
girl?
Being chosen is fundamental
to our life as a person, as a
religious, as a Canossian…

There is a sense of
joy in someone
who has the
experience of being
IDENTITY INTIMACY
Fr. A. Cencini defines
IDENTITY as “the sense of
interior unity and
continuity lasting in time
and in various
circumstances, together
with an ability to
maintain solidarity
with a realistic system
of values...”
That concept points to us the two
components of identity: the actual and the
ideal self which come to develop due to
two basic factors: the genetics and
environment factors.
Important to note: family
(environment) plays a very significant
role in the forming of the identity of the
person.
INTIMACY
• Intimacy comes from the Latin word
“intimus” which means “what is
most within ourselves.”
– the willingness to share our
inner life and self with
others. In fact, self-
disclosure is the heart of
intimacy.
 The family is the matrix of
identity of the individual.
The family molds and
programs the child’s
behavior and sense of
identity in the early process
of socialization.
The traditional way of defining
what a family is:
“the basic unit of society; it
provides for the union of man
and woman so that they may
create children and assure them
nurture and strength.” (Ackerman,
Treating the Troubled Family....)
 Family is a socially
recognized group (usually
joined by blood, marriage,
cohabitation, or adoption) that
forms an emotional connection
among its members and that
serves as an economic unit of
society.
 TYPES OF FAMILIES:
1. Nuclear family: A family consisting of a married man
& woman and their biological children.
2. Extended family: A family where grandparents or
aunts and uncles play major roles in the children’s
upbringing. This may or may not include those relatives
living with the children. These family members may be
in addition to the child’s parents or instead of the child’s
parents.
3. Blended family: A family that consists of members
from two (or more) previous families.
4. Conditionally separated families: A family member is separated
from the rest of the family. This may be due to employment far
away; military service; incarceration; hospitalization. They remain
significant members of the family.
5. Single parent family: This can be either a father or a mother who
is singly responsible for the raising of a child. The child can be by
birth or adoption. They may be a single parent by choice or by life
circumstances. The other parent may have been part of the family
at one time or not at all.
6. Gay or Lesbian family: A family where one or both of the
parents’ sexual orientation is gay or lesbian. This may be a two-
parent family, an adoptive family, a single parent family or an
extended family.
Salvador Minuchin was
one of the leading experts
in the field of family
therapy and one of the
creators of structural
family therapy, a type
focused on family
dynamics and how the
individuals in a family
make up that whole .
Minuchin felt that the
root of many childhood
problems was not within
the child but the family
unit. Therefore, to
change the child's
behavior, he believed the
therapist must offer
support to change the
family dynamics.
 When therapists use
How Structural
structural family therapy
Family Therapy
Works? with patients, they pinpoint
the family hierarchy. They
may look to find out the
family rules, who has the
power, and what structures
exist, if any.
 Are we familiar with
emotional patterns of
our family?

Understand the
emotional patterns and
degree of power in our
family…
LIFE-SPACE
DIAGRAM
Degree of emotional
connected/distance
Degree of
power/authority
 How to do it?
Female Male
member member

1.Each family member is represented by a figure.

male (box) and female (circle)
2. Size of a box = power, influence or authority.
3. Overlap or connection of boxes = emotional
connectedness/separateness
(closeness or distance)
 Mom Dad
Lala
Bryan
(IP) Hanna

Sample pattern
 Questions:
I. Emotional Center
Who is the emotional center of your family?
* Where do most of the boxes connect with?
* Where do they run for appreciation? For
emotional support?
* Who can affect the others most in times of
sadness? Irritability? Anxiety? Happy times?
 Questions:
II. Power Center
•Where do decisions
revolve?
•Where do rules, beliefs,
values emanate?
 Some more questions…
1. Who is the biggest box?
2. Who is/are affected by this?
How?
3. What change is impeded by this
structure or what change can
occur because of this powerful
person?
4. What LSD would you
rather have?
5. What needs to happen
in order to realize your
desired LSD?
6. Who can initiate
this?
SHARING (break-out groups)
1. What are your discoveries and re-
discoveries about your family dynamics
and relationships?
2. What feelings were evoked in you as
you look deeper on your dynamics as a
family based on the questions you have
answered?
3. Are there discoveries/rediscoveries
about yourself which affect your
relationship with others?
FAMILY is considered as a SYSTEM.
What does it mean?
A system is a set of interacting or
interdependent components forming an
integrated whole.
Thus, as members of a family system every
one is interconnected emotionally.
When one person makes some basic
changes, the whole system does.
Therefore, people cannot
be understood in isolation
and detached from each
other.
Each part of the system affects each other.
Ex. An alcoholic member of the system.
The alcoholic’s unpredictability and
violence disturb and distort much of the
family’s interaction.
Every member of the family must adapt to
this behavior. Some will absorb the anger,
others deny the effects of the alcoholic’s
behaviour. Still others avoid him or
pretend not to be part of that system.
Every family as a system has its own way of
coping with the challenges of living together.

To cope with the inner pressure

coming from the developmental
changes of its members or the outer
pressure coming from the demands of
the society, the system implores
different forms of coping mechanisms.
In a system, there can be
alliances or coalitions among
the members especially when
there is an internal conflict or a
stress from the outside that
affects one or some of the
members...
 Mom Dad
Bryan Lala
Hanna

Sample pattern
There are rules, spoken and unspoken,
which govern how the family reacts to
different situations. How do decisions get
made in the family?
Among the members they know who
feeds and nourishes, who is the
authority, who sets the limits, who is
different from the other..... Who does
certain things...
II. SUB-SYSTEMS:
◦The family as a system differentiates and
carries out its functions through sub-systems.
It can be formed by generation, by sex, by
interest or by function.
◦Each individual belongs to different sub-
systems, in which she/he has different levels
of power and where she/he learns
differentiated skills.
The sub-systems:
1. The Spousal sub-system
2. The Parental sub-system
3. The sibling sub-system
The SPOUSAL or MARITAL
SUBSYSTEM:
◦It refers to behavioral patterns ideally
characterized by each partner
supporting the other. This relationship
with married individuals preferably
manifest cooperation, open
communication and effective conflict
resolution.
The spousal sub-system:
◦It has specific tasks or
functions vital to the family’s
functioning.
◦The main skills required for the
implementation of its tasks
are complementarity and
mutual accommodation.
◦When this sub-system
lacks complementarity
and mutual
accommodation there is
power struggle....a
struggle that will
certainly affect the
whole system.
 B. PARENTAL SUBSYSTEM
* It is formed with the birth of
the first child .
* Considered to be the
condition in which organized
communication and role
patterns are maintained
between children and the
parents.
◦ The spousal sub-system now
differentiates to perform the tasks of
socializing the child without losing the
mutual support that characterize the
spouse sub-system.
◦*The role of the parental sub-system
modifies as the child grows. A very
challenging tasks for many.
◦These tendencies are very significant
to the formation of the individual self.
 C. The SIBLING SUBSYSTEM
The sibling sub-system
◦It is the first social laboratory in which children
can experiment with peer relationships.
◦In the sibling world, children learn how to
negotiate, cooperate and compete.
◦They learn how to make friends and allies.
◦They learn the basics of entering into
relationships.
 C. The sibling sub-system
The sibling sub-system
◦Is of central importance and a possible
protective factor for children.
◦Nevertheless, it remains surprisingly
understudied and lacks any theoretical
framework.
FAMILY ROLES
 WHAT ARE FAMILY ROLES?
• These are patterns of interaction which
become ingrained habits that sometimes
make change difficult.

Ex. An eldest who enters the

seminary/convent may continue to feel and
act the same. She/he may become the
protector of others.... Sometimes, they may
have difficulty following orders/instructions
from their own peers...
FAMILY ROLES
 FAMILY ROLES
1. A common family role in our
Filipino/Asian context is the “tagasalo”
(caretaking role).
There seems to be a fundamental need on
the part of the tagasalo to literally "catch"
other people's problems, making them one's
own and, thus, endeavoring to solve these
problems him- or herself.
The study found tagasalo to be responsible,
caring, and dependable children who
actually takes charge in efforts at relieving
tension and resolving conflicts in the family.
The tagasalo is actually a person who
influences the family’s dynamics, who
actually holds power, and who seeks to be in
control.
To a large degree, such behavior may be
considered laudable and socially
approved of. And yet we might fail to
see the other side of the picture-that is,
the "burning out" that is characteristic of
people who overextend themselves in
the guise of "reaching out."
Where does the need
to be a tagasalo
come from? What
dynamics operate for
the tagasalo?
• A compulsive “tagasalo” develops when the child is
insecure of her basis of existence.

• She feels she has to exert effort to be loved, cared,

noticed, approved by the important others, the parents,
especially the mother....

• She takes care of the family to be loved (UCS process).

The non compulsive tagasalo is the one who
occupies the role of caretaker naturally and carries
it out without being compulsively stuck to it. The
compulsive tagasalo, on the other hand, tries very
hard to be recognized and approved by her parents,
always anticipating other people's needs because
she herself needs to be taken care of.
• A good enough ‘tagasalo” is someone who knows
her boundaries in helping the family. She knows
when to stop helping and when and where help is
needed without question.
• The development of this good enough sense of being
“tagasalo” depends upon how she received love and
affirmation from her important other, especifically
the mother.
• Tagasalo- the caretaker of the family
• In a dysfunctional family, there is also
what we call the “black sheep”.
• Through their behaviors and actions
they are trying to tell everyone “please
save my family or.....please save my
mother”.
 2. The HERO, on the outside, is
FAMILY ROLES perfect and is always right. This
person is an over-achiever and tends
to receive a high amount of praise
and positive attention.
On the inside, the Hero has an immense
fear of failure and letting down the family
by not living up to the expectation to be
perfect. The Hero oftentimes feels over-
controlled and like he or she is not free to
make his/her own decisions.
The Hero role becomes
dysfunctional when it becomes
dependent on success. Children
heroes are pressured by family to
excel in school, take honors
classes, pursue higher education,
and never to fail.

Pressure mounts to always be

successful and to be the face of
the family.
The perfect child may do
things to be accepted at
work like not say no to
requests, stay late at work,
procrastinate when it
comes to decisions and be
resistant to change.
• Learn assertive skills such as
saying “no”.
• Learn to accept mistakes and
fail.
• Don’t be too dependent on
success.
• Identify self-defeating
thoughts.
• Be KIND to yourself.
3. The Scapegoat
(Fingers Pointing with Blame Shame)
The Scapegoat is the opposite of the
Hero role, and is seen as the problem
of the family. The Scapegoat is also
referred to as the “black sheep” of
the family, and has a hard time fitting
in and relating to the other family
members. His/her behavior is seen as
bad and never good enough.
 On the outside, the Scapegoat may
put up an angry affect to keep
others away, but on the inside the
Scapegoat is filled with shame,
hurt, and rejection. The Scapegoat
has little motivation to succeed
because he or she already feels like
a failure and a loser.
3. The Scapegoat
 Effects of Being a Scapegoat
1. Trauma
2.Toxic relationships and
environments
3.Normalizing dysfunctional
behavior
4. Difficulties with boundaries
5. Self-sabotage or self-harm:
4. The Mascot
The family member who deflects
tension and conflict with humor
or distraction.
The role of the mascot is most
commonly taken on by the youngest
child in the family. This is the child who
learns very early that laughter reduces
tension and eases stress, and she or he
responds to discord in the family by
trying to lighten the mood through
humor.
 4. The Mascot
Mascots never seem to grow up, and the family
fosters their immaturity by protecting them
from painful realities.
Despite their light-hearted exterior, on the
inside mascots feel powerless and confused
about what is going on in the family. They
tend to be restless and in constant motion,
and become anxious or depressed when
they don’t have enough going on to distract
themselves and others. As a result, they
may have difficulty focusing and often fail
to develop strong decision making skills.
The clown act provides temporary balm
to the family suffering, but no real
solutions or healing. And while they’re
entertaining everyone else, they’re
usually lonely, confused and insecure,
and are often full of fear, sadness and
pain. Just as they divert others in the
family from feeling pain, they also avoid
identifying their own emotions and do
not develop the skills to work through
their feelings.
The path to maturity for the
mascot involves challenging the
essential despair and
hopelessness that lies at the
heart of this role. Mascots resort
to denial, distraction and humor
because their experience in
their dysfunctional families has
taught them that life problems
cannot be faced and overcome.
• Go back to your experiences as a child and try
to see your own dynamics as a family. What
have you discovered?
• What family role did you assume? How does
this “role” affect your “role” in the community?
How does this affect your relationship with
yourself and others?
• Which is the way forward?